#I'm getting unreasonably emotional over this but that channel genuinely meant a lot to me at the time
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
US Tumblr user growth rate is estimated to slow down to 4.1%.
Text
Internet archive I love you❤️❤️❤️
#my 14 year old self is crying tears of joy rn#I was able to recover videos of a yt channel that I used to follow as a teen but was closed by the owner from one day to the other#for *years* I thought I'd never see them again (aside very few scattered reuploads)#granted my interests changed and I was occupied with other things#but every once in a while I was wishing I could just watch at least my nr 1 favourite video of them just one more time#but NOW I found out that someone salvaged basically the entire channel and just - put the videos up for downloading?!#it feels so unreal because after all this time I can just watch them again? as often as I want?! and they're mine to keep forever?!! ahhhh#I'm getting unreasonably emotional over this but that channel genuinely meant a lot to me at the time#I still remember that I was on the school bus home when I discovered it was gone#and I swear if I hadn't been in a public setting I'd legit have cried over it. it certainly ruined an otherwise really nice day for me#granted my 14y/o self probably had a bit of a dumb sense of humour (harmless. but dumb. what do you expect from a 14y/o?)#(hence I'm also hesitant to mention the channel name bc I'm not sure if I'm ready to potentially embarrass myself)#but I still feel an odd fondness looking back because I know how much those videos meant to her <3#especially my one favourite video which 1. was the sole reason I discovered one of my favourite tv shows ever#and 2. was probably the spark that really ignited my initial interest in animation and digital arts#bc for the first time I consciously realised that you can actually do cool and fun stuff even as just one single person#and that you don't need an entire animation team to just - express yourself creatively and bring your ideas to life#like I'm not even joking when I say if it wasn't for that channel I might have ended up in an entirely different education/career path#anyway I'm happy. but I'll stop now. oh gods I'm abusing the tags again instead of just writing all that *into* the actual post#internet archive#personal#selnia talks
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i cant help but let myself cry a little bit
im still hurt with what happened with n. that i trusted in her and our relationship enough to let her be mad at me and think the worst about me because i knew she had a lot going on and i wanted to give her space to think it over and get back to me when she was ready. I TRUSTED HER TO COME BACK TO OUR CONVERSATION
especially because she TOLD ME. SHE TOLD ME: i have to sleep now but i promise im not ignoring your messages i said okay and thanked her for being honest with me
and i didn't want to FURTHER push her because she brought attention back to how i was sending long messages that overwhelmed her so i DIDNT. OUT OF CONSIDERATION BECAUSE I LOVE AND RESPECT HER AND WE'RE FRIENDS.
and i TRUSTED in our friendship so i let it sit and i had my answer that she HADNT softblocked me which was my concern in the FIRST place after silence on it so long.
AND A FEW DAYS LATER AFTER CALMING DOWN AND GIVING HER AND MYSELF SPACE
i check on our conversation to get clarity on the situation now that i wasnt running high on emotion only to find that she'd BLOCKED ME. on our two ways of communicating. and ERASED OUR ENTIRE DISCORD CHANNEL. erasing our WHOLE RELATIONSHIP!
i just. i feel SO gutted. im SO hurt. it really really hurt me.
i did her wrong by sending those messages, while genuinely misunderstanding what she meant was the issue. and she even TOLD ME that she was there for me no matter what when i sent her that message about my sister. i didnt EVER take her up on it because i KNEW she was going through too much. but she still SAID that so why would i think my update messages just saying hi and that i cared about her which required NO response... why would i think they were an issue...
she clearly was pushing herself and regretted when she promised to be there for me thru that, and i dont hold it against her for it. we may want to but it doesnt mean we CAN. i wouldn't hold that against her. why would she think i was purposely pushing her limits? all i needed was more information, communication and id have stopped whatever was bothering her. im not unreasonable and i do and want to respect her.
im just so hurt she wouldn't extend that same grace and a chance for reconciliation to me.
i cant believe she erased our entire history and friendship. I'm just. im hurt. im gutted. im going to eventually get over this but it hurts while im still trying to accept it.
i hope she's okay wherever she is and whatever is happening in her life. it isnt an easy time for her i know this.
if she comes back to me ... im not sure what ill do. ill want to forgive her. and i have even. but idk if ill let her back into my life. id absolutely have a long talk with her though and learn what was happening on her end. i want to understand that much. i just dont think i could let her be close to me again.
this just broke my trust too much.
0 notes