#I'll be doing a lot of this stuff after chores so expect a couple of posts that are mlist related

[nervocat]

Alright announcement time, but it's about what my writing will be going forward and what I'll be doing with my older fics that I don't rlly like.

I've had so many ideas before that I've since lost bc I just didn't get to them bc I wanted to make a long fic, but couldn't. And idk if anyone has noticed, also bc I don't do this too often but often enough, I drag out fics and add unnecessary stuff to make the fic longer. I've also been struggling to start fics lately, and it's been bugging me bc I wanna write sososo badly but I don't want to be writing a long fic that takes long to proofread. I wanna try and welcome just short, ramble kind of posts so here is what I'll be doing going forward. I'm realizing I had too high of standards for myself and if I want to get better at writing to be an author, this is where I can start and I need to realize not everything has to be long like books, if that makes sense.

I will be separating my mlist into two — longer fics from 300 (maybe 400) and so on. Shorter fics that are kind of rambles from 200 and below, like my recent Leona post. That was abt 170 words and it was so nice to just write smth small and post it and not drag it out and make my mood just plummet with it not turning out like how I imagined.

I want to put my ideas out there and not force them into a fic ppl don't even rlly read. I always want to write fics for my favorite characters and even tho I have ideas for them, they never become a reality and the characters I like come and go in the sense I start to get into more things)new characters come along, and while those characters are still a favorite of mine, they're more on the lower side of that makes sense (like for example, how I was so into Boothill and his lore and now it's like that with Leona and I never got anything out for Boothill (which I'm still sad abt)). I'm getting more comfortable on this blog in the sense of being myself and posting whatever (thank devil for that honestly) even tho I've been writing here for almost a year now (started early/mid September).

And my earlier fics, I will be deleting most of them. I just don't feel proud of them anymore and I wanna get rid of them and it has been bugging me for months. And with my requests — I will still do the ones sent in and future ones, but maybe take 5 down to 3 after this round bc as much as I rlly do love writing for others, I want to give the requesters quality fics and while they may take longer to write, they will hopefully be worth the wait to said requesters.

I'll also add one other thing on. Since I'll be writing some smaller stuff now, pls, send in some ideas if you have any!! Mutuals and ppl who aren't mutuals can send me some stuff they want for me to just ramble abt/hear my opinion on and write smth small for. I always see my mutuals getting some and it has me wishing I did too but I was less open to that stuff I guess. This will probably be smth always open unless I go on a hiatus and won't write anything.

Ok I think that's all I wanted to say. If you have any questions, pls feel free to ask :33

[nikibogwater]

Niki Blethers: Echoes of Wisdom gameplay (spoiler free)

I've only been posting about EoW's story/characters/aesthetic so far. I think it's time to gush about the gameplay itself for a while. Honestly, I would've done this sooner, but I've had the hardest time finding the words to describe just how GOOD this game feels when you're playing it. Like the title says, there's no spoilers in here, just discussion of raw gameplay, but I've gone ahead and put most of it under the cut to avoid clogging everyone's dashes.

First thing I noticed right off the bat is the movement and controls. I don't know what voodoo witchcraft the devs used to make this, but just moving around in the world feels so silky smooth. Which is excellent, because it turns out a surprising chunk of the gameplay involves rudimentary platforming.

You can jump in this game. Just, right off the bat, no items required, that's a thing you can do. And it's not like Link's little hops in Breath of the Wild either. These are proper jumps.

Outside of combat (which I'll get to in a minute), you mainly use the Echoes to explore. Building bridges, getting up on high ledges--stuff like that. There's no weird collision or confusing perspective that makes placing Echoes difficult. When you move, you move in the way you actually WANT to, and when you interact with an object, it goes the way you'd expect. I know this shouldn't surprise me--this is Nintendo after all--but janky platforming is one of my pet peeves when it comes to gaming, so I deeply appreciate how polished EoW's is.

EoW draws a lot of inspiration from Breath of the Wild when it comes to puzzle-solving. Once again, there are multiple different solutions to any given challenge, and progress isn't locked behind acquiring specific pieces of equipment. But unlike BotW, EoW doesn't give you all the puzzle-solving mechanics you will ever need at the start of the game. Instead, it merely provides you with the means to acquire those abilities for yourself.

Once you've made it through the tutorial section, you will only have a handful of basic object Echoes, plus a couple of weak monsters to help you fight. At this point, the world opens up for you, and you can go just about anywhere you want (though the story can only be progressed by completing Main Quest objectives, which are a bit more linear than they were in BotW). There's a real incentive to explore Hyrule here, because discovering new objects and creatures is the only way to expand your arsenal of Echoes.

Case in point, I've mostly just been focusing on the main quest storyline, and haven't spent as much time exploring all the different areas. As a result, I ended up finding myself encountering a puzzle in the main quest that I wasn't able to solve with my current collection of Echoes. I had to leave and go find new ones. If that sounds like a tedious backtracking nightmare to you, don't worry. This game is very generous with Waypoints that you can warp to at any time and from anywhere. Getting back to where I was after I'd found the Echo I needed took roughly 30 seconds.

Now, while I love the Echoes as a gameplay mechanic, they are also the source of my one and only complaint with this game: namely, the inventory system. Throughout the game, you will inevitably collect dozens, if not more than a hundred individual Echoes to choose from, and finding the specific one you want quickly becomes a chore after a few hours of gameplay. I've said this in another post, but Nintendo really needs to figure out a way to give us a customizable quick-select function--some way to equip just a handful of Echoes to a scroll wheel so that you don't have to bring up the pause menu to avoid cycling through your entire collection of Echoes. Coincidentally, this was also my biggest complaint for Tears of the Kingdom. I guess someone over at Nintendo just really enjoys scrolling through long lists of items. Anyways, it's not a huge issue, it's just one of those annoying things that feels like it should've been ironed out at some point during beta testing.

