#I'm just sensitive lately
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navybluetriangles · 2 days ago
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Mixed feelings today. I sewed my squares together! Yay!!! It looks a bit crappy in parts, and I'm definitely not going to get it done for Sunday. Which, is making me a little sad, I really really wanted it done for her birthday party on Sunday.
I had food with my parents tonight which was nice! But also, my mum said that once I'm done with this blanket I should lay off the crochet for a bit, because I basically I need to look after the house more. Apparently she can tell that it's not as good as it usually is. Ngl, that's made me really sad this evening. I know that there's stuff in the living room/on the table, and there's spiders in the downstairs bathroom. I know it. But crochet is my time for myself and I've been feeling guilty for doing so much of it lately, and just when I'm starting to feel okay about it, I'm reminded that actually it's not okay for me to spend that much time on myself. :( I know she means well, but it just makes me feel like a failure again. My house is a mess and I need to rein in my joy.
Also sad because I went to show her the progress I'm making on my other blanket and I found that there's a hole/some damage in one of the central squares. I really don't know how to fix it, or if it can be fixed.
I can't think about that too much or I really will cry about it. 😆😆😅
But anyway, one strawberry blanket almost done!
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200grandbeaverave · 3 months ago
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It's a bit of a shame that the Dada Dog isn't a child of Lila. Considering the motif of the suffering dog and the thematic topics of abuse and lack of agency, and considering the fraternity's intentions when "creating" Lila, Garage Heathen could have incorporated the puppy mill practice as another symbol. A dog maintained by its owners just enough so that it may be indiscriminately bred and provide its owners with offspring, for the owners' benefit— certified Who's Lila moment
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crow-caller · 4 months ago
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My body has an uncanny sense to f----ing murder me the moment I'm awake enough in bed to begin the day. I wake. My meds kick in after an hour. My body decides to slam dunk me into the earth like its trying for an extinction event. Ow.
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byanyan · 22 days ago
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finally dragged myself at least part of the way out of my pit of despair only for my jaw pain to start up again. sick.
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ghostzzy · 2 months ago
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i looove my therapist
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foreverxdaydreaming · 4 months ago
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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batsplat · 3 months ago
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casey saw this as patronizing or whatever bc he grew up pretty isolated and physical affection was not something he was used to past a certain point in childhood……
https://www.tumblr.com/batsplat/764372520458715136/qatar-2007-cheek-caress-arm-around-the-shoulder-as
(here, also here) I am always careful not to get TOO deep into making assumptions about the non-motogp relationships of these guys, especially when it's anything related to parental dynamics... have seen some interactions with his father on screen provide evidence for this thesis, but also don't want to read too much into those. but, well. in any case. there definitely is something to this idea that casey is just like... missing out on forms of socialisation that are basically second nature to valentino, to the extent valentino isn't even thinking about them that much. which probably gives us two rather contrasting experiences of that particular moment
we know for a fact that casey was a bit bewildered by how his competitors reacted after winning races... not that he necessarily has a PROBLEM with it but what's up with all these elaborate pre-planned celebrations when you haven't even won a title... and it's so telling that he frames it as a european thing. because it's not!! it's a valentino thing that then a bunch of other riders (including obviously jorge, one of casey's peers) adopted for themselves. but fundamentally casey has this tendency to interpret a lot of his general isolation and loneliness through the lens of cultural alienation, as a way of explaining to himself why he feels so separate from the rest of the paddock, and then he uses valentino as his primary frame of reference for what europeans are like, and there's just a lot of conflating going on here... and suddenly we're getting to the point where valentino becomes very relevant to casey's general feelings of isolation
and I do have like. a hot take about 2007. which I can't fully substantiate, but it's just where I'm at with the evidence and the vibes right now. and it's that valentino really isn't particularly hostile towards casey that year. casey does talk about valentino making some remarks about him in the press that he doesn't like - but it really isn't easy to find what those remarks actually were. like, actual substantial criticisms. if valentino made some remarks with nebulously bad vibes, sure, they might have gotten lost in the mists of time - but if he'd said anything more dramatic than some mildly snide remarks, surely there'd be some record of it. there's only really reporting of casey feeling that valentino's tone towards him in the press has gotten less friendly... which is probably true! but it's also worth pointing out that casey is... uh. a sensitive character. that season, he was reacting with rather a lot of hostility to any suggestion that the tyre difference between bridgestone and michelin might be helping casey out. which valentino did say! but he was consistently framing it not as casey winning because of the tyres, but the tyre different not allowing valentino to compete with him. and valentino does switch tyres at the end of the year, so crucially he does put his money where his mouth is - he's not just complaining for the hell of it, and it's also worth pointing out that subsequent events 100% vindicate that decision. it's completely understandable that casey will have been annoyed by that... and yes, plenty of fans will have gone further in suggesting casey really only was champion due to the bridgestones and some corners of the press were definitely very annoying... but like. in the grand scheme of things, this is still pretty restrained rhetoric on valentino's part, right? it's stuff you can take offence to, but you are setting the bar rather low there
