#I'm also completely baffled by Until Death Do Us Unite

[amethystina]

Hope you’ve been doing well <3 Or if not, that things improve and you feel better!! Just want you to know that an anonymous raccoon on the internet is thinking of you :)

Thank you so much, anonymous raccoon — I'm very flattered to hear that someone is thinking of me 💜

Unfortunately, things aren't the best right now. But they could also be worse, I guess? My former stepdad is out of the hospital! So the sepsis didn't kill him, thank god! But now my aunt is in the hospital with blood clots in her lungs so, uh, that relief was kind of short-lived.

I'm also back to working full-time (because of stupid bureaucracy) despite not actually having recovered from my burnout, so that's also a bit of a struggle. But they have sent me to a therapist now, so there's that? Not on a permanent basis but as a "we don't really know what else to do but try this I guess?" and I was immediately reminded of how difficult a patient I am to every therapist I've run into — this one being no exception.

They're always telling me that I seem so well-adjusted and calm and insightful and have all the tools to handle my mental health and so they don't know what they can do to help me. But, like, my guy — if I can barely function despite all these things, there's obviously something wrong. And it's your job to figure that out, not mine.

So we'll see how that goes, I guess? He's not a bad therapist by any means, I'm just a trickier patient than most because I know the tricks and strategies and use them in all the right ways, but I'm Still Not Okay. And that just throws them for a loop. They quickly run out of ideas when working with me.

And, because of all this stress, all I want to do is read. I've been reading so many fanfics these past couple of months. But, unfortunately, not written anything myself. For literal months. It's not writer's block so much as an instinctive reluctance towards anything that isn't reading (so drawing has fallen to the wayside as well). But I'm trying to find ways around that since I do miss writing. And I have so many projects to finish.

So yeah. Life isn't great right now with so much happening and my thoughts and feelings being all over the place, but I'm trying to straighten things out, slowly but surely. But it's probably going to take a while before I'm back to anything even remotely resembling normalcy. Still — I'm trying.

Thank you so much for reminding me that there are people out there who care about me. I wouldn't say that I've forgotten, but a reminder is always nice. So thank you, truly.

Please take care 💜