#I’ve drawn him with padpa here and there but that’s about it

[pinterestmom5]

7?

That would be rutile! This is my first time drawing him by himself ‼️

[decorativedust]

HNK chapter 77 thoughts ✨

the more i think about ch. 77, the less angry I am at the earth gems. 

I think the initial reading shocked everyone, but after taking time to consider it, I have my thoughts on it and why its not quite as horrific as I thought originally. I know a lot of people feel very strongly about this topic, but please bear with me for a bit. 

spoilers for ch. 77 below! 

other people have covered this topic already, but I’m going to throw my few cents in about what I think. 

As soon as the leaks dropped, a lot of people (including myself) were extremely distressed. And fair enough- we saw images of phos getting shattered to bits by their former team members and allies, without any sort of context or language to go off of. It was terrifying seeing phos a splatter on the ground like that. 

It only hurts worse knowing all that they’ve gone through. 

The entire situation just sucks, honestly, but I don’t think the earth gems were entirely out of line. 

Last time phos showed up, they essentially brought a small group of fighters, and the two groups demolished each other. Gems were injured on both side, and nearly permanently, as well. (Bort cut their hair- although they salvaged it and turned it into a whip- and Paddy nearly was very fucked up, if it wasn’t for the technology of the moon to save them) 

I think their main goal, though, and the entire reason that phos had everyone’s swords thrown at them in ch. 77 is because they were approaching sensei. Judging by this panel from ch 71, it seems that one of their main goals was to protect sensei. 

its been said that the gems care and love for sensei, and I think that clearly shows. Strategically speaking, it wasn’t an unwise move either- if sensei were to perish, it would be extremely hard, if not impossible, to ever end this war or for anyone to truly be satisfied. (lunarians want to be prayed for, gems want to not be captured and ground to dust, admiribilis want food and freedom, to sum it up as simply as possible.) 

To be frank, we have no idea what phos is planning on doing here. They’ve mentioned about shattering sensei before, and while I think they’ve come to realize that wouldn’t be very helpful for their current goals.... i mean, who knows? phos seems emotionally (and literally) broken at this point. 

if the look they have here in the previous panel is anything to go by, anyways. Phos has done, really, all they know to do. they went to earth with weapons drawn, that didn’t work. they tried getting sensei to talk before going to the moon, that didn’t work. now, they’re literally on their hand and knee, begging, and they got so close , only to be told that sensei simply... can’t. 

fatal defect sounds.. pretty intense to me. Perhaps the translation is off and the word ‘fatal’ is too intense (i don’t know japanese so i can’t really say much about that) but if we trust the translation, that sounds pretty much like “I just can’t”. Not a “i won’t,” but “I cannot.” 

Even as a reader, who has access to all of the information available in the story (meanwhile the characters are limited in their knowledge) I can’t exactly say what phos would do. So if I were an earth gem? I’d have no clue. Maybe phos is going to use their gold to attack sensei. Maybe they were just going to reach out and grasp at his clothes, maybe they were going to drag themselves closer. Their gold has proven to have an extremely wide range of abilities that no other gem possesses (except maybe cinnabar, but cinnabar can’t freely touch things with their mercury because of the poison) 

so taking that into account, this panel: 

hurts a little less. 

The earth gems, generally speaking, probably weren’t very thrilled or excited to do that. But they have to protect sensei- they want to protect him. 

Nobody really gave me the vibes that they ever wanted to see phos like this, that they wanted to hurt them more, or anything to that extent. Bort was likely simply incapacitating phos- if they really wanted to, they could’ve smashed phos to bits from the start. But it was one clean, incapacitating cut. 

Phos asked for this, and their plead was met. 

sphene was simply doing their job, and talked to phos pretty casually. 

euclase’s face seemed more full of ... pity? sympathy? sadness? 

the only character that seemed angry was rutile. 

this image is going to haunt me. thank you ichikawa. 

I think there’s also something we need to consider, being human beings, that gems probably don’t see ‘injuries’ as heavily as we do. If we are physically hurt by someone in a significant way, it hurts us. it scars us. it bleeds, it leaves marks, and it affects us in a certain way that I don’t really think pertains to gems. If they’re cracked or shattered, its just another day. They just put themselves back together. We’ve seen gems lose body parts pretty regularly, and just reattach them. The idea that gems don’t really fear- or even understand- death, has been around for quite awhile now, so I won’t go into that. I think the closest the gems have to death is being taken by the lunarians. Humans often associate injuries- particularly harsh ones, such as losing a limb, or even simply blood loss- are things we associate with death. If we hear someone is injured, we are quick to wonder how badly? or will they be okay? . Injuries can so easily lead to death, especially depending on where they are, but the gems.. simply don’t have that association, or those fears. 

Not to say that attacking each other can’t still be very upsetting, because it can. Yellow grew very quiet and likely very upset- perhaps even traumatized- over watching Padpa shatter the hell out of all of the gems back on earth a few chapters ago. 

But generally speaking, gems don’t process injuries the same as humans do. Bort slicing phos in half wasn’t permanent, and phos can be put back together. It was meant to incapacitate. 

Additionally, I think the earth gems have full, justified reason to be very uneasy towards phos and lunarians. They have been the enemy for thousands upon thousands  of years, and phos isn’t exactly known for being extremely intelligent. Perhaps phos was brainwashed, maybe the lunarians are lying. They really don’t have much good and proper reason to believe anything Phos says- but they gave phos a chance to talk. They’re trying. 

Everyone is trying. Everyone is tired, and everyone is suffering. War isn’t easy or simple or black and white. Especially when 99% of the characters do not know most of the information of what’s going on in their world. 

