#I'll try to move on after I release all these text post meme

[vingler-mirror]

Vereinsamt text post meme because we're being practical, involved, and suffering with this patch

Part 1 | Part 2

[shubblelive]

LOVER ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

₊˚ʚ summary | wilbur shares a snippet of a song he wrote on stream. ages later, chat freaks out.

₊˚ʚ genre | fluff

₊˚ʚ warning | none

₊˚ʚ pairing | cc!wilbur soot x fem!singer reader

₊˚ʚ featuring | cc!wilbur soot

₊˚ʚ pronouns | she/her

₊˚ʚ word count | 0.7k

₊˚ʚ note | super cliche but oh well blame taylor swift

after he moved to his office, wilbur couldn't just bust out his guitar whenever he wanted. so whenever his chat saw his guitar in his streams now, they knew it meant something.

"softboy release?" he chuckled as he read out a message. "no, sorry, chat, this is something else." he fiddled with the tuning pegs, strumming absentmindedly as he tried to make sure it sounded right.

he was nervous about this. he knew that his chat would lap up whatever content he fed them, but he was more worried about the implications behind the song.

he finally got the guitar in tune, and he started rambling before he could stop, knee bobbing up and down with nerves. "so, chat. this is a bit of a special song, and it's a bit different than usual. i'm only sharing a bit, but i promise you'll hear the whole thing. i wrote it… i wrote it with my girlfriend,"

he watched as chat whizzed by, trying his best to read it. a lot of people were asking if it was one of his ex girlfriends, so he spoke up again. "she and i have been dating for a few years now. we never really cared much about telling people, it just like wasn't something important to us. of course, i love you guys, but you're all aware that i'm a pretty private guy. i'm a secretive man," he cracked a grin, trying to keep his tone light despite his growing anxiety. so far, all the comments he'd seen were super supportive. "but, we wrote this together, and our vibe was- we were going for a 70s wedding reception, and i think we really managed to capture it. i'm only sharing a bit, so i hope you enjoy."

he adjusted his mic, and began strumming. "we could light a bunch of candles, and dance around the kitchen, baby. pictures of when we were young would hang on the walls. we'll sit on the stoop, i'll sing love songs to you when we're eighty. i've finally got you now, honey. i won't let you fall."

he finally looked up at chat, subtly changing the chords he was playing as he spoke. "uh, so that was one of the verses, and here's part of the bridge,"

chat was freaking out as much as he'd expected, but a majority of them seemed to love the song. it wasn't like his other songs, wry sarcasm shining through lines about his misery. this one, everyone could see that it came from a place of pure love. there was nothing funny, or witty about it, because he didn't want to take away from the message of the song: he loved you.

"look in my eyes, they'll tell you the truth. the girl in my story has always been you. i'd go down with the titanic it's true for you, lover," his voice broke a little on the name of the boat, but no one noticed.

your entire timeline was filled with videos of him singing. captions of screaming, talking about how focused he was. his eyes were shining as he looked at the camera. "how are we feeling, chat?"

the stream continued. he spent a lot of it just chatting, but right before he joined a call with phil he got a text from you.

you did so good, i love you <3

weeks passed. wilbur's viewers moved on to the newest memes, started screaming about his newer lore streams. your timeline would be filled with screenshots from tommy's vlogs.

that was, until your song dropped. wilbur's fans didn't notice right away, but you remember the first tweet you ever got.

am i the only one who thinks that lover sounds like that one song wil sang on stream a few weeks ago????

that's how it started, and soon there were pictures of you and wil separately, posted side by side on twitter at the same location. an instagram photo of you wearing sunglasses that he wore a few months later. someone even edited his vocals onto your song's backing track to compare.

it ended with you posting a picture on instagram, with wilbur reposting it on his socials. you were sitting in his streaming chair, beside the neon sign of his name.

your hands were framing the sign, wilbur soot. the caption you both put on the picture was the same; my, my, my, my lover.

[haptureratch]

Day #?

Still, like, withdrawing from oxytocin or something. Still in pain. Having more moments of strength. But oh does it hurt to accidentally look at the last pic I have of him on my phone when I'm scrolling for something else....

