#I'll definitely give myself some time to recover

[wayfayrr]

If you're burning/burnt out, please stop! Take a hiatus, do some self care, go sleep for a week -- do whatever you need to do to avoid worsening your mental health.

We all care about you and we'll all still be here when you get back. So take care of yourself, okay? Burnout is serious and it can take actual years of doing literally nothing, in order to recover.

We care about your health, not your ability to pump out fics until you crash and burn.

I'll be honest anon, it's not even really writing that's burning me out, I've got some personal issues that are just consuming me right now. ones that I'll hopefully be getting away from soon or can distance it to just phonecalls

writing has always been an outlet for my stress even when I started, but right now it just doesn't feel like it's working y'know, with a bit of hindsight it's probably more because I'm writing more for others and not for myself as much? If I was going to take a break I think it'll probably be solely for the event, which I will put on pause for a while to be completely honest self-indulgent content should help somewhat

Thank you though anon really, I think I've been needing to hear something like this for longer than I've known and I really do appreciate it more than I can get across with words

[maxwellatoms]

They left me no choice.

The animation industry is an absolute trash fire right now, and TBH... I don't think it's going to recover. Not in a form I recognize, anyway.

I could go on all day about the self-hating monster that is the Animation Business, but I've said it all before. Right now, none of the major studios are making much of anything, and almost all of what they are making is "library content". I'm currently doing storyboard revisions alongside a number of other former producers and directors, and I'm lucky to have the work. Once all of the mismanagement and the mergers get sorted, though, there should be plenty of room for more mismanagement and mergers. And the A.I. Don't forget the A.I.

It seems that I either give myself over fully to the souring corporate teat in the hopes that I can pretend that I still live in a world where "the grind" matters. Or I take a risk and make one big push to do... something.

First up:

Billy & Mandy vs. The Entertainment Industry:

This is my interview/reality/documentary show on the making of The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy from stem to stern. I'll be talking to as many people as I can who worked on the show about all sorts of different parts of the process. We'll definitely get to voice actors, but the first segment is probably going to be about Billy & Mandy's pre-history and the Big Pick Weekend.

The Upward Expedition:

This is my pick for my indie show. I have a bible. I have a decade of ideas. Time to sit down and tell a story. I want to get some screen sharing going at some point. I'll definitely share artwork as well as the trials and tribulations of getting from There to Back Again.

I'd love to get a Discord server going and provide a place where people can talk about the stuff I'm making (and the entertainment industry in general). I still have enough Billy & Mandy swag left that I'm sure I'll factor that stuff in as well.

In the immediate future, the funding goes to securing a space to do the interviews and probably to banking money for voice actors. I'm still deciding on my update schedule, but it should start in earnest next week.

I'm excited. Pretty scared... but also excited.

More updates to come. Definitely let me know if there's anything specific you'd like to see on the Patreon!

As always, thanks for sticking around!

[just-null]

YO, SUPER LATE SUPER LONG SUPER MESSY OCTOBER POST THAT I JUST SHOVED EVERYTHING INTO BC I DIDN'T WANT TO DO MULTIPLE. FUCK IT.

I forgot halfway that these were supposed to be costumes and not mini aus... SO REMEMBER IN MY PLACE, EVERYTHING IS HYPOTHETICAL. also. some have a bit of yandere elements to them bc its SO FITTING FOR NORITOSHI.

Happy late October, everyone. it's winter now. Let's get it, baby.

[Long rambles and doodles under the cut!]

Vampire!

I kept asking myself, "How sexy is too sexy.." and "How the fuck does a sexy vampire even look like without it being a shirtless guy w fangs or Edward Cullen....." I think I figured it out

Sure, sure, vampires are superhumans with sun allergies that can drink blood really hotly. They can also easily overpower you to feast and blah blah blah, but what if said vampire (Noritoshi) was too weak to do any of that? Not literally, but he craves your say. He wants not only your blood but your affection. He wants to get praised as he drinks you in. Are you comfortable? How much will you allow him to take? Do you want to get him back in return? Guidance with this makes him feel more at ease. It's still Noritoshi at the end of the day. He's going to find a way to be a little awkward about you because of his crush. He refuses to drink from anyone other than you, even if it causes his death. Therefore, he has to keep you healthy! For the rest of your lives..! Besides, he can't really go outside or else he'd.. y'know. So if you think about it, this is a very beneficial relationship for both of you!!

The only downside is that you're losing blood on the regular, and for some reason, more people are moving away... Probably nothing, right? Noritoshi is always there to keep you company and help you recover anyways.

Witch!

my attempts also bled into the witch design.... you got greedy with requesting two in one ask, but I'll spoil you this time bc I also wanted to see Noritoshi as a (sexy) vampire and witch. heh. AND I DIDNT REALIZE HED BE SO CUTE AS A WITCH..... WHAT THE FUCK?? rip momo, fight for your title of cute witch...

Noritoshi strikes me as one of those witches who'd rather be left to their own devices because they're running some important magic whatever in the background. though, he'll take some breaks and indulge you if you insist on having him around. Insist meaning you pass by and strike conversation, leaving him to neglect anything and everything to prioritize his time with you. He doesn't want to use magic on you unless it's beneficial for either you or both. Noritoshi likes a natural progression with you that he knows for a fact is true and not some product of some spell. Though it doesn't mean he wouldn't use charms and such to get you to interact with him more often to speed up the process!

Can't sleep? He has a remedy perfect for that! Bad luck? Oh no, take a charm. Nerves? A potion he perfected will help you ease your jitters. Annoying peers? With a snap of Noritoshi's fingers, they're gone! Just don't ask what happened. Enjoy yourself instead and come to him with any new issue. He's quick to resolve it.

Definitely has some sort of doll that looks suspiciously like you.. Noritoshi would probably talk to it and practice one liners that give you the strongest sense of nostalgia once he uses them. He's simultaneously giddy that the charm he put in the doll works but also a little annoyed that his hard work isn't surprising you, but leaving you with deja vu.

Idol!

i was crying the entire time bc what does an idol look like.... noritoshi is handsome enough to be an idol without actually being an idol... now i can confirm that idols are very well dressed though. thumbs up 100% but i had some thoughts...

[Idol]

Noritoshi would be the type to cherish his fans, but hold clear favoritism over you. he'd be those idols that look cold, but they talk, and they sound smug in a charming way. i don't know much about idols, but i know he'd be so fucking good.... he'd be the type of guy to sing to you amongst the hundreds in the crowd.... ahhh the interviews w these famous aus. they're just talking and acting like themselves. can you imagine Noritoshi getting asked the question if he has a lover or not? he can lie, im sure you're alright with that, but he doesn't want to!! he does have someone!!! someone he loves more than all his fans love for him combined!!! he just can't say it for the sake of your privacy and his career. so Noritoshi does what any charming guy who's good with their words does. he deflects the question. answering the question, but not really, that'd be something he's known for. fans online are split on why Noritoshi does this. some think he's trying to keep that side of his life private, others think he's trying to mess around, and others think he's hiding a secret lover!!! though the last one is usually seen as the outlandish one, sometimes it makes Noritoshi's heart drop bc they get some things right. "Having a lover is a complicated question hidden behind a simple disguise. If I had to answer, I'd say my lovers are my audience. they make sure i'm well cared for, some more than others." AND HIS FUCKING LITTLE SMIRK I CANT COUGHS UP BLOOD. IM A THEORIST TOO. SECRET LOVER. 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

ON THE FLIP SIDE....

[Not an Idol]

An amusing thought where Noritoshi goes out in his casual clothes, and he's mistaken for an idol. No one knows who he is, but he just looks like he'd be one. bro's just trying to buy groceries, and now he has a fan group asking him to take pictures with them.. He'd tell them that he's just a guy, not an idol, but the group would still want a picture with him. it'd be a waste to pass by someone who's so naturally gorgeous, so with a sigh of defeat, he relents. It's just a photo, right? No harm done. Noritoshi'd go home and feel overwhelmed/embarrassed by the whole ordeal. later, he gets a call from someone in the kyoto group or you to inform him how he's all over social media, known as that handsome guy in the supermarket. HED BE COMPLETELY UNREACHABLE TO MEDIA OUTLETS BC NORITOSHI IS THAT GUY WHO DOESNT HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA.... he'd have to make one to make sure no one pretends to be him online. "Hello, I don't use social media, but I've been informed I've been getting attention online. To prevent anyone from being fooled by an impersonator, this is my official and only account. thank you." P.R. STATEMENT WRITING ASS.. his single post gets flooded with likes, comments, and DMs. it almost blows up his phone..... he was just buying bread, dude...... people try to dig up and find him through the other Kyoto group's social media.

[bonus] my second in command requested to put him in a fem idol outfit bc he thought it was funny. after frothing at the mouth and coughing out blood, I complied.

Doctor!

THIS IS SUCH A STRAIGHT FORWARD ASK BUT IT HAS SO MANY IMPLICATIONS. MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER.. THOSE EMOJIS GIVE ME A DIFFERENT IMPRESSION BUT IM NOT SURE.

Noritoshi as a doctor...... apple sales would plummet. his little clinic's business would skyrocket. sick cases would peak in his area. getting your heart checked by his stethoscope would be so fucking embarrassing bc all he'd hear is THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

LIKE IMAGINE IF THAT WAS YOUR DOCTOR? BRO.

COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE COUGH COUGH.

Noritoshi would probably own a small clinic that he wants to expand. That or he opened one after working for a hospital for a while. He's a great doctor who's most likely respected but a pain in the ass to work with. Among patients, he's gotten the hot doctor reputation. Most want to be treated by him, but he's so professional, any chance of trying to flirt goes down the drain. Yeah, he puts his hair up to avoid it in his face even though his eyes are closed classic lab safety procedures. He seems like the type to have a soothing but authoritative voice during examination, so he gets his message across. it's a bit difficult when dealing with patients for Noritoshi. If he sees them too often, he firstly scolds you for not taking care of yourself, then feels guilty for not giving you the proper care. Keep yourself safe and healthy, or else Noritoshi will clearly :( Putting him in a yandere setting would be dangerous. He'd have a lot of control over you, considering he can prescribe medication, shots, visits, and other things.... he'd have a ball.... nothing that would cause you any harm, of course. he's only looking out for you and doing what's best for you..!

Pirate!

my second in command wanted a pirate. pirates are so fucking cool and i know damn well if this guy were a pirate he'd have a bunch of battle scars under that fancy coat.

Noritoshi as a pirate would be more than a little odd, but also fitting. He looks like the type of guy who'd be well put together, yet he's willing to get his hands dirty. Like the guy who got into the pirate life because of some personal issue that couldn't be solved fast enough through conventional means. Even as a pirate, i imagine he holds everyone to high standards. They're still pirates though.. so his expected standards aren't even that high. He has more freedom here, so even he himself lets loose once or twice. Especially with you. He's even able to get away with more violent actions for you, the seas are unpredictable, after all. While taking some treasure, Noritoshi'd toss you a gem or golden coin, just so you can say you were the first to claim it. Just so he can see that happy glint in your eyes when getting your hands on treasure. God forbid anyone try to get their hands on your hard earned goods. They'd be met with a bullet to the foot or a sword at their neck. Everyone and their mother knows how you're his favorite, but Noritoshi downplays it. Its not a crime to help out someone from his crew is it? Not in the seven seas. He leans more into his cold ruthless killer side here. He has goals and people to help keep in line whether hes captain or not. Yet when around you, he's almost adorable in how he shows you a pearl so entrancing that it reminded him of you.

Corpse Bride!

my submission to my Noritoshi Halloween costume closet.. CORPSE BRIDE, THIS MOVIE FUCKS. esp w the yandere elements.

Noritoshi 100% made you recite the wedding vows to him before accepting the ring. If you fumbled up, he'd correct you with SO much attitude and expect you to start from the top until you got it perfectly.

Hypothetically, in the chalice scene towards the end..

Noritoshi is the type to never be fully relaxed unless he knows for sure you'll be eternally his. In this scenario, YOU proposed to HIM but have to die to continue being together. Not only that, but someone in the living world is also after your heart. Someone who bleeds. Someone who's the obvious choice. Someone who can give you the life that you deserve. Someone who will succeed in their pursuits if you. remain. alive. Noritoshi's life was cut short, yet he still managed to lose so much and be abandoned a considerable amount of times. When he meets you and finds out about the possibility of having to go through that again even in death, it finally clicks in his rotting mind. He realizes he's been doing something wrong to keep constantly failing. Noritoshi revises his methods to a more.. selfish course. Why should he care about anyone else's wants or how his actions hurt them? You were the only one who made him truly fulfilled, to make him feel alive. The only one who deserves anything and everything good that comes from this world. Destiny is never done toying with him when he realizes your marriage is invalid because of your pulse and his lack thereof no matter how hard he'd try, but the opportunity arises. of course, he's ecstatic to give you an afterlife worth much more than what a silly beating heart can achieve. "All people die eventually. If you miss your living family or friends, all it takes is patience, darling. I'll wait by your side in the meantime." He weighs the pros and cons of everything, but when it comes to swaying manipulating your thoughts he only highlights the ones that'll get you on his side. in this case, the pros of dying to be with him! Honestly, the answer was so obvious that Noritoshi didn't know why he was stressing about it before. It hurts him to see you in any type of pain, but he reassures both himself and you that it'll only be for a moment. Afterward, he'll have the rest of your afterlives to make it up to you!! What happened to Till Death Do Us Part? Noritoshi thinks it's insulting that something as shallow as that could be so widely accepted. If your love were true, it wouldn't stop just because the world decided to take them away. "Till death do us part? Darling, don't be silly. 'Not even death will do us part' feels much better, doesn't it?" 

[panickingpansexuality]

I can Explain

Elliott x GN reader

So my SDV son randomly had his brown hair changed black, maybe from one of the mods I just installed but all I can think is Elliott and our kid got into something and now our baby has different colored hair.

When you got home from the mines sometime before six thirty you imagined your son and husband to be settling down for the night. Not for you to walk into the bathroom with Elliott rubbing his face with his hands green paint covering his white button down and a few splotches on his face, while your beautiful baby boy, only three years old. With neon green hair when this morning it was definitely matching yours.

The two hear your footsteps and turn to see you, Elliott hides his face while your very enthusiastic son smiles and says:

"Oh hi Mommy."

You look between your son and his father and shake your head. Your husband wearing a white button down shirt that is wet and has a great amount of green paint on it.

"Hi baby." You say sweetly, trying very hard not to loose your cool "What happened to your hair?"

"Daddy and I were watching TV and there was a lady with green hair so I found my paints and gave myself green hair."

"I see." You say, you turn to your husband. Elliott gives you a very nervous look, pressing his lips together in a thin line to try and not laugh and says:

"For the past few hours we have been very thorough trying to wash it out until I gave up. It's not coming out at all."

