#I'M SO SORRY ACTUALLY. REPLYING TO COMMENTS AND TRYING TO EXPRESS HOW GRATEFUL I AM FOR THE LOVE

[quillium]

Two kinds of comments and replies on ao3:

1.

commentor: nice fic

author replying: Hello you have done me the greatest of services. The kindest of compassions hast been received from thine good hand. May you be blessed into the coming days, for you have blessed me and mine.

2.

commentor: This tore into my ribcage and you hold my still-beating heart in your hands. I loved the thematic strength of this story--the persistent symbolism within is everything, actually. Your characterization was so on point, I adored the specific choices you made to cement not only the dynamics and show the effect on others but also the further the plot in a logical manner--

author replying: lol thx <3

[charliedawn]

Imagine being in a hate love relationship with Peter Hale

Warning : attempt of rape

You were on Peter duty..Again. Since Peter Hale was the man that everybody feared, it had been decided that you would be the one keeping an eye on the overly fool-of-himself werewolf with the power of your mighty patience. Scott and Stiles stop in front of Derek's loft and he jogs out to meet you.

" Thanks Y/N. I owe you one !"

He says with a grateful smile and you smile back.

" Big time. But come on, you three go hunt whatever creature you have to hunt and I'll stay to take care of Mr Smarty-pants up there !"

You say enthusiastically and they all smile apologetically at you, knowing how the two of you were not exactly on friendly terms.

" Be careful, okay ? And tell him that if he touches you, I'll kick his ass !"

Stiles says confidently, which makes you laugh.

" Don't worry, Stiles. If there is any problem, I'll call you guys immediately and plus, I have a way to take care of moody children.."

You tell him with a mysterious smile and Stiles nods understandingly.

" I know..Just, stay safe."

And with that last warning, they are all out of here. As soon as they are out of your sight, your smile leaves your face and you sigh loudly before turning towards the building and whisper to yourself.

" Welp..Here we go.."

As soon as you enter, you smell something burning and see the stove on fire. You run towards it and take a glass from the cupboard to fill it with water in order to stop the fire. When you're done, you are panting because of the effort and look murderously at Peter that is sitting calmly on the couch, as if nothing had happened.

You glare at him while he doesn't even raise his eyes from his book.

" Let me guess..You couldn't smell the smoke ?"

You ask annoyed and only then does he look up at you with a small mischievous smile.

" Aren't you supposed to be the one keeping me out of harm's way ? You are here to keep me from doing anything stupid, not the other way around..I create chaos and you're here to stop me. Do your job and stop whining."

You grit your teeths in anger before sitting on the couch, as far away from Peter as possible. You can't believe the nerve of this man that was ready to burn the entire flat only to prove a point !

" I don't know why you're so eager to unnerve me. Does it entertain you ? Would it kill you to be nice and helpful from time to time ?"

You ask while taking a nearby book and starting reading yourself, not really interested in his answer that you knew would not be anything but upsetting.

" I'm the spark that lits your fire, sweetheart..Try to let go sometimes, you would actually enjoy it. Why don't you try to be less of a killjoy ?"

You raise an eyebrow at that before returning to your book and replying nonchalantly.

" Have you ever considered, even for only a moment, that I simply don't like you ?"

He fakes being offended by putting his hand above his heart and widening his eyes dramatically at you.

" Oh darling ! Me who thought that you were about to ask my hand in marriage ?! How disappointing ?!"

You snort.

" Hard pass."

He sighs in false disappointment before taking his coat and walking towards the exit.

" And where do you think you're going ?"

You ask with an eyebrow arked in curiosity.

" Out."

He answers simply before opening the door. You sigh before taking your coat and running after him.

" Didn't Derek warn you that I am allowed to use silver bullets if you disobey me ?"

He scoffs before shrugging, not bothering waiting for you.

" I'm going to get a beer, not kill a bunch of innocent virgins.."

He winks at you cheekily before stepping inside the bar that was the nearest to the apartment. You role your eyes at his comment before entering the bar after him.

You look around and are amazed to see that the place wasn't as bad as you had previously thought. It had good background music and not a lot of customers, besides a couple of drunk friends who were talking in whispers at their table. However, Peter isn't visible and you sigh again before walking towards the counter to ask the bartender if he had any idea of where your irresponsible dog had run off to. You sit down and attract the attention of the bartender by raising your hand. He walks towards you and leans in to listen to your order.

" A soda, please."

He arks an eyebrow at you, nearly amused, before turning around and getting out what you asked.

" Are you sure you don't want anything else ? Anything stronger ?"

He says while eyeing your bottle of soda warily, as if it was an insult to his establishment for you to order such a drink. You smile, tempted beyond reason, but then remember that you had a werewolf to find.

" Sorry. Can't. I'm on the job. By the way, have you seen a man ? Sarcastic. Arrogant. Energic. Tall. Very annoying. Awfully blond. Seen him anywhere ?"

He looks suspiciously at you before asking in a slightly worried and even threatening voice.

" You're a cop ?"

You can't help but laugh bitterly at the question before replying.

" You could say that. But I am only responsible of one criminal, and the only crime he committed is to not have messed up my night, yet.."

He smirks when he understands the irony in your tone and was about to answer when someone puts his hand on your shoulder. You turn around to see a very smug Peter with a huge grin.

" Oh ! Look at that ! The overly confident puppy is finally back ! What ? Got lost on the way ?"

You ask sarcastically and he only humphs in response before sitting next to you, the grin not leaving his face.

" Why ? Missed me ?"

You scoff before taking a sip of your drink.

" As much as a needle in my heel..But, if Derek was to find out that I've let you out of your cage, he would have my head.."

He wraps his arm around your shoulders and makes you spill your drink a little over yourself.

" Aww..You do care ! My cold heart warms at the thought of the packs brat worrying about me !"

You groan in annoyance before biting his hand off. He hisses in pain before retrieving his hand and massaging it while glaring at you from the corner of his eyes. Just at that moment, the bartender comes back to get Peter's order and eyes Peter suspiciously before looking back at you with an inquisitive glance, asking discreetly if you needed an escape. You could have laughed if it wasn't so sad. Peter was such a nuisance that people were now wondering if he was the one bothering you, when in fact it was the opposite. However Peter, that had not missed the silent conversation, growls when the bartender gives him a warning side glance. But, not intimidated the nearest, Peter smirks a toothy grin at the bartender before showing his bitten hand.

" Careful. The brat bites. I've seen what it is capable of, first hand..literally. Don't worry, if you should be worried about anyone around here, it's everyone else besides her."

He cautioned and the bartenders eyes widen at the mark that would certainly have left a scar if he was a normal human being while you snicker in your corner. The bartender quickly runs towards his other customers at the far end of the bar, leaving you two in your sudden awkward solitude.

" Well..Isn't he a gentleman ? Thinking you need saving from me. Not even considering that I could be the abused one in this relationship ? How rude !"

You try to stifle a laugh. Unfortunately, he hears you and smirks proudly at his small victory.

" I'm not the psychopath that tried to murder a bunch of teenagers just because I wanted to become the big bad alpha.."

You taunt while giving him an amused side glance. He groans in annoyance as you make him remember his past and he gulps down his whiskey, an attempt to make him forget faster.

" Aren't you a delight ?! Playing unfair by spreading out the touchy subjects like that..No wonder Stiles rejected you. You would have chomped his lips off !"

You glare at him as he talks about Stiles before replying harshly.

" Says the man whose only date was Scott's mom, and that was to trap him ! You're so terrible that nobody could stand being with you more than 5 minutes without hating you ! I would tell you to go to hell, but it would be unfair on Satan !"

He chuckles at that last part and you take your drink in order to take a sip and calm your nerves, but grimace at the awful taste. You had asked for a soda, but it tasted more like salt with water..He cackles at your expression before whispering mockingly in your ear with false concern.

" Oh ! What ? Ain't sweet enough for you, sweetheart ?"

You only raise a very distinctive finger at him, warning him that one more word from him would result in extreme pain and look around the room to distract yourself from his presence..and from the fact that you were his entitled babysitter. Your eyes wander and finally settle on the nice bartender that winks at you when you meet his gaze. You blush slightly before smiling back at him. He wasn't bad-looking and everything would be better than bantering with the overly sarcastic and confident werewolf that couldn't seem to leave you be. You were about to stand up and walk towards the cute bartender when suddenly, a hand raises to lay on your shoulder and pin you down to your seat. You were about to complain and even yell at Peter when you hear him growl from deep withing him while he shoots a dirty glare at the poor young man. You frown in incomprehension and grit your teeths in annoyance, thinking it was one of his attention seeking gesture. You then take his hand and force him to let go of you to walk towards the exit. Here you go again, you couldn't even enjoy your night without having to take care of the sulky werewolf. You soon hear his footsteps behind you and when he is about to grab your arm, you turn around abruptly and glare at him with such seriousness that it freezes him on the spot.

" How about you and your insanity stay the heck away from me ?! I'm so tired of your bullshit, Peter ! Why can't you just leave me alone ?!"

At your harsh words, Peter's gaze hardens and he retracts his hand to only smirk at you and tilt his head a little bit to the side, as if he didn't understand the question.

" Oh darling..I would love to ! But, you see, it seems that me and my insanity are often required to solve your friend's little problems !"

Suddenly, unnerved beyond belief and having had more than enough of him, you feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes and yell at him, so loud that it surprises the werewolf himself.

" Leave me alone ! Why am I the only one who always has to handle you?! Why do you always ask Derek for me to keep you, even though you don't even like me ?! If I'm such a bother, why not just get rid of me ?!"

He doesn't seem to be able to find an answer and you don't even let him reply. You start running until you reach a small and dark alley. When you're sure you are far enough for the werewolf not to hear you cry, you crouch down and start sobbing. When you've spilt all of your frustration and sadness out, you wipe your face with your sleeve and stand up to get back home. However, when you are about to leave the alley-way, you see someone else blocking the exit. You first think that it's Peter, but the more you approach the individual, the more you have to admit that it doesn't look like Peter. You try to walk past him, but he brusquely grabs your arm and throws you to the ground. You want to get your phone out of your purse, but the man stomps on your hand and you scream in pain. The man takes you by the jaw and forces you to look up at him. His disgusting breath hitting your face, smelling of alcool and his evil smirk making you want to puke even more.

" Aren't ya a sweat ass ? Tell me, what does a young lady like yourself doing here by herself in the middle of the night, hmm ?"

You want to scream for help again, but another individual behind you puts his hand against your mouth to muffle your screams and you feel the familiar shape of a knife against your throat. When you know that there is nothing else you can do, you close your eyes and try to stop the new tears from leaving your eyes..You didn't want to cry for those men, they didn't deserve your tears..

" Now..You're going to be a good girl and let us take care of you, okay ?"

The one posted behind you whispers in your ear and you clench your jaw, your last thought going to Peter. You had been awful to him, even though you knew he wasn't a bad person..You had let out your frustration on him and you were now regretting it bitterly. You should have sticked to your job and stay with him. If you had, maybe you wouldn't be in your current situation. Reality hits you hard when you feel one of the men starting to open your blouse. When you thought that that was it, that you were going to be raped in that dirty alley-way and probably killed, you hear the hurried footsteps of someone running towards your location. You want to scream again, but the knife is raised once again against your throat.

" One peep and nobody will even find your body.."

You whimper and nod in understanding. The footsteps stop and you hold your breath.

" Sweetheart ? Are you there ?"

You hear the familiar voice of Peter and feel relieved to know that he is near. However, the man whispers instructions in your ear and you can't help but nod in agreement, knowing that he wouldn't hesitate to slice your throat if you were to disobey.

" You're going to tell him to go away, that you don't want him to come any closer..I know what he is and the knife is made of silver and has been dipped in wolfsbane for a while..Don't play smart or you'll lose more than your life.."

He uncovers your mouth and you respond in a shaky voice.

" G..Go away, Peter..I don't want you near me ! I hate you !"

You bit to your inner cheek, wondering if he would insist or know that something is wrong. You know that even if he was to guess that something is wrong, you couldn't afford to lose him as well..However, you hear him take a step towards you and sniff the air. He suddenly growls animalistically and his eyes light up in the dark.

" I can smell the stench of two putrid little humans that shouldn't be touching what isn't theirs.."

You start panicking, knowing that he could die if he was to step any closer and yell in a last attempt to protect him.

" Don't, Peter ! They've got wolfsbane ! Run !"

One of the men muzzles you again, but Peter doesn't step back. He gets his claws out and snarls.

" Alright boys. Let's rumble."

The two men stand up and face Peter that doesn't seem scared. He doesn't keep his eyes off them while they circle him. The man with the knife tries to attack him first, but Peter grabs his arm and tears it off from the rest of his body. The man screams in agony, but Peter slashes his throat before turning towards the other man that is shaking with terror.

" What ?! You are brave enough to attack a defenseless woman, but not enough to fight a werewolf ?!"

He roars and the man suddenly gets out a gun that he points at Peter. Before he could react, the man shoots and the bullet goes through his abdomen. Peter falls on his knees and the man runs away, leaving you and him behind. You force yourself to get up and crouch down in front him to see that the wound is not closing itself.

" Wolfsbane bullet.."

He affirms what you already suspected and you have to take deep breathes in order not to panic. You know what to do, you had seen Derek do it a thousand time already. You need to cauterize the wound. You close your eyes and try to calm yourself before trying to carry him back home. When you finally enter the building after a few grunts and moans of pain from the both of you, you lay Peter down on the couch and look around for something hot enough to burn the poison. Suddenly, your eyes fall on a blowtorch and when Peter understands what you were thinking about, he looks pitifully up at you.