While EoW feels very comfortably Zelda-ish in all other aspects, the combat is radically different from what series fans are used to. I think that more than anything is going to be what makes or breaks this game for people.

Outside of Swordfighter Mode (which I will also get to in a minute), Zelda cannot do any direct damage to enemies by herself. If a monster gets close enough to hit you, you don't have any immediate defense or counter-attacks. This means that every encounter with an enemy has to be approached from a small distance. You have to think about how you're going to defeat enemies before you actually fight them, otherwise you will get overwhelmed.

While you are given plenty of objects to hurl at your foes, a lot of the combat will be fought by your own monster Echoes. There's a large variety of creatures to collect Echoes of, and they all have different abilities and fighting styles, which means certain monsters will fare better against one kind than another. But the game doesn't tell you about any of those advantageous monster match-ups. You have to figure those out for yourself.

Creature Echoes can be directed to attack anything you're currently Z-targeting, or they can be let loose to attack according to the whims of their AI. Echoes can also be directly moved around with the Bind ability, which is handy for repositioning any monsters who might've gotten stuck on some terrain or what have you.

You have a limited amount of energy to spend on Echoes, which means you can only have so many out at once. That energy is immediately replenished once an Echo is defeated or recalled, which allows for some pretty hectic swapping strategies that are a lot of fun to pull off. Individual Echoes have their own energy costs, based on how strong they are. So you can't just sic 3 copies of the same mini-boss on every Moblin who is unfortunate enough to cross you.

The best way I can sum it up is that the combat is like a turn-based strategy game set in real time. And as someone who has played an ungodly number of hours of Fire Emblem, I really enjoy it. I downright revel in strategically summoning minions to fight for me (my favorite attack is spawning in a bunch of crows like a malevolent little witch). However, if you're someone who prefers the more direct style of fighting from past Zelda games, this might end up being a deal-breaker for you.

Swordfighter Form is your other major weapon in combat. For a limited amount of time, Zelda can assume Link's abilities and weapons, allowing her to attack enemies directly and do a lot of damage in a short amount of time. But since this ability has limited duration, and the energy guage has to be manually refilled by collecting a specific item, it cannot be your go-to default way of handling every fight. Swordfighter Form can be upgraded as you progress through the game, allowing you to extend its duration and increase its moveset and damage output. But it's always going to be something that you use sparingly, mostly just to get yourself out of overwhelming combat scenarios.

So yeah, I think that just about covers the major gameplay mechanics. In conclusion, Echoes of Wisdom is not only its super cute aesthetic, banger soundtrack, and engaging story. Ignoring all of the more superficial stuff, at its core, this is a really good game, that feels really good to experience. If you've enjoyed any of the past 2D Zelda titles, or even just want to see what all the fuss is about, I genuinely cannot recommend this game enough. Regardless of its differences in presentation, Echoes of Wisdom was made with the same level of care and craftsmanship as any of the other entries in the Zelda series, and I've adored every moment of it so far.

[doubledyke]

Comparing Edd to Eddy, which of the two you would say gone through the worst shit throughout the show?

(regarding both their homelifes AND all the bad stuff across the episodes too).

putting this under the cut cuz it gets pretty miserable lmao

also, i'm including ed.

as far as the canon of the show and movie i'll go with eddy obviously because of the whole bro thing, and bc he's most often the target of everyone's rage. at least with ed and edd, there seems to be a baseline of decency and occasional kindness from the other kids. as soon as eddy rears his square head, everyone's groaning and patting at their pockets. nazz and rolf are okay towards him a couple times i guess, but it ends in disaster nonetheless.

still going strictly by canon events i'd say edd is next. he's so damn stressed the entire time that it stresses ME out. eddy and ed put him through a lot both mentally and physically. he's so frail 😭 he can't handle all that.

ending with ed just cuz he comes off as impervious to any physical harm, and blocks a lot of the mental stuff as a defense mechanism. he does whatever he can to stay in his happy place and he's gotten really good at it. not saying he doesn't go through anything or that he isn't affected, he's just the least affected of the three.

we don't have a ton to go off of in terms of their home life, which is totally fine by me. preferable in fact. as a disclaimer, it's generally shitty to compare trauma, but they're cartoon characters so i'll compare their *fictional* trauma lmao. all just my opinion etc., etc.

during the run of the show, my opinion is that ed has it the worst at home. i imagine that he's made to feel very much like the red headed step-child. it's his parents and sarah teaming up against him, blaming him for all their problems. belittling, degrading and and if he's lucky, ignoring him. his dad really just reacts to what his wife and daughter tell him, but he reacts just the same. ed is cast to the basement and they all try really really hard to pretend that he doesn't exist. maybe his dad takes pity on him from time to time and buys him a comic or a movie behind his wife's back. or maybe he doesn't. he certainly doesn't want to ruffle feathers and make himself more miserable than he already is. come on, he just got off work. and once again, ed checks out to survive. i think there would be a point where ed and edd kinda look at each other and are like "what the fuck" in response to seeing ed's treatment first hand. we kind of get something close to that in the show when ed tells them they literally took his stairs.

edd is next i guess cuz he's got such a terrible wake up call in his future. realizing that no dude, it's not even slightly normal to communicate with your parents strictly via sticky note. it's not normal for a kid to be expected to take care of every single chore and task around the house. and all the books, all the academic achievements, all the folded socks in the world aren't gonna make them love you. then dealing with his (i always use this word) DEBILITATING anxiety on top of all that? i've said it before but he's straight up burnt out by the end of the show at age 12/13.

edd by the start of bps:

i put eddy last bc at least during the show his home life seems relatively normal. his mom is very obviously doting and his dad is okay as long as he keeps that wrist tight. with bro gone, the immediate threat is neutralized, and he's in no hurry to unpack anything going on internally. much like the other two, there's a major realization and subsequent struggle in his future. but he's slightly more deluded than edd and is actually the last of the three to accept that his childhood was fucked up. even after bps, he kinda knows, but he's incapable of accepting that he was a victim. bruises heal, what's the big deal? bro didn't have to do all that in front of everyone though, geez. his self worth is so low that he doesn't believe his experiences can be considered abuse. he's the one that pissed his brother off, after all. and so on and so forth. anywho, if bro still lived in the house i'd probably put him at the top of the list cuz like... not to get too dark here but idk man "accidents" happen and who knows if bro could've been stopped if no one was around. my personal hc as to why bro left or was forced to leave is that there was a really close call.

so yeah they all have fucked up home lives and day to day lives. they're so miserable 🥺 yes i will compound it 🥹

[monstersinthecosmos]

🤲💋✨️💝💌

(writing asks!)

