#I'm gonna go pass out now I'm so exhausted lmao

[hall0wedwyrm]

JUST SAW JAMES MARRIOTT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HE WAS INCREDIBLE what a showman oh my god,,,,,,, he was literally bouncing around the stage all the time it was amazing

sharing my favourite picture but my phone camera isn't the best but I still love it

this was during Car Lights and he was just in amazement.

[satoruxx]

THE SPACE BETWEEN COMFORT AND CHAOS.

✧ PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 5k words

✧ SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, bickering, mentions of injuries, hints at past violence/abuse, societal inequality, arguments, medical equipment, toji is a little less of an asshole in this lmao !!

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: and here's part three !! i didn't expect it to be this long but here we are lmao. pls make sure to read the previous parts before this one to understand what's going on !! anyways i hope you enjoy :33

prev. | series masterlist.

toji has only been with you for two days, and you can already confidently say that stubbornness is a staple for him.

the first morning, he had stayed in his room until you had gotten up, only ambling outside when he heard the sound of you moving around in the kitchen. it was only then that it dawned upon you that you hadn't given him anything to eat after his shower the previous night, and he watched you practically trip over yourself trying to apologize.

when you asked why he didn't just ask for food, he only shrugged his shoulders with an adamant scowl, and that's when you knew you'd have to be the one to suggest things for him. because if you don't say it, toji will not ask for it.

the first day had passed by rather unceremoniously. after you fed him a heavy breakfast, which he had tore into with no hesitation, he just lumbered back into the room and fell asleep again. you didn't really know what to do—perhaps he was just exhausted from all the injuries and spending time outdoors.

so you didn't bother him. he spent the rest of the day repeating this cycle, coming out for food and then going back in. only later at night, you had finally bothered him, telling him that you'd replace the bandages you tied the previous night after he showered.

so that's what you did, and he nodded at you in a silent goodnight before heading back in. you must've saw him for maybe two hours in the whole day.

but today your approach is different.

you'd be lying if you said you weren't concerned about his injuries, because you know there is only so much you can do with your first aid kit at home. besides toji is as silent as he is stubborn—you have no clue what other injuries he's hiding from you. and that's what you're trying to reason out with him now.

it's not going well.

"toji please," you beg, trying to push yourself into his line of sight. "i promise they'll help you."

"no. no way," he hisses back, baring his teeth. "they'll just send me back to that hellhole."

"no they won't! they'd want to help you get better!" you're feeling more and more desperate as his stubbornness rises. you're not nearly smart enough to know how to treat even a quarter of his wounds. besides, toji had been on the streets for at least over a month—isn't it smart to want a doctor to check it out?

"maybe they'd wanna help," he grunts, crossing his arms. there's a hint of panic coursing through his veins, but he masks it well with rapidly rising irritation. "but they will send me back. don't you get it? i'm a wild animal. they aren't gonna send me out to go roam the streets. they'll send me back to the ring because they know i'll be kept under control there."

your shoulders slump, watching as he takes a seat on your couch—he keeps himself pressed to the very corner of it, and that just makes you feel more miserable. you take a seat on the other side, keeping your distance.

"okay, no big hospitals," you acquiesce. "but i definitely don't know how to fix those kinds of injuries."

toji half-heartedly shrugs, a wry smirk tugging at his scarred lips. "who cares? i'm tough, they'll heal."

you grimace. "definitely not. they'll probably get infected."

toji holds up his bandaged arm with a canine grin. "what d'ya mean? you did a pretty good job with this."

you pout at that, oddly embarrassed, but you remain steadfast in your argument. "all i did was disinfect it and wrap it up. but that doesn't mean that's all it needs. what if you need stitches or something?"

toji sighs heavily, fingers loosely curling around his wounded arm. he won't deny that you've been spectacularly caring for him over the past two days. and it's not like he really wants to upset you or anything.

but he has gone through too much to risk even a chance at being thrown back underground.

"i'll live," he sighs. he doesn't know much about being polite, but he does know that he doesn't enjoy the idea of being mean to you. for some reason he thinks that would just make him feel shitty. he's not sure why though—he's never been interested in what humans think anyway.

your eyes narrow, aggrieved. "if i find someplace that won't turn you in, then will you come?"

your relentless pursuit makes toji want to roll his eyes. he's not sure why you don't just take no for an answer. but he wants you to drop the conversation, so he just replies with a huffed, "sure."

there's no place you could take him that wasn't going to rat him out anyway. if you wanted to give him medical care, they would always ask for his details. and when they find out that he's not yours, and that he's come from off the streets, they will no doubt send out an alert.

and then it's only a matter of time before he's being thrown in the back of a van, drugs pumping through his veins.

he'd much rather stay in your cozy little space for as long as you'll let him, drunk off the comfort of good food and a roof over his head.

but toji did not realize that he had severely underestimated your sense of determination.

and that's how he finds himself sitting in an examination room, with you nervously tapping your foot against the floor. the muscles in his face hurt from how long he's been glaring at the wall, too angry to look at you. he knows you probably mean well, but he's almost sure that he'll never see you again after this appointment.

he's prepared to be dragged out of the building by a group of guards holding heavy tranquilizer guns—like so many of his kind before him.

"you're still mad." you say it like a statement, unamused, and toji huffs in return.

"you're underestimating how strong i am." he gives you a sidelong glance, and you bristle, crossing your arms and giving him a defiant stare.

"i think you're overestimating how strong you are." you shake your head, the defiance melting into earnest. "seriously though. i don't know much about treating wounds and i really don't want it to get worse."

he throws you an indifferent glance. "what's the point if they just send me back down there? at that point, little scrapes won't fucking matter."

you purse your lips. "i'm telling you, no one will snitch here."

"how are you so sure?" toji hisses back, ears pointing upward. you don't flinch, opening your mouth to answer.

"well—"

a knock interrupts you, and you both look to the door. toji's hackles rise almost immediatley, a low growl rumbling in his throat—something is off.

he can smell it.

the doctor walks in, blonde hair neatly pushed back and large frame covered in a white coat. his smile is friendly and mature, demeanor calm, and yet all toji can focus on is that this doctor is not human.

the short and rounded brown ears sitting atop his head is a clear indication.

toji almost hops off the bed. he has half a mind to take your arm and drag you out of there because why on earth is there a predator hybrid here at the doctor's office?

but before he can make a move, you're smiling wide at the blonde, voice coming out sweet and casual. "hi kento."

toji blanches, watching this "kento" guy exchange pleasantries with you like it's the most natural thing in the world.

do you just make it your business to go out and become friendly with dangerous predator hybrids? because toji cannot understand how a little human like you knows a fucking bear hybrid so well.

"is this him?" the doctor asks, finally looking at toji perched on the examination bed. you nod mutely, eyes raking over his figure.

the blonde steps forward, reassurance rolling off of him in waves because he can probably smell toji's apprehension. you do your best to bridge the gap.

"um toji, this is kento nanami." you motion to the blonde, who is watching toji like he's a specimen under a microscope—it makes toji's skin prickle. "kento, this is toji…um…"

he realizes that you're missing information and he spits out his last name quickly. "fushiguro."

"pleasure to meet you," nanami nods courteously. "though i wish it was under better circumstances."

"you're a hybrid." toji blurts it out before he can think twice. you throw him a semi-disapproving glance, but he doesn't pay it any mind, gaze too focused on the doctor's clearly animalistic traits. he recieves a placating smile in return.

"i am," kento nods, looking down at the chart in his hands. "and it seems like you are too. wolf right?"

"yeah," toji nods absentmindedly, trying to brush past all of this. he's more curious about the bear so casually standing in front of him. a hybrid even being allowed into a position as highly respected as a doctor is already an amazing feat—that hybrid being a predator hybrid was even more shocking.

"like i said on the phone, he's got some cuts and scrapes on his stomach and arm. i didn't know how serious they were…" your voice trails off, and the blonde nods indulgently.

"it's good you brought him in. they might be infected or need further care."

he turns to toji, whose ears remain alert and upright, and picks up his stethoscope. when he approaches, toji bares his teeth, snarling.

he can see you grimace from his peripheral. "toji—"

"it's okay," nanami holds up a palm, before pinning toji with an unwavering stare. "you're worried about confidentiality right?"

"there's no way a fucking doctor can get around this," toji spits in return. his palms are sweating. all he wants to do is drag you out of there and go hide in your home, because there is no other place that is safe. "i don't trust you."

"you don't have to trust me. but…" the doctor subtly nods his head in your direction. "do you trust her?"

toji's eyes flicker over to yours, watching the tense worry swirl within them, and he grumbles incoherently. his stomach flips in on itself. nanami takes his reluctance as a go ahead, pressing the metal of the diaphragm against toji's chest.

the wolf remains silent, though he is still irritated.

"relax," nanami sighs. "i won't tell anyone. trust me, i know how hard it is to make it out of there."

toji watches with rapt attention as kento lifts his stethoscope off, and his green eyes zero in on the branded numbers burned just under the doctor's jaw—0703.

toji's skin tingles, just where his own numbers are burned. 1231.

bile rises in his throat, but he pushes it down.

"you got out," toji mumbles, not able to keep the surprise out of his tone. nanami nods, a soft smile on his face as he writes down toji's heartrate on his chart.

"about seven years ago." he nudges his glasses further up his nose. "i made a run for it and then laid low for a few months. after some time, they called off the search."

"huh," toji grunts, disbelieving. he's not quite sure how this guy has managed it, but clearly he's done something right to be standing in front of him.

"of course, i was lucky," kento laments, motioning for toji to hold out his wounded arm—he does so wordlessly. "i was not an extremely popular or sought out fighter, so they didn't put that much effort into trying to find me."

toji believes that. bears tend to be on the gentler side of the predator groups, and while he's sure nanami could easily handle himself in a fight, it is always the more aggressive hybrids that are the most popular.

he would know after all.

"after that, it was just about finding another place to build up my life again." toji barely registers that the doctor has begun numbing his arm, too focused on his anecdote. from the corner of his eye, he can see that you're listening in with rapt attention. "i decided i'd make use of my freedom and pursue my dream career."

you and toji spend the next half an hour listening to nanami talk about his experiences. all the while, the doctor skillfully stitches toji's wounds up, never once faltering in his movements. he talks about the escape plan, the relentless pursuit of soldiers, of remaining in hiding until freedom was finally found. toji feels an odd sense of camaraderie, knowing that he has gone through quite a similar process in the last few months.

nanami explains that laying low was the hardest part, always on edge while stepping into the light because you can never be sure who's hiding in the shadows.

toji will never say this out loud, but thank god he found you.

"since then i've made it my job to help others like me," kento finally finishes securing the bandages around toji's abdomen, before looking up with a half smile.

the wolf mutely stares back. he recognizes that his body has relaxed in the doctor's presence, and his gaze flickers up to meet yours. there's a look of satisfaction sitting in your eyes, probably relieved to see that his wounds have actually been taken care of.

when you notice him looking, you give him a soft smile—he expertly looks away.

"trust me. i won't tell anyone about you." nanami stands up straight, fixing his glasses, before giving you a warm smile. "besides, she's an old friend."

the doctor nods at you, and toji suddenly feels a strange streak of irritability, especially because you beam in return—so grateful and sweet. a stone sits heavy in the wolf's stomach.

"i really appreciate this, kento." you look at the blonde earnestly. "it took a lot of convincing to get him to come get checked out."

"it's good you did." nanami pins toji with a knowing stare. "conditions are rough back there. usually hybrids have more injuries than they know."

"really?" you look between the two of them meekly, and toji has half a mind to tell nanami to stop talking—worry is not a good expression on you.

