#I'm also on mobile for the next week or so (I didn't bring my laptop charger with me Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[14dayswithyou]

Conan sent me here!

[SPOILER TERRITORY]

It was a pretty dick move for MC to just bail on Ren and Elanor at the aquarium. Wouldn't it be better to have an option to either go with Leon or stay with the other two?

⌞♥⌝ Technically, you do!! ^^ If you choose not to go into the closet, you'll (eventually) go with Leon. Every other choice lets you stay with Ren and Elanor.

In saying all that, I don't think there's much point in offering another choice since you don't really get any extra scenes with Elanor and Ren afterwards. Regardless of whether you go into the closet or not, Elanor and Teo will always leave, and Ren will show up again no matter what choice you make. So... You just have to choose whether you want to spend more time with Leon or Ren, I guess lol

But I can see where you're coming from, and you definitely have a point!! But at the end of the day, it's just a video game, so I wouldn't look too deeply (or personally) into some of the characters' actions. Some things are just there for the sake of plot progression ^^

🌷 Game dev yapping under the cut (if anyone cares to read about that hehe /pos) 🌷

I personally don't think Leon's route would've been as fun if Ren and Elanor were to tag along, especially considering how all three share very similar dynamics when it comes to interacting with Angel (a.k.a. being overly protective/motherly with Angel. The dialogue with those three would be very... bland and overbearing in my opinion shjshg).

I also wouldn't find it engaging (as a player) to spend the entire day consoling Teo while playing mediator with him, Jae, Elanor, and Ren as well. If I added Leon to the scene, I feel like there'd be too much going on and not enough focus on him.

Also... Teo, Elanor, and Ren all had more than enough screen time up until that point!! Since Leon was missing for most of Day 4, I wanted Leon enjoyers to have a personal moment with him — without everyone else around. And Ren... Well, he's the main love interest, so he naturally has to be around for most of the game lmao

Anyways!! Sorry for yammering hsghjs

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3147

the doctor cleared me to drive :) and to take the sling off! hooray! he said he was extremely impressed at my progress in terms of mobility and i was tempted to say "thanks, im hypermobile," but i didn't, and i also didn't point out that it's only been five weeks since surgery instead of six.

after that really quick doctor's visit, mom and i went to lunch at olive garden because we're italian and not irish at all. and yeah, i know, "but it's olive garden," but i don't care because i like their alfredo and their breadsticks are something i'd kill a man for. especially the ones today, they were fresh out of the oven and not crispy as fuck. they were soft and hot and perfectly seasoned and i was happy to eat three of them.

after lunch we went home, and i grabbed my keys and wallet and went to the grocery store on my first solo trip since before surgery. my shoulder got tired, sure, but that's to be expected at this point still. got a bunch of stuff and happily got it home despite having two of the squeakiest carts known to man. it was awful, but also very funny.

when i got home, i changed into something more suitable to exist in, and i grabbed my phone and my notebook and i was all prepared to give that last number a call and then i saw that the position i was gonna apply for already had 37 applicants. and my heart sank.

i ended up having an emotional crisis as i sat on the floor for a while, lamenting my mental health and self-perception and questioning why the fuck i am the way i am, because when faced with comments like "there's only one you," or "not everybody has your personality or temperament," my first thoughts are "good," or "good, nobody wants that anyway." along with "who would want to hire me anyway," and "there's at least a dozen people who have already applied who are better suited to this position than i am," or "why am i even bothering, i'm not gonna get it, i don't have that kind of luck."

it sucks. but i keep feeling this way about myself and it's not helping me at all. it's like my brain wants me to stay miserable for rest of my fuckin life, with my only use being to help other people do math homework. like, i get it. i want to stay small. going out of my comfort zone is scary. but i want that job. i want to succeed. i want to get out of my current job and do something that's better for me. but my brain is like "nope, you'll never be good enough" and the rest of me is like "yeah okay fair."

i hate it.

anyway, after crying for a while, i moved to the other room and sat on the floor again, i wrote a bunch of stuff about the call in my notebook, i called the number, and i got an answering machine. so i hung up and went back to my laptop and i changed my cover letter to reflect my attempts at getting the right fuckin name, but ultimately being unsuccessful. womp womp.

but i edited it and finished the questionnaire and i sent it in and submitted it. so that's all done.

and then i found some more jobs that would also fit me well, ones that would challenge me and allow for growth. so i have those up in tabs in my browser and i'll probably apply to them this weekend. now that my résumé is up to spec, i'm happier with submitting it places because it sucked before i had a posting general and specific enough to tailor it to. so that's fun. next jobs to apply for are at BAE. and a few other DOD contractors.

dinner was good - i helped keep the kitchen clean in the process of making it, so cleaning up was easy, which i also did, so that was fine.

i went back to my laptop after dinner and printed stuff for the kids which i'll bring up tomorrow, and i'm really gonna need them to buckle down with me and focus on working instead of having distractions every three seconds. here's hoping.

i watched some more fringe tonight. it's such a good show, and we found a channel that's playing it in the evenings, starting from the beginning, and it's toward the end of season 1 at this point. such a good show.

and i got to talk to a friend of mine i haven't gotten to talk to in a long time, and it was nice to catch up on stuff that's happened since the last time we saw each other. he's a good egg.

anyway, no words from joel today, but that's because i'm a shitty girlfriend and never texted him about my shoulder, but i may see him tomorrow at a kickoff planning meeting for the con. finally, though, i can drive myself places without needing to ask to be taken by someone else. finally.

anyway, i need to get up tomorrow morning and im not thrilled about it, but it means i'll get paid later in the month. which is good. so no worries. i'm tired. time for sleep.

