#I'm all for saving the planet and not using more paper but this is not the solution

[coucouatoi]

don't want to be alone | h.s.

Pairings: Harry Styles x Reader

Summary: Divorcing the biggest superstar on the planet is the hardest thing you've ever done. Almost as hard as marrying him was.

Warnings: Angst, couples therapy, a little bit of fluff, hopeful ending

A/N: I don't know why I'm feeling so full of angst... but, please enjoy!

Flashback are in italic and present day is normal text

Boxes are littered around the house. Some full and taped shut others still being stuffed with your items. It's a slow and torturous process, having to choose what to take, what to throw out and what things are a conversation waiting to happen "That's a wedding gift from my aunt" or "When have you ever used that?" or even better "I know it was a gift, but I paid for it so i'll keep it". It's like he knows exactly which buttons to press to get the fights started. Granted you might be doing the same thing... But it doesn't make him entitled to all the belongings you've ever shared.

You've managed to find all the picture albums, the ones you decided to make for sentimental value. The ones you gifted him in tender moments. The ones filled with so much love, so much hope and promises for a future together. The ones you're now highly considering throwing into a paper shredder and tossing into the nearest incinerator. The ones you won't be able to get rid of. The anniversary album you gave him on your one year, the wedding album, the honeymoon album, the many travel albums and, of course, your daughter's first album.

Little Anya, barely 9 months old just starting to babble her first words. Chubby legs working so hard to keep her standing and exploring. She can barely take 3 steps one after the other but she's a fighter. Your little girl that is now a cause for argument, no, fights. Custody battles. The true war between yourself and your husband, Harry Styles. Neither of you want to lose or call for a tie, it's not how either of you operate in conflict. That, most likely, is the reason for the downfall of your relationship.

Frustrated you put the albums back where you found them and you head to the kitchen.

Most kitchen items have been packed up, Harry had never really invested in worthwhile cutlery or electronics of any sort. You take some orange juice from the fridge and pour a glass for yourself. The fridge itself is barren, with only the essentials left... neither of you has gone to the groceries in weeks. Today is not going to be a good day.

From the rediscovery of your love-filled albums to the boxes you've spent most of the day doing, you still have one horrible thing to do.

Couples therapy, your first-ever session. You thought, well still think, that this is too far gone to save in therapy. There won't be anything new shared that you haven't already screamed in each other's faces and self-help talks aren't exactly going to do the trick. Anne, Harry's mother, insisted that your marriage doesn't only include two people anymore. Anya makes it worth trying, she is worthy of a stable home as she grows up. No matter how unstable having a superstar parent may be, divorced parents might just add to that an unruly amount. So, you've both agreed to try. Try your very best to reassemble your love no matter how shattered it has become. Love. Love hasn't manifested itself once since about your seventh month of pregnancy. Love has vanished from your husband's once warm and inviting eyes, it no longer lingers on his fingertips and doesn't even creep into the more tender moments you must share with your baby. Love feels like a complete joke to you now.

-

The waiting room is empty of other clients which is a blessing in disguise. This is the absolute last place you'd want to run into Harries. Even if the media has already been dragging you in the mud for "breaking their dear superstar's heart" and has been making all sorts of claims about you and your marriage. In the very beginning, Harry had spoken up about these articles and had gotten his team to shut some people up but he's been losing care for... well, you.

"Harry and Y/N?" you look up meeting the eyes of who you can only assume is your therapist. Without sparring your husband a glance you get up and follow her into her office. It's cosy and smells like vanilla. There's a yellow glow to the room, it bounces off her multiple frames and decorations. Very nonthreatening, immediately putting you a little more at ease. She gestures for you to take a seat on her velvet green couch and you sit down squeezing yourself onto the left armrest. Harry does the same to the right.

"Good afternoon to you both, I am Trinity Finch. Can I get either of you something to drink before I sit down?" She smiles politely as her eyes shift between both of you. You only shake your head as an answer not trusting your stomach at the moment.

"Water if it's not too much trouble, please" Harry's voice is strained, he had been at the studio all morning probably preparing a new album you aren't aware of.

Trinity nods and quickly grabs a water bottle from a small fridge she's got right behind her desk. Harry mumbles a thank you as she hands it to him. You don't realise that his hands are shaking as you're back to looking around the room. He takes a few big gulps before your therapist gets to sit in her chair.

"Today I would just like to start with a history lesson on your relationship. How it started, all important moments, how parenthood has changed your shared life and just how you two are as a couple" She starts getting things ready around her, notebook, pens, highlighters, some sticky notes and you swear that you spotted some bright childish stickers. Her long manicured nails tap against the glass of her desk a few times as the silence stretches. Neither of you taking the first step in this session. When she looks up again she doesn't look annoyed or surprised by the lack of an answer.

"Harry, how did you meet your wife?" Trinity asks him gently.

Harry seems caught by surprise to have been asked a question directly. He looks at you briefly before turning his eyes back to her.

"Um, we meet on the plane. For some reason, my private plane for that day was not available and they booked me on a regular flight. Premium ended up being full and I got an economy seat. I had the aisle and she had the middle we ended up bonding over our shared movie choice. Then I asked her out and um here we are?" He ends with a question. As if unsure if "here" is a good thing, it's definitely not but meeting has, unfortunately, brought you both here.

"And when was this?" she asks.

"April 2018" he answers quickly. She nods presumably writing it down.

"How was your relationship before marriage Y/N?" she looks at you now with kind eyes. They are big and dark. Staring right into your soul. It makes you slightly uncomfortable but at the same time you don't want her to look away she's your lifeline right now.

"It was very easy. I work remotely as a translator and an editor, so I've always been able to tag along on his travels and tours. He, um, he always insisted that he rather have me with him even if we couldn't see each other every single day. Just knowing I was near helped him..." you sigh. You don't want to shed tears this early into your session. You don't want Harry to see you cry any more than he already has over your lost relationship.

"I really loved following him around the globe" you add, looking down at your lap willing your wet eyes to dry.

"Any fighting? How did you deal with that?" Trinity is still talking to you maybe even sensing that you're about to cry. Is that what she wants from this?

"Well, yeah. I mean all couples fight, right? We fought over the same things all the time really. I wanted more affection I guess pressuring him to take some time away from the spotlight or he wanted me all to himself whenever it worked with him without thinking of my work. Our jobs were the main reason for fighting between us" Besides you, Harry scoffs before taking another sip of water. Your head turns to him

so quickly that a sharp pain forms in the back of your neck. Your posture immediately tightens, muscles locking and your breath gets heavier.

"What? You don't agree?" you question him in a much harsher tone than you were previously using. He meets your gaze and shrugs.

"I do but that's not all we fought over" he shrugs again not looking away. Is he trying to pick a fight right now? Here of all places?

"Then what? What am I missing?" you prepare yourself for the worst. Ready to feel like absolute shit at anything he might say.

"Your constant jealousy was a contender for the most appearances in our fights" his entire expression is accusatory but he does this thing with his posture. Gets all soft and somewhat blazé making you feel inferior and so incredibly small.

You want to storm out. Call Anne to apologise that it couldn't work out and immediately sign the divorce papers that are permanently placed right on your dining table.

Not wanting to fuel this energy taking over him right now you shrug as well before facing Trinity again. She's watching both of you like a hawk, processing the way you react to conflict with each other. Making mental notes as well as some physical ones all while hostility happens between her clients.

"We'll move on from this for now. Harry, how was the wedding? How did married life change your bond?" this seemingly calms his overgrown ego. His face is neutral again but there's a softness to it now, recalling the happy days.

"We had an Italy wedding. We, I love Italy. I flew everyone out, our families and friends, and then we stayed there for a month more for our honeymoon. The wedding itself was... amazing. We kept it small. Intimate. With my life it's always been hard to have that so, it was important to us" he sounds blissful towards the last part. Probably back there now in his mind. Ah, the good old days as they say.

"I don't think married life changed us much. We were living together before that and we'd been planning it since we got together practically" he stops talking again to take another sip of water. You look at the lady in front of you again and as she begins to open her mouth to probably question him more Harry starts talking again.

"I guess tension started about a year in. The media wasn't kind to her. They made up cheating rumours on both sides and manipulated things to make them seem like something else. Someone even showed up at our old house while I was out" he took a deep breath, cracking some of his knuckles at the same time, "We were always on edge around each other. Throwing these rumours at one another just to I don't know, get a reaction? Plus, we were stuck at home because of Covid and my tour was postponed. It was a real shit show" he laughs bitterly and you nod along to what he was saying. That was just a terrible time. For everyone.

"Then I got to go on tour, Y/N didn't follow along for all of it but she was there most of the beginning. It wasn't the same as before. There was this distance that just never got better. And then she got pregnant" he almost sounds exhausted. Maybe he is, you're not sure how much he's slept lately.

-

Shit. Fuck. This can't be happening now. Shit! The word "Pregnant" seems to be mocking you as you look down at it. Mocking the fact that you and Harry have not seriously spoken in two days and that you're flying back home tomorrow. Mockingly reminding you that this can only make things worse right now.

"Y/N, come on the car is waiting downstairs" your husband's voice is weak through the thick hotel bathroom door. He's performing in Toronto tonight. The second day, the last day before he flies to New York and you go back to London.

You walk out of the bathroom, straight past Harry, not wanting him to read your face and figure out that something is terribly wrong. You slip into your shoes for the night and take a deep breath, no scratch that, a huge breath. Willing your facial expression to cooperate before you turn to him and smile.

"Let's go superstar!" he smiles back and walks over to you. Grabbing your hand and bringing it up to his mouth so he can plant a kiss on the back of it.

"We just might have to cancel tonight if you look this good" his free hand wraps around you tightly glueing you to his body. You know he doesn't mean it but you pretend to consider it nonetheless.

"Mh what about all your adoring fans? Won't they be so utterly crushed?" you tease against his lips. He smiles wickedly before slowly nodding.

"I do have quite the engagement this evening... how about I make it up to you after?" he presses soft kisses to the sides of your face. Framing it.

"That's a pretty good offer, I just might have to tak-"

"HARRY STYLES GET YOUR ASS OUT OF YOUR HOTEL ROOM!!" Jeff's voice is full of annoyance as it cuts you off. Rude.

You laugh before getting pulled out of the room by your husband. The small plastic stick forgotten on the washroom counter for now.

You get a harsh reminder tho when you're back at the hotel after yet another amazing concert. You're laying on the bed completely stretched out and now only dressed in your underwear. Harry's currently using the washroom to try and get some of the remaining glitter off his face when he finds the secret you've kept all evening.

"Y/N, what's this?" his voice is so shaky that you barely even understood what he asked you. However, when you look up your brain catches up. He's in his boxers, left hand in his hair and right hand holding the test like it's made of glass as he looks at it as if it's going to explode. Fuck.

"No chance that you suddenly lost the ability to read?" you try and lighten the suddenly very heavy mood in the room. It fails.

"You're pregnant. How, I mean no I know how. Fuck, you're pregnant" he looks up at you panicked.

"We don't have to keep it" is the first thing out of your mouth. Probably as a panic response to his reaction. Not wanting this to turn into another fight.

"What?! Why wouldn't we, you don't want, I um" he takes a second. He's just breathing heavily while looking at you desperately. "You don't want to keep it?" he breathes out.

"You do?" is all you answer. You stand slowly, finding the clothes you just took off to put them back on. Whatever mood you were in is gone you're now filled with anxiety and a deep fear.

"You leave tomorrow... We won't see each other for what 3 months? In Mexico?" he hasn't moved an inch. Feet seemingly glued to the floor and limbs were frozen.

-

Pregnancy. One of the worst and best times of your life. Your gorgeous baby girl came out of all the pain you suffered. She gave a new meaning to the way you live, made you forget about all the physical pain you endured and...

"Why do you say it in that way? Like you still dread what the pregnancy brought" Trinity's voice almost startles you. You'd been so lost in your thoughts that you'd almost forgotten where you were.

"I don't! I love Anya" his voice is stern.

"What about your wife? What happened during the pregnancy?" she's digging. Wants to find the right buttons to push.

Harry stammers, but no answer seems to satisfy him. His hands are squeezed under his things, his right leg bouncing and his eyes avoiding either of you.

"We didn't plan her, I was right in the middle of my tour. We, um, we weren't doing very good and she was about to go home" he looks at you suddenly surprising you when he meets your eyes. You can't read him, can't understand what he's feeling. You haven't been able to read him in months.

"She- You, Y/N, she got really sick in February the seven-month mark. I was in Australia and I couldn't be there. It really strained us, we fought all the time over the phone and in person. I guess that's really when we went downhill" his jaw tenses when he looks away from you. Looks like he's not happy to have to have shared this with the room.

"Okay, thank you, Harry. I think now's a great time to take a breather. I'll meet both of you individually when we come back. So, see you both here in 20 minutes?" Trinity smiles at both of you and keeps smiling until you both walk out.

-

Harry doesn't come back. You wait 45 minutes in Trinity's office looking like an idiot. She dismisses you with a look of pity on her face before scheduling another appointment 5 days later, lots of work to do you assume. You rush out of the building humiliation creeping into every inch of your body. How could he do this on the first day? It was going fairly well, well you think so anyway... did he give up on your relationship right then and there?

As you make your way to your car you see him. Harry is pacing back and forth in front of his car as he seemingly argues on the phone. His free hand waves erratically in front of him, gesturing like mad for someone who can't even see him. So this is what he's been doing? Arguing over the phone while you sat in a therapist's office waiting to try and work on your ever-crumbling marriage. You scoff before turning away from him and to your car. But nothing seems to be on your side today as your husband hears you and immediately calls out to you.

"Y/N! Why are you leaving?" you hear him walk towards you, the clacking of his shoes getting closer to you but you ignore him and walk away faster.

You're completely focused on your black Subaru, the "You're so Golden" sticker catching your eye and making you more pissed off. Something that was put there because you loved the song, because of how beautiful your husband's voice is in the song but now all you want to do is rip it right off. So, that's what you do.

Your nails claw at the edges of it desperately. You don't want any reminders of Harry on your car, you don't want to think of him while putting the groceries away, while walking around the car after putting Anya in her car seat and you don't want to see it in your rearview mirror anymore. The top corner lifts as you're pulling at it giving you the perfect leverage to rip it right off. You throw it to the ground right before turning around to stare daggers into Harry's eyes.

"45 minutes, Harry. I sat there 45 minutes with our therapist looking at me like a beaten dog!" you hiss at him. He is now only about 2 or 3 feet away from you. His eyes are wide, in shock you guess, as he looks at the sticker. "What could you have possibly been doing for more than an hour that made you forget what we were here for?" you're sure you sound desperate right now. Your head is all over the place and your heart feels like it might explode out of your chest.

"An hour? I, no, that couldn't have been more than-"

"You can go back up and ask her if you want because I really really don't want to be around you right now" and now you're crying. Fuck. Why are you crying now? You need to leave.

While rummaging in your bag for your keys Harry grabs your arm. Well maybe not grabs, he just places his hand on you, resting it there delicately. If you weren't so aware of every single inch of your body right now you wouldn't have noticed. No matter how delicate the touch is supposed to be you flinch out of it aggressively.

"I'm, I'm so sorry Y/N. That was my mother, she, fuck" he sighs and runs a hand in his hair gripping it tightly. "She wants us to go up... she's rented a lake house or something I guess" his voice is so soft, shy even.

"Us? You mean you and Anya?" god you hope so.

"I'm so sorry" is all he answers.

-

Anne Twist is a very difficult woman to say no to. Actually, it's impossible to say no to her. In the many years you've known her, she's always been able to find a way to make you say yes. Always in a good way. She loves you, she has told you that countless times, and you love her but now that you're... the way you are with her son you don't know where you stand. Yet, she has still found a way to get you to agree to something you would have much rather not have gone to. You're in a small townhouse almost 4 hours away from your home in London with your mother-in-law, your daughter and your soon-to-be ex-husband. What has your life come to?

Anya is sitting in her high chair passionately eating banana slices as you watch her. She's already gobbled up the strawberries and pita bread slices she also had for her snack. She's such a good eater always so ready to try new things and taste whatever the adults around her eat. Especially the sweet treats her dad sneaks her.

"Do you want to go take a dip after huh? We should enjoy the water my love" you coo at her as she takes her final bite of food. She smiles at you like she understood what you asked and you chuckle wiping her chubby cheeks and hands. She'll be able to float around in the water for a little bit with you before you put her down for a nap. The steps of your morning are perfectly planned so that you can have your solo Zoom session with Trinity.

There is a small river behind the house you're staying in. The water goes up to just above your breast and it's the perfect warmth at this time of day. You've made your way down to it and are now setting up Anya's towel for when she'll be too tired to entertain you and ready for her mid-day snooze. She's currently lying right by you looking up at the sky with such curiosity, probably trying to figure out what the hell clouds are.

"You're so curious my love!" you shake her gently as you smile widely. "What do you see up there?" as you look up to join her sky-gazing you spot Harry making his way to the river as well. He's only got very short grey swimming trunks on meaning his entire chest, thighs, calves, and arms are out for the whole world to see. Maybe that's an exaggerated statement as you're the only one looking right now. You want to scold yourself for staring, you really really do but he's just so... so captivating and very enjoyable to look at no matter how much you resent him at the moment.

"Mind if I join you ladies?" his voice is more cheerful than when you heard it last. Must be because he's actually speaking to and looking at Anya.

However, when you don't answer his question he looks up at you. Expression now closed off again, how it's always been for the past few months. You smile politely and nod before turning your back to both of them so you can take your robe off. Your swimsuit isn't anything special; simple black one-piece that's high on the hips and low on your back. You think it looks pretty good on you but now you feel very aware of the amount of skin you're showing. You decide to just get in the water hoping its dark colour hides you. Hides away the skin your husband might be looking at.

"Looks like mummy is in a hurry, we should join her. What do you think sweetheart?" Harry picks your baby up and makes his way into the water. He holds her tightly to his chest as he climbs in, just in case he slips on the stones he uses as stairs. Once your daughter's chubby limbs meet the water her mouth forms into an adorable "O" shape. It's the second time Anya's been in the water now so she must still be unsure about this feeling. Harry turns her so that her front faces you and her back is against him. She smiles when she spots you reaching her arms out quickly which splashes some water around. She looks at you with a shocked expression and does it again with a giggle now.

"You little troublemaker! Trying to splash me!" you tease her sending some water her way. She answers with a sweet giggle and shakes her arms around as fast as she possibly can.

"Mh, my jokester gene is strong in her" Harry's voice is laced with pride. You playfully roll your eyes at him and hum affirmatively.

"And her love for singing too" you add remembering so many moments where she hums to any song playing. Her favourite thing to do is to harmonise with her father. His deep voice always gets her attention, always gets her to mumble and hum along with her own lyrics.

"Oh yes, she's the next big thing this one" he affirms kissing the top of her small head affectionately.

It's in moments like these that you tend to forget how bad it is between you. How many horrible things you've shouted at each other not caring how deep your words could cut. The accusations, the insults, the taunts and even the lies still weigh heavy on both of you. You like these softer moments, where you're reminded of how much love you both had for each other. Have? Had? You don't know anything about your feelings anymore, they are much too complicated to understand...

All three of you stay in the river for about an hour more before Anya starts yawning and fussing. When you exit the water you're quick to slip your robe back on still overly aware. Harry wraps the fluffy towel you had gotten ready around your baby. Her head rests in the crook of his neck, her eyelids already heavy as she blinks slowly. You all walk back to the house together silently. Might it be to keep the sleepy baby calm or to keep the peaceful aura around you and your husband, you don't know.

