#I'm fine being a girl's gf too but it'd be interesting to be her bf for a while ig :P

[mewomanjericao]

I kinda wanna be a girl's boyfriend (I'm also a girl)

[myvelouri]

I feel bad

She makes me feel bad about myself now

Like

I think I'm being sensitive but it was so many times today so it got too much

So we were talking about stuff and I said I had an ex that really was almost a groupie and actually met bands and could easily sleep with them. I was telling my GF that this ex legit told me that she would fuck this singer, and I said that's not okay, like wtf. I was telling GF that that shit hurt me (because it's very likely ex would interact with this band and actually fuck the singer even tho she was with me).

So my GF just goes "so... Can we have a fuck list?" And I immediately was like, shocked slightly. And me and her joke that Brendon Urie is hot, I always say yeah I'd bang him too. Dude is cute af and totally talented. I love him too. But GF was like being serious, but she said it'd never actually happen. I said I don't do fucklists, I don't want that. To me that's not actually okay. I guess my history with it has hurt me

Um

What she said hurt my feelings greatly. She said "well can I at least hug him?... And then kidnap him?" I joked "lol you won't need me at that point then"

But what truly hurt was her saying "like, I like you EMOTIONALLY, but I like Brendon... I mean like BRENDON DAMN" and she was basically saying he's hotter than me and she likes his physical self more than she likes me. And to be told that I'm only liked emotionally instead of all of me hurt me a lot

Especially since I've told her how I used to get hit on a lot but now I'm older or something and for some reason I get rejected now, or that girls don't actually like me anymore, because girls used to straight up come to me wanting me to be their boyfriend... Yet now girls tell me shit like "I'd have had a crush on you if I didn't know you"

And I've been saying how my appearance has been making me feel less attractive and it's kind of affected me. I was actually totally deep with her and opened up. Sort of wish I didn't now.

Um

I'm still uncomfortable

So now I'm just thinking, wow, my GF isn't physically attracted to me like all my past exs and hookups... Because all of them REALLY thought I was hot as fuck or equal to hot less singers and shit, even Brendon Urie, like, they'd say I was hot in a different way at least but equal. Or something good.

But now I'm just hurt. And I'm not used to it

She does call me cute and sexy a lot. But

I think I lost some attraction to her. It happens.... Because for me, I need my girl to always be attracted to me physically and emotionally. Not just one.

And

I had to hang up and say I need to go cause I got really upset and sad but I hid it well enough.

I'm almost.. like I almost want to cry

Like I'm telling you how I feel ugly and I used to FINALLY not be ugly so recently, and I lost it all, and then you say shit like that to me, especially when I've had past exs fuck with me in that way

I just

And she was saying earlier how she went to a trip on a boat and it had rich kids and people. She had just got done showing me pics of her trips. She's been everywhere. So she said this guy hit on her and was talking about taking over his dad's company, And everything, and GF said to me "why didn't I just get with him?... He was cute, had a six-pack, rich... Oh ya cause I had a boyfriend at the time, my dumbass had to be loyal... Yea to the bf I ended up breaking up with just now" and she continued on saying "yeah where is that guy, I need to find him" and she kept going on to the point it started to hurt me a bit cause I felt like trash. Like, cleary I'm not the one you wanted. And she said she'd be with that guy and he could fuck whoever else he wanted as long as she got to keep the money. But she said if she actually liked him she'd leave his ass to take half his money.

Then she said something like It's the first time she dated a guy(me) who makes less money than her. I don't think it matters to me but for some reason I felt it again. Felt miniscule and just not as good as all her other boyfriends. I thought I'd be treated like the best one considering how much she liked me.

Uh she wants to fuck Brendon Urie and Ian somerhalder, but they're hot as fuck so I don't care at all she's attracted to them. Hell, I am.

But fuck. It's the first time a girl has degraded my looks.. a girl that likes me that is. Cause usually they see me as equal, yea I used to be that hot.

But I'm not now I guess

Yea I kinda laughingly nervously jokingly said "that's fucked up" when she was saying she only likes me emotionally and then saying "but Brendon Urie, BRENDON URIE, he's, jus" and the way she was saying it, her context, her, yeah, she was like really saying he's fine as hell and better than me obviously

All my ex's want Brendon lol. I get that. But damn never did they exactly degrade me so much

Um

She did say that I'd be doubly hotter if I was a rock star or in a band that's at least somewhat big. I asked her that tho

Um

She was also really saying how I should go back to college and that I'd only be even slightly acceptable to her family if I was financially stable. You can tell she wants that too and is judging me a bit in a way. Pushing for it too. She even said she'd pay for my college but then took it back. I said I wouldn't take it but she already took it back so I guess it doesn't matter. She kept saying she took it back like she really regretted saying it. Like damn it's okay

I trust her a lil less now

I wonder what she'd do if she got a hot ass guy interested in her.

I don't know

It's hard for me to trust