#I'm being silly but for real I hate those five a lot

[dougiejack]

Ranking the team hashtags based on how much it makes me want to vomit

this one is just the name of the team which is fine #Yotes, #NHLBruins, #Flames, #Blackhawks, #CBJ, #MNWild, #Preds, #NJDevils, #Isles, #NYR, #SJSharks, #SeaKraken, #STLBlues, #Canucks

thin ice! (It's not creative if it's the same as five other teams!) #LetsGoBuffalo, #GoAvsGO, #LetsGoOilers, #GoKingsGo, #GoHabsGo, #GoSensGo, #LetsGoFlyers, #LetsGoPens, #LeafsForever, #VegasBorn, #ALLCAPS (but secretly I like this one), #GoJetsGo

i hope you never know the touch of lord stanley's cup #FlyTogether: this reads like the hashtag for United Airlines. Also it doesn't tell me which team it is. Lots of teams can fly. Flyers, Jets, Coyotes if properly motivated... #CauseChaos: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TEAM THIS IS?? #TexasHockey: Don't brag about being in Texas, also what if they DO give Houston a team? Huh? What then? #LGRW: When I told my gf, a Wings fan, about this hashtag she made the ew face from the Freaks and Geeks meme #TimeToHunt: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And this one isn't the Preds? Because the Preds' hashtag is just their fucking name because they don't hate me???

[steddieas-shegoes]

congrats on 3000!!! 🎉🍾🎊💖

For the sentence prompt: "I'm just gonna go freak out for a minute first."

Thank you!!!! ♥️

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

Steve was holding his hand while the doctor checked his stitches. It wasn’t really that weird for him to be holding his hand, not since he woke up half-dead in the hospital.

It was a little weird that he was rubbing his thumb against the side of his thumb, though.

And probably a little weird that his other hand was resting on his head, a weight that was comforting and confusing all at once.

“Looks great, Eddie. I’d say by the next visit, we’ll be able to get them out and let these finish healing naturally,” the doctor smiled at him as he pulled his shirt back down.

Steve’s hand squeezed his, and he couldn’t help looking over at the sunshine in the seat next to him.

It had to be pretty obvious how he felt about Steve. He’s lucky none of the kids have caught on and started teasing him yet.

Robin has, but at least she knows to do it privately.

“I’ll have the front desk schedule you for two weeks out. You can grab an appointment card on the way out. Keep them all clean and don’t do any heavy lifting or physical activity quite yet,” the doctor reminded as she pulled off her gloves and threw them in the trash. “You boys have a nice day.”

As she left the room, Steve helped Eddie sit up slowly. He didn’t really need the help anymore, but he’d be an idiot to admit it with how much Steve touched him.

“Two more weeks, Eds! That’s better than what they thought last time,” Steve was so excited for him. His smile was lighting up the room and he looked five seconds away from bouncing on his feet.

“Yeah, it’s great.”

“Aren’t you excited?” Steve’s smile dropped at Eddie’s tone.

“Yeah! Yeah, it’ll be great to have less limits. Might be able to get the guys together for a jam session,” Eddie gave a small smile.

“But…?”

Eddie sighed. “But then you won’t be around anymore, right? Like, other than when we all hang out on movie nights. You only stuck around because no one else could really help me every day. Everyone had work or families that wouldn’t let them out of their sight.”

Steve looked heartbroken, and Eddie couldn’t figure out why.

“Eddie, I’m not gonna leave you just because you don’t technically need me anymore,” Steve shook his head. “We’re- we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Of course! I mean, I thought so. But I know it could just be that you feel bad and I wouldn’t expect you to stick around because of that.”

Steve grabbed his other hand, his grip tightening on Eddie’s skin almost painfully.

“I wanna stick around for a lot of reasons, Eds.”

Eddie was caught in his gaze, his wide, pleading eyes almost too much.

“Like what?”

“Like because you’re fun to be around. You’re funny and talented and smart. You taught me about Hobbits! Love those guys,” Steve stepped closer. “You’re brave and you care about all of us. You-“ Steve swallowed. “You see me. The real me.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie’s heart was racing as he looked between Steve’s eyes, down to his lips where his tongue had poked out momentarily to wet them.

“You’ve seen me when my parents have come home and made me feel like shit and you just distracted me with singing whatever pop songs are on the radio and helping me cook dinner. You’ve been there when I had a two day long migraine and couldn’t even stand up to go to the bathroom. You made grocery shopping fun! I fucking hate grocery shopping, but you just keep being silly and making me laugh and I had fun.” Steve leaned in so his forehead was touching Eddie’s. “You laugh at my jokes, even when they aren’t that funny. You listen to me when no one else pays attention. You see who I am and you let me be who I am and I don’t feel scared that you’ll run.”

“I’m not running.”

“I know. I love that you aren’t, that you won’t.” Steve closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they were watery. “I love you.”

Eddie was certain he was dead. Maybe the last month had all been some coma-induced dream and they finally pulled the plug. Maybe he actually died in the Upside Down and the last month was his final goodbye to everyone in his own head.

He stood up slowly, trying not to push Steve away, but having to guide him away from the table he’d been laying on.

“Where are you going? You’re not leaving, right?”

“Nope. I’m just gonna go freak out for a minute first.”

“Um.”

Eddie smiled, leaned in to kiss Steve’s cheek, and pulled away.

“Give me a minute. This is either the most realistic dream I’ve ever had or the best day of my life.”

Steve snorted, but let him walk to the door and stand outside of it for a moment.

When Eddie came back in, his cheeks were red, but he looked determined.

He pulled Steve into him by his hips, crushed their lips together, and smiled so hard their teeth clacked against each other. It was a little messy for a first kiss, but they could get better.

“You love me? Really?”

“I thought it was obvious,” Steve laughed as they pulled apart.

“I thought I was obvious!”

“Not really. I was convinced I was imaging things! Robin had to explain to me what the hanky code was before I even believed you liked guys!”

They both laughed so hard they cried, forgetting entirely that they were still in the doctor’s examination room.

Someone knocked on the door and they broke apart quickly, trying to stop the laughter for a moment to deal with whoever was at the door.

A nurse poked her head in. “Sorry, don’t wanna rush you, but just wanted to make sure everything was okay? Did you need to see the doctor again?”

“No, no. Sorry. We’re heading out. He just needed a minute,” Steve said quickly, smiling back at her.

She nodded and left, leaving the door open as a silent reminder that they needed to disinfect the room for the next patient.

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”

“You don’t have to say it just-“

“I’m not. I’m saying it because I love you. I see you, remember? There’s a lot there to love.”

Steve turned a bright red, and Eddie decided then he would do just about anything to see that shade on Steve’s cheeks and neck as often as possible.

“Let’s go home,” Steve finally said when he recovered. “Wanna kiss you more.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

[honksapling]

My The Umbrella Academy S4 Review (Spoliers)

just watched s4 of TUA and my reaction matches everyone's disappointment on here :/

first of all positives (not a lot): I did like the subway multiverse idea that seemed cool, viktor and reggie's team up was surprisingly pleasant to see and that's practically it.

