#I'm fortunate enough that my condition has improved and my meds (though harmful in some ways) do their job so I'm not dying anytime soon
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Bro as a Disabled girly who takes what would normally kill others/is actively harming me as medicine, the Baizhu story quest has destroyed me on an emotional level.
#am I just pushing back my due date?#to what end do I delay the inevitable? And how long can I delay it for?#I hide the symptoms of my illnesses like Baizhu. Why do we both do that? Who are we trying to fool? And why?#idk I'm just happy to have another canonically UNWELL character to bounce these ideas off of#especially since Baizhu is actively chasing immortality#like...I'm not saying that I want to live forever but as somebody living on time I was never supposed to have I 100% get it#you realize all of the wonderful things about the world when you think your time in it is coming to an end soon#I'm fortunate enough that my condition has improved and my meds (though harmful in some ways) do their job so I'm not dying anytime soon#at least not because of my conditions#but back when I thought I was I could have listed a million things I wanted to live for#so seeing Baizhu seek after immortality while he's already sick af + actively making himself worse through fulfilling his contract#yeah I get it man
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