TL;DR: I believe the earth gems were justified in their actions, and weren’t excessive. Gems do not have the same views on injuries as humans do, and that should be taken into consideration. This chapter was upsetting at face value- but taking time to think about it leaves me feeling better. (and i cannot stress this enough- in a work like houseki no kuni/land of the lustrous, it is of utmost importance we carefully think over things many, many times. hnk rarely, if ever, is black and white. the characters are all very morally grey, and most are simply trying to do their best with what they know. The only character I could pin down as ‘evil’ is aechemea, but honestly? I’m hesitant to do even that. I sure as hell don’t trust him, and he seems to be written to be very distrustful, but ... we don’t have all the info on him. not yet.) 

I think this chapter, ultimately though, should still come across as upsetting. Phos was attacked and smashed to bits, after all, but given all the reasons I’ve listed above, it is ultimately a painful necessity. 

if you got to the end, thanks for reading my rambles. Hopefully this helps to add to the discussion, and maybe make this chapter a little less heartbreaking. 

[rutilation]

another day, another stressful chapter.

Okay, first of all, I fucking called it.

Which also means that Phos’s very first interaction with Cairngorm was them respecting Cairn’s wishes even when Ghost was willing to cajole them into their partnership.  Oh boy, do I ever love being hurt! 

But before I dive more into my favorite disaster gem, I’d like to talk about a few of my observations of the first half of the chapter.  Y’know, I was looking forward to a chapter focused solely on the earth gems, so that I could finally figure out how I feel about Euclase, and not be stressed out by Cairn for one (1) month.  But it seems Ichikawa does not want me to have a god-damned break.

Well at least I figured out how I feel about Euclase.  Turns out they only said those kind words to Phos in order to manipulate them, and they completely misinterpreted what amounts to Phos’s acknowledgment of their own mortality as mere insecurity about their low-hardness status.  I’m not sure if they’re going to have this same mindset by the end of the story, but for now it seems they are firmly in camp stasis-and-conformity-at-all-costs.

At this point I think it’s been enough of a reoccurring element that we can add sleeping vs restlessness to the list of thematic through-lines of this work, be it Phos’s restlessness, Kongo’s frequent naps, the gems’ hibernation, etc.  Furthermore, the opening of the anime played a lot with this imagery.  If you think about it, the opening is essentially a series of images of Phos breaking apart and being put back together, and Phos waking up three times in a row.  The director of the anime has stated in an interview that he had a chat with Ichikawa about the overall themes of the work, so I think it’s safe to say that the use of awakening imagery in the opening is very deliberate.  My first instinct is to see awakening as a metaphor for enlightenment, and sleeping as a metaphor for ignorance and stasis, but I’m not super sure of my reading.

I’d also like to talk a little about robodad.  There are a couple of contradictions in his character that have been bugging me for a while, and I might as well talk about them here.  Going back to the early chapters, he got pretty mad whenever the gems acted recklessly behind his back.  Like in chapter one towards Morga and Goshe, and then again towards Phos in chapter eleven.  But despite the fact that Phos has made a much, much bigger mess than either of those incidents, Kongo has made no effort to stop Phos.  Sure, he stonewalls Phos when they try to ask him directly about what he’s hiding, but ever since volume four, wherein he realized that Phos was suspicious of him (they weren’t exactly subtle about it,) he pretty much gave Phos free reign to chase whatever subversive, rebellious whim they desired.  I keep getting the impression that he wants Phos to defeat him, and that’s why he stopped getting on their case for insubordination the moment he realized that they had more ambitious aims than mere trouble-making.  In fact, the way he simply shuts Phos down when they try to get answers out of him, instead of doing his best to explain what he can, like he is with the earth gems right now...it almost seems like he’s trying to goad Phos into antagonizing him.

Which is why I’m really curious about why he refuses to release the Lunarians--and his words in this chapter do seem to confirm that he’s intentionally not releasing their souls, and isn’t just broken.  He holds the Lunarians and humanity in contempt, but I find it hard to believe that he hates them more than he loves the gems, so whatever’s stopping him from praying must be pretty significant.  That would lead one to the conclusion that there’s some terrible consequence that would come from him releasing the Lunarians, and I’ve seen people float the idea of a seventh meteor coming and wiping out the remaining life on earth as soon as the last human souls leave.  The little moment in chapter one in which Phos mistakenly thinks that seven meteors had already hit the earth would seem to foreshadow that.  But the thing is, if the consequence of praying for the Lunarians is that dire, then why hasn’t he lifted a finger to stop Phos?  Why hasn’t he tried to find some way to impart to Phos the peril of what they’re doing, even if he can’t directly tell them what’s going on?

It’s all quite mysterious.

Okay, back to my wayward child.

First of all, this reeaally hurt.  I had been afraid that this might happen since chapter 67, but since it hadn’t been brought up, I thought that they weren’t going to reject the name Phos got for them.  Turns out, I just needed to be more patient!  They haven’t mentioned what they’re going by, so for now I’m gonna keep calling them Cairngorm.

Regarding their explanation for why they stabbed Phos...

I mean, I know that the tone Cairn is going for here is disdainful indifference, but isn’t this just a roundabout way of saying that they don’t have the guts to talk to Phos?  This has been on my mind ever since chapter 68, but Cairn seems awfully skittish about actually confronting Phos, don’t they?  The fact that they were willing to allude--albeit vaguely--to what happened in chapter 67 in front of Yellow and Padpa, but were completely unwilling to even tell Phos directly that they were breaking up with them, much less explain why, seems rather telling to me.  The fact that they apparently couldn’t stand the thought of an awkward ride back to the moon and had to make sure Phos was unconscious for the duration just compounds this.  (This is all assuming they weren’t secretly trying to destroy the pearl eye.)

Honestly, when Cairn decided they needed to involve themselves in a mission they told Phos they wouldn’t go on, and behind Aechmea’s back no less, they forfeited any chance of convincing me that they actually don’t care, and no amount of shit talking is going to outweigh their actions when said actions tell a very different story.  While it’s still too soon to say what exactly those portentous lines about Cairn being a good actor really mean, they’re definitely relevant.  The only question on my mind is whether or not they believe their own bullshit.

