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bellofthemeadow · 1 year ago

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The Road ahead - ch 4 | Frankie Morales x female reader

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

For most of your married life, you dedicated yourself to waiting for Frankie. After each deployment, you patiently awaited his return, longing for the moment when he would be by your side again. During those nights when nightmares consumed his thoughts, you yearned for him to open up to you, hoping that he would find solace in sharing his pain. And as his addiction spiraled out of control, you held onto the hope that he would recognize his problem and seek help. However, despite your countless protests and pleas, you now find yourself waiting for him once more as he ventures off to Colombia, engaged in God knows what.

But this time is different. Determined, you make a solemn promise to yourself: You will never wait for Frankie again.

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 5.5K

Warning: Applicable for the entire fic / PTSD, drug use and addiction, postpartum depression, abusive familial relationships, self-hatred, unhealthy coping mechanism, explicit sexual content, violence, mentions of suicidal thoughts, super angsty

Chapter Summary: A long overdue confrontation takes place where you have to face Frankie's lies.

Notes: Hello again everyone! Oh my God, I am so excited about this brand-new, shiny chapter!! That entire interaction was what brought me to imagine this fic in the first place. I hope you all like as much as I had fun writing it (I am a big slut for angst so beware). Thank you again for the support and let me know what you all think <3 <3 <3

Letting Go

Letter #1

August 19th, 2008

To the prettiest girl at the bar,

Hey there... So, before I go any further, I need to apologize for making my getaway from your place that morning in such a rush. I had to be on base at 0530, and I didn't want to disturb your sleep. Seriously, you looked so peaceful in that cozy bed of yours. If I had any type of artistic talent, I would've painted a masterpiece to capture that moment. I mean, I'm no Picasso or anything, but just imagine the most breathtaking sight you can ever imagine and that's exactly how you looked that morning.

I really hope I'm not coming across as strange or anything by reaching out to you like this. You see, as I was making my exit, I happened to glimpse your address on one of those letters sitting on your kitchen counter. And one of the perks of being an army pilot (aside from flying, of course), is that I tend to have a decent memory and your address stuck with me long enough to scribble it down later at base. Please, please don't get the wrong idea here! I know it might sound a bit, um, stalker-ish, but I promise you, that's not what's going on in the slightest.

I got to admit, I'm feeling a little shy about writing this letter. Swear to you, I've never done anything like this before! It isn’t some cheesy move that army dudes pull to charm the ladies (well, maybe some do), but I promise you, that isn’t my intention at all! I'm afraid I might be rambling here, and the more I go on, the more I feel like I'm messing this up!

To be honest, I didn't know what to do with your address. But it kept catching my eye every morning when I rolled out of bed and right before I hit the hay. The time we spent together just kept playing on a loop in my mind. And you? You've been sticking to my thoughts like glue.

That night we had; it was like sparks ignited in my head. I couldn't let it slip away without taking a shot, without letting you know how I’ve been feeling these past two weeks since that night.

I guess it's kind of unconventional, reaching out to you like this with a letter. But something inside me just wants to explore if there's something even more special that could sprout between us. I can't get your smile out of my head, or the perfect way we connected. It’s never happened to me before. It's like fate brought us together that night. Like our souls were destined to weave together. You’re always on my mind, and I'm aching to learn more about the beautiful soul that's stolen my heart.

So here I am at 3 am in my bunk, writing this letter while holding my breath and hoping you're open to taking a leap with me.

I'll be here, waiting for your reply. But please, know this: if what I felt, that connection I think we shared, doesn't resonate with you, there's no need to feel bad. I don't want you to feel obligated or burdened by any expectations.

Our time together was a precious moment, one that I hold dear and will hold dear forever. And if our hearts don't align in the same way, I understand. We all navigate our own paths, and sometimes they lead us in different directions.

Please, don't feel guilty if you choose not to respond. Our connection, albeit short, was a gift. I cherish the memories we created, and I will hold onto the possibility of what could have been with a grateful heart.

Wishing you nothing but happiness and fulfillment,

The terrible wingman from the bar,

(Francisco Morales)

Letter # 2

September 2nd, 2008.

Dear Francisco,

Your letter was a real shock, to say the least. I woke up the morning you left feeling so empty without you there. I combed through the entire house hoping to find a clue, maybe you had scribbled down your number somewhere. I must have deep-cleaned my apartment twice in the hope of finding a scrap of paper with your name on it. At some point, I thought it might have been a dream, that I had imagined that amazing, gorgeous, and generous man with whom I spent the night. I was sure I was crazy and then, out of nowhere, your letter came. It made me question whether you enjoy giving ladies emotional scares. I’ve barely known you for a full day and it already feels like being on a rollercoaster ride. Is this what life is for you Francisco? The helicopter pilot, always seeking a new high?

I want you to know that there's no need for you to worry. The connection we experienced that night has also stayed with me, occupying my thoughts ever since. It's as if the memory of our time together has become an integral part of myself, refusing to fade away. Your letter touched me in a way that no one else ever has. It was the most romantic and adorable gesture anyone has ever done for me.

