#I'm a little safer that way
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A mutual told me about a super short fic on AO3 a while ago, it was so good I almost cried while reading, I remembered again and knew I just had to adapt it.
#moomins#moominvalley#art#moominland midwinter#moomin fanfic#moomin fanfiction#moomin fanart#salome the little creep#moomin salome#the big hemulen#the skier hemulen#the hemulen#hemulen#mr frisk#hhhhhhhhh her little baby hand paws to show just how tiny and vulnerable she is#the blue cold hues of Frisk's warm fur against the red hot hues of Salome's freezing paws#the way Salome's pronouns grow to the size of the rest of the text as it goes on. as she feels safer and safer#I'm very proud of those details#the fic is like poetry to me. I hope OP is doing ok
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chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers
#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn#anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things#and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually.#now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book)#anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger#like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around#THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT#AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK????#AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”????#LIKE?????#THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS#IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT#even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one#like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her#anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy#I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone#another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional#legendborn#bloodmarked#the legendborn cycle#tracy deonn#bree matthews#nick davis#selwyn kane
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paper doll chain
(stills under the cut!)
[id in alt]
#kingdom hearts#kh#moving image#flashing images#flashing lights#i'm hoping these tags protect anyone with any sensitivity - let me know if there's a better way to label this#edit: changed some tags to hopefully be safer! thank you so much to the blog that let me know#but i've had the imagery for this in my head forever; so happy to get it out#the paper doll metaphor's probably self explanatory?#but i mostly pictured sora having a little origami heart to contrast the others' heart cut outs and went from there!#the sky bg was inspired by those cute photos where people cut out a pencil drawing and hold it in front of sky or pretty trees#and sora = sky of course#this might've been cooler if i'd actually done that too haha#also i can't tell if the x blade scissors clever or dorky or both but you know. symbolism#fan art#my art
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I don't know Drift's character very well so I don't feel confident doing this myself, but are any of my followers interested in Drift/Pharma or Pharma/Drift/Ratchet and willing to give it their best shot to describe how that might work out (positively)? Doesn't have to be art or a fic or something, could just be a meta or rambling in my notes theorizing about it
#squiggposting#i'm referencing that post from earlier saying 'this ship war couldve been solved by a threesome'#idk much about poly relationships but honestly i feel like drift would be the one holding them together#he's kind of the mediator b/t pharma and ratchet's unresolved issues with each other#and i feel like during times where emotions run high he would be a little. safer. for pharma to be intimate with#i mean it's a polycule so they'd all be with each other together but like. i think even in a committed relationship#pharma has certain neuroses and baggage with ratchet where they probably have to separate in order to not blow up at each other#whereas drift is more or less a neutral party who sees both perspectives#and from pharma's perspective he doesn't really have any particular attachments or baggage or preconceptions of him#so in a way drift would provide a 'starting fresh and new' sort of romance#whereas ratchet would be more of the old flame/ex who pharma got back together with#it'd be quite the polycule like. holy mother of relationship therapy#but i feel like in the right situation it could work
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I do understand loveless arromantics in the romantic love sense, but I'm worried about the No Friends, No Nothing gang, not gonna lie 🤡
Just saw someone saying there is NOTHING essential to the human experience and I was like, Hold On .