" I have a very bad tolerance to pain."

He warns you, a warning that sounds more like a desperate plea for you to reconsider your plan..But you know that you don't have much time and address him a silent apology with your eyes before taking the handle of your purse and make him bite down on it.

" This is gonna hurt. Bad. But, I'm going to try to be as fast as I can, okay ?"

His nostrils flare in fear for the pain to come, but he nods in agreement and you take a big shaky breath before using the blowtorch. As soon as the fire gets in contact with his skin, Peter visibly whitens, his eyes flash blue and you can see his claws digging in the soft material of the couch. You don't know what to do to attenuate the pain, so you do the first thing that comes to mind to distract him..You kiss him. His eyes widen perceptibly at your action, but he doesn't hesitate before burying his hands in your hair and reciprocating the kiss, even though the handle of your purse forms some kind of barrier between you and him. When you take a step back, he seems more relax and you glance down at his wound before switching off the blowtorch. You are relieved when you see the wound closing and smile widely at him. But, before you could truly process what was happening, Peter had gotten rid of your purse and had bounced on top of you to pin you to the floor and kiss you passionately again.

" Stiles doesn't deserve you..Nobody does..Nobody needs you like I do..Nobody can handle me the way you do..I don't want them to take you away from me..Stay with me..If you leave, I'll lose my fucking mind.."

He mutters between each breath he takes while kissing you and you blush vividly at his words. He looks up at you with his bright blue eyes and you can't help but smile up at him before kissing him back yourself and petting the top of his head appreciatively.

" You damn nut job, if you wanted me that bad, why didn't you tell me ? Instead of making me lose my mind.."

He grins before nuzzling your neck and wrapping his arms around your waist.

" Because I like when you get mad.."

You chuckle before returning his embrace.

" Bad pup.."

" Stiles lover"

You ark an eyebrow at the odd insult before replying teasing.

" Does that mean I won't be able to go back to his place and sleep on his couch ? Do I have to remind you that I live with him ?"

He tightens his hold on you and grumbles tiredly against your ribcage.

" Over my dead body. The only thing you will be allowed to sleep on from now on is me, got it ?"

You seem dumbfounded for a second and Peter picks on your uneasiness before laughing and looking up at you with a sly smile.

" Not what I meant, you pervert."

You blush a deep red and hit him on the back of the head playfully.

" Hey ! You're the one always insinuating things !"

He genuinely smiles at you before lowering his chin on your belly and tilting his head to look at you with fake innocence.

" I'm not the one who kissed me.."

You sigh, it was becoming a competition, like many things with him. You sit back up and make him fall at the same time.

" Yeah ?! Well, you were badly injured..and you reciprocated !"

You don't know why you wanted to defend yourself, you just know that you can't allow yourself to succomb for the man that had nearly killed all of your friends. Plus, you had just been attacked and were too weak to make any decisions. He seems to notice your worry and takes a step back immediately to get up and extend his hand towards you.

" I'm sorry. You helped me and I was being an idiot. You need to get some rest. Come on."

You look at his hand for a few seconds before slipping your hand in his. He yanks you upwards and proceeds to carry you back to your room where he lays you down on your bed. He leaves the room promptly afterwards, mumbling a small goodnight before walking out. When you're sure he is truly gone, you curl up into a ball and try to muffle your sobs. You couldn't sleep, every time you would close your eyes, their hands were there, touching you and making you feel as if you were weak..So weak..You whimper and cry as silently as you can until someone opens the door suddenly and blinding light surrounds the room. You turn around to see Peter standing there, his eyes glowing with such an intense color that it shocks you, you then notice the slight rise of his shoulders at each of his heavy breathing and finally, his lips curled and teeths grinding in rage.

" I should have killed them both..I should have never left you.."

You open your eyes wide at the realization, he had probably heard you and was reacting to your emotions. He approaches slowly and tenderly strokes your cheek, placing his forehead against yours.

" I'm so sorry, darling.."

You feel as if he's been crying too and step back. He seems to be hurt by your sudden distance, but you quickly indicate the spot next to you.

" Come on, I need a bed warmer."

His eyes light up like a happy puppy and he crawls next to you in order to cuddle you, making sure that you are comfortable every step of the way. You sigh in contempt before feeling sleep slowly taking over your tired body. Just before you fall asleep however, you mumble sleepily at Peter.

" You were right..I won't be able to sleep when you're not there anymore..You're too good of a bed warmer.."

You feel him chuckle behind you and smile as you realize that being best bud with Peter wouldn't be so bad..and maybe with time, a bit more.

The next day :

Derek finds the both of you on the sofa: you reading a book out loud, and Peter with his arms wrapped around you, listening attentively.

" So, I guess the babysitting went better than our stake out last night ?"

He asks, amused by your sudden friendliness towards each other. You look up at him with a small smile while Peter chuckles against your ear, the sound alone making you feel things you shouldn't be.

" Best of friends, aren't we, sweetheart ?"

Instead of answering his question, you try to change the subject.

" What happened to the stake out then ? I thought you were supposed to catch a couple of bounty hunters ?"

Derek shakes his head before shrugging his shoulders.

" I know, but when we got there, there was only one of them, and he was screaming that his friend had been murdered by another werewolf in town..I wonder if there are any others like us that we've not yet been in contact with ?"

At his explanation, you feel a lump forming in your throat, but when you were about to tell him what happened last night, Peter beats you to it.

" Funny, your description of the scene exactly matches what happened to me last night.."

Derek frowns before looking up at Peter with his jaw clenched.

" I thought I was pretty clear when I said stay put ?"

He glares at Peter, but then his eyes shift to you.

" And you, where were y..?"

But before he could finish his sentence, Peter cuts him again.

" Asleep. I waited for her to fall asleep before going out. Poor humans, can't manage a night without craving sleep.."

You look up at him with your mouth wide open, ready to deny everything he just said when you see him wink at you..He wasn't trying to make you look bad at your job, he was trying to save you the embarrassment. You close your mouth as fast as you had opened it and turn around towards Derek that was looking at you with an eyebrow raised, waiting for your confirmation. You nod and he sighs.

" Maybe it was a bad idea to leave you alone with him, you're still young and he's had plenty of experience when it comes to get what he wants..I'll ask Scott or Stiles next time."

You feel the lump in your throat slowly making its way to your stomach and your expression twists into one of pain and regret.

" No !"

To the surprise of everyone in the room, including yourself, you're the one who just shouted your disagreement. Derek frowns again before crossing his arms and waiting impatiently for an explanation while Peter only tightens his grip around you, a silent warning as to what you are about to say. You take a big breath before glancing up at Derek and saying in a calm and unfaltering voice.

" This is my job. I'm part of the pack. It's bad enough that I'm completely useless when it comes to working on the field, I can't let my only participation in all this go to someone else. I made a mistake, it won't happen again."

Derek seems to believe you, even though he shakes his head in hesitation.

" I don't know, Y/N..I was allowing this to continue since it seemed to work..But, Peter succeeded in complicating things, again."

He emphasizes on the last word while staring at Peter accusatively. Peter flashes an innocent grin at him before agreeing with you.

" I promise to behave from now on. Please, dad ? Can I please keep my plaything ? It gets lonely around here when you're all running around, chasing your own tails over and over.."

You elbow him as a warning, but Derek is already shooting daggers in his direction, on the verge of growling in annoyance. Fortunately, Derek succeeds in keeping his cool and only sighs in defeat before walking away.

" Fine. But, I warn you, one more mistake and I'll personally kick you out.."

" Can't do that, chief. It's my house !"

Peter answers with a big shit-eating grin, but Derek frowns at him before looking straight at you.

" I was talking to you, Y/N..I can't allow you to become a weakness, we've got already too many and Peter is the master of manipulation, dont fall for his tricks. It's a warning, let it be not a premonition."

And with those last words, he is gone. You both stay still for a moment until you decide to stand up and make yourself a cup of coffee. The words of Derek are swirling around in your mind and you glance at Peter when you think he's not looking..Were you really just another pawn in his mastermind plan to bring down the pack ? He seems to feel your stare and points it out.

" If I didn't know you the way I do, I'd say that you actually believe this idiot.."

" Why did you protect me ?"

You ask him abruptly, still not sure about what to make of last night's rescue. He seems to thinks about it for a while before answering you with such honesty that it surprises you.

" Because there was no reason for me to talk about it..Unlike what you all think of me, I'm not such a monster. I feel no satisfaction in a young girl's life being ruined by such macabre events. I care about you more than any of the other dumb teenagers of your group, even my own cousin. You're nice, kind, smart and you don't judge. You never told me that what I did was despicable or that I didn't deserve to live. You did what you had to do and tried the best you could to help. I agree that we have had our disagreements, but it was always playful and never really serious. Why would I ever want anything bad like this to happen to you when you're the only person who ever believed that I could become an ally ? Tell me, how many people do you think ever read to me or felt safe in my arms ? Not even my own family ever believed I could change..So, yes. I protected you, because you would have done the same thing for me. Your strength remains in your humanity, Y/N. Stiles may be the voice of reason, but you're the voice of mercy.."

You are awestruck by the words that seem to be tumbling out of his lips and surround you like the warmest of blankets. You would be happy to listen to him all day. You genuinely smile at him and, before you could stop yourself, you kiss him. He relaxes under your touch and wraps his arms around you to close the gap between the both of you. He finally breaks the kiss and laughs softly before adding.

" You also have very nice lips.."

You playfully punch his torso before laying down on top of him, finding the rhythm of his heartbeat oddly soothing.

" You're a jerk..But you're still a good person.."

You whisper while closing your eyes and you can hear him snicker above you.

" Congratulations, you just qualified me with two opposites. Jerk and good normally don't go together."

You don't answer, already snoring softly on his torso. He smiles sweetly at the sight before kissing the top of your head.

" Sweet dreams, darling.."

[sunkaashi]

— OVERTIME

↬ Pairing. College!Atsumu x Manager!Reader

↬ Genre. Fluff. A hint of enemies to lovers if you look really closely.

↬ Warnings. Mentions of alcohol. I guess nothing else? Let me know if you think I'm wrong!

↬ Summary.  Atsumu Miya is hopelessly in love with you, but how could he ever catch your attention if all you do is ignore him? Well, maybe his plan starts to work out when he finds out that whenever he stays longer for practice, you have to stay too.

↬ Word count. 1.7k

↬ tris' note: I wrote this in the spur of the moment, but I had so much fun! feedbacks are extremely appreciated! if you wanna be added to my general taglist, fill out this form.

anyways, did you know that only hot people reblog the works they like? NO? well, now you do ;) jk, but reblogs help me tons and I'm very grateful for them <3

Sweat dripped down the back of ATSUMU's neck as he jogged around the college tracks for the nth time that afternoon.

"Just one more lap." He kept telling himself over and over again as if repeating it would make it any less of a lie.

But who could blame him when this was the only moment of the day that he could spend with you? When he just knew that, by the end of that turn, you'd be there to receive him, water bottle and towel in hand? If anything, that just drove him more and more motivated to get to the finish line.

Those seconds in which your hands slightly brushed off against each other's; the way you laughed whenever he tripped over himself, too tired to carry on; the sarcastic sneer on your face every time you scolded him for wasting your time, but still wouldn't leave. To Atsumu, that was his reward, better than any shining trophy.

"Oi! Miya!" Your voice woke him up from his trance as the blonde boy finally shot up a glance at you. He rested with his hands on his knees, chest going up and down in strong and unsteady motions, legs still trembling a bit from the training. "We've been here for almost two hours! Everybody has left already, and I want to go home for God's sake!"

Atsumu snickered at the way your voice got higher with each word, deflecting from his gaze while you said you wanted to leave. He also didn't miss how you knitted your eyebrows together just before going off at him, carefully scanning his shaky body.

"Ya could've left, ya know? I never asked ya to stay!" He replied, smirking a little while making sure to stare right into your pupils.

If eyes are the windows to the soul, that must be the reason yours were so beautiful to him. As he tried to get an answer through them, he also delighted himself in such a vision. That's why he was quick to notice their slight tremble at his remark.

"And leave you to die?!" Your voice, once again, cut him off of his daydreams. "You've been running for more than an hour after a pretty rough practice, if you go into cardiac arrest who's gonna call an ambulance?! I'm the team manager, I don't want any deaths on my back!"

In his defense, he was only there because of you, but — obviously — he wouldn't tell you that. He decided to just laugh it off.

"Well, that's something you don't see every day!" He teased.

"What?!"

"Yer’ worried ‘bout me!" Atsumu said, trying to suppress the smile forming in the corner of his mouth.

Even though his tone was playful, he knew something was off when his words were left hanging in the air, no snarky comments added to the back-and-forth banter you were both so used to.

Seeing your widened eyes, he started to question if he was right or, worse, if he had crossed a line.

You gulped down as if this would prevent you from spilling something you shouldn't say. Atsumu was dying to know what it was.

This had become a little routine of yours. Staying for a couple more hours after practice as you helped him out for a while. At first, he knew you're just doing your job, after all, you were there to assist the boys, it didn't matter who they were. Still, he couldn't shake the thought that maybe, just maybe, something had changed as the months went by.

He remembered it perfectly. It wasn't that long before that you used to curse him for making you lose such precious time of your day. He knew you had your reasons! Staying overtime underneath the unforgiving sun, having to catch up on your studies while sitting beside the filthy running tracks, surrounded by sweaty and dirty athletes.