which leads us to the next issue... valentino doesn't completely blank casey like he does some of his rivals at the height of those feuds, he's still willing to engage in small talk and all of that. yes, it's entirely plausible valentino cooled off a little interpersonally towards casey, but. well. they were title rivals. that's kind of... fine? controversial opinion alert, I suppose. it's at the very least expected, surely. obviously valentino had just gone through an unusually warm title fight with nicky hayden et al - but for the most part, consensus opinion is that you're not really going to be friends with the guy you're competing with for the highest prize in the sport. and you sort of wonder how many interactions they could possibly have had before 2007 for casey even to use as a baseline. like, sure, they'll have known each other a little bit... casey's spoken about how valentino would chat to him about stuff not related to motorcycle racing, which is very sweet and all. but presumably we're talking a few pressers and paddock run-ins, right? nothing all that substantial
and if you take those facts together, add in that casey had considered valentino one of his idols... you've got valentino not opting for open hostility in 2007. the lack of any valentino comments memorable enough to still be available today. casey's sensitivity towards criticism. valentino's tendency to cool off towards direct rivals. that they were still friendly enough towards each other at the end of 2007. how there probably weren't many significant pre-2007 interactions. casey repeatedly complaining about how valentino had cooled off towards him in 2007. and of course, casey's long-standing isolation... well, it does leave you with an interesting picture. at a certain point, I do feel like all of this raises an obvious question: if valentino isn't actively insulting casey and isn't just completely blanking him, then why does casey even care if things have gotten a little more interpersonally chillier between them? why does it bother casey that valentino isn't speaking as much to him as before?
and that leads us back to qatar 2007. because my best guess is that valentino wasn't deliberately buttering casey up as much as he just sort of overshot on his default charm and left a little bit too much of an impression on this lonely kid who was having things go his way at last. valentino wasn't being patronising... he just acts that way when he loses races, whether that's his personality or an awareness that charming your opponents can be a healthy approach or a combination of the two. and yes, whether you want to attribute that to his european inclinations or having had a healthy social life - valentino isn't a stranger to a caressed cheek here or there to show his appreciation. and... well, I reckon initially casey was just extremely charmed by the whole thing. by one of his heroes chatting to him as an equal, by the god of the sport warmly congratulating him for his victory - the full force of valentino's charisma crashing into this undersocialised kid who'd been written off as a surly crash-prone loner who was a bit of a handful to work with... all the while, the commentary is informing us that casey doesn't smile a lot. that he isn't known for his drinking prowess, even! we're being actively encouraged to read the moments in parc fermé in terms of how casey doesn't tend to be either particularly sociable or particularly happy. and, well, if you barely have any friends in the paddock (ed: apart from chaz davies who does warrant a mention here - notably mostly gone from the paddock from mid-2006 onwards), if you're not close to anyone, if you're kind of short on chemistry with other riders... it does take on added significance if the valentino rossi of all people turns on the charm in your direction. and it makes it all the more painful if valentino later creates a little bit of distance in response to your budding rivalry
there's an element of casey overthinking things because he can't quite reconcile the idea that valentino can be so vicious towards him with all the friendly interactions they've had, so he ends up retroactively assigning valentino ulterior motives for all the time valentino was perfectly pleasant towards him. but that's precisely BECAUSE these interactions held a little too much significance for him... more, certainly, than they did for valentino. what european hasn't caressed the cheek of a few of their future nemeses, right. valentino practically tackled toni elias in parc fermé two races earlier at estoril 2006, like he's all over the guy all the way to the podium. (elias is actually cradling his cheek on the podium, so valentino's certainly no stranger to the sensation.) valentino certainly can be a... tactile bloke, let's say. whereas there's a serious possibility that this is the first time casey has gotten his cheek stroked by one of his fellow riders in parc fermé
so yeah. my theory is that casey did take valentino's chilliness to him exceedingly poorly in part because of how those early interactions actually meant quite a lot to him. so to casey, valentino's behaviour towards him stood out in a positive sense... he wasn't necessarily suspicious of the qatar 2007 interaction while it was happening - but casey's a suspicious character, and he did quickly grow wary of valentino. and valentino was still charming towards him at times, and a little colder on other occasions... just playing the game, really, no complex or thorny emotions for valentino to deal with in this particular rivalry. and casey never quite managed to reconcile these different sides of valentino - and it made him revisit all of valentino's behaviour towards him in an attempt to try and establish some sort of consistency. it's easier to believe that valentino was only nice to casey because he didn't take casey seriously as a threat, rather than accept that valentino might still be able to warmly congratulate casey even while plotting to destroy him. if you caress casey's cheek, you'd better not be planning to be mean about him later
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ave-immaculata · 6 months ago
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sincere question: how do you guys think Catholic women ought to interact with men who aren't their husband/family? how is it the same as or different than women?
