#I'LL LOG OFF IF THIS KEEPS HAPPENING AND I'M BEING SO FR

[waxflowerwoes]

tumblr keeps suggesting v:ld posts to me i can never escape the sins of my past can i

[pastel-rights]

I LOVE your art style! How did you came up with it?

huh? my art style??? uhhh, i mean i uhhhh if you want, i can explain how I got to this point but. sometimes, things just. happen yknow???

honestly my old art compared to the more recent of what I've done probably looks. very very jarring side by side since it looks like it was drawn by completely different people lol. For example, look at this early 2017 character concept verse a late (November) 2024 character concept.

It's. Definitely a lot to take in so uhm. Buckle up! [cue a heavy metal version of bye-bye-bye playing for atmosphere reasons]

So, I've been drawing as a hobby since about... 2009 give or take? However, the earliest art I have on hand is probably from... 2016 or 2015 tbh??? Although, I only really started keeping a fr fr log of my art from 2019 and onwards so, let's start with what I actually have to show.

It's all about the basics, anon!

Growing up, my art was inspired by the shows I watched growing up! in particular, shows like "Codename: Kids Next Door" and "Tom and Jerry" were my rock in childhood times (since I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob until I was much older and a majority of my "childhood" tv shows didn't start airing until later in my life, like Bubble Guppies (which aired in 2011) and Team Umizoomi and Octonauts (which both released in 2010) which, by then, the television was run by my younger brother's needs mostly, and I didn't get a say.)

So, I guess you could say my art was inspired by those two shows mostly???? of course, not... fully? hold on let me show you guys the earliest art I have to work with here-

these are all from 2019 since it's the furthest back I was able to save my art but. Looking at it, it doesn't look like it was inspired in the way artists are normally inspired by their environment. At least, that's not how it feels to me.

my art at this point was very... a lot of it was traditional in comparison to now, for starters. The color grades are completely off, the lining is. interesting. A lot of one shot one result type of shenanigans. Of course, it shares its origin with my childhood entertainment in general, which is being very cartoonish in style! On traditional grounds, I fucked around with a lot of different methods, some just pencil, some with markers, blah blah blah yada yada yada.

which, character design is my passion /ref if you couldn't tell. but my art style has always been very cartoonish and stylized, even in my earliest days. Big eyes, wild hair styles, noodly limbs, you know, the cartoonist hallmarks! If nothing else, my art style is more reflective of who I am as a person?? like the cartoons that formed me, it's very expressive and full of color and whimsy and in its own way, it's my way of thanking the world that taught me happiness and joy, and I draw to give others that same feeling.

Whether that be my friends' OCs or silly shitposts, I draw for the joy others get seeing it! Here look at this picture of my friend (@sxftriina)'s OC, Ocean, I draw way way back when lol

...

but at some point, I realized. My art didn't make me happy anymore. I didn't have fun drawing anymore. and it just became more of a chore to make than a fun hobby or a good time. I couldn't find the joy in art anymore. And I couldn't create anything I was proud of either.

I got stuck. It didn't matter what I drew, what things I tried. I couldn't make myself happy again. and while my art might not have suffered.

I did.

art was nothing more than a chore. something I had to do because I wasn't good for anything else.

and it made me severely depressed, among other things happening during those times.

so what does a burnt out depressed artist do in crisis times??????????

...

he joins tumblr, of course.

I wish I was joking. I'm not.

anyways so it was like 4am and I was like "let me join tumblr why the hell not maybe I'll find something there" and uhm. well I didn't find anything initially. and every day was as depressing as the last, and I eventually just. felt like giving up. I ran an askblog and drew a ton still because while it made me unhappy, I felt unhappier just. doing nothing. Lesser of two evils I suppose?

that was until I uh. I met someone really special to me. Even now.

if you're reading this, uh. hi lupi!

This was around the time I found Identity Five at the end of 2020, and began drawing fanart for the game, which restored... some joy to art? Not completely, but, I wasn't so miserable drawing during this time of my life. It felt like a chore still, but, at least now I was having some semblance of fun doing it. Not completely fun though... I was still stuck in a funk. I didn't know why.

And then, I met Lupi. At the time, she was following me through her askblog account (she still does) and I got curious and decided to check it out for myself and. I think if I never checked out Lupi's blog that day, my art wouldn't have taken the direction it did, and, I would have never regained my love for my craft.

Of course, I feel silly even talking about it so... I took a different direction with my art after scrolling through Lupi's art, which sometimes I'll do, even to this day just for fun sake. And this time... I don't know.

