#I'll miss them forever and ever. They'll probably never know but I want them to know this.

[shima-draws]

Worst feeling ever is when you go to reread a fic you really like and find out it's been deleted. Even WORSE worst feeling ever is checking the author's profile and finding out they've deleted all of their fics entirely

[vampirememory]

pick a pile || future spouse/lover letter!

I am someone personally who tends to find comfort in these types of readings, so I hope someone here can find the same comfort.

Keep in mind that I am still a beginner, not even quite sure if I have abilities, so I will say that this is mostly for entertainment only, but if it resonates with you, it resonates.

I will be using tarot as a guide and leave the rest for whatever is told to me. Keep in mind I won't be editing the written portions, just the portions that I write myself from my intuition and the cards, everything else is raw and unedited.

pick a pile! webkinz dog inspired <3

masterlist

Pile 1

Wow, they have a lot to say I think.

"Hello, dear (a faint chuckling in the background),

my sweetheart, my beloved. My beloved, I can see you, you are not too far away. Do you miss me? I hope you do, I miss you, I miss you the most. How are you? fine? I'm glad of it. You are stronger than you think, you know, that is why i love and adore you. five years ago, I never thought I would meet someone like you, and here we are today. finally you are here, with me, in my arms, something i never expected to be saying. finally finally finally. there's something about you- there's so much about you that i adore. i cant approach you yet. look at you in your elegance, absolutely a marvel and me? i am just a peasant boy, waking and quaking in your presence. will you do me a favor? don't let someone else sweep you off your feet just yet, i promise that when i get my confidence up and my ducks in a row, marbles in a bunch. it will be soon! I promise. i promise i promise i promise, for your sake and mine we need to meet soon! maybe i hope so, I'm not sure.

anyways i do love you, see you soon.

yours forever. "

I believe that this is from their future self. They are fiery and loving and they love you so much. They may be very nervous in your presence but they want you to know that YOU and only you cause that nervousness, it's like they are a shipwreck when they are around you. You give them anxiety and butterflies! They give off very anxious energy, they just want to keep repeating how much they love you. They'll shake your whole body and shout it from the rooftops and the tops of mountains, only you do this to them. They love you they love you they love you, they really do. I have a feeling that they don't express this verbally but they think it so much and they don't want you to doubt their appreciation.

pile 2

I had to do pile 3 before this one.

"Hi baby <3

My adoration, a mirage of all things beautiful and concrete. Except you're real of course! My beloved baby, how are you? Dazzling, as always. A fortress that cannot be torn down, stopped, or blocked, an absolute unit! (laughter here) I love you, you know? You're funny as hell and I'm glad to be with you. My every wish was granted, would you look at that? I guess the universe really is some unstoppable force, except when it comes to you, it bends for you I guess, like you've got some magic powers? But nothing will stop how I feel for you. You are mine. Alllll mine (hearing Stingy saying "mine mine mine"). Sorry I'm clingy, you know I am though and sometimes you tell me that I need to let go a little bit, which is okay, I can give you a little space sometimes, but I'm still stuck to you like a leech, head over heels! My final resting place will be just in your arms, perfect just how I wanted. God, this is like a school essay. Sorry, this is supposed to be romantic, but maybe it can be funny too? I don't know, sorry, I'm being stupid & silly with you but I think you don't care so it doesn't matter anyway. We are so different but we are so good together yk? Two peas of a pod...except maybe we are two different peas, maybe I'm spike-y, lol! Or no, you're probably the spike-y one, okay I'll stop. But my lovely, I'm glad to talk to you. You're such a good friend to me, how do you put up with me? I'll never know, I can barely put up with myself. Have you ever heard that humans think they're ugly because they get used to themselves and their faces? Maybe that is me, maybe I'm just insecure and you see something magical in me, just like I see it in you. Maybe you feel the same way about yourself and you don't tell me, which makes me sad, but you know you can tell me and I wont push it. I love you ok? stay hydrated and things, do the work, have fun, live your life, whatever bye.

okay i'll give you a proper goodbye, a hug and a kiss on the cheek, a proper smooch maybe? no? okay fine. bye my love, see you in the afterlife... JK!!!! I'm not dead hehe>>, okay sorry bye. nonon wait, okay never mind yeah I'm done now, bye." *phone click*

They have a hard time saying goodbye to you, they never want to stop talking to you. I remember another reading on here (sorry I cannot remember which one or who) describing someone as a "down bad loverboy/girl" and that's what I'm getting for you (if someone knows which reading I'm talking about, please send it to me so I can link it here !!). they are cute. you guys might be long distance in the beginning, which is why i got the phone click. but whatever it is, they love uuuuuuu ok? "to the moon and back."

pile 3

"Hello. (I hear a very deep masculine voice here, very prominent) If I've ever seen such a beautiful soul, no soul could be no more beautiful than yours. No sun could shine brighter than the way your eyes light up, nothing can take that away from me- that appreciation I have for you and your beauty. You radiate, you know? I love that. You radiate like the sun, shining brightly and me being the humble man I am, simply adoring you from below. They say that if you look into the sun, you will go blind, but I would gladly go blind for you my love, because you are blinding and I would rather have you seared into the back of my eyeballs and in my mind as the last thing I've ever seen than to never see you again. Everything is for you, always for you, just for you. Why did you go so soon? We barely had begun our journey and you were off again on your great quest for such knowledge I can never give you. I wish I could give you everything but I cannot, only you can do that for yourself and I will let you- I mean, I don't control you. You're free to do whatever you want, I support you, I just miss you..a lot. more than I admit it. Come home safely, bring me a souvenir? The pretty kind, the beautiful kind, but none will be as beautiful as you are; they're only beautiful because they've been touched by the hands of the angel on earth.

hands I am glad to hold one day, hands I will gladly hold forever.

yours,

fs."

Once again, I got very masculine energy from the beginning. They may be very masculine, I'm seeing mostly a male here. It can be the other way around, or really any gender, but that's what I'm seeing here. They're very....formal? Cut edge, straight to the point. They're good with words, they like using them (I just heard "In more ways than one" :I, that was meant to be sexual but I don't do 18+ readings so they can shut it, haha!). They like you a lot, they think you're amazing and personally lovable (lovable just for them and only them, perfect match, a match made in heaven). They encourage your adventures and your thirst for knowledge, the need to explore, although they may not be able to come with you. They root for you on the sidelines though and may provide financial assistance for you to accomplish your dreams. I'm getting older businessman vibes from this, specifically getting a white older 'gentleman' with brown hair and a very thick beard? that might be someone's person, their name might be Micheal with their last name beginning with an R, very specific.

pile 4

TRIGGER WARNING; d3ath, self-loathing, overall a very depressing & heavy energy.

If you aren't comfortable with these things, here is a quick overview minus the heavier topics.

Your future spouse is going through a lot right now. They may be in a depressed and detached state, they might be a player but it isn't something they enjoy. They need time, they don't believe you exist at this moment. Their energy is very sad and dark, although if they don't change, someone else will take their place as your future lover. The lessons they need to learn are important and you should also take your own lessons seriously.

