#I’ve had them for almost 20 years now 🥹

[theforbodingboglands]

Celestial Dance

I'm biting the bullet and trying to finally improve on backgrounds lol. Sofy and mango (Lewis) having a date on the beach. Dancing is kind of a thing they do sometimes since that's what they were doing when they started to fall in love when they were younger. My lil beans..

Art and characters @me

[srarlight]

Just a little status update that mentions some medical stuff under the cut.

This gauntlet of sick dad and emergencies expenses is still ongoing since last year, but I’m happy to say the house is almost sold so they can have that money vs the bank taking it. Now they can settle into a RV or the likes. That’s a small blessing as my dad goes into his surgery today. Probably not going to have a foot when he comes out the other end but I really hope this signals the uptick in healing and not him just perpetually hurt and in the ER off and on forever. Been a wild one! Just felt like checking in again with this space since a lot of the folks who reached out to help by buying art came from tumblr. I’m nearing the end of the commission Que I took on to help off set the costs of the emergency but it all got done at a much slower rate then I liked but it’s been an interesting balancing act of making sure I take the time for thing important to me in this haze of- least you lose the ability to do so forever- vibe. And then also truth be told got a lot of grieving done in there for my folks and their situation which made focusing on art hard.

But I feel like in my bones they might finally catch a break even if they have to live without a proper home to get it. They’ll have shelter and it’ll be a frugal situation but it’s not one where my dad is forced to keep working while severely hurt just because if he stopped they’d immediately get steam rolled by debt and bills. He just got full disability which means he can finally drop 2 out of his three jobs. He’ll probably still do small time freelance stuff but I really just wanted him to not be an absurdly on point metaphor for the working class being grinded to dust despite doing everything right outside of not being born rich, having a human body, and having family with medical needs. It’s crazy how if I had my dads job as a young person with no kids and limited bills I’d be doing phenomenally well, but despite my dad grinding his way into a union electrician job- by the time he got it the family had already dealt with one to many surgeries and near death medical bills for it to help. It’s wild and I hate it. You do everything right and break your body for the companies and your still left with a missing foot and a life where your gonna move in with your elderly mom with your family until you can secure a RV. Bah I could go on forever upset about it but the long and short of it is that I want my parents to get the means to just sit on a porch of some kind and REST. Get a dang break. Maybe that’ll happen soon. Dad says they’ll visit me immediately once he’s better and the thought makes me very weepy in a good way. 🥹

At any rate I’m going to do my darnedest to finish my commission que and then get RGs update out the door which I’ve been chipping away at anyways for a for me mental break. Got like 20 pages sketched and postable if in the end I decide to not color them at all. We shall see I’m still excited for that project so I want to do some lighting at the very least but in the end if I need to post just to get the story out I will!

[seungfl0wer]

Here my answers ❤️

1: What’s your current bias line? (top 3): Seungmin, Chan, Felix lately tbh.

2: Who’s the one that made you Stan?

Changbin. Man caught my eye first and I had to know all about them lol.

3: What song was your first?

Hellavator!

4: What’s your current favorite song?

Currently I think JJAM probably?

5: What members personally resembles yours the most?

Genuinely a mixture of Minho and Chan.

6: If you had to pick a specific racha which would you choose?

Probably DanceRacha

7: What’s one attribute of the members do you like the most? (Example: Chans dimples)

I absolutely love Felix’s little fangs.

8: What’s your favorite album?

Tbh- hard ass question. I’d probably say. NoEasy or ATE

9: Do you have any albums?

Yes- I spent too much money on them. I’ve been collecting them for years now I think I have almost all of them?

10: How long have you been a stay?

Since before debut. I’ve been in this kpop shit for to long so when they came out I was already deep in this lol.

11: Who’s your favorite duo?

Bro- VocalRacha will always have a special place in my heart but also Minsung ofc

12: Favorite cover/solo songs:

Hyunjin and Han are the two that vibes with me the most. So honestly any of their solo stuff.

