#I'm gonna stop putting those disclaimers people need to act like they actually have an ounce of sense

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Not to discourse on main but if qFit was a girl she would still be bald as hell (and she DEFINITELY wouldn't be skinny). Let her be a beautiful strong bald butch you cowards

[spirits-art-blog]

Redraws of some of my favorite Conan/Shinichi expressions so far! I'll likely be making more posts like this cus this show is filled with really good expressions and poses that I really want to draw. Honestly this show needs more moments like the ones above, its such a good visual gag.

For those who don't know, I'm watching this show completely blind so please keep spoilers out of this post; as of posting this, I have just finished ep 289.

Gonna get into some of my current thoughts and critiques in the read more cus I don't really want to make a separate text post so feel free to avoid all of that if you don't want to see it and I hope you enjoyed the art :)

Disclaimer: These critiques should be taken lightly as they don't really impede my enjoyment as overall the show is great! I just like to share my thoughts and ramble.

286-288 is actually kind of a good summary for some of the things I dislike about the show, like sorry if people like that case but Shinichi and Yukiko being there unfortunately did not make it less meh for me.

I usually try to keep in mind that shows like this weren't intended for an american/english-speaking audience but man, New York is such a bad setting for this show. Even if you ignore the actual voice acting, its jarring how the americans just, stop speaking english. I really wanna know what the bts situation was to make them decide that, like sure 3 episodes is a lot, but its hard to believe these new yorkers, besides 2 cops and a taxi driver, are speaking Japanese.

Other thoughts go to the end with the murderer of the case and the disguised killer. Not sure how to word this exactly but it kind of bothers me how this is, I think, the first time we've gotten a murderer who's backstory isn't about some misfortune that happened to them that was caused by the victim, like nah, she was just evil, and then later Shinichi and Ran stop a serial killer from falling to their death, like what? Especially with these two scenes practically being back to back, I just don't get why they did that. Idk just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyways on a lighter note, loved seeing Ran's thoughts throughout the episode, especially at the end, like I love internal conflict for characters, and it works for Ran as well since falling for that 'you helped cause this' fear is pretty consistent with her.

And lastly I wanna share some thoughts I've had about the show cus I don't know where to put them. That being said, I really wish they had some episodes early on that explored more of the dynamics between characters and Shinichi's transition into Conan. Like the idea of a rich 16-17 year old being stuck as a 6-7 year old who now lives with his not girlfriend and has to go back to first grade is such a dramatic change, no way that situation wasn't hard to get used to. Unfortunately, I'm more than far enough into this show to know they aren't going to do anything like that. And besides very small moments that spawned headcanons for me, there isn't much going on relationship wise either. After episode 3, the dynamics between the characters was set and hasn't really changed too much, which is a little sad imo.

I'll stop rambling for now, apologies with how discoherent this is, translating my thoughts into words has never been my strong suit.

[caddy-crystal-queen]

So apparently I need to bring this series back even though house of the dragon won't have another season until 2024. But....

On today's episode of who in the game of thrones/House of the Dragon Fandom need to be slapped is.....

MILITANT DAEMYRA SHIPPERS!!!!!!

Oh I already know I'm not gonna make any friends with this rant so I'm gonna put a quick disclaimer

This is not me bashing the ship, nor am I promoting any others. This is my opinion about people who have made shipping this their entire life/existence here on this site. I'm also not promoting other ships here, I'll probably briefly touch that on a later date if the interest is there.

Oh Daemyra...the ship of Rhanerya and Daemon Targaryen. In real life its a disgusting scenario, especially as someone who actually was molested by their uncle growing up. It's a special kind of awkward.

My problem doesn't lie with the ship however, at least not today. It's all you crazy ass motherfuckers who decide to make it your entire existence to defend this ship, all the while being absolute douche camels to anyone else who, gods forbid, dares to ship anything different from you.

"Oh but Daemyra is the best ship ever on the show and-"

*WHACK*

No!

No!

No it isn't.

There are no healthy relationships in this show. Not even the one I ship the hardest, Corlys/Rhaenys, is completely healthy. You assholes just seem to act like your ship is soooooo much better than everyone else's, and you crap on other peoples fan works, theories, and headcanons just to prove how much of an inconsiderate asshole you are.

I kid you not. I saw someone post an ask about a fanart someone made of Rhaenicent and they were super ugly about it just because they don't ship Rhaenicent. This...this is bullshit.

"Oh my god my eyes!!!!"

Dude...all you had to do was delete the ask and go about your life! But no...you had to sit there and make a big ass deal about it. Oh but you don't wanna down the artist? Motherfucker, what do you think you JUST DID?!

Seriously whatever happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything, or better yet compliment them on something else"?! Nothing stopped this individual from simply deleting the ask in regards to someone else's artwork. This really got under my skin personally, as it served to remind me why I quit Fandom interaction.

You guys are such assholes to other shippers. God forbid anyone ships both daemyra and Rhaenicent in your presence, you attack them. I feel really bad for those folks, because they get attacked by every goddamn body I imagine. No one deserves to get shit on because they ship something different from you.

Their artwork shouldn't be bashed.

Their theories should be left the hell alone.

Their headcanons you can simply ignore.

Is it really that fucking hard to not be an asshole to people, particularly content creators, because they make content for a ship you don't like?

This shit here is why fan content is dying. It's not lack of appreciation, reblogs, or what the fuck ever, it's goddamn militant Fandom bullshit like this.

Oh and before anyone comes after me, I'm not a Rhaenicent shipper. I'm actually kinda neutral the whole Rhaenicent thing. I feel the idea for it in the show was there, but at the same time...if it was Canon there wouldn't have been a story so...yeah.

Just...leave. each. Other. The fuck. Alone! Someone sends you fanart of a ship you don't like, delete it and have a nice day. Acknowledge you saw it, but don't bash the art or the artist because that's wrong just because it's content is something you don't like.

Daemyra shippers...seriously...do fucking better.

Holy tap dancing horus.

[kingdaddydaichi]

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

[whyyoudothistomecavill]

Don't - Chapter 1

Hello everyone! This is my first time writing fanfiction. Chapter one is an introduction to the kind of relationship the characters have and, in future chapters I will fill in the gaps left in this part.

But first, let's see how this one goes.

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

I took the name from a song written by Jewel. Go and listen to it. Trust me, after the first verse, THAT person will pop in your head. Never fails.

Before we jump in, there's a few people I need to thank:

@littlefreya for helping me with the editing since I don't have a beta yet, for encouraging me knowing what a big deal this is for me, and for all the things you already know. I'll always be in your debt.

@mary-ann84 for making me feel welcome since day one and putting up with me and my annoying questions at any time of day. Girl, you deserve an award for patience.

@radaofrivia for taking the time to read my ramblings and giving me the reassurance I needed. For showing up out of nowhere when I was almost defeated by my lack of tumblr comprehension and explained everything to me with the patience of a kindergarten teacher. Greek god Henry sent you my way, I have no doubt.

There aren't words enough to express how big of an inspiration all of you are to me. To be able to call you my friends, fills my heart with extreme joy and gratitude. So again THANK YOU.

I took the liberty to tag some people, to some I asked for their permission, to others I didn't, so if this bothers you in any way, just message me and I'll fix it, there's absolutely no obligation and I won't be offended.

