#I'm a trans dude and crowley make me more trans

[matiasthecamilion]

Sooo heyyyy yippee :3

I'm normally no will posting that but Crowley's character become so important to me that when I dress up like him yesterday for halloween my chest feel so warm and I had all this feeling of euphoria

Them makes me happy and help me to acept myself in so many levels

Anyways being a silly gay demon and walking by my Neighborhood like a fucking whore with my angel friend and a tomato (bcs me didn't found an apple) was wonderful

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e10 road trip (w. andrew dabb)

didn't realize we were on a 'road so far' episode already. oh did we really need a funeral pyre? buh. okay what irritates me about that is it can lean on the emotions i associate going back to john's pyre. as much as i warmed up to kevin, his death did not really make me feel anything. and now they can borrow against my fucked up dead parents feelings that got shaken up via john. don't like it.

also borrowing against my thoughts on dean's feelings via john's death, having this long zoom out from dean at the fire, licensed music playing. oh, it gets worse! the cleaning up kevin's footprint in the bunker. no more extra little brother at home.

was thinking today actually about mrs. tran, how crowley said she was dead but i couldn't remember if we ever confirmed if she was actually dead?

thought of it because of the phone. the logistics of the aftermath of someone has died. i was too young to deal with anything from when my dad died, but i was 32 when my mom died (fun fact i guess that would make it a year before this season aired) so my brother and i dealt with the house and belongings. damnit. now i'm upset about that, buncha cheap shots, show. sigh. too much thinking, more watching.

dean guilt++ and no sam because he's off being ridden around by a fucked up murdering angel

all right the picture with kevin and his mom got me. don't throw the fucking phone, asshole. break everything else, but not the phone, come on. this is like bobby burning the family picture with jo and ellen in s5e10 (brain, stop it)

so we go from this scene to.... this one.

okay tonal whiplash. they could have had a rockstar character and not making it into a cheesy joke. weird choices.

DEAN Sammy was dying. What was I supposed to do?

can't blame a shark for being a shark. can't blame a dean for doing anything to save his sam.

CASTIEL You kill an angel, its vessel dies, too. DEAN Think I don't know that? If I don't end Sam and that halo burns him out and I... God, I was so damn stupid. CASTIEL You were stupid for the right reasons. DEAN Yeah, like that matters. CASTIEL It does. Sometimes that's all that matters.

castiel is banking on it being the something that matters for personal reasons too :p

CROWLEY I told him this was gonna happen. I was the only person who tried to warn him. I told him to run. DEAN From what? CROWLEY You. How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don't have much in the way of a life-span.

don't let him make you feel worse, dean (even though it's true)

will admit i wonder what crowley does chained up for days, weeks?? at a time between visits from someone.

definitely. good levels of quippy crowley

CROWLEY Looks like we need a tiebreaker. Go get Moose, squirrel. Unless... Unless, of course, you can't. That's why you're here, isn't it? The poor giant baby's in trouble again, isn't he?

i will admit he made me laugh at that. poor giant baby samoose

dean is Very Sad and Very Guilty but i would like to take a moment to say i like the plaid he has on today. it's pretty. not covered up by a jacket so i can actually appreciate it

okay that made me laugh too

CROWLEY Shotgun. DEAN Uh, wrong. You're in the back. DEAN Hey – you, too. Keep an eye on him.

so dumb but i cackled. more cas and crowley bickering please

dad!dean yelling at the kids fighting in the back. here for it

all right. mega confusion. so i was like this dude, why do i know this dude, is that ezekial/gadreel, was he in an older episode of spn? anyway i apparently didn't look him up when we first met him but he was one of the dimi's in s1 of altered carbon... and dimi 2 was in an spn episode (s4e5 the black and white one). i had forgotten that while dimi is the same dude, it was different meatsuits (sleeves, in the show).

s9e10 / altered carbon s1e1 tahmoh penikett as dimitri kadmin

wonder how padalecki felt about playing an even more different character now. recall reading something recently about jackles talking about how it was harder when he was playing soulless!sam etc because it wasn't that same dynamic

I've shared this before, it did make it a little bit more difficult when Jared was playing soulless Sam or Dean was playing demon Dean or Michael. It made it a little bit, well, it was different because that person that you rely on who brings their character to life in a way that supports what you're doing and that is relatable and that is almost, is somebody that you rely on to fulfill—he completes me. Great, that's the headline tomorrow... "Jensen Ackles finally admits... ...that he really does love Tom Cruise movies." So yeah, to get back the question, it it did make it a little bit more difficult to do what we were so used to doing when you take that element away and but again that's I think that that was one of the great things about Supernatural is that we took chances like that, we swung for the fences on a lot of different things.