"they don't usually treat their hybrids when they get injured in fights. so yes, a lot of them tend to have past injuries that don't quite heal." you nervously assess toji's body with your eyes, and the wolf can hear the soft chuckle nanami lets out. "don't worry. he's fine."

your shoulders relax, and toji watches you with rapt attention.

a few minutes later, nanami leads you both to the receptionist, who toji notices, is a dark haired mouse hybrid—ijichi kiyotaka is printed across his nametag. the doctor quietly explains something, and the mouse nods, before typing away into the computer. toji realizes that they are probably falsifying records, and he relaxes immediately. while you settle things at the counter, nanami addresses toji one last time.

"you'll need to come back in a week so i can see the wounds again. until then, just take care of it like i explained and you should heal nicely."

toji nods, ears twitching awkwardly. "right…"

"if anything else happens, don't hesitate to come in." the doctor adjusts his glasses with a friendly smile. "you're always welcome. be careful out there."

toji swallows. he is already unused to such blatant kindness, but now you've managed to surround him with it. maybe your stupidly sweet personality attracts similarly sweet people.

in that sense, maybe he shouldn't be allowed to stay around you, too dark and gloomy for someone so bright.

nanami takes the wolf's silence with a soft laugh, before he raises his hand to wave at you. you grin back, before heading for the door—toji immediately follows you out. the two of you walk in relative silence, quiet but not uncomfortable.

his body feels good now, probably because of the numbing agent and secure bandages, but regardless, he feels good. he has not felt this comfortable in a long time, but it's not completely unwelcome. as weird as it sounds, he thinks that he wouldn't mind being the silently hulking animal wandering the city at your side.

there is one thing he's itching to ask though.

"how do you know him?" toji asks casually, still staring straight ahead. he can feel your gaze land on him, but he does not reciprocate it.

"kento?" he bristles at the name, but nods. "oh well. a few years ago my friend had to leave for a two week long business trip. she has a puppy hybrid at home, and of course her hybrid knows how to take care of herself, but my friend told me to go visit her and just check if she was okay every few days."

there's a strange look of sympathy on your face as you speak, and toji reels at how easy it is for him to pick up.

"when i went over one day, i found her just passed out on the ground. i had no clue what to do. hybrids might look like us humans but their health and anatomy is a little different, and i didn't know a single thing about puppy hybrids. so i went online and looked up specific doctors and hospitals that were good for hybrids because i was too nervous to just take her to a regular hospital. that's how i found kento."

your lips quirk upward, half rueful and half fond. "i figured a doctor who was an actual hybrid would treat her better than a human doctor would."

toji listens quietly. he does not know many humans who would put this much consideration into hybrids, mostly because hybrids are kept as pets, not considered as equals. he cannot understand why you thought so deeply about a hybrid that wasn't even yours.

"anyways since then i've bothered kento with a lot of things." you chuckle to yourself. "like last year there was a stray cat in my alleyway with a broken paw, and i brought him to kento even though i could've just taken him to a vet or a shelter."

"why's that?" toji awaits your asnwer, ears twitching at the sound of your amused voice.

"kento's always been really sweet and gentle to his patients. i guess i just trust him." you turn to peer up at toji with a smile. "that's why i knew he wouldn't even think about ratting you out."

toji grunts in return, not wanting to admit that you're probably right. any other hospital or doctor would have to report that there was a wolf hybrid out there that was unaccounted for. since you are not his owner, they'd immediately throw him back where he came from—after all, predators like him are too dangerous to be left alone.

"if anything, you can visit kento for whatever. he'd keep your secret."

"you willing to bet on it?" toji asks you gruffly, and you smirk at him with a strange spark of challenge in your eyes.

"bet my life."

he grins—another feral display of animalistic behavior.

"that's a lot to bet," he comments, flashing his canines at you, and you nod back, pleased.

"i'm pretty confident in myself."

"hm." toji lips remain in their comfortably amused position. he briefly recognizes that his feet are automatically taking him back to your place, and he internally questions just how many times he has found his way back to you before.

"we have another stop to make." toji glances at you as you speak, raising a heavy brow.

"where's that?"

"clothing shopping."

he blinks, frowning. "why the fuck would we do that?"

"well since you're staying for at least a couple weeks until your wounds heal, you probably need clothes," you say matter-of-factly. "the pair of clothes i gave you are the only things i have. you need more."

he briefly wants to ask whose clothes those are, but he shuts his mouth, knowing it's none of his damn business. he can still smell them, the smell of some other man—his lip curls distastefully.

"i don't gotta stay with you for that," he mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets. he can feel his claws scrape against the fabric. "i can just go back to your precious doctor myself when i need to."

"and who's gonna pay for the visit?" you ask dryly. toji bristles, heat prickling at the back of his neck. you sigh heavily.

"look, i'm telling you i don't mind." your voice is earnest, and he can feel your unrelenting stare on the side of his face. "i would feel really uneasy if you left and i didn't know what happened to you."

"why do you care so much anyway?" toji doesn't mean to sound so accusatory. he's now realized that you are just one of those stupidly rare good people, but even then he wonders why you don't just kick him to the curb and move on with your life.

but instead you frown at him, semi offended, and then roll your eyes.

"well…" you shrug nonchalantly. "we're friends. so i care."

friends.

toji almost scoffs in disbelief.

unsurprisingly, you are utterly ridiculous. he knows that you both have shared conversation for many weeks while he waited for food in your alleyway. and he realizes that he has stupidly memorized your schedule, so much so that he found himself waiting in the rain when you didn't get home on time. and sure, you had so tenderly and idiotically invited him into your space and treated his dirtied body with the utmost care.

but friends?

you really needed better survival instincts. and to stop being so trusting. it's stupid, and dangerous, and probably not good for you in the long run.

(but the word ignites a pleasant flame deep in toji's belly—unwavering and strong. he finds himself unable to extinguish it.)

an hour later, toji finds himself awkwardly rummaging through racks and shelves of clothing. the bright lights and intense air conditioning makes his hair stand on end, body feeling oddly exposed. but then his jade eyes scan the store and find your figure, curiously peering at items without a care in the world, and he relaxes a bit.

after a while of picking out a few dark and albeit plain pieces of clothing, he finds that shopping is somewhat enjoyable. the different textured fabrics are soft under his claws, and his ears twitch pleasantly at the sounds of music playing low through the speakers.

occasionally he'll look up from the shelves and see you in the distance—a few times you look back, and give him a sweet smile and a small wave that has his throat feeling strangely dry.

(it would be easy to devour something so openly waiting there.)

he immediately looks away.

toji briefly wonders what kind of clothes you tend to prefer, mind wandering. he bites back a huff of amusement when he thinks about the fluffy pajamas you were wearing when you came outside holding that stupid umbrella.

so damn silly.

"do they seriously just let animals roam around unsupervised?"

his moment of peace is shattered by a grating voice, shrill with age and obnoxiousness. toji turns to look over his shoulder, expression sour. though he towers over her, the old lady standing about five feet away from him looks anything but scared.

"you talkin' to me?" he raises a brow, hair standing on end.

"yes you," she sniffs in his direction, eyeing him from head to toe like he's nothing more than dirt on the bottom of her ugly boots. "animals aren't allowed indoors."

toji bristles, sharp eyes narrowing. despite being used to these comments, they still make his skin flare with heat. he briefly considers reacting how he normally does when he faces this kind of attitude—baring his teeth and spitting out growls and insults until the person is scared shitless.

but then he realizes that it's not like he can just snap at her and run away. his actions will so easily be traced back to you and your pristine smiles. he finds the idea of putting you in trouble to be nauseating.

so he bites his tongue, ears tense and flicking irritably—he's making decisions on your behalf now, too.

"i don't know how on earth they let you in here." she glares at him snootily, physically unable to shut up. "letting animals wander around without any—"

"actually he's mine."

toji turns to look at you as you take your place at his side, your voice clear and steady. warm fingers curl around his bicep comfortably, but there is ice in your expression that he has never seen before. you glare at the lady, who suddenly looks bashful.

"oh? that's so impressive. you managed to tame a beast this dangerous?"

he suppresses an eye roll, ready to walk you away from the ordeal, but your expression gets colder, anger radiating off of you in waves—toji does not know why it makes him so pleased.

"actually i didn't tame him at all," you hiss back, spitting the word like it's venom. "and if you make him mad i won't stop him from attacking you."

her face pales, but indignation comes off stronger. "excuse me? you don't know how to control your own pet?!"

"he's not my pet. he's his own person," you snap irritably, gaze cold—though toji can feel your heated aggression rising. "didn't you ever learn basic respect? for all your preaching, even hybrids know that better than you do."

she gapes at you, appalled, but before she can get another word in, you're tightening your grip on toji's arm and turning him away. "fuck off, bitch."

toji's ears twitch at the sounds of her angry sputtering in the distance, but his gaze remains zeroed in on you. your brows are pinched deep, and there's a frustrated scowl sitting on your lips as you drag him over to another section. "here, let's look at some of these clothes."

toji recognizes you are trying to change the subject, but he does not deny how your anger on his behalf feels so intoxicatingly addicting. he cannot help but push further.

"thought i would attack her, did ya?" he grins cheekily, canines glinting, and you huff. suddenly, you look rather embarrassed, peering up at him bitterly.

"i was just trying to get her to shut up. if you attacked anyone we'd be in big trouble."

"didn't realize you had that in you," toji ponders. for some reason, he cannot stop analyzing your microexpressions, finding some sick joy in looking at you. "not bad for a cushy little human."

you roll your eyes—toji's stomach flips in tandem. he can feel his tail lazily moving back and forth.

"wow, a compliment from the big bad wolf," you throw him a scathing smile, but he can tell you're joking. "what an honor."

"pretty sure you're scarier than i am." toji watches you rustle through the clothes on the shelves, a wry smile now comfortably resting on his face. "think you took a few years off her life."

"i hope she trips," you mutter, and toji barks out a laugh, clear and unfiltered. your lips twitch upward at the sound.

"hurry up and pick stuff so we can home," you whine with another huff, shoving at his arm. "i'm starving here."

the word home rolls over toji's body—it's warm and velvety and comfortable in a way that scares him.

he spends the next fifteen minutes rustling through the racks. you amble away to peer at other items while he does so, trying to give him his privacy. toji both appreciates it and resents it—something about you being farther away from him makes his body tense.

after a while he calls you back, shoving a modest pile of clothing into your hands. "here, i'm done."

he's hoping you just nod and take him to the counter, but yet again, he's underestimated you. you look through each item, peering at the price tags critically, before finally sighing.

"are you trying to pick cheap stuff on purpose?" you look at him with a raised brow and he groans—caught.

"i don't wanna put you out."

"ugh toji," you say his name with so much stressed exasperation he has to fight back a grin. "don't worry about that. i barely spend money to begin with. i promise you i can afford decent clothes."

he glances to the side, stubborn. he still does not particularly enjoy the idea of being indebted to you—not that he would ever say that out loud.

"if you don't pick honestly, i'm gonna find that lady and get her to annoy you again."

he blinks, looking at you and your haughtily raised brows and crossed arms.

"oh fuck please don't," toji groans, rolling his eyes. "she was—"

"a bitch?" you finish, shaking your head with a smile. "yeah she was. so please pick things out properly and don't make me go find her."

"fine," he relents, reaching out to pick up the first semi-expensive looking thing he can find. he holds it up to his body and throws you a mocking grin. "happy now?"

and yet when he looks at you, you're giving him the most genuine smile, satisfaction glimmering in your eyes. "yeah, really happy."

his mouth goes dry, and toji spends the remainder of the trip saying yes to everything you pull off the shelves for him.

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[espinosaurusrexex]

Heyy could you maybe do the verbal fight with bucky from the bingo thing if it isn’t finished yet? love what you write btw <3

Thank you! Also to everyone that helped with their amazing ideas. I couldn’t decide which one to write... I will definitely take another prompt from this post (you can view it as a WIP list lmao)

I had to go with the most detailed one this time because my head is literally blank. Thank you @winterarmyy 💕

Verbal Fight (Bingo Game)

!BINGO ASKS CLOSED!

