#I'm almost at the point where I want to buy a new version of it. THAT is how bad it's gotten

[royalarchivist]

Pangi: [In chat] fit what team are you gonna join btw, or have you not thought about that

Fit: [Responding in chat] "I am a lone wolf"

Fit: [Deleting the message] No– that's not true, I have a Brazilian boyfriend on this server. In RP, so technically that's not true.

[missmonsters2]

Mirror, Mirror | One

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: The thought of something more had never really crossed Wanda's mind when it came to you. Best friends for 10 years and there hasn't even been one instance of accidental sexual tension. You're her best friend, that's all—until someone points out that you obviously have a very specific type when it comes to dating.

Warnings: best friends to lovers. shenanigans. jealousy, jealousy. sexual tension. pining. yearning. sexual thoughts. spicy (tumblr's version). stupid steve. neurotic nat. brat & stinky. bug as in shutterbug.

*explicit version will only be available on Ao3 & will be posted there after series is completed*

Note: i'm back!!! Nothing like coming back and posting a mini series. Enjoy this superior trope. Updates will be on Tuesdays! As you can see, we're trying something new with explicit content lol 😬

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Series Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3

Count: ~4.1k

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It's strange how sometimes a single sentence can change someone's entire life. 

Wanda's thought about what sentences could change her life—usually, they're morbid and depressing.

'You have cancer.'

'Someone you love has died horrifically in an accident.'

'Your cat actually finds living with you miserable and would prefer the dangers of living in the streets.'

Never in a million years would Wanda ever think it'd be, 'Hey, have you ever noticed how your best friend exclusively only dates girls who look like you?'

And don't get Wanda wrong. It wasn't a morbid or depressing change; it was just...a change. An irrevocable change because now, Wanda couldn't stop thinking about it or noticing it. 

This was all Steve's fault. 

Because if someone like Stupid Steve could notice something like that, it had to mean something, right? But as Wanda remembers about the past girls you've hooked up with and brought around, she doesn't know what to make of it.

A part of Wanda wishes she had never talked to Steve that night at the bar. 

"Where's Vis?" Steve asked, looking around.

"With Tony playing pool, I think," Wanda shrugged. She doesn't particularly keep track of where her on-and-off boyfriend goes. She thinks they might be on an off-period right now, anyway. 

"And where's—oh, nevermind, there she is," Steve started to say but cut off when they both saw you across the bar talking with the bartender, flirting over drinks—which were probably free if Wanda could guess. 

Wanda's slightly annoyed because it's been a long week without seeing you, and Wanda's been used to seeing you almost every day for the past several years of her life. But you've been gone on a work trip this week for a wedding shoot and only came home just a little after lunch and needed an immediate long nap before tonight's get-together. 

That meant Wanda was sorely missing out on best-friend time, and now you were off flirting shamelessly with the hot bartender. Wanda's rooting for you, make no mistake. The bartender is definitely easy on the eyes, luscious hair, and lips—something Wanda knows you're weak for. 

Plus, Wanda's worried you're not anywhere near getting close to settling down. She wants you to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship. But she supposes she's in no position to talk herself. 

Wanda loves Vision without a doubt, but their relationship is definitely chaotic, and Vision keeps pushing for something more serious now that they've been dating (sporadically) for a long time. She's been considering it in her downtime and thinks it might make sense as the next step.

Best friends do everything together, right? So, maybe if Wanda decided to take the next step in a serious relationship, you'd find someone to commit to seriously as well. 

Then, both of you could get married at the same time. Then, they could buy a house in the same neighborhood right next to each other. There'd be endless double dates and vacations together. Wanda wouldn't have to miss you.

But first, Wanda needed to regain lost best-friend time, one-on-one style.  

"Hey, you know what I just noticed?" Steve said, breaking Wanda's drifting thoughts. 

"What?"

"Bug—" 

Wanda makes a face at your nickname. Granted, it was Wanda's fault you ended up with it back in your first year of university. You never let her forget it, especially now that you're a professional photographer.

"—over there has a very specific type she goes after for girls," Steve mused, sipping his whiskey before continuing. "I mean, they always have green eyes and brunette—wait, that's not true. She had two red-headed girlfriends in our last year of university. They still had green eyes, though." 

"Oh," Wanda said, unsure what to say since she's never paid attention to the girls you were dating. On average, they were a brief fling, and only a few lasted longer than half a year. "I guess so?"

Wanda distantly thinks about how she dyed her hair auburn in her last year of university because she was looking for a change that year and Natasha was insistent that she'd look amazing. Wanda recalls you were a fan of the look.

"Yeah," Steve nodded along. "Ironically, they always look like you in some way. Check out that bartender now—long, wavy-haired brunette with green eyes. She's got thick, long lips and even does that dark eye-shadow makeup thingy like you."

Steve just laughed it off, finishing his drink, thinking nothing more of it before he started talking about Bucky.

But it was like something clicked into place in Wanda's brain. A daunting realization that she was wholly unprepared for and not equipped to do anything about. 

Wanda watched as the bartender clocked off for the night and dragged you into a corner booth, drinks in hand. It gave Wanda the perfect view that the bartender wore many rings just like she did. 

In the poor privacy of the dimly lit corner booth, there was a staunch and needy kiss from the two of you, and Wanda swallowed roughly. 

From here, if you were none the wiser, Wanda could be easily mistaken for the girl in the booth with you. 

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Sometimes, Wanda believes she's just being absolutely ridiculous. So what if you go after girls who share the same features as her? That didn't have to mean anything. You've always told Wanda she was beautiful, and it was perfect how you said it. 

It didn't feel insincere or creepy. It felt good to know her best friend thought she was absolutely gorgeous. But just because you thought she was beautiful doesn't mean you harbored secret feelings for her. 

You'd be insulted if you knew Wanda had ever thought that. She'd just be another one of those girls Wanda's seen you humble on multiple occasions when they found out you dated women, and they were worried you might have a crush on them. 

But then, Wanda couldn't stop thinking she actually might be one of those girls because then she'd think about if you didn't consider her like that, it wasn't about her looks but something about her personality that wasn't your type. 

And what could that be?

Wanda thought long and hard, trying to remember the girls you've introduced her to. 

Sometimes they were funny, and Wanda was funny. She made you laugh all the time. She specifically remembered one time in high school when she made you laugh so hard you peed your pants just a little. 

Sometimes they were intellectual, and while Wanda didn't have an IQ of 160, she did fairly well academically and was on the right track in her career. 

Sometimes they were charming, and Wanda was the type where she got more charming the more you got to know her. 

So, Wanda just doesn't understand. She's nowhere further with her thinking ever since this weird information has been bestowed upon her.

Maybe it all just means nothing. You just didn't feel that way about Wanda despite the type of girls you dated suggesting otherwise. You didn't need a reason for it, and maybe the fact you only felt friendship for her was the reason. 

"Wanna order pizza in tonight?"

Wanda turns her head from the tv and notices you've put your book down. "Hm, not really. We had pizza last week," Wanda shakes her head. 

"How about that Greek place that just opened up on Willington Ave?" You suggest. "Pretty sure I heard you grumbling about wanting Greek food earlier this week."

"I was not grumbling!" Wanda scoffs but smiles when you raise your eyebrow at her. "Okay, I was grumbling a little."

You snicker as you pull out your phone to order delivery. "Oh, sweet golden best friend of mine, whatever shall you do when you get married to Vis, who hates Greek food. Do I foresee a life of Greekless cuisine? Oh, the suffering you'll go through!"

"I don't need him to like it," Wanda slaps your arm, sticking her tongue out before she cuddles you. "I have you to eat it with."

You laugh unabashedly, a sound that Wanda's accustomed to hearing the joyful sound. "Better hope the person I marry also hates Greek cuisine. I don't know if I can live a life of eating double the Greek food. I love tzatziki sauce, but if I grow to hate it from eating it too much, I will make you suffer the consequences of that."

Your voice trails off as you focus on ordering food, unable to see the cogs in Wanda's head turning. 

It's all so easy. There's no tension, no electric vibes happening. Just best friends enjoying the banter and making plans to eat. 

It was all in Wanda's head, right? You're her best friend, so of course you'd know everything about her. 

The right type of friendship is fulfilling and soul-connecting, and that's what Wanda has with you. When you have a one-in-a-million connection like that, the line between friendship and romance is thin, isn't it?

Wanda hates Steve. She'd never think about this if it wasn't for Stupid Steve. She can hear his dumb laugh, blissfully ignorant about the observation bomb he dropped upon her. 

"Do you wanna get ice cream after?" You ask, throwing your phone to the side. "I'll even treat you to the gelato despite knowing I'm going to suffer through your crazy farts later."

"Oh my god, I'm going to trap you under the blanket with it just for that!" 

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Within two months, Wanda forgets about it. Forgets, as in that she decides to drop it (let it linger in the deep depths of her brain that she refuses to acknowledge), and resolves that Steve has no brain cells and has no idea what he's saying. 

"Have you seen my strapless black top?" Wanda shouts from her room with the door open. "The one with the v-shaped front!"

"In your closet!" You yelled back from the living room, not taking your eyes off your phone. 

"I can't find it," Wanda whines, and she hears you sigh as you get up. The footsteps approach her room, and she finds you standing at the door with an unimpressed look.

"I don't want to hear it," Wanda sniffs. 

"Hear what, brat?" You say with a brow raised before you start rummaging through her closet. The nickname was a joke you started that Wanda was entirely a spoiled person, exhibiting bratty behavior at times. "That I'm not gonna be your roommate forever, so you need to learn to fold it yourself before putting it away?"

Wanda makes grumbling noises that are mostly nonsensical but smiles when you pull out the top she was looking for. 

"You are the apple of my eye, stinky," Wanda grabs the top from you before she runs into her washroom to briefly change into it. 

"A match made in heaven, yeah, yeah," you roll your eyes with good humor. "Hurry up, Natasha will kill us if we're late for Yelena's birthday. They're on an upwards mend in their relationship, so she's been so unbearably uptight lately to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"I know, I know," Wanda mutters, carefully pulling the top over her head to not ruin her makeup. 

"Alright, I'll hail us a cab, meet me outside."

"Wait, wait!" Wanda calls out. "I need help putting on my necklace."

You chuckle, walking back just as Wanda steps out of the bathroom with the delicate necklace she wants to wear. 

"Alright, alright, relax," you tell her. "Your accent gets really strong when you're stressed."

"You're stressing me out by rushing me," Wanda scrunches her nose even though you can't see it. "I'm also stressed knowing that you have to rush me, or I'll spend the party getting lectured by Natasha."

Wanda's voice comes out husked with the accent, something she's struggled between hating or loving, but mostly loving since you've expressed how lovely it is.

You grab the necklace from her hand, and Wanda moves her hair out of the way. The routine of it all starts to bleed the tension out of her shoulders. 

Then, that horrible Stupid Steve Sentence kicks into her brain. 

 It's only as you put your arms over, placing the necklace against Wanda's chest, and focusing on trying to get the clasp in. Wanda can feel your warm breath against her neck, summoning goosebumps along her arms. You're so close, and she can feel the heat of your body radiating onto her, your fingers just barely brushing against her.

The tension comes suddenly, squeezing inside her chest as her breathing slows and shakes. Her body warms in an unexpected way. 

"Ah, got it," you say, but Wanda can only focus on your voice and breath on the shell of her ear. "Cute necklace but the clasp is so annoying."

You pull away and start walking off. "C'mon, I bet if we tip our taxi driver an extra $20 bucks, they'll speed and we can pray we're on time."

Wanda's left standing there, knowing she probably sounds like she's fresh out of Sokovia with how stressed she is. Her right eye twitches.

Was that...Wanda gulps. Was that sexual tension?

And was she the only one who felt it?

Fuck.

She's going to kill Steve.

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Natasha's absolutely neurotic when they arrive. It's just a simple backyard party, but it almost looks like a wedding venue with all the catering and flowers. 

Wanda's pretty sure Natasha's only being like this because she's overthinking about whether to cling to Yelena or give her sister some space to mingle with others. She seems to be sizing up Kate, who Yelena might be seeing, but it hasn't been confirmed. 

Yelena looks between exasperated with Natasha and secretly happy about the entire thing. Wanda can sympathize with her. After all, she's also a little sister, and Pietro can also be way too overprotective. Sometimes she's glad he's abroad in Europe for work while she remains in New York, but she misses him more often than she admits. 

"Alright, alright, Natasha," you groan, and Wanda's mind slips back into the conversation. "We're 3 minutes late, relax, will you? Damn, are you always gonna be like this until you and Yelena get back into whatever sibling bond you had before? Hope you're just like this with us because otherwise, you're gonna scare away all her friends, and she's going to hate you."

"Oh my god, do you think she'll really hate me?" Natasha bites her bottom lip in worry while looking around at all the people that they can only assume she's nagged about being late or whatever mishap. 

"Oh, man," you sigh, putting your hand on her shoulders before pushing her towards the bar. "You need some drinks and maybe some desserts in you."

Wanda's about to follow you when you turn around and nod your head in a different direction. She looks over and sees you're nodding toward Vision.

"You should go say hi to him," you tell her. "You've been complaining about not seeing him all last week, even though I don't know why you guys won't just FaceTime, but I digress. Come find me later, or I'll find you after."

You look over at Natasha, who's peering on her tippy toes to see if she can find Yelena.

"And, hopefully, I'll have ditched this nutjob," you whisper conspiratorially and laugh when Natasha turns around to smack your arm. 

"I heard that!"

Wanda chuckles as you walk off with Natasha while she turns and heads toward Vision. Despite how she was complaining about not seeing Vision last week because she did miss him, her expression was sour as she made her way toward him. 

Vision spots her immediately and waves at her with a warm smile. Wanda feels herself somewhat loosened at his expression. They'd also been friends a long time before they started on-and-off dating, so at the very least, she does miss his easy friendship. 

"Hey," Vision hugs her, slightly rubbing her back before he pulls away but keeps his arm around her. "It's been a while; you look lovely."

"Thanks," Wanda smiles with a shrug. She looks around and sees he's standing with Tony and Pepper. "How are you guys?"

"Could be better," Tony sighs dramatically. "Natasha won't let me do any of my cool party tricks as if I'm going to ruin her little sister's party. If anything, I could make it the party of the century!"

Pepper rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "We were just talking about how we're thinking of going to the Bahamas for vacation in December and escaping the cold. We've invited you and Vision along since it's been awhile since we've all gone together. Of course, we can also invite Bug and Natasha."

