#I'm just burnt out and exhausted
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Quick blanket-statement for anyone who is thinking of sending me messages:
I am fully aware and conscious that there are problems with every Star Trek.
I understand the ongoing issues with racism, sexism, and a number of outdated ideologies. TOS-VOY (which are what I watch, other than the movies) are all products of their time and incredibly dated in many ways, and it’s wonderful that people want to point out the flaws and issues and discuss the varying ways that Star Trek could have and should have done better even for its time.
But let me make this clear: Star Trek (TOS, TNG, DS9, and VOY) are my comfort shows. I am autistic and they’ve been my special interest for a long time now, and I cannot stress enough what that means to me. I watch them to be happy and to find a sanctuary away from the constant stressors of every day life, especially since I struggle with anxiety and depression.
I don’t want to talk about everything wrong with them. I just want to focus on the best aspects of Star Trek - the stories, the characters, the relationships. I want to talk about fascinating science-fiction concepts and the beautiful way Star Trek tried to bring important social issues to the table. I want to talk about found families who love each other, including all the ways they are strange and unique and different.
I know that there are problems and I am not ignoring them entirely - I just need a space to focus on the good things.
So please for the love of god, I don’t need people to question whether or not I’m aware of the racism or the sexism, I don’t need people coming after me because they don’t think I should enjoy specific characters, and I don’t need to be hounded about every little issue that ever existed because a bunch of (mostly) Cisgendered White Men were writing stories before we even reached the 21st century.
#personal#I'm not mad at anyone right now#I'm just burnt out and exhausted#been sick lately and my chronic pain has gotten REALLY bad#because I moved to a new goddamn state#and had to unpack a million heavy boxes#about a dozen times#all I want is some nice friendly people#to talk about my love of star trek with#all I want to do is yell my love of it into the tumblr void#even if no one yells back#just let me have this ONE NICE THING#when my life is fucking falling apart#and I have no goddamn friends to even share in my problems with#and all the stability i used to have#of a familiar home and a familiar town#are all gone#and as an autistic person#that's a huge fucking deal and a burden on me
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more for the garashir fairytale grab bag AU I am never going to actually write: garak knows exactly what would break his curse from the start, he just never tells anyone for the longest time b/c he's so sure it could never happen
(it's asking forgiveness, of course. he thinks it's tain's forgiveness he needs, and tain is fucking dead and knew he would be by the time garak woke up so it seems the perfect unbreakable parting fuck-you revenge curse. and garak would expect nothing less from his father than that, so he's resigned to dwindling away painfully. enter julian bashir and his fierce force-of-nature compassion (and also secret illicit immense magical powers) with a steel chair!!! to go 'OH YEAH??? we'll see about that', as you might expect. oh. OH necromancer-ish julian calling tain's ghost up to ask him about what the hell he did and how to undo it, ala his gambit to go see him the wire? and the knowledge he gains from that is what confirms garak's suspicions as to what is Up with this handsome young healer mage because it could be known only by those long dead. cue east of the sun west of the moon part of the narrative once julian understands his game is up and runs away??
anyway getting some true love's kissing in by the end of it all is just a nice bonus it's not needed like strictly magically for either of their situations lol)
#garashir#star trek#ds9#star trek ds9#elim garak#julian bashir#the sleeping beauty part is an entirely separate curse btw. tain really wanted that shit to pile up lol#I wonder what fucked up thing you'd do to Julian magically to be the equivalent of genetic engineering#splicing something into his soul maybe? turning him into a wildly powerful but 'dangerous' kind of sorcerer in the process?#something about violating his innermost essence at least that's kind of the thematic significance of it#people pointing at him after the reveal going 'THOSE ARE DARK LORD POWERS YOU FREAK' and he's like#'*barely holding back tears of frustration and exhaustion* I just wanna be a lil healer main can you guys fucking let me live....'#maybe like... when you've cracked someone's soul open once it's considered a sanctity breached or something. anything could get in#maybe ds9 is like... the cardassian ruin where they find garak sleeping (yeah I'm doing an sga/howl's moving castle thing in my head)#he still claims he's just a simple tailor upon being woken up and getting the castle to fly them out of danger. of course.#he also still hates the place as much as he did in the show it was considered a shitty backwater place to be stationed back in the day#guys. I think I am cooking but unfortunately I'm perpetually burnt out I don't have enough fuel to make anything of it lmao
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Pilby. Deserve. A. Kiss
day 30
mwah
#daily pilby#pilby#pilby regretevator#regretevator#roblox regretevator#pilby fanart#regretevator fanart#regretevator art#regretevator pilby#it's supposed to be some sort of .5 photo idk#i've been snoozing the past like#week away for multiple hours each day my bad#these dailies aren't exhausting me and i'm not burnt out i am just so sleepy#and busy but mostly just tired!