Even so, it wasn't pleasant for him either. Jogging for endless hours, the summer heat consuming him as if hell were just around the corner.

Usually, he would run only half of those miles. But how could he stop? How could he stop knowing that the minute he did, you'd have to go home, and he would only see you the next day? No, he needed more time to win you over. He needed those small talks in between his breaks. He needed every single one of the few glances you exchanged every time he ran past you. He needed to hear you giggling at his jokes at least once more.

What once felt like dragging insufferable after hours, began to seem like less and less time over the weeks. Those little details were what made it all worth it. They were his private entrance to heaven.

And he believed that you might've been starting to feel the same way too.

He'd caught the way your lips curled up into a shy smile the last time he'd offered to walk you home. He also had noticed how your irises shined a bit brighter whenever he bought you food, worried because he knew you'd be there with him for those extra periods. He'd seen the way you laughed at his childhood stories just a tad too hard, always asking for another one.

Atsumu had always been aware of how he comes off to people: the arrogant self-centered jock. He never really cared about any of those things, but he did care about how you perceived him. The man just hoped that soon enough, you'd learn he was more than what others wanted him to be. Not a pretentious athlete, albeit a normal guy as any other, just with an ambitious goal set to his mind. And whenever you shared one of those intimate moments, he thought that, perhaps, you were one of the few people that actually saw him for who he was.

Still, that didn't make it any easier to admit the feelings he'd developed for you.

"Oi! Are ya alright?" Atsumu said, trying to catch your attention, a delicate expression laying on his countenance. "I'm sorry if I overstepped in any way, ‘kay? It was a joke, I promise." You didn't answer him just yet.

"Hey!" He proceeded, lifting your chin up so you'd look at him. "Now I'm the one getting worried 'bout ya! Snap out of it and get back to hating on me before ya realize I might have a heart!" Atsumu mocked himself, but shied away from your glare while doing so.

At least he'd made you chuckle.

“I always knew you had one, Miya." You said, rolling your eyes at the man. “I just didn’t know it worked!”

“Oya! That was mean!”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” You asked, arching your brows.

“Well, maybe, but it wouldn’t hurt if ya were a little nicer to me once in a while!”

“Yeah? How so?” The words slipped past your lips without missing a beat, and Atsumu couldn’t help but wonder if the flirtatious undertone was something he had only imagined. He decided to take the bait.

“For starters...” Atsumu began, slowly making his way closer to where you were standing. “Ya could buy me a beer after we’re done here.” Was he crazy or did he really see your shoulders relaxing at his words?

“Oh, is that easy?” You responded in the same toying manner.

“Hold up!” He said, raising his hands to the air. “That’s just the first step!”

“And then what?”

“And then…” Atsumu continued, moving further towards your figure. “Then ya could let me hear that beautiful laugh of yers a few more times.” He completed, stealing a giggle out of you. “Just like that.”

“Great, so I’m halfway through it.” Your tone may have been monotonous, but your eyes told him otherwise. “Anything else or can we get this over with?”

“Maybe, while yer’ laughing, ya could finally realize that I’m not as bad as ya think I am.” He pondered, moving a loose strand of hair out of your features, clearing the view to your gaze.

“Now you wanna tell me what to think?” You scoffed, crossing your arms.

“Is just a suggestion! Take it as ya wish!” He winked at you.

“And what if I told you that I already did?”

“Ya did?” This time, he sounded soft, breaking out of the teasy character for a second.

“You’re not bad, Miya... Far from that.” 

“Well, that’s a shock.”

“You don’t look surprised.” You stated, pointing out the crescent grin on his face.

“Too much wishful thinking made me ready for this moment.”

“And what exactly is this moment… Atsumu?” The way you said his name, in a hushed voice, almost like a secret meant to be shared by only the both of you, gave him the green light he needed to go on.

“It’s when I finally kiss ya.” 

Atsumu was quick to grab your waist, pulling you closer to his chest, and finally closing the gap between you two. His gawk rapidly traveled from your mouth to your eyes, longing for a confirmation. It didn’t take a second after your subtle nod for him to merge your lips together, your body melting at his touch. His grasp was gentle, but firm, like you were something he treasured, something that he never wanted to let go of. And by the way you gripped onto his neck, the boy could tell he wasn’t alone in this.

Atsumu moved his palms all the way up your back, briefly running his fingers through your hair, but resting them upon finding your face. His tender touch cupped your cheeks in between his hands, pushing away just when he inevitably ran out of breath. 

"Do I still have to buy you that beer or is this nice enough for you?" You said, unable to repress a smile.

“Hm, I’m not sure… Why don’t you kiss me again and we'll see?"

© sunkaashi — 2021.  all rights reserved. do not repost, plagiarise it, translate it nor reproduce this post as your own.

[hajimeiwaswife]

THE WAY I LOVED YOU

Word count: 4,2K

Wanings: angst (but fluff, too)

Summary: You weren't over the love Childe provided you, even when you were engaged to Albedo years later.

A blue, pink and mauve sky garnished the surroundings of the Stormbearer Mountains. The summery breeze, warm as the light of the bright sun, comforted those who walked along the path of fallen leaves, wild flowers and the smell of mint. A beautiful landscape presented itself for sore eyes to see.

A certain Alchemist was working on his new masterpiece, relaxing under the few rays of light that came with dusk, painting the one he considered the most beautiful person to ever put a foot on Teyvat. Mixing the colours of nature, he portraited on the sketch book the view he had of his fiancée and the scenery, all of it worthy of a cheesy romance novel and a fantasy book.

"How much time do you need?" Y/N asked in a tired tone, trying not to shift her position, "I'm getting crumps on my face from smiling."

The man didn't answer at the moment, considering for a brief time her question and filling a space on the page that still needed his attention. At last, he looked at her and smiled at the image he had the honour of witnessing. The girl, dressed in a summer white and blue dress, was slightly pouting at the lack of talking from his part. Her hair danced with the wind and he thanked Barbatos for letting him see her golden locks fly around her face.

"Just a little more, my love," he answered, his attention shifting back to the drawing in front of him.

"You said that an hour ago," the girl sighed, putting a smile again on her face so she didn't disrupt her lover from painting her, "I thought you wanted to go see Sucrose before the sun came down. Oh! And also, you promised Klee you'd visit her."

He hummed, immersed in the way her features took a hardened expression when she tried to remember something that needed to be done. Brows furrowed and fore finger on her right cheek, she looked at him in search of a comment from the Alchemist.

"Albedo! Are you listening to me?"

"You're so beautiful." mumbled the man, lost in her and the blush that was forming on her visage.

Shameless and, at the same time, honest and shy. That was Albedo, the one she was engaged to. Such an honourable and good man, someone who loved her as much as the Sea loved its waves, as much as the birds loved the Wind, as much as a Dwelling loved the warmth of the fire. He gave her his everything and from the bottom of his own person, and she was grateful for it.

"I'm sorry" he promptly said, coughing on his palm to hide the evident embarrassment he felt, "It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable."

At that, she couldn't help but laugh. He was such a beautiful person, always searching her comfort and well-being before anyone else's, always taking care of her and looking for her. A pure soul, she would venture to affirm.

"Don't be silly, sweetheart," Y/N chuckled, positioning once again for him to portray her, "you know I love it when you compliment me. Now, c'mon, finish before the sun falls."

"As you wish."

One more hour of dirtying their hands in paint and observing the marvellous dusk that came upon them, they left to visit Sucrose, who was willing to tell Albedo about her advances in the research they both were working on.

"That's impressive, Sucrose," Albedo praised the girl, reading the documents and correcting those things he found could be improved.

Y/N turned off the conversation, not really interested in the depths of the Alchemy. She respected what the husband to be and her friend did for a life and she couldn't be prouder, but that didn't mean she wanted to hear the endless conversations about properties a flower could have.

After saying goodbye to the little Alchemist, they both headed to say hello to little Klee, who was mad at them for coming so late, it was already her time for bed and, as she said, 'We can't go bomb fishing!', followed by a 'Do you not love Klee?' Reassuring the little bomb crazy kid was more draining than she could imagine, but she did it for Albedo, nonetheless.

The afternoon turned into the late hours of the night, lilac sky was now dark and adorned with stars. The Alchemist had intertwined his fingers with Y/N's, sighing in content, allowing himself to relax at the warmth of her hand and the serenity reigning in Mondstadt.

"Maybe we should head home, you seem exhausted," commented Albedo after watching his fiancée yawn for the third time in ten minutes.

"That would be great, actually." Y/N yawned again, gaining a quiet chuckle from the man next to her.

No one talked again, everything already said until the moment to bid goodnight when they laid in bed. Albedo, being the reserved man he was, kept himself in his side of the bed, not too confident to spoon his girl still.

The silence was only accompanied by Albedo's soft snores. Darkness decorated the walls of the room in the AM. The sense of being trapped growing inside Y/N as she thought of the implications of her new life. She was engaged to an incredible man, who told her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her every single day; who went with her on strolls and made her laugh; who could teach her more than she could ever imagine; who appreciated her as she was.

Still, she felt nothing. At all.

She liked Albedo, that was clear. Who wouldn't like Albedo? He was the perfect man. On more than one occasion, Y/N had Amber and Barbara drooling about how lucky she was to be with someone like him. She knew she was the luckiest girl in Teyvat, most women simped over Diluc or Albedo. But, at the same time, she only felt guilt for being with him without actually loving him.

Anxiety growing on her, she decided to stand up. She walked out of the room, being careful not to disrupt Albedo's sleep, and headed to the transport point, she needed to be away from any form of human activity, she felt like shouting and hitting the first thing she could see. Breathing becoming a very tedious task as she approached the device, opting to go to Mt. Aocang. If she was going to wake someone up, she preferred an Adeptus who wouldn't ask more than any nosy human.

The wind, colder than that afternoon, calmed her to the point her lungs could take the oxygen she had been trying to get for minutes. The orange leaves obscured by the night reminded her of the hair she used to love so much. The hair of that man she had once despised, then loved, and then lost.

He, who claimed to be brave enough to enter her heart, had been the one to take it and keep it even until those days. Y/N noticed how her breathing became irregular again, she was used to it, every time she thought about the Harbinger. That repulsive, irresponsible, dishonest, cunning, intelligent and breath-taking man she couldn't forget. How had she let it come so far?

Albedo gave her everything, yet her heart yearned Childe's love. How pathetic.

"Fuck you, Childe!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, not caring for the Adepti, not caring for those who could hear her cursing the Harbinger Tartaglia at 2 a.m. a Thursday night. "You ruined me, you motherfucker!"

So many fights, so many make outs, so much love making, so many nights under the stars trying to comprehend their feelings for the other. All of that for nothing. Like the bitter cold of Snezhnaya they froze, their hearts on their sleeves, light that came from the satellite above turned off.

"You know, sometimes I feel like you don't like me that much." she remembered him saying, his characteristic smirk on his face, "It's true we had our... abrasions, but girlie, c'mon, don't be so stiff."

She could clearly see in her mind how his hands came to her waist, grabbing her in a gentle but at the same time rough grip. A shivered down her spine, in the present and in the pass, and she was sure she would feel it in the future, too.

"How am I supposed to trust you, Harbinger?" she had said, crossing her arms after pulling away from him.

"Easy, trusting me."

And she did. She felt like a fool for allowing him to be so near, to had felt love from him, for loving him.

"Are you feeling okay? You look pale, my love," Albedo commented, a hand of his on the forehead of his lover, a worried expression on his face.

"Yes, Albedo, don't worry, I didn't sleep too well last night," Y/N reassured him, smiling slightly at her fiancé.

The Alchemist hummed, nodding to himself and returning to his work. The girl had returned to their room after a couple of hours in Mt. Aocang, praying for Albedo to not had noticed her absence. Apparently, he didn't. Had he noticed he would had already asked about it, or so she thought.

"I was thinking about visiting Liyue today, there are some materials there I need for my research," Albedo said after some minutes, looking at her, "I was wondering if you'd like to come."

Y/N's heart dropped. She had to say yes, how could she say no to Albedo? He wanted to spend time with her while still working, an effort she really appreciated. But, going to Liyue? What if he was there? Strolling those streets the two of them had travelled a thousand times.

But his gaze was still on her, waiting patiently for a reply. Doubtfully, she considered all her options: not going and upsetting Albedo; going and crossing him; going and being unable to continue due to the memories. No option was good, she had to choose between her fiancé's well-being and hers. 'He's made so any sacrifices for me'.

"I would love to, love."

Merchants selling, people buying, contracts being signed. That was Liyue in all its glory. Red, green and blue being the most recurrent colour themes on the walls, roofs and gardens, a gift to anyone who wanted to visit a paradise.

Albedo was buying some materials while Y/N stood next to him, not looking at anyone's face in case Childe decided to make one of his classic appearances. She grabbed Albedo's sleeve as a way to comfort herself, reassuring one time and one time again that she didn't have that much of bad luck to cross him in such a huge city.

She turned her head to look around at last, brave to see the stores and Liyue's people. Many of them knew who she was, having helped most of them at least in one occasion, great people with beautiful and peaceful lives. She had that now, at Albedo's side. But why did she feel like it wasn't what she wanted?

The red mask in one of the stalls froze her in her place, it looked identical to Childe's. She knew it wasn't his, of course, he was too involved in the Fatui and too wealthy to pledge his mask, but it made her remember him and one of the many memories she had with him in Liyue, again.