With that being said, let's get to the point.

Title: Don't

Pairing: Henry x female reader.

Word count: 1682

Warnings: Angst, fluff, and if you squint your eyes you might find a bit of smut.

Summary: Henry and reader are a couple living together for 1 year. Reader have struggled with self esteem issues and insecurities her whole life and when she met Henry, she thought she had left all that in the past, but certain events made her realize that her soul is far from being healed.

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction written by me. Please don't post it anywhere else without my permission. Reblogs here are welcomed of course. Thank you.

"Are you ok, darling?"

"Yes, honey"

"Are you sure? You don't seem ok"

"I'm ok, Hen," you smiled, "I'm just tired. I wanna get home, have a shower and then go to bed"

He didn't seem convinced but he didn't ask again. The rest of the ride home was silent, you looked out the window and prayed for the strength to act like everything was normal, while he concentrated on the road and hummed along to the radio.

But you knew better. You knew that this man, the most gorgeous man on earth, the man you called your boyfriend, the man every woman (and a lot of men too), thirsted for, was also the smartest, the most affectionate and that he paid attention to every single thing, especially you. He could notice the smallest change in your demeanor, he could tell when something was wrong and this time was no difference. He was just giving you time to process whatever it was upsetting you before you could talk to him, but in no way was he buying the "just tired" bs. And you knew it.

You entered the house and discarded your shoes and purse. Henry was taking Kal out of the car and into the house when you said "I'm gonna take a shower," and quickly rushed upstairs without waiting for an answer, you needed to be alone so desperately.

You got into the bathroom and took your clothes off without even glancing in the mirror, you didn't want to see anybody, much less yourself.

The hot water was bliss to your sore muscles, too bad it didn't make a difference to the pain in your heart. You rested your forehead into the tiled wall and felt the water gently massaging your back and legs. You were so immersed in your thoughts that you didn't hear the bathroom door being open. Henry was already behind you, his strong hands caressing your back as light as a feather and his mouth on your ear, "may I join you?"

You turned around and looked at him, at those eyes bluer than the sky itself, at those curls that did things to you just by looking at them, and that smile, the most perfect and genuine smile you had ever seen, it was literally impossible not to smile back at him, it was contagious.

He didn't wait for an answer, he lowered himself to put his arms around your waist as you put yours around his neck and kissed you deeply and tenderly. You knew he did that so you wouldn't have to be on your tiptoes to kiss him, he was so damn considerate and perfect it infuriated you sometimes.

So you closed your eyes and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, he sensed the heat in your kiss and grabbing your behind, lifted you up still kissing you, putting your back against the wall. You instinctively wrapped your legs around him and he broke the kiss to look at you, his hair was tousled all over from the water and your hands. His lips were swollen from the kissing and his eyes were dark with lust but also full of love. Oh,so much love.

"What do you want?" He said, "Tell me. What do you need? I'm here, I'm yours".

Something inside of you broke, it was too much. "I want you, Henry. I need you. Now. Inside of me. Please".

He didn't wait for you to ask again, maneuvering you as if you weighed nothing, he made you descend on his length without breaking eye contact, until you were completely full of him. He started to move, slowly and leisurely making you moan and clung to him for dear life.

He didn't know about the battle that was going on inside you. You wanted him to crawl within you and fill the emptiness eating your soul, you wanted to hold him and never let go, you wanted to stop time. Or maybe go back in time, or just disappear. But for the time being you were just grateful for the water running over both of you, not letting Henry notice that your tears were running as well.

Even if you were shattered inside, your body would always succumb to him, there was no point in resisting, and as he kept moving in and out of you, whispering sweet nonsenses in your ear, the orgasm hit you like a thunder lightning crying out his name, his release following moments later triggered by your loud moans.

He held you still between him and the wall while you both recovered your breath, filling your neck with open mouthed kisses.

He lowered you and you held him tightly, putting your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. It always soothed you. You both stayed that way under the shower in silence, until you started to feel the boiling inside you rising again. "I'm gonna get the towels" you said, "I got it" said he and with a swift move of his long arms, he reached for the towels and started drying you, hair first, then your body, slowly, caressing every inch of it and leaving light kisses everywhere his hands would pass.

He was kneeling in front of you, drying your legs and slowly going up, your eyes were fixated on him and his movements, not saying a word. He looked up, saw you staring, and reaching up, caressed your face so softly it made you lean your head in his hand, closing your eyes. It was like time stopped and you were there alone just savoring that moment, keeping it in your memory forever and you couldn't help the single tear rolling down your cheek into his hand...

When you opened your eyes, you saw the look of concern on his face, "What is it baby? What's wrong?"

You needed to make a choice, so you chose the truth. At least the one truth that wouldn't hurt him: "I love you so much".

"And that makes you cry?"

You chuckled a little, "No, I sometimes get overwhelmed by all these feelings, I'm sorry for being so sensitive" you said, wiping your eyes and smiling through tears.

He stood up and crashed your lips with his, taking you by surprise and lifting you up, carrying you like a bride to your bed.

He got in too, cuddling you from behind and you intended to get up to find one of his t-shirts, your go-to pajamas since day one with him, but he stopped you with his arm around your waist and pulled you against him, your back on his chest, your naked bodies molding perfectly together under the sheets.

You clutched his hand in yours, closed your eyes and tried to ease your racing heart.

His voice took you back to reality:

"Look at me, love"

You turned around in his arms just enough to look him in the eyes, and it surprised you to see, his were a little watery too.

"I love you" he whispered. "I love you like I never thought it was possible to love someone. You have brought to my life the hope that my tired heart believed was lost. I want to spend every minute of every day with you and when my work keeps us apart, I can't wait to share with you every detail of my day. You know sometimes..." he paused, smiling and looking away, "sometimes I have to tell myself *get it together Cavill! You're a grown man acting like a teenager*, but that's what you do to me" he said looking at you again and caressing your lips with his thumb, "You're my fuel, my reason, you're my last thought when I go to sleep and my first one when I wake up, and I'm so grateful to have you that sometimes I'm scared to think that I don't express it enough for you to actually get a glimpse of how happy you make me. That's why I might seem a little clingy around you... I love you and I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, that I'm always here for you, it doesn't matter if I'm working or doing anything else, you are my priority, ok?"

You were a crying mess by now and watching his red eyes trying so hard not to cry, wasn't helping.

"Ok?" he said again, clearly demanding an answer from you.

But your words wouldn't come out. How? How could you tell him? How on earth was he supposed to imagine that he had chosen the worst possible moment to tell you this?

So again you settled for the truth, the only indisputable truth you could give him, and nodding you took his face in your hands and kissed him, pulling him on top of you.

He engulfed you in his arms and broke the kiss to breathe, you covered his face with light kisses tasting the salt of his tears which only added more sorrow to your battered soul.

"Make love to me," you said against his lips. He looked at you through hooded eyes and went for the spot on your neck he knew drove you crazy.

This was the truth. The fact that when you were together you couldn't tell where each of you ended and the other began. The absolute certainty of loving him with every fiber of your being, knowing you could never love anyone else this much, not even in a thousand lives. You never hid it. It was impossible to...