13: Favorite SKZOO?

PupM or FoxI.Ny

14: If you had a day with one member what would you wanna do with them?

My want to pick Chans brain and just listen to him is strong however, how id love to meet Lino’s cats.

15: Who’s your favorite singing voice?

Now I’m biased ok lol. Seungmin of course however Hyunjin is one I listen to a lot.

16: Who’s your favorite to watch dance?

Damn maybe Hyunjin is just my bias?😂 but I love watching him dance. His one on what choom? He did by himself is one of I watch almost everyday ngl.

17: Do you have a favorite SKZ Code?

Any that are like them just chilling and vlogging. The newest one with them in Australia is just mwah lol

18: Favorite MV?

Hmm Scars or JJAM tbh

19: Who do you think you’d be best friends with?

Chan maybe? I feel like I could get along with all of them though.

20: Let’s feed those delusions, Who are you picking for a date and what are you doing?

CAT CAFE WITH MINHO.

Tagging: @dwaekkicidal @moonchild9350 @jeonginsleftcheek @hyunjins-orange-slice-too @hyuniepies @biteyoubiteme @valkyriexo @doitforbangchan @seungminssangel @seung-mong @justsomekpopstuff @jehhskz and anyone else! I’ll definitely be looking at all of them🥹

.·:*¨ 𝑮𝒆𝒕 𝑻𝒐 𝑲𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚 ¨*:·.

20 Questions for my fellow Stays!

Making a little tag game because I love them and I’m nosy tbh. I also just love interacting with yall!

1: What’s your current bias line?

2: Who’s the one that made you Stan?

3: What song was your first?

4: What’s your current favorite song?

5: What members personally resembles yours the most?

6: If you had to pick a specific racha which would you choose?

7: What’s one attribute of the members do you like the most? (Example: Chans dimples)

8: What’s your favorite album?

9: Do you have any albums?

10: Have you been to a concert?

11: Who’s your favorite duo?

12: Favorite cover/solo songs:

13: Favorite SKZOO?

14: If you had a day with one member what would you wanna do with them?

15: Who’s your favorite singing voice?

16: Who’s your favorite to watch dance?

17: Do you have a favorite SKZ Code?

18: Favorite MV?

19: Who do you think you’d be best friends with?

20: Let’s feed those delusions, Who are you picking for a date and what are you doing?

[ninacarstairss]

it was really nice!!! i missed my friend and usually we only get to see each other once a year, but this time we got three weeks in may and another little vacation now so it was so great!! and i got to see germany and get some fresh air. it was like 20 degrees there and we currently have 33 degrees here so it was soooo nice to be away from this heat for a bit

i also got to eat a lot and i found the cutest little arts and crafts shop there!! it was so perfect, it had everything for every hobby!! it had a whole wall of beads to make bracelets and necklaces. we don’t have those in italy and it’s really sad. i obviously also bought a book but we don’t talk about that

ohhh that’s so nice and thoughtful 🥹🥹🥹 that’s one of the best ideas for fan projects. and yeah the crowd can sound tone deaf but still it’s super nice

yes exactly!!! i’m paying a ton of money already, it’s insane that the merch costs almost as much as the ticket!!

i’m currently in queue for a concert and i’ll want to buy some merch but it’s gonna be so fucking expensive!!! (i’m not actually in queue. it’s supposed to be a festival so it’s already started but it’s way too hot here, i found a spot of shade and i’m just sitting here until louis tomlinson comes on stage 😂)

of course you’ve been getting all these compliments!!! she’s so cute!!! really??? i’ve been told that’s one of the worst spots to get a tattoo 😂😂 everyone always says that one spot hurts so bad so i’m really glad it was so painless you dozed off 😂 uhhh already thinking about the next one huh?? it’s really addictive once you start

yep that too 😂 i’m really sorry for the people who follow me and don’t particularly like heartstopper or rwrb because my blog is gonna be filled by them and them only for months :))

that’s very true 😏

yes it would!!! home can definitely give you all those expectations and stuff. i feel like lately i really need to get away for a bit

probably 😂

yes exactly. you can have your own thoughts and your own reactions

we have to find some jaffa cakes 😂😂 i need to see if that little supermarket i usually find them in still has them because last time i checked they were out and i might riot if they don’t get them anymore :) yess dixie!!! i’ll get simba too and we can all cuddle!! <3333

hello nero my beloved soulmate!!!