"Oh," Wanda says for a lack of anything else to say. She doesn't know how to feel about it, but she peers over at Vision, who's just smiling at her and looking eager about it. 

"I need another drink if I'm going to suffer through this party," Tony sighs. "Maybe I can convince Yelena instead!" He grins, dragging Pepper along, and they walk off together. 

"So, what do you think?" Vision asks when they're alone. "I didn't want to reply on your behalf since I wasn't sure, but I think it'd be good for us. I've missed you," Vision pauses as if he's about his next words but then says, "a lot."

"Yeah, me too," Wanda starts to say, but then her brain gets all haywire because it feels like a lie. She did miss him, but did she miss him a lot? "I think."

"You think?"

Wanda wants to smack her forehead because she didn't mean to say that out loud. "I mean, I was complaining a lot that I haven't seen you in a while all last week."

"Yeah, work has just been overwhelming. I get so tired after work, I just can't keep up with the texting or calls."

But you can, Wanda thinks. Granted, you're her roommate, so it's easier. But even when you have to go on work trips, you regularly text her no matter what time and squeeze in a quick call, even if it's just to say goodnight. 

The entire thing makes Wanda bite her tongue because why was she even thinking about that? That was completely irrelevant to Vision. 

Then—because as if just thinking about you wasn't enough—her eyes trail across the room, and the scene before her makes Wanda even more confused about her feelings.

You're standing there with Natasha at the bar, but it looks like Natasha's calling someone over to introduce you to them.

Another brunette with long, wavy hair, like she just had a blowout done. Wanda's not 100% sure from this distance, but she has an inkling that the brunette also has green eyes. She's wearing a white halter top and wide-legged sage green pants. She wears a lot of rings, but her makeup is lighter and more summery compared to Wanda's darker, smokey eye makeup.

In short, this woman was the clean girl aesthetic version of Wanda. 

And you look interested. 

This was ridiculous, Wanda fumes, feeling her stomach sink and cheeks flare hot in anger. As quick as the anger came, it dissipated.

Why was she so angry?

She feels betrayed, and her thoughts are turning very ugly. Wanda is definitely not being a girl's girl right now with how much she's thinking she's better than the girl in front of you. 

But that just makes everything so much more confusing. 

"Wanda?"

Wanda turns her head back to Vision. He looks concerned, and even when his eyes trail toward what Wanda's staring at, there's no additional reaction. He's not upset that she's staring at you, and that has to mean something, right?

It must mean there was never a concern about how Wanda might've felt about you. Sure, there were a few things Wanda couldn't be without, and you were one of them, but nobody can't be without their best friend. 

No one had ever blinked twice about you and Wanda.

Except now.

And that person was Wanda herself. 

The more Wanda thought about the entire thing, the more she became curious. The idea of you dating people who looked like Wanda was intriguing. She wanted to ask questions but didn't know what to ask.

It might mean nothing, but it also might mean something. 

And if it does mean something, Wanda wants to know what exactly it is. 

Therefore, Wanda needs nothing in her way to find out the truth and exactly what she wants, regardless of the answer. 

This was insane, wasn't it? Wanda's always been ambivalent about dating women. She's never gone out of her way to try it since she had Vision. Never mind entertaining thoughts about dating her best (girl)friend. And now, she was giving everything up in the pursuit of finding out what it could mean that her best friend was dating her lookalikes—and why she cared.

Wanda doesn't even know what she'll want to do with that information. 

Wanda looks at Vision, peering at his features she's always found handsome. When she thinks back, she's not even sure why she complained to you about how she hasn't seen or heard from him lately. She hadn't even gone out of her own way to do something about it.

"I'm not going on the trip. I don't think I actually missed you like that."

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The girl introduced to you was named Raye, Natasha's coworker that recently moved from Nashville. It was also confirmed she has green eyes, though they had specks of brown in them. She was a southern belle with a bold attitude, witty, and a wicked sense of humor. All in all, undeniably charismatic. 

At least, that's what you told her in private because all Wanda could feel was unrestricted aggravation with the other girl. The southern twang made Wanda's eye twitch, mostly because she knew you were head over heels for accents.  

"And then before I knew it, I was panicked and more lost than a blindfolded turkey on thanksgiving!"

You burst out laughing while Wanda's expression is stony, but when you look at Wanda, she forces a smile on her lips.

"Hahaha," Wanda dryly let out. "So funny."

But it wasn't. What the fuck did that even mean?

Raye continues to talk while you listen with rapt interest, and Wanda takes the time to observe your features in a way she's done many times before but with a different mindset. 

Your lips are curved in a smile, glistening from your chapstick. They're shapely, and they look soft. It rivals her favorite feature of yours, which is your eyes. They've always been so expressive with her, and Wanda's been around long enough that she knows what every expression means. She can tell when they glint with mischievousness or are soft with immense compassion and empathy. 

"So, what did you think of Raye?" You ask Wanda as you leave the party.

"She's cool, I guess," Wanda answers nonchalantly. 

The rest of the party was excruciating between Raye constantly hanging around you and Wanda also being too nervous to be alone with you. 

"Really cool," you sigh with a grin. "Glad I got her number. It's been a while since I've met someone so funny."

Was she funny, though? Wanda wonders.

"Funnier than me?" Wanda finds herself asking.

"No one could be funnier than you, brat," you smirk. "I almost peed myself laughing again when you almost knocked off Yelena's cake. I thought Natasha was about to enter into a coma." You snicker while Wanda rolls her eyes with a smile. 

"Glad I can always give you the biggest laughs, stinky."

Wanda glances over at your face, recognizing the excitement by the brightness in them. It's just another reminder that, as your best friend, she knows you like the back of her hand. 

But lately, when Wanda watches you pick up girls, she can tell when they're heady with desire. That look hasn't been directed at her, and Wanda wants to know what it'd be like if it were.

Wanda recalls the night you kissed the bartender and imagines if it had been her instead. She pictures your hand sliding across her jaw and cheek while your other pulls her closer at the waist. 

It's horrifying when a slow pit of arousal builds in Wanda's gut and...other regions. It feels utterly frightening and wrong like she's betraying the friendship for having and then reacting to such thoughts about you. 

But there's another part—the part that tells Wanda there's nobody in this world that she loves more than you. The mere idea of ever being apart from you was unfathomable. Wanda could and has endured so many things, and it would always be okay as long as she had you. 

So, knowing that Southern Belle Raye has the potential to be more than a one-night stand to you, Wanda realizes that she has a very small window to not only come to terms with her newfound feelings but also act on them as well. 

If this didn't go well, Wanda would definitely murder Steve.

PART TWO

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Delicate (Jake's Version)

1 - Iceman's Daughter

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: swearing (as usual) and Jake just getting shit from everyone

WC: 2.5k

A/N: So I'm borrowing the twins idea...so Tyler and Jake are twins so those stories will coincide at some point. Enjoy please! Don't be a silent reader either!

Playlist

Sam didn't need a damn thing in this world. Not a thing. She certainly didn't need a man. She certainly didn't need any of these cowboy fighter pilots in Fightertown. They all seemed to want to flirt with her, but it always ended there. No one ever made a move because of who her father was.

Iceman.

U.S. Pacific Fleet Commander Tom ‘Iceman’ Kazansky.

Her father was one of the highest ranks in the Navy. And when she walked in a room, in a bar, or almost anywhere in Miramar, California, people knew exactly who’s daughter she was. 

To say that Sam wanted for nothing was an understatement. Sam would consider herself well off with her almost brand new truck, that yes, daddy did buy, and all her pretty clothes, that yes, daddy did buy for her. She flaunted the fact that her dad bought everything for her. So it was no surprise that there hadn't been a man who could match up. Especially where Sam was much smarter than most of them, and worked harder than most of them too. She had a younger brother and sister, Mark and Alexandra, who were both in high school. Sarah, their mom, had always been a stay at home mom, and took the best care of them all, while Iceman did his duty. He provided a beautiful home, and whatever they wanted or needed. 

But it didn't stop the guys from trying.

As she stepped through the open doors at The Hard Deck, a local bar where most of the military personnel hung out, Sam made a vow to herself. None of these stick jockeys were getting in her pants. Not now, not ever. These guys weren't getting a single thing from Sam. She went toward the bar and sat, noticing the sign that said ‘disrespect a lady, the Navy, or put your phone on my bar, you buy a round’ and she made sure to keep her phone off the bar. 

“Nice touch, Penny, the sign’s new, huh?” She asked the brunette woman behind the bar. Penny had known Samantha since she was little and it had been about two years since she’d seen her. Penny whipped around and a huge smile that went all the way up to her eyes formed as she nearly ran to Sam. 

“You’re back!” She exclaimed as she hugged Sam tight. “And you graduated?”

“I did. Dad was able to make it too.” Sam said, her tone turning slightly solemn. Penny hugged her again, tighter this time.

“I heard he’s not doing well...” Penny said quietly to her and Sam nodded.

“Yeah. So I’m home for now. Working remotely so that I can be here for as long as I need to.” Sam explained. “I’m meeting a friend here.”

“Well, it’s five so the entirety of the Navy should be showing up soon. Speaking of...” Penny said, glancing at someone as they came in. Someone that Sam also knew. 

“Mav.” Sam said as Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell walked up and pulled her into a hug. He then sat and his eyes traveled to Penny. Sam knew they had some history, so she checked her phone and then saw Maverick turn to her. 

“Tell your dad thanks for saving my ass. Again.” Maverick said and Sam laughed.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked and he explained that he was there on a special assignment. Sam nodded and felt a hand at her back. She turned to see her friend Natasha ‘Phoenix’ Trace. Another big hug and when the two parted Nat had a big smile on her face.

“I’m so happy you’re here. I’m glad I’ll have a friend to go to the beach with while we’re on assignment.” She said and Sam smiled wide. “And you can tell me all about Harvard and all those boys you met. By the way, you look super pretty as always.” Sam had worn a pretty, lacy dress, pink on the top and blue with flowers on the skirt. She had dressy flip flops on and her phone which had her wallet with her cards and cash attached to the case.

Nat said shed be back in a few and went over to the other Naval Aviators that were there. Sam took a moment and glanced around, taking in the familiarity of it all. There were the tables and high tops on one side, some booths here and there, and then there was a jukebox, a piano, and a pool table overlooking the view of the ocean. The sun was going down so the rays were shining in through the windows, creating interesting shadows. 

She hadn’t even noticed the other aviators filing in, all meeting in the corner with the pool table. There was a tall blond, another blond with glasses, a rather handsome black guy about the same height as the first blond, and a shorter Hispanic man. They were all dressed in tan uniforms, names on their right chest, patches and wings on their left. All well put together.

Sam ordered a cider beer, and took a sip. That was the biggest thing she missed about Harvard. Every bar around had a different cider beer. She was going to miss being there in the chilly autumn months when the leaves were changing colors and falling, and everyone was decorating stupid early for Halloween. Penny smiled back at her as she chatted with Maverick, noticing Sam had seemed to be stuck in a daydream, her pink lips on the edge of the bottle opening. She was deep in thought until more of the tan uniforms walked in. A blond with a mustache who wore a Hawaiian shirt, whom she knew as Rooster, then a bearded black guy, two asian guys, an asian woman, and a dark haired white male who winked at Sam as he walked by.

Fuck.

She was trying to not be noticed and of course, one of them noticed her. She should’ve just taken her cider and gone outside onto the beach deck. She couldn’t now though. She had a great spot on the bar. And she did like people watching.

The taller black man and the tall blond had come over to the other side of the bar, asking for a round of drinks for them and their friends. Eleven beers in all. They had to come back and when they did, the black man smiled at Sam. She tipped her head down. 

Well fuckity fuck.

She noticed Nat glance over and she decided to shoot her a text. 

Sam: don’t mind me i’ll just hang out by myself

She saw Nat glanced down atr her phone and then up at Sam and mouthed a ‘sorry’ and then texted her back.

Nat: i’ll come back over in a few, catching up with Chicken Little

Sam: thought I recognized him, i forgive you as always 🥰

Sam nursed her cider and flipped through her Instagram, looking at her friend’s stories who were back in Boston. 

“You here all by your lonesome, darlin’?” A voice asked from beside her. She turned to see the tall blond leaning on his elbow over the bar. His friend, the handsome black man, was standing to his left, staring at Sam with a smile. She sighed and pursed her lips.

“Waiting for someone.” She said, trying not to look at his stupid, very handsome face. He had an air of arrogance about him that unfortunately, Sam was instantly attracted to, but she couldn’t let him know that. And the accent? Fuck.

“Well, someone isn’t here yet, so...” He said as he scooted in a bit closer. His friend whacked him on the shoulder and the blond glanced at him with a smirk. 

“New in town?” His friend asked and Sam’s eyes flicked to him. She took a sip of her cider and looked him up and down, just as another one of the tan uniforms walked up. This was the one that winked at Sam. Now she had the attention of three very good looking, very testosterone driven males, who were looking at her like she was a very unattainable snack. And they didn’t seem to know who she was. She saw Nat’s eyes gleen over and a horrified look spread across her face. Sam smirked at her. 

“You’re TopGun pilots, huh?” Sam asked with a grin, as she left the beer close to her lips. The blond’s eyebrows shot up and a wild smirk spread across his very pretty, very kissable lips. God, did she want to kiss him. FUCK.

“Jake. Jake Seresin.” He said, holding his hand out for her to shake. She did, immediately noticing how warm his hand was. He flicked his head toward his friends. “This is Reuben Fitch, and Neil Vikander,” pointing first to the handsome black man and then the brown haired, freshly shaven white guy. Reuben held his hand out for her to shake and she did so. Neil did not, instead he just smiled at her. 

She took another sip of her beer and glanced at each of them, up and down, before asking, “What are your callsigns, boys?” 

Reuben said his was ‘Payback’, Neil’s was ‘Omaha’, and then Jake...Jake took a second, tipping his nose down and flashing his pretty smile before speaking.

“Know a little bit about pilot shit, huh?” Jake asked and she rolled her eyes at him. He smirked.

“I know a lot about a lot of shit. What’s your fucking callsign, Jake ?” Sam said, the swears rolling off her tongue calmly. Reuben and Neil broke out into a fit of laughter and they both patted Jake on his back as they left. Neil leaned in and said, ‘good luck’ to him. Jake’s eyes followed his friends for a moment before the sage green locked back on her mahogany brown ones. 