"introducing... you, my beloved lover!

one of three, hehe. or maybe not, maybe you are the one. i don't know why you would think i am the one, did i make you think that? I'm not that good of a person, you know? people toss me to the side and use me like a puppet, toy on a string. i want you so badly...no, i just want someone. have you ever seen those cute movies with cute couples doing cute things? i would love that to be me and someone, someone out there maybe. but maybe I'm not meant for that, I'm not sure. maybe I'm meant to be a plaything and a lesson and eventually end up in a dumpster somewhere (wow wtf?), not from dying though, just being trash i guess. i'd rather not die. i mean, i don't know anymore. if you're real, can you come get me? pick me up? carry me away, safe in your arms? but there's no guarantees though, I'll probably kick and thrash and be toxic and make you feel lonely for a while and I'm sorry. but i promise I'll be yours one day, let me just get it out of my system. or maybe you don't care? i don't know. I'm tired of people pretending to care, if you don't actually care, maybe it's your actual emotions about me. maybe I'm projecting, I'm sorry. i love you. but this is empty. empty love, no cup to pour from. maybe there's someone else for you out there, maybe i need to find myself first.

-someone new."

oh, this got sad and dark :(? sensing that this is current energy, they're in a bad place. sorry for the sad reading pile 4,if you were expecting something happier & lighter-hearted. i hope you can love your fs in the future for all of the shit they have to go through. they'll be better when they get to you, the universe will make sure of it and if they aren't then someone new will come and take their place for them, they're willing to let the spot go because they know you deserve the best.

they do want you to know that lessons are important.

[thezombieprostitute]

Constant Change - Part 4

Summary: You and Nick must navigate the new territories of pregnancy and parenting while managing the continued hostility from Clark Kent.

A/N: Reader is AFAB, in her late 30's, early 40's. No other descriptors used.

Warnings: Family stress, Pregnancy issues, Wedding stress. Please let me know if I missed any!

Part 3 -- Part 5

Series Masterlist

You really couldn't wait for the morning sickness phase of pregnancy to pass. If it did. The best estimates indicated you had another few weeks or so until the next trimester. Last night's meal with your parents must have been too rich for your insides to handle. You brush your teeth to get rid of the taste and start thinking about how to avoid your vomiting around your parents without raising suspicions. Thankfully you had stocked up on some pharmacist approved meds for the nausea that you could probably discretely take during the day.

Stepping out of the bathroom, you're greeted by the scent of the bland oatmeal you've grown to hate. Nick has vowed that, as soon as the morning sickness symptoms subside, you will never have to eat oatmeal ever again. He'll burn all the oats in the apartment if you want. After the first trimester.

Nick sets breakfast on the table and holds your chair out for you, making you smile. Instead of sitting you give him a soft kiss. His scent hits you and you give him another, deeper kiss that he eagerly returns. Wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your body against his, but you wince in pain. Nick pulls away just enough to see your face.

"Breast pain," you grouse. "Seems like everything I wear, every time they're touched, they just hurt."

"That's expected," Nick reassures. "I just have to be more careful."

"You're going to be okay leaving me with my parents for the day?"

Nick grins, "I'll behave. Gotta work, after all. But you've got my number on speed dial, right? And you've got Teach's as well? Anything happens I will drop whatever I'm doing and get to you."

"I know," you giggle. "And I'm forever grateful for that."

"How about this dress?" Your mother pulls another overly extravagant, white dress from the rack. You shake your head. Aside from not wanting something so showy, you're worried it'll be too tight and show off the baby bump that's been forming.

"We're trying for something simple," you remind her. "Plus, it's not our wedding colors." You indicate the ring that Nick had gotten you, with the blue stone that matches his eyes. "We're going for this color blue, or close enough."

"You're right, you're right," she concedes. "I'm just so excited! I had almost no say whatsoever in your sister's wedding. It's nice to not only get to make suggestions but also not have to pay for them!" You see your father nod in agreement.

Looking back through the dresses you see several you really like but you know they'll show off the slight baby bump you've managed to grow. It's small, you have to lay down to really see it, but you're not comfortable with a dress that isn't at least a little loose in the stomach area. You're also avoiding the sleeveless ones. Your basic bras are the most comfortable for your sore breasts so you want something that'll cover up your bra straps as well.

Your mother ends up handing you several dresses you hadn't seen her pick out. "Try these ones on?" she asks, her voice pleading. Like your father, you know how difficult it is to say 'no' to her, so you nod and take the dresses to the changing room. "And I want to see how you look in each of them," she calls from the other side of the door.

"I make no promises," you intone. Several of the dresses you immediately dismiss because they're too showy for what you want. Yes, they're beautiful, your mother has a good eye, but you're looking for something modest to help hide your body's changes.

One dress, however, definitely gets your attention. White with blue flowers and a blue sash around the middle that could help hide any baby bump. It's even got some cute ruffles that make you smile. You try it on and actually like how you look in the mirror, a major accomplishment.

"I want this one," you announce from inside the changing room. You hear your mother scoff in disbelief, but when you step out she smiles wide and her eyes start tearing up.

"You're so beautiful," she beams. "I definitely agree! It's gorgeous!"

Your father steps up behind her, tears forming in his eyes, "you'll be the most beautiful bride."

Part 3 -- Part 5

Series Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory; @ronearoundblindly

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; SOUR by Olivia Rodrigo (Part I)

BRUTAL

I want it to be, like, messy.

I'm so insecure.

I think that I'll die before I drink.

I'm so caught up in the news.

I'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.

They'd all be so disappointed.

Who am I if not exploited?

I'm so sick of seventeen.

Where's my fucking teenage dream?

If someone tells me one more time "Enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.

I don't stick up for myself.

I'm anxious, and nothing can help.

I wish I'd done this before.

I wish people liked me more.

All I did was try my best.

This the kinda thanks I get?

They say these are the golden years.

I wish I could disappear.

God, it's brutal out here.

I feel like no one wants me.

I hate the way I'm perceived.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I love people I don't like.

I hate every song I write.

I'm not cool.

I'm not smart.

I can't even parallel park.

Just havin' a really good time.

Got a broken ego?

God, I don't even know where to start.

TRAITOR

I played dumb, but I always knew.

I always knew that you talked to her, maybe did even worse.

I kept quiet so I could keep you.

Ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?

Ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

It sure as hell don't look like it

You betrayed me.

I know that you'll never feel sorry.

You talked to her when we were together.

Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter.

It took you two weeks to go off and date her.

Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.

I know if you were true, there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.

Ain't it funny?

Remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?

I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

Don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.

You gave me your word, but that didn't matter

Yeah, you're still a traitor.

DRIVERS LICENSE

I got my driver's license last week.

Just like we always talked about.

Today, I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around

You're probably with that blonde girl who always made me doubt.

She's so much older than me.

She's everything I'm insecure about.

How could I ever love someone else?

I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one.

I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.

All my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.

I kinda feel sorry for them.

They'll never know you the way that I do.

I still see your face.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to.

I still fuckin' love you, babe.

I still hear your voice in the traffic.

God, I'm so blue.

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

All I did was speak normally

Somehow, I still struck a nerve.

You got me fucked up in the head.

Never doubted myself so much.

Am I pretty?

Am I fun?

I hate that I give you power over that kinda stuff

It's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad.

Do you love me, want me, hate me?

I don't understand.

Maybe in some masochistic way, I kind of find it all exciting.

Which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?

It's back and forth.

Did I say something wrong?

Maybe this is all your fault instead.

I'd leave you, but the rollercoaster's all I've ever had.

DEJA VU

I bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?

She thinks it's special, but it's all reused.

That was our place, I found it first.

I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.

Do you get déjà vu when she’s with you?

Do you get déjà vu?

Do you call her, almost say my name?

Let's be honest, we kinda do sound the same.

I hate to think that I was just your type.

Now I bet you even tell her how you love her in between the chorus and the verse.