i have pride stories!!! i went to pride this saturday and it was so much fun i need to tell you all about it!!!

well first of all i really hate that i had to work in the morning because it made me so tired and it was the first weekend of sales so yea, not fun. but anyway, my friend picked me up at 3pm and we got to florence. we had to park pretty far from the meeting point and then take a bus, and it was amazing because we were totally lost looking for that bus and at some point we see a bus full of people with rainbow flags, glitter, signs, flower crowns, rainbow stickers and temporary tattoos and all of that. and we just went in, no questions asked. we just figured we’d follow them out of the bus too 😂 i love our people honestly. we were so colorful

anyway we got to the meeting point and it was deadly hot. i swear there were like 45 degrees. but it was so amazing to be around all of those people dressed in all colors and wearing all sorts of things we’d usually be judged for, it felt so safe. except that there was a religious protestor so we got to give him the finger like the heartstopper cast did :)

also my sister came with me. she’s always so supportive and it meant the world that she came with me. anyway the parade started and there were some amazing floats. there were rainbow families, drag queens, all the lgbtqia+ associations from our territory and we started walking behind this float that had amazing music, so we started dancing and singing and it was so much fun!!! we got to talking with some people, there were some amazing signs that were just perfect and i had to go there and tell them how much i loved them :) it was just so fun, i loved meeting random people and it was just the perfect environment. at night there was also a dj set and a band singing to keep the show going!!

then when we were walking back to the bus stop at night we got the whiplash of not being surrounded by queer people anymore. we got catcalled like fifteen times in the span of three minutes. i kinda wanted to punch everyone because we had such a perfect day and i hated that we had to go back to the real world where people are shit 🥲

but still i got so many amazing memories and now all i want to do is book a flight to london for next year and have you come with me so we can celebrate together and see the heartstopper cast!!!!

also, i got a new tattoo yesterday!! and i actually had red white and royal blue with me to distract me so i almost finished the book again and cried in from of my tattoo artist lol it took me the whole day again and it was so painful but so worth it!!! i got medusa on my leg 😻

also, as to our previous letter i just wanted to say that of course i believed in you!!!! i knew you could do it!! but i can definitely believe you had to close your eyes to open that message 😂 getting grades back is always so stressful!! now manifesting a spot for the exchange 🕯️🕯️🕯️ i really hope you get it!!! it’s an amazing experience, you’d definitely love it!!!

and i’m really glad you found someone who specialises in what you need. it can take a while to find the right therapist but i hope this one works out!!

(i’m also writing down sydney and melbourne for when i’m rich enough to visit 😂 i literally booked a flight for august and my bank account kinda yelled at me to stop spending money i don’t have lol)

anyways i’m really sorry i’ve been away for so long, i had a crazy week between the beginning of seasonal sales, pride and the tattoo appointment. i kinda didn’t have time to do anything 🥲

i’m giving you a hug and some homemade chocolate chip cookies with biscoff cream on top <33

hello cece my beloved soulmate!!!!

oh my god i've been so excited to hear about this!!!

that sucks you had to go to work, boo!!! but at least you were off early enough to still go to pride!!!! and how cool that you got to share the experience of going on the bus with all the queer people!! i bet there was no straight and/or cis people on that bus 😂😂😂 just follow the rainbow!!