Harry insists that he will put the sleepy girl to bed and that you should take a shower first. After all, you have the first private sessions with your therapist. The mention of her does make the air in the townhouse tense again but Anne appears immediately to kiss Anya before she naps. You use that moment to sneak into your shared room with Harry. Luckily, it has two single beds so you don't have to share with him.

Signing deeply you rid yourself of the now damp robe you had on. Another blessing in disguise, this room has an en suite bathroom so you'll be able to jump right into the shower. Before that you do want to set up your laptop for the video call, you want to be as ready as you possibly can be. You grab your device from your backpack and make your way to the small desk in the corner of the room. There's a bunch of papers scattered around it, one glance at them and you immediately know what they are.

Lyrics. Drafts of songs and melodies written by your rockstar husband. You don't mean to read any of the words you really don't but as soon as you spot your name at the top of one of the pages you're doomed. You put your laptop down on Harry's bed which is right next to the desk and reach for that exact paper.

The words you read are full of longing, pain, sadness and fear. They mourn love, they are mourning your love. You pick up another sheet of paper, this one has no title but there are so many lines written. This one is reeks of self-hatred, of shame and guilt... it shakes the weak barriers you've built around your heart. All of the lyrics you read on different papers revolve around the same emotions. These are all about your relationship. About the death of it. About his desire to turn around. You don't realise you're crying until a tear falls onto the paper you hold. The ink bleeds into itself where it's been wet blurring the words slightly. You quickly wipe your face and put the papers down. You shouldn't be looking at these, you're invading his privacy.

"Thought you were showering" Harry's voice startles you out of the chair. You meet the floor with a loud thud. Your tear-filled eyes meet his sharp ones. Scrambling up to your feet you grab your laptop ready to explain, ready to apologise over and over again.

"At least tell me what you think" he sighs walking into the bedroom and shutting the door behind himself. This shocks you. What does he mean? He, he's not mad? Isn't disappointed that you invaded his creative space? Your mouth opens and closes a few times unsure what you should answer.

"I'm sorry" is all you're able to get out. Your brain is blank in absolute fear but tears keep falling from your eyes.

"I should be apologising... you, you weren't supposed to see those" he walks in your direction slowly, testing the waters of how close you'll let him get. He's closer than arm's reach when you flinch backwards slightly and he stops immediately.

"I was going to ask you for your permission before making any of those full songs but you know music is how I cope" he whispers now that he's so close to you. Silence takes over the room again, stretching out for too long. Your eyes somehow keep producing tears as you try and speak. Hopelessly searching for words to say.

"Do you really miss us? You miss me?" is what you come up with, your voice is so shaky that you're on the verge of sobbing uncontrollably.

This shocks Harry in place, seemingly not prepared for that kind of questioning from you. His mouth gapes and his eyes grow wide. This time you do see his hands start shaking. You're not entirely sure what this emotion is.

"Of course I do. Did you not think so?" while still whispering he reaches out to hold you but stops himself hands falling at his sides.

"Yo- Harry, you asked for the divorce. How was I supposed to know you miss me?" your voice breaks. You don't understand, why is this happening now, why is he saying these things?

-

"We should just get a divorce" Harry snaps at you as he fights back tears. Your expression immediately closes up, your body reacting before your thoughts and words do. Protecting you from what he just said, building walls around you and your heart as quickly as possible.

"Fine" you spit out as you turn away from him and walk straight out of your bedroom. If that's what he wants then so be it. You won't beg for anything now that he's made his decision.

-

"I know, okay? I know that I asked for it and that it's the reason why you don't talk to me anymore. Well, you do but not really" he sighs and sits down on his bed, damn swim trunks wetting the bed "We talk about Anya and when we're not we are yelling at each other... so when was I supposed to tell you that I missed you? That I regretted asking for the divorce..." he looks at you with a guilty expression, all his emotions are coming up at once.

"Why did you ask for it?" you ask him sitting back on the desk chair with your laptop still in your hands.

"I got in my head. You were saying we should take some time for ourselves maybe live apart... with everything that kept being said about us, I got so scared" he takes your laptop out of your grip and puts it down next to him.

"I thought you were going to fight me on it..." he adds as he grabs your hands tenderly. Like he's afraid you'll break.

You shake your head in disbelief not sure what to say. Your thoughts are all over the place, what should you make of this?

"It broke my heart" When did his face get so close to yours? You should really move away. You can't fall back into him, you can't let yourself do that. So you pull away from him roughly, your hands tugging out of his hold, face moving to the side, a sob making its way out of you as your back meets the chair-back.

When you meet Harry's eyes you can see the pain, the hurt, in them. They are brimming with tears that are so close to spilling out.

"Are we... are we too broken?" his voice has dropped to a whisper. He sounds so sad and scared.

"I'm worried" You take in a few breaths before you speak again, "What if we just end up hurting each other again? What if we can't go back?" you choke out the last few words. Tears spill endlessly out of your eyes and sobs rack your entire body.

It feels like you're running out of air and the little bits you get in are painful. Your eyes burn as you cry and your hands are shaking like crazy.

Harry might be answering or trying to communicate but nothing is making its way past your meltdown. What does make it through is the feeling of his arms around you. Him pulling you against his chest tightly, immediately rubbing your back as soothingly as he can. Your hands are grabbing his still bare skin desperately, wanting to anchor yourself in any way you can. Your face rests on his peck, right above his heart, the frantic beating bouncing around your head.

"Breathe, you have to breathe love" he speaks delicately in your ear, breaking through the barrier your body has put up.

"I'm- I'm, I can't... Harry I can't" your clawing at him almost trying to get under his skin, someplace you might be able to understand everything that's going through his mind.

He wiggles around a little before laying you both down as he keeps reassuring and encouraging you. He drags you on top of him your face now pressed up against the juncture of his neck. Your left-hand makes its way into his hair, pulling at it as softly as you can manage. Harry's hands run up and down your back, your arms, and your neck and he even pets your hair delicately. He's always known how to best calm you down... how to bring you back down to earth and out of the panic attacks you sometimes get when you're overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry" he repeats that over and over with a pained desperation. Harry's scared shitless too. He doesn't know how things will go with your relationship. He can't guarantee that you won't end up actually wanting a divorce one day... But he can love you. He has and will keep loving you. He hopes it'll be enough to save your marriage. He'll work incredibly hard every single day to prove his love for you... if you let him back in he won't ever let you go. He'll leave it all up to you. Your little family is all he needs, he'll spend the rest of his life proving that to you if that's what it takes.

[merlincmgirl]

Oral - 212th x FReader - NSFW

Summary: Looking after your men in the 212th is a top priority, and after the stress of everything becomes too much, they offer to help you unwind.

Characters: Cody, Waxer, Boil, Wooley, Helix, Crys

Pairing: 212th x F!Reader

Word Count: 12,308

Warnings: , oral (female & male receiving), face riding, rimming, cock-warming, group sex, aftercare, angst, fluff, smut,

Author's Note: Happy Holidays! It's a Christmas miracle! I will have finally finished the Kinktober Challenge I set myself tomorrow. It's been a difficult few months, but I'm so proud of myself for doing this.

"I don't kriffing believe this! Get out of my medbay trooper if you know what's good for you!" You snarled, pointing to the door as you pinched the bridge of your nose. Somehow today it seemed like the shinies were taking it as their personal mission to piss you off. It was the 5th shiny today that had come in with something so minor it could have been treated by themselves. It just added to the stress you had been under lately.

"Technically it's my medbay" a rough tone grumbled from behind you.

You spun around, sending Helix a contrite look. "Technically they're your brothers but they seem to enjoy annoying me more!" You snapped back at him.

Helix raised an eyebrow, not used to you snapping at him or the short temper that had gotten spectacularly shorter as the week had progressed.

"Alright civvie, want to tell me what's wrong?" He offered, coming over to help you clean away the supplies you had used to treat a trooper's burn from a spark down in engineering.

"I'm fine. Just your brothers seem to be coming in today with the most ridiculous injuries that a womp rat could treat. You know, one shiny came in with a bruise on his arm. A bruise! That can be treated with the bacta you all carry in your belts!" You ranted, bungling up the scratchy paper that lined the examination bed.

Helix didn't say anything, agreeing that today seemed to be full of ridiculous vods coming in with superficial injuries. It was their 9th day in hyperspace travelling to the next battle, they were becoming restless and bored, having little to entertain them during the long hours in hyperspace. He could understand the frustration you had but not the intensity of your reaction. You were always the kindest of all his medics, the one that troopers rushed to instead of him because at least you'd soften the blow with a comforting word rather than the insults and hypos that he himself liked to use.

"They've just got a bit of cabin fever. It'll change once we reach the next planet" Helix remarked, careful to appear like he was clearing things away and not that he was side eyeing you from where he was standing.

Huffing, you rolled your eyes – Helix was genuinely concerned you'd burst a blood vessel at that intensity – and let out a short laugh. "Then what? It's just the same thing over and over. You boys get thrown into battle, I have to patch you up, see my friends die when I could save them and then just pretend nothing has happened and start again. And deal with your idiotic brothers when they get hurt from doing something stupid!"

"If it wasn't for this war, we wouldn't have been created, civvie" Helix stated, frown settling on his face. The clones had mixed emotions about the war, without it, they wouldn't have been created. But if they hadn't, then there would be no one to stop the Seppies and protect people from their rule.

"I know, doesn't mean I have to like it" you sighed, rubbing at your tired, strained eyes and slumping against the bed.

"When was the last time you slept?" Helix asked, voice already taking on an accusing edge that set your hackles up.

"I don't know, I've been busy" you huffed, forcing yourself back onto your feet to prepare the tray for the next patient that walked in.

The CMO sent you a stunningly unimpressed look, making sure you caught how he looked around the practically empty med bay. If you weren't so annoyed, you'd be impressed. "Yes, I can see that" he drawled, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Anyway, how is it your business?" You grumbled, brow furrowing as your hands shook. From how exhausted you were or the stress, you didn't know, but you clenched them tightly to keep them steady.

"The welfare of the men and the whole crew of the Negotiator is my business. Including you" he reminded, crossing his arms and giving up pretending to help now. Something was obviously going on with you. "Have you spoken to Cody about this?" He asked softly, voice lowering, even though there was nobody around to listen in.

You scoffed bitterly, sending Helix a withering look. "You mean when I pass him in the halls, or the two minutes he has to call me. Yeah, of course it comes up" you snapped, anger glaring through you all of a sudden. You didn't know why you were so mad. Either you were mad at Cody for barely saying a few words to you in the last few days or you were mad at yourself for being angry at Cody because he was just busy doing his job.

Shocked at your reaction, Helix placed a steadying hand on your shoulder and you slumped, feeling the fight leave you. "Why don't you go and grab some food from mess and get some sleep? I can hold everything down here until you come back" he suggested, already cutting off your protests before they could start.

"Fine, but I'm not happy about this. I can work just as well as anybody else on this ship!" you said sharply, grabbing your data pad off the desk. Maybe you could file some paperwork in your quarters for a bit before hopefully falling asleep.

"I know that civvie! Now get out of my medbay until you've had at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep!" Helix ordered, crossing his arms and sending you on your way.

Helix frowned, watching your form disappear through the medbay doors, wondering how he could help you. It was no surprise that Cody’s riddur was feeling the stress of spending so little time with her Commander. Their deployment had seen the 212th face battle, after battle after battle. And that meant many more troopers coming into the medbay with a variety of injuries. Some you could save, others you couldn’t. He was no stranger to exhaustion and stress after seeing so many of his vode die, no matter how much those damned long necks tried to erase it out of them.

Resolving to talk to Cody about this, he knew something had to be done. He cared about you, and he dared to count you as a friend. So he would try and help you deal with the stress and anger that was bubbling up inside of you.

Here he was, standing outside the door of his commanding officer hoping to talk to him about his girl. What he did for his brothers!

"Commander" Helix greeted, stepping into the Marshal Commander's office and saluting him.

"Helix, everything alright? Obi-wan hasn't escaped again, has he?" Cody teased, sending him a small exhausted grin as he went through a stack of data pads.

"Not that I'm aware of. But thankfully, he can't get into too much trouble while in hyperspace" Helix rolled his eyes, glad that he wasn't dealing with the Jedi nonsense at the moment. "However we have a different problem" he informed his Commander, shoulders stiffening.

Cody frowned, wondering what had caused his brother to become so tense. "Take a seat" he nodded, glancing at the chair in front of his desk. He noticed that he kept his posture straight, his shoulders tense and a worried frown was painted over his face. "What's the problem?" Cody asked, ready to put out this fire as well as the 20 others on his desk. He really needed to get back to the 18th Battalion to discuss their potential new attack formation.

"It's about your girl and my fellow medic" Helix stated, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

Cody's mind instantly came to a stand still. What was wrong? Was you hurt? Had something happened to you? Had one of his brothers upset you? The endless list of what could have gone wrong poured through his head.

"What's wrong with her?" Cody demanded, feeling his insides churn in worry.

"She's not doing too good. She's snapping at everyone, she made a shiny cry this morning and has been a menace in my medbay" Helix reported, crossing his arms and sending Cody a stern look.

"That doesn't sound like her at all. She's normally the one everyone goes to if they had a choice between you and her" Cody murmured, making Helix roll his eyes. "I've noticed she's become a lot quieter and snappy with me. But I never thought she'd act like this around others" Cody admitted, shaking his head.

"She's not sleeping well, hasn't been eating well either. The last few campaigns have been rough, we've lost a lot of men" Helix stated, although he didn't need to remind Cody of that. The Commander spent most of his days reading casualty reports for the 212th and other battalions. He knew exactly how many men were lost in battle.

Cody sighed heavily, leaning back into his padded office chair. Obi-Wan had insisted that they replaced his old one. Citing how long they both had to do paperwork, they should at least have somewhere comfortable to sit. He was glad of it now as he thought about what to do in this situation.

"Thinks we'll replace her because she's not been bred to deal with all this" Helix added.

Cody scoffed, bitterness curling in his stomach as he thought back to Kamino. "We still get affected by it. Of course we wouldn't replace her for caring" he muttered, shaking his head. "What am I going to do with my cyare?" He sighed heavily, running a hand through his tight curls.

"Try talking to her di'kut!" Helix grumbled, making Cody's head snap up. "I've sent her away to bed and to get something to eat, but it's you that she's missing! Almost snapped my head off when I asked about you. So you need to talk to her so we can find a way to help her relax and de-stress before our upcoming campaign, otherwise I'm signing her off for burnout" Helix ordered, looking at his brother sternly and leaving no room for arguments.

That was one of the first things that Cody had learned. Never mess with a medic. Their oath only covered so far and they were more than prepared to stun you if it meant you would let them do their jobs.

There was a way to help you de-stress and it was something you had both discussed before. It may help you feel better about everything, but he did want to talk to you first. Something was obviously on your mind, and he hadn't been around to help you and support you through it. This campaign had took a lot of his time and efforts up, but that was no excuse. He would have to do better when reaching out to you and communicating during these hectic times.

Resolved to sort this out in one way or another, he nodded, plan of action already forming. He would set everything up and then you and he could have a talk before you either agreed to go ahead with his plan or wished to just quietly sort everything out with him. Either way, he was prepared.

Cody nodded once more about his decision, he had become more and more concerned about you as well. If even his officers were bringing it to his attention then something had to be done. “Agreed. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. Bring all available Ghost officers to room 1104 at 2100 hours” Cody instructed, typing away on his vambrace.

“Yes Commander” Helix saluted him and went to follow Cody’s instructions. Secure in the knowledge that Cody had got this handled.

When Cody managed to wrangle everything for the day, he found you in your rooms. As the door closed behind him, you barely looked away from the pot you were stirring in your small kitchenette.

“Hey sweetheart, what you doing?” he greeted, beginning to strip off his armour and place it next to the door.

“Hmm, just cooking dinner. Hungry?” you murmured, eyes unseeing of your dinner. You couldn’t help but think of all the work that was no doubt starting to pile onto your desk. There was the annual check-ups due soon for every trooper aboard the Negotiator, and it took a bit of time to prepare and order the supplies needed to vaccinate everyone.

“Smells delicious” he remarked, before coming over behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing himself against your back. He sighed in relief, soaking in your scent and relaxing presence. “And I’m always hungry, cyare. Ravenous” he tried to joke, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Good” you replied, side stepping out of his arms and busying yourself with preparing the side dish.

Cody frowned, watching as your shoulders seemed to rise, tension spread across them and the short jerky movements you were doing. Helix had been right. You were a lot more stressed than he realised. He was already thinking up ways on how to approach you when he heard your sniffle and the way you seemed to sink further into yourself.

Unable to take watching you cry and be upset, Cody instantly rushed back over to you, resting his hand on your shoulder. He was shocked when you pushed him away, flinching under his hand and stepping back. You had never done that to him before.

“Love, what’s wrong?” Cody asked, wanting to bring you into his arms to hold you and comfort you. But he knew it wouldn’t work, it would be detrimental to him finding out what was going on with you and talking about it.

“Nothing, I’m fine” you huffed, wiping away the tears and refusing to look at him. You didn’t want to see if he was angry with you, or upset. You just wanted to cry and be left alone.

“Talk to me, everyone can see how stressed you are. I’m here for you, I want to be here for you if you’d let me” Cody said softly, his voice reassuring and calm.

Admittedly it did help soothe your nerves for a moment, knowing he wasn’t angry but concerned about your behaviour. But the rush of sudden anger had words flying out of your mouth before you could even think about stopping them, as you spun around and glared at him.

“Here for me? When? When you remember that I exist? Or when you want someone to fuck?” you snapped at him, tears streaming down your face. It did nothing to hide the flash of hurt that crossed over Cody’s face at your words.

“Mesh’la, that’s not fair. It has been one thing after another trying to prepare for this battle. It’s not an excuse, but my time has been taken up by those preparations. I promise, you were on my mind during all of this. You never leave my mind, mesh’la” he admitted, taking a step closer to you and reaching out for your hand. He sighed in relief when you didn’t pull away from him. “Before we were lovers, we were friends. I want to know when you’re hurting, I want to know when you’re stressed, I want to know you, sweetheart. Is that so impossible to believe?” he breathed, looking into your teary eyes.

“Yes” you muttered, hand coming up to swipe at your tears. But he was right, you had been friends before and your words wasn’t fair to him. You knew before you started dating him that Cody was an important and busy man. He was second in command of the 3rd System Army, many people depended on him. He provided a lot of advice and strategies to the companies under him. He wasn’t always going to be able to be with you, or even talk to you some days. You just didn’t know why you were taking it this hard.

“Pretty girl, you have always been my light shining in the darkness. You see me as Cody, not as Marshal Commander or a man who shares his face with a million others. You see me, and for a clone, that is special enough. You are special” he admitted, before shaking his head ruefully. “I don’t- I don’t know how to explain just how much I love you. But when I see you hurting – like you are now – that kills me, mesh’la. I want to help, please let me” Cody begged, squeezing your hand.

Gulping back tears and feeling like you had a rock in your throat, you stepped forward into his embrace, sinking into his chest and relaxing against him. “I love you too… I’m sorry for snapping at you. I didn’t really mean it” you apologised, burying your face into his blacks, letting the tears soak through the material.

Cody wrapped his arms around you, one around your waist keeping you against him, and the other combing through your hair. Already he could feel the tension leaking out of your exhausted body. “I know love, I know. You’re hurting at the moment and that makes people lash out. Besides, I’ve heard and felt worse. Remind me to tell you of the time Fox beat me in hand to hand training one of the days” he assured, smiling into your hair and feeling your shuddering breaths ease.