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

OMG I DONT KNOW! Like why do creative people feel the need to make stuff, I can't explain it. I just know that it's what I want to do as a creative outlet. And like usually (NOT LATELY BECAUSE THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS MY LIFE HAS BEEN A DISASTER) I reserve 9-10pm every night as WRITING TIME and like, it's not a chore for me! It's like a reward at the end of the day. So I spend all day thinking about what I'll write at 9pm when it's writing time. :D So there's like the half of it that's creative & spiritual to do, and also the half that's just like, my little Me Time that I allow myself that helps me unwind. :D

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

I DO but I don't get offended if they don't reply lol. But like ngl, if I notice a fic author doesn't reply to comments, I am less likely to leave a huge comment. Like one time I left a BOOK REPORT on a fic and the author replied to like, everyone EXCEPT me who was leaving emojis and stuff? And I felt really bad like I made them uncomfortable or something. So like. I tend to comment as I read and I like to copy & paste lines in and stuff, but if the author never replies I'm less likely to take the extra time to do this because I don't know if it's well received. 😅

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

jkgald wording it like that makes me squeamish but I felt like the gangbang fic I wrote for the BDSM zine kinda flopped 😬 like it has some comments and people who did comment were really excited but like, proportionally to my other Sheith fics it didn't do well. And I wasn't sure if it was like TOO MUCH or something, bc it got a lot of hits but not so many comments, like it made me wonder if people opened the link out of curiosity but then noped out. Like I have Sheith fics with less hits that have 2 or 3x the comments. Whoops! And I wonder if I overcomplicated it. IDK!!!!!!!!!! But I was happy with how it came out so it's not necessarily that I would want to like fix or anything. I just felt sad that no one liked it. 😂

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I think maybe The Front ? I was a little overwhelmed by the response bc I thought I was being like extremely self indulgent and niche about my own kinks and people wound up being like SO excited and kind and generous with comments it just really surprised me. 😳 LIKE YOU DONT EVEN LEARN KEITH'S NAME FOR 21K, I was calling him "the creature" LMAOOOOOOOOOOO it just was like so extremely catered to my own individual needs I was surprised. 😂

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

For Sheith right now I'm back to working on my fic Tonight the Stars Revolt! which is like a retelling of canon if they were friends with benefits who kept fooling around after near death missions to relieve stress and like I WROTE THE FIRST 50K IN A MONTH on my break after my first ship contract and I didn't intend for it to get so complicated and plotty and I also absolutely did not intend for the last few chapters to be like A YEAR APART FROM EACH OTHER but I kept getting distracted doing exchanges and stuff, and I kinda try to like alternate Sheith and VC so I'd write a chapter, then write a VC fic, then it was time to go back to Sheith but I had an exchange, then VC, then a zine, then VC, etc. It just really got away from me but like it's my baby and it's where I pour all my meta and headcanons and I think about it constantly so every time I return to it I'm very exciting! The upcoming chapter includes a flashback about BABY KEITH and his DAD and a SNAKE and I'm really excited about it. :)

FOR VC IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH OBSESSING OVER WRITING A FIC ABOUT THE YEAR MARIUS WAS HELD CAPTIVE AND THE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN HIM AND HIS CAPTOR AND THE STAGES OF GRIEF FOR HIS FREEDOM, I hope to start writing it maybe in the new year hdkjslgasgdjal I can't stop thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nebulousneuroticism]

I had trouble falling asleep, and then when it was time to wake up, I was completely exhausted. As usual. Just more evidence of the fact that my circadian rhythm has completely flipped on its head, and my body now expects to be sleeping whenever the sun is up.

I dragged myself to my meetings--there were two of them, separated by a couple hours. In between, I dozed, and waking up was painful each time. But the meetings went adequately.

After work, it was time for Battletech. We met up at a nearby game store and played a scenario. It was a little boring for me, because I ended up out of combat a lot, so I mostly spent my time watching everyone else roll dice; but I know from experience that sometimes this just happens with tabletop games, so I'm not upset about it.

I got home kind of late, wolfed down some leftovers (I hadn't eaten all day, so I was hungry), and then forced myself to finish some work that I had been procrastinating on. It was painful, but I got it done. Doing work always feels painful, these days.

Now it's time for sleep once more. I hope I can fall asleep tonight. If I do, maybe I'll be able to wake up during the actual daytime, for once. I'm falling behind on various chores: my laundry needs doing, the apartment needs cleaning, and I need to check on bills and taxes and other stuff. All of these are things that I would rather do during the daytime, so having my sleep schedule so screwed up is really causing problems. I wish there were a way to fix it that didn't involve being horribly, horribly tired.

[finnlongman]

Couple of thoughts on the changing social media landscape etc...

This blog is, and always has been, a public/mostly professional space. The nature of Tumblr means I can have sideblogs for personal venting and off-topic posts, as many of them as I want, and this blog is fairly carefully curated to be a public-facing page. My mum looks at it sometimes, after all, so anything I post has to be something I'm willing for her to see.

