#I’ve been reading nessian fix it fanfics so I’m back to loving them again

[amusingmyselfsblog]

Mary and Matthew // Nesta and Cassian

[snelbz]

Life As We Know It {Chapter 24}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Occasional surprise chapters could be posted at miscellaneous times. Chapters will be posted on both my and Tara’s blogs! >> @tacmc.​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

A/N: Sorry for the late post! My baby shower was today, so Tara and I have been extremely busy! Look for Chapter 25 on her blog on Monday!

Warning: 18+ content.

Cassian got to the restaurant and took a look around. There were people everywhere, bustling about, getting ready for the night’s grand opening.

It had become the talk of the town - and the local groups on the internet - so they were expecting a good turnout.

At least, that’s what Cassian’s guess was.

He hadn’t talked to Nesta since he stormed out two days before, with the exception of one text exchange.

Cassian had texted, Tell Nyx I love him and I will see him tomorrow.

Nesta had replied, Ok.

Now, he was searching for that tiny little man with a mop of dark, black hair.

When he finally found Nyx, he was in his stroller eating cheeto puffs off the tray. When he saw Cassian his eyes lit up and he was instantly reaching for him.

Cassian laughed as he unbuckled him from his stroller and picked him up, giving him the biggest hugs. “Hey, buddy. I missed you, too.”

“This is his third helping of cheetos,” Helion said, from where he leaned against the wall. “Sorry about the next diaper.”

Cassian chuckled. “All this going on and Nesta stuck you on baby duty?”

Even saying her name out loud hurt, but he didn’t let it show.

He gestured toward the kitchen and said, “She’s been here since six and she’s in one of her moods. I decided I’d rather be on baby duty than caught in the crossfire.”

He winced, figuring that didn’t bode well for the two of them today. “I’ll stay in the bar, then.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Helion replied, looking him up and down, before pushing the stroller behind the counter. Cassian had the distinct feeling he was looking for a crack in his armor. He didn’t bother telling him that he’d been broken for two days, and the only person who could fix him was currently yelling at some poor employee in the kitchen.

Cass crossed the threshold into the bar area and let out a low whistle. He’d had a hand in the design, but most of this was all Nesta. It accented the restaurant perfectly and he immediately loved the place.

“Nice, right?”

He turned to find Kallias carrying a tray of fresh glasses from the dish area and the smile on his friend’s face was infectious.

Cassian nodded as Kallias said hello to Nyx. “Yeah, it looks amazing.”

Kallias nodded. “You and Nesta did good.”

“Thanks,” Cassian muttered, not wanting the conversation to go any further. “How long have you been here?”

“Just got here,” Kallias said, as Nyx started playing with the strings on Cassian’s hoodie. “Viv will be here soon to help out. She said she can watch Nyx while we work.”

Cassian nodded. “That would be great.”

It would be helpful, of course, to have Viviane help out watching Nyx. Cassian had a ton to get done in the next six hours before the opening began. He didn’t want to let Nyx go, though. Two days. It was the longest he had been away from Nyx since...everything happened.

“Well, little man, until then, you get to help me unpack liquor bottles,” Cassian said, trying his best to sound excited.

Nyx giggled. “Ba ba ba ba ba ba.”

“Yeah, different kind of bottles,” Cassian chuckled, and carried Nyx with him into the back room.

Kallias had been at the bar for the past two days, getting most of the stock ready to go. A few texts to explain the situation was all he’d needed and Cassian was thankful he had such a loyal friend and coworker.

Elain hadn’t been as understanding the first night he’d been there, but after talking to Nesta, even she backed off. He had no clue what Nesta had said to her, but her frustration turned to sympathy and she was back to treating Cassian like the brother-in-law she loved and not like a man who’d hurt her sister.

After pulling the carrier out of Nyx’s stroller, he strapped the baby to his chest and set to work, carrying case after case of liquor up to the bar. Kallias was busy stocking the assorted glasses they’d need, so the two worked in silence for the most part.