It just felt different this time. It wasn't the best, and it certainly wasn't easy either. But for the first time in over a year... I had genuine fun drawing again. No negative feelings attached.

Just... fun.

A lot of fun at that. A lot of things from this era of my style stuck. Like... a looooot. My color choices, my mini style, the flow, a lot of what I learned from this era stuck with me, even now.

it retains so much of the past yet it means so much more. it's still cartoonish, still small and squashed, funky hairstyles, noodle limbs, fun clothing... the whole nine yards.

Of course... this is only 2021 art. My art now, while similar... it's not the same. And it's all thanks to ONE RED HAIRED MOTHERFUCKER. not ginger, red haired. apples are red, not orange. /ref

It was the first time in. several years that I've drawn something just for me. Even if it was something small and silly while waiting for an after-school activity to start. It was something I remember really fondly, a feeling that wasn't just fun but. actual joy.

Not only that but, for as simple as it is, it marked the start of a very, very... very long long of stylization like never before. You take what makes you happy... piece by piece, bit by bit...

you learn... you grow... you improve upon skills you have... body language, expression, detail... all those things. You meet some really cool people along the way... you talk, you laugh, you cry.

you get inspired and you want to show them something new, something cool... and in doing so, you make something you never thought was possible. Not with your skills, and not in a million years.

But, you learn. you laugh. you watch. you grow.

you figure out what you like. cool colors, fun dynamics, shading, lighting, storylines... things like that. you inspire others, and those people inspire you in turn.

you learn some cool new poses, you draw some fun fanart for your friends aus, you try new things and those end up sticking.

sometimes it's just you and one other person, who stuck through, watching you draw until a piece's very end. because they like you for you. and they care. sometimes they never leave your side, and they continue to inspire you to this very day.

you have fun with what youre doing. there's not really any need to rush, you know? you look at new media, you talk to the people you care about the most, you make things to surprise them with. and they're happy. and you're happy.

and you want to keep drawing.

but you can't forget to draw for yourself sometimes. something just for you that others can enjoy, but, it wasn't made for others. it was made because you love yourself and you deserve something special. it's important to draw what you want for yourself.

and sometimes, it becomes your staple.

you put your best foot forward, you give it everything you've got! because it's not a chore. it's fun. it's a hobby.

and it makes you happy. your art becomes recognizable, people compliment it and enjoy its presence. even in passing.

...

I love my art style too, anon. i know its been a long while of me talking. telling my story, my experience with my art. how it built me. how it ruined me. and how I found myself again.

I didn't know how to answer your question when I first got this ask.

Because, I didn't know how I came up with it. In my mind, it just happened. But, I think I have an answer for you now.

For real this time.

My art style is a culmination of everything and everyone I love. Navi, Pins, Beth, Yuu, Tae, Klai, Joe, Rina, Lupi, Four, pretty much everyone I surround myself with on a day to day basis. Bit by bit, piece by piece, my art style is fueled by the love I have for my friends.

Every improvement over the years has all been so I can show them something fun, something new. So I can keep surprising them with each new piece I do.

But, it's not just my friends.

It's you too, anon. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Every like, every reblog, every comment and compliment. Every ask, every live reaction.

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me find my joy again. I hope I didn't disappoint.

[i-amyou]

hey I had a question!

so, the thing is, I honestly have been trying to sit with myself in silence, go beyond the mind and stay in the present moment as much as I can and sometimes I also feel genuine happiness and joy when I sit in silence so I often feel like I'm very close (ik that's the ego but still 😬) so, I usually do this at night before going to bed and it's not like I have set a time, it's just that that's when I genuinely feel like sitting in silence, thats when I genuinely feel peace but then it's only that moment I feel peace and happiness and the rest of the day I'm in my doer mentality, (like I'm in rn) where I feel like I need to learn more or do more or i have more doubts and fears, so sometimes I feel i should be a bit more disciplined and instead of scrolling through my phone or listening to music for no reason I could sit in silence but I often feel lazy and tell myself I shouldn't force it, and i remember Lester Levenson also once said that "effort is a sign you don't yet understand what needs to be done, if you want to attain something you should do nothing. the more you want something the less you will have it, when you no longer care about what happens, it will happen." but is sitting in silence and staying in the present moment effort? because every blogger anyway just say to go within and stay in silence, so should I actually discipline myself into doing that more? because I feel when I actually do that, that's when I feel peace and I'm not doubting but then sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it and that's never good, so should I just stick with staying in silence just at night like I mentioned because it feels natural only then? but what if that turns into a habit? I might have to drop that as well? 😭 plus what about the feeling like I need to do more for rest of the day? and honestly I've also let go of all my desires at this point, I used to have a HUGE list of desires that I wanted to "manifest" but now I honestly don't even feel like thinking about them lol, I'm just so sick of running around in circles im also just so sick of desiring at this point. all I really want rn is freedom but I'm afraid what if this now has become my biggest desire and how do I let go of this? 😭 and I also know that all the 'i' in my ask rn are me Misidentifying but I ig I just need this one answer and I fr am going to log off tumblr after this lol no more questions no more looking for external validation. I hope you understand what I mean:)