-from 2022 JIB 12 Jensen Sunday Morning Panel

LOL i just realized i had the wrong era license plate in the painting i just did. cue me flushing and sweating. i did something wrong on the internet where people can see, the HORROR

CROWLEY Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Somerset, Pennsylvania, 10 minutes ago.

lol. classy

this whole gadreel/abner thing. i dunno, man. there's just too much shit going on to care about everything

no judgement, i pet my car too

great, jabbing holes in sam's brain and wiggling a big needle around in there. like trying to find a recessed reset button with a paperclip

DEAN Pretty much, yeah. How are you doing? CASTIEL You want to talk about me now? DEAN I want to talk about anything that's not a demon sticking needles into my brother's brain.

oh dean. i'm feeling the feelings, jackles

CASTIEL You thought his life was at stake. DEAN Yeah, I got played. CASTIEL I thought I was saving Heaven. I got played, too. DEAN So you're sayin' we're both a couple of dumbasses?

me three

CASTIEL I prefer the word "trusting." Less dumb. Less ass.

sorry but i laughed. that was a weird watery delivery

now crowley gets to tromp through sam's brain too, greeeeaat. this is just great.

DEAN If you mess with Sam, if you try anything– CROWLEY I keep my bargains. Besides, I don't want to be inside your brother any longer than I have to. I'm not one for sloppy seconds.

classy as ever

DEAN This don't make us square. I see you again– CROWLEY I'm dead. Yes, I know. I love you, too.

kisses, byeee

SAM What you do want me to say – that I'm pissed? Okay. I am. I'm pissed. You lied to me. Again. DEAN I didn't have a choice. SAM I was ready to die, Dean! DEAN I know. But I wouldn't let you, because that's not in me.

it doesn't excuse what dean did, but sam knows this. neither dean nor i can tolerate sam being okay with dying. just like sam and i can't tolerate dean being self destructive and ready to die at the drop of a hat

at least i can tolerate it a little better when they have these little mini breakups, now that it's happened so many times. and i don't think they're committing to a long separation onscreen? but i don't know honestly

quality time for sam and cas?

[ineffable-rohese]

Explicit discussion ahead!

I still need to go back and read all of Despite Knowing Better again, but it never struck me as cishet sex. Like, I'm pretty sure there is no presentation the Crowley has that isn't trans? (The whole angel to demon thing is Right There, not to mention their gender is everything.) Like, she's presenting female and has a cunt at the moment, but that could change at any point and other than the available genitalia, it wouldn't change the story at all. So yeah, it's still queer.

And look, I've had sex with a straight cis dude and sex with a didn't-know-she-was-trans-yet pan trans woman, and the body parts and the actions and the perceived genders may have been the same, but the sex was very not the same. PIV was always the end goal of the straight sex, preceded by making out, touching, and oral, and ending with the dude's one orgasm. Dude was real good at what he did, I have no complaints, but it was also pretty textbook vanilla cishet sex.

Whereas PIV wasn't always even on the menu with my trans partner, and when it was, it often wasn't the central focus or goal. There were so many other things we could do together! Or, the PIV was the result of other actions that were more central. Or, it was a lovely activity that we both enjoyed, and it was still two queer people having queer sex queerily.

Which is a long way of saying, the way you write perceived opposite sex Aziracrow PIV is very queer indeed. You could have made your fem Crowley transmasc and nothing would have changed. You could have made Aziraphale a butch with a strap and nothing of great import would have changed. Aziraphale happens to have a penis while being male-shaped. Crowley happens to have a vulva while being female-shaped. It's still Aziraphale and Crowley and they cannot be anything but queer.

right so i need u lot to know that when i write crowley as a woman-shaped being it’s not because i’m heterosexualifying her relationship with aziraphale, it’s because

1. she’s the trans character of all time

2. it’s really interesting and fun to write a character with a different gender presentation to their usual one. opens up different possibilities for their character oftentimes

3.there’s enough people writing them both as man-shaped beings, mostly with dicks, so why not mix it up a bit?

i have specific plans to write fem!az and man-shaped crowley and fem!az and fem!crowley together when i’ve got the time for it too so watch this space

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x21: “The Great Escapist”

THEN: Cas takes the angel tablet and runs. Naomi. The three trials to close the Gates of Hell. After each completed trial, Sam seems to be doing worse. Kevin’s convinced Crowley knows where he is. Now he’s in the wind.

Back at Fizzles Folly??

Ahh, ok, HERE are demon Sam and Dean.

