#I’ve had like three identity crisises because of this person

[are-you-being-sirius]

The absolute mindfuck of meeting someone who is exactly like your current hyper fixation comfort character

[rosieunearthed-blog]

Solidarity tourism. Or why motivations can be mixed without being contradictory.

Sitting with a cup of chamomile tea on my orange sofa in Machynlleth, I intend to ruminate on some conversations that I've had since arriving home from Greece; and some questions that this trip has raised.

First up: is this sofa any more 'mine' because I bought it, than this flat that I rent? Or this cup that I was given? or the pair of trousers that I acquired in a clothes swap? What about this town that I've lived in for six years? this island where I was born?

On the train ride last Thursday, I read 'The Age of Revolution' by Eric Hobsbawm, which led me to ruminate on the contingent nature of the nation states we live with; states that were established with the rights of property owning classes in mind; that evolved with the struggles of labour movements to recognise universal rights to suffrage, education, health and housing; but remain at their core, as becomes more obvious when socialist appendages to the state are chipped away, defenders of property and privilege.

Having train time to read a weighty piece of history (one that's been sitting on my shelf for six years), was a definate bonus to our trip south. Which leads me to the main question of this blog:

What were my motivations in deciding to go?

The idea of going was sparked by three conversastions at one Christmas party. The first with Kim, about her work with Mid Wales Refugee Action; the second with Claire D, about the places I'd like to visit in the next few years: Greece being top of the list; and the third with Freya, in which she told me that she was planning a trip to volunteer at a Greek refugee project. The synchronicity made it feel like it was meant to be, especially as the timing fitted in a 3 week window I had between other plans. There was uncertainty about whether my job would be extended beyond Christmas (such are the vagaries of grant funding) and I was feeling the need to do something new, to take me out of the Dyfi valley, out of my head, out of my comfort zone.

So the motivation for the trip was multilayered; a mix of longing for adventure and time to reflect on big questions about future directions, and a desire to do something in response to a situation so appaling and troubling that in the course of everyday life I often don't have the emotional energy to engage: a situation now so prolonged that, like other crisises in our time, it's in danger of falling off the news agenda and out of public consciousness; in preparing for this trip someone said to me : "oh are there still refugees in Greece now? I thought they'd all moved to France now."

There's often an implicit suggestion when people assess motivations for voluntary work, that an act is either altruistic or selfish; that a drive for personal benefit, whether that be work experience or opending the mind, undermines, or reveals as facade, a desire to make a positive contribution for the collective.  Whereas what is revealed, in the acting, is that the two are not so much in tension or mutually exclusive, as intrinsically connected, identical even. As my friend Gareth pointed out this evening, quoting Joanna Macey, when you expand your notion of self and recognise your interconnection with the world, you recognise that the collective interest is, essentially, your own. Which is also to say, if you don't look after your body, mind and soul: your self more narrowly conceived, you're not looking after the bigger picture; and you're not able to.

Which leads me to the next major point, or rather the conclusion of this blog, which is that it's not necessary to go to Greece, or France to show solidarity with refugees. That the appropriate response will be different for each person. That there are so many crises and injustices to respond to in this life, in addition to the daily struggle of meeting our basic needs and keeping our pecker up, that looking after yourself and your nearest and dearest, is often the most appropriate and caring response to the world.  

And what of the opening questions about sofas, states and property rights? Well, they'll have to wait for another night; for now, my friends, the chamomile is kicking in and I need to sleep.