You hold back your snicker and Elliott has to take a breath seeing your reaction to the situation.

"Do you like it Mommy?" Your son asks looking up at you expectantly.

"It's so..vibrant." you say with a chuckle, "Like the kid in the Lorax."

Your son then jumps down from the counter and starts to sing the "Let it Grow" song from the Lorax while walking out of the room.

Elliott looks at you and you both loose it. It takes a moment for you two to recover before saying;

"The best thing to do about it right now is laugh." You say kissing him on the cheek, "I'll call Emily tomorrow, but for now I'd like to know how he got into the paint.

Elliott smiles down at you, grabbing you by your waist he gives you a soft smile and speaks while looking at you lovingly: "You are absolutely incredible for handling this so well."

You chuckle and shrug your shoulders, a small giggle escapes you, the two of you unaware of the small boy watching his parents be so affectionate with each other.

Elliott press a kiss to your forehead, a small smile on your lips as you speak;

"I figured you freaked out enough for both of us when it happened."

Elliott chuckles, looking down at you, some blush on his cheeks from your very correct assumption.

"Only slightly, but I don't think anything can top when you came home to see him in the dinosaur pin."

"Or when you nearly dropped him the first time you held him-"

The two of you go into your banter until Elliott silences you both with a kiss, your son making an "ooh" sound as the two of you kiss. You two break apart and prepare to get settled for the evening.

[burning-academia-if]

Hello, I am mostly back and recovered at the time of writing this lol. June wasn't very productive writing wise (...for BA), which is fine because I needed that break! Look at everything I did do in June:

RELEASED CHAPTER 2 FINALLY

Spent like 2 weeks fixing bugs (dw chapter 3 I'll get beta readers so it doesn't happen again LOL)

Participated in the Raffle for Palestine + wrote and sent out the story to the winner!

Wrote about 5k words of Chapter 3

Wrote and edited Zoe's back story

Wrote most of Lars back story because I was inspired (sorry you won't get this until after Chapter 3 drops)

I'm pretty happy to have released Chapter 2! I'm gonna be honest, this felt like such a daunting release lol When I started BA, I was expecting no one to read it save for a handful of people and I'd just be chilling and writing mostly for myself like usual, so releasing it with over 1.5k followers was very daunting. With that said, I am glad people overall enjoyed the new chapter! The plan is for Chapter 3 not to take as long, but life is still hectic so we'll see. At the very least, it hopefully won't be any later then October (BA's one year anniversary month!).

I also just want to give another shout out to everyone who participated in the raffle for Palestine! Raising over two thousand euros in two weeks is still amazing to me, and I'm happy the IF community could come together like this to help out a cause! This was lowkey another thing I was nervous about since I've never really done anything that's felt like a personal commission before (asks definitely feel different lol), but other then my initial nerves the whole thing was a really nice experience!

Now, going into July, I want to focus on the UI updates I want to make. I have some things I want to shift around and change, and since coding is my biggest weakness I know it's one of those things I'm going to have to focus on. If things go well, I'm hoping to do a pure UI update by August. It'll mostly be the menu pages (achievements/stats/relationships/etc), but there are a few other things I want to add in and adjust outside of it. As for Zoe's backstory, that should be out soon, so keep an eye out of that! Finally, I also might not be too active in July. For personal reasons, July is always a hard month for me. Hopefully it isn't obvious, but just in case I'm not around as much as usual, that's why!

OH and before I forget, here's this month's chapter preview ft Angry Rook:

Lastly, I made the questionable decision to make a side IF. Updates will be very sporadic since BA is and will always be my main project until its completion. But if you want to follow it, it's To Taste Sweet Silver. An 18+ gaslamp fantasy about trying to steal the Fruit of the Old Gods in order to bring the world to an end. It's a little more niche I think, but feel free to check it out! The demo shouldn't take too long to get out since I did accidentally write most of opening already.

[divineerdrick]

Homestuck Beyond Canon Upd8 for September 29, 2024

This is honestly a great time for an upd8.

I'm not doing so hot right now. Both my migraines and my fatigue have decided to start kicking my ass even harder. And I'm a little frustrated with that, since I've been trying to participate in the Path of Exile Runic Strife Gauntlet. But that's going to be hard if my body is going to be fighting me. I'm not making very good time as is, and I can't afford to lose a character due to lack of focus.

At times like this, Homestuck is often a comfortable blanket I'll wrap myself in. This comic has gotten me through hard times in the past, especially with amazing wealth of talent and compassion that's in the community. Even now, with probably a pretty hard chapter coming, I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm hoping we can get some more catharsis for Vriska's arc, and maybe finally give her another much needed breakthrough.

Here we are. Finally behind the 8 ball.

Hah! Also, apparently this is just "Later" so we don't have a definitive time frame. At least that probably means another year hasn't gone by.

That . . . that is a much more upbeat Serket than I was expecting. Hopefully she's not playing strong after her encounter with Scratch. She really does need to take some time to process that and move past it.

Nice boss pick there, in more ways than one.

Okay good! Looks like she did take some time reflect and recover. I'm hoping she actually spent some time addressing things though. Would have been nice to see some of that, but Homestuck has a habit of leaving some things to the imagination.

Looks like some opening up might have happened there. That's good! That means progress has definitely taken place!

Fefeta! Chewing everyone's ear off as usual! It's actually a cute contrast to Davepeta going on one of their usual tangents.

Vriska's never been shy about getting in on the RP action. Much less menacing than a Mindfang RP, but also still very much Vriska.

Hah! Vriska's trying to wrap her head around the sprite shenanigans.

Fefeta! No!!!

Nope. Not gonna explain anything.

No glomping without consent!

Consent and glomp achieved!

Looks like they're literally calling them hells. Also awesome art.

I'm still going with (Vriska), but that leaves the opportunity for Terezi to show up too, just as Aradia showed up with Tavros.

Kinda reminds me of the faint image of the stage at the center of the black hole.

Hey! I got one!

Wow! Really pushing the age difference here. This Vriska is still 6 after all.

It's one thing to apologize. But this is still a valid Vriska. Can you accept her.

And apparently she can't do it.

Wow! She really just peace'd the fuck out!

And that's it for the chapter. Vriska has hit another wall. Despite the fact she knows she should, she can't accept the part of her she views as having given up - as choosing happiness over the mission. She's probably telling herself that this version of her left everyone behind when they still needed her, and she can't accept that. But the simple fact is that version of her is still a valid her. It's still a path she took. We don't see any other versions of Vriska in the bubbles, because but for one well placed punch this was Vriska's fate. Sally "thewertsearch" just got to Vriska's death in her liveblog. Scratch makes it clear that Vriska always chose to fix the coin, always chose to go fight jack, and Terezi always stabs her in the back because she knows what the consequences will be. It's a constant across all timelines. And that Vriska always fights to stay relevant until everyone but Meenah leaves her. And then she chooses happiness instead.

And apparently, Vriska just can't deal with that.

[icyowl]

Idk if your taking request if not discard! lol but uh >< could we get some Vash & Wolfwood A/O/B head canons? What do you think their second genders would be? and how would they be w reader?

A/B/O Headcanons (Vash, Wolfwood)

Pairings: Wolfwood x reader, Vash x reader

A/N/: always up for ABO. Always.

As my bio says, I'm not open for requests per se, but if an ask strikes my fancy, I might get inspired!

---- ---- ---- ---- ----

WOLFWOOD

An alpha through and THROUGH

very growly. It's deep and slow and rumbly and he loves using it on others or using it on you and catching you off guard. He smells the effect it has on you through your scent glands and his eyes key in on the tiny shaking it puts in your knees. You alright there, ankle biter? Lookin' a little unsteady he says with a wicked grin. Even the cigarette bounces with mirth.

Whatever class Wolfwood was going to be, the experiments done by the Dr. turned him into an alpha. It's done on purpose because alphas are more goal-oriented and driven, and because its pretty easy to keep them in line with a steady dose of hard-core suppressants. Getting Wolfwood to detox from them was definitely an exercise in building trust. The ensuing rut you had to help him through was. . . intense, to say the least.

Puts out his cigarettes when you're around. Just because he can cancel out the ill-effects by drinking his vials doesn't mean he has to subject you to it.

Say his first name nice and softly with some of those omega hormones pushing out into the room and watch his whole shoulder line gradually slump until he's putting his head on your shoulder and licking the oils from your scent glands.

Look, its fact that at some point he will use himself as a human shield to keep you safe because, again, he's got those vials to help him recover. The first time he got, for all intents and purposes, murdered in front of your eyes was a horrifying experience. Even after he'd made a full recovery (another mildly disturbing moment when he seemingly came back from the dead just as quickly as he joined it), you'd lost many nights worth of sleep. When he found out, you had a long discussion about his ready-fire-aim tendencies.

It came as no surprise you began to have nightmares. Try as he might, he wasn't good at consoling you at first. It took time for Wolfwood to realize slapping you on the back like some bro and telling you the vials taste like candy wasn't the way to make you feel better.

Has gotten your group thrown out of a number of establishments after holding a man at gunpoint for so much as flirting with you. Very clearly used the moment as an excuse to show off in front of you.

Definitely gives you the talk about worrying about yourself before others or before you make stupid choices that might put you in harms way. Gets you a gun of some kind, something manageable, and maybe it won't obliterate some of the things that are coming after you but it'll give you a chance to get away or at least buy time until he can get there.

“Whatever Blondie does, you do the opposite, you hear me?”

Also chew you out if/when you put yourself in danger. Doesn't matter why. He'll get in your face and yell and interrupt you at every turn. “I don't care that you were saving some kid! Drop kick him out a window for all I care! The next time you do something like that, I'll kill you myself!”

Loves showing off your relationship in front of others. Favorite thing to do is, whenever you go to sit by him in a public place, his arm snakes around you (whether its your arm or waist or a part of your clothing) and simply yanks you to his lap.

This man. This man would not touch a healthy relationship with a ten-foot pole. Like, we can agree his most stable relationship is with his gun, right? So totally expect him to be a little lost when it comes to taking care of you emotionally. It never occurred to him how many days had passed without him scenting you; just figured you were dealing with something or had a change in hormones when you began to smell sour.

On your end, you're freaking out. There has to be a reason why he's not doing it. Is he over you? Do you smell bad? Is something going on in his life you don't know about? Is there someone else? How do you bring it up without sounding accusatory? Should you just drop it?

When you finally lean in and just go for it, fisting his shirt and burrying your nose under his chin, nestled right up against his pulse, and purr, he does nothing for several seconds. Meanwhile your heart is skittering wildly. What you don't realize is you've positively short-circuited this poor man. Could his heart always beat like this? So fast, so erratically? A low rumble escapes him and encases you in an embrace.

He realizes this is the first time he's ever purred.

VASH

could legit be any class. I'm sure most of y'all see him as an omega, but for funsies I'll make him an alpha for a change!

Like, come on, you can't tell me those canines from the last episode scream anything else but alpha. Plus, we all know how determined he can get. Just imagine that you're the one he can't turn his instincts away from, you're the one that makes him feel the most like a regular person, you're the one that elicits such a visceral reaction from him.

Three words: PRO TEC TIVE. If you got with him hoping to break him of his savior mentality, you've gotten with the wrong person. His habits include but are not limited to: keeping watch every time you sleep (even at the risk of his own lethargy), repositioning you to where he perceives to be the safest spot (picking dining tables closest to an exit, putting himself between you and strangers, ensuring an unobstructed path to you and his gun, etc.), scenting your clothes every morning before you wake to keep other alphas from bothering you, smiling in such a way that he shows off his canines to anyone that bothers you, and coming up with lame excuses to get you away from anyone that bothers him. Vash is mostly polite about it, but you know what't up. Nuzzle into him and watch him melt into you and purr gently.

Yo his glyphs pulse when his alpha instincts come to the surface. Defending you from another alpha? Needing to scent you to feel calm? You got him riled up? All those will do it and its sometimes been a close call to hide it from strangers. You love it when it happens in the dark of a room and he literally lights up the space.

Seeing you in his jacket sends a shiver up his spine and makes his pupils expand considerably. He's soooo attentive to you. The slightest change in your scent due to your emotions — whether they be fear or jealousy or loneliness — and he's on you, nuzzling into your scent glands to try and calm you and offering to get you someplace private for a scenting session. Don't be surprised if he completely ignores your protests and excuses the two of you from the rest of the group.

One time he was so caught up in the moment of battle, so fearful when he saw a gun aiming for your chest, that his cybernetic hand grabbed for your arm and yanked you aside. It almost hurt him as much as if you'd been shot when he realized his fingers left dark bruises on your skin, and he'd carelessly flung you into a bookshelf where you'd knocked the back of your head against the corner, causing wet blood to rush into your hair and face.

He refused to touch you for days after that. Thankfully, in the dead of night, long after everyone else had gone to bed, you found him leaning bodily against the wall at the end of the hallway, resisting his hormone-fueled delirium on sheer willpower alone, and were able to convince him to give in to the bond. Oh how he wanted to scent you and be scented, how his oil glands wetted themselves feebly, desperate to touch your scent glands. You had enough when he tried to escape you again; one gentle press to the gland on his wrist and he finally gave in — pupils expanded, eyes glossed over, canines descended. Vash pinned you against the wall, chuffing and nuzzling while you tried to keep your head on straight. His pheromones were positively overwhelming.

Vash reverently touched the bandage on your head and the bruises on your arm, apologizing with whines and whimpers. The poor man could hardly speak with the hormones buzzing through him, but he tried to convey the pain he felt at hurting you, even unintentionally. You soothed the guilt with gentle words and a steady stroke to the gland on his neck.

Because of his biology, he has a very unique scent. It's clean and fresh and everyone takes notice. You've had to fight off a few omegas during your time together. My man's totally clueless.

Like, he can smell you're frustrated, but why? Those ladies were just helping him get directions to the next town? Oh, they were holding his arm as they pointed to the horizon? He never noticed. They were just being nice. Why were you glaring at them? Whatever the reason, he can tell you need his pheromones and floods the space with them accordingly.

Sooooo hesitant when it comes to marking you, or really even allowing his mouth anywhere near your supple skin. He doesn't trust himself not to lose control or get carried away. Vash knows what being bound to him would mean; the danger, the running. To him, it's no different than painting a bullseye on you. It takes time, and a lot of trust and coaxing, but eventually he gives in to the trance tugging at his brain. Eventually, he gives himself over to it. His nibbling teeth and laving tongue don't leave your skin for some time.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 35 - HUMOR

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: kellifer_fic

kellifer_fic wrote some of my favorite fics in this fandom, period. Their voices for the Avengers are all immaculate, and their way of writing dialogue is nothing short of incredible. It's even funnier than Marvel canon sometimes, and that's a feat that not many can pull off. I adore their fics, and if I could rec every single thing they've ever written here, I would. But alas, I'll restrain myself to some of my favorites.

Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:

jealousy is all the fun you think they had

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 3,887 Tags: Jealousy, Bucky Recovering, Fighting & Making Up

Summary: Is it socially acceptable to be jealous of your boyfriend's ex-dead best friend?

Reasons why I love it: This fic is equal parts hilarious and a glorious trainwreck of Tony self-sabotaging himself, which is very on brand for him. I love how nonchalant Bucky is about the whole thing, he truly is the best bro. And JARVIS is just the best, full stop. I adore this one, and if you haven't read it yet, you absolutely should!

Therapeutic Guidelines

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 8,357 Tags: Action Figures, UST, Team as Family

Summary: "Are you suggesting I get a bunch of bunk beds in here and squeeze us all into one room?" Tony scoffs and the woman just looks at him. "No, wait-"

Reasons why I love it: Doctor Barrow's role in this fic is actually kind of genius. I love the plot twist and everything leading up to it. There are so many funny moments, I can't even say which one is my favorite, but I especially enjoyed the team bonding. This fic is wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

99 problems (and the dice ain't one)

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 10,784 Tags: Living Together, DnD, Resolved Sexual Tension

Summary: Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my god, they're all such nerds, I love them! Tony the grumpy hermit is adorable, and I love how ass-backwards Steve and Tony are when it comes to their feelings. Plus, the team as family vibes in this are phenomenal. Definitely check this one out, it's fantastic!

even the cake was in tiers

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 5,500 Tags: Accidental Marriage, Magic, Team Bonding

Summary: I'm pretty sure I'm married to Steve Rogers.

Reasons why I love it: Just the title of this fucking sent me. The Tony sass is on another level in this one, and I'm enjoying every second of it. I love how Tony has a whole Ebenezer Scrooge moment about his life choices, and the ending is super cute. This fic is wonderful, and I hope you go and check it out for yourself!

one hundred percent skill, fifty percent luck

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 7,418 Tags: Poker, Pining, Kidnapping

Summary: Where there is a poker game, a v-card and general misunderstandings.

Reasons why I love it: I love how everyone on the team clearly understands what's happening, except for Tony. All of the poker night scenes are amazing, and I'm super impressed at how well this fic is balanced between humor and drama. I love it, and I bet you will too, so I hope you'll give this one a shot for yourself, if you haven't already!

[drjdorr]

Guess who got some new pins abit ago but experienced isolation enough to dip into some minor depression and since no longer being isolated hasn't had enough stability to recover enough to share them till now? This girl.

Anyways, here are the pins(and other goodies I'm deciding to share) starting with some Overly Sarcastic Production stuff

A nice cancer zodiac crab pin because I am a cancer (given my history of depression that sounds way worse then it should) and with knife crab being a meme, Red designed a knife crab variant, which I chose because... knife crab, duh. It also apparently glows(I'm assuming the pale green bits) though I haven't tested this feature.

As is standard for OSP pins, limited time thing but here is a link to the pin section when they are on sale

2 rubber backs

And because I've was asked general prices of pins at one point and realized I don't know, I'm adding a new section for prices. $9.99

I also got a cool mug

Decent mug, I like the words on it, that's all I need out of a mug

Unlike pins, mugs aren't limited time, link

Should I price other things? Eh, I don't collect mugs

Lastly from OSP, stickers. When I enviatavly need to replace my computer (it's batter capacity is apparently 7% what it should be, one of the hinges has been broken for months, and at times it's getting hot enough I have to be careful not to burn myself so not long before I'm going to have to) I'm definitely going to slap atleast one of these on it because I'm tired of living my life were I'm not allowed to indulge myself or leave a mark, and putting cool stickers onto my electronics seems like a good starting point

Again only pins are limited time but here's a link to all the stickers. There are some other good options too so I definitely suggest checking them out

Next up have some oxventure pins

Pretty decent, they slightly bow outwards which is a good look for them, great stylzation though I'll admit I'm not a big fan of using that green to shade Eggert in this style but beyond that bit, they all look great

They seem to be on sale right now so if you like them... link

Each one seems to have 2 rubber backs, one above the other as one would expect.

Now I paid about 36 bucks which is also about its current sale price but apparently is usually $46.21

An Astor Innoventions pin. A simple but really nice design from their Blades in the Dark campaign, what else is there to say about it.

Also on sale. Link

Single metal back. I did try using it shortly after getting it and the tip has some metal fuzzies on it which understandably made me not able to use it but I'm sure I can ask my uncle to deal with that, doesn't seem like that hard of a problem.

Apparently I also got this one on sale for about 10 buck, usually it's $13.20.

Also was given a random pin from Pride Knights and-

Man is it pretty(the yellow and purple are nicer in person. Same with the glitter). I may not be nonbinary but I think I know someone who might be that I can give it to and I can't wait for the ones I ordered.

They are still on pre-order and there are several pride flag versions for dragons and swords and 3 large designs for the progress pride flag with a dragon, sword, and castle and you should definitely check them all out here, though if you specifically want the enby dragon, this link will take you there

Mine has 2 metal backs though the site says they will be rubber. Actually the site also shows more standard silver glitter look but mine has red... was I given an earlier design version? Still doesn't match me but it's still super neat.

Now I got mine as a gift(given how much I talked them up I suddenly feel I should stipulate, gift for something completely unrelated to this post, I just say good things about good stuff.) But they are priced at $12.99 both swords and dragons, the bigger progress flag ones though are $14.99

Those are all my new pins for now, though with alot of kickstarters I backed looking like they are about to start sending stuff out and the Pride Knights pins being sent out in September, not going to be too long before there's probably going to be more

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 17 ~ Guitar lessons and Confessions

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 2

✧ Word Count : 4.4k

In this chapter ~ When Rose plans and gathers her things for a search for Sophia, what she doesn't expect was a thick tension between her and Daryl as he only asked for a simple favor. However, it seemed to be shattered just as quickly as it was built up. Though she spent the rest of her day looking for the girl and even offering some guitar lessons to Beth, Glenn finds he has something to admit. Something that had been eating him up inside.

I was rudely awoken the next morning with a throbbing kind of pain coming from my side. Groaning quietly to myself, I saw up slowly with my hand placed over the bandages, and made a mental note to grab some more painkillers from Hershel at some point. I surprised myself, along with everyone else how fast I was recovering, though I think yesterday's incident definitely didn't help the pain.

But I soon found myself changing into a fresh set of clothes, grabbed my weapons, and headed out of the tent. I walked around the camp for only a few minutes before Carol called me over and asked if I would help her hang the clothes up to dry, and as much as I didn't want to, I agreed. I didn't know how to talk to her anymore after Sophia got lost and I didn't want to say anything to upset her. But I also didn't want her to think I was shutting her out, so that's why I agreed to begin with.

"So, how are you doing?" she asked after a few moments of silence, clipping up another shirt on the line.

"I'm okay...how are you doing?" I asked.

She shrugged, "As good as I can be..."

This made me look over at her instantly, "Hey, we're going to find her. I'm going out today and I know Rick and Shane are too. Plus, Daryl found her doll just yesterday, I have hope that she's somewhere safe."

She smiled and nodded, "Thank you, for just... everything. I know how hard you're trying, especially with your injury. Are you sure you're okay to go out?" she asked.

"I'll be fine." I assured.

She nodded again and we continued to hang up the clothes in silence. I only hoped that today would go by smoothly and no one else would get hurt. It's like everyone and their mother was getting shot at the same time.

"You know, he asked for you this morning." she stated out of the blue.

My eyes glanced back over to her in slight confusion, not knowing exactly who "he" was. But the moment I saw the small smirk creep up to her face, I put two and two together.

"Oh?" was all I managed to ask.

She laughed quietly and nodded her head, "I think you're good for him. I mean, you bring out this whole new side to him."

It was then my turn to laugh at that, "I don't think so." I muttered with a shake of my head.

"Well, I do," she replied, "I mean he was so worried about you when you got shot, and was ready to race out to the house in a heartbeat. And he stayed by your side talking to you for hours as soon as you woke up. And then the next day he gives you a new sketchbook that you've been wanting-"

"Okay, does everybody know about that?" I asked.

"Word travels fast," she winked, "But anyway, do you think he would've done all that for just anyone here?"

Standing there for a second, I genuinely thought, would he? We had gotten closer at the CDC and just kept getting closer after that. I was willing to admit that I did have some feelings for Daryl, I wasn't about to deny that to myself, but I guess I always just pushed those feelings aside because I assumed he didn't feel the same way. Also, to me this wasn't necessarily the best time to be thinking about a relationship when there are much bigger problems going on around us every day.

Though she took my silence as a no, "I also don't think he would've let me kiss him on the head yesterday if you hadn't been there. I think he might be trying to show his soft side to you."

I scoffed, "Alright. So, what exactly are you getting at here?" I asked.

She smiled a real smile as she nudged her shoulder with mine, "He likes you."

"Well, we're friends, I sure hope he likes me a little bit." I joked.

She shook her head, "No Rose, he has a little crush on you."

I knew what she meant the first time, but I guess I just didn't want to hear it. I mean I did want to hear it, but I wanted it to be true, and I needed to hear it from the man himself in order to believe that. Physically see the words coming out of his mouth for me to truly know that it was real, and not all in my head.

I smiled and shook my head at her, "Whatever you say." I muttered to the woman, wanting to drop the topic completely.

Casual small talk filled the silence as we quickly made our way through all the clothes that were sloppily laid out in the baskets. I finished helping her after another few minutes, hanging up one last pair of pants, before walking back off towards Daryl's tent with a wave of my hand from over my shoulder.

I had forgotten the one knife I always kept in my boot, silently wanting to grab it quick before I headed out to look for Sophia. I walked past Shane and Rick, letting them know I would be ready to head out soon and they both nodded before going back to their hushed conversation.

Though just before I could walk another two steps, Glenn suddenly approached me like a man on a mission. He quickly stopped me in my tracks with a small basket in his hands, right before I could just barely reach the damn tent.

"Hey, do you want a peach?" he asked me quickly.

My eyes widened as his assertiveness before muttering, "Sure?"

He then was looking around, almost anxiously as I leaned down a bit to pick a couple that looked fine enough. I noticed almost instantly and glanced up at him with one of my eyebrows raised. He seemed panicked before flashing me a reassuring smile that wasn't very convincing.

"You okay?" I asked him slowly.

"Okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm just uh...passing out these peaches and then I'll probably go talk to Maggie for a little bit- unless you want to hangout? We could hangout if you wanted, maybe help out around here, find something to do." he rambled.

I almost physically took a step back in shock that he just word vomited on me and looked slightly behind his head to see Rick and Shane both trying not to laugh as they caught the end of the conversation.

"Glenn just breathe," I told him and he did, taking in a few deep breaths, "I'm going out to look for Sophia today, but we'll talk later...okay?"

He nodded his head frantically, "Okay, yeah...good." he muttered before turning around and taking off in the other direction before I could even bat an eye.

I looked back at Rick and Shane and just mouthed "Wow." Then they actually let their laughter fill the air as I finally walked towards the place I was trying to get to in the first place. I made my way up to the front of the tent and unzipped it, trying to do it gracefully with two peaches balancing in my hands. My gaze then immediately landed on someone laying down inside and I couldn't help but jump in surprise.

Though upon taking a second to actually glance at the intruders face, Daryl only looked up at me confused from his comfortable position, causing me to let out a breath.

"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me." I said as I made my way in.

His brows furrowed, "Ya do remember this is my tent, right?" he asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, "Yes smartass, I remember, but you're supposed to be recovering in the house."

"Yeah, well I warned ya that probably wouldn't last long."

I shrugged, "Fair enough," I said before glancing down at my hands momentarily, "You want a peach?"

He smiled at me and nodded, taking it from my hands. I then turned my attention back to trying to find my knife in my bag, digging through the small pockets to try and feel for it. I felt Daryl's eyes on me as I looked, though I pretended not to notice as my focus was solely right in front of me. My fingers then felt the small blade and I pulled it out successfully before turning back to face him, his eyes ducking away from me as if he wasn't staring.

"I'm going to head out today and look for Sophia. Stay here and rest for me, will you?" I asked.

He nodded as I turned around to leave, but he quickly started to say something else before I could take another step. "Hey uh... will ya do me a favor?" he asked hesitantly.

"Sure?" I responded.

He then put the peach down and pulled out some fresh bandages for his head, "Will ya help me change these?" he asked shyly.

I smirked a little to myself before nodding my head. Sitting myself down at the end of his sleeping bag, he sat up with his legs crossed, leaning his face closer. I tried to ignore the slight shake in my hands and removed the old bandages delicately, not wanting to rip anymore stitches he had. He began to stare at me as I worked carefully, his eyes scanning all over my face as I desperately tried to focus on anything else but how close he was to me.

I saw out of my peripheral vision that his eyes flickered to my lips every so often, but I just continued to focus on changing the bandage like he asked. Disregarding the old ones, I started to wrap the new bandage around his head a few times, making sure it was tight enough before I was finished.

Finally getting the nerve to look him in the eye, I realized how close our faces actually were, our noses almost touching, and I could've sworn I could feel his breathing feather across my cheeks. I smiled a little before backing up, though I never took my eyes off of him.

"So, how's it look nurse? Am I gonna live?" he smirked.

I scoffed at him but that just made his smirk grow, "Yeah I think you'll live, it won't damage your brain...or well in your case," I trailed off, leaning closer to him and placing my hand on the other side of his head as I looked with furrowed brows, "What's left of one." I finished with a smirk of my own.

"Hey!" he said defensively, trying to fight the smile that was coming onto his face, while trying to smack my hand off his head. I ended up placing both my hands on the sides of his face while we both were laughing tiredly at the joked that wasn't even that funny. He then grabbed both of my wrists, taking my hands off fully, somehow bringing our faces closer than last time.

The smiles we once had on our faces, slowly faded once we both realized the distance between us was only smaller. He was still holding onto my wrists, swearing I could feel him rubbing his thumbs across my skin softly, but it was hard to tell when all I could think about was how our lips merely centimeters away.

"Rose?" a sudden voice called out from outside.

We both jumped away from each other rather quickly upon hearing the interruption, not daring to look each other in the eye. It wasn't like we were embarrassed to be caught, but almost embarrassed because both of us were too scared to close the distance.

My eyes shut tightly with a sigh before I stood up to leave, glancing at him one more time, "I'll see you later." I muttered before leaving, not giving him a chance to respond.

I exited the tent to see Rick standing a few feet away, hands on his hips expectantly as he waited for me, "Sorry, I'm ready. Where do you want me to look?"