“You forgot the knock. What's the point of a secret knock if you don't use it?” And that’s when Kevin knew...but he played along.

Why that face thoo.

“We got a tip that Crowley was moving his earth-side operations, so we, uh, laid ourselves an awesome trap.”

“So, uh, Special K, you keep your nose to the God-stone, we're gonna drive out and make a lotta noise a long way from here, keep the safeboat safe for you.”

Yeah, this is definitely not Sam and Dean.

“You. Fake Sam. If you're gonna tip our hand, I'll have to scrub Kevin's short-term memory again. And that's risky, so watch the patois in there.”

“Patois?”

“Your slang. Special K, nose to the God-stone, that's the way Dean speaks. Sam is... more basic, more sincere.”

Crowley has a good read on Sam and Dean tho.

“Alright, here we go. John Winchester's famous cure-all kitchen sink stew. There you go. Enough cayenne pepper in there to burn your lips off, just like Dad used to make.”

Nurse Dean.

“The bloody handkerchiefs, the fever, the shaky legs... this is not good.”

“Well, I'm not good. And I'm not going to be good until we can start moving again. Until I can start the third trial.”

Was that supposed to make Dean feel better?

So Crowley definitely sent this message, right?

“Sam, Dean. I've set up this message with some software on a remote server so it'd send itself to you if I didn't reset it with a command once a week. Which means I didn't reset it this week. And there's only one reason I wouldn't. Which means if you're watching this, then I... then I— I'm dead. I'm dead, you bastards! So screw you, screw God and everybody in between!...Crowley must've gotten to me. And the one thing I know is that I won't break this time. Not sure how I know, but— but I do. I've been uploading all my notes, the translations, I'm sending you the links so you can get all of it. You guys are gonna have to try to figure out the rest. I'm sorry. I know it was my job, but I— but I couldn't...I'm sorry.”

That’s about as well as Dean takes Kevin’s real death.

“Garth still MIA?”

“Yeah.”

Garth is officially MIA aka officially a werewolf. 

“How about the other prophets in line? I mean if Kevin is, uh... is dead, then won't one of them be activated?”

“Nothing, no, not a peep.”

There's your clueee.

“We should've moved him here.” Yeah, that’s a great idea! Do it when you get him back.

Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Cas looks so strung out.

“Uh, I'm sorry, mister, but you're gonna have to order more than coffee if you wanna keep the table.”

“Of— of course, um. I'll have the smart-heart beer-battered tempura tempters.”

That actually sounds good.

“They're getting closer.” Time to go.

Ion. An interesting name.

Palm Bay, Florida. Denver, Colorado. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Portland, Oregon. St. Louis, Missouri...so on and so forth.

“He's using a clever tactic. It's a restaurant called Biggerson's. The humans have built hundreds of them, almost exactly alike....Castiel is using it against us. Now, we try to orient ourselves, but it's as if we're in every Biggerson's at once— Trapped in a quantum superposition. Now, he chooses which to go to next—That's what's giving him the edge.”

That’s an amazing strategy.

“Very well. You say he can't be caught? Then we will simply have to make him stop.”

Sam took a humanities course at Stanford.

“This one belonged to a tiny tribe in Colorado, more of a— a clan, really. It says here they held on to their scrap of mountains when all the other tribes fell to the white men. So this glyph was a territorial marker—closest translation: ‘messenger of God’.” Sam’s got it.

“Messenger of God—Dean, we have to go there!....I'm only gonna get worse. I mean, until we get back to the real job, until we find the third trial—we're out of prophets! We're not gonna figure out what Kevin couldn't! I'd say we go to this messenger of God who wrote it in the first place!” I know he’s right, but Sam looks and sounds off his rocker.

“And you think this Metatron is hiding out in the mountains with a bunch of Indians.”

“Yeah! Yeah, I do....You're not— you're not really supposed to say Indians, it's... We should go.”

This is one of the worst things Naomi has done, and that’s saying something.

RIP people at Biggerson’s. Killed by angels.

Cas wanted to heal her. :(

Route 34, Colorado.

Sam can hear something Dean can not.

RIP Kara, Cas’ waitress. Killed by Naomi.

“How— how many times have you torn into my head and washed it clean?”

“Frankly? Too damn many.”

Oh yeah sure, brag about your brainwashing. That’ll make you look good.

“Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely. You don't even die right, do you?”

HE DOESN’T STAY DEAD AT ALL B I C T H

“Where is the angel tablet, Castiel?”

“In the words of a— good friend... bite me.”

Balthazar.

“Go. Search all these Biggerson's. He must have hidden it along the way.” DId he now?