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lucalicatteart · 1 year ago
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A few little sketches of some possible school uniforms for mage schools/learning centers for magic/etc. :0c Though because Nanyevimi is so scattered and disconnected, it'd actually vary much more by region (like not everywhere would have a cultural concept of what a suit jacket or neck tie looks like lol), so it's probably unrealistic for so many of them to follow too many traditional Uniform Conventions from cultures in our world, etc. But, still, fun to mess around with designs, and think about which would be most fun to wear/what school you'd go to just based off the clothing lol~
#I haven't felt well enough to do anything actually productive lately GRRRR.. evil health issues....#but I can sometimes at least draw while I lay on the floor with a heating pad and etc. lol.. so...#goofy little sketches. Still dislike that the ipad thing someone gave me is either like.. maybe the settings are just off OR possibly the#screen is slightly broken in some regard - so the pressure sensitivity does not work at all. thus all lines are blunt looking#instead of having tapered edges. which I KNOW can be a stylistic thing. like I think it's fine mostly#but sometimes shading looks weird for all of the lines to be the exact same size/width with like no variation lol#though since it's just little sketches it doesnt matter lol but still... hrmm... ever working out my strategy for how to use the ipad for a#art things/if I can ever get used to it/etc.#AAANYWAY... still so uniform obsessed.. and have been since I was a child. Like way before going to middle school and meeting#the people who like anime and get into school uniforms of that variety. I mean like... age 7 before even having any friends#and having zero popular media interests or outside influences that would make uniforms Trendy. but I would see like a 'private school#uniform' on a new story on tv or something or in a book and was just like OUGH... I Should Dress That Way#I used to go to thrift stores and find multiple seperate pieces that could be combined together to look like a school uniform#I had like 4 or 5 different 'uniforms' that I made myself in that way. My first outfit that I was ever allowed#to pick out for myself as my big First Day Of Middle School outfit was literally like school uniform inspired#(maybe mixed with a little goth.. like it was a school uniform sort of look but black and white with fishnet armwarmers lol.. plaid +#stripes pattern mixing my beloved... )#I think it's just the same way that I love apartment buildings because I'm infinitely fascinated with like.. observing human nature and peo#le displaying their psersonalities in little ways and how you can give 10 people the same exact identical space but each one will decorate#it completely differently just depending on their own tastes and reasonnig and etc. I love the idea of everyone in some setting#having to be in one specific set outfit BUT you can tell something about them by the little ways they customize it or what type#of accessories they wear or if they choose to button their shirt fully or not or etc. etc. I like the constraints of 'okay everyone has to#be in exactly the same uniform - NOW. give them their own unique style somehow despite this' etc. etc. like#yaaaayyyy.. I love thinking of little obscure details that convey personality. they have a little pin hidden on the inside of their#hat. their shoes are just like everyone else's but more worn out. they have a necklace barely visible beneath their collar. their tie is#always a little more askew that everyone elses. or even. the uniform is EXACTLY on model entirely clean crisp pristine not a single element#customized or out of place - which STILL tells you something about them. etc. etc.#ANYWAY.. yeahg.. struggling to get anything done these last few weeks so.. blam. poof. alakazaam. scratchy little sketches#of nothing very productive or relating to any other project in particular be upon ye
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jordanswitches · 5 months ago
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this is entirely self serving, but interact with this post if you've ever felt bad or lesser for not being as ticklish as most people and wished you were more sensitive
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doedipus · 9 months ago
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a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.
it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.