That was the show we talked about.

Played you the songs she's singing now when she's with you.

Don't act like we didn't do that shit, too.

You're tradin' jackets like we used to do

Everything is all reused.

Play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you.

A different girl now, but there's nothing new.

I know you get déjà vu

GOOD 4 U

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.

You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?

I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.

I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.

Now you can be a better man for your brand-new girl.

You look happy and healthy.

Not me, if you ever cared to ask

You're doin' great out there without me, baby.

God, I wish that I could do that.

I've lost my mind.

I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom.

You're so unaffected, I really don't get it.

I guess you're gettin' everything you want.

You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off.

It's like we never even happened.

Baby, what the fuck is up with that?

It's like you never even met me.

Remember when you swore to god I was the only person who ever got you?

Well, screw that, and screw you

You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.

Maybe I'm too emotional.

Your apathy's like a wound in salt.

Maybe you never cared at all.

[sboochi]

I have a few questions about your Big Four Au!

One - What are the guardians doing while Jack is missing, and especially Baby Tooth and Jamie? Is Baby Tooth there accompanying him or is he all alone? Is Pitch making any moves now that he knows Jack is gone and the guardians are all distracted?

Two - How does Queen For a Day play out? Since Jack is the embodiment of winter, him versus Zhan Tiri’s blizzard, maybe instead of the invention, he’s the one to overpower the storm and control it to defeat it? And if so, does that cause him to pass out like when he overused his blue lightning powers on Pitch and that’s what distracts the Big Four from checking in on Varian?

Three - How does Jack get home at the end? Does the combining of the moonstone and Sundrop shooting up into space being him back, like does that huge magic force being him back to his timeline like he’s a shooting star flying along with the celestial powers? And what’s the fate for his friends back in Corona? Do they stay in touch? Do people remember Jack? Is there a chance for them to always be connected or does he lose them forever and they forget about him, or like when the Sundrop flower was picked, is there a monument in honor of him after he vanishes?

Oooo so many questions ty!!

While Jack is gone, the Guardians are probably scrambling to find him, Jamie included. I've always headcanoned that after his defeat, Pitch is much weaker and can't attack them for a good while. Baby Tooth doesn't follow Jack, this is gonna be a solo journey!

Jack arrives in Corona after he follows a trail of black rocks that lead him to a magic portal. I figure something similar might happen in the end: his job there is done and the Moon allows him to go back home.

This is a place and time where magic is more present, that's why people can see him. Dunno if this contradicts canon RotG lore *shrugs*

So when he leaves, people will remember him. The story would leave it vague if Jack and the others will ever see each other again, but if magic portals can just appear, nothing says it can't happen again right??

The Corona people would absolutely make a statue to celebrate The Four, because I'm cheesy like that lol

Queen for a Day headcanons under the cut because I have A Lot to say!

Varian gets his father Quirin to agree to go express their concerns about the black rocks to the royal family

However, when Quirin lies to the king and starts to leave, Rapunzel and friends notice how distressed Varian looks. He tells them that the rocks are becoming a serious problem at the village. They tell him not to worry and Rapunzel promises him that they'll solve the problem together. Eventually. These rocks are hard to figure out guys.

The king and queen leave to go celebrate their anniversary on the mountain retreat

The scene where Rapunzel tries her best to give advice to the Coronians (??) plays like in the show, but here she makes the "oh god I hope I'll be a good ruler like my parents when I actually become queen" to her friends (Eugene still gets his own scene with her at the end like in the show so don't worry)

She asks Merida for advice - "since you're also a princess right?" - but she just shrugs and says she never listens to her mother's ruling lessons and can't help with this. They all look at Hiccup bc they know he's a future chief too, but he says something vague and changes subject (foreshadowing for when it's revealed he's running away from responsibilities)

The blizzard begins, but after the initial fun, it's clear that this is no ordinary storm. Jack tries to make it stop but he fails (he doesn't faint bc he got more powerful after becoming a Guardian)

Varian starts making a potion to destroy the rocks

Rapunzel's parents get stuck on the way to the mountains. When the gang finds out, Rapunzel wants to go find them but the castle staff begs her to stay. Eugene, Lance, the thugs - and Merida! - go instead

Quirin gets trapped in the crystal and Varians runs to Corona to get help

Xavier tells the gang about the legendary machine once used to stop a similar storm. They compromise and start evacuating people from the island to mainland, supervised by Jack, while Rapunzel and Cass get ready to start searching for the machine

Varian arrives and asks for help. With Merida and Jack away, Rapunzel has to decide between searching a possible solution to the storm or going to the village and lose precious time. Hiccup reassures her and agrees to follow Varian, but Varian won't forget this (oof)

You know what happens next: the girls find the machine, the storm stops, the others rescue the king and queen, yadda yadda

Hiccup and Varian fail to free Quirin and Varian swears that he'll get revenge on Rapunzel for abandoning him (Hiccup just. looks around awkwardly. because this is a villain arc in the making right?? uh i probably should leave yikes)

Comfort scene I was talking about before with Rapunzel and Eugene (the cupcake one)

[teamrocketmemes]

[ TWISTED — SONG SENTENCE STARTER ]

A sentence starter with lyrics taken from all of the songs of the Starkid musical “Twisted”

Dream A Little Harder

“But today could be the day I finally make a difference.”

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!”

“Where are you off to today, you no good piece of shit?”

“You've got to dream a little harder.”

“If you're good and you're attractive, no need to be proactive.”

“Good things will just happen to you!”

“She still gets blamed for all the kingdom's problems.”

“Oh, so you think you're better than me just 'cause you can read?”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?”

“No man who's just could ever trust a face that triggers such disgust.”

“I can't rely on looks to get me by.”

“Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

I Steal Everything

“That's why I came up with this brilliant scheme.”

“Fetch, you fucks!”

“For real, I'm not that picky.”

“...No more fucking raisins.”

“Besides, the economy's shit.”

“Hey man, still beats getting a job.”

“I'll steal clothing and shelter, whatever I lack.”

“Intellectual property, whatever that means.”

“This poor little orphan will steal your heart.”

Everything and More

“But it's just like... whatever.”

“You're probably thinking, "She's got everything".”

“Long as I can be sure that I'm safe and secure at the end of the day.”

“And a few dozen servants attending to me.”

“I want to live on the moon.”

“But decisions are hard and I'm being bombarded.”

“The life of a princess is fraught with complication.”

“It's enough to make me wish I were lowly and poor… But, like, with money.”

The Golden Rule

“How is it that you are so good to everyone you meet?”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers.”

“How would you wish that he treat you if your fortunes were reversed?”

“Follow the golden rule.”

“I get back what I give!”

“My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

“Simple reciprocity is always our philosophy.”

The Golden Rule (Evil Reprise)

“Well, we have our own golden rule here.”

“Whoever has the gold... makes the rules.”

“I follow the golden rule.”

“It's either them or me.”

“Damn your stupid charity.”

“Follow the gold… And rule!”

A Thousand and One Nights

“I know a thousand tales to fill a thousand nights.”

“He's brilliant as he's handsome, and handsome as he's kind.”

“I want to know your story.”

“I want to know each twist and turn.”

“When it comes to stories I thought I knew them all.”

“But fate had planned an unexpected twist.”

“And found the missing part of him he didn't know he missed.”

“She is at once a comfort and a mystery.”

“I never cared for stories until you entered mine.”

“And now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine.”

“A thousand and one nights with you is not enough to spend.”

“So let's make ours a story with no end.”