Let's calm down 🖐
#mira.jpeg#i deal with healthcare ofc i'll get anxious if someone tells me they'd rather be 100% alone#i'm not saying it's impossible there are ppl out there who are genuinely like that#but i am saying it's safer to think of it as an experience we should “accept” (in lack of a better word)...#...only after we've eliminated other possibilities 😕#cause although it's a fact there's enough humans for us to consider the estatistical possibility anything's possible#we also know 99.9% ppl who come and say they'd rather be 100% alone deal with depression or trauma or adjacent problems#so in order of being cautious i'll be the annoying worried soul asking: are you sure about that buddy?#are you sure human beings... who are a social species... do Not need any kind of love?#are you sure? like... completely sure?#(also: the “there's nothing essential to the human experience” take is just wrong lmao pls be serious rn)#(that's just way too nihilistic buddy let's breathe in a little)
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Vent ignore
#been trying to sleep for like 30 minutes#and my head hurts from being tired and crying#gods I'm such a little bitch#i make one little ittty bitty fuck up and my brain goes lol#see you can't get better#like dude i have to wake up at 5am can i cry anout this sfter work tomorrow instead.#you can kys after the captialism grind okay?#im head fucking hurts#it is weird when you have abandonement issues#and are constantly scared of veing abandoned#and then you fuck uo just the right way and your brain goes full opposite gears??#like#nah it's better that they leave you#they are better off with you#theyre safer when they're not with you#motherfucker pick a crisis#you can not have a problem with both!!#🙄🙄#sometimes i am like if i got a labatomy i would be a better#bit really thr problem is of i make one mistake my brain goes back to#if im not oerfect i will be left to die#which is valid and deserved and understandable#please i just wanted to sleep#stop throwing yourself a pity party#grow up or shut down#i should not share my emotions#lol#i have learned that whrn i talk to myself i am mean#but i still think that's better than being a prick to others#going to try to sleep now that that's out there
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Proud of myself for successfully ignoring the urges. Don't mind the fact that I only did so bcuz I freaked myself out over dying of sepsis and getting found out again shhhhhh I ignored it and that's the part we should focus on here
#I'm upset that I'm not doing it bcuz I rlly want to still and I told myself I could if I didn't do it yesterday but ik that with the way-#-I'm feeling rn I'll end up having another day-long panic attack over it tmrw so it's better to not do it even tho I rlly rlly want to lmao#it's funny. like you'd think that being around ppl would make me feel safer doing it. but ik that I can't actually get help if smth goes-#-wrong while I'm here bcuz then my parents would know. but when I'm living alone if I need to go to emerg I can just take myself and no one-#-will know. plus I can clean my shit when I live alone which I can't do here bcuz they'd see#so it's ironically LESS safe to do it in the situations you'd think would b safer. such is life ig#but bcuz it's not as safe to do here. I'm ofc being paranoid and panicking over every little thing and spiraling abt it all lmao#armchair speaks#tw implied self harm#tw self harm#tw sh related#death mention
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ofmd?... "premature end"??....... ofmd???.........
#if anything i'm surprised stopping at s2 wasn't the plan all along??? like???#the finale was all so neat and tied up in a little bow. it really doesn't need anything More why would you (as writers) even want that#idk i. i'd rather have a shorter show that tells me a concise story and knows where to leave off than a bigger faster stronger ContentTM#even if i love the characters and the style and the jokes etc#like i get why people are sad and i sympathise i really do but..... ehhhh....#mari rambles#also stylised history works best on a small scale i think. or at least limiting your scope is the safer way to go about it#like that “you imperialists are bad and we pirates are good” speech was already a bit of a strain on my suspension of disbelief personally#key words A Little Bit it was a good speech and it worked well in the context of yk A Finale and fit lovely for izzy specifically etc#but i really don't think bringing the british empire and the broader historical situation into this any more would've helped#and this was never an episodic procedural type of show with no upscaling or stakes-raising needed soo. yea
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i havent been to karaoke since i met my gf lol and i used to feel sort of bad, but i think (unless invited by friends ofc) the only reason i was doing it was to feel some kind of gender recognition from other people. now that i have a gf + friends who just get it all the time anyway i don't need to seek that from a crowd!
#i was worried at first that i was abandoning a beloved hobby for a relationship#but even tho it's fun i think going every week was not necessarily great for my liver or wallet#and also the bar i go to is a good 15 mi from home. so i think it's a bit safer that i'm not driving all that way after drinking anymore lo#i DO hope a little group gets together sometime soon tho. would love to do it w friends :>
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That moment when you realize that Mourndax is so flippant about everything bc ofc he is. Man's barely had any agency in his life under his parents' control, and he's less than five years removed from that. He hasn't exactly had time to learn how to make decisions of his own, and acting like you don't give a shit what the outcome is, or that you've simply changed your mind about it for no particular reason is a lot easier than admitting to still remembering how much the leash hurt when pulled on.