“I’ll hold you to that, Commander” you chuckled weakly before sighing and scrubbing at your tear streaked face. “I just… I don’t know why it’s so hard now. I know that you were designed for war but it just hurts to know that you’ve never had a life outside of war, and pain, and hate. Some of your brothers don’t ever get to experience the world, they’re killed before they can. And I… I can’t tell anyone because then I’ll be reassigned because I can’t take the stress and then I’d have to leave you and I-” you panicked, chest becoming tighter now with every word you said.

“Breathe. You need to breathe” Cody interrupted, pressing his lips against yours in a chaste kiss to help restart your breathing.

“I guess I got lost in my own head and began overthinking” you sighed, taking in deep breaths and holding Cody to your tighter. “I’m scared I’m going to lose you. Be it in battle or something else. I just… I- I just feel so useless, this war takes too much from us and it just got to me” you explained, shrugging helplessly against him. It was the best you could do, words becoming lost and your thoughts muddled as you tried to find a reason for the way you had been behaving this week.

“That’s okay mesh’la, whatever happens, you’ll have me. I’m not going anywhere” he assured, rubbing up and down your back. “Besides, you’re not the only one who commiserates our upbringing. The Jedi hate it too, but our lives on Kamino, don’t think it was full of hate. Yes the trainers and the long-necks were terrible to us but… we had each other. We experienced love and affection from our vods, from our batch mates. We may not have experienced the world like you wish us too, but we made do. Just�� you can’t take it all on by yourself, love. These decisions and events were outside of your control” he reminded, kissing your temple.

“I’m glad you had your vode” you smiled softly, thinking about the rest of his brothers that you treated, as well as the millions that were spread out across the galaxy. It was nice to think that even if they didn’t a traditional upbringing, they at least had each other.

“Ugh, too many to know what to do with” he grunted, making you giggle. He really did sound like an exasperated older brother. But he wouldn’t change it for the world. He rested his head against yours and closed his eyes. “Thank you for caring about me and my vode. Especially when the galaxy is turning against us” he breathed, soaking in the way your breath fluttered against his face.

“Always Cody, you and your vode… you didn’t have a choice in all this and whatever happens, I’ll take care of you and your vode. I’ll fight the Senate if I have to” you vowed, making him chuckle.

“Oh I don’t doubt that cyare, I know from experience just how ferocious medics are – especially you” he teased, cupping your face and pulling away from you slightly. “But you need to be cared for and taken care of as well. Do you remember what we’ve spoken about before, when we were suggesting new things to try out together? The one about Ghost Company?” he prompted, thumb stroking across your cheek.

You froze, mind recalling that conversation perfectly. Cody and you had been discussing fantasies and kinks, determined to know more about each other and what you both liked. It had been a spur of the moment suggestion that Cody had liked as well. To be shared amongst Ghost Company while Cody took care of you. He would supervise everything while you could sink into the pleasure and not have to think about anything.

“I remember” you nodded, words falling carefully out of your mouth as you glanced up into his dark brown orbs. You wondered where exactly this was going.

“Would you feel up to it if me and the boys helped you relax and take care of you?” Cody inquired, squeezing your hip and letting you think things through. He had seen just how burnt out you had gotten recently, and he wanted to help you find relief in a number of ways. And his brothers felt the same, they’d all noticed how stressed you had gotten and wanted to help make you feel better. But it was and always would be your decision.

Honestly, the thought of Ghost Company sharing you and making you feel good excited you, and you could already feel your heart start to race at the suggestion. The men in that company was all loyal and brave men, you had close friendships with all of the officers. Would it affect the way they treated you? Would it be awkward when you all had to return back to work? Why would they want to help you out? Were they doing it just because their Marshal Commander asked it of them?

“Why would they want to do that with me?” you frowned, shaking your head at the thought. It seemed impossible to think that Ghost Company would want you.

“Mesh’la! You are an extraordinary person” Cody chided, brow furrowing at the way you spoke about yourself. “And my brothers have also noticed a change in you and were worried. I promise, they want to make you feel better, to make you feel good about yourself and help relieve some of that stress” he assured, cupping your cheek and making sure your beautiful eyes met his own. “I promise I’ll be right there if you want me to be. Nothing is going to harm you” he explained with a wry smile before he turned deadly serious. Cody never went back on his word, if he promised something then it would happen.

Kriff! This wasn’t something you could turn down. Or want to turn down for that matter. Taking the bantha by the horns, you made the decision.

“Yeah… yeah I want that. I want them to help me” you admitted, taking a deep breath in as you heard the words come out of your mouth. It was a bit surprising but also exciting at the same time. They were all incredibly attractive men. Who wouldn’t want them all to help you feel more relaxed. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” you asked, knowing you would need to check in with Cody. He had to agree to this as well.

Cody’s cheeks reddened and he looked away for a moment before turning back to you with a small, abashed grin. “Yeah, I’m good with this. I can’t wait to see how beautiful you look with my brothers” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

Chuckling at his eagerness, you wrapped your arms around his waist once more and hugged him tightly, taking in his reassuring scent and warm embrace. “And it hits your sharing kink as well” you teased, pressing a kiss to his pec.

“Ugh, I forgot I told you about that” he groaned, shaking his head as he tightened his hold of you, rocking you in his arms as he nuzzled into you. “But, we do still need to talk about what has you feeling like this, cyare. We need to get to the root of this problem” Cody reminded, feeling you stiffen slightly in his arms. It was obviously a conversation you didn’t want to have with him.

“Do we have to? I was cooking dinner” you grumbled, glancing back at the stove that was still on.

Cody shook his head, giving a tutting noise before turning it off and not allowing you to hide away from this. It was starting to affect your health and the way you were behaving. He couldn’t just ignore that. Both as your partner and as your Commanding Officer.

"Come on, let's lie down for a moment, dinner can wait" he murmured, guiding you over to your bed and pulling you down with him. He arranged you so you were lying on his chest, his hands wrapped around you as he held you close. Your head rested above his heart, the steady thrum enough to calm any of your nerves.

"You know, mesh’la, if you ever need to talk to anyone who's not me, I'm sure the General wouldn't mind listening to you. Or I can ask Helix if he knows anyone that would help" Cody suggested lightly, feeling the way you were beginning to relax into his arms. He knew from experience that it might be easier to talk to someone that you weren’t close to, or someone who had no interest in anything but your own emotions and how they related to the situation.

You pulled a face, shaking your head at the thought of talking to the General, or even Helix! No, it wasn’t something you felt like you could share with them. Not when they had so much authority to send you away. Besides, you were well aware of the benefits of therapy and talking to someone, you’d done it before. "I already tried that... I spoke to my mentor from medical school a few days ago. Asked him how he coped dealing with death everyday. Do you know what he said? Do you know what he said?” you admitted, voice breaking as you thought about your last conversation with your mentor. It had been enough to show you what a despicable person he was.

“What mesh’la? What did he say?” Cody frowned, knowing it couldn’t be anything good as he felt the way your breath hitched in your chest, the way you tensed up and the way your voice broke as you were talking.

“He said once you've cut into one clone you've cut into them all. You don't need to practice on any more” you cried, horror at hearing those words come from your mentor. He had always been someone you respected and listened to. He had been a great source of advice, but the way he viewed clones had you pulling away, disgusted with him.

“He is right about that, cyare” Cody sighed.

It wasn’t the worst thing he had ever heard about the clones, and it was fact that they all shared the same body. It was why organ donation was so easy with clones, there was an endless supply of spare parts if the medics needed them. It was awful to think about, but it was something they had always been made aware of. Even in death you still served the Republic.

“No he's not! You're all individuals! Every single one of you and... every time I lose one of your brothers... that's another individual lost. And it's my fault, I should be able to do more!" You sobbed, clutching onto his blacks as the tears began to roll down your cheeks. The immense guilt you felt that you couldn’t do more to help them was becoming overwhelming.

"Its not your fault sweetheart, it's the Seppies. You do everything you can to save my brothers and you care for them. You see us as people, other people will always see us as mindless meat droids and cannon fodder. But you have to take a step back love, I know it's painful but we lose men, brothers, but we remember them as they go marching on. And that is just as important. So if you remember them in your heart, but continue to fight for your brothers, then that is honouring them in a way they would want" Cody explained, shushing your cries as he kissed the crown if your head. His hands ran through your hair, and up and down your back. This was what you needed, the catharsis of release, to let all these emotions out.

"I-I wish I could save all of you. I wished their stupid war didn't exist and I wish we could just stay like this forever" you muttered, voice breaking as you buried your face further into his neck. You just wanted to hide from the world a little.

"Well, I'm good for one of those wishes, and I'm working on the other one, but the first one, that's impossible cyare. You have to learn to accept it some way or another" Cody smiled, holding you tight to his chest.

"I know, I'm trying it's just... it's just hard" you sighed, hiccuping a little as the tears started to dry up.

"It is. Almost as hard as taking care of yourself. Helix told me he sent you to get food and have a nap. So, how about I finish up dinner and you catch up on sleep? We're meeting the boys at 2100 if you feel up to it" Cody suggested, kissing your forehead once more before sliding you off his front and to the side.

"Okay, just make sure you don't burn it" you smiled, catching his hand as he got up. He shot you a surprised look that quickly turned into adoration as you kissed his knuckles. "Best get as much sleep as I can ready for tonight" you teased, excitement and nervous energy flashing through you.

"Everything is going to be fine, love. I'll have dinner ready for when you wake up. Not burnt either!" he added, squeezing your fingers before heading towards the little kitchenette in your rooms.

After dinner, you showered and got yourself ready to meet the rest of Ghost Company. You had no idea where you were meeting them, so you followed Cody's lead, letting him direct you to where you needed to go.

When he stopped outside of a nondescript, normal looking bunk room, you couldn't help but let out a little gasp. This was it. This was where one of your fantasies were about to become real.

Cody's hand came to grip your elbow, angling you towards him. His face was so sincere and soft that you wanted to pull him into your arms and never let go. "Are you sure about this, cyare? We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I wont be angry or upset, I just want to make sure you're feeling good" he reminded, thumb brushing against your skin.

"I'm sure, I know you'll look after me while the boys will make me feel good" you nodded, smiling at him in reassurance.

Taking a deep breath, Cody opened the door for you, letting you take the first step in before he followed behind you and locked the door.

As you stepped into the room, you were greeted by members of Ghost Company. Those that weren't on duty that is. Crys was leaning against the table, Wooley sitting on it next to him, Boil and Waxer was nearby, pressed close together and sending you heated looks. Helix meanwhile was giving you a once over, obviously checking to see if you'd followed his instructions.

"You're looking a lot better since I last saw you" Helix commented, voice all rough and brash but you could hear the concern underneath it.

"Wow, real smooth talker you are, Helix!" Wooley drawled, shaking his head at the medic.

Unable to help the small giggle that escaped you, you rolled your eyes at Helix, more than used to his behaviour. "Don't worry, I'm feeling a lot better since you set Cody on me" you assured.

Warm hands settled on your waist, and you leaned into your Commander. He nuzzled into your neck, leaving a soft peck there before he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Everyone has noticed how tense and stressed you've been recently, cyare. So they were more than happy when they got the call to come help you relax" Cody explained, glancing at his eager brothers.

You felt yourself face flush, you didn't realise that it had been so obvious to everyone that you were struggling. You thought you had hidden it rather well. But being on a ship in such close quarters, no doubt people noticed the small things and the little changes within you.

"Yeah, mesh'la. We just want to help you relax, feel good again" Waxer agreed, a playfully grin on his face. No doubt all the boys were just as excited as you with what was going to happen. But knowing your love just as well as you did, you knew that tonight had some stipulations.

“Okay, are there any rules for tonight?” you asked, turning to Cody as he pulled away to slip off his armour.

"Only a couple, mesh'la, and you can change them if you want to" he assured, unclipping everything until he was just in his blacks. The orange and white plastoid was stacked and laid in a neat pile at the edge of the room. Cody nodded at his brothers to do the same. He wanted you to be as comfortable as possible, and that meant the armour had to go.

"Let's hear them then" you breathed, as you felt butterflies in your stomach as you glanced up at Ghost company.

“Nobody is going to be using your pussy tonight mesh’la, except me. They’re all going to be using their mouths and fingers on you, and you can be as loud as you want. This room is soundproof and hardly anyone comes in” Cody explained, and the other clones surrounding you didn’t seem too surprised at those rules. They were probably informed about this before they had turned up tonight. “Is that okay with you?” he checked in, rubbing soothingly at your side.

“Yeah, that sounds good to me” you agreed, smiling up at him as he leaned forward to give you a kiss.

"Good. Just let us take care of you, cyare" he murmured, lips brushing against yours softly. His hand crept up to the back of your neck, keeping you pressed against him as he took control of the kiss. He gently licked at the crease of your mouth, and you could do nothing but let him in with a small groan. His hands kneaded your neck while his lips parted yours, pushing his tongue to slide against your own.

Cody always could make you forget everything with just his mouth. Be it through kisses, or using those talented lips and tongue to make you scream, he had an ability to make the whole world around you disappear. So when you felt hands land on your waist, your shoulders, your arms, you startled just for a moment before sinking into their touches.

Cody's large, warm hands cupped your cheeks, pressing small teasing kisses over your lips until you had to push him away for air. Panting, you rested your foreheads together as the hands worked to undress you, sliding and unbuttoning your clothes until you stood naked before them. You would have shivered from the cold air around you, but they all burned hotter than a furnace, the press of their bodies keeping you nice and toasty.

“You’ve been so stressed lately, mesh’la. You don’t even have to do anything, just be a set of holes ready and wet for us, okay?” Boil's grumpy voice murmured from your side, his hot breath caressing your neck before he pressed a kiss there.

"The boys know your safe word and your safe action if you can't speak. Ready?" Cody reminded, brushing his nose against your heated cheek.

You gave him a short hum in confirmation. You wanted this. You didn't need to be asked again.

“On your knees” Cody instructed, pecking your lips once more before guiding you with his hand in your hair down in front of him and his brothers.

“You look so pretty on your knees for us mesh’la” Waxer praised, running gentle fingers over the curve of your jaw once you had settled before them. He let out a quiet cooing noise as you rubbed against the tender gesture.

You looked around you at the impressive men that had caged you in. All of them supporting impressive tents in their blacks. You couldn't help but lick your lips, thinking about tasting them, feeling the weight of them on your tongue. Crys groaned, hand coming to press against his bulge at the sinful look crossed your face.

Calloused fingertips hooked under your chin, pulling you back around to face Cody. "Eyes on me, cyare" he ordered, thumb coming to stroke against your bottom lip before he pulled away. He quickly unfastened the bottom half of his blacks and pushed them down his hips, allowing his hard, swollen length to come out.

Your mouth watered, staring at the hard cock in front of you. He wasn't fully hard like you knew he could be, but he was already leaking some pre-cum from the head and you knew he would be a challenge to take when he was hard as rock. You couldn't wait to feel that in your mouth, to wrap your lips around the head and suck him down.

"Go on, cyare. You know what to do" Cody instructed, gripping his base to keep it steady.

Finally, with his permission, you took his head in your mouth, sucking on it strongly before trying to sink further onto him and gagging slightly.

"Whoa, look how hungry she is for the Commander's cock" Wooley- you were sure it was Wooley—muttered in awe.

However, a hand wrapped itself in your hair and pulled you off him. Cody tutted, shaking his head as you whined up at him. "You know better than that, cyare. Take me properly" he rebuked, before letting go of your hair.

Pouting, you knew he was right. Normally you took your time in taking Cody into your mouth, made it a show and built his pleasure. Not rush it, unable to wait.

Raising your hands to his thighs, you shuffled forward, kitten licking at his slit before ducking to lick a long, heated swipe from his balls all the way up to his tip. Hearing the answering groan, you did it again, making sure to swirl your tongue around his head for a moment. You continued to lick him teasingly, sometimes sucking his tip and lapping up his juices.

"That's a good girl. That's better, cyare" Cody moaned, eyes sliding shut as his hand tangled into your hair. He never pulled or tried to guide you, just keeping the weighted reminder on the back of your head, keeping you connected to him. "I know, you've been rushing, having to get things done quickly. Working so hard, but I don't want that. Want you to take your time, enjoy this cyare" Cody continued, knowing his words would sink deep into your brain.

The grip on his thighs tightened, as you let out a small whine, not wanting to think about what had led up to this. All you wanted to do was focus on Cody, on making him feel good and feeling how good it was to just not have to worry about anything.

"Shh, you're alright, ad'ika. Don't have to think of anything right now" Helix assured, hand trailing along your shoulders.

Closing your eyes, you took Cody deeper into your mouth, struggling slightly as he bumped the back of your throat. Squeezing your thumb, you took calming breaths in through your nose before finally sinking all the way down on him. With watery eyes, you looked up to meet Cody's gaze, knowing he enjoyed it. You hoped he was able to read what you wanted in your eyes as well.

Cody frowned, brow furrowed for a moment before he smiled and nodded. "Alright cyare, I know, I know what you need" he assured before pulling away from your delicious mouth. He allowed you to take a deep breath before he was pushing back in, hand that was resting on your head becoming firmer and pushing you down onto his length with every buck of his hips.

Groaning, you allowed Cody to use your mouth, making sure to drag your tongue against the underside of his cock with every thrust. Already you could feel slick dampen your core, and the urge to touch yourself there grew.

"Kriff! She's so hot" Waxer cursed from above you.

Tears brimming your eyes, you dragged your nails down Cody's thigh, hearing and feeling how you affected him. The loud moan that he let out and the way his hips stuttered in their pace had you feeling very proud of yourself. Wanting to have his cum flood your mouth, you cupped his balls, beginning to gently massage them in your hands.

However, Cody quickly pulled you off him, panting heavily as he tried to steady himself once more.

"Having trouble there, Commander?" Boil smirked at his brother.

"Shut up vod! You would be too if you felt this mouth around you" Cody grumbled, before dragging his thumb over your swollen lips.

Instantly you took it into your mouth, showing him what he was missing.

"Want you to have my brother's first, cyare. Be good for them, let them take care of you" Cody told you, leaning down to brush your lips against his. It only lasted a second before he was stepping away and allowing his brothers to take over.

"Hey ad'ika, need to move you for a second, okay?" Helix informed you, scooping you up under your arms and pulling you to your feet.

Wooley and Boil laid out a thin mattress from the corner of the room and laid a few pillows down on it, trying to make it more comfortable for you.

"How do you want her?" Waxer asked, coming to your left side while Crys came to your right. They took you out of Helix's arms before taking over supporting you between them. Their arms wrapped around your waist and Crys was already pressing kisses along your jaw. Sighing, you couldn't help but tilt your head back, giving him more skin to kiss.

"I want her sitting on my face. You can do whatever you want, but I want to taste her" Helix instructed the others.

His words made you groan, imagining the clone eating you out and feasting on you. He was your boss. How would you ever look him in the face again knowing his had been buried deep in your cunt?

"Come on ad'ika" Helix muttered, voice reassuring and gentle as he saw the look on your face. He laid down on the mattress and reached out a hand for you to take.

Of course it would be fine. Helix was one of your closest friends. He looked after you and cared for you. This was just one way of doing that. So, stepping forward onto the mattress, you took his hand and let him guide you above him.

Looking down at him, you couldn't help but bite your lip, worried about suffocating him as you sat on his face. How would he breathe?

"Are you sure? What if I hurt you?" you worried, squeezing the hand that was in yours.

Helix huffed, shooting Cody a dark look as he stood in the corner. "I'm disappointed in you vod, I would have thought you showed her how impossible that is" he chided the Commander.

Cody rolled his eyes, but sent you a warm smile. "I have, multiple times. That's a concern coming from elsewhere" he grumbled before turning to you. "I promise sweetheart, he wants you to sit on him. He'd prefer to go out that way, bit of a sadist really" he teased, making you giggle.

"Yeah, no kidding! His hypos are excruciating!" Waxer mumbled to Boil, rubbing his neck where he had gotten stabbed by Helix the last time.