I must confess, I feel deeply flattered by the lengths you've gone to express your feelings for me. It's not something you encounter every day—a man putting so much effort into writing a letter to a girl he spent just one night with. And while I cannot deny that such attention could have easily ventured into the realm of being slightly creepy, there is something inexplicable about your gestures that managed to bypass any unease within me.

I can't help but wonder what that means for you and me. Maybe, just as you said, it was fate that brought us together that night.

Francisco, now that you've opened the door to your world, I don’t intend to shut it close. My desire to know you better has blossomed into something more profound. I yearn to uncover the layers of your being and to understand the depths of your passions, dreams, and weaknesses.

Every time I close my eyes, the memory of your hands caressing my skin resurfaces, leaving an indelible mark on my senses. It's as if your touch awakened a dormant part of me, igniting a fire that I never knew existed. I find myself longing for the warmth of your embrace, the tenderness in your eyes, and the sound of your laughter that brought music to my ears.

But, Francisco, I also want to be honest with you. Your sudden disappearance left me confused and uncertain. I need reassurance that you are equally invested in seeing where this might go. I need to know that you won't disappear again without a trace. My parents fought constantly when I was a child. So for me, communication is essential, and I believe that openness and honesty are paramount to laying strong foundations for whatever this might become.

If those terms are agreeable, I will wait for your letter impatiently. In the meanwhile, please take care and make sure to prioritize your safety and try to avoid taking unnecessary risks for me. I can't help but worry about you, and I want nothing more than for you to stay out of harm's way as much as possible.

Warmly

The girl from the bar

Letter # 17

April 19, 2009.

Hola preciosa,

Once again, last night you appeared in my dreams, as you so often do. But this time, it felt unbelievably real, like a distant yet familiar memory that I couldn't quite grasp. We were together at your place, surrounded by warmth and coziness while raindrops fell outside. It was just the two of us, lost in our own little world, wrapped in the comfort of each other's presence. Although the exact details escape me, I vividly remember the way you touched me, as if your fingers left an indelible mark on my skin. If given the chance, I would choose to spend my last moments in your arms, savouring the most beautiful thing of all—your love.

Those mere four days we spent together back in January were nothing short of a cruel tease. It's as if every time I lay my eyes on you, my love for you sprouts like an overenthusiastic weed, making it increasingly excruciating to bid you farewell each time. I'm still amazed at how I managed to be only fifteen minutes late for base that day. Let's just say those extra rounds of push-ups were a small sacrifice in exchange for the extra pleasure of your company.

As I write this, Benny has decided it's the perfect time to hover behind me, boasting about his self-proclaimed status as the brilliant mastermind behind us. Can you believe him? As if his presence that night we met magically transformed him into a love guru. Anyway, Benny says hello, as do Will and Santi, although you haven't met them yet. I truly hope that the next time we all have time off from base, you'll have the chance to meet them. Those guys are like brothers to me, and I really want you to get to know them. I'm certain they'll like you as much as I cherish you.

I know that until now, we've kept our personal lives somewhat separate, with your work at the library, your family, and your friends, and the same goes for me. But now, I want you to be an integral part of my life, a constant presence. Even when I'm away, I want to know that I am yours and you are mine. You know, I've been doing a lot of thinking since January (Yes it happens often before you say anything), and I've come to realize that I can no longer imagine my life without you by my side. When I think about the future, I see you right there beside me. But if I try to imagine a life without you, it feels incredibly dark, and I feel like everything would lose its meaning.

I know this might sound completely insane. I know people would say that we haven't been seeing each other long enough for these kinds of declarations. But Hermosa, when you know, you know.

When I return from base, all I want is to hold you in my arms until they fall off. I want to be able to hold your hand as we stroll through town, and I want to shout from rooftops that you are mine! Even now, when I look at the picture you gave me, it fills me with a warm feeling that envelops my entire body, and I can't help but proudly show your picture to everyone, telling them how lucky I am that a girl like you would even remotely look at someone like me. You inspire me to be a better person, my lovely one. Everything feels worthwhile with you. I can't imagine a world where we're not together, and I want to think about you every single day for the rest of my life.

My dearest love, you are the sky that stretches above me. Just as the sun illuminates the world on bright days, you radiate warmth and light, filling my heart with boundless joy. When clouds gather and cast their shadows, it is you who transforms the room, turning even the gloomiest moments into something serene and comforting. I know that together we can weather any storms that may come our way.

My love, until Uncle Sam lets us be together again, I will keep on finding my comfort in those four days we shared in January. Those precious moments have woven themselves deep into my heart, and they hold a special place that no distance could ever diminish. I cannot wait to be home with you and create new memories to intertwine with them.

Please take care and know that I love you a little bit more every day.

Yours forever,

Frankie

Letter # 18

April 25th 2009

My sweet Frankie,

Your letter moved me to tears when I first read it. After I put it down, I picked it up again and found myself crying even more. I was afraid that I was the only one experiencing such intense emotions. I worried that perhaps you were more interested in a casual connection and that we might not be fully aligned in our desires for each other and our relationship. However, I'm relieved to discover that I'm not alone in feeling this deeply. Thoughts of you consume my mind constantly, and those days we spent together in January remain some of the most incredible moments of my entire life.