He had just walked back into the store room, short one case of whiskey, when he heard Nesta talking from the dry pantry separating the store room and kitchen. Cassian’s heart lurched and he was about to make his way back into the bar, but Nyx squealed as he heard her voice.

The swinging door flew open as Nesta hurried into the store room, wondering how Nyx had gotten in there in the first place. She froze when she found Cassian there. Their eyes locked and she blinked.

“Hey, Nes,” he said, quietly.

“I…didn’t know you were here,” she breathed.

He shrugged, turning back to the boxes of bottles. “Got here about an hour ago. Didn’t want to interrupt you.”

Nyx was reaching for her, so he unclipped the carrier and gave him to her. He giggled happily as soon as he was in Nesta’s arms, but she froze, unsure of what to say. “You should have let me know you were here.”

Another shrug. “You were busy, and I knew what I needed to do. Kal said Viv would be here later to watch him.”

She nodded, silence filling the space again.

Nyx pointed at Cassian, reaching for him. “Dada.”

Cassian stilled.

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed his mouth.

A second passed.

Then, at last, he said, “What did he just say?”

“Dada,” Nyx repeated, and clapped his hands together. He reached for Cassian. “Dada!”

Cassian took Nyx, although he was moving slowly, stunned into silence. Nesta watched as a thousand different emotions crossed his face.

“Dada?” Cassian breathed, looking from Nyx to Nesta. “He just called me-.”

“He’s been saying it for the past two days,” Nesta said, staring at a spot on the wall behind Cassian.

For a moment, Cassian didn’t say anything, but then he asked, “You didn’t bother to tell me that?”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed and she slowly met his gaze. “You left.”

“A simple text letting me know that Nyx said his first word wouldn’t’ve killed you,” Cassian snapped. “Especially since his first word was…” Cassian shook his head, that fury fading as quickly as it had come. He looked at Nyx and chuckled, softly. “Dada, hmm?”

“Dada,” Nyx said, taking Cassian’s face into his hands before patting his stubbled cheeks with his chubby little palms.

Cassian watched Nyx for a moment, chuckling softly, before asking Nesta, “Has he said anything else?”

Nesta shook her head, even though Cassian wasn’t looking at her. “Just that. Probably wondering where you were. He’s been saying it nonstop, after all.”

“I’m sorry, bud,” he said, softly. He kissed the top of his head. “I’m still right here though.”

He was about to buckle him back into the carrier when Nesta reached for him. “I can take him. You’ve got a lot to do.”

“No more than you,” he said, settling him back into the carrier. “And I’ve missed him. Viv will come see Kallias when she gets here. Let me keep him.”

Her hands fell to her sides. “Fine.”

The tiny room felt like it was closing in on him, looking at her. They were so close together, whether they wanted to be or not. Without another word, Cassian grabbed the closest box and shouldered his way back through the swinging door.

Kallias caught the look on his face as soon as he came back. “That must have been the first conversation you two have had.”

Cassian grunted in response, letting Nyx continue to pat at his face.

“And how’d it go?” He asked, leaning against the bar.

“About as well as you think.”

Kallias watched his old friend for a moment before nodding, deciding to let the conversation drop. Cassian was grateful for it.

He was thankful for Nyx, too, for an endless amount of reasons, but right now, he was a distraction. With Nyx here, he was only thinking about Nyx, not about Nesta.

Cassian spent the next couple of hours lining up liquor bottles, and when Viv got there, she happily took Nyx and let Cassian work.

Once Nyx began playing with Viviane, Cassian’s thoughts were once again on the last person he wanted to be thinking about.

He continued to work, trying his best to keep his mind on that. It was kind of hard, though, when the owner of the restaurant was Nesta. He guessed he was part owner now, too - owner of the bar, anyway.

The hours flew by and by the time Cassian decided to check his watch, he realized he only had thirty minutes until the doors were opening for the main event.

He needed to get out of his old hoodie and into something nicer.