BuckyBarnes x Reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: fluff, misunderstandings, and Bucky’s sad internal monologue

Bucky’s eyes jolted open when Natasha and you laughed on the sofa next to him. He had been up for 36 hours now. But he wanted to spend time with his girl after the mission - a mission which left him with little to no sleep on top of physical exhaustion. 

His arm was resting on the couch behind you, fingers grazing your shoulder ever so slightly. It was enough to send him into a drowsy state. But as much as whatever he was doing right now neared sleep more than anything had done in the past day, he needed to go to bed. Preferably with you, cuddled up under the warm blanket, the smell of your hair in his nose and your soft body pressed into his. Bucky felt all warm just thinking about it and it plastered a small smile on his face.

“I think I'm going to hit the hay,” he said as he stood from the sofa, and waited once he had done so. 

“Ok,” you answered before your eyes wandered to him, an asking eyebrow urging him to talk again. “Anything else?”

His eyebrows raised before his hand reached out to you, a silent plea from him to just take it and follow him. You didn’t always go to bed together, but he liked to believe that you enjoyed it just as much whenever you got the chance to. “Aren’t you gonna join me?”

Your features softened once his request had passed, but you shook your head slightly. “You go ahead, I’ll be right behind ya.” And then you were back to giggling with Natasha. 

Bucky’s smile fell. He just wanted his girl in his arms and finally some sleep. Was that so too much to ask? But he didn’t want to sound desperate either. 

“Geez, clingy much Barnes?” Nat laughed before you agreed with a giggly “I know, right?” And then started whispering something with her. 

Bucky’s shoulders slumped, his heart seemingly doing the same. He just liked being with you. Especially after a mission or when he didn’t get to talk to you much. Was that clingy? Bucky thought it was normal to miss the people he cared about. You always told him you missed him when either of you was away. But apparently, he was a little too much. You had spent the entire evening together after all. 

A hoarse ‘okay’ drowned in the giggles in front of him before Bucky turned and headed to his room. How could he not have noticed that he trapped you with his presence? How long had you felt that way? All the questions were eating Bucky up inside. He couldn’t not bother, but he was hoping that his exhaustion would take care of it for now - let him sleep and forget about his racing mind. 

-❁-

Unfortunately, Bucky’s wishes remained unheard. He wasn’t sleeping. It had been 43 minutes since he tried. He knew, because every time he opened his eyes in hopes of having dreamt his newest dilemma, the watch hand of the clock on his nightstand had barely moved.

He was constantly bothered by the ways he could change his behavior. The last thing he wanted was to annoy you. But it was hard. He enjoyed your presence so much. It was new for him to feel this attached to a person, and because it felt so nice for a change, he pursued it in all the ways he could. 

It was about time it came to bite him in the ass now. Because in his experience, good things never lasted long, not for Bucky anyway. Hell, he was surprised the last four months of your relationship had gone so well. He was bound to mess up - it was in his nature...

The door to his room opened, but Bucky stayed in his position on the bed. His back turned to you, and his face pressed into the pillow frustratedly, we waited for you to just get ready and sleep. He told himself it was so he could be alone with his thoughts again, when really, he just didn’t know what to do - he needed to give you space.

Though Bucky should have known, you weren’t one to ignore an issue - and you always knew when there was one. 

The bed dipped but he didn’t move. Your hand reached out to him but he didn’t move. You attempted to turn him to you and he shook your hand off. 

“What’s wrong, Buck?” No response. It would only make it worse. 

“Come on, talk to me.” You touched his arm again and Bucky finally sat up and turned to you, eyebrows scrunched, breaths heavy. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” There was no way to navigate this. Even if Bucky were able to steer this conversation toward the revelatory outcome he wanted, he had no clue how to do it. It was better to just get space - give you space. 

But you wouldn’t budge. You scooched closer to him on the bed, halting when Bucky flinched back. When he caught your eyes then, he found hurt and confusion turning your features. It made his chest sting, his hand clammy.

“You were fine just then. What happened?” Another attempt to reach out to him but he reacted the same. You averted your eyes, picking on the covers. “You know you can tell me anything right? I’m here if you need me-“

“Well, I don’t need you.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. But how else could he tell you that he was anything but clingy? 

“You don’t mean that.”

“How would you know what I mean?!” He snapped, his effort to stay calm breaking like a dried stick between his fingers. “I feel like I don’t even know you! You don’t even want to spend time with me.”

But he didn’t miss the fire light up in your eyes at his last words and it sent a shiver through him. “Well, it’s hard when you pull yourself out of every social interaction to ever exist!” You moved away from him and he felt a pull at his heart. 

“Maybe I wouldn’t do it if you would actually pay attention to me for once!” Bucky didn’t know where that came from. There was frustration and confusion, and hurt all mixing in his brain, making it hard to distinguish intrusive from rational thoughts.

“Oh, so this is my fault?” You huffed.

“Or maybe I’m just fucking broken. Is that what you’re trying to say?! In this case, I don’t even know why you keep up with me.”

“Buck-”

“If I’m so broken why don’t you just get back to having fun with everyone else on the team and just leave me be? That’s what you do best, right? Be social! Show me how it’s done because I can’t do it. Ever!” Bucky caught a tear falling from your cheek. No. Nonono. This had not been his intention. Shit.

The room fell silent and Bucky took a deep breath. He was just angry at himself. Angry that he was incapable of connecting with people. Angry that he upset you by being clingy once he found the one person he could attach himself to.

“Alright stop it!” Another tear spilled from your eyes but something inside him was still not finished.

“Why? Is it making you uncomfortable to hear the truth?” He hadn’t intended to say it, but his mouth just opened and did. Stupid fucking mouth.

“Bucky!” He flinched once you raised your voice. You had never done it at him. Neither of you had ever fought with each other in fact. “Where the hell is this coming from?” Now your tone was softer and Bucky could feel his heart pumping blood through his body again. Yeah... where the hell was this coming from?

Bucky fumbled with the blanket. He didn’t even notice he was crying until a fat hot tear landed on the covers. He felt you shuffle closer again, relieved that he hadn’t scared you off entirely.

“Do you really think you’re broken?” You spoke so carefully, as if he were to break at any second. And honestly, that might have happened.

“It feels that way too often for it not to be true..,” he whispered ashamed. 

“Baby,” You reached out again and this time, he allowed it, needing your touch more than ever before. You pulled him into your chest, your arms encasing him as he slumped against your frame - finally exhaling, relaxing, and falling into your embrace. “Everyone feels like this from time to time. You don’t have to always be happy and confident to be normal or okay.”

Your soothing voice traveled through his exhausted haze, tears still falling from his eyes. "But it feels like I get stuck in my sorrow.”

“That is normal. I have those days, too. Nat has them, Steve does too.”

Bucky moved to look up at you, a silent request for confirmation in his stare, but this time, he felt, you understood. You probably always had.

“It’s true, babe.” Your body rocked softly and it soothed Bucky further into your soft chest. He felt the tension draining from his body, the sleeplessness replacing it in every inch of him.

“Please, talk to me when you feel like this again. I can help you. I want to help you.”

“Thank you.” He smiled weakly. How could he have ever thought you would neglect him? It was stupid, just as stupid as that attempt of his to give you more space.

“Not for this, Bucky.” You kissed his forehead, ultimately lulling Bucky into his well-deserved sleep - with a calm mind, and the promise to never let his insecurities get the better of him again. 

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[your-local-grinning-cat]

The Ultimate Compilation Callout

Hey Guys! AR OOC once again to say I am 100% done.

I'm done with this. I thought it was finally dying down and the drama was finally getting to be over with but then she came back and is now trying to say that we are the ones in the wrong. And she is STILL trying to blame Leona's mod when, as both @/castaway-achlys and I have stated numerous times at this point, they were asleep during the entire event. They did not ask for us to defend them. We were both just tired of hearing our friend be exhausted and stressed out by her.

And the fact that so many people have come out to give their own experiences of her being rude and cruel to them just proves this is not a singular event.

I'm putting all this under a cut because it's gonna get long guys. In fact, I’m probably going to end up needing to create a couple reblog chains to get it all out.

But I'm done playing nice. I have all the receipts. Like I went allllll the way back to when the discord was first created. I caught her in her first lie.

Which, coincidentally, her very first lie in the Discord server happened on the very first day it was formed. What a way to start.

I call her the Malleus mod as an identifier in these screenshots, because unlike her, I am not petty enough to reveal peoples’ personal information on the internet just because I don’t like them.

HOWEVER. I will remind everyone that she is not JUST the owner of the Malleus account. Even if you don’t want to look under the read more because there are a LOT of receipts, know that these are all her known blogs.

I do not condone harassment. Harassment is basically what started all this. Just block and go.

Malleus Draconia @/therealmalleusdraconia

Falena Kingscholar @/the-falena-kingscholar

Aijuka (A Leona gf OC) @/the-one-aijuka

Jack Howl @/frosh-jack-howl

Fellow Honest @/fellow-honest

Meleanor Draconia @/meleanor-draconia

Baul Zigvolt @/baul-zigvolt

Sebek’s Mother @/thethickestone

Marja Felmier @/marja-felmier

And her latest: Eric Venue @/ericvenue

(Bonus non-rp blog @/thetwistedminds)

Before we get too far into it I will say there is a slight color code! But only a tiny one!

Gross light green color - look at that lie! 👀

Gross darker green color - a lie is revealed! 🤭

Orange - note the date/time! 🗓️⏰

Let me show you what I mean in the lie I’ve already mentioned - her very first one. :)

There we have the orange, telling you to note the date. That’s because I was wanting to make sure it was known that the pet posts were made on the same date that the discord was created.

And then we have the gross light green around Malleus mod claiming that this bunny is her bunny and that it was her bunny’s birthday recently.

Now here is the follow up with the gross darker green of a lie revealed. 😌

And there we have it! The color coding system and her very first lie told the very first day the Discord channel was active and easily disproven with an image search.

Now let’s get into the FUN STUFF! /sarc

We’re going to be doing some rehashing here but I’m also going to probably be including some new things so stay with me folks! This’ll be a ride! Buckle up!

So, originally I was thinking I'd start with the current drama. But considering that a lot of that has already been covered and what hasn't been covered needs more context, I'm just going to keep going in chronological order, I guess.

I've been up for over 24 hours compiling receipts, editing them to protect IDs, and then getting them all sorted so let's finally do this so I can pass out!

First up is something that actually has been covered a bit but I'm going to expand on it slightly - her blatant lie to @/elysia-nsimp (I'm not tagging anyone because I'm not forcing anyone to get notifications on this lmao).

Here's what everyone has already seen. But to expand on the event, we didn't call her out on her bad behavior, even though we probably should have as she had just lied straight to another mod's face about her blog ownership. I simply DM'd the mod in question privately to make sure they were okay and then tried to keep the peace in the main chat.

Because, believe it or not with this major callout post, I don't generally like confrontation. But I stepped in there for Elysia and I stepped up during this for Leona's mod.

Now, later that night, she posts this as if nothing had happened and she hadn't just been told that she needed to work on her roleplaying skills:

Uh huh. Sure. That's your last account. Because you have shown so much self-control when it comes to filling character voids within the twst rp community already. I'll be generous and give you a month before you break.

Now these next ones need a tiny bit of background information and a note: the Malleus mod is German and, as far as we know, lives in Germany. These next pictures are little indicators that she has not experienced the United States at all. These indicators may not seem important now, but they will be in just a little time. So keep them in mind for after the pause.

You cannot tell me anyone who has spent any length of time in the United States has not at least heard of Walmart.

Quick pitstop to say wow! You didn't even make it a month! Congratulations!

Also, note the question from the admin and the pretty obvious passive aggressiveness from me. We were sending plenty of hints that they needed to stop - sometimes coming outright and saying it, sometimes simply implying. Either way, we were all ignored.

She says she's not a mind reader. Well, apparently she's just not a reader period.

