#I'll Be Gone In the Dark

[books-and-cookies]

5 SECOND REVIEW

* wow

* this entire story is just bonkers

* it's essentially a case study on the Golden State Killer, one of the most prolific serial killers i've ever read about, written by a woman who poured years of her life into trying to figure out his identity

* i had watched the HBO documentary, which got me interested in the story, but the book was a whirlwind

* it's unreal to me how someone can do so much harm and only get caught 30+ years later

* Michelle's dedication to this case is genuinely humbling, and there's something so profoundly human in her writing

* i'm so sad she didn't get to see him caught, she sadly passed away while writing this book

* if you're interested in true crime in any way, this is a must read

* 4/5⭐��

[girlzoot]

My mother was, and will always be, the most complicated relationship of my life. Writing this now, I’m struck by two incompatible truths that pain me. No one would have taken more joy from this book than my mother. And I probably wouldn’t have felt the freedom to write it until she was gone. —Michelle McNamara/I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer

[tvthemesongs]

I'll Be Gone in the Dark intro

[fridaypacific]

https://tvtime.com/r/2YfvG

[leiathejules]

Eu Terei Sumido na Escuridão, de Michelle McNamara [Resenha]

Faz muito tempo que não escrevo nada sobre o que leio, mas o impacto que este livro, “Eu Terei Sumido na Escuridão” teve sobre mim me fez pensar que seria bom escrever sobre.

Quando decidi parar com meu blog e abandonar as parcerias com editoras e aquela obrigação inerente de ler o que eles propunham e falar sobre, senti um alívio, uma satisfação incrível em poder ler o que queria, no ritmo que queria e, o que era melhor a época: sem contar nada pra ninguém.

Algumas vezes tive diante de mim leituras que me preencheram de diversas formas, mas que, por um motivou ou outro, sentia certo entrave na hora da falar sobre - talvez um stress ou descontentamento residual dos meus quase dez anos de blog - e acabava deixando de lado.

Mas desta vez é diferente.

Comecei a ler “Eu Terei Sumido na Escuridão”, da autora Michelle McNamara, publicado no Brasil pela Vestígio, sem ter nenhum background sobre o que se tratava, sem ter lido a sinopse, ou seja, estava livre de expectativas de toda e qualquer forma.

E como isso foi bom.

Em seu livro, a autora relata sua busca a um assassino em série que, apesar de ter passado mais de dez anos ativo, e ter cometido, segundo as investigações policiais, cerca de cinquenta estupros e dez homicídios, acabara ficando um pouco a margem da atenção da mídia, sendo pouco discutido.

No livro a autora detalha o modus operandi do criminoso, que invadia as casas durante a madrugadas para cometer seus crimes, após passar certo tempo analisando o local e estudando suas vítimas (após os ataques, e olhando em retrospectiva, as vítimas e alguns vizinhos conseguiam detectar objetos faltando ou fora do lugar, pegadas no quintal, cerca “amassada” parecendo ter sido pulada).

O primeiro casal que visou foi acordado com o clarão de uma lanterna de lente quadrada ofuscando seus olhos.

Algumas vítimas, relatavam ainda terem recebido, nas semanas que antecederam ao ataque, ligações em horários esparsos, em que a pessoa do outro lado da linha desligava imediatamente após atenderem ou então ficava em silêncio, com a vítima apenas ouvindo uma respiração, como se o criminoso estivesse monitorando os horários em que haveria alguém na casa.

A autora descreve a escalada da violência, com o criminoso - que a autora chama de Assassino de Golden State, termo que populariza através de um blog na internet que ela mantinha, sobre crimes não solucionados - passando do abuso sexual da vítima, sempre uma mulher sozinha, ao ataque a casais, e, conforme os crimes ganhavam destaque na mídia e após uma tentativa de ataque frustrada, o assassino passando a executar suas vítimas após a agressão sexual. Quase como se aquilo que antes o satisfazia não fosse mais o suficiente: à medida que ele aprimorava suas técnicas e se mantinha impune, suas “necessidades” também mudavam.