I loathe the idea of "one pure timeline" it puts limits to creativity and erases the idea of endless possibilities. and that "killing them all fixes everything" was such a cheap cop out.

IDK whose idea it was of 6eps or that netflix forced them but the whole thing was soo rushed. and lot of people have already pointed out plot holes. we practically know nothing about Durango or why jennifer had it? why was jen in a squid? i feel like I just don't care about her enough.

And now the thing most of us HATED; character assassinations. Viktor, allison, klaus were fine enough I think (they weren't done as dirty as rest of them). sparrow ben, no matter how insufferable, seemed true to his character. Luther is still treated as a joke throughout and diego's fat shaming (when he wasn't even fat) was NOT funny. both of them were body shamed so unnecessarily.

now onto lila and five, lila first. even though her being a stay-at-home mom made no sense to me, I made my peace with it early on. i wish we'd seen more of her relation with her parents. her cheating on diego was NONSENSICAL, that's just not how her character is. believe me I thought in first few eps that 'lila cheating' was gonna be some silly running joke esp that they were showing it with FIVE of all people. but even if we take into consideration whole "stranded in lost timelines with five only" might have led to her making mistakes ATLEAST she came to her senses and realised "it isn't real, it's survival"

It makes me feel sad to talk about five in this szn. He's my THE FAVOURITE of ALLL. even this szn, like every other, I was sooo excited for each scene five was gonna be in. but as the szn went on I dreaded awaiting any of his scenes. i HATED him this szn. he is not only so out of character being so uncaring and aloof about his family, nothing he does makes any sense? i could totally see him thinking 'he's in love with lila' during the 6yrs but the five I know and love WOULD NOT abandon his family, no matter what, esp for a girl he thinks he loves. Those two were NOT in love, Lila was smart enough to realise it, and I cannot possibly believe Five is dumb enough to not Five spent 40 years in apocalypse tryna come back to his family, he would NEVER give up on them, NEVER let them go. I'm just so disappointed in him this season :((

i just didnt see the dynamics of characters in this szn like in others, the reason I loved this show in first place :(

that's all for now ig

[gold-fire]

🥤🦷☁️🧩🦴

Thank you so much for the questions anon! 🥰

🥤: Recommend a fanfic or an author you love.

Well there are amazing authors and amazing fics and I'm discovering a new great ones but the author that inspire me to write Azutara and make me love them it's @itspronouncedjulia with the best fic ever in my opinion Aequus: Nature so of course that is my author and fic recommendation; I actually have read the whole fic three times and there are chapters I reread more than five times or so. I also recommend all her other Azutara fics, she's a really great writer.

Also since I love Tyzula I want to recommend EmberCartwright who has a lot of one-shots or multi chapters of Tyzula and each of their fics are absolutely amazing; my personal favorites (since they have 118 fics) are Bathroom Whispers and Her Mask.

🦷: Share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on.

So I don't know guys if you know I'm from Spain and my favorite meal is the legendary Paella Valenciana (careful there are a lot of restaurants even in Spain who offer Paella and it's a shit with chorizo and peas and more shitty things). The real thing it's the best trick to make the best paella ever and make your friend worship you it's by using arroz bomba which it's a specific type or rice who is the best one to use for making paellas.

☁️: What made you choose your username.

So I don't know if I ever talk about this but I love Azula hahaha, and my first username as guest in AO3 was BlueFire because of Azula's fire color. But then when I create an account as a writer in AO3 I couldn't remember the password of that account and since the name was taken I couldn't use it so I love the color gold and though it was a cool color for fire to, so that why I choose GoldFire.

🧩: What will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

So I read fanfictions from PJO, GoT, DC and of course ATLA so for example I hate incest but in the GoT and even PJO it's inevitable the incest and I like it in those fandoms but in ATLA it repulse me.

Also what it makes me click away are the ships, there are many ships I can't stand and when I see them I don't even start reading story (there can be an exception if it's a great work of art and the ship I hate it's a secondary thing and barely appears in the story).

Also I love Azula and I love omegaverse but I don't like the idea of Azula being an omega so if she's an omega I won't read the fic never, I also headcanon Azula as tall or at least taller than her girlfriend so if she's short or shorter than her girlfriend I won't read it (Azula shipped with a man it's a crime so I will click away with that to).

🦴: Is there a piece of media that inspires you writing?

So the principal motivation I get from writing it's music. I don't if sounds silly but listening to songs (specially Disney ones) make me imagine new stories and plots for new or stories or stories I already start writing.

[oodlyenough]

fic 20 questions

1. how many works do you have on Ao3? 127...! I have had the account since 2009, lol.

2. what's your total Ao3 word count? 707,519

3. what fandoms do you write for? Generally I only write for one at a time, which is currently Ace Attorney. Not counting the odd one-offs for ask memes over the years, the other big ones were Arcane, Borderlands, Doctor Who and the wizard books.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Commutative Law (Arcane)

Window of Opportunity (Arcane)

Where the Air is Rarefied (HP)

Prestidigitation (Arcane)

Contingency Planning (Arcane)

Lmao, 4 of 5 written in 2022. You can see the power of writing m/m in a popular new fandom VS my entire other library at the time. Admittedly at some point I made a concerted effort to try and knock HP down from top spot, which was successful. For now. Jayvik fandom has quieted down a lot.

5. do you respond to comments? Yes. Sometimes it takes a while because if it's a particularly thoughtful comment I try to give a particularly thoughtful reply, and it can take time to gather my thoughts.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm going to discount oneshots because the tone in one-shots tends to be more consistent throughout the piece rather than being about the "ending" yknow.

So probably King and Country, a Doctor Who fic cowritten with @go-ldy way back when. Technically a happy ending if you factor in immense amounts of off-screen couples therapy lmao. But we had originally written something much simpler and happier, and it didn't fit the story at all, so we went back and wrote something heavier for the closing chapter, which is why it sticks in my mind.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I think probably Anachronism, the 95k Borderlands epic. I had always had a rough image of the four main characters happy together by the end, and it was also my swansong in Borderlands fandom, so I wanted it to be an optimistic, happy ending (especially in contrast to whatever the hell is going on in the canon there now lmfaoooo). Plus the rest of the fic was quite angsty, and the ending was hopeful and happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not in recent memory. Once upon a time I got a couple disgruntled comments in Doctor Who fandom, and perhaps funniest of all found people complaining about my fic on LJ in French, unaware I read French.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Nope I'm a big baby who gets too embarrassed. I've written some pretty soft-focus M rated stuff but nothing I think could rightly be called smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I wrote a short joke crossover between Doctor Who and Inspector Spacetime, the Doctor Who parody from Community. I don't think that one made the leap from Teaspoon to AO3 actually.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, a number of times. It's very flattering. Mostly Borderlands fics and mostly into Russian iirc, but there's been a few over the years. Sometimes people ask, and I say "sure, drop me a link!" and I never hear back, so I'm not sure if they forgot to link or just never finished translating to begin with.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? My longest and best DW fics with @go-ldy way back when! Not so much since.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I'm gonna be real it always just feels like whatever I'm into at the moment. And, actually, not necessarily something I write fic for -- like Pricefield is an all-timer for me, easy, but I have never written fic and I haven't read all that much either. If I were narrowing to tree, one of "each" lol, probably Doctor/Rose, Pricefield and Narumitsu.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Don't have any. I know I will never finish them (RIP Fixer-Upper and Silly Love Songs) as I've lost interest in those fandoms.