Now... a bit of an oddball here. And I want to say I do not necessarily think this is a lie. I am including it for a lie that is coming. The one that I included all those America comments for.

I'm sure you will note that I said that I don't "necessarily think" it's a lie - indicating that I do think it could be a possibility. That would be correct.

She has been lying since day one and, after this doozy of a story I'm about to share with you, I honestly don't know what to believe when it comes to her.

So.. to sum this up...

We went from a cringe ask from an OC account that she didn't want to answer -> the asker wasn't supposed to be on tumblr because they were underage (???) and was trying to date her irl and somehow had all of her information (oh but don't worry guys she deleted the ask!) -> he found her social media accounts and sent her NSFW pictures and started spam liking, demanding pictures of her kids, sent pictures of her at-the-time boyfriend, sent pictures of his family and his kids -> so she blocked him on everything and then started spam creating the rp accounts to see if he did it with other people or if it was just her (...mmmhmmm...) but nope he was only interested in Malleus -> she then apparently moved to America for a bit to crash with her boyfriend because this underage person went to Germany to find he.

Oh, by the way, why was this guy obsessed with her? Oh, he was obsessed with German women. He decided that all German women were pretty. And she's German-Russian! And Russians have intense standards for women you know! After this guy found out she was German AND Russian, I mean... it was only a matter of time before he upped his game to try to find her!

Guys, she's not saying she's too beautiful for her own good - the underage stalker speaks for itself!

Now, since this stalker found her through her Malleus account and was obviously very determined, you would think the first course of action would be to, ya know, delete the Malleus blog. Right?

No, no, no! Then she would have to start all over and, of course, if she switched accounts she would be forced to make a post on her current blog saying what her new blog is and he would just find her there. That's why she's trying to make her other accounts more active than her Malleus account (her Malleus account was still, by far, before all this happened, the most popular of all her rp blogs)!

Can I also mention that in that post announcing her pregnancy ON HER MALLEUS ACCOUNT WHERE SHE SUPPOSEDLY HAS A STALKER, she had tagged ALL OF HER BLOGS AT THE TIME?

But yes, Malleus mod. I definitely believe your story. :)

Please. Please tell me you all can understand why I just cannot find it in me to trust a single word coming out of this woman's mouth.

Especially now that during this whole drama, she has been lying through her teeth and trying to pin the entire blame on Leona's mod.

Now this part is nearly over (thank whatever gods anyone believes in) but let's just post the last few of the "before drama happened" pictures, shall we?

...I'm realizing I didn't underline the part where I called her out for having that many blogs in the gross dark green of a lie caught... oops. This is what happens when you have far too little sleep.

But either way, here is another time when she was called out on a lie of hers. And her little comment at the end means she read it and she acknowledged us.

