#I'm a nice person okay
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A bit tired of people complaining about Sanji's principle of "not hitting women" being misogynistic when it has been clearly stated multiple times that he does not choose it and it's heavily tied to his trauma and admiration for his dad and respect for women and definitely not from seeing women as somehow weaker than him
#like okay i get where you're coming from and i understand that from a simpler perspective it's weird#if meet a guy irl who refuses to fight against women no matter how evil they are for no reason other than being women i'd consider it odd#but.... we have watched sanji's backstory and we have seen him actively feeling bad for not being able to hit female enemies#like what do you not understand#you can say the practice itself is based on misogynistic views too but the reasons why sanji doesn't hit women are more complex than that#a lot of people might disagree with me but like#i'm not saying the act itself is awesome and solemn and correct but you can't go and call sanji a misogynistic character just bc of that#like saying he views women as weaker than him is just. wrong. and i've seen people say it#and yes this behavior adds to his gentleman personality and it's also for the writing to show how polite and nice he is to women#but it's not exaggerated. he genuinely has issues viewing women as equals bc he romanticizes them#and that's bad! he knows that's bad!#let the character grow?????? i swear people can't read 😭#i'm not making any sense i just woke up but yeah#one piece#black leg sanji
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Can you tell who my favorite character is right now...
#I LOVE HIM#RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#sorry guys I really love luciel too but zagan is like#sorry I#exactly my type of everything idfk#it's. the#his.#uhhhmmmmmmm#wowie...#I have been drawing him a LOT......#I have other drawings of him too but uh#I DIDNT WANT THERE TO BE TOO MANY HAHAHAH#I wanted just the highest caliber#the peak#the best of the best#only the top#the cream of the crop#AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU#fuck I wanna make his comic so bad so I can draw him 1 million times#I also love luciel but luciel is more contextual okay#in the context of the comic I actually like luciel more...?#cause theyre fucking NICE okay#zagan is an asshole hes like extremely a bad person#but for illustrations#and little animations....#fuuuuuuuck aha.........#anyways I'm not gonna tag this one much other than rambles cause it's just reposting my art#also it would be rlly funny if people were like WHAT IS HE FROM#like from my fucking brain I'm sorry#you cant read the comic yet IM SORRY IM SORRY
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colin being an unhinged chaotic mess about penelope to the point of being jealous before he kissed her was them writing this season for me specifically
you're welcome
#polin#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#okay yeah i can sleep now#i know peace#i'm gonna say something mean about debling if i stay awake#he was nice until he was a bit of a shit so#tho colin did humiliate him in public with literally zero chill#which was great to me personally#he did that for me
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Look what came through the mail today! The letters & ( •̀ω•́ )σ 3 little gremlins from letterstoear.
Just wanna say i adore the flower stickers on the letters too much, they are that much worth mentioning.