#the moral of the story is I will gut you if I need to; I will carve my way out with only my teeth // Mourndax headcanon.#all the world will be your enemy and if they catch you they will kill you -- but first they must catch you // Vhaeraun headcanon.#also probably why Vhaeraun feels like so much of a crutch to him#he's a control figure even if Vhae doesn't actively control him#but the idea of letting someone else make his choices feels safer#meanwhile I'm so sure Vhae's perspective is knowing that feeling full well and wanting to help dig Daxie out of it#bc while yes there are plenty of things you can say about Vhaeraun#he does actually care a LOT about his followers#he's canonically one of the most responsive of any deity#ALSO I think the fact that Vhae ISN'T controlling Daxie and being more of a guard rail to grip onto#while he figures out his shit and or at most gives nudges in certain directions#is legit why Daxie's as attached to him as he is#sort of like the whole father figure I never got to experience / son I never wanted type deal#also ALSO as a little thought on Vhaeraun???#while I haven't actually decided how I'm going to view what happened between Lolth and Corellon#there's something SO intrinsically hurtful about helping your mother escape from her husband#and then she goes and forges a society built upon hating and diminishing a piece of what you are#like before the point he turned on her Vhae was nothing but a loyal son to her#even if I'm so sure her choices were more reactionary towards Corellon than anything to do with him I just......#idk how you wouldn't take that extremely personally. that shit's devastating fr
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The bg3 fandom is so big and active rn I can't imagine there aren't at least a few servers out there that put like... a reasonable limit on the sort of dark content that can be discussed in it while still also allowing nuanced and mature discussion about it, especially considering the game's canon topics.
It's such a bizarre delicate balance but there has to be something right?
#im planning on sticking to a couple of my nonbg3 friends servers that invited me to talk abt bg3 in them#and the tiny little sprinting server I made a bit ago#but I know I'm going to chomping at the fucking bit to talk abt bg3 way more than anyone wants me to I think 😭#like. Only large and fandom specific servers really fill that niche but god are they always a minefield#the sheer whiplash of going from the happiness of watching the award show to like#isolating myself and now wondering if I'm going to finish ANY of my projects anymore still has me reeling#I'm just. tired man. i already did this with star wars. i don't want to do it again already here#i feel like fandom spaces love celebrating trauma survivors but only if you're one of the cool acceptable ones#if you're one of the ones that has dodgy reactions to things and complex unpredictable feelings then its just. oops!#sorry bestie no space will ever truly allow you to feel safe OR accepted. have fun walking that tightrope for the rest of your life#tbf i didn't even give the bg3 server im in the option but I already know how server-destroying this issue is#sorry to anyone who bothered to read this afhshdh it feels so much safer to rant in the tags#questlog
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Me: Hey I'm trans.
People: Read The Bible
Me: only finding affirming things in bible study ... Yeah I'm doing that. I'm trans.
People: >:[
#personal#fr it's a little ridiculous#I'm just. so tired of *gestures at the State Of Things*#tired of people saying I'm an ''ideology'' and that I should be eradicated#tired of people saying my friends should be eradicated#tired of people trying to take away our access to safety and medical care and the ability to use the bathroom#like come on I just want to live#just let me be my genderfunky little Christian self#I am legitimately going to be moving to somewhere safer after college because there's no way I'm gonna feel safe here#but even so depending on how other things go... if national stuff goes down hill#it's going to be devastating#(main post only vaguely connected to this ig)#oh but also so many people just. don't get how genuinely hard it is to be queer and Christian#we were ''discussing'' why it can be hard to have faith in sunday school today#and like I brought up some very real reasons I struggle with faith sometimes#(other people. policies actively harming us. being called wrong and bad and whatever when we very much aren't.)#and the group just kinda backed off and was *scared* to have an actual discussion#like they didn't know how to react#and a lot of my queer friends aren't religious anymore so it's hard to have conversations about specific things like this with them#also genuinely when I've been studying in the bible I don't find anything anti-trans#I just find things that are really good to me and helpful *and that are supportive of me being trans*#yet for some reason I'm the bad guy#for some reason ''love others as I have loved you''#and ''greater love has no man than this; that a man should lay down his life for his friends''#has turned into ''eradicate trans people''#''force people to either conform to your idea of Right or be severely punished''#''it's ok to blatantly misgender and disrespect people''#i. just. want. to. live.#I want to be a college kid messing off with friends and going to classes and not worrying about getting kicked off campus#I want to be able to sing in a register I can't reach by an octave when I try sing it