#I wrote a short story from her perspective over the holidays and then didn't know how to continue it#and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months#I forget if I posted about that#and then I've been picking through archive dot org for the last few weeks looking at this stuff#the last big rabbit hole was trying to get a better feel for era appropriate ts/tv subculture#the current one I'm looking at is how she would've gotten into language learning and how that would've worked#nettle has been prodding me about the setting thing lately so I've been thinking about that more too#probably the biggest hurdle by far is figuring out how I want to play that#and how I want the thing to be divided up#since the original coc scenario I'm developing this out of is centered on a flight from LA to honolulu#and the airport dungeon was definitely meant to be a hook for a larger campaign#some amount of it is going to cover protag lady's failed life in LA and some of it is going to be worse things happening in hawaii#but it's like. how much do I want to balance it one way or the other#and realistically how much does the aesthetics of 20th century air travel add to the story#besides me personally thinking it's compelling ofc#a lot of what I find compelling about hawaii is that it's an east/west cultural crossroads and realistically that's also true of socal#and I can wax poetic about socal as much as I want without worrying all that much about mishandling something#and there's also a lot of socal specific history along similar parallels to pull from that I'm more familiar with#I guess it comes down to whether curiosity re: 'doing it right' is enough of a motivator to do the increased amount of research#which I guess it has so far with the above character details. so hopefully that will continue#but it also feels like using machine translation a bit yknow. it's hard to know how effectively I'll be able to sanity check#although depending on where this goes I might be able to get other people involved to sensitivity read down the line#with most of the creative things I do I just have a tendency to always rely really heavily on figuring things out myself#I also want protag lady to have a Cool Car and idk how to get that from point a to point b narratively#this is like an entire second or third post's worth of tags but I don't feel like unfucking this so whatever. suffer. I guess.
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cryolyst · 4 days ago
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i've been thinking a lot about how the need for efficiency can contribute to dangerous driving. it isn't the only factor, of course, but there's this desire to get things done as fast as possible, and get mad at people for having the audacity to not go at your pace. people honking as soon as the light turns, running lights, not bothering to properly check before going at intersections, cutting people off, to name some common examples. it's a manifestation of "time is money" and we have to rush things. in all cases, including driving, impatience is often discourteous, but with driving it can also become deadly.
#not really a point to this it's just been on my mind and last reblog just brought it up to me again#obligatory yes i know there are cases where people make honest mistakes or have other things going on that are in fact time sensitive#and that driving too slowly or overly cautiously can also be dangerous and cause accidents#but overall i'm just commenting on how especially in the city there's this mindset of going fast all the time.#like. we can and should practice taking a few extra seconds to let someone cross the road.#this applies to pedestrians too! like too often i see ppl running out onto really fast oncoming traffic!!#like yeah jaywalk if there aren't many cars or they're far off down the road or the light is just turning. whatever.#but ppl will cross in the middle of streets across several lanes of traffic that is going. so fast. like let's wait a little bit yeah?#the road may be hostile to pedestrians and designed in a way that doesn't account for how we need to cross#but the way ppl will refuse to wait a few seconds for the walk light on intersections with walk lights#or walk the few meters to get to the intersection. it's endangering and for what? to stick it to the car drivers? to shave 30 seconds?#idk. just think we need to all slow down a bit. it's ok to take time to do things.#before we had standardized time and shit i don't think ppl got this mad that someone showed up to a scheduled thing 16 insect chirps late#it's really annoying that everyone feels this sense of urgency all the time even when there isn't anything truly urgent happening#not on an individual sense but in a societal one. it's baked in with the capitalism and all.#they speak!
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translightyagami · 9 months ago
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fine okay i'll admit it: maybe the five uninterrupted days i had to spend with my family this month were bad for my mental health. maybe i'm feeling weird and sensitive right now because i had to talk to my mom and she hurt my feelings. i am not actually over anything i thought i'd finally gotten over. maybe i got out of the washing machine for a little bit before being thrown back in, now sopping wet from the dirty brackish water i let fester in there. whatever. i'm very normal.
