#I'm a little sad I can't be in their peer group and be their friend but first of all i dont have the energy or ability with the way I'm

[riverofrainbows]

The teens are alright, or at least the ones i know. They're really good people, and they're really taking their life more by the horns than i did and I'm really proud of them. They're doing so much and knowing so many people!!! Theyre so much more confident in what behaviour they're tolerating from others than i was at the time, and so much more confident in their identity. They're really great kids. And they don't hate me, which is so incredibly healing for me as someone's who made basically only bad experiences with teens at the time that i was one. Like they don't reject me just for existing. I think they will have a great life, and I can't overstate the impact of being a teen confident in your identity and knowing who you are.

[heartfullofleeches]

[Angst]

Childhood Best Friends with a small age gap- two or three years, nothing crazy- but it means everything as they age.

It was hard for them to make friends their age when you first met. They liked things that were too "childish" for their peers - things another child who lived not to far away adored. They'd seen each other on the way to school, but they didn't interact frequently due to their difference in grade.

Until that day-

"Whoa...Cool backpack. You like that show too?"

"Thanks... I'm thinking of getting a new one though... Do you want me to ask my parents if you can have it?"

"What?! It looks fine to me... Why are you getting rid of it?"

"My friends called me a baby... I won't be able to go back to class without everyone laughing at me unless I get a better one."

"That's silly!.... It's on right now... Wanna watch it with me?"

The two were inseparable from then on- School hindered the time they had to see each other each morning, but as soon as it let out - both ran to meet with their new best friend. The elder of the pair was often mocked and teased for their choice, but they could hardly care anymore. They had someone who'd stick by their side to the very end - childish fixations and all.

Years went on and they made new friends. It happens. More obstacles began piling up throughout - chipping away at the few hours they scarcely had to begin with. Studying, Hobbies, balancing days between hanging out with other friend groups and the person who once meant the world. They tried to make things works, but nothing went to plan-

"Is it alright if Y/n comes with us tonight?"

"Y/N? Aren't they're too young to see this movie? We shouldn't be responsible if they have night terrors or something.."

"They aren't that young... Are they?"

They never thought about it before. You were so close in age as kids it never hit them that as you grew that little gap drew a bridge between you - and it was easier to let you go than finding an alternative.

"Hey, Dude! Are we still on for this weekend? I can't believe they're making a reboot after all this time!.."

"Are my messages going through? You haven't responded in a while... I saw you outside school yesterday and yelled your name, but....."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Hey."

"You're hanging out with them today? Did you forget about my birthday?...."

"You removed me off your list of friends...We're still friends, right?"

"Let me alone. I'm sick of being your babysitter. Go find friends your own age and stay away from mine."

And that was the end of things.

College cames around and their live became relatively tame. Their thoughts drifted to that childhood friend of theirs every now and again, but between school and partying with the new friends they had made - those memories faded to the back of their mind.

An acquaintance asks them to help show some new faces around the campus. One sticks out to them amongst the crowd. It's you. What do they say to you after all these years? You don't look sad to see them. Nor angry. Intact - you look..

Relieved.

Pulling them aside at the end of the tour, you free yourself from the burden that's weighted down on you since they left you.

"I'm sorry."

"It was never my intention to hold you back. Overtime I realized I was just that annoying kid who clung onto you because I thought you were my first and only friend...When you never felt that way about me. I'm sorry for taking that away from you. If our paths cross again, I promise I won't even look at you."

After being abandoned by your best friend- the person you looked up to most, you matured well beyond your years in hopes that would make you like them again. Overtime, you gave up that goal, but others could see how you've changed.

"Isn't that.... Y/n?.."

"Oh, man- It is! You guys were glued at the hip before we became teens."

"They're..kinda cute... Do you still have their number?"

All this time apart, a feeling long forgotten resurged inside them. The need to protect you. You didn't know these people like they did. You shouldn't be going to parties with them, getting to know and befriend them. They'll only hurt you - worse than they had. They never should have said goodbye to you- They should have allowed the feelings they were so scared to have, but had always been there develop and blossom naturally until you both were adults ready to move on to that stage in your friendship.

They know you best. No matter how much you grow as a person, you're still the same.

"That's a cute Keychain, Y/n!"

"Thanks! I've loved this show since I was a kid!"

They'll prove it to you.

[littleragondin]

Wednesday is here again, we all know what it means…

Absolute Zero Day!

Last week left us with Suansoon realizing how big of an impact him being in his own past might have on his future, while teen Ongsa was diving head first into his crush on Soon.

- Those tickets are dated March 5th, which means there are only 9 days between Suansoon and Ongsa’s first meeting and Soon’s birthday/Ongsa asking him out.

- Immediately feeling crushed by Suansoon's breakdown looking at that picture of him and Ongsa.

- I really like Ongsa’s little friend group. They are adorable, supportive, they feel like teens. The little documentary of the show said they were new characters created for the show (if I’m not mistaken), and I think it’s a good addition. It’s good to see him interact with peers and it emphasizes the contrast with Suansoon’s grief-fueled loneliness.

- I, too, would preen in delight if Sine complimented me, I feel you Soon. So she was just kindly housing him while he found his footing? Incredibly generous … but at least we now know where the money for Suansoon’s rent is going to come from.

- Soon saying that Ongsa’s doesn’t like coffee that much right after we see Ongsa discuss the fact that he doesn’t know anything about Soon? Loved it. Very efficient way to remind us where they both stand in their respective timeline.

- Oooh our first real big slip about time travel! Also it does something to me that he mentions the last movie he watched with adult!Ongsa ngl.

- I checked what the “My girl” (แฟนฉัน) movie was about and … well. Fitting, it seems. It follows themes of memories and nostalgia that blend perfectly with the show.

- AH YES!! I loved how, in episode 1, every time we see them watching a movie, Suansoon looks at the screen and Ongsa looks at Suansoon so you BET I noticed how this time, Suansoon is the one looking at teen!Ongsa watching the screen. I live for parallels.

- Oh, the way Soon panics and rushes away to hide when Ongsa’s parents come visit broke my heart a little. And the “we will meet eventually”?? he gained a full family when he got with Ongsa, uh...

- Okay that cut from teen!Ongsa laughing as he leans into his mother to her asleep at his hospital bed? Brutal, painful, sad. Please don’t do this to me again (I say knowing full well that’s what I signed up for)

- “You’re missing someone and that person isn’t me.” Oh boy… I like how forward Ongsa is. Like, couldn’t be me but he knows what he wants and he will reach for it. I am quietly impressed by that.

- I also liked the little ring scene, I may read too much into it but… the ring didn’t fit just like the way teen!Ongsa liking him does not fit adult!Suansoon. Still, it finds its place with Soon's bracelet, with that memory of their teenage love. Because that's what all of it is for adult!Soon, in the end. An extended sort of memory, and he finds comfort in it, of course, there is a lot to cherish here, but ultimately that's not what he really wants.

- Unsurprisingly loved the shoot with Ongsa’s hands holding the two tickets as evidence of Soon’s rejection, calling back directly to last week ending shot. Did I say I like parallels?

- “I won’t apologize, because I did it on purpose.” I was taken by surprise ngl. Tho i felt for Soon because like... Ongsa is kissing him, except it's not the Ongsa he loves right now, not like this, but it's still him. Also, that tear when he doesn't push him away for the second kiss? b y e

- That final scene had me googling smartphone apparition and distribution because I can't for the life of me date their widespread distribution - so as comparison point, the iPhone came out late June 2007 in the US (about 8 months before the show) so I do assume that specific kind of smartphone is unusual enough to justify their reactions.

Unsure of where we're being taken next week but I will be there.

I still really like Suansoon. Do I think he should have removed himself sooner/more seriously to protect what he had? Yeah, sure. But I'm not the one working through time traveling, and the grief he is carrying. I can understand that it's hard to refuse the obvious comfort he gets from spending time with teen!Ongsa, and that he gets touched and nostalgic when the boy gets all cute with him. Also I said it last week but I am just delighted by Teng Kanist and the melancholic softness he plays. Just works for me, hooks my heart and I'd forgive everything.

I still don’t think the video shop grandpa is aware of what is happening with Soon and time travel, but I do like that in the preview we see Soon still seeking him for help because it seems like it’s something he did for a long time (in ep.1 already he was saying the man had been here for all his important moments).

That said, at this point I brought my ticket for the “teen!Ongsa knew who teen!Suansoon was/would become when he meets him at the cinema” train. That would explain the tears at the lake, why he would keep going to the movies hoping to see him, and how deep the feeling seems to run when he tells him that he misses him when they meet in the video shop. Now my question is, in that case, how would that fit into their present life? Does it mean that adult!Ongsa has always been aware of his lover traveling back in time? How much is Suansoon going to tell him, is he going to be aware that he’ll get caught in a life threatening accident?? (Is that why he looked SO sad when they watched the movie the day before the accident??)

Now to be patient until next Wednesday ...

[spicedwatermel0n]

just dropping in to offer you some motivation, because i totally get art slumps (i just left a 3 yr long one *gasp*). if you’re feeling lost creatively but also like you’re lacking the support you need to keep going, remind yourself that art is supposed to make you happy! draw for yourself, take a break, do whatever you need to step back and view your creations less as “content” for others to consume and more as something that brings you joy to make. and if you ever feel like people don’t care about your content, who cares! post anyways! if you love what you make, people will see that and become interested, but what’s really important is that you feel fulfilled. everything you make has value, always. it’s hard getting past self-deprecation, but if you ever need motivation or want to share your ideas, my dms are open, dude👍

The issue is that I've *tried* to do this. I'm not creatively blocked or anything. A matter of fact, I haven't had art block in... Years. I have a plethora of ideas and there's always new ones I'm creating. And of course, I do enjoy art as well. Buuuuut, I've also been doing it for years only to see the same consistent thing in small fandoms: everyone else has more interesting stuff, they get tons and tons of support, I do everything to satisfy the audience and bring in this following, but literally nothing seems to work because it's all just pointing to, "your art just isn't all that". And it's even worse in large fandoms because that's basically just nothingness lmfao. Haven't been in one in ages though

I'm not gonna stop drawing. But I also can't help that I'm extremely social and want my art to be viewed by others. Humans as a species thrive off community so when there's a lack of that within their space, they tend to feel down. I have no clue what issue it could be other than what I proposed, because small fandom algorithms are non existent. You basically see it all if you're a fandom member. I've tried everything to garner support on things and it's all just. Nothing. I never get the kind of support I've seen my friends here get for the past 2 years, and I'm getting hate mail often about my work. Not to mention the shit talk I get from people.

I mean, hell, you literally just joined (back) and you've got a better following than me. You've managed to get all this attention because your art is just simply amazing. I can't get that. It's sucky knowing everything has pointed to me not being good enough to amass such a following despite how hard I try and how confident I can feel about my skills sometimes.

Once again, I'm not gonna quit or shit like that. I'm well aware that I gotta do it for my own joy and I *do*. But a child is gonna be a little upset if they notice they're showing the same group of people their art that their peers are, yet their peers get so many more "so cute!"s when they get one when lucky, regardless of the child's enjoyment of having drawn it. The same goes for any time of small community where notice isn't dictated by an algorithm due to lack of size. It's the same few people, but the same few people always prefer the talent as one might expect. I don't have what they're looking for. Just a little sad, is all.

[cordycepsfem]

I saw this post on my "normie" blog and I have a couple of thoughts about it.

So there's a few things I boxed off because they jumped out at me.

1.) "Being openly queer" - OP is "genderqueer" and "aroace." I assume that by being "openly queer" on campus they wear a style of clothing and hair we're all too familiar with, accompanied perhaps by many pronoun pins and pride flags no one recognizes. Because what else is there beyond stereotypes? OP is straight "queer," which is meaningless, but I'm glad they've found that they're able to wear the clothes they like at college.

2.) The phrase "not being able to participate" when others are having a conversation about significant others was odd to me. OP can participate in a conversation about that, even if they don't have a reciprocal side of the conversation focused on their own romance/dates/etc. If you don't want to be a good friend and listen, then tell your friend that and leave. But it sounds more like you're jealous that you can't participate... because this is not the response of a supportive friend, it's the response of someone who desperately wants to have something to share.

3.) "This is supposed to be the least lonely time of my fucking life." Citation hella needed. College is not a series of cookie-cutter experiences for everyone. For some people it's another rung of high-school-level socializing and social enjoyment, and for some people it's a serious time when major events happen that change their lives, and for some people it just is what it is, and things go on more or less as planned. There is no certain guarantee that you are meant to have tons of friends in college.

The thing I didn't box off because it just sort of runs through OP's post is the sad "pity me" vibes. Oh, it's so sad that people my age are doing things most people my age do - I have to watch TV, can you believe it (girl, you have a sideblog for "Good Omens," nobody thinks you're a poor little meow meow for watching it again)? Oh, I don't want people I call my friends to be happy, I wish they'd come to the library with me instead. Oh, I can't figure out how tables work, so I can't bring a chair into the group without feeling like an outsider... really?

I understand OP is young and there's a lot of growing up to do in college. But one thing you should be prepared to learn ASAP is that for the vast majority of your college peers, dating and romance is going to be a thing. You understanding this now is, weirdly, the most "queer" thing about you.

For some LGB people, dating is hard. They might be closeted. They might be afraid of social attitudes. They might live somewhere it's not safe. They might not know how to find others like them. They definitely know that the majority of people in their peer group are heterosexual, because the majority of people are heterosexual. And maybe some of those LGB people are also out here making "pity me" posts, but I didn't see any of those, so this one will have to do.

Being "aroace" takes you out of a lot of situations that the majority of a peer group will get into. It's not your fault, and you're not "broken" for feeling that way, but you need to be honest with your friends and honest with yourself. If you can't stand to hear someone talk about a relationship, is that healthy? Can you be a good friend to someone if you can't hear them talk about a very normal, socially acceptable topic?