Os detalhes de como o criminoso atuava são de arrepiar os cabelos, a autora teve acesso a milhares de documentos, inclusive depoimentos das vítimas contando a pressão psicológica que o assassino impunha a elas.

A mais cruel, pra mim, consistia em o assassino, após abusar da vítima, vendada, ficar em completo silêncio, de modo que, quando a vítima respirava aliviada, imaginando que ele já teria ido embora, ele se aproximava de repente, fazendo-se sentir presente novamente.

Outra característica de suas ações era dominar os maridos/namorados das vítimas, fazendo com que as mulheres os amarrassem e que eles ficasse deitados, de bruços. O criminoso então colocava louça, como uma xícara e um pires sobre as costas do homem, dizendo que, se ele ouvisse o barulho da louça se mexendo, mataria a mulher.

O livro tem uma prosa cadenciada, informativa, factual, disposta de forma que a cada página somos guiados pela narrativa extremamente competente da autora, e conseguimos imaginar os fatos como aconteceram e temos uma visão de tudo como se estivéssemos acompanhando as investigações de perto, torcendo pelo desfecho positivo do caso, como apenas os melhores livros da literatura policial podem nos proporcionar.

No caso de “Eu Terei Sumido na Escuridão”, a autora, Michelle McNamara, não viu sua conclusão, tendo falecido enquanto dormia, alegadamente de problemas causados pelo stress trazido pela investigação que conduzia para o livro.

O trabalho foi finalizado por um editor, contratado pelo marido da autora, e por companheiros dela, que compartilhavam com ela a missão de trazer a tona a identidade do Assassino de Golden State.

Recomendo fortemente a leitura, as duas primeiras partes do livro são escritas de forma genial, e as demais, apesar de terem ficado inconclusas dado o falecimento da autora, complementam o cenário de forma competente.

Segundo li, o livro deve virar uma docusserie da HBO. O livro foi adaptado para uma docussérie já disponível na HBO Max.

E, para um desfecho ainda melhor, o Assassino de Golden State foi finalmente preso, em 2018, graças a resíduos de DNA deixados nas cenas dos crimes.

★★★★☆

Ficha Técnica: Eu Terei Sumido na Escuridão Michelle McNamara Editora Vestígio 352 páginas Título original: I'll be gone in the dark Tradução de Luis Reyes Gil

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[destinyhunterwolf]

The responsible

[thomdoesthings]

Just finished I'll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara

I don't talk about it much, but I have a pretty big interest in true crime, especially the unsolved. And this book is one of the best non fiction books I've ever read. Terrifying and chilling, definitely one I'd recommend. Especially the updated edition, which finally puts it all to bed

[dropoutfailure]

ok, enough wholesome dadson. time to sexualize terrible fathers. (cw for: dadson incest + FtM son POV + transphobia / misgendering / fetishizing / forcemasc)

transphobic dad: doesn't approve of you transitioning or taking T, but isn't stopping you and doesn't seem turned off by the changes, even after you pass consistently as a man. doesn't know how T even works, always lowkey curious about the changes. he does like that you're so much hornier on T and don't even have periods anymore. tugs at your facial hair (ow? wtf :/) and goes "huh? it's real? I thought you drew it on every morning!" with a hearty laugh. dad joke? he might have actually thought so. backhanded praise, mean jokes at your expense, and moments where he genders you correctly, by accident.

thought you would eventually change your mind and give up transitioning "when you realise that being a man is hard," as if he's not the one making it hard. he might actually think of you as a son at some point, but he was never taught to apologize, he's "always right," he's stubborn, so he will keep calling you a daughter because a father can't show weakness. wants to call you homophobic slurs sooo bad, but that would be admitting defeat.

gets angry when you bring up surgery bc he likes to squeeze your tits and fuck your pussy. won't do any anal because it's gay. and clearly, he's isn't, he says. definitely closeted.

trans boy chaser dad: for better or for worse, only took an interest in your life when he found out you're a trans guy, fixed his relationship with you by treating you more like a date than as his son.