She just didn't care because it didn't suit her.

~~~~~~

ALRIGHT!

THAT'S THE END OF PART ONE!

Yeah. This is going to come out in PARTS. I can't cover it all in one post because there is a picture limit.

So, I'm going to end up making a reblog chain...

Eventually.

Real talk? I need to sleep. Desperately. It's nearly two in the afternoon where I am and I have not slept yet.

Do not underestimate the power of spite and my loyalty to my friends. Both are very strong motivators.

But my body's needs are finally winning.

When I wake up, I'll have the Ultimate Drama Arc to post and expand upon and then the Return of the Drama Arc.

Yay. (said in the most unenthused voice ever lmao)

Anyway. Enjoy all this. I'm gonna go die. /j

[64yrsold]

ACHES 28. honeymoon

18+ (please see masterlist for cw) aches masterlist previous (27)

a/n: hi it's me :-) this is the final part of aches. thank you for letting me write this. thank you for being here to read it. i started writing this back in february, and spent all summer thinking about it. it's been so much fun, and so much work to think about all of these feelings all the time. hard to read too i'm sure lmfao. if you have questions about aches send me an ask :-) i will answer them all honestly now lmao. i love love writing for you, and i hope you'll be here for the next one! (it's gonna be sweet i'm sure.) thank you again.

“Who was it?” I asked, finding him slumped over his guitar in the living room. My face was still wet, salt drying on my cheekbones. 

He shrugged, “Nobody.”

“Do I know her?” I felt as if I was standing before the sea, my ankles submerged in sand and the pulsing waves. He was far, far away. He could have been a siren, or a beam of light. It would be exhausting to swim to him either way.

He shook his head, staring at the floor. His eyelids fluttered, his cheeks looked warm. 

I let out a thin breath, “Who was it, Matty?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he glowered at the hardwood. “I don’t give a fuck about her. I never wanted anything to happen.”

“Alright,” I mumbled. I didn’t have the energy to pry the information from him. I didn’t want to know, anyways.

“I wasn’t interested in her. I was just,” he clasped his hands together, “I was just missing you.”

“Okay,” I said. I didn’t believe him, or trust him, or understand what he was saying. I opened a bottle of wine, filling a glass. He wandered into the kitchen, sitting at the island. He watched me from the corner of his eye, eyes flitting to his hands when I looked in his direction.

I couldn't slow my heart.

I sat beside him, tilting my glass until it was empty. I filled it again. He picked up the bottle suddenly, throwing his head back and guzzling. I blinked, watching him empty the bottle down his throat. 

“Half a bottle each is fair, don’t you think?” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I stifled a smile, my chest still feeling empty. My heart echoed weakly in the hollow of it. 

He reached his hand across the counter, covering mine. 

“Let’s go for a walk, sweetheart.” 

I followed him quietly, the summer evening quickly slipping into a heavy night. It was humid, and the air stuck to my skin. 

“You know where we’re going, don’t you?” He murmured. His heels scratched into the pavement. I nodded, the orange street lamps passing over us. He turned into the park, our hands twisted together. He sat on our bench, pulling me onto his lap. I leaned into him.

“I trusted you from the moment I met you,” I whispered. “You were a little shy at first.”

He smiled, brushing his thumb over my cheek. 

“I needed you,” I sighed. “I still need you.”

“I know,” he kissed my cheek gently. 

“You can’t leave me,” I said, realizing I was begging. “I can’t do it alone.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he shook his head, bringing his forehead to mine. “Never.”

“I don’t mean just physically,” I held his wrist. His palm was pressed to my thready pulse in my neck. “You can’t check out on me.”

“I won’t,” he said. “I won’t.”

I swallowed, “It was Jenna, right?”

He pulled back, and I saw the guilt swimming in his eyes. 

“She kissed you?” A hot tear fell from my cheek, sliding down my neck. He nodded. I dropped my head to his shoulder. 

“It was after I…” he trailed off, voice thick and rocky. I knew what he meant. “I just wanted you back. She’s your only friend, I–” He choked, taking a breath. “I didn’t know who else to ask.”

“Ask what?”

“If you were okay,” he mumbled. “To ask how long you had been this sad.”

“What did she say?”

“She said she hadn't seen you,” he picked at his cuticle. He shook his head, “She’s a shit friend, sweetheart.”

“So you kissed her?” I tried not to scream it. “I don’t get it.”

“I was drunk, and I asked her if she thought I deserved you,” he looked at me, heart spilling out of his wrists. “She said she didn’t know.”

I nodded. He frowned and sighed, agitated. 

“And why the fuck would she know?” He raked a hand through his hair. “I know you. I know us. It’s my fault, I neglected you, I assumed you would be alright, I asked you to marry me and then fucked off overseas for months. It’s my fault. I let you forget how love feels.”

I kissed him. Because I missed him. Because it was worth it, being with him. Because when he was home, he eclipsed the emptiness in my chest. He was everything good. 

He kissed me because he loved me, and that was always enough.

“Let’s get married tomorrow,” he cupped my face. “Let’s sign the papers at the courthouse, I don’t care. Just you and me, like it’s always been.”

I could only nod, listening to the crickets cry. The stars crackled above us, far, far, far above us. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“Here,” he handed me a ripped page, folded into a tattered square.

“What’s this?” I asked, thumbs pressed into the familiar, soft paper. From his notebook, I was certain. 

“Honeymoon gift,” he winked. Then bit his thumbnail, eyelids fluttering.

“Is this my song?” I gasped, unfolding the note. 

“It could be,” he sat back on the couch against the armrest, my feet on his lap. “It’s just ideas for now.”

“Couldn’t pick a melody?” I laughed, skimming over the page.

“Couldn’t get it to fucking rhyme.”

I giggled, “Should I read it out loud?”

“Absolutely not,” he said, eyes wide. I waved him off, reading his desperate handwriting. He had written my name, Sweetheart, in careful letters at the top of the page.

When I can’t sleep

I think of you,

Always sleeping

Pulled so quickly to peace

While I seem to

Thrash against the line

I think of you with your eyes closed and jaw slack

With your hair in every direction

With your dreams pulsing through your veins

I remember

Your hand on my back

My mouth, then your mouth

Doubled joys and halved heartaches

Your hand on my back

To remind me that, really, there is nothing behind me

And that – really –

I am completely sane

And I am so glad

That love is nothing at all what I expected

And that I dream of everyone but you.

[daydreaming-robot]

My thoughts for the Murder Drones Series Finale

MASSIVE SPOILER ALERT

I'm gonna start this here with being honest about the runtime. It's short, that's all. I was thinking that it would be almost 40 or 30 minutes because it's a series finale. But having it about 20 minutes isn't something new(from my experience)

The reunion with Uzi and Nori was short, but needed, with Uzi having a chat with her mom in the silent scenery of space. And the way to beat the Solver is to permanently separate the solver from it's host by taking out the core and destroying it. Only for N to accidentally hit her with the landing pod.

Nuzi is canon. I'll be honest, I'm not much of a Nuzi shipper, that's all. But seeing the two admit their love to each other and hug each other while descending into the planet while on fire is honestly beautiful. Also I love their logic; save the world first, do all the corny awkward robotic dating later

V IS BAAAAAAAAAACK MOTHERFUCKERS. Throughout the series, I started off disliking V. But as the series progressed I started to appreciate her character development. And I felt heartbroken upon seeing her supposed death on episode 6. So upon seeing V throw hands with J, I SCREAMED my lungs off seeing her again. And I like that she has a pet sentinel now

J admits that she was also tricked by the Solver was surprising, but still worked with it. Why tho. Her loyalty eventually became her downfall after losing to her former teammates

Uzi has her own singularity bomb(that's what I call the [NULL] thing)

If there's one thing I love the series for, it's the horror. I'll explain in a separate post lol

THE FIGHT SCENE OMG THE TEAM AT GLITCH IS COOKING IN THE KITCHEN. The nightcore music as Uzi and Cyn fought is something I laughed at cuz it reminded me of my childhood watching Creepypasta AMVs with nightcore music in the bg. It's not something bad but it gave me a nostalgic punch in face

"Nobody traumatizes these weirdly hot robots but me!" bi Uzi bi Uzi bi Uzi bi Uzi

The defeat of the host Cyn imo is very satisfying. Uzi destroying the outer shell of the core to reveal the singularity is a clean transition. But then a monochromatic singularity formed between the two as Cyn tries to get it back in her body in order to survive. And Uzi's quick thinking was to... eat it. It worked for a bit because Cyn LITERALLY MELTED IN FRONT OF UZI. But it caused her to pass out as her body cannot handle two cores in one body for a brief moment

Uzi now has a yellow and purple ombre eye color after she has fused with the Absolute Solver

I like how Khan had a feeling that's still Nori after she scrambled off, which make sense considered she was pronounced dead up until episode 7

Her saying that she's now a "Damaged OC" is hilarious and personally call out to all artists and writers because we gave our oc traumatic events character development that they're traumatized in the end lmao

I love how the teacher, throughout the entire series gave zero fucks about what's going on around him

I love in the ending scene is a parallel to the pilot episode with her giving off a presentation to her class. The difference being that N and V are now attending the class and her parents being at the door supporting her

I love how N is improving on his artwork, with V being supportive

Uzi flexing her newfound power to scare the shit outta her class mates is a classic parallel to her showing off her railgun in the pilot, never get old Uzi, never get old

The post credit scene, with Uzi glitching out and the Solver talking to her gives off the feeling that Uzi isn't safe yet. Especially with the look on Uzi's face throughout the scene, she looks exhausted, and she looks like she isn't all there at the same time

Anyway that's my thoughts on the Series Finale of Murder Drones. It was a rollercoaster all throughout

[ebongawk]

rules: post the first lines of up to 10 of your last fics/chapters posted on ao3 or your wips and try to draw some conclusions.

tysm for the tag @pipergirl17 (like a week ago whoops) this seems so fun!

every star in the sky (is taking aim)

I love you, man. It was a strange feeling, lungs filling with blood.  His lungs filling with his blood.  Painful, yeah, but also weird.   Unnatural.  Like his blood knew it wasn’t supposed to be there, but it didn’t have a choice.  And the sensation of drowning in the liquid of his own body, the wet he produced that was supposed to keep him alive literally killing him? Fucking unreal.

the beating of our hearts (is the only sound)

Chrissy was exhausted. Three hours before, when she’d initially walked into Jason’s home, she’d already been tired.  But then fifty of their classmates popped out of poor hiding spaces, shouting surprise! so loudly she thought they’d ruptured her eardrum, and her internal dial went from ‘worn out’ to ‘enverated’ almost immediately.  Like the room was full of vampires that thrived on energy, and every ounce she had was leeched as soon as she stepped foot past the threshold. Whatever she wore on her face, Jason mistook it for excitement.

overheated heart (head over heels)

Eddie needed this goddamn movie to end. He was dying.  Like, actually suffocating, his lungs inhaling and exhaling oxygen without absorbing any of it into his blood.  He kept taking slow, deep breaths, but every passing second was agony.   Because with every stupid, necessary puff of air, Eddie kept getting little nudges of flowery perfume, and it was gonna be the death of him.

let's climb too high (for the stars to reach us)

Plopping down on a stool, Chrissy gave a weary sigh, letting her head droop against her crossed arms on the bartop.  She felt, all at once, like she’d been awake for a thousand years, and all she wanted to do was go to sleep.   Curl up in her bed after a long, relaxing bath and read one of her romance novels until she passed out with the pages spread over her chest. Joke’s on her, considering her bed was now tainted.

give me your hand (give me your sound)

It was a weird fucking day. Walking into the hellscape that was school, the aura was weird.   Anticipation hung heavily in the air; the promise of an impending week off made tension thick as people prepared for their spring break with wandering minds and jittery dispositions.  Ignoring lessons outright in favor of planning road trips and parties, discussing how to obtain alcohol despite the prying eyes of ‘authority figures’ standing over their shoulders. Eddie reveled in it.

heart begins to beat

The memories came in increments. Lying awake, staring up at the ceiling of a hotel room that felt more like home than Chrissy’s own childhood bedroom ever had, the pieces of a past her tormented mind had begged her to forget slowly stacked together.  Like a game of Jenga towering higher and higher, waiting to fall and crush her completely.  Each new brick connected the dots of a nightmarescape she couldn’t have fantasized in the most insane of dreams.

the conclusion I'm drawing is that I'm a big fan of single-line tag lines to sort of set the tone for a story 😂 which tbh I already knew. I also tend to steer my Chrissy POV intros more toward emotion while my Eddie intros seem a bit more physical? but idk if that's true for every fic or just these six.

(also idk if it meant the first few lines of the story or of the most recent chapter posted but I went with the former lmao)

I'm gonna tag @cyraclove @billysblueeyes @astorytotellyourfriends and anyone else that might want to play!!

[youngbloodlisk]

parade day - enhypen bias x reader, fluff

the bias isn't actually in it all that much, but just like trust me lol

applicable for any enha member, no name stated, though if you feel it's a bit ooc for your member of choice to say certain things feel free to alter it a little in your own mind to make it fit better!

I shiver, feeling like an ice block from the inside out, despite the amount of layers on my body and the hot drink in my gloved hands.

I breathe out air warmer than my surroundings, granting me the appearance of a steam cloud coming from my mouth.

As I take a drink from my paper cup, I can't help but wonder to myself why Thanksgiving has to be in November. And why parades have to be outdoors. And why I had to be here so early in the morning just to stand here for hours.

Then, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Not just a generic vibration, but the custom vibration that he set for himself on my phone. 'So I always know it's him before I even look.'

⁃ how's the crowd

He's such an ass. He's currently inside, waiting for the staff to tell him to go out and board the float. Inside. He's inside. In the heat.

⁃ cold, dick. how's the nice warm heated building 🤩

⁃ lovely, thank you.

⁃ no but fr ur not too cold right? you have jackets on?

⁃ i can send someone to u with my jacket if u need it

⁃ did you get the drink u said u we're gonna get?

⁃ yes yes yes I have jackets I have my drink im fine lmao

He might be kind of an ass but he's so sweet.

⁃ ok good.

⁃ only a few hours!

⁃ after we pass by the main part you can leave baby

⁃ ik you said you were gonna wait around for me but you don't have to

⁃ I don't need you freezing your ass off

⁃ THAT would be tragic. r.i.p. ass

I can't help but roll my eyes.

⁃ you're such a perv

⁃ woah rude!

Instead of responding, I slide my phone back into my pocket. I don't really have anything else to say at the moment. If I tell him straight up that I WILL be waiting until the end of the parade for him, he'll just whine about how I don't have to.