Let me provide an example. I don't drink, but I have friends who like to drink when we go out. I don't judge them for it, or act like I should be pitied or that somehow their drinking makes my social life lesser. Is it sometimes annoying that they always want to go to a bar or somewhere there's drinks? Sure. Can I ask them to do other things with me instead if I'm not feeling bar night? Of course - and we do lots of other things together. Is it socially acceptable to go until it's no longer fun for me and then just leave? Yep, and they're A-OK with that. None of us make a big deal about it.

I hope OP finds a way to make life bearable, and finds friends who are willing to make the kind of social agreements that keep her comfortable and her friends engaged... because demanding that her friends never go out and never talk about relationships will lose her all of them extremely quickly.

[foggyparadisecandy]

Common Hypnosis Asks I Get

If you have questions, please hit the Ask (or DM me) and I will be happy to reply.

1. Does hypnosis work?

Yes, it does. How does it work? That's complicated and entire books have been written about it.

Just know that if a particular thing isn't working for you, try a different one. A different induction, different tist, different media, etc.

We're all different and we all respond differently based on any number of factors. Try reading my RESISTANCE trance and ... relax - clear your mind - and focus on the words and let them sink in.

2. Can you hypnotize me?

This is a trickier one.

Short answer is: probably, yes. And I've tranced many, many people that I've met on Tumblr. I've done 7 - 10 trances per week for the last four months.

And that leads to the longer answer: I've gotten myself burned out. I *might* start trancing again in the future. And I *am* still trancing people that were already working with me when they ask for sessions.

But for the most part, I'm moving to lounge mode and chilling out for a bit. As much as I would love to make you all horny, submissive little pets for me, I need to just not for a while.

3. Can hypnosis make me dumb?

Hmmmmm ... now this one is going to make people sad but the truth is "no". Hypnosis cannot make you dumb just as it can't make you smart.

But what it *can* do ... is it can interrupt your thoughts and recall in subtle ways. And I have done this with my "DumDumPond" that I put inside people's heads.

The way it works is things that you have in your mind are replaced with blank spaces, or fog, or a different thing, whatever. So when you would normally think of the number 2, for instance, you instead come up with "???? I can't see what used to be there".

Another way it works is to interrupt thinking with other things. "Every time you start to think a complicated thought, you hear a sexy moan (or a train whistle or a hum or whatever)."

And it can also distract you with things like "if you try to use words over two syllables, you will find it impossible to say or write those words to completion." That has a double whammy of making you always consider syllable counts - which slows down cognitive processing - but it also makes you halt and look and feel dumber.

Are you dumber? No. But you will look and feel dumber. And the dangerous thing is we can become what we feel over time if we do it too often. Internal dialogues are a form of hypnosis.

4. Can you make me attracted to <pick anything you want here>?

This one can only be answered with a question:

Do you believe in conversion therapy? If you do, please leave my blog and block me.

If you are a man and want to be with men, or if you are a woman who wants to be with women, please accept yourself for who you are.

Now it may be extremely challenging, and even, sadly, life-threatening in some parts of the world to be open with who you are. I wish I could change that for you. Honest to god, I wish I had that power.

Since I do not and no hypnotist does, please find a professional to talk to. Find peer groups to talk to. Find others who have faced down similar challenges - not the same, but similar - and can share experiences with you.

Hypnosis is just going to add noise into your head when you need to be clearing up your mind and addressing your desires in a healthy manner.

5. Can you make me a sissy or force feminize me?

Oh darling ... this answer is the same as above for me.

So many men come to me wanting this. Some will have closets full of gear and deep deep desires to literally come out of the closet with their best dress on.

You do not need to be hypnotized for this.

I say this with full understanding that the "forced" angle is a massive kink for many. I also understand that many of my transwomen friends started this way - being forced or diving in deep to sissy hypnosis.

I understand. And yet ... I don't think it's helpful for me to force anyone to do anything and I don't feel comfortable doing it.

I love you for who you are already.

I have, and will, put out some pieces about being a bimbo and ultra-girly. But I'm not converting you. I'm not forcing you. I'm not changing you.

There are lots of files and tists out there that will do that. Please be careful, ok?

6. Can you make me a permanent, mindless slave?

I hear this one a lot. I don't want to get morose but this one depresses me a bunch.

"Mindless slave" for a bit? Ok.

"PERMANENT Mindless slave"? I would never do it and I would never want it done to you.

You are the only you in the world. You are, by definition, unique and special.

Don't trade that in and become a mindless slave to anyone.

I get the desire to escape the unbelievable stresses and anxiety of daily life. I feel it all the time. So I understand this request intimately.

Resist it.

Have fun with hypno and feel aroused and fall into subby space and feel blank and empty for a bit. But don't go chasing becoming mindless for someone please.

There are a lot of assholes out there that would love to take advantage of you, give you what you asked for, dispose of you, and move along. They don't care about you. YOU need to care about YOU.

So do that. Or please seek a proper therapist to discuss your feelings.

You are welcome to hit my Asks or DMs if you are struggling with this idea of how special you are. I can talk for days on end about how special you are.

One individual said to me "you probably say that about everyone you speak with" and, for the most part, that is correct. But it doesn't make it less true.

You are unique. You are special. Deal with it.

7. I listened to a file that made me <insert something here>. Have I permanently damaged myself?

Short answer: most likely not.

Usually triggers and effects don't last even when we want them to, so for the most part, it's unlikely they will impact you forever.

Complicated answer: it's possible to create long-lasting effects that alter you depending on how long you listened and what behaviors you adopted and built around listening.

Personally I'm still struggling a bit with impacts from the B--bi S--ep files. They get lesser and lesser each day but it still makes me want to say: be careful what you allow into your brain.

What sounds fun! may end up being very much not fun.

I wrote a text piece that has the secret of how to remove triggers, compulsions, feelings, and other effects that you might be experiencing. Give it a try here - CLEAR TRANCE.

8. So what do you do? Not trying to offend but you don't seem to do anything fun and exciting, tbh.

Yeah. I bore myself so no offense taken.

I've posted my Trance List. It grows and grows.

I've been writing stories that show my filthy dirty mind (although my stories are a lot more "evil" than I actually am when I trance people).

My tumblr is my open mind with all my fetishes, desires, kinks, and things I enjoy doing with hypnosis:

Making pets - not slaves.

Helping pets improve their lives.

Lifting people up and helping them see their uniqueness.

Putting people in mental collars to make them horny and submissive.

Making people horny AF - many, many, many ways to do this.

Putting in safety triggers or "bad trigger" removal systems.

Establish places of strength and power in people's heads.

Establishing triggers and places that people can use on their own - without me.

Trancing and relaxing people - just for relaxation purposes.

Putting people to sleepy time - so they can drop off at night.

Encouraging women to be more dominant (only within their limits and desires).

And much, much more.

If you have questions about me or hypnosis, please Ask!

[rai-knightshade-art]

I posted 40 times in 2022

33 posts created (83%)

7 posts reblogged (18%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pitchperfectrarepairweek

@chevalierebf

@creativesplat

@corelliaxdreaming

@androgymagnus

I tagged 40 of my posts in 2022

#myposts - 32 posts

#myart - 30 posts

#star wars legends - 11 posts

#pitch perfect - 10 posts

#pitch perfect rare pair week - 10 posts

#anne of green gables - 10 posts

#zekk - 10 posts

#young jedi knights - 10 posts

#jaina solo - 9 posts

#anne with an e - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#also i know this isnt strictly anne with an e but i think the whole fandom will get a kick out of this particular joke so im tagging it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Y'all know that post about "what if there was a Smash style game but with public domain characters"? This Post? Yeah i had an idea for that 😂 Though my idea wasn't "Jay Gatsby with the steel chair!" (Although that is a very funny mental image), it was "Anne Shirley with the chalk slate!" And so this comic was born! Also i threw in Victor Frankenstein cause he deserves to get smashed over the head with a slate by an 11 year old actually, maybe it'll teach him some humility like it did Gilbert.

Also Marilla and Gilbert would be summonable characters with funny catchphrases, you know they would--Marilla with her "Fiddlesticks!" And Gilbert with an apple pun (as is his wont). Truly I'm sad this doesn't actually exist.

(close ups under the Read More! Image IDs are in the alt text)

See the full post

11 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#4

I seem to be on a "fave media x 80's cult classic" kick right now (there'll be a Sailor Moon x Back to the Future post sometime in the future), so let's have my latest combo: the Young Jedi Knights Squad (Jaina, Jacen, Zekk, Tenel Ka, and Raynar) as The Breakfast Club! Aka a fanfic that i will never write and yet so desperately want to see written i already made Fanart for it. Go figure. Anyways have some iconic scenes from the movies!

Close Ups and a description of each of the "club" members below the cut, image IDs in the alt text!

The Players:

Zekk is, obviously, the "delinquent"; he's an orphan, he has to work and scrounge up his food and clothes, he pulls harebrained schemes for the adrenaline rush--he's a teacher's (specifically Brakiss's) worst nightmare. Of course, that's not all he is; he's got a key mind for mechanics and technology, helped by his scrap searching; he stays out at all hours because he doesn't like being home alone (his guardian Peckham, who he loves like family, is often away as a truck driver, and it gets lonely in their little house without him); he's kindhearted, and fiercely loyal, he just doesn't want to let anyone in out of fear of losing them, or that they won't like what they see....

Jaina is the "princess"; the only daughter of the Governor, she's been groomed to play nice and hang out with the other children of politicians and CEOs since she was just a little girl. Nowadays they form her primary group of friends, the most popular kids in school, looked up to--or down upon-- by their peers in equal measure. And... She kinda hates it. She stays with them only out of obligation, to make her mother's life easier, but she doesn't particularly care about any of them and doesn't even particularly enjoy their company; it's all drama and gossip and a revolving cacophony of dating and breaking up and bitter exes and rivalries and she is sick of it. She would much rather be spending her time at her dad's auto shop, getting her hands dirty tuning up engines and changing oil and bonding with Han. She can't tell anyone that tho, it would ruin her reputation...

Jacen is the "jock"; the twin brother of Jaina, he also feels a certain pressure to stay in with the popular crowd. He achieves this by being captain of the fencing team; it's no star quarterback position but it is still respectable among his peers. Fencing isn't his true passion, tho; he'd much rather be spending all his time at the local animal shelters, or assisting at the zoo. He's an animal lover through and through, but it's something he hides from his "friends" so that they don't have reason to shun him for being a "sissy." He knows there's nothing ignoble about his hobby, but they don't know that....

Tenel Ka is, for lack of a better term, the "weirdo"; she comes from somewhere called Dathomir, from a culture of fierce warrior women, and boy, does she act like it. She will readily duel anyone who looks at her wrong, she eats entire animal legs for lunch, and she never seems to show much emotion.... Ever. Add to that her missing arm (which no one knows the truth about btw, rumors fly about it being anything from a childhood accident to one of her duels gone wrong), and she cuts an intimidating figure that most students avoid. Is there more to her than that? Oh is there. Is there ever.

Raynar Thul is the final member of the crew; he's the "trust fund baby" that hangs out with a very specific clique that even Jaina and Jacen aren't a part of. He comes across as snobbish and standoffish, unwilling to dabble with anyone "lesser". This is a front, however; he projects this persona because it's what his parents expect from him, and he doesn't want word getting back to them about what he actually does: extensive volunteer work. Raynar has a drive to help people, and has been trying to use his privilege all through high school to do just that, by volunteering at food banks and for highway clean up, and donating as much of his allowance as physically possible where he can. In fact, it's how he met his girlfriend Lusa, but that's a whole other can of worms...

See the full post

11 notes - Posted June 7, 2022

#3

Young Jedi Knights!! Or, ok more accurately they're old enough to be New Jedi Order/Fate of the Jedi/etc etc era but I'm ignoring, like, all of that. So.

@lizartgurl you know that scene we low-key talked about? I drew it 😅 nothing like a good set of parallels in your star wars fan art!

And I'm also of the opinion that Zekk's dynamic with the twins when they were younger is basically 50% Off Makoto and Nagisa, so i present Zekk, explaining one of his many adventures to a pair of kids that i will explain below the cut because their story is... Complicated, and started literally a decade ago 😅

More details and closeups below the cut, image IDs in Alt Text as always!

See the full post

13 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

#2

Prompt: "This is me trying"

Pitch Perfect RarePair Week 2022, Day 1

Because we all know the REAL reason Jessica and Ashley didn't get much screentime in the movies was because they were busy being James Bond-esque super spies/secret agents and living out their very own Mrs. and Mrs. Smith AU. Speaking of, hey, Pitch Perfect fandom? I have seen ZERO Mrs. and Mrs. Smith AU's for these two yet and I am APPALLED. It's perfect for them! Secret hidden lives, confusion over names (because they've got so many cover identities it's hard to keep track who's who), JESSICA'S LAST NAME IS LITERALLY SMITH THIS FIC WRITES ITSELF.

*ahem*

Anyways, welcome to my first entry (EVER!!) for Pitch Perfect RarePair Week! I rewatched the first movie recently, hyperfixated, and came to the realization that, apparently, it's "oops all rarepairs and hot takes" for me 😅. This seemed like the perfect way to tentatively test the waters of truly joining in, ya know? And so, I offer this drawing as your prompt, oh fic writers of the fandom; if you want to write this AU, you've already got free fan art for it! And my undying devotion.