"Alright, I trust you" you grinned, excitement and happiness curling in your heart in equal measure. You lowered yourself until you were hovering over him.

"I said sit, ad'ika" Helix ordered, hands landing on your waist and tugging you down.

You gasped as his lips instantly attached to your folds, sucking the slick from them with a pleased moan. Fuck, your thoughts fizzled out as Helix pressed his wide tongue between your lips, gathering as much of you on his tongue as possible. He pressed against your entrance, circling it before pushing in.

"Helix!"

A rumble echoed beneath you and you clutched on tight to Helix's long hair, needing an anchor as he began to eat you out. His large hands stretched over your thighs, keeping you in place as he began to push further into your cunt, tip of his tongue teasing your tightening walls.

Closing your eyes, you tilted your head back, hair brushing against your shoulders as your breathing stuttered and became heavier. Unconsciously you began to rock your hips into Helix's talented mouth, panting as Helix pulled you into him. You could hear every wet, swipe of his tongue. The squelch of your juices being devoured by him and the soft groans he was letting out at the taste of you.

Warm fingers dancing along your jaw caught your attention, and you straightened up and opened your eyes to see Crys standing in front of you, his hard cock bobbing in front of him. You couldn't take your eyes off his length, how it was already leaking pre-cum and seemed to be an angry rouge colour.

"Think you can take me in your mouth, sweetheart?" Crys wondered, fingers continuing to stroke along your jaw and down your neck.

Leaning into the soft gesture, you knew he would accept whatever answer you gave him. Luckily for him you really, really wanted to put your mouth on him. Nodding your head, you rested a hand on his hip, steadying yourself against him while you continued to rut against Helix's mouth.

Licking a stripe up from the base of his cock to the tip, you wondered if they all liked their cocks sucked as Cody did. Slowly you began to tease at his head, trying to learn what the technical specialist liked, circling the tip before taking it into your mouth. Cody liked you going slow on him, building his pleasure and teasing him but it seemed Crys didn't. A hand tangled in your hair, guiding you to take him further into your mouth.

You groaned around him, eyes fluttering shut as you clenched down on the tongue inside of you. Helix pulled away from you, taking your folds into his mouth and suckling lightly on them while you adjusted to Crys' length. Letting yourself sink further down on Crys, you tightened your grip on his hip before he was pulling you off him.

"Good girl, took me so well. I'm going to fuck your mouth, okay? If it gets too much, tap me twice and I'll stop" Crys instructed, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face.

"Kay" you mumbled, voice already sounding strained from the use of Cody and him.

Crys sent you a grin before he guided you back down his hard cock, your soft exhales through your nose tickling the curls at the base.

As Crys found his rhythm, thrusting his cock inside your waiting mouth, Helix continued to work you open, his tongue flicking up to the bundle of nerves. It had you bucking into him, warmth flooding you at the way he was teasing your clit. Every thought vanished from your head, only focusing on how good it felt to have Helix eating you out and Crys fucking your mouth. All you had to do was take what they gave you, they would look after you. They'd make sure you forgot everything except them.

As you moaned around the length in your mouth, Helix enclosed his lips around your clit, sucking it harshly and having your cries muffled by Crys.

"Damn, whatever you just did, do it again. She really liked that!" Crys hissed out, the vibrations around his cock pushing him closer and closer to his finish.

Helix wasted no time, sucking your bundle of nerves harshly while his hands kept you secure to him. He allowed you to rock and buck against his mouth, but he wouldn't let you move far from him.

Your peak was rising, the ministrations of both clones pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Your moans were muffled by Crys, who continued to fuck into you, pace faltering as he neared his own edge.

"Shit! Oh shit sweetheart!" he hissed, throwing his head back as he pushed you all the way down onto his cock, your throat quivering around him as he found his release. He shot his thick load down your throat, and you swallowed it down with no complaint, earning another broken moan from the blonde clone as he pulled away to look you over.

"So beautiful, sweetheart. Did so well" he praised, brushing the few tears that had collected on your waterline. "Think you can cum on Helix's face now? I think he's so close he's going to blow" Crys whispered, caressing and stroking your cheeks as he shot his brother a teasing look.

Helix swore at his brother before plunging his tongue back into your soaked entrance, determined to push as deep as possible into you.

Your back arched, a broken cry leaving your lips as Helix wrapped his lips around you tightly and sucked. Tugging at his long hair, you couldn't help but feel your release wash over you as he continued to tease you with his tongue, drinking down the juices that erupted around him. Quivering at the powerful orgasm, you nearly missed the hot spurts that hit your ass. Realising what happened, you shuddered even more when you realised that Helix had come untouched and had painted your skin with his release.

Whimpering, you pushed his mouth away from you and rolled off him, panting heavily as you lay there, coming down from your high.

Sweet, gentle hands lifted your head and placed it onto a thick thigh. "My perfect, wonderful cyare. So beautiful. You did brilliant, love" Cody whispered his praises into your hair, bending down over you and laying kisses over your cheeks and head.

Sighing, you sunk into his reassuring touches and loving words, feeling them soothe you and bring your mind into a warm, heady cloud. Cody loved you so much, he was so pleased with you already and still there was more men to have you. Everything felt so right and comfortable that you almost missed Cody pressing something to your lips.

Blinking wide eyes at him, he sent you an adoring smile as he sat you up more and pressed the water canteen to your lips once again. The cool water did wonders for your throat and brought you back from that delightful and safe headspace that you had sunk into.

"That's it cyare, got to make sure you keep hydrated. Otherwise Helix will kill me" Cody chuckled, pressing a kiss to your temple as you drank.

When you had your fill, you pushed the canteen away and Cody passed it off to someone else. He held you close on his lap, brushing warm circles on your back as he took you in. "Do you want to continue, cyare?" He checked in, giving your knee a quick squeeze.

You wanted nothing more than to continue. Helix and Crys had already made you feel amazing, your orgasm still making you feel small aftershocks of pleasure. Why wouldn't you want to continue with the rest of the troopers? Nodding eagerly, Cody chuckled, giving you a chaste kiss before helping you to lie-down once more on the mattress. He transferred your head onto someone else's lap.

Looking up into heated, brown eyes, you smiled at the moustached man who was gazing at you softly.

"Hey, verd'ika" he murmured, fingers brushing through your hair and massaging your scalp.

Sighing and relaxing further into him, you almost purred at the amazing way that simple touch had you feeling loose and ready for more.

"Its mine and Wax's turn, you ready for us?" he asked, watching as a wide beam spread across your face.

"Yeah... I'm ready for you both" you assured, eyes flickering down the length of your body as you felt the mattress dip by your feet.

Waxer returned it with an easy but excited grin of his own before sliding his hands up and down your calves, going higher each time. "I really want to taste you, mesh'la. From the sounds of my brothers, you must taste divine" Waxer complimented, settling his broad frame in between your legs.

Blushing at his words, you couldn't help but nuzzle into Boil's hand. To have such beautiful, kind men eager to be with you had your heart soaring and filling with love for the troopers around you. "And I want this mouth. Had Crys and the Commander shaking like a tooka afterwards" Boil chuckled, running his thumb over your lips.

"Kriff off Boil, just wait until you have her mouth on your cock!" Crys retorted, huffing at his vod's teasing.

"Good idea vod, knew you'd have one eventually" Boil smirked, lifting his hips slightly to push his blacks down enough for his cock to bounce out. "Open up, mesh'la" he ordered, gripping the base of his cock. As soon as you opened your mouth for him, ready to take his length into your wet heat, he pushed the tip of his cock to rest against your tongue but moved no further.

Whining, you tried to push forward, bury more of his throbbing, weighted length into your mouth but he just tutted, pulling you back. "Just like this for now, verd'ika. I want you to just hold me in your mouth like this" Boil told you, running soothing hands up and down your arms and shoulders.

"That's it mesh’la, you keep him warm in your mouth while I get to work" Waxer beamed, pressing a little nip to your inner thigh before soothing it with a swipe of his tongue.

The little yelp died in your throat at the way Waxer contrasted the harsh sting with the soft glide of his tongue. He continued to rain small kisses and little nips up your thighs before he reached the apex.

"You're gorgeous! No wonder the Commander likes to keep you to himself" Waxer breathed, brushing his nose along the crease of your thigh.

Sighing around the cock in your mouth, you reached for Waxer, brushing against his smooth head to try and encourage him to move to where you really needed him.

"I know, i know mesh’la, you just look so amazing" Waxer chuckled, his hands gripping your thighs and throwing them over his shoulders. His warm breath caressed along your swollen, wet heat, causing your nipples to harden even further.

A hand entwined in your own, and you looked up with heated eyes to see Boil's hand curled in yours, giving you something to squeeze and hold beside Waxer. As a reward, you gave a light suck to his tip and Boil let out a muffled curse.

"Get on with it Wax, she's starting to get impatient" Boil grumbled, flicking his brother's ear.

Waxer flinched away but did spread your folds open with his thumb, leaving your bare to his face before he licked a long, broad stripe from your entrance all the way to your clit. He circled the little swollen bud before returning to your entrance to do the same.

Letting out a groan, you slid your eyes closed, losing yourself to their touches and the way they held you still against them. Just giving you pleasure without having to do anything in return. Whining, you squeezed Boil's hands as your thighs trembled along Waxer's shoulders. The weight against your tongue was also keeping you distracted, because you wanted nothing more to take Boil further into your mouth, have his cock brush against your throat until you had tears streaming down your cheeks.

Keeping you spread for him, Waxer's tongue delved into your sweet hole, enjoying the way your walls shook and fluttered around his penetrative tongue, almost like you were drawing him further into you. He groaned at the thought, pressing closer into you and spreading your thighs wider around his head.

Dragging your hand down from his head to his powerful shoulders, your dug your nails into his blacks, groaning around Boil as his brother seemed to want to swallow you whole. The coil in tour stomach began to tighten as Waxer pulled away to nibble on your folds before taking them into his mouth and soothing them with his talented lips.

Boil brought your attentions back to him with a slight tug on the roots of your hair. He brushed his thumb over the apple of your cheeks before slowly beginning to push his cock across your tongue. Just as he brushed the back of your throat, he pulled back once more until the tip was just resting on your tongue.

Growling a little as you realised he was teasing you, setting a slow and controlled pace, you tried to lift your head to swallow him down completely but he just chuckled and pulled you off him.

"No, I want it like this" he said firmly, smirking at the whine that you let out and the pout that formed on your face. "Not used to getting told no, verd'ika? The Commander spoils you. I'll fuck this beautiful mouth how I want, don't worry we'll get you there, just have to be good for us, think you can do that?" Boil's stern but teasing voice filled your ears.

Fine, you would let him set the pace. And you weren't spoiled, Cody just loved to see the smile spread over your face and to know he was the one that caused that. Letting out a huff, you nodded, but quickly accepted the kiss that Boil pressed to the corner of your lips.

Straightening up, Boil pushed his cock back into your talented mouth, rocking in slowly and steady just to drive you mad.

It was such a contrast to what Waxer was doing between your legs though. The Lieutenant was running his tongue in small circles around your clit, never touching it but teasing you all the same. You could feel slick leaking down onto the bed, as he kept you open, thumbs hooking your folds apart. It left you feeling so exposed and you couldn't help but buck and press your hips into his mouth.

"Waxer!" you cried, pulling away from Boil when his vod finally flicked his tongue over your clit. Pleasure raced along your body, especially when Boil gave one of your nipples a sharp tweak. Panting heavily, you clenched around nothing, wanting to be filled as Waxer took your clit into his mouth. He alternated his sucks, keeping them light and then harsh, always having you writhe underneath him as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge.

Letting out a sob, you tugged on Boil's hand and Waxer's head, wanting them closer, wanting more and more.

Chuckling against you, Waxer began flicking your clit in fast motions, determined to push you over into another orgasm. He didn't have to wait long as you cried out, back arching from the mattress as you came hard. He groaned, collecting your release on his tongue, tasting your sweet nectar as you shook around him, thighs quivering and small sobs escaping your lips as white hot pleasure washed through you in waves.

As you became oversensitive to the sweeps of his tongue, you pushed Waxer away, panting heavily against Boil's thigh. Waxer got onto his knees before you and you couldn't help but watch, eyes unable to move as Waxer quickly fisted his aching cock, pumping himself a few more times before he shot his release all over your stomach.

The warmth that landed on your stomach had you letting out a small moan, enjoying the way that the Lieutenant had painted you with his cum. It left you feeling marked, possessed in a good way. Like you belonged with them.

"Commander... can I try something different?" Wooley's voice interrupted your bliss, pulling your attention to the pair of troopers leaning against the wall.

Cody frowned, taking in his vod'ika's nervous behaviour and eager eyes. Glancing at you, he saw you were curious at his words as well. What did he want to try with you?

"You know the rules, Wooley" he warned, raising an eyebrow at his younger brother.

"I know sir, i just wanted... er to... to eat out her ass, sir" Wooley admitted, his cheeks reddening at the look Cody shot him as well as the wolf whistles of his brothers.

You felt heat flash through you at his words. It was something you hadn't even thought about happening tonight. But that didn't mean you didn't want to have Wooley's mouth on you, exploring your furled entrance.

Raising your eyes to meet Cody's, you could see that he was checking in with you. Wanting to make sure it was something you wanted to do tonight. It had been something you had explored with him before, but not something you had thought would happen in a session like this. Giving him a nod and a small smile, you reassured him that Wooley's request was okay.

Cody turned back to his brother with a hard look, wanting to tease him just a little. "Fine, same safe words and actions apply. Check in with her as well" Cody instructed, giving him permission.

"Wait! That's not fair, I didn't know that was allowed!" Waxer cried out, looking between his baby brother and you. Wooley shot him a smug look as he passed him.

"Careful Commander, your favouritism is showing" Helix smirked, leaning back against the table to watch.

"It’s not my fault that you lot wasn't creative enough to ask about this" Cody shrugged, used to the (well founded) accusations of favouritism of Ghost's youngest member.

Giggling at their complaints, you welcomed Wooley onto the mattress, taking his large hand in yours. "Hi" you greeted, smiling sweetly at the way Wooley blushed a little more at you.

"Hi" he echoed back, settling between your thighs, "you sure this is okay?"

"Hmm, more than okay" you assured him once more, squeezing his fingers as well.

"How do you want her, vod?" Boil asked, stroking along your jaw.

"Just like this. You two seem too comfortable to move" he answered, settling himself down in between your legs.

Your breath became a little heavier as Wooley pressed a kiss to your hip before his large hands slid underneath you to cup your butt and lift it up to his face. "Oh!" a startled yelp left you as your hips was lifted from the mattress, supported by the large, strong trooper.

"Like being picked up, verd'ika?" Boil grinned, stroking your cheek before returning his leaking cock to your mouth before you could even think of a retort.

It seemed that Boil was just as eager for this part of the night as well, as his pace increased slightly. Still controlled but not nearly as slow and careful as he was before. You wrapped an arm around his waist, pressing against him as much as possible as you sucked around his length.

A hot breath fanned against your forbidden entrance and it had your muscles clenching in Wooley's hands. Your heels dug into his back, ready to feel the fist touch of Wooley against you. Fortunately, you didn't have to wait long, as Wooley lightly pressed his tongue against your ass, trailed around it a few times before pulling away, not breaching you just yet.

Digging your nails into Boil's hip, you couldn't even rock forward suspended as you were between the two troopers. All you wanted was for Wooley to touch you again. "Please" you begged, as Boil's hips pulled away from you. It had the younger trooper groaning before he licked your clenched hole with slightly more pressure.

"Hmm, she sounds so cute when she's begging" Crys admired, watching the way your body shook slightly at his vod's touches and his praise.

"Relax, cyare, just let go" Cody added, noticing the tension in your body as you tried to keep from feeling too much and having this be over too soon.

Closing your eyes, you sunk into the feeling of Boil rocking his cock in and out of you while Wooley teased your furled hole. Finally you felt him push into you, stretching you around his tongue. The tight ring of muscle clenched around his venturing tongue, sending shock waves of pleasure through you, settling just behind your clit.

He lathered your opening with his saliva, making you nice and wet for him. You could feel him run his tongue along your tight muscles, coaxing you to relax and open up more for him. Wooley must have felt you relaxing around him because he groaned, the vibrations echoing through you and sending sparks up your spine.

"Fuck, sweetheart!" Boil cursed, pushing his cock further into your mouth and tugging at your hair. The vibrations that was surrounding his cock was making it difficult not to cum right then and there.

Moaning, your hand slipped between you, cupping his balls in your hand and gently squeezing and pulling at them. Your lips stretched around his thick length, running your tongue along the throbbing vein on the underside of his shaft.

"Kriff!" Boil hissed, eyes slamming shut as he thrust roughly into you as he came, pressing you down until your nose brushed against the wiry curls at the base of his cock.

Panting, you pulled away from him, sending the trooper a pleased, smug look as he almost looked deliriously at you, bliss written all over his face.

"Good girl, verd'ika" Boil gasped out, patting your head a few times before slipping out from beneath you.

Wookey squeezed your ass tight at the shift in position, keeping you secure against his mouth as his tongue devoured you. He pulled away slightly, spreading your cheeks wider before spitting on your puckered hole.

A cry left your lips at the feel of his wet, hot saliva trailing over your hole and down onto the mattress. It was something filthy and dirty and you wanted more of it. "Fuck, please! Please Wooley!" you cried, trying to writhe in his grasp but it was no use, he held you so tight.

The thick muscle returned to your ass, pushing as far in as Wooley could as he continued to squeeze and massage your ass cheeks. You reached down, hands gripping onto his Mohawk and no doubt ruining the gelled hair. Flicking his tongue over the rim resulting in another harsh tug before you felt your core tighten once more. You wouldn't be surprised if your arousal was leaking from you and dripping down your crack if it wasn't for the position that Wooley had you in.

But you wanted release, you were so close, all of them having worked you up and pushed you over the edge. You wanted it again. You wanted to cum again because it was too much.

"Cody, please!" you begged, turning watery eyes to your commander. However they didn't remain there long as they rolled into your head when Wooley grazed his teeth over your rim before suckling on it gently. You let out a loud cry, thighs trembling around Wooley's ears.

"Shh, I've got you cyare. I know, he's treating you so well, isn't he?" Cody cooed to you, brushing away your tears as you clutched onto his arm. You panted, nodding against him and bucking into Wooley's mouth, stomach fluttering as Wooley continued to devoured you. You just needed more and you knew you would cum. You just needed something to push you over the edge.

Digging your nails into Cody's arm, he locked his lips with yours, swallowing your cries as he brought his fingers to your clit, drenched in all your previous releases and arousal. He pinched the swollen bud lightly before circling it in quick, light touches that had you sobbing into his mouth.

Wooley moaned around you as he felt you walls clench and flutter around his tongue. He buried his face deeper inside of you, feeling his own cock throb at the sounds you were making.

"Cum for us, cyare" Cody demanded, keeping his firm pressure as he rubbed your clit.

The words and feel of both Wooley feasting on your ass and Cody playing with your clit had you falling over the edge, your muffled scream caught by Cody as your whole body tensed and went rigid before sinking back into their touches, as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you. Your whole body felt boneless as they pulled away from you, leaving you feeling oversensitive and exhausted.

Distantly you felt two spurts of cum land on you, one on your lower stomach that must be from Wooley and the other on your breasts, the other source must be Cody. They panted, resting against you as you all struggled to catch your breath.

After a few moments, warm arms brought you into a broad chest and you looked up into the scarred face of your Cody. He had an exhausted smile on his face as he held you protectively in his arms. Brushing the sweat stroked stands from your face, he kissed your forehead.