He nodded once behind him, "Here let me show you on the map." he replied, and we walked over towards the hood of a truck and looked at the map that had all kinds of markings on it.

He pointed to the spot that he and Shane would be searching together in case I needed them, and then pointed to where I would be looking. I nodded my head and wished them good luck before I was off heading in the other direction.

I was out there for a few hours and had no luck. No trace of her. To think that Rick only left her for a few minutes and just like that she was gone, like she disappeared into thin air. I tried my best to find any type of tracks, either hers or a walker, but nothing. I just wasn't having the best luck, so I made my way back to the farm because my side was starting to kill me, and I forgot to take more painkillers before I left. I felt defeated but I didn't want to just give up or lose hope, so I didn't.

When I got back to the house, I immediately heard screaming coming from a little ways down the field and I couldn't help but groan to myself. A part of me just wanted to turn my ass back around and leave again to get a few more minutes of peace, but that apparently was unrealistic.

My eyes scanned the area to pinpoint where it was coming from, only to find Maggie blowing up at Lori with Glenn just a few feet behind her. I couldn't quite make out the words she was saying from the distance, but soon she stormed off in the direction that I was in. She was speed walking and tried to completely walk past me but I slightly stepped in front of her.

"Maggie what's wrong? You, okay?" I asked her.

"I- I don't know Rose I just need to cool off, we'll talk later okay?" she responded briefly before taking off again.

I was taken aback at how upset and fearful she was all at once, glancing back to see Glenn talking to Lori, I decided to walk over to them to see what the problem was.

"Guys?" I said to get their attention.

They both stopped talking and snapped their necks to look back at me with baffled expressions. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah uh... yeah everything's fine Ro." Glenn said.

My brows furrowed as I wasn't convinced in the slightest, looking over at Lori who couldn't make eye contact with me as she just stared at her shoes in embarrassment. Glancing back to Glenn, I raised my eyebrows at him in question, hoping he could tell me what the hell was going on. His eyes darted between Lori and I a few times before mouthing "Tell you later." I just nodded my head and walked off towards the house, though I couldn't have been left more confused.

As I made my way up the porch, I could hear them beginning to talk again, but I just brushed it off as I made it through the front door and headed up to the bathroom. I looked through all the cabinets before finally finding some painkillers that would ease the throbbing pain I still had in my side. Popping a few of them in my mouth, I left the bathroom slowly to see Beth sitting quietly in her room, and an idea formed in my head. I figured now was as good a time as any to teach her a few things she wanted to learn on the guitar.

"Hey hon," I said to get her attention, "Do you want to learn a few chords on the guitar today?" I asked as I peeked my head through the doorway.

Her eyes lit up, "Yeah! Let me just go get it quick." she said, before rushing back downstairs.

I entered her room right as she was walking out and sat at the end of her bed as I waited. My eyes scanned the walls and noticed the small decorations she had around, and I thought it matched her personality pretty well. Small pictures in frames were hung up on the walls, painted a pretty pink color. Leaving the rest of her furniture a bright white, pulling everything together in the simplest way.

She came back in moments later with a huge smile on her face and the guitar in her hand, sitting down next to me while I was trying to figure out what to teach her first.

"Well, I guess the first thing you need to know is how to hold it so, hold it so your left hand is on the strings and your right will hold the pick." I said to her.

She adjusted the guitar in her hold and then looked at me when she was ready for the next thing.

"Okay, now we can learn a few chords." I stated.

I proceeded to show her five different ones she could do pretty easily since it was her first time. After she got comfortable enough with those, I showed her the few songs she could play with what she learned, and she was getting pretty good at it the more she practiced.

Though we both seemed to burst into laughs when she would curse the second she messed up, but picking back up where she left off with a shake of her head. That, and we found ourselves getting somewhat distracted during random times, talking casually as she took a few breaks here and there. But in the end, she learned how to play 2 songs pretty well after a few hours, leaving her feeling very proud of herself of what she had accomplished.

"Hey, why don't I play one of the songs you taught me, and you sing the lyrics." she suggested suddenly, strumming a few chords absentmindedly.

I immediately shook my head, "Um... I don't think so. How about I play, and you sing." I responded.

"Oh, come on," she tried again, "I just know you're a good singer, I can feel it." she said.

I gave her a pointed look, "You can feel it, huh?" I asked sarcastically, "I don't know hon, it's been a while and I don't really sing anymore." I spoke.

"Well, it's just me. Here I won't even look at you if that helps." she said and turned to face the wall.

I debated in my head for a few seconds before rolling my eyes, though she wasn't able to see, "Fine." I muttered.

I could tell she smiled in victory, "Which one do you want me to play?" she asked excitedly.

"Whichever one you want. I like both of them." I replied.

She thought for only a second before slowly playing the intro to Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. I smiled small to myself, though mentally preparing myself for something I hadn't felt in a while. Nausea washed over me almost instantly, and even though it was just Beth hearing me, I still grew nervous. But nonetheless I took a deep breath and started once the intro ended.

Singing again felt surreal and only brought back memories that I tried hard to repress. All I could think as I continued through the song was about how I used to sing constantly when it wasn't looking too good in my household. With my mother constantly looming over me, I found that singing distracted me, even if it was just for a few moments. It helped. But it was more of something that helped me cope through terrible times, not something that was enjoyable.

But the song thankfully came to a close quicker than I thought, Beth stopping the music and looking back at me with a huge smile on her face. I smiled awkwardly as I tried to forget the feeling I had moments ago, the reminder of the past I didn't need.

"That was amazing Rose!" Beth exclaimed while taking the guitar off and wrapping me in a tight hug, which I returned after a moment.

The sound of soft clapping was then heard from right outside of her room, pulling apart to see Hershel standing there in the doorway with a smile on his face.

"You two sound beautiful together." he complimented.

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

Beth squealed to her dad in excitement, "Rose taught me how to play some things on the guitar and I got her to sing! Doesn't she sound amazing?" she asked.

"Yes she does, Rose you're very talented." he said.

"Okay, okay enough, my head's getting way too big," I brushed off with a laugh, "But thank you."

He nodded his head and came to sit by Beth while she told him everything that I had been teaching her the past few hours, going on and on and only continuing to fill my ego.

I then got up and cleared my throat, "Well, I'm going to head out to check on Glenn, but I'll see you guys later."

Beth nodded, "Okay, thanks again for teaching me. Do you think I can learn some more soon?" she asked.

I smiled, "Sure, just come find me when you want some new songs to learn." I winked.

She smiled and nodded her head before turning back to her dad to tell him more, watching as he got lost in her words and excitement. I smiled to myself before turning around to set off to find Glenn, needing to know what was going on earlier and in the back of my mind it was driving me crazy.

The second I walked outside, I immediately spotted him right next to the RV. He was sitting talking to Dale about something casually when he suddenly saw me out of the corner of his eye, jumping out of his chair and rushed over to me in a matter of seconds. As he was walking towards me quickly, looking like a lunatic, I made eye contact with Dale as the older man followed his retreating figure to see where he was taking off to. He surprisingly gave me a small nod and a smile and I returned it.

I knew just after that small exchange that we were okay, and we could move on from what happened. It was nice to know we were both mature enough for that.

"My God, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you, come on." Glenn said quickly before grabbing me by my arm and dragging me away.

"Well, you didn't look very hard because I was literally in the house the whole time." I clapped back as we walked.

He didn't say anything to my smartass comment, he didn't say anything really until he knew we were far enough away from everyone so no one could hear our conversation. He then dropped my arm and started pacing back and forth, thinking loudly to himself as if he didn't know where to start. I followed him with my eyes as he visibly had an inner debate with himself, my arms crossing over my chest impatiently waiting.

After a few minutes of making myself dizzy, my annoyance grew, "Jesus Christ, just spit it out Glenn."

He stopped pacing and looked at me, and without missing a beat he said, "Lori's pregnant and the barn is full of walkers."

My eyes slowly started to widen the longer I took the information in, processing it as best as I could though it was all insane. It was just a few words, but they were both really big problems. Lori being pregnant in a world like this was no good for her or anyone else. We had Hershel, somewhat of a doctor here to make sure everything was running smoothly. But that didn't mean we could protect this baby from everything, even with the safety of being on the farm. And the walkers in the barn? Oh, I had so many questions, but the biggest one was, why the fuck?

Glenn watched me carefully process all this information, eyeing me nervously, "Take your time, it's a lot to take in." he muttered.

"Yeah, no shit." I snapped, before the habit was suddenly passed onto me, pacing back and forth in a slight panic.

He sighed from behind me, "Well, no need to get snappy at me."

"How long have you known?" I suddenly asked, whipping around to face him.

He stood there for a second, no longer meeting my eyes, "Too long."

I sighed angrily, tangling my fingers through my hair, "Why didn't you tell me when you first found out? This is a huge deal Glenn, my God." I said angrily.

"I'm sorry Ro. I'm so sorry, Maggie told me I couldn't tell anyone and so did Lori. And to be honest I didn't want two women being mad at me at the same time."

"Yeah, well congratulations. Though you seemed to make one pretty damn mad." I quickly said as I gestured to myself.

He sighed and reached out to get me to stop anxiously bouncing on the balls of my feet, "I know, I know but I'm telling you now. I'm sorry."

I stood there for a second looking at him, my face softening after hearing his words. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, it's just... well like you said it's a lot to take in."

He smiled slightly as he nodded, wasting no more time as he went to tell me all the little details. Everything from who knew about what, everything that happened with Lori, and his plan to tell everyone about the walkers tomorrow morning. It was in fact a lot to process, but I was proud of him for telling the group about the walkers even if Maggie would be upset with him. Deep down knowing that it was the right thing to do.

After he told me everything and finally got it all off his chest, we were now sitting down on the grass in complete and utter silence. I didn't know how long we sat like that, our minds running on overdrive, but it had to be a long time considering the farmhouse's lights turned off for the night ages ago.

"Maggie is gonna hate me."

I shook my head, "No she's not. She might be upset at first, but she's not going to hate you. But are you guys, okay? I never got that update." I commented, wiggling my eyebrows as I winked at him.

He rolled his eyes and pushed my arm lightly, "Yeah, we're okay...but after tomorrow I'm not so sure. Ask me again in a couple days."

I laughed lightly as I nodded, "It'll be okay. It's all going to work itself out."

His eyes glanced at me in silent appreciation, wrapping an arm around me as he pulled me in for a side hug. I rested my head on his shoulder with a content sigh as the silence took over once again, thinking about how tomorrow was going to suck ass.

~ Thanks for reading!

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 2, Wave 1, Poll 7

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Viktor-Arcane

Qualifications:

Definitely disabled - walks with a cane and later a crutch and leg brace. Overwhelmingly considered gay by the fandom, very strong argument can be made that he is queercoded in the show (especially act 1)

Physically disabled and widely headcanoned (spelling?) as queer

Propaganda:

Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just wanna go apeshit? Nice young scientist meets a hunky inventor and decends into mad science in persuit of a way to help himself and others.

why you should vote for viktor: 1. he has amazing cheekbones, just look at them, you could slice a brick with them 2. he is essentially the einstein of his era and jayce (his boyfriend and political advocate) would be nothing without him 3. he has the air of LGBTQness about him, you can smell it

Wei Wuxian-The Untamed / Mo Dao Zu Shi

Qualifications:

Goes through a somewhat unethical organ transplant (in that the person he is giving the organ to doesn't realize that's what's going on) where he gives up his "golden core." This is like his center of power and by giving it up, not only is he not able to do most of the more "magic" things he could do before, but he's also noticeably physically weaker and gets injured much more easily (and takes longer to recover) as well as faints more often (iirc he only faints once pre-golden core removal and that was after sustaining major injuries and going on for a significant time without any healing while also fighting and traveling). Like he finds ways around it and invents new methods so that he can still do some things that he did before, just via a very different method. In the show we don't really see any characters who aren't cultivators, or at least part of that world, so Wei Wuxian is like the only character we really get to see without a golden core.

Also gotta say that this boy is severely depressed. Like "I'm-going-to-ask-my-doctor-friend-to-perform-a-mutliple-day-long-surgery-on-myself-in-which-I-will-be-awake-where-she'll-rip-out-the-core-of-my-being-and-transplant-it-into-my-adopted-brother-who-I'll-make-sure-never-finds-out-what-happened-even-though-he'll-come-to-hate-me" depressed. he has no value for his own life other than what he can give to others, even if it's his own body. like I think some fans unfairly classify him as being insane when he's really just depressed as all hell and having the worst possible things happen to him one after another and every time he breaks down it causes more trouble and usually people end up dying because of him.

Propaganda:

https://youtu.be/swbXAVADjxY ^ok this clip kinda explains the whole thing better (and obvs spoilers)

https://youtu.be/2wO5nsnkSBk ^and this video is just for fun but it's a little thing about Wei Wuxian & Jiang Cheng because their relationship makes me unwell

[missvelvetsstuff]

With Friends Like You, Who Needs Enemies?

Steve Rogers x Reader, Steve Rogers x Natasha, Reader x ????

Reader is a mutant with the ability to turn sound into light who was 'adopted' aka stolen as a child by Baron Von Strucker to use for experimentation. She was given a form of the Super soldier serum so in addition to her mutant abilities she also has super strength, enhanced senses and healing. When he starts experimenting on his volunteers, the Maximoff twins, she tries to convince them to escape with her but they tell the Baron that she's planning to escape so he doubles her cell security. Steve and reader met when the team recovered Loki's scepter from Strucker.

She falls in love with Steve and becomes good friends with Nat but they aren't the friends she thinks they are.

This story is canon adjacent except that Thanos never happened.

Chapter 1

After Y/N had slept for almost 24 hours and eaten enough to fill her up, Nat approached her in the kitchen.

"Tony is having a party tonite, to celebrate finding Loki's scepter. He gave me his credit card so do you want to go get a dress for tonite? And maybe some clothes so you aren't stuck in Avengers sweats all the time? We can have lunch and get our hair and nails done as well." She smirked "We can find a blue dress for you, it's Steve's favorite color."

Y/N felt her face flush "Why would I be worried about what Steve likes?"

Nat grinned "I'm a spy, I know how to read people and both of you are giving off some serious vibes. Trust me, he's into you too."

Y/N shrugged "I don't know what you're talking about but I do need some clothes and I've never had a real haircut. I just chop it off when it gets too long." She thought for a minute "Sure, sounds like fun."

They left the tower in one of Tony's cars that Nat borrowed. Driving around Manhattan Y/N felt overwhelmed but something was familiar as well.

"This is all so much. I haven't even left the facility where you found me in years."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it pretty quickly" Nat told her as they pulled into a parking garage on 5th Ave. "Having access to Starks credit and cars definitely helps." She parked and they got out of the car and walked into Saks.