This is, of course, for Prompt #1, "this is me trying"; I'm sure this was intended to be an angsty, emotional turmoil between partners prompt, but I couldn't help but turn it on its head into a comedic exchange in the middle of a High Stakes Infiltrate-and-Extract job, ya know? YOU try cracking the safe then, Jessica, if you think it's so easy! 😂

Stay tuned for the rest of my RarePair Week posts, and of course check out everybody else's entries over on @pitchperfectrarepairweek as they come in! There's some seriously talented writers in this fandom! As for me, I've got a couple of different rarepairs I've been drawing for, plus (hopefully) one fic for Day 5 that also ties into Day 6 (and, technically speaking, Day 2, though it's not as obvious)... Provided I can, ya know, ever finish writing the damn thing 😅. Though I will warn y'all, Day 2's entry may or may not be late, as I only had the idea for it a couple days ago and I haven't had time yet to draw it 😅 we shall see how quickly I can get it put together!

Links to the other RarePair Week posts and a close up below the cut, Image ID is in the alt text!

Days I'm participating in (and the Entries I've posted):

Day 1 (This is me trying): You are Here!

Day 2 (I've missed you): Link

Day 5 (If honesty means telling the truth... Well then the truth is I'm still in love with you): Link

Day 6 (There's no way that it's not going to happen with you looking at me like that): Link

Close Up:

Day 7.1 (I can't say it, but I'll sing it): Link

Day 7.2 (part 2 of Day 2): Link

See the full post

15 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"Have I known you 20 seconds ....

......or 20 Years?"

(or: I couldn't find a satisfactory Anne of Green Gables bookmark so I made my own)

(image id in alt text, close ups/alt angles and artist thoughts under the cut)

(quote from Taylor Swift's "Lover")

So, I really wanted a bookmark featuring my all time favorite Anne quote, aka the "diamond sunbursts and marble halls" line. But I couldn't find a good bookmark that I liked that also featured that line, so I just decided, what the hey, I'll make one myself, and I can do it exactly the way I want to! And then I did 😂.

I wanted a double-sided bookmark so I could feature a scene from each of my two favorite adaptations of Anne, i.e. the Sullivan movies and Anne with an E. I knew the Sullivan side would have the main quote since said quote actually appeared in the movies, and from there it was an easy decision to pair it with the reunion scene from A Continuing Story, a) because that scene has lived rent free in my head since I was 10, and b) while the first kiss that came after the actual line was beautiful, the reunion scene brings a different, more desperate emotion to the quote that I really like. It's in the way they clutch at each other desperately, the way Gilbert's face is pressed into her shoulder so tightly you can see wrinkles in his skin appear, the way Anne runs her fingers through his hair, the whole scene just screams "all I've wanted for two straight years was just to hold you in my arms again" and I burn I pine I perish.

After that it was just a matter of figuring out the Anne with an E side. I decided pretty quickly that I wanted the bonfire scene, both to contrast the other side by splitting the image up and because that scene, almost more than the actual first kiss scene, really cemented Gilbert's love for Anne to me, you can see it in his eyes as he looks up at her, illuminated by fire, like he's looking at his own personal goddess. And with that idea came the decision to use his letter as the quote, albeit shortened cause homeboy was rather wordy in confessing his love (which I adore that's a whole other rant) so that I kept the main, emotional hooks.

Then, I surrounded each one with meaningful flowers (lilies of the valley for the og, queen Anne's lace for the newbies), splashed some watercolors across the backgrounds for some flavor, and that was that!

Btw these are both done on toned mixed-media paper, it's thick and it's almost a cross between card stock and cardboard. I designed the whole thing in pencil, inked it in black and white, then threw watercolor over the top before finishing with water soluble markers and retouches to the white gel ink where needed. I plan to laminate this for it's protection but these pictures were taken unlaminated.

Close ups:

See the full post

19 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

Sky Blue January (02.02.2024)

Hey, it's me again! I can't believe a month of 2024 is gone already. Who said January was moving slowly didn't make sense. I never feel like time ever moves slowly. It moves a little a time then all at once. Oop! Just like growing up!

I had a countdown party at my cousin's house on New Year's Eve. It was fun until the topic of marriage was constantly brought up. I wasn't even surprised. My brother was the main target. He left early and never came back. Good for him as I would do the same.

I woke up to New Year late as I should. I had a haircut. That's already the norm, right?

The next day, January 2nd I went to Chef Nak's house with BKT and BSR for photoshooting. The main purpose was not only for the photo shoot but also to talk about the unfinished work. Things were going okay until discussing with BSR. What I could hear from him was that my work is not worthy for him to pay a lot. A side of me wanted to prove him wrong and tried to do my best, but then on the way home, I became mad and decided that if people not going to see value in my work, then I was not wasting time trying to prove them. Did I do the right thing? Is this a sign of my lack of communication skill and collaboration skills? Is this what's costing me all the good opportunities?

On the first weekend, I went on a trip with BKT and BKL. This is definitely another occasion that sent me into another existential crisis. They lived in a very different world from my usual circle and that's somehow all my friend groups are. They are rich and talk about businesses and having fun. Money isn't their concern, but it's about love and friendship. I had fun of course but a different kind of fun, but a good thing is I know they are people I can count on, right?

I also started posting content back on social media. In a way, I feel so lost in direction. Am I doing the right thing? Do people even care what I'm saying? Am I not trying hard enough? Am I trying hard in the right direction? What does it all lead up to? Why do I have to question so much instead of putting effort into making it good and happen?

I finally announced my resignation to my teammates. They were so sad and really wanted me to stay. I feel so lucky to have them for real.

I have to address the elephant in the room. I was selected for YSEALI AFP! Damn! My 5 years of effort finally paid off! I was so happy, but I also hated another part of me that immediately started asking "What's next?" Why can't I live in the moment instead of always constantly looking for what's next? I really need to enjoy the moment and appreciate my efforts. I know for sure that I'm the oldest in my cohort but I don't care as long as I'm going to the US!

I went to G sauna and on a date. It was nice and I'm glad and I put myself out there again. Workwise, it's also really hectic at the workplace as it's still the peak season. I sent a message to VT to separate PPUB but she hasn't responded yet. I made up my mind and she's not going to change that.

I'm 25 this year. I feel such an existential crisis. Most of my peers are either in their family era or cooperate era because they finished their academic era already. I feel like I'm still starting. This is a hard thing I have to constantly tell myself to stop living my life based on society's pressure, and limited belief... I can travel around, enjoy the view, and arrive at the destination. I should enjoy the journey instead of rushing to finish the race. It was always about the journey.

I feel so old when there are these young upcoming youths lately. Maybe that's what I shouldn't worry about. It's not about competition. It's about helping one another win.

I feel lost, to be honest on what I should focus on now. Should I focus on switching my career? Should I focus on building my project? Should I focus on academic things?

Or maybe I shouldn't be stressed out too much. I learned from Taylor that I can switch from one era to another era any time. I really just have to focus on choosing one thing in front of me and focus on it and make it the best I can. It's easier said than done, but I'd do the best I can for 2024 because I'm in my 1989 era!

[chokeholds-illegal]

Fantasy (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader

Era: Season 5 -- The group is new to Alexandria

Summary: Since arriving in Alexandria, everyone is trying to adjust. One morning, when you come home from a hunt before dawn, you accidentally overhear your best friend and housemate, Daryl, indulging himself. What happens when you discover his favorite fantasy is... you?

Warnings: smut (minors, DNI!), mentions of typical TWD gore and violence

[angst, romance, SMUT.]

Word Count: 2k

Chapter 1: here

Chapter 3: here

With the sun fully dipped below the horizon, the night air is growing chiller by the minute. You unroll the sleeves of your jacket down over your forearms, a shiver running up your neck.

But, you admit that your shivers might be more-so caused by the situation at hand than the cold.

You clutch the cool metal fork you had slipped into your pocket. Peering around the empty street, you wonder where Daryl could have gone. You head between two houses across the road and start walking the perimeter of the great, big wall. Noticing that some of the taller, unkept grass closest to the perimeter was flattened, you know you're going the right direction.

You notice Daryl's cigarette first. Even from 40 meters ahead in the darkness, the little orange glowing butt catches your eye, floating like a firefly. You breath catches. Continuing to draw closer, you start to make out the dark outline of Daryl, leaning against the perimeter wall.

"Hey," you softly call out to get his attention.

He ignores you, not even turning to look. But, he doesn't run.

"Whatcha' want?" he growls out as you come to his side. "Didn't say I wanted no company."

A deep sadness falls on your shoulders at his comment. Daryl never pushed you away like this, not anymore. He always invited you along when he veered away from the group to hunt. He kept you company on watch sometimes. The last time he spoke to you so harshly must have been... well, the day you met.

You swallow the lump in your throat, producing the fork from your pocket.

"You forgot this."

He glances at the fork in your outstretched hand, then at you. You holds your gaze for a moment, as if trying to read you. He looks frustrated, angry.

Finally, after a few long seconds, he take the fork from your hand, burying it into the pocket of his dark jeans. You watch as he takes another draw of his cigarette. Thin smoke snakes out of his mouth in a long sigh. You keep waiting for him to say something, but every time you think he's about to start, he doesn't. You watch him as he finishes his entire cigarette. He drops it to the ground, stomping it out with his boot. Still, silence.

It occurs to you that pretending as if the incident never happened was not going to work. Neither you nor Daryl were fake enough to carry on business as usual.

"Ok, let's cut the shit, right?" you blurt out, letting your own back fall against the wall next to Daryl.

Daryl's eyes dart to you, squinted, cautious. You can palpably see his nervousness. The slight sheen of sweat appearing on his brow, despite the cool air and his lack of sleeves. The tiny movement in his face as he chews on the inside of his lip, waiting for your next words. Your own nerves are bubbling over, too. You don't really know how to bring it up, but you know that you can't go on with this tension between you and your best friend.

"I overheard something private," you say clearly, letting the rush of adrenaline give you courage. "I'm sorry. Can we drop it, though? I know it didn't mean shit, so let's not make it into shit. I can't stand... whatever, this is."

Your heart pounds. Daryl is silent. God, just say something. Your eyes have been adjusting to the dark, and you can now make out more of his features. You hold his eyes bravely, and... wait -- Is Daryl blushing? In all your time together, you had never seen it before: the slight rosiness filling his cheeks, rising all the way up to the tips of his ears, which peek out from his messy brown locks. Despite the betrayal of blush, the rest of his face is stoic. Perfectly still, holding his emotions in check.

Finally, he breaks his eyes away, looking down at his feet.

"I didn't want you to hear that," Daryl whispers.

His voice is barely audible -- so soft, so ashamed.

"No, I shouldn't have been sneaking around down there," you assure him, taking a step closer. "My fault. I just wanted to leave those --"

"I'm s' sorry," he blurts out, cutting you off.

His remark is punctuated with a crack in his voice. You feel your eyebrows jump in surprise. Daryl shouldn't be the one apologizing.

"Why are you sorry?"

He's looking in your eyes again, but his gaze is different this time. He looks... small. He still has that hardness in jaw -- that every-present show of toughness. But, in this moment, Daryl truly looks ashamed, and you feel so terrible for this entire thing.

"I ain't got no right to be thinkin' about you like that," he finally breathes out, shakily.

You're taken aback. Not in a million years, did you think that's what he was going to say. You had assumed that Daryl calling out your name was just a strange exclamation in the heat of the moment. We all say and do weird things when we're horny. Did he really... actually... think about you like that?

"Daryl. I don't... I don't get it."

Suddenly, his demeanor changes to frustration. Upset at having to explain himself, upset at this embarrassment -- upset at you.

"Stop playin' dumb," he retorts angrily, taking a few steps away from you.

"I'm not playing dumb," you plead.

"Ya' are. Ya' know what I mean."

Daryl's voice is angry now, growing louder.

"Shh," you tell him desperately. "People are sleeping. Come back!"

He's turned his back to you, starting to storm away in the opposite direction. You jog after him. You grab his upper arm in an attempt to make him stay. Before you can process it, Daryl spins around, snatching your wrist away from him. He hold you there, towering over you, roughly holding your arm.

For a moment, it's just the sound of breath. The two of you, shakily inhaling and exhaling, air thick with emotions unspoken. Your heart is pounding in your ears, making you lightheaded. Daryl's face, just inches from yours, is contorted into an emotion you can't easily pin down. Anger, fear, and shame -- all wrapped up into one.

"I ain't Spencer," he growls, causing confusion to splay across your brow. He voice is sharp as a knife, but so quiet that you have to crane your neck closer. You forget the rest of the world exists.

"Spencer?"

"Yeah. I been seeing how he looks at ya'. Pearly whites, trust fund son-of-a-bitch, Spencer. And I saw ya' two together this mornin'."

You remember the encounter this morning at the pantry. How Daryl brushed right by you, as if you didn't exist to him. You had no idea he had even noticed who you were with.

"And I ain't Rick, neither," he continues before you can respond. "I ain't no leader. Don't know nothin' about politics, or being a neighbor."

What is Daryl trying to say? He's still gripping your wrist so tightly, your fingers are starting to go pale. But you barely feel it. All you feel is his warm breath on your face and the weight of his words.

"Spencer and I are not a thing," you tell him firmly. "No chance in hell for that. And I don't know why you're talking about Rick."

It seems like Daryl suddenly remembers his grip on your wrist. He quickly lets go and returns his arm to his side, but he remains a breath away from you.

"Point is," he retorts, his voice less harsh. "I ain't got no right to be wantin' you like that."

His last sentence sends your mind whirling. He wants me. He wants to fuck me? Or he wants to be with me? How -- why would he want me?

Shit. You silently curse yourself when you realize the slight wetness that has formed in your underwear. You want to deny it, but you're turned on by Daryl confession. All the times you had lustfully snuck a glance at his broad, muscular shoulders as he held his crossbow at full draw. The times you had watched him brush sweaty hair out of his eyes, exhausted from taking down a group of walkers, or hauling a deer back to camp. You hated how his roughness spurred on these occasional fleeting thoughts -- you hated it because it was Daryl. This man means so much to you. He's grown so special to you that you know you could never bear to lose him. And so, you never let these thoughts linger for more than a brief second. But now, with Daryl standing before you, confessing his deepest, darkest desires, you feel yourself teetering helplessly on the edge.