hot days are the worst, but pride would have made it so much better. i would not be focused on how sweaty i was or the temperature with the amount of queer joy happening around me! it's so wonderful that in a parade full of people and colour that you were able to feel so incredibly safe, and it would have been such an intimate moment for you! and fuck that religious protestor, i'm so glad you gave him the finger. the heartstopper cast would be so proud of you :')

oh that warms my heart that your sister came!!! that was so nice of her to come with you!! the floats sound amazing, and the singing and dancing!!! i am feeling some of the joy through my screen!! seriously, cece, this sounds like the most incredible time. i want to cry just thinking about you having so much fun with your friend and your sister, celebrating your queerness and talking to new people and singing and dancing like there's no one else around 🥲🥲🥲

the trip home must have been so dull in comparison! and how dare those people catcall you, i hope you gave them the same treatment as that religious protestor because seriously what the fuck.

the only thing that matters now is that you had a safe and wonderful time at pride and you can cherish those memories for the rest of your life! and yes, we must do it!! i will literally stay for an extra month just to go to pride in london with you <3

oh my god yay!!! i bet the medusa tattoo looks so cool! and yes reading rwrb while getting tattooed is properly not your best idea, but i'm already rereading rwrb any chance i get to annotate it fully before the movie so i can't say much 😂

okay, cece, i must let you know, because i said to myself i would let you know as soon as i could. but this morning, i woke up (quite late actually). i checked my watch for my notifications. i see an email waiting for me. i die a little inside realising it is from the exchange team at my university. i run out to grab my phone from where i charge it. i speed past my mum. i unlock my phone. i open my email and click on the newest one. and.... I GOT A SPOT EARLY!!! AT MY FIRST UNIVERSITY TOO!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? i'm still in so much shock and i thank you for your manifesting and belief in me!!! oh my god i have so much to do before then (mostly saving money ngl 😂) but oh my god cece, i'm going to england for exchange!!!!!!

me too!! i just need to find the time to get a referral, so i can go and see them!!

(literally sydney and melbourne are lowkey expensive, but it is totally worth it!! and i would be more than happy to tell you where to go and where to stay! <3)

do not apologise!!! we are all busy! i am literally working the equivalent of a full time job over the next two weeks and i'm also dogsitting over the weekend :') pray for my poor soul.

i'm giving you the biggest hug i hope contains the same warmth as pride and i'm fighting off your customers so you can have a few moments to breathe <3333

[aspenwritesstuff]

Thank you so much for the tag @propertyoftoru 🥹❤️ It makes me feel so nice that despite my lil hiatus from writing atm you still think of me fondly.

1. Birthday?

August 1st, 1996

2. Favorite color?

Black🖤

3. How tall are you?

5’4”

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Too many. Far too many. Probably 30-40?

5. Favorite song?

Either “Woozy” by Glass Animals or “Streetlight” by Changbin ❤️‍🔥

6. Favorite movie?

Stuck in Love or Princess Mononoke. I also love horror movies though!

7. Who is your ideal partner?

Someone who is patient and compassionate. Someone with goals and dreams that they’re passionate about, who can also support me in mine. Someone who understands me.

8. Do you want children?

Yes! I already have one child, a five year old boy. I want at least one or two more eventually.

9. Have you gotten into trouble with the law?

Yes, but it was SO STUPID. A friend of mine and I silly stringed a friends car as a joke. She pressed charges because it stained the paint. We both got a deferred prosecution and it never went on our records, but we had to pay a big fine. “Criminal mischief,” it was silly string. Silly is in the name. 💀

10. What color socks are you wearing?

Black always.

11. Favorite type of music?

Rap or acoustic indie music.

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3. Two under my head, I tuck my arms between them, and one between my knees.

13. What position do you sleep in?

Either on my stomach or my side, always with one leg up making a ‘4’ shape.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Being woken up. 💀 Too much noise is bad, but I also can’t do complete silence.

15. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes! It was fun. I would like to again.

16. Favorite fruit?

Strawberries and honeydew.

17. Are you a good liar?

Yes, but I hate to.

18. Personality type?

INFP-T.

19. Innie or outie?

Innie.

20. Left or right handed?

Right, but I can use my left for most things too.