"Feeling better, cyare?" Cody asked, hands running lightly up and down your back and along your thighs.

Humming, you gave him a tired smile and leant your head against his chest, listening to the dull thud of his racing heart as it slowed down to normal pace. You felt amazing, your body too tired to be tense and your mind wonderfully quiet for the first time in a long while.

"Let's get you cleaned up, the others can sort this out" Cody murmured, nuzzling into your hair.

"Come on you two, here's some water and food Commander. Make sure she has some. We'll clean the bedding and get everything sorted" Helix said firmly, helping you both up onto your feet. He kept a steady grip on you until he was assured your legs wouldn't give out.

As Cody took whatever supplies he was given from the medic, you turned to check on Wooley, to make sure he was okay after he had finished on you as well. But you didn't need to worry. Waxer was already coaxing his brother to take some water from the canteen, while Boil washed him down with a wet cloth. It always warmed your heart how much the clones looked after each other.

Your attention was drawn back to Cody, as he led you to a quiet spot and handed you a ration bar. He saw your grimace and chuckled, before pouring some water onto a cloth.

"Eat that cyare, while I wash you up. The boys really got you good" Cody said, pride shining in his voice at the sight of you covered in his and his brothers' cum. It set something primal off in him knowing that you were marked as his. That you belonged with him and the 212th.

Rolling your eyes, you nibbled on the flavourless bar, once again wondering how they could even eat this rubbish on the field. But you let Cody clean you up from their spend, gentle strokes along your chest, stomach and back, making sure that you were all clean. He gave himself a quick clean before throwing the cloth onto a pile of them, ready to be disposed of later.

"Come on love" he encouraged, taking your hand and leading you back over to the mattress. Only this time it was piled high with blankets and pillows, as well as the rest of the clones already getting comfortable in a cuddle pile.

Beaming, you pulled a spare blanket around you before sinking into the middle of the pile. Cody followed after you, getting complaints as he pushed his brothers over so he could lie next to you. Giggling, you welcomed being pulled into Cody's arms as all the rest of his vode pressed around you.

"Get some sleep, cyare. You've more than earned it" Cody whispered, kissing your head and holding you tight.

And in his arms, you had never felt safer. Surrounded by the heat and bodies of his brothers, you knew that whatever happened, you would always have Cody and his brothers. You weren't fighting this war alone.

[theresattrpgforthat]

A magical girl or superhero game with mechanics around working together/combo moves in combat

THEME: Magical Girl / Superhero Collaboration!

Hello there, I'm not sure if what I found exactly hits the mark of what you're looking for, but I hope that somewhere in my library there's a game that gets what you're looking for! There will be a nice long list of former recommendations at the bottom of this post.

Henshin, by Cave of Monsters Games

Henshin! A Sentai RPG is a storytelling tabletop game about young heroes with transformative powers who battle both monsters and personal problems. It borrows from a Japanese superhero culture of color-coded masked teams, giant robots, and over-the-top special effects. Anyone can tell fun, collaborative stories in Henshin!, regardless of familiarity with the tropes, and the game showcases a diversity of settings and characters for every player.

In Henshin, each playbook comes with a Special Turn, which allows you to manipulate a resource called tokens, provided you do something that involves the other members of the group. Henshin also has a special set of moves called Squad Turns, which allow you to work together to unleash your Ultimate Attack, or to turn your mechs into their Ultimate Form.

I think that this game would be a pretty easy game to hack into a magical girl game if you're not quite bought into the Sentai genre.

By Our Powers Combined, by ManOKentGames.

By Out Powers Combined is a chanceless, measureless, open perfect information, small models count miniatures skirmish game of synergistic superhero combat. Play is based on relative positions, teams become more powerful the more of their allies they can draw line of sight to and ultimately win by combining all of their powers. The game is designed to represent a team like Voltron or the Planeteers struggling to combine into the powers of their final form.

In this game, your team becomes more powerful if you can line up enough allies in the right position, and create the perfect synergy to unleash a combination attack. From what I can tell, this game does expect two players to control multiple superheroes, with each side creating synergy with their own allies. If you want a game where a group of players are all working together to defeat a single goal, you might need to look somewhere else.

Crisis Angels, by arisia.

Crisis Angels is a pen-and-paper RPG about transforming heroines battling cosmic horrors and inner turmoil. Players take on the roles of combatants in a long, hidden war against fearsome entities bent on humanity’s destruction. Each character has it in her to become a heroine capable of triumphing over these horrors — but only if she doesn’t lose herself in the process.

Crisis Angels uses a mechanic called Bonds to encourage teamwork. You can use your Bonds to calm your teammates when they get too close to hitting a Crisis, make a request of a teammate in situations where you might need them to do something they normally wouldn't do, or add to a teammate's roll. Interestingly enough, Bonds don't have to be used purely for teamwork - you can also use your bonds to heighten the conflict, by attempting to push a teammate into a difficult position, or taking away from a result when they roll.

Prism: Together As One Once More, by byfrancita.

Now, and in the name of love, justice, and friendship, go save the world from the forces of evil!

Prism is a tabletop RPG where you play as magical protectors in the style of Sailor Moon, Magic Knight Rayearth, Cardcaptor Sakura, and other Magical Girl examples in media.

You and your group are a facet, a part of the soul of a Goddess that was shattered a long time ago, and now is reincarnated in you all, so you can accomplish an important mission, and find strength in the power of love, justice and friendship!

In Prism, you can all work together to do something called a Group Check, which asks your group to each roll individually, and then compare your results. If you all pass, you accomplish your goal with style. If less people fail than succeed, you succeed with a complication. If more people fail than succeed, there's a failure with a silver lining, and if everyone fails, you reach disaster. Out of all the games I've listed, I think Prism might be the closest to what you're looking for.

Masks, by Magpie Games, and Ribbons by Eva Terra.

A giant robot is smashing down Main Street. Your best friend tried to kiss you. Your mom thinks your grades need work. Your mentor thinks your team is bringing you down. Oh, and your costume is ripped.

Just another day in Halcyon City…

Monsters from the moon are wrecking havoc downtown. Your rival's face is on the billboards selling toys. You're running out of estrogen. Your parents think you should quit and inherit the store. Your friend wants you to do vandalism. You didn't even have breakfast yet and you have fifteen minutes till class.

If you want to emphasize Teamwork, MASKS has a resource called a Team pool that can be spent to add +1 to your roll. Adjacent to the teamwork mechanics, there's also Influence, which can be used to complicate your team's relationship among the different members.

If you want to play as Magical Girls, Ribbons is a hack that provides an alternate setting, as well as some advice on how to convert some of the playbooks into Magical Girl characters.

For Further Reading...

Superheroes, Kids-Only Recommendation Post

Superheroes Part 1

Superheroes Part 2

Superheroes Part 3

Magical Girls Recommendation Post

Short-List of Magical Girl Recommendations

Fun, Fantastic Youths Recommendation Post

If you like what I do and want to leave a tip, you can check out my Ko-Fi!

[jenslvt]

Being his girlfriend part 2 ;)

Made by fans

1.

Woori_041 "not them being the iconic couple 20 year olds are delulu of being. ┌⁠(⁠・⁠。⁠・⁠)⁠┘⁠♪"

Replying

| aerivibesonly_ "why is this so accurate (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)"

| innielovesbinnie23 "Woomin is so whipped for her"

| kyun_aeriluv: "He looks at her like she’s the entire universe, and honestly, I don’t blame him. 😭"

| woominzstan "Woomin has the 'happy wife, happy life' mindset DOWN already, and they’re not even married. King behavior."

| softcouplevibes "Aeri could be doing the most random thing, and Woomin would still be standing there like, 'Yeah, that’s my girl.' 🥹"

| mylifeisaeri "Not me crying over how content he looks just watching her exist. WHERE DO I SIGN UP FOR THIS?"

| binniefan4eva "The way he smiles at her as if she hung the moon… y’all, I’m melting."

| teamwhippedwoomin "This man radiates pure ‘I’d do anything for her happiness’ energy. We’re ALL whipped for Aeri at this point."

| delulucity "Woomin is giving ‘silent protector’ while Aeri is just living her best life. Name a better dynamic—I’ll wait."

| cinnamonrollvibes "Someone tell them to stop being so soft; I’m about to cry in my pillow over how precious they are. 😭"

2.

Posted by

Aeriwifeyy "is this what we call a hot couple? Because I feel like the temperature goes three hundred degrees when I see them together??!! Like gosh I'm sweating like rivers!!??! DAMN!"

riXmin_ox "dude my house got burned when they appeard on my TV screen."

BurnedByLove "riXmin_ox, my TV screen cracked. Forget a fire extinguisher; we need therapy for surviving this power couple."

WoominAeri_4ever "Every time they look at each other, my singlehood slaps me in the face. BRB crying in a corner."

FireFandom99 "Not my electricity bill skyrocketing because I keep replaying their scenes for the 100th time. Someone call the fire department!"

AeriStan94 "I don’t need a heater this winter; just show me Woomin and Aeri together, and I’ll be warm forever."

Woomin’sDimplez "Their chemistry is so real it makes me question if I’m watching a drama or a live feed from their honeymoon."

CoupLeGoals_Lover "Petition to add a 'swoon alert' every time Woomin touches Aeri’s shoulder. My weak heart cannot take this anymore!"

FangirlOnFire "Their smiles together have more energy than the entire power grid. Save the planet—just broadcast them globally!"

Etherealshipper "How are they this perfect together? Are they even acting? Like, blink twice if this is real, guys!"

3.

Posted by

woominzgymbro

woominzgymbro "Bro, Woomin's arms are bigger than my dreams... I'm not fighting him for Aeri; I'm signing the surrender papers NOW."

aeri_4life "Okay, hear me out: Aeri can *definitely* tame the beast, but the rest of us mortals? We wouldn't even make it to round one."

wooaeri_stan "Forget about Aeri, I'm scared to even *look* at Woomin wrong. Sir, you win. Aeri is yours. Please don't come for me."

hot_aeri_lover "I was gonna shoot my shot with Aeri, but Woomin looks like he can catch it mid-air and throw it back at me harder. Nah, I'm good."

musclemadness "This man doesn't skip arm day OR protecting-his-girl day. Meanwhile, I'm out here skipping leg day, lunch, and my pride."

aeri_loves_me "Guys, I was just gonna say Aeri looked cute today, but Woomin's biceps logged me out of my account for disrespecting their dominance."

4.

Post Caption (Fan Account):

"The counter scene lives in my head rent-free. Kyungjun standing between Hyeji’s legs, kissing her like the world doesn’t exist, and her pulling him closer by the shirt?? Yeah, they’re not acting at this point. Who’s gonna tell them??"

Fan Comments:

simmering_kjhj "Kyungjun lifting Hyeji onto the counter like she weighs nothing was peak dominance. That man’s strength isn’t just for show. We ALL KNOW what’s up."

drama_addict_24 "Hyeji sitting on the counter, Kyungjun standing between her legs—this was NOT acting. This was two people committing crimes against my heart."

hyekyunghive "Hyeji holding onto his shirt and pulling him closer? That’s the kind of energy where you KNOW she’d keep up with him in bed. They’re equals, and it’s HOT."

countertopchaos "The way Kyungjun leaned in like he owned her, and Hyeji smirked like she LET him? This isn’t just sexual tension; this is foreplay with no limits."

_silent_screams "Not me pausing and rewinding 17 times to catch the exact moment their lips met. This scene is my new personality."

dom_kj_energy "Okay but Kyungjun is the kind of man who’d have you begging one second and then whisper something filthy that turns YOU into the dom real quick. Hyeji knows her power, and he LOVES it."

kissmesoftly_hj "Hyeji on the counter with her legs around him just gave me 'you can top me, but only because I allow it' vibes. Meanwhile, Kyungjun was like 'Challenge accepted.'"

spicydrama4life "Kyungjun gripping her waist while kissing her like that? That man has ‘manhandle you in bed but still kiss you soft’ written all over him."

powerduodream "You KNOW he’d be the type to pin her down, but then she flips them over, and he just smiles because he likes her wild side. They’re SO balanced, I’m losing my mind."

fireworksandcounters "Y’all, the audacity of the camera to pan out as the kiss got deeper. Like, let us WATCH in HD!! This scene deserved its own episode."

_kitchenheat "Hyeji on the counter = pure confidence. Kyungjun stepping between her legs = the right amount of chaos. Together? The BED WOULD NOT SURVIVE."

alltheheat_98 "Can we talk about how this scene SCREAMS ‘long nights, broken headboards, and mutual exhaustion from too much passion’? Because SAME."

kyungjihive "That counter is lucky to exist. Meanwhile, Kyungjun’s arms are giving pick her up and make her forget her name energy, and I’m HERE FOR IT."

5.

Post Caption (Fan Account):

"Woomin and Aeri still denying their relationship while giving us couple goals content every other day... Okay, sure. But explain the stolen glances, the matching accessories, and the way they literally can’t stop smiling around each other?? WE’RE NOT BLIND."

Fan Comments:

wooaeri_stan "Them: ‘We’re just close colleagues.’ Also them: Looking at each other like they’re in a romantic drama every five seconds."

aeri_myqueen "Not them acting like besties when Woomin literally adjusts Aeri’s hair in every BTS clip like a boyfriend. Who are they fooling?"

denial_is_cute "Fine, don’t confirm the relationship. But explain why Woomin’s jacket was on Aeri’s shoulders last week. I’ll wait."

kyun_aeri_luv "The chemistry is so loud it could set off car alarms. We don’t need a confirmation, y’all, we’ve already seen enough."

matchymatchyduo "Matching bracelets, giggling at inside jokes, and constant eye contact… Yeah, they’re definitely just ‘friends.’ LOL."

silent_shippers "Woomin looks at Aeri like she’s the only person in the room. Meanwhile, Aeri gets flustered every time he calls her name. JUST SAY YOU’RE DATING."

wmin_xoxo "Their body language gives away more than their PR team ever could. The way he leans into her? The way she softens around him? IT’S A RELATIONSHIP, GUYS."

Q1_fkg5 "Plot twist: they think they’re fooling us, but even my mom is like, ‘Those two are totally in love.’"

itstheglances "Every interview: ‘We’re good friends.’ Every interaction: heart eyes and blushes. Keep lying to yourselves, besties."

shipping_in_silence "Let’s all agree that when they finally confirm it, we’ll just say, ‘We knew.’ Because we really did."

[malecftw]

Dirt - Tom Blyth

A/N: Duuuuuuuude, I feel like I'm in an alternate universe. Never would I have thought I'd ever be writing again, years later! Please please please let me know what you guys think since this is my first story back. It'll probably play a part in wether or not I'll write more since I obvs love writing, but a writer isn't a writer without readers.

Enjoy xx

Warnings: fluff.

(Not my gif obvs)

The cool breeze of the opening car door makes you smile. The vehicle moves slightly as someone sits in the driver's seat. After some rustling you hear: "Open up." You do as you're told and open your lips slightly, only to feel the cool metal of a reusable straw. A groan escapes your lips as you taste your favorite cooled beverage. By now, he knew all your favorites by heart, just like he knew your dislike for the standard paper straws they've started using everywhere. You're all for saving the planet, but paper should never be sucked on. You lean your head against the headrest as you turn your head towards the driver's seat, even though your eyes could only see black.

"Does this mean you're gonna be my servant all day?" You hear a chuckle. "Don't get used to it hot stuff. You're only blindfolded until we get there." You puckered your lips, "and where is there exactly?" you try again. For months, he's been keeping you in the dark about what he had planned for your birthday. He hyped it up quite a bit so your curiosity only grew as it led you to this moment, literally in the dark about the whole thing. He just kissed your lips and you knew that was the only answer you were gonna get.

The drive was filled with your favorite music, the occasional chatter and regular hand kisses as he held yours in your lap. Although you couldn't see anything, you weren't bored. It was rare that you got to spend much time together, so even this was a treat. You still found it crazy how he had been able to persuade the producers and director to film around your birthday. Well, persuading isn't exactly the right word. He had a few different gigs lined up, so he could basically tell them: "Give me these days off, or I'm going for the other job."

He was always the assertive one in the relationship. Especially when it came to you. Any free moment he could get, he would make sure to capitalize on it just so he could spend it with you. Ever since you guys met at Julliard, you'd been absolutely smitten with eachother.

Your thoughts were interrupted as the car came to a halt. "Slow down tiger." He said, quickly grabbing your hand moving towards the blindfold. "Tooooooom, please..." you whined, squeezing his hand. "You'll find out soon enough, trust me. Now I'm going to come over to your side to help you get out okay. No peeking."

The dramatic sigh that left your lips made him laugh, loving the advantage he had over you. As you play with a loose thread on your jean overall he opens the door. Grabbing your waist, he lifts you out of the Jeep, squeezing your sides in the process.

"Okay, take off your blindfold on my mark." He exclaims, followed by alot of shuffling, making you aware of multiple people present. "Go for it babe." He says loudly, and you do as he says.

The sight infront of you startles you, not at all what you expected. It feels like you're in some kind of national park. Only stones, sand and dirt in sight. If you exclude the group of people infront of you that is.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Everyone shouts at the same time and you jump back a little in surprise. In front of you are you closest friends, as well as some of Tom's coworkers you'd been lucky enough to get close to. A few Billy The Kid costars were also there, you assumed the others had to keep filming while he had a couple days off.

As you take in the sight, hand over your mouth, still in shock, you notice everyone has a bucket hanging from their wrist. "What the fuck!?!" you shout, happy but confused. Tom walks up to you, takes your hand and walks you closer to the group. He hands you a similar looking bucket, a chisel and a hammer.

"We're going crystal digging." Tom smiles, stretching out his arms proudly as he looks at the scenery. Your heart nearly bursts at the seams as you throw your new equipment to the ground and jump in his arms, clinging onto him like a Koala.

"Tom Blyth, you are the most unrealistically perfect boyfriend ever and I do wonder how I ended up with you." You whisper, looking into his eyes, trying to make him realise how much this means to you.

It's not like you were crystal-obsessed. It's just something you'd been drawn to your entire life. A little quirk one might say. It was a subtle part of your life. One that you had often gotten judged for by previous boyfriends. Tom never spoke negatively about it, it was just a part of who you are and if it made you happy, why would he try to manipulate it out of you like the ones before him. It's not because he himself wasn't that interested in it, that you weren't allowed to be.

"Babe, all I do is listen. It's not rocket science." He smiles as he gives you a little Eskimo kiss. "So humble," you mock swoon as het puts you down. "Oi, don't be jealous if I find the biggest rock okay." He grins while nudging your side. "Not gonna happen. I'm a crystal magnet." You say cockily as you join the group.

After a couple hours, everyone was covered in dust and dirt. Happily you look at your bucket, having found a couple huge, beautiful crystals and a lot of smaller ones. Next to you Tom was also holding his bucket closer to his face to inspect what he found. Your shoulder touches his elbow as you say: "You know what, I might have a couple of them made into some lovely jewelry pieces."

Tom looks at you bewildered. "Like what?" You don't think much of it as you answer. "I don't know. There's some beautiful stones in here for some earrings, necklaces, bracelets... Or maybe I can make some stuff myself you know. Get my creative juices flowing." He sighs softly at your answer. "I love you." At that you raise your eyebrow. Neither you or Tom were shy of expressing your love for eachother, but this was a bit random. "I love you too. I honestly don't think you realise how much this means to me. I never would have guessed this to be the surprise. It's so thoughtful. It truly shows how much you know me through and through." "I'm glad you like it. You're always down to try anything, even if you're not sure about it in the beginning. That's why I feel comfortable trying something new. I'm aware it hasn't been easy now that work's been steady and I've been away from home a lot. And you have no idea how much I appreciate you giving me the freedom to follow my dreams."