And now I stand. And wait...

And I waited for about 5 hours. We had to be here at 4:30 in the morning, both for him to get where he needed to go with his members and for me to get an absolutely prime spot in the crowd. The parade didn't actually start until about 9:30.

It's not every day that your boyfriend performs in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Longest five hours of my life, but whatever. He better not mess up the choreography after all this shit or I'm gonna be pissed.

Not really, it would actually be pretty funny. But the point is- this is pretty exhausting. Especially since I'm here all by myself.

Other members have partners, but they either couldn't come out for the parade or they don't like me. Not kidding, they seriously just don't like me that much. But that's okay! I don't particularly like them either. Anyways, all that resulted in me being here alone, without anybody to talk to to pass time.

But whatever. Whatever! It's over. The agonizingly boring five hours is over, and the parade is finally starting.

The float I'm really here for is a few floats and balloons back, but the parade feels like it moves quickly, so it doesn't seem to take very long at all.

The big Baby Shark float approaches and I see him already trying to find me in the crowd.

"Excuse me, could my daughter stand in front of you? Just for this performance?" A woman asks from behind me. I look next to her and see a young girl, probably about 10 or 11, holding a picket with my boyfriend's face on it.

She looks like this is the best day of her life. She isn't even looking at me, like she doesn't even care if she has the best view of the group. Just being here and seeing them is enough to fill her with pure joy.

"Of course! Of course she can!"

"Oh, thank you so much." She prompts her daughter to move forward as I scoot back a bit to make room for her. "She loves these boys, she's been talking about it for days. Thank you."

"It's no problem at all." I turn my attention to the young girl. "Is he your favorite?" I point to her picket.

She nods, excitedly.

"He's so pretty."

"He really is. He's my favorite too."

I look up again, seeing that he's still trying to find me. I wave with all my might, willing him to spot me, and soon enough he does. As soon as I have his attention, I frantically point to the girl who is now holding her picket up and waving at him. He leans down a bit to indicate that he's changed his attention to her as he smiles, waves at her, and sends a hand heart in her direction.

She squeals and jumps up and down.

"He saw me!! He saw me!! Mama, he saw me!! He gave me a heart!"

The cute little girl continues to freak out, making me worry slightly that she might just explode, as the float stops and the guys climb down, getting ready to perform.

There was some benefit to getting here so early. The performances are all directly in front of me (and this little girl, who I feel some level of community with at the moment.)

The hosts finish up their introductory stuff about the float, the movie, and the group, and the Baby Shark music begins to play (soon transitioning into the Keep Swimmin' Through tune.)

I watch him intently, full of pride for him and his success with the group.

I know he can't entirely take this seriously. It's a song for a Baby Shark movie. It's not like it's the most serious of performances in the first place. But I also know that deep down he can't believe he's here either. He can't believe he's doing this. He'd probably agree to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star acapella if it meant he got to be in such a big event that few kpop groups have been in.

The group does a great job. Of course they do. None of them mess up the choreography, so I remain not pissed off. (Lol)

After the performance, they simply walk off next to the float, but my boyfriend makes sure to send a quick flying kiss to both me and the little Engene in front of me before leaving the main square.

"He saw me again!!" She squeals.

"That's great, honey!" Her mother says before whispering to me, "Do you know that boy or something? He seemed to know you?"

I laugh a bit.

"Yes, ma'am. He's my boyfriend."

"Oh my! Oh, you must be very proud of him."

"You have no idea."

The rest of the parade is uneventful, just nice entertainment.

When it ends, I say goodbye to the little Engene and her mom, and seek out a heated place as fast as possible. I'm finally able to find a store nearby that is both open and not too busy. I wait in that store until my boyfriend is released from his duties and able to text me where to find him.

When I finally do leave and find him, he hugs me tighter than usual and holds on longer than usual.

"Are you alright?" I ask, slightly concerned.

"So cold. You're so warm."

I laugh, though I understand. I have to pry him off of me, taking a second to kiss his cold lips.

"You guys did great. Was it fun?"

"Yeah, it was. Less fun though and more just... just a really crazy experience."

"I bet. Did you see a lot of Engenes throughout the parade?"

"Yeah! A lot more than I expected. They really showed out. That little girl in front of you was adorable."

"You're her bias, and I think your heart and kiss made her entire day. Month. Life, possibly."

"Well, I wouldn't have seen her and made her entire life if it wasn't for you."

He takes my hands and pulls me close to him, bringing his face near to mine.

"It really is all thanks to me, isn't it? Technically, maybe /I/ made her entire life. You were just the tool."

"Mhm, mhm. Sure..." He trails off, pressing his lips into mine in a much deeper way than the short kiss earlier.

I feel a warmth run through my body, like the warmth of his kiss is being injected into my veins.

He cuts it off suddenly, staying close enough for his lips to still brush against mine. We utter a sentence each before resuming the kiss.

"Thank you for coming and standing out in the cold just for me."

"Baby, I'm so proud of you."

[ma3mae]

Hi, can I request? I'm actually doing an exam and yeah it almost finished but I didn't finished 100%. Can you do a scenario where the reader is overthinking about the exam that she submitted. When I didn't finished I was like overthinking that I'm useless, failed, worthless, etc. ( i did that because I thought I can upgrade this semester but turns out I'm failed.) Thankyou so much of you can write this thing for me! (Also can I get a cuddle from Chuuya 🥺🥺🥺)

"Exams are a hassle"

Summary: Exams have been stressing you out for weeks now so how does your boyfriend comfort you? (Chuuya x Reader)

Genre: plenty of fluff but also a bit depressing ^ anon request tells u why

Warnings: a bit of self loathing and sleep deprivation bc exams are the best booster for self confidence I FEEL U ANON

A/N: thank you for your request!! I hope this will somehow be able to lift you up 😩✋ you can do it, anon!! Soon you'll be done and then u can relax and enter bsd brainrot again. Also didnt proofread this bc im writing this in a car so the nausea is lowkey kicking in 😩😩 hope this doesnt seem rushed omggg

Part 2 : In sickness and health

Nakahara Chuuya

our cheeto boy finally coming home after a normal day work

Like comepletely annihilating a mini terrorist organisation LMAO 🤡

he comes home to find yourself on the same spot and legit same position on the couch he has last seen you like FKING 12 HOURS AGO???

is instantly baffled and worried because??

"Are you seriously STILL preparing for your exam?? Don't you need a break??"

he immediately shuts himself up tho as he just sees the dark bags under your eyes and the red eyes and oh no :((

a sniffle follows as you bury ur face into your hands and this BOY IS JUMPING across the room to get to you

Jk but hes instantly by your side and cradling you in his arms

h-his light? the love of his life??? HATING HERSELF???? BC OF AN EXAM?????

u know what that means 🚓🚓🚓🚓🚓🚓

Jk no jail

Hes gonna come at you WITH FACTS THO 😤✋

********

Exhaustion was weighting onto you like nothing else. Your eyes were hurting at this point from having to look at the same screen for weeks now, only taking breaks to go to the toilet or either drown yourself in energy drink or coffee.

Your boyfriend would often be absent because of his work and he'd support you as always. You saw the worry in his eyes and he would ask if you'd like his help or if there's anything he could do for you.

But you kept refusing him since he had already enough on his shoulders in your eyes. He was probably even more tired than you yet still managed to shine so brightly whenever he'd look at you with so much adoration in his eyes for you, no matter how horrible his day went.

Slowly but surely felt something bubbling up inside you.

"No... I can't deal with this right now." you tried to convince yourself as you swallowed the lump inside your throat.

You looked at the time on the screen of your PC, trying to see through the blur infront of your eyes.

3:47am

Fuck, you were tired. You just wanted to quit everything, cry yourself to sleep and finally be at peace but no. This shitty exam just had to be one of the most important events in your life and you really couldn't fuck this one up.

As you buried your face in your hands, you could faintly hear keys rustling outside the door.

No! I can't let him see me like this!

Yet your tears just wouldn't stop and soon enough you heard him enter.

"Hey, doll. What the hell, you're still awake? I told you to just go to sl-!"

You didn't want to answer him. No, you simply couldn't even if you wanted to.

Only mere seconds passed before you felt gloved hands grasp both of your hands.

"Sweetheart... Listen to me."

You merely shook your head as he watched your shoulders tremble.

Clicking his tounge, he lifted you up with ease, pulling a sudden yelp out of you.

"No, Chuuya. Please put me back, I have to g-"

"Y/N, just listen to me for one damn time."

How could you refuse him? When you could feel his warmth so close to you.

Yet your guilt was frankly consuming your whole being. You could hear it in his voice.

Was he angry? Annoyed?

Because of you?

You just wanted to get through this exam by yourself. How could you burden him when he had already enough on his own plate. He didn't need someome like you just adding more onto it.

"I'm sorry, Chuu..."

You felt him sit down onto the couch, the soft light of the screen illuminating the space.

"For what?" He whispered to you as he began to rub circles onto your back.

"It's just..."

A sigh escaped as you felt his hands grasp yours, finally letting him see you fully for the first time and yet the sight made your heart clench.

"No, none of that shit anymore, alright? If you want to rant about it then rant. If you want to cry about it then cry. But no way in hell can you expect me to sit back any longer. It already went on for long enough these past few weeks. You need a break, Y/N. "

There he was.

The love of your life, wearing his heart on his sleeve for you as he poured it out.

Always being honest with you and laying himself bare.

Its what made you fall in love with him but you couldn't deny that you envied that part of him too.

Yet he always managed to make it a part of you too with words alone.

"But I can't. I'm afraid, Chuuya. Afraid that I'll fail this. Because then what? I don't know what I'm supposed to do if the worst would happen. I just-!"

You couldn't see anything anymore. Eyes so blurry as you tried your best to look at him.

And he still managed to leave you breathless as he wiped your tears away, feeling as if you'd be looking at the sunrise itself.

Always giving the energy to let you see the next day.

"I just don't want to burden you. Anyone. Even myself. But what am I supposed to do? I feel so useless everytime I memorize something and I just keep forgetting it because I just don't want to fail. What should I just d-"

Soft lips met yours, a slight tinge of the cherry chapstick you had gifted him on your taste buds.

"You are not a burden, Y/N. Not to anyone, you or even me. I meant if for every time when I asked if I could help. Yet you would always tell me you'd want to do this yourself and if my girlfriend wants to do that then why shouldn't I let her? But everyone has their limit and you need to understand that. I know you've been crying yourself to sleep these past few weeks and I hated myself for letting something like this happen. "

He let his lips linger on your right cheek.

"It's okay to be afraid."

Linger on your left.

"It's okay to cry.

Linger on your forehead.

"But the last thing I'd let you do..."

And lastly return back to your lips.

"Is you feeling like a burden. Feeling useless and everything that comes with it because you are none of that."

You gently took his face into your hands, letting your shaken eyes gaze into his firm ones.

"But what if I fail?"

"You won't. I know you can do it. I've seen how you are, Y/N. Hell you're one of the strongest people I know. You'll stand up for what's right. Every time I come battered, bruised and everything else, you'd always be there to comfort me, tend to my wounds, even feed me when you have to. Your presence alone would make the weight vanish on my shoulders, yet you always carry it without any complaints. So let me do the same to you and help you. "

You tightly wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his shoulder.

"But it's just an ex-"

"You better not fucking tell me that its JUST an exam. I'm not listening to any of that for tonight."

You felt his lips stretch into a smile as he buried his face into the crook of neck.

"Let's just go to bed and I'll help you rehearse everything, okay?"

"Are you sure about that? Is your patience gonna hold out long enough?"

You let out an "acK!" as he suddenly tightened his arms around you.

"Don't underestimate me, doll. You've seen what I can do so rehearsing for a puny exam won't be a challenge at all. So let's-!"

He lifted the both of you up with his ability, floating towards your bedroom.

"-just sleep already because we both deserve it after tonight, alright?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at his sudden silliness.

"Oi, what are you laughing at"

"No, nothing. Just appreciating my boyfriend, his handy power and the love he'd always give me."

"D-Don't be so sappy. Rest and save that energy for tomorrow."

"Hmm, oh well. But I still wanna say that I love you though."

"Out of nowhere... but I love you too. Always will."

*****

Anyway yall rehearse that shit together and ur boy being the one to take breaks bc bro wtf have u been learning???? This some science level shit?? But he gives u snacks, cuddles, support and everything you need

bro's gonna pamper you as soon as you finally had ur exam and you gotta restrain him from showering you with gifts bc of how happy he is

HIS future wife deserves the best after all 😤😤😤✋✋✋✋

if u tell him that he doesnt need to buy you so much and that you'd be happy with him just being there then oh...

dont expect him to hold back after being so cute 🤡 especially after yall havent done anything for weeks probably so time to catch up 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[vtforpedro]

long life update - TWs in tags

It feels like it's been ages. I'm so exhausted and in a lot of physical pain. Going on two months of it being the worst it's been right after a couple of months of the best it's been. Chronic pain + grief + trying to get help from doctors who should have their licenses revoked + dealing with a shit relationship with my mom + a good, decades-long friendship ending + the ongoing disability process with the SSA + LAW FIRMS.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't remember if I updated that the appeals council decided not to review my case because the 'judge followed the law' except that he didn't. So, as it turns out, my original attorney (and he did not tell me this) before he left, wrote that if they denied me, it should go to federal district court.

I'm now working with a NY law firm to take my case to federal court because my current law firm believes it has merit, and I guess they do, too. That's how fucked the decision was, and I'm glad my initial reaction of bewilderment and anger was spot on lol

The good news is, it should only take another year! ._.