You hold his eyes, the two of you locked together like a stand-off. Daryl takes a deep, shaky breath. The traces of anger from minutes ago have melted away, leaving a softness behind: a resignation to the fact that he had spoken his secret aloud. And there was no taking it back. And suddenly, you watch his eyes flicker down to your lips, and back up -- so subtle, you'd miss it if you blinked.

That. That pushes you over the edge.

Like a slingshot, you press forward, quickly pressing your lips to Daryl's. You're both shocked at first. You, at your boldness, and he, at the fact that you didn't run away in disgust. His lips are warm against yours, steady, and you melt further into him, letting your eyes fall shut.

A moment later, you feel a large hand come up to your shoulder. Your heart flutters, as Daryl’s palm radiates warmth into you. His touch is delicate, as if he’s still unsure this is really happening.

The kiss is slow, but chaste. You gently pull back, still close enough to feel the heat from his mouth.

“You’re wrong,” you whisper into him. A sudden wave of sadness coming over you. “You’re the best man I know. You deserve whoever you want.”

You hear Daryl sharply inhale, wavering.

“Well, I want you,” he ghosts back, caution still laced with his tone.

His voice sounds as if it’s about to break. He kisses you again, pressing himself to you as if his life depends on it. You let him kiss you, the hand on your shoulder beginning to hold you more firmly. You raise your hands to his neck, and then the back of his head, tangling your fingers gently in his hair.

You’re heart is still pounding relentlessly in your chest, but you let yourself feel it. How long has he wanted me? Is this wrong? What if we're seen out here? Each thought buried by the next, cascading, until you decide it's best not to think at all. This is your first kiss since... before. Arousal pools in your stomach, making you grip at him hungrily.

You grab a handful of his hair, and a tiny moan escapes Daryl's lips. He pulls back, surprised at his own lack of control.

"They can't see us from here, can they?" you ask when your lips separate.

You're both breathily heavily, nearly panting, bodies pressed together. If anyone saw you two... Well, who knows what they would think?

"I dunno," replies Daryl quietly, but his mind is elsewhere. Concern about public appearance seems to be the last thing on his mind as he continues to stare down at you with half-lidded eyes.

He looks so damn sexy. Rough, and frantic, and lust-ridden. His features are part-illuminated by the soft glow of the moon, highlighting a delicate sheen of spit coats his bottom lip where your mouth had just been.

"Let's go back to the house," you whisper, suggestively.

Daryl had never agreed to something so fast.

[papermonkeyism]

Hello! I just wanted to say hi and when I was in I think high school I followed Wurr like religiously through DeviantArt and now it's a decade later and I remembered how much I enjoyed it and I was like huh I wonder if I can find it again and lo and behold I found you again and you're still making lovely and charming art and I adore your wingbeans they're so cute!!! Are you still writing Wurr? Or have you moved on to other projects it's over the years?

Aww, thanks. I'm glad you like my work!

So the thing with Wurr.

There are more pages drawn than there are online, but I can't upload those, because the story is at a place where it's going to start a long series of cliffhangers, and there just isn't enough buffer for me to start publishing pages again without being left hanging, and once I'll run out of pages I'd like the story to be at a point where it won't be left in a too painful place because I get enough angry messages demanding continuation as is.

When I started Wurr (in 2007) I was in an art school for animation, surrounded by peers and I was able to draw in a company that could beta read my pages while I was making them. Once I left there, I went to another art school, this time for comics, and was able to dedicate more time for the comic, and this is where my drawing it really took off. Again, being surrounded by peers who could beta while I worked.

After that I went into yet another art school, this time for my Bachelor's in multimedia production. Nothing is better for drawing comics than art history lectures, I tell ya. While my classmates weren't as involved or interested in my work, I did have a friend from the graphic design department. My Brainstorm Buddy lived nearby, we both had our own comics we worked on, so we formed our own two person comic drawing peer group. We could critique each other while we were drawing, cheering each other, and it was awesome.

Then I graduated, and the Brainstorm Buddy moved to another town. But it was fine, I had plenty of free time as unemployed. I had trouble drawing alone on my own without live critique, but I made it work. I couldn't focus at home, but I had this small ice cream cafe I could go to draw.

Then I got a job at a warehouse, and suddenly I had to dedicate 11 hour chunks of my days for being at work or commuting. It was quite draining in itself, and also having a time consuming, mentally demanding extra job like a plot heavy comic with full pencil shading at the side was getting harder.

I started slipping. Small errors that I didn't notice while drawing but people pointed out once I published the pages, and I had to go back to redraw and frankenstein several of them. It's all done by pencils and markers on real paper, so I couldn't just copy-paste move things around a bit when I made mistakes. I started to get slower in my drawing to compensate...

Untill I became so anxious and self-conscious about my slowness that one single comment was enough to break me, and I was forced to take a hiatus.

At one point I was about to get my act back together, started drawing pages again and did, in fact, upload few pages, but that's when the pandemic hit. I don't have many IRL friends to begin with, and we don't comic together anyway, and then we just stopped seeing each other for a while. The little ice cream cafe closed down and doesn't exist anymore. Tried to find another cafe, and even found one, but that also closed down.

I have no comic drawing peer group. I have no place to draw, to think.

And nowdays whenever I so much as mention Wurr online, I get people coming to my ask box or comments to lament how hard it is that there's no comic updates. Most just make me feel bad, guilty for letting the comic down. Telling me how much of a shame it is that I've quit or killed it. How sad the characters must be. I once got an entire eulogy for the comic! Wish I had screen shotted it before deleteing... Or that one comment calling me irrelevant and pathetic and I should just continue Wurr. (I'm actually not even mad at that one, it was such an obvious case of an arsehole I just blocked them and moved on, but if I ever need proof I can find it again) Quite recently had someone send me a lecture on how I shouldn't work for external validation and should continue drawing the comic for myself instead after I merely mentioned Wurr in an ask.

See, it turns out I appear to have a pretty severe case of ADHD (diagnosis currently in process) that was never a bother when I had a peer group and an environment where to draw, because storytelling is one of my special interests. But I absolutely suck at focusing by myself when I'm stuck home with only my own brain as company. I'm just swimming in brain fog these days, and Wurr requires an alert brain to handle all the plot threads, characters, timing, environmental planning, etc.

I live alone. In a tiny one-room apartment. I have very few IRL friends. I have my DnD group that helps me stay sane, but we usually only see each other when we play DnD. The one of them I mostly hang out with outside of games is kinda new, we just started hanging out last fall. Haven't talked comics with him, and he hasn't read Wurr. I did draw a comic page with another one of my DnD buddies last year, but we just don't hang out like we used to.

Would be nice to get to comic again one day. There are things planned in the comic's future I'd like to see done. I just do not have enough mental bandwidth to focus on it right now, or the peer/brainstorm/beta buddy to help corral my scattered, foggy brain away from the most obvious errors.

*shrug* Dunno. Maybe if I manage to get the ADHD medicated. And a cafe to draw in. I miss having a Brainstorm Buddy.

I mean, yeah, I have other projects ("as well as" not "instead of"), but I'm not writing anything at the moment, I'm just drawing whatever feels fun to draw. My thoughts are visual and I can't brain words. I'm always juggling multiple headworlds at any given time anyway (see: ADHD).

[marvelatthetwilight]

Always have, always will

300 follower one-shot!

Thank you all so much for the love and support!

A/N: Also, in typical me fashion I've invested a lot in this one and have ended up with something I want more of - AHHHH!

A/N: Used The Twilight Fanon Wiki for some backstory ideas. So thank you to those who contributed to ideas about the British Coven.

Greece circa 1000 AD

Two figures rush down an alley hand in hand, gazing into each other’s eyes. The young man with his fair hair and olive complexion, turns to the young woman beside him and kisses her deeply.

“I love you.” She whispers softly to him.

“I love you Y/N, always have, always will” he says, his voice gravelly and raspy through desire, as he rests his head against Y/N’s.

“When will I see you again Dem?” Y/N whispers as Demetri places another lingering kiss to her lips.

“As soon as I can my love” he promises, before they are interrupted by a dark haired couple entering the alleyway.

They spring apart, Y/N fixing her hair as Demetri inspects the coins in his purse.

As soon as the couple leave, Demetri entwines his fingers with Y/N’s before she places a final quick kiss to his lips.

“I love you Demetri, with all my being.” Demetri smiles a small, sad smile. "I hate that you have to leave."

“I know, I know. But remember. My heart will always belong to you Y/N. Forever." They link little fingers, leaning forward to kiss each other's entwined hand. A small laugh leaving both their lips, they come together once again for one final, desperate kiss.

Catching sight of a tear falling down her cheek, Demetri quickly wipes it away.

"I promise I will see you soon. I promise."

Present Day, Volterra, Italy

"Demetri, Felix, Alec and Jane. We have a mission for you." Marcus calls down the hallway to the group gathered at the end. "Come with me."

"Yes Master." They all reply as they follow him towards the great hall.

"There have been some disturbances in London, we need you to...neutralise it." Aro says quietly.

"Demetri, I need you to look for an old friend...George...we have reason to believe he is involved." Marcus adds, looking to Demetri with a serious look in his eye.

"George? I thought he was dead?" Felix asks, looking between Marcus and Demetri.

"We have reason to believe he is alive. Something, or someone has hidden him all this time from us. The British coven have called upon us to help them." Marcus replies, and Caius' face contorts with disgust.

"The British coven. Ugh. Hilarious how he is asking us for help now, after everything." Caius says bitterly.

Jane and Alec share a look.

"Now now brother. Many years have passed, I'm sure we can forgive Gabriel now. He believes George may have something we want...if we can find him." Aro turns his attention to the twins.

"I know each time you return to England there is a...blip...shall we say. Please keep damage limited." He whispers to them, they both nod turning to follow Demetri and Felix as they walk through the large doors.

"I can't work out what I hate more, going to see Carlisle in wet and cold Washington...or going to see Gabriel in the wet and cold London..." Felix mutters as he peers out at the torrential rain outside.

"Old friends, I promise it isn't always like this." Gabriel announces as he enters the room, looking round at Alec, Jane, Demetri and Felix sat in the entry way of the British Coven's headquarters.

He smiles at those who were once colleagues, friends...to then quickly become enemies when he broke free of the Volturi hold. His dark hair is cut shorter than when Demetri last saw him, styled in a more modern fashion; tall and broad in stature, though still no comparison for Felix's height. To his side is his shield who he introduces to the group as Anna, his 'eyes and ears' in London, he claims.

Demetri scoffs at Gabriel's use of 'friends'. "I'm not sure friends fake their own death to 'escape' from you."

"It was a necessary evil Demetri, I promise you."

"Enough with the pleasantries." Jane states bluntly. "Aro said you have information for us to put an end to these disturbances."

"Still a people person I see Jane." He claps his hands together and motions for them to follow him to his office.

The room is lavishly decorated, with a lavish walnut desk in front of a large window, matching bookcases covering the remaining walls, and two large tan leather sofas in the middle of the room. He gestures to the sofas and the four visitors take a seat.

"What do you have for us Gabriel?" Demetri asks, growing frustrated at the delay, keen to begin tracking George and finishing the mission.

"Information on the attacks. They are making the tabloids, putting us in danger here. We have tried to investigate, but my trackers have come up empty."

He turns to look at Demetri. "Demetri, I am not ashamed to admit that you are still the best tracker I have come across in my many years, I believe you will be able to find him."

"And him is...?" Alec asks.

"George."

"I thought George was one of yours?" Jane questions.

"He was. But he has an unnatural obsession with humans. He has a following of sorts. A cult, the humans would call it. He talks with humans about us, we have begun hearing murmurs in the streets...but we can never work out where he is, we have tried everything to track him."

"So what has made him so difficult to track? Why is he still free to cause such chaos?" Demetri asks, curious about the vampire who has evaded so many talented trackers.

"He has a shield."

"A shield? So what? Like the Cullen?" Alec asks.

"From what Carlisle has told me, no. This shield can block EVERYTHING. And she is powerful enough to protect George's entire coven. We can't track any of them."

"This is what you have said

"So what information do you have?" Demetri asks, growing agitated.

"We know her name."

"And...?" Felix asks expectantly.

"Y/N. We believe her name is Y/N." He replies, then hesitates as he catches a flash of shock on Demetri's face.

Greece circa 1000AD - 6 months after Demetri left Y/N.

Demetri stands in front of the old stone house, looking up at the window where he can usually see the flicker of candlelight. Tonight, the room is in darkness.

Where is she?

Amun had told him to not return to Athens, that it was too risky, as a new born he was dangerous, but he had to find Y/N. He had promised he would come back, and whilst it wasn't his fault that he didn't return, he needed to apologise, needed to see her.

After discovering his gift, he tried to track her straight away, desperate to know she was OK, that she was somewhere safe. The world was not what they thought; it was full of monsters, and now he was one of them.

He sits on the floor in front of her house, pulling his legs up to his chest, and leaning down to rest his head. I'll wait here for her. He decides, he didn't need to sleep now after all.

By the time morning comes, Y/N has still not appeared, and her window is still dark. Just after dawn he hears movement in the house; someone making food, the clattering of pans and clink of plates obvious to his enhanced hearing.

Eventually, the front door opens, and he is greeted by Y/N's father. His face has aged significantly since Demetri had last set eyes on him. His face looks sad, deep lines have formed on his forehead, crinkles at his eyes, and the bags under his eyes tell the tale of many sleepless nights.