(Note: I think sideblogs and stuff are very important. Everybody needs a space on the internet where they're not being observed by colleagues, supervisors, managers, readers, anyone to whom they owe professional responsibility. A place to be Weird and know that it's not going to impact on their job the next day. If you don't yet have those spaces and you're someone who uses the internet in a professional capacity, I recommend creating them; it's freeing. If you think you've found somebody else's sideblog and they haven't indicated that they want to share it with you, it's polite to pretend you don't know and let them have their Weird Place Space in peace.)

This is a LESS professional space than, say, my website, and I have different rules for myself than I did on other social media. My Twitter policy has long been not to swear on there, and to keep my account reasonably suitable to be read by teenage readers, current/future employers, and other authors alike. Here, I tend to keep my own swearing to a minimum but I'm more relaxed about sharing others' sweary content, and I'll reblog slightly more risqué things (usually relating to the vampire novel).

I've been happy with that balance. It's a place people can follow me as an author, as an academic, and as a person, and get a reasonable mix of my research, my thoughts, and updates on my books, without being unduly formal and without me ever feeling like I couldn't be myself here. And it's a place where I both create my own material and share that of others, tending towards sharing things that are educational or that relate to my own work, but also just vibing.

I've always known, though, that this was not a space for publicity per se. While I do share links to my books here and I know that a few people have bought TBA, I've never been under any illusions about the possibility of Tumblr as a place to advertise myself. Nor do I WANT to do that. Honestly, I've come to resent the pressure to use Twitter as a "brand", as a "promotion" opportunity, when for years it was just a place I hung out as a person. But I'd rather do that there than here, partly because it actually worked there.

If this truly is the decline of Twitter, I don't mind my online socialising becoming more Tumblr-focused. I'm sad about the loss, because I think I'll lose a lot of academic community and opportunities to learn that I previously found on Tumblr, and it's going to be a lot harder to connect with other authors, but it won't be impossible; I have both academic and author friends here. But what I DON'T want is for Tumblr to have to become my Professional Space to the detriment of the fun, low-key vibe I've had going here for the last 11 years.

I'm worried that, if all of my professional contacts migrate here, I will have to start putting a mask on here as well, and I'll feel more pressure to self promote. It'll start to feel like the chore that other social media has become ever since I got published and have had to start using the internet As An Author and not just as a person who also writes books. I am very happy for more people to join this site, but I don't want the side effect of that to be that suddenly all my colleagues are here and I'm in Work Mode all the time.

One of the things I've found hardest about the internet in recent years is the switch from what it was in my teens (place to be weird and unique and unselfconscious) to what it is now (place where I'm expected to be professional and might be observed by my boss, academic colleagues, publisher, readers etc at any time). And Tumblr was for a long time the last bastion against that, even if my mum looks at it. I'll be sad if that goes, because all the sideblogs in the world won't help if actually being here starts to feel like something I do for work.

Crucially, I think the problem is that for career reasons, I need something that does for me what Twitter was doing, but also I was not enjoying that aspect of Twitter and it was not feeling like a fun place to do that, so what I REALLY need is for my career not to rely on me managing to virtually hand-sell my book to people on the internet while I'm just trying to live my life...

Anyway. Just something I'm thinking about as I face down the possibility of this being the main place where I as an author can communicate with potential readers. I don't really want it to be... that, but it might have to be that, and I'm going to be thinking hard about how I navigate that.

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

03.27.24 - I've made it halfway through the week again! At this point, where I live, it's a countdown to the total solar eclipse - especially because my office already told us to work remote that day so I get something of a three-day weekend. My big issue is that I have a zit right in the middle of my lower lip and it's bugging the crap out of me.

Work - I ended up getting asked to redact a transcript yesterday, which is not a small task. I have a couple efiles and an email to send today but other than that I have nothing else waiting. It's also a remote work day and so I'm not expecting to have to do a lot of work.

Background Noise - I am working remote so background noise will be provided by the DVR, and supplemented by YT.

I got 22 videos completed yesterday!

Study - Wednesday is visual study day, so! Firstly the DVR serves double duty; I'll prioritize the news programs and such as my background noise while I work. Secondly, when I do pick up YT, I have one of three documentaries to watch.

Wow I did so good yesterday! I read like seven articles on the IRA/the Troubles, I read like six articles on the Horizon IT/Post Office Scandal, about five random associated articles, five 'good news' articles, and five of the letters Van Gogh wrote. I also finished reading the essay "Black Women and the Constitution", stared an essay on the bride price in China, and got quite a few more pages into the essay "The Decay of Liberalism".

Extras - Lots of chores today: cleaning the catbox, vacuuming, the bathroom stuff I didn't get to yesterday, and cleaning the grill so it can really be used for the upcoming season. At least I don't have to cook; it is takeout day after all. The original mini-essay I was going to write triggered something, so I switched gears and that's done now; if I have any energy later I might write more. There's a new Legal Eagle to watch with hunny, more Carranger to watch, and Batman to finish the night off with.

[jenna1931]

It's been a while since I've used this blog as my... therapy diary? Anyway, I've figured out some stuff that scare me in a way.

Apparently, I have trauma (nooo... seriously?!) from emotional abuse and emotional neglect in my childhood. The emotional abuse would be from my peers at school and from kids my age in my neighborhood, and the neglect from my parents and teachers.

Just to clear something up, my parents are genuine good people and they love us unconditionally, but they aren't the best parents and I expect no one to be perfect.

So, when I was a kid, I was bullied by the kids in my neighborhood as well as by my classmates, even in kindergarten. When I talked about it with my mom, she would say "let them talk", "ignore them, they'll lose interest".

I say my mom, because my father was too scary to me at that time. He was working different shift every week and was barely able to sleep when he was working 3rd shift. I couldn't understand why sometimes it was ok to play, laugh and have fun, and other times, I had to stay quiet.