“ Hangman .” He said as he sat on the stool next to Sam. 

“See that wasn’t so hard was it?” She said, finishing her beer.

“Penny, m’dear, she’ll have another, on me.” Jake said and Penny shook her head and smiled as she took Sam’s empty and replaced it with a full, ice cold bottle. 

“Oh, all I have to do is insult you and I get free beer? Excellent.” Sam said, starting on her second. Jake tilted his head and scooted closer, manspreading next to her. She placed her hand on his chest and looked him dead in the eyes. “Easy there, Peacock . I get it. You’ve got the prettiest feathers . Don’t need to see them any closer.” 

“Goddamn you are somethin’ fuckin’ else.” Jake said, shaking his head, an opened mouthed grin plastered to his face. “ Let me buy you dinner .”

“Don't need you to buy me anything else, handsome.” Sam said and Jake just kept on smiling. He looked like a love struck puppy, all wide and sparkly eyed. The only thing that was missing was the wagging tail and the tongue hanging out of his mouth. 

“Hard to get is your game then? I can hang .” He said and Sam laughed down the barrel of the bottle. 

“That why they call you ‘Hangman’?” She asked and he didn't have a come back this time. He just sat there, smiling like a fucking idiot at her, clearly hoping his handsome fucking face would get her to do whatever he wanted. Oh, boy, when he found out who her dad was, he’d change his attitude for sure. She saw Nat heading back over.

“I see you’ve met Bagman.” She said as she placed her arm around Sam’s shoulders.

“Oh no, are you Phoenix’s girlfriend. Shit. Now I really wanna take you to dinner...I didn’t even catch your name, sweetheart.” Jake said, eyes darting between Sam and Phoenix. She scoffed at him and side hugged Sam.

“I'm not going to dinner with you.” Sam said, taking her phone out and opening Instagram back up. She scrolled for a moment as Jake watched her. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for her to give in.

“You really don’t know who she is, Hangman?” Nat asked, with a knowing smile. Sam glanced at her, Here it comes. The implosion of his self confidence. “Sam Kazansky...” Nat said and Jake’s eyes locked on Sam’s, then widened. He touched his beer to hers and then smiled and tipped his head.

“My Insta is jseresin90 when you decide to follow me.” He said, as he stood. He began to walk away and Sam's eyes followed him. He turned and smiled at her, saluted her and said, “Can't wait to see all your pretty pictures, Sam!”

She followed him with her eyes as he made his way back over to his friends. Sam turned in her seat as Nat sat at the bar next to her. She motioned to Jake.

“ So tell me more about Jake Seresin. ” She said and Nat smirked and asked Penny for another beer.

🛩️🛩️🛩️

As Jake continued drinking and playing pool, his friends and co-pilots teased him. 

“What the fuck, Jake? Tell me you got her number.” Neil said, and took a sip of his beer. 

“Yeah,, seriously, she’s hot as hell, man.” Reuben said, shaking his head.

“Well?” Bob piped up, with a smirk. Jake stopped as he was about to make his next shot, glancing around as everyone got quiet. And then he lied.

“Course I got her number.” He said, a bit sheepishly, and Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw, the dirty blond with the mustache, raised a brow. He’d give him shit later but not here. They all laughed, a few of them sighed and rolled their eyes, and then they went back to drinking and conversing with each other for a couple more hours. When everyone was sufficiently drunk or buzzed, they all decided to head home. 

Jake stepped out onto the patio and gazed out over the ocean. Behind him was his friend Coyote, aka Javy. He clapped him on the shoulder and shook him a bit, making Jake smile. 

“You okay, man?” Javy asked, and Jake nodded.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” Jake said tentatively and Javy patted him on the back.

“When you wanna talk about it, I’m here.” Javy said and went back in, just as Rooster came out. Jake had turned to go back toward the parking lot and he drew in a sharp breath as he caught Rooster’s disapproving stare.

“You didn’t get her number.” He said and Jake shook his head.

“Why do you have to be an ass about it...” Jake said and Bradley stepped into his space.

“ Don’t ruin her. You’re gonna be in a world of shit if you do. You have no fucking idea who she is. ” Bradley said and Jake bumped his shoulder into his, as he brushed past him.

“There’s a whole side of me that y’all won’t ever see because you think I’m a dick. Fuck off and let me be.” Jake said as he went down the patio stairs and toward the parking lot. 

“Maybe stop acting like a dick then, Bagman!” Bradley yelled as Jake got in his truck and slammed the door. He punched the center console and swore. He took his phone out and checked to see if he had any notifications. Nothing. 

Fuck.

[starry-bi-sky]

Hello!! Question about clone^2, what are the styles of Danny and Damian? Like day to day stuff for example. Does Danny buy Damian the traditional 8 yr old clothes (dinosaurs with sunglasses tees, stuff like that) or does Damian already have a style he likes? And Danny! I know that Sam gives Danny various punk hairstyles and that he prefers gender neutral stuff but outside of that what would Danny wear in general?

You don’t have to answer of course, but I’ll give you a thank you in advance!

- kindest regards, Gas Can

I LOVE GETTING ASKS NO WORRIES MY GUY. AS MY FAVORITE SAYING GOES 'THE QUICKEST WAY TO STARRY'S HEART IS THROUGH HER ASK BOX'.

And I love this question, this is a good one!! If damian's 8 then he's been around the fenton house for about a year or so. I can't see baby dames ever willingly wearing traditional child-like clothes, at least not in the beginning when he first arrives at the Fenton house. Which he'd be around 6-7.

Danny tells him (with the help of google translate) that he's going shopping to buy him new clothes sometime during Damian's early stay since the little man had been wearing the same clothes he arrived in for a while (which you can find here with the reblog of the colored version) and honestly he probably asks damian if he wants to come along to pick something out. he doesn't know the kid's style and it might be a bad idea because damian might make a run for it, but danny's caught him before at this point.

(plus he'll need help carrying bags - his hands are freshly injured and still smarting. they're not as bad as they will be in the future, but hand injuries hurt. consider it repayment for being the cause of it, damian)

And early Damian would choose clothes that remind him most of the league - so dark colors, more formal styles, think like how you'd imagine his original template to dress like, if you will. Danny is side-eyeing him in judgy bewilderment, but says nothing other than to complain about the price tag. Of which Damian has no idea what he's saying. He'd stick with those clothes until he has his little moment with Danny in the OPS Center where he finally tells him he's a clone (even though Danny already knows) and that he doesn't want to go back. After that he'd reluctantly and steadily start branching out.

So eight year old Damian, whose begun to chill out more and act more like a child his age would? I don't think he'd ever wear graphic t-shirts about kids shows, but I can see him wearing graphic tees of like, animal facts on it, animals, stars, etc etc, and then plain shirts in a variety of increasing color. I have this mental image that Danny buys Damian one of those joke shirts that says "bro I'm 8" / "this is what an awesome eight year old looks like" (with two thumbs pointing at itself) and Damian wears it to school a week later. Damian's variety of shirts increases the more comfortable he gets and the more he comes into his own identity.

Damian also, steadily, keeps stealing Danny's flannels even if they're almost comically large on him. They're comfy and he's embracing his role as baby brother (and also he really looks up to him because he understands, to an extent, of what danny's done for him). Danny and the Fentons start buying Damian his own after a while because, well, he can't keep taking Danny's.

And Danny! I'm so glad you mentioned Danny, my favorite GNC boy. I keep forgetting myself sometimes that I gave him long hair, even if it is my favorite thing about him. And honestly? Danny doesn't really do much with his hair if Sam isn't styling it. He usually lets it stay down on his head, and then pulls it back into a ponytail or a half-ponytail at school depending on what he's doing (gym vs a test).

He keeps it in a ponytail as phantom to keep it out of his face, and then when he's working on a Ghost Case he sometimes has it up in a (messy™) bun because the feeling of having his hair on his neck when its in a ponytail drives him nuts, especially when sleep deprived. Sam teaches him how to braid it back into a simple braid and its become a new fidget for him to braid his hair and then unbraid it. It's easier to keep off his face than a ponytail, so he sometimes braids it back when he's sneaking out as phantom. It happens more often once he gets skilled at it.

And danny's style! I know you probably only meant his hairstyle, but I also wanna talk about his aesthetic! He doesn't really put much into his appearance. Very teenager-y boy 'threw on the first thing i saw on a hanger/floor' type, but he kinda has a bit more of a casual, soft grungy-like look as an older teen. Just some hints of Sam's influence - and you know what, some of Tucker's as well because that's his best friend too.

(Off topic but 19yo Danny from my Childhood Friends Dead On Main au has a similar style that's a bit soft punk as well, and that is somewhat more intentional on CFAU Danny's part. Why make an au if I can't play dress up with my favorite character? :))

Mostly because I read a Spider-Man x DP fic that described Danny (from an outsider's pov) as looking kinda like a skater boy who listens to alt rock music and it's been my personal interpretation of him ever since. So he has band tees, flannels, graphic tees with jokes on them, shirts with astronomy facts on them, and idk if he'd ever buy ripped jeans but Sam has certainly bought him some and they fit so *shrugs* he wears them. And he has one or two of those denim jackets with the hoodie sewn inside it. And from Tucker he has a few turtlenecks because Tucker reads as a turtleneck-kinda guy, geek chic-ish.

[eredhes]

Hey!

I majored in anth at a p awesome school for it (had a so fun class where we hands on used paleo to neo lithic techniques- from making stone tools to processing hides) but there wasn't much available for prehistoric art (+ I was a major switch from microbiology so bio anth, epidemiology and forensics stuff, made more sense with my course history). Been out of school for almost 10 years now and unfortunately doing nothing even remotely related, but I'm wanting to learn more about prehistoric art of all sorts. With search engines being overrun with AI misinfo I'm not really sure where to start other than Wikipedia. Do you have any favorite resources you'd be up for recommending?

Thanks a ton! Happy holidays, and may the new year be kind.

Hello! I should preface this with saying I am just someone with a general interest and not remotely an expert haha! Getting to do hands on stuff sounds really fun!

A lot of my reading has been restricted to Upper Palaeolithic Europe, and cave art at that, so I can't really recommend anything outside of that.

I've been concerned also with avoiding misinformation - there was a painting I saw a while ago where it was obvious the level of research involved was typing "Lascaux" into pinterest and just using whatever results came up (the art used was from Cueva de los Caballos and Mesolithic) and it's been driving me nuts. I've been sticking to books for information, almost everything I've read has been through Internet Archive, and majority are over 30 years old so could be outdated, can contradict each other, and should be noted are can be very racist.

Putting the list of everything under a read more as it's quite long, I hope there's something useful in amongst all of this! Happy holidays, I hope you have a good new year!

Books and other resources I've found useful in no particular order:

The Cave of Lascaux: The Final Photographs by Mario Ruspoli (1987) [Is on Internet Archive but currently unavailable, the German version is still up.] When Lascaux was closed to the public Mario Ruspoli was hired by the French govenment to document the entire cave on film and wrote this book afterwards. Even though it's focus is Lascaux I found it a good introduction to the topic of cave art. I have tried to find the footage online with little success so if anyone knows... do tell. This book brings you through the cave and gives a good idea of the layout and where paintings/engravings are in relation to each other. I would love if there was something like this for other caves but I'm not aware of anything 🤔

Lascaux Virtual Tour [Link here] The video isn't toally clear but it gives a good sense of the layout, and you can click the little 'i' icon to see clearer photos and get more details.

Images of the Ice Age by Paul Bahn and Jean Vertut (1988) [Internet Archive Link] This book is also a good starting point! There's also Journey Through the Ice Age which is the same book.

Cambridge Illustrated History of Cave Art by Paul Bahn (1998) [Internet Archive Link] I haven't gotten around to reading this yet but it appears to be a broader scope and not restricted to Europe.

Palaeolithic Cave Art by Peter J. Ucko and Andrée Rosenfeld (1967) The main appeal of this bok is that it goes through the different possible reasons for cave art. I had to buy a physical copy as I couldn't find it online.

Kindred: Neanderthal Life, Love, Death and Art by Rebecca Wragg Sykes (2020) [Aeon article link "Sheanderthal: Not all Neanderthals were ‘cavemen’: half were women. What can archaeologists tell us about how they lived?] Not solely focused on art but she does talk about what the neanderthals made including a large circular structure in Bruniquel Cave - there is footage of the cave in the recent netflix documentary Secrets of the Neanderthals (not great, at one point the narrator says neanderthals lived in the neolithic lmfao but the interviews with experts are interesting).

Don's Maps [Link here] Really great website. Some books will mention a painting/engraving/sculpture but no image, so my first place to check is Don's Maps as everything he includes is either from a book which will be referenced or from his own visits to caves.

The Neanderthal Museum Digital Archive [Link here] Despite the name is not exclusively Neanderthal, lots of photos of cave art in the Wendel Collection (including a photo of the one known instance of a saiga antelope in cave art that I hadn't been able to find a photo of before!).

There's also the Archaeology Podcast Network and sites like Academia.edu but I don't have any specific recommendations at present.

[canmom]

what's the book for? part 0

I watched this three hour video! It is primarily a critique of the story games/Forge mode in TTRPG design, seeing it as the fruit of a condescending behaviourism, which to youtuber Vi Huntsman is painfully reminiscent of the 'Applied Behaviour Analysis' abusive treaments that are often applied to autistic children! Oof! Quite a charge...

...though it only gets there after the first hour or so! There's a segment where they do a stage production of an abridged version of a segment in Sunless Skies!

So... despite 'three hour video essay titled Art, Agency, Alienation' being kind of a punchline in itself, despite occasionally the kind of indulgence you tend to only see in got-way-too-big video essay channels, this video is actually pretty legit. I used to be quite the story game partisan and this is perhaps the best critique I've seen of it!

I think the thrust of Vi Huntsman's critique has merit, but it ends up feeling... honestly broader than I think they meant it - many dimensions seem to apply to almost any printed TTRPG. I also found their conclusion, which calls for more adventures and similar to support the 'folk art' of RPGs, extremely underwhelming - more a statement of taste than an answer to the blistering criticisms of the previous three hours.

So here's my own attempt at an answer. Or at least to lay out the premises we'd need to reach an answer, I'm not there yet!

tl;dw

Let me try and break it down into a tl;dw version. (I'll brush past the lead-in which talks about The Stanley Parable and Severance, used to frame the discussion.)