A few hours later, you were watching him peacefully asleep, his features even more beautiful in the dim morning light. You carefully kissed him and placed your head on his chest, he held you tighter against him and said something that sounded like "I love you". "I love you too" you said, granting him again the truth you couldn't deny.

The unspoken truth however, the one he was about to learn, was that in fact, the one you didn't love... was yourself.

Tag list:

@mary-ann84 @littlefreya @radaofrivia @demivampirew @dancingwendigo @seb-owns-these-tatas​ @viking-raider​ @cruelfvkingsummer​ @cherry-acid​ @achaoticaugust​ @promptandpros​ @ladyreapermc​ @honeychicanawrites​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @chamomilebottom​ @deathonyourtongue​

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

[incarnateirony]

Hey dude! Do you have any recommendations for LGBTQ+ movies in the romance genre that have like a happy ending. I really don't care how old they are. I'm feeling the Gay™ hence I need the Gay™. You feel me?

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NONNIE

First sorry for taking so long, not only did I have to timeline this :) but :) my computer :) froze :) after writing like :) 2 pages :) and I had to do it again :)

So anyway let it be said, the LGBT dialogue is one of osmosis and shared growth and awareness. Some of these films will be very poorly dated, but as you (thankfully) mentioned that them being old wasn’t a *problem*, expect a lot of old stuff. Because one of the most important things to have under your belt when talking about the LGBT media representation battle is the actual journey from A to B – be that incrementalization, subtextual inclusion, text-breeching features, outright evocative and groundbreaking films at the time (which is what MOST of this list will be) and an improvement in our dialogue; let us never forget that while tr*nss*xual is considered a slur and transgender is proper, tr*nss*xual was at one point the politically correct way to speak it – things like that breach in our growing understanding of the spectrum of human sexuality. 

I *WILL* disclaimer these aren’t all romance, so if you explicitly want romance, google them and take a look if it sounds to appeal, but I’m taking this as a general cinema history plug considering what a confused mess fandom conversation about LGBT history in film or modern text as applicable, accepted or not.

Wonder Bar (1936) (I wouldn’t really call this queer cinema, but if you have the time to watch it too, I think it was the first explicit mention of homosexual engagement even if it was fleetingly brief. You might even call it Last Call style. A blink and you’ll miss it plug that was still decades ahead of its time)

Sylvia Scarlet (1936) (Again, I wouldn’t call this queer cinema, but a lot of the community takes it as the first potential trans representation on TV due to the lead literally swapping gender presentation, even if the presentation is… not what we would modernly call representation IMO)

Un Chant d'Amour (1950) (Worth it for the sheer fact that it pissed off fundies so bad they took it all the way to the US supreme court to get it declared obscene.)

The Children’s Hour (1961) (also known as the 1961 lesson to “don’t be a gossipy, outting bitch”)

Victim (1961) (The first english film to use the word “homosexual” and to focus explicitly on gay sexuality. People might look on it disdainfully from modern lenses, but it really helped progress british understanding of homosexuality)

Scorpio Rising (1964) (Lmao this one deadass got taken to court when it pissed people off and California had to rule that it didn’t count as obscene bc it had social value, worth it for the history if nothing else)

Theorem (1968) (Because who doesn’t wanna watch a 60s flick about a bisexual angel, modern issues and associations be damned)

The Killing of Sister George (1968) (by the makers of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane)

Midnight Cowboy (1969) (…have I had sassy contagonists in RP make a Dean joke off of this more than once, maybe)

Fellini-Satyricon (1969) (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS)

The Boys in the Band (1970) (This… this… this made a lot of fuss. Just remember leather)

Pink Narcissus (1971) (a labor of love shot on someone’s personal camera)

Death in Venice (1971) (This is basically a T&S prequel but whatever, based on a much older book)

Cabaret (1972) 

Pink Flamingos (1972) (SHIT’S WILD)

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972) (The title doesn’t lie, be warned)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) [god I hope you’ve at least seen this]

Fox and His Friends (1975) (some really hard lessons that are still viable today, that just because someone acknowledges your sexuality doesn’t mean they give a shit about you as a person, and that some will even abuse the knowledge for gain)

The Terence Davies Trilogy (1983) (REALLY interesting history look it up, it’s sort of one of those “drawn from own experience” story short sets)

The Times of Harvey Milk (1984) (Documentary)

Desert Hearts (1985) (Pretty much the first film to put lesbianism into a good light as a true focus based on a novel from the sixties)

Parting Glances (1986) (the only film its creator got out before his death from the aids epidemic)

Law of Desire (1987) (two men and a trans woman in a love triangle, kinda ahead of its time)

Maurice (1987) (This one’s really interesting, cuz it was based on a book made about 15 years before it, but the book itself had been written half a century earlier and wasn’t published until after the guy died, he just thought it’d never get published Cuz Gay, so basically it’s based on a story written in like, the 20s finally getting screen time. It has a bittersweet but positive-leaning-ish ending without disregarding the cost that can come with it and even addresses class issues at the same time 100% DO RECOMMEND)

Tongues Untied (1989) (a documentary to give voices to LGBT black men) 

Longtime Companion (1990) (This one’s title alone is history, based on a NYT phrasing for how they talked about people’s partners dying, eg longtime companion, during the AIDS epidemic)

Paris Is Burning (1990) (Drag culture and related sexual and gender identity exploration as it intersected with class issues and other privileges explored in a documentary)

The Crying Game (1992)( I should correct this that I guess it’s more, 1992 considered, “SURPRISE, DIL HAS A DILL!” – I guess I really didn’t do that summary justice by modern language and dialogue as much as how people in the 90s were talking about that and that’s a my bad. LIKE. SEE, EVEN I CAN FUCK UP MY LANGUAGE I’M SORRY CAN I BLAME THE STRAIGHTS T_T) #90skidproblems – I guess I should call it a trans film. And this alone tells me I should go watch it again to recode it in my brain modernly rather than like circa de la 2000 understanding.

The Bird Cage (1996) (So you mix drag culture, otherwise heterosexually connected lovebirds, and then realize the girl comes from an alt-rightish house and the guy comes from a Two Dads Home and does cabaret, how to deal with the issues OF this conflict when it’s between you and your happiness, even if the fight isn’t even your own as much as it is that of the person you love. The answer is PROBABLY NOT to dress in drag and pretend to be straight, but what are you going to do? – while played for laughs we’d consider modernly crude, the fact that they even dared to approach this narrative was pretty loud)

The Celluloid Closet (1996) (Ever heard of the Vito Russo test for LGBT representation? This is based on a book by Vito Russo.)

Happy Together (1997) (Ain’t this shit an ironic name; a mutual narrative, via chinese flick, of hong kong ceding to china and an irrevocably tangled MLM pairing as a giant mirrored metaphor)

Boys Don’t Cry (1999) (one of the most groundbreaking films about trans identity at the time)

Stranger Inside (2001) (As easy as it is to recoil to the idea of “black gays in jail”, the film makers actually went and consulted prisoners and put a great deal of focus into intersectional african american issues that really weren’t around even in straight films at the time)

Transamerica (2005) (While it made a bit of a fuss for not casting an actual trans actor, it was one of the first times a big budget studio really tried to tackle it which really pushed us forward)

Call Me by Your Name (2017) (since I’ve apparently leaned really heavy old cinema throw in a modern one lmaooooo)

Also honorable The Kids Are All Right (2010) mention for the sake of the fucking title alone. 