I did my best to ignore the bullies, but their words hurt nonetheless and sometimes, they even went physical. It was hard to keep the higher ground. Some teachers would help me, but I honestly don't remember them doing much, so they probably never did.

I remember this principal in high school I was strangely friends with (I don't remember how) I asked what would have happened if I'd hit a guy after he bullied me. Of course, I would have been the one suspended, but she asked for his name and, later, I was called to the principal's office. I was a model student, so being called to the principal's office was OOC. She took me to some little room looking like a closet-turned-into-an-interrogation-room. And there was the guy. She asked him if he knew why I was there, and what was asked from him, and he stopped bullying me. I even worked with him later in life, and we even were able to have pleasant chats.

I became so in need of friendship that I became gullible. Each time someone said they wanted to be my friend, I was over the moon. Then, I was rejected and bullied again until another took their place. I did have friendships that lasted a couple of years, but they all faded with time. There was this girl who was friends with me when it was convenient to her. We have a group project? Please, be my friend! Lets work on it together! And I genuinely had fun. When the project was over, I was bullied again.

I started to become replaceable, and I started to get used to it, even if I wasn't even aware of that. Now, I understand why I'm neglectful at home with chores, and as close to perfection as I can at work.

If I'm perfect, I won't be replaced. But if I fail, I'll be suspended or fired. I'll be replaced. I at least need to be useful. Because if I'm useful, I'll be loved. If I can't be loved, I'll at lease be useful. So I won't be replaced.

It makes it hard for me to ask for help. I always agree to help when asked, but when I'm the one in need, I feel like I have to be able to do it myself, I feel like I'll bother if I ask.

At least at home, I have no one to impress, no one to abandon me if I'm not perfect, because I know I'm loved, thus I don't NEED to be useful. (I do my part of the chores, I promise)

This video helped me a lot to figure these things out. I've been trying to find the guts to seek therapy, but at least for now, I have some answers...

[frankbedbroken]

stuff i've listened to recently, volume 1

it's been almost a full month since i've properly sat my frank ass down and listened to any full length music projects, stuff for university has been kicking my ass in that regard, so i want to try and keep myself consistently listening to new stuff weekly or biweekly by writing some stuff here. this first instance is mostly gonna be me catching up with music from this year that i wanted to listen to but couldn't get to beforehand, but in the future there's probably gonna be some stuff from my infinite backlog which will bring some more variation in terms of release date and all that. this type of post is gonna be extremely long and a chore to read, so beware.

kfc murder chicks - kfcmc (2022) industrial metal digital hardcore, industrial hip hop

this name will probably ring a bell if you remember that whole "erratas" arg thing back in like 2019, whole thing was essentially a marketing scheme for dj rozwell and this project of his, not unlike how iamamiwhoami got big back in the early 2010s, although with a bit more emphasis on internet culture and mythos, as expected from the aesthetics that the group's going for; i should probably look the whole thing up again, it's been a while since i've looked into it and i'm only going through surface level memories and all that. anyhow, kfcmc appears to be their second lp, after a string of several eps in 2021 and another one this year, and this is also my first proper encounter with a kfc murder chicks project, as my only prior experience beforehand was two loose tracks (operator and rage), and i kind of was expecting the sound from those two songs: very distorted and aggressive hip hop beats with offkilter sampling and an underlying rock and metal influence, think techno animal by way of alec empire from atari teenage riot. while there's a couple of tracks here that veer towards that sort of sound and they're very solid on their own right, namely in the second half (soylent and nuclear age are the clearest examples of this), most of this definitely hones in heavily on the metal aspects, which i'll admit it's a whole musical paradigm i'm not super knowledgeable on aside from a couple of projects here and there, but this is an approach to metal and rock that i definitely do enjoy. heavy on the guitar riffs but also very heavy on distortion and aggression, with a lot of electronic elements that i'm more accostumed to and that work very well with the industrial sound that's constituent to this album (it's worth mentioning that this is obviously not a thing unique to this album, us and them by godflesh and the rise of nightmares by the blood of heroes also take this approach and i've ended up really enjoying those projects as well, perhaps that's the lane i should go with if i want to get more into metal); several moments here stand out as very interesting to me in that regard: the glitched out drum breaks on the opener dune, the pounding midtempo bass rhythm straight out of a gesaffelstein or rezz tune and the synth breakdown with the preset from t99's anasthasia (one of my favourite old school synth sounds) in halo, and id with incredibly violent, hard hitting drum snares that you would hear in a limewax track. also there's a track called my ballz. type i love my ballz in the chat if you love your ballz. it's a short project, running at not quite half an hour with nine tracks though that's probably helpful to its replayability and all that, but yeah, pretty solid stuff, need to get onto checking some of their previous material, but i'd definitely reccommend this if you're into machine girl at their heaviest sounding, or if the blend of metal, hip hop and electronic as a whole sounds interesting to you.