First up, ABA is an abusive practice inspired by radical behaviourism. In ABA, a behaviour analyst decides how a child should behave, and applies crude reward/punishment structures to get the child to do as they want, without trying to understand the underlying reasons. For example, an analyst may try to stop a child covering their ears when flushing the toilet, even though this is painful for the child. This analogy runs through the video. It is clearly quite personal for Huntsman, who I'm fairly sure is autistic themselves, and apparently worked at some point in attempting to apply the 'treatments' cooked up by the behavioural analysts.

Now, there is a perspective in game design that believes that the designer's responsibility is to create structures of rewards and perhaps punishments to push a player towards a specific intended experience - i.e. 'incentives'. In this light, game design is envisioned almost as a kind of spooky mind control to create behaviour in players, though the methods imagined to do so are in fact very crude.

The other element Huntsman introduces is the notion of 'Suitsian games', after the philosopher Bernard Suits, which are self-contained rules structures creating interesting obstacles to reach some kind of arbitrary goal (for example: capture king, place ball in hoop), where the interesting aspect is the new 'agency' created by the limitations of the rules. Huntsman argues that TTRPGs are not Suitsian games, and it's a big mistake to act as if they are.

They present some examples of a disdainful attitude among designers that players are like children whose behaviour is determined only by the game itself, despite all evidence to the contrary. A particularly damning example is a podcast episode in which a game designer who is also an ABA behavioural analyst attempts to explain how games should more deliberately apply direct incentives in their design.

This attitude, Huntsman argues, results in games (here books you can buy instructing you what to do) which attempt to meticulously shape play (the actual thing that happens at the table) to push it towards a very specific intended experience, often by rigidly defining processes for nearly every stage of the game, similar to a board game. This undercuts the open-endedness of TTRPGs, the major strength of the medium.

The roots of the pernicious ideology, in Huntsman's view, go back to the Forge forums, a cultish forum about game design run by a terribly arrogant man called Ron Edwards, known for Sorcerer and Trollbabe. Many of the major game designers active in the indie scene today come from the Forge, and they tend to somewhat nepotistically promote each other, including writing a very self-back-patting textbook.

In a section termed 'the can of worms', Huntsman suggests that elements like the 'agendas' and 'principles' and 'GM moves' amount to designers taking undue credit for player creativity, with designers claiming that fairly boilerplate GM advice framed as rules is what makes the game work, with the corollary if the game doesn't work you weren't following the GM rules properly and thus weren't really playing the game.

Some of these games tell you off for interesting ways you might hack or vary their rules, insisting that they be interpreted strictly and narrowly to get the 'intended' experience

This is all about selling a product - the idea that you need this specific book in order to create a certain kind of experience, when in reality the book does very little to actually contribute to the 'folk art' of playing an RPG together.

The main example used to illustrate all this is Root: The RPG, a TTRPG adaptation of the extremely popular asymmetric board game about forest animals having a civil war. The TTRPG is printed by a company called Magpie Games which specialises in PbtA designs, probably best known for Masks. They tend to do very well on Kickstarter, but their games - often IP tie-ins - are not especially memorable. Vi Huntsman praises the original board game, but has little positive to say about the TTRPG spinoff.

From what I saw in the video, Root is definitely a strong example of a shallow PbtA game which borrows the surface-level forms of Apocalypse World (moves, agendas, etc.) to create something bland and unengaging. It commits many design sins - far too many uninteresting moves, a dearth of evocative prompts to get you into the idea of the game, locking certain reasonable actions to specific playbooks, repetitive prose, a lack of conceptual clarity, dogmatic insistence that its rules must be followed to the letter... Clearly we can all skip this game.

But...

the role played by a roleplaying book

What's more interesting to me is the broader critique.

The video does not directly address Root's obvious parent Apocalypse World in much depth. Huntsman notes that most of Root's ideas are cribbed from there and that Magpie Games have been less and less likely to acknowledge Vincent and Meguey as time goes on; the pair are also included in the Pepe Silvia wall used to illustrate the reach of the Forge. However, they do not really address whether their criticisms apply to Apocalypse World.

To my eye, Apocalypse World is still a lot better than almost all of its many, many imitators. Part of that is the strength of its prose - and that is actually very important, for reasons I'll get into. So I think it would be better to look at the best of this tradition, rather than its worst.

But before we can get into that, the real question for me is this. What is the relationship between the paper object in your hands or PDF on your computer, and that mystical thing that happens when you and your friends gather around a table and tell a story together for four or five hours?

Begin series.

[zeondraws]

I may be blind and have not tried to explore all the file locations in fmodel until now.

Found where the map textures are located, or for example all the people that died like Jamie, Kelly and all. I finally got a good look at Kelly!

This here be Kelly

Poor bastard

Okay, with this in mind I'll go through all folders in fmodel at some point, I have to see what else I can find. Found some unused/to be deleted folders which I found interesting

Hhmmm yes

So much work ahead, it really eats away my time, I've noticed, couldn't finish artworks recently. Mostly tried to work on that one AU drawing to have it almost done. But all this research eats my time which results in less time for art. Then I watch everyone else draw so much and I sit there thinking, man..

When I listen to soundfiles I can't draw at the same time since I need to stay focused on the sounds. However I managed to listen through 2k yesterday. I really really wanna be sure I have all the sounds for the Muir video, I literally found a different version of a perch howl yesterday! That one was not inside the actual Muir folder.

raaaah, the lore thickens. This could mean I can stumble upon other soundfiles from Muir that aren't in his Puppet folder. I only have... 16000 files to go through now. Number is getting smaller (I managed to listen to over 8.000 now).

If anyone ever wonders if I'll make a video of the soundfiles of other Puppets... maybe.. but I'd have to sort all these darn soundfiles from the Media folder. It's probably why people before me didn't bother at all. It took me over 2h and 30min to listen to 2000 files. Now calculate how much I need for 16000

Hhhmmm forbidden gummi, these are from Roper-

But hm, I currently want to finish that one artwork, then I need to sit down and draw something for a friend of mine for Secret Santa. Want to finish this Muir video before the year ends (I want to see it finished soooo badly). And maybe continue that super detailed Muir painting I had to put on hold, due to moving. The one I mean is shown on my pinned post here, that already took days to make and I'm not even halfway done with it. I want to see how far I can push my render skills atm.

Oh and draw a bunch of buses again, but on paper to get better with traditional art.

I always had problems managing my time (nothing new for me, so don't be confused if I do 6273728 things at once XD), tho I probably will figure out how to deal with this at some point. I always got yelled at, at my old workplace for taking too long on things, even tho my coworker kept giving me new tasks to work on so I couldn't finish the first thing he wanted, so he became more angry at me if I spend 3 weeks on something. Or spend 3 days on a task he usually finishes in 1 day, like. What? Like, he became soooo weird about it, that he tried to be angry about anythiiiing. And then he got confused when he heard what I told other coworkers in private. When he said that, I got flashbacks to my other uncle being angry that I told teachers how bad I felt mentally (at school). This is so confusing

I got praised for my work in the new job, which is wild that they don't expect me to work like a machine but to take my time. People aren't so focused on speed here.

So I don't know if my way of working on things is super bad, or if it's just dunno, big projects require so much energy and time. And then I watch everyone do so much art and I'm like waaaaiiit I wanna draw too Aaaaaaa. I wish I could eat art, because I frkn love art so much I shake my fists in the air whenever I see gorgeous artworks from others. Or see some absolutely stunning moviessssss.

I need to buy frames- I need to hang some drawings.

Okay Fellas, imma go tidy up my apartment and sort some stuff. I still have something to do in my bathroom.

busbusbusbusbusbusbusbusbusbusbbusbusbusbusbusbus

[rinatic]

Hello can i request mark as a boyfriend?

Thank you so much for requesting :)

Mark as a boyfriend

You two were friends

Not exactly best friends but you were comfortable with each other

After being caught up in work, mark felt bad because you two don't hang out anymore

It was for a kinda long period like two months

So mark decided to call you because he randomly thought about you

"Y/n, how about we hang out today? Kinda missed you haha :)"

And ofc you agreed to meet him because who wouldn't hang out with mark?

So he cleared his schedules for you

When he saw you for the first time after these months, he couldn't tell what changed about you, but you just became prettier and hotter

So when you talked, he would accidentally stare at you for too long and ask you to repeat what you said

That's when mark started falling in love gradually with you

In the following days, he would accidentally zone out thinking about it

He missed you a lot even though you guys literally text and face time every day

And you started hanging out more and more

Bro would be so awkward the more he falls in love

But it's cute

And the confession will be so cute actually

It will be a cherished but thought of as funny memory lol

Now moving on to bf mark

He would be so caring ???

He himself doesn't know that he's caring to the point of willing to help you with every little thing

Bro just discovered his protective nature and is kinda overwhelmed

Spends all his money on you

Like you suddenly realize how many accessories, clothing items you have

But you remember you didn't buy it

He just takes gift giving to the next level

Like literally ask for anything even a five million ring lol

You're so spoiled im jealous :(

WRITES. SONGS. ABOUT. YOU

No because imagine mark writing a song about you

Where he pours all of his emotions into his work

And you discover how romantic he is because boi where did you get these words from??

When you read it, you can't help but fold and melt lol

He would be so shy to show because he knows you will tease him

But it's actually so ??? You didn't know he loved you this much

He would say "i just wrote a song why you making a big deal.." but you definitely didn't notice the other sheets hidden there in his studio with the 'for y/n ♡' on them

Can i mention that when he's with you he actually melts?

Like he literally loves you so much

But he's so shy to form his love into words and demonstrate it

So it's a good thing he can write his feelings for you

On his phone, he has 'y/n tingz' in his gallery

Where he has pics of you doing anything

And it's what he looks at when he needs inspiration

127 and dream tease him so much its unbearable poor baby

Just save him from haechan lmao

Whe they meet you they're like "so you're y/n? Mark keeps blabbering about you all day" "mark is always talking about you like give us rest damn" "do you know that mark always talks about you in the group chat? I almost thought you were a new member"

And boi just turns into a tomato

He's also very funny

"Send a pic of your heart?" "Just say you want a boob pic" "no ma'am i asked for your HEART not my problem that it's behind your boobs 😤"

"My girlfriend didn't share her food with me :(((" "shut up mark you literally have your plate in front of you" "why so rude dude?? I can definitely tell you didn't MARK me in your heart"

"Did you just skip my song???" "No it's an nct song" "girl I'm in nct 😭" "wait you were in the sub unit for this song??" "Dude..." "not my fault youre in 23 member group"

"Mark can we hold hands?" "No I'm christian.." "why tf do you suddenly turn christian around me??! As if you don't write sex songs" "y/n????"

Anyways

You absolutely shake him up

He's extremely grateful that you're in his life

Like he just becomes a better version of himself everyday thanks to you

He also loves showing you off

Says "This is my girlfriend, y/n :)" so proudly

He also thinks that you deserve love

So he tries his best to shower you in love even if he's shy

He also thinks that you don't have to be insecure because you're so gorgeous

So he also makes sure that you're absolutely confident

He's very hardworking and wants to take his boyfriend role seriously

Provides for you

Because he really wants your relationship to develop into something more stronger

He treats you with a lot of respect

He's also fair, so you'll receive the same amount of love you give him

Gets lost in his thoughts while thinking about your future together

You're both his girlfriend and his best friend

He also acts confident all the time but on the inside, he's so scared that you'll find someone better and leave him

He has that hidden fear

So reassure him :(

Also

An attention seeker

He can't live without your attention

That's why the boys tease him by occupying you in their shit so you can forget about mark 😭

Poor boy doesn't realize that they're behind this at first

He'll think you're avoiding him and thinks too much deeply about the cause of this

"What did i do? 😟" so cuteeeee

Johnny is definitely the one behind all of this

Says the only way to make it for him is by cuddling

So he'll act in a cute way which is rare since he wants you to see him as mature

He's the cutest boyfriend ever awieeeeee

[littleeyesofpallas]

So there is a certain character type that I cannot for the life of me pin down a word for... It's yakuza adjacent, but often not explicitly part of the actual gangs. a kind of shady businessman, but not the overly clean and corporate type. sort of a scammer or a conartist or grifter, but not as small time as that sort of makes it sound? I want to say it's a look associated with loan sharks, but I can't quite substantiate that.... I swear it's a thing you see in the context of Japanese crime fiction all the time, especially set in the 80s or 90s, yet I can't really point to any characters that really fit the bill off the top of my head, as they're almost always background characters. Somehow the only one I can think to pinpoint is that one random villain-of-the-week in Kill la Kill?

The persona itself actually has a shocking amount in common with, like, the classic American used car dealer, especially on the east coast either around the New York/New Jersey tristate or down in like Miami, usually with a hefty bit of Italian or Jewish racism mixed in... The style though, the gold chains, the tacky superficial try-hard glitz and the pushy rough around the edges attitude, very self-made and informally educated businessman, surprisingly successful but still not really a "big" success, and just like this Japanese counterpart I'm thinking of, almost always technically in business with local organized crime without ever being "part of the family."

Like it's such a cliche that it's literally cartoonish, and it's funny how almost perfectly beat for beat the US and Japanese counterparts mirror eachother, except that the Japanese character type, as far as I can recall, isn't associated with used car dealerships,

anyway point is... That's what Marechiyo and his dad are supposed to look like. That and a bit of yakuza/delinquent in the case of his dad when he was younger. Notably his dad straight up has a punch perm in the present day, which was The quintessential yakuza look in the 80s. And his younger version seems to also have a perm but also a regent style pompadour that's a little more youthful delinquent aligned than outright criminal, and again a look that has become so cliche as to become cartoonish to the point of being a costume you can buy in a store.

Although whatever the hell Marechiyo has going on in the new hell arc, i cannot identify.

But it's interesting that it's a different kind of yakuza look than what Iba has going on. His dark shades, the tight perm, the laborer's bellywarmer, his zanpakutou being a tanto sticking out of it, the overall posture with the one shoulder out of his kimono, even that his sword is alternatively either a Yakuza style tanto tucked into a chest wrap, or a seemingly normal katana but without a crossguard is to evoke the classic yakuza image of using a shirasaya --a plain white wood sheathe with matching handle and no crossguard or wrap-- rather than a more traditional katana. And of course his dog-like loyalty to Komamura are all iconic stoic Yakuza romanticism. The hardboiled, honor-bound, manly-man ideal of the folklore-like reputation of the yakuza. The thing you'd see in countless old movies or pulp thriller style seinen manga, sometimes even published by yakuza family magazines themselves.