And to any incarnation of “On the Road” by Kerouac, which

Was originally a book

Released a sanitized de-gayed edition because of the times

Later released the full homo manuscript

had a few film adaptations

Was one of Kripke’s founding inspirations for Supernatural once he left behind “Some reporter guy chases stories” and took the formula of Sal and Dean (and tbh later, Carlo) in a beat generation vibe gone modern as we know it today.

Reading both versions of this can actually help some folks currently understand that when you get confused over some shit (WHY IS CARLO SO UPSET? WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE AN UPSET GIRLFRIEND??? WHY IS HE SO JEALOUS AND SAD WHEN DEAN IS AROUND GIRLS???? WE JUST DONT KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWW) it’s because some big money asshat bleached the content, and sometimes, it takes a while for the full script to come out and again, surprise, it’s been GAY, they just didn’t want to OFFEND anybody. *jazz hands*

Now if you wanna go WAY WAY BACK, during 191X years, a bunch of gender role flicks came out like Charley’s Aunt, Mabel’s Blunder and the Florida Enchantment.

Also where is @thecoffeebrain-blog to yell about the necessity of watching Oz, for the next few hours? But no, seriously, just look into the entire LGBT *HISTORY* of Oz.

Beyond that though I’m gonna stop here cuz hi that’s a lot. I really don’t know how much counts as “happy ending” but if I had to give an LGBT cinema rec list, that’s it as a sum. I don’t really have like, a big portfolio of UWU HAPPY ENDING GAYS because 1. there aren’t a lot of those but 2. to me, it’s not about the ending, it’s about the journey. Be that in flick or through culture and history itself.

If you want more happy ending stuff, you definitely have to look at 2010+, but it’s not like we’re in a rich and fertile landscape yet so honestly just googling that would probably serve you better since I don’t explicitly explore romance genre or happy endings to really have a collection. LGBT life is hard and film often reflects that if we’re making genuine statements about it and really representing it, and we’re just now getting to a point of reliably having the chance at a happy ending. That or maybe someone can add like “Explicit happy endings” lists after this that has more experience in that subgenre.

Also, I can’t emphasize ENOUGH to remember what was progressive then is not what is progressive now, and frankly, what some people think is progressive now they’ll probably look back on what they said and feel really fuckin’ embarrassed. See: “It’s not text because by alt right homophobic dialogue, M/M sex isn’t gay if you do the secret handshake” MGTOW kinda crazy ass dialogue or parallel narratives they inspire that encourage self-closeting and denial based on the pure idea that being gay makes you somehow lesser, so It’s Not That. Like. I am. 99% sure. At least half of the people talking in this fandom. Are going to regret that the internet is forever. And maybe hope hosting servers end in the inevitable nuclear war that will annihilate this planet.

Also, edit: Speaking of mistaken dialogues and words aging poorly, I’d like to apologize from the poor description I rendered “The Crying Game” with, but that really goes to show how deep-seated the issue is we can so casually fuck up identifying a trans narrative as SURPRISE DICK IS GAY when we were all absorbing the content like 20+ years ago and HOW HARD it can be to de-code yourself from that kind of programming because here I am, writing a giant assed rep post and fucking it up because my brain hadn’t soaked that movie since Y2K. Guess what, time for me to go watch the Crying Game again.

[serenagaywaterford]

1) Hey, it's me again. The idiot rambling anon. I wasn't gonna spam you again, but then I read your responses. At this point, I'm convinced you're my alter ego, lol. My thoughts are all over the place, but I'll try to organize them. So, about Nick. I've purposely avoided talking about him so far, but why the hell not? Let me make one thing clear: I'm NOT of of those thirsty fangirls. But even if I was? I wouldn't get offended or butthurt, because another person likes different fictional

2) characters (of all things) than me. I mean, big fucking deal. Each to their own, no need for apologies. ;) (My tone is a little aggressive, I know, but I’m sick and tired of some people on social media –in and out of fandoms– acting holier-than-thou and sending hate messages and even actual death threats (!) to creators or people that express unpopular opinions*. It’s reached a point where many people feel the need to put disclaimers in their posts so as not to be attacked.)

3) Back to Nick. I liked him just fine back in early S1, when he was all mysterious and his background story was unknown to us. When we did learn about it and the fandom started acting like he’s that pure, handsome angel uwu? Nah. Obviously, he’s no Fred/Serena/Lydia,but he’s not a “cinnamon roll” either. (Imo, the only decent dude on that show is Luke.) I mean, if Nick was SO altruistic, he wouldn’t have joined this job. Or even after everything went down, he could have tried to help other

4) handmaids without expecting anything in return. But no, he only helps June and that’s because he’s in love with her. I’m not blaming him for trying to survive under such circumstances, but I won’t idolize him either. Now, in s2? I’m kinda neutral about him. I don’t hate him, but I can’t say that I’m a fan either. Not gonna lie, he bores me at times, because he’s just… there. No sparks, no fireworks. Not sure if it’s the writing that doesn’t do the actor any favors, but his acting hasn’t

5) really drawn me in yet. A counterexample to this? Aunt Lydia. Her personality is despicable 98% of the time and yet. Dowd’s captivating performance makes me want to know so much more about her character.) On the other hand, I’m glad that June has someone (besides Rita) to back her up in that hellhole. She needs comfort and allies. But the whole ‘tRu Love 5eva" fanon thing? No, thanks. Not only it doesn’t fit the tone of the series, but I also believe that sharing an intense, forbidden love/

6) during such a shitstorm is not the same thing as keeping it alive after all is said and done (post-Gilead). Maybe they’ll stay together (as long as Nick doesn’t die), maybe they’ll fall apart. I can’t really see June romantically reconnecting with Luke either. After everything she’s been through… She’s a completely different person now. Unfortunately, the same things goes for Emily and her wife. Even though I’d love to see her interact with both her wife and her child in S3.

———

My inbox is so beautiful right now! Never, ever call yourself an idiot, my friend. (If you are, then so am I!) Brain twins, you see.

(Also sorry about this being out of order lol.)

I was trying not to talk about him too cos generally I just … I prefer not to think about him much. The fangirls, just, *sigh*. I try to avoid as much as possible in this fandom, esp on tumblr. Just hang out in my quiet little, not-Serena-hating corner. I always feel a need to put disclaimers these days cos as much as I don’t really care about random hate, I’d prefer not to have to deal with dogpiles or to look at it lmao. Like people can go around just hating on any character here–especially if they’re women–but say one critical (not even hateful) thing about their male fav and things just go off. 

I’m more than aware the majority of people don’t like Serena and think she’s the worst thing ever. And fair play! (I get it… cos I’m not delusional. She’s awful.) Each to their own. I don’t go around bitching at people who say shitty things or stuff I don’t agree with, or blocking anybody who doesn’t like her. (There are a few posts I do engage with cos normally they seem like they want to go deeper in The Discourse but most Serena/Lydia/Eden/Janine/June-hate I just ignore.)