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i do not understand why all of a sudden american and dutch people are engaging in heated helmet discourse on this goddamned hellsite (is that redundant?) but by god is it riveting. keep the roasting coming. none of you are getting anywhere or convincing the other party of anything at all but you sure are coming up with excellent one liners that almost rival you cannot kill me in a way that matters
#The Great Helmet Discourse of Tumblr 2023#helmets#to make my stance clear i'm with the americans on this one.#like i cannot say i always wear helmets while riding bicycles but i know i should. it's good sense#for one you are at a higher speed while cycling than you are while walking#second all your hands and feet are engaged. if you fall while walking you can use your hands and legs to balance yourself#thereby being less likely to be injured in the head#but when you're falling off a bicycle and your hands are flailing in the air and one of your feet is on its way to being injured#it's a little harder to protect your head#i've fallen while riding bicycles without wearing a helmet and not had a single hair on my head get damaged#but i've also been in a minor car accident without wearing a seatbelt (the backseat didn't have any) without being grievously injured#doesn't mean i wouldn't wear the seatbelt if i could. doesn't mean you shouldn't wear helmets. it's just safer#like you're more likely not to have an accident while cycling than you are to get your skull cracked from it#but doesn't mean you shouldn't take safety precautions where you can#anyways. sayonara
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obviously there's a billion other things but one thing that sucks about being sick/disabled is that most of the time i don't have enough energy to both get to and from somewhere, and also BE in the place.
brain-wise and, like, life-fulfillment-wise, things would be way better if i could spend more time somewhere that isn't by myself in my house (although for much of the time this is the best environment to manage my various disabilities), but physical-ability-wise, often the travelling to and from a place takes all the 'spare' energy i have, so i can't actually *be* at the place without experiencing a level of various symptoms that negates the benefits of being there in the moment, or being so so ill when i get home, or the 'being at the place' leaving me unable to safely travel home in the first place. it sucks.
anyway i guess that the flipside of that is super strong appreciation for the instances that i *can* do things, the people that help me get places, and the people who're happy to meet outdoors and/or with precautions. it makes a huge difference to have some things to look forward to, even if i am greedy for more!
#it would be really neat if people were taking more precautions so it was a little safer for disabled people to use public transport without#like. potentially life threatening consequences too for everyone involved.#or like in the world in general too not just public transport :P.#oh also if the public transport sucked less and was close to places you wanted to go :P#i'm definitely on the high caution end of things because the concept of becoming further disabled by post-viral conditions brings#unfathomable dread to me given how things are anyway and having been able to claw my way to a little 'better' than things have been#but still. feel like it should be less high stakes for everyone including high risk individuals you know :P#this post probably brought to you by being asked the question 'don't you miss (the job you were so so passionate about but had to quit bc#you became disablingly sick as a teenager)?'. the answer. shockingly. is yes. :P#Anyway. i actively try to make the best of reality not the alternate reality where things are as they were but sometimes you've gotta be#sad about things! that's fine too.#i'm always more melancholy when i'm actively having medical stuff happen because i'm forced to think about it more and also to#compare my own level of concern with that of those around me and like. process and deal with the gaps between them :P
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Today is really one of those days where I'm being reminded of all the things and people I like at my job left and right. There are such good people here, and they like and appreciate me so much, which SUCKS because my department is run like SHIT and I gotta dip for my sanity
#i literally have a phone interview scheduled for my lunch break next Tuesday#and then one of my fave coworkers was like hey I'm gonna be showing some kids around Tuesday and I'd love for them to see you#me a fat butch lesbian with my they/them pronouns on my nameplate#I'm also doing a little finagling as the head of my queer group i run at this company#since someone in the group said their branch was discussing not putting up their flag due to past harassment from members/safety concerns#and i was like 'nah i know the guy who hired the security guard at hq' and told him about it and he was like wow yeah no that's fucked#so now he's thinking about ways to get them a security guard if that will make them feel safer#like i KNOW the people in this fucking company i can do GOOD at this fucking company#but I'm sick of how mismanaged my department is and I'd walk into the ocean and let it take me before I'd transfer back to customer service
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I don't really want to go to this job interview but I also can't afford to not go lmao
#it's an hour and a half journey into an area of the city I haven't been to since my family moved to a safer neighbourhood when I was a kid#It's so far out of my way and I'm a little bit nervous since someone got stabbed at the station I need to get to only a few weeks ago#ruby rambles
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