Frankie, I believe you complete me. You fill that void within me that I've always sensed, like finding the perfect missing puzzle piece to finish a picture. You are that missing piece, and since meeting you, my life has finally felt whole.

I couldn't care less about what others may say or think about us, Frankie. You are everything to me, and I want to shout it from my windows so that the whole world can hear. And if anyone wants to say that it's moving too quickly, then to hell with all of them! Every day, I find myself yearning for your presence beside me. I come across little things that remind me of you, and it makes me wish you were here with me. For instance, just yesterday at work, I was going through the donation bin and I stumbled on a children's book about helicopters. It instantly painted a picture in my mind of a little Frankie flipping through the colourful pages, and it filled me with so much warmth and affection.

Frankie, I also really want our lives to blend together. Meeting your friends would be amazing, and I hope you'll get to know mine too. I already had a great time with Benny, so I'm sure your other friends are just as awesome. Since I know how important they are to you, I'm genuinely excited about building bridges with them. I know it's uncertain when you'll be allowed off base or if there's a chance you might be sent far away from me. But maybe, just maybe, the next time you have some leave, we could start building this life together. Waiting any longer feels unbearable to me.

Until we can be together again, my dearest love, you will remain in my heart and appear in my dreams, bringing me some moments of respite while I wait for you. Despite the distance that separates us, my passion for you burns brightly and the flame of my love will keep burning ever bright regardless of the physical divide. With each passing day, I find myself yearning for the next time I will see you, but in the meantime, I will treasure the memories we have started to weave together. And I will find comfort in their warmth and hold onto the hope that our love will grow even stronger with every beat of our hearts.

Yours forever,

Letter # Too many to keep track of

June 12th, 2011

Mi cielo,

Do you remember that summer two years ago? Because I do. I had a two-week leave, and we went to the Miller's for a BBQ. You were wearing a beautiful blue dress that made you look like the sky on a clear summer day. God, you were so beautiful. We were having a great time when Benny told a stupid story that made you laugh so hard that your drink came out of your nose. I remember how embarrassed you got. But then you turned to me, and the embarrassment seemed to melt from your shoulder, and you couldn't stop laughing, your eyes were twinkling like the stars. It was such a beautiful sight and that's when I knew deep down that one day, I would marry you. You would be my wife, someone I would always hold, protect, and cherish until the end of time.

And today, my love, that day has arrived. You know how I struggle in front of a crowd, mi cielo. My words tend to stumble, and I find it challenging to maintain my voice. It's as if all the words jumble up in my throat, eager to escape all at once, resulting in a tangled mess of sentences. That's why I've chosen to write my vows to you in a letter, just like we've been exchanging since the day we first met. You once told me that you could see the truest version of me when I write to you, and I hope that on this special day, through this letter, I can make the side of me that can truly convey the depth of my love for you appear. Better than my spoken words ever could.

My beloved, from this day forward, I make you this lifelong promise. I promise to hold you close, to always offer comfort and support whenever you need it. You can count on me to be there, I will aim to be a steadfast presence in your life, like a rock you can always lean on. I will protect you and care for you for as long as live like a shield guarding against any storms that may come our way. No matter what challenges we face, I will be yours, never doubt that.

But mi cielo, my love for you goes beyond the grand moments that I hope will mark some of our journeys together. I vow to cherish you in the simple gestures also, where I think our love shines the brightest. Its with the gentle touch of our intertwined fingers, the way our laughter always seems to harmonize and in the unspoken understanding that always passes between us without the need for words.

As we walk side by side through the tapestry of life, I promise to be your faithful lover, always by your side, supporting you in every step you take. I will celebrate your victories with joy and stand with you during the challenges we encounter along the way. Together, we will continue to create a beautiful life that I cannot wait to keep on building with you

My beloved, today I pour forth these vows from the depths of my heart. They are not fleeting words but an enduring pledge, a testament to my unwavering love and devotion. As the days unfurl, my affection for you shall only deepen, like roots reaching ever further into the soil. I am filled with gratitude and blessed to call you my partner, my confidant, and my dearest friend.

Today I will say yes to forever with you and I know it will be the sweetest promise of all.

Te amaré siempre

Your Francisco

______________________________________________________________

"I want you to explain whatever the hell this is, Frankie. And no lies this time."

Frankie freezes. He cannot tear his eyes away from the 3 little baggies neatly placed in a row in front of you. Words get stuck in his throat as he tries to find something, anything to say to you.

"You've got nothing to say? Well, let me fill in the blanks for you, Frankie. I found one of these tucked away in your old boots, and the other one in your work drawer. I must admit, I'm still completely fucking baffled. How could you? How could you bring that into our home, Frankie? Especially when you're well aware of how absolutely unacceptable it is, especially with the baby."

Frankie looks around frantically, searching for an explanation. "How did you..."