favourite tracks: halo, id (feat. sam shadow), soylent

bleep bloop - frame (2022) hybrid trap deconstructed club

bleep bloop, alongside other artists like noer the boy and little snake, have this way of really pushing the envelope when it comes to production in the realm of edm trap and us dubstep (some call this blend slimepunk, others lump them together into the umbrella of "bass music", both terrible categorizations i feel but then again it's a style that is certainly hard to pin down to one specific name), being able to create very singular sounds and textures and rejecting the more conventional structures of that scene, while still maintaining that hard hitting edge. i'll admit i haven't delved much into bleep bloop's back catalog either, but i did listen to the ep he dropped back in 2021 called revenge, which features two tracks i liked quite a lot: wrapped in flame, a facemelting banger of a track with piercing synth stabs and an absolutely crushing bass drop, and do it on the dancefloor, which is a track that embraces the more aggressive and industrial side of hip hop in the vocal performance and general aesthetic, and also features really heavy production work with some sections taking cues from halftime dnb and others from digital hardcore, coming together into a track that manages to be very out there in terms of songwriting but also very hooky and catchy in my opinion. there's a lot of things being thrown in the melting pot that bleep bloop is cooking in (omg like the funny thanos picture wow), and this is also seen in this project here. very glitchy and offkilter song structures and sounds, a diverse array of influences from very different places (according to the bandcamp page, the opening track, coyote howl, takes inspiration from mike patton's fantômas project in its vocal style, while also namedropping tom waits and fiona apple as general points of reference for the vocals in general; also worth mentioning is the track i never told you my name which has a very rough and heavy reggaeton beat, not unlike some tracks off another life by amnesia scanner, alongside these macabre, whisper-like vocals in its buildup) and just a general devil-may-care attitude in regards to creating music. while this is all well and good, and certainly speaks to bleep bloop's skills as a producer, i wasn't quite as compelled as i would've liked. sure, there's definitely moments that were quite attention grabbing, the opening track is impressive as it leads from this ritualistic vocal delivery in the buildup (i would say there's some sort influence of metal, but i wouldn't be able to tell you what type exactly) to this absolutely massive and pounding beat drop, and poison sweetroll is the closest this comes to sounding bright and cheerful, think of iglooghost's sound but turned slightly awry, it works very well. that said, there's also some parts i didn't latch onto as much and didnt quite work that well for me, while the vocal approach works great in coyote howl, i don't think i never told you my name fares as well for me, it's got a very interesting beat, i'm a sucker for industrial reggaeton, but i'm not too fond of the vocal style unfortunately. it's for sure an interesting listen as a whole, anything with this sort of production is bound to turn some heads in one way or another, but i'm left feeling like i could've liked this a bit more. might grow on me with relistens, we'll have to see.

favourite tracks: coyote howl, poison sweetroll, hammer and serpent

piri & tommy - froge.mp3 (2022) liquid drum and bass uk garage, alternative r&b

when talking about the recent wave of pop/r&b/soul artists incorporating elements of drum and bass and breakbeat to their music, i feel like there's three key artists that are worth mentioning: first off is obviously pinkpantheress, who catapulted the sound to the mainstream by flipping the ever classic circles by adam f into a longing r&b juggernaut with silky smooth vocals that have become a trademark of hers as she grows exponentially more popular overtime; second is nia archives, whose sound reaches far more towards the underground as she majorly takes cues from jungle and has more influences of soul than other artists in the scene, creating a niche that satisfies those with a knack for vocally lead jungle and atmospheric drum and bass, while still keeping a lot of the traditional sounds and styles from said genres; and third is vocalist and producer duo piri & tommy, whose main appeal has been taking in the more mellow, polished and laidback sounds of liquid drum and bass with a bright and cheery pop vocal delivery that pretty much seems designed to be the sound of the summer. as such, this whole mixtape pretty much functions with this modus operandi in mind, delivering a fair amount of solid liquid tracks, but also a couple of 2-step/uk garage crossovers here and there. the most apparent highs are definitely the singles, there's a reason why both soft spot and beachin got as big as they did, they're just impeccably written songs (aside from that one line in beachin about how she "got him bussin, he makin some mayo", didnt need to hear that one) with insanely catchy hooks and melodies; other stand outs that come to mind are can we with drum programming and sounds that wouldn't be out of place in a late 90's moving shadow track, and also the opener silver lining with a more slowed down and meditative breakbeat approach. the ukg tracks are also pretty solid, player 2 is pretty remarkable with its influences of french house in that filtered synth melody and also the only track where tommy villiers brings his own vocals to the table. it's generally a very enjoyable project all around but i can't help but feel that it doesn't quite reach the highs it set up with the singles throughout the course of the album; part of this i think has to do with the production, it feels somewhat anonymous in the sense that for the most part the instrumentals aren't super memorable, they could use with some more different synths or drum samples here and there that don't make them feel like they're subordinate to the vocals. i'm aware that tommy is at least familiar with some of the more modern developments in dnb and jungle, shouting out people like t>i or sherelle in some of his mixes, so this could all be easily remedied in future developments from the duo. there's a lot of potential for greatness, and they've already been able to make some very impressive and memorable songs, so it's all a matter of seeing how they progress from here and what else can they bring to the table. it's solid, overall.

favourite tracks: beachin, silver lining, soft spot

pongo - sakidila (2022) kuduro afrobeats, kizomba

got this one through a recommendation on twitter, mostly piqued my interest because i was already familiar with one song from hers, quem manda no mic from 2019, which is an energetic and lively tune led by an incessant saxophone melody that immediately brings up urban nightlife to mind, paired against an insanely catchy and inviting vocal performance from pongo herself, and also i had seen a short clip of her performing alongside buraka som sistema in a boiler room set and it was absolutely hype, so i figured this was worth a shot. to understand the foundations this album is built upon, one has to have a slight familiarity with the current sounds and scenes of african electronic music, specifically angola, the country pongo was born in: kuduro, the main genre represented in this album, has origins tracing back to the 1990s, going through several transformations and variations in terms of sound and subject matter until its eventual spread to europe and the usa in the late 2000s, thanks to acts like the aforementioned buraka som sistema from portugal; also worth mentioning is kizomba, a genre that stems from semba (a form of non-electronic, guitar led dance music from angola) but with slower rhythms and a mostly romantic subject matter and aesthetic, in a certain way similar to the different developments of samba (which would make sense considering both genres share the same origin) and axé in brazil. kuduro and kizomba have seen several developments and offshoots in recent years, the latter one especially as it has veered into a more electronic sound and has spawned different subgenres, with the portuguese label príncipe discos serving as the epicenter for said developments. outside of angola we have the recent surge of amapiano, a subgenre of house that combines piano melodies that you would typically hear in deep house with rhythmic influences from gqom, a south african electronic offshoot with stripped back yet hard hitting production and percussion, and we also need to mention the worldwide phenomenon that has been dancehall and its derivates in the last few decades, specifically the afrobeats sound pushed by nigerian artists like wizkid and rema in the last couple of years that has been influencing several artists in the western mainstream.