His mother also plays into this, even in her barely existent appearance in the MASKED databook, as she's a pretty distinct play into a very particular matronly character type, generally typifying either a proprietress of a traditional inn, a powerful samurai family matron, or a yakuza boss's wife --all kind of loosely overlapping and all drawing from traditional roles of a head of manor or estate.

I dunno where i was going with any of this. But between these character types and Kensei's biker gang thing, I think it's funny how much of Soul Society's classically japanese vibe is just organized crime. Even the general population of unnamed background shinigami lean into a very modern thuggish aesthetic

Also i don't know what to make of the idea that the Shihouin have endorsed the Omaeda family like this over the years, especially when they're role among the royale houses seems to be to safeguard various treasures and relics. Between that and apparently being at least two generations of heads of a division of the secret police, it's hard to imagine the Omaeda were just independently wealthy unrelated to all that.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I've just adopted two baby orangies that I'm maybe gonna name Lucy and Mina. It's been 20 years since I've had baby kitties and I'm reluctant to leave them alone without supervision. Can you share what kind of camera/software set-up you have for the cryptids? What kind of security do you have on the feed? How did you decide where to point the camera? How many cameras/what brand did you choose to go with?

Thank you for considering sharing your cryptid webcam knowledge and here's a pic of my baby girls!!

[ID: Two extremely fluffy and adorable kittens, with long shaggy orange striped fur, are lying together in a cat hammock, cuddled up and sleepy.]

Aw, babies! Great names btw :D I hated leaving my cryptids that first day I had to go back to work.

I've gone through a couple of iterations of the home webcams; the first ones I bought were some company that I think has since gone out of business, and they were a bit of a struggle anyway since it was an Italian company selling mostly to Japan, and nothing was in English :D Their app was...subpar.

Currently I have three Kasa brand webcams and I really like them. They can be slightly temperamental to set up, especially if you don't have really strong internet; it used to be I could basically only have two of them operational at any given time because my internet was too weak to sustain the third, but we got new internet in the building a few months ago and suddenly the problems went away :D I wish that it was possible to access them from a webpage as well as the app, but I can't complain too much -- otherwise I've been very pleased with them.

Mine (similar to this, I think a slightly earlier model) can turn almost completely around; they have night-vision too, which I like. I started out just having one in the living room, but when I'm not there the cats often stay in other areas of the house, so I put one in the hallway and eventually the bedroom -- the goal was to put cameras where I knew my cats would be, so I could look in on them and actually see them. You'll get a sense, using the cameras or even just living with your kits for a while, of where they like to be when you aren't there.

Dearborn will often come when called to a camera, but Polk completely ignores them. If you want to interact with your cats you may want to buy one of the special petcam versions that have controllable laser pointers and treat dispensers, but mine don't like treats so I went with pure camera ability.

There's no real security on them other than whatever's on them natively, but I really only have them on when I'm traveling. They have a "privacy" mode where you can physically see that they've been switched off, there's a little light that is always on when they're on. But also like. If some hacker really wants so badly to see a fortysomething man talking to his cats, whatever, I hope they have fun. :D I assume there are extra security measures that can be put into place, but they'd probably involve the wifi rather than the cameras.

But yeah -- the Kasa cams are reasonably high-def, have sound and a speaker, have night-vision and are pretty maneuverable; can recommend.

[veryimportantsparkles]

Okay!!! I drew this last night but it was right before bed so I waited to post it so I'd have time to write. This is a tentative design, I'm probably going to restructure that...vest? At least a little bit. Meet Dillia. Technically she's been on the blog once before, when I was working on my Johto trainer outfit...from when I would have been like TWELVE. Today's my birthday by the way, I just turned THIRTY-FIVE.

Dillia was from my original Silver version. I still have the cartridge, but the battery died at some point years ago. When Heart Gold and Soul Silver came out, I was at a point in my life where I couldn't afford to buy new games all the time, so I skipped them. For years after I was buttmad that I have a big gap in my Pokemon experience. From HGSS up until I suppose SwSh, I wasn't buying the new stuff. I'm a lot more financially stable now, but in the meanwhile all the prices on used games had been rocketing up. Well, last year Josh the Boyfriend got me a reasonably-priced legitimate copy of Soul Silver off an ebay listing he had been watching. I had to prep the file with my usual habits (get to the name rater and nickname everything, designate a world sacrifice etc) and wanted to clear out some of my gen 3 backlog (beat leaf green three times, lol, then sapphire, alpha sapphire, and emerald) before starting a new file. I have started a new file!

I had to reset like 14 times for a female Totodile, but it was important to me that I get Dillia back. When I got her the first time, I had no idea that female starters were rare. Totodiles have always simply been female to me. She's almost as beloved as Tortoise, a lifelong companion that has been with me since I was very young. I've waited so long to revive her, it's a shame. I don't have full designs for her gijinka forms yet, but I had done a rough sketch a few years ago.

Using Tortoise's timeline sketch as a guide, Dillia should have Totodile, Croconaw, and Feraligatr forms for her original game, then after death and rebirth in the new game. I think what I want to do is give her very tame clothes in her old life (stuff I would've worn in 2001, 90s thrift store jackets and basic jeans), and punkier stuff for her new life.

I still have a lot of other art to do (champion art for the Alpha Sapphire guys, and the Emerald guys, and...my entire webcomic Laserwing...and other things...) but I wanted to get the basic idea of Dillia out to commemorate her return.

Hopefully she'll help me remember a bunch of other Silver Pokemon that have been lost to the haze of time!

[crescentblossom66]

First Train on the Moon Part 1

I know it's late and only half finished so far, but I'll write part 2 as soon as I'm able. Enjoy this late birthday present, @nasubeenwithcat I hope you like more conductor brother content. Conductor (Connor) is back to being the nice version of him from the beta of Train Rush, by the way. Just wanted to point that out so that him being OOC is explained. I guess he's closer to Japanese Conductor that way :)

The sun was up high already causing the sand that it shone on to sparkle and glitter, sometimes he wondered if it would turn to glass if the desert he and his brothers called their home would get any hotter. Unlike him, the passengers on the train likely were more than glad about the AC on that was keeping the compartments from turning into blazing ovens with stagnant air. Connor was snapped out of his thoughts by the crying of a young boy that caught his attention immediately. Not wasting a single moment, he went over to the boy that the boy's mother was trying to comfort to the best of her ability. “Everythin' alright here, lil' guy?” He bent down to boy's level, giving him a soft smile which caused the cries to die down and be replaced by quiet sobs instead. That easy smile and his good nature was exactly why Connor of all four of them was the one taking care of the needs of the passengers. People liked how approachable and kindhearted he was.

“I-I lost my toy...I can't find him. Now Tricie's all alone. This placed is scary.” The young boy lamented, wiping away tears with his sleeve.

The black-suited conductor looked at the boy with sympathy. “Oh dear, ye're best friend got lost on the train, eh? I know this here train better than anyone else, I'm sure that I can find yer wee buddy. What does Tricie look like?”

“He's a green triceratops with a cool yellow hat and a cape. He's a superhero.” Through his tears, the young child gave a proud smile.

“Then I'm sure ye needn't worry about 'im till I find 'im. He's strong and not afraid.” A small nod came from the boy, and he realized that he was feeling scared without his toy. The yellow owl checked his pockets for something that could cheer the boy up, but found nothing. “You know who else isnae scared of anyhing'? A train conductor like me. We get protected by our hats. They may look silly, but they ward off scary things like bad guys and protect from scary placed.-” The boy glanced at the black cap that the owl held in his wings. “-It will be hard fer me ta not be scared with it gone, buy it will protect ye until I find yer superhero friend.” He gently placed the cap on the head of the boy for whom the accessory was way too big, so it almost obscured his eyes. For a moment, the older bird cringed internally, thinking that his little temporary gift hadn't done the trick, he was more than happy when the boy smiled.

“Mom, do I look cool?” With a new gleam in his eyes, the young bird turned to his mother who chuckled and gave a silent thanks to Connor by looking at him with a small smile. Having done his job, the yellow bird walked through the compartment, keeping an eye open for the toy of the boy.

He stepped out of the passenger cart and out to the caboose where he found his rust-red-feathered younger brother Redd who sitting on the ground, leaning against the railing with his hat dipped low and his hands behind his head. Connor shook his head at his slacker of a brother and gave the offending bird's foot a light kick which startled the red bird. Redd awkwardly flailed around briefly, being startled awake and torn out of his brief slumber. “What the peck, Con! I was having such a nice dream!” He crossed his wings as if his older sibling was the one who did something wrong. “I was winning big time in the casino on the other side of town, got a couple of pretty girls next ta me and...” He trailed off once he realized that the other was having none of it.

“Listen here, Redd. This lovely train doesnae run itself. All o' us need ta do our parts and ye slackin' off his ain't helpin' any o' us.”

The red bird dusted off his light brown suit and straightened his tie. “Don't be a stick in the mud too, Con. Why can't we ever enjoy life a bit? Ye sound like Walter.”

“Don't ye try and guilt-trip me, Redd. I wouldnae yell at ye if ye did this once or twice, but yer doin this all the time!” The yellow owl sighed. “Look, have ye seen a small toy, looks like a dinosaur, a triceratops ta be more precise.” The other bird shook his head, still looking rather annoyed.

“Nae, I was out here the whole day, saw nothin'” With a nod and slightly disappointed expression, the older brother left the caboose and went the other way instead, walking through the passenger cart. As he walked past the compartment with the science owls that Redd was supposed to tend to, he saw them standing around in a circle in awe of the strange machine that they had presumably just finished. Considering that he couldn't make heads or tails of the strange inventions of the owls, he dismissed it and just kept walking to the machine room. Once he opened the door, he slipped and nearly fell on an oil stain. “Greg, ye here?” He could see light green feathers and a bit of yellow under the engine.

“Please donnae tell me that we just lost oil, Connor, Walter is going to kill me! I heard a splat while I was working on fixin' a pipe down 'ere and, and I'm afraid that somethin' spilled.” His brother's feathers were raised and the green bird was shaking.

Greg had always been a nervous wreck. He was amazing at fixing machines, but he was very prone to being make a big deal out of small issues. Knowing this, Connor found it best to not tell Greg about the oil stain. “Nae, nothing wrong out here.” He instead grabbed a mop to clean the small oil stain that had nearly caused his face to make unwanted contract with the cold, hard iron floor of the machine room. “By the way, ye haven't seen a wee dinosaur toy by chance?” A small yelp of pain that echoed a little came from the green bird as he hit his head trying to reach his wrench.

“Cannae say that I have seen something like that. I was mostly in here, trying to fix one of our engines. I tell ye if I spot something like that.” Connor was about to leave when his brother spoke up again. “Wait, did a wee one lose their toy?! Oh no, they probably are scared that they willnae see that precious toy again! Maybe it's their support toy and they need to help them with anxiety, or, or maybe that toy is their best friend!” Connor sighed, his brother breaking into hysterics over something as trivial as a lost toy. It was kind of nice of Greg to worry about the boy, but having a second-hand panic attack in kid's stead won't help anyone.

“I gave the wee lad me hat, Greg, he's doin' fine. Just worry 'bout the engine, I'll find it.” The black-suited owl pushed the wrench within reach of his brother, who picked it up and visibly relaxed at the reassurance.

“O-Okay, Connor. I'll leave that matter ta ye for now.” With the green-feathered mass of anxiety tamed, the yellow owl entered the control room. Focused and stiff as a statue, he found Walter, who made sure that the train was keeping it's schedule and ran smoothly.

The yellow-feathered bird closed the door behind himself and watched as his brother opened the window, looking down at the item that he was searching for all this time. “Wait, Walter, donnae throw it out!” He sprinted over to his white-feathered brother who jolted and nearly dropped the triceratops toy.

“Goodness gracious, Connor! Ye nearly gave me a heart attack! I was just opening the window ta let some air in.” The yellow feathers on the younger owl flattened down after the initial shock. The white owl in a deep blue suit wondered why exactly all his brothers thought that he was some kind of cruel villain.

“I really thought ye were gonna throw the wee thing out. I've been lookin' fer that toy everywhere, a young lad lost it.” Walter nodded and handed the superhero dinosaur to his younger brother.

“Take it back to that wee child, I'm sure they miss it. Also, inform him that he should take better care of his belongings. Maybe no one can find his toy next time. Leaving an precious item at the train station could result in it bein' lost forever. ” Walter gave his signature strict glare which was aimed at the young owner of the action figure rather than his brother he was actually staring at. If only Walter knew how scary and downright threatening that expression looked, he'd understand just why small children cry every time he's around them. His regular rather stoic and cold appearance and demeanor didn't help that matter either.

“So that's where it was. I'll take the wee thing back to its owner.” His older brother looked him over, his face hardening further.

“Where's your cap, Connor? Ye know that we have a ta look proper at all cost, I thought ye of all people listened ta pa's teachings.”

Connor weakly chuckled. “Sorry, Walter. Me hat's currently on a mission ta protect the wee lad who this dino belongs ta. On that note, I really should return it soon.”As he did so, the boy jumped out of his seat the moment the yellow owl returned with the beloved green triceratops.

“You found him!” Connor got tackled into a hug and felt a sense of accomplishment after returning the lost item. The mother of the young passenger looked relieved as well, probably because her son was so distressed after losing the small object.

Connor was about to retrieve his hat, but stopped midway. He didn't have the heart to take the cap away, especially not now that he could see the joy in the face of the young bird.

As he watched the family sit down again, he got torn out of his thoughts of endearment by a large rumble and a strange feeling that he could only describe as falling, yet somehow not at the same time. His confusion was soon replaced by panic. “What's happenin'!”

[squgs]

One of the many ideas that hotd brings up but doesn't do anything with is the question of 'is it oppressive to assume oppression will happen?' The stated reason for Otto pushing for Aegon to be made heir is that if Rhaenyra remains heir, the realm will not accept her and she will be faced with a revolt from the lords which will force her to kill her brothers. I'm going to set aside the argument that Otto is lying and entirely power hungry, since his political analysis seems reasonable and is supported by Rhaenys's "men would sooner put the realm to the torch then let a woman sit the iron throne" line. We can then read Alicent as having similar reasoning behind her 'bastardphobia' and rejecting the Jace Heleana betrothal. She assumes that the lords will never accept a bastard on the iron throne, and therefore she pushes to stop that from happening. She also gives the same reasoning with Dyana, telling her that while she believes her, the world won't and that seeking any justice will only make things worse.