"How did I find those? Well, I'm so glad you asked, Frankie." A surge of anger fuels your words as you take a step closer, your finger pointing accusatorily towards the door. "Let me shed some light on the precise moment when your little plan crumbled, right there in the car. The fucking car!!!" Your voice slices through the air, causing Frankie to wince.

"I had to learn from Benny and Will how you got back on cocaine! They slapped me in the face with the truth about your lies, how you’ve been deceiving me from the moment the plane touched the ground! How could you not tell me, Frankie? I thought we were doing well; you promised you would talk to me if things were getting hard!"

You take a deep breath, attempting to sort through the jumble of words clamouring to escape all at once. Emotions, accusations, fears, and disappointments vie to be hurled at Frankie.

"Well, let me tell you, hearing about how much your husband loves lying to you from Will and Benny was utter and complete shit! So, I thought I could let myself have a cigarette to help swallow that bitter pill. I knew you stashed some in the dashboard. But what did I find there? Not fucking cigarettes, Frankie! COKE? In the dashboard, really?! You've already had your damn piloting license revoked. Do you want to end up in jail on top of everything? Have you any clue what the cops would do if they caught you with this shit? Goddamn it, Frankie, how could you do this to me? How could you do this to Ella?"

Your voice quivers as you struggle to catch your breath. Years of bottled-up frustration and the pain of Frankie's betrayal finally overflow. Yet Frankie remains silent, avoiding your gaze and looking down at his own shoes in shame.

“FUCKING SAY SOMETHING” You roar as tears of anger start to fall down your face “You can’t just lie to me for weeks and hide cocaine in our home and not say anything!”

"Mi ciel..." Frankie softly starts, but you snap back, "Don't call me that, Frankie! You don’t have any right to call me that, especially not now!" The weight of your words hits Frankie, and his face fills with anguish.

"Please, you have to believe that I'm so damn sorry. I never meant for any of this. I wasn't going to take any of it, I fucking swear..." You scoff, cutting him off, "Oh, you swear? You've got cocaine in your goddamn boots, and you expect me to believe you weren't going to take any? Fuck, do you even have some on you now?" Swearing more than you’ve ever in your life, you realize you've unleashed a torrent of profanity that you can't seem to control. It's as if a dam has burst within you, and you're either unable or unwilling to stop it.

Frankie's silence hangs heavily in the air, his right-hand trembling with restless anxiety. A wave of numbing unease washes over you, and in a voice barely above a whisper, you manage to muster the words, "Frankie, do you have cocaine on you right now?" Frankie's hand, consumed by nerves, instinctively dives into his breast pocket, retrieving a small baggie. The tension in the room intensifies as he places it alongside the others on the table, its size and contents mirroring the rest.

Silence echoes in the room.

"Get out," you say with a stern voice.

"Wait, wait! I'm so damn sorry. I swear, I wasn't planning on touching any of it. It's just... knowing it's there, somehow it eases the pain that I can’t seem to get out of? But I promise you, I had no real intentions of actually using it. Please, please believe me!" Frankie pleads desperately, his voice trembling with a mix of fear and anguish.

"Are you even hearing the words coming out of your own mouth? Maybe you can fool yourself, but you can't fool me. Not anymore. If it was just me, maybe I could brush it off, but I won't let Estrella be exposed to that" you say unwaveringly, though deep inside, the pain of seeing Frankie's face twisted with anguish and devastation pierces your heart. "And let me be crystal clear, Frankie. I don't owe you a damn thing! You're the one who lied, the one who got lost in that haze, the one who chose drugs over your own damn family. Not me. Well, guess what Frankie? I've hit my breaking point."

"Hermosa, please, I'm begging you from the depths of my soul. I promise to change, to become a better person. I'll go to therapy, find a sponsor—whatever it takes to make things right. Please, don't do this to us," Frankie pleads desperately, his voice filled with pain and heartache as if every word is a cry for salvation. “I can’t bear the thought of a life without you, of losing the love that has defined everything for so long. Please hermosa” Frankie’s voice cracks and almost makes you flinch in your resolve. But you steel yourself.

"Don't put the blame on me, Frankie. I've already given you all the support I could. I've respected your silence, comforted you through your nightmares, and endured being pushed away. I've watched you withdraw into yourself, and nothing I did or said seemed to make a difference! I thought that if you didn't want to talk to me, it would be better if you spoke with a professional. I've made efforts to get you into therapy, rescheduling appointments when you didn't like the therapist, and even searched for support groups for veterans in the city, despite knowing well that you've never attended any of them. I've been working double shifts since before Ella was born because you've been grounded. I've held this family together with every ounce of my strength. I've pushed and pushed, but now, Frankie, I'm exhausted. I can't push anymore. What I need from you now is to leave and help yourself," you explain, your voice laden with exhaustion.

"What about Ella? Are you going to deny me the chance to see my own daughter?" Frankie's voice quivers with a mixture of anguish and frustration, as he feels himself losing control. In his desperation, he resorts to lashing out, aware of the vulnerabilities he can exploit, quite like the skilled military man he is, used to exploiting weaknesses in an opponent's defences.