16. What are your writing strengths? I'd like to think I am good at packing emotional and/or character beats into a concise scene or story. Adding missing scenes or elaborating on canon scenes to give some additional depth or meaning without really deviating from the source.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Definitely plot. I will get stumped on the technicalities of things for ages -- I might know an emotional scene I'd like to write, but hell if I know how to get them there. It's why I primarily write one-shots. Also I struggle with any kind of scenery or set description.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I avoid it as much as I can. (Which so far has been entirely, lol.) I don't speak any other languages well enough to write dialogue in them and feel awkward relying on Google translate or hitting up random friends to do that work for me. I am more likely to use the "said something in [language]" approach.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I actually can't be sure but I think it was 101 Dalmatians. The animated one. When I was like, 7.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I'm gonna cheat and do one per fandom:

Anachronism (Borderlands) -> biggest, most complicated, plotty fic I have ever written, with four main characters and every combination of relationship between them as the focus. Took 3 damn years. Very proud of it.

Unravel (Ace Attorney) -> total recency bias here but I'm very happy with it and it scratched a very particular itch for me, fleshing out a relationship and characters that exist mostly in the fringes of canon, something I used to do lots of but haven't in recent years

Contingency Planning (Arcane) -> an emotional sucker punch fic in my humble opinion, happiest with it

Out of the Howling (Doctor Who, with @go-ldy) -> actually I had a hard time picking a DW fic. But this was our last together and most complex, so it wins. Also the Master is fun as hell to write.

I am supposed to tag people! I am not sure who else has already been tagged. Do it or don't, I'm not your boss, happy new year 🎊 @annalyticall @heavybreathingcatt @sandboxer @mutxnts @tinsnip @tlonista @themirokai

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

I'm hardly gonna judge for it, but it's fascinating how over time, more parts decided they like being called ‘it’ as a pronoun. It's kinda funny, even. Maybe it's because of how foster care intentionally dehumanized us so much. Maybe it's how people also call cats ‘it’, and we feel special kinship with them because they were kinder than humans a lot of the time. Or maybe think of it like this: “It's a creature.” “It's real, really there.” “It's just trying to live and prosper.” “All it wants is to be happy and loved, like anyone else.”

Hell, even I like using it as a pronoun now. I like being referred to as ‘it’, in a “fuck you I'm owning this shit now” kinda way. I know some parts still get awkward, but it's a blend of gender euphoria and just quite seriously enjoying it as a matter of spite.

At the same time, because of the main use of the word ‘it’, I also feel less compelled to act like a proper ‘person’ at all times. Humans are still just silly adorable animals that developed enough curiosity and self-awareness to ask the really big questions about life (fun fact: sometimes the questions are more important than the answers). Calling myself it also reminds me that I'm here and as real as anyone or anything else.

In private, we do strange things. Sometimes we entirely hang traditional ideas of human identity up at the bedroom door. We're human as a matter of biology, and that's enough for us.

I hate when people are obsessed with what it means to be human, as if the experience alone isn't the only set meaning, and the rest is up to us to decide. Because the meaning of our individual lives is just that simple. We live, and make the rest up as we go along. Sure it's hard, but no one else's ideas will ever be quite as satisfying as your own personal meaning.

Organized religion and shit? Those are the social structures for belief in a meaning to life. They're what you hang the drapes of your personal beliefs on, ideally. But sometimes you have to actively search for the right framework to use. And yes, some presented frameworks are outright dangerous to use, and should never have been made.

(To the rest of the system): I think the twenty-five years of isolation and only music reaching me left me with a penchant for philosophy. The music did, of course, teach me poetry. I'd like to look at what I managed to push through to another part.

-Kitt 🏮😺

[cgetbrmj]

hi hello I just woke up so I’m sorry if this is not coherent whatsoever!! Anyway, *throws my headcanons at you.*

Coriolanus Snow:

Literal definition of just a little guy. Does he go on to be an awful person? OK YES MAYBE but for now he’s a little guy

Probably like a baby regressor. I cannot be the only person who saw him in the hospital and was like ??? Are those children’s pyjamas ??? (It was a hospital gown and I know that now.)

Has such a strong hate towards regressing like he will actively avoid it,,,he’s probably never would’ve done it willingly if Sejanus didn’t talk him into it like a lot.

Def regresses because of trauma. He’s lived through a war and never really had a childhood!! *shakes your shoulders aggressively* HOW ARE WE SLEEPING ON THIS????

He is such a crybaby…but like in the way where he tries so hard to bottle everything up because he doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone (no I’m not projecting wtf are you talking about?? /sarc) anyway he fails every time

It’s also always a battle to get him to eat, you must act like this is the most yummy thing in the world then maybe just maybe he’ll take a bite.

Personal headcanon that he never actually gave the plinth family that photo, like he had full intentions too but dude kept it for himself and would get a little sad and small when he sees it :((

ANYWAY GOING BACK TO CANON NOT BEING REAL BECAUSE ITS SAD. Definitely like needs baby stuff like pacifiers and fluffy pyjamas and stuffed animals. Because first and foremost he’d look so cute with them and secondly Sejanus would so have the money for it like dude would probably build a nursery

Coryo is so anxious to use said baby stuff because he partially thinks he doesn’t deserve it and partially thinks that he shouldn’t be regressing in the first place which like :((

Final thoughts is that Sejanus is definitely main cg I mean hello?? And Lucy Gray and Tigris babysit him sometimes

Sejanus Plinth:

Caregiver. Fretting overprotective caregiver to an anxious crybaby Coryo. 

Definitely leans towards the sappier nicknames, “sweetheart, baby,” occasionally “kiddo.” 

Will spoil Coryo to hell and back. 

Not strict whatsoever, the biggest punishment this man would be willing to give would be a five minute time out. Realistically. He’s also morally against punishments so Coryo would probably have to do something absolutely awful to deserve that.

Definitely better with younger Littles, which is why him and Coryo fit so well together.

Realistically he won’t leave Coryo alone for even a second in headspace, one he’s just clingy like that, and two, he doesn’t want anything happening to him while he’s gone.

Brings Coryo his Ma’s homemade cookies. He knows this boy doesn’t eat as much as he should be.