My neurologist is the worst doctor I have ever come across and I'm quite literally stuck with him with nowhere else to go. I wish him upon no one. I'm so tired of calling the SSA, getting documents to them, signing things for law firms, contacting law firms, getting no responses, and contacting them all over and over again. I am in incredible physical pain, like this actively makes my neuro stuff worse. Everything makes it worse. I have autonomic testing in a few days, and idk if I'll get through it b/c I have to stop the meds that keep me out of the ER two days prior, and it scares me.

My relationship with my mom is fractured and I don't feel like family therapy is actually helping. I had to end a friendship with someone I love and care very much about but who was growing too comfortable mistreating me and I was giving them too many passes 😞 I've known them for the better part of two decades.

It's been over seven months since my cat Isis died. I don't know how. It feels like she was here just yesterday. Yet, all the nights I've sat and talked to her and wept are all too real. I miss her more than I can say. She was my soul cat. I keep thinking about tomorrow and how she'd be so nosy getting into EVERYthing when gifts are opened at Christmas. Having to stop her, move her, laugh because she was just so n o s y and it was hilarious. And she's not gonna be here for that ever again.

I'm having a really fucking hard time tonight. It's just hitting me how god-awful this year has been and how I have a bad week to look forward to before even getting to the new year lmao I have to stop taking so many of my medications 48hrs before 1.5-2hrs of testing to see if we can find out Yet Another Thing Wrong With Me but knowing my luck it'll be 'no findings' and the mystery of why my core body temp plummets to 93.9 in the blink of an eye won't be solved until I have suffered juuuuust enough.

It never ends. Never. I want to give up. I'm so tired of doing this. I don't want to anymore. It never. fucking. ends.

I absolutely cannot say it's all been bad, though. I've met incredible, warm, welcoming, giving, kind people this year. Y'all have helped me more than you know and I'm so so so lucky to be able to call you my friends. This year has sucked for so many of us, but I want to say I'm proud of you, and I love you all very much.

My fic is gonna be printed in a hardcover zine early next year. I participated in a Big Bang for the first time and that'll also go out early next year. I'm hosting a tiny event in my tiny fandom server that I'm super excited about. I have a raffle prize to write (bagginshield !!!! SO EXCITED to revisit the og otp) and a Valentine's gift to write for another fandom.

I posted 401,000 words this year and wrote many more unfinished wips, plus a long one (90k) that I am very invested in finishing.

I painted and drew so much this year. I improved a lot, too! I got a couple of portraits printed from inprnt to see how they looked, and it was MY art, and they were GORGEOUS. I thought I would hate seeing my art professionally printed, but no! I almost cried. They looked so lovely.

My cat Lilly had health issues almost immediately following Isis's passing, but she is doing so well right now. She's blossomed into another cat, and while she's not my constant companion, she is with me so much more than she used to be. When she walks onto my desk I am to stop everything and hold her like baby in my arms until she decides that's enough (or I really need to move) lmaaao she's such a goober. My heart cat. <3

I'm not doing well right now--my MH is bad. Especially tonight. But it felt good to write the good things.

I'm sorry for my lack of replies and kinda disappearing. I'm running on fumes. I hope next year will bring physical relief so emotional relief can happen.

For those of you facing difficulties of any kind, I am holding your hand in spirit.

[kvhasproblems]

Bite the Hand - Van/Fem!reader

Chapter 2

Chapter 1, chapter 3, masterlist

Summary: R tries to sort through` her complex thoughts and hangs out with Lottie.

Warnings: reader has like serious comphet and eternalized homophobia for the first bit of this, reader also has religious trauma and shity parents (who even has good parents in this show lmao), regular yellowjackets violence, this is also gonna be like the slowest of slow burns

A/n: This chapter ended up being way shorter than planned but its better this way. Also chapter 3 might take a hot minute to come out because I move out on Saturday… but I’m hoping to get a one shot out sometime this week.

Word Count: 1900

I enter the change room sweaty and exhausted. I head to my locker when I see Van, who is violently shoving her stuff in her bag. I walk up to her.

“Hey, can we talk-“ I start before pushes past me zipping her bag as she leaves the changing room without a word.

“Ooooo what did you do?” Mari singsonged while she strutted over to her locker.

“Leave it, Mari,” Lottie answered for me. “Whatever happened is none of our business.”

“Actually I think it is our business, I mean we are a team and if this is going to affect how we play-“ Jackie said clearly wanting the drama more than anything.

“It’s not going to affect how we play because Y/n is going to figure her shit out!” Tai slammed her locker shut and left not without giving me a dirty look.

Great now she is mad too. Everyone stared slightly shocked by Taissa’s outburst. Before turning to make small talk to the person next to them. I started to quickly pack up my stuff, I just wanted to go home and cry, how did today end up such a mess? Shauna stopped me on the way out the door.

“Van’s never one to stay mad for long, I'm sure if you talk to her you can work it out.” She gave me a small smile.

“Thanks, Shauna.” I returned her smile before heading out the door and walking to the parking lot. My head is spinning, between Tai’s outburst and Shauna’s words of encouragement I feel more confused than ever. I know I messed up but I have no idea how to even go about fixing this. After a few minutes, Lottie joined me unlocking her car.

“Sorry for taking so long.” She apologized while throwing our bags in the trunk.

“No worries,” I mumbled getting into the passenger seat of the car. As Lottie drove I watched the buildings and scenery zip away as we passed as my thoughts continued to spiral.

“So, not to pry but if you wanna talk I’m here.” Lottie broke the silence between us before turning the radio down a bit.

“I’m not even sure what to say Lot, I just know I messed up. I kept saying all the wrong things but the worst part is my parents would be proud of me. If they ever found out that-“ I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. I pause for a second before restarting. “l need to apologize or at least just try to explain myself better but she won’t even speak to me.”

“I’m sure she’s just cooling down, When she’s ready to talk she’ll come to you, just be ready to listen when she does.”

I hummed in response. A comfortable silence fell between us. I fidget with my hands as I go back to looking out the window. I keep telling myself that Lottie is right, plus she always has good intuition with these things.

Lottie dropped me off saying that we could still make cookies later if I was feeling up to it before driving away. I walked in the door and started taking my shoes off. Loud barks sounded through the house as Charlie ran up to me.

“Who’s the cutest boy ever!” I coo at him as he said hello. Charlie had been a gift to me from my Uncle when I was 13. I’ll never forget my Uncle bursting through the front door yelling Happy Birthday with a tiny little ball of golden fur in his arms. Despite my parents not even calling that day it was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had and though my Uncle has never said it out loud, I can tell he’s always been worried that my parents aren’t home, so I think Charlie was a way for him to always make sure I wasn’t lonely or bored.

My summers with my Uncle and cousins are always my favourite time of the whole year. Getting to go fishing and helping my cousins on the farm just feeling free.

I took off my shoes and went to my bedroom. I was in desperate need of a shower after today's practice. After, as much as I didn’t want to, I had calc test to study for. I pushed play on my cassette player before sitting and pulling out my notebook.

I physically paused when I realized what was playing. It was the mix Van had brought me the last time she was over. I took in a shaky breath trying to get a grip. I opened my textbook and started my homework regardless of the fact that I was completely distracted.

“Fuck”. I pushed my chair away from my desk and stood up. I swear if I look at one more math problem my head's gonna explode. I look at the clock on my nightstand.

4:17

Two hours since Lottie dropped me off.

“Yeah, that’s definitely enough math for today.” I sighed packing up my stuff before grabbing my telephone off the nightstand and dialling Lottie.

It rang for a moment before she answered.

“Hi.”

“Hey Lottie, should I come over for dinner?”

“Sure, I’ll let Ms. Abby know.”

The Mathew’s maid/hired help Ms. Abby is a very sweet woman and you can see how grateful she is every time I come over, though she would never say I think she worries about Lottie being on her own. My parents fired our permanent maid when I turned 16 stating that I no longer needed a babysitter. Though we still have people come and tend to the yard and house I hate how lonely it gets.

“Thanks, Lot, see you soon,” I say. Lottie says her goodbye before we hang up. I start to get ready packing a small bag with a few things and changing into some jean shorts.

I get to Lotties fairly quickly. We eat dinner and make cookies even if they look horribly misshapen.

We sit on the massive couch in Lottie's basement dimly lit by the TV, wrapped in excessive amounts of blanket. The cookies besides their odd shape are delicious. I grabbed a random tape to put on and it happened to be Jumangi. It had come out in theatres last year and we (Jackie) decided we needed to do some more out-of-practice bonding and Jumangi was the only movie playing with a low enough rating so Laura Lee could come with us. I remember it like it was yesterday giggling and plotting with Van to sneak Laura Lee into a rated R movie even though her parents would never let us hear the end of it. Jackie didn’t let us go through with it but it still made me smile thinking about it.

About halfway through Lottie broke the silence.

“Y/n… would your parents even be around enough to find out if you and Van were…” She let herself trail off. I’ve never truly told Lottie about…me, but she figured it out. She probably knew before I did. At a sleepover last year after Becky’s Halloween party she rolled to face me and whispered into the dark bedroom that she’s my best friend and she’ll always love and support me. I didn’t know what to say then, and I still have trouble even admitting it out loud now.

“I-“ The words seemed to catch in my throat. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it before. Running around in secret with Van. “I’m just scared Lot,” I whisper the confession over the TV. “God... I wish I wasn’t so scared of them, I mean you’re right they wouldn’t even be around enough to know, so why do they get to control me.” I grumble. Me and Lottie have talked about them many times. Our shity parents with their shity rules and expectations that they don’t even bother to stick around and enforce.

“They can only control you if you let them.” Lottie points out.

“You’re one to talk.”

She grabs the pillow and whacks me on the side of the head before erupting into a fit of giggles.

“Oh, it’s SOOOO on!” I laugh grabbing the pillow behind my head.

I drove back from Lottie’s rather late for a school night. ‘Black Hole Sun’ plays quietly as the streetlights zip by. The last time I heard this song in the car was during the ride home from Becky’s party.

I hum as the coolness seeps into my cheek as I rest it on the backseat window. The streetlights pass zip past us like shooting stars. My bones seem to vibrate with the cords of the song. I close my eyes taking a moment to relish in the drunk ride home. Swaying side to side to the chorus of ‘Black Hole Sun’. I feel her weight as she scooches closer practically laying on my side.

“Y/nnnn.” Van pokes my cheek with a drunk whisper. I crack one of my eyes open to see her smiling up at me.

“Vannn.” I singsong back.

“Whatcha looking at.”

“The lights… they are so pretty,” I mumble looking back out at them. They seem to be moving faster like they are spinning around the car.

“The prettiest.” I look to see Van looking directly at me completely ignoring the lights and suddenly it's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me. I’m starting to think I maybe shouldn’t shared that joint with Nat. I sit up and Van slides up with me. The car is really spinning now like some twisted carnival ride. I grab onto Van to try to stabilize myself. I accidentally grabbed her thigh.

“Woah!” She laughs. “Buy a girl dinner first.” It’s only then she sees the look on my face. “Uhhh, Tai!” She calls up to Tai who’s dding and has had to deal with us all night.

“What?” She answers turning down the music.

“I think you gotta pull over” Van warns.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” I say way louder than I mean to.

As Tai quickly pulls the car over Lottie wakes up in the passenger seat.

“What’s goin'-“ I don’t hear the rest of what she says as I whip open my door and run down behind the car.

The memory bounces around my head. God I had been so embarrassed that Van had to hold my hair back. It makes sense that Lot tried to talk to me when we got back that night. Me and Van had been inseparable the whole party. I pull into the garage of my house as I continue to reminisce. I think of all the parties, the ones me and Lot snuck into in our Junior year where me and Van were always a little too close. All the times we snuck away to a quiet room and shared stolen kisses. All the times she cast her eyes down and pretended not to be hurt when I told her that we were just friends. The way her eyes would follow me around the room as I pretended not to notice or stare back when she wasn’t looking. I think about the way she looked today. Her face set and strong but her eyes so full of sadness and longing. It made me sick to my stomach. I tried to push the memory away. I need sleep.

[leopardom]

i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I'm deeply ready for the days off I've planned for myself, including PRIDE night for me and wifey (and maybe some new clothes to go with? Neither of us have had a new outfit in over a year. I think maybe for wifey for sure, as her wardrobe always take harder and faster hits than mine does)

I've got a nice four day lil 4 day weekend, and a 3 day weekend to follow, so hopefully by the end of it, I will be feeling much better rested and will have gotten a few things handked around the house.

God and I have our anniversary to plan for next month already, and I'm still neck deep in initial planning for our tenth so I honestly don't even know what that's gonna look like. Maybe just a nice dinner at our favorite place? And maybe buying a new movie to watch together and cuddle. A nice jug of cider for me to spice up.

Lord I'm just tired all the time lmao, and I'm trying to get myself in order, but I'm just usually so busy or exhausted or we've run thru the paycheck for the week, or whatever the fuck.

We definitely need to buy and build the chicken run first thing during my long weekend, because it's almost butchering day for the waffles, and the ladies are almost big enough to deserve real exercise space (the hen house is huge lol, and until now genuinely has been big enough for them all to not need outdoor space at all). They can managw another week together in there with no consequences, but after that, they're gonna need their outdoor run.

I think I'll buy the berry bushes and the fencing supplies all in one go so I don't have to worry about coming back to it later and disrupting the ladies. Which really means I need to find a local nursery with native berry bushes, because I don't feel up to driving all the way down the mountain to Ream in the same weekend if I don't have to. I can save that trip for picking up our trees later in the sunmer.