also thank you so much for helping so many of us, it means a lot 🤍

Alright. I'll keep it short.

So, you know you're misidentifying. That's a Misidentification in itself. As @infiniteko Chi said, all identification is Misidentification.

You know you're trying, but you feel like you need one last answer. You quoted Lester, and a whole bunch on other things which at the end of the day are just a whole bunch on nothing.

What we mean by going within is not sit in silence, but going beneath the surface. The surface is you identifying as this person and human body. Go beyond that, go within and take away every label from everything and see what you're left with. An ever Stretching silence would greet you, rest there.

"What to do, should I meditate, is it forcing, should I discipline" I don't know sweetie. Seriously.

Whatever you do, you can not stop being. Everything you do is a choice.

It's not complicated at all.

You're always " ". Regardless of what you do. By sending in this ask and by dwelling in these numerous what to do's you are getting indulged with the illusion more and more. If freedom is what you want then give everything up? See everything for what it is, an illusion. Even calling it an illusion is calling it something. It's all NOTHING.

To quote @cassandra-xx , as you go within and look deeper and deeper you'll find more of this nothingness. Endless.

Even these thoughts of fear and anxiety and being the doer are nothing but you getting more immersed in the empty appearance of the seeming person. Why involve with it when you can take a back seat and just observe it all, be aware of being aware?

It's not that serious, neither is it that complicated. So, let it all go. Rest and relax through whatever comes up. It's not YOU. Dwell in that awareness.

Okay, this is not short at all. But you get the point, right?

[euclydya]

i am going 2 Infodump abt our system fuck it I'm bored <3 asks from here

🍓- if you’re an introject, what is ur source/who are you? (Don’t tell if uncomfy!) - My source is T.he Bi.nding of I.saac! I'm a fictive of Magdalene :3c I go by Mags/Maggie now and my pronouns are lov/lovself, love/loveself, any heart emoji pronouns, and she/her!

📍- funny story that happened in exomemories? (If u have any) - OHOH THAT'S A QUESTION! Don't think I can rlly answer that. Closest I could think of would be being home alone fr a few months w Eve and being like "Bro we could just eat ICE CREAM AND SWEETS >:3" and.,,, almost doing that FNDNSJDKCKC I was like,, 10-11, Eve was around 12-13ish iirc

🍒 - funny story that happened in headspace? -

Rosie, Allan, and I, just chillin up front, Xm.en on in the bg irl:

Qui.cksi.lver, suddenly appearing in-sys from a system gate/portal: ... ??

Us: ????

Rosie: ,,, Hi.

Qui.cks.ilv.er: ,,, Wrong timeline. Sorry *proceeds to leave the system*

That was like a week ago we haven't heard back from him since HWSJDJFK

🌹 - funny story that happened in the meatspace? - I HONESTLY CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TBH CJXJDIC

🍊 - tiktok audio/vine that reminds you of a headmate? - ok we don't watch much vines or tiktoks so idk abt that but as for funny clips n shit we've got:

"If instruments were voices and voices were instruments" which reminds me of the whole sys tbh but that's bc it's a current vocal stim

I Thlammed My Penith Into The Car Door, which reminds me of Daffodil bc we call her Daffy and it's an inside joke now

This...... OOC vin.esa.uce clip. NSFW warning. Only bc of how Vinny says "I would like to apologize" Which makes me think of everyone who's a common fronter atm bc it's another vocal stim

🎃 - who is fronting/close to fronting rn? - Me and Moo.ndrop!! Moony's up front bc 🌛's one of my caretakers and bc 🌛 helps us sleep!

