#I'll never get over that ending it's so heartbreaking seeing him hit rock bottom again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

multifandomfanfic · 3 years

Note

I love what you did with that randy imagine I haven’t seen anyone do him!! I was wondering if you could do at part 2!!

Hello, I Miss You

Pairing: Randy Rhoads x fem! Reader

Warnings: sad

Summary: A description of the difficult times that followed his departure.

Word Count: 1.5k

Request?: Yes!

Part One

DISCLAIMER: This fic is meant to be open to interpretation. There is some grey area on purpose. It is meant to be filled with your own imagination!

@rhoads56

Words cannot express how much I miss him. Every time I wake up, a small part of me still thinks he's lying next to me. It always hurts to see his old spot empty. As the days passed, the aching feeling in my heart became more prominent. When he first left me, it didn't feel real. I've had some time to reflect on his absence. The pain isn't going away; in fact, it's getting worse by the day.

I'm hoping to reach my breaking point one day. I'll hit rock bottom and won't be able to take it any longer. Then, once I'm completely broken, I'll have no choice but to get over it because the pain will completely break me.

In a futile attempt to alleviate my suffering, I decided to write him a letter every day. Many of them were brief and straightforward. Just little phrases that came to mind every day that I wanted to tell him but couldn't.

Hello, I miss you.

I hope that wherever you are, you find happiness.

-Y/N

Hello, I miss you.

Keep smiling.

-Y/N

Hello, I miss you.

I love you.

-Y/N

I always imagined spending my entire life with him. There was never any reason to believe he would abandon me before his time. But I suppose these things happen without warning. The fact that I would never see him again was the most difficult part for me to accept. I would never speak to him again, hug him, or kiss him. He'd never hold me in his arms as we swayed back and forth, the sound of an old record player filling the room. All the memories I had made with him were the only memories I would ever get. There would never be anything new I would experience with him at my side.

Gone forever.

In the months following his departure, I cried a lot. I cried until there was no more water coming out of my eyes. I cried until I was completely exhausted and had no choice but to sleep.

I used to watch movies in which the main character had lost their significant other. I'd heard about it happening in real life. Yet I always felt as if it couldn't possibly happen to me. I was somehow immune to losing the person I cared the most about. I had no idea Randy's days were numbered, and that they would end while we were both still young and in love. I imagined both of us dying with no regrets, only happiness coursing through our veins. We'd been together for a lifetime, and there was nothing either of us could possibly want.

Is it possible to die from heartbreak?...

I hope not.

The minutes ticked by slowly. The days passed, and even my sleep seemed to drag on.

I was sobbing on my bed one day, with no motivation to do anything but cry. After I was done, I felt an unfamiliar feeling, my heart was slowly putting itself back together. The following day felt a little faster than the day before. After about a week, I felt motivated enough to go outside and enjoy the cool weather.

After a few months, time began to pass normally. My heart still hurt, but I was feeling better. Not completely better, but better nonetheless.

I was moving on. Life was slowly growing better by the day.

I felt guilty. I should still be depressed. I never thought I'd be able to get over Randy's departure a few months ago. Now, I'm confident that I'll be nearly fully recovered soon. Despite the fact that this should not be happening, right? He was everything to me, and now I was allowing myself to get over him.

I wanted to still be sad, even though I was miserable when I was sad.

Randy was incredible and nothing but kind to me. I should have been crying about him every day, but I couldn't bring myself to do so any longer. I still missed him and would shed a tear now and then. Every week, I wrote fewer and fewer letters. I used to write him a short note every day. I now write to him every two weeks. I just don't know what else to say to him that I haven't already written. I eventually gave up writing. He wasn't going to read them anyway, so why bother?

I wished for my heart to ache for him. It bothered me even more that I felt almost nothing towards the subject any longer. I was back to my old self after a few years. I reverted to the person I used to be when Randy was still with me. I started going out with my friends again, just like old times. I applied for a new job that was even better than the one I had previously.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I had the impression that it was still too early for me to be happy. I was having trouble sleeping. When I was at work, my coworkers noticed that I appeared tired. I started picking at my nails until they bled. My emotional stress was becoming overwhelming. There were times throughout the day when I needed to take a step back and regroup.

I was sinking back into the pit of unbearable sadness. Isn't this how I should be feeling? The love of my life had abandoned me for good. I should still be sad, my heart should still be broken.

But I used to be so much happier; isn't that what Randy would have wanted?

I took a few days off from work. I went back to the park where Randy had taken me on our first date. I lay beneath the tall trees where we had cuddled on his last day with me. I let myself fall asleep because I was exhausted from a string of sleepless nights. I awoke after only a brief moment, unable to sleep for long.

My mind couldn't sleep, so I let my body rest on the soft grass. The soothing atmosphere of the park temporarily calmed me.

I'd run myself into the ground if I kept going like this. I had to let him go. I sighed, sinking deeper into the earth. My thoughts were racing at a million miles per hour.

This was wrong.

I needed to stay sad for just a little longer.

It was still too soon.

My emotions were puzzling. I wanted to be sad, but I also desired to be happy. Randy would have wanted me to be happy, but I should be sad.

I shut my eyes. I was hoping that if I just thought about him for a little longer, the right course of action would emerge.

I had no choice but to let him go. I knew it would be difficult. Randy’s departure was the most difficult thing I'd ever gone through. As I processed my decision, I could already feel the guilt moving through my veins.

“No.”

I muttered to myself. I couldn't let myself feel like this. I needed to let go of him and let the feelings of guilt wash over me. I needed to give myself permission to be happy again. I was still missing him. I'd give anything to have him back in my arms, his head on my chest, our breathing in unison. His warmth penetrating my skin and his soft snoring echoing throughout the empty room.

I sat on our bed with a pen in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. I needed to write him one last letter before I could stop feeling guilty. I exhaled a shaky breath. This was the final step in bringing Randy Rhoads' chapters of my life to a close. There were still so many things I wanted to tell him, but it was pointless to write them down. It would only lead to another downward spiral from which I would never be able to recover.

Hello, I miss you.

I began. My pen was hovering over the paper, pondering my next words. I wanted this to be Randy's final message. A farewell that I was never able to offer him. I repositioned my pen on the paper, the ink forming a small dot. I began writing.

But I have to let you go.

-Y/N

It was done. He was gone. And now I would continue to live my life as if I never knew him. I allowed myself to let him go. I will try not to think about him anymore, it will only cause me more pain. The memories I made with him were unforgettable, but now, it would be for the best if I could try to forget.

I lay on my bed, feeling the unfamiliar sensation of tiredness pass over me.

That night, I slept like a baby.

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