"Girlie, don't be like that" Childe exclaimed, smiling at her with bravado, "You don't have to feign you don't want that bracelet."

"I don't want it," repeated her for the third time, growing irritated.

"I have enough money to buy it for you, darling," the Harbinger insisted, taking her left hand in one of his and kissing her knuckles.

"How charming," she murmured ironically, rolling her eyes and pulling her hand out of his grasp.

"I know," he smirked, going after her, "and I also know how much you love when I act like a gentleman."

"How would you know that if you've never acted like one?" she snorted, watching his expression turn into an offended one.

"I'm a gentleman, you just can't appreciate my efforts to woo you," he replied with a pout.

"Aw, little Childe can't take a no for an answer," Y/N continued to tease him, smiling slightly at his spoiled brat's act.

"Very well, little lady, you're not having that bracelet," he stamped and turn away from her, walking without a real direction.

"Not that I wanted it!" she shouted at the distance.

Needless to say, she found the bracelet in her purse that night with a cheesy note that claimed 'To my favourite and stubborn traveller, with love, Childe'.

She still had it in her wrist, accompanying her wherever she went, reminding her of the stupid man that gifted it to her. Golden with Snezhnaya patterns, orange jewelry decorating the surface of the material. Albedo never said anything about it, never asked, and she was grateful for it, he knew to respect her space.

Her fiancé had just finished purchasing what he needed, looking at her with a loving gaze. She felt nothing, only appreciation, and she felt awful for not returning his feelings at their best, he deserved to be loved and spoiled. However, she missed him, she missed what they had.

The grey sky announced the storm that was coming, thunder and lightning appearing to give a performance of nature power. She had fought, walked, ran and danced in rain. She had danced, kissed and loved. But nothing of it with Albedo.

"Now a step to the left" instructed Childe, grabbing her waist with his left hand and her hand with his right one, "and now turn around... That's it! Perfect! You're a natural."

"Stop lying," she laughed, following what he was saying and dancing with him in a forgotten valley in some old ruins, "I can't dance for the love of Barbatos."

"I think you're really good, almost seductive," he purred, kissing her jaw and going down her neck, "seeing you move your hips like that just" an animalistic growl came from the back of his throat.

"Okay, calm down big guy, we're not fucking here."

The sound of thunder interrupted his reply, confusing them both for a moment. Suddenly, rain poured and soaked them wet. Y/N looked for somewhere they could go to shelter from the storm, but Childe just laughed and started making her dance again.

"What the hell are you doing, pee-brain!" she exclaimed, desperate.

"Dancing with you under the rain. Isn't it romantic?" he asked, smug as always.

"Romantic until we catch a hypothermia."

He didn't budge. Swaying them both with the dark landscape behind them, leaves flying around, wind aggressive. But nothing mattered as they looked at each other; love, affection and lust hidden in their souls, wanting nothing more than to indulge to the other and become one. How can anyone love this much? How can feelings root that deep? Childe was the only answer to those questions.

With nothing but a soft caress to her cheek, he smashed his lips on hers, kissing her while the rain accentuated the wet sounds. Everything with him was wild, but so addictive she couldn't help but coming undone, indulging to everything he asked silently from her. A kiss in the rain never felt so good.

"I'll be right back, I just need to drop this at Mingxing Jewelry," Albedo said, giving her a peck before leaving.

She stood there for a few moments, wondering what she could do white she waited for her lover. The rain was nearing Liyue Harbor, Albedo had told her he needed to do a couple of things more before going to the transport point to return home. She felt like throwing up, not a single spot in the city did not remind her of the love of her life, including their ugliest moments as a couple.

"How could you!?" Y/N screamed, feeling completely devastated and deceived.

"I had to! I'm sorry, okay?"

"No! It's not okay!" his indifference was breaking her heart, looking at him with disappointment, "Again! You did it again!"

"I was ordered to!" he shouted, his voice the same tone as hers, wrath in his eyes, "I have a job and you knew about it when you decided to fuck me!"

"What the hell, Childe!" she cried, "First of all, you nearly destroy Liyue! Again! Not only once but twice!" she was tired, everything was going down in front of her and she didn't want to watch it come to ruins, "And fuck you? You mean love you?"

"Love, sex, everything's the same, isn't it?" he replied, calmer and returning to his indifferent tone.

"W-what do you mean?" the fuming storm stopped to bring an eye of the hurricane, waiting patiently to unleash the tsunami over them.

"What you heard; I don't find a difference between the two concepts."

"You're lying," she murmured, unbelieving. How could he say that when an hour ago he was looking at her with so much love? Was it all an act? No, you can't feign feelings so deep.

"You're just too fool to see it, girlie," his smirk appeared, making her shake in fear, fear of losing what she cared about, "confusing terms and assuming things without asking."

"You're lying." she repeated, more to herself than for him to hear. He sighed, as if he was done with her.

"Think what you want. Now, there are people waiting for me. Until next time, girlie."

The shattering of her heart served up as the soundtrack of his departure. The leaves that had been once so vibrant and full of colour now danced around her in muted tones, mocking her. That was it, the end of their love. The palace the resembled their union fell into pieces, she needed to let go of him. The words he said cut deeper than a knife, made her feel cold. But how could she let go if she still loved him?

"So now you're with the Alchemist," a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts, making her turn to the source of it.

There he was. Orange hair and piercing blue eyes. His smirk wasn't present in the portray he displayed of himself, walking as the noble man he said he was. Her heart raced for the first time in years, asking her for indulgence, for permission to feel.

"Yes," was the first thing she said after some minutes processing what was happening. Childe was there, in front of her, "yes, I'm with Albedo."

"I see," he commented, uninterested. She thought that was all the interaction they would have, that he would go away again and leave her live her life, but she had to know better, "even if you can't forget me, you allow yourself to be with someone else?"

"What is it to you?" Y/N felt offended, who did he think he was to reprimand her in such a dirty way? He couldn't know she wasn't over him, could he?

"It's unfair for both of you. You see, love shouldn't feel like you owe something to someone just because they love you." Childe said, his gaze falling at the bracelet for a couple of seconds before looking at the landscape, "You're fooling him and yourself."

"And what would you know about love?" the question came in a bitter tone. She was angry, how dare he talk about love when he did her so wrong? When he hurt her so much?

"Touché." Childe gave her a sincere smile that reached his eyes, it was breath-taking. Y/N felt her stomach twirl and her heart jump at the sight of such a beautiful scenario, "Glad to see you well, Y/N. See ya!"

And like that, he left the place as if he hadn't turned her world around again. She missed him, she admitted to herself that she missed him. She missed his wild nature, his odd conversations, the mystery wrapping around him. She couldn't forgive him, but she couldn't live without him, either. That's the way she loved him.

Once Albedo returned from his errands, they both went to the transport point to return to Mondstadt. The way back was silent, but not a comfortable one as they always had, there was some tension lingering in between them. She wanted to attribute it to the tension she had been carrying since her encounter with Childe, but deep down she knew there was something else.

When they entered their house, they both changed into their sleeping garments without sharing a word, waiting for the other to be the first one to break the silence. Y/N didn't have it in her to be the brave one in the situation at hand, so, finally, Albedo spoke.

"I know you're not over him," he said, calmly, but there was jealousy in his tone.

She was surprised to hear him say those words. She never mentioned Childe before, less being in a relationship with him. She wanted to feel fear, the same one she felt when her argument with Childe broke them apart, but she felt nothing at all. Why? Why couldn't she be in love with a man life him?

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Y/N." Albedo sighed, sitting at the edge of their shared bed.

"B-but", she stuttered, searching for words, "H-how do you know...?"

"There were rumours... some years ago, about the 'traveller' being with one of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers. It was during your time at Liyue."

She nodded, understanding, but really not understanding anything, "Did you believe them?"

"I can't say yes, but I can't say no, either." Albedo looked at her, he didn't look angry, and that made her feel a little bit better. "I just couldn't know if it was true or not because I wasn't there."

"I see." another moment of silence followed. She took a deep breath and looked at him in the eyes, "Why do you say that I'm not over him, though?"

"There are so many signs, you aren't the subtlest person, love." he chuckled, "The bracelet has Snezhnaya patterns and you haven't taken it out in all these years. I can only assume it was a present from Tartaglia."

Y/N nodded again, impressed with how observant Albedo was and with his deduction skills. She wished for the hundredth time that day that she would have fell in love with him and not with the Harbinger.

"I'm so sorry-" she began, but was quickly interrupted by her fiancé.

"Don't." he commanded, "That's not the only thing that gave you away."

"What do you mean?"

"Your late night trips."

'He knew' she thought, searching for any clues that could tell her when he had discovered it, but there were none. 'He has known all this time.'

"Why haven't you said anything?" she asked.

"I wanted to give you space," he began, "I must admit, however, that at first I thought you were cheating on me."

"I would never-" she was interrupted again, a kind gaze on his eyes.

"I know, I know. I realized when you came home smelling like grass and mint and not with the cologne of another man."

It was silent again, Y/N tried to find anything she could say to make him feel better, but she couldn't even understand himself. Why isn't she feeling her heart shattering? She knew why, but she didn't want to indulge in that feeling.

"I'm so sorry, Albedo. I really am."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." those words sounded identical to the ones she had directed to Childe once upon a time.

"I am aware that you don't love me the way I love you."

"Albedo-"

"But it's okay, I can love both of us enough to fill that gap."

She was at a loss of words. Had she heard it right? What did he mean? Albedo was so calm, so ethereal, looking at her fondly even when he knew she didn't feel the same. He was going to marry a woman that didn't want him the same way she wanted her. And even though he was aware of that, he was smiling.

"Why?" she wondered out loud.

"Because that's how it works, that's the way I love you, until you can return my feelings."

The leaves that danced aggressively at the other side of the window stayed still, processing the scene going on in the room of the Alchemist and the Traveller. Their colour coming back to a vibrant one, giving her hope of being able to love again, to feel something.

Her love with Childe was like the Sun and the Moon, so in love they were crazy for each other, but impossible and unworkable. But, Albedo loved her like the Sea loved its waves, like the birds loved the Wind, like a Dwelling loved the warmth of the fire, and she was going to return it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but she would. And when she did, she would love him as much as the Leaves loved their trees, as much as the Lake loved the rain that floods it, as much as the Horizon loved dusk.

She bid goodbye to Childe that night, leaving the bracelet in the drawer in her nightstand. Adorning her hand only was the ring Albedo had gifted her.

"See you, Childe," she murmured at 2 a.m. before falling in her slumber.

[ikemen-girl]

Hellooooo sweety I'm back again 🤣🤣🤣

I'm kinda have a bad week this week (it's only Wednesday I know 😭😭😭 but I don't think I can take anymore than this orz). So, in order to lighten up my feelings, may I ask you how Mitsuhide AND Hideyoshi would react if they were being swallowed together by the wormhole, along with MC (and maybe Sasuke, your choice xD) back to MC's era, 500 years in the future? I want to know what chaotic misdeeds those two gonna do if they have to live together for 3 months in the modern era until the next wormhole comes xD.

Thank you soooo much and have a nice day! 🍀✨

Helloooo dear😍😍 & welcome back✨✨😍😍🤗🤗😘😘💗💗! Thank you so much for the request😍😍! This sounds so hilarious & fun giving me so much entertaining content to write on🤣🤣! I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard week, if this work of mine will be able to help even a little in lifting your spirits, I will be very glad😍❤😘😘 & hoping you have an amazing week ahead😘✨. So here we go💃💃~

IKESEN HEADCANON⚔💗:

Mitsuhide😏 & Hideyoshi😩 reacting to staying in 500 years later in the future🏙:

One day, everything was going very well in Azuchi Castle🏯, as for once, Hideyoshi was NOT nagging at Mitsuhide🤯 or Ieyasu throwing snarky comments at Mitsunari😒or Masamune on the adventure of jumping off the cliffs🏊🏻‍♂️ or Nobunaga eating konpeitos🍬.

Wait, wait, wait, what?! CUT🎬! WHAT IS THIS HAPPENING📽? THIS CAN'T HAPPEN🙅‍♂️! CHANGE THE SCRIPT😠🤦‍♂️! "Director sir, this is calm before the storm😅!", said the staff member. "Oh okay, continue, let's see🤨!", the director let out a deep sigh.

*ahem* Back to the scene in Azuchi castle🏯-

Mitsuhide was busy teasing his darling little mouse. "Can you stop teasing me already😒?", you pouted☹, your cheeks red with embarrassment🙈😳. "My, My and why should I do that😏?", said Mitsuhide squeezing your cheeks like it were made of dango-mochi, so soft to touch😘💗, chuckling😆 at your super adorable face😍😘👩.

Oi, Mitsuhide😠!", said Hideyoshi loudly coming around in the Mitsuhide's garden. "Not again!", Mitsuhide slapped his forehead🤦‍♂️. "My mom is here, you better behave😂😝!", you said giggling as you went running towards Hideyoshi seeing this as a chance of escape from his hug actually teasing.

"Welcome, Hideyoshi!", you said greeting him with a big smile on your face😍✨. Hideyoshi patted your head in return with a soft smile on his face☺️. "Oi Mitsuhide, where did you suddenly disappeared without a word again? What are you plotting again? Do you know how much worried MC was for you😠?", said Hideyoshi glaring at the kitsune boi. "My, My, whatever do you mean , Hideyoshi😏?", Mitsuhide smirked.