#letterstoear#nui#twst#twisted wonderland#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#twst grim#mod posting#okay but i love squishing the bears with my thumb; they just have the right thickness to be pressed on#i really like the flower stickers; they look like romantically artistic wax seal#the letters are pleasantly nice#i love the part where cheka personally request for an audience with yuu thru sebek 🥺🥺🥹🥹 too cute hnggh .......#sebek becoming our little mailman for our little invitation aw 🥹 for those who wanna know the context of the letter;#i requested a letter from sebek that he sent home while he was away accompanying malleus on other country duty#my other favorite part is just him simply opening the letter with 'My love'#i'm sealed 🥹 the first paragraph is written so sweetly#i enjoy reading the letter slowly outside in peaceful afternoon today; i ran it through together with sebek nui#this will be my treasured keepsake from now on 🥹; it seriously made me miss letters and wish i have someone to send this kind of letter to#it was a bit funny how the envelope sebek's letter came from is sticked with the guys from free! sticker fhsdsh 🤣😂#and me with the white haired guy like WHo are u?? fsjdsdjsd (´つヮ⊂); but it's a really nice service#the thank you letter came with such a cute and yummy folding paper; thank you for the stickers too#i feel like there's a bit whoopsie on grim's winky eye fshfh like i think the sharpie just blurs the separating space '<' supposed to have#and just combine it all together into one angry eye; and sebek bear's eyes are just a little bigger than i expected it to be#but the more i look at them i think they are just having a little individuality & still cute#i embraced it all together while knowing the fact none of handmade thing would always be the same one with the other; hehe sebek nui has fr#i kinda forget that there's this kind of clip earring fshd; because i always get the ones that work like screw from aliexpress#i know that the literal clip one would just be literal meaning of pain fsh; just like the magnet one my father once got me when i was a kid#it was painful but pretty; tho i lost it quickly bcs magnet easily get loosed once one part of it moves around when u touch ur hair or face#anyhow i had a pleasant day because of this; thank you very much ! sebek nui said 'thank you' too! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. ❀ ✿ 𖤣…
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2024 reads / storygraph
Asunder
slow-paced high fantasy
a woman who has a contract with an eldritch entity allowing her to see the dead & survives by taking various jobs
when a job searching for stranded smugglers in a cave goes wrong, she ends up with the soul of a dying stranger bound to her shadow
along with a scholar and her old childhood friend, they travel to his home country to find a way to unbind him and save them both
dark fantasy world with gods, demonic entities, arcane magic, and semi-sentient beasts used as transport
#asunder#kerstin hall#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#okay SUPER fascinating worldbuilding with some very visceral creatures and biological constructs and interesting magic systems.#many things I like. A great cast of characters. Honestly I could read tons more stories set in this world.#it’s very slow building and meandering narratively; focusing on the complex journey of the main character#didn’t love the audio narration tbh - it felt like some lines are read with the wrong emphasis or tone? but I got used to it after a while#So this has one of my absolute favourite tropes (bodysharing.) unfortunately it turns it into a romance which is. well.#it just doesn’t hit the same if you make it romantic!! so that kinda made it change traintracks from being on a direct line to#potentially 5 stars to a whole different station where i do not live. lol.#I SUPPOSE it’s a well developed relationship and I’d prefer romances more like that than instalove I guess.#I did love their dynamic; too; but suddenly realising it was romantic threw me for a loop. I had put him in the annoying dad category.#I do also feel like we didn’t get quite enough of him as an individual person and characterisation - which obviously makes sense to an#extent; but I felt like I only got to see more of him in the brief time around his father.#Also he was surprisingly chill and nice to her immediately considering he was essentially her hostage???#Anyway I did enjoy a lot of it; it just suffers the unfortunate tragedy of#[literally my favourite thing made for me] [turns that thing into literally my least favourite thing i hate]#but also -random dude you’re bound to being overly protective and considerate despite barely knowing you (platonic/familial vibe) - yeah!#random dude you’re bound to being overly protective and considerate despite barely knowing you (romantic) ehhhh…idk.....#(to me personally. i'm sure people enjoy that. whatever)
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M: “You poor thing. Playing in the river isn’t a good idea in Kanai Ward you know!"
Y: (Who is he…? And why is he doing this for me…?)
A drawn scene based on my alt headcannon I made long back, and I even tried to make a small fic on it. (HUGE SPOILERS)
and tbh I just wanted to draw makoto feeding yuma something while he was completely helpless :3 dw the porridge is edible, he had someone else make it so yuma isn't in any danger.
