#I'll survive though
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Unfortunately I turned to fiction to explore and heal from some trauma but when that trauma reappears I can now not turn to that fiction for comfort. 🫠
#Fandom#Emmi's life#I'm going through it y'all#And I can't tell if I have a stomach bug or just a new level of anxiety but I can say that I'm not doing particularly alright atm#I'll survive though
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#tag talk#bipolar so bad existing sucks and my brain is on fire. don't wanna do anything doing nothing sucks I hate everyone except my brother#being high just to make it through. prolly should look at some kind of formal medication for it#but it's temporary and we're moving in a month or so anyway so I'll just make it through#I'm surviving but it kinda sucks#but this mood is also something recurring around the new year. so I have to be aware.#new beginnings. uncertainty. seasonal depression. lots of things throw off my internal equilibrium this time of year.#I'll survive though#I'm high now I feel fine and okay actually
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A Gaggle of Masks
#slay the princess#stp#stp long quiet#stp opportunist#stp cold#stp smitten#my art#fanart#Was a long to coming but I finally have Slay the Princess!!!#I have about 19 hours in as time of writing hehe#Shown here is my interpretation of how the various voice work#They're mask similar to ones used for plays & theater#With the Long Quiet not being about to quite transform it's body forms temporary fleshy masks for each voice#But of course they're just that; masks; there's no true change to Long Quiet#And once the Long Quiet takes proper look at himself in the mirror the voices cease#They can no longer speak#Design wise these are very much in the workshopping phase and I might go back and fix thing up here and there#BUT#For now I really do like what I have for the Opportunist#Though that may be because I already really look in-game design hehe#Sigh there's no much design potential for this game I hope I'll survive my swim in boundless ideas
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the cato to annie pipeline is still real to me btw and something i think about because katniss is here thinking about both of them like "wow they are mentally ill" except she's legitimately scared of one and sees the other as docile/meek/an extension of her boyfriend/odd/non-threatening.
but what katniss doesn't seem to remember is annie came from a career district so not only could annie have easily been (and probably was) raised with a similar rhetoric/propaganda/mindset as cato but she also could have terrified the other kids in her arena the same way he did. they became trained killers but they're both exposed to the harsh realities of the arena, watch someone they care about die in a horrifically violent way, and lose themselves/their minds/what they were raised to believe in because of it
#and it's so interesting to think about what it would've been like if Cato won#because annie presumably resigned herself to death after her district partner got beheaded#yet even though cato became disillusioned with the Games after clove died you could tell in the book he was still determined to live#if only out of sheer survival instinct#it's like having an opposing mirror reflection in each other#no one wants to “deal with” annie so the Capitol writes her off as meek and unhinged and far gone#erratic and inarticulate and can't cope on her own (aka how fandom sees her)#but cato's a classic strong d2 victor and they need that image so instead of writing him off like with annie#the Capitol invents a narrative of “Oh he's like this bc he's a monstrous beast/lunatic”#meanwhile they both literally are just traumatised and need real help alsjfkrk#okay ignore me I'll go to bed#cato hadley#annie cresta#cato thg#thg cato#thg careers#the hunger games#anna speaks#thg
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New year, new Patreon shilling post! Here are some on-going exclusives I have to offer. Even if you can't support monetarily, I recommend becoming a free member by clicking the three dots in the upper corner. That way you'll get the timed exclusives when they're released publicly and can take part in polls. Thanks!
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You're mine now, old man.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#a-qing#xiao xingchen#A-qing's story kicks off so strong. You really get a sense that she feels strongly attached to xxc during the pre-empathy scenes#and that she has a strong sense of loyalty and perseverance with strong survival instinct#but then you see her before all the tragedy and you *immediately* learn she is a clever trickster!#She follows xxc not out of gratitude but out of a sense that this guy is her meal ticket.#xxc is kind and strong but most importantly *noble*#she can smell the self-sacrificing bright eyed hope on this stranger. She knows the mere fact she's a young blind girl means#he will protect her. The fact he gives her a little money doesn't hurt her justification but tbh she would have followed all the same#a-qing is *the* catgirl of all time actually. Follows you for the fact you provide food and shelter. Opportunistic. May grow to be loyal.#That's not even getting into the parallels here between these two characters and wwx (who is seeing these events play out)#the yi city trio are arguably the three split aspects of wwx: who he feels like (a-qing the opportunist) who he wants to be (xxc the noble)#and who he feels seen as (xy the vengeful).#one day I'll write a more robust analysis on that. prob in the tags though#(His a-qing parallels are also tied with the fact they both were street rat orphans who learned how to code-switch to be whoever#they need to be to feel safe. I have a lot more thoughts to share but augh another time...another time)
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kept seeing this stunning and heartbreaking gifset on my dash, found myself staring at that second gif every time i scrolled past, realised i haven't done a quick study piece in god knows how long, decided to fix that.