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I stg I wanna grab my gf sometimes and shake her til she understands she's loved and not a burden on anyone
#I don't think she gets this intense to desire to not be a burden on anyone for any reason ACTUALY MAKES IT PRETTY EXHAUSTING TO TALK TO HER#I just like this girl doesn't get that I will bend over backwards to make her happy I'll lasso the god damn moon if she so much as asks#But this constant back and forth to figure out what the fuck she actually wants is so so so exhausting#Look I know traumatized people are gonna act in traumatized ways and I don't legitimately hold any of this against her#She just asked for something and I offered almost that exact thing cuz I had prior commitments that I'm still willing to stretch for her#And it became a whole fucking hour long thing of trying to convince her that no no babe we can still do the thing we can still do the t#Really honestly it's not an issue I just need to talk to some people before we write anything in stone#And it becomes a fucking thing of me having to talk her through her goddamn feelings and comfort her when like it literally could have just#Been oh we can't do the exact thing but something almost exactly the same? Oh yeah sure that sounds great I'll put it in my calendar#IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE AN HOUR LONG FUCKING CONVERSION OH MY GOD WOMAN#Im just wildly burnt out from over a week of being away from home and in social situation#Which was lovely don't get me wrong#But I'm exhausted and I only just got up a couple hours ago and like absolutely did not need this today
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I did it...
Honestly, I'm too drained to feel excited. I'll do that later.




#splatoon#splatoon 3#splatfest#springfest#shiver#shiver splatoon#it's not like I'm not happy about this#it was just so exhausting and frustrating to do#I can't feel anything as a result#I just feel burnt-out#i need a break from Splatoon
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woe Twilight's Afterglow Midlink be upon ye
#in this house we believe in tall queen and short king#I've been so burnt out and exhausted for a while now#I don't even have the energy to set up my laptop n stuff#but I know my idiots got me covered#just don't know if I'll change their designs a bit. already trying out face-marks for link but I'm not sure#the legend of zelda#twilight princess#midna#twi#midlink#zelda au#twilight's afterglow#rysem draws#traditional art
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You alive man?
Just wanted to check as it's been bout a month or so since your last post
no i'm dead but don't worry about it. tis the season and all that shit ya know?
(all that shit includes, but is not limited to, seasonal depression, art block, retail and food service worker hell, the election, 5 stress induced nightmares in the space of a week, managing a new relationship [first time], living in a capitalist nightmare, etc.)
[more rambles in the tags, as i am often to do]
#its been two months anon im so sorry#ive been doodling but like not getting anything done at all#there is just nothing going on upstairs i am beyond burnt out but i don't know how to take breaks and#its really fucking killin' me folks#don't do this to yourself learn to take breaks from things that are draining you#lean to manage your batteries and dont stretch yourself thin to make other people happy#i know this and i keep doing it to myself anyway#i dont like to vent here so i wont go into much more detail than what i already mentioned in the body and all those tags#just generally exhausted and having a hard time finding the energy to draw and be happy with it#outside of that had a loss in the family that hit way harder than i thought it would#there has been good to though stress and good things#gonna travel outta the country for the first time ever even if it is just up north but im really excited#half the reason im being assassinated by work is because i need the money so i can take this vacation without worry#as well as having a partner for the first time since.... 5th grade? if that even counts?#i feel like a whole years has happened in the span of two months i'm dying chat#not art related
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....
#having really good hearing and auditory processing issues and auditory hallucinations is fucking awful#like yes‚ i can hear your movie you're listening to upstairs. however if i put earplugs in I'll keep hearing my name or other sounds-#that aren't happening. and if it's a conversation and you go 'then tell me what we were talking about' i couldn't fucking tell you#I'm stuck in and auditory nightmare at all fucking times#it really doesn't help that people constantly echo the sentiment that those like me should suck it up or move out to the middle of nowhere-#with the money that we clearly must have‚ or frankly just kill ourselves#it's exhausting and my nerves are constantly fried which means being burnt out and overstimulated is worse making the hearing everything-#part worse.#what also doesn't help is that earplugs gave a tendency to make my balance worse‚ too#vent#me posting#tw mental health#you can comment but don't be a dick
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#me the past few days:#“why am I so anxious and scatter brained? why are my sh habits coming back? I'm doing fine. My pain isnt even that bad rn.”#i thought at first i was dehydrated because I've been drinking less water but i realized today#im fucking exhausted#a storm ripped the roof off the hospital where I work last week#so needless to say work's been fucking weird AND busy#I've been churning out art like never before since figuring out AMM#I'm trying to get my life together and feeling a real drive and motivation to do that#I've never been so burnt out on things that I love before#i also realized I'm still mourning my grandmother#that was still less than a month ago and fuck it I'm sad#i need to rest but just dont know how rn#maybe I'll figure out after work#i hope i do
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anyway chat i am so tired all the time i am struggling through the roy content i love it so much but i am STRUGGLING.