"Mitsu----", Hideyoshi was cut off in between with a loud scream. "What happened, little mouse😟?", Mitsuhide frowned, looking at you, concerned. "Look! Look there! Wormhole😱!!!!", you shouted looking at the dark-cloudy sky. "Worm-what?", asked Hideyoshi, confused. As soon as they both turned to look at the sky, droplets of water fell on their face & finally heavy raining without as much as a warning⛈. "Oh no! Mitsuhide! Hideyoshi!", you screamed as lightning striked. They all suddenly found themselves in the air. "What is happening?! Hold my hand, MC!", shouted Hideyoshi. Instead of you, Mitsuhide grabbed his leg tightly, "I asked to grab my hand, not my leg😑! Well nevermind😒🤦‍♂️!". Mitsuhide smirked at him😏 & wrapped his other arm around MC holding her close to his chest.

And boom! They found themselves in 500 years later in the future.

"Mitsuhide! Hideyoshi! Are you okay😱?!", you asked looking at Mitsuhide still holding you unconsciously and Hideyoshi who was also lying on the ground passed out. "Mitsuhide! Wake up!", you said as you gently patted his cheeks. "Yeah, yeah, I am fine, my little mouse! I am so glad that you are safe😘😍💗!", said Mitsuhide looking at her with a smile on his face.

"Oww! Where are we😵💫?", said Hideyoshi as he stood from the hard ground and fell down again. "Oh God, Mitsuhide! Let go off my leg right now, ugh😫��!", said Hideyoshi glaring at him rubbing his forehead. "Oh my dear friend, I am so sorry😏!", said Mitsuhide looking as unapologetic as ever trying hard not to snicker at him🤭. "Don't you dare laugh at me😡!", said Hideyoshi glaring at him. You were so relieved that they both were fine & scanned the surroundings😌😍.

"Guys! Calm down, look around, we are back in the future!", you said breaking their conversation. "WHAT😲?!", exclaimed Hideyoshi finally turning his head to look around his surroundings.

"Now get up both of you, it's so embarrassing, people are staring at us😳!", you said giving your hand to help them get up.

"Is this really our future?", asked Hideyoshi looking around, highly shocked & confused😱.

"Yes😍💗!", you said, feeling nostalgic to be back in future after such a long time. "MC!", another voice added in. You all turn to look at the source of the voice. "Sasuke!", you exclaimed. "Are you okay?", he came, looking at you worried. "Yes, I am fine but how are you here as well?", you asked confused. "Got swallowed by the wormhole! I estimated that we can return to Sengoku era after 3 months", he replied. "You mean to say that we are stuck here for 3 whole months😱?!", exclaimed Hideyoshi, horrified. You and Mitsuhide looked at each other surprised at the declaration😲.

"Once I will be able return back to Sengoku era, my boss will kill me for sure, I am so scared!", Sasuke said with a stoic expression adjusting his glasses😬. "You don't look scared🤨?", asked Hideyoshi. "Sorry Hideyoshi-san, my facial muscles can't express my emotions properly", said Sasuke. "I can understand, God of War will certainly rage a war if he don't find you by his side, Master Sasuke😏!", said Mitsuhide with a smirk. "Don't frighten me more, Mitsuhide-san😯, I hope my BFF Yukimura handles the situation well🙏🏻!", said Sasuke praying silently. "Bee🐝-what-now?", asked Hideyoshi confused at the term. "Don't stress your mind, It's a future word for best friend", you chuckled at him😆.

"Let's go my home for now, I will show you both around, Sasuke please come as well☺️🥰!", you said stretching your arms. "Here is some money for you I quickly grabbed from my home!", said Sasuke handing you money. You gave him a grateful smile😇😍. "What is that paper?", asked Mitsuhide, curious. "Oh, these are the currency notes that are used to purchase things!", Sasuke replied. "Now, I will go buy some food & buy them clothes, you see!", said Sasuke as he pointed out at their traditional dress & went inside the supermarket across the road🏪.

"MC, why are those crowd of girls especially staring at me🤔😐?", asked Hideyoshi, confused. "Don't you know, that your charms are irresistible, no matter the past or future😏?", replied Mitsuhide throwing a mischiveous wink at you😉, smirking at the girls. You caught up on his intentions and gave him a silent a thumbs up👍 with a evil grin😈.

"GIRLS, DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK WITH THIS HANDSOME MAN HERE FOR A WHILE?", you shouted in loud voice😎.

"Wait, what, MC?! Mitsuhide, what did you tell her😱?!", said Hideyoshi angrily glaring at Mitsuhide. "HELL YES🤩!", exclaimed the girls happily. "Hoooh, I haven't done anything, Hideyoshi, it's your fault for being so irresistible😏!", said Mitsuhide with a smirk while the girls surrounded him.

"Let him enjoy the company of the girls for a while, little mouse, let's go🤗😘!", Mitsuhide said while taking you away from the crowd of girls surrounding Hideyoshi. "I will not let you go you this time, snek🐍😡!", Hideyoshi shouted angrily. You both laughed 🤣 looking at Hideyoshi who was politely trying to get away from his fangirls😅.

"Wanna eat icecream till the time Sasuke returns? Try it🍦!", you gave him the icecream. You didn't notice when he ate the whole icecream in 1 bite as you were paying the money. "Owww!", screamed Mitsuhide as he clutched his head. You turned back to look at him, surprised. "Who told you to eat it that fast😨?!", you said while gently rubbing his temples. "Little mouse, it's such a small ball of icecream, I didn't know", said Mitsuhide with his eyes closed, smile on his lips💆‍♂️.

"Here you are, Mitsuhide😡!", shouted Hideyoshi as he came and grabbed his collar. "Because of YOU, I landed up in such a huge mess over there! It was so hard to get rid of those girls😫!", said Hideyoshi angrily. Mitsuhide just smirked at him😏. "Now, now, don't fight already again🙅‍♀️!", you said separating them again.

"Now we will cross the road and go to the supermarket! These things are used for transportation like horses in Sengoku & are known as vehicles & here are mostly cars, scooters! They are dangerous, so be careful", she explained. Hideyoshi nodded. "Ready?", she turned to her left but Mitsuhide was gone⁉️.

SHIT! THIS IS BAD NEWS😱!

"Where did he disappear?!", you wondered looking around. "He was just here😱!", said Hideyoshi as he looked around. Mitsuhide was purposely trying to cross the road swaying around while green signal zone is on to annoy Hideyoshi causing the commotion on the road😏. "What the heck are you doing, Mitsuhide?! It's dangerous! Are you trying to kill yourself😡?", Hideyoshi scowled at him pulling him aside.

"YOU😠!", said the traffic police officer to Mitsuhide👮🏻‍♂️. "We are gone🤦‍♀️!", you said slapping your forehead. "We are extremely sorry, sir🙇‍♀️!", you asked him for forgiveness bowing again and again. Mitsuhide looked at you, confused. You glared at him & pushed his head down to join you in apology. "Say sorry😒!", you whispered. "Why?", he asked with a smirk. You pinch him secretly🙄 and he said "I am sorry!" with a pout on his face🙁🙇‍♂️. On the other hand, Hideyoshi was laughing at him🤣 and Sasuke took the whole video of the chaos to add it in his vines collection���, "Mitsuhide Akechi is seeking forgiveness from a traffic police officer, this is great! MEGUSTA😎🤩🕺!", said Sasuke with glittering eyes.

You finally went to your home along with everyone to relax after having a long day, but both of the warlords were extremely taken aback by the technology of the modern Japan😱😳.

You went to change your dress while Sasuke explained the technologies present inside the house. Your house was very cute and sweet, nicely decorated by teddy bears & your paintings. These poor bois were taken aback by even the simplest things such as television, fan, lights, A.C., kitchen, washroom, vacuum cleaner, etc. "Can we enter the world inside the T.V by breaking it🤔?", asked Hideyoshi with a very innocent look on his face. "Please, don't even think about it, Hideyoshi-san😐!", replied Sasuke adjusting his glasses.

You came outside the changing room wearing a shirt and shorts. Mitsuhide & Hideyoshi gasped at the sight while Sasuke just captured their expressions in his camera📸. "Just what are you wearing, MC😱?!", he removed his haori and covered you with it. "I always wear it like this in my home, Hideyoshi, stop overreacting🤣!", you said laughing giving it back to him. "Mitsuhide, what happened😯?", you waved your hand infront of his face. Mitsuhide.exe. has stopped working😶😳

As they both came out after changing their traditional dresses, your jaw dropped at their looks. These both looked so dashingly handsome in the modern wear, you were trying not to swoon over them😍 while Sasuke captured pictures, fanboying over the fact that the greatest warlords in Sengoku era were wearing the dresses chosen by him📸🤩😍.

"These dresses are very comfortable☺️!", said Hideyoshi amazed. "Very stylish indeed💁🏻‍♂️!", said Mitsuhide smirking looking at himself and turned to look at you to give a wink & flying kiss😉😚🥰. "YES! THAT'S MY BF🙆🏻‍♀️😍😘🥰!", you shouted instantly, then realized what you blurted out😱 and immediately covered your face with your hands out of embarrasment🙈, the tip of your ears, red😳. Cue Mitsuhide laughing at you patting your head🤣

"Finally, my phone is charged, I missed watching youtube videos, scrolling instagram, tumblr so much!", you said with such joyful eyes😍. But the terms, you used just now went over the heads of Mitsuhide & Hideyoshi like: W A T👁👄👁?

"I brought all the delicacies of the modern world, like pizzas🍕, french fries🍟, chocolates🍫, potato chips, noodles🍜 from the market for our first day here!", said Sasuke as he took out all the food on the table🥰. Mitsuhide didn't care as he don't have any sense of taste🤷🏻‍♂️ while you all were crying tears of joy eating such delicious food after a long time😭😍😋 even though they were unhealthy😛. "I am letting you go for this time, MC but you should take care of your health😊!", said Hideyoshi looking gently at her. "Yes, I will!", she nodded☺️. "Masamune sure is losing a great deal of fun & delicious food here!", you giggled😂. "He must be jumping off the cliffs definitely right now!", Mitsuhide smirked😏. Cue Masamune sneezing in Sengoku, "ACHOO! Did I catch cold? Well jumping from this huge height was definitely fun this time!", he grinned like a tiger, soaking wet standing in the river🐯😁.

Sasuke went home after dinner while Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi went together with you to your parents' home next day😍.

You had a very emotional reunion and you explained everything to them about your journey in Sengoku era😭🥰🤗😍. Hideyoshi couldn't remember the last time, he had seen Mitsuhide who is a total nervous mess & stuttering the words out of his mouth infront of your parents😳😲😱. "Relax, Mitsuhide, they are only my parents, they won't kill you!", you said rubbing his back gently, chuckling softly😆.

"I-I would like to thank you both so much for bringing this angel😇 into this world and I promise to keep her safe🤗 and love her😘 with all my heart💓, lifelong💖! Please give us your blessings🙇‍♂️!", Mitsuhide bowed deep infront of your parents requesting for your hand and you were so happy beyond words, only tears roll down your cheeks as you gave him a very beautiful & happy smile😢😘🥰❤. Your father came to Mitsuhide with a very stern expression & you both were scared for a moment but he smiled and patted his shoulder, holding his hand, "I give my precious princess like daughter👸🏻 to you, take care of her for me👨🏻‍🦳!". Mitsuhide nodded with a grateful smile and eyes with unshed tears🥺💗. Your mother was very touched & happy with her son-in-law👩🏻‍🦳, "He is such a sweet boy😍😘❤!". "EXCUSE ME, SWEET😱😳?!", Hideyoshi exclaimed, shocked. "My, how rude😏!", smirks Mitsuhide. "Well, he is atleast very sweet to me, Hideyoshi😍😂!", you giggled and Hideyoshi sighed while everyone laughs together🤣.

In a week, you and Mitsuhide were married🤵🏻👰🏻💍💏 in the modern day with the blessings of your family👫🏻 and close friends👬🏻👭🏻. You were the most beautiful women in his eyes😍💓 while he was the most handsome man in your eyes😍🙈. You both were such a lovely couple💑. Obviously, your friends didn't know of Mitsuhide & Hideyoshi's real identity. It was the happiest of day of both of your lives✨🎊🎉💯. Cue Hideyoshi sobbing in the corner while Sasuke is busy comforting him😭😭.

Next day, you took your dream job in your favourite design company even if if was for a short while and both Mitsuhide & Hideyoshi were super proud of your talents👏🙌💯😍❤. That night, you fell asleep working on the table and it was past midnight. Mitsuhide carried you to your bed where Hideyoshi was sleeping😴. Mitsuhide kicked Hideyoshi out of the bed and placed you down gently on the bed and tucked you in properly.

Cue Hideyoshi screaming- MITSUHIDE! WHAT THE HELL😡!? Mitsuhide: Shhhhh! She is sleeping🤫. Poor Hideyoshi sleep on the sofa from that night but he didn't mind as it was also very much comfortable😍❤.

Well, for your own good and never in your right mind, give the duty of kitchen to Mitsuhide. I repeat- NEVER🙅‍♀️! Once Mitsuhide tried to impress you with his cooking everything on his own, your kitchen was destroyed as a result. Stick to making tea please, Mitsuhide, you are an expert in it🍵!