:3 just felt a little silly goofy 

also love love love LOVE your hc so much thank you for feeding into my new obsession lol

Pretty sure we have opposite time zones then hahaha Thankyou for gracing me with your hcs!! Adding another break because I just kept ranting about them hahaha

obviously, Sejanus would spoil Little Coryo for sure - and I've definitely thought about Coryo being a regressor from trauma and lack of childhood because YES. ALSO THANKYOU!!! THE HOSPITAL SCENE??? So glad we have mutual feelings on that because he was giving some strong kiddo vibes there

I always get scared to hc characters as baby regressors - I personally regress in the baby/young toddler area and idk I just get worried I'm projecting too hard so that was a pleasant surprise to see you hc lol - I feel like Little Coryo would be in more of a toddler bracket most of the time but then slip younger when he's tired or emotional - or god forbid, sick.

also thankyou for totally understanding the crybaby thing - he's just an overwhelmed little kid - literally anything could be the thing to push him into a breakdown - he's trying his best!!

and YES can we PLEASE discuss Little Coryo's relationship with food because herbfi;erbfuibf - I think he's difficult no matter what, and I feel like it'd be one of the ONLY things he'd 'act out' about - I don't think Little Coryo would really understand why he feels weird about food - definitely whines about being hungry but then won't accept anything offered to him - says that he 'doesn't like' something when Sejanus knows for a FACT he does - stuff like that. Also (as someone who, no matter how badly wishes they did like it, I don't like basically any fruit ever 😭) HOWEVER, I just have a feeling based on nothing, that Little Coryo would love most fruit. Like it's one of the only consistent snack options that will work on him

DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT PHOTO 😭😭😭

Sejanus would 100% put together a nursery for Coryo and Coryo would 100% tell him to get rid of it immediately and then secretly adore it - the self hate Coryo would have over anything regression related is real

Coryo definitely plays very intricate imaginative storylines out with his stuffed animals and can never really explain it to Sejanus who would sit and watch and try to figure out what the hell is going on for half an hour

Sejanus my love - so overprotective - so gentle with Little Coryo. He absolutely uses 'sweetheart' and 'baby' all the time. In my opinion, he'd get so proud of anything Little Coryo does and would have such a hard time keeping his regression a secret because he'd just want to brag about his kiddo all the time. Drawings? Reading aloud? Eating? Looking cute? Sejanus is so proud of him! He wants everyone to know that Little Coryo is his! Sejanus would never do/say anything Coryo wouldn't want though - so he just makes sure to praise Little Coryo, all the time.

Completely agree - Sejanus would not be a strict caregiver at all - he does not see the point in punishing Coryo when he could explain why he shouldn't do something - especially when Coryo is going to feel guilty enough already for acting out

Also was thinking earlier about Little Coryo having a NEED to soak up all of Sejanus's attention and was thinking about how through his childhood Tigris had definitely looked out for him, but really they were leaning on each other - and also totally fending for themselves - Tigris was a wonderful cousin but she's barely that much older than Coryo - and then started thinking about how Coryo's mother died in labour, when he was already quite young, which would basically mean that most memories of his mother he has, she'd be pregnant. So pregnant mother and a father who's left to help fight the war when he's VERY young, then two dead parents, a grandmother who's pinning her faith on HIM, and a cousin who's doing her best to look after him, while he grows up scavenging and pretending he's not only fine, but actually living a perfect rich life??? The childhood trauma here is really unmatched - of course he's clingy and a bit of a cry baby when regressed, of COURSE he wants to steal every bit of Sejanus's attention!! When has he ever been the SOLE POINT of someone's attention? ughhh I can't stop thinking about all the fic opportunities.

anyway THANKYOU VERY MUCH for the hcs and I hope to scream about more of them soon with you lol <3

[brigittttoo]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Thanks for the tag @merlyn-bane !!

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

60! wow

2.) What's your ao3 word count?

417,555!!

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Lately it's been Star Wars (Codywan), but I started out writing for Captive Prince, and have one very cracky fic for the chickens from Venom lmao

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

All five are Codywan! (with my first captive prince fic sliding barely into 6th place) they are:

Slow Waters; Inexpressibly to Untangle; Wolfssegen; Two Winters; and Leaning Closer to Never

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! if not immediately, then eventually. I always like receiving responses when I comment on other people's fic, even if it's just a short 'thanks for reading!' so I try to give the same in return.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Smiling evilly over here because it's definitely What Year Was Our House Built? although a there's a close second and third in Kiss Goodbye and Gone and Returned. Oh wait also Akin, Removed. It's still true that the majority of my writing tends to be hopeful, though.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Slow Waters is a classic action movie happy ending, as a pacific rim au, and The World Offers Itself is a classic fantasy story happy ending, but I quite treasure the happy ending I gave codywan in Friday: Historical for @order63 because I will always cheer for edwardian wlw who say "sod the basilica".

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! I figure the premises I write are sufficiently niche that you have to actually want to read it to click on it in the first place. Everyone is very lovely in my comment section :)

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do! The gay kind! and the loving kind, the angsty kind, the kind with layers, the kind that's just hot, etc etc

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't terribly prefer crossovers; I'll just set it in an AU of a different IP rather than mixing characters.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know!

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I haven't! But I've thought about practicing my language skills in translating them myself before (not that a lot of people really need a Norwegian translation of something lmao)

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nothing published! but I've gone through many a planning stage and/or shared gdoc with friends before.

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

I really can't choose! As long as it's well written I enjoy my ships pretty equally!

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Looking out the corner of my eye at The Skies Above Us which was. Well let's just say I learned my lesson to always write a fic to completion before starting to post it. RIP you really obscure codywan Wings of Desire AU, we barely knew you.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

I love describing general atmosphere and nature scenes, and I'm pretty good at doing an obscene amount of research and then letting most of it go in favour of writing what matters. I think I'm pretty good at picturing something in my own head and being able to transcribe it into prose.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Aside from the aforementioned necessity of writing something fully before posting, and also planning/outlining a story beginning-to-end before writing it, I'm not so strong in writing dialogue. But practice makes perfect!

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I quite like it, but only for snippets of text that don't really matter in the overall scheme of things. I've provided some of my own small French and Norwegian translations in the captive prince fics Portrait of Monsieur X (some silly poetry) and Hver blomst en stjerne (some fictional gods) and some other capri fics (what if there was an in-universe Basque) because I really enjoyed giving the nations in Captive Prince those real-life parallels (e.g. Ios = Greece, Vere = France) and playing around with the languages; it's kind of an integral part of the source material. I stay away from fictional languages though, because it's not something someone can easily just googletranslate, and I'd prefer to read " 'Something in English,' Character said in XYZ language." rather than waiting for a translation and wondering why extraneous information and words had to waste my time.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Captive Prince! Pretty recent, all things considered. Everything I wrote before that was original stuff.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

I'd have to go with Wolfssegen for codywan and Ideal Bounds for captive prince. I'm really proud of the stories I was able to tell with those two, and how neatly they both came together in terms of themes and actions :))

[walkawaytall]

Ok, two deep questions and a silly one for your non-creepy ask prompt:

1.) What do you want your life to look like in 5 years?