To sum it up, it seems that Cairn is once again in need of some Antarc advice:

But instead, the only advice they get nowadays is from their controlling boyfriend who pays lip service to valuing their autonomy but then throws a temper tantrum the second they stop acting like his personal dress-up doll.* 

Something I found really unnerving was Cairn’s reaction to Aechmea’s little fit of pique.  They looked uncomfortable with being screamed at, but they didn’t seem the least bit shocked, despite the fact that Aechmea looked Like That, which raises the possibility that this isn’t the first time Aechmea has lashed out at Cairn like this.  Yikes.

Furthermore, once they start talking to Aechmea, the confidence with which they held themselves the past chapter-and-a-half completely dies, and they’re back to being drawn in that vaguely off-putting moe style, and they’re back to expressing themselves in a way that seems more juvenile than how they were acting moments before.  So, the cutesiness is definitely an affectation, though I doubt that anyone is surprised to have that confirmed.

A few months ago, I assumed that Aechmea was manipulating Cairngorm to a specific end, but it’s looking more and more like he sees Cairn as, like, a shiny new toy that he doesn’t want getting dented.

And finally, that glove that Cairn is wearing.  I didn’t notice it the first time I read chapter seventy so I didn’t bring it up in that essay, but they sure are covering up the symbol of their weakness and reluctance to change, aren’t they?  Embracing one’s weaknesses and failings has been a major theme of the series, and there are several visual metaphors that allude to this.  Phos’s kintsugi arms and Dia using their octahedral cleavage to their advantage to defeat Shiro are the examples that initially spring to my mind.  While the plot of the series is twisty, and the characters are often duplicitous, I find that the imagery and visual metaphors are pretty consistently trustworthy--albeit up for interpretation.  So, while there are many things in the series that I’m not sure about, I’m pretty sure that Cairngorm’s left arm is getting replaced sooner or later.

*hey guys, remember how there was an entire omake in which the joke was “Cairngorm sure does dislike all the frilly, impractical pajamas that Red Beryl is forcing them to wear.”  That was a thing. 

[luccie-eclair]

SU Wanted Reaction (¡¡¡¡Spoilers!!!!)

I’m sorry in advance for my thoughts that will literally be all over the place 😂😂😂

🔸The Trial •Steven, stop lying. You know you’re not ready 😂

•Moonstone!!!!!! …Zir…con? Hm, my thoughts when out the window. I feel like that would’ve been a good opportunity

•She’s such a nervous lawyer and I love it. She kind of reminds of a Peanuts character like the Yellow and Blue Pearl

•Steven, honey, context clues. When she says “preparing your case” that should clue you in to what’s happening (I’m going to hard on him, I’m sorry)

•Oh, crap, another Zircon. I’m guessing for the Plaintiff side (She’s shattered obvs)

•You smug little…

•Oh… no White D? I figured since the white triangle lit up in the back, she’d be there… especially for something like this… hm

•I always marvel at their size

•Yellow, chill, don’t shatter yet. Thanks, Blue… woah, you chill, too

•Lol, Lars and his rambling. Nows not the time

•YZ (Yellow Zircon…Green?… GZ) called humans hideous and I don’t disagree with her at all

•Fury? Where?

•Yellow D looks bored af

•EYEBALL!!! She’s pissed!!!

•Where’s the others?

•Lol, BZ was all “Oh, she’s good”, but she literally had no defense and no proof of the actual crime that was committed (a witness testimony isn’t always good proof)

•Lol, I like how YP has actual info on her screen and BP has pictures. That’s so cute

•Yellow D keeps trying to rush Steven’s death and that’s super suspicious

•Yeah, talk some sense, Blue

•…Geez, Yellow D

•Steven, no. Don’t do this. On another note, I love how he stays willing to anything to keep his family and friends safe, the whole world for that matter. However, it does suck that he’s had to have this weight on his shoulders and that he sees no other way out. Like, I’m sure he could’ve come up with another way

•Oooh, Blue D doesn’t believe him at all

•Damn, especially not after he said he used Breaking Point. She corrected tf out of him

•I won’t lie, though, I think it’s interesting how Blue D can influence the emotions of every gem in room (namely to feel sadness) and it makes me wonder is Yellow D can make everyone feel angry or something or if Blue can influence a wider range emotions. Probs not, but just a thought

•Hm, BZ said their gems were on the line. Does that mean that Zircons are shattered if they don’t win trials?

•What, BZ?

•She’s asking the real questions that I’ve wanted answered. Blue said Rose shattered Pink with a sword, but Bismuth told us that the sword was really good for poofing. Breaking Point would no doubt shatter and I don’t think she had it at the time. The most Rose could do was poof Pink (if Diamonds can poof at all). So how could she shatter Pink with a sword?

•WOAH! THAT’S A REALLY GOOD POINT! HOW DID ROSE EVEN GET THAT CLOSE TO SHATTER HER????

•Oh, shit. The second she asked where her pearl was YP and BP looked shook af

•Yellow D seems to know way too much about this situation and she’s getting way too defensive

•ANOTHER GOOD POINT: these gems claim to have seen Rose do it, but if that were so, why did you let her get so close? How? What were you doing that you couldn’t see an obvious stand out get close to your superior? I think they should all be brought into question, too, especially Eyeball, because they need to be held accountable for missing such a huge detail.

•YP and BP see what’s wrong with this, too. You can see it on their face. They know something isn’t right here

•BZ, don’t do it. Don’t do it

•SHE CALLED YELLOW TF OUT!!!!! And before anyone goes “She was talking about all of them”. There’s no way she’s talking about Blue, too. Blue is the one who wants answers. If Blue did it, she wouldn’t want a trial. Yellow has been on defense since the start and I really think it was her so it explains why she wants the trial over, to cover her tracks. That’s why she wanted Blue to stop mourning and move on at the Zoo. She was probably crying because of guilt over killing Pink.