Also once Hideyoshi in the same way tried to impress you by cleaning the house on his own when you and Mitsuhide went together to the restaurant. He made a 100× times more mess of the house than it was already😱. That day, Hideyoshi was nagged by you🙍🏻‍♀️ for the first time while Mitsuhide snickered🤣 & Sasuke as usual made a video out of this epic incident to add in his vines collection💯📱. From next time, Hideyoshi made a mental note to help you only in your presence.

R.I.P. SASUKE's WALLET.

"I am so sorry Sasuke, I promise to pay you back for everything once I get my salary🙏🏻🙇🏻‍♀️!", you said with a apologetic look. "Don't mind that, I am happy that MY money is used to help my favourite warlords of Sengoku🤩🥰🤗🕺✌🏻. MC: Sasuke, W A T🙄. Hideyoshi: eye twitch🤨. Mitsuhide: smirks😏. Sasuke: 👁👄👁

Mitsuhide is a big prankster as usual, walking danger indeed, he takes his pleasure in Hideyoshi's misery😈😏. He would always play pranks on Hideyoshi like for instance, switching off the lights while he is in the washroom🛀🏻, yes, you heard it right. Cue Hideyoshi screaming: MITSUHIDE! LET ME TAKE A BATH IN PEACE! GODDAMNIT😡! Mitsuhide would definitely click the worst pictures & boomerang of Hideyoshi to annoy him 24×7.

You along with Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi, Sasuke would often go to the cafe together to eat, dance, sing, relax together🕺💃. Hideyoshi is a very good singer🎤 & is very popular in cafe so he is approached by many girls with love confession & Mitsuhide tries to makes his situation worse😈 but you stop him with a kiss😘 on his cheek😍❤ while Hideyoshi politely tries to get away from his fanclub yet again.

Cue-Hideyoshi passed out of drinking too much😵🍻. "Nobunaga-sama, don't eat konpeito....it's bad for your own health.....Masamune, don't run...in the hallways.....Mitsunari, eat your food.....Ieyasu...be nice...", murmured Hideyoshi in his sleep, even crying tears as he misses other warlords. "Awww, he is so sweet!", you said wiping his tears with a soft smile your face. "He worries about everyone too much", said Sasuke with a soft smile remembering his friends in Kasugayama Castle😊. "Guess, we have to carry him home again😆😍!", you said looking at Mitsuhide who nodded with a smirk, "Now, can I leave my best friend out here alone, my little mouse😏?", asked Mitsuhide. You and Sasuke both shake your head😂.

You all would often go to the amusement park together. Mitsuhide would definitely buy you all the the plushies & teddy bears of the shop winning them in a shooting game😍😘😏🔫. The shopkeeper got so suspicious of him but he couldn't say anything to him as he has no proof🧐. Hideyoshi will initially be against the idea of rollercoasters but will be dragged along by Mitsuhide. You and Hideyoshi will shout all the time but you definitely enjoyed it😱, while Mitsuhide & Sasuke sat through the whole ride like it was nothing🤷🏻‍♂️. "I made the video of you..", said Sasuke with a proud expression. "SASUKE, DELETE IT😱😠!", Cue you and Hideyoshi chasing him but he kervanishes while Mitsuhide peacefully sips his tea😌🍵.

Mitsuhide will definitely kiss you💏 on the top of the ferris wheel🎡 after hearing its significance from Sasuke😎as he ships you both already😍💯, you will be taken aback with surprise but would hug him out of happiness💗 fufufufufu. While Hideyoshi will be dragged around by Sasuke to all the places except the ferris wheel, he would be concerned about your whereabouts yet Sasuke wouldn't tell him. Hideyoshi: 🤨, Sasuke:😬.

You all would also go in the haunted house👻. The most terrified person would definitely be Hideyoshi 😱 even though he wouldn't admit it🤐. Mitsuhide & Sasuke will think them as a big joke while you will stick close to Mitsuhide & him playing your hero whenever you feel scared of the ghosts👻😏😎. Cue Sasuke dancing with the skeleton☠, MC: Sasuke, the heck are you doing👁👄👁? Mitsuhide will definitely scare the already sweating with fear Hideyoshi using his horrifying pranks available in the haunted house😏☠👻. Cue Hideyoshi screaming like a girl😱.

Mitsuhide will definitely take part in many shooting competitions and undoubtedly win them all🔫He is the best marksman afterall💯 What do you expect😏? On the other hand, Hideyoshi take part in singing competitions making all the girls swoon over him🎤🎶, afterall they cannot stay inside the home everytime, now can they😂?

All of you would travel to many places like temples, places of historical significance, well-known shopping destinations, hill stations across Japan with Sasuke as the tour guide, as usual🕺💃😎💯⛩🏙 Mitsuhide & Hideyoshi were thrilled to travel in bullet train & aeroplanes for the first time in their lives🚅🛩😍💗.

Mitsuhide & Hideyoshi would be the great fan of animes. Hideyoshi loves the anime containing lots of emotions😍❤🥰. Mitsuhide on the other, loves the anime involving a lot of psychology & suspense😍❤🥰. Hideyoshi would cry his eyes out watching anime movies like a silent voice, grave of the fireflies, hotarubi no mori e, I want to eat your pancreas, your lie in april while you and Sasuke comforts him💗, he loves reading manga as well & his favourite is Kyou no Kira-Kun❤🥰😍😢. He will definitely ask Mitsuhide, "How the heck do you exactly look like *Tomoe* from Kamisama Kiss🤨?" Mitsuhide be like: Who👁👄👁? On the other hand, Mitsuhide would absolutely enjoy watching popular anime hits like Death note, Attack on Titan & Code Geass🕵️‍♂️.

Mitsuhide would always protect you and if any man tries to look at you, one stare from him🙂 and they will ran away fearing their lives 😱 while Hideyoshi would always help you out at home😍🤗, he would be also always nagging at you to take proper care of yourself🙍‍♂️, while you be like: Okie dokie, big brother😍🤗!

EXTRA UNDER THE CUT~

AFTER 3 MONTHS:

AZUCHI CASTLE:

"How did you gain weight, Nobunaga-sama? You ate a lot of konpeito in my absence, right?! Give me your jar, right now! No konpeito for 3 months!, Hideyoshi scolded Nobunaga😠.

"Noooo! Don't order me around, Hideyoshi😱", said Nobunaga as he tried to hold the jar safely in his arms but Hideyoshi successfully snatched it away from him.

"Send him in future again, MC, please! I just want to eat konpeito☹🍬!", Nobunaga pleaded. You shrugged🤷‍♀️.

"MILORD, NOOOOO🙄!", shouted Hideyoshi with a groan.

"HIDEYOSHI! TAKE CARE OF MITSUNARI FROM NOW ON! I CANNOT TOLERATE HIM ANYMORE😡💢!", shouted Ieyasu almost throwing a table at him while Mitsunari blinks innocently.

"IEYASU, NOOOOOO!", exclaimed Hideyoshi, horrified😱.

"I seriously missed loads of fun in future, isn't it MC🙁?", asked Masamune after listening to their time in the future. "Yes, obviously but I missed this fun as well🤣!", said MC laughing. Mitsuhide smirks standing besides her and nodded😏.

KASUGAYAMA CASTLE:

"I missed you so much bro😭😭😭😭😭!", cried Yukimura hugging Sasuke.

"I know right, I miss you too my BFF, I know you had a hard time controlling Shingen-sama & Kenshin-sama at the same time", said Sasuke comforting him🤗🤗.

"That man doesn't listen to me, always eating sweets & flirting around, GROSS🤢! That god of war gave me so much trouble, always attacking me out of nowhere!",complained Yukimura😭😠.

"That's rude, my boy😒! I am glad you came back Sasuke!", said Shingen with a smile. Sasuke high-five with him😂🙌.

"DIE!", said Kenshin unsheathing his sword⚔.

"Kenshin-sama, I just came after 3 months and you are trying to kill me now!", said Sasuke barely avoiding his strong blow.

"I AM KILLING YOU BECAUSE YOU DARED DISAPPEAR FROM ME!", said Kenshin as he puts his sword against Sasuke's neck.

"It's time to ker-vanish!", said Sasuke adjusting his glasses.

"Don't you dare run away from me!", said Kenshin and endless chasing begins....

I hope you all enjoyed reading it 😍❤! Thank you so much😘😘💗💗! Likes, reblogs, comments are appreaciated ❤😇😘.

[ais-n]

2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify? 

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions. 

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available. 

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc. 

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide 

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself. 

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin. 

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally. 

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical. 

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

[butchlilith]

it's me again -and i'm so sorry for crowding your inbox- but i read 'synchronicity' this morning and ended up in tears. i could go on and on about how beautiful it is and how much i love your minute changes to the plot to accommodate niles being a lesbian (her secret-ish relationship to maris, moving in with mel instead of eloping, her giddiness at going on a 'proper' first date etc.)- there's just so much i adored? but i don't want to drown you in asks so i'll just pick out (1/?)

posting remaining messages and my response under a cut in order to avoid congesting anyone’s dashboard while also satisfying my (possibly somewhat vain) desire to preserve this heartwarming message forever. the tl;dr of my reply is that i am very grateful and touched

a couple things that really stuck with me. first, the flowers! i know this is a running theme in your lesbian niles series but it’s just so in character i’m surprised it was never a thing in the show. the scene where niles and daphne compare each other’s reading notes was so /so/ lovely, and such a soft way to bridge the gap between their respective interests. also, how could i not mention the first time daphne wears a suit and stands next to niles in the mirror. (2/5)

the amount of internalised shame versus longing drove me a little insane.. all the mentions of billy and his final interaction with niles were of course wonderful, and something i so wish would have happened on the show. on a lighter note, i’m always here for niles and daph making gentle fun of frasier for being so, so closeted he doesn’t even realise he is. unrelated, but it never crossed my mind that niles would probably be roped into bridesmaids duty, but /ouch/. (3/5)

and that allowed for that heartbreaking addition of niles doing daphne’s hair just before the ceremony - the whole ‘promise’ motif really broke me. oh, and i was surprised (in a good way) by daphne’s appearance reversal (going back to brunette, chokers and all that)- i thought it was a nice foray into daphne’s psyche that’s often overlooked by the show. okay, before i wrap up -i swear i will eventually- i just wanted to write a small aside about mel and lilith (4/5)

because i’m obsessed with what you did with them. i mean i genuinely liked mel -she wasn’t nice, but she was interesting- and i’m so glad you had niles genuinely care for her. (her past with daphne was another great touch.) and lilith? wow. i love the subtlety with which you mentioned her, and that last touch about massachusetts was so soft/unexpected/in character- well, that’s when the tears came in. i want so much more of discreetly emotional lilith (5/6, oops)

interacting/befriending niles and daphne. being open and happy and loving in her own (slightly awkward) way. anyway that’s about it…feel free to post these/answer them privately/ignore them, i don’t mind either way- i just wanted to thank you again. :) oh, and as a fellow second-person narration user, i think you did such a great job!! thank you thank you thank you xx

ahhh thank you thank you i feel so seen by these messages sdfghjkl it truly is so kind of you and everything you commented on is so dear to me… :’-)) i will try and spare everyone my line-by-line commentary but i do want to casually talk about some of these things because it makes me so happy dfghjk

i mean… honestly not to be self obsessed but i also sometimes forget that the flowers thing is not actually something from canon and that i did in fact just decide that it was true for myself. choices.

i’m also SO glad you appreciated my characterization of mel and lilith whom i adore.. i’m a big believer in the whole “you can love multiple people in your lifetime and even if it’s not always what’s best it’s still real” thing and i also happen to be… hideously enamored of mel. and well. we know how i feel about lilith. the immense love she holds for the people dear to her even if it isn’t expressed in the most overt way… i cry. i actually think that one of my first posts on here was like “daphne/niles/lilith friendship when” and honestly? i was right.

thank you again god this truly made mine life and you should absolutely never apologize for crowding my inbox my heart has truly, grinchlike, grown three sizes this day

[sherlockmonkeesstartrek]

Hi there! Read your post, and GOD! After years of reading fanfiction about any fandom but The Hollies, you are like a dream come true! But sadly, I'm the least creative person, and I wouldn't know what to ask! Yep, my fav is Tony, and I love the second and third lineup (Tony, Allan and Bobby with Bern, Graham or Terry). If I imagine some smut, it would be some angry sex between Tony and Graham, even though they never clashed that much in RL. (1/2)

Hiii! I’ve seen your blog before and can I just say how much I love it

Anyways, I am totally digging that Tony/Graham hate fuck, so I wrote a little (6000 word) fic about them. I kinda got carried away, sorry XD So yeah, I haven’t read over it and I’ve never really written all that much about Tony before, so I just keep that in mine. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy; 

“Did you just,” Graham laughed, turning to look at the other boys in the studio as though for back up despite being well aware before even regarding their disapproving expressions that he was looking to the wrong people for help. Really, these comments were only to make light of the situation for himself, “Did you just see that? My god.” He turned back to where he’d just watched one of his bandmates storm out and sighed. “Tony Hicks. Who knew?”

Well, it seemed they all knew. They knew from the moment Tony started raising his voice, a odd spectacle for such a quiet young man, that he was capable of as much of a dramatic and aggressive exit as any one of the boys had managed before. Just because he stayed out of fights, stayed away from drama, didn’t mean he was totally incapable of getting involved. And the thing was, this wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t got into a fight, he didn’t instigate it. If anything, he was being patient for a good time longer than the other boys could. And when he did eventually snap, everyone agreed that he was totally valid in doing so.