Nat headed straight for evening wear and started looking through the racks when a sales person approached them.

"Ms Romanoff, it's so good to have you here again. I see you've brought a friend" she looked Y/N up and down, sneering slightly at her attire. "I can see she needs our help. What are you looking for today?"

Nat glared at her "We're looking for someone who won't be a bitch because of how we look. Do you have anyone here like that?"

The sales girl, her tag said her name was Sophia, blanched "I'm so sorry, Ms Romanoff, I was just caught off guard. Of course I'm happy to help you in whatever way you need.

Are you looking for a cocktail dress?"

Nat smirked "Yes, Tony is having a party tonite and my friend needs an appropriate dress. Something blue."

Sophia stuttered "Tony Stark? How exciting. Why don't you and Miss...."

"Y/L/N, I'm Y/N Y/L/N"

"Of course. What size do you usually wear Miss Y/L/N?"

Y/N flushed "I don't know, I haven't gotten myself new clothes in ages"

Sophia pulled out a tape measure "Well lets see..." And quickly took her measurements. "A size 7 should fit nicely. I have some dresses that would be perfect for you. Please have a seat and I'll have them brought over.

Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, water, tea, soda, champagne?"

Nat nodded "Some champagne would be nice. And none of the cheap stuff."

They spent an hour looking at dresses until they narrowed it down to 3. All shades of blue. Y/N tried them all on and was overwhelmed when she saw herself in the mirror, she felt like a princess.

"I can't choose, they're all so pretty. What do you think, Nat?"

"I agree, it's too hard to choose so we'll get all three. Tony loves throwing parties so you can never be too prepared." Nat replied

Y/N shook her head "I couldn't, that's too much"

Nat laughed "too much should be Tony's middle name. Don't worry about it." She turned to Sophia "what about accessories?"

4 hours later they had all 3 dresses and accessories for each one, plus enough everyday and business style clothes to last a year. And shoes and lingerie. Nat gave Sophia a stern order to make sure it was all delivered to the tower before 4pm. Then they went for hair, makeup and mani-pedi's.

Y/N didn't know how to process everything that was happening. Less than 72 hours ago she was in her cell with no inkling that her life would change so drastically.

"Thank you so much, Nat. I just...."

Nat smirked "Don't worry about it. I have a feeling you're going to feel right at home before too long."

They went back to the tower after a late lunch and finished getting ready. At 9pm they took the elevator to the penthouse where the party was already going full swing.

Nat led her to the bar and poured a glass of champagne for both of them.

Y/N just looked around, watching people, unsure of how to interact.

Steve and Sam were playing pool when Sam noticed Steve was staring at something by the bar.

"You checking out Nat again? I thought that was over."

Steve shook his head "It never really was on, just occasional stress relief. Besides she has something going on with Bruce. Look next to her, in the blue dress. That's Y/N, we found her at the base where we found Loki's scepter. She's a mutant, turns sound into light. She was humming the other night and had this glow around her like a mist of colors. It was beautiful" he sighed.

Sam laughed "You sound smitten. Why don't you go talk to her?"

Steve blushed "I wouldn't know what to say."

"How about hey Y/N you look beautiful, wanna have my babies" Sam offered

Steve snorted "Give me a break.

It looks like Nat is busy with Bruce so I should go be a good host. Don't want to leave her alone with all these strangers. She's been a prisoner since she was a kid so might not be good socially."

Sam laughed as Steve walked away.

Y/N was looking out the window when Steve approached her. She turned and looked at him.

"It's a beautiful view"

Steve was staring at her and agreed "Yeah, it's gorgeous"

She saw he was looking at her and felt her face heat up. "So Nat said Tony throws parties like this all the time"

Steve nodded "This is actually pretty tame compared to some. Before he became Iron Man I think partying was his priority. It's still a favorite past time.

You must be overwhelmed with all this if Strucker kept you prisoner since you were 10. You'll get used to it. We are mostly a happy family." He smiled softly at her.

After the party died down the team sat around drinking and chatting. Most of them tried to pick up Thor's hammer and failed. Only Steve moved it at all but he still couldn't pick it up.

Then Ultron showed up and made a mess of everything. Y/N tried to use her powers to help fight him but was thrown against a wall and knocked out. After Ultron was gone, she came to and heard arguing. Steve helped her up and kept his hand on her back to help comfort her. Once the team decided on their course of action he took her to her room.

"I need you to stay here for now, ok? We'll be back as soon as we can" he told her gently.

Y/N shook her head "I can help. I could come with you and-"

"No" he told her firmly "We need to evaluate your abilities and work together before you get into any fights with us. I don't want you to get hurt so please be a good girl and wait here for me"

She felt a funny tingle when he called her a good girl but pushed it back "Ok. I'll wait here. Please come back safely."

"I promise, sweetheart" he kissed her softly on the lips and made sure she was safe in her room before he left.

While the team went to Africa to stop Ultron, Y/N was having dreams about Steve but with her lack of experience couldn't figure them out. The only sex she had was when Strucker forced himself on her and she thought she would never actually enjoy sex but her dreams said otherwise.

In the morning she saw what happened on the news and knew that it was Wanda messing with the Hulk. If she had been there she could have broken Wandas hex and prevented all that destruction and death.

She jumped when Jarvis spoke to her "Miss Y/N? You have a phone call from Captain Rogers."

"Umm ok how do I take the call?"

"I'll put him thru"

Steve's voice came thru the speakers in her room.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you? Did you get some sleep?"

"Hi Steve, I slept a little. I had strange dreams. My life has turned upside down.

Are you ok? I saw the news. Wanda was there wasn't she? If you had let me come I could have prevented-"

Steve cut her off "No. You don't even know if you could have helped Hulk. You aren't going on any missions any time soon.

I just wanted to let you know that we will be gone for awhile. After that mess we have to lay low. Just be a good girl and make sure you eat and sleep. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Y/N felt so helpless as she saw the teams adventures on the news. They went from Africa to Korea. She was frustrated and wanted to help but couldn't so waited for them, for Steve, to return.

When Tony and Bruce returned they barely noticed her and rushed into the lab to work on something.

Steve came to check on her and gave her a sweet kiss before she noticed the twins were with him.

Wanda looked at her "Hello Y/N. Nice to see you again"

Y/N was confused "Steve why are they here? They are nothing but trouble and can't be trusted."

Wanda cringed "I know we have done awful things to you in the past but we didn't realize how bad Strucker was, too caught up in our own rage and grief. I promise we won't hurt you. We want to help stop Ultron."

Y/N looked at Steve "If you are taking them then I should be able to go too. I can help."

Steve chuckled "I know you want to help honey but I don't think a light show will do any good."

She pouted "I can make lasers too. I hate staying here while you risk yourself. Please, Steve." She begged

Her begging did something to Steve but not something that would help in a fight. He was about to tell her no again when Clint walked by

"She's not wrong Cap we could use all the help we can get."

Steve gave in "Promise me you'll be careful. I'd hate to see you hurt."

Y/N didn't do too badly considering the circumstances. She even took out a few robots on her own, including the one that tried to get Pietro and a young boy he was protecting.