Alicent assumes that the forces that control and harm her are immovable and must be navigated around instead of fought against. We can almost argue that Rhaenyra views those forces as things that can be fought against and changed that she can make a 'new order' as queen. There's a version of the dance where it is being fought over these two viewpoints or at least it starts because of these two view points. That question also has a lot of real world relevance in questions of incrementalism vs revolutionism and assimilation vs abolition. Interestingly the tension between those two views is one of the central themes of the 4th season of Black Sails where characters struggle between attempting to survive under the oppression of the British empire or to fight and likely die in an attempt to overthrow the empire.

Black sails argues that yes it is oppressive to assume oppression will continue, in fact its thesis is that that assumption is how oppression continues 'the empire survives in part because we believe its survival to be inevitable.' Black Sails completely won me over to that line of thinking, which makes me kind of surprised by how I'm entirely on Alicent's side in house of the dragon.

So without spoiling Black Sails, what's the difference between how the two shows address this question?

There is maybe something to talk about in terms of agency and the positionallity of the characters and other practical differences in the situations presented. Black Sails gives us characters who are outside of the privilege of structures of domination who want to fight for their freedom but others try to prevent that fight because they don't think it can be won, while Alicent's sons are very privileged by the system but are not in any way choosing to put their lives on the line for a cause. However that's not the direction I want to take this, first because talking about it would require spoiling black sails, and second because I think it's the less interesting aspect.

I think it's better to look at the emotional differences rather than the practical ones. Black Sails does two things with the emotions behind the conflict of assimilating or revolting that hotd doesn't or at least doesn't do well. The first thing is give us a glimpse of the liberatory future charecters are supposedly fighting for and giving us a chance to buy into that dream. Black sails does this specifically by showing us queer joy and freedom amongst characters and how that joy can't exist within the oppressive bounds of civilization. Black sails takes the time to show us that, using half a season to develop two queer relationships. Hotd arguably does have Rhaenyra in a wholesome queer relationship with Harwin and Laenor, but they don't really do anything with it. We see the hints of the beginnings of the relationship, and it falling apart, but we don't really get anything in the middle, except a brief scene where Harwin meets their third son. It could have been really good to get this found/blended family dynamic that the rest of the world doesn't understand and can't accept but is healthy and wholesome and loving, and then tie that directly into why Rhaenyra wants to be queen. She could have wanted to fight for others to find the same joy she found, even after her relationship has been destroyed by the patriarchy. That's exactly what we see in Black Sails with the way that *character* fights for *character* and *character*'s relationship because they see their own past loves in it ("the two of you together are the world in balance" and all that). Instead Rhaenyra gets rid of her queer love for the sake of power, she fight for the throne by entering a more heterosexual relationship with daddy Daemon.

More generally we don't see Rhaenyra express care for or solidarity with anyone except herself and her direct family, and we never her see her think about what societal change she might be fighting for. She says she'll make a 'new order' but we have no idea what that new order would be and if it would even be better.

The other major difference is giving us the emotion behind those who don't think that the empire/patriarchy can be fought or defeated. While Black Sails does argue that the empire survives because people believe it will, it isn't making the argument that we all just need to close our eyes and believe, nor is it saying some people are just stupid because they don't fight against the empire/patriarchy. Instead its talking about the way that power justifies itself through invasive narratives and extreme brutal acts of violence. Nearly every character in black sails has suffered from both of those weapons, and most have a pretty good understanding of them. Some characters are too traumatized to effectively fight back, others simply make the choices that will make their life the best it can possibly be. Those characters are the main obstacles in the fight for a better world, but the show and even the main revolutionary characters never judge or belittle them for it. On *spoiler* when *character* is begging *character* to understand the revolution like they do, it is said with desperate love, not the sort of aloof pity that Rhaenys has for Alicent.

On that note its worth directly paralleling Max and Alicent. They have similar approaches to power ("We do not rule but we may guide the men who do" is pretty similar to "for people like us, power is most effective when it is least perceived") and I would argue a deep seated empathy which is constantly in tension with the things they need to do to guarantee their own safety and independence/power. Max though is never treated as or framed as a villain except in the "we're all villains here in Nassau" way. In fact she's probably one of the characters who is most consistently heroic within the framing of the show. That being said though, the writing of the first season of the show treats her terribly, so maybe there's still hope for Alicent as well.

One final difference is the way that hotd never really looks at the patriarchy outside of what Alicent and the Greens enforce (and the extreme gendered violence perpetrated by Viserys and Daemon that's never fully condemned). Black sails gives us a clear image of the empire and how it wields power. While characters in the empire often act based off of how more powerful people in the empire will act, the show takes care to make it clear how those characters exist within the empire and how they may be making hard choices under great duress to achieve the least awful outcome, while still judging the evil that those characters do. Hotd on the other hand does nothing to explain or examine the systems of power in Westeros. We have no clear idea of what the common people think of the whole situation, or even what most of the lords think or the other institutions in Westeros. We're told that the world is quite sexist, but we never see clearly any of the institutional or societal sexism. All of the sexism is heavily individualized to rude comments by Jason Lanister and the one sexual assault that they acknowledge as such. There is no systemic view of feudalism and how it as a system is guaranteeing conflict between rival claimants to the throne. This of course partially comes from the fact that the show is positioning the most powerful person in the world, who sits at the head of the feudal system as one of the progressive people fighting for a better world. The show cannot have any coherent viewpoint on the evils of patriarchy and feudalism without condemning the main patriarch and feudal lord.

Any reading of hotd as being directly about social justice or societal change will end up being shallow or wrong because the show just is not able to engage with those questions fully or in an emotionally mature way. It would be one thing if they had just set Rhaenyra up as the perfect social justice warrior and make the greens evil incarnate, but they can't even do that right because they don't know what social justice looks like in our world, let alone in medieval Westeros and think that evil incarnate is not wanting your kids to die.

TLDR: If you wish hotd was better maybe watch black sails?

[nerdalmighty]

hey, sorry for randomly sliding into your inbox but! i just wanted to tell you that i'm about to start act 3 of bg3, would've started it sooner but i didn't get to play for a couple weeks as i was waiting to be able to upgrade my hard drive. and over the course of playing i've ended up changing several details of my tav's backstory as well as really fleshing out their character and getting into the roleplay, and i'm so attached to them by now that i almost don't want to finish my playthrough lol. i'm thinking of starting a gale origin playthrough once i do finish just so i can see more of tara. and i noticed that you're close to finishing the game as well! can i ask how birdie's adventure is going?

AHHHHHH DON'T APOLOGIZE!!!!!! I love talking BG3 :)

I am INCREDIBLY close to finishing the game. Like, about to go to the Nether Brain for the final battle close.

I've been putting it off FOR WEEKS because I'm so incredibly attached to Birdie and the companions and their relationships to each other and I don't want it to end!!

Since last we spoke, Birdie and the gang had just done the Iron Throne mission (breaking people out of jail). She decided NOT to go confront the other Wave Servants; that chapter in her life has closed. I won't spoil more of Act 3 since you're just getting into it, but I did I think maybe three other Big Plot Things and now it's time to actually do the damn thing and beat the game.

I'm a little nervous about some of the endings I may have gotten for myself (I'm concerned I may have accidentally condemned Gale to godhood) and I know there are some things I missed, purely because it was my first playthrough and I didn't know any better (I didn't get to know Rolan, didn't save Minthara, didn't get the Githyanki egg, etc), but I'm honestly excited for the epilogue sequence. Is it mostly because of happy/soft Astarion? YES! I LOVE THAT GUY! SUE ME!

My roommate and I have been playing the game at pretty much the same pace this whole time, so I'm about to watch HER beat the game this Friday. She's playing as a Gloom Stalker Ranger named "Sevyn" (yes, like the number 😂) who's romancing Gale, but we've made relatively similar choices throughout the whole thing.

I'm not too worried about spoilers since I know a lot of the outcomes, I just don't know how it happens or what the final battle looks like. But like I explained in my previous Birdie post, I like to look things up beforehand/during certain events because I like having help. Similarly, I love watching my roommate play and learning from/with her so I don't feel as in the dark when it's my turn. Granted, I played a lot without her during Acts 1, 2 and 3, but since we're getting to the end, I've slowed WAY down and have let her go first with most big things. It's not for everyone, but it's how I like to play!

I'm so attached to Birdie and this save file that I'm thinking of creating an entirely new account on my PS5 just to start a new game so that I don't have to save over previous Birdie saves.

Like, what if in a new patch, they add a new scene to Astarion's plot line? A new action (hug/kiss)? New camp idle animations? I want to be able to go in with Birdie and do those things, should they ever come up. Yes I COULD romance Astarion again (and probably will because I'm a weak woman) but as you said about your Tav and I've been saying about mine, I'm really attached to Birdie and I'm invested in who she is and how she fits into the world of BG3.

ALSO! Apparently they're adding mods at some point to the PS5 version? It's been taking everything in me not to buy it on my computer just for some of the mods even though I LOATHE sitting at my desk for hours on end. If mods come into play, I'll definitely want to see what kind of fun things I can make happen for Birdie and the gang. Additionally, one of my friends told me that people modded Skyrim to the point where they were adding new plot points and quest lines? If that happens, and they add like some sort of masquerade ball or event where I can dress up like a princess? You bet you're ass I'm going back to Birdie to let her do that 😂 I'd want to play new paths with Birdie in general, but I'm a sucker for a royal ball sequence 🥸

So basically, Birdie's story in Baldur's Gate may be coming to an end fairly soon. I don't know exactly when yet, but I've been having a blast and can't wait to play the game again and again and again. Right now that's hard to imagine, but I know I'll pick it up with a new Tav eventually because it's such a good game and you can't help falling in love with the world and the writing and the characters. I shall grieve the loss of this particular story, but I plan on keeping Birdie around for as long as I can.

[neonmeron]

木曜日　2023/10/12

こんにちはみんなさん！

みんなは元気？私はまあまあ。木曜日はあまり好きじゃない。:/

今日のトピック：や、～なければいけません、midterm review

So this past 金曜日 was the midterm. It wasn't that bad and we already got our scores but I wanted to go over our midterm review sheet.

I have a challenge for you! I want you to write down what you think the answer is based on my previous posts. There are one or two grammar points I don't think I've gone over with you, so I'll do that now.

The final grammar points i need to cover are や And ～なければいけない／なきゃいけない

Let's start with や!

や connects two nouns like と except や suggests that the things referred to are proposed as examples and that you are not exciting an exhaustive list. It's similar in the way that たり is used. 練習しましょう。

 AやB (A and B, for example)

東京や大阪に行った。I went to tokyo and osaka (and may have visited other places)

おにぎりやラーメンを食べた。I ate onigiri and ramen. (and may have eaten other things)

Honestly there's not much else to it. It's really straightforward!

Next is ～なければいけない／なきゃいけない

This is used to say when something has to/must be done. ねければ is the more formal version and its more often seen in the written language while なきゃいけない is more colloquial and mainly found in the spoken language. To conjugate, you need your verb in the present negative form. For example:

勉強する＞勉強しない＞勉強しなきゃいけない

作る＞作らない＞作らなければいけない

歌う＞歌わない＞歌わなきゃいけない。

待つ＞待たない＞待たなければいけない

食べる＞食べない＞食べなきゃいけない

Let's do some practice sentences!

火曜日に日本語の試験（しけん）があるので、たくさん勉強しなければいけません／いけない。Because I have a japanese exam on tuesday, i must study a lot.

もうすぐ母は家に帰るので、車を洗わなきゃいけません。Because my mom is returning home soon, i have to wash the car.

食べすぎたので運動しなければいけません。Because I ate too much,  I must exercise.

今、私の双子はフランスに住んでいるので、手紙（てがみ）を送らなきゃいけません。Because my twin is living in France right now, I must send letters.

熱があって、喉（のど）が痛（いた）いので、薬を飲まなければいけません。Because I have a fever and my throat hurts, I must take medicine.

And that's about it! Congratulations reader, you got through (almost) all the genki lessons!! Here's to another successful semester. 頑張れる！！

Let's move on to the midterm review. Do you have your pencil and paper ready? (bonus points if you write the kanji)

Our midterm review was in the format of a story. 始めましょう

You are an exchange student in tokyo. You are on your way back to Tokyo from a one day trip to Oze. The train stopped half way for a while due to a minor road accident. You get bored, so you start talking to a woman/man sitting next to you. The person asks you “where are you from?” how would you say this in japanese?

出身（しゅっしん）はどこですか。

Ask the person has ever been to foreign countries

外国（がいこく）に行ったことがありますか。

The person commented that your Japanese is very good. Be humble like Japanese people and say “No, no. I have to study more”

いいえいいえ。もっと勉強（べんきょう）しなければいけません。／勉強しなきゃいけません。

Go on to say “i want to become better at japanese”

日本語がもっと上手（じょうず）になりたいです。

The train finally starts moving. You ask the person where they are going now. The person says, “I wanted to buy clothes. I'm going home now.”

ふくを買いたかったんです。でも、今から家に帰ります。

The person continues to say, “I need to cook tonight because my mother is sick.”

母がかぜをひいているので、今晩（ばん）料理（りょうり）しなければいけません。／しなきゃいけません。

You ask the person if his/her mother is all right. The person tells you, “she caught a cold and has a fever. But she is okay.”

かぜをひいて、ねつがあるんです。でも大丈夫ですよ。

The person goes on to say, “but she’d better not work today. She should sleep a lot.”

今日は働かないほうがいいですね。たくさん／よく寝たほうがいいですよ。

I wrote down たくさん while my teacher wrote よく and i was a little confused but i think you can use either.

You ask the person what dish you are good at making. The person answers i often make curry rice, pork cutlet, tempura, and so on

よくカレーライスやとんかやてんぷらを作ります。

The person asks you if you cook a lot. Tell the person that “I want to cook more but I am too busy.”

もっと料理したいですが、いそがしすぎます。／いそがしすぎるんです。

The person tells you that they have to do an English homework assignment. You ask the person what they do in class. she/he says, “we read english books, write essays, listen to the news, and so on.”

私たちは英語の本を読みたり、作文（さくぶん）を書いたり、ニュースを聞いたりします。

You ask the person if they practice speaking as well. The person says, “I took the conversation class for a month but I quit.”

