#I’ve seen that Destiel meme too many times today

[demonicseries]

[ramianne]

Some news

So I wanted to say some things today.

First, I am so sorry to all the people that tagged me in posts or sent me messages and I never replied. In all honesty, I like to have a relatively big amount of time in front of me to answer and to have a conversation, and lately my family has taken a lot of my time. So when I don’t have that time, I just reblog stuffs. But I promise you that I will answer you as soon as possible.

Also, I think you have noticed, I reblog (and post, to a much smaller extent) very mostly Supernatural, and especially Destiel & Cockles. Truth is, I created my Tumblr account just so I could have my daily dose of pure concentrated Supernatural, and I never imagined that I would have followers (just like Twitter to be fair), that I would want to post things too, and not just see them and keep them in a corner of my computer. And with the “Be The Clarence” campaign going on right nown (bless you Rachel Miner for being this bright soul), I want to bring my little light to my favorite fandom of all.

Let me explain. Supernatural has saved my sorry ass. I just finished two years of school hell. I knew it would be very very intense and difficult but I never thought it would bring me down and break me like these past two years did. When I finished highschool, I was hopeful, optimist, determined, perseverant, strong. Today I don’t see any of this in me, because of shitty teachers that think the most effective way to make their students succeed is to pressure them and tell them everyday that they are lazy, that they will never succeed in anything like this, and that they don’t belong where they are. Fuck you. 

So during these two years of tears and self-loathing (and major family issues because where would be the fun otherwise), I clung onto Supernatural and the Supernatural family like my life depended on it (I have to be clear: I was, and still am depressive but I’ve never been suicidal). I had known Supernatural for three years already and I knew it was the fandom I preferred but I never imagined how much it would mean to me. I was already addicted, I became obsessed.

Anyway, during these two awful years, when I seeked refuge in Supernatural, I only saw the bright, best side of the fandom. I truly thought everyone in this fandom was mature enough to accept and respect one another, and that we were truly one, big family, absolutely all of us, as this is what I saw during conventions. So I joined Facebook fan groups, and Tumblr, and Twitter, and I followed more and more people in the fandom.

And slowly, everyday, reality hit me in the face. There’s no such things as “the best fandom”, a fandom where no one spreads hate for free because they need to get it out of their systems and fandoms are good places to do it. Slowly, I met the toxic side of the Supernatural fandom. People hating Misha or Jared or Jensen or their wives or shippers or non-shippers or anyone, really. Free hate, because free hate is everywhere in the world. 

These past few days, I’ve been a lot on Twitter. My Twitter is full of American fucked up news (I mean Nazis, really?) and people in the fandom fighting for absolutely anything. One day it’s a description of a fish species by Misha that offended someone and so this someone claimed loudly that Misha is transphobic. Another day, it’s Gen that’s taking Jared into hostage. The third, it’s Misha that makes Jensen uncomfortable and really people should stop rooting for him. Then, it’s whether J2 should speak up about Nazis and white supremacists or not. 

And it destroyed me. What had given me hope and made me keep going for these past two horrible years was nowhere to be seen. My Supernatural family, my beacon in all this darkness, had disappeared. The only tweets that were bright were the ones from the cast about either a convention or the “Be The Clarence” campaign. Even the people with whom I agree seemed violent to me. And this is not a criticism. They have all the rights to argue back and to be very direct. It’s just not what I came here and on Twitter for.

What I want to see is positivism. I want to see love, and support, and respect, and I know, because I’ve seen only this for 5 years, that this fandom is full of that. It’s just not the only thing I see anymore. I spend my day crying on myself (figuratively) about how I want to find and stay with this part of the fandom only. And then I remembered something that the admins of my Facebook fan group always say: if you don’t see the posts that you want to see, then create them. 

I have so many memes, gifs, fanarts, pictures, theories, analysis of Supernatural stocked in my computer and my phone, and I never share them. And I have my love, support, and respect. So you know what? I’m gonna share my light, because I’m done crying on myself and doing nothing to fix it when it’s the exact behaviour I can’t stand from others. 

I will not answer free hate with arguments, but with love. If I see hate in this fandom, I will answer with love and appreciation, but not replying to the ones that hate. Just being louder than them. I don’t want to deify the cast or the characters, or adore Supernatural as the best show ever made, because nothing is perfect, and we have lots of flaws, but I want to bring people together around the things they love. Like I’ve thought we’ve been doing all these years. 

That doesn’t mean I won’t share my opinions, especially with theories and analysis. But I won’t get into any controverses or scandals. If you want my opinion on such a thing, I will give it, because I’m not ashamed of my opinions, but please always know that it is my opinion only, and I don’t want you to come back at me saying I’m wrong or starting a fight. If you disagree with me on controverses or scandals, fine, but I don’t want to fight.

I agree on sharing opinions. On truly debating. If you have a different opinion than mine, and want to share it to me, but remaining conscious that this is your opinion only, as much as it was my opinion only in the first place, then I will love to debate with you, because that’s what debating is. But if you tell me I’m wrong, that my opinion isn’t valid, or similar else, know right now that you will never hear any answer from me. It doesn’t mean you “won”, it only means that I don’t want to fight. 

SOOOOOOOOOOO

All this to say; I will try my best to be more active here, answering the people that I’ve never answered, and posting more. Bring out the love!