21. Favorite food?

White rice 🍚

22. Favorite foreign food?

Gyoza.

23. Are you clean or messy?

Clean as a person. I shower every day and have an extensive skincare routine. My surroundings are pretty cluttered though.

24. Most used phrase?

“That tracks,” or, “It do be like that sometimes.”

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends. For work? Maybe 10 minutes. For an outing with friends? Probably 45.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Yeah, I’m good company.

27. Do you sing to yourself?

Oftentimes, yes.

28. Are you a good singer?

My friends say I am, but I think I’m just OK.

29. Biggest fear?

Abandonment.

30. Are you a gossip?

I like hearing the tea, but hate spilling it.

31. Short or long hair?

My hair is just past my collarbones, so medium?

32. Favorite school subject?

English.

33. Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert at first. Extrovert once you get to know me/I’m comfortable.

34. What makes you nervous?

Deadlines. The phrase, “we need to talk.”

35. Who was your first crush?

My kindergarten best friend Kody. 😂

36. How many piercings do you have?

10. I used to have 11 but took my bellybutton ring out when I was pregnant. (Ears stretched to 1 1/16 of an inch, a secondary ear piercing on my left ear, nipples, both nostrils, septum, jestrum - pretty much a vertical Medusa, labret. )

37. How many tattoos do you have?

6! Planning on more though.

38. How fast can you run?

I don’t. And, if I do? You should be running, too. I am being chased.

39. What color is your hair?

Medium brown for now, but I’ve had almost every color!!! (Including brights.)

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue on the outer edges, green in the middle, gold around my pupil.

41. What makes you angry?

Inequality, my friends or family being hurt.

42. Do you like your name?

Yes! I chose it myself. I’m non-binary.

43. Do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

I used to say since I have a son that I’d like a daughter next. But I’d be happy with either, now. My lil man is fun as heck.

44. What are your strengths?

I’m reliable and loving. I would go to the ends of the earth for the ones I care about.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I struggle to stand up for myself.

46. What color is your bedspread?

Red-violet crushed velvet 😎

47. What color is your room?

Pink 💀😂

Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.

[bernabananaaa]

7 years after. An update.

Life at 27.

It really does get better. Career-wise, financial-wise. Everything in general. It all gets better.

Today, who would’ve thought I’ll be in this position earlier than I expected? If someone told my 20-year old self I’ll be an HR manager years before I even hit 30 I would’ve told them that’s bullshit. I did not even see myself long term in this field yet here I am. It’s tiring, yes— a lot of responsibilities & accountabilities but it’s a job that I do not only enjoy but also I get to appreciate more and more because of the day-to-day learning & experience. Now I’m part of a global team— I get to interact with different people from across the globe, I work on process improvements and take on different people initiatives and a whole lot more than just hiring. Also, people actually listen to me? Looks up to me and seek professional advice? From me? I—?? 👀I’ll say this again— my 20-year old self would gag, she’ll shit tons if she knew a big part of my job involves a lot of interaction with higher ups & management folks from in & outside the PH. I swear, if I have my self-esteem then, I’ll have a panic attack right on the spot & there’s no way I would’ve recovered. 🤪 so much for professional growth. *sigh* I know it’s still far from the life I dream of for myself but so much farther already from where I started.

I also remember at 20 I have to wait for another pay day before I get to satisfy my cravings. It’s already a stretch when I can order a full meal in jollibee (chickenjoy leg part with fries and regular iced tea), I can’t even add pearls in my milk tea because it’s an additional 10 pesos then, and I would only be able to really buy something online when it’s needed or when I’ve saved up enough money to pay for it. Now, I have my own space, I have almost everything I need in life and most of my wants I can already purchase. I can say “yes” easily to hangouts, nightouts and travels without having to use up all my savings. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to save up for the things I want but it’s soooo much better now compared to before, now that I don’t have to wait for another payday to be able to checkout everything in my cart, to try out new food and coffee places, to basically do whatever it is I want. Financial growth. I’m grateful.

