#I'm already thrifting with an eye towards spring and summer

[sachermorte]

fit to go to some random flohmarkt in wien donaustadt. specifically looking for earrings but let's see what we find

[zigstacy-blog]

Because I'm Me , I'd Do Anything for You

Okay so first things first this is my first legitimate post on my choices blog. It’s also my first time sharing my work on a public domain, but I’ve had this rolling around in my head all day. I also have wanted to participate in the Choice Carnival so here I am. 

@hollyashton and @pb-boeboe this is my entry for the sixth choices carnival I hope this a nice way for me to introduce myself to the fandom :-)

Summary- AUish where Zig takes up photography and can’t get over MC. He pines, and she gets married tada.

Pairing- ZigxMC (not really lololol) & JamesxMC

Rating - T (I guess I think I said a bad word or two oops)

“We’re not exclusive.”

Zig swears he can still feel her breath on his neck as she whispered those words to him, silencing her phone, another text from James going unread. It’s all he could think about when she took James back, when he waltzed in from LA with his apologies for his neglect and delusion about the media industry. It was all he could think about when she called with the news that she’d moved in with James uptown over the summer. It was all he could think about when James proposed to her in the park surrounded by friends only a few weeks later, all stumbled words and professions of his love for her. Zig would lie if anyone asked him about that day, and say he had terrible seasonal allergies if anyone pointed out the way his eyes watered and nose reddened a bit as he watched it all unfold.

And Zig. He can still feel the tenderness in her words as she expressed her concerns for her relationships that spring, how genuine she was, how much she cared. Everytime he thinks about it his stomach pinches, tight and unhappy. He wants. He wants to feel that heavy press of affection again; he wants to feel the weight of the love she has for everything around her. He wants the soft, secret smiles that her and James share when they think no one is looking, and sweetheart to be called to him across the quad.

But she. She has James. James who gets to see those parts- gets all of her now. Parts of her Zig felt he,personally, had for moments that passed far too soon.

In the months leading up to their wedding, Zig stopped holding on to the thought that what happened between them wasn’t a mistake because she never acknowledged it after she and James made up. He wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t feel slightly used. Maybe that’s why he’s been acting the way he has in the months leading up to the wedding. Faces with no names attached, coming and going. He tried to avoid her, but it was impossible with the way that the cafe had been apart of their group long before he arrived. She always showed up when she wanted to in his apartment, and prattled on for hours and he listened because this is what they’re relationship had resorted back to. He’d take anything she was willing to give.

He decided he needed a distraction that didn’t involve cold brews at the dive he took her to so many months ago, so he decided to take up photography. His sister had stopped by one afternoon, and begged him to go thrifting. He saw a camera and the idea seemed easy enough. And it was because he was Zig. Intuitive and quick when he wanted to be. This of course didn’t work out in his favor because when did things ever. She called him up three weeks before the wedding asking for a favor like friends tend to do.

Take pictures at the wedding. Her wedding. Because what was better than spending the evening watching the person’s he’s in love with get married. What could be better than memorializing love at it’s peak? It seemed easy enough, and he was her friend. He was Zig. And that meant he’d bend over backwards until his back broke if it meant she was happy.

Of course he’d never admit, but it was true.

~

He’s about to go for a smoke on the balcony when he hears the soft knocks on his door. It’s Chris he’s sure because he texted him twenty minutes ago saying he had big news, he’s sure of this, so he doesn’t bother putting a shirt on, leaves the cigarette hanging loose between his lips and pulls open the door.

It’s not Chris though, it’s her.

The girl Zig has been pining for hopelessly, who doesn’t look very happy with him at the moment, the girl, who snatches the cigarette from Zig’s mouth, the girl who just got married.

“You know I’d expect someone who’s been dodging my calls to be either undisturbingly busy or like dead, but imagine my surprise when I see Chris getting dressed to come over here,” she folds her arms and arches her eyebrows expectantly.

Zig would, in very Zig-like fashion, point out that undisturbingly was not a word, but she didn’t look amused, so he opted against it.

“Hello to you too,” he sighs as he turns to let her in, pulling another cigarette from behind his ear.