2.) What do you think your life will look like in 5 years?

3.) Do you ship Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce?

Also, free advice, don’t type “not creepy” into the GIF library! Yikes.

Ooh, nice.

I want to be up in Michigan? I have some friends up there and have wanted to move for awhile. (Not that I don't have friends here in Dallas; I do. It is just also five trillion degrees here and I'm allergic to the state and there's too much traffic and I've never really been a die-hard Texan, so...why not?) And, depending on how a few things go in the next year or two, I may have the opportunity. And, I mean, in an ideal world, I'd be like...paid to write in some capacity, own a couple of horses, and be in love, but, you know, those things all require some things entirely outside of my control to work out, so. Also, if my cat could learn to not hate the kitten I adopted in June, that'd be great. Because she still hates her (the kitten, to be fair, is not helping her own case. She's in the cat's face every moment they're in the same room).

I think I'll realistically be working as an analyst like I am now (though, I'll have a bachelor's degree, which means the exact same work will be magically worth more money. I love our weird obsession with college education so much), though I don't necessarily know where. Hopefully somewhere with good insurance. And aside from that, I really don't know. Things are weird right now for reasons I can't get into really, and I'm going to be uncertain about a lot of future life stuff for awhile tbh.

Okay, I'll be honest: I think truly shipping celebrities is...kind of creepy and objectifying. Like, I can't get behind real-person fanfic, and anything beyond, "They always seemed like they had chemistry" or "They're cute together" being said about people who are not actually in a relationship kind of weirds me out. That being said, it appears that Taylor and Travis are in some sort of relationship, so this is really just me commenting on a thing that's happening, and they seem cute together. I mean, if I were her friend, I'd probably be saying, "Girl, you were engaged to a man you were with for six years and just broke that off. Maybe chillax for a few months?" But I'm not her friend, I don't know her life, and taking things at face value, yeah, he seems like a good dude. If it's working for them, good for them!

[septembersghost]

I hate how some people are making jokes or telling us we can't be sad or that feeling heartache listening to five albums worth of her music right now is hard and we're connecting to her art "wrong" like jfc it's been one day and this is a devastating shock we can be sad for a minute!

absolutely cannot stress enough how completely and entirely NORMAL it is for people to be sad and shaken right now, and it doesn't mean we're interacting with her music incorrectly or too invested or confused and think she's our best friend or something, none of that is true, and people dismissing it as that are the ones seemingly missing the point. when someone you care about is hurt, you hurt for them, it's human. it doesn't matter that we don't know her directly, an inherent bond is in fact formed between us and her music, and there is no getting around the fact that her music is deeply personal and autobiographical, and that a significant portion has been shaped by and written about this relationship - which also isn't a bad thing, it's beautiful! that love was so real and so transformative and such an important lifeline, and we can be grateful forever that she met joe when she did and that he helped her through those terribly dark times and that they supported and loved one another the way they did, when they did. all of that is still true. it's not undone - it was rare, it was there! (to borrow from a different tune) - and they needed it and it served them in lovely ways for as long as it could. the "these songs were about my life, now they're about yours" mentality is all well and good, but sometimes a bit impossible, and that is okay to acknowledge! the idea that you must take context away and only relate them to yourself or your blorbos is a bit silly, they're still taylor's art and diary and life (and you can and should do both!). also i'm gonna be honest here, many of us do not have a love like that to apply them to, so of course the original meaning sticks a bit. fandom acting like it's a sin right now to be thinking of her within her own music and aching for that is ridiculous. that WILL fade with time, but there hasn't been time yet! everyone's just sort of reeling and trying to process. this is collective mourning for many different aspects of things, it's in fact going to be a different bit of sadness for each person even though we're sharing it together, and that's also normal! her music being intensely personal and lyrically poignant gives us that sense of connection and empathy for what she's experienced and what she's shared, and this is the only time when we've experienced her writing about this type of love, the amount of time it's lasted (we are by extension very used to joe having been a constant! six years is a lot! there are many newer fans who've never known taylor without him being a significant factor), and tbh i could go into further detail here about why it's hitting hard and the little griefs everyone has been sorting through today. you can be grateful something happened and grieve its ending, and the ending of any potential future that might've happened, you can hurt for another person simply because you care for them and wish them the best and want them to be happy. it's not invasive when we are fully aware of the boundaries there too. it's okay for the music to sting and be difficult right now because it's about a life that no longer exists - we will all go back to it and reclaim it and feel the warmth and love in it again, we will hold onto that gratitude (i will never not be thankful that joe was in her life exactly when she needed him and helped her the way he did, that she flourished so much personally and creatively in that time, she didn't have to do that work or find that strength alone and that's a wonderful thing too). it's all about understanding those emotions and giving them space and compassion. we need to give grace to taylor and joe, to each other, and to ourselves for anything we're feeling right now.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

@thefleetsfinest -> i am not sorry at all to anyone, i am going to be obsessed and binging these two -> no seriously im gonna lovingly be a menace to mel about them forever -> [continued]

The nerves are NOT FOR THE DATE; or well, they were about it, but had nothing about the gentleman she would be meeting. He was fine, and wasn't too weird about setting up a date. Linda hates idea of ratings and scales, but he was maybe a five or a six. Not very high, but it was the internet and she couldn't judge through a phone. So she was giving it a shot.

There are NERVES, but they come from the fact she still has NO IDEA what she's doing with herself. Why DID she ever let the Sorcerer Supreme and Jane Foster, Asgardian goddess or whatever she was these days, TALK HER into dating at all?

SHE LIKED HER LIFE ⸻ most of her days and nights spent in a nurse's uniform in her private clinic, most of the friends she did have being the superheroes she treated, and she liked that. AND OKAY ⸻ some days were more lonely than others when she went home and rough days could be draining. THAT WAS NORMAL.

Her social life was fine, and she had Leonard! He's been incredible. Helping with the clinic itself as a doctor, to being company around this place and a fast friend; to bringing in sweet tea and letting her get little lost in his eyes as she sipped tea and listened. Everyone loved his dog, Luna, coming into the clinic and hanging out. He works well with supers and powered alike. You had to be a special kind of caring, along with vaguely threatening and tough when a patient need a nudge. The Hawkeyes and a handful more come to mind.

He's incredible.

There's a lot more about Leonard. . . . SIGH.

SHE FEELS SILLY GOING ON THIS DATE. Her second since she broke up with Stephen years again, and now she does see the problem in that. THERE'S WHERE THE NERVES ARE COMING FROM. Linda feels silly even presenting herself, she knows she looks good or fine; Linda knows she was a beautiful woman in her forties and dresses were fitting on her, always liked being soft and feminine.

YET ⸻ now she was standing in front of Leonard, in her sundress, shoulders exposed and hair down. HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ⸻ AND THAT GIVES HER BUTTERFLIES. Linda can't help the involuntary urge to brush part of her hair back, tuck behind her ear and over her shoulder. To which she does do.