"I can't believe you would even ask me that," you reply, feeling hurt. Frankie avoids your eyes, his own filled with shame for his hurtful words. "I'm not a monster. Of course, you can see Ella. But deep down, we both know it would be better for her if her father were to take care of himself," you continue in a softer tone. "I've tried to heal for you, Frankie, but now I realize this isn't healthy. This is a step you need to take on your own. I'm tired, and I can't do this anymore."

"What the hell happened to 'for better or for worse'? You promised me we'd face any storm together, but the moment things get tough, you fucking disappear," Frankie's voice loudly fills the air.

Raising your gaze, you respond defensively "That's just not fair, and you know it." Letting out a heavy sigh, you gather the strength to continue, "Frankie, I've done everything I can to support you, but it's becoming painfully clear that my love and help have only pushed you deeper into whatever hell you are in right now. Damn it, maybe my mom was onto something. Maybe I am broken or completely unlovable. Maybe there's something wrong with me if my own husband can't trust his wife and turns to drugs instead." Tears well up as you wrap your arms around yourself, the weight of sobs stuck in your throat. The raw emotions in your voice make it clear that this pain cuts deep.

"No, no, no, Mi cielo, don't say that. I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean any of it, fuck, I didn't mean any of it. I know you tried; I know you've been trying for so long. You are not unlovable; you are the most amazing woman in the world. I am the one who doesn’t deserve you, I am the one who has never deserved you. Fuck I can’t believe I would say that to you, how could I make you feel like that." Frankie's voice loses its strength.

"None of this is your fault; it's all on me. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll go and seek help, and I promise you, I'll become the man that both you and Ella deserve," Frankie's voice quivers with remorse as he slowly approaches you, his arms outstretched, seeking to bring you into a comforting embrace.

But you are unable to bear your husband’s touch just yet and so you raise one trembling hand while keeping the other tightly wrapped around yourself, motioning for him to halt. "No, please... I can't handle your touch right now. I... I know I'll flinch, and it's not what you need, what Ella needs," you express with a quiver in your voice, a delicate blend of vulnerability and unwavering determination. "I'll be at work tomorrow, from 8 am to 6 pm, and Mrs. Hu will be taking care of Ella. You can come and collect anything you need during that time."

Frankie's sobs grip him overwhelmingly, tears cascading down his face like a torrent, but he manages to muster a nod of acceptance before slowly making his way toward the door. Just as his trembling hand reaches for the doorknob, he pauses, his gaze locked with yours, his voice barely a whisper choked with emotion.

"I'm really, really sorry, Mi cielo. The pain I've caused you is too much, and I carry the weight of my mistakes like a heavy burden. I want you to know that I take full responsibility for hurting our relationship and our family. It's all my fault, and I can't even find the words to express how deeply I regret everything."

His voice trembles, revealing the desperation in his heart as he goes on, “But please, trust me when I tell you that I won't give up. I won't let cocaine define who I can be. I'll find a way, no matter how tough the road ahead, to mend the broken parts of myself. I'll seek the help and guidance I need to heal, to become the husband and father that both you and Ella deserve."

And with that, he gathers the strength to turn away. His footsteps gradually fade as he leaves the room, leaving behind the lingering echoes of what you hope is Frankie’s sincere promise.

As the door closes, you crumble to the ground, consumed by doubt, pain, and anxiety. The weight of your actions bears down heavily, suffocating any shred of certainty. Questions flood your mind: Have you betrayed the sacred promises of your marriage? The thought gnaws at your conscience, tormenting you relentlessly. Perhaps, if you had been more understanding, more accommodating, this heart-wrenching situation could have been prevented. The self-blame intensifies, distorting your sense of self-worth into a hollow mockery.

Frankie has barely been gone for a few seconds, and yet your heart screams to chase after him. The urge to fix what's broken, to salvage the crumbling remnants of your relationship, grips you with an iron fist. But amidst the chaos of emotions, a flicker of clarity emerges. This painful separation, as agonizing as it feels, is something you need. It's a painful necessity for your own well-being, for the sake of Ella, and for the survival of your fractured family.

Trembling with uncertainty, you repeat to yourself like a desperate mantra, "You need this. You need this." Each word echoes with a haunting mix of determination, fear, and hope, reminding you of the bitter truth that sometimes, the most agonizing path is the only way forward.

You find yourself repeating the words over and over again, the echoes resounding through the shattered fragments of your soul. It becomes a desperate mantra, a chant that reverberates within the hollow chambers of your being: "You can't flinch. You mustn't flinch. You can't flinch. You mustn't flinch." Each repetition, like a plea to yourself, carries the weight of your determination to stay strong, to withstand the emotional turmoil that engulfs you.

Exhaustion eventually overtakes you, guiding your weary steps towards yours and Frankie's bedroom – now yours alone for the foreseeable future. As you reach the edge of your bed, a profound emptiness permeates your soul, accentuating the hollow void within. A sight catches your attention: the green duvet carelessly tossed on the floor, a remnant of the hasty morning departure.