this is, evidently, just scratching the surface of a whole cultural paradigm, although it might seem a bit of an excessive explanation all of a sudden, but i feel like it's at least necessary to know the basics of all these different musical styles, because they are all represented in this album in several ways. the album kicks off with more laidback afrobeats and kizomba grooves in tracks like doudou and hey linda serving as the foundation for a melodic, softer performance from pongo, in comparison to the heavier, more energetic kuduro of songs like amaduro and wegue wegue (a rework of her 2008 track with buraka som sistema of the same name) in the second half of the record; in the midst of this duality, you get some sunkissed amapiano in the form of só amor and an almost reggaetón beat with some influences of tarraxinha (a slow-tempo offshoot of kizomba) in the track pica. the modus operandi through this album seems to focus in on several different musical styles being interwoven by pongo's vocal performance, making for a consistent project that showcases the cutting edge of african electronic music and pop/r&b in a significantly enticing manner. that being said, i'm gonna admit i came into this with the wrong mindset probably, i was sort of expecting something a lot more hard-hitting and energetic, so i was a bit taken aback by the laidback, chilled out sound of the first half of the record. don't get me wrong, the tracks themselves are definitely very solid, só amor especially with its inviting amapiano grooves and a sentimental and comforting vocal performance from pongo, it's just not what i was picturing in mind considering the small snippets of her that i was familiar with. she ends up delivering stuff along those lines anyhow, with the four-track run at the end being particularly of note, with very energetic production and vocal delivery, as well as the only two vocal features on the album from titica and mosty, who hold their own very well in their respective verses. it's an overall solid experience, functioning as a sort of "state of affairs" for the african musical scene with its versatility in sound but also as a proper introduction to an artist brimming with talent and ambition and a sign of bright things to come in her future, developing and forming her sound in a myriad of possible ways. as of right now, still, it's a very well rounded, worthwhile project.

favourite tracks: wegue wegue, só amor, goolo (feat. mosty)

[sunnyrealist]

Thank you for the tag, @kaidynsarell! 😘

How many works do you have on AO3? Three!

What's your total AO3 word count? 172, 223. WHOA. 😳

What fandoms do you write for? Hogwarts Legacy is my one and only at the moment!

Top five fics by kudos? I only have three, so in first place is The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars. After that, We Have Work to Do and "The Mess."

Do you respond to comments? I get ridiculously excited when I receive comments, so I almost always respond. Sometimes I do so too quickly, and then later on, I wish I would have put more time or thought into my replies. I'm trying to get better about that!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? All of my posted fics are WIPs, but they will all have happy endings. That isn't to say there isn't any angst - there's tons of that in my main fic.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I think my main fic The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars will be the happiest because of all the emotional turmoil and mini-conflicts it took to get there along the way.

Do you get hate on fics? Not that I am aware of - people are pretty nice. I do often wonder if my writing kind of sucks, if my story is boring, or if people just don't care for my characters, though, because the hits to Kudos ratio isn't the greatest, and I don't get a ton of comments. (I've been told that I might have better luck on Wattpad, but I've never really used it, and revising/posting everything sounds like a LOT of work.) I go through phases where I totally beat myself up over my writing and ones where I reread my main fic and am like, "Yeah, I love this story!" I think my main fic is paced slower and has different vibes than people might expect. I wanted it to feel like a somewhat realistic meeting (no weird or funny situation - just meeting in a pub), how a first date might play out, a couple doing normal stuff like household chores, people just getting to know each other on a deeper level, etc. There is an overarching conflict, but there are lots of mini conflicts in different arcs, too - I know some readers might not like that there isn't one solid conflict, either. My story is extra sappy and romantic, just like most of my prior relationships were and my marriage is. I understand that might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's definitely mine.

Do you write smut? Absolutely. I love reading sex scenes and often wish there was more in the fanfics I enjoy, so I oftentimes will put the plot aside for a little while or weave plot into some smut. My characters love having sex and are very physically affectionate and expressive. My husband (former English major) is my beta reader and often gets annoyed when there are a lot of smutty chapters in a row, but let's be honest, he's not my actual audience here, so I take that with a grain of salt while listening to all of the rest of his constructive feedback. 🤣

Craziest crossover? Never did a crossover! I have a few ideas, but I doubt I'll ever write them.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope, and I doubt that would ever happen.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope, and again, I highly doubt that would happen.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but until I finish my main fic, I don't think I can really even consider the possibility. I'm laser-focused right now.

All time favorite ship? Ooh, that's a tough one. If I'm thinking about all the ships I've had my entire life, then I have to choose a few: 1. Princess Leia and Han Solo, 2. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren and Rey (Reylo), and 3. Ron and Hermione.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I definitely plan to finish all of my fics, but I'm probably sidelining We Have Work to Do until The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars is finished. I have tons of ideas for spin-offs and epilogue mini-stories, but I doubt all of them will be written in the end.

What are your writing strengths? I guess I can say that there's oftentimes purpose, research, and symbolism behind names in my fic. To be honest, I'm terrible at complimenting myself. My husband says I'm good at writing dialogue and romantic situations.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Personally, I try to stick with my native language. I'm an American, though, writing characters who live "across the pond," and I know that the dialect in the United Kingdom is pretty different. I just do my best with phrasing and spelling. I have used Scottish Gaelic for a specific part of my fic, but I don't know the language. Sadly, I've had to resort to Google Translate. Sebastian is the translator for readers in the story, since he knows so many languages!