If I Believed

“If I believed in wishes…”

“I'd make our troubles disappear if I believed I could.”

“But wishes are dreams, and dreams are pretend.”

“Science says you're dead and gone forever.”

“Reason says I'm talking to the air.”

“Some secret hidden part illogically insists that you are there.”

“Perhaps it's not too late to change the course of fate.”

“I must be pretty great if you believed in me.”

Orphaned At 33

“I only hope it doesn't make you like me any less.”

“I got this tragic backstory.”

“They're dead. That makes me an orphan.”

“I long to be as strong as I used to be.”

“But hey, that's just the way life is for me.”

“Since I was orphaned at 33.”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good.”

“So they'll never know the pain of being orphaned at 33.”

Happy Ending

“They'll throw a parade in my honor.”

“Not that I care for glory.”

“I can't wait to be a rich dude.”

“Stealing is so much easier when you've already got tons of gold.”

“But I got my eye on what money can't buy.”

“I'll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders.”

“It puts a damper on our love if you don't have a head.”

“I wish that you could fly away.”

“I hate to see how your loneliness and your memories hurt you.”

“We'll retire to some far-off place.”

No One Remembers Achmed

“On the battlefield and off you are superior.”

“My only claim to fame is an incident involving my posterior.”

“But no one remembers [Name].”

“Say my name in these parts and you'll get a vacant stare.”

“Then they'll remember me.”

“Caked in mud or drenched in blood you smell as fresh as a flower.”

“But here the women treat me like a throwaway joke.”

“Even deities incarnate now and then can feel a little insecure.”

“You ooze sex when you flex those impeccable pecs.”

“They can't laugh when they're all dead.”

“Nevermore will they mock you [Name].”

“He fucked a tiger.”

“[Name] is a tiger fucker!”

Take Off Your Clothes

“Don't you blink or you'll miss it.”

“So many hidden messages.”

“Subtle, yet slightly lewd.”

“I feel compelled subconsciously.”

“I'm tempted to take off my clothes with you…”

“I feel free as a bird with no cage and no owner.”

“Accept the cosmic dare.”

“And show me your magic carpet.”

Twisted

“What made me think that I could get away with such a plot?”

“How does the Golden Rule apply in such a situation?”

“'Til now I've always traveled down the straight and narrow path.”

“A fellow traveler down a twisted path.”

“There are two sides to every story.”

“I was benevolent and always kept my word.”

“So he dethroned me and disowned me and on top of that rezoned me.”

“The truth and I now share a watery grave.”

“The story lingers on but the version that is drawn is twisted.”

“The pride had never seen a more progressive king than me.”

“I brought an end to what had been a senseless age-old feud.”

“Though I'd advocate for unity, I always was denounced.”

“Fortune favors the beautiful.”

“So I did what anyone would do and I organized a rescue mission.”

“And sometimes what it wants is twisted.”

“I only wished to be invited to the party.”

“It's an unfortunate situation, but you do have a choice.”

“Only memories and stories of his deeds will linger on.”

“I'll give them all the unsung antihero they deserve.”

“Who cares if no one will ever mourn me?”

“I'll be twisted, it's my turn!”

The Power in Me

“When I am lost, where will I turn?”

“You have the power to lead.”

“It's been in you all along, the power inside.”

“The source of all my hidden value is the morale you supply.”

“The power to love one another is the greatest power of all.”

“You are kind, and that's enough.”

“You're a diamond in the rough.”

“I wish you didn't have to go when our story's just begun.”

“There are some wishes I cannot grant.”

[wearelondonhq]

Time for a meme! If you want to take part all you have to do is reblog this post. Remember if you reblog to send them out to those who also do. Meme lasts from today (28/10) to the next Friday (03/11)! As always, please have fun and happy meme day!

1989 (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) Meme:

"Slut!"

"What if all I need is you?"

"Got love-struck, went straight to my head."

"I'll pay the price, you won't."

"But if I'm all dressed up, they might as well be lookin' at us."

"They might as well be lookin' at us."

"I'm gonna be drunk."

"[She's/He's/They're] waitin' there."

"Everyone wants [him/her/them,] that was my crime."

"The wrong place at the right time."

"You're not sayin' you're in love with me."

"You're not sayin' you're in love with me, but you're going to."

"It's a big mistake."

"It might blow up in your pretty face."

"I'm not saying, "Do it anyway."

"Do it anyway."

Say Don't Go

"I've known it from the very start."

"We're a shot in the darkest dark."

"I'm unarmed."

"It won't stop."

"Don't go."

"I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go."

"Why'd you have to lead me on?"

"Why'd you have to twist the knife?"

"And I'm yours, but you're not mine."

"Why'd you have to make me want you?"

"Why'd you have to make me love you?"

"I said, "I love you." and you say nothin' back".

"I love you."

Now That We Don't Talk

"You part the crowd like the Red Sea."

"I guess I'll never, ever know, now that we don't talk"

"I called my mom, she said that it was for the best."

"You grew your hair long."

"I miss the old ways."

"You didn't have to change."

"I cannot be your friend."

"I cannot be your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost."

"What do you tell your friends?"

"Guess maybe I am better off."

"Guess maybe I am better off now that we don't talk."

Suburban Legends

"All was quickly forgiven."

"It was almost obnoxious."

"I didn't come here to make friends."

"We were born to be suburban legends."

"And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever."

"I know that you still remember."

"You told me we'd get back together."

"Tick-tock on the clock."

"I broke my own heart."

"I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it."

"My whole life's ruined."

Is It Over Now?

"I slept all alone."

"Let's fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later."

"You still wouldn't go."

"You dream of my mouth."

"You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor."

"Baby, was it over when she laid down on your couch?"

"Was it over, when he unbuttoned my blouse?"

"Just to see you come runnin', and say the one thing I've been wanting, but no."

"Come here."

"Is it over now?"

"Your new girl is my clone."

"At least I had the decency to keep my nights out of sight."

"If [she's/he's/they've] got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date [her/him/them.]"

"Think I didn't see you?"

"I was hoping you'd be there."

BONUS: Sentences memes from the full album under the cut should you want more options!

Welcome To New York

"Walkin' through a crowd, the village is aglow."

"Everybody here wanted something more."

"I could dance to this beat forever more."

"The lights are so bright."

"Everybody here was someone else before."

"And you can want who you want."

"And you can want who you want. Boys and boys, and girls and girls."

"Like any true love, it drives you crazy."

"You know you wouldn't change anything."

Blank Space

"Nice to meet you."

"I could show you incredible things."

"Saw you there and I thought, "Oh my God, look at that face."

"You look like my next mistake."

"I can read you like a magazine."

"Let's be friends."

"You can tell me when it's over."

"Got a long list of ex-lovers."

"They'll tell you I'm insane."

"We'll take this way too far."

"I've got a blank space, baby, and I'll write your name."

"I can make all the tables turn."

"Oh my God, who is she?"

"Darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

"Don't say I didn't warn ya."

Style

"It's been a while since I have even heard from you."

"You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye."

"We never go out of style."

"I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt."

"Can't stop thinking 'bout you."

"I got that red lip classic thing that you like."

"Take me home."

Out Of The Woods

"Looking at it now, it all seems so simple."

"I remember."

"Are we out of the woods yet?"

"Are we in the clear yet?"

"We were built to fall apart."

"We were built to fall apart and fall back together."

"Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?"

"When the sun came up, I was looking at you."

"When the sun came up, you were looking at me."

"When you started crying, baby I did too."