With a heavy sigh, you pick up the comforter, its fabric still carrying traces of Frankie's presence. Bringing it close to your face, you inhale deeply, drawing in his lingering scent, a bittersweet reminder of the love that once thrived in this room. Wrapping yourself in the duvet, you cocoon your fragile frame, seeking solace in its familiar itchy warmth. The world around you fades away as you surrender to a dreamless slumber, where you hope to find some respite from the relentless ache in your heart.

Next Chapter

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Rio: Hiya babe Rio: what's good? Nancy: I need to like Nancy: ugh idk it's such a bad idea, like I already know Rio: You wanna Thelma and Louise? Nancy: Who wouldn't want that much gay subtext Rio: Susan Saradon is a babe Rio: what's the actual drama then, shitty husbands and creeps at bars assumedly ain't it Nancy: Okay so you know how I have the misfortune of having to share a birthday, well, now he also wants me to do a joint party Nancy: except not Nancy: he wants my share of the guestlist cos he's gone over his own Rio: Seriously Rio: 🙄 Rio: Well that sounds like a nightmare Nancy: Right? Like I don't have to see enough of all his fuckboy friends already Rio: So you've actually got to be there Rio: that's so rude on so many levels Nancy: I might just leave once mum and dad do, it's not like they're gonna stay and chaperone all night Nancy: That's where you come in Nancy: Save my birthday from total ruin, yeah? Rio: They should, last party I went to the house was basically a write-off after Rio: What can I do, obviously I'll do it but catch me up Nancy: Oh Nancy: maybe they will and I will have to stay Nancy: But my original idea was more Thelma & Louise, naturally Nancy: You're the most fun person I know Nancy: and it is Halloween, there's gotta be something else on offer Rio: Yeah, you do live in one of the most exciting places in the world, nbd Rio: of course there's something more fun to do! Rio: I'll start looking now Nancy: You're actually the best ever Rio: N'awh, you're so cute 💖 Rio: see how quick you are with the compliments after I've saved you 😘 Nancy: 😉 Nancy: Who's immune to such blatant heroics? Nancy: If you save me from having to spend a minute at this party you can have anything you want Rio: 😳 Rio: Steady on Rio: I'm good, might not be THAT good Nancy: I was more thinking from my wardrobe Nancy: You're not really my type, cos of the whole related and straight thing Rio: Sure Rio: that whole thing Rio: not gonna turn down a tour of your latest purchases obvs Nancy: That sounds really flirty still but I'll go with the less awkward version of events Nancy: Things are weird enough with this party, like Rio: I can't help being this irresistible, babe Rio: but I won't say it's a date, just a plan Nancy: You're flirting with me but sure, we can both be irresistible, I guess Rio: I am not Rio: Straight and sharing DNA, remember Rio: you only got 1/2 so you're more suss Nancy: A lesbian remember? One convo and you're moving in Rio: 😂 Rio: Won't just do carry on then Rio: tah for the warning Nancy: You're so welcome Rio: Already gonna look so underdressed without being caught without 😱 Nancy: Um with full access to my wardrobe, not for long Nancy: Anything less than utter perfection is not an option if I have to show my face at the party for even half a second Nancy: I'm beyond prepared, and in case you can't tell, beyond STRESSED Rio: I caught that Rio: gurl you're gonna get stress spots if you don't tone it down Rio: you'll look 🔥 Rio: assume it's a costume party? Nancy: God, don't, the girls he invited would love that to happen to me Nancy: especially cos no, it's not Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Honestly, you had one job Rio: such an easy cop-out Nancy: He says no costume could make him look as hot as his labels, that's a paraphrase, I wasn't listening well enough to deliver a direct quote, sadly Rio: 🤢 Rio: Please don't try any harder to remember that was upsetting enough Rio: definitely find something better to do Nancy: Right? I literally get gayer every time he opens his mouth Rio: 😂 Rio: Not a choice but if it was, I get it Nancy: God was like, with him as a brother you've suffered enough Rio: Though it would be funny if you can find a man more unbearable Rio: he'd be fuming Nancy: My dad too Rio: Oh, the male posturing Rio: let me down, if no one else Rio: such a laugh Nancy: Maybe I should have turned this plan on its head and come to you to celebrate Nancy: Get away from it all Nancy: his friends are like clones and nobody thinks that's bizarre Nancy: like the girls are just 😍💘💋 Rio: Match their boys to their bags Rio: weird Rio: we should still do something special for you though Rio: it's your birthday as well, after-all Nancy: Yeah but I'm the weird one, okay then Nancy: It is but I don't feel as if I need to be all 🎉🎂👑 Nancy: He's got that covered Rio: Don't worry, I know your style Rio: and that it ain't his Nancy: He doesn't have any Rio: 🔥 Rio: ice that on the cake, babe Nancy: If ANYTHING was allowed to be homemade I would Rio: Can't imagine your Ma in a pinny, like Nancy: If my dad asked, then maybe Nancy: They are so gross but that's a convo to have in therapy one day Rio: Yeah, that is NOT my present to you Rio: lemme get qualified Nancy: What ARE you getting me though? Rio: No spoilers! Nancy: 😞😞😞 Rio: Surprises are fun Rio: don't be sad Nancy: Never in this house Nancy: But I trust in your gifting abilities Nancy: 🧡 Rio: And I'll bring over all the kids...interesting homemade attempts Rio: what more could you ask for? Nancy: Tell Junior he's so rude for refusing to get on a plane Nancy: It's not a phobia if you just don't want to Rio: Real talk Rio: ride or die until he's scared he'll end up at this party too Rio: bless Nancy: Like, I get it, I don't want to be in Chelsea either but I'd do it for him Rio: I ain't getting in the middle of gay drama Rio: I know better Rio: I could beg on your behalf but we both know, unlikely Nancy: Oh my god, you're not allowed to out him, even to me Nancy: It's a secret that we all know, okay Rio: 🤐 Rio: I do forget he's younger than us, like actually no pressure but also you know NONE of us are gonna be mad so Nancy: So problematic, you'd fit right in at the party actually Nancy: He's an adorable little old man Rio: 😱 Rio: 'Scuse me Rio: don't be starting beef with me, I'm coming Nancy: 😂 Rio: Literally so rude Rio: don't make me flip my hair at you Nancy: Babe please, I can do it better Nancy: Mine's so long now Rio: Alright showoff 😉 Rio: mine would be too if I straightened it Nancy: [sends a show offy hair flip clip but cute like look] Rio: Awh, you look so cute 🧡 Nancy: I look so 🥕 but I make it work Rio: straight 🔥 I swear Nancy: Okay but never use straight to refer to me, thanks Rio: Such a hater Nancy: Of men, exactly Nancy: You would be too if you went to our school though Rio: I can imagine Rio: tory central Nancy: Lord, it's like a timewarp of values but the levels of privilege have kept sky rocketing Nancy: The party's gonna be like Gatsby's except if the green light was shots and nudes Rio: Ahh the irony Rio: How do you stay even slightly sane/normal Nancy: I don't Nancy: They are the 'normal' ones and I'm obviously insane with grief about it Nancy: Oh please let me in your oh so exclusive club so I don't have to hang my head in shame Rio: nah, fuck that Rio: just the lunatics running the asylum Nancy: I hate it here so much Rio: Is there anyone vaguely decent you hang with? Nancy: No Rio: That's so crap Nancy: I'd rather have no friends than fake ones cos there's nobody real around Rio: I feel that too Rio: but its hard having to spend, what, 7 hours a day alone and surrounded by dickheads Rio: hope you're making your weekends worth it, yeah Nancy: I'd love it if they left me alone Nancy: That's what weekends are for, definitely Rio: Enough about those boring bitches anyway Rio: my mum wants to talk to yours, the usual, but they're cool with it so Rio: 👍 Nancy: I'll let her know when she comes in Rio: 🤞 she doesn't talk her ear off so hard she won't let me come like hell no, this fucking family Nancy: I can't even let that be a possibility Nancy: Do you want me to have a birthday breakdown, mum? Nancy: I don't think you have time in the schedule for that Rio: Hit her up with those birthday demands Rio: it's my party and I WILL cry if you don't do what I want, like Nancy: I don't wanna go there but if I have to, I will Rio: 👑 Rio: if there's ever a time to be a tiny bit of a diva Rio: I have to make a fuss or bitches will be tryna skip to Christmas like nah Nancy: That's so rude Nancy: To you and your dad Nancy: Also who in the hell wants to skip to Christmas? It's so stressful oh my god Nancy: Give me all the shopping days, thanks Rio: Seriously Rio: not a grinch or anything, gimme presents then too but come on Rio: attention is the best 🎁 for the eldest of 10, duh Nancy: Do you wanna be the joint guest of honor at this party instead of me? Nancy: As far as attention goes, you wouldn't get more unless you lock Buster in his room or something beforehand Rio: 😂 I know you're not identical but I don't think your ma would appreciate the insinuation that me and him are in any way twinning Nancy: You could wear a costume Nancy: He'd hate that as much as he'd hate sharing the spotlight even a little Rio: No shade but 0 lack of desire to white face Rio: but that's tempting, have I even got time to think of a decent costume though Rio: hmm Nancy: I can't lie, I'd be tempted if I was staying Rio: We so should Rio: maybe we'll need one for wherever we're going once you've made your joint wish or whatever the fuck Nancy: I'm with you on everything except I'm never blowing out candles with him for as long as I live Rio: Jokes, you definitely have enough 💸 for separate wishes Nancy: 🙏 Rio: This will be fun Rio: I'll send you details of anything that sounds good then Nancy: I'll send you any costume ideas I have, obvously Nancy: Thanks Ri Nancy: You seriously are the best Rio: Definitely Rio: and don't mention it, I had nothing good on anyway, this'll be way more fun than whatever lame party I was gonna be at Nancy: I feel like I definitely just complained about my life this entire convo Nancy: Which needs to be mentioned since I didn't even ask how you are or anything Nancy: Like, yeah that's