#I’ve declined taking jobs because their work attire was a short sleeve shirt and I can’t wear those
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olivesjaw · 4 years ago
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#can 2021 be the year we normalize self harm scars and not just SH scars but all scars#I’m so sick of feeling like I have to die because I have self harm scars all over my limbs#y’all hear me bitch about it every year I know#but it’s just awful and it affects me in ways that most people wouldn’t ever think about#I’ve declined taking jobs because their work attire was a short sleeve shirt and I can’t wear those#I can’t ever go swimming again#I have to show medical ppl my scarry arms if I need a shot or my blood pressure taken or if I have to wear a hospital gown#I bail on dates and end relationships with people because I don’t wanna open up to them about my scars#I don’t casually fuck people because I have scars#I don’t go on dates during summer because it’s too hot for me to be outside in long sleeves and long pants#like I literally just stop dating altogether until fall unless I’m seeing someone exclusively#god forbid I reach for something up high and my sleeve rolls down my wrist and somebody sees my scars#it literally makes me feel like I don’t have a place in this world because nobody would accept me.#I meet people and I’m like wow I just know this person would think I’m absolutely crazy if they knew about or saw my self harm scars#idfk i’m just so fucking sick of it and i’ll never experience a day where i feel okay in my body because of this and 20000 other reasons#and all the shit about having to show doctors my arms for medical stuff is literally traumatizing for me. it’s so terrifying every time it#happens. you think I wanna show strangers my arms when my scarred awful arms are the last thing they’re expecting?#and opening up to people is terrifying too. I only open up about it to people who I know have mental health issues too and might get it and#even then I’m always scared they’re going to think less of me or not be attracted to / like / whatever me anymore bc of it#I don’t even know how to bring it up in conversations. like oh yeah just so you know I have these horrendous scars on my body. more than you#could ever count#because I’m batshit crazy and found peace in injuring myself with a blade for nearly a decade#oh and BY THE WAY I also have an eating disorder and a personality disorder!!#like#??!!!!#diary#dumb vent post
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whyamihereagain23 · 7 years ago
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First Date
Bruce
You got out of your normal work scrubs and did something with your normally messy (h/c) hair. You put on a nice flowing (f/c) top with your best pair of pants and heels. As soon as you saw him you smiled brightly and called out to him. When he saw you, his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. You blushed and looked away. You felt his hand take yours and you looked down for his reaction. Just as you thought, your hand faintly turned blue while his turned a light green. It was something you were used to now. You looked up at him and saw him smiling at you. “You look beautiful,” You looked at his white button up and dress pants with a smile. “You look handsome as well Bruce.” He smiled and you both started walking to the restaurant side by side with comfortable chat. He had a reservation to a sushi place that you both had liked. The night was wonderful and you got a chance to further understand him. He was super sweet and you could feel yourself falling harder for him.
Bucky
Neither of you were really into going into public, so you ordered Chinese and ate inside. You put on (f/m) to watch together as well. You didn't pay much attention to it though because Bucky and you couldn't help but talk to each other. You learned about his past with Steve and in turn, told him about your time before you got the serum injected into you. It was a fun night for you both.
Clint
He took you out bowling. You dressed down from your usual man-ish attire and actually tried to look like the woman you were. You put on a long sleeved (f/c) shirt to hide your scars and shorts. You felt like you looked pretty. Clint gave that little smile that you loved before taking your hand and leading you to a car Tony loaned him. He was in a red and white flannel over shirt with a blank tank underneath and nice jeans. You thought he looked a lot more laid back than normal. You were a bit sad though because you couldn't see his gorgeous arms. Even without that, you had a great time with him. You ended up winning too. 108 to 92. It wasn't that much of a win but you did get to see him sulk. You laughed before kissing him on the cheek. He looked at you with wide eyes. “Stop your whining and play another round with me.” You won again.