Demetri coughs lightly to attract his attention, his sad expression immediately changing from sadness to anger.

"You!" He shouts as he stomps towards where Demetri is standing.

"Where is she? Where is my daughter? What have you done with her?" He asks desperately, his anger quickly dissipating, tears forming in his eyes.

"What?" Demetri asks, panic rising in his chest. "She's missing?"

"Of course she's missing! She went looking for you. Desperate to find you. Kept saying you said you would never leave her, so she had to come find you. She was frantic. I had to lock her in her room. Then one night...she was just...gone. That was three months ago." The tears spill out of his eyes quickly, relentlessly, and he wipes at his cheeks with the palm of his hand.

"...I...I didn't mean to leave her for so long. I meant it, I love her. I didn't want to leave her. I had no choice. I came back for her." A lump forms in Demetri's throat, and he feels the pain of the tears he cannot shed.

Back to the present

"Dem? Are you ok?" Felix whispers, quickly moving to Demetri's side when he realises why the name sounds so familiar. He had heard so many stories about her from Demetri in the hundreds of years they had spent together. She was the only person he remembered from his human life and even though she died over 1000 years ago, he kept his promise, and continued to love her like he had never left.

Demetri snaps out of his thoughts, and returns his attention to Gabriel.

"What can you tell us that can help us track them?" He asks.

Gabriel's eyes sparkle at the thought of his nefarious plan. "The Volturi have come to London...that will be too tempting for George to ignore...and...I may have spread word of your arrival."

"So we are the bait?" Jane asks raising one of her eyebrows at Gabriel.

"It is the only sure way to lure him out of hiding. It will be a challenge dear Jane. It is so unusual for you to be on the back foot, surely this will make things far more interesting for you, will it not?" Gabriel asks, a teasing tone to his voice.

"Where do you need us?" She asks finally.

"This is ridiculous." Alec states, looking back at his sister.

"I agree completely brother. But our mission is to neutralise George, and we cannot do that if we cannot find him." Jane whispers back to Alec.

"Be quiet you two." Demetri whisper shouts back at them as they make it to the clearing in the park.

It's late; the only people in the park are a few people doing a late night jog, but they stay clear of the bizarre group that have gathered dressed in cloaks and dark formal wear.

The group walk towards where Gabriel is standing with two others. Whilst Gabriel talks with Alec and Jane, continuing with the plan that Gabriel knows nothing of the Volturi's arrival, Demetri looks around the dark clearing. He senses that they are being watched, but is unable to pick up any familiar tenors; he closes his eyes to concentrate, reaching out into the darkness to see what he can find. Suddenly a tenor reaches out, loud and clear. It's unusual, but familiar.

Demetri's eyes fly open, darting around in the darkness.

Felix picks up on Demetri's change in demeanour.

"What's happened? What can you see Dem?" He asks as he appears at Demetri's side.

"I can feel her... She's here... It is her Felix." Demetri stutters in reply, eyes still desperately searching the darkness until the tenor disappears, a small glimpse, letting him know she was there, she was alive, before disappearing again.

"She's gone." Demetri whispers to Felix, his expression deflated, and they both turn their attention back to Alec and Jane who are still speaking with Gabriel.

"The Volturi do not have time for silly games Gabriel. The rules have been broken, humans are becoming aware, and we will get to the bottom of it."

"Of course Jane, and I can guarantee you that no rules have been broken by my coven. I do not know who, but it is not us. My hands are clean." Gabriel holds out his hands towards Jane.

"Then who is behind these...issues...if it is not your coven Gabriel?" Felix asks, glancing at members of Gabriel's coven standing behind him.

A deep laugh echoes around the open space.

The owner, shrouded in darkness begins emerging from a sudden mist behind Gabriel's group.

One figure turns into two, then three, then four, until a group of twelve unknown vampires emerge fully from the mist.

Demetri's eyes look closely at the faces of each figure until he locks eyes with one. Y/N. It's her.

She looks the same as she did the last time he saw her. Like it was yesterday. That's why she disappeared. That's why she never came back.

His mind is muddled and confused as he takes her in; their eyes stay connected, neither one wanting to blink or look away. Even when George calls her name, she replies without moving her eyes from Demetri's. The connection between them was obvious to anyone paying them attention, but George's attention was set on Jane and Alec and he was oblivious.

"Pain." Jane says, her eyes fixed on George; nothing happens. A dark smoke begins to leave Alec's fingers, only to be met with a barrier protecting George's entire group. "The shield." Jane reminds Alec, and they eye those gathered either side of George, looking for weakness.

"Ha. That won't work on me, not with my dear Y/N by my side." He gestures to Y/N, who is still watching Demetri with fear in her eyes.

"I had hoped that we had drawn enough attention for the Kings to pay us a visit. But I will have to settle for destroying their favourite pets instead." George laughs manically at the look of shock on Jane's face as she glances to the side at Alec, then back at Felix and Demetri.

"You knew we would come?" Alec asks.

"I knew that Gabriel had been in contact...I have my ways..." George replies, looking behind him as another figure emerges from the shadows. Anna. Gabriel’s shield.

The chorus of gasps from Gabriel's group cause George to smile and chuckle to himself.

“Anna?” Gabriel asks, glancing around at his coven to see if he is the only one shocked by this.

“I’m sorry Gabriel, I had to. It’s for the good of the coven, George has a plan, and they’re stronger than us, we would never have survived. It would have been a slaughter. But if we go with them, if we join them...” she looks hopefully at Gabriel, holding out a hand to him. He shakes his head forcefully; his face contorted in anger.

“Never. We will never join you George. Never.” Gabriel moves to stand beside Demetri. “My loyalty is to the Volturi.”

Jane raises her eyebrows at Gabriel as she looks to the others who nod at the unsaid question.

Demetri looks back out at Y/N, he pleads with her through his eyes and she hesitates for a moment before nodding. Looking towards George for one last time she closes her eyes, taking a deep breath, then nodding again at Demetri.

“Jane, Alec...” he whispers to the twins, "again."

The twins look at each other in confusion before they understand, sharing a final smirk before their gaze returns to George and his group.

"Pain." George immediately falls to the floor, face contorted in pain as he tries to look at you, confusion etched on his face. "Y/N" he screams, "help!"

Y/N doesn't look at him, her focus is on Demetri again as he gestures for her to join him, smiling.

Walking towards the Volturi group Y/M doesn't break her gaze with Demetri until she is by his side; he reaches out a hand to her and she gratefully takes it. A quick hand squeeze of comfort gives her a final boost of confidence and she closes her eyes in concentration again. "He can't hurt us." She whispers to Demetri as she opens her eyes again, leaning her head towards him in comfort.

As the final members of George's coven are destroyed and burnt, Demetri and Y/N gravitate towards each other again. Neither of them having the time to talk, or explain, until now.

"Y/N" Demetri whispers as he grasps hold of her hands and rests his forehead against hers like he always did, gazing deeply into her eyes.

"Dem" Y/N sighs contently as she inhales Demetri's scent, a scent she had craved for hundreds of years.

"I...I...I didn't leave you Y/N...I promise I didn't leave." Demetri stutters, his body desperate to shed tears for hundreds of years of loneliness, of pain, from missing her.

"I know Dem, I know. I wanted to come find you. I missed you so much..." Her voice cracks in pain as she replies. "I didn't get far...but I knew you were out there, I've never forgotten about you, ever...."

As she pauses Demetri leans down to kiss her, her kisses tasting so familiar, as if it were only yesterday that their lips had last touched. Their human bond now even stronger in vampire form.

“I’ve never forgotten either my love, I don’t remember much from my human life, but I remember you, I remember you so clearly.” Demetri replies as he wraps his arms around her waist and leans his head on top of hers.

“I love you” Y/N whispers softly, looking up at him through her eyelashes, he smiles in return.

“And I love you, always have, always will.” They link little fingers, leaning forward to kiss each other's entwined hand. They both laugh at this action, something they had done so many times before, that even after so many years had passed they both still remember. “I meant what I said, all those years ago, do you remember?”

Y/N frowns slightly, fingers still entwined with Demetri’s, she tries desperately to remember.

“My heart will always belong to you Y/N. Forever.” Her face lights up as the words prompt more memories from her human life flood her mind.

"We really have forever now don't we?" Y/N asks, with hope in her voice.

"Forever." Demetri replies, enveloping her with his arms and kissing her passionately.

Taglist:

@volturiwolf @wallwriterstuff @volturidoll13 @like-rain-or-confetti @moviequeen51 @raindancer2004 @officialfictionalwreck @megzdoodle @slasher-sweetie @reclusive-chicken-nugget @holl2712 @icarusinstatic @imdoingathingmom @fanfic-love-show @volturiwolf @awesomebooklover17 @vamp-army @blondeisboss003 @avyannadawn @winter-soldier-101 @foreveror-never @pastelreds

[soranociel]

I’m sorry, I love you.

Genre : angst

Pairing : gojo satoru x reader

Word count : 1.4k

Warning(s) : Jujutsu Kaisen manga spoiler, mention of blood and injury, graphic description of wound, a little sad I think, grammatical errors maybe hehe.

A/N : This is the first ever writing I post to the internet! Please take it easy on me, tumblr peeps.

"So you're going alone?" your voice filled in the dark hallway of Jujutsu High, breaking the long silence as you walk beside your comrade, Gojo. You were on your way to the yard to meet your team in order to watch over Shibuya. Layers of curtains had bestowed upon the place, and the whole facility had to hold a meeting to discuss how they would handle the situation.

"Yeah, as they wanted," Gojo replied with a smile on his face, you could feel that he was more tense and serious than usual. How could he not? The group that had invaded Shibuya wanted him all by himself.

"Be careful," you glanced at him with the corner of your eyes, worries filled up your mind with graphic images of how things could go wrong. It wasn't that you didn't trust him and his power, you were scared of losing him.

Gojo let out a chuckle, his head turned to you with a smile plastered on his face. "Don't worry, I am the strongest," there he went again, rambling about he's the strongest though he was right, it was a little annoying to hear him say that. Like come on, he didn't have to rub that to everyone at all times, you thought to yourself.

"Now if you'll excuse me,"

"Satoru, I-"

You both had reached the end of the hallway to meet the cold breeze the weather had to offer. You wanted say something ahead of his departure, but before you could finish what you had to say, Gojo had vanished into the night, leaving you alone to stare up into the starry sky, praying to whatever higher entity that the man you just talked to would be safe.

Now all you could see was the same sky, except that there was no stars splattered all over it because you were under the curtain inside of Shibuya. Your eyes were half open, you could feel a light breeze over the side of your body as you move forward. It was the only thing you felt other than the immense pain on your head and shoulder, it was so intense that you almost felt like you went numb.

You tried your best to recall what had happened, trying progress with the consciousness you had left in your body.

Then it hit you. A flashing imagine of the man with patches on his body, which you believed was called Mahito, touched the side of your head. You were running beforehand, pushing Nobara out of the way of his range. Then you realised Mahito ended up pushing his palm against you, even then you tried to dodge him. Yet to no avail, your shoulder had gotten the same impact he had left on your head.

You couldn't remember anything else, except seeing two Kyoto students behind Yuuji before you collapsed into the ground. It was the buff student who called Yuuji his brother who had participated in the sister school event, and the other you had never seen before. But if you're not hallucinating, you're in his arms right now as he ran, while you could hear Nobara yelled before your eyes gave up on trying to open themselves.

"Can you run faster?!" the red-haired girl exclaimed, looking to her side with her breath short after running from the scene of her teacher trying to protect– or sacrifice herself for her. "I'm trying!" the boy shouted back without looking at her, his eyes focused on the empty street as his feet kept a steady pace. Nobara on the other hand, grimaced at the sight of you. You looked so awful that she could only give one look at you before keeping her head up, biting the inside of her mouth to keep her tears from falling down her cheeks. There was a small hole on the side of your head where Mahito had touched you, it was so deep and anyone with eyes could see your brain through it. And the bone on your shoulder was showing, the blood of it touched the ground like a broken faucet that can't stop the fall of small water drops.

_______

You slowly opened your eyes to see to see an unfamiliar ceiling, trying to recall the past that felt like a minute ago, yet the only thing clouding your mind was Gojo and the fact that he was sealed. You should've thought about anything else, really, but you just couldn't. All you felt was the agonising pain that wouldn’t stop eating at your entire being, and thinking there was no possibility where you can see him again. You wanted to look at how bad your injury were, but you couldn't. The ache had spread all over your body and you could only move your eyes and your trembling mouth.

A familiar palm moved above your head, it was Ieiri's hand trying to heal the wound that's been inflicted upon you. You felt like your ripped shoulder were stitching its skin all by itself, yet it was still painful, and the sting that ruled over your body overpowered the mending she had been trying to do to you.

"Te... S.. Sato.. I lo hi,"

Tell Satoru I love him.

That was what you were trying to say, but you were sure it did not come out that way. It was difficult to speak with your parted mouth and your barely moving tongue, it took so much effort for you just to say a part of his name. Yet you believed that Ieiri understood you. She was your best friend, after all.

She remembered how you cried when you had heard the news that a jujutsu sorcerer assassin had killed Gojo. All because you just couldn't imagine a world– or to live in a world where he's not around. He was like a seeping marker, painting the whole world with his teasy remarks and his full of pride personality. To some people, what he does might be seen as annoying, but to you, everything would become dull and colorless without him. You hated silence because then your intrusive thoughts would always be loud enough to disturb you. It would feel like you were in the dark tunnel with no way out, a loophole. Yet his loud voice ringing in your ears with a wide grin on his face, and his blue eyes peering through his sunglasses made you forget all your worries. Your heart would beat faster whenever he's around to say or do whatever and it would feel like spring in you heart. Flowers bloom and the sun gently giving its light upon whatever is on earth, you felt like your soul was alive and bright. Yet you would never admit your feelings. As much as you loved his behaviour, letting him know you liked him would only boost his ego. So all you did was pretending to hate him and all his actions, which was the total opposite of how you really felt.