excited, touchy-feely, even creepy. eager to please. just pathetically horny for the way your body's changing from T - he won't misgender you. you get aggressively reaffirmed to the point of it getting annoyingly patronizing actually. regardless, he fucks you hard, encouraging you to moan with your cracking voice, and is too horny to feel bad about the incest. it's a welcome change from the previous emotional distance, but you feel used, like he's taking advantage of your newly high libido.

fixated on your body and everything "clockable," would rather you didn't get any surgery... says you're already perfect as is, from just testosterone... it does feel nice that he takes some sort of pride in having a son now, fully embracing you, the way he finds even all the awkward changes (sparse facial hair, voice cracks etc) not just endearing, not just attractive, but really fucking hot. and it's a relief for your body which craves that release. but. dad might just completely lose interest a few years into T, if you pass consistently.

bisexual, he says. but of course not into cis men.

transmed dad: thinks he knows what's best for your body, forcemascs you in his own ideals, pushing you to work hard to speed up your transition, to become a "real" man. you were so happy that dad accepted you being a trans guy so wholeheartedly and proudly, but the acceptance seems to have turned into overbearing surveillance...

dad insists on doing your T injections himself, because he doesn't trust that you'll actually do them. "no son of mine will be a fucking embarrassing softboy pansy who never transitions for real, have some dignity, god damn it! either you transition fully or you don't transition at all!" ...he pushes you to consider top and bottom surgery asap, to become a "real man," regardless of what you might want. he very excitedly looks forward to the day you can top him with your real cock, like a son should. :)

he makes you like anal because that's how real men do it. you're absolutely not allowed to derive any pleasure from anywhere but your ass and T-dick, and the phantom sensation of a strapon. he's good at working your T-dick though, it's all almost worth it just for that...

love, validation, and praise only when you've "earned it." if you fail to live up to his strict expectations, the things he says fucking hurt. misgenders you as punishment and threatens to withhold your testosterone "since you want to stay a girl so bad."

......

so, all of these options leave you feeling unsatisfied and degraded in one way or another!! yippee! no, there's no option for a Normal About Trans Men And Masculinity Dad, this is the Terrible Fathers dadson poll. you must choose.

[fairydrowning]

In my "can't continue under this circumstances" era.

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[skyward-floored]

Just realized in IAU they uh. they probably had a funeral for Sky, huh.

[bonkalore]

Sooo... There’s this newer show called Daniel Spellbound and this demon guy named Jayce Chinda in the second season, who I’ve kind of attached myself to recently and very suddenly, but I will add admit, I feel the show could have been much better and I’m sad about that. 😭 You can tell there’s a lot of constraints from budget and time that limited it a lot. It’s an urban fantasy setting with some cool concepts and good & diverse character designs, and whoever is doing the color keys for the show is on point, but it does end up feeling lacking in most other things to me unfortunately.

Jayce here sadly only mostly looked like the first few pics here. No tail or other horns. 😔 I don’t want to give spoilers, but it definitely felt like his narrative was leaning toward him having a bigger, badder demon form or at least something change, but he did not and I was rather disappointed.

So I gotta do it myself I guess.

But yeah, I’m back on my bullshit and have gone and run off with the AU stuff as I usually do and will say in advance that most of my fanart is only vaguely rooted in what was given in the canon if you’re wanting to check out the show and expect something else!  I’m just glad to want to draw something again tho, it’s been ages.

[girlzoot]

For advice I turned to the retired detectives who’d worked on the case, many of whom I’d come to consider friends. The hubris had been drained from them, but that didn’t stop them from encouraging mine. The hunt to find the Golden State Killer, spanning nearly four decades, felt less like a relay race than a group of fanatics tethered together climbing an impossible mountain. The old guys had to stop, but they insisted I go on. I lamented to one of them that I felt I was grasping at straws. “My advice? Grasp a straw,” he said. “Work it to dust.” —Michelle McNamara/I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer

[elizabethrobertajones]

pretty fucked up they let you change this

[friendship ended meme]

[lulubeanie]

Lucy and Marona animatic of call them brothers by Regina Spektor and Only Son..

[chrrywvea]

i just watched white palace (1990) and uuuh-oooh the spader brainrot is getting real deep

(gosh he's so mesmerising in that movie i can't even)