#I'M FUCKIN CRYINH

[ellohcee]

i will never continue this

"...David."

Gwen had just gotten home from work only to be beholden to this sight before her.

"Yes?"  He looks up innocently from his plate, fork still stuck in his salad.

"Am I going insane, or is there a bee sitting across from you?"  Gwen squints at the buzzing insect on the other side of the small table.  It- or he- waves at her before clicking his... tongue?  And pointing double fingerguns right at her.  

"His name is Jasper!"  David is far too cheerful over the statement as he gestures happily toward the bee in front of them.  "He's really sweet, you know-"

"David."  Gwen grabs him by the shoulders and forces him out of his seat.  She drags him out of the dining room, not before wagging her finger at the following bee and making the insect stay behind out of earshot.  As soon as they enter the next room, she turns back to the bright-eyed, still innocent looking man standing before her.  He speaks before she can get a word in.

"-Sweet like honey!  Get it?"  He giggles to himself as Gwen groans.  "Jasper said that about me, you know."

"David."  What little patience she had within her is immediately sapped out as she shakes him roughly.  "He is a bee!  A fucking bee!  Are you gonna tell me why the FUCK you're having dinner with a fucking BEE of all creatures!"

"Oh well," David stammers as Gwen continues to shake him, "y-you see, I'm going to h-help him sue the h-human race."

Gwen halts in her movements.

"You're trying.  To do.  What?"

"Sue the human race."  He holds his hands up in defense as he sees a familiar look of angry disbelief rise to her face.  "I'm trying to talk him out of it!  Honestly, it just seems like a grudge he has against this one beekeeper, so I'm trying to get him to see that he's just projecting a little bit?  That he's really just angry at this one person and-"

"David."  She takes a deep breath in.  A deep breath out.  And then she levels him with a glare.  "You.  Are.  A.  Florist!  Not a fucking lawyer!"

"I know!  I know."  He tries to placate her with a nervous grin, and it does nothing to soften her glare.  "But it's just- he has this kind of charm to him.  And he's really funny, and nice, and caring!  It really makes me wanna help him out, and plus he hangs around the shop and pollinates my flowers and keeps me company and-  He's just the nicest bee I've ever met!"

"He's the only bee you've ever met!"  Gwen throws her hands up in the air and groans.  "And why do you have him over for dinner?!"  

"Because he wanted to try human cuisine!"

"He's a fucking bee!"  She grabs his shoulders again to shake him.  "A bee, David!"

"Hey, is everything gravy in here?"  As if on cue, the now familiar bee flies into the room, looking from David to Gwen with a relaxed but concerned grin.  "I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?"

"No no, of course not!"  David tries to wave off Jasper's concern, much to Gwen's chagrin.  "We were just talking about your plan!"

"Oh yeah, I was hoping we'd talk about it more during dinner."  The bee lands easily on David's shoulder and leans against his neck.  "So I take it you're in on it too?"

"Define in on it."  Gwen crosses her arms and frowns.  "Suing the entire human race is impossible and unrealistic."

"Not with that kind of attitude."  Jasper snickers playfully as Gwen can feel her ire levels begin to increase.  "But Davey speaks mega highly of you, so I was thinking you could help us?"

"I really don't think I want to-"

"Please, Gwen, please?"  David catches her attention as he pleads with his eyes round and wide in a puppy-like way.  "You could help make things more reasonable!"

"Reasonable?  What-"  And then it clicks.  She looks at David’s pleading gaze and sighs in annoyance.  Of course he needs her help.  Idiot is too good at jumping to someone’s aid without thinking or planning.  "Oh.  Well, for starters, it'd be easier to start out small.  Focus on a particular group before moving onto larger things."  

"Laaame."  The bee rolls his eyes, and it takes all of Gwen's willpower not to squash him.  Seriously, what's this bee got that's got David so... like that?

"It'd be a whole lot less paperwork," she says slowly.  This gets the bee to pause for a moment.

"...Less paperwork?"

"Yeah."  She pinches the bridge of her nose as she ignores the fact that the bee knows what paperwork is.  "We start smaller, more manageable, and we deal with less paperwork."