"Remember when you couldn't take the heat, I walked out and said "I'm setting you free"".

All You Had To Do Was Stay

"People like you always want back the love they gave away."

"People like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed."

"All you had to do was stay."

"Why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?"

"I've been pickin' up the pieces of the mess you made."

"This was what you wanted."

"You were all I wanted."

Shake It Off

"I stay out too late."

"I'm just gonna shake it off."

"I'm lightning on my feet."

"I'm dancin' on my own."

"My ex-man brought his new girlfriend."

"Won't you come on over, baby?"

I Wish You Would

"You're thinking that I hate you now 'cause you still don't know what I never said."

"I wish you would come back."

"Wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I live."

"You always knew how to push my buttons."

"I wish we could go back and remember what we were fighting for."

"Wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore."

"I wish you would."

Bad Blood

"Now we got bad blood."

"Take a look what you've done."

"We got problems and I don't think we can solve 'em."

"Did you have to do this?"

"It's so sad to think about the good times."

"Still got scars on my back from your knife."

"If you're coming my way, just don't."

"You say sorry just for show."

"You forgive, you forget but you never let it go."

Wildest Dreams

"Nothing lasts forever."

"Say you'll remember me."

"Say you'll see me again."

"Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams."

"No one has to know what we do."

"His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room."

"You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down."

"Someday, when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around."

How You Get The Girl

"Are you insane?"

"It's been a long six months."

"Tell her how you must have lost your mind, when you left her all alone and never told her why."

"Pictures in frame, of kisses on cheeks."

"I want you for worse or for better."

"Broke your heart, I'll put it back together."

"That's how you lost the girl."

"That's how you get the girl."

"I don't want you to go."

"Remind me how it used to be."

This Love

"I never dreamed of this."

"Struggled through the night with someone new."

"You showed up just in time."

"This love came back to me."

"This love left a permanent mark."

"I watched you leave."

"When you're young, you just run."

"When you're young, you just run, but you come back to what you need."

I Know Places

"I can hear them whisper as we pass by."

"It's a bad sign."

"I know places we won't be found."

"Let them say what they want."

"Loose lips sink ships all the damn time."

"Not this time."

"Just grab my hand."

"You know for me, it's always you."

"I know for you, it's always me."

Clean

"The drought was the very worst."

"The flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst."

"I think I am finally clean."

"There was nothing left to do."

"I punched a hole in the roof."

"Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you."

"I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing."

"I won't give in."

"I'm never gonna risk it."

"And by morning, gone was any trace of you."

Wonderland

"We fell down a rabbit hole."

"Don't rush into things."

"Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?"

"Life was never worse but never better."

"Didn't you flash your green eyes at me?"

"I reached for you, but you were gone."

"I knew I had to go back home."

"You searched the world for something else to make you feel like what we had."

"We both went mad."

You Are In Love

"Time moved too fast."

"You can hear it in the silence."

"You are in love."

"You're my best friend."

"[He is/She is/They are] in love."

"You two are dancing in a snow globe."

"I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words."

"You can see it with the lights out."

New Romantics

"We're all bored."

"Trust me."

"Trust me, mine is better."

"We're so young."

"I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me."

"Come along with me."

"The best people in life are free."

"We need love."

"All we want is danger."

"The rumors are terrible and cruel."

"The rumors are terrible and cruel, but honey, most of them are true."

"Please take my hand."

"Please take me dancing."

[rafasbiscuits]

no, no, it's NOT passing the torch guys.

STOP I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT. RAFA IS NOT PASSING THE TORCH TO ANYBODY, RAFAS AMAZING THE WAY HE IS!! IDC I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IN ALL THIS. Rafael Nadal is not passing the torch. I'm a bitch. I know. I'm being so pissy about it. I know!!!

But how will I ever move on from Novak/Rafa/Roger's era?? Idk, maybe it's just me, but idk how people move on from the big 3 era so fast now that the new era is starting?? Like?? TEACH ME. I feel like such a bitch about it.

I'm happy for Carlitos, I really, genuinely am. I cried for him, I cheered for him and I really like him and i am so so proud of him. But I'm not ready for his era to start yet. In fact, in all of my honesty and truth revealed, I don't want it to start so fast.

I wish the Big 3 era will stay forever and never end. So why and how, are people moving on so fast? Do they want to see it end before they even end it?? all these videos of passing the torch and all this new era shit. Can't we appreciate Novak and Rafa right now while they are still here and still playing? Soon enough, in a blink of an eye, they'll be gone.

They'll be retired and I thought that people would appreciate them more in their last moments. I know they won't retire this time around, though Rafa will next year and I'm still so upset, and Novak will probably retire in like..5 years. Tops. And Andy too.

And soon all the new gen will take over, I'll be fricking 20+ then, and I won't see that familiar face I always see in my childhood anymore. I won't hear about Rafa's latest injuries, and his grunts, and his little quirks that the media love to point out, I won't hear about another Novak drama of breaking rackets, I won't hear about Novak winning everything anymore and pissing everybody off.

I won't hear the Novak fans and Rafa fans fighting anymore, about the goat debates etc. I'm going to miss the fedal posts that are still around despite the fact that there is only one left still playing.

I don't want it to end.

So how are the people I see on Instagram and everything, how are they so excited for this new era to take over and how are they so excited for Rafa and Novak's (and Roger's) reign to end?

IM- UGH.

(I'm just ranting but that's what Tumblr is for okay, apologies)

[via-rant]

Comfort character Leo Valdez sounds (starting with aus) because I can't draw and I have no motivation to actually learn:

Gaea: This latest little game of yours. Thank the Gods it's over. Did you have fun? Did you get everything out of your system?

Leo: I-

Gaea: Good, good. Everyone is so relieved. Welcome home Leo.

-----------

Leo: You guys have no idea what it's like. She knows what a shitty person I am but she still smiles at me.

-----------

Leo as a kid sensing something wrong: Where are you going?

Some guy who took him in: Ah..... Just on a little trip.

Leo: [name redacted]? Will I ever see you again?

The guy: Sure you will kid. Sure you will.

Leo wanting to believe it: Well then. Goodbye [name redacted]. I'll miss you.

The guy: Goodbye.

------------

Percy: THAT'S ENOUGH!! GIVE US BACK OUR FRIEND!! OR ELSE!!

Leo: Now isn't. This. INTERESTING?!

(Be informed that these are all different aus I came up with and they're not well thought out. At all. Also that was the last one.)

--------------

Frank: You didn't tell me they were part of a gang!!

Leo: What difference does that make?

Frank: What diff- They're dangerous!

Leo: I. Was part of a gang.

(After meeting with one of Leo's old friends.)

--------------

Piper: It's not your fault.

Leo: I know. I mean I know, but I don't always know y'know? Like sometimes there's a tiny voice in the back of my head that goes "Hey, everyone hates you and they're not wrong to feel that way."

(This can be applied to literally any situation he was in.)

--------------

Leo: I sacrificed a ton and tried to be a good kid.

Some asshole: What have you ever sacrificed?

Leo: Everything. I gave up everything to be a good kid.

Asshole: Oh please. You died because you wanted to be a hero.

Leo: I'm not talking about my death, I'm talking about my life! I gave up my whole! LIFE!!

--------------

Terra (11): You're my best friend Leo! Cause I'm special! A-and you're special-

Leo (11): WE'RE NOT SPECIAL!!

Leo: Don't you get it?! We'll never be one of them, we're freaks! We're not special Terra!! It's just something your mom told you to make you feel better about yourself because you CAME OUT WRONG!!!