[chiliadhand]

every monday and thursday. i get up at 6 am. i spend 30 minutes getting ready (picking a funny dress shirt to wear, shitting, filling a backpack with stuff including a change of clothes and deoderant and a small towel because i'm the sweatiest cunt in california.) then i hug nate and cecil (who are still in bed) and i feed the cat and i pet him and i leave. i always mean to make food for myself to bring but i run out of time or forget.

then i spend 30~ minutes walking from home to the train station. it's called BART here (bay area public transit) which is funny. the way to the station is pretty nice, the whole time i'm walking by the lake. basically just walking half the circumfrence of the lake. it's chilly and overcast in the mornings which i always enjoy. everything is gray and blurry, it's perfect. usually i'm listening to mbmbam, or sometimes some other podcast, or if i'm inspired to write something then i listen to music. there are a few people i always see and say hi to on the way, including this like tiny 90 year old lady who seems to just be walking for fun. there are also geese that try to intimidate me.

when i get to the train station i'm already kind of sweaty and my inner thighs are chafed from walking. so it's nice to sit down a while. i pray i get the comfy train with the cushioned chairs. usually in the mornings i do. if i'm writing i keep writing on the train, but if i'm listening to a podcast then i'll play a little shitty mobile game on the train. my favorite is bricks and balls

after 15-20 minutes i get off the train and i'm in san francisco. it's the mission which is a pretty destitute part of town. it's full of litter and it smells like piss. the restaurants and apartments are all clustered tightly together but most people around are unhoused. always police sirens and gunshots and shit. there are nice things about it though. i like to hear people preaching on the street. there's always a few people set up handing out food and clothes. also while i'm here i will get asked for a light at least 3 times. last week i bought a cute turqoise biq lighter so i could start saying yes lol

since i didn't pack food i need to acquire some. there's a mcdonalds on the way — pros: good food; cons: i have to spend money. there's also a safeway on the way — pros: i can steal really easily, also there are a bunch of cute pigeons that hang around in the parking lot; cons: it'll just be snacks, also stealing is dangerous. i go for either one at a pretty much equal rate, it just depends how i'm feeling.

then i get to school. my campus is in a cleaner, wealthier part of town than the mission, but i kind of like it even less. it's like, a warehouse district that's been gentrified. it's all bougie pastry shops operating out of brutalist chunks of concrete. i find it really unpleasant, especially compared to the school's other campus in oakland, a genuinely lovely place where i took all my classes in freshman year but which the school has now sold to some real estate developers. i think i'll be bitter about that until i die.

i arrive at my first class usually a few minutes late. it's my film class which i really like because the teacher is cool (he's a nice, kind of awkward middle aged german guy, a really experienced experimental filmmaker who knows everyone in the business) and the class is so project-oriented. rarely do we have to sit through lectures; usually he just unleashes us upon a project and lets us spend the whole class working on it. we can even leave if we think we'd work better somewhere else. on the days where he does want to give us a lecture, i sit in the back and play disco elysium or stellaris on my laptop.

when that class is over i have 5 hours till my next class, so i have to find a way to pass the time on campus. usually i'll go grab more food and then i'll try and find an empty classroom to hang out in. sometimes a teacher will come in and start a class but i'm pretty good at knowing where to go so that won't happen lol. once i'm all set up in a dark empty classroom i will spend the next 4 hours either attending to homework, hunting for internships i can do this summer, or playing disco elysium or stellaris. i will also sometimes draw on the whiteboard, which the teachers usually erase but sometimes i notice they like a drawing and leave it up, which is delightful. my friends sara and salem are usually on campus during this time, sometimes i'll run into one or both of them and hang out with them a little bit

at 4:00 it's time for my GAME DESIGN CLASS. this is a fine class but i've come to kind of hate it because it takes place so late in the day and i've been at school all day, and i've usually spent like 6 hours working. the teacher is doing his best and he's a nice guy but he's just a bit uptight, has a hard time running with things. i really think that teaching art means finding the passions and thoughts and impulses of your students and leaning into them, finding ways to build "learning moments" out of them. this guy has perscribed stuff he wants to talk about in a perscribed way, and any attempt by the students to explore alternate aspects of what he's talking about or even really question him is just shut down

after that class is over i go find my friend sara, who depending on the day has either just finished their shift working the school library or has an hour left to go. either way i'll hang out with them for about an hour. they're awesome, we really enjoy each other

then i head the fuck home!!!!! i walk back to the mission station, usually i grab mcdonalds to bring home for me and nate (and sometimes cecil but they don't want it so often as nate does.) on the way home i'm usually texting nate, cecil, and seren to entertain myself. by the time i get off the train and i'm back in oakland i'm usually too tired and in pain to walk back home from the station so i get an uber. i have the like uber membership thing for a year so i get discounted rides. i kind of regret buying it but i'm sure as hell not gonna waste it lol. i have the uber drop me off at the convenience store and i get soda for my boys. then i walk home it's just like a 3-5 minute walk from there. then i spend an hour eating and watching tv with nate and cecil. this is obviously the best part of the day.

so that's what i do every monday and thursday. i try to enjoy as much of it as i can. it's just two days a week but it feels like these days are the "meat" of my life. i think i have a hard time reconciling with the fact that the days where i spend all day at school and the days where i'm home most or all of the day are part of the same life. feels like i'm a different guy wherever i go. anyway. have a nice thursday lol