ITA. S1 was, like, okay. That’s Nick. What’s he up to? What’s his deal? (I don’t really care but I’m not opposed to him either. Just like I didn’t care about Luke’s backstory/escape.) He’s trying to be good to June and she needs that.When we did learn his backstory I was not pleased cos he seemed like a twerp but whatevs. Grey characters are grey. It wasn’t until S2 that I started to get irked by him (and the hypocrisy of his fans but that’s a whole other issue). 

I can’t agree ANY more with your assessment of Nick. Like that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been saying! Firstly, he was RIGHT THERE when the Handmaid/Ceremony thing was first suggested and was like “Oh, yeah, great idea!” to Fred. I get that perhaps he was pressured to go along to keep his job but that’s a stretch imo, and if you can give him that sort of leeway, why can’t characters like Eden, Serena, Lydia and June get the same benefit of the doubt for certain things? Why is Nick’s pressure to keep his job more important and forgivable than anybody else’s pressures? It’s like that entire scene doesn’t exist to fangirls and Nick is so precious and in love and wonderful. Then there’s the rape of June. Like I know it’s pretty controversial to look at it that way, but that first time, with Serena overseeing it like a fucking creepy pimp (YUUUUUUCCCKKKKK I HATE IT THANKS) was rape. June barely knew the guy and I’m pretty sure if she wanted to have sex with him it wouldn’t be like that! And sure, after that, it was totally consensual but that first time was not. And I’ve heard the justification and excuses of “Well, Nick didn’t have a choice either!” which I call bullshit on, cos Nick is not some powerless delivery boy. 

He’s a fucking Guardian who is tight with the top Commanders. He’s a man, if nothing else. Serena can act all high and mighty but she’s still a woman in a highly misogynistic society. I’m not convinced Fred would take his wife’s word over Nick’s tbh, especially if it was like “Dude, your crazy wife asked me to fuck the Handmaid you’re obsessed with”. If he really didn’t want to do it that badly, he could have taken that chance to report Serena. Even if Fred wanted to keep it hush hush away from other Commanders, he would have gone after Serena. Men are far more likely to turn on women than each other, esp in THT. But that’s just my take. Maybe I am missing something about Nick’s status. To me, it was like double rape. Neither of them wanted to do it, like that anyway. But Nick also did fuck all to stop it when IMO he did have some power to do something. He is not a helpless victim in that society, imo. Again, probably not a well-received opinion. 

Don’t even get me started on his “Poor me!” routine in S2 when June tells him to have sex with Eden. I’m glad she called him on that bullshit. (But again, over the fangirls heads. Enough about them!)

Basically, everything Nick has done wrong isn’t his choice; he’s just a victim. In a story about women, Nick’s victimhood at the hands of these nasty women and men is the real issue. Blah. Whatever.

I just find Nick lacks total self-awareness about being part of the shitty ass system. He kind of just floats around thinking nothing is his fault and he’s blameless for it all, and he certainly can’t seem to see it from anyone’s perspective except his own. He’s upset about Fred & June’s Jezebel trips, not for her own safety or well-being but mainly he’s jealous. Of course he’s concerned about her safety but I believe it takes a backseat to his jealousy. He just seems to never take any responsibility for anything.

And BINGO about the previous Handmaid. Nothing we’ve been shown has given any hint he cares about any other woman’s plight in Gilead other than June, and only cares about her cos he had a crush/fucked her/is in wuv wiv her. Basically, she’s HIS so suddenly he cares about her. Look how fast he dumped that Martha as soon as he got brooding about June. He’s done fuckall for anybody except himself and that alone makes me dislike him. He’s no better than Fred in that way for me. But where Fred can occasionally be an interesting villain, cos Fiennes is nasty good, I find the actor who plays Nick just… not engaging. And he’s not SUPPOSED to be a villain! He’s meant to be a good guy! It’s crazy. He’s not compelling, he’s not interesting. He’s bland. He’s not even good looking, lol. I was watching with a friend once and mention I thought Fred was way better looking than Nick and she just stared at me and said, “You shouldn’t say that. But me too.” So, count me in the camp that just does not get the appeal of the character OR the actor.

I don’t hate Nick generally. I am just totally indifferent to his existence. If he left the show tomorrow, I’d shrug and probably be a little glad I don’t have to see that bland moping anymore. If he stays, oh well. Shrug. And I just don’t want his and June’s star-crossed romance shoved down my throat. It’s so… I dunno. I’m not opposed to June finding solace and hope but making it some beautiful forbidden romance, I’m not buying it. Like you said, it’s all well and good in Gilead–but it doesn’t strike me as something that can be sustainable outside it. To borrow from you last time: It’s the Handmaid’s Tale, not The Guardian + the Handmaid’s Tale.

Okay, enough about that pipsqueak. I don’t even like talking about him, tbh. He’s not worth it when there’s so much else going on.

ITA about Luke/June too. I feel like the level of disconnection and trauma that they’ve sustained, especially June, they can try to reconnect but it’s pretty difficult and I think especially with June having a sexual/romantic relationship with Nick pulls that really tight. It’s just two different planets they live on now. I don’t doubt that she still loves Luke, but actually reforming the relationship they previously had seems like an impossible task considering everything both of them have been through. It’s sad, but … sadly true for many people. Relationships can fall apart for far less.

And on the same page about Emily/Sylvia too. She is just soooooo fucking broken, and hopeless, that if they have them just rekindle with no issues, it’ll be bad writing. (I dunno if you see spoilers but there’s one about them.) She needs therapy so much more than a cutesy feelgood storyline.

Back to Lydia: Exactly! There’s a character we know very little about and who is a horrible person, yet the performance by Dowd makes almost everyone go, “TELL ME MORE!” With Nick, it’s the opposite for me. I’m just like, “Please, less of this.”

[abunchofbadchoices]

Michael's Song

HSS Michael x MC (Jordan) in Midnight Sun AU

*Disclaimer: Most of the lines and scenes I got from the movie the Midnight Sun and all rights belongs to the creators and writers, as well as the characters from PB. This is merely a converted fan fiction*

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Part Four

"My God, Jordan..."

That notebook was like where Jordan writes her songs. She can't have lost it, right? Maria knows the girl would be devastated.

"Can you please go get it for me?" Jordan takes her hands, staring into her eyes. God, those green eyes are amazing. "Maria, you know it's so important. Please."

Her eyes blinked, "You know, I would, but there's, like, um... A few other hamster funerals that I was gonna hit today--"

The blonde grabbed a pillow and hit her playfully. They fell back, giggling as Maria tried to shield herself.After a minute or two, they sighed breathlessly and sits back. Jordan gave her that irresistible pout that Uncle Scott always warned her about. "Please, Maria?"

Ughhh, oh no, She groans. My poor weak heart.

Two hours later, Maria walks into the train station with her hands inside the pocket of her long coat.There is a slight drizzle in the air, making it chilly. She weaves her way through the crowd of commuters and headed to the spot where she knew Jordan always sits to play. She scans the stations carefully, then she find him.

Michael Harrison stands leaning against the wall on the corner, obviously waiting. Probably for a girl that would less likely to show up under the bright sky of the day. His fingers drumming a tune on the familiar notebook in his hands.