Loki
Even though he was on major lock-down in the Avengers tower, he somehow found a way to make it happen. You were sitting in your apartment when there was a hesitant knock on the door. Not expecting any guests, you grabbed your stun batons and headed to the door silently. You searched out for the person’s mind but found nothing. With a deep breath, you looked through the peephole and your breathing hitched. You saw green and black robes and immediately knew who it was. You quickly opened the door and yanked him in before closing and locking it again. He gave you a small smile before looking around. “What the hell are you doing here?” You asked frantically while closing all of the blinds. “To see you of course,” He said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. You narrowed your eyes at him with a skeptical look. It was only then that you noticed the basket in his hands. “What game are you playing here? There is no reason for you to escape and put the both of us in danger just to see me,” You said in frustration. You did not want to risk your job. He put the basket down before opening it and taking out its contents. “Tonight there are no games and I assure you that no harm will come to you. They do not know where I am. I've just come to ask if you would like to have an indoor picnic with me.” Despite yourself, you could feel a small smile coming you your face. “Thanks for asking before you set everything up. I wouldn't want all of your hard work to be for nothing.” He looked up at you with twinkling eyes. “So that would be a yes to the offer?” He asked. He seemed much to excited about this. “I-I guess so… but this is not a date,” You said with a stern look. You could see the smile falter a bit before returning. “Whatever you say (f/n). Please, sit and let us… talk.” You sighed but couldn't resist his face. “Fine,” You huffed before sitting across from him on the floor. He internally smiled in triumph. 
Natasha
Despite her want to keep your relationship away from the public, she went all out for the first date. She told you to wear something fancy and be ready by 7:00. You put on your near floor length (f/c) gown and pinned half of your hair up while the rest was down. You added matching heels and went to find Nat. She was waiting in the living room with a black dress that came to the top of her calf. Her hair was pulled into a bun at he back of her head with a wisp by each of her ears. She looked beautiful. She turned to you and smiled. “You look beautiful,” You both said at the same time. You both smiled and left for your destination. It turned out to be a live event that Tony had invited the both of you to as his special guests. You were beaming as the camera turned to the both of you when you walked in. Nat was standing close to you and even kissed your cheek. It was the happiest moment of your life.
Pietro
You’d told him your love of carnivals. You hadn't been to one since before you joined SHIELD, which was a long time ago. So, one day he took you on a car ride without telling you where you were going. You were skeptical at first, but couldn't help the girly squeal that left you when you realized where you were. You spent the entire night having fun and playing random games. He had to drag you away when midnight hit.
Steve
He was a romantic sweetheart, so you weren't surprised when Steve asked you out for dinner and a night of dancing. You put your (h/c) hair up into a bun so it wouldn't get in your face before getting dressed. It was a (f/c) dress that came just below your knees and a sweetheart neckline. You wore pretty ballet flats to match and a simple heart necklace. Once you were ready, you went into your living room to wait for Steve. He knocked, not even two minutes later, and you were quick to open it. He was in a dress shirt and dress pants with a single rose in his hand. You both smiled at each other and walked to the restaurant. You had a wonderful dinner and spent the night dancing away. You never knew he was such a good dancer.
Thor
He took you to the zoo for your first date. You had a love of animals and he knew that. You both had fun and he even went with you into the petting area. It was amazing. The funniest part of the night had to be when he tried to pet a llama and it spit on him. There were no hugs after that.
Tony
He's a billionaire. Of course Tony had to go all out for the date. First you started off flying over the city in one of his private helicopters and got to see it at night time. It was beautiful and your eyes were transfixed. After that, he took you out to a fancy dinner that took years on the waiting list just to get in. The food was delicious. To end the night, he had a private showing of your favorite singer. You don't know how he got (f/s) there, but you couldn't help but squeal. To say Tony was a smug little bastard afterwards was an understatement. He tried to coerce you to stay the night with him but you declined… with slight hesitation. That pause told him all he needed to know and he winked before swaggering back home.
{MasterList}
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