(Like everyone else I made up a lot of stuff Leo went through while he was on the run.)

----------------

Leo: Why would I make them so uncomfortable?

Hazel: It probably has to do with your reputation.

Leo, smirking: I have a reputation?

Hazel: They see your fire, how much you can control it, it's....

Leo frowning: Freaky?

Leo, setting his hands on fire: Do you think I'm freaky?

------------------

A voice: Do you blame yourself?

Leo:...... What?

Voice: Well it's quiet common in this situation for a patient to feel a kind of... Guilt.

Leo: What situation?

Eidolon, showing itself: The accident.

--------------------

Percy: No your wrong, she loves you.

Leo rolling his eyes: No that's where you're wrong. They act like they love you. They act like they'll be there forever. Then one day they make you pack up all your things and kick you out and leave a 12 year old orphan to fend for himself!!

(Leo meeting Percy's mom and stepdad for the first time. I specifically chose this situation because of what the original audio was.)

---------------------

Piper: I think you'll get it some day.

Leo: Get what?

Piper: Love silly.

Leo: Well what if I don't want a partner?

Piper: Who said anything about a partner? Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms darling, self-love being one of them. It's a hard one to get at, that's for sure but once you have it, it's certainly nice to have.

(Aroace Leo Valdez my beloved.)

[ifeltfree]

Yeah, of course I'll talk with you about it. I'm sorry to hear you're recently diagnosed. I'd say it gets better, but I'd be lying. What does change is that you get tougher, more resilient. If you're lucky, you have people around you who understand and support you well. The seizures never stop being terrifying.

It's an awful disease and one that is extremely misunderstood. Isolating is the right word, for sure. I was diagnosed at 16, so I know how hard it can be to have it as a teenager/young person as well. It feels like it's stealing from you. It is. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Your feelings are justified.

As far as how I cope? Poorly, for a long time, but recently things have been looking up. I was seizure-free for about five years before a recent set of breakthrough seizures (I crashed my car too, lol what a time), so I'm relearning how to deal with the fear and paranoia.

Logistically, I've done a few things:

I was able to get my job to let me work from home 3/5 days of the week.

I sleep. A lot. I still hang out with people and I have a lot of friends, but I had to accept there are things I can't do.

I spend a lot of time in quiet. Overstimulation doesn't help. I found this out the long way - took me forever to realize shutting up one or a few of my senses cut down the brain activity (I'm dumb).

I don't drink. I used to drink - probably too much. Substance abuse and epilepsy don't mix. That wasn't the reason for my breakthroughs, but I do have a little sobriety app. Kinda fun, honestly.

I talk to my friends about it.

That last point is something that I'd never done before this year. It's hard, of course, but I think it's helped that my friends now know I'm having crises of sanity, faith, philosophy - whatever - every day of my goddamn life. It's impossible to live with this disease and not think about what's real, what's not, if I'm losing time, what exactly is a soul...you understand.

Also, seizures are impossible to describe, but I try. That helps as well. Horrifies my friends, but they've said it's ok to talk about.

Every seizure I've had (barring these last ones, or I'd have killed myself) has stolen my personhood from me. I'd wake up as a different person, and then I'd just...live in a stranger's apartment, wear a stranger's clothes, wake up in a stranger's bed. After about a week, the feeling starts to fade but nothing ever goes back to that first reality. That disorientation is, for me, one of the worst parts of epilepsy. It's fucking scary. And if you go through that, I am so, so sorry.

If you want to talk about this more, let me know. I'm much less serious than I seem, and I write like this because I'm overeducated after being scared shitless by my brain. So.

Anyway, feel free to publish this and I hope you feel better soon.

Also, tell your tattoo artist what happened - they'll thank you for not coming in, and they also need to know you're not a flake. Don't want to make them responsible for an unconscious body when they don't have to be! :)

thank you for talking to me more about this. you worded a lot of this really well and its reassuring to know its normal to feel that way that i do about it all. my family thinks im exaggerating it so sometimes i question if im blowing things out of proportion.

anyway, thats terrible that you crashed your car. thats such a huge fear of mine and i cant imagine going through that, im so sorry. its so unfortunate that you have to miss out on things, but im glad you figured out what works for you to keep you in better shape. im gonna try and be mindful about the things you mentioned and see if they make a difference for me, thank you

i dont have much of a support system, most of my friends stopped talking to me after college and i find it hard to meet new people where i live. its significantly harder to cope with shit like this when youre on your own. im sure you get it. and i totally understand what you mean by losing your sense of self. it feels like everything is foggy, all the time but even worse on days i have seizures. it almost makes me mad cause its not fair that after everything else that comes with it, i have to have a diluted watered down personality too.

again thank you for this. ill definitely reach out if the urge arises and you definitely can too. im always open to talk, about anything

[zorkaya-moved]

@al-hazen

ABOUT: AL-HAYTHAM — LOVE.  I will worship you in every samsara, I will love you past death's embrace.

Love is... the only emotion I know that is pure within me, but even it can become tainted. My family, my beloved... My love for Al-Haytham has always been pure, I never allowed it to become tainted. His brash attitude, his intelligence, his view of the world as it is, his pain and his fears alongside his strengths and his charm. I saw so much and I fell in love more and more. Because he isn't perfect, he's a person with flaws and virtues. He is flawed, to some, far more than others, but... He said he loves me, he said he liked me when I stopped wearing the extravagant mask of an entertainer. He said he liked my truth, my reality, and my flaws. No one but my family saw that and accepted. No, stayed with me. He still kissed me, he still said my name, he still embraced me. My love is the purest emotion I'll ever experience, the only emotion I'll never let anyone sully, even him. This love will keep me strong against corruption. The memories of our lazy afternoons and our sarcastic exchanges... Everything we've done and gone through, I'll treasure forever. Huh? What if he still loves me? ... Ah, you're sweet, Traveler. If he does still love me, I hope he... No, I... He shouldn't. I won't be able to handle it. I'm afraid if he hugs me, I'll shatter. Why? Because then... everything just might've been for naught. I'm afraid if he as much as cups my face and say my name again like he did before, I... No, you don't need to know. It won't happen.

ABOUT: AL-HAYTHAM — FEAR.  I will worship you in every samsara, I will love you past death's embrace.

Al-Haytham has things he fears, events you'll never be able to understand or fathom. Hm? Oh, you mean my fears? You'll be surprised, but just the thought of him or my family being hurt causes something in me to tremble. The Abyssal Serpent tried to create his image in my head to control me, but I had to erase it. Because the 'real' Haytham was waiting outside, and if I were to allow the Serpent to take over my body and my mind, he'd be in danger. The image of him being hurt terrifies me. Losing him... Not being able to protect him... It scares me. But I'm not weak anymore; I'll keep him and my brothers safe. This time, for sure. I won't have anyone else die because I was too weak to protect them. Not again.

ABOUT: AL-HAYTHAM — GRIEF.  I will worship you in every samsara, I will love you past death's embrace.