•SHE SHUT HER UP REAL QUICK, TOO! Yellow is guilty and she knows it

•On another note: maybe it could’ve been White? And that’s why she’s not at the trial and Yellow was in on it, so maybe Yellow is covering for White shattering Pink, but I without a doubt know that Yellow was involved in some way

•I don’t think Blue trusts Yellow anymore after what BZ said

•HW is so beautifully drawn and I love it

🔸Off Colors •They’re moving pretty well for people with broken bones

•Lars’ logic 😂 seasoning dirt 😂 standing still 😂 don’t ever change, my child

•Those detectors are a little… wonky…? You didn’t see them turn left?

•I truly love watching normally guarded characters with a front open up and I know that’s probably cliche and played out, but I cannot get enough of it and that’s probably why I like Lars, Ames, and Lapis so much

•Who’s that?

•They’re so cute! (They are twins. There are two. They are a they. If they were separated, both would be a she until either indicated otherwise)

•I think they might be a forced fusion that was semi successful, but because they weren’t perfect, they were banished

•Damn, that’s a lot of holes

•A FUSION! AND SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE GARNET FROM THE ANSWER. SHE’S SO CUTE! (Rhodonite)

•I had to stop to look it up: she is a padparadscha sapphire (a mouthful) the twins are maybe rutile quartz (that is most likely wrong and I think I searched the wrong thing…)

•Aw, her future vision is off. That’s too adorable. She’s my official cinnamon bun. Protect her at all costs

•Holy shit, she’s huge

•Steven, it’s that outlook, the idea that we don’t need to judge people by appearance that gives me hope and if more people understood that, people would be a bit nicer to one another

•Fluorite: Six gems!!!! I think she talks so slow because she’s a fusion of so many gems and they’re all talking or trying to take control at once

•Aw… Rutile Twins…

•I love that Lars is quickly making a connection to them. They can’t show who they really are and Lars feels the same way (though, it’s two different extremes)

•YAS Lars!!!!! He threw himself under the bus!!!

•Baby Padpa ❤❤❤❤

•Maybe this isn’t the redemption arc that others wanted, but I think this is perfect for Lars. He’s still not fully confident in who he truly is, that will take a lot of time. He’s still weirded out and scared, but he’s done being a useless coward and he’s taking steps to fight back. Props to you, Laramie

•Lars, you just started. You’re not at that heroic level yet, chill

•Oh, no. No. No no no no no no no no no no. This cannot be happening

•My heart is broken. Are you fucking kidding me?

•HE DOES HAVE HEALING TEARS! LARS IS BACK!!!! Okay, so maybe the spit is for healing and the tears are bringing others back? I don’t know

•God, I’m so jumbled. Now, we know how Lion was created. Cross that off of the list of 19090 questions

•So, I made a post previously about Steven finding out how to uncorrupt gems and I fully admit that my theory for how he figures this out is wrong, but I stand by what I said about Jasper. We know for a fact that his spit works to a certain degree, what if his tears are what bring it full circle? I’m sorry, I’d really just like them to have closure

•Does… Lars have a portal now? Can he teleport and stuff, too? Lol, what will his parents and Sadie think when he gets home?

🔸Lars Head •Fun fact that I honestly did not know: cartoons are not allow to say the word “die”. The more you know

•Lol, Steven, these questions 😂😂😂

•Padpa, I love you

•Lars, that’s not important 😂😂 I love this lighthearted moment we get to see. It’s a nice break to absorb all of this new info

•Hair portal!!! Lars, it is now mandatory to grow your hair out to make going in your head easier

•Rho Rho is too adorable

•WOAH! So each new being brought back gets their own tree and they’re all connected. That’s so cool

•Holy crap, he’s back home!!! If he plans on using this as a mode of travel during this war, he’s going to have to clearly indicate which trees belongs to who if there are more

•Food and water break. Steven has his priorities straight

•So… They might have to poof everyone and take them to earth so they aren’t caught by HW

•"Steven’s back!“

•Lars will have to learn how to teleport if he even can…

•I love how he’s still kind of a jerk, but he’s doing what he thinks is best for his new friends by staying there so they can be free

•Rho Rho was trynna to scoop outta there real quick 😂😂😂

•So, if they’re gonna show Lars around and find another off HW… they might have to unfuse, but then that leaves Rutile… how’s that gonna work?

•Tell him, Lars!!!!!!

•The effect that Steven has on people is too amazing for words

•They hugged! Lars normally rejects Steven touching him, too 😂

•"Who knows what they’re doing to Steven? Hi, Steven” -Pearl 2k17

This was really awesome. I still have a million questions, but I’m more invested in the possibilities for what’s to come than the answers to them. I won’t lie, I did really want to see White Diamond, a Pink and Rose flashback, and maybe even Stars, but what we got was absolutely amazing and I was too shook. The mystery is slowly unfolding and I cannot wait to see what’s going to happen next. I’m genuinely curious as to what everyone else thought. I kind of want to get a convo going so message me with stuff or use the little comment chat thingie on my post. What was your favorite part? Who’s your favorite off color? What do you think about Pink’s shattering? Anyone for uncorruption? I really want to know what faniverse thinks (Get it? Am I cool yet?) Have a great rest of your week!!!

[rutilation]

I have a few words to say about Cairngorm

(That’s a lie; I actually have a lot of words.)

As a disclaimer: this whole thing is, to put it mildly, highly speculative, and it’s probably a bit too early to predict where exactly Cairngorm’s character arc is heading, especially since it seems like the kid-gloves are only really going to come off next chapter (Ichikawa, please have mercy on us.)  But I’m going to press forward anyway.  If nothing else, it’ll help me grapple with this stressful chapter. So, if you’d like to hear my take on where Ichikawa might being going with all this, then buckle up, this is like ten pages.

I’ve spent quite a while trying to figure out which of Cairngorm’s actions were their own and which were a result of Ghost’s inclusions.  It’d be easy to say that whenever Cairngorm did something that seemed out-of-character or drastic, it was because of Ghost, but that almost feels like taking the easy way out, because they’ve also made reckless, potentially self-destructive decisions that had nothing to do with protecting Phos.