a bit scratchy and messy, but all in all i'm pretty happy with it :)
#honestly if i find the motivation (doubtful) i might clean it up and finally get myself a new icon...#but let's first see whether my wrist survived this (+ survives the woodcarving workshop tmrw x.x)#did i use this to procrastinate all the other shit i have to get to? maybe.#but it was also really fun so... whatever i guess i'll just suffer the coming weekend.#now i need to get my ass to bed though. way too fucking late.#911#911 abc#911 fanart#eddie diaz#eddie diaz fanart#my art
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Obsessed with what America and England have going on in HetaOni. America's like "I keep having to watch my dad die from overusing his magic in past timelines and not knowing how to stop it is killing me inside but I'm not going to talk to him about it" and England's like "I can't seem to hold a conversation with my son without insulting him but I won't hesitate to use my dying breath to ensure I can protect him from beyond the grave"
#good morning i still have hetaoni on the brain#that scene where it looks like america's going to die but turns out past loop england used the last of his strength to cast a shield on him#(+italy and germany) before sending them back to the present.... godddd#and then current loop england goes and takes on the monster america was worried about and succeeds. at the cost of going blind.#one of the very things america was afraid would happen!! he was so relieved when england survived the fight before finding that out too!!!#i don't know if this is coherent im just. they care about each other so much even though they won't say it and 😭😭😭 it makes me ill#sigh. rotating both them and hetaoni in my mind at the same time makes me so. waaughh#(also obligatory disclaimer that hetaoni doesn't label their relationship in any way them being father and son is just canon in my brain)#hetalia#hetaoni#hws america#hws england#tea dad n coffee son#personal#i have an old hetaoni wip fic that i think i intended to do more with but was mostly just about america and england as far as i got...#i can't remember the rest of my plans for it so maybe i'll shift the focus to them and try to get it finished sometime
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MASSIVE SPOILER for one of the endings.
it's been a while since i tried looking, but i did hear that something like this happens last year and over time started to think, "was it a fluke?" bc no one posted footage or caps of it then, and i aimed for a completionist run in my first playthrough. turns out it's real! and definitely shines a new light on a character that, for most other types of playthroughs, will not give this much emotion! EDIT: transcript now included, and some stillshots under the cut
[0:28] Marie: Henry, this is the man who kept you from doing the right thing tonight. Kill him. [0:15] Forrest: Henry, you don’t have to do this. If you’ve not killed anyone yet, there’s still time to make the right decision. [0:05] Out of shot: (Gunshots) Henderson Police! Freeze! Marie: No! Henry, get out of there!