It's the fact that he was staring at her, HIM LOOKING AT HER. Oh, those were the jitters she was suppose to be having. BEING SEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME. Take someone's breath away, and than it's Leonard, he's looking at her. Her smile on her face is genuine, a real smile because those were feelings one gets when they want to be seen, to be noticed. Jitters, because she wants to be pretty for her date and she's FEELING THEM NOW.

She's applied sunscreen, but maybe she should have gone with a sunhat or covered shoulders. . . . YOU LOOK DOWN RIGHT STUNNIN' ⸻She laughs soft, fluttery and she is a little nervous. feeling shy, ❝ Hush, maybe I should have gone with a sun hat if we are outside; it'd be rude to wear sunglasses and I put on sunscreen. . . . But. . . . ❞ Like she was actually worried about skin cancer. She's stalling.

LOOK PERFECT JUST THE WAY YER ARE ⸻ She knows she was stalling, rambling on herself with fussing about the sun, the dress, hat or not hat. She did her hair half up for this. ⸻ Who was she seeing again? And why wasn't it Leonard?

He really had been an amazing additional to the Network and specifically her clinic. There had been worry he was slowly burning himself at both ends, two jobs with one being paid and than this free private clinic being all volunteer, but she really didn't have time to voice that concern with him; as if Linda didn't burn at her ends either.

LET'S FACE IT I'M A LOST CAUSE A' THIS POINT.

Now hold on, ❝ No, no you aren't. ❞ That was silly, and no way was one date equating to a social life. OH! That should have been one of her counter arguments when Stephen had been teasing her about having less of a social life than he had ("well, that's because you're a man-whore" had really been the sentiment she wanted to respond). ❝ You aren't a lost cause at all, you'll be next ⸻ you're still finding your feet here. You'll find them and get there. ❞ Her gaze softens as she looks at him, a smile offer and Linda does mean that. Just don't go too far away when you do.

Leonard was in no way a lost cause, and Linda had seen a lot in her life that could have been. He was no way near that, and maybe he was a little lost but who hasn't been? There's plenty of days she doesn't feel enough and then on that thought; Leonard would find his way. They were friends now, and she believed in him. Had she mentioned she thought he was handsome and incredible?

Linda's short heels click on the linoleum floor, crossing over to where Leonard was standing behind their front desk counter. GO ON GET GOING ⸻ Linda goes to pull him into a half hug as her goodbye and thank you. Those butterflies still there, inhale and exhale, oh gosh. ❝ For the record, your prattling on is always welcome. ⸺ Okay, okay, I'm going and I'll talk to you later, alright? ❞

She'll definitely text him after the date, tell him all about it if it went as horrible as her last one or if it went well enough. Linda doesn't really predict it going anywhere, but she'd try getting back out there at the very least. It'd be good for her well being. SHE'LL BRING HIM BACK SOMETHING. Treat him to some good food picked up on her way back, it really was the least she could do until she could figure out more she could do FOR HIM.

❝ Thank you, Leonard. ❞ And she was out the door for her date. That thank you for him meant a lot; and Linda had never envisioned her being Night Nurse going on to become what it was today. He was invaluable addition to that. The clinic was in safe hands, his hands.

Mhh, his hands.

[our-reality]

ok if i don’t ask i’m going to go insane forever. GRABS YOU . TELL ME ABOUT THESE GAY LITTLE OCS

UAAHWBABSNENSBFNSNGBDNDBFMSDBRB FUCK OKAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

might throw up forever trying to formulate this in a. coherent way but I'LL TRY !!!!!!!!!!

ok uhehdhrjtkg i currently have 7 named ocs, those being ruby, java, python, swift, c+, vysel, and requiem. yes ik the first five are named after programming languages it doesn't mean anything though HEJSBRJSJFJDKGNG uh. i will try to be brief with them because i could honestly sit here forever talking about them and i actually wanna answer this ask so. L

uuhhshdhdhb first up is ruby!!!! she's like. the main character. along with java :3 she's very very sweet and makes friends w pretty much anyone (in fact 2 of her 3 best friends at the moment are people she literally found on the street and was like you. me. friends. NOW) she cares so much and she has so much compassion but she wears her heart out on her sleeve all the time and she. I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE'S EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEE

and w her is java !! java's like. the co-main character and she's very lowkey, esp next to ruby LOL she's also ever so slightly bitchy and blunt sometimes but i promise it's the autism and the Troubled Childhood you gotta believe me . she is also very gay for women and is absolutely pining over ruby <333333 (they get together by the end though so it's okay LOVE WINS 🎉🎉🎉)

uhhhhhh next is python and he's an asshole forever . but real talk it's the assigned funnyman of the group but in the condescending n annoying way but IT'S A FACADE he actually cares so much about its friends forever and can be mature and wise when he needs to but it BURIES its FEELINGS in SARCASM!!!!!!!! (and maybe violence) also he's 8'3" cuz suprise it was a god at one point who forfeited its god powers to be a human . that's also why his eyes n teeth r bright yellow and he has strange markings everywhere lol oops

and next is swift !!!!!! sky's the dogsitter of the entire universe good for them LMAO she's still a god and used to be work partners/best friends w python before he fucking Left but let's not worry about that <333333 anyways she's very calm and elegant and they always put the interests of others before skyself whcih . uh . can be a good or bad trait depending on how you look at it but sky's trying SO HARD leave them alone . also they like to be alone a lot and they would play the flute and read books if skies role in the universe allowed them to have Hobbies

next is c+!! that's not his actual name i promise it's a nickname because he doesn't like ppl knowing his actual name . he's definitely the least plot relevant of the seven but he's still so silly 2 me <3 he's that character trope of a guy who's somehow done Everything and worked Every Job Ever but can't hold down any of them so he just pulls random anecdotes about his internship at NASA out his ass and no one believes him (least of all his good buddy java) but he also has a lot going on under the surface . which is preddy neat :3c

then there's vysel. i hate him so much. blond hair blue eyes son of a bitch . he's a former swing turned alt rock artist who got popular for being hot and shippable i guess . also he's a reanimated corpse piloted by evil spirits but shhhh no one knows that (though it would probably add to his sex appeal if ppl did know . so.) he's like the biggest bitch forever and ever he is very celebritycore mentally i'm ripping him apart with my teeth . he uses his visual illusion powers TO GIVE HIMSELF BLOND HAIR BLUE EYES WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhhh and then finally requiem !!!!!! they're very socially closed off and hates talking to like. Anyone and Everyone. including their parents i mean what . they wear fucking only black and white clothing and their hair is Also black and white and it's like bro get a better wardrobe got DAMN!!!!!!!@!@@!@@!! they don't really become relevant until the "second season" because i like to think of my own story as like. a tv show . because i'm just like that but when they do they become VERY important cuz they're kinda the whole reason ruby and java were involved in this story . the narrative plagues their being with every second that they breathe. they will never be free.

