#I'M STILL BITTER THAT RORY NEVER GOT TO HAVE CLOSE MALE FRIENDS

[anxiouspotatorants]

Time for some Yale Debbie Downers headcannons:

Their most common form of social gathering is movie nights at Rory’s accommodation that quickly dissolve into borderline group therapy.

The second most common is panicked study sessions whenever Glenn is behind on something or right before exams for one last hurrah. There’s a lot of coffee, a little screaming, and a tragic lack of sleep.

Due to his job, Marty tends to bring very fancy finger food to their meets, which is always paired up with whatever was on sale at the supermarket... It makes for interesting combos.

Rory gets the guys into ‘chick flicks’ (emphasis on the air quotes). Rory convinced Marty by starting with critically acclaimed romcoms, and Glenn wasn’t really given a choice. Glenn is a sucker for tragic soulmates (think Nicholas Sparks, City of Angels) and Marty’s fond of the witty but sincere (think Mystic Pizza, The Last Days of Disco)

Paris wants absolutely nothing to do with any of this. She is judging really hard. And no she is totally not jealous and she is never going to get on surprisingly okay terms with Glenn and form a weird friendship with Marty no no of course not-

Because of their bond and knowledge of each other’s love lives and insecurities, each person becomes incredibly protective of the other two. This means Glenn and Marty being unapologetically hostile towards frat bros and snobs who make a move on Rory (regardless of how fair it is they do not like Logan (but will tolerate him for Rory)). This also means Marty and Rory getting into fightmode whenever somebody is demeaning towards Glenn or his ex tries to get him back.

Their bond also makes them each other’s cheerleaders! Like how Rory and Glenn encourage Marty to explore and gush about what he’s attracted to in people, and Rory and Marty giving Glenn tips for approaching new girls.

If Glenn and Marty ever get to meet Dean or Jess they will freeze completely. Infinite staring and awkward tension. They know so much about these guys who are just now learning their names. Glenn and Marty could publicly ruin these guys’ images and Marty is really uncomfortable with that power. Glenn wants to use that power for some light bullying but inevitably chickens out.

Rory brings the boys back to Stars Hollow one time and Lorelai is confused about it (to be fair Rory doesn’t seem to have had any close male friends before the show). The boys decide to pull a prank on Rory and pretend to be in a polyamorous relationship with her. They come across Mrs Kim who almost gets a heart attack. Both of them go back to Yale with the experience of Rory’s withering stare and a month’s worth of coffee bills to make up for the embarrassment they put her through. 

To spice things up and also push themselves into the social sphere, the three of them go to see student productions of plays/dances/musicals/etc. Marty puts on a fancy scarf, Glenn and Rory ‘play’ at being snobby critcs, and Rory forces Paris to make a collage of the programs as a sentimental token around gradution.

After graduation they drift a little apart at the start due to different jobs in different places, but manage to keep in touch by email. At one point Rory and Glenn work at the same paper and become attached at the hip at work. It spurs them to more actively keep up with Marty, and they arrange to meet at least twice a year for weird finger food and ranting about life.

They might also occasionally go to stage plays together as adults, which leads to some very weird reunions. Sometimes they come across other Yale alumni (usually LDB people with box seats if they go to something fancy), and sometimes it’s Broadway star and Chilton alumnus Brad Langford.