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mirrortouchedsea · 1 year ago
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Day 20
Madara pulled the yarn through the final stitch and looked at his… scarf. It was an attempt and while it didn’t look awful, he could tell that his tension had been maybe too tight and there was a weird dip a few rows in, but at least it was finished. He grabbed a yarn needle and tried to weave in the tails so he could properly call it finished. 
Leo had been complaining about losing his scarf the week before and Madara had the genius idea to try and make one himself. He had tried knitting but three dropped stitches later he decided to try something else. Kuro had suggested crochet since it was much more beginner friendly, and Madara had to agree. Despite everything, at least the scarf in his hands wouldn’t fall apart if he forgot a stitch somewhere. 
It still looked like a pretty messed up rectangle though. He debated just making a second one when the door opened to the craft room and he felt someone drape themself over his shoulders. 
“Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” Leo whined. “Why are you ignoring me?” 
Madara turned his phone on and noticed a dozen missed calls and several unanswered texts from Leo. Oops. 
“Sorry Leo-san, I got distracted.” He turned to press a chaste kiss to Leo’s lips. “I tried to make you something but--” Leo’s eyes lit up and he reached for the garment in Madara’s hands. 
“Wahaha! You’re the best Mama! I love it!” Leo had already wrapped the scarf around his neck despite being indoors. “Oh I’m filled with inspiration! Do you have any paper? I need to write an Ode to Mama’s Scarf immediately!” 
Madara laughed and pulled out the notepad he had started carrying with him from his bag. Leo grabbed it and began scribbling, singing the melody as it came to him. When he was finished he tore out the page and folded it into his pocket for later. 
“Thank you, Mama. I mean it.” Madara felt a light blush on his face, a rare occurrence in their relationship. 
“Anything for you, Leo-san.” 
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parlerenfleurs · 2 years ago
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It is actually really tiring to see so many mean jokes about France and people hating France online, especially with some French people cheerfully agreeing to what is sometimes plain falsehood at worst or stereotypical nonsense at best.
I'm not nationalistic. I didn't even grow up on the mainland. I'm not even french on both sides of my family. And yes, a lot of French people suck (case in point: they elected Macron twice), our government sucks, and, yes, historically France colonized other countries and is still fucking with some African countries' governements and selling armament and generally being a lot of the awful things countries which have some power tend to do internationally in this giant mess that our current dominating system is.
Why don't people talk about that if they've got a problem with France instead of making shitty hurtful jokes, I wonder? Why is it okay to dunk on us? We're not pitiful, but by the same metric the USA for instance are not exactly pitiful either, and yet, people mostly make the effort to put some nuance into their criticisms, to reblog pleas for understanding and explanations of the complex nature of things and situations from interested parties.
We are a whole country with many different regional cultures, quirks, dialects and histories. We are a whole population with many different individuals, just like everywhere else. We have poets, and good authors, and great artists just like everywhere else. We are the good and the bad, and are frustrated and dismayed at our government's actions, or at our violent history, just like everywhere else. Where does not have a violent history, and where does not have most people upset about it, after all?
For some reason it seems it is fashionable to make fun of us and that it is socially unacceptable to defend ourselves when it happens. And since this is an USAmerican dominated space, I do have to wonder, and if you're USAmerican you should ask yourself that too: is this the consequence of the passionate anti-French propaganda that took place when our President at the time (rightfully) condemned and criticised the war in Irak? Is this what is being echoed and perpetuated here, like a virus in our collective consciousness, even though it's not conscious?
I would like for people online to treat us with as much grace and attempt to have as much nuance as they would any other country (and to fact check things for goodness' sake). Don't just treat a whole country callously and mispronounce our words like there is no other way to pronounce them that exists and say whatever because you think it's funny to repeat mean jokes or can't be bothered to wonder if this is the truth. We are online too, we see your jokes and sloppy caricatures, be they intended as flattering or not. We may not necessarily love this country, we may not necesseraly identify strongly with it, but we are a part of it and it is a part of us, whether we want it or not, and when you dump everyone in the same crudely made basket, then we're definitely part of it, whether we want it or not.
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castlebyersafterdark · 5 months ago
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🙃.
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