She remembered too, how you reacted when you saw Gojo came back to life because of his reverse technique. You wanted to run and hug him, but he was just your upperclassman. Instead, you wrapped your arms around Ieiri's body so tightly and hid your crying face against her shoulder. She knew you loved him. Yet you still wouldn't disclose it in front of his face, and continued your play-pretend of disliking him.

Throwing him 'shut up's every time he opened his mouth, which you knew that wouldn't stop him and he would only speak more and you never really mind it. Ignoring him and saying no, knowing he wouldn't stop talking and bothering you until he get what he wanted. Murmuring your little 'i hate you's to him because you knew he'd be whining and denying that you didn't actually hate him, and of course he was right. Having to suppress a smile everytime he made a silly joke because you knew he would tease you and said that you actually liked it, and of course, you did. Rolling your eyes at his teasings because you knew he would keep going and it actually made you happy. You did all that to avoid your feelings, and you knew it was a hypocrisy because you only found yourself falling deeper as the time passes.

"Tell him that yourself," she stuttered, eyes twitching and her lips curved as she focused, trying her best effort to make sure you live to see another day.

A tear ran down the side of your face, at that point, you didn't know if it was because of the ache that started to strangle your throat as you struggled to breath, or the fact that you likely won't be able to do what Ieiri had wished you to do. To tell Gojo Satoru, that you love him.

I'm sorry, I love you.

[lsholland]

London Lights (pt. 1) - Tom Holland

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (1st person)

Genre: Party!Tom

Warnings: swearing; alcohol; nothing much but I don’t recommend -18 to read.

Word count: 1.9k

Author’s note: Hey guys! That’s my first story on this blog. I hope you’ll like it. I’m not native so there may be a few mistakes. I’m trying a new genre of fiction. It’s my first Tom Holland fiction. It’ll be a series of 2-3 chapters. If you want to be part of the master list for Tom please like this post and message me. 

Synopsis: Quarantine has been tough. I’ve lost my boyfriend, and I’m feeling lonely. Clubs and restaurants are open again, but I feel like it’ll never be like it used to. My friends have been pushing me to install Tinder and go on dates. Well, tonight, I’m going on a date. I don’t really want to but I’m going to try and have fun for once. Just a few drinks and I’ll go home. What else could happen?

PS. You can read the story on Wattpad.

What am I doing here? I think to myself.

I matched with this guy on this famous dating app . . . And now I'm supposed to meet him here, at this bar. But I don't want to. I'm just hoping he won't show up so I can escape from this shit-place.

I've been seated at the table for a good 5 minutes. The waitress cleans up the table next to mine and asks if I'm ready to order.

No, I want to leave.

I quickly glance at the drinks menu.

"Ehm . . . A pour over Irish coffee, please."

She nods and leaves. I don't even know what I just ordered. I hope it tastes good. Hopefully it'll make me drunk enough not to remember this awful date.

It hasn't even started yet.

I'm sweating.

"Hey there" says a husky voice right behind me.

I turn around and see my date. His name is Jordan. He's good-looking and I bet he's intelligent, but I don't have this feeling with him. I don't know why I accepted to go on a date in the first place. It's awkward.

"Hey!" I grin.

"Have you ordered something already?" he asks, touching his short, clean beard. "I'm thirsty!"

He looks nice.

*

The waitress hands me my third drink. They help the clock tick a little faster.

He's been talking about his job, his passions. He loves football and practises daily. He has 2 sisters and lives in Camberwell.

Cute.

For a moment, I feel sad for him. He drove all the way to this East London bar, put effort trying to look nice and being cool . . . and yet, he doesn't know it but he has no chance to get lucky tonight. Not with me.

I shouldn't be sorry.

But I am.

I glance around looking for something that might be a little more entertaining than him. I realise I've avoided eye contact since he arrived. I finally glimpse at him. He has beautiful hazel eyes.

Still not enough.

I quickly check my phone. It's getting late. I don't know how to end this.

"Look," I slightly bend over the table. "I'm so sorry but I don't feel like it tonight"

"I noticed." He smirked. "Kinda awkward, innit?"

I chuckle. I am so embarrassed.

"It's okay, though." He added. "I'm just trying to meet new people. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a few weeks ago. My mates told me I should try these apps."

Okay, now I feel worse than ever. He's been so nice with me and that's how I treat him. I grab my drink and gulp it down.

I shouldn't have done this.

"Let's go dance. I owe you one." I say as I grab his hand and walk towards the dancing area. It becomes difficult to keep my head straight.

I'm drunk, I must admit.

I'm going to regret it, my sober-self shouts in my head.

I don't care is what I reply.

The dancing area is not crowded, but there are already a few people. Most of them are girls.

Girls . . . I wish my friends were not so busy all the time. I would've come to this bar with them instead of wasting my time with strangers.

I start dancing. I stare at him. He looks amused.

A group of guys join the dancefloor and all the girls on my right start screaming. It's so high pitched I cringe.

"What the fuck guys?" I shout, trying to focus on the music.

"Woah, that's Spider-Man!" says my date. He grabs my chin and makes me look in his direction.

No way, I think. It's actually him.

I know he lives in the area, but I've never met him before. It's always weird to see movie stars in real life. They look so much more attractive.

He is so much more attractive.

I try not to be a drunk fangirl and shyly wave to him. He doesn't notice.

"You wanna go and take a picture with him?" my date asks.

"Oh, no, no!" I answer. I'm blushing. "I don't even know what I'd tell him."

He laughs.

The worst thing that could happen is to annoy him during a night out. He needs privacy and I must respect it.

But it's so difficult.

I can't stop staring at him. I don't even control it. Being drunk doesn't help.

"D'you want a beer?" I ask my date whose name I completely forgot.

He nods.

I weave my way through the crowd. I can't believe there are so many people on the dancefloor. The area is so busy since the Spider-Man actor walked in.

Even the bar area is crowded.

I let my body rest against a barstool but quickly lose balance and almost fall on the dirty floor. The flickering lights are making me feel dizzy. I grip the counter and get up. I peer around to make sure nobody saw me.

He did.

I dust off my dress trying to save the dignity I have left.

"Want something?" someone asks behind me. I turn around, it's the barman.

"Two pints of Guinness, please."

I glance back at the same spot, but he's gone. It must've been a dream. I'm so drunk I can't trust everything I think I see.

I'm grabbing both my drinks and look around trying to find my date, but there are too many people. I take a sip of my beer and hold the other one above my head.

Someone hits my arm.

Oh no.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry!" yells the drunk blond girl.

I look at my dress. It's soaking wet. I politely smile at her. "It's okay," I mouth.

What a mess. I glance at the lavatory door. I need to go and save my dress.

"You haven't been lucky here."

I turn around to find out who's talking to me.

It's him. Tom Holland. Talking to me.

"What?" is all I manage to say.

"Do you need a hand?" he politely asks.

I blush so much it's noticeable in the dark.

I'm choking. I'm panicking.

I give him my two beers and walk towards the lavatory. I'm surely starstruck. And drunk. This isn't a good mix.

Once in the room, I grab a handful of tissues and try to soak up my dress. I groan. Did I expect to make that beer mark disappear? Yes. Did it work? Of course not.

I watch my face in the mirror.

I look like shit, I think.

A door slams shut. Two young girls just walked in.

"OH, MY G—THAT'S TOM HOLLAND!" shouts one. They are both panting.

I roll my eyes.

Oh . . . I've given him my beers. What about my date?

"Shit!" I hiss.

I violently open the door and frown my eyebrows as the lights blind me.

He's just here gazing at me. Two beers in his hands. One of them is half empty, the rest being displayed on my dress.

"I'm so sorry!" I say embarrassed as ever.

He smirks. "No worries." He hands me the full glass of beer.

I give him a questioning look as I grab it. What about the other one? Oh, right—He's drinking it.

"What's your na—"

I stop him.

"I know who you are." I peer down. "I'm sorry I didn't wanna disturb you" I say as I'm walking away.

This time I'm smart enough to avoid the crowd on my way out.

"That's rude to leave without saying goodbye!" Tom shouts from a distance.

I turn around and stare at him. He's got a soft smile; he doesn't look drunk at all. I wave him goodbye.

Now, he's approaching me.

"I meant to your boyfriend" he nods in the direction of my date who was dancing with a group of other people.

"He's not my—" is all I can say before he chuckles.

"I figured."

"How?" I clench my jaw. I'm hypnotised by his hand running through his hair. And his smile. And his lips.

"I can barely hear you," he points at a booth in the corner of the room "maybe we could sit there" he suggests.

My mouth softens into a smile.

It's difficult to walk with Tom Holland. Every couple of seconds he's stopped by fans requesting a picture. And he accepts every time.

I'd never be so patient.

"What's that?" he asks.

"It must be so annoying sometimes." I tell him as I sit on the booth.

"When they're nice and ask me, it's cool." He chooses to sit next to me. I can feel his arm touching mine. My heart is racing. He uses his other arm to hold his chin; he looks at me with so much intensity. Sometimes peering down my lips.

His face is so close, but he keeps talking. I can feel his breath on my skin. I'm going to burst into flames. "But when they're taking pictures without asking first, that's delicate."

I nod. I can't really listen to what he's talking about. I'm trying not to lose control.

"So, what's your name?"

He smiles when I tell him. "Why did you leave your date alone?" he asks.

I'm so nervous I stutter. I can't find my words. "I . . . I wasn't in the mood. He knows it. I shouldn't have come here."

"I'm happy you came." He says looking me in the eyes.

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you flirting with me?"

He barks out a laugh and breaks the eye contact. He rests his head on the wall behind us.

He isn't as confident as I thought he'd be. I don't know what's up with him, but I enjoy it.

I suddenly remember he's a movie star. He's always being watched. I glance at the crowd and see flashing lights. They're taking pictures of us.

I'm getting dizzier.

I don't want to see my face on a dumb article talking about Tom Holland's mysterious partner. I don't even know him.

"This is stupid" I mumble.

Tom is intrigued. He hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about. He hasn't even noticed the fans stalking him.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go" I abruptly say as I stand up. "Have a good night."

I grab my phone and leave the venue. I'm upset because I really wish I could've met him in a different context. I open my Uber app: there's no driver available.

Shit.

How's that even possible on a Friday night? In London?

I refresh the app, but it doesn't work. I guess I'll have to walk home.

A part of me wants to go back in this bar and spend time with Tom. He's sweet and I'm sure we would've had so much fun together. I glance through the window trying to see his face one last time, but I can't find him.

"What are you looking for?"

I cringe.

"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to startle you."

It's him. It's Tom.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Going home too. The fun of the party is leaving . . ." he sighs. I smile back at him. I'm embarrassed.

I stand in front of him, none of us say a word. It's awkward. I'm getting anxious and walk away. I'm so overwhelmed.

He grabs my shoulder. "Wait, are you walking home?"

"Yeah, it's okay don't worry." I smile.

"I can drive you home."

"Sorry, but you've been drinking. I won't let you drive me." I curtly say.

He grins. He looks at one of his mates and nods.

"No way I'm letting you walk home alone," he sighs "besides, you're drunk."

"Come with me then" I instantly reply without thinking.

He nods.

What?

He's coming with me. My heart is racing. I won't survive a 30-minute drunk walk with him.

Not with his beautiful glossy eyes staring at me.

Not with my burning desire to kiss him.

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

[aahsokaatano]

I think everyone around my age (born between like 1994 and 1999) has a sort of.... bond isn't the right word really, but I can't think of anything better. An unspoken shared agreement? A collective awareness?

(I'm sure it's not just the people in that specified age range but that's the group I've noticed it in bc those are my peers)

That's the group that's just a little bit traumatized by online messaging

Let me explain (tw for discussions of suicide/suicidal thoughts - not me! Mutuals do not fret, i am okay)

When i was 17, my friend killed herself. We weren't particularly close - we only knew each other through orchestra. We both played the cello, and i was the section lead, so it was my job to know the others. She was nice. Quiet. Funny once you talked to her a bit.

One morning at school before the first bell, a mutual friend messaged me on tumblr and told me that our friend had died the night before

School let out early that day for unreleated reasons. I went home and took a nap before going to my after school job at a bookstore. My boss asked why I hadn't come in earlier, he knew school had let out several hours before. I told him my friend had died.

His wife started going on about how the internet was killing kids and making them too attention-seeking and I slunk off to shelve books with tears in my eyes.

Another story

My old blog wasn't like, super popular or anything, but I had a pretty decent amount of followers and sometimes people would message me out of the blue. If they were sad, I would tell a funny story or write a little fluffy drabble to make them smile, just like I would for any friend. But one time I started talking to this girl who admitted that I had kept her from committing suicide a few times. That I had saved her life.

It was terrifying

I didn't want that power. I didn't want that responsibility. We became friends, but every single time she messaged me, I was almost physically sick - what if I wasn't enough this time? What if I didn't see her message fast enough? What if I hurt her on accident?

What if it was my fault?

We fell out of touch a long time ago. I don't know what happened to her. I still think about her sometimes, and I almost dread getting an answer. I don't remember her username, but fuck, I remember the cold clench of fear in my gut every time I got a message from her.

A third story

There was a person who made a tumblr account specifically to talk to me, because we had been chatting in the comment section of one of my fics on AO3 and that was clunky and annoying, so they made a tumblr. They were funny and nice and had a habit of sending about 16 messages at a time rather than one long message and it almost gave me a panic attack. Because my brain said "that person needed you and you WERENT THERE and they sent you SO MANY MESSAGES and you never replied" and this person wasn't even suicidal, they just had a lot to say, but the guilt crushed me and anxiety froze me and I could only respond when they were actively online so I wouldn't have to see the message counter tick up.