Maria was surprised. She didn't expect Michael to care to return something if he even found it. Yet there he is. She approached him carefully, they attended the same school and there is always the possibility he wouldn't even recognize her. "Hi. My friend's been looking for that."

Michael looks up. "You know her? "

Maria nods curtly.

"Wait, Maria Flores, right?" He gave her a slight smirk. "Student body president? We had English class together. I'm Michael--"

"Harrison, of course. I know. And it was actually a History class. And Geometry and chemistry last year. Not English."

"Whatever." Michael rolls his eyes. "But how do you know her? Did she just move here?"

Maria holds out her hand, her palm up. "Notebook first."

The guy narrows his eyes at her, not at all intimidated and stood his ground. "Or you could just tell me where she lives and I could drop it off."

Nope, not gonna happen. Maria glared at him then sighs. She doesn't really have time for this and it looks like he will only bug her if she doesn't say anything. "You know what, I have a better idea."

▪️▪️▪️

Her phone beeps, indicating a new message from Maria.

Got the notebook, but had to run to the shop. I left it at the station ticket booth.

Jordan smiles and sent a bunch of cute emojis back to Maria to express her thanks then went to bed, turning off her bedside lamp to call it a night. Or a morning. Whatever it is.

She wakes up that night just in time for dinner. After putting on her fabulous outfit of the day-- a baggy gray shirt, black sweatpants and old sneakers-- Jordan joins her father on the dinner table. Featuring Chinese take-outs.

"Hey, Dad," She looks up at the man, almost finished with her food. "I need to go to the train station to pick up my notebook. Fred has it."

"Okay, text me when you get there." Scott mumbled in between mouthfuls. "And be careful!"

Jordan gave him two thumbs up, then rush down the hall and to the evening streets. She should have called Maria first to ask if they can hang, but her best friend must be looking after the night shift of their family business, the local ice cream shop called Cedar Creamery.

So she went on her own anyway.

The town doesn't look as festive as yesterday. Few people can be seen on the streets as she walks the familiar path to the train station.

The station as well looks half empty. Half a dozen people lounging on the waiting area probably... Well, waiting. Their faces blank and bored. Jordan passed by and went directly to the ticket booth but the station officer was nowhere in sight.

"Fred?" She called, frowning. No Fred?

Jordan kept walking until she reaches the corner and spots a familiar figure leaning against the wall by the shadow. One of his hands inside the pocket of his signature green jacket and on his other hand, a blue hardbound notebook.

"Holy...pregnant...cow," She turns around and hides behind the corner she came from. "Oh. My. God! My God, my God..." Jordan retreats back to the other side of the ticket booth and pressed herself against the wall, hoping Michael hadn't seen her.

What the hell is he doing here??! Maria said she got the notebook already! Why is he-- Maria! She gotta call Maria!

On the other side of town, the ice cream shop was just recovering from the last rush hour of the day and only a few customers are around and hanging out.

"Thank you!" Maria forced out a cheerful voice and a friendly smile, then turned back from the take -out booth to let their service crew do their work.

She had been wearing this colorful apron since that afternoon and honestly, her face is already hurting for smiling too much. Maria should have been home, finishing her book but her Dad Stephen is at the police station solving his cases while his Dad Jose wasn't really feeling well so she was left to handle the ice cream shop.The telephone behind her starts ringing and with a heavy sigh, Maria picked it up and speaks. "Cedar Creamery, how may I--"

"Maria." Jordan's familiar voice cut her off, sound tensed and nervous.

"Oh, hey." She couldn't help but smile. If her calculations are correct, her best friend must be at the train station and sees her hopeless Prince Not-So-Charming waiting for her already. "How's your second date?"

"How could you do this to me?" The blonde whispers urgently. "My goodness! I'm in sweatpants. My hair, it's-- it's a mess. It's tied, messily tied! Uggghh... I look like an idiot!"

"Oh, please, Jordan." Maria chuckles and sits down on her father's office chair, the telephone wire stretching across the space. Sometimes, it make her wonder if Jordan even know how beautiful she is. The girl is too innocent for this world. She sighs and shakes her head, smiling like a fool. "You're super freakin' gorgeous, okay? I can't even see you right now and I can tell you look so beautiful."

"Hi, excuse me." A customer waves at her impatiently outside the take-out counter. "Can I just get a large--"

Maria holds up a finger to stop him, shooting the guy a look. "Can you not see I'm on the phone?"

She gestured for the crew to hurry why their doing and attend to the inpatient guy. As if she would drop her call with Jordan. Maria returns to the conversation. "Look, he really likes you, okay? I can tell. Just try to be yourself. Don't ramble too much. And call me afterwards."

"Ugh, bye." Jordan mumbled from the other line.

"Good luck, honey!"With that, Maria turns back to help the crew.

Jordan, meanwhile, stares at the phone for a few seconds in disbelief before putting it down. She looks to her side and realized the walls of the ticket booth is made in glass and totally see-through. From the other side of the booth, Michael catches sight of her and stands.

"Oh, my..." She gasped, turning her back to him and pressing face first against the wall hoping it swallows her and take her back to her room.

It feels suddenly hot. Why is she sweating? Jordan fans her face. Okay, Jordan. She whispers. This is real. He is here and he won't be going away any time soon unless you come face him. Take a deep breath... Jordan takes more than a few breaths then steels herself as she walks to his direction. She looks down to check if sweatpants is properly tied then performs a few warm up jumps.

"You exist." Michael Harrison's unmistakably smooth voice speaks. He stands there obviously been waiting for her to come out. A meaningful smile on his handsome face. "I thought I was dreaming last night or something."

Keep your cool. Jordan reminds in her head. Remember what Maria said, act normal. Don't ramble too much.Her mind goes completely blank when she meets his deep grayish eyes. Jordan speaks the first thing that came out of her head. "Were you in the REM stage of sleep?"

"What?" Michael looks confused.

"That's when most dreams happen, actually." Jordan explains. "Yeah! Your brain activity is super high and functioning and your eyes are just going nuts behind your eyelids. It looks super weird." You sound super weird, her subconscious snides. You gotta stop rambling, you idiot. She ignores it. "It's like a typewriter or something--um, anyway, thank you for--"

"Wait. I--" Michael steps back just as she reaches out to take the notebook from him. "I still don't know your name."

"Oh." Right. Jordan nods absentmindedly. "It's Jordan."

"Jordan." The gray-eyed guy repeats the name, as if practicing how to say it. The corners of his lips curved. "I'm Michael."

Of course, it is. "Wow... That's a weird name." Jordan avoids his gaze. He shouldn't know that she already knew his name. Like for ten years. "Thank God you told me it 'cause... I wouldn't have known it otherwise. T-Thank you." She grabbed the notebook from him and turns.

"Wait, what..."

"You didn't..." Jordan stops in her tracks as the thought hits her. She looks at Michael suspiciously. "You didn't read through it, did you?"

"Just a little, I--"

"What?!"

"What?" Michael blinks. Apparently, all she has ever done is confuse him all the way.

"Are you serious?" Her eyes widen. "You read through my journal?"

"Look, I--"

"This could have been a diary. I-- I mean, it is, kind of."