Unmasked version (just because)
(he's too pretty to have the mask on for long)
(no shinigami since this is post game???)
this is like the 3rd or 4th time yuma got sick on one of his visits to kanai ward due to overworking himself out there
what is makoto to do with his silly workaholic original... (like he's one to talk lmao)
#whumpcode#rain code#makoyuma#master detective archives: rain code#master detective archives spoilers#yuma kokohead#makoto kagutsuchi#pixeldoodles#my art#whump#okay I could not get the lighting on both images equal#PLEASE IGNORE IT... T^T#anyway this has been in my drafts for days.#I hope the raincode tag is nice to me...#this was inspired by a whump prompt too#literally the one below on my timeline LOL#definitely my best draw makoto I've drawn c:#I'm...somewhat proud of this xD#yuma looks so cute <3#makoto and his two personalities LMAO#both scenarios are separate from each other just saying LOL#and yeah I'm on board w the pink tongue and fang head canons for him and other homunculi#little fang makoto >w<
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can you be baited into talking about the good aesthetics of jingrenheng? the themes? please and thank you and have a nice day?
................okay... just for you anon...
they have complimentary color palettes! jing yuan has a lot of light associations, blade dark associations, and dan heng's teals are gradient or in between
they all have a symbolic plant of sorts, which sounds funny, but it looks pretty. the gingko and the spider lilies and the maple leaves. those are also red orange and yellow which mix well together. and imbibitor lunae has a lotus thing going on but he and dan heng mostly look visually similar
they have sun moon star symbolism. jing yuan is the sun, blade or should i say yingxing (应星) is the star, and dan heng or should i say imbibitor lunae (饮月君) is the moon. you could also argue that jing yuan (景元) is the world that the celestial bodies orbit in... the center of gravity, but also easy to overlook as an unchanging part of the surroundings...
dan heng is also wearing something associated with both of them. yes, The Relic™. BUT his coat also reads the same poem from which jing yuan took the name of starfall reverie
and lastly they are just three beautiful men okay it's impossible for them not to look aesthetic together
THE THEMES ✨
a guy running from his past, a guy chasing it down and driven perpetually by it, and a guy who can do nothing but hold onto it. it's like a soap drama of perfect proportions
someone who represents the right path, someone who represents the wrong path, and someone who represents the neutral path or trailblazes their own path
they were entangled in their previous lives and they remain entangled now, by their own will or otherwise. it can't get any better than this themewise.
renjing
i was going to say something about what each individual ship in the trio brings to the trio but i got distracted. what was i talking about again
okay, renheng has this 'thin line between love and hate going on' (因爱生恨) and it's about the extremes of passion to me. the hunter and the hunted. it's about the things from the past that should be shed but cannot be. then hengjing has the 'reconnecting through lives and through the mire of identity'. it's about forging a future uncolored by the mist of the past while also acknowledging that that past was there and meant something. then renjing has everything renjing has. renjing has
sorry i can't be objective about them renjing has everything because they are my babies
ANYWAY the point is when you put them together you net the ability to explore all of these different relationship dynamics at the same time plus trio dynamics like the mediation, the competition, each of them feeling left out in their own way, varying levels of memory, varying levels of history... a feast for the feasters
i also think jingrenheng successfully resolves all three of their issues in the sense that it's a relatively stable way for each of them to be able to recognize but also make peace with their past, and not let it impede their future. if jingrenheng actually experienced enough character development to get together and not kill each other, that would mean they have fixed things. a win for everybody.
#🌃#honkai: star rail#jingrenheng#those are all my thoughts... i don't think about them often but it was fun#NOW LISTEN TO MY RENJING PROPAGANDA#renjing is childhood friends to lovers#it is ALSO enemies to lovers#it is tragic exes but it is also friends with benefits but it is also a miserable mess of a situationship but it is also#the only two people left who truly remember and understand each other for the goods and the bads#the person who changed and the person who remained the same... but both of them are actually both things#renjing is missed opportunities renjing is SEIZED opportunities renjing is EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#okay i'm going to stop talking because i still haven't finished my first fic for renjing week and that's today omg bye#have a nice day my love whoever you are thanks for visiting <3#oh my god i forgot literally my favorite thing about them. THE ONE WHO LEFT AND THE ONE WHO STAYED
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if I had the money and the means.. I would so commission someone to make a custom Sonar figure for me..