一ヶ月間（いっかげつかん）、会話のじゅぎょうをとりました。でもやめました。／とりましたが、やめました。

The person says, “the teacher's english was too fact! But I am interested in English conversation.”

先生の英語は早すぎたんです。／早すぎました。でも、英語の会話にきょうみがあります。

（（に）きょうみがあります＝to have an interest in)

You offer some help. You tell the person that you can be his/her English conversation partner. You both decide to tutor English and Japanese to each other. You get off the train in a happy mood. 

The next day your advisor at school tells you that you looked very happy. Yell your advisor with a lot of excitement, “i met a fantastic woman/man on the train yesterday!! We will practice English and japanese!!” (hint- use んです）

昨日、電車ですてきな女の人／男の人に会ったんです！私たち／いっしょに英語と日本語をれんしゅうするんです。

How’d you do? Comment how much you got! I'd love to see your scores. If You didn't get them, no sweat! A lot of my answers were different from what my teacher wrote..

I want to apologize if these lessons feel rushed. I'm trying to not make them feel that way.

じゃあ、皆さん、お疲れ様！！

今日の歌は&TEAM - UNDER THE SKINです。

Notice any errors? Lmk!! I always want to fix my mistakes so I can learn better. ありがとう！

[the-boy-meets-evil]

tell me how it got this way | ch.5

pairing: jungkook x f.reader, hoseok x f.reader genre: fwb to lovers/friends to lovers, love triangle | angst, smut, fluff | non-idol!au chapter rating: mature, minors dni warnings: drinking, mentions of sex (nothing explicit), jimin is a little shit (affectionate), swearing, i think that's it word count: ~6k a/n: other idols pop up in this chapter (ateez & seventeen), they're really just used as names. ages aren't relevant and you can assume they're all generally around the same age. the final part (at least for what i have planned) is also finished and i'm going to post that next week! prev | masterlist | next

When Namjoon had initially pitched the idea of selling the movie rights for your books, your answer was immediate. No. Movies rarely, actually, came out as good as the books and you felt like you lost so much of the finer detail. If you had wanted to see your work on the big screen, you would be writing screenplays instead of full-length novels. Which, okay, that sounded pretentious even in your head, but whatever. Namjoon got the picture and the conversation was tabled temporarily.

About two months after that, Namjoon had found what he called a compromise. You weren’t sure how it was a compromise since it was your work and you didn’t want to sell the rights. Until Namjoon reminded you that the publishing company also had a stake. Point: Namjoon. It was a good point, though, because a streaming service wanted to pick up the rights to just the first book as a test and do a limited-run series as opposed to a movie. Namjoon was very clear on the differences here. The budget, in some ways, would definitely be smaller, you aren’t looking at big superstar names, and, most importantly, you have to either sign on as a co-writer for the screenplays or fully sign the rights over. They were fine with either option, they just knew that there wasn’t enough in your book for the standard 8-10 episodes.

And that answer was just as immediate. Yes. These were the kinds of chances that authors hoped for. Yes, it will still be different from the book. This just gives you much more leeway to include the important details and even flush characters out more in a way that’s just too much for a book. You’re not Stephen King over here releasing his “unedited” version of The Stand, which, if you’re being honest, was kind of (read: insanely) self-indulgent. Not that you’re comparing yourself to Stephen King, either. To each their own and all that.

So, with Namjoon’s guidance, you signed a deal where you’d co-write the episodes with a team who actually have a lot of experience doing just that. Really, you know you’re just there to keep everything true to the world that’s lived in your head for years. That’s why they want you. Some people will stumble onto this show never having heard of the books (and Namjoon hopes it’ll make them buy a copy), but others will tune in expecting it to come off the same way they’ve been imagining, for characters to make decisions that feel authentic. 

You actually kind of loved the writing sessions. It was really amazing to see how things came together and to be in a room where you didn’t need to shout to be heard. Everyone there was genuinely interested in your feedback, and you tried to be conscious of when to just let the process unfold. It was collaborative in the best way. The only hard thing was keeping it all under wraps from almost everyone. The whole team had decided that they wouldn’t announce the news until the rough copies of the scripts were finished enough to move on to casting.

Now, that you’re having to sit through casting auditions, you’re rethinking your entire life that has led to this moment. No, that is not dramatic. You gave the casting team literal pages on pages for every character that needed to have any sort of significant role in the show and had even worked with someone for fucking *mood boards* for the main characters. There were days when you barely slept because you had to churn things out for casting. All so you could turn the rough scripts into final copies. What else did they want from you? 

To sit through casting calls, apparently. So fine. You can eat craft services with the best of them.

After a few days, you do start to see the point in it all, see the times when the casting team liked two people for a particular part and looked to you as the deciding factor. While it felt like a lot of pressure, it also allowed you to make sure everything felt right. It was never just about physical appearance, that was always fluid. You also didn’t want Kristen Stewart in the Twilight movies with one damn expression the entire time. (No shade to Kristen Stewart, it just wasn’t anyone’s best look in those movies).

The one positive is that you’ve managed to meet a few people you actually kind of like. And, okay, yeah, they’re mostly assistants to some of the more important people in the process, but those people are stuffy and very unlikely to gossip with you around the water cooler. Since you’ve never had a normal office job, this is a very important part of actually getting to work with people. Namjoon scoffs a lot at this, says that it’s probably good that you haven’t had a normal office job. He spends a lot of time letting you know actual office jobs aren’t anything like sitcoms, which is funny considering the office where he works. Maybe he doesn’t gossip around the water cooler, but you’ve definitely seen the assistants gathering. Even heard his name come up a time or two. Heard how attractive they all seem to think he is. They’re not wrong.

Your new friends are also the type of people who insist that you absolutely have to join them when they decide happy hour is the perfect way to end the day. As San points out, you have the morning off tomorrow anyway. When you ask why it would matter if it was just happy hour, Wooyoung promptly elbows San hard in the ribs and says it doesn’t. You don’t miss the conspiratorial look on their faces, but fuck it. Happy hour sounds good.

Your head is pounding and it feels like you got hit by a freight train. You don’t even remember getting that drunk the night before. The whole evening is kind of a blur of shots and bright lights and off-key karaoke. It was just supposed to be happy hour, which you learned quickly was your first mistake. There was no such thing as just happy hour with San, Wooyoung, and their insanely chaotic group of friends. And as the sleep is wearing off, something else creeps in. There is an arm draped over you. You’re not alone in your bed. Peeking one eye open, you’re immediately struck with the fact that these aren’t your walls, not your sheets, this isn’t your bed. You’re praying on everything that you don’t believe in that the arm belongs to one of the other people you’d gone out with the night before. You remember thinking one of Wooyoung’s friends was cute and tall and smiley, a little flirty and a little shy too. And then you see the hands. And the rings. With a careful glance back, you confirm it’s Hoseok, shirtless (you don’t need to check if it’s wearing anything else).

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It’s rushing back. You quickly learned San and Wooyoung had no intention of letting you go after just happy hour. They were all convinced you were too stressed and that what you really needed was a patented WooSan (yes, they had a couple name, despite not actually being in a relationship) night of fun. You briefly considered protesting, but really, what was the point? And fuck, they weren’t wrong.

So happy hour turned into multiple stops. Wooyoung was on a karaoke mission and although you had never heard him sing, you instinctively thought drunken karaoke was never a good idea. (You were wrong, he had the voice of an angel to match his personality of the devil.) Karaoke meant meeting up with more of their friends. And somehow, because fate was cruel, one of their friends had brought along his friend Hoseok. You remember staring at him like a deer in headlights before declaring everything was fine and hitting the shots. There also may have been a lot of flirting with Wooyoung’s tall friend with the shy smile whose name you couldn’t remember.

Now, in the light of day, it was not fine. You gingerly slide out from underneath his arm and carefully get out of the bed, tiptoeing over to what you can only hope and assume is a bathroom, phone snatched off the nightstand on the way. You’re thanking drunk you for not making it harder to find.

Once you’re in the safety of the bathroom, you sink down to the floor and take a couple of breaths. You’re not sure if it’s the hangover rearing its ugly head or just the situation you’ve found yourself in.

You: Yoongi are you up? You: Please be up, I need you! You: This is important! Like one of those most important things in the world.

Yoongi isn’t answering and you’re starting to panic. You need someone to talk you through this. So you call him, knowing that it might get his attention. The first call goes to voicemail and so you try again. This time after the second ring you hear him grunt a frustrated “what?” and then hang up.

Yoongi: What the fuck? You call twice and hang up on me? You: Because I need you

Missed call from Yoongi

Yoongi: Then answer the fucking phone You: I *can’t* You: Yoongi, I fucked up, like really fucked up Yoongi: What’s going on? You: I went out drinking last night and ugh I did something really fucking stupid Yoongi: Whatever it is, it’s not that serious You: I just woke up next to Hobi… You: Like I’m in fucking university again Yoongi: … Yoongi: I’m going back to bed, you’re being dramatic You: I’m *not* this is SERIOUS Yoongi: It’s not that serious You: I’ve spent 5 years trying to get over the way he treated me, so yeah it’s a big deal Yoongi: it’s just drunken sex and I’m tired You: oh my god, give the phone to Jimin Yoongi: Just text him You: Yoongi, please

You stare at the phone and try to figure out what else to say when the screen lights up again.

Yoongi: I have a very grumpy boyfriend You: Jimin, thank god Yoongi (Jimin): what is it my little problem child? You: Just read up Yoongi (Jimin): You bitch, you went out and got drunk and didn’t invite me? You: Jimin can we focus please? Yoongi (Jimin): Who did you go out with? You: Is this really the time? Yoongi (Jimin): I’m waiting You: Fuck Jimin, just some people that are working on the show You: Now can we please talk about this colossal mistake? Yoongi (Jimin): I’ll be there to pick you up and take your hungover ass to get breakfast, which is more than you deserve since you went out WITHOUT ME You: Thank you and I will never go out without inviting you again Yoongi (Jimin): Better

You’ve taken way too long in the bathroom and you know there’s a chance Hoseok will be awake now. But you can’t bring yourself to leave the bathroom until you get the text from Jimin that he’s downstairs. Bless him for being an absolute angel, even when it’s his horns keeping the halo upright. 

Despite being a colossal pain in the ass about nearly everything in life, Jimin does actually come through and take you to one of the best meals you’ve ever had. Or maybe you’re just that hungover. You don’t really know. He’s also somehow managed to bring you a change of clothes (which, you’re not really sure if they’re actually yours or where they came from, but the outfit looks remarkably put together) and makeup so you don’t have to go all the way home. You try to ask why he’s so prepared and he only gives a vague answer about how you didn’t know him before Yoongi and smirks. You’re immediately filing that away for another day when you do remember to invite Jimin out to drink with you and whatever group you’ve been dragged into. 

When Jimin drops you off at the studio (another point to Jimin) where your car is still conveniently parked from the night before, you’re feeling and looking significantly more human. You know you owe him, he doesn’t have to say it. But he’s Park Jimin so he says it anyway and you just smile.

The auditions feel a little less tedious with a stomach full of greasy food the day after a much-needed night out (where you will be pretending that you did not fuck Hoseok again). You’re looking for some more minor characters today. If things go well and you end up doing a second season based on the second book, they could play a much bigger role. For now, though, it’s still small.

Realistically, you’re not hungry because Jimin really did hook you up. Then again, the food is there and it’s free, so you’re looking over to decide what you might actually want to try. Someone approaches the other side of the table, looking tentative. You immediately recognize him as one of the guys you pointed out as fitting the right look for one of your characters. He was sweet, kind of endearing, but with really striking features.

“Hey, I just wanted to introduce myself,” he says and you look up. “I’m Chan.”

“I remember,” you say and you’re being honest. You were insistent that he be kept around to audition.

“Wow, I didn’t think…well that’s great. I’m excited to get the chance. Thank you so much,” Chan says and you realize this might be a big deal for him.

“No problem, you just remind me of him,” you say.

“I was talking to my dance teacher before the first audition,” Chan starts and you raise an eyebrow. “Oh, I know this isn’t a dancing part, I just like to take the classes.”

“That’s fair,” you say.

“And I was really worried about the audition and how it would go,” Chan says. “But my dance teacher, he’s awesome, he said he had gone to school with you and used to be friends with you and all that and that you were really nice.”

That one statement brought you up completely short. What the fuck?

“Who’s your dance teacher?” You already know the answer because really, who else could it be? Still, you need to hear him say it.

“Oh, Jung Hoseok,” Chan says quickly and you force a smile. “Do you remember him? He gave me all this great advice about the audition and said he’d try to reach out to you if it made me feel better. He’s so nice.”

“Yeah, he was. It’s been ages since I’ve spoken to him though,” you say, hoping that you succeed in the attempt at nonchalance. 

“Yeah, he said that. I think he was just trying to help me feel better, offering to reach out,” Chan agrees. “I get it though. You’ve had so much success as a writer, so it makes sense you wouldn’t still talk to everyone from college. It’s so cool they’re turning your book into a series and you’re so young!”

“I feel like I’ve been writing for like 20 years with how much it ages me sometimes,” you say to distract yourself from thinking of Hoseok.

“I actually…read all the books when they came out, I’m a big fan,” Chan says and blushes like it’s embarrassing to admit. You think it’s sweet. One of the PAs calls out for you, though.

“Good luck today, Chan. It’s been really great speaking to you,” you say and excuse yourself.

Honestly, you can’t believe the audacity of fucking Jung Hoseok to say what he had to this poor kid. Playing it off like he knows you, making it seem like you just used to be friends. And what was he thinking, offering to reach out to you on behalf of this kid?

That’s when a truly sickening thought settles into your brain. Takes root in a way that you know you can’t shake it. One of those intrusive thoughts that shouldn’t ever exist. Was that what this all was? Is this why he reached out? Does he just want to help one of his dancers get a role in your new series? That would be seriously fucked up if that was the case. And you hate thinking he could be capable of something like that. The reality is that you used to know Hoseok, while the guy who wrecked you was a complete stranger and there’s no way of knowing which one had shown up now.

The rest of the day is kind of a wash from a concentration standpoint. You’re a million miles away and thankfully, nobody seems to call you on it. You’re not sure if it’s because they’ve worked with writers before that had their heads in the clouds or because you’re still answering all the questions asked of you. Either way, you’re not really there at all. 