"Um, I'm... I'm really sorry." Michael looks down, frowning. Did he just said sorry? I never say sorry, he thought. He looks at Jordan who has a cute defensive look on her face. "You left really quick the other night, and I really had no idea who it belonged to, so I just looked through it quickly. But I like that you still handwrite things. It's... it's cool. It's old school."

He watches her eyebrows carefully. Michael finds it easier to read her through the movement of her eyebrows which he find quite amusing. They were frowning one second, then slowly smooths over, followed by a little smile.

"Thanks..." Jordan says quietly. "For finding it."

"Yeah."

Michael realized the notebook must be of something important. It looks old, but the stuffs written inside were recently written. Just a few random quotes, but Michael caught sight of a couple pages containing a drawn sheet music.

He figured she would definitely look for it. Like the way he would look if he accidentally lose his grandpa's old motorcycle. In a way, he do understand.

Jordan once again used the moment of silence to walk away.

"Wait!" Michael called after her. Fortunately, she looks back. "What, another hamster died? You have to..."

They both chuckle. Jordan has some dorky chuckles. "Um... I... I had to... I... I'm... I'm walking home."

"Can I walk with you?"

"Um, yeah."

Michael returns her sweet smile, gesturing for her to lead the way. They walk in silence down the empty road for a few minutes before he decided to break the ice. Something that doesn't happen all the time. "So, you were home-schooled? Man, that must have been wild."

"Actually, it was the exact opposite of wild." Jordan hugs the notebook to her chest. "My dad's pretty protective."

"He's not, like, watching us right now, is he?" He looks at the buildings they pass by.

"Yeah. He has his phone tapped into every camera." She rolls her eyes, making them both laugh. "So, um, what did you think of the songs you read? Without my permission, I may add."

"I honestly don't know." Michael shrugs. It was the truth. He won't just lie to impress someone. "I mean, you can't really read a song, right?"

"True."

He noticed the downcast look in her eyes. "I guess I'd have to hear you sing them."

Jordan blushes. "Um, so anyway... I'm right up there." She pointed to a house just down the street. "So you don't have to walk me."

"Wait. You live up there?" They stopped walking and stared at the two story family house ahead. Michael couldn't believe his eyes. "I... I don't understand how we've never met. I've probably skated by your house. Like, everyday on the way to practice."

"It's a..." Jordan makes a funny face then shakes her head. "Funny coincidence. Um, thanks."

She walks towards the house and Michael stayed on his spot, shoving his hands into his pockets. An idea crossed his mind. "Hey, you wouldn't wanna do something sometime, would you?"

"Uh... Together?"

"Yes, us together. Hang out."

"Well, you should put your number in here then." She flips through the pages of her notebook looking for a space but on one page, a number is already written on it. Signed by Michael.

"I'm old school too." He admitted, this time a genuine little smile on his face.

"Smooth. Thank you."

They stared at each other for a few moments, standing in the middle of the road before Jordan makes a awkward You rock! gesture that caused them to laugh then she sprints towards the gates of her house and disappeared.

▪️▪️▪️

Note: Thanks! Have a nice day. Or night. 🤣🤣

[juvian]

A turn of events - Chapter 8

Header cr.

Summary : Korimi Lockser always been one of the best students, but one day when her crush decide to come visit his friends more often, including her sister. She decide do to the dumbest thing she’s done in her life… fake being stupid to get is attention.

Disclaimer : Fairy tail belong to Hiro Mashima !

Characters : Korimi Lockser (Oc), Elleira (Oc), Minerva Orlando, Yukino Aguria, Rogue Cheney, Sting Eucliffe, Rufus Lore, Orga Nanagear, Lyon Vastia.

Shipping(s) : Oc X Lyon Vastia.

Genre : High school au, modern au, romance and humour.

Words : 2320

Chapters : Masterlist // Chapter 7 // Chapter 9

Chapter 8 

***Italic = Text***

“So hi Lyon, I was wondering if you could come every day this week to work with me even if 15 minutes and”

Arg… I can’t ask him to come every day! And what can we do in 15 minutes seriously, Korimi you can be stupid sometime!

It’s been half an hour since I tried to text Lyon about our lessons this week. My exam is Friday, so only a week is left for me to make an impression on him with this plan. You are going to tell me « He is Gray’s brother and basically your friend now you can continue without the math». Hahaha I could, but I won’t.  I can’t talk to him without looking stupid while doing math, imagine with no subject of conversation at all? You guys are underestimating me. Time to try texting him again.

“Hi Lyon, I hope you had a great day! Since my exam is Friday, I was wondering how many days we could see each other for our little lesson this week? I don’t want to be a burden, but I need the maximum you can give me. I need to see you at least the day before, if it’s possible. Thank you!” 

Send. I think it’s going to be okay. I hope. 

I spent 30 minutes, on my bed, looking at the ceiling, waiting for Lyon to answer my text. When my phone rang, I took it so fast that I didn’t even remember taking it. Only to see that it was not Lyon, but my cousin texting me.

“Your sisters tried luring me with some cake so I visit you next weekend, make sure she does it and it’s not bullshit”

“How many she said she will do?”

“She said 3, I’m counting on you Kori, don’t mess up this mission”

“Alright captain!”

At least it wasn’t Sting, I would have killed him for making me think it was Lyon. I was going to put my phone down on the table again, when I received another text, probably Elleira again. OH! NO! IT’S HIM!

“I don’t think Wednesday will be possible, but I can see you the other days, well tomorrow, I have a night class so I can’t come to your house , but we could go eat together between 4pm and 7pm, what do you think ?”

Is He really asking me that?! If having a date, well not a date but you know, will bother me?! OMG. I think I’ve been squealing and fangirling for 15 minutes before I took the time to answer him, take a big breath Korimi and calm your fucking self a second!

“It doesn’t bother me at all, just tell me where and I’ll be there!”

“No don’t bother, I’ll come to your school and take you there”

Oh god…. I will seriously not concentrate at all at school tomorrow, I’m lucky there’s 2 days of class left and no exam.

***

“Korimi we need to talk! You can’t continue like this anymore!” Minerva said, sitting in front of me in the cafeteria.

“What did I do?” I ask, with big eyes.

“You were still daydreaming about Lyon this morning! Be a real woman and do something, if you can’t even say shit don’t think you’ll ever have a chance!”

“Ouch Minerva that’s brutal.” Orga said,  making  a weird face, laughing.

“Someone has got to help her and if I have to be mean, I will be!”

“And what do you want me to say?”

“Just flirt with him!”

“Excuse me?! Me flirt? I don’t know how to flirt and I don’t want to scare him away!”

“Well tell him you like him!”

“I can’t do that either!”

Minerva sighed and put her face in her hand. I think she is done with me. I’ll have to find someone else to beat up Sting with me.

“Sting, help me.”

“What? Why me?”

“You are the player here and she is your best friend, help her before she dies alone and sad. 

“I am not a player!” Sting said, before looking at me. “So what you should do…”

Oh my god, Sting no.

***

So Minerva and Sting continued all day to give me stupid advice of how to have Lyon in my bed. Yeah, their advice sounded more like having him in my bed, not to make him fall in love with me … All they thought of telling me was to act stupid: Sting, Dress sexy: Both, make him see the asset I actually don’t have: Minerva, to just fucking tell him: Minerva. So I didn’t tell them, I was actually going to see him after class, I couldn’t imagine what could have come out of their mouth, if I would have told them.