I don't need your pity, Traveler. My decisions were made with a clear head. Even now, I know... I think it was the only choice. This world is not sweet, nor is it kind. Power and corruption lead countless nations and their progress. In this world, only the strongest can survive and get a chance at happiness without fearing their loved ones being taken away. But even then... Even now... I miss him, I miss those moments of warmth and intimacy. I miss him caressing my cheek, and I miss falling asleep next to him when he still reads his book. But those memories, they'll hold me in place a [myself]. Huh? Why am I tearing up? Know your place. To know is to suffer. To have the ability to pursue knowledge that can protect at the cost of your humanity and not use it? No, if I can break through and grant him and my brothers a future after Tsaritsa burns away the current world? Even my grief will act as a push forward. Because I cannot stop. Al-Haytham... probably wouldn't want to see me anymore. He even doubted my love for him. Even when everything he is remains the key to everything you want to learn. Haha... I wonder if he'll mourn those wonderful sunny days. But it's too much to ask, isn't it? Maybe it's better if he hates me. If he were to tell me that he wants to help me or that he still loves me... I might fall apart.

[48610]

you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be.

240810 — 04:59

looks like i went from not writing anything at all to writing three letters within the span of one month. if you were here right now, you'd go 'you wrote another one?! i haven't even read the other two...', but what can i say — i could go on and on when it comes to you (which is funny considering most times my mind goes blank the moment i start a post, despite having some vague ideas of what i wanted to write about beforehand). i guess our kids will really have to sit through hours of stories if they ever asked about you. but it's a good thing, isn't it? they'll see how much we love each other.

it just dawned on me that that last line sounds so much like you... they say lovers start to resemble each other after some time so it shouldn't have been a surprise to me, yet it is. there are a lot of different theories out there: it's said that opposites attract, but i also heard about being attracted to a person who's like oneself. i suppose in this situation it's the latter. the very first time that we met, i thought that well, this person has the nickname 'happy virus' so maybe i can use that to get closer to him since i was called that too. then, once i started talking to you, i really liked how friendly you were. before i knew it, we were close and we had multiple interests that connected us.

i can't recall how much i'd told you back then about my life but it was a difficult year for me. if it wasn't that apparent, then it must've been because my days were a little brighter with you by my side — i do know that i mentioned that in the first letter i wrote to you. there was something about you that was different. whenever i talked to you, no matter the topic, i felt safe and like nothing else mattered. i knew then that we'd be together forever, but never in my life could i have guessed that we'd be romantically involved, despite me hoping to have someone like you as my boyfriend.

the past crushes don't bother me anymore now as i barely remember them. in the past, i even counted how many times i had my heart broken. i felt discouraged. i thought that love wasn't for me, that i would never find someone who truly loved me, who would love as hard as i do and who would stay with me. i didn't like hearing positive things like 'you'll find the one for you', they seemed more and more untrue with each heartbreak i felt and i envied my friends who were more successful at love. it always looked like i was too much for everyone, until you became mine. during our date, i'd asked if you liked clinginess, and you said yes. it's not the first time i'd heard that, but somehow i was inclined to believe you. perhaps it's because you yourself were clingy towards me before the date even happened. it wasn't all talk. you don't know how surprised i was each time you, out of nowhere, told me that you missed me and wanted to see me. the things that i'd longed to hear, you said them so easily without me having to ask for them. you still say these things to this day. the past me didn't have such thing, she was supposed to presume that her partner always missed her. i agree that that should be the case, but to some extent. i could only hear an 'i miss you too' each time i said it first then.

the smallest things that you deem as nothing much mean a tremendous amount to me, which is why i'm often moved by them. without knowing, you're healing the damaged parts of my heart caused by other people. i for one, wished that you didn't have to do it — that i could be the best version of myself for you because with a heart like yours, you deserve that much. but i've come to realize that i can't do it alone. it's probably because i haven't reached a point where i can confidently say that i love myself that the past no longer affects me. i'm thankful towards you, for treating me with so much softness that i'm slowly able to trust love again, after thinking that i'd forever be shackled to the fears of my past.

now, i have someone who worries about me when i hurt myself, who wants me to wake him up when my heart starts beating weird, who picks me up when i'm drunk and stays through the night to take care of me, who sings me to sleep, who randomly kisses my face and hands just because he wants to, who misses me when we're apart for only days, who tells me he loves me more and means it, who spoils me a lot with whatever i ask of him, who makes sure that i've eaten every day, who offers to take my nightmares so i can sleep well, who clings to me and wants my affection, who looks at me like i hold his world, who adores everything i do and say, who reads my letters with so much care that he has to sit down to take in every word and rereads from time to time. the list is endless. the road i took to get to you was rocky and full of twists and turns, but it's worth it. if i had to do it all again to have this in our next life, i would bear all the hardships. you're worth it.

it was a little scary going into this, right? not knowing what the future holds for us, with our friendship at stake (though i personally believe that regardless of what happens, i would still be friends with you). it could be that i never directly said this but even when we were friends, i thought that you were the one person that i couldn't bear to lose, because then i feel i'd truly be alone in this life and i don't know how i'd live with that. now that you've become someone who's the dearest to my heart, i feel it even more. in the romantic sense too, i don't think that there can be anyone else in my heart after you. with how much i love you - and this love is only growing more every day - perhaps this will truly be my last love. i, who have become accustomed to expecting the worst in everything, now think that this might just work out. we'll still be together when we're older. because it's you, i think that it's okay to harbor such hopes.

going back to the old nickname we talked about earlier, it's honestly ironic to think that i haven't felt like the word happiness and me fit well in years, only temporary bursts of it that last a short time when i do something i like. however, with you, i can say that i smile and laugh much more than i do normally. you seem to bring that side out of me with ease. i can only hope that i bring you the same amount of happiness, especially during your busy, exhausting days. i know that there's not a need to remind you to ask me if you need anything as you often do it... well, mainly the head rubs so far, but just keep in mind that i'll do it if it's within my means. i'd even do your work for you so you can get some rest.

i didn't plan on this letter to be this emotional, and i also didn't plan on talking about all that, it just so happened to be this way. well, i guess you got a deeper insight into what goes on in my heart, even though you didn't ask for it. it's getting quite late now (or early if you really look at the time). you may have noticed that my mind is slowly ceasing to work, the letter dropping in quality the longer it goes on. so i think i'll simply stop here, i can't think of anything else to add anyway. i'll come again in the future if i have more to say. thank you for reading this earnestly, and that goes to all of my letters.

i love you. i love you. i love you. i'll always love you.

[diary-from-a-thoughtful-girl]

catching up and rejection

Leaving home sucks every single time. Every single time there's this whole sense of sadness like I'm permanently leaving my family forever. They are going to do whatever they do when I go home and act like my sister is the only child they've ever had.

This being said, the minute I get back, I am reminded of how nice it is to be a college student. The freedom and the lack of care it offers you. It always feels like a college campus and the area around it is a playground for people all around the same age. You mainly live off of your parents without them hovering over you. There's problems that seem so fucking big, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter.

For example, one of my closest friends D is someone who I've been kind of obsessed with. I think it's my idea of him and the fact that he is so sweet with everything he does and every interaction that he has. After Oliver, I also think I just wanted someone to occupy my thoughts and I sort of latched myself onto him. Mostly, though, I just kept dreaming about him. I've genuinely never dreamed about anyone, not even David. I think that's what really got to me, that my subconscious was also obsessed with him.

Despite my better judgment, I worked up the courage to tell him in this well thought out, truly embarrassing, snapchat. I just needed to get it off of my chest and have him reject me so I could internalize it. It did exactly that. I don't regret it though which was very surprising to me. I stopped thinking about him and he is very much an after-thought. The only difference is that they'll be random times when I see him where I'll get so nervous. I'll miss-say things like calling orange chicken from panda - panda fried. And, his nose will crinkle and a smile will form across his face and we'll laugh about my seemingly innocent mistake. It's probably, no it's definitely, for the best.