And furthermore, the whole situation with the eyes is really ambiguous. Were Ghost’s eyes really controlling them?  Were Ghost’s inclusions actually attacking Cairngorm or were they breaking apart from fear and stress, and just thought it was Ghost doing it?  Are the creepy moe eyes they have now controlling them?  Is Aechmea outright lying or is he just presenting the truth in a misleading manner?  This is all rather shaky ground to set about interpreting a character upon, so I’ve kind of opted to ignore it.  I can’t help but feel that the whole deal with the eyes is something of a smokescreen for a deeper issue.  

Eyes have served a number of symbolic purposes in recent chapters. The fact that Phos has both an eye made by Kongou and one given to them by Aechmea seems to pretty blatantly symbolize that they’re carrying within themselves the perspectives of both the gems and the Lunarians.  Furthermore, the fact that Kongou gives each gem their eyes is, symbolically speaking, predisposing them to see things from Kongou’s perspective; it seems to me a metaphor for how your parents seem infallible when you’re young, which in turn relates to the story’s implication that most of the gems are in a state of arrested development.  And then there’s Cairngorm, who has completely aligned their perspective with Aechmea now that that both of their eyes were made by him.

           What I’m getting at is that all these god-damned haunted eyeballs are serving as extended metaphors.  And grasping what lies behind those metaphors is where we might find some insight.  After all, an extended fantasy metaphor for emotional manipulation such as this only works if it feels real even without the in-universe justification.  So, for now, let’s set aside Schrödinger’s mind-control eyeballs, and examine Cairngorm’s behavior as if their issues were the result of their own psychology and life experiences, rather than the result of science-fantasy technobabble.  

While I was trying to wrap my mind around the spoilers we got up leading up to the chapter’s release, these pages jumped out at me.

 I had taken note of them before, because it seemed like set-up that was going to have some payoff later.  When I connected Cairngorm’s strange behavior in this chapter to this bit of foreshadowing from earlier, my immediate instinct was “Oh thank god!  They’re just acting, and Ichikawa put the foreshadowing right in front of our faces!”  

But… while this does strike me as plausible, it also seems a little too neat and tidy.  Now that Ichikawa’s opened this can of worms regarding Cairngorm’s sense of self, she can’t very well resolve it with a just-kidding.  Even if this does turn out to be the way the story goes, Cairngorm’s identity crisis still needs to be addressed.  Even if Cairngorm is acting the way they are to try to pull one over on Aechmea, that doesn’t mean their issues with Phos and Ghost and their own sense of self don’t matter.

So, for the sake of avoiding the low-hanging fruit, let’s investigate another possible reason that Ichikawa felt the need to connect Cairngorm with acting twice now. I’m thinking this might be more a comment on their overall personality, rather than a specific future plot event.  

But to show you the reader what I mean by that, I’m going to have to walk you through my personal journey to understand Cairngorm (now that I’ve typed those words, it occurs to me I that I should get out more.)  So… here’s my attempt at a unified theory of Cairngorm as of chapter 68.

Aside from Phos, most of the characters don’t really change or have an apparent arc.  They get a few key traits, maybe a smattering of angst, and that’s about it.  Seeing as the whole conceit of the story is forcing characters who are by nature static to reckon with the inevitability of change and death, this approach to the characterization of most of the gems makes sense.  However, there are a couple other gems who did seem to have a character arc, namely Dia and Cairngorm.  So I paid them closer attention than I did the other characters, and in doing so, I noticed several peculiar things about Cairngorm.  (As a quick aside, there are several other characters who seem like they’re primed to go through an arc in the future, but the story hasn’t gotten to them yet.)

Here’s what seemed a bit off:

•           Their rather surreal character concept seemed a bit at odds with their more understated characterization.

•           Their taciturn attitude didn’t match their often erratic actions.

•           The way Ghost described them seemed at odds with character we came to know over the course of 20-some chapters.

•           You could never quite tell whether Cairngorm and Phos genuinely cared about each other or if they were just using each other; there was plenty of evidence in both camps.

•           The narrative pointed out Cairngorm’s acting ability twice, and like I said before, that seemed like a big ‘ol Chekov’s gun.

•           They went through a number of changes in character design over the course of two volumes, and along with Padpa and Phos, were one of the few characters who replaced a part of their body.  As I said before, a major theme of the story is static characters dealing with the concept of change, so the fact that Cairngorm kept going through superficial changes struck me as significant.

All this is to say that while I didn’t predict that Cairngorm’s character arc would go in this direction, I was always sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And wow what a painful shoe-dropping it was. But now that we’ve been smacked in the head by the narrative equivalent of a steel-toed boot, we know what Cairngorm’s character arc is about.  So let’s try looking at Cairngorm’s past actions, their framing in the narrative, and their relationship with Ghost and Phos through the lens of their fumbling attempts at autonomy.

First I’ll explain what I mean by Cairngorm’s attitude not matching their actions.  While Cairngorm gives the impression of someone who is responsible and tired of everyone else’s nonsense, many of their actions were, by contrast, rather impulsive and irrational:

·       Trying to rip off their own head when Kongou initially refused to attach Lapis’s head to Phos.  (This scene always creeped me out and it’s only gotten worse in retrospect.)

·       Taking on a vessel by themselves and refusing Phos’s help, even though they knew their arm was about to give out

·       Leaping onto the obviously-a-trap black cloud things back when they were inside of Ghost

·       Passively enabling a lot of Phos’s dumb ideas (which, by the way, doesn’t fit with the alleged prime directive of protecting Phos.)

More on all that in a bit.