I lost contact with them after i accidentally deleted my old blog, and a tiny part of me was relieved and a bigger part was guilty because of that relief and I still don't know how I feel about it

One last story

About a week ago, a friend DM'd me on discord with a vague message and an attached file that was named "letter of intent" and I almost had a panic attack on the spot

I have never in my life turned on my computer so fast, because my phone wouldn't support the file type, and i didn't breathe for several minutes until i realized it was just a letter listing out their goals for the year and that they sent it to me to keep themself on track

But god, the fear that tore through me before i knew what was going on - the horrifying certainty that i was going to read a plan of action or a goodbye note - I didn't sleep that night. Even after I knew what was going on. Rational thought doesn't disperse fear that easily.

(Friend, if you're reading this, I DO NOT BLAME YOU. You don't need to apologize. I'm okay, we're okay, and it's all gucci 💛)

So, what's my point here?

My point is that I'm not the only person with stories like this. Where someone sees a message notification and assumes the worst. I know a frankly heartbreaking amount of people just in my own circles with similar stories, and my circles aren't that big. I know that a lot of people probably know the exact feeling I'm talking about.

I think that's why, consciously or not, a lot of my friends start their messages with "hey!" or "quick question" or just "omg so". A little reassurance. A little gentleness. "This isn't a bad thing - or, if it is, it's not that bad thing."

Because... we've seen it before. And it scares us. And we don't want to scare others like that.

Idk. There's not a really a point to this. It's just been swirling around my head for a few days and needed to be put down in words.

[gshinisalesbian]

The Mistletoe in the Kitchen

| Modern AU fic, Aether x Venti and Lumine x Childe. ~5,000 words.

| Lumine didn’t think her last minute decision of hanging up mistletoe in the kitchen would end up with her brother kissing a guy Lumine didn’t even know that well, but what else is new?

"It looks crooked," Tartaglia's relaxed voice chimed, gazing up towards the top of the tree. Indeed, as if the ginger had ever been correct in his life, the star atop the tree was crooked.

Lumine made a soft "tsk" noise, shaking her head gently. Her amber eyes drifted over to stare at her brother, who had his arms crossed in speculation as he gazed up at the star with a contemplative look.

He, too, seemed to take Tartaglia's side, moving closer to the tallest male in the room. "You're right. For once..." he mumbled under his breath, seeming to share the same thoughts as his sister.

Tartaglia pouted at that, shooting Aether a pointed glare. "I came here to help, and yet all you two seem to do is ridicule me."

"Oh, we appreciate you very much. Especially your height, it's very helpful when someone wants their star placed crooked," Aether pipped up, playfully grinning up at him.

"Don't fight this close to Christmas, or I swear I will throw out both of your presents," Aether's sister interrupted, watching as the two gave her matching disbelieved looks.

"You wouldn't!"

"Ah- Lumine, wait!"

"I absolutely would. You two get it together before the others gets here."

Tartaglia and Aether nodded their heads solemnly, focusing their attention back on trying to correct the position of the star.

Lumine ran her hand through her hair with a gentle sigh, looking at her mental checklist.

The trio had baked cookies and cooked a decent meal. Check. They had set up the Christmas tree with only... minor issues involved. Check. She had prepared presents for everyone coming. Check. Now, all she needed was for the rest of the group to arrive.

She made another mental list in her head, a reminder of all to expect to arrive. The first guests to have been invited were Lumine and Aether's next door neighbors, a pair of brothers named Diluc and Kaeya. They barely knew each other, with the twins having just moved in, but Kaeya had welcomed them to their new house with a playful smirk when they first moved in. When Lumine decided to host a Christmas party, Kaeya was one of the first to pop in her head when thinking of who to invite. The blue-haired male had asked if he could bring along his roommate and brother, Diluc, which Lumine had openly agreed to.

The next to be invited was an upperclassman in Lumine's college. Her name was Jean, and she was incredibly popular at the school for her incredible knowledge, insanely good looks, and natural kindness. Men and women alike seemed to fall on their heels for her. For a while, Lumine was included. Despite having moved on from her small crush, Jean was another person Lumine was determined to invite.

Then, of course, was Tartaglia. Aether and Lumine had grown up with him (and his many siblings) so it was only natural that he came too. Tartaglia and Lumine had been close for many years, but it was only a few months ago that Tartaglia had finally got the nerve to ask her out. Despite now being her boyfriend, he could still be, well, quite a bit to handle. Still, he had offered to help with the preparations, so she was more than grateful.

Then, was Venti. Venti was quite the mystery to Lumine, as he was invited through Aether, but what Lumine did know was that Aether got incredibly flustered and fidgety when Venti's name was brought up. Lumine was especially excited to meet him for that reason. What she did know about the male was that he took many of the same classes as Aether, and they were both freshmen. It wasn't uncommon for Lumine to get random texts from Aether, saying he would be home late because he was spending time with Venti.

Amber and Lisa were Lumine's best friends in high school (and still were!) so it was only natural for them to come too. Lisa was a year above the two, but the three had quickly bonded and became lifelong friends. You can imagine how surprised Lumine was to find out that Jean and Lisa were actually dating. Lisa had mentioned her girlfriend many times, but Lumine never would have guess it was the Jean at the same school as her.

Lastly, was Barbara and Klee. Barbara was Jean's little sister and had been invited by Lumine upon Lisa and Jean's request, and tagging along with Barbara was their younger cousin, Klee. Lumine didn't know much about Klee, but she was warned that she could be quite the handful at times. Well, Lumine was certain it was nothing that she couldn't handle.

Lumine let out a small sigh. Kaeya, Diluc, Jean, Venti, Amber, Lisa, Barbara, and Klee would be arriving soon, so Lumine simply hoped they were prepared enough.

As she left Tartaglia and Aether to fix the star, she focused herself on hanging up mistletoe in front of the doorway to the kitchen. If people wanted to kiss under it (with people meaning Lisa and Jean) than they could. Though of course, they didn't have to.

"Lumine! We fixed it!" She heard Aether's voice call, as she made her short way back to the living room to look at the tree.

Indeed, the star was fixed on top of the tree, though Lumine noticed the ruffled appearances of both Aether and Tartaglia. "Good job, boys," she acknowledged, giving them an amused smile.

"It was so hard," Tartaglia wined, falling backwards onto the couch. Lumine rolled her eyes at him, making her way to his side on the couch.

She poked his cheek coyly, peering down at him while trying to hold back her laughter. "Well, I'm afraid your work isn't over yet, dearest. You and Aether still need to get changed before everyone arrives."

Right as she spoke, the sound of the doorbell pierced through the house.

"Speak of the devil..." Lumine said with a frown, quickly pulling Tartaglia up. "Hurry, you two, go get dressed! I'll go greet the guest."

Lumine's boys quickly scurried upstairs to go change into their Christmas outfits while Lumine hurried over to the door. She adjusted her red Santa dress, making sure her hat was placed correctly on her head. With a gentle sigh, she turned the doorknob and opened the door.

Jean, Barbara, and Klee greeted her at the door, Klee practically bouncing in excitement when she saw Lumine. "Merry Christmas!" She cheered energetically.

Jean gave Lumine an apologetic smile, ruffling Klee's head. "Thank you for inviting us all." Barbara shyly nodded her head behind her older sister.

"Thank you all for coming," Lumine said politely, opening the door further to allow the trio in. "Make yourselves at home! There is cookies and food in the kitchen, and some alcohol for the older ones," Lumine said, shooting Jean a knowing look. "There are Christmas movies playing in the living room, and my brother and boyfriend will be downstairs soon if you want to mess with someone."

Jean let out a small laugh at her words as Klee curiously peaked around inside. Still having not said a word, Barbara clung to her sister's arm while watching Klee's actions. "Let me know if my cousin is being a bit... too much for you. Barbara and I can take care of her, right?" She said playfully, glancing down at Barbara and prompting her to speak.

Barbara timidly nodded her head, with a small, "Yeah."

Tartaglia and Aether announced their arrival downstairs by their arguing voices. Lumine held in a laugh as she saw Tartaglia in his elf costume and Aether in his reindeer getup, with colors matching Lumine. "Look at you two! So handsome," Lumine said with a small snort.

"Only for you, babe," Tartaglia said with a grin, grabbing Lumine's hands and pulling her close to his chest. Lumine gave him a skeptical look with a laugh in her voice.

"I really can't take you seriously when you look like a sunburnt elf." Tartaglia gasped in mock offense, pressing his forehead against her red Santa hat.

"I can't believe you don't love me, even as an elf. I thought we were forever, babe," Tartaglia said against her head, feigning sadness in his voice.

"I'm afraid not," she said with a small laugh, pulling away from Tartaglia's gentle hold. "I just keep you around so you can entertain our new friend, Klee." Lumine looked at the small red girl, shooting her a playful wink.

Klee beamed, nodding her head in agreement. "Yeah, what she said!"

Aether, who had been tiredly watching the interaction between his sister and her boyfriend, jumped when the doorbell rang. He shot Barbara and Jean an awkward smile, before pointing towards the door. "I'll- uh- just go get that."

Aether made his way to the door, opening it to the faces of Amber, Lisa, and Venti. Immediately flustered, Aether smiled gently at the group, who were talking energetically among each other. "I didn't know you two knew Venti," he said, with a certain fond softness.

"We just met!" Amber said with an ever happy smile, looking between Lisa and Venti. "We weirdly all arrived at your porch at the same time. Well, Lisa and I came together, Venti just happened to be here too."

"Aether, it's good to see you!" Venti said with a playful smile on her face, resting a hand on his hip. "You have alcohol here?" He teased.

"Of course. Had to make you come somehow. You better be grateful, because it took a whole lot of convincing to get Lumine to allow it."

"Ah, I see. Thank you, my hero," Venti teased, narrowing his eyes at Aether.

Aether smiled, flustered, watching his mint eyes. He momentarily found it a bit unfair that Lumine could be openly affectionate with Tartaglia, but because Aether wasn't confident enough to tell Venti how he felt, he couldn't do anything like that.

Lisa cleared her throat, sharing a look with Amber.

"Well, if you two are done, can we come inside? It's a bit cold out here, and I'm not getting any younger out here, darling."

"Oh! Of course!" Aether replied, embarrassment tainting his cheeks pink. Lisa, Amber, and Venti made their way inside, Lisa practically throwing herself on her girlfriend, Jean, when she saw her.

It didn't take long for everyone to make themselves comfortable in Aether and Lumine's house, Jean and Lisa cuddling up on the couch, Klee, Barbara, and Amber exploring the house together, Lumine and Tartaglia teasingly reenacting cringy scenes from the Christmas movies that were playing, finally leaving Aether to seek out Venti in the kitchen, who was helping himself to glasses of wine.

"You sure you can handle all that?" Aether asked him, leaning against the entryway of the kitchen. Venti glanced over at him with a grin, from where he sat atop the counter with a glass in his hand.

"Oh, I'm sure. I've had way more than this before. Remember the time we went to that bar together and you tried to copy how much I was drinking and passed out on me? Cause I definitely remember that," Venti said with a chuckle of laughter, watching the embarrassment take over Aether's face.

"You're never going to let me live that one down, are you?" Aether asked, crossing his arms over his chest (in maybe a small attempt to seem a bit cooler to the boy before him, but no one had to ever know that except for him).

"Absolutely not. That one is filed under stories to tell at your wedding. Better prepare your future wife," he continued nonchalantly, taking another chug of his glass.

"Actually, uh- Venti," Aether started uncertainly, looking down as he scuffed his foot against the hardwood floor. "Venti, I thought you knew, but I'm uh- I'm gay." His eyes immediately darted up to the boy who had paused in the middle of drinking, his face overtaken with surprise. Aether's head immediately started to panic. "I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable or anything! I'm not gonna like- weirdly hit on you or anything, so you don't have to worry about-"

"I'm gay." Venti interrupted, his face still covered in shock. He quickly cleared his throat, setting his drink on to the counter. "I mean, I'm gay too, Aether. You don't have to worry about me judging you or anything."

"You're- what? Really?"

"Yeah," Venti said with a small laugh. "I didn't ever tell you because I thought it would make you comfortable. But jokes on me, I guess."

"So your not, then? Uncomfortable?" Aether asked, noticing that he had been holding in his breath throughout the whole encounter. He felt a certain relief, knowing that his crush wasn’t completely unreachable, after all.

"No, I'm not. Are you?"

"No. I could never be," Aether said, letting out his breath as he took a cautious step closer to Venti.

"Good," Venti responded, sounding a bit more breathless than he had a second before, eyes taking in as Aether stepped closer and closer to him. "Good. Aether, I-"

"AETHER! It's so good to see you!" The two were interrupted by Kaeya's loud voice, as the blue-haired man wrapped his arms around Aether's waist and spun the small blond around.

"Kaeya, would you put him down?" Diluc's monotone voice cut through, watching the interaction with bored eyes. He narrowed his eyes at Venti in recognition. "Oh, you're here."

"Diluc, it's so good to see you!" Venti said cheerfully, showing no trace of the breathlessness that he had only moments before. "I've been wondering when you would come pay me a visit, hehe!"

"You two know each other?" Aether asked, having now been released from Kaeya's arms.

"Yep!" Venti answered, picking up his glass from where he had put it down on the counter. "Diluc and I go way back. I work part time at his bar!"

"More like steal from my bar. You don't think I notice how you're drunk too every time you get off of work?" Diluc said with a huff, crossing his arms.

"Oh, humbug. You could never get rid of me," Venti responded cheekily.

