#I'm halfway through this shit novel and it just feels like a waste of time but I'm stubborn and seldom ever leave a book unfinished

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

I genuinely don't get what you people see in The Secret History cause the hype around it sure as fuck was wrong.

[conditionvarietysilence]

have you ever started reading a book like "hey this could be a really cool premise" but get halfway through and you're like. I hate it.

prepare to read a stupid rant of mine if you proceed, i complain rather transparently under the cut

i understand why some people would like it, but i just don't like the innocent x troubled trope when it masquerades as completely healthy and Normal (TM). Maybe i've lost my touch with dark romance but fuck, this isn't even a slightly dark romance book.

on top of that, the "troubled" one has like yk issues with her parents, and she has a father figure (in place of her bio father). Who fucking abuses her. Kinda... like her father. And she basically says "oh well he does it because he cares and he's put time and money into helping me." *proceeds to explain scene where he emotionally manipulates her then gives her a hug and in her thoughts she thinks "i love him" and he basically forces her to say i'm sorry, even tho she legit just stood there.* can you see why i'm kinda done with this??

That was the first thing that pissed me the fuck off. I haven't read the whole book, so i don't know if she comes to her senses or what. But the romance just isn't all that either. The main guy is basically deluding himself into thinking he's in a relationship with this girl even though they "could never be" because of whatever reasons they've made up in their heads (because they "care too much for each other" whatever the fuck that means). And it's so fucking annoying that i'm 150 pages in and neither of these bitches have grown a spine. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. Literally the only notable thing was the second to last chapter i read. There's no plot, no stakes, it's just "oh she's so sexy and helps me with my panic attacks" and "oh he's so sexy and vulnerable with me and i need to forget about all my problems by having some dick shoved in me.. even if he's explained to me a million times that he doesn't do hookups and feels uncomfortable when he does."

And of course half the book is her looking straight at the camera and going "people judge me when i sleep around but when [other character who sleeps around] does it he gets praised? I call bullshit." Which yeah, fine thing to think, I also think it's fucked that that's the case. But have some fucking subtlety, show it with an interaction instead of her just pouting and stomping her foot and going "but that's unfair!"

can you tell i find her absolutely insufferable.

i liked the book originally; one of the good things about it is that there're a good ~130 pages of build up before the first sex scene. The only problem is that 1) it's a mediocre scene with, frankly, juvenile language and boring description and 2) Literally Nothing Happened In Those 130 Pages. Literally nothing.

like i get that the guy mc has major fucking anxiety and that needs to be explained but c'monnnn. Find a way to waste less of my time pls and thx.

i heard people saying that "the writing is fast-paced," in this book and like??? Where??? Definitely not the three hours i spent reading it.

And even then, the plot is very very flimsy. Just before the first sex scene is when the plot Finally forwards itself, and one of the characters asks the really relevant question of "why?" Said question goes unanswered and the author then attempts to distract you with a sex scene.

i get that these books are meant to be leisure reads that get popular on booktok or whatever but c'mon at least put some lil plot bits in there for those of us who're into those. God. Fucking insufferable.

there's also the long running theme of feminism but as in "girls should be able to do the bad shit guys do and get away with it like they do" rather than, uh, that said bad shit shouldn't be happenin period? (This is not me referring to hooking up, who gives a fuck, but it's said abt multiple things throughout the novel. Idk it pisses me off.)

the whole reason i wrote this was because another smut scene started and quite honestly i got bored as fuck. I'm not one to skip scenes but fuck i don't particularly want to read abt her manipulative ass sucking his cock after basically forcing him into a depressive spiral thank you very much.

(yes yes i've become weak-minded, but i only really like dark romance that goes fucking deep into it not this dabbling-but-too-scared-to-actually-make-it-dark bullshit.)

[rococodeco]

@annehackaway I found another unhinged review, this time from a fantasy only reader. A review of The Pisces (the bolding was done by the reviewer):

Let's get something straight right away: normally books like this aren't my thing. I've been trying to read more widely and outside of my comfort zone as of late, but fantasy is still my main jam. It's because of this that I was willing to give The Pisces a shot - it's not what I reach for in terms of genre, but balanced by The Shape of Water vibes that I thought I would enjoy it.

I didn't.

Everything about this book just made me feel gross. The main character, the side characters, even the plot itself made me feel uncomfortable and repulsed. By the time I realized the entire novel was going to be like this, it was too late to turn back; I was halfway through, and I might as well finish to count it towards my reading goal.

Imagine reading a whole novel that makes you feel gross just so you can claim your internet point for reading it. It's like self-flagellation but goodreads is your god.

The rest of the is below the cut because it is long. Someday I'll figure out how to link to specific reviews. That day is not today.

I can see why this would be compared to The Shape of Water - both feature a woman that engages in a romantic and sexual relationship with a non-human sea creature. But The Shape of Water is whimsical, funny, diverse, and, most of all, aware of how it fits into conversations about fantasy, race, and sexuality. The Pisces is merman erotica that spends the entire novel justifying animal abuse, pedophilia, and the harmful decisions of its pathetic main character simply because she's a "broken" woman. I say "broken" because I'm still not sure, exactly, what makes her "broken," much less what could possibly justify all the problematic shit she does.

The main character, Lucy, is intensely unlikable. She's a 38-year-old grown-ass woman, and she's still mooching off of her university's grant money for the thesis she's been writing for 9 years. As an undergrad student whose high tuition puts the fear of god in her, her abuse of university funds is deeply offensive to me. Not to mention, Lucy's entire purpose of being graciously invited to live in her half-sister's million dollar house instead of her shithole apartment is to watch her sister's dog, Dominic. Dominic has diabetes, so he needs to be given medication. But instead of taking care of her sister's sick dog, LIKE SHE'S BEING PAID TO DO, Lucy spends the majority of the novel trying to satisfy her libido by having sex with random men who couldn't give two craps about her.

That's right, folks. We get to spend the entire 270 pages watching Lucy's animal abuse unfold. She forgets to walk him, feed him, give him the medication that helps keep him alive. She starts giving him daily tranquilizer pills - overdosing him on the first try and then continuing to up the dosage as he builds resistance to it - so he doesn't bother her. SO HE DOESN'T BOTHER HER. We watch him waste away to nothing while Lucy fucks her merman lover on her sister's white couch during her period, ruining the couch by staining it with her menstrual blood. Sexy, am I right?

And Lucy's therapy group? Don't even get me started. I don't know exactly the policies surrounding therapy groups, but when a 40-year-old woman admits to wanting to have sex with her son's 16-year-old friend, believing that he is attracted to her, nothing is done. Nothing happens. No one says anything. No one calls her out on her deeply, deeply disgusting thoughts. In fact, the other women feel sympathy for her. What the fuck. What the actual fuck.

This book is an absolute garbage fire. A problematic, disgusting dumpster fire. Don't expect to find The Shape of Water here. Go watch the movie. Spend your afternoon elsewhere.

When a goodreads review begins with, "I usually only read YA but I decided to branch out," you know the review is going to be good (have the most unhinged opinions you've ever seen about literature)