Something else that jumps out at me is how the way Ghost talked about Cairngorm is different from how they acted around Phos, which is in turn different from how they’re acting right now.  Ghost described Cairngorm like this: 

But over the 20-some chapters we got to know them, they seemed pretty different from what Ghost described.  They seemed somewhat ornery instead of straight-up violent.  They seemed pretty responsible in contrast to Phos’s recklessness.  And while they were certainly blunt, they were a bit too reticent to come across as actively rude.

And now, they’ve shifted yet again…  Their body language, their affectation, and even the way they’re drawn is different. And I think one of the most unnerving things (aside from the moe-eyes) is that the Cairngorm we got to know up to this point gave the impression of someone who was aloof and slow to warm up to new people. But now Cairngorm has gone from saying that Aechmea “reeks of suspicion” to being cuddly with him.  Overnight.  It’s downright uncanny.

But none of these changes logically follow from losing Ghost’s inclusions and their order to protect Phos.  So, what gives?

The person Cairngorm was around Ghost is different from the one they were around Phos, which in turn is different from how they’re acting around Aechmea.  And in each case, their personality shifted over a very short period of time.

Back in a pre-chapter 67 world, I figured that the reason they cottoned to Phos so quickly was because of trauma bonding.  Phos had hit rock bottom, and having lost Lapis and Ghost, Cairngorm was probably not far behind, so they sort of clung to each other because they didn’t have anyone else to lean on.  But in light of Cairngorm’s reaction to Aechmea, I’m starting to think that this is actually a pattern for them.

So here’s what I’m getting at after all this preamble: Cairngorm is so used to having no autonomy, to being nothing but a body that Ghost would pilot, that their very sense of their own self is practically nonexistent.  The only way they know how to be is to act as a mirror for what someone else wants, and they see themselves as a vessel for other people’s desires.  That, I think, is what Ichikawa was getting at when she included those lines about Cairngorm being a good actor.  In truth, they’re always acting.  

It also serves to explain those inconsistencies I mentioned earlier, about how Cairngorm’s demeanor never quite matched their actions.  The way Cairngorm acted up until this chapter starts to make a lot more sense if you assume that they’re playing a part and occasionally breaking character.  In which case, Cairngorm the deadpan, put-upon straight man was nothing more than a pretense.  And indeed, the Cairngorm we meet right after Ghost’s capture is much more in line with Ghost’s description of someone who was violent and rude.  Sure it has a lot to do with the fact they’d just lost Ghost and were rightfully pissed at Phos, but looking back on it, a lot of the key things we associate with their characterization didn’t show up until after Phos’s breakdown, and that’s when Cairngorm’s personality as we knew it up to this point started to crystallize (no pun intended.)  

And what Cairngorm took from Phos’s breakdown is that Phos desperately misses Antarc.  So basically, Cairngorm has spent the past three volumes doing their best Antarc impression.  The way Cairngorm slowly crept towards being more and more like Antarc wasn’t just a stylistic choice meant to draw parallels between the two characters, it was a deliberate affectation on Cairngorm’s part.

In which case this:

Didn’t come out of nowhere, rather it was the logical conclusion of Cairngorm’s mindset up to this point.

But here’s the thing, although Aechmea may have shone a light on it, Cairngorm hasn’t really altered the behavior and mindset that caused them to be so bereft of identity in the first place.  Even in just this chapter, they’re foregoing powder because Aechmea thought it looked better, (I too think that they rock the black-and-white look, but that’s beside the point,) and they’re trying to suss out what Aechmea would want them to wear.  That’s not the thought process of someone who’s striving to be independent, but of someone who thinks that if they simply orbit around the correct person, their life will improve.  Even though their goal is to become fully autonomous, they’re still acting as if they can’t make their own choices.

If they’ve gone from being utterly devoted to Phos, to being utterly devoted to Aechmea, then has anything actually changed?  The impression I’m getting is that Cairngorm is so uncomfortable with occupying the liminal space between who they were and who they ought to be that they’ve just latched on to the first person who offered them a new status quo.  They’re so used to having no say in who they are that they don’t know how handle independence.  Which is why they’re now remaking themselves according to what they think Aechmea wants them to be.

So, I don’t think what we’re seeing here is the “real” Cairngorm.  What we’re actually seeing is another turn of their own self-destructive cycle.

And given how the manga has presented change, I don’t think Cairngorm is going to get very far by simply capitalizing on a change that Phos caused and then immediately finding the nearest possible status quo.  If there’s one thing that this manga has impressed upon us, it’s that lasting personal change comes as the result of a killing your own ego and a lot of introspection and soul searching, and Cairngorm’s decision to leave their fate in Aechmea’s hands seems nothing if not hasty, as well as the easy way out.

I think Aechmea’s assessment here is pretty much accurate, but it’s quite possible that what Cairngorm is actually fighting against is their own tenuous sense of self, and not Ghost’s inclusions.  

Going back to that thing I mentioned about character design and the significance of replaced parts, while Phos has replaced their lost parts with completely new material, Cairngorm has had their eyes and left arm replaced with more smoky quartz. This might serve as a metaphor for the fact that they even though they’ve gone through several changes, they keep ending up in the same place.  If Cairngorm’s character starts to experience positive development, we can probably expect them to have to replace some part of themselves with a different material, (my money’s on the pesky left arm that keeps launching off their body.)

If we were to compare Phos and Cairngorm in terms of development—which I think is pretty valid since, like I said, Cairngorm is one of the few characters aside from Phos who’s had an arc—then they’re still stuck in the cube of self-defeat.  You know:

This one.