"That sounds more... reasonable."  As the bee concedes, she can see David relax just a bit.  "I guess as long as that old fart gets his just desserts, that's what really matters in the end."

"I don't know what your deal is with this beekeeper, but I hope it's worth trying to sue someone over it."

"He's a bee owner," Jasper corrects, and there's a dark gleam in his eyes that makes Gwen realize how serious he is.  God, why is she having a conversation with a bee again?

"Yeah, whatever."  She tries to wave the conversation away because god, this is starting to drain the hell out of her.  "I came here for dinner, not a legal fucking party.  Unless you ate my share of the meal."

"Me?"  Jasper gestures to himself and shakes his head.  "Nah, that wouldn't be very bee-coming of me to do."

Auuuuuugh.

David giggles at the pun, because of course he does.  "Jasp, gosh!"

"What?  I can't help that I'm good at winging these."

"Oh my god please do not tell me you are going to continue with those shitty puns."  She shoves the two of them towards their sad excuse of a dining room and sits David back down in his seat before another pun slips out.  Jasper flies back to his own seat as Gwen quickly makes a plate for herself.  As she sits next to her roommate, David and Jasper resume whatever conversation they were having before she returned home.  She looks between David and Jasper.

None of it makes sense.

No, actually, it makes a little bit of sense.  They probably met at David's shop.  Probably accidentally hit it off since David's the kind of person to care about every creature that crosses his path.  And somehow, this bee wormed his way into David's heart.

Which is.

Okay, so she doesn't want to judge.  But she also kind of wants to.  Because it's weird right?  It's weird?  Whatever fucking vibe they got going on, it's weird, right?

God, is this going to be her life now?  Talking bees and a roommate who's apparently into said talking bees?

"Uh, Earth to Gwen?"  She would say that a tiny hand was being waved in front of her, but she can barely see Jasper himself as he perches on her nose and makes her go cross eyed.  "I was just saying, I hope you don't mind me crashing here for the night."

Sure.  Cool.  Fine.  Of course.

"Why not."

"Rad."  The bee flies off to land on David's shoulder, and oh God, this really is her life now, isn't it.  "Nice to meet ya, new roomie."

"Uh huh, yeah."

She needs a drink.

SCRIBBY. You did it. You let me forget all about this AND THEN YOU SLAP ME IN THE FACE WITH IT. Only a TRUE FRIEND DOES THAT SHIT. THANK YOU.

[whisperofthewaves]

THE KING WAS IN A FUCKING VIRGIN SACRIFICING CULT HOW DID I FORGET THAT

[toxicfunkylittlecrazy]

...

[petrichormeraki]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SANDERS SIDES VIDEO

I hate Remus so much but he is the funniest person I have EVER seen

At first I was horrified when the Duke clobbered Roman but then I found out they were brothers so it makes perfect sense

Virgil's tempest tongue when he saw Remus 👌😔

The fact that they were able to go off as long as they did about the chick flick is the FUNNIEST SHIT

LOGAN 👏 COMING 👏 BACK 👏 EVERY 👏 SINGLE 👏 FUCKIN 👏 TIME 👏 REMUS 👏 TRIED 👏 TO 👏 KILL 👏 HIM 👏

Seriously there was so much Logan recognition in this episode thank you Thomas

"Logan, take off your blinders - or in this case, take off your glasses-"

LOGAN CUT OFF FROM SAYING "PARANOID" VIRGIL WAS PARANOIA AS A DARK SIDE DO YOU HEAR ME

"Yea, I'm acting a little fishy, so sushi--I mean sue me!" "Don't pretend that wasn't on purpose"

Remus continually eating deodorant

THE FUCKING EDITING FOR THE MUSICAL SEQUENCE HOLY FUCKIN JESUS 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Thomas said SHIT

Patton looked so shocked and crushed when Logan pointed him out as part of the problem DO YOU SEE ME CRYINH

On the other hand nobody acted surprised when Logan also identified Virgil as part of the problem and that hurts a l o t

Remus is Waluigi you can't deny this

"There's a snake in my butt! :D"

I just love this video so much you guys