#I'm a terrible perfectionist and if that isn't uncool i don't know | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

newt-and-salamander · 1 year ago

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I'm actually crying a bit rn because some if my uni friends just asked in our WhatsApp group if someone was going to CSD on Saturday. And I was super nervous because I haven't seen these guys in a bit (they are all writing their theses), but I always felt extremely comfortable with them (three of them are bi and we talked a lot and I actually considered for a few months last year if I am maybe bisexual too, because, yesss women are pretty.) Anyway. I said that I had already thought about going because I was curious, but that I also felt nervous because I've never been there before and I've only relatively recently discovered that asexuality exists and even more recently that I actually am, and that I was feeling a bit uncool.

And they immediately said "That's not uncool" and I hurried to say "Yes, of course being asexual isn't uncool, that's not what I meant", and then they said "No, you aren't uncool", and someone sent a picture of frogs in ace colours because they know I like frogs, and now they say I should just join them and I can leave if I get overwhelmed with the people and the noise (and now I'm crying again although I started typing this 30 mins ago).

Well, it looks like I'm going to my first Pride Event on Saturday. :)

#for the record I AM relatively uncool #I spend between 5 - 10 h a day at the library at least 6 days iof the week because i have no life and i take my studies RIDICULOUSLY sirious #I'm a terrible perfectionist and if that isn't uncool i don't know #but somehow they like me and they want me spend time with them :')#when that friend group formed last year i was so ELATED #i have friends but it's usual 1 to 1 relationships #I'm not usually a part of the group with the cool people #but i even celebrated my birthday with them and they think I'm funny and sometimes I'm just so confused because #of course my mum thinks I'm funny and the three nerdy friends i handpicked #but a whole group of people? wow #also they talk about sex a lot and whenever it came up and they asked me about my opinion I was like #Uhm honestly I don't know I've only been in one relationship so I guess I didn't have time to experiment or something #so I knew they are really liberal that way but paradoxically at the same time that made me even more nervous because #they are so interested in sex and i am not OH NO what if they think I'm boring #well there are many reasons to think me boring but they study with me so i guess they know about all these other reasons too #(i was the only one in the group who really enjoyed historical lectures)#okay ngl I'm still nervous #i rarely go to fairgrounds or demonstrations because of the noise and the people and this feels even more personal #but i think I will be alright :))#huh #personal thoughts #asexuality

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