#I'm (not) sorry to bring nerdy science into your fandom

[notfunnyislike]

no one:

me: you know. a massive solar flare would be bad for us and all, but in reality, it basically has a zero (0) percent chance of doing the kind of extensive physical damage to the earth's surface and climate that we see in The Maze Runner.

no one:

me: but you know what COULD really do all that?

no one:

me: a gamma ray burst from outer space.

[spockslash]

Hi! I just found your blog and I love it! It's awesome for me to see someone enjoy Star Trek for most of their life. My family is a very sports-centered family & I often feel very isolated because I love nerdy things, esp Star Trek. They always make fun of me & call me a weirdo or a freak; I'm in my mid-20's so I know it shouldn't bug me but I just wish I had someone to talk to who I don't annoy. I was wondering if you had any words of wisdom or similar stories from your time in the fandom? LLAP

Oh, my dear heart, i have been thinking about this question a lot; I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write you an answer.  I wish I could reach through the computer screen and give you a hug.

Do I have similar stories? Too many to count.

Let me share with you a little of my own.  I too was a misfit in my own family. Because of the era I grew up in, my love of science and calculus was an embarrassment to my parents.  I fought to be allowed to take the science track in my high school, and when I got good grades — better grades than most of the boys — my dad would laugh nervously and apologize to everyone, “We don’t know where this comes from. We’re not even really sure she’s our kid.”

Ha ha.

Not.

My properly feminine sisters kept their distance, and got all the praise.  In school I had no friends.  Which was wise on the part of other kids, because being with the nerdy girl meant guilt by association: you too might get stuffed into lockers and trash cans and once, pushed out of a moving car by the seniors.

See, I know how lonely it is to be a “misfit.” I know.

I remained a loner well into my twenties, until I found a group of older women who shared my interest in science fiction. They weren’t wanted in the guys’ sci-fi clubs, so they formed their own! They were all semi-professional and professional writers, and they welcomed me into their circle and mentored me in writing and in life.

It was a couple of years later, when I was 26, that my life collided with a brand-new show called Star Trek.  And I can tell you, for certain, that I would not have gained half the self-confidence I have now if Star Trek had never happened.

When I started writing Star Trek fan fiction, within weeks of the show coming on the air, I quickly … inexplicably … scarily … was suddenly “popular.”  It made me really uncomfortable.  I found it scary for anyone to notice me … I knew it could not end well.

Except, I quickly made another discovery: my new-found friends were all just like me. The “weirdos.”  The misfits. The kid the parents were ashamed of.

And in this group — small but growing — we all had a superpower:  we all knew how to be kind. Having been the outsiders in our own lives up to that point, we did not want to be responsible for causing anyone else’s pain.

Meeting and hanging out with fellow fans made me feel safe in social situations, and I learned that I am actually not so shy after all.  In fact, I am the mischievous one who talks everyone into doing outrageous things — once I’m in a group that feels safe.

I learned I could make people laugh. I learned I could be a leader.  I learned what a joy it is to make others feel welcome. Is it any wonder then, that I dedicated the next decade of my life to bringing fellow fans together, and as one cog in the great wheel that was trying to get Star Trek back on the air?

What I am trying to say, dear heart, is you are not alone.  You are a member of a group that feels misplaced in society as it stands, and looks to what Star Trek represents for a better, more hopeful, more compassionate world. In short, you are a Star Trek fan!  Be proud: this tradition stretches back unbroken for over 50 years.

My fervent wish and hope for you is that you can find your people, in real life as well as in this fandom here on the internet.  You deserve to be with people who cherish you for who you are, and will not mock your interests, whether they share them or not. You deserve to be safe with friends, so that you too can discover all the wonderful elements of yourself that the world has made you keep hidden away.

I promise you, you are more amazing and wonderful than you know.

As a start, you are welcome here in this little tiny corner of the internet that I’ve carved out for myself. In fact, I’m delighted you are here! And I hope you can seek out and find “real life” people who can be true friends to you. The friends that you deserve to have.

LLAP, and love, Grandma