Man, I really am looking forward to having the garden set up and the ladies grown enough to lay. Free fresh eggs are a huge relief on our budget, especially if we keep doing periodic waves of meat birds to keep cutting down our meat budget alongside it. I'm thinking probably 2-3 sets of meat birds per year, maybe a dozen each time? I'm never doing Cornish Rocks again tho, these little abominations are a disaster to raise. Literally every bird we lost (4 total) was a fuckin Waffle, and they always died for the stupidest reasons. One literally just ate too much and then passed out for a nap under the heat lamp until he got heat stroke because he didn't bother also hydrating???? The only other birds I've raised with this kind of mortality rate are fuckin great white turkeys and they drown in the goddamn rain. Apparently it's not just us either. If I'd taken the time to research more instead of trusting the meat and egg chick mix, I'd have seen all the other homesteaders online panicking about half their flock dying and meing warned by more experienced folks that Cornishes are really only viable for industrial scale farming that can reliably take those kinds of losses. In retrospect, now that I *do* know that, I'm almost proud we managed to keep 80% of our Waffles alive.

Point being, I'm never going through that again. There are plenty of heritage meat birds, and I'll be sticking with them please and thank you.

I've considered starting to do rabbit too? It would cut down on our pet food costs a fair bit, and then maybe I could co-graze themand the chickens in a tractor along the yard to manage overgrowth of ground cover. I'd prefer a goat obvi, but I don't think the council will let me have one, even if wifey would lmao. That's definitely a later thing tho. Gotta get the humans more sustainably fed before I can consider any new livestock lmao

I think the chicken run, the berry bushes, the first order of seeds, and a chest freezer are probably the major expenses this coming paycheck. We might be able to postpone the chest freezer? Our freezer isn't overly full at present, and I think could actually fit 20 processed Waffles if needed. We'll need one soon regardless tho, cuz it definitely won't fit the next butchering day product at that point, nor the frozen fruits, veggies, and easy preps we'll be starting to make over the summer. So if not this pay period, then the next one.

God, I guess that means I should prep all my orders so I can place them first thing on Friday when I get paid, and price out the batches. Ughhhh I'm so busy today, that's gonna be hard to make time for during my breaks, and after work it's dinner and eorzea time, plus probably some tidying.

Awww fuck i gotta bring in the washing too and maybe do another load.

Whatever. Point is, I'm gonna be busy for a while. Which is good. But also means I have less time to sit and think and write which does make me a lil sad. It's just until harvest season is through tho! Once everything is planted and plucked and canned and stored, I'll be back to having time for other things. I'm probably gonna prioritize my writing and my sewing thru the winter so I can be ready for fiber processing in spring and publishing season in summer/fall. I'll want to get back to the zine soon too, because I really do want to add in the documentation I've been building around appalachian riperians

Lordt

Someone needs to tell my brain to pick a goddamn lane. This is how I end up pulled in so many directions that nothing gets done lmao

[junior-high-rui-official]

// long post ahead. less explicit angst than usual but there is cyberbullying + workaholism involved. also Rui being on his gifted kid bs.

Rui lets out an exhausted sigh. After a certain point, everything became a blur. He remembers crying to his brother, remembers breaking down in front of Nene, and beyond that, everything's a blur... entering the hospital, vitals checked, some patronizing remarks, a nurse up his ass for a while...and finally, it was dark outside, and he could be left alone.

His head hurt. His feet hurt. His legs hurt. His stomach hurt. His chest- god, his fucking chest hurt.

He was relatively sure he was administered pain meds that were supposed to kick in soon, but evidently they hadn't yet. So...

He reaches for his phone to pass the time. He toggles on just about every screen filter - this wasn't good for his eyes, he knew, but he was in the hospital with a broken rib, he had worse things to worry about than some blue light.

He opens a social media app he forgot he had, he'd downloaded it only to follow a certain account that posted robotics materials, and never deleted it.

He scrolls.

And scrolls.

And scrolls.

Mind drifting, eyes blurring out, this is just something he's doing with his hands at this point, he's not even retaining let alone looking at anything he sees-

until he happens upon a picture with a familiar face.

[Ah...that girl...]

[...yes, she's one of many that bothers me at school...]

He scrolls past the photo, but he stops.

[... I'm going to be stuck here for at least a week. In that time, my grades... Oh, and we had that big history project coming up...]

He scrolls back up, then clicks on the account. Scrolling through it, various selfies confirm this is in fact the person he thinks it is.

Several moments of hesitation, and he clicks the "message" button.

類: < hello >

[xxx]: < ??? >

[xxx]: < who tf lmao >

類: < it's kamishiro >

類: < we don't talk but you do know me >

[xxx]: < how tf did you find me on here >

[xxx]: < stalker shit tbh >

類: < i came across a selfie of yours >

類: < i have a question >

類: < more like a favor to ask? >

[xxx]: < bro what >

[xxx]: < we aren't friends im not doing shit for you >

[xxx]: < fucking weirdo >

類: < i know >

類: < you're the first person going to [school] I have contact with though >

類: < whether you know this or not i'm unsure but I've been hospitalized >

[xxx]: < LMAOAOAOAUDHDHSGXBJCHX >

[xxx]: < FOR REAL??? >

[xxx]: < why do you talk like a victorian orphan boy >

類: < i need my paper assignments for the next week or so >

[xxx]: < what the hell?? >

[xxx]: < fucking nerd >

[xxx]: < no lmao >

[xxx]: < go talk to your other fucking >

[xxx]: < weirdo friend or smth >

[xxx]: < why would you even think to message me. you're so fucking weird?? >

類: < mizuki's suspended >

類: < they wouldn't do it either way though >

類: < I know it's an unusual request to say the least >

類: < blame the impulse on the pain meds >

[xxx]: < i hope you fucking stay there fr >

[xxx]: < we definitely don't want your wackass back here >

類: < if you bring me the assignments I'll do your homework for you this week as well ? >

類: < or your friends' >

類: < the hospital isn't far from school. it's not like they're going to fact check whether we're friends or not. you'll just have to say you're delivering me something >

[xxx]: < omfg >

[xxx]: < ok fine if it gets you to quit yapping >

[xxx]: < if you fuck up that homework though I'm not gonna be pleased >

類: < i anticipate this >

類: < thank you >

[xxx]: < yw i guess >

[xxx]: < now leave me alone >

Rui does exactly that, closing the app and shutting off his phone...as he tries and fails not to internalize his classmate's unsavory remarks, he lies his head down and lets tears fall once more.

[cookinguptales]

okay so it's about a week until I leave the country for over a month. I am dutifully filling up my queue so y'all will stay entertained while I am gone, but I should probably state for the record that I may not be easy to get ahold of while I'm gone. if you really want me to see something, send me a tumblr chat/ask so it'll show up in a separate inbox from my notifications.

I'll probably post about some travel stuff here, if I'm not too tired, but I suspect the lion's share will end up on twitter and especially instagram. if you would like to see travel posts, I am @iletaitunefois on twitter and @cookinguptales on IG.

if you do not want to see travel posts, please block '#the travel bug'.

I'm also gonna offer up postcards again. I'm not going to make any promises because I don't know how easy it'll be for me to find time/post offices everywhere I go in Japan -- and also because I may be cursed; I think like only half of my Christmas cards actually made their way to their destinations last year.

But! If you do want a postcard, send me a private message and I'll add you to my list. If you have any special requests (locations, nature, cityscapes, cute characters, whatever) lmk and I can see if I can make that work, but again, no promises. I usually keep track of nearby post offices in Japan because they're good places for foreigners to withdraw money, but like. I'm also not gonna take a ton of time out of my trip to find a post office, y'know? Certain legs of the trip will probably be easier than others for that.

FINALLY, if you want to know more about the trip before you decide to follow my IG or ask for a postcard (or, if like me, you are simply nosy) here's a vague overview of the trip:

The first couple weeks of the trip, I'll actually be on the ocean. There's this thing that cruise lines do called "repositioning cruises" where they literally just sail across the ocean. This is so a cruise company can use a ship in a different location, generally. Like if they usually use a boat in the Caribbean, but during another time of the year want to use it in the Pacific, they still need to get it over there. And why not let people ride it during the journey?

The trip is really more pragmatic than it is designed for tourists, though, so they tend to be very cheap. They're long, there aren't a lot of stops, they tend to be during unpopular travel times... So long story short, we can take a two week cruise to Japan for like... half the cost of a plane ticket to Japan. And my mother and I can work from wherever and my father and my aunt are retired, so. We'll just. be in the Pacific Ocean for two weeks. lmao

(I've moved around my work schedule so I probably won't have to do much work in Japan, but I'll have to work on the boat. ;;)

There will be one stop at the beginning of the trip (Alaska) and one at the end (Hokkaido!!!!!) so that'll be fun! But for the most part, I will mostly be working and writing and vegging out on the boat. I'm downloading a lot of tv now because boats tend to have minimal internet. lmao

(And don't worry, we chose a boat that has vax and testing requirements! Which... will probably make it safer than SEPTA here in Philly...)

Once we're in Japan, though, we're really gonna be putting our JR passes to the test. Here's a not exhaustive list of places we're going and things we're doing, in no particular order. (I... tend not to let people know exactly where I am until I've left that place lmao.)

Tokyo (obviously)

Kyoto

Osaka

Nara (to see the shosoin)

Yamagata

Two different onsen towns

Yokohama

Takarazuka 😎 iykyk

Tokyo Disneyland/DisneySea

Wakayama

Kawagoe

Maybe Hakone depending on weather

various Halloween-themed meals in Tokyo and Halloween itself in Dotonbori

several very sacred mountains to learn about shugendo

castles!! and more shrines and temples than you can shake a stick at

Asahi tour (for dad haha)

sumo stable tour (also for dad)

Pokemon stuff (.... also for dad lmao)

seein some cute animals

a lot of interesting food!!!

tbh we're going to be exhausted, but there's a lot of train travel and easy days in there so we can rest then. (dad and I both love trains lmao) Dad actually hurt himself about a month ago, so I took out some of the stuff I was planning that involved more walking (like the old pilgrimage route in Wakayama, climbing Nokogiriyama, and the monkey park in Jigokudani) so that'll also prevent me from overdoing it too much.

part of me is like "wow this is too much you should scale back and save responsibly" but a lot of my trip is gonna be subsidized by my family in return for translating for them all and arranging everything, and we're gonna save money in lodging and such, so I'm just. gonna tell my brain to shut up and enjoy living before we die lmao.

(when you grew up really poor, it can be kind of hard to let go and allow yourself to enjoy nice things when you're older and more stable financially lmao. but I'm getting better at it!)

also, I'm gonna bring Glen! my little Tabikaeru frog! we'll go to Kusatsu Onsen together lmao.

[arcplaysgames]

okay. okay. alright. I was playing on my Odin for so long I threw out my shoulder a bit so I'm on a muscle relaxant so THAT'S THE MOOD HERE

I already know this is gonna need multiple posts. fuck me.

Shit has changed. Instead of the widespread rash of Apathy Syndrome, we have fog all day, all the time. People are getting sick and rumors are spreading that the fog is poisonous, and

Persona as a series is obsessed with the power of rumors, there's a major mechanic innnnnn P2 I think where the power of rumors twists reality in large and small ways. And this game as well has been fucking obsessed with rumors and how they slip so easily into the foreground and become reality.

I cannot help but think that the fog is coming from the TV and this is the intended effect of the Midnight Channel and it's tremendous popularity. As more and more people watch the Midnight Channel, Teddie noted that they were imposing on the 'shows' inside more and more. It feels like they have poked holes in the wall between TV World and Inaba, and now the fog, which SHOULD BE IN THE TV WORLD RIGHT NOW, has spilled out.

Anyway, Namatame is locked up and Dojima and Nanako are still in hospital.

Adachi strolls by to inform everyone that Nanako is well enough to have visitors now, but also he says that Namatame's diary mentions advances on Saki Konishi.

PIN IN THIS FOR LATER. KEEP THIS IN MIND.

Nanako is awake but.... they don't know what is ailing her and she's not getting better. Her condition is barely stable. It's inexplicable and weird.... The only thing I can think of is that the fog exhausted her. Every time someone is recovered from the TV World they fucking pass out for like three weeks and Nanako was already sick before getting hurled in.

SEE IT'S A LOT OF THIS SHIT, PEOPLE REPEATING SHIT THEY HEARD SECOND- AND THIRD-HAND. Stop that! Cite your fucking sources! Don't repeat unsubstantiated shit! Don't retweet that!

The weather is Fog.

IT'S ALL TV FOG!!!

My backup save is in slot 4. I do appreciate the "hey you could fuck this whole thing up right now" warning. I heard there are multiple endings so I guess this is where the branch happens.

THERE IS A VERY SWEET MOMENT WHERE REVERIE REMEMBERS NANAKO WANTED A NEW KOTATSU so everyone collaborates on it as a holiday gift. lmao Yosuke's remark about the circuit breaker is really great lmao.

Then Adachi calls and man there is never anything worse than someone starting a phone call with "stay calm and listen to me."

Nanako is not getting better. She's dying and it's time to go to the fucking hospital.

Yosuke has a real moment of weakness here, marching up to Teddie to appeal for answers, but Teddie doesn't seem to know anything about this, and is palpably upset that he can't figure it out.

Because Namatame was killing people with TV Magic, there's like zero hard evidence of fucking anything, predictably enough. Like, even if the killer shows up in court and says "Yes I killed them," if they also say "I used the television magic world" then it just ain't gonna fly and he's going to end up getting off on psychological issues.

Kanji gets real fucking pissy about how goddamn useless and not-supernaturally-adept the cops are. Which, fuck the cops but also its TV magic, so.

Reverie gets called inside and gets to hold Nanako's hand as she fucking dies.

Like. Holy shit. What the fuck. She's six. SHE'S SIX, PERSONA 4 GOLDEN, SHE'S SIX!!!!

I don't have a way to summarize how fucking gutting this whole sequence is. Everyone is fucking crying, Chie is bawling, Yosuke and Kanji are completely losing it, and Dojima walks off on his own.

And Adachi reveals that Namatame is in this hospital.

We gotta go keep Dojima from murdering Namatame. Right guys? Right? hahaha?

In the commotion, Teddie is having a fucking crisis. He's the only Teddie we have, the only creature with ego and sense of self born from the TV World, but he has no answers and feels it like a stone on his chest.

That's the thing about the Star though. It's a light to signal to you that there is a path forward, that there is something to come, that your journey isn't over. It is not a promise of good things, just of a future. And it is not much light to see by.

Dojima tries to get in to see Namatame, but he is still recovering from his nearly head-on collision in the car, so the guards escort Dojima back to his room. Adachi finds them and hurries them along.

Which conveniently leaves Namatame's room unguarded when the high schoolers show up.

TBC