Over the next day or so, you decide the best way forward is to continue ignoring Hoseok (despite him texting you multiple times wanting to talk about what happened after karaoke). Instead of talking to Hoseok, you do the completely rational thing and talk to every other person you trust. How can you decide on the next move without multiple opinions? 

You can’t.

Yoongi is first up and he’s exceptionally grumpy since you woke him up before he was ready to be a person. It may not have been that early by normal human standards, but Yoongi is only part human and part gremlin, you think, so he’s never really followed normal hours. Once he’s done being grumpy, he takes his time being thoughtful. As far as he sees it, this was just some drunken sex. It isn’t like Hoseok actually asked for anything, that you remember. And you insist you remember everything from the night.  For all you know, it was just stress relief for both of you. No point in getting worked up.

Since Jimin is there and incapable of being ignored, he also gets to weigh in. Which is welcome, actually, because Jimin can be really calculating when he wants to be. He asks a lot of questions, both about the guy you were friends with and the fight that ended it all. You’re just about ready to call this conversation a day when Jimin says he doesn’t think it sounds like something malicious. There’s only one way to know for sure, though, and he suggests that you just talk to Hoseok like an adult with multiple published books and a streaming deal. There’s Park Jimin for you.

Part of you wants to ask Namjoon, but thinks better of it. The Affair incident is fresh in your mind and you really don’t need to give him another reason to question your sanity. There are enough of those just in everyday life. And you just had to relive the entire fight with Jimin so you’re not too eager to explain all the backstory to Namjoon.

Which makes the final person you ask Jungkook. His opinion is so incredibly important to you, yet it’s the one that you’re least excited about getting. It means you also have to tell him about sleeping with Hoseok, a fact that you have carefully avoided. Not that you owe Jungkook every detail of your life, because you’re not actually in a relationship. It’s just that, sometimes, with how much you depend on each other, it feels like something more. Feels like it’s much more than just some friends-with-benefits type situation. 

In true Jungkook fashion, he takes the news in stride and doesn’t linger on you fucking this stranger that reappeared at the Gala and hasn’t seemed to go away since then. He’s thoughtful, Hoseok has come up a lot in your conversations lately, so he doesn’t have to ask questions like Jimin. And you tell him how frustrating it was to answer them, anyway. There’s no escaping it when Jungkook comes to the same conclusion, though. 

“Just talk to him,” Jungkook urges, “you’ll feel so much better being able to gauge his answer.”

“I’m really sorry,” you say and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow at that. 

“For what?” he asks.

“Getting drunk and making a stupid fucking mistake by fucking him,” you answer, avoiding his eyes. 

“It’s really not a big deal for you and me,” Jungkook says.

“Are you sure?” you ask. You hate how small your voice sounds.

Jungkook closes the space between you and kisses the top of your head. “I’m sure. I’m here for whatever you need.”

This brings you to texting Hoseok.

And that brings you to sit down in a coffee shop with him, because apparently you can’t just text or go to each other’s apartment, like normal people. Which is nice too, actually, because it gives you a chance to see more of the city than just your apartment or the studio where you’ve been working. It allows you to people watch, see those rushing by in a haze mingled with those taking their time. Let’s your overactive imagination come up with a story for each of them. 

You still aren’t even sure if you want to forgive Hoseok for everything that happened all those years ago. And with all the writing sessions and casting calls, you haven’t exactly had a lot of time to even think, let alone talk to anyone outside of your small circle. Which isn’t totally out of character, you’ve never been one for a huge circle of friends or social engagements. It just makes everything a little more complicated now as you’re trying to sort out feelings. 

Hoseok beat you to the coffee shop this time, seemingly by a bit since he’s going to get his second cup just after you sit down. You spare a passing thought that maybe he’s nervous about talking to you. He certainly seems like he is. Weirdly it makes you less nervous. It makes you feel somehow more in control of the situation because you do know what you want to say.

“So,” Hoseok begins after he sits back down, “about the other night…”

“Actually, that isn’t exactly what I wanted to talk to you about,” you say, watching his eyes go wide.

“What?” he stutters out.

“I mean, I guess it’s kind of related? But also not,” you say. “I met Lee Chan at a casting call the other day.”

Whatever Hoseok was expecting, it’s not this. He tries to connect the dots for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “Okay? He’s a great kid, I’m glad he decided to go to the auditions after all.”

“That’s it?” You’re watching him for a reaction that just isn’t there. Maybe, despite The Fight, he’s still more or less the person you were friends with.

“I’m not sure what else to say about him,” Hoseok admits.

“Okay, cards on the table,” you say with a confidence you don’t entirely feel. “Did you show back up in my life to help your student get a part in my series?”

Hoseok chokes on his drink when the question comes out, turns into a coughing mess and takes a minute to clear his throat. “What the fuck? Is that what you think? Come on, you know me…”

“I don’t though, do I? Not anymore,” you disagree and there’s finally an emotion on his face that you can place: hurt. He’s hurt and you’re not sure how to feel about that. Your feelings about him are still so mixed up. A big part of you wants to comfort him, though. Which isn’t exactly the response you’d expected.

“Maybe I deserve that, but it still hurts,” Hoseok says. You chew your bottom lip while you think.

“It hurt to have the thought it was possible too, trust me,” you say. “But it was weird timing, you know? Chan introduced himself during his second audition, later the same day I woke up in your bed.”

“I would never sleep with you to help a student get something out of it,” Hoseok says earnestly. “I’d never sleep with you to get anything out of it.”

“I want to believe that,” you admit.

“I had no idea that you’d be there. Another guy from the studio who teaches but also takes my master classes is friends with your friends that invited you out. He asked if I wanted to come out, I wasn’t busy, so I figured why not?” Hoseok explains. “And then I wake up and you’re gone.”

“Hoseok,” you say, a quiet warning.

“Actually, I wake up and you’re sneaking out without saying anything,” he amends. 

“I needed to not be there,” you say because it’s all you can say.

“I get that, I know you’re seeing someone, but we needed to talk about it,” Hoseok says.

“Yeah, Jungkook knows,” you say and feel your heart constrict a bit at the way Hoseok pales.

“What?” Hoseok asks. When you don’t say anything, he continues. “Please tell me you’re kidding, he looks like he could kick my ass and barely break a sweat.”

“He would never,” you disagree. “My…relationship, if you wanna call it that, with Jungkook isn’t exactly what you think? Like he’s not my boyfriend, we’re not exclusive or anything like that.”

“But you let me think you were?” He doesn’t look upset, just confused if anything.

“Yeah, I know,” you say and he’s still watching you carefully. “It was just easier and honestly, I didn’t feel like I owed you an explanation for my personal life after all these years.”

“I - yeah, okay, I guess I have to respect that,” Hoseok agrees. “But we still need to talk.”

“I’m not ready,” you say immediately, try not to feel anything when he deflates. 

“I guess I just thought…since you asked to meet me,” Hoseok says, trailing off.

“I needed to know if you really just did that for a student,” you offer.

“You believe that I didn’t, right? That I wouldn’t?” Hoseok asks with so much hope that you’re not sure you can take it.

“I do, yeah,” you say. You’ve barely had time to process, but you know you do believe he wouldn’t do that. It’s about all you know when it comes to him now.

“I really do need you to know how sorry I am,” Hoseok says and you start to open your mouth, but he’s quicker. “Please, you don’t have to say anything, just let me say this? Please?”

He looks so much younger, so vulnerable for a moment. All you do is nod.

“I know sorry isn’t what you need to hear, I get that. I know that I can’t go back and change that fight and all the fucking stupid shit that I said. Stuff that I didn’t mean. And I do hear you that you’re not ready. I just want you to know that I’m so sorry,” Hoseok says.

You let out your breath. “I do know that Hobi, at least on some level.” 

“I’ve, well I’ve done a lot of thinking about that day. I talked to a lot of people, both friends and a therapist, actually. There aren’t any excuses for what I did, no matter what was going on in my head. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s definitely that. So I want to make sure you know that when you are ready, if you’re ever ready, I won’t make any excuses. What happened was entirely my fault and I completely acknowledge that,” he says, so earnestly. 

“I appreciate that,” you say because it’s all you really can think up.

This was supposed to clear your head up, which it has in some ways. You feel a little silly for even thinking that Hoseok would do something like sleep with you to help get someone he only kind of knows a role in a TV series. And you’re also questioning your friends since none of them pointed out you were having a full breakdown over a man. Not your finest moment. 

But with that one, small thing cleared up, your mind immediately goes back to the bigger issue: Hoseok has reappeared in your life and you really need to figure out how you feel about that. You’ve missed him, of course. You’re not going to deny that very obvious truth. On top of that, you also very clearly have some sort of feelings for him. After all, you’re not stupid college kids anymore. It’s not like you can pretend the sex was meaningless. 

Hoseok, showing some definite growth from your college days, accepts it when you say that you just can’t talk about all the very real things you need to right now. Accepts it when you say that you believe him but you have to go. Accepts that you’re running late for something. The only problem is that you’re not running late. It’s not like you actually planned for after your talk with him. It was too much to even think about how the conversation was going to go.

Now it’s over, though, and you don’t really want to go home to be alone with your thoughts. One of the few times that you don’t like that you live alone. Don’t like that you don’t have a built-in person that can just be there without you having to explain what you’re feeling or that you don’t want to be alone. Which is when your brain goes to Jungkook. He’s become that person that you go to when you don’t want to be alone or when you need to get out of your own head.

Except you’re not really sure that’s fair to him. Not really sure if seeing him right now is going to help you. Since the Gala, he’s been nothing but supportive and understanding. This is too much, though, isn’t it? Sure, you and he have never really wanted to bother labeling things, both just happy with the way things are. Things have naturally kind of evolved, but you haven’t stopped to talk about any of it. Sure, Jungkook always assures you that it’s fine, that he’s happy to be there whenever you need him. 

The healthiest thing to do is go home and actually try to sort out your feelings. The second healthiest thing to do would be to call Yoongi and tell him that you actually need to talk to him (which you do, desperately, need his help). 

None of the healthy options include texting Wooyoung to see if he’s got any plans that night. The healthy ways to process definitely don’t include agreeing to go out for happy hour knowing full well what that means with Wooyoung. At least this time, you invite Jimin to avoid one disaster.

(Jimin agrees to come and agrees to your terms that he’s not allowed to ask if you’re okay or if you want to talk. Agrees that he won’t tell Yoongi even if he thinks you’re making reckless decisions. He also finds a way to tell Wooyoung’s friend not to invite Hoseok this time without outing you. When you’re sober, you’ll probably thank Jimin. Maybe. There is always his ego to consider.)

“I feel like I’ve seen you around somewhere,” San muses, looking at Jimin.

Jimin just smiles his most mischievous smile and shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. “Probably.”

“Jimin is one of my best friends, he’s been by the studio a few times,” you say when it’s clear Jimin isn’t going to provide any more context. He sighs and rolls his eyes dramatically.

“I’m also dating her platonic soulmate, so she’s stuck with me,” Jimin adds and you snort.

“Is that what we’re calling Yoongi these days?” you ask. Jimin smiles a real smile, eyes crinkling. 

“Honestly, yes, your friendship with him is so sweet, it makes me sick,” Jimin says with nothing but affection. 

San seems satisfied and Wooyoung just looks enamored by anything Jimin says. Which is actually kind of cute because you can tell he’s not even interested in Jimin like that, just genuinely wants to be his friend. And you definitely get that. Jimin is one of the sweetest, most charismatic people that you know. Yes, he can be a devious little shit, but when he’s like this, it’s impossible to not like him. 

That’s just kind of how the night goes. Thankfully, it’s not quite as crazy as the last time you went out with this group. You learn the tall guy’s name is Mingi and for some reason, he seems weirdly shy around you. It’s cute and he’s incredibly sweet. Jimin fits in seamlessly, which isn’t a surprise to you with how many times you’ve seen him like this. 

What is a surprise, though, is that Jimin keeps demanding you get up and dance with him. Since, of course, happy hour turned into going someplace else. It wasn’t just Jimin that wanted to dance and now you were just along for the ride. He also insisted that you were a safe choice to dance with and also gave you a sob story about how Yoongi would never dance with him at the club. 

(Probably true, crowds and people and this kind of thing were definitely not Yoongi’s first or second or even last choice. It’s also true that Jimin is a really amazing dancer and you’re a little intimidated by him. You’re also, thankfully, just buzzed enough to not really care.)

It’s the early hours of the morning when you finally head home, feeling a lot lighter than you had after leaving Hoseok. In fact, you haven’t checked your messages since meeting up with Jimin, Wooyoung, San, and the others. There’s something freeing about just putting everything on Do Not Disturb and enjoying the moment. 

By the time you get out of the car at your apartment, the alcohol haze is already wearing off. Which ends up being a good thing when you open your door to see someone sitting on your couch. There’s a half second of panic, of your brain calculating fight or flight, before you realize that it’s just Jungkook. Sitting on your couch, watching TV like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Jesus Christ, Jungkook,” you say, hand on your chest like you’re about to die. A little overdramatic, maybe, but your brain is still a little hazy around the edges. 

“Sorry,” he says, eyes immediately going comically wide. “I didn’t mean to scare you!” 

“No, it’s fine,” you say as you toe off your shoes and drop your keys and bag on the table by the door. 

“I really am sorry,” he says. It’s easy to believe when he looks that bashful. “I don’t even know why I came over. I just, well I texted you after I got out of my shoot to see how things went and you didn’t answer.”

“Oh yeah, I went out for drinks with Jimin and some friends from the set,” you say and Jungkook nods. 

“Yeah, he actually texted me,” Jungkook admits and you just chuckle. Of course he did, you think. “But I was already on my way over here and your apartment is more comfortable than mine. I can leave though?” 

“No, it’s fine, it’s late,” you say as you collapse on the couch with him. “One rule, though.” 

“What?” he asks.

“I don’t wanna talk about the conversation with Hobi right now,” you say quietly as you nestle into Jungkook’s side.

You miss the way that he tenses for a minute at the way the old nickname falls so easily from your lips. Miss the way it takes his arms a minute to wrap around you. Miss the way his face falls a little at you not wanting to talk to him about something. 

“Of course, whatever you need,” Jungkook says. 

You don’t hear the way his voice sounds a little hollow, a little less animated than it usually does. He wants to mean it, wants to keep being there for you however you need him. It’ll be fine, he tells himself. He can do this. 

all of them are kinda going through it right now, but please let me know your thoughts <3