Sokovia was still destroyed but most of the people were saved. Sometimes you have to accept how things turn out.

~~~~~~~~~~

After a few days rest Y/N, Sam, Wanda and Pietro started training to become official Avengers.

Y/N and Steve started dating, taking things very slow since she was inexperienced and in no rush.

Nat was devastated that Bruce had disappeared and started spending a lot of time with Steve and Y/N. Every night he would walk Y/N to her room, kiss her good night and leave her on her own.

After a few weeks she noticed Steve and Nat seemed really close and she asked him about it.

Steve shook his head "You have nothing to worry about sweetheart. Nat and I are just friends. We've been thru some tough situations together but there's no romantic feelings. She's just lonely because she misses Bruce."

She nodded trusting him.

They went on like this for awhile until General Ross brought up the Sokovia Accords. She took Steve's side but he didn't want her involved in the fight so she made her way to the quinjet and waited for Steve and Bucky. She saw what Zemo did and the fight that came after but couldn't bring herself to hurt Tony so found herself waiting on the jet again.

Y/N went with them to Wakanda and then on the run with Steve and Sam. After months dating, Steve told her he loved her and then told her he had to leave for a couple of days to meet up with Nat for cash and intel. They met up every few weeks and he always came back in a lighter mood.

One time when he returned he asked Y/N for a favor

"I don't want to be separated but Shuri figured out how to remove Bucky's brainwashing and I want you to go help him. Just be a friend. He really likes you and I think it would be good for both of you. You're the only one I can ask, he has bad history with Sam and Nat. I promise I'll come visit when I can."

She looked at him sadly, not wanting to leave the man she had fallen in love with but wanting to make him happy and be his good girl so she went to Wakanda.

Y/N and Bucky became close friends. She didn't mind if he didn't want to talk and they would just be together. If he did want to talk she listened without judgement and she was there for his nightmares. She helped him tend his goats and thought she could have fallen for him if she hadn't met Steve first.

A couple of times a week Steve would call to check up on her but it was always brief because Nat always called him away after a few minutes. He kept promising he would come visit but something always came up.

One day, Shuri showed up at Bucky's hut where Bucky and Y/N were playing chess."I have news, Captain Rogers contacted me and told me to tell you, Thor and Hulk have returned. Asgard was destroyed and all of the Asgardians that survived are here, setting up a home in Norway. New Asgard.

That's not all, the Captain and Tony Stark have worked things out with Gen Ross and Sargeant Barnes is being pardoned. You can go home soon, back to the states but there will be a celebration in New Asgard in a month.

Y/N wondered why Steve didn't call her and went thru Shuri instead but she was trusting and believed he just had too much to do.

Y/N and Bucky spent the next month as they had spent time in the past, strengthening their friendship, enjoying nature and herding goats. They both expected Steve to show up at any time but he never did. He only called once and explained that he was very busy helping Thor and Valkyrie set the new town up. Y/N told him they could help but Steve insisted they stay in Wakanda.

Finally it was time to leave, both of them were excited at being reunited with Steve but also nervous at meeting a whole new group of people.

Steve came in the quinjet to pick them up and after a quick hug and kiss on the cheek he spent the rest of the flight talking to Bucky. Y/N realized they were best friends but she had hoped for a better reunion with her love. She sat alone trying to talk herself down from the anxiety that was building up.

When they arrived in New Asgard the whole team was there to greet them. Nat and Bruce were wrapped around each other while Wanda and Vision were holding hands. Steve was suddenly in a bad mood right after they landed and left saying he just needed to work it off. Nat disappeared shortly after.

Thor gave Y/N a fond greeting and introduced her to Val. They took her and Bucky to a dressmaker to create Asgardian style robes for the celebration the next night. Steve didn't come to see her at all so she figured he was still busy helping and she stayed up talking to Bucky until they were both exhausted and fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.

Chapter 2

[dr-demi-bee]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag @lastlight-inn! 🥰

When did you start writing?

TBH, that's hard to pin down! I was drawing clumsy comics with story lines as early as 4th grade (so like 9 or 10ish?) - and I've always had a thing for telling stories. I don't think I started earnestly writing until maybe 12. But I know for sure I was writing in middle school, and was well and truly into it in high school. There was a brief once-upon-a-time I thought about going that way for a career (but I also considered being an artist or musician ha).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

So, I find I often write a lot darker than I read. Broadly speaking, I read a lot of fantasy, sci-fi, and some non-fiction. But I write predominantly fantasy. I've dabbled in sci-fi, but I find it a lot harder (perhaps because I'm quite picky about science accuracy).

But thematically, I much prefer to read romances and lighter hearted drama. I think my writing might lean a bit darker than I typically consume (more focus on harsh/traumatic topics).

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Ahhh this is so hard to answer. I've not had anyone really compare my work to others (at least not by name). I don't try to copy anyone's style, but I definitely am influenced by many.

If I have to pick some - Oliver Sacks, Tolkien, and GRRM.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Well! I have several!

My main office is in an open loft in the second floor of my house - past the railings are large picture windows that look out into my woods and let in a lot of natural light. I've got an L shaped desk stocked with supplies/notebooks/snacks. It looks like the kind of organized chaos one expects with ADHD.

On the left hand is an easel for painting/drawing, and on the right hand is my dual monitor set up (slightly lofted). My space is covered in cute knickknacks and things my husband has made for me. He's a wood worker, so there's lots of cute little things - including a little ghost and a miniature zen garden. I also have an owl skull and spine. My keyboard/mouse/mat and wrist pads are all space themed, as is the desktop (not that you can ever see it.) Beside my desk is my behemoth, very colorful PC tower I built myself (named Eureka).

I also have a yoga laptop that doubles as my writing on the go platform and drawing tablet (named Epiphany). I'll take it downstairs to write on my armchair, or into one of the bedrooms for some more quiet and soft surfaces. And I also take it with me on trips. Had a nice period on vacation at the beach where I got to write in a rocking chair on the porch looking out at the ocean. Ahh... (take me back :sob:)

Very occasionally I will write on my phone. But this is mostly just for notes and short form RP sort of writing.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

So aside from becoming obsessed with something (e.g. media or my own imagined world) usually I get my ideas via listening to music or taking a shower.

Or, inevitably, whenever I'm doing something else that doesn't give me time to write. I wrote several chapters of my novel while writing my dissertation... procrasti-writing.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

On the positive side: found family, loving through pain, helping each other to heal, platonic love.

On the less positive side: the effects of trauma, the way danger and stress hurts our bodies and our minds. Fighting through adversity and oppression. Chronic pain/conditions.

I'm not super surprised by either of these, really - they're all a big part my scientific life too. Before I left clinical practice I primarily helped individuals recover from trauma and addiction - and that involved a lot of working on finding self worth. My research was all devoted to studying stress and cognition - and I tried to pioneer new work on intrusive cognitions. I think this probably comes out heavily in my writing for fun, too.

What is your reason for writing?

Fun, mostly. Catharsis. And a bit of dissociating, I suppose. I've always just kind of had the urge to spew stories out into the world, even if it's just for me. I also write to connect with others.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Ohhhh, any comment makes me incredibly happy. If someone says they like something specific I am over the moon. I'm especially thrilled to hear anyone connecting with or caring about my OC characters.

When another writer I really admire or respect gives me a comment or praise (like @alpydk or @sorceresssundries) my little heart feels ready to burst! Recently had the absolute delight of having friends read and react in real time to some of my work and gooood grief is that ever motivating. (@crimson-and-lavender and @lastlight-inn I'm looking at you lol)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want to be approachable and interesting as a person. I hope people want to read my work or even collab.

I want my writing to be novel, engaging, and exciting. I want to subvert their expectations, but also tell them a story that's approachable and will resonate with them.

Mostly I want my writing to make others feel (good).

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

The longer I've been writing things - honestly, I think it's patience. Being willing to change ideas, move them around, or even abandon them if need be. It took a long time to be okay with those things.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Oh, we have a love hate relationship. I know I can be a bit...verbose. But I also find my own writing pretty fun and interesting. I know I've done a pretty good job if I enjoy re-reading it.

Tagging some lovely mooots with affectionate no-pressure boops: @abysskeeper, @feedthepheasants, and an open tag for any other lovelies that want to!

[callmeklair]

Honestly i feel like u start talking more about shuyui so the post won't end. U have a way of using words and I like your description.

omg thank you so much anon!! now that you have said it-

one of the best developments of Shu was his view on his brothers and other families. We don't see him interacting or giving attention to what his brothers' do, and yes it's probably because of everything that happened to him in the past. In HDB and MB unless it's his route he shows a very lazy and not caring attitude BUT after DF in EVERY route Shu was seen showing concern for everyone, even Mukamis(Yuma's DF route) plus we also got his own perspective of things after yui came into his life about how he used to deal with things before by detaching himself and he still tries to do that but Yui's presence won't let him because she is precious and his family, and also it's not only yui, but he goes out his way for the the cat they adopted in DF. This proves how unlike in HDB and MB where there was only Yui, Shu is starting to accept other people too as precious and protect them.

In his LE vampire end, when Reiji sacrificed himself to save Yuma, Shu can be seen very affected by Reiji's death and his sad monologue appeared on how whenever such things happen he always detaches himself to hear nothing, feel nothing, think nothing just to stabilize his emotions and lessen the mental burden.

In CL he even protected everyone going out of his own way and laziness after recovering his memories.

DF was definitely a turning point for each and every character of DL fandom, even for the Tsukinamis in their own route.

Shu does everything for Yui, even the littlest things even if it is a "drag" or "bothersome" for him, like how he went to awaken Yui in that one Maniac (between 1-5). he said that it was something she would love and glee about after all they are family. even Yui was surprised and happy by his such behaviour. He even waited for her for hours to select the couple mugs in a mall until she was satisfied with the design and everything.

yeah you can't give me reasons to hate shu because he has developed a lot. he is still lewd, lazy, teasing, unbothered but there is change in how he sees compared to first game and I think time plays a great role as the more time he spent with yui who always made him do things he don't want to or bothersome for him, he started to see things differently.

Yui really helped all of them out a lot and that was one massive development because we know how each and every one of them was in the start.

Like even Carla who hates vampires changes his perspective on them even though he still hates them to some degree. he gave up on his revenge against karlheinz because he realised yui>>>>>>>>>

kshskjsks if i keep talking I'll start describing each and every character at this point, gotta stop myself ;p

Yui is the best girl and one of the best FLs out there (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)♡

[stolasdearest]

Hey sorry to bother you but could I request some headcanons with Gale, Wyll, Zevlor and Halsin taking care of their S/o post jaw surgery? I'm getting bilateral jaw joint replacement surgery in September of 2024 but I have to wear braces before that and they just tightened them today and hoo boy is it painful 😖

Plus it would just be really nice to have something to read while I'm recovering in the hospital. Thank you so much, I hope you're doing well ☺️

YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING ME ILY/P

I myself need tight braces or even surgery due to my overbite so this is right up my alley I got you pookie💋💋 ALSO I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN RECOVERY‼️🩷

Warnings: not proofread

Bg3 chars x gn!Tav

Honestly not quite sure what to do with you

Although if you can't talk he might joke about how you can't stop him from ranting now to which you just roll your eyes and smack him on the shoulder

If solids are off the table you best believe he is going around all of Faérun to find the best soups recipes for you so you suffer a little bit less

Gives you a notebook and his favorite pen if speaking isn't possible and he just looks at you with the cutest face while you write, waiting patiently

Insecurity after the surgery? Nuh uh he won't allow it he will worship your entire body to prove it, he'll probably enjoy it more than you I can't lie.

Floored, kinda like Gale he has no idea how to take care of someone "injured" in that way

His new vocabulary is just "what do you need?" And then skittering off to get whatever you might need when he figures out what you need

Water? Food? Cuddles? Do you want to close the curtains?? WHAT DO YOU NEED.

he also gives you something to write notes on but he's panicking everytime while waiting because he feels it's stupid that he doesn't just know what you need at all times but he's trying his best <3

Halsin is probably the most chill and laid back when it comes to your surgery, he knows you'll be fine but that doesn't mean he won't do everything for you

He's acting like you just had surgery on both of your legs and not your jaw— he even asks if he should carry you where just throw up your arms and furrow your brows at the druid while he looks at you like a confused puppy.

Definitely has some natural herbal stuff to deal with your pain, he's so thoughtful.

Can honestly just look at you and tell what you need, He's a very perceptive man which saves you the cramp of writing. It even surprises you how much he can read you but it's not unwelcome by any means.

Probably getting you so many gifts to make you feel better ontop of some smooth sweet words while he runs his hand up and down your arm

A decent cook but if there's something he doesn't know how to make he'll just get it from a restaurant instead, he doesn't wanna risk you not liking it.

Half writing half hand gestures

By the way you move or even just gesturing to him he can know what you want and moves to get it after giving the crown of your head

"I'll be right back with that, my love"

he's so sweet it's gonna give you cavities

He reads to you aswell if you wish obviously

I do apologize if this is bad I woke up like 30 minutes ago and I'm HUNGRY but I tried I hope you like it :3

[tomurderornottomurder]

if we could just pretend; peter parker

pair. ceo!peter parker and male!reader

summ. peter reunites with an old friend. his old friend is a recovering drug addict. his old friend doesn't recover.

gen. angst, fluff, hurt/no comfort

wc. 8.8k

tw. death, drugs, addiction, overdose descriptions, blood, injury descriptions, decomposition descriptions, body descriptions from drug use, alcohol, guilt, food/eating mentions

note. can you tell i'm clearing out old drafts? song is if we could just pretend by flatsound. this has been sitting in my drafts forever and also this is the longest oneshot i've ever written. this has been two years in the making simply because i forgot it existed and got stuck several times and i did not know how to end it, so please enjoy and feedback is appreciated. as it's been sitting, my writing might show some of it's age but overall, i think it's solid. lastly, disclaimer that i have never dealt with drug addiction myself but have been around people who have so if anything is incorrect please let me know so i can improve/change it.

Where did you go, and what did you do,

With all that time, you too scared to move?

"I really appreciate this, Pete." You slap a hand on his shoulder, "I promise to make it up," You point a finger at him, "and you can hold me to that, alright?"

"You don't owe me anything, you know that," Peter replies, holding one of your bags.

The elevator dings and you step out. Peter's penthouse is extravagant and honestly just not like him. "Holy shit," You mumble. "You sure you live here?" You turn to him with raised brows.

Peter laughs softly, "I've got a few spare rooms so let me know which one you like best."

You throw your arms around his neck and press a kiss to his cheek. "Peter!" You drop your arms to wrap around his torso, "Ah, thank you so much."

Peter freezes up as his face turns bright red. He drops your bag to reciprocate your hug and rubs a hand up and down your back, "It's no problem." He's forgotten how affectionate you can be.

"You're the best, Petey!" You give him a squeeze before pulling away. You laugh softly, "Sorry 'bout the kiss, I'm just so excited! And oh my god have I missed you!" You wrap him into another hug and squeeze.

"Can't breathe," He mutters.

You pull away and put your hands on his shoulders, "Sorry, man." 

"Well, I hate to leave you but I'm going to be late for a meeting. I should be back soon, feel free to explore."

"You sure?" You quirk a brow at him, putting your hands on your hips.

"Definitely. Enjoy yourself,"

"Oh," You laugh as Peter heads to the elevator. "Peter Parker, you have made a mistake giving me such freedom."

He just laughs, "Don't burn the place down." He flashes a smile before the elevator doors close.

You twirl around in amazement, "You have really outdone yourself, Pete." You tour each room and finally pick one down the hall from Peter's. You unload your things and roughly set up your room to keep yourself busy. You explore the penthouse to get an idea of the layout and your mind piles questions up to ask Peter later. Out of pure curiosity and boredom, you peek into Peter's room. You smile at the light blue walls and vintage, framed posters. You take a step inside to get a better view and quirk a brow at a discarded bra on the floor. "Oh," You mutter. What have you been up to Peter?

"I'm back!" Peter announces, stepping out of the elevator. 

What is it like, to be by yourself, for three and a half years

For roughly three and a half years

"Welcome home, Pete." You smile at him. "So, what's on the menu?"

"I'll just cook something," Peter shrugs, taking off his suit jacket and hanging it up. "What do you like?" 

You shrug, "Anything you cook, I'll probably eat." 

"Great," He flashes a smile but you can clearly see how tired he is. He rolls the sleeves of his button-up to his elbows as he strides into the kitchen.

You follow Peter into his kitchen, taking a seat at the island while he sifts through pots and pans. "So, the famous Peter Parker doesn't have a personal chef or something?" You rest your head on your hands as you lean your elbows onto the island. You watch Peter as he gracefully pulls out ingredients and prepares them.

"I like cooking," is his simple reply.

"For your lady friends?" You smirk.

He cranes his neck in your direction with wide eyes, "What?"

You laugh, "I saw a bra on your floor. Is it from a girlfriend or a mistress?" You bite your lip to hold in another laugh as you watch Peter become more and more flustered. This is the Peter Parker I know. 

"I don't have a girlfriend or mistress," He points a pan at you. "But it's probably from a one-night stand," He shrugs, turning back to his stove.

"One-night stand? Is this my Peter Parker who couldn't ask out Liz Allan or Mj? How's Mj doing by the way?" He really has changed. 

"She's in Europe right now," 

"Good for her," You reply. "But back to my point, since when has Peter Parker been a one-night stand kind of person?" 

He shrugs, "I grew up I guess." 