UHHH YAH THAT'S MAINLY PERSONALITY WISE because if i sat talking about their roles in the story or their relationships with each other past the surface level or god forbid their backstories i'd be here for 8 billion years so. YIPPEE ^_^

[dollkichi]

dust is a threat to national security! and it's made up of like 70% fecal matter like it's literally the shit of dust mites which are little bugs that live in your sheets. in fact, i have an expensive ass anti dust mite duvet because it was still cheaper than getting medicine for my allergies every month. blue is my second favourite colour after red, but it used to be my favourite. at one point in time i had around fifty shades of blue memorised purely to show other people that i was a bigger fan of blue than they were. (i am a very competitive person) i like staring at people do ordinary everyday things. humans are so cute. what's funny about my earbuds is that they're wired but wireless at the same time. they're wired to each other but function on Bluetooth. i find that funny. Fourth Wing is about a girl going to a college that prepares you for war, aptly named 'War College'. it has forced subpar romance and i hate that. the writing is also mediocre. the worldbuilding and idea is pretty good, but alas, it was doomed from the start with all the forced sexual tension. there's one line that goes, and i quote,

"*You are not attracted to toxic men* I remind myself, and yet, here I am, attracted."

what the actual fuck. why do i put myself through this. i should never gotten past the beauty (chef's kiss) of a masterpiece that was Life of Pi...

the tea was delicious! on roblox i mainly play dress to impress and doors, although i sometimes play tower defence simulator when forced by my brother. i don't play roblox a lot, but for some reason i'm picking it back up in the past few days with all the long roblox sessions. my roblox username is also cringe as hell because i made it when i was like, five 😭

my mom got free soap from her friend who runs a soap shop so i reaped the benefits. one is a regular long rectangle and dark pink, wrapped in a blue ribbon, and it smells vaguely rosey. the second is small and in the shape of a rose, in a bright pink colour. it very strongly smells rosey. the third is medium sized and has a cream coloured base with a translucent honey coloured top in the shape of a flower. it smells like orange. honestly i just bought the nightlights because they looked cool, i've never been one to use them. losing chargers is so relatable though- poor bunny nigjtlight :(

now my doll is stuck in the dark at night!~

</3

my nightlight is a Zhongli figure and my favourite genshin character is most definitely my love and light of my life Arlecchino <3

(although when Pantalone comes out its going to be him because THAT MAN IS SO PRETTY AUGHH I'M DEAD ON MY KNEES.)

-👤

SORRY FOR LATE REPLY, I WAS SLEEPING

WHAT. Dust mites are menaces and need to go. Blue and red are both very nice colors!! Memorizing 50 shades is kinda crazy though… but anything to prove that you are indeed the biggest blue fan. Being competitive over silly stuff like that is so real. Why are your earbuds like that. Why are they wired and wireless, that is so strange. GIGGLING AT WAR COLLEGE, what a creative name!! It kinda sounds like they were trying to appeal to booktok with all the forced romance and sexual tension. That’s a shame it does that tho when the idea and wordbuilding are good :(

What is Life of Pi about and would you recommend it?

I’m gonna steal your tea. I haven’t played a lot of dress to impress but I do like doors! I’m super excited for floor 2 to come out since the trailer released. There’s a game similar to doors actually that I’ve been playing, it’s called pressure. It’s well made and extremely fun! Anyways, we should totally play sometime. I wouldn’t mind playing dress to impress as long as you’re there. My username is cringe too so don’t worry… I changed it in a 2020 phase </3

Your soaps in the picture are so so pretty!! I am going 2 steal those too, mine now. I kinda wanna eat them. They look like they’d be good. They definitely sound like they smell good!!

OLD MAN NIGHTLIGHT?!?!?! Omg. Aside from being old, Zhongli is cool. Not my favorite character but also not a bad one. I love Arlecchino’s design!! She is soo pretty. She was super interesting too in the story. I’m excited to see what Pantalone is like when he comes out, he definitely is also pretty. I like his glasses and hair. I’ve always been a Venti fan since I first started playing back in 2020. I do really like Childe and Freminet + his siblings though too. I need to pick up genshin again… lost my 50/50 on Furina’s banner and I was like “I don’t wanna play anymore”, ehehe ^^;

[onlyforalwayswith]

15 people 15 questions

thank you @crosbyism for the tag <3 <3 <3

1. are you named after anyone?

A local meteorologist... my parents liked her name :D And my great grandmother for my middle name

2. when was the last time you cried?

I'm not gonna lie I am weak for sports videos and web weaves etc so hockey-related crying probably like two days ago having something to do with Sid; real life crying... Christmas! My sister got me a sentimental poster/map thing for my new house, it was very sweet

3. do you have kids?

No! I have two fantastic nieces and I'm about to move about six blocks away from them. I ADORE them and my relationship with them but being an auntie is the perfect amount of motherhood for me. I used to think... maybe... and then I got a puppy and that answered that!

4. what sports do you play/ have you played?

Field hockey was my jam (though I was NOT good at it), and I was on the swim team forever. I've skied since I was about five, but tore my ACL in college and now I only really do it because my family is OBSESSED. But I was also one of those kids who tried everything for like... three weeks. So tennis, ice skating, soccer, basketball, softball, etc, nothing really stuck. I am... NOT athletic

5. do you use sarcasm?

never

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

This is a little weird, but... how good people are at conversation. I tend to feel pressure to carry conversations so I kind of instinctively assess right away what a person's conversational style is.

7. what’s your eye colour?

Blue-green

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings <3 I can't watch horror movies, I literally hide my head under blankets. At my first sleep over I had to call my mom to come pick me up because they were watching Children of the Corn and my little self couldn't handle it. I haven't gotten much better since

9. any talents?

kind of a silly answer, but reading? I think I'm pretty good at it.

10. where were you born?

The keystone state :D

11. what are your hobbies?

I love hiking--I actually did a walk-about for about two years where I visited a lot of the national parks for a month or so each, and it was just the most magical experience of my life. Hiking pretty much became my part-time job and it was fantastic

12. do you have any pets?

I do! I have a dog who is a couple months shy of his second birthday, he's a (high energy, playful, adorable) wirehaired pointing griffon which is a very pretentious name for essentially a very cute trash muppet. His name is Jinx and he drives me crazy and is also my bestie and I am very much that 'i would kill everyone in this room' brooklyn 99 meme about him

13. how tall are you?

a very average 5'5

14. favourite subject in school?

Religion! I hate everything it's done to the world but I loveee studying organized religion, I almost minored in it, actually, but went with English instead. I kind of realize now that it's because I like socio-psychology so much... why people do the things they do is pretty much the thing I'm fascinated with the most. And the answer to that for a lot of history was religion.

15. dream job?

I actually have my dream job! I'm a writer (novels) and I feel very privileged and lucky to have been able to make it work. There are times it very much feels like a job of course, but mostly I get to do what I love every day (very Sid coded) and I don't take that for granted.

