#I'll prob delete this in the morning. soz
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the psychic attacks. they're getting stronger
#birthdays make me WEIRD (it's not mine)#people celebrating themselves make me so weird. and i hate it#but yeah the last time i celebrated my birthday i invited my 2 friends at the time#and they just talked to each other mostly#and at the end of the night i got on the bus alone and cried#and it sucked !#and i think that was. 2018 or 2019#didn't celebrate my graduation either#i just don't think I'm worth the effort#but my friends are all normal and they celebrate their birthdays and themselves and it's Nice#it's always so lovely#but I'm just a MISERABLE FUCKER#like it's 1 in the morning and I'm writing this instead of like. sleeping#i'm 24. when does the pain stop. when do i accept myself#when will i feel wanted ! it's not fair to the people around me but damn i can't help it#i have a disease#I AM A DISEASE#I'll prob delete this in the morning. soz#don't reblog this lol#i let some of my Mannerisms out today and some friends looked at me like i was strange and bizarre.#that also. was not nice.#like suddenly oh i am not safe to be myself here. i have to Behave#i have to put my Coat on. my Normal Coat#(i have to mask)#yo i am just. goin through it#i think i might need another med readjustment#mood swings haven't been this bad in a couple of years !#im just. a horrible little creature#I'll be better in the morning. I'll have breakfast. I'll probably forget all these feelings#and that's PART OF THE PROBLEM
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