Kaeya threw an arm around his brother's shoulders, shooting everyone in the room a large grin. "Hey, Christmas is no time for arguing, now is it? Let's enjoy the party! Get drunk, shake our asses, as you do."

"Yours and my idea of a party is drastically different," Diluc grumbled, but grumpily accepted his brother's words.

Kaeya blatantly ignored Diluc, pushing off of him. "Well, now that that is settled, Diluc and I were actually sent to come find you two. Lumy and Ginger Head are watching the Grinch, and they want everyone to join."

Aether nodded his head, shooting a glance at Venti. "Uh- yeah, sure, we'll come! Just give us a second, I need to make sure- uh- Venti has enough wine," Aether said, despite Venti's glass being clearly still very full.

Kaeya and Diluc shared a look. "Uh-huh," Kaeya said skeptically, before shrugging his shoulders. "Well, we'll see you there, yeah? It's starting in a few minutes."

Aether let out a long sigh as the two left, the room being left in the silence between him and Venti.

"So why'd you want those two to leave?" Venti asked, peering at the blond boy over the top of his glass. He was still sitting on the counter, Aether only a few steps away from him. The distance could easily be closed, but why would it need to be? And why did Venti want it so bad?

"Well... I figured we should probably talk out a few things, right?" Aether asked, dodging Venti's gaze.

"Like what?"

"You're really not going to make this easy for me, huh?"

"Hehe~!"

"Venti," Aether started, gazing up at him. "Look, Venti, I-" Aether looked for the words to tell him what he thought, or even what he felt, but the words got caught in his throat as he gazed into Venti's piercing gaze. "I-" He thought maybe Venti's eyes saw Aether the same way that Aether saw Venti, but how could he really know? He did he know that Venti wouldn't be disgusted if he told him? "I- I just wanted to get something to drink before we sat down for the movie, that's all." Aether sighed, defeated.

Venti let out a sigh too, disappointedly resting his head in the palm of his hand. "Oh. Well, there's plenty to go around, I guess." He jumped off the edge of the counter, eyes avoiding Aether's. "Well, I'll see you in the living room, yeah?"

"Uh- yeah." Aether responded, flustered by the conversation.

With that, Venti left to the living room, Aether harshly slapping his own head. He was so close to saying it- why did he have to overthink so much? Why couldn't he be more like Lumine? She was so much better with words and feelings, and she didn't have to worry about hiding how she felt towards Tartaglia.

It all just felt so frustrating to Aether, and all he wanted was to be able to tell Venti how he felt about him. With another sigh, he poured himself a glass of wine. He was definitely going to need it, to get through the night. With that, he walked to the living room, where everyone at the party had gathered on the long couch Lumine and Aether owned.

Aether sat down next to Jean and Lisa, who were still cuddling against each other. Barbara sat on the other side of him, Klee sitting in her lap while curiously watching everyone in the room. Kaeya sat on the floor near Aether's feet, talking about something to Amber, who sat beside him. Diluc, Lumine, and Tartgalia sat on the opposite end of the couch, with Venti sitting on the arm of the couch near Diluc. Aether and Lumine’s cat, Paimon, bounded onto the couch, curling up in Aether’s lap as soon as he sat down.

The quit ambiance of the room was startled by Klee, who started talking eagerly. "My friend will be here soon!"

Lumine blinked in confusion, sharing a glance with Jean, who looked equally confused. "What?"

"My friend was lonely and no one wanted him around for Christmas. So I invited him here! Is that okay? Am I in trouble?" Klee pouted, looking over at her older cousin.

"Of course not, he's welcome to come!" Lumine said, trying to pacify the girl. "The more than merrier, right?" She asked, holding in a sigh. Hopefully Klee's friend wouldn't be as... energetic as she was. Not that that was a bad thing, but there was only so much Lumine could handle.

"Okay!" Klee beamed. "He's actually here right now!”

"He's... already here?"

"Yep! I'll go get the door!" Klee bounced off of Barbara’s lap to go answer the door, Lumine following shortly behind her after untangling herself from Tartaglia's arms.

Klee opened the door to a boyish looking male with white hair, who blinked sheepishly up at Lumine when he saw her, simply saying, "Hello, I am Razor."

"Razor!" Klee said excitedly, grabbing his hand and practically dragging him inside the house. "Come on, we're about to watch the Grinch!"

Lumine watched as Klee and Razor hurried inside, letting out an exasperated breath. It wasn't that Razor was unwelcome, but it was simply an unexpected turn in what she had believed to be a calm night.

Lumine made her way back to the living room, taking back her seat next to Tartaglia. Razor laid down on the floor next to Klee, blinking innocent eyes around the room. Tartaglia leaned into Lumine's side.

"You enjoying your night?" He teasingly whispered into her ear. She could feel him smile against her skin as she let out a breathy laugh.

"It's definitely something," she responded in a whisper, turning her head to look at him. They were so close to each other, that she could feel his breath on her skin. It made her feel queasy but so, so alive at the same time. She supposed that was always how he made her feel. "I'm just glad your here."

"I'll always be here for you. And I've kept that promise since we were kids, haven't I?" He chuckled quietly, staring into her amber eyes. For a moment, it felt like it was just her and him in the room. Like everyone else had simply vanished and all she could feel was him right next to her.

"Of course you have." She leaned forward, pressing her lips against his, feeling his warmth become a part of her. She had kissed him many times before, but it always felt so new and surreal with him. Like she could do anything or be anything, as long as he was beside her.

The kiss was short, and they had pulled away from each other after only a few seconds, but it left Lumine feeling breathless and warm all over, like she could float away and never return. With a smile on her face, she snuggled against Tartaglia's chest, feeling his heart beat against her ear. And she simply felt so, so alive.

"If you two are done," Lumine heard Lisa say in a teasing voice, turning her attention to her. Lisa wiggled an eyebrow at the two. "The movie is starting, lovebirds."

Lumine rolled her eyes, but shot Tartaglia a mischievous smile as the two got comfortable against each other.

“I think Lumine and Aether could be the Grinch!” Klee shot up energetically only seconds after the movie started. The room shot her a strange glance, with Aether tilting his head curiously at the girl.

“Uh- why?” Aether asked, curiosity getting the best of him. He gently pet Paimon, who was purring in his lap.

“Well, you both have strange names!”

“Our names aren’t strange,” Aether said with a small pout, watching as Venti let out a breathy chuckle out of the corner of his amber eyes.

“Hm... well, Lumine and Aether aren’t our real names, you know. They’re actually Yíng and Kōng, but we go by Lumine and Aether since it’s generally easier for people to pronounce here. And we think it’s cool,” Lumine explained with a nonchalant shrug, amused by Klee’s words.

“Yíng and Kōng,” Razor repeated to himself, as if uncertain how to speak the names. Lumine noticed that the guy didn’t seem to have the biggest vocabulary either, not that that was a bad thing to Lumine anyways.

Klee seemed flabbergasted at this fact, seeming to have no response for the twins in her shock. With a humored smirk, Lumine turned her attention back to the movie. It was because of this, that Lumine didn’t notice her brother’s continued glances at Venti, and how his agitation grew until he eventually chose to excuse himself from the room.

“I’ll be back,” Aether promised apologetically, noticing how Lumine turned to look over at him when a questioning look when he sat up from his place at the couch.

With that, Aether left the group in the living room, heading upstairs to open the balcony door. He closed it behind him, letting out a long breath as he gripped the railing with his tan hands.

It was so frustrating. Why couldn’t he just tell him? Why did his tongue get caught in his throat when he ever he considered the possibility of telling him? It was so unfair. He watched as Venti’s mint eyes would go from watching the movie to shooting Aether a laughing smirk when a funny scene happened. It was like he was whispering a small secret to him with just his eyes, words meant for just him.

He knew it wasn’t just the wine talking, either. He had been feeling this way for so long, had nights were he woke in surprise, flustered about his dream were Venti’s hands ran up his chest and his lips were pressed against his. He felt so silly, and embarrassed, and shy whenever he thought about those nights, nor could he get rid of those feelings when he was around Venti.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the door open as someone came to join him on the balcony.

“Aether?” Lumine asked quietly, softly joining his side against the railings. He could sense his sister’s worry, gratitude and fondness instantly running through his body at the thought of his sister coming to check on him. What did he do to deserve being born with someone as amazing as her?

“Yeah?” He questioned, playing oblivious despite knowing exactly why she had came out to see him. Besides, Lumine always seemed to understand what he was thinking someway or another.

“What’s wrong?” She pressed, turning her gaze to stare up at the darkened sky and stars. Aether thought the world felt still around them, as if seeming to understand Aether’s frustration with himself.

“It’s... nothing, really. Nothing important.” Aether let out a small sigh, setting his elbow on the railing and resting his head in his hand. “Just- have you ever felt like you want one thing but... don’t deserve to get it, no matter how hard you try and how much you long for it?”

Lumine turned her head to look at her brother, her eyes seeming to see through him as he spoke.

“Whenever I try to convince myself to reach for it, it’s like my whole body just stops. I guess it just feels like I’m not good enough or I don’t have what it takes, so my body just... stops while it’s ahead.”

“Kōng,” Lumine started, her amber gaze piercing through him. “Kōng, you are more than enough. Remember when we were eleven and my bike broke, and I was so sad about it? You let me use yours everyday, despite that meaning that you wouldn’t be able to go ride around with your friends anymore after school because you knew I liked riding my bike around the park for hours until it was dark. Remember when we were sixteen and sitting on the couch and I started my period without realizing it? I had gotten blood on the couch and I was so embarrassed, and when mom and dad found out, they were so mad. But you said that you had spilt a drink and took the blame for me, getting grounded for weeks. Remember back when we lived in China, but I wanted to travel around the world so badly? You worked your ass off, helping me save up the money so we could move. You even helped me to convince Tartaglia to come with us. You’ve always been there for me, and you’ve always been so selfless, Kōng. If anyone deserves to be happy or to get what they want in life, it’s you. Don’t say that you aren’t good enough for something, brother, because you deserve so much in this life.”

“Thank you, Yíng. I’m... I’m so grateful to have you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Probably die from your lack of survival skills,” Lumine said playfully, quickly switching back into her teasing mode. She pulled away from Aether, amusement glistening in her eyes as she gazed up at her brother. “Now, get get ‘em, tiger.”

Aether gawked at her, mindless noises slipping through his lips. “I- How did you know?!”

“We aren’t twins for nothing, Aether. He wanted to come up here and see you, actually, but I told him I wanted to talk to you first. So, if you don’t mind. I’ll be sending him up now. Good luck!”

With that, Lumine left the balcony, her gremlin laughter ringing through the still night air. Aether let out a nervous breath, anticipating Venti’s arrival on the balcony.

Just as Lumine promised, Venti came up shortly after, looking at Aether with an indistinguishable look in his eyes. Venti lifted himself up on the railing, kicking his feet over it and sitting on it.

For once in his life, the male seemed to be thinking about what to say to Aether as he watched his legs kick through the chilly night air.

“Look, Aether, I-”

“Venti, I have to tell you something-”

The two started at the same time, before bursting into laughter as they gazed at each other. Aether clutched the railing, a large grin refusing to fade from his face. “You first.”

Venti wrinkled his nose, surprising Aether by gently leaning against him on his side. Venti stared down at the houses around him, Aether noting with affection that Venti’s legs continued to kick through the air.

“Look, Aether. There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time, but- Well, at first I thought maybe you felt the same too, but now, I mean I don’t really know- anyways, Aether, my point is, I really like you. A lot. Like more than Diluc’s wine, a lot. And I get it if you don’t feel the same, but I don’t like seeing you all... upset, you know?” Venti said, Aether noticing as his hands fidgeted in his lap.

The words finally sunk in, Aether snapping his head over to stare at Venti. “Wait- you- you like me? Like... like like me?”

Venti blinked at him with a blunt look, with a “Yes, Aether, that’s what I said.” His face relaxed again, looking almost apologetic at him. “You don’t have to like me back or anything, so don’t feel as if I’m trying to pressure you. I just wanted to get it off my chest, I guess.”

“What? No, no, no, Venti, I... I really, really like you. I like like you,” Aether said, seriousness painted on his face as he stared intently at Venti.

The boy on the railing let out a loud laugh in the night, watching Aether’s face with amusement. “That’s one way to say it but good to know.”

He leaned closer against Aether’s side, with the blond noting that he could almost count the specks in Venti’s eyes at this distance.

“Remember the mistletoe in the kitchen? I wasn’t going to say anything, but I really, really wanted to kiss you when I saw you under it earlier,” Venti said softly, letting out a breathy laugh against Aether. “Mind if I make up for that now?”

“I would love you to,” Aether replied, barely getting the words out before Venti was kissing him, his hair reaching up into Aether’s blond hair, skimming through it.

Aether placed one hand against Venti’s face, the other around his side, hands burning to touch him, and hold him.

The angle was messy, the kiss was sloppy, but neither Aether nor Venti could bring themselves the care. Aether only knew the burning desire in his chest- the rest of the world was nonexistent and invisible.

Eventually they had to pull away, gasping for air with delighted smiles on their lips. Aether pressed his head against Venti’s, closing his eyes and basking in his presence. “You know, I was just about to confess to you, but you just had to come and do it first. My sister even hyped me up and everything.”

“What a shame. You know, I’m not stopping you from doing it now.”

“I like you. I like you so much that I don’t even know what to do sometimes. You make me feel like I’m flying in the wind, Venti. Does that make sense?” Aether whispered to him, the cold air encouraging him.

“Yeah. Yeah, it does,” Venti responded, eyes open as he gazed at Aether’s tan face. “I understand perfectly.”

Aether laughed softly, opening his eyes to gaze into Venti’s. “Merry Christmas, Venti.”

Venti smiled, his nose wrinkling with the movement. “Merry Christmas, Aether.”