"Being rich turned you into Tony Stark?" You chuckle, looking at him with pure adoration. He shakes his head with a low giggle. "Onto my next line of questioning then," You get up from your seat walking to his side. "You have alcohol?" He points to a cabinet. "Great. Now that wasn't my question," You reach up and grab some alcohol of your choice. "Why do you have so many paintings?" You lean onto the island, alcohol in hand.

He shrugs, "I enjoy art." He starts throwing ingredients into a pan.

"Are you okay? Did your meeting turn to shit?" 

He quirks a brow and looks at you as he tosses in more ingredients. "Why?"

"You're kinda snappy today. You can tell me what happened," You grab the bottle of alcohol and offer it, "and have a drink." 

He sighs, "Sure, pour it." He throws in a few more ingredients before pouring a bit of vegetable oil. 

"Anything special?" You ask, grabbing a glass from a cabinet. He shakes his head, focusing on his cooking. You smile and decide to whip him up the same thing you had when you got him to drink alcohol for the first time. "This is a classic, Peter Parker. And frankly, if you don't recognize it, I'll be offended." You smile at him as you mix his drink. 

He chuckles and shakes his head before turning his attention back to cooking. His mind is all over the place, especially with you here and by his side, he needs to focus on his cooking though.

"We make such a great pair," You start as you finish pouring his drink. "You can cook and I mix a mean drink." You slide over his drink and start downing your own. You sigh, leaning onto your hand and watching Peter. This is a nice moment, a nice break from the hell of your life.

Silence takes over the kitchen with the only noises being the moving of glasses and sounds of the food cooking. Peter's entire focus is on his cooking while your mind wanders. You watch him for a bit before momentarily drawing your attention away to refill your glass every so often. You think about how much he's changed since high school. How he's still the same yet vastly different. How your worlds greatly differ and how lucky you are for your path having come across his again. 

"Peter," You start -a bit too quiet for your liking- with your throat burning, guilt coming up just like puke does. "Peter," You repeat and this time your voice is at a volume you like. "What did you do?" You ask this too quickly. You catch how vague the question is and expand further, "I know we weren't the closest and we still aren't and I'm sorry but what did you do? What did you do in those years I was gone? I know I didn't keep in contact like Mj and everyone else did- and Ned stayed here so-" You cut yourself off. You're rambling too much. "I shouldn't have left like I did. No contact, not even a text or DM. That was shitty but I want to know what you did? What did you do by yourself?"

Peter turns to you with a soft smile but you can feel the sadness behind it. He really doesn't know what to say. "It's okay, you know?" His head is tilted down but his eyes peer up to look at you. "It's okay that you left," He wants to assure you and hope he does. He can't be sure that he's reassuring though because he's not sure the words he's using are right. "By myself," He mumbles to himself but doesn't realize it. He sighs before explaining what happened after graduation, how he graduated college early, and lastly how he inherited some of Tony Stark's company and started his own. 

"God," You shake your head after Peter finishes. "I wish I could say the same," You chuckle sadly. Your mind wanders back to before now, before college, just at the beginning of the disaster that your life is.

If we could just pretend, that I went to college

And that is why you, you haven't seen me

Your future looked bright. You just graduated and were sorting through college acceptance letters. Peter was doing the same with his Aunt. You really wanted to go to a college out-of-state; you'd lived in New York forever and wanted to branch out. Not only did you want to attend college across the country but you planned to study abroad; hopefully the college you chose to attend had one of those programs. You needed a new adventure and sure there was always something going on in New York with all the battles and things but you needed to be the adventurer. 

Your first weeks of summer were spent thoroughly vetting the few colleges that truly spoke to you. You were planning to visit each campus, even one with Peter though he was set on attending school near his home. It made you kind of sad to think about; you and Peter were set on different paths. But you knew Peter would keep in touch; he never broke a promise. He was good like that, such a good person, such a good friend.

---

Two weeks into college; things were rough. You liked- well, no. You loved it. A new atmosphere was really what you needed. It's just that starting over is hard. You knew no one, had to navigate campus virtually by yourself, and classes were difficult; nowhere near what high school was like. It was exhilarating, too! So much to learn, so many people to meet, so many opportunities. You were honestly so caught up in all the newness you had forgotten about Peter; obviously, you knew he existed, and every so often something would remind you of a memory you had with him but when he texted and called, you never answered. You were just so busy and every time you checked your messages, it was late and you didn't want to bother Peter; you were sure you'd get back to him soon enough. 

A year had passed before Peter stopped texting and calling. You didn't blame him and soon he completely left your mind. He hadn't been new enough for you and the guilt of this still burns in your chest.

Two years in and you were abroad in France. The country was beautiful, the people were interesting, the nightlife was exciting, and the drugs... the drugs were out of this world. The drugs took off the edge, they helped you forget, and they came in handy to crank out assignments. Well, that's how they started off, that's always how it started.

It wasn't long before you were in a week-long bender and lost in France. While high, you dropped out of college in a short, curse-filled phone call. You had missed your flight back to America anyway. From then on, you went spiraling further and further. Your mind was a blank slate and France held no consequences. You weren't native to the country and whatever happened there would stay there. You could abandon the country and fly home and forget it all ever happened. At least you thought you could.

I wanted to go, but not for this long

"Why can't you? What happened?" Peter asks as he slides a plate over to you and takes a seat next to you. He's truly worried, he hasn't seen you in what feels like forever and he just wants to know. He wants to be able to help someone he used to and still holds so close to himself.

You shake your head. You can't tell Peter what happened; there is no way you won't throw up if you do. You shrug and twirl the pasta Peter had made around your fork. "Well, I didn't graduate, unfortunately," You bite your lip. Fuck, I think I'm going to cry. Your childhood dream of graduating slipped through your fingers and all you have to blame is yourself.You choke down a sob before continuing with a chuckle to cover for yourself, "But hey! At least I got to get out of New York and I even went to France!" You beam at him before trying the pasta he's made you. Filling your mouth with Peter's wonderful cooking helps to stave off the sobs and quiet the burning sadness within you if only for a little bit.

"You can always go back," He proposes. "That's what Mj did," He adds, looking up at you with that bright smile of his. 

That smile sends you back to high school and all the good times you had with Peter. Your heart is full, swelling, bursting at the seams. This is a good feeling, you miss this; feeling good all over, your whole body filled with goodness. "I guess," You shrug. "But it feels like it's too late." The statement is one of defeat and both Peter and you know that. You gave up so easily and you can only hate yourself for it.

"It's never too late," Peter beams at you again. 

You can't help but smile back before replying, "I mean-" You sigh, "I guess I could but money's kind of a problem and I don't know if I can do the whole uh, going to lectures and mingling thing." You want to believe his words because some small part of you does but it's too real for you to face right now.

Peter wants to act laid back but he quickly replies, "I could always pay for it. I- I wouldn't mind at all," He suggests. "And if you want, we could sign you up for online courses! You could um," He bites his lip. Should I? And he does, "Stay here and attend your classes." It was hopeful and a stretch but Peter wants it. He misses you. He is worried about you. He doesn't quite realize it yet but now that you are back in his life, he wants to keep it that way; to keep you around and more importantly, keep you safe. He can't lose you again, that's too real for him to face.

You don't know what it is. Maybe having someone care for you is too much. It is terrifying. It's even sickening in a strange way. You really haven't kicked your addiction yet and it is so easy to get drawn back in. You wish it weren't but it just is. And now you're lying on Peter's living room floor, foaming at the mouth, eyes rolling to the back of your head, and reaching out for someone who isn't there.

I overdid it

I overdid it

Well, Peter is there. He steps out of the elevator but he doesn't see you right away. Your body is blocked by his sofa but your coughs and gurgles fly over it. Peter's ears perk up and his spider-sense starts going crazy. He dashes and then jumps over the couch. He kneels beside you, his eyes wide, mouth going a mile a minute as he tries to say something- anything coherent. He quickly calls 911, holding your hand throughout and swiping his thumb over the top of your hand. He assures you that you'll be fine and keeps repeating that he's there.

Soon enough sirens flood the building and paramedics stampede into Peter's loft. Yelling and screaming ensue as Peter screams, fighting to stay by your side while police and paramedics yell. Three police officers have to not only drag Peter away but hold him down as he fights relentlessly to stay by your side. He just wants to know- he needs to know that you are okay. He can't lose you, it's too real.

As his body and mind calm so do his thoughts. His mind explores the possibility of him getting in the way of paramedics saving you and so he gives up, letting the officers restrain him with ease. But his mind wanders further and further. How did you get drugs? Why? Did he do something to set you off? What had he done? 

Of course, none of his thoughts hold any truth but the possibility that they could, begin within Peter a ceaseless torrent of tears. He's sure by the time you leave the building and the police finally let him go, he could fill thirty pools with all the tears he's shed. But there's no time to dwell on his thoughts, he has to get to the hospital and be at your side! He won't let you leave him so easily, not again.

Why did you say, that I was one in a million? 

Everything's been a blur. This moment now is blurry but you are present within it. Peter is sitting at your side, slumped over in a chair, one hand holding yours and the other holding his forehead as he mumbles curses to himself. 

Slowly, you turn your head and unknowingly squeeze Peter's hand. In an instant, he's looking up at you and your eyes are open staring back at him. He could just scream! "Y/n," Your name rolls off his tongue and out of his mouth breathlessly, desperately. You both hold each other's gaze and each other's hand. The moment is blurry but it is nice.

"Peter," You whisper back, voice sore and croaky. You squeeze his hand again, it says more than your words ever could. 

The pooled tears that have been swimming next to Peter's eyes finally fall and flow down his cheeks. Most tears follow the red paths down his already tear-stained face, a few divert creating new paths for the seemingly endless stream of tears. "I-" His voice and his pain catch in his throat. What can he say? What could he possibly fucking say? 

"Why did you have so much faith in me?" You have to ask. You have to know. And you assume by now he has lost all that faith and so you must phrase the question the way you do. Your chest and whole upper body hurt like hell. There's a burning near your heart and in your throat, there's a tightness strangling your throat and crushing your ribs but the look Peter gives you hurts much more. The guilt within you burns hotter than Hell could ever be imagined to.

Because I believed it

You lean into Peter and Peter into you as he helps you walk out of the hospital. At the very moment that your foot hits the pavement, rain starts to fall, pelting you both in a way that can only be seen as some divine punishment. Even so, to you, the rain is heavenly and a respite from the thick cleanness and infuriatingly boring white inside the hospital. Peter quickly slips his jacket from his shoulders and carefully pulls you closer to him before covering both of your backs and heads with the jacket the best he can. 

He rushes with you to the passenger side first, letting you slip into the seat he closes the door for you. You watch him only for a moment as he reaches the driver's side. You keep your head down, looking at your lap, and unwittingly begin to pick at your fingers. Your nerves are through the roof now more than they ever were in the hospital. At least in the hospital, you can expect Peter to be mostly calm but now you don't know how he might act. He's changed so much after all this time and who's to say he won't scream and yell at you? You swallow down your nerves as you hear Peter plop into his seat next to you.

Surprisingly and thankfully, the car ride is quiet. The rain pelting the car helps to ease your mind if only for a bit. You allow yourself a quick glance at Peter. His expression is almost unreadable if not a bit sad. Quickly, you turn away before you can start crying yourself and watch as cars and people and buildings pass you by.

Peter's mind is swirling with thoughts and question after question bounces around in his head. He wants to ask so many things but he can't and he knows that. He doesn't want to make you feel worse than he knows you're feeling right now. He just wants to let you have this time and hopefully, you can gather your thoughts enough to answer him when you're back at his loft. The whole time he drives though, his knuckles burn white as he grips the steering wheel too tightly. There's a tension that won't leave his body.

---

You two reach the building and before Peter reaches your side of the car, you step out, arms wrapped tightly around yourself, head held down as rain pelts the back of your head. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. The pelts of the rain help you keep a rhythm as you silently curse yourself and demean yourself with names. Each drop of rain against your skin serves as an insult your brain must deliver to itself. It isn't going to help but it does make you feel better. All the while you've been standing just outside the car, Peter has pulled his jacket over himself and motions for you to come under. You shake your head and trail a foot or two away still following him.

In minutes, you reach an entrance into the building and Peter holds the door open for you. You step through the threshold, head still down, and arms still wrapped around yourself. It's almost as if you were to move your arms away, your body would simply fall to pieces. Peter is at your side in a moment and you continue to follow him into the elevator. You both stand awkwardly and shivering a few feet apart as your clothes and body drip rain onto the marble floor of the elevator. This ride is as silent as the car but has a more threatening ambiance. 

The elevator dings and Peter motions for you to go first before he follows. "You should take a shower," He proposes quietly.

It must have been some coincidence because right at that moment a shower is exactly what you crave. You nod at him, following him to the nearest bathroom. You try to peel your shirt off while Peter fetches you some towels but you have no luck.

"Do you need any help?" Usually, he would be asking this in a teasing manner but the words could not have left his lips any sweeter than they just did. His voice is quiet and calm, a little wavering but not so much as to cause concern. He's still shivering and dripping wet himself yet he stands there looking at you with such kindness.

You nod, "Please."

He shuffles to your side and slowly peels your shirt from your torso. He lifts it slowly, softly asking you to put up your arms. He gets a quick glimpse of your bones just barely being held behind your skin and bruises littering your torso. His face is close to yours as he pulls the shirt over your head and you can feel his breath. One more moment and he is pulling the shirt off of your arms. He gets a glimpse of the bruised injection sites on your arms and has to hold his expression. "There," He smiles, looking into your eyes.

"Thanks," You immediately cross your arms back over your chest, both from the cold and embarrassment. God, I probably look like shit. 

Peter hasn't seen you like this since high school gym class and even then it was rare to catch you without a shirt on. 

"I've got it from here," You tell him and he nods before closing the door.

Peter lets his mind wander to high school gym class. You hated it so much but Peter needed it. He had so much energy and he needed an outlet. That was of course before he had become Spider-Man and then he joined in on your hatred of the class though, he always did better than everyone there. 

He wanders into his room to change before grabbing a towel to dry his hair as his mind wanders to a  vivid memory of one of the only times he had seen you shirtless back in high school.

The class had gotten done swimming and everyone was out of the locker rooms, except Peter who had to do extra laps and had just gotten out of the pool. He dried his hair as he walked over to his locker but stopped in his tracks when his spidey sense started to go crazy. He looked in every direction but there wasn't anything he could see. A few more steps revealed you, sitting on one of the benches, your shirt laying in your lap and a towel wrapped around your waist. 

That did catch Peter off guard but there was another thing: you were crying. Peter's stomach twisted in knots as he looked down at you. Suddenly, your eyes were on him. Shit! Why hadn't he said something? Now, he just looks creepy!

"Peter?" You asked in a hushed tone. You had looked like you'd been crying for a while. Your whole face was red along with your eyes, you looked terrible.

"Y/n," He returned your tone. He took a few steps forward and bent down a bit. "Are you okay?" 

You shook your head. You were in no mood to avoid your feelings. You hurt and you hurt bad. "No," You answered bluntly.

Peter took a seat beside you. "What happened?"

The memory isn't the most pleasant but he remembers how after that you stayed at his apartment for three days and that seemed to have done you good. He wonders what happened to the Y/n he knew back then. He doesn't feel any differently toward you, not at all but what happened to you to make you so miserable now?

He finishes changing and drying himself off and steps out into the hall. At the same time, you step out of the bathroom. Peter meets your eyes and walks over. He looks you over and smiles, you have a towel tightly wrapped around your waist and a towel thrown over your head. "Here," He places his hands on top of the towel at your head and dries your hair. 

You stand there, heart beating wildly as Peter helps you dry off. You notice his change of shirt and before fully thinking about it, reach out with your hand to slip it under his shirt before rubbing your thumb over the top of the fabric. You're sure Peter already saw the marks littering your body and right now you just didn't care. You want to feel his shirt and that's all you want.

Peter stiffens as you have a hold of his shirt. Your fingers aren't touching his skin since you hold the shirt out a bit but they did for a brief moment and the tingles it sent up his spine are unlike anything he's felt before. He accidentally stops drying your hair but continues as soon as he realizes that he's stopped. He sets his eyes upon you and it's a good thing you can't see his face. Anyone could see right through him at this very moment and pinpoint where his thoughts are. 

He finishes drying your hair with the towel and slides it behind your head, letting the towel rest on the back of your neck. For a moment, he holds each end of the towel toward himself and he can't meet your eyes now. His head is down but he is looking at you. 

Your head is down but you're looking at him. Your eyes dart from your hand still holding his shirt to the pecs you can just make out underneath his shirt. This is a moment of safety, of home, of tenderness, of friendship, of love. There's a silent agreement between you two and so, for the time you separate. You go to your room to get dressed as Peter goes into the living to wait for you.

"It's cold, isn't it?" Peter asks as you settle on his large couch. You nod and Peter sets a blanket over you. "I've got some hot chocolate on the stove," He knows that's your favorite. "It should be done soon." 

I thought i had something that you

Were too scared to lose

You nod again, wrapping yourself in the blanket. "Thanks," You whisper.

