#I’ve got a lil tiny home gym in the garage and I was loving it

[becca-e-barnes]

Hey doll, heard you aren't feeling right. Talk to me. What's going on?

Also smooches for you bcz you're amazing and deserve all the love🥺❤

Hey honey, thank you for checking in, it really means a lot 💗

I don’t even really think I have the words for how I’m feeling rn? I can’t even work it out honestly.

And the worst part is that nothing is actually wrong, I’m just having an off day. I think I just have so much going on at the minute and I’m a little drained, my workload has been insane this week and I never feel like I’m on top of things.

I’m just lying here crying and stroking my own hair and I must look so pathetic but it’s honestly all the comfort I have rn. It’s almost 3am here so it’s not like I can talk to my parents or most of my friends and even if they were awake, I wouldn’t bother them anyway.

I don’t even really know what I’m trying to say? I know I’ve typed a whole lot and actually said nothing important which is frustrating but I just can’t place this lil meltdown I’m having. I’ve just been making so many sacrifices recently and I’m not getting to do things that matter a lot to me. I want to be there for my friends and I want to have time to see them and I want to have time with family but I just don’t? And when I know I’m going to my second job tomorrow to work my ass off all day just to come home drained again, I really feel like quitting. But I love working there and I’ve been there my entire adult life, I don’t even remember what it’s like to not have to work 6 days a week. And writing on here is such an escape and I’ve hardly even had time to do that this week

I just feel like I should be coping with things a whole lot better than I am rn. I have a lot in my life that needs to change and I’d already promised myself I would change it and focus on myself over the next couple of months but God, it’s hard.

I nearly feel like most of the things I’m trying to do rn are meant for someone bigger than me? They’re meant for someone with more confidence or someone who can occupy more space or someone more memorable and I’m just not that person. That’s maybe just in relation to my masters though and I have no idea why I feel like that because I graduated from my undergrad with the highest grade possible and a few extra awards so if anyone has earned the right to speak up and be listened to in that space, it’s me.

None of this made any sense whatsoever, I still don’t really know what I tried to say here but thank you for asking anyway! I really appreciate your kindness and I’m sending so much love back bc you’re an angel 💗 also please don’t feel like you have to reply, I know I said literally nothing substantial here, it was nice even just putting my thoughts out there 💕