I also wish I had the money and knew what site to use so I could buy all the necessary lego minifigure pieces so I could make "custom" figures of my favorite little guys :(
Like, hear me out:
#ghostie mumbles#I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC VISION OKAY.#mysterio#quentin beck#I really like that version of the mysterio lego. the sculpting and design is really nice.#I'm not a lego person but ough.. I would love to have this.
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Hi GT,
Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but I absolutely love the recs you've given (you've introduced me to tomione, and I love it!) and I was wondering if it's possible to give you some recs in return? There are some books and fics that definitely have dramione / got vibes, and I was wondering if I could share them with you!
So glad you've enjoyed them! Feel free to rec me anything you want. I've read most of the classic recs in terms of fic and adjacent content (Cruel Prince et al), but I'll try anything that's well-written. My tastes run towards weird and/or audaciously creative stuff, and I can forgive a lot of weaknesses in plot on the grounds of (1) ambition or (2) character work. My turnoffs are instalove, protagonists who can't fail, and most Y/A (I'm not a hater, I swear, I just need characters who can say "fuck" when their leg gets chopped off.)
I'm also a fan of weird and fucked-up dynamics.(Wuthering Heights was my favorite book for a while, and as a teenager I wrote an AU in which the book ends on a long sex scene where Heathcliff fucks Cathy's ghost and then immediately gets murdered by Catherine 2.) Obviously, I am very normal.
#greenteacup asks#my beef with Y/A is mostly expressed in a dissonance between tone and content#LOVE the content. dystopia fantasy horror sex and blood — awesome. but question. why are they all saying 'darn'?#like in the vampire diaries where they'll watch people get eaten and then 2 episodes later be like 'omg SCHOOL DANCE'#(EDIT: actually in fairness. on the vampire diaries. it was mostly just caroline that did that. unfair example my apologies)#& i distinguish this critique from a common bitch-and-moan complaint about tv shows being interested in 'girly' things#like relationships and social standing. that is not my complaint. that shit is delicious. i will chomp that shit for days#my issue is that when the stakes oscillate wildly from episode to episode and i can't tell what the main thing is#like sorry. a story with murder in it is always going to be about murder. you can't make it not about murder#unfortunately! many have tried.#and in general i have difficulty reading about teenagers bc—#(she says having written 600k words about them OKAY I KNOW. i contain multitudes.)#because they're either mini-adults (preferred flavor. jude in the cruel prince nails this) or like leetol babies to me#and unless it's something like the hunger games where the Leetol Baby thing is part of the story#i'm like. hang on. you're 12 what are you doing here#percy jackson was hard for me to re-read as an adult for this reason#which is why they're enjoyable for teenagers! because as a teenager you DO feel like an adult#and you like reading books that treat you like one! nothing wrong with that! healthy even!#only then you get past the teenage years (mashallah) and you get stuff like twilight#where of COURSE bella doesn't think twice about 117 year old man falling in love with her#because he looks like a rich mysterious 17-year-old hottie#but you reread it later and it's like um well. that. could be explored a little more maybe.#i'm not even necessarily opposed to it. candidly. still team edward. i just think the dynamic should be more fucked up and juicy.#which Y/A authors are often reluctant to do. like. COWARDS! face the nasty consequences of your narrative decisions!#anyhow. you didn't ask for any of this. please give me your recs lovely person you seem very nice.
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"LOV stans DNI-"
Me, Considering Starting Shit Immediately:
#league of villains#Okay I'm not going to cause it would be really mean and petty of me to actually do that when a person obviously doesn't want to interact#but all the holier than thou people/posts I've seen kicking the villian fans when most of us have already felt down these last several chaps#is SUPER disheartening#can't we be nice to each other despite character preference differences? 😭😮💨#mha#boku no hero academia#bnha#my hero academia
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hey, even if you end up not doing some entries for the sake of the length of the video, could you post the full uncut version of the iceberg with all the entries?