#i'm on 20/21 for new teen titans 84#the twin towers bit was crazy btw#but like yeah point is i am trying so hard to do shit promise i am just like perpetually exhausted once again#even the reading is like. too much. i'm kind of in a like 'stare blankly at the wall for 4 weeks straight' mood#but yeah you know for anybody interested in the necromancy au i AM working on it. it's just going very very very slow. because i am ?#mentally ill. or burnt out. or something.#like i am aware on some level that fanfiction is a hobby and i don't owe anybody anything. but i DO want to finish this#woof.txt#this is why i don't start longfics tho i'm so. oneshot author only#or series of oneshots. which is sort of like what longfics are#but i think the series thing is just easier for me because i feel more comfortable leaving it for a long time or jumping around#idk. sorry yeah rambling point being i'm deep in depression mode chat ily tho thank u for ur patience
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every day i come here after work and other people than me have giffed hwa and i feel stupid and useless :((
#don't get me wrong i love seeing other people's stuff and i'm always happy to be tagged#and will try to reblog everything i see#i see videos and i'm too exhausted to gif them myself#i have a very long list of things i'd like to gif but i just don't have the energy#i feel extremely burnt out#i'm not even crocheting anymore#i can't focus on anything i just feel like sleeping all the time#lu.txt
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I keep flip-flopping between loving my current art style and wanting to go back to how I used to draw things and I haaaaate it
#ramblings#like i love how i did certain things in my older pieces#like the lineart and the softer shading#but also thinking back on the process and how long it used to take me to finish fully rendered pieces#it makes me wanna rip my hair out#i feel like i'm slowly losing patience for literally everything#and also. i'm so fucking tired like all the time. i want to draw but i'm exhausted from literally doing nothing#i have ideas but i feel burnt out just thinking abt Actually Drawing and i hate it#not to mention the other stuff going on in my life that's just. draining#god i wish i was normal#neg#this turned into a vent post without me meaning to so. yeah#anyway it's not that i don't like my current style bc i do#but sometimes. i feel like it's a bit of a downgrade in some aspects#like my art has regressed#but other times i'm so happy with it and love it so much i wouldn't change it at all#idk how to feel abt it and i kinda hate that#i'm so tired
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I wrote a little something for the halfamoon Dreamwidth community in the spirit of celebrating female characters.
With a prompt such as Black/ White/ Shades of grey, of course my mind could go no other place than, well, Suzanne, Jillian and doctor superion :)
#doctor superion#mother superion#jillian salvius#ehhh i'm not using the main wn tag for this#and yes hello i'm alive. i've just been quiet because i've been exhausted and feeling burnt out (again)#but i'm slowly trying to regain my footing and today there will be a thing and a drabble to post
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it's one of those days where i'm really craving interaction and validation i guess :/
#it just feels like nothing's really *happened*. like all my online friends are either offline or a little disengaged today#(and i get it. not mad at anyone. i know we're all burnt out. i just really want to chat with someone but it feels like we're all exhausted#i did some chores and some project work and i have final dress tonight for pippin but i'm just feeling kinda tired and disconnected#mental health has not been doing fantastic lately ngl. been a lot of stress and burnout and anxiety and i'm not sure how to fix it
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sometimes i wonder why i've always felt the constant need to post art everyday and then i remember it's because i've always had this fear of being forgotten. of returning back to nobody, just like how i used to be before i made my tumblr main account. taking a 1 day break is painful (despite the fact that it helps a lot when i do it) because i feel like everybody will instantly forget about me, so i view myself as nothing more but someone who is here to produce content
#vent#ngl doing art helps me too but sometimes i just can't do it#i've always had this fear and i always had this issue of feeling the need to post daily#because i was always afraid the more breaks i take (or the longer) the more people will leave#and recently with the fact that i've barely been getting support outside of tumblr#the issue has been getting worse and i feel so burnt out#the only time i will take a break is only when someone will tell me#sorry for the sudden vent i just. idk. i suddenly feel like shit#it's always on fridays#i guess i'm just exhausted#physically too#all the support i get on here means a lot to me because i barely get it anywhere else#so i really do force myself to do art sometimes but also because i know i'll be happy in the end#i know it'll make someone happy out there#and i know if people like it i will be happy too#maybe...
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ughhhh i just feel like absolute shit today.
#i've been soo burnt out lately from the constant go go go#and then on top of it being sick all last week#idk i don't feel like a human being today#i'm just exhausted and can't even really think straight#idk maybe i'll try to listen to some podcasts and clean or something#moving might be good#i'm just ughhhh
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