#I'll have to do some soulsearching at some point but for now it seems most likely
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Probably the very last thing I expected to happen last night was for me to have a sexuality crisis and overanalyse the last third of my life, and yet here we are
#the overthinking kept me up until 5:30 a.m and I can barely keep my eyes open rn#there's a long weekend ahead why couldn't the crisis wait 24 hours#anyway... turns out there's a high chance my bisexuality was actually equal lack of attraction to everyone#the only exception being drawings and animated characters. never real people#and I always said that I wanted to be railed by a pretty girl but now I realise I don't really want that#I just said it bc I was convinced I was bisexual so it felt right that it's what I should want#in reality I want to be railed by ocs not an actual girlfriend#and only in fantasy. the thought of fucking of any kind irl makes me want to be smooth like a barbie doll#so... yeah#I cried for like an hour and a half because my bisexuality was like the one thing I was 100% sure in#turns out I'm actually probably somewhere on aroace spectrum and I'm too much of an unstable wreck to process that probably#I'll have to do some soulsearching at some point but for now it seems most likely#suddenly a lot of things are making much more sense tbh
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