Probably not, sorry :[ Do keep in mind I'm not cutting out any entries because of length (i love long iceberg videos), more so just keeping the ones that I personally think would make for an interesting topic / cool discussion, which will be like 99% of them anyways bc diving into fandom culture is fun ! If it helps I don't think I'll be deleting anything on the public iceberg, I think I'll probably just make a copy of it and use that one for my (hypothetical) video. I might also combine a few entries, idk yet we'll see! I hope that's not upsetting :') Again I still don't know if I'm making this thing but it seems fun in concept, I'll just have to find the time which might be a while... Regardless I do appreciate the entries that have showed up and how its filled up so fast ❤️ I genuinely can't believe how much stuff showed up that I'd never heard of before
#ask#but yeagh...#I still feel like i need a break from making videos sort of#I still get stressed over everything happening with my video and social media addiction is very energy draining#I'm a really introverted person and getting so much attention so suddenly has admittedly been difficult to adjust to#especially with how ADHD inherently makes you compulsively seek dopamine.. uh oh !!#It's definitely more than I'm used to#even though people are super nice im just bothered by other things#but yeah the iceberg was just a silly idea and it might develop into something bigger but for now it has still been fun :)#ALSO I'M OKAY just adjusting
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
#isa screams#long post#gif#flashing#i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG#I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though#I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly#but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do#its a tricky thing#but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay#if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG#thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak#And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get#part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions#am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am#I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)
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26 days until gunil's 26nd birthday
day 26 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - gunil's past birthday brrrr ppoppos
#xdinary heroes#gunil#goo gunil#jungsu#junhan#jun han#jooyeon#ode#gaon#kim jungsu#han hyeongjun#lee jooyeon#oh seungmin#kwak jiseok#gunil26#forfreddy#here we are! no i won't joke about how this countdown felt longer than the ones before. even though it would be very gunil like#HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUNIL! ♥ hope the members are nice for once ♥#cAN'T WAIT FOR NEW KISSIES#(quick mention before things get sappy: this was the hardest kissie gifset up to now. different formats?? u G H)#(it was hard enough already to decide which scenes to use and in which order)#so. gunil. i appreciate his way of being a leader sooo much! he can be serious and all and he can actually take over#(ugh there's this one clip where they're in the practice room and gunil is directing them and he KNOWS what he's doing)#but he isn't that much about 'i'm your hyung we need some distance'#and he's okay with not having to carry the burden of being a leader on his own#he isn't this authoritarian kind of guy and thus they feel more like a community and that's so neat ♥#and (now it's time for my personal impression or whatever) he is such a chill guy and i love it! he doesn't care about distance in general#he feels super approachable. like the kind of guy that would get drinks with the fans after a gig under other circumstances#he also takes things seriously and he cares about music and ugh that's so neat#but he's also super super chill and i hope he keeps that part of himself ♥
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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Thinking about Mikey jumping off the roof thinking to himself "huh what's squirrel formation when did we go over that? I'm sure Leo wouldn't say something that doesn't make sense so I guess we must have gone over squirrel formation. oh well no time I can ask later"
or even "well he obviously didn't say that but I don't know what he did say so I can either get yelled at now or in two more seconds after we jump meh I'm jumping"
#tmnt#bayverse mikey#because it me#i mishear and people get mad because what i thought they said makes no sense and i'm like#okay but i didn't get mad at you for saying something that made no sense#i just trusted you#why are you mad that i'm nice to you#/humorous#when the auditory does not process#also#younger sibling experience#sometimes when the person in authority is only a cpuple years older than you. you just learn to play along and let the chips fall wherever#okay thinking a lot about bayverse mikey apparently#/still humorous#it's just funny how relatable those little moments are#from both ends but rn my brain is focused on mikey#aaaaagh raph being so like. the one enforcing 'cut it out mikey stop datdreaming stay in the shadows we don't fit in get your head down'#to later be the one who'll stick up for him when Leo keeps the ooze a secret#gah
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