After the Stanford guy or L, I went on a good amount of dates. The only thing about them is that it is so hard to give a shit about their lives and where they're from and what their parents do. I kind of learned that I have to somehow know them to like them enough to go on a date with them so that killed my week and a half long dating app experience.

[moonionrings]

i want to write something beautiful for you, but the truth is that i haven't made anything beautiful in so long. people tell me they like my words, they promise they'll listen forever, and then at some point i just feel like i'm talking their ear off and then i forget to speak again. i'm sorry i'm putting all this distance between us. i'm sorry i know you've only ever been good to me and yet i still hesitate to tell you that. i hesitate to tell you i love you. i'm not sure i do. love becomes this rarity i don't want to extend, partly afraid that it won't come back and partly doubtful that you'll understand what it means at all.

under the light, i can imagine you peering into my chest and raising your knife to save me. probably i'm bleeding my life away and it's an emergency and i am the patient and you the doctor. i can imagine you trying to soothe me, to reassure me. i can imagine myself turning away. i don't need saving; or more accurately, i know you can't save me, and so i won't allow you to ever believe that you can.

let me go. let me be the poor victim dying before saying her last words. let me be the good character, please. i want to pretend i have so much to say but i can't, i can't because my time is up and it's just really not up to me.

i can imagine you as a police officer, a doctor, a lawyer, a therapist.

tell me what's wrong. i'm here for you. if you want, you can tell me everything. and what made you feel that way? if you don't mind, share your story.

i can try. but i forget my mouth is not mine. my hands only ever write things that will never be finished, and my words come up dry from the lake, somehow lacking and missing the emotion that you expected to find in them.

commas, semicolons,... i can hear you waiting, almost, the pause is audible.

i'm sorry -- next time, i promise -- i will bring you something softer to touch, something more beautiful. i know you expected to find my heart there, where you reached in in hopes of saving me. but your palms came up empty, only stained dark with whatever was left behind in the shadows of that empty compartment.

i know you are being so patient with me. you hold your breath, afraid to blow away the moment where i hesitate, the moment where i consider telling you everything.

next time, though, i'll come back to you. i'll show you where i took out my heart and what i did with it while you were looking for it so desperately. i won't apologize for hiding it again, over and over. next time, i'll finish what i was saying.

[dangcommaannie]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Not necessarily tagged, but I saw @dadvans do this and I wanted to too lol

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

104!

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

453,629, which is way more than I thought!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Haikyuu right now. I used to write a fair amount of Yuri on Ice, Miss Sherlock, Overwatch, and Dream Daddy. I've got some Leverage fics too as well as some one off fics for some other fandoms.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Yes, Professor? (Yuri on Ice)

Bro? (Dream Daddy)

Read Between the Lines (Haikyuu)

Everybody Loves Toshi (Haikyuu)

All In (Haikyuu)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! It might take me a minute, and I may read it and forget to respond, but I do try to respond to everything.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I don't usually do angsty endings, so this was hard. But probably Like We Used To Do (Haikyuu) or Silver Bells and Cockle Shells (Dream Daddy.)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably To This Ordinary Day (Overwatch.) It's just all fluff.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually. I actually only got my first rude comment the other day, which, given how much I've written and for how long, is very good. Good on you, readers!

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, but not well lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

No full fics of crossovers so far, but I've written a few drabbles that had some crossovers when I used to do requests for Miss Sherlock.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know and I can only hope it never happens.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! It's so shocking to me that people want to translate my fics! As a polyglot, I know how hard it is to translate things and it's wild to me that people would pick to translate my fics!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I have not.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

You think I, a wild multishipper and rare pair lover, can choose? In this economy?! Nah, but really, if I had to pick, probably yeehan (Overwatch), ushisaku (Haikyuu), ushiten (Haikyuu), ushioi (Haikyuu), and the ot3 (Leverage). There's definitely a trend there lol 😅

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh, no, sorry to my Yuri on Ice fans, but probably Kiss Kiss Katsudon! and Hey Mister DJ. I've had the docs for them sitting around for forever and I want to say that they'll at least get updated someday, I know it is highly unlikely right now. I'll still try, though. I'll still try. 👍

16. What are your writing strengths?

I would hope my characterization is good. I think I do well with dialogue too. I don't plan it, but I do unintentionally write a fair amount of character study that I think are good and I'm pretty sure that stems from me being an English literature major. Even though I have long since graduated, I still can't help but over-analyze and write essays. 😅

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing anything and smut, which are kinda the same thing lol

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I don't think I mind it. I can't recall if I've done it for a fic, but I don't have particularly strong feelings about it, I guess.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably Naruto. Quizilla is gone, but I know there are definitely still Naruto and Death Note fics on my FF.

20. Favorite fic you have written?

Time for me to promo some fics I feel deserve more love!

Nah, but really, though, Sleepless (Haikyuu) holds a very special place in my heart as does Yes, Professor? (Yuri on Ice). Neither are perfect, but they are influenced by some aspects of life, so they remain dear to me.

Legato (Haikyuu) was the first fic I wrote for @theorangecourt exchange and it was just way better than I had anticipated. Goshiki Tsutomu's Fool-Proof Step by Step Plan on How to be the Coolest Kid in Town (Haikyuu) was also inspired by my lovely friends in the Orange Court.

a book elegantly bound (Good Omens) was written on a whim and it's the first fic I wrote that got fanart.

Last, but definitely not least, 20 Questions (Haikyuu). I feel like this is one of my most underappreciated fics, and I need people to read it and appreciate it because I absolutely love and adore this fic so much. There is more of me in this than I had planned, but it still remains true to itself as well. I would not want to turn a fic into an actual published work, but if I had to, if someone forced me to, I would choose this one.

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it!

[melodramahoney]

january 5

mood's low as my body prepares to shed. waves of horniness but nothing of substance. i miss him. i was annoyed at him in the summer. i had men who barely even knew me pouring their cups full of their feelings for me. confessing every secret and carving the word love into my brain and the guy whom i loved with every ounce of my being could barely even give me a compliment. how sad is that? we were in each other's lives for three years. he used to be able to string together the most beautiful sentences and that all vanished along with the alcohol. did i ever really know him? did he ever know the new me? are we frozen in time for each other? he'll never see my new room and i'll never see his new car. maybe it's for the best. we both have things the other hasn't touched. hasn't been ruined. we ruined each other i fear. the sadness will probably stay with me forever but it'll be channeled into one question. where did it all go wrong? would it have ever gone right? who knows. i'll never hear from him again and i have nothing left to say. i don't know how he feels and maybe that's also for the best. i can imagine that he feels the same as me but can't muster up the courage to say anything. we'll continue to drift and find the people that we're supposed to be with.

i'll find someone that will hold me. that will be patient with me and my brain. someone that will have equal empathy for me as i do for them. someone who will fight for what we have because they know it's rare and that it's worth it. they won't let me be confused. they'll talk me through my overthinking thoughts. they'll reassure me and always be down for a movie night. someone who wants me for me and not just someone to fill a void for them.

i will fall in love with someone who loves me and commits to me wholely. someone who allows me to make mistakes and then apologize and then fix them. someone who doesn't punish me by being secretive on social media and pushing me out of their life because they know that would drive me insane. someone who communicates. someone who wants to know me and love me flaws and all. and i will do the same for them because i've done it before for those less deserving.

i don't know how long it will take but i'm willing to wait because i can't go through hurt and confusion for years again. i can't. i won't. no matter how much i miss him.