“You know I can’t stand those Ziggy. You know I’m not going to be the friend who watches you smoke yourself to death,” she says it like a complaint but the underlying concern in her voice grates against him. Zig hates himself a little for not having more willpower when it comes to her. He puts the cigarette away. “You know you were supposed to send me those pictures forever ago. We all want to see them, and you know how the Ashton’s are. They were already up in arms that we didn’t pick a date that accommodated them, and now they call everyday asking about the pictures.”

Zig winces, and keeps his face out of her line of vision by attempting to busy himself with tidying up.

“I’ve just had some trouble. I think the film is fucked up. It’s just taking longer than I-”

“Zig. That’s bullshit and we both know it. This stuff has become like second nature to you. There’s no way. At least let me see what you have.”

And of course she knows the way to Zig’s little makeshift darkroom. When the other’s come round to watch a movie or just to catch up she’ll always come knocking with whatever concoction they’ve mixed up with the contents of his liquor cabinet. She always notices when he isn’t there. Now she’s pushing past Zig, and through the hall.

“Ugh please. They’re not finished. Don’t-” but she waves his words away like she does when he starts getting down on himself. When he feels like the second chance initiative isn’t going to work out, and that maybe he won’t get to redeem himself… like he won’t get the chance to prove he’s good enough for her.

“I know they’re in here and I just don’t get how -“ she pushes the door open carefully and Zig groans, brings a hand to his forehead, closes his eyes and waits with dread for her reaction. "Zig these are -” she stops though, and Zig can hear her intake of breathe. What the hell was he thinking? Even though his eyes are closed he already knows how her face changes, can imagine her eyes scan the pictures hanging up all over the room. Zig could probably  draw most of them in the dark if someone asked, he’s stared at them long enough, the nervous smile as she walked arm and arm with her father down the aisle, the crinkles in her eyes as she says her teary vows, her blush when James fumbles with her ring, the flush in her cheeks after their kiss… “Zig, I don’t understand, what is this? Where are all the others?"Zig groans, and finally opens his eyes. "I’m so sorry. I - there aren’t any others. It’s only,” his voice cracks and he takes a deep breath, swallows past the lump in his throat. “It’s only you.” She is silent, just stares at the photo closest to her. It’s one of her eyeing a glass of champagne, her hand catching a small piece of hair to tuck behind her ear, a soft smile on her lips.

“Oh Zig -” she says finally. Zig just looks, and tries to keep his face from contorting in synchrony with the pain he’s feeling now, the pain he’s been feeling since James got down on one knee in the park.

“You never said anything.” And it’s with amazement now; she’s staring at Zig like he’s a new person and Zig hates that, hates that she’s been so oblivious. "I still - I mean didn’t want to - after James came back you- you’re my best friend,” he settles finally and he hates how pathetic he sounds. “I’m sorry Ziggy, I wish I -” she stops herself and takes a breath. “I did think about it. Wondered if I’d be happier with you for a long time. It fucked me up, but I love-” “Don’t.”

She turns towards him, her eyes glittering with eminent tears.

Zig can feel heat pooling in his chest, his heart. She’s always had a with her words, warm in her gestures, but not like this. Not so naked and so honest. Not so upfront and so forward. She walks over to Zig, eye contact unwavering. “It used to scare me, the things I felt for you.” She rests his hand on the back of his neck like its knotted and she smoothes out the muscle there, very slowly, as to ease away every bit of pain from Zig’s body. It’s a futile effort.  “It’s not so bad. I get to have you at the end of the day, don’t I? I’ll always have a place for you Zig.”

Zig kisses her then, partly because he can’t listen to anymore of this but mostly to feel her lips on his one last time. And it’s torture because it’s better than he remembered, and over far too soon.

She backs away gently, apologies in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I’ll tell James that the film fucked up or something. I can’t- I should go.” And there’s nothing that Zig can say to make her stay, make her change her mind. Thinks himself stupid for actually believing she would ever reconsider her decision. She’s married. Zig presses the heels of his hands into his eyelids until he sees swirls of colors against the black. “Hey,” she says softly, “They’re breathtaking, Zig.” She places a comforting  hand against Zig’s cheek for only a moment and then she’s gone.