#killer frequency#henry barrow#these hands………#so yes MORE spoilers and further commentary ahead here in the tags:#yes this is a fairly tragic ending if you already know how to get it. but again TERRIFIC VOICE ACTING BEFOREHAND AND AFTER.#feel free to reply in post if you want to ask about that part.#i didn't include that in the vid bc it's so visceral and raw but i love their performances. that shit hit hard dang.#but i want to ask anyone if their perspective on henry changes after seeing this? mine does tbh. i didn't expect a possible show of remorse#like at most hesitation! but bc of the context of forrest's dialogue- does it lean into remorse? a large definite shift in his mind!#even if he Has killed already then he's still taking forrest's words to heart and reconsidering everything which DAMN-#-my videogamey headcanon of forrest's character stats showing his Persuasion and Charm MAXED OUT is pulling tf through here!!#also can anyone reply re: would forrest's dialogue change but he still survives if henry kills maurice or murphy? or would forrest die?#and if the devs Actually gave henry other official kills in the game but didn't disclose them in the narrative- then is this the test?#like if henry kills AT ALL in game even though the player isn't privy to knowing which victims are his then is this ending unattainable?#also placing this scene/character moment behind THIS ENDING SPECIFICALLY heck that's cold. dang fellas.#going to eventually pull out a hc i've been holding back for a long time in a later post and i'll mention this scene again then-#-but this part in particular as well as another “easter egg” has really put more fuel to it
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he
#i used to hoard all of my old school papers with the thought of one day; i'll use them to draw on instead of letting them go to waste!#...........yeah the paper gain was faster than the usage. piled up very fast. worst era of my life my room was always so MESSY skdjffdkjhd#some survived though! thats why you see some very basic chem in the back :P hated it back then and i still hate it now#UHM#oh!!! yeah the art. dskhjdfsjhf. found two markers at random with colours that work rlly nicely together so ive just been doodling like crz#and i rly like how this one turned out.. check out that schnozz!#i wish i was better at retaining simple flowy shapes in my art; especially when i try to finish a sketch digitally. i tend to lose it!#i'll get better at it but only with time! alas#OKAY. IM DONE RAMBLING#LOL.#okay#shadow milk cookie#cookie run kingdom#crk#crk fanart#mystuff#doodle
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closing time
#you know situation's dire when sparks breaks out the color block sona vent art LOOOOOOOL#sparks speaks#vent#again to all my new-ish followers i do post stuff like this from time 2 time PLEASE block one of those tags if you don't want to see it#long post#edit: fine to rb idgas#ummm NEway. i go back to college in like a month and the thought of it makes me want to curl up and die. idk if i can do it again tbh lol#i dont know how i survived the first time#<- LYING he does. and it was by letting the dissociation he is currently bitching about swallow him completely#if i really committed and tried i could probably claw my way out of this. but there's really no point when i'll just fall back into it soon#the forgetting my entire life does suck though. it does suck.#its really cool learning you've lost the only thing you thought you couldn't lose.#anyways. i'm fine im chillin i just. needed to get this out#if youre reading this preciate you. drink water
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me, painting Spock yet again? of course!
watercolour & polychromos coloured pencils on cold pressed 100% cotton paper, 15 x 15 cm
#star trek fanart#star trek aos#spock#zachary quinto#aos spock#for real though I've been feeling like crap for a multitude of reasons lately and hadn't had chance to use my watercolours for months#when normally watercolour painting is as essential to me as seeing friends or eating dessert#which is to say I'll survive without doing it regularly but I won't *live*#so I painted this whilst off sick from work and while it didn't fix me I do feel a little better than I did for it#my art#my trek art#watercolour#coloured pencil
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Saiouma Puella Magi AU, but Kokichi takes Madoka's role and Shuichi takes Homura's.
For one, Kokichi's too naturally distrustful to just hear "I can grant you any wish :)" and not think ok where's the hook. So he just does what no one ever has & essentially interrogates Kyubey, so he knows it all even before he gets to make a contract. So, some of his classmstes are MGs & he won't become one himself BUT he still ends up tagging along to just protect them in his Kokichi ways. (Though I'm entertaining Kokichi lying about being a magical girl, because, well, it's Kokichi).
(I also got a small idea of Gonta being a magical girls and Kokichi originally tagging along him into labyrinths, Gonta also makes him a magic gun from the toy one he had, and at some point witches out & Kokichi manages to kill him with that gun. So he always has that spare Grief Seed on himself, bc it's still his best friend & he can't handle the idea of just giving it away or using it himself (he does anyway in the end).)
Shuichi prolly ends up being a new kid & it isn't like MadoHomu, the ppl who reach him first are Kaede & Kaito, classic. Kokichi's there, too, but he's his usual sus self. He's actually discouraging ppl from making a contract when they find out magic and miracles are real, which absolutely includes Shuichi. He's very vocal abt it, but he won't explain stutf, bc 1) he's a liar, so who'd believe him? and 2) he doesn't want them to witch out upon finding out the truth or, idk, murder everybody Mami-style.
Anyway, fast forward, bad things happen bingo & by the end of the run most charas are dead, there's Walpurgis nachting, and he makes his wish to bring back the ppl who died notably not as magical girls. Contract signed, he fights & fails, rip. I also thought it was similar to how he thought he could end the killing game by himself - he though he could finish Walpurgisnacht by himself, too. And he failed in both times. Whatevs.