Even the guy who started it, the very man who marvelled at the reaction in its aftermath. Graham had to admit he kind of went over the top on that one. He didn’t mean to start an argument. He just seemed to spark them by accident, and he wasn’t the type to back down on anything, even if it was better off if he did for his own benefit.

Still, he’d fucked up, what could he do now?

He shrugged off the negativity in the atmosphere and turned his attentions to finding his guitar. Where had he put it down?

“Guys, have you seen my pick?”

Not a peep sounded from his remaining bandmates. Casually, the rhythm guitarist looked up. He’d practically forgotten the fight in about two seconds of distraction. Apparently, it wasn’t so easy for the others, mostly because they had no interest in forgetting.

“What was all that about?” Allan was first to speak. He’d clashed with Graham many a time throughout the years, so wasn’t afraid to do so now. In fact, he felt inclined to do so to defend his mate and let his discontent be known to the perpetrator.

“What? Oh, the thing… nothing.” Graham muttered. He was outnumbered. Even he wasn’t on his own side about this. That was why he was so quick to try and ignore it. He’d done wrong. Something pretty fucking wrong. There was no reason to go off of Tony like that, yet he’d done it and… well… the not backing down thing, the trait that would get him killed if he wasn’t careful. He could see the headlines ‘English musician mauled by bandmates.’ What a way to go.

“Sure sounded like nothing.”

“Well, it was. He overreacted.” Ok, he didn’t even believe what he was saying, never mind whether Allan did, or Bobby or Bern. Basically, he was losing a war he’d inadvertently started with that minor battle, and that was pissing him off.

“Yeah?” Allan stepped forward, challengingly.

Graham ground his teeth, standing up to the challenge, “Well what do you want me to do about it now? Hu? Go and kiss him and make up so we can play some shit on another record we didn’t write. Oh sure.”

Apparently, kissing was a bit too much, but making up was exactly what Allan wanted. Graham sighed, frustrated as he turned to the door. He felt like a kid being told off by his parents, made to go and apologise to an annoying brother for aggravating him. Since when had Allan been so damn uptight? Oh yeah, since forever. Since he’d settled down with Jen. Even before that, in fact. He was suddenly so worried about what kind of music the band should be making or how much work they were all putting in or bullshit like that. Making music often isn’t something you can plan. It should be fun and exciting and…

…this had nothing to do with the argument. It seemed like Tony wasn’t the only one with a lot of pent up frustration. Graham rationalised that perhaps the guitarist should be thanking him. After all, it's not good for people to keep things bottled up without letting it out once in a while. And Tony constantly seemed so cool and calm, either he was getting it all out with some great sex every night, or he wasn’t getting it out at all. If the former was true, at least he was saving Tony’s chick from having a right good fucking tonight.

Actually, that was regrettable, depending on how you look at it. And as Graham wandered down the corridors, trying to find his bandmate, he found himself considering it from every angle. If he was Tony’s girl, he’d be a bit put out if she wasn’t getting anything out of him. He was handsome guy. It was the eyes, the slightly hooded, striking blue eyes. That was the first thing Graham thought of when he thought of Tony, the first thing he could imagine girls noticed. It was the first thing he noticed when he met the boy way back when. Though he may’ve grown into his ever youthful looks, his ears now were the right size for the rest of his face- or at least covered by a thick mass of fair hair curling down his neck- and he’d ditched the overly skinny look for a little more filled out and muscular, his eyes remained very much the same, as stunning and bright as they always had been.

What was Graham doing thinking like this of his mate? He laughed at himself, shaking the thought from his mind. He only had to apologize to the guy to get him back in the studio so they could finish a recording, not flatter him with complements of his eyes. Not only would that be really weird, but it wouldn’t work. Either Tony would think Graham was taking the piss or he’d get all shy. It was strange that such a handsome, sought-after boy like Tony was not used to receiving compliments.

He was doing it again, thinking about him like that. It would make it damned hard for him to face the boy if his mind was in other places.

Well not too hard. As soon as he caught sight of Tony in the loos, a cheekiness came over him, the same one that had persuaded him to go over the top on the little disagreement not ten minutes ago. He sauntered into the room and leant up against the wall by the door, arms crossed over his chest, one foot balancing on its toes beside the other, an expectant smile gazing at the guitarist who was washing his hands quite quietly. There was a bit of aggression in his actions. Graham didn’t think he’d ever seen Tony quite like this, letting something bother him to the point that his actions were affected. He wrung his hands beneath the water hard enough to turn his slightly tanned skin red and pressed the soap dispenser violently, causing the clear liquid to shot out and spray half on his cupped palm, half on the sink beside him. He then, after rinsing, pulled way too much tissue from the dispenser and threw the scrunched up, soggy ball in the bin with such force it popped back out, settling on the floor.

“Didn’t your mum ever tell you you should pick up after yourself?” Graham laughed, gesturing to the bin as Tony pivoted on his heels. He did not seem at all startled by the rhythm guitarist’s presence. In fact, perhaps he did already know that he was in there, hence the aggression in his actions and the casual way he regarded Graham as he leant back against the sink, his lips pressed into a hard, white line. He didn’t even bother to acknowledge Graham’s little comment. He just stood there, glaring.

“Come on, are you really going to be mad at me over this?” Graham sighed, bored of this already. He was also really starting to get bored of the silence treatment. It grated on him. He waited for a reply. None came.

His voice took a more impatient tone when he opened his mouth again.  “Look, I’m meant to apologise to you, so let’s just forget about this shit so we can keep recording and you can hate me afterwards, ok?”

The expression on Tony’s face changed, which Graham saw as a positive. At the very least it might be an indication that he might start talking and he was right.. It just wasn’t the response Graham had been hoping for.

“No, fuck you. You always seem to just bypass apologising, like you’ve done nothing wrong.”

Graham swore he didn’t mean to, but habitually rolled his eyes, which Tony obviously didn’t take well. He didn’t get angrier as such. He, if anything, looked disappointed. He had that ‘why do I bother’ look in his eyes, while which, in turn, irritated Graham to the point that had he been considering a proper apology, it was now definitely off the table.

“Mate, are you serious? All I did was disagree with you.” He said, any friendly tone now dropped completely.

“You fucking disagree with everyone.” Tony retorted.

“So you shouldn’t be taking it so fucking personally.”

“I’m not. I’m mad for everyone. I don’t know what the hell has got into you, whether it's fame or something, but you’re bloody unbearable at the moment, and the other guys can sit back and take it, but I’m not going to.”

“No?” Graham was now laughing at the younger man, amused by the determination to stand up to him. He thought it cute, and knew that would annoy Tony.

That, coupled with patronising him, and Graham knew he was heading to a breaking point. He wanted to see how far he could push his mate, since he was already in so deep.

“What are you going to do?”

Tony glared at his so-called friend intensely. His blood boiled in his veins, mostly those in his clenched fists that longed to slug the rhythm guitarist in the jaw. Oh, but he couldn’t, could he? It would make for bad press, unease in the group, which was the last thing they needed. Then again, there was a chance the fight would be settled with that one swing. Graham would know not to mess with Tony, he might learn a lesson or two about irritating the rest of the band and Tony would get out all the anger on his bandmate. When he thought like that, it was just too damn tempting. Not to mention that Graham, as he looked down and saw Tony’s skilled fingers curled into fists, practically asked for it.

“Are you going to punch me? Oh that I have to see!”

Well, he didn’t want to disappoint. Allowing all the anger he usually let go of build up, he jolted violently up, stalked towards the older man standing by the door and let the knuckles of his powerful right hand make contact with Graham’s cheek. Immediately, the rhythm guitarist stumbled sideways, one hand reaching to stop himself from falling, the other grasping his bruised cheekbone. When he steadied, he shot a wild look up at Tony, planning his revenge.

While Tony did feel pretty sorry, he wasn’t going to say it. It wasn’t he who owed an apology. The only reason he was considering it in that moment was because he didn’t really want to get into a fist fight, which seemed the way this was going, judging by the look in Graham’s pale blue eyes. Still, he stood his ground, waiting for Graham’s move.

Which turned out to be an attack, heading straight for the boy’s wrists. He wasn’t interested in hurting Tony. No, he was going to pin him down, make him beg for an apology. Once he had hold of one of Tony’s wrists, he spun him around, bending the arm up his back, applying enough pressure to have him totally under his control, then guided him to the sink area where he bent the kid over. A short hiss escaped Tony’s mouth as he pushed against Graham, writhed under his control. Graham wasn’t that much stronger than him, he just had the upper hand at that moment, in a position that made it near enough impossible to fight against.

This was also quite a compromising position. Even Graham had to admit he didn’t really want to be caught by anyone like this. For all the strength he possessed in that moment, his crotch was pressed against Tony’s butt, he had the boy literally bent over under him. No wonder why Tony struggled. But Graham was not going to let him up, not for anything.

He laughed evilly, “What’s the matter down there?”

“Get off!!! Graham, get the fuck off me!!!”

God, this gave Graham such a rush of power. He ignored how weird the moment looked in favour of bending right over and hovering his lips over Tony’s ear.

He caught a quick glimpse of himself in the mirror above the sinks. The oddest feeling waved through him that he refused to address. He shook his mind clean for a moment to say, “Is there something you want?”

“Get the fuck off me!!!” Tony yelled. It echoed around the room, followed by a low chuckle from Graham’s throat that had the younger boy struggling once more in anger.

“I thought you wanted an apology.” Graham teased, “You can’t be greedy and have both.”

“FUCK OFF!”

Tony lifted his head slightly, enough to also see the mirror. He looked so stupidly helpless under the weight of his friend, now baring down on his back. He met Graham’s gaze, gave him a filthy look until he noticed something. He saw a flicker of something in his pale blue irises. He’d seen it a few times before, most notably the time they’d all gone to that club with that belly dancer, the one they all had a crush on. Well, a crush was putting it nicely. They all wanted to fuck her. Graham was looking at him with a glare that would’ve been quite threatening and annoying- due to the cheeky smile on his lips- had he not also got that sparkle, that wanting gaze.

Did Graham want to fuck him?

“Oh my god…” Tony chuckled, turning his head downwards towards the space between sinks that thankfully wasn’t wet or dirty. Graham had been kind in where he’d pinned him down.

“What?” Graham demanded. He didn’t much like the feeling of loss of power that Tony’s laughter provided him.

Still giggling, Tony peered up a little.

“Are you turned on right now?”

“The fuck? Of course not!”

“I think you are, you fucking creep.”

Graham felt his cheeks flush. No way he was turned on. No way. Not even if he’d already kind of seen the excitement when he’d glimpsed the mirror. Nope. He’d deny it. He’d keep on denying it.

And he certainly wasn’t going to let Tony see the sudden colour in his cheeks. When the guitarist attempted to look in the mirror again, Graham snaked his fingers around his neck and twisted his head back to one side, resting on the surface.

“Listen, you’re the creep for even thinking that. Now, you wanted something, didn’t you?” He tried to regain the atmosphere from before. Both the boys were mad, and Graham was in control. He had Tony right where he wanted him and… ok so it might’ve turned him on a little bit, but at least in that moment Tony didn’t know.

He heard Tony make a breathy gasp. The position for him was awkward, but he was in no way screaming for oxygen. He barely even fought anymore. The smile on his lips, though, had faded in favour of a more frustrated expression.

“Yeah,” The boy said through gritted teeth, “I wanted you to get the fuck up, because you’re enjoying yourself too much.”

Graham ignored the indication of his pleasure in the position.

“Why don’t you ask me nicely?” He suggested.

Tony hid a smirk.

“And here I was thinking you were going to make me beg for it.”

Something, the same thing that had lit Graham’s eyes and coloured his cheeks, stirred within him again. He stared down at Tony, wondering what his next move should be.

He decided not to give the boy the satisfaction of knowing he was right. Or at least, he wasn’t going to get defensive. He wasn’t going to deny anything anymore, not outright.

“Alright, that seems like a good idea. Beg for me to get off you.”

Oh yes. That had Tony hesitating. It was a moment before he piped up.

“Are you serious?” He laughed.

In a low voice, Graham replied, “Deadly.”

“Fuck off.”

“I don’t hear any begging. I guess you like this, you like being bent over, do you?”

Fuck! Tony struggled once more, annoyed that Graham had somehow flipped this situation on its head, yet again. Not only did he have full power over his body, keeping him firmly against the sink, but he also had power because there was no way Tony was going to beg. He wasn’t a dog or a child and he certainly did not take orders from someone like Graham.

But what choice did he have?

“You can’t be fucking serious!”

“I told you, I am.” Graham chuckled. He decided he was going to have all the fun he wanted in that moment, letting loose a lodged phrase he’d been wanting to say as he waited for Tony to retort. “And since I am actually enjoying this, I might as well take advantage of it.”

Tony... didn’t get it. He was totally confused, thrown off by Graham’s admission. He really didn’t know how to reply. He really didn’t know how he felt about the whole situation anymore. He just knew that his neck was starting to hurt like this.

He tried to arch it away from the sink, only to have Graham push him back down, smothering him further into the countertop.

“Plea-“ Tony gasped. For a moment, he was about to beg. And in that moment, after hearing a small chuckle escape Graham’s lips, the fingers around his neck loosened. He was given a little leeway to move. Humiliated, he shut his eyes. Could he really do this? Could he really beg his friend for anything, a guy who he was still mad at, who he would happily kick in the balls if his legs weren’t pressed up against the back of his thighs? No, no he couldn’t.