gay culture but you know Rio: Nah, it's your bday, soon Rio: fully in support of that diva ish remember 👑 Rio: and same old same old here Rio: all good Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: Feels like forever since we've had a real life interaction Nancy: I'm glad you're coming Rio: It has been a while Rio: always feels like that since Schools in full swing and sucking the life outta us all like summer never happened Nancy: Unless you're Buster and school's your playground Nancy: I'm honestly surprised he isn't breaking in to have the party there since he loves it so much Rio: When you're gonna peak, gotta make the most, I guess 🤷 Nancy: I wish, you know he's just gonna keep doing better and better Nancy: Failure's not an option, like Rio: Not an option but a reality Rio: all well and good living that mantra and letting it take you as far as it can but I swear, real life is gonna hit him so hard, it won't be good Nancy: Maybe I took his share and mine, that'd be about right Nancy: I'll throw him a party for his mid life crisis though, of course Nancy: What are sister's for Rio: 😂 Can't wait to meet his hilariously age-inappropriate bae and pretend to give a shit about his sports car, like Nancy: I'll show up in mine like hey bro, older, hotter girlfriend in toe Rio: 🙌 Rio: Power moves Nancy: She can drive so I just get to pose even more extra when we turn up Rio: and you just want a driver, lbr 😜 Nancy: You'll thank me for not driving Nancy: The girlfriend who doesn't exist won't when I'm that distracting, though Rio: 😏 Rio: go off boo Nancy: If only that saying was true Nancy: about quiet ones Rio: can be Nancy: I can't even remember how it goes Rio: it's always yous, basically Rio: bit ominous Nancy: Oh Rio: Init Rio: Junie can't be convinced Rio: spent a solid 30 there trying Nancy: He's no longer my best friend, you are Nancy: Next time he wants to know how to let a girl down gently I'm not helping Rio: 💔 Rio: cold, I'll break that news to him gentle tho Rio: old times sake Nancy: My mum's just text me so I'll gently persuade her that you need to like, stay forever Nancy: Easy, obviously Rio: Obviously Rio: with your persuasion skills and her laidback attitude Rio: 😉 Nancy: She's in such a great mood too after another meeting with my form teacher who is himself convinced that Dyslexia only affects working class children Nancy: I tried to tell him that's the stock I'm bred from but he also believes that girls should be seen and not heard, like Rio: Ugh Rio: What a prick Rio: though not that surprised Rio: any issues and the royals hide their kids in asylums so Nancy: They only let girls in during the last century or whatever so he's far to old to have ever interacted with one Rio: Yeah, probs far too invested in the boys if the stereotypes keep ringing true Nancy: Gross but probably true Rio: Someone has to rub 'em down after rugger, babe Rio: 🤷 Nancy: Stop trying to trigger PTSD in me Rio: 😂 soz Rio: jus' sayin' silver lining you don't have to deal with the predatory masters, even if they at best tolerate your existens Nancy: Thank god, since I came out more lads have told me they fancy me than ever before, I'm already inundated and wanna die Rio: Nothing sexier than unavailability Nancy: Nothing sexy about how they show their 'interest' though Nancy: If that's how they approach straight girls I don't know how we've survived as a species Rio: Go on, wow me with their chat Rio: need a laugh Nancy: Most of them don't even bother to speak, their love language is clearly touch Rio: 😬 Rio: Rapey Nancy: It's scary, like Nancy: I thought posh boys were meant to be repressed Rio: Nah, they're THE worst Rio: untouchable in return for all the grabbing they're into Rio: and SO many mommy/daddy issues Nancy: Gross Rio: Fun if you're feeling it for the weekend but yeah Rio: not a mood you wanna marry into really Nancy: If I wasn't gay before I definitely am now you tried to force your tongue down my throat in the middle of the school hallway, thanks so much 🙄 Rio: That's so grim Rio: hope you smacked him Nancy: My brother has essentially one use to me Rio: It's something Rio: don't discount it Nancy: I can't unless I also wanna take up boxing myself Nancy: Not really my thing so Rio: Least you know he gives some shits, yeah Nancy: He likes to hit stuff Nancy: I've always known that Rio: Yeah Nancy: Anyway, I have to go Nancy: If I ignore this deadline it won't Nancy: and the essay won't write itself either Rio: Oh no Rio: lame Rio: but good 🍀 Nancy: Thanks, I need it Nancy: At least until my mum gets back and I can ask her about romantic classicism Rio: I'm too dumb and poor for this shit, sorry xoxo Nancy: I do have the money to buy myself an essay where my brain has failed me Nancy: but I'd have to make it look Dyslexic enough so I might as well just write it Rio: 💔 Rio: Sad times, princess, sad times Nancy: ikr 👑💧 that's my crown of tears not like Nancy: any other liquids Nancy: I'm definitely not putting any sweat into it Rio: 💪 you got this Nancy: I've got 🍀 because of you Nancy: I'll make it work Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Nancy: xxx

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