Shuichi doesn't actually make his time travel wish for Ouma specifically, he wants to save all his friends. Timelines are messy esp at first bc he either tells then or it backfires or just makes himself look very sus bc he's trying not to tell them. He also realizes why Kokichi hadn't told anybody aby witches at some point, bc, yeah, it messes them a lot, assuming they believe it.
Still, Kokichi ends up one of the few people who are nearly always giving him a chance, not necessarily out of belief, but out of pragmatism - bro can stop time & knows the truth, that's just too useful. So they often work together & Shuichi grows closer to him but still we ain't there yet. But the thing is, Shuichi's time travel still makes Kokichi more & more powerful with each timeline, bc Shuichi usually goes back after Kokichi dies, so the universe figured out this guy's life's important. Anyway, another notable thing is the iconic Homura kills Madoka scene, but it's Saiouma with guest stars of Kaito & Maki. It's Walpy, it's not defeated yet, but the training trio are spent & just kinda accept their fate of turning into witches together. And then, boom, Kokichi appears & steals their Soul Gems for a sec & he's like did u know you can cleanse your Soul Gem with a darkened one? But it's a lie & he quickly tells them so, he just had a spare Grief Seed after cleansing his Soul Gem & he needs them to do some stuff. Shuichi can travel back in time & fix things, and Maki & Kaito are needed to fight Walpy here. He actually questions what happens to the timelines Shuichi leaves behin, and ofc he doesn't know. There's a chance they remain, so Kokichi needs Maki & Kaito to fight Walpy here.
Kaimaki leave, and Shuichi finally looks at Kokichi & realizes sth is Wrong. Kokichi struggles to hide how he's trembling & grimacing, and it's Kokichi, so obviously it must be extremely bad. Shuichi dreadfully realizes something worse, and he weakly asks Kokichi why aren't his wounds healing. And Kokichi just falls, laughing weakly, and Shuichi catches him & searches for his Soul Gem and, God, he knew it. It's nearly completely black. Kokichi laughs & admits he lied abt having two Grief Seeds, he only had one he never wanted to use. But they'll have the second one soon, so no need to worry. He asks Shuichi to maybe destroy his witch form as it's hatching, so he'll have the Grief Seed without any fighting… and he admits that he hates fighting, he hates this magical world and all its violence. He says that Kaito was right in calling him a coward, even here he just can't handle the idea of fighting any longer, he's so sorry. And Shuichi tells him he ISN'T a coward. He was scared, but he always followed everybody, trying to help, and when push came to shove he would always make a contract for the benefit of others rather than himself. He's a lot of things, but a coward isn't one. Kokichi actually tears up hearing that, and Shuichi promises he won't let him fight ever again, and especially he won't let him turn into a witch and hurt anybody, because he knows it's the last thing he's ever wanted. Even now he only accepts turning into a witch to help them fight to keep others safe. So Shuichi won't let him. Kokichi probably apologizes and thanks him and then he dies.
Keeping Kokichi from fighting starts off as a side quest that gains importance with time, bc it's something Shuichi won't compromise on (ah, trauma), which leads him to occassionally neglect others a bit, which makes them more likely to get hurt & ironically Kokichi more likely to make a contract, especially since he gets more powerful & Kyubey is more interested in him with each timeline. And that also makes him witch out super quick. Shuichi's paying more attention to him & over time grows resentful of others for how they're treating him. To Shuichi it's no question that Kokichi cares & is just doing his best to help, but nobody realizes that.
But the biggest obstacle in keeping Kokichi from fighting is actually Kokichi himself, bc he's too smart and nosy, lmao. Even if he knows nothing, he will find out quickly. Doesn't help that Kyubey wants him to make a contract.