He leans down and kisses you passionately. Melting into his touch you stand there for a while looking at the scenery, taking everything in.

*That evening*

"You clean up nicely mr. Blyth." You comment on his attire. He does a little twirl, smirking as he checks you out. "You're not so bad for a little scavenger." You poke his side and sit down in one of the chairs. After you'd said your goodbyes to the rest of the group, Tom had driven you about an hour away from the crystal mine. You knew that wasn't the end of your birthday surprise since he'd told you to also pack some nice evening attire.

Tom had booked an amazing restaurant. The owners went above and beyone to blow your mind, preparing an outdoor table with the best view. After dessert, you both were enjoying some lovely wine and eachother. Catching up after not having seen eachother for a while since you'd only flow in yesterday so you could spend your birthday together.

He absentmindedly played with your fingers as a comfortable silence settled between you two. You felt him rubbing your ring finger and noticed him looking at it. "Looks quite empty doesn't it." He says quite casually. You roll your eyes and jokingly hit his chest. "Don't play that game." You say, smiling widely. You'd talked about marriage before, you both knew you wanted it at some point in your life. Sure some people say it's just a piece of paper, and you couldn't fully disagree, but it also had a deeper meaning to the both of you. The promise of choosing eachother, every day, forever.

He looked into your eyes and shook his head.

"I'm not playing games anymore love."

The way he said it made you shiver. He'd made that joke before, but never with an answer so serious. He leaned back in his chair. "Do you remember, early on in our relationship, that time I forgot my tie for one of the first plays I did at Julliard?" You smile as you think back to that memory. "How could I forget. You were basically a living zombie for 3 weeks leading up to that play."

Tom nodded, back to playing with your fingers.

"I remember I had been so stressed. The character I played was so dull. I struggled so much finding ways to make him more interesting to the audience. And that damn tie. It was so important to me. Silly how something so small could mean so much at the time." "So much that you forgot it at home 3 hours before the play." You humored.

Looking enamoured, he continued.

"And I remember you. You with your make up half done, running towards me in a fucking thunderstorm. And when we met in the middle, you just casually opened your vest, handing over that damn tie."

Laughter exploded from your chest. You were in the middle of getting ready to attend the play when you got the frantic call from Tom. You didn't think twice and started running towards the school, and didn't even realise it was raining until you were running through the streets of New York City, by then it was too late to turn back to dress appropriately for the weather.

The man infront of you smiling, as he relived the same memory.

"That's when I knew."

A questioning look painted your face.

"I knew. Right then and there, that I'd always look for you in the crowd."

Speechless, you squeezed his hand.

He sat up straight in his chair. Taking both of your hands in his.

"I love you. I love the way you still can't use our airfryer, 2 years after we got it. I love your random obsession with knitting and making me wear your handmade sweaters to work. I love home, but only when you're there. I love that you let me be who I truly am and I love that you are fearlessly yourself."

He stood up and kneeled down infront of you, taking out a red, velvet box.

"Please allow me, to fulfill one more dream of mine."

As he opens the box he speaks with shaking voice and tears in his eyes.

"Will you marry me?"

[nei-ning]

Gonna rant a bit. I saw one set of beautiful anthro arts on another website. Sadly they were done in AI. I did left a comment, complimenting how beautiful these arts were but how sad it made me that they were AI arts.

The artist themselves was kind and polite, telling they use AI because they want to learn and be able to make game arts one day (but they too, apparently, with AI so...)

But then there was another user, AI "artist" too who replied to me that there's absolutely NO ARTIST who can draw anthros with detailed fur, goat like arm, lights, colors etc without editing or photoshopping. On the whole planet, absolutely none! This person clearly don't believe in people's skills when it comes on arts. Heck, I followed one artist on DA who drew ALL her arts traditionally and she drew, and still does, SUPER DETAILED FURRY ANTHROS! No photoshop, editing, nothing digital. Just her hands, paper and a set of color pencils.

Also, if people's art skills wouldn't had been amazing back in the days through mankind, we wouldn't have cave paintings, old amazing paintings or sculptures, ALL DONE BY HANDS IN TRADITIONAL WAY. NO AI, NO PHOTOSHOP OR EDITING.

Humans can learn amazing skills if they only want to. AI artists, maybe not all, just wants to take the easiest way / be lazy (and get lots of likes - like that other person who straight forward said it. That he uses AI to create furry arts to get hundreds of likes).

They also mocked my style / arts, saying they are not good enough to be used in AI arts - yet.

Like what the actual fuck?! I am pissed! I don't even want my arts to be used in AI arts by some lazy idiot (or at all). At least I draw EVERYTHING in my arts, from first sketch line to the last shade / light. Surely my skills are not as good as they could be. After all I'm self-taught, not gone in art school like some have. Not to mention I draw for fun, I draw to bring joy to my watchers, I draw therapy arts to myself, I like to keep my style easy and simple. My arts are a hobby, not professional thing or to fish a lot of likes. If my arts can make someone's day a bit better, then I've done my job! I never haven't taken my arts or skills too seriously, trying to improve them to the top.

Is there times when I wish I would put more effort to my arts, learn and study more, becoming better? Absolutely! But do I bother? Not really. Like I said, this is a hobby. I know I would burnout myself if I would start to force and pressure myself to do better, to learn more, to improve my skills. I mean I struggle to draw even now!

I do have some saved tutorials on Pinterest what I would like to try, yes, but still not in a way like if I would have a fire under my ass.

[darlingofdots]

What is a romance novel, really?

So far, the response to this post has mostly shown me that a lot of people don't actually know what a romance novel is, and that's okay! I don't expect everyone to know! However, for my own peace of mind, I am going to do my best to explain what we mean when we talk about romance novels, where the genre comes from, and why you should not dismiss the pastel cartoon covers that are taking over the display tables at your nearest chain bookshop. Two disclaimers up front: I've been reading romance novels since I was a teenager, and have dedicated the majority of my academic career to them. I'm currently working on my PhD and have presented/published several papers about the genre; I know what I'm talking about! Secondly, all genres are fake. They're made up. But we use these terms and definitions in order to describe what we see and that's a very important part of science, including literary studies!

The most widely used definition of "romance novel" to this day is from Pamela Regis' 2003 A Natural History of the Romance Novel, in which she states that "A romance novel is a work of prose fiction that tells the story of the courtship and betrothal of one or more [protagonists]."* People also refer to the Romance Writers of America's "a central love story and an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending" and another term you will see a lot is "Happily Ever After/Happy For Now," which posits that the protagonists must be in a committed and happy relationship at the end of the novel in order to count as a romance novel. That's it. That's what a romance novel is.

Of course it's a bit more complex than that; Regis also posited the Eight Essential Elements which describe the progression of the love plot over the course of the book, and there's a similar breakdown from Gwen Hayes in Romancing the Beat that is intended more as writing advice, but both of these are really useful for breaking down how this narrative structure works. My personal favourite part of the Eight Elements is that the romance opens with a definition of the society in which the protagonists exist, which is flawed in a way that oppresses them, and then the protagonists either overcome or fix it in a way that enables them to achieve their HEA. A lot of social commentary can happen this way!

It can also be a bit difficult to pin down what exactly counts as a "central love story" because who decides? A lot of stories have romance arcs in them, including dudebro action movies and noir mystery novels, but you would never argue that the romance is the central plot. A lot of romance novels have external plots like solving a mystery or saving the bakery. A useful question to ask in this case is whether the external plot exists for its own sake or to facilitate the romance: when Lydia runs off with Wickham in Pride & Prejudice, it's so that Lizzie can find out how much Darcy contributed to saving her family from scandal and realise her own feelings for him. The alien abduction in Ice Planet Barbarians happens specifically so the abducted human women can meet and fall in love with the hunky aliens. There are definitely grey areas here! Romance scholars argue about this all the time!

I have a suspicion that a lot of people who responded to the post I linked above are not actually romance readers, which is fine, but it really shows the lack of understanding of what a romance novel is. I have a secondary suspicion that the way we have been talking about books has contributed to this miscategorisation in a lot of people's minds, because especially with queer books we will often specifically point out that this fantasy book is f/f! This dystopian novel has a gay love story! This puts an emphasis on the romance elements that are present in a book when a lot of the time, the romance arc is just flavouring for the adventure/uprising/heist and we are pointing it out only because its queerness makes it stand out against other non-queer titles. It makes sense why we do this, but there is SUCH a difference between "a sci-fi book with an f/f romance arc" and "an f/f sci-fi romance." I could talk for hours about how the romance genre has evolved alongside and often in the same way as fanfiction and how there are codes and tropes that come up again and again that are immediately recognisable to romance readers, even down to phrases and cover design, and how romance is an incredibly versatile and diverse genre that functions in a very specific way because of that evolutionary process. The same way that dedicated fantasy readers can trace the genealogy of a given text's influences ("this writer definitely plays a lot of DnD which has its roots in the popularity of Tolkien, but they're deliberately subverting these tropes to critique the gender essentialism"), romance readers are often very aware of the building blocks and components of their books. These building blocks (that's what tropes are, lego pieces you put together to create a story!) often show up in other genres as well, especially as part of romantic arcs, but that doesn't make every book that features Only One Bed a romance novel, you know?

Romance is an incredibly versatile and diverse genre and I really highly recommend exploring it for yourself if you haven't. I personally read mostly Regency/Victorian historicals and I've been branching out into specifically f/f contemporaries, and there are so many authors who are using the romance framework to tell beautiful, hard-hitting stories about love and family while grappling with issues of discrimination, disability, mental health, capitalism, you name it. The genre has a very specific image in a lot of people's minds which makes them resistant to it and it's not entirely unjustified, but there is so much more to it than Bridgerton and repackaged Star Wars fanfiction!**

*the original text said "heroines" but Regis later revised this. There is a very good reason for the focus on the heroine in the first couple waves of romance scholarship, but that's a different post!

**neither of these are a bad thing and part of that genealogy that I mentioned earlier.

[odinsblog]

“How do you enjoy life as the world burns? When the planet is on fire, and the country is falling apart, and the cops shoot another teenager, and half your neighbors are getting evicted or deported, and Bill Maher is still speaking out loud on television, what do you do? I go to the water park with my nephew Miles.

Miles is 12 years old. He is a brilliant, bow-legged troublemaker. I love him despite the fact that he's 12 and still has a rat tail. It's really not that cute anymore, dude. We're not related by blood, but Miles' dad, Kevin, is like a brother to me. So Miles calls me Uncle Josh.

Uncle Josh, when are we going to the Warriors game? Uncle Josh, will you show me how to open that car with a hanger again? Uncle Josh, Uncle Josh, since I'm half Black and half Asian, does that make me Blazian? No, Miles, that makes you Oakland.

It's August, and it's hot, which for the Bay Area, means anything above 67. Today, it's 91. I'm over at Kevin and Miles' place, sitting in no AC, in our tank tops and boxers, watching Key and Peele.

I say, guys, we gotta go somewhere to cool off. Cooler than the movie theater, cooler than the mall, I'm gonna take us to East Bay's water world. Miles' face lights up. But then Kevin says, I don't know you guys. I mean, those water parks, you know, they're so wasteful.

My man Kevin is the worst kind of Bay Area environmentalist. He's that type of dude who will come over your house and use the bathroom, not flush, but instead write a note on your toilet paper telling you how much water he just saved you. That's a true story.

I say, Kevin, it's so hot out here, I could fry an egg on your face, which I will if we don't go to East Bay Water World. Miles says, please dad. I say, please dad.

Kevin says, fine. Go have fun at the park, but take my car. It's a hybrid.

I grab the keys and soon me and Miles are driving through Oakland. We pass by the Trilingual Liquor Store, the farmer's market that accepts food stamps and we make our way through the tunnel and the hills. We emerge on the other side in the valley.

The further we get from the coast, the ground is drier and drier, browner and browner. The only green is the manicured lawns of the suburbs, the golf courses, the empty field of the sprawling county jail. And then we see it and we arrive at our Mecca, our oasis in the California desert, East Bay Water World. And it's even more beautiful than I imagined. There's four wave pools, there's a 50-foot water park, the air smells like chlorine and sunscreen and funnel cake. Delicious.

Miles' mouth is wide, staring at all these things he's never seen before. Carnival games, Dippin Dots, girls in bikinis, Uncle Josh, this place is awesome. I know, Miles. I know.

We go and we jump in the wave pool, we float down the lazy river, we spin through the whitewater rapids until we're totally drenched, grinning ear to ear and surprisingly thirsty. So I go to the funnel cake vendor for something to drink.

Can I get a bottle of water, please? He says, no problem. That'll be $7. $7 for a bottle of water? He looks at the bottle. It says, and he literally read off the bottle, it says this here is bottled and purified up near Lake Tahoe.

This is California water. California water. I buy two bottles and walk back to where Miles is pointing up towards the sky. I follow his gaze and then I see it. There, staring down at us from the tallest point in the park is the biggest water slide I've ever seen. The tallest slide in Northern California, the Annihilator.

The Annihilator is a seven-story, 80-foot freefall drop down all in just under five seconds. It's one of those slides that's so vertical, your back comes off the ride when you go down, so you feel like if you lean over just a little bit, you're done. It's the type of slide that's illegal in 27 states and most of the European Union, but hey, this is California.

I look and see Miles. His mouth is watering in anticipation. We go and get in line.

Now, the worst part of the Annihilator isn't the ride down. That's only five seconds. The worst part is the 30-minute wait in line, standing in the stairs watching and hearing every kid go down the slide, hearing every scream, every shriek, every, oh, sweet baby, Purple Jesus. The That's a direct quote from a nine-year-old. Shout out to Purple Jesus.

Miles is nervous. His hand is clenching the railing. Uncle Josh, is this thing safe?

Before I can answer, I hear a voice shouting from the top of the stairs, Hands up! Put your hands up!

Hands up!

It's the lifeguard, a tall white teenager in red shorts. He's yelling at the girl about to go down the slide. I'm telling you, it's way more fun if you put your hands up.

And the words hit me like a tsunami. It's August, two weeks after Ferguson, after Mike Brown. After those words, hands up became the calling cry for a movement.

In Missouri, people are putting their hands up to protest the police murdering another black boy in America. In California, I'm watching kids put their hands up as they go down a water slide called the Annihilator, and my nephew asks me if it's safe here. It's August in America.

In Detroit, they're shutting off poor people's water. California is suffocating of thirst. Half of my friends are putting buckets of ice over their faces on Facebook. Israel is bombing water treatment plants in Gaza, and in America, we have water parks in the desert. Industrial Almond Farms in the desert, prisons in the desert, my family, me and my nephew right here in the desert looking for anything that could be called an oasis. And Miles asked me if it's safe here.

What am I supposed to tell him?

I don't want to lie to my nephew. I want him to know that yes, some people will always see him as a threat, but I also want him to laugh and play and go get on this crazy ass waterslide.

How do you enjoy life as the world is burning? How do you teach your nephew to hate the park but love the ride? The thing is called the Annihilator. I think it might be trying to tell us something.

And now we're next in line. A girl with blonde pigtails is shaking her head. The lifeguard says, it's okay, you don't have to do it.

She backs away and now Miles is up.

He steps to the edge of the slide, puts his feet in the rushing water.

I can see the brown hills in the distance, Oakland and all its beautiful contradictions waiting on the other side. I wave at Miles, say, you got this. You got this, dude.

And he waves back at me, and when he does, he lets go of the railing. His hand shoots up in the air and the rushing water carries him away. He lets go. He shoots out and disappears over the edge. My nephew!

I rush to the side and look over, and there's Miles at the bottom of the slide, safe and alive and pulling up his bathing suit. He jumps up and runs to get back in line, and the cycle continues. Water, blood, life, death, and maybe rebirth.

I'm still on the top platform of the slide.

I walk to the edge, look down at California, lift my hands, and let go.”

—Mr. Josh Healey

[moonlitphoenixflight]

In Stars and Time AU with shapeshifting aliens (Of Void and Light) [part 5]

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4]

Its time for The King and Siffrin! I've been debating whether I want to reveal my personal headcanons for their original names. I'm going to because I don't know if I'm going to finish/post the other fic so I don't know if saving the surprise is meaningful.

And, if by any slim chance anyone is inspired by any AUs or ideas I have and wants to make a creation: PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLE-- I would be very eager to see it please tag me!

Finally, when I say non canon compliant, I am specifically referring to when something actively conflicts with information directly presented as canon.

The Traveler, The King, and The Fallen Star

In the kingdom of Xiriel, it is known to be a truth that heirs to the Iridescency family are always born in pairs. It used to be known that another truth is that only one of the two will survive to adulthood.

One day, the current ruler of Xiriel, Queen Vitris, announced that new heirs had hatched. The Light twin, named Nynrael, and the Void twin, named Ozephyr. The forms they were given were those of humans, for that was the sentient species that lived on the planet Xiriel was anchored to.

The pair were raised as all heirs were, to value power, to hate, to compete with each other. This is not what they did. Instead of sabotaging each other in their studies, they helped each other when when they struggled. Instead of hurting each other to collect opposing essence, they developed ways to give away excess. Light essence could be released in a gaseous form via breathing. Void essence, being somewhat more viscous, could be released as liquid through tears.

Often, the two were punished for their kindness to each other, they were told that they would only be betrayed in the end. This did not dissuade them. When their tutors did this, they would work together to annoy, irritate, and prank them into quitting. Eventually through this method, they were able to find tutors that di not force them to be rivals. Their names were Lexari and Shalyre (they aren't incredibly relevant but I wanted to put them in here).

Nynrael, the Light twin, excelled in shapeshifting, practical magic and combat, and creative arts. With an excellent memory, they would pour over anatomy books, and come up with ways to combine parts in ways that would function as a cohesive whole. After just a few years of combat training, he could best most experts in a spar. They could often be found sketching ideas, or carving small trinkets to decorate the room they shared with they twin.

Ozephyr, the Void twin, favored theoretical subjects, being proficient in magic theory, politics, and engineering. Papers he secretly published anonymously revolutionized many magical techniques. Frequently, he would manage to bring up an idea for a policy or law to an advisor in just the right way that they would bring it up to the Queen, occasionally getting it put into place. Often he would create gadgets, or sneak down to the anchor with his twin to observe how it functioned.

One day, the two snuck out, still in their pajamas, as they always do. They made their way to the sort of spectral elevator connecting the moonship to the anchor on the planet, as they always do. Nynrael sat down to work on a project, a carving of some sort of animal, while Ozephyr started deactivating the wards on the core, as they always do. What was different this time was what Ozephyr discovered regarding the core, the anchor, the siphon.

He found out the way it stole the energy of thousands of worlds, how it would do the same to the planet they were on, and many more, if left unimpeded.

He immediately shared the information with his sibling, and they got to work thinking of a solution. Despite their proficiency in their chosen skills, they were still children, with little experience to inform them of the consequences of their actions. Combined with them having never been taught anything that would cause them to do otherwise, they made a very specific decision.

They decided that they were going to stop the siphon from causing any more damage. They decided that the best way to deactivate it permanently would be to have Nynrael Consume the core.

What Ozephyr had not yet discovered about the core was its nature as a Star. The other thing that Ozephyr had not discovered was that should the anchor be disconnected, there was a precaution put in place. It was put there under the assumption that if the anchor was disconnected prematurely, it would be because it had been discovered what the Xiriel moonship was doing, and they would need to flee.

(A semi-non-canon-compliant aspect) When the precaution activated, it cast a curse of memory, so that any proof of Xiriel's presence would be either erased entirely, or obscured under so many layers of magic that to even glance at it would cause a splitting headache. Because it would be assumed that the anchor would only be disconnected when all citizens of Xiriel were on the moonship, there was no exception to let changelings be unaffected by the curse.