He takes a seat next to you with his own blanket wrapped around his legs. He swings his legs so they rest on the couch and leans in, his shoulder touching yours. "What's on your mind?" 

He genuinely wants to know, what the hell? You let out a deep breath and lean your head against his shoulder. "I was just thinking about high school. We used to be so different. I used to be so different. What happened to me?" You turn your head and stare into his eyes.

You don't know either. "I-" He's at a loss for words. "Whatever happened," He pauses and places his hand over yours. "It's not all bad." He smiles at you before standing. "Hot chocolate's ready," He says before walking off to the kitchen. 

You start picking at your fingers again as you wonder what you're going to do. You can't rely on Peter for everything, that's just not how you are. You didn't even have any money after blowing what little you had on what you OD'ed on. God, why are you so stupid!? Peter's nice enough to let you crash at his place and what do you do?

"Hey," Peter's presence pulls you from your thoughts. "Here," He bends over as he hands you a cup of hot chocolate. He takes his seat next to you again, sitting a bit more straight this time so as to not spill his drink on you. "'Thinking about something?" 

You nod, "Yeah, just..." You bring your cup to your cheek and bask in the warmth. It's been too long since you've truly felt any warmth like Peter's been showing you this whole time. "I can't stay with you forever," You muse, flicking your eyes to his, unsure of what he might say.

Peter chuckles, "Well if you want to, you can." He flashes that boyish smile of his at you and it hurts. His eyes and nose crinkle and his features are so bright. "I said it before, Y/n. I'll do anything for you." 

God, that hurts. He cares about you too much. "Peter," You stop him in his tracks. He shouldn't be saying stuff like this. He needs to protect himself from you. "Don't say that." He's too attached, you can't let him be this attached.

Peter's soft expression turns puzzled and he turns to look at you. "Y/n?" He's looking at the side of your face while you keep your gaze straight ahead. "If it's about staying with me, I can get you your own place. I know-"

"Peter," Your voice is stern but tinted with softness as you cut him off. "I've got to do this stuff on my own."

"No," Peter protests immediately. 

"What?" You sit up straighter now, looking at him deadly serious.

"You don't have to do anything alone. If it were me, you would say the same! I won't let you be alone with this." He sets his drink down on the coffee table as he continues to speak passionately. "I love you, Y/n." It's a confession masked as a friendly gesture of affection. "You're my friend." This covers his tracks though he wishes he didn't have to cover them in the first place. "I'm going to take care of you." It's the truth and it's real and he means it.

You can only look at him in awe, utter awe. He's serious about this.

"I-" He starts out confident but falters. Should I really say this? He catches the thought and tosses it aside. His confidence is back, only a bit less than before. "I can't lose you."

Something in you wants to slap him. He can't lose you? What the fuck!? You hold yourself back, hands tightly gripping your cup. You hang on his every word. Just what is he thinking?

Peter sighs, looking down momentarily, shaking his head. "I don't want things to be like before. I want to see you and be around you; I want to know that you're okay. And I want you to be happy."

You swallow his words and let them digest. They don't sound bad, at all. But there's a knot in your stomach and a scribbly, black haziness in the back of your mind setting off alarms.

Peter leans in as he says, "There's nothing wrong with asking for help." He sits back again, "You don't even have to ask, I'll just do!" He reaches out for your free hand, "I'm here for you." He gives your hand a small squeeze. "Just let me be here for you." It's a plea and it's all he can do.

Peter's greatest fear is loss. He's lost so many people in his life already he surely doesn't need to lose another. But losing you isn't exactly his main concern, it's seeing you live up to what you've always wanted, it's letting you chase your dreams and catching them, it's waking up every day with some real purpose, it's seeing you change for the better. His concern is you. His concern is your life. His concern is your well-being. His concern is your happiness and fulfillment. His concern is your recovery. And his concern is your change. He's lost you once, he won't lose you again.

It was all in the past now, you had nothing to be scared of. The road ahead is fruitful with opportunity. Peter is by your side. You're recovering. You can handle this. You've got it.

So if we could just pretend that I went to college

And traveled abroad, and did something different

Things go well for weeks and weeks, it feels as though nothing bad has ever happened before. But something sets you off. You see something on the street and return to Peter's loft as you cry like a maniac. You feel foolish for breaking down like you are, crying as hard as you are, and being unable to move from Peter's living room floor as you are. And even worse, Peter comes home.

He's taking off his coat casually as he normally would until he hears your sobs, then he rushes to your side. He rests his hand on your back and leans in close to ask what's wrong. 

Your body refuses to let you answer and so, you just cry as he sits there before slowly pulling you closer and into his lap. He pets your hair and smooshes his cheek against your forehead as he quietly whispers. You two sit like this for about an hour before you finally calm down. 

You try to wipe your tears away as fast and as best you can as you quickly crawl out of Peter's grasp, sudden and overwhelming embarrassment coming over you. "Please," You beg with your head held down, trying your best to keep Peter from seeing your face. "Can we just forget this all happened?" You're bent over now almost like you're praying even with your hands clasped in front of your head as your eyes though closed are pointed toward the ground. "Pretend I'm not some massive loser that wasted his life when you- you were here doing great things and I was just-" You sigh loudly, your head finally collapsing against Peter's floor. "Please," You cry out as tears start flowing heavily and you can feel a sob start to rack through your body, "please."

Your head hangs, chin pressing against your chest. Your eyes feel hazy and you can't see much. Your back is pressed against the cool brick of the wall behind you that you can barely feel due to the thick sweater and bloated jacket that warms your torso. Your legs are out in front of you and you laugh at their strange longness. You look at your feet next, the shoes they're adorned in, and how they too look strange and funny to you. You start laughing more and more, finding everything oh-so-funny. 

Anything but just sitting at home

For three and a half years

Writing song, after song, after song

Your arms now look as if shooting targets were made out of Swiss cheese. The holes only seem to get larger and darker, like the darkness could swallow your body whole if you weren't careful. And you weren't. Your eyes had always been dark but now they were pits, black holes of nothingness, no knowledge held there, nothing, just nothing. Your face is sunken like the tar roads in the summer, always sinking deeper and deeper or like the deep trenches of the sea where something terrible lies. Your lips are chapped like the hands of the working man, skin always peeling off, and never able to be quite comfortable because they are raw and red and always rubbing against each other. You're as thin as a needle, legs barely able to function as you walk bone on bone, the grinding like that of teeth against teeth. Speaking of teeth, yours seem to keep falling out, leaving your mouth pouring blood flowing like the divine wine of Jesus.

Where was Jesus now? Not here to save you. Your Jesus, your divine savior, Peter Parker is far away now, not because he chose to be but because there is nothing else he could do, nowhere he could be, not for you. And you chose your new savior, it was not him. It used to sting your arm but it doesn't seem to do just that anymore. It helps you ascend but not as long as it used to. Your belief is starting to wane but not quick enough, not quick enough.

So what is it like to be by yourself

The elevator dings as Peter reaches his loft. He steps out with his coat hanging off his arm. The place is quiet, the only noise being made by Peter as he hangs up his coat and steps into his kitchen. He opens his cabinet, the grip on the little knob staying far longer than it needs to before he opens it and lets the knob go. He reaches up just like you had on your first night. He grips the bottle tightly and sets it on the counter, it makes a noise too, a sort of clinking sound almost. He grimaces as he grabs the neck of the bottle and opens it, the smell stings his nose as he brings it close. His lips kiss the bottle and he swallows some down. 

The bottle accompanies Peter to his large and lonely couch, his tight grip around its neck, carrying it carelessly. He takes out the DVD that you left, your favorite movie, he's careful with it as he sets it in the DVD player (something you had ragged on him for not having when you were first there). (Something that he hadn't used since, not until today). (Something he would probably never get rid of now, only being thrown out when he was dead). He stumbles back over to his couch, falling onto it not as clumsily as he could manage but enough to shake up the alcohol in him. He extends his arm, pointing the small remote that came with the thing at the television and pressing play. His arm falls against the couch as the remote leaves his fingers, finding a new home in the arms of the faithful couch.

He watches almost angrily, there isn't anything like it, this emotion Peter feels. Is it really anger? Contempt even? Surely, not toward you. But the drug, toward the drug. ...Right? Or was he even angry? Hateful maybe. Toward you, toward the drug, toward himself. What was this that he was feeling? It's like an ache with no name or possible description. Empty isn't the right word. He's not hollow inside, he's all filled up, some even splashing out of him but what is it? What is this substance, this feeling, this emotion, spilling out of Peter Benjamin Parker? What is this thing that spills past his lips and fills up his head? Is it... you...? Surely not, that's ridiculous!

Peter doesn't notice until now, too focused on the movie he's seen far too many times, but his hands are trembling. His knuckles are a soft red, his veins are all in place, those little clumps of blueish-skin-pigment below the reddened knuckles, his fingers long and intermittently pale the ends a bit darker than the rest, all shake in chorus. He flexes his fist, bending his fingers and splaying them out, then he checks again. They shake just as much as they first did. 

And not feel like you'll die around everyone else?

Your hands were shaking, that was the first thing you noticed. It's almost exhilarating, they shook like they did when you first shot up. It was heaven. This was cloud nine. You were in paradise, lost in it. Your head was delirious, your eyes were bleary, your lips trembled as much as your hands, you were about to lose it all and all you could think about was how great this high was. You were about to die outside a house, just on the steps, of a den of drugs, a place filled with people dying just like you were about to, and all you could think about was how great this high was. 

Quickly, your thoughts shift to how awful this was. Your body lost control. You fell. Your head split against the concrete of the makeshift porch. Your back fell into the stairs that sat on either side were two dying drug addicts. Foam spilled past your lips and for a brief moment you thought of Peter then you were back to focusing on dying. You couldn't control your body. Your eyes would not work with you to see. They were gone now, they no longer wished to see the world. Your hands wouldn't do what you told them to. Your ears were ringing, there was so much noise, noise, noise! Why couldn't there be quiet!? Everything just needed to stop for a second, so that you could get a grip on things. You would set things straight. You wouldn't be found in places like this anymore. You would die somewhere resectable. But death doesn't care about respect, for him, there is no respectable place to die, and you are just another soul to be collected. Indifference is his gift but the indifference of the junkies you died next to led to searching through your pockets and hands all over your body and privacy violated and nothing left on you but the things they didn't care for. Your ID, some crumpled note you'd shoved deep into your pocket, a few too many wrappers for too many different things, and something else.

I thought I was one in a million

The distant clattering of silverware and private conversations set the stage as Peter sits across from a fine, young gentleman. He holds a menu in front of himself, his hair slicked back something you had told him made him look handsome you had said, his feet nervously sliding back and forth. Words come out of the gentleman's mouth and everything starts to fade out like watching a movie as your eyes blink more and more before you fall asleep.

It didn't go well whatever that was. A date, Peter supposes, an awful date. 

Peter holds a large bouquet of red roses. The dark red is contrasted by the white plastic that wraps around them. He holds them with both hands. He shifts his shoulders uncomfortably, his lips moving awkwardly against each other. His stride isn't really a stride, rather a walk but a quick one, like he has somewhere to be. A date perhaps? 

Well, thanks for nothing

Peter's stride leads him into a cemetery. He passes headstone after headstone, a few full-on statutes, and some grave markers. The roses are strange in his hands in this cemetery. He shifts his grip on them a few times. His collar feels like it's choking him and sticking his finger under it hasn't done anything. His thoughts don't consume him this time like they usually seem to do; some are seething, others are sad, most are guilty, and a lot are what-ifs. Never helpful, those what-ifs. Peter accidentally passes your grave before stepping back.

He reads the engraving as he always does before taking careful steps over. He sits above your dead body (that's buried several feet down), in front of your headstone (that stares back at him like a gargoyle), and underneath a weeping willow (that he wished he could see you under, not like this, not like this). "Well," Peter starts, setting down the roses, "he was allergic to roses." He sighs. "I miss you." He leans over, resting a hand on top of your headstone and closing his eyes.

He talks some more and if anyone were watching him, they might think he was having quite the conversation with a headstone. He moves his hands and looks at the headstone like a person, making eye contact with it, maybe even willing it to respond. It never does. And it never has. It's too bad you didn't have a spirit, you might have sat underneath that willow, leaning back against it, and watching Peter just for something to do. But you were dead and that was that. There was no coming back from being dead. Your body was buried beneath the earth and now you belonged to her. 

Peter groans as he gets to his feet, "Well, buddy," He rests his hand on your headstone, patting it almost like you would a dog, "I've got to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" He pauses, not intentionally but he lets the silence hang in the air in hopes he might get a response. He never gets a response. There is no satisfaction or catharsis for him, only the silence of the whistling wind and the whipping of the willows as they reach as far off their branches as they can. Maybe if he hoped hard enough, one day he would get that long-awaited response and you wouldn't have died for nothing.

Peter's lids are heavy as he tries to blink away sleep. This never works just like all those other things. He always falls asleep; you never answer him. He just wishes you would answer him. Peter's eyes close rather quickly this time and nothing matters but the dream he can feel is real and he feels apart of it.

Thank you

Thank you

Peter's hand reaches out as you fall, your fingers graze his. He can see the desperate look in your eyes like a dog begging for its life. Your eyes are not only desperate but terrified too. (Like a dog that knows it's going to be put down, he thinks). Some noise comes from you, some words but his ears can't decipher them, like everything in his dreams they are distant, blurry, and unmemorable. He just wants to know what you're screaming. He can see the extension of your jaw, the crinkling and wrinkling in your face, and the raise of your brows but he still can't hear what it is you're saying.

Then the scenery shifts. You slipping past his fingers is no big deal as you fall onto a hospital bed. You look at him all tired like and puppy dog kicked. You are worn out and bruised like a dropped fruit or a childhood blanket. You look like you might be molding. Your face is sunken in, your eyes hauntingly dark and blank, the flesh of your nose beginning to rot away, and the plush of your lips gone now replaced by the hard, cold warning of your teeth. You're missing a few and your gums are starting to turn yellow. Peter can't save you. He can't do anything. He watches as you rot. He tries to leave the chair he's stuck in but he can't, his arms won't even lift off the sides. He can't get to you. You're so far away.

Before your body can fully decompose and shift into sand and fly away in the wind, again, the scenery changes. Paris. He can really only recognize it by the Eiffel Tower. You had talked about it before. A lot. Before you left. Before what happened, happened to you. Peter wanted to go there with you. He never got the chance. At least you had seen it yourself. He finds it strange that he stands in Paris but he can't see you ...like you're gone. But then everyone is screaming and there from the clouds falls a body. Your body is falling, your arms are spread out, and you're limp like a fish. In seconds, your back is pierced by the spire of the Eiffel Tower. Killed by the very thing you love. Or loved. Or did you even love it all? Did you just talk about it? 

There is no time for Peter to process seeing someone he loves getting killed right in front of him. He's in an alley now like the one you died in. There are homeless people and drug addicts, drug dealers, and you. You stand there like an angel with your skin glistening thanks to the sun and despite the grime in the air. Peter can't take his eyes off of you. He doesn't want to anyway. He needs to see you like this, happy and aware and bright-eyed and in good standing with life. He can't bear the reality of flesh and bone and blood and six feet underground. It's always been a flaw of his. Feeling those that are dead are not really, not really. They still linger, he feels them, he can't see or hear them but he knows them. He can feel the brush of fingers against his back or the jostle of his loose curl. They live within him, just outside of him, in his fingers and feet and the way his eyes move follows them though he can't really see them there.

A blood-curdling crack stops everything. In a moment, you're lying on the ground with blood running from your forehead down past your chin and drip-dropping against your neck. And Peter is down on his knees in front of you, holding your torso, pulling it up onto his lap, and he holds your head like a kid holds a teddy bear. He strokes your hair as you gurgle up blood. He can't do anything for you. He's stuck. He's not allowed to save you. He is not allowed to save you. You did not need saving. He didn't know what you needed and neither did you. With your head in his arms and his nose pressed against the line of blood down your forehead and your limp body against his thighs, he rocks back and forth, whispering things he doesn't know and you can't hear. You'll be okay. I've got you. I won't leave you. You can't leave me. You will live through this. And your dead, limp body is not motivated to live.

And there you lie, next to him in his bed, your head turned toward him, and you're smiling. The sun shines on both of you; Peter can feel it on his skin. Like being kissed by a god. Like being kissed by you. He's a cat in a sunspot and you're stretching out toward him. Your fingers brush against his cheeks and you're smiling at him. He fills your vision; Peter can see his reflection in your big, beautiful eyes. He wants to kiss you and you move closer. Your eyes stay on him the whole time, if it weren't so beautiful, it'd be unnerving. 

You're on top of him now. Your hands -fingers and palms- caress his chest, trace his collarbone, feather down his ribs to his hips. He shudders under your touch. He wants it again. He wants it real. He doesn't realize it isn't yet. On all fours, over Peter's body, you lean down and kiss him. It holds, lasting long enough for him to hold your cheek and to satisfy him if for a fleeting moment. You pull back, your eyes staring into his; he's in love. (You're not real). Your hands trail down his chest again as you sit on top of him. You're just looking at him.

And when Peter turns, now awake, he's alone; you're not there by his side. He reaches out across the sheets like you would reach out if you could. Poor Peter, he doesn't know.