Also, obviously Kaito is Sayaka-coded and Maki could be Kyouko-coded, so that's a thing, BUT it's usually Maki that witches out. Kaito is usually pretty close, but Kokichi intervenes & he survives, but Maki later cracks on her own (and since in the new timeline Kokichi isn't there, Kaito's the one to die, so he's still the secretary). So it's Kaito who gets the dramatic sacrifice. I imagine he genuinely hoped you could bring somebody back if you tried Very Hard & Kokichi called him a moron bc obviously it's not possible. If it was there'd be far less witches that there are. But it's Kaito, he doesn't listen to reason. So, Kokichi follows him to the labyrinth. At first Kaito's mad cuz what if Kokichi being there ruins the plan? Maki hates his guts! But eventually he gets hit pretty hard, and Kokichi is near immediately by his side, trying to help him get up, which kinda makes Kaito short circuit a little bc wait Kokichi's trying to help? But witch!Maki attacks them & Kokichi pushes Kaito away & gets caught himself (and choked until unconsciousness, naturally). Anyway, Kaito gets him away, Shuichi catches Kokichi & Kaito makes up his mind about going down with Maki & asks Shuichi to tell Kokichi that he's sorry. He doesn't get him, but he got hurt trying to protect him, so he'll believe in that if nothing else. F.
As for The WishTM, in the last timeline Shuichi lashes out at Kokichi for his willingness to just become part of the system. In no timeline has his wish actually helped, it did NOTHINHG, which OUCH but it also makes Kokichi think out of the box more & he becomes the Law of Cycles. And Shuichi realizes what is happening & freaks out bc Kokichi's doing it bc of what he told him & like Homura they end up having a momentTM in space & Shuichi remembers. He feels a lot of guilt even tho he also questions whether anything was real, but if it was, he pushed somebody he far too realized he loved into erasing himself from existence.
#hope it's not too long but i'll make it a read more if somebody thinks it is#i spammed discord i spammed bsky it's only fair i post it on tumblr too#kokichi ouma#shuichi saihara#saiouma#danganronpa#like obviously normally you'd go for something like Kokichi as Homura and Shuichi as Madoka and I'm just not that sure of it myself#like the vibes match at the first glance but the more I think about it the less it actually works for the characters in question#one of Kokichi's most defining chracteristics is that he cares a lot about everybody and frankly more than probably any other V3 character#but in a very... general sense if you get me. characters like Kaito and even Shuichi pick some people they like to care for and everybody#else is like whatever - sucked but now it's done like after Korekiyo's execution he says nothing abt him while both Makoto & Hajime offer#Celeste and Mikan some more thoughts and compassion; anyway obviously Kokichi doesn't care about say Kaede more than Shuichi but he still#gives all their lives the same amount of respect just for the sake of it; that's what makes chapter 4 so horrifying from his perspective#and also why in chapter 5 he isn't willing to do the same anymore and instead chooses to die himself so Maki of all people can survive and#so Kaito can go in a blaze of glory. and these two are arguably the two characters who treated him the worst (not that anybody treated him#well save for maybe Gonta and Kiibou). so i can't imagine Kokichi in Homura's role - reaching the point where he cares about only one perso#surviving while everybody else can die in a ditch bc the one time he picked his life over anybody else's he had a wholeass breakdown & then#killed himself several days later even though logically it would've made more sense to either kill Kaito who's dying anyway or throw Maki#under the bus since she was the one to fuck things up in the first place and proved herself to be a danger to the group.#Shuichi meanwhile he absolutely could given his lack of regard for some of the dead (Rantaro Ryouma idk abt Angie but I remember little#Korekiyo Miu and finally Kokichi himself) so he could snap at some point#anyway time to shut up it's getting long in these tags
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constantly thinking about where kara would be at today if she had been allowed to transition into new earth continuity along with everyone else after COIE (and if pre-crisis kara wasn't stripped for parts and tossed aside for the benefit of other characters)...
#kara zor el#supergirl#kara with her own consistent supporting cast.....#her own villains.....#her own history.....#her own lore and story elements.....#i think that if kara survived COIE she would've strangled byrne!clark to death#as she should !#i can't think about how the longest running supergirl solo doesn't even belong to kara or i'll start biting people#not mae hate btw. she's my princess.#it IS a little bit post crisis linda hate but it really isn't her fault / isn't really about her.#she DID take kara's bob though. among other things.
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Thoughts and pictures - S3E4
I've never been that slow with a Young Royals rewatch >< It's hard for me to get through this season (especially now that I'm in the last 3 episodes...)
And here we go, starting directly with a very sad Simon 😞 Omar plays a crying Simon way too well, it breaks my heart every damn time...
I like hearing Wilhelm call Simon his boyfriend 🥰 Also is it me, or do we have a lot more close up shots in season 3? (No clue if that's what it's called, I mean shots that are very zoomed in on their faces like this one.)