The twins were separated by the ensuing explosion, with the spell causing them to lose their memories. They woke up alone, with no way of obtaining the essence they needed to keep their own from eventually destabilizing and taking a tolls on their mental states.

With no other options, they relearned how to exist. The Void twin, with his mind degraded by his unstable Void essence, eventually started freezing the country of Vaugarde in time. The Light twin, lasting a small time longer due to the Void energy lingering within the siphon core, began looping in time shortly before reuniting with the Void twin.

(actively very non-canon-compliant) When the time loops of the Light twin started, The Star within them woke up. It saw the situation the Light twin was in, and chose to manifest, to help them. It created an identity for itself, and begun guiding the Light twin.

I have some things for post-game as well, so that will be part 6.

[melishade]

Attack on Prime New Age Anthology: Game Plan

Main Story

Catching Up Part 2

Released from Quarantine

Reunions

The humans start discussing a game plan on how to tackle a world without titans.

"I do apologize for everything that has been happening in the past month," Bryce explained as he sat down at his desk. He gestured to the two chairs in front of him, and Kenshin and Willy sat down in each of them, "But we do thank you for being cooperative."

"What is this about?" Willy asked.

"Your world is in chaos," Bryce stated bluntly, "You faced a cataclysmic event of untold proportions, one that hasn't been thought about here on Earth. Your ecosystem has been ravaged, we are still counting the death toll, and there is a possibility that damage has been done to the ozone layer. If we sent the people we have here back home, there is a chance they would not survive due to the drop in oxygen levels."

Bryce picked up one of the papers on his desk. "However, the biggest concern we have been hearing from many of the denizens is whether or not the power of the titans have been destroyed. The Autobots have conducted enough tests to absolutely confirm that, but it's uncertain if the people on your world would trust titans from beyond the stars."

"...you want us to be your mediators," Kenshin concluded.

"More ambassadors," Bryce corrected.

"General, our world is in chaos like you said, and many countries have either been destroyed or destabilized. Not to mention, I lost some of my political influence prior to the Rumbling," Willy explained.

"Your sister was on the front lines, and she sacrificed herself to save thousands of people," Bryce retorted, "I think that has helped redeemed your name."

Willy's eyes lowered to his hands, doing his best not to cry.

"I doubt I'd be much help," Kenshin proclaimed, "Willy's not a ruler of a country. I am, and I'm certain that many of Hizuru's top officials have been killed during the Rumbling, along with a good portion of the land. I have no idea how many of my people are alive."

Bryce pulled out his phone and showed them a picture of their world's map. "The Autobots also calculated how far the Colossal Titans have gotten before Optimus destroyed it. Marley has been wiped off the map for the most part, along with a good portion of the Middle Eastern Region. Hizuru has been ravaged, but the entire country hasn't been destroyed. There have been a few continents left unscathed or barely touched. The region we would call North America had only just been hit by the Rumbling when the event stopped. This continent that we would call Australia, along with a few other islands haven't been touched mainly due to the distance from ground zero."

Bryce put the phone down. "If you have allies, political influence anywhere, then it would help to use that in order to mitigate the chaos and prevent infighting over basic necessities. We can help you provide food and water to the people that have been disparaged, along with medical assistance."

"What do you want from us in return?" Kenshin demanded, "No one asks of something without something in return."

"I doubt that we would be able to provide you anything," Willy retorted, "Your world is much more advanced than our own, and we need all the help we can get. What would you need from us?"

"Earth has been trying to find life on other planets that would be hospitable to humans from Earth," Bryce explained, "Even though we've come into contact with Cybertron, the planet's not hospitable to humans, and titans like them are considered fictional to the wider populous. You've already had the concept of titans for thousands of years and your world has been similar to that of ours. We could start interplanetary relationships. And your world is prime ground to run some tests of our own."

"Such as?" Kenshin narrowed his eyes.

"Repairing the ozone layer, food growth and restoration, so far many scientists have been wanting to test environmental impacts and repairs," Bryce answered, "Our world is slowly going through a climate crisis, and to test out how to repair that crisis on a world that has had their climate completely altered would be revolutionary in terms of progress. You will be receiving a tremendous benefit by having your world repaired at a quicker pace, but we will also be benefitting from this as well by preventing our own demise."

"We could use this help." Willy turned to Kenshin.

"I know for a fact that you have much more to gain that you're not telling us," Kenshin accused.

"You're right," Bryce confessed, "And this information is something I'm not allowed to disclose to you, especially since this a developing situation. But I assure you that this will be beneficial to you if you cooperate with us willingly."

Kenshin grimaced at that before glancing over at Willy.

"We have nothing to lose from this, and we can't repair the world on our own," Willy reminded, "And I think many of the people from our world would like some sense of normality."

Kenshin sighed in defeat at that. There were many already dead, injured, or displaced, and that number was going to continue climbing. He just knew it. "Fine. We'll do your alliance."

===

"Alright, I got the huge bags of chips I saved in storage!" Miko declared as she walked up the steps to the common area of Unit E with four giant bags of different flavored chips along with a bag of Styrofoam bowls. The 104th and Onyankopon were either sitting down on the couch or the floor, with the exception of Jean who was in his wheelchair. They were watching Jack write a list on a white board with a red marker.

"Potatoes." Sasha's mouth watered at the familiar picture of potatoes on the bag.

"Don't be greedy," Miko warned her as she sat on the floor opened the bags, "We have Lays, Doritos, Cheetos, and Tortilla Chips."

"I thought you had spicy chips," Rafael remarked as he continued typing away on his laptop.

"They're not going to be able to handle Hot Cheetos." Miko ripped open the bag containing the Styrofoam bowls, "Alright, dig in."

Sasha jumped at the potato bag, but Miko quickly grabbed her and pinned her to the ground.

"Wow." Jean was impressed as Sasha squirmed in Miko's grip.

"Mikooooo!" Sasha whined.

"Be patient!" Miko scolded her.

"Thanks Miko," Armin said as he got himself a bowl of Doritos, "It's usually pretty hard to stop Sasha when it comes to food."

"Yeah, I can imagine," Miko commented.

"Okay." Jack turned to the audience as he pointed at the list on the whiteboard. "So these are the things that we have to take care of. One." Jack pointed at the top of the list. "Providing aid and relief to the people affected by the Rumbling. This going to be a consistent, top, priority since the death toll is still climbing. Two."

Jack pointed to the next item. "We need to check up on Paradis. Historia, you mentioned you're the queen and the military has effectively been dismantled."

"I don't know who would be trying to take control right now," Historia explained from her seat on the couch, "It could fall under a dictatorship fearful of receiving retaliation for the Rumbling."

"So we need to find out what's going on there and prevent a dictatorship," Jack declared, "Three: hold a funeral procession for Connie."

"Why can't we just do that right away?" Sasha demanded as Miko got off of her.

"Paradis needs to be stable first before we can do the funeral," Jack answered, "Someone could interrupt funeral proceedings, try to kill you, desecrate Connie's grave. Paradis needs to be stable first. Four, we find Mikasa."

"But Mikasa's been missing for over a month!" Armin exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's the problem," Jack sighed in defeat, "She's been missing for over a month, we have no leads on her location and finding her without the technology we have on your world is going to take longer. Do you have any idea where she might have gone?"

Armin thought it over. "She might have gone back home?"

"To reverse Madagascar?!" Rafael exclaimed, "I thought you guys were a hermit country everyone hated! Who the hell would be willing to take her there if there are any available mods of transportation?!"

"I don't know!" Armin exclaimed, "Maybe she went to civilization?!"

"Hey, wouldn't it be funny if she actually swam back to the island?" Miko quipped.

"Knowing her strength, she probably did," Jean proclaimed seriously.

"There's no way!" Miko snapped her head at Jean.

"Maybe we can ask the locals and see if they spotted her?" Onyankopon suggested.

"Maybe, but it still might not be as effective," Jack admitted, "We do have pictures of her, thankfully, but still, it's finding a needle in the haystack. Also, do we really know if she made it to Paradis in the past month?"

"I know that she would have gone back home," Armin declared with confidence, "It's the only place she has a real attachment to. No where else."

"Well..." Jack trailed off, "We'll check the sight of the final battle first, go to the closest refugee camp to ask there, and if we can't find her there, then we can scope out Paradis once we can stabilize the government. That's the bed plan I can come up with given the lack of information we have on her."

"...okay," Armin relented.

"Additional items include Jean staying behind on Earth to learn how to walk again," Jack continued.

"Make sure to bring me back home when you have Connie's funeral," Jean declared.

"Will do." Jack nodded, "We'll also need to have a video prepped to send over to Optimus once he wakes up."

"What?! Optimus is feeling better?!" Onyankopon exclaimed.

"Yeah, we received some texts from Ratchet saying that Optimus' recovery has been stable. He doesn't need life support anymore and hopefully he'll wake up sooner rather than later."

"That's great!" Sasha exclaimed with delight, "We need to tell the others!"

"Pretty sure shark lady's already in the loop if she's with Ratchet," Miko commented.

"Can you stop calling my wife that?" Historia demanded.

"She used to turn into a shark! What can I say?!" Miko exclaimed.

"Once we finalize all of this then we'll let Erwin and Hanji know," Jack declared, "Levi's still unconscious according to Jean."

"Yeah, his injuries were pretty bad," Jean declared.

"And I'm certain Bryce is talking to Kenshin and Willy," Jack surmised.

"Ugh, the golden spoon." Miko rolled her eyes.

"Why would they need to talk to Bryce?" Onyankopon asked.

"Politics," Jack replied, "Want to create alliances."

"And steal resources," Rafael mumbled to himself.

====

Hanji removed their glasses and rubbed their eye before eating the granola bar that was placed on their table. "They're going to execute Megatron."

Erwin didn't reply to that. He was merely flexing the fingers on his cybernetic arm when he heard them speak. "...you want to save him."

"That's the plan," Hanji grumbled, "Or a plan. I know I'm completely outclassed here, and I bought myself extra time in quarantine because of my stunt from earlier. The humans here are advanced, Cybertron is way above anything Earth is, and so many people want Megatron dead, both human and Cybertronian, and who knows how long Optimus will be out of commission before they decide to reach a verdict."

"Something tells me that he doesn't want you interfering in his situation, if he cares about you," Erwin assumed.

"Is it fucked up that I give a shit about him now?" Hanji asked him, "I mean, originally I just wanted to study him, but damn it, he was actually putting in the effort to be a better person to the point I was willing to put my trust in him. But I've heard his war crimes. I doubt Cybertron is going to see it that way, considering how much harm he's done to other people."

"I doubt you're going to get far," Erwin proclaimed.

"Well according to Jack, they looked into his head and saw his memories and now don't know what to feel. Not to mention Buckethead saved some people that he had screwed over in the past, specifically the Bot that killed him before his body got hijacked by Unicron," Hanji explained, "Our interactions with Megatron are making them second guess."

Hanji looked back at Erwin. "C'mon there has to be something between you and Megatron that would get them to second guess themselves."

Erwin sighed in defeat. "Hanji, he came to me as an insurance plan, and it felt like manipulation when we were talking. He ended up forcing Nile to stay after he found out about us, and Kenny-!"

"Hey, Kenny was on you. You broke him out of prison," Hanji cut him off, "But Floch and Louise got involved. With the way that they were acting in regard to Eren, how did Megatron convince them to stay and not blab about his team?"

"He didn't," Erwin declared, "He gave us a choice."

Hanji stared in surprise. "What?"

"Megatron said that he was going to stop both Zeke and Eren regardless of whether or not he stood alone," Erwin explained, "He gave all five of us a week to come to that decision: to join him or leave the cause. No repercussions. No threats of death. He knew that Floch and Louise were a risk,...but he still let them go."

"Erwin this is fucking big!" Hanji slammed their hands against the glass, "Megatron: the big bad who forced everyone to do his bidding or die, is giving organics a choice to follow him?! Megatron, putting his life on the line for organics! Megatron choosing to save those he had wronged! Megatron choosing to save the one who killed him! Erwin, this is a case; however small, it is still a case! We have to try and find a way to fight for him!"

"Hanji, do you really think that you can somehow get their attention while Optimus is in the hospital?" Erwin asked, "And if you do make your case, you are defending a war criminal. It is like defending Eren's actions to the rest of the world he just slaughtered."

Hanji grimaced as they pushed off of the glass.

"Hanji, I need to know." Erwin pressed his cybernetic hand against the glass, "Are you prepared to do this? If you defend Megatron, you will be aiding and abetting a war criminal who is clearly guilty. They can and will target you. They might kill you for defending someone that has ruined so many lives."

Hanji shut their eye in response.

"Is Megatron really worth your life?" Erwin demanded.

Hanji looked back at Erwin, and could see the concern in his eyes and felt bad. Even though the power of the titans were gone, they were still putting themselves in danger once again. Was Megatron really worth any of this at all?

Hanji took a deep breath. "If it wasn't for a good portion of Megatron's decisions, I'd probably be dead right now. Part of me is still uncertain if Megatron's truly changed for the better. But at the very least, I owe him a debt for keeping me and my comrades alive for so long....You gonna stop me, join me, or remain neutral?"

"...If you said they looked into his memories...I don't know how that would be possible," Erwin commented, "Then I'm certain that they did see me. Like it or not, I have to provide a case for him."

Hanji smirked. "Alright, looks like we're going to try and fail to defend a genocidal maniac! The hypocrites we are!"

"Levi's not going to like this," Erwin declared.

"Oh, Levi's gonna fucking hate us for this," Hanji snickered.

(Alright, I know a lot of the focus is on the humans, but we will go back to the Cybertronians! I promise!)

[heyftinally]

Hi there. I wanted to pick your brain about something. A critique I often see of Taylor is that she's greedy, which is something I would agree with. My issue is that her being an a-hole is often conflated with her being a capitalist, that's where my objection comes in. I'm the daughter of a bank manager, I studied economics, I've been investing my savings since I was a child, and I make more money than most people my age. Here's something I learned about making money, after you buy a nice home and a nice car, and have money stashed away in case your investments blow up in your face, any money you make above your monthly expenses, is actually money you never see. They're just numbers on a paper, they have no perceivable value in your life due to the fact that they'll never be spent. What I'm trying to explain is that I believe what makes rich people a-holes isn't that they're good at making money, but rather, that they don't give away/set up funds and allow others to benefit from that money. Taylor selling 10 different versions of the same album and crazy people buying them? Good for her. But Taylor not paying for Ana Clara's funeral and the parents asking for donations? That's what makes her an a-hole.

So, here's my hot take: yeah, her being obscenely wealthy is part of the problem.

1. Nobody needs to be a BILLIONAIRE. No one. They're inherently unethical. Whether you actually have that much cash in the bank or not is irrelevant. Taylor swift has two private jets that she uses like bicycles just because she can. That's unethical. Not only is it killing the planet needlessly, but the money spent on those could be better used being donated to those in need. Her fifty bazillion dollar outfits for tours don't need to cost as much as they do, especially when half the time they look like they're only worth about $100. She over spends just to flex how rich she is, and that money could be paying for the dinner of a needy family or getting a Palestinian family to refuge from the genocide instead of buying Taylor Swift a new shiny thing to flaunt.

2) the way she markets her music is absolutely an asshole move. She creates (often faux) scarcity with five different "limited edition" version of an album, then acts like they're all THE most incredible thing ever. She's convinced her fans that she's some kind of impossibly intelligent god that can only create perfection, and luers them into buying 5-10 copies of the exact same damn CD for not reason. That's predatory. Put the one singular bonus song on each CD all on one with five bonus songs and call it the deluxe edition or whatever like EVERY OTHER musician does. To do nothing but add a single different song is nothing short of greedy. Same with randomly releasing a single of Fortnight SOLELY to try and beat out Espresso on the charts. Everyone already has the album, WHY do they need a single with no other added extras? To stroke Taylor's over inflated ego?

An example of an ethical rich person is Abigail Disney, daughter of Roy Disney (Walt's brother). She donates exorbitant amounts of money to various charities, has started some of her own, and actively fights for more equality between economic brackets. She'll always have more money than she needs, much like Taylor. The difference is Abigail actively seeks to even the playing field - Taylor wants to be the queen bee on top.

[obsessorsobituary]

(very late) yantober post • dividers by https://www.tumblr.com/kimjiho1/736854964315488256/yandere-dividers-2?source=share

Yantober Days 1-2: Love at first stab. (18+)

By Mag 🍟

TW/CW: Yandere is its own warning, written from the yandere POV (YOU are the yandere), stalking, negative self-talk/reader has horrible self esteem

All I could remember from before was the rush of adrenaline. Fingertips and face freezing from my blood draining from them, and I was unable to move. Nothing. That's what I remember feeling. I couldn't fear for my life when he came up to me, brandishing a knife, demanding all I had despite what little I actually owned, my wallet wasn't even full enough to weigh much more than it does when its empty, I may as well have had no money then because that's what it felt like. Living day by day on what little I made.

I couldn't truly fear because I had nothing to lose. I had a basic 9-5 job, no special talents besides maybe scanning two items at once, but one of my coworkers was better than me at that anyways. No achievements besides a participation trophy I got in 6th grade for my soda volcano science project. I was average looking, not good enough looking to be noticed, not bad enough looking to be gawked, just, average. Barely distinguishable from a crowd. And I had the personality of a paper bag. Nobody at my small apartment would be waiting for me to come back because I had nobody to love. Nobody who would love me.

So why… Why did they come for me? Why did they look so mad at him when all he was about to do was take out another useless human being on this horrible planet? Why did they tackle him, why did they attack him on my behalf? Get themselves almost hurt, maybe even killed? Or thrown in jail? Why would they put themselves in danger for my sake when nobody was even watching? I even looked around to make sure there weren't any cameras recording us. And that's when they asked me

“Are you okay?”

I stopped. I looked at them as if they just spoke Latin to me. All I could do was blink at them because it's been so fucking long since I've heard those words. I remember the way their perfect lips, slightly dry from the cold air, curled up into a small smile. When was the last time someone smiled at me like that? I don't remember. But I remember their expression vividly, the worry they had for me. What could they have possibly gained from saving me? They could have lost everything. Their money, their life. I'm a nobody. And yet, even after my attacker ran off bleeding, they stayed with me to make sure I'm okay.

So many questions and yet I couldn't say anything, after such a long silence, I felt like an idiot for just staring. But they didn't get mad at me for being so dumb. They just chuckled, as if it was amusing. As if I were amusing. And they spoke for me

“I couldn't just stand back and watch you get hurt”

They said with a tone and expression full of sincerity that only made more questions develop. So many more. I was stupid for not asking them then.

“Well… I have to go”

They said after another period of silence, waving me bye as they walked off. I couldn't believe it, how they were leaving me so soon. How could they go now when I have so many things to ask them? My life was dull, monotonous, boring. But then there was light and warmth when they suddenly came along, and now I felt like there was purpose. Seeing them all bloodied up for me, ignited a flame in me I never knew I had.

After some investigating, I found out where they worked, where they lived, who they're friends with, and so much more with newfound motivation. I found out that I was particularly good at photography, especially candid shots, with them as my unknowing muse. I found myself excited to get off work, just so I could get online and research about them and all the things they liked. I've been traveling around town a lot more as I follow them through the darkness, they've shown me places that I hadn't even known, and if it weren't for them I would have never known. Not that they knew that. They could never know what I've been doing for them.

But one day, you will, my darling. That knife you used to stab that man that day has opened something else up in me too, something I never knew I was capable of doing anymore.

Loving someone.