Graham was beginning to enjoy the power again. Perhaps a little too much. But he’d half admitted as much, so he didn’t really care. He ignored the distinct feeling of swelling down south- he didn’t press himself too hard into Tony in case he could feel it- and instead directed his energies to thinking of something to say next, something evil, something that would really piss Tony off. Because it got him off, for some reason. Just the idea of the kid so helpless under him, conflicted as to whether he should humiliate himself or not, allow the older man to manipulate him or not.

He leant down again, hovering his mouth over Tony’s ear, the soft, fair hairs whispering against the curve of cartilage tickling his lips. Tony could feel his hot breath hit his skin. He cringed as he felt Graham laugh.

“What was that?”

“I didn’t say anything.” Tony muttered.

“I think you did.” Graham laughed, “Go on, you can do it and I’ll let you up.”

Not a peep escaped Tony’s throat for a whole minute as they stood in that position, so Graham decided to make it worse for him.

Since he’d first bent down and whispered in the guitarist’s ear, he’d got the urge to do it. The back of his ear looked so enticing. It was stupid and weird, but it wasn’t the only thing in the situation that fitted that description. There was a small sensation of this being a step further, but Graham had lost the ability to really stop himself, just as he had in the argument. He succumbed to the temptation and stuck out his tongue.

Tony felt a more humid breath against his skin, following a wet slap that sounded almost like a kiss being broken. Having no idea what was going on, his mind drew blanks until he felt it; Graham’s tongue dragged against the back of his ear, right at the tip of it.

And Tony found himself sighing involuntarily. He caught himself, eyes shooting open, body tensing, but the damage was done, Graham had heard it. If he could not tell by the way the rhythm guitarist abruptly paused, then he could by the chuckle rumbling low in Graham’s chest.

The older man, after his hesitation, completed the lick before closing his mouth and reopening it again. Suddenly, he had plenty of things to say.

“Now, if I didn’t know any better, I would say you enjoyed that.”

Tony had no reply.

“And you called me the creep.”

The younger man let his jaw fall slack, ready to reply, but the older man beat him to it.

“You’re a very bad boy, Tony Hicks.”

“Don’t say things like that!” He snapped back. His vigour, however, was beaten by the chuckles vibrating through his bandmate’s body. Did he ever stop laughing? Boy did Graham know how to piss people off. Tony wouldn’t be surprised to learn if that was the first thing Graham looked for when he met people, a way to really get right on their nerves.

“Well, you shouldn’t have moaned.” Graham warned, letting his lips fall a little closer to Tony’s skin, rather than his tongue this time, “Would you like me to do it again?”

And this time, even though given an option, Tony could not think up an answer. He should’ve said a definitive ‘no.’

That is, if that was what he wanted.

Suddenly, the conflict in the boy’s mind was still fixated on whether he should submit to his bandmate, only in a very different way, and with a very different answer he found himself reaching.

Without a reply, which Graham found annoying- he really hated being ignored- he let his lips close around Tony’s ear, kissing him this time before running his tongue over the flesh. Tony tried really hard not to enjoy it, but it’s pretty hard when such an act coaxed feelings like the pleasurable shiver rushing directly to his spine. His body tensed, though this time not out of discomfort. It was due to the beginnings of a tight pleasure pooling below his stomach. It seemed that, inside him, his boiling blood and flashes of red behind his eyes were starting to convert into a different kind of frustration than he’d felt previously towards Graham. Instead of the desperate want to punch him in the face, he really wanted to pin him down on the floor and have his way with him.

He’d never thought such a thing about a guy before, but in that moment, gender wasn’t a concern of his, certainly not to the part of his body responsible for his thinking.

Graham seemed to be taken over by the same appendage, as he began kissing down Tony’s neck, moving his hand out the way, and Tony’s hair, to reach the hot, slender parts of his skin. His hands, now free, ran down the boy’s torso until they reached his hips, which they grabbed with considerable force. He dug his nails in tight to the thick layers of fabric Tony was clad in, in hope of feeling his skin, his flesh, his bones beneath.

“Are you sure you want me to get up?” He giggled lightly between kisses. He was not going to give up teasing his bandmate for anything, and that was a fact. He’d gotten off on irritating him, he’d relished his humiliation, why stop now when things were just getting interesting.

Of course, Tony saw it as an annoyance, but that was exactly what Graham wanted it to be.

“Will you just shut up for a minute?”

“Oh, of course not!” He breathed, “I want it known that you got off on me bending you over and…”

Tony realised that Graham had gotten complacent in his pleasure. Despite the grasp he had on Tony’s hips, he no longer had the good positioning that gave him all his strength. In one swift movement, Tony twisted around under him and pushed him towards the wall. As Graham attempted to recover, Tony lurched at him and pushed his whole body up against him. His hands sought out Graham’s, pinning them to the wall either side of his head. Now he could see the light in the older man’s eyes, the desire he’d only glimpsed, the damaged he’d actually done to the left side of his face. It was already bruising. Hmm, they’d have to explain that to the media, those that saw them as good, clean boys, not the types who got into fights.

Tony doubted they’d see them as the types who liked other boys either, so perhaps a black eye was the least of their worries. He suddenly thought of the unlocked bathroom door, the studio that lay beyond it, and the one room where three friends, no doubt concerned about them, were and may not remain. There was any number of people who could walk in at the worst moment and see what they really shouldn’t.

But… if he went to lock the door, he’d lose his power over Graham, and boy had he been waiting pretty much the whole day- if not since he’d met the guy- for a chance like this.

He looked Graham in the twinkling eyes. The rhythm guitarist was waiting, waiting for a next move, aching for it. His stare was challenging, encouraging Tony to do something, anything, so the boy decided to risk everything to keep his position. He glared at Graham, thinking ‘you’ve no idea what we’re risking for this.’

His move, he decided, was to slide both his hands up, with Graham’s in their grasp, and hold them over Graham’s head. He found a way to keep both wrists pinned to the wall in just one hand, so the other could travel down his bandmate’s aching torso, down experimentally towards the waistband of his trousers. He looked so unsure. Graham did too, but his mind was now set on this moment. He needed this, he needed a release for his frustration and believed Tony could benefit from it too.

“I want this.” He whispered encouragingly. Never before had he ever so explicitly given consent, never had he previously had to, but it felt right in this situation, one neither he nor his friend had been in before. It struck a little confidence into Tony, evidenced by the quickening of his movements. He spread his hand over Graham’s hardness and lightly applied pressure. Graham gasped, to which Tony wanted to administer a little of Graham’s own medicine to him. He chuckled.

“Enjoying this, are we?”

Graham’s eyes met his.

“Now you can’t deny that you’re not.”

The younger boy shrugged, slowly removing his hand, much to Graham’s displeasure.

“I’m going to enjoy it a lot more in a minute.”

Curious, the older man watched. He wasn’t sure what part of his friend he should keep his eyes on; his face, his wandering hands, his torso, his… trousers. Eventually, though, the most interesting part was his hands, the one that lingered between both their crotches before turning upwards towards it’s owner’s waistband and those skilled, guitar-playing fingers hooked around the zipper of his trousers. He watched as Tony pulled down his fly and palmed himself through his boxers, straining handsomely against a thick bulge within them. He watched as Tony got off, pleasured himself, leaving Graham practically totally untouched, straining himself under far too many layers of clothing. The older man whimpered.

“This isn’t fair.”

With half shut eyes and a blissful smile on his face, Tony asked, “What isn’t?”

“I was winning. You’re a fucking dick. I had you…”

“Oh, but you wanted me so bad, you just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

Graham recognised his own tactics. Oh, they were cruel. He smirked to himself, almost as a pat on the back for being so goddamned smart. If only he could just work out a way to tip the tables again in his favour.

In fact, he didn’t care much about being in power, he just wanted not to be left out. He wanted to be touched. He’d happily beg, though he’d never say as much voluntarily.

“Fuck, look at you!” Tony continued. Graham could see more bliss, more pleasure building up tight within the guitarist. It was quite a sight, a view that cause want to simmer below his stomach. He recognised the pleasure that Tony was affording himself and wanted some for himself. “Quiet for the first time today. If it wasn’t so illegal, I’d do this everyday to shut you up.”

Graham’s voice came out as a half strangled moan when he tried to speak.

However, he did managed to say, “You’d do it because you fucking love me, admit it.”

“I love it when you’re not pissing everyone else off.”

“You love me when I’m not pissing everyone off.”

“I like the peace and quiet.”

“I…” He gasped loudly, “…really just want to come. Tony, come on!”

Tony grinned. He stared at Graham, making his own pleasure more obvious with rolls of his blue eyes and bites of his kissable lips. He even took it to the next step, pulling himself totally out of the boxers hanging loose on his hips and tugged hard, in full view of his friend. If a high level of adrenaline, caused by frustration and desire, had not been coursing through his veins, he probably would’ve felt more than a bit embarrassed and self-conscious under Graham’s watchful gaze, but his levels of confidence were soaring. He was coaxed on by Graham’s words too, as humiliating and embarrassing as getting your dick out in front of a mate was.

“Don’t… come on, I’m aching. Tony…”

“If you don’t beg,” Tony wickedly said, “You don’t get.”

To his surprise, it seemed a lot easier for Graham to stoop to that level of indignity than it had been for him.

“Ok, please Tony will you touch me. Or let me touch myself. I don’t fucking care anymore.”

“No?” Tony gasped, now unable to control his tone, “That’s disappointing, I thought you loved me. I though you wanted me.”

“Alright, alright, I want you, you fucker. Please, I want you to touch me.”

“If I move my hand, are you going to overpower me?”

Graham was not lying when he replied, “No.” And Tony could tell. It was probably the most genuine thing he’d said all day. So, if a little gingerly, the guitarist removed his hand from Graham’s wrists and feathered it down his body. Helpfully, Graham’s shot down to his fly and ripped it open. He groaned as Tony’s hand wrapped around him.

Oh, it was way better to have someone else do that rather than his own hand, Graham decided. Just the unfamiliar touch was enough to improve it, but there was so much more going on. Namely, the fact that Tony had an idea of what he was doing. Graham was sure he could make many a joke about that, like that Tony wasn’t really so much of a ladies’ man as he was a ‘right hand’ man, but he wouldn’t dare ruin the mood, by cracking some awful, distasteful and mocking joke unless, like the jokes about loving one another, both of them would know they were merely in good fun. There was also the forbidden aspect that made it all the more exciting. It had not slipped Graham’s mind that the bathroom door was open and he was well aware of all the shit they could get into, least of all the prison sentences they could receive should something like this get out. But, instead of scaring them shitless enough to do something about it or stop, it enticed at least Graham to continue.

And he knew it would not take long. He’d been aching at the most innocent of acts. By the time Tony had his hand pumping at his dick, he was further than half way close to climax.

So, it came of no surprise to him that he was first to come. He spilled over Tony’s hand, moaning with his head tossed back against the wall. He thrust up into Tony’s hand until the shockwaves of pleasure ceased. Then he looked down at the younger man, simpering.

Tony gave him a dirty look back.

“It’s not a fucking race.” He breathlessly snapped, “It’s not good that you were first.”

Graham nodded, “I know. I was actually glad, because now I can do this.”

He reached out and clasped his own, capable fingers around the base of Tony’s dick and followed the boy’s movements until he let him do it on his own. It seemed Tony had the same thought as Graham; it really was better done by someone else. A fact he well knew from all the chicks he’d had, but when directly compared to himself, and faced with someone who knew what they were doing, oh it was perfect. A few short minutes later and he’d dirtied Graham’s hands. Thankfully, as both the boys did check, they’d managed not to get anything on their clothes, save perhaps for some water from the counter and the sinks.

Breathlessly, the two boys regarded one another. They grinned stupidly, disbelievingly, not knowing what to say next. What was the protocol here? There wasn’t even one. All they could do was go back to how they always were. Nothing had changed.

“So…” Tony’s voice echoed around the room. After all that noise, the sudden lull in that bathroom was both too much for the boys, and not enough. They wanted to talk, to fill the empty space, but really didn’t, because it would mean addressing what had just happened.

Graham decided to go about that in an indirect manner by, once he’d tucked himself back into his trousers and zipped himself back up, nipping across the room to the tissue dispenser. He brought two bundles of tissues back with him, one for himself, the other for Tony. With that minor distraction, they found their voices.

“…friends?”

“We always were.” Graham replied, “I know I’m pretty overbearing and all…”

“You can say that again.”

“Fuck off. I’m trying to… apologise.”

“Does that mean we have to go back and record a song now?”

They both looked pretty helplessly towards the door, nodding as though to answer the question for themselves.

“So…” Tony repeated, “Do you want to go first… or… or I can…”

“Nah,” Graham waved that idea away, “We’re mates again. We go back together.”

“Ok…”

Neither made a start to the door for a moment. Tony pretended he was making sure there was no more evidence of their ‘time’ in the bathroom, while Graham chuckled to himself to get over the whole situation. Then, as though they’d agreed, they strode together out of the bathroom, into the corridor of the studio, which remained quiet. They silently made for their studio, keeping their eyes forward, their hands in their pockets, undistinguishable expressions on their slightly flushed faces.

They then walked into the room where their three friends were sitting almost in wait of them. Allan stood up immediately, waiting for a verdict as to whether they’d made up or not.

Tony opened his mouth, “He’s a fucking dick.” He announced, though that was not news to anyone. What was a slight surprise, though, was the smile on his face as he walked off to grab his guitar, and the one stretching Graham’s lips as his watched him.

“Yeah, but you all love me.” He insisted.