Now, I’ve seen some people suggest that Aechmea is doing all this with the best of intentions, and that those of us who are alarmed by this chapter are just upset that Cairngorm isn’t fawning over Phos anymore.  So let me make my feelings on this clear:  There’s no way that Aechmea doesn’t realize that Cairngorm is repeating the same self-defeating mindset he identified in them in chapter 67, but since it convenient for him to isolate Phos from their babysitter, he’s encouraging Cairngorm to stick a bandaid over their problems instead of actually trying to nurture Cairngorm’s individuality.  Furthermore, I don’t trust someone who is actively enslaving a sentient species to care about the freedom and autonomy of anyone but themselves.  I also find Cicada’s reaction on this page concerning. That is not the expression of someone who thinks this is all going to end well, and it’s coming from someone who likes Aechmea no less.  And finally, the fact that Cairngorm has been physically isolated from the other gems is a massive red flag to me; I mean, look me in the eye and tell me Cairngorm wouldn’t benefit from some sage life-advice from Padparadscha right about now.  (I’m not even going to go into the fact that Aechmea is dressing up someone who has no concept of human sexuality in lingerie. That is a post unto itself.)

So now that I’ve (hopefully) established a plausible interpretation of Cairngorm’s character, that leads us to the question of how on earth they ended up like this, which is where things get a bit thorny.

If we try to connect Cairngorm’s behavior now to their past, we run into a bit of a wall.  We’ve been told very little about what their life with Ghost was like, despite the fact that it’s probably crucial to understanding their state of mind.  Even if Aechmea was telling the truth, we don’t know if the deal with Ghost’s inclusions was just a fluke caused by Ghost’s dying wish being projected onto their eyes, or if this is just the latest instance in a pattern of Ghost taking advantage of Cairngorm.  What is obvious is that Cairngorm’s desperation to be their own person—so much so that they’d throw themselves into the arms of the shadiest guy on the moon—wouldn’t exist if Ghost and Cairngorm had a perfectly equitable and healthy relationship.  At the same time, the circumstances of their life are kind of horrifying even if Ghost was trying their best to do right by them.  So while we don’t know how culpable Ghost was in the issues that Cairngorm has, their lot in life was kind of a recipe for disaster from the get-go.

Even if we go with the most charitable interpretation of their relationship, Cairngorm has spent most of their life with no control over their own body, and no sense of their own personal boundaries. And that’s going to leave an impact. Compounding this is the fact that both Ghost and Cairngorm are mega introverts who would most definitely chafe at a complete lack of privacy.  On top of that, there was a massive power imbalance since Ghost had control of their shared body by default and Cairngorm could only control it sporadically.  Even if neither of them were bad people, their whole situation seems like a recipe for a toxic relationship.  And since Cairngorm had to deal with this their entire life, it probably seemed pretty normal to them.  But in actuality, it may have had a profound negative impact on their psyche.

Here’s a couple of things that have always weirded me out:

As other people have pointed out, it’s likely that Cairngorm is the one scowling at Phos in this panel, dissuading them from going along with Ghost’s offer.  I actually have more to say about it, but for now, I want to focus on the fact that one chapter later, they apparently came around to the idea.  I doubt it’s because they warmed up to Phos, since Ghost didn’t interact with Phos at all in the interim, so it seems most likely to me that Cairngorm just let Ghost have their way because they didn’t have the willpower to keep arguing about it.

And then there’s this

This moment always seemed a bit curious to me.  We know from Lapis themselves that the reason they were captured was because they got distracted while fighting, so that implies that Ghost’s assessment here isn’t based in reality, but even so, Cairngorm doesn’t stand up for themselves at all, and is fine with being a scapegoat.

Furthermore, the way Ghost talks about Cairngorm here has always put me off a little.

All this paints a rather alarming picture of Cairngorm as someone who almost never interacts with anyone and acquiesces to Ghost most of the time, punctuated with moments of suddenly and aggressively lashing out.  Which is kind of...yikes.

But, as I said before, we barely know anything about what Ghost and Cairngorm’s relationship was actually like, so it’s possible I’m being mean to Ghost for no reason.  But what Ichikawa has chosen to show us of their relationship seems—to me at least—subtly disconcerting.  The thing is though, I think that this ambiguity may be a very deliberate storytelling choice.

Not that I want to bring up touchy topic, but I’d like to remind you all of that shitty callout post from a few months back.  It was indeed shitty, but there’s a reason Ichikawa’s work contained enough material for that post to misrepresent:

•           Abuse and the horror of violated personal boundaries are themes she often comes back to.

And

•           If we’re in the mindset of a character who sees that abuse as normal, the tone of the narrative reflects that, even if the content itself is horrifying.  (This excellent blog post goes into greater depth on the subject.)

I think this fixation on abuse and this style of writing is especially relevant to Cairngorm. Because the few snapshots we got of Ghost and Cairngorm together made them just seem like bickering siblings, we didn’t question what psychological effect their condition had had on them.  Because Cairngorm acted so normal most of the time, we didn’t question their occasional outbursts of erratic behavior.  Because we were so relieved on Phos’s behalf that Cairngorm was willing to give them emotional support, we didn’t question how fucked up it was that Cairngorm could set aside their own identity as if it wasn’t even important.  Because we had so little time with Ghost, we didn’t dwell on the fact that the Cairngorm we came to know over the course of the story didn’t match the Cairngorm they described.  But it was all there, staring us in the face the whole time.  And now that the effects of it have come crashing through the narrative like the Kool-Aid man, we’re all suffering whiplash.

All that said, I don’t think things are hopeless for Cairngorm, because the fact that they want to be their own person is a step up from the thought process they had when we were first introduced to them.  The Cairngorm who told Phos that they wanted to get every last piece of Ghost back—and presumably reattach them, who was taken aback at the thought of having their own name, is obviously different from the Cairngorm who seemed terrified of Ghost and was so desperate to be their own person that they ripped themselves to pieces. Even if they’re falling back on bad habits that undermine their own agency, the fact that they’ve started to feel like they deserve to be free is progress.  

In fact, if the Cairngorm from chapter 38 had somehow learned that Ghost’s eyes were controlling them, they might not have cared.  After all, being controlled by Ghost was just business-as-usual to them. But now that they’ve had a taste of independence, they care a lot.  Even if they’ve got a long ways to go, it’s at least something.