Yantober prompt list:

[muraenide]

plotted thread // Caleb // @misericordiis

He keeps a clock to keep watch on the time on earth. He carries it on him all the time, tucked into the left side of his chest pocket, its ticking just loud enough for him to hear. Why this was a habit to Jade Leech was unbeknownst to everyone on the crew. He doesn't bother explaining himself, and if Floyd makes his own assumptions Jade lets him. Mismatched eyes - one olive and one gold - lifts from the paper he is scribbling on as they fall on his other half sitting with one leg horizontally on the other, his posture laid back against the window as Floyd watches the meteors floating by with piece of cigarette tucked between his teeth.

Jade's gaze lingers only momentarily before he adds a new line to his list: Year 2068 - we have gone past Saturn. He looks at the clock, ticking once only after three heartbeats. Time has changed to 72 hours a day.

The cockpit was only meant for its pilots, but Floyd had unusual access to through an extended permission from Jade. His brother was clingy, overly attached, and there was no supervisors to establish hard and fast instructions. As long as Caleb didn't have any objections to it, Jade assumed it was permitted.

I'm certain everyone on this ship had their own honourable reasons to be part of the crew. Personally, I simply have no true desire to save anyone's lives by risking my own. That thought only manifested into truth the longer I am on the ship. He adds to his journal, eyelids lifting once more to look at Floyd and then at Caleb with his back turned, eyes kept on the road ahead. I find that I have no fear of death. Some of the crew had wept hours before we had to take off. It's odd that I feel no such attachment. I miss Earth. However, my desire to live appears to stem from the idea that Floyd might miss me if I were to be gone. I fear leaving Floyd in a world where I am not always by his side to support his every desire and needs. That is more terrifying that death itself.

"Colonel Xia," Jade slaps his journal shut, tucking it back into his right pocket where it belonged. He lifts a stack of papers and maps from a drawer under the table and approaches Phaethon's main pilot. "I've manage to located three potential destinations on our route." He waits for Caleb to turn before unfurling the maps, revealing red dotted lines he'd drawn the night before leading to three stars in red circles. "The first, a planet named 4546B, seems to be the most promising as it shows signs of water. Almost 99% of it. The second, 9009C, had mild signs of mercury though it boasts a living temperature yet no water. The third..." His voice trails off, finger moving to the furthest star on the map, "... I included it in our radar as it holds the promise of both water and oxygen, but more than 90% of the planet is made of ice. I fear a human like yourself might not be able to survive in that sheer temperature."

He and Floyd were mermen used to the cold temperatures of the ocean's bottoms. Before Jade took the necessary examinations for the pilot's position (simply because Floyd was part of the crew, Jade couldn't convince himself that separating for an indefinite amount of time was acceptable) he was surprised to learn that the only person far more qualified than himself had been human. A human who now sits in front of him, eyes focused on the routes he'd presented.

"Ya heard Jade," Floyd turns around, chewing on his cigarette as he crosses his legs. "Ya the pilot so tell us where ya wanna go and we'll follow."

[t00nyah]

i hope ur ready

A WHOLE POST OF LYRICS FROM (MOSTLY BLACK DRESSES) SONGS THAT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT 24/7

part 1 (out of ???)

BLACK DRESSES section (LAUGHINGFISH-PEACEFUL AS HELL)

LAUGHINGFISH

She started to feel ok But coming from a place as bad as that was Things can tend to find a way to tag along She didn't leave a mess with her luggage She made sure to stay on top of chores But her new chosen family was just as complicated as the old one was //FEEL SOMETHING

When everything is quiet It's louder than a scream //BAD VEGGIES

And the years behind all look the same Wounded animal freaking out on stage Get so depressed when people say "The more things change More they stay the same" //WOUNDED ANIMAL

Maybe the true self is only true when It could never survive in its true form Maybe the me inside only stays alive Because it's kept safe from the world //GOOD THINGS HAPPEN

FUCK the real ones Fuck true love Fuck being powerful, I don't care What could I dream of that is not made up Fuck this stupid world I am scared enough that I'm not afraid at all //DON'T FORGIVE THE WORLD

I won't sing my song If you find me gone tomorrow I won't feel a thing Doctors tearing up my body God could not forgive As we blink out of existence I don't mind at all Pretty sure we're ending up together

You say you wanna be saved God wanted you to live We're setting the tone Forever going out sad And no one needs songs where we're going I'm not hoping for a fight but I know I see one coming //IF YOU FIND ME GONE TOMORROW

Rook: I feel like a weapon out of control every day Fight the conditioning, blank stare, nothing to say Try my best but it all gets mangled On the way to my brain It's taking over again Devi: I don't pity the body For what? It destroys Rook: The memory of us against the world Nobody else could touch us back then //LAST LOVE SONG ON THIS LITTLE PLANET

The truth only matters if you're honest. Are you? - Man you're so fucking corny it makes me look straight //NO DAYS OFF (those are literally just two separate lines but PLEASE they are gold)

And the stereo connects right back to the mic I think I liked you better still alive I didn't expect in my dreams we'd still fight But I shoulda known and And the highway connects to the road Like the car was a part of your soul That I'm sure by now your mom sold //CAN'T KEEP THE KNOTS OUT

Earth is love But this crazy little thing called love can be a little bit intense //IT'S PROBABLY FINE

Forget Your Own Face

People say nothing is impossible but I do nothing every day - If you got- if you got what you wanted If you got what you wanted the most If you got- if you got what you wanted Would you still be fucking depressed? Would you still be fucked up by the past? Would you still regret everything? Yes. //u_u2

Give up on what you wanted Never give upuPUPUp on what you thought was true to you Unless you find some kind of other truth that means something to you Never give up on what you wanted Never give up on what you wanted Even if it's stupid God is stupid Let's be Stupid: God is here. //Let's Be

T-shirt slogan I'm a t-shirt slogan I'm a meme, I know it I got mean, I know it We learned a lot about Entertainment Tried a lot of shit, still not Entertained Yet. Isn't it crazy to be human? To bear witness to the illusion of patterns? To the illusion of order? To think that all this shit is normal? //NO NORMAL

Colorful and delicate like a paper star Shriveling in the heat of what we are At the end of time, did I do anything? Burning up like an insect in the sun I just wanna be useful to someone On the final day, did I make you smile? //doomspiral

Everything I want is fiction What I need does not exist Everything you want is right here waiting For you to take it What I need does not exist //GAY UGLY AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND

I used to want to mean Something to somebody But people never see The side of you you want to be And when the air is smoke And when the sky burns out I hope no one is looking at me When the sun explodes - I'm grateful for the time we had to do childish things Like making songs: Like this one. Stars shooting overhead as everything in the universe falls apart How romantic, like kissing under fireworks, but... As our bodies burn to light As our bodies turn to raw energy with no identity, uh... Let's meet back here again We can do a little show We can sing a couple songs We can fight over how the songs go I know it's not much For all the things in the world Not much, but let's just have- Let's just still try to have fun. //nightwish

Forever In Your Heart (oh this is about to explode)

The dead hope that you always clung to The dream that someday it would heal you Is there anywhere left to fall? I try so hard to recall hope Ancient hope Rotting hope Can we make something beautiful with no hope? //PEACESIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's not easy for anyone We're all on a clear light hell trip But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try Just don't come anywhere near me And we'll be ok I don't wanna see anyone's face I'm dealing with my own shit right now You can deal with your shit somewhere else - Stuck inside a concrete bubble Everyone is "doing their best" I think that it's kind of whatever. But dreams are not meant to be achieve

It's just not enough It's never been enough When the FUCK has it ever been enough Only to dream? //Concree Bubble

I'm just meat without a soul, Without a brain, Without anything, An animal. - The night explodes in the light From a shooting star IT'S EASY TO BECOME DISILLUSIONED WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE And it can live forever in your heart It can live forever in your heart Forever in your heart It can live forever in your sick pathetic little heart //Heaven

I know it sounds stupid for a world like this, People do their best And still come off so twisted up and so heartless And I know I'm grateful if someone tries at all Still ends crumpled up, Scrunched up, like a tossed away love letter but

I think If there was ever a right way to do it I think That nobody's ever even done it //Tiny Ball

But on a clear and cloudless day It feels like the planets atmosphere Is stitched together by everyone's pain And we just breathe it in... //Silver Bells

I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna prove I was wrong about you I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna prove I was right about you //Ragequitted

A little dirt might cover up the wound (Rook) A little dirt might cover up the wound But a little dirt might infect it too (Rook) Infect it too There's no right choices to make in this life (Rook) This life

All you can do is what you can do //Waiting42moro(just saying i love this song the entirety of it but like THIS particular thing is so stuck in my head...)

I tried to offer up my pain to be understood But I don't think it's my pain that can be understood, Or needs understanding.

There's not a lot of pain in the world that makes any sense Maybe people need to be understood instead. //Understanding

What does it really take to want to hurt a child? It seems like it's not much for a lot of people. //Mistake

Peaceful as Hell

it's like a pearl formed from the pressure of all the blood in a world of nightmares it's feeding on love it's growing stronger and coming alive it's so scared and confused but it still wants to survive

it dreams of a future: impending doom it clings to the hope that it might pull through and everyone stares at it with disdain but it's trying so hard every single day //LEFT ARM OF LIFE

im so cute and well-adjusted i know exactly what to say i hope no one discovers i struggle with it every day how the FUCK does language work what do people like to hear?? i dont wanna be uncool but i need TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE - I wanna give people a chance but they keep letting me down I wanna be wrong again I wanna be wrong about being wrong this world shouldn't need to feel so lonely is it because I'm too angry to be around anyone again? //IM A FREAK CUZ IM ALWAYS FREAKED OUT

it's ok to keep your soul hidden keep a secret to yourself it's ok to be a bad singer you can sing a special song all by yourself //BLISS AND STUPIDITY

//MAYBE THIS WORLD IS ANOTHER PLANETS HELL? (yes im putting the entirety of it here bc im just so full of thought about this one)

bloody worm goddess you look so pretty when you're scared to death it'll never change burning bright with fear and hopelessness - trapped inside it again i don't sleep anymore i don't have any dreams i don't have a true form //SCARED 2 DEATH

is it ok for me to be happy? is it really ok for me to happy? is it ok for me to be happy? turn up the radio play us a happiness song - come on girl, haven't you learned how to express yourself? why is it so hard to get you out of your shell? is it ok for me to be messy? is it really ok for me to be messy? is it ok for me to be messy? i don't know how to let it go //EXPRESS YOURSELF

the impossible dream of having a skin everything crawls on, everything soaks in I'll be eaten by ants but I won't feel that bad I just wanna have my body to my Self while I still Am and I don't wanna be polluted by all the violence that already twisted me up //IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

you could say anything that you want I could say anything that I want to you could say anything that you want it's up to you to choose what's important to you

but don't be weird, don't be mean you're on my computer screen it's my world, it's my life i'm a person please be nice - you can say anything you want you can say anything you want to it doesn't mean you're bad but sometimes love is holding back //PLEASE BE NICE

//666 (another one that is just fully in my head, it's so sweet and comforting)

part 2(LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR STUPID LITTLE BITCHES-WASTEISOLATION)...coming someday. no date.

[ghostinthegallery]

Yup, finally time to talk about Trazyn...

I put it off because hey, everyone else deserves some love and attention...but Trazyn deserves more, sorry he is just built different.

It will probably shock no one that Trazyn is my favorite 40k character. He's what got me into Warhammer in the first place. I imagine I'm not the only one who went through the "oh, funny meme steal guy lol" to "guess I'll read Infinite and the Divine" to "can't be invited to parties because I refuse to think about anything that's not Necrons or my new plastic crack addiction" pipeline.

But why is this weird sexy space kleptomaniac so compelling? The answer might surprise you!

(it won't for a while but bear with me there's a twist coming)

Why do we all like Trazyn? First of all, he's easy to grasp. Indiana Jones meets the Collector in 40k. One sentence and you know what he's about. That's invaluable for pitching a character. And then you watch him and he's clever, he's hyper-competent, he's funny. In the grimdark future, this guy makes you laugh! He screws with everyone. And yeah, he's easy to meme, but that's just part of his charm.

He fits into nearly any 40k story too. Space Marines? Aeldar? Chaos? Tau? Trazyn wants an artifact and he's messing with *insert main characters here* to get it. Or maybe *insert main characters here* need something and he's the only one who has it. Doesn't really matter what or why, the second Trazyn shows up he can play off anyone. As an uneasy ally, an opponent in a negotiation, or in a fight. He has an incredible dry wit that makes him super entertaining (especially in a setting where characters can be a bit...serious).

And Trazyn ultimately has pretty sympathetic motives. He wants to preserve, to collect, and tell stories through his museum. Museums are cool! Culture is neat! Sure he's a bit...unethical, but he's far from the worst dude in 40k so he's very easy to root for, even if he's a side character or antagonist.

So yeah, witty, devious, immortal museum curator. Perfect character, right?

Well...here's that twist.

Trazyn is actually (in my opinion) really, really hard to write for as a protagonist of his own story.

See most commercial fiction is structured around a character who wants something, but something else gets in their way. Frodo wants to take the ring to Mordor but all of middle earth plus some evil wizards, orcs, giant spiders, etc. are in the way. The issue with Trazyn (on paper) is that he doesn't truly want anything. Sure there are specific artifacts and people he wants for his collection, but that's surface level. Hunting down random cool space stuff is not a change from his day to day, so focusing a whole story around that might be fun for a while, but it wouldn't stick with you. Because any deep, emotional desires he has are fulfilled. He has power, he has purpose, he has his own planet that shapes itself to his will.

Trazyn is used to being in control. Of Solemnace, of his expeditions, of his negotiations. If plan A goes south he has twelve other options, and a few back up plans, and probably an ork warband attached to his belt if he needs it. Oh, and he's immortal. And can't be hurt. Which again, is hella fun, but how do you have suspense or stakes with all of that? How do you write an interesting story for the guy that has everything?

Enter Orikan.

Orikan is one of the only things that introduces chaos into Trazyn's existence. Orikan can break into Trazyn's house, break his stuff, and get away with it. When Orikan is around, the things Trazyn loves are in danger. Orikan shattered relics from their people's history and Trazyn failed to save them. He tried to catch one piece and it shattered because his hand was metal. The thing that usually makes him untouchable contributed to his loss. That is heartbreaking to read. Sure he can fight elves and dinosaurs and steal the most incredible things, but Trazyn can be made vulnerable in the right circumstances.

The thing he wants throughout Infinite and the Divine is not the McGuffin Mysterios. It's revenge. But because Orikan is his equal and opposite, he can't get it easily. There's an obstacle. Which means we have a story on our hands.

There's another scene that I find really striking from that book: Trazyn and his human assistant on Serenade. This old man who Trazyn kinda...mind controlled into service, but also provided him and his family with the best education, medical care, career opportunities etc. Trazyn didn't have to do that, but he is the type of greedy where if something is "his" he takes care of it. That includes (for better or worse) that human man and his family. Blips on the radar to an immortal being, but those are Trazyn's blips so they get the best a blip can ask for (aside from free will but shhhhhh.)

But that doesn't mean Trazyn can prevent the inevitable. His assistant gets old without him even noticing. The man has reached the end of his life, and that is something Trazyn can't control. And he's emotional about it. Not like devastated (it's just a human after all, basically his hamster just died) but it throws him for a loop.

Oh hey, speaking of how Trazyn takes care of things that he considers his...

Trazyn never really gets close to killing Orikan. He says he wants to. He acts like it. That's the story we set up. Trazyn shoots him in the face. But does he try to permanently kill Orikan? Does he ever act with any true cruelty?

He does once. When Orikan was weak and vulnerable, Trazyn crushed Orikan's skull with his foot, and that's so out of character it's our clearest indication as a reader that something is wrong. That's when we realize the song has Trazyn ensnared because normally he would not do that. He wouldn't treat his greatest enemy and rival that way which is... certainly interesting.

And then of course there's that scene at the end. When Orikan is burned and afraid and unable to defend himself, Trazyn doesn't even try to hurt him. He is gentle, careful, he makes sure Orikan isn't permanently damaged. After everything they've done to each other over 10,000 years (and that's just the events of the book, their rivalry is older), it doesn't even occur to Trazyn to harm Orikan in that moment.

That to me is the real secret that makes Trazyn more than a meme character. That greed that makes him care for things, cultures, places, and people. Those moments where he isn't in control. The combination of the two that means something is at stake. He has a deep love for the universe despite this being such a nihilistic setting. That love drives him to do ridiculous things, but that's the core (I think) of why we love watching him cavort around the galaxy so much.

[starlightanya0wsblog]

~GINTAMA SQUID GAMES AU ~ Chapter 2

Once again Gintoki woke up all sweaty; he had the same nightmare that had been tormenting him for years.

That damn game. That damn money. Those damn debts.

Why did the world have to revolve around money? Why every problem was created by stupid pieces of paper?

He passed a hand through his hair, wiping his forehead dripping with sweat.

"Damn it all."

He was standing motionless in his dark room, when the sound of someone knocking at the door woke him from his thoughts.

"Gin? Are you awake? I made breakfast."

He sighed, getting up from bed and scratching his neck.

"Yea I'm coming."

For a while now, Gintoki had been living with two kids; Shinpachi Shimura, for friends, Pattsan. A simple-looking boy wearing glasses and a white kimono with blue stripes; and Kagura, a young girl from another planet who is terribly greedy who wore chinese clothes, and for last; their dog Sadaharu with an excessive shape; more than a dog, he looked more like a white bear.

Gintoki never expected that the house in which he's been living all those years in the most deafening silence, would be filled with reassuring and energetic figures like those 3.

It reminds him of his first encounter with Otose, when he spent days drinking before Otose decided to take him home with her like a stray cat.

He had definitely taken this part of his character from Otose; helping people who needed to.

The first one he met was Shinpachi, who was left alone with his sister after his father’s death, and full of debts, they were forced to do some lousy jobs.

The second was Kagura, with a somewhat mysterious past since she did not tell much about her family; apart from her mother, who had already left this world.

Maybe it was a sign of fate that they met, now all 3 together managed the Yorozuya, in which they accepted any request just to survive the monthly rent.

They all sat down at the table and began to eat, sighing heavily.

"Even today we have little and nothing to eat. They paid us a misery last time."

Shinpachi sighed saying this, while Kagura’s stomach growled loudly, pouting.

"Giiin I’m still hungryyy."

"Don’t complain, we've been worse."

He knew it well, indeed very well. They hadn't received many customers lately.

"Well, if we put all the savings we should be able to make a decent dinner."

"Got it, I’ll go later."

***

He started making his way to the supermarket, still thinking about that morning’s nightmare.

He still vividly remembers him, the lifeless and helpless body of Shoyo that he held tight in his arms, the blood that completely surrounded the playing field; the tears that did not stop coming down.

Shinsuke’s screams shouting his hatred for Gintoki, whose words he could not even remember but only his look steeped in resentment.

He hated that memory immensely, and more than that, himself.

When Gintoki returned to Edo, his first thought was to go to the police and tell them what had happened, but no one believed him. After all, who would have believed a madman that tells of a game that kills people for money?

Yeah, no one. After that, he thought about giving it up once and for all, but when he thought of the man with the tie and sunglasses who recruited the players, his blood boiled with such immense hatred that it could destroy anything.

He had promised himself that if he ever saw the man again, he would follow him without second thought and put an end to that genocide.

He walked out of the supermarket with two bags in his hand, marching towards the train station.

"Tsk, the train won’t be here in 15 minutes."

And it was at that moment, that he heard a loud noise, as if something was pulled with force.

When he looked away, he was petrified at what he had before his eyes.

It was that man again. That damned man in a suit and tie with those sunglasses and his shitty smile while playing ddakji.

In an instant, the grocery bags fell to the ground and Gintoki ran as fast as he could down the stairs to get to the other side.

"You’re not gonna get away from me this time, you piece of shit!"