I'm late to this, so I feel like everyone I know has been tagged lol! But if you see this and you haven't, consider yourself tagged! I love reading all the answers!!!

[thesmpisonfire]

I'm back on my agent 03 AU bullshit

Or I've started writing again.

My Agent 03 is so weird to write. He's stuck in this place of dissociation. Not really owning the body he's a part of, being stuck between either not existing or relying on the feds to exist. Trying his hardest to believe the lies the feds told him because that's the only way he's allowed to exist at all. That's he's a perfect worker, a perfect creation, that the feds didn't fail making him perfect. Then he has to deal with the parts of him that make him so much like Cellbit. He is logical in a way that the feds lies slowly just don't make sense to him. His brain just deciphers the lies, and he really hates it. He wants to believe them because otherwise he is just going to be erased or gotten rid of. The idea of him being a mistake completely destroys his view of the federation from the inside out while making his very existence a failure. Slowly leading him to only caring about his own happiness in an extremely unhealthy way. Starting to act on every impulse and losing himself. Because nothing about him really matters.

And just imagine the love despite it all. imagine.

Imagine I say as I'm literally working on writing the next little bit of my/the AU lmao

(Favela Five being so there for each other despite it all, being a little silly despite it all. I'm just gonna mention a silly things about Agent 03, he's scared shitless of felps, mostly because hes the number one trigger for cellbit to front, which is silly if you don't think about the trauma too much because the trauma's really bad, but it's silly because felps is felps)

(note like 73, writing these rambles is the life blood of going through my writing process, life of it really, I would not be writing without the rambling in the ask box, I'm not a writer without the weird shit in the ask box, also because going through dialogue writing for me is like going through the trenches im GOING to explode help me)

(I love agent 03's broken little brain I'm going to eat it and turn it into mush, he thinks forever being nice with a lack of trust as weird and scary and he fucking hates how forever hints at things with his voice and tone. forever is so different from him and yet, the love is going kick filp you)

- :> (barely an anon at this point Ive said who I am like five times, but i just like dissociating myself from my thoughts because of RSD lmao)

I love Agent 03 so much. He knows he's not "real", but he EXISTS. He might not deserve the body he shares with Cellbit but fuck it he'll fight for it. He learned a warped version of care and friendship from the people that he was in the lab with, from El Q and his annoying pranks that in the end Agent 03 misses a lot now that El Q moved to another experiment. He misses the other workers that he had in the lab that always made space for his memory and conscience lapses from when Cellbit fronted in the Labs after seeing Felps and 03 had to be reprogrammed again

The only love 03 ever felt was when he saw that the other workers all had left little notes for Cellbit when his mission demanded him to backtrack in his mind and let Cellbit take back control to leave together with Felps. The small notes all guiding Cellbit so 03's mission would be a success. It sucked that 03 would never see those workers again, they were the only family he had, fucked up as it was

[creativebrainrot]

open journal entry #idk i lost count lol

chatter about friendship as a concept to me and my mental state i guess?? idk man i proofread this like five times and i dont even know what i said anymore 👍

i feel like i dont always communicate myself well and that I come off like i only care about fandom sometimes. I worry about a lot of stuff but only time will tell and I'm not on borrowed time or in any kind of toxic situation anymore so I finally have room for worries to just be worries.

light mentions of abuse, and my abusive father

I worry a lot. I worry I won't get the chance to become closer with people whose friendship I value a lot. I worry I'll get left behind or be forgotten. I worry I'm annoying, that I talk too much, that I've mis-spoken too often and all of that shit.

I've spent so long feeling like I'm living on borrowed time that will run out sooner than I think, that it bleeds over into my perception of stuff like friendship. it ends up making me feel like I have to start to "speedrun" the "correct milestones" while I "still have the chance." that I'll fade from the lives of people I'd really love to become closer with one day. And it's just an anxious feeling, I don't ever act on it. It's just kind of There, in the back of my mind.

I hate that I had to deal with a father who weaponized my honest vulnerability every chance he got so cruelly, that now I have to fight through so many layers of panic every time I want to say something as simple as "im glad I met you." And I never say it because of how much it hurts. It hurts to be vulnerable and honest like that. It's not bad if I get an opportunity to say something like that, I'll leap on those with ease. But if it's just me, offering that vulnerability all on my own, I can't do it. Not yet.

And I know that it's the warped perception I was left with from all his bullshit he inflicted on me that causes that panic, and it will fade eventually. I've unlearnt more than I can list here since making friends last December.

I wish I had more to share about myself because I think that would make it easier for me to feel like I'm showing that I genuinely care about my friends beyond screaming about ocs. And, y'know. It'd be nice to have a life I like enough that I want to share it. I often worry that I don't come off like I do care outside of that. And I do, I just don't really know how to show it yet. I'm not very good at starting conversations yet. Atleast, I don't have enough confidence TO start conversations yet.

It's a bit of a silly worry but I've struggled with feeling a lot of fear about "being left behind" for a long time. It bleeds over into my perception of friendship. I get frightened that I'm "not doing it right" or that just generally I'll be left behind or forgotten or people I'd like to get closer to will lose interest before I can tell them that I feel like that.

It's hard to be the one to start conversations about life because I have genuinely never had a real life social life yet. I haven't had jobs, I haven't been in school as I was home-schooled, I haven't had a chance to make friends my own age in person ever. All that lack of experience means I don't really know how to talk about what I conceptualize as "life things/topics."

There is no "one size fits all" approach to friendship as a whole, and I know that. I just, get scared. About "ideas" I guess? It's just anxiousness. General worry.

It's hard to not worry at least a little bit, when I've never had friends before. I had one when I was 8 for about 2 months if memory serves. They moved away shortly after I started talking to them. I never found another person my age I really clicked with. I was too scared of social media to use any of it. I never consistently talked to other people, that's a new thing that started last December.

I guess my real worry is just that I won't get a chance to grow closer to friends I really really want to. My worries will ease when I have the confidence to start or atleast attempt to start conversations with people. It petrifies me for now, I've kind of had an idea in my head of "not being good enough to be confident" in myself and my interests. Insecurity is a big thing I'm grappling with lately. Slowly but surely I'm finding solutions.

Idk if there's a point to all I've said. I guess, I worry that I don't properly show that I care enough. I wanna do better with that. I worry that I come off like I am only interested in fandom and fandom-adjacent stuff.

The main thing that causes me to worry that I'm on borrowed time, is the kind of games my father would play. He'd treat me normally for a week before going back to ignoring me and making me feel insignificant, invisible, unwanted and annoying. Then he'd be back when he wanted his ego stroked. Whenever he wanted to feel like "a good father" again he'd be back and treating me normally.

I have trouble sometimes with reminding myself that this time, I'm not on borrowed time.

I can just ask how they're doing when I think of it. I'm just too scared to at the moment. But, like a lot of shit so far, I'll move past my fear.

It'll get easier. DMs are way less scary now than they were just a couple of weeks ago. Step-by-step. I have the freedom and safety to take it step-by-step now.