First fandom you wrote in? Star Wars! My first fanfic was specifically based on the characters and storyline of the Expanded Universe, which Disney killed off. 😭 I was so sad when that happened - I had been thoroughly invested in those storylines since I was ten years old, and as an adult, I had been so sure that the new Star Wars trilogy would be based on them. I'm thankful for Reylo, at least, though!

Favorite fic you've written? I'm partial to my main fic.

No twentieth question - Like Kaidyn said, I have truly enjoyed being part of the Hogwarts Legacy fandom. I've met some wonderful friends here - crazily enough, I've even hung out with some fandom friends IRL! One of my Discord servers has also delved into other fandoms, like Bridgerton, Fourth Wing, and ACOTAR. It's been so fun to be part of a little book club. 🥰 The HL fandom thankfully brought me back into writing fiction and gaming... and I want to draw more now, too! That might be another revisited hobby someday.

No pressure tags: @leafler, @ladyofsappho, @morelikeravenbore, and any other fanfic writers who are interested! I don't want to double-tag anyone.

20 Qs for fic writers

@slytherizz you're a gem. Thanks for the tag, darling

How many works do you have on AO3? Exactly 1. There may be more eventually, but for now, that's it.

What's your total AO3 word count? 36,549

What fandoms do you write for? Hogwarts Legacy

Top five fics by kudos? Top 5? I have exactly 1 lol. So, here's to my baby: Sanguinis et Omnium Fractorum!

Do you respond to comments? Yes - I get nervous sometimes, though. Like not knowing exactly what to say back. So sometimes it takes me a bit.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I haven't officially published any of my angsty endings. Though, I might have a few others in the works with much more bittersweet endings

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? SOF will eventually get a happy ending so I guess it will be that one whenever it gets finished.

Do you get hate on fics? No - I'd probably crawl into a hole never to return. I only want to be perceived for praise. Thanks.

Do you write smut? Sometimes....I don't share it often, though.

Craziest crossover? The Secret History x Hogwarts Legacy

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, I'd be very surprised

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not unless you count me translating my own garbled thoughts into something mildly readable

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Ah.. nothing official. Though the Willow girlies all have a history of bouncing ideas off of each other that sort of end up cohesive lore/writing.

All time favorite ship? Willow has my heart (Henry Winter x Sebastian Sallow) It was written in the stars, and you'll never convince me otherwise. Fav crackship

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh gosh. There are so many in my head that I've yet to put onto paper. More Wilow ramblings, I've got a Seb Dad/Daughter fic thats been playing around in my head for some time that I keep meaning to write down but never get around to for some reason.

What are your writing strengths? So much angst. lol. I've been told I'm quite descriptive.. So I guess that's a strength.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? My Seb is very much a polyglot. NERD. So I may try to incorporate some other languages into my fic, though I do cringe a bit at using Google Translate. So we'll see how much ends up there

First fandom you wrote in? Hogwarts Legacy was the first I've ever written for. I never even really wrote before this at all other than some random little stories when I was a child

Favorite fic you've written? Oh Gosh. There are some longer HL works I haven't published that I do love looking back on. They're a bit rubbish, but I can see my writing grow through them and that's very cool to see. Otherwise, SOF was the first I ever put into any kind of public space, so it will always be special in some way I think.

No twentieth question - I've met so many delightful/wonderful people through this little fandom and I'm so grateful for all of them. You darlings all know who you are.✨

No pressure tags💕: @diligentcranberry @sunnyrealist @juneymont

@rypnami @quackwizardry

Blaze

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[guardians-of-exo]

Blog Update

Okay so, I have an announcement that I have been thinking about for a while. I'm gonna go over it quickly first, and then add a read more to cover the more detailed things I wanna get into.

I am currently working on a song fic series for EXO, with 9 short fics each based on an EXO song that I felt like tells a story. I have decided that this series will be my last. After that series is over, I will no longer post fanfiction either here or on AO3.

Likewise, I will no longer be posting "regular" content (like my content was regular before...) of any kind other than just becoming an EXO reblog blog. I will probably do moodboards and stuff for their birthdays, and I might post something if inspiration kicks me in the face, but otherwise, I won't force myself to make anything.

My drama content will be moved to my new sideblog that I have worked on the past couple of days to set up so that it has all the old stuff as well. I felt like it clogged up too much on my main, and probably bothered some of my non-drama-watching moots.

I have been thinking about this for a while, and think it is finally time to just become a regular fan. Thank you for all the support on my content, I love you all ❤️

So yeah... as mentioned, I will no longer be creating for this blog. For most of you, this probably doesn't come as a shock, as I haven't been posting regularly since forever really.

There are several factors that have led me to making this decision. Mostly, it's just because my motivation is nonexistent. Tumblr is dying, my dash is drying up, and reblogging is a thing of the past. A lot bigger blogs than me are struggling and some are even packing up and leaving as well.

Also, I have noticed during this year that a lot of people come to my blog and absolutely mass like every single thing on my blog - which isn't really a new thing, some blogs (for some weird reason) just never reblogs anything at all. But especially these past couple of months, these blogs have been blogs that does reblog other fics. But never mine. My stuff is not worth more than a like, apparently. And while I know I do have support (you know who you guys are, and I LOVE YOU), seeing my stuff never going anywhere really... well. Sucks.

I know I'm no *insert famous writer here*, so I can't really complain or expect all that much, but that's just how I feel. Even before, when I did get requests - the anons that asked for stuff? Never came back to tell me they liked it. Even blogs that did show their name barely gave any feedback.

So, I give up. I'm not having fun anymore and creating feels like a chore. This last series, I do feel really good about, but I know I'll be disappointed when literally no one is going to care. I have started measuring my self-worth in numbers on a screen, and that needs to stop.

I will still be here, loving EXO and kpop as I have been since I created this blog way back in 2017, but I will no longer be a creator.

Thank you all for allowing me to have a chance to share my creations with our community, I have genuinely loved my time doing it ❤️.