As Antarc so finely put it in chapter 16, if you don’t have the courage to attempt to do things you think you’re incapable of, you’ll never accomplish anything new. Let’s hope that Cairngorm can find the courage stop relinquishing themselves and change into someone who can stand on their own two feet.

So, as far as I can tell, that’s the meat of Cairngorm’s character arc.  As for where it’s headed… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I guess it all depends on whether or not Ichikawa intends for Cairngorm’s story to end tragically.

Now I kind of want to talk about their relationship with Phos, because the last couple chapters have caused me to re-evaluate some key events in their relationship.

Before chapter 67 was released, the main focus of my ruminations was how Cairngorm and Phos may or may not have had a weird codependent rebound crush going on.  The main question on my mind was “Over the course of the narrative, will we find out that they actually care about each other, or will their partnership crash and burn when they both inevitably fail to act as a perfect replacement for the others’ dead partner?”

But, in light of the last couple chapters, several things have occurred to me.  One is that I may have been asking the wrong question in the first place, and the other is that chapter 40 is a lot more significant to the question of their relationship than it initially appeared to be.  In a pre-chapter 67 world this whole sequence was merely heartwarming.  But now that we know that Cairngorm’s arc is all about trying to find one’s own identity, the fact that Phos was the only one who thought Cairngorm should have their own name, and was basically the first one to affirm their personhood, is pretty huge. To top it all off, this chapter is also one of the very few times Cairngorm has ever smiled.  So, in light of that, I doubt Phos is going to come to the conclusion that they only ever valued Cairngorm as a stand-in for Antarc.

Honestly, I’m starting to think that even though they keep reminding each other of their previous partners, neither of them really wanted to see the other as a replacement for their lost partner.  While contemplating this hell chapter, I realized something: although Ghost quite explicitly said they wanted Phos to replace Lapis, Cairngorm never once said anything to that effect.  In fact, after Phos gets Lapis’s head, they’re mostly just creeped out by it.  

And then there’s this whole exchange that I mentioned earlier.

 We’ve established that it was probably Cairngorm who was trying to dissuade Phos from teaming up with Ghost.  So, let’s address the question of why they were against it.

When I first saw it, I was thinking that Cairngorm had (rightly) caught on to the fact that Phos was extremely reckless and a potential danger to Ghost.  But seeing as Cairngorm put both their lives in danger two chapters prior, I’m starting to think I misinterpreted that interaction.  So now I think that what Cairngorm is taking issue with in this scene is that Ghost wants to replace Lapis.

Another little interaction that I’ve re-evaluated is this one right here.

I think I finally understand the little reluctant half-smile they give Phos here, which had always struck me as a bit odd—odd but significant, seeing as Cairngorm rarely drops the grumpy face.  They’re not happy in this panel because they actually want a replacement Lapis—like I said, this arc of the manga makes it quite clear that the way Phos is starting to resemble Lapis just makes Cairngorm uncomfortable more than anything else.  I think the real reason they’re happy is because Phos was willing to freely make the same offer that they themselves were forced into, and Phos was doing so on Cairngorm’s behalf no less, which is a bit of a reversal from what Cairngorm is used to.

As far as displays of empathy go, it’s very roundabout, and kind of fucked up, but I think that’s how Cairngorm interpreted Phos’s offer in that moment, and that’s why they felt happy in spite of themselves.

Going back to Phos’s side of things, the moment they seemed to snap out of their downward spiral is right here.

But the next thing they say to Cairngorm is an implicit assurance that they won’t use them as a stand in for Antarc again.  In light of this, I don’t think it was the idea of finding a replacement for Antarc that moved them in this scene.  Rather, it was their concern for Cairngorm that did.  And wouldn’t you know it, immediately after they realized that Cairngorm was willing to basically throw away their identity on a whim, they made a big fuss about getting Cairngorm their own name, and making sure everyone else on the island would use it.  We didn’t see their thought process leading up to it, but in hindsight, I’m pretty sure Phos resolved to get Cairngorm their own name precisely because they were upset at the idea of Cairngorm having no identity of their own.  Even if they couldn’t help but see Antarc in Cairngorm, they couldn’t abide acting on that impulse.  They didn’t want to see Cairngorm as anyone’s replacement.

And right after Phos does that, Cairngorm says this:

This always struck me as a bit of a non-sequitur, and yet the large panel size seemed to indicate that this line was important.  But assuming my assessment of Cairngorm’s personality is accurate, it starts to make sense why Ichikawa chose to emphasize that moment.  I think Cairngorm’s thought process here was “I have now decided that I care about this person, so I’m going to slowly mold myself into what I think they want me to be.”  

I should probably make it clear that all this is probably not something they consciously think about, but it’s quite possibly their default mode of interaction.

So, now that I’ve got most all of my character analysis out of the way, let’s go back to Schrödinger’s eyeballs.  This is something that’s been bugging me ever since chapter 67.  In chapter 64 we finally found out what the deal is with the gems’ eyeballs.  They’re not a natural part of a gem’s body, and furthermore, unlike the rest of their eyeballs, their irises don’t seem to be directly attached to their body. 

Since their irises are probably fashioned from pieces of their bodies that Kongou chipped off while polishing them, it’s likely that their irises do in fact have inclusions in them, but unless I’m missing something, any inclusions in a gem’s irises shouldn’t be able to affect the gem they’re attached to.  Unless inclusions are psychic or something.

Well, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if psychic inclusions are a thing though:

·       Cinnabar can control mercury that they aren’t directly touching

·       Antarc was able to assemble their various broken bits into a shushing gesture as they were falling to pieces

·       Phos remembered Ventricosus just fine when they were on the Lunarians’ ship directly above their broken legs, but as soon as they got to shore they forgot almost everything about their trip to the ocean.

So like I said, Schrödinger’s eyeballs are a trap that will lead you in circles.

Good lord, this took me two weeks and like five thousand words.  If you’ve gotten to the end of this, thanks for bearing with me, and I hope I managed to say something insightful over the course of this word-vomit.