Vincent drawing a dick on the ground, of course... And I don't get his explanation: "why even try if there's no reward for the effort?". It means if the school closes, they all won't graduate and have to do their grade all over again? Surely if they're taking tests and all, it counts for something? Why fail an important test and take the risk to fail your year? 🤔 (Not gonna lie, most of Vincent's reactions to what's happening to the school this season left me quite perplexed ^^') And if it's just the graduation ceremony that is cancelled, it still doesn't mean they're not graduating, does it? 🤔
But can you really Simon?
And Wilhelm repeating his mother's words "it's a privilege, not a punishment" breaks my heart >< (Also I'm gonna be a little shit about it but even the Royals have a choice in the end about accepting or not their role and job: after all, Wille is gonna renounce it in 2 episodes :p)
I do like what he said about the role of the royal family in Sweden! We have very little information on that in the show so I appreciate it here. And he looks so pretty in this light!
Wilhelm sounded so surprised that Farima said yes immediately when he told her they needed to help Simon. He was expecting to have to fight them on that.
Why did he have to delete his whole account? Why not just put it on private? (I know I've read in several fanfics the idea that searching and deleting through all the new people who followed him before going on private would be too much of a hassle but I feel like it's a stretch, and an acceptable price to pay to keep his account?)
Their conversation about Wilhelm's choice of foundation makes me so so sad! I had hoped that he would see Simon's point of view on how he can use his role as Crown Prince to try and make things better! I was actually pretty surprised that he was 100% not interested. It's a new facet of Wilhelm's personality that we hadn't really seen before I guess? And it feels like it creates a serious gap between them, it shows that they're not on the same page at all about a pretty serious subject (which is not good for the future of their relationship...)
This shot of these 3 made me laugh :p
This one hurts... Another crack in their relationship 😩 Simon is realizing how different they are. He knew they were but this season is showing us a side of Wilhelm that just seems incompatible with Simon :/ It's not just differences in tastes or personality, now it's differences in their core values also. And that is a huge problem.
So we learn that Simon mostly avoided Micke for Sara's sake. Or maybe he's exaggerating that fact because he's really angry at her.
The sit-in scene is very funny, they're all so dramatic, thinking they might starve to death xD I didn't think that August's eating disorder would be confirmed this way! Also I guess Vincent does have ADHD then? It was not just an excuse to get pills.
"Because we are different?" Yeah... that's what this episode is really about, how different you both are. Which wouldn't be an issue for me if it was less about such important matters :/ I wish we had seen them learn more from each other this season, instead of being in conflict to much.
I agree with Felice that it's getting out of hand! (I still enjoy the whole thing though 😁). I don't dislike Stella as much as a lot of people seem to, but I don't like her in this scene and how she talks to Felice!
Cutest scene of the episode.
I adore this scene. It makes me want to cry. I love them both and I'm so happy that they're slowly finding their way back to each other <3
"Erik was there." This sceeeeene!! Such a punch in the face, so fucking terrible >< (So well acted also!!)
Another trauma for my poor boy...
So lots of mixed feelings with this episode! I'm very frustrated with Wilhelm and his reactions, but I love the Sara arc. I really like the end of the episode, with some very good scenes. But now I really don't wanna go watch the next one ><
#Young Royals#Young Royals season 3#yr S3E4#Wilmon#Prince Wilhelm#Simon Eriksson#my little thoughts#another hard episode to watch#though the whole sit-in makes me laugh#but Simon is so incredibly sad#it's very hard to watch#and Wilhelm is disappointing#his reaction to choosing a foundation for his birthday really irks me#I do love him#but I really dislike how they made him not care about anything#he's so obsessed over having a “normal life” in this episode#and not wanting to do anything of substance/value in his life#I don't like it 😩#anyway#again it's a very long post#so congrats if you got to the end ^^#2 more episodes and I'll be done with this season#(don't know how I'll survive those though ><)#my S3 analysis
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cei'ing 'pinn'ing
'inkkkk i 'm dred
#//I am having the time of my life giving Lancaster the plague#//the little medical nerd inside of me is having the time of his life#//and also he gets to have a seizure because I think I might have had one a few hours ago#//I'm fine though#like I'm consicous#I'll survive#Translation:ceiling spinning. Think I'm gonna die.
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