At the end of the day, I didn’t leave anyone the time to talk to me, I yelled goodbye and just ran to my locker, before running again, outside. I was lucky, Lyon was already waiting in front of the school.  

“Hi!” I said, entering his car and giving him the most beautiful smile.

“Hello, how are you?” He said, smiling at me then turning back to the road and started to drive.

“Really good, the day was relaxing and now I can spend time with you.”

Wait… Did I really say that? God. That must be because of Minerva.

“Stop you’ll make me blush.” He said, laughing. Well, that was not too embarrassing. “It's true that spending time with me is amazing, like you know how lucky you are right?”

I rolled my eyes and laughed, yeah I love him but he is full of himself.

***

He took me to this little café not far from his university, it was cute and the food was really great! And the cakes wow! I have to take Elleira here one day. She’ll hate me if I hide this paradise from her.

“So since we only have 3 days left for you to learn everything, today we are going to concentrate on one thing and tomorrow another one.” He said, looking at his textbook. “I found some exercises for you to do and Thursday we are going to study everything over again.”

Great… I’m lucky I’m good at math…     

“What is it ? You look… depressed.” He said laughing. “Don’t worry it’s gonna be easy.”

“Oh! I know! It’s just... I like our little session, I’ll miss it a bit.” I said, laughing.

“Don’t worry, I like you, you are a good friend.” He said, winking at me. “It was fun and I am not going to stop seeing Juvia and you because you finished high school and you can come see me and Gray too sometimes.”

He said he liked me… He said he liked those sessions too… He said we will see each other again… he said I was his friend… And that wink...I think I can die happy now.

“Yeah I know and thank you for all of this.” I said, smiling.

“No problem! And I’ll make you a deal.” He started and I think I started sweating. “If you have a good grade, I’ll take you somewhere to eat, you deserve it after all those efforts.”

It was nice knowing you all, you can write today’s date as the date of my death, thank you.

“O-oh, you don’t have too! It’s normal I want to finish my high school years with good grades!”

“I insist, some people don’t care and don’t do the effort and you did!”

He is so kind, oh my god. I should have known 3 years ago, what Gray said about his brother was bullshit, now I want to know Ultear, she must not be as crazy as he said.

“Now that I said it, time to work Korimi.”

Oh yeah I forgot it’s not a real date.

***

“So how was your date?” Minerva said sitting again in front of me the next day. 

“What date? I didn’t have a date!” 

Ok now I was scared.

“Don’t think we didn’t think, you ran off so suddenly yesterday, weird. I think it’s actually the most suspect thing you did in your life, Korimi Lockser.”

“Minerva is right, it was extremely weird.” Rufus said, nodding.

“I was just in a hurry, it’s nothing weird, my sister needed me for something.”

“Don’t lie to us! Sting said, pointing a finger in my direction. “Rogue and I called Juvia and she said she didn’t know where you were!”

I looked at my best friend, who actually didn’t want to look at me. Rogue looked mad, it’s true he didn’t say much today, but it’s Rogue, he already doesn’t say much even to me.

“It really wasn’t a date…” I said, guilty. “He didn’t have time to come to my house to work so he asked me if I wanted to work in a café.”

“It sounds like a date.” Minerva said, eyeing me suspiciously. “Wait! What work?”

“It wasn’t, we just worked! And oh….”

Oh fuck, they don’t know about this, I fucked up !

“Korimi Lockser… what the fuck are you doing?”

“I asked Lyon to help me with math.”

“You what?”

“I lied to Lyon that I wasn’t good at math so he could help me get better, it’s been more than 2 week.”

The face of Minerva was the most disappointing face that I ever saw in my life. The others looked so shocked. It didn’t take long for Sting to laugh so loud that the entire school was looking at us.

“Did you know about this shit?” Minerva asked Rogue. 

“Yeah, I do.”

“And you didn’t bother telling her it was the most stupid idea ever?!”

“Don’t worry I did, but she didn't listen.”

“I know it’s stupid, but it’s working! I exclaimed, but their faces didn’t change at all. He doesn’t love me yet, but now I can be proud to say that he considered me a friend at least, it’s just a matter of time.”

“Yeah, if it makes you feel better.” Minerva said, sighing and hit Sting on the shoulder. “Shut your mouth you!” She said as he flinched and turned back to me. “I hope you will tell him this stupid bullshit when everything is finished, you can’t lie until you die.”

“Yeah, yeah I will.”

“And I hope, you are at least trying to flirt with him, not just act stupid.”

***

Now that everyone knows about my little plan, I felt really ashamed of myself. It’s true that it’s not right, I did that because I was scared of telling him how I feel and I'm not even trying to flirt with him even a bit…. Ah… 

The second night that we worked together, I didn’t really talk. I felt weird and he must have thought it was the stress, because of my exam the next day. Today was Thursday and tomorrow would finally be my math exam. Which also means the last day of our little lesson. This time I’ll try to be more talkative and use this occasion for real.

***

“Today we will study everything, I’ll ask you what you should do in diverse questions, how to find the answer to the problem and if you have a hard time I’ll give you an example of what you could do with this kind of questions, is it alright?”

“Yeah, I understand, I’ll do my best.”

This time I didn’t mess up my answers, well a little because it would be a little bit too suspect. He looked so proud of me, I was getting really scared of his reaction when I would tell him, I was lying all this time. After an hour, we decide to take a little break.

“Is university taking all your time, I mean, is it really hard to see your friends?”

“Well for me yes, because it’s a really difficult job that I will do in the future, you can’t messed up anything, so I have to study really hard, but sometime I have to take a break, with the exam coming up for me too,  if I don’t take a break, I’ll just go crazy, but it depends, what do you want to do?

“I want to become a teacher, an English teacher.”

“Ok, well I can assure you it will be a lot less difficult to have a life.” He said, laughing.

“Do you have time to… date?”

He looked at me surprised and blushed. I need to know if he actually wants to date or not!

“It’s hard, but not impossible, if the person knows I can’t always be free I could, but for now nothing big is happening.

Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you all the time you need!

“Okay, I never had a boyfriend so I wanted to know if I’ll be single until I finish university” I said, laughing.

“I can’t believe you never had a boyfriend, someone as pretty and kind as you” He said, smiling and I melted. Oh my god! He is complimenting me. “And intelligent! In less than 3 weeks you progress so much in math!”

Hahaha… yeah…

“Thank you.” I said, furiously blushing.

“I mean you are Juvia's sister after all, it must run in the family.”

I’ll just forget he just said that, I don’t know how to take it.

“I would love to date someone like you.” I said, trying to sound like I was joking, but I couldn’t be more serious.

“Hahaha I don’t think so, you’ll find someone better than me.” He laughed, ruffling my hair.

Well it failed. I'll just stop for today then.

“We should get to the rest, it’s already 8pm.”

“Yeah we should.”

I didn’t have the courage to say anything more to him. I guess, I’ll just wait until I have my result to confess. Because yeah, it’s decided, next time I’ll confess ! I can’t continue like this anymore, Minerva is right.