I'm not fully certain of what I'll do yet. Tell him I made the decision to see other people? Wait and feel it out when we exchange belated xmas gifts? Ghost him? Lol. The last option is very tempting. Because then he can't hurt me anymore than he has to this point. And then from here on it's just me accepting it and letting time heal me. I might hurt more if he did break up with me. Even though in my mind it has already happened and it's as though I'm watching it play out in the slowest fucking motion. G*rl pls 🙄

There are a couple more urges but these are not solutions and I won't be cursing myself by giving them life outside my mind

----

Dec 13th: "I would love snugs holy shit like kill me with snuhgs pls"

Dec 16th: "Good morning! I hope you have a great day 💜"

Dec 17th: This begins the sporadic texting. After the D&D night he had. That evening I go out with friends and stupidly tipsy-text him, trying to flirt and get attention. I'm glued to my phone and he barely replies. When I looked the way that I did :(

God dammit i was adding more dates but my fucking phone refreshed the page and I just lost it - anyway basically me looking back and being like wtf happened??? I'm not gonna gaslight the way I felt at the time bc it FELT like something had changed even though the texting isn't that bad until I start digging at him

12/19: I voice to him my fear of being clingy. I'm also post call lol yikes. He takes too long to get back to me and I go awol, canceling our hangout plan. I get mad. I say this feels one sided. He says he's sorry I feel this way, talks about his mom and his ex, I'm pissed at him taking zero responsibility.

12/20: I don't wanna follow through with our plans but I force myself to, worried I'll ruin it if I flake. I'm a nervous wreck and I set stiff boundaries. He's off put. (LOL OK but it's fine when you put up boundaries huh)

I say I'm calmer. I say I gotta ease back into him.

12/21: I AWAKE SO NOT CALM LOL. I had restless sleep. He barely texts this day. Doesn't reply to me but sends a meme at like 9pm. 11pm phone call

12/22: He loses his first pt. I come see him.

12/23: Nothing until 5pm when I ask for snacks. To be fair he does offer but i get released and RUN lol.. I send him a pic; no reply.

12/24: yikes.

12/25: we say merry xmas. I try so hard to focus on my family. I break and invite him for a new years dinner. He hits me with this fucking shit several hours later "Actually I'd like to talk about some things before we make more plans, but that can wait until you get back." PROBABLY THIS IS WHERE I GO FIGHT OR FLIGHT LOL

12/26: I'm panicking. I'm trying to text and call him, no reply. My roommate intervenes. My brother comforts me. What the actual fuck Jordan. You stupid fucking 🅱️inch. Like absolute monster moves. We talk, I cry. I say some shit I fucking regret now like wanting him to know what it's like to be loved by me FIXKING VOMMMMMMM

12/27: I ask what taking a step back looks like. He doesn't know how to and it still be fair to me (spoiler alert you have been a nightmare you goddamn hoe none of this has been fair at all and this is why I have some options in mind now)

We know how it goes from there.

I wish I had dates for the last trigger I had with him. That night didn't feel right at all. Ok it was the 14th. Then he came the 15th for a redo. D&D when he didn't reply for so long... That bothered me bc it's not like it took the entire day and night.. Then he was gonna call me on the 17th but I was out with Sarah. And then him not giving me attention sealed the deal for me. Then being post call really fucked me up and that's where I blew up. I was like this is one sided and I hate it. His reply seemed so hands off dude.

We had phone calls the 19th, 20th, 21st. I've lost track of what was said. Which one was the one I first confronted him and asked him to be honest if he still wanted to keep dating. He did thank me for the confrontation but after that he really just did not prove himself to me. It didn't even feel like he cared about my well-being dude. I wanna go back to every single day I broke down and just hold me as I cry.

It is not 1am on January 2nd. I have spend quite a while on edge and not feeling well or taking care of my body. It's becoming a portion of the relationship by now. It's been more than a few days of hiccup.

Perhaps he is giving me space now. But I asked so many times for communication. Barely anything and some days nothing. I sent memes without replies. He asked how I was on his only day off. But he didn't want to call or see me. It hurt. Bc before 12/17 or whatever he would have wanted that. Somewhere along the way I ruined this and he did not help me fix it. So what am I to do now?

THEN PERISH lol

P.S. I think it was a rough rotation. And my need for physical comfort was high. And I definitely was trying to snipe out the evenings where we could spend time. It was only like once a week for fucks sake how was that too attached and too fast for him???? Anyway at some point it felt like he was not also looking for those free moments to be with me. That's when I got all shifty and I couldn't handle the pressure. I got destructive. And passive aggressive. Finally blew up. He didn't take any of it well. I really thought I ate lmao. Bitch the whole plate was there plain as day I wasn't doing a god damn thing to get him to want me. God I hate my life.

By now it's too long gone for me to understand what was messing up our evenings. Like when the kissing wasn't as good and I was left restless and unsatisfied. And when I was so pushy with all the things I wanted and didn't want instead of giving things a try..... And I don't understand what's going on with his end as I fight to keep myself together every day since the 26th. But I truly wonder if too much damage has been done. Should I even bother giving these new insights?