“I can barely see. I need food.”

“Alright, uh, barbecue ribs, mashed potatoes...”

“Garlic mashed potatoes.”

“Garlic mashed potatoes, mixed greens with... baby lettuce, cornbread, and, uh, Pad Thai?”

“Garth says there's a good little place on the other side of town.”

Kevin took complete advantage of these demons, bless his heart. 

“If I wasn't running everything, I could've played Dean myself.”

“Oh, you would've made a great Dean, sir.”

I actually agree.

Winchester stories!

“Hey, you remember when uh... when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on that pack-mule ride?”

“The what?”

“And you're, uh... your mule kept farting, just— l-letting go, like, gale force?”

“Dude, you were like, four years old. I barely remember that.”

“I'm gonna— I'm gonna, uh. I'm gonna follow the hotel manager, D-Dr. Scowley-scowl. He's like a villain from Scooby-Doo.” Why are you so precious, Sammy?

“No, hey, uh, little big man? You should get some rest.”

“Yeah, I can do that too.”

Me.

“What did the great spirit's sacred messenger ask for?”

“Stories. He asked the people to tell him stories.”

Sam finds the boxes of books...then passes out trying to call Dean. 

“I'm just going to have to pull you apart, aren't I?” That would’ve worked.

RIP angel. Killed by Crowley.

“Found you on the floor, passed out, your temperature was a 107. I had to force it down or you were toast.”

Metatron is definitely there.

“I had my R&D people melt down one of your angel blades, cast it into bullets. Seems to do the trick.” Huh, AU!Bobby discovers that little trick too.

“That's right, Cas. I got me an angel on the payroll.” Wow, Ion.

“You guys were right, I— I do need the other half of the tablet to get the trial. It's not too far from here.”

“Awesome. Uh, what's the 10-20?”

Fake!Dean got the lingo right, at least.

“I've been getting regular updates from my expensive friend here.” What did it take to buy Ion out?

Castiel SWALLOWED THE DAMN ANGEL TABLET. WHAT A MADMAN!

“Spanish Flea” by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.  

“The kid told us where the other half was, but it... wasn't. Dab of crap tricked us, sent us into some kind of Hunter mousetrap.”

Kevin has style.

Dean used to read to Sam! I’m telling you, I love learning the smallest details about characters.

“Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember... thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I'm not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think... maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had... demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn't pure?”

H O W could a young child ever think that?????

Again, I know he’s right but he doesn’t come off as convincing.

Look at all those books! What a dream room.

Hello Metatron, you fcikgn worm.

“What, you really haven't heard of us? What kind of angel are you, we're— we're the freaking Winchesters.” lmao Sam.

Cas swallowed the damn angel tablet AND pulled a bullet out of him. My hero.

“You little prat. Having fun yet?”

“Screw you.”

Fuck yeah, Kevin!

“It started when they forgot the secret knock. But really, it— it was the way they acted.”

“So... my demons were too polite?”

“Yeah.”

“What about Gabriel? And Raphael?”

“Dead.”

Half right at the time.

(Irrelevant-ish question, but what happened to the Words of God in the Apocalypse AU?)

“You soldiers, down in the garrison, at least they let you believe the lie. Upstairs, working for Naomi, working in intelligence, we had no option but to live in the dirt. She never reset me completely. I always knew too much, I had to— I had to do my job.” Ion’s last words.

“Ion...shut up.”

RIP Ion. Killed by Cas.

“That is the true flower of free will. At least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods, of tiny, intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds!”

One thing I have in common with Metatron: our love of storytelling.

“You know what? Pull the frigging trigger.”

“What?”

“Pull the freaking trigger, you cowardly piece of garbage.”

Okay, Sam, hold on.

“You want a story? Try Kevin Tran's story. He was just a kid. He was a good, straight-A kid, and then he got sucked in to all of this— this angel crap. He became a prophet, of the Word of God. Your prophet. Now, you should've been looking out for him, but no! Instead, you're here, holed up, reading books.”

“He’s dead now. Because of you.”

I don't know about that. At least, not yet.

“You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.”

“You think I can't make you tell?”

“I know you can’t. And you do too.”

Kevin was so resilient when he wanted to be.

The power of Metatron compels you!

Metatron saved and healed Kevin.

“You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?”

“Seems like the thing to do, don't it?”

“It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about, the choices your kind make. But you're gonna have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself: what is it going to take to do this, and what will the world be like after it's done?”

Oh boy.

Trial #3. Cure a demon.

Holy mother of god.

“Cas?”

“A little help here?”

Team Free Will reunion.