🥕 - are any headmates frontstuck/co-con stuck right now? - ,,, Also me and Moo.ndrop! BDNDNSNCJC I've been frontstuck kinda for like a week give or take and same w Moony and Sunny bc I have adopted them as my In-Sys Parents™

🏵 - random song lyric please :D - “Now wouldn't you know, you're choking on the spite” v v good new re.d vo.x song™

🌟 - how did you find out you were plural? - Honest to God we've been plural since as long as we can remember we just found a name for it when we joined tumblr LMAO

🌻 - do you use I/me, I&/me&, us/we, and/or any 1st person neos? - Some of us do use first person neos!! Tho as a whole we alternate btwn i/me and we/us, whichever feels right in the moment. Off the top of my head tho, Mischief uses I& (and She&/Her& pronouns), Samson is trying out Ix/Ix'm and xI/xI'm, andddd many of our median sysmates use we/us fr themselves or I& too!

🌙 - do any headmates have typing quirks? If so, what are they? - Yes many of us do!! Su.ndr.op doubles any punctuation and usually ends all sentences with “!!”, Rosie likes to “tYPE LIKE THIS DJAJAKSKDFK” (which has. Absolutely bled into the rest of the system lmao) anddd a handful of our sysmates tend to type out their echoing/stuttering/glitching when it happens in-sys!

🍋 - do you have a host? If so, who are they? - ,,, Not really JSJSKDICKCFND our closest thing to a host would be Rosie who's. Unstable as fuck! And then we have Allan who's. Unstable as fuck without Rosie! And then there's me who's filling in as temporary host/temp third Main which is a role that changes often. I'm the only one w braincells if I do say so myself /JOKEEEE

☘️ - what do you use to keep track of system members? - Pluralkit on Discord!! Ever since the system's gone past like,,, 10 members we find it much easier 2 note everyone down via PK than use a notes app like we did a few years ago

🌿 - current member count? - *checks pk* uhhhjjj 385 and counting! I don't think that's counting most walk-ins tho which we keep logged on our pk jic they pop back in which I'll be re-adding soon

🌱 - share a picture (drawing, icon edit, picrew etc.) of urself in headspace! - WOOOO OK

I keep many a things on my person in-sys and one of them is indeed a sword. Other things include many chew toys, a handful of stim toys, and my Yum Heart!

🦎 - do you share memories with your headmates? - Yeah!! Be they exomems or stuff that happened irl, it's p easy for us to share memories tbh! Sometimes it's by accident but usually it's consensual

🦋 - any ‘-heavy’s? (introject heavy, little heavy, protector heavy, etc.) - Introject heavy for sure BCNDSNXNCKD anddddd at this point I'd say maybe syskid heavy? Judging off who fronts most often usually which is mainly just,, my sibs and I (aside from this past week goddamn). Despite having a lotta members most of them aren't active or don't front ever usually lmao

🐬 - any nonhumans? - SO MANY YES!! I myself am part angel in-sys and consider myself part doll! Buuuuuut yeah actually... P much everyone in the system isn't human in some way I forgor that was a thing so I didn't list it in the last question NFNFMDKFFK

🛋 - what does headspace look like? - It changes quite often!! Rn it's a huge open field, like REALLY huge. Our fronting area is a big ol' tree with lots of shade. A few ft away is a small cabin which is where Sam (nOT TO BE CONFUSED W SAMSON FJDJFJ) resides when he's not afk from the system, andddd further back in the headspace is,,, more foresty stuff I think?

But that's just the main layer lmao. Our other layers are mainly kinda in outer space, but the layers my sibs, family, and my other sourcemates reside on are an abandoned cathedral and an open, stormy sea.

🧿 - what does front look like? - welp. I already described front. whoops JWJWJDKFKF

☔️ - favorite thing about being plural? - Having friends and family being with me 24/7!! Sure we have friends and family outside the system but it's,, simply not the same as having friends and family share the same body as you y'know? It's hard to explain but we're all just. MUCH closer I guess! And inseperable both literally and metaphorically FJDJDJFJG

👾 - collective name/pronouns? - Rn we go by Greed (or Greed Mode, or Ultra Greed, etc.) or Knives, and our pronouns are they/them or mirrored pronouns, meaning someone would use their pronouns for us when talking abt us!

🌂 - singletsona? - Our singletsona irl goes by Tyler/Ty and they do not give a shit abt pronouns and wish not 2 be perceived by anyone god bless <3

👿 - origin(s)? - BDHSJDJDHAAAHA well. Mixed origin tbh. Endogenic, Nihilumgenic, and Protogenic!