BUUUT for me progress does not only mean added financial capacity & a career progression, it also means personal growth— the emotional and mental maturity you were able to gain along the way. Before, it was harder to not dwell on the negatives, the slightest inconveniences and the drama but now, the calm and peace is not even an option, it became an automatic response to almost everything. You focus on the good in everything. You slowly start to no longer care about what other people will think about you, what you do, what you share— until eventually you just stop minding at all. You start to be more mindful of your OWN life and less curious about other’s. YOU ARE HAPPIER because you let yourself be.

Yes, you still struggle here and there. You still question your path, your decisions, your progress. You acknowledge you’re still not good at everything and you still always want to do better. You still want to earn more. And you know what? That’s okay, that’s normal. In fact, it is encouraged as it fuels your motivation— to always want to be better, the desire to be successful. It’s normal to feel a little lost at times but when you know it gets better, you soak on that feeling, that journey, a little while longer because when you finally reach your destination, you realize everything’s worth it. 😌

This is why it’s so important to take note of your progress— it humbles you & it keeps you grounded. I keep reminding myself to never ever forget to look back from where I started because it makes me more appreciative of what I have (& had) and where I am now. 🥹

Life is indeed good, even when it’s not. 😊

— B 🐣

Life at 20

Do you ever feel that weight inside you that is so heavy but you can’t seem to take off and it just gets heavier every day? Have you ever been in a situation where you are stuck somewhere you don’t want to be in but you can’t push yourself to stray away because so many factors have been holding you back?

These are my feelings ever since this year started, ever since January 4 started – the first day of work for 2016. Every day I feel the weight getting heavier and heavier and I get exhausted carrying that weight because I cannot find the strength to do the only way to unload them. I am weak, yes. But that is only because there are also other factors that I need to consider before unloading this burden. I don’t want to put the weight to others just because I can’t carry them myself. Or okaaaay yeah, maybe I just am weak. Vulnerable, even. What else can a 20 year old trying hard adult do to make sense of everything? She doesn’t know. She is clueless.

I thought I have my life figured out already, you know? I graduated from college with good credentials, came from a good school, does not have any failing remarks all throughout my education, been consistent with what I want which is to go get a Doctorals degree in Psychology then help and inspire people. WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?

I got a job, right after college. In HR. The job is not really related to my course but I took it anyway, bearing in mind that I have no rights to be choosy with my first job because I have no experience. It was okay, humble beginnings as they say. I have learned so many things already in the industrial field given that I am working directly to a high ranking officer in the company. I have a good boss, strict but very understanding. But for months I became restless, struggling with the thought if should I still continue?

Then I came to realize that maybe the job is not really the problem; maybe the problem is the question boggling me for months now: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?? I know this job is temporary, I know ever since I won’t be in this position for the rest of my life, that this is only a stepping stone. But in my 9 months of stay in this really nice company, I was not able to gain that full appreciation. There seem to always be something negative to say. I know I want to study again, that’s gonna happen, I’m going to make that happen. But HOW?

Now the weight is even heavier this time because of the pressure, the pressure of whether I should still go on with this job or find another one that may suit my interest. But the thing is, I don’t know what to pursue. Should I stick with HR or try the educational field or practice my psychometric profession or should I venture into the clinical? This is the downside of having a flexible course. YOU JUST CAN’T DECIDE.

Maybe the fear also is that I do not want to waste my time. Waste it by taking the risk of doing something I am not sure of. What if counseling is really not for me and I wasted 6 months or so of my life there? They say that I should not rush because I am still young but they also say that life is short. Life is short yet you still do not know what you want. What if I am already 40 and I am still figuring my life out? What if I grew old not feeling that life satisfaction and die without realizing my sense of purpose? See the dilemma there? Again, you feel like you are always left with something to decide on yet you don’t know what to choose.

It sucks. It sucks to be me.

It sucks to be an adult.

It sucks to not know what you really want.