After making his way into the stockroom, he pulled off his hoodie before digging into his backpack for the black henley he’d brought. It wasn’t fancy by any means, but it was sure better than his ripped hoodie.

The door swung open as he was pulling his shirt over his head, and when he turned around, he saw Nesta, once again.

She stilled just in front of the door. “Are you planning on being in here every time I come in?”

It was meant to be a joke, something to lighten the mood, Cassian knew, but the light didn’t exactly reach her eyes.

He looked down at his shirt. “Just had to change. Didn’t think a hoodie was appropriate for an opening celebration.”

Nesta nodded, giving him a forced smile. “Couldn’t have gone all out with a button down?”

“This is Azriel’s,” he said. “All of my nicer things are at…home.”

He said the last word hesitantly.

Nesta’s eyes fluttered shut. He knew she was dying to say something, but what it was he couldn’t tell. He thought he knew her well enough to read her face. It seemed he was wrong though.

“I’ll come by and get my things on my day off this week,” he said, saving her the request. He pulled the Henley over his head, leaving his backpack against the store room wall. “You won’t even know I was there.”

“Cassian…”

He pushed back through the door without waiting to hear what she was going to say.

This was agony. Every moment of being around her hurt, because every time he saw her, he knew that he’d wasted the past three months of his life. He’d wasted his time falling in love with her, because she still hadn’t said it back.

“Dada!”

Nyx and Viv sat at one of the new tables, Nyx munching on some crackers, and even Kallias’ eyes dragged to him. Nyx’s blue eyes were the only ones he cared about though.

“That’s new,” Kallias said, from where he leaned across the bar.

Nyx’s new favorite word was one of the few things that had made him smile all day. Even if it tore him apart at the same time.

He didn’t mind Nyx calling him that. He was still too young to understand what had happened to Rhys. So one day, he’d explain to him who he really was, and who Rhys was. But until then, he was content to be Dada.

Cassian lifted him out of the high chair he was in and smiled, wistfully. “Hey, buddy.”

On the other side of the room, Nesta pushed through the double doors and into the restaurant, making sure everything was in order as the clock ticked down.

Cassian couldn’t keep his eyes off of her.

He wondered if she knew.

*

This was the biggest night that Nesta had in quite some time. A new bar would be amazing for business, and she was expecting a hell of a crowd.

And she wasn’t disappointed.

At exactly six, people began to pour in. They sat, and they ate, and by the Mother, they drank. She was amazed at how well Nyx was doing. She kept expecting to see him sleeping in a corner with Viviane, but he was being passed around to Viv, Kallias, Helion, and Cassian, having the time of his little life.

Nesta was glad someone was enjoying their night.

She should be enjoying her night, should be pumped at the booming business, but she could hardly focus.

All she could think about was him.

Cassian.

Every time she even got a glimpse of him, she wanted to run into his arms and tell him that she loved him. But she couldn’t do that. She had no clue what the repercussions of their relationship would do to Nyx, especially if something were to happen. If they were to break up, would this be their future? Barely speaking, passing the kid back and forth, both of them in misery?

Even when Elain and Azriel got there, both giving her hugs and warm smiles, the one on her face wasn’t real. She knew Elain could tell, knew she wanted to pull her aside, get the whole story, and quite possibly talk some sense into her, but she wouldn’t.

She couldn’t.

Not tonight.

As much as she tried to spend most of her time in the dining room, greeting guests and asking how they liked the drinks and new menu items, she kept ending up in the kitchen.

She got word that there had been a small grease fire on the line and she was about to rush into the kitchen when Helion stepped in front of her.

“Take a breath.”

“I can’t,” she replied, pulling her hair back off of her face. “There was a fire and-.”

“And it’s under control,” he said, gripping her by the shoulders. “It’s been put out, and I can go deal with Emrys and Luca and any potential fallout. Go have a drink, relax with your sister. You deserve a glass of wine and a moment to sit down.”

Nesta hesitated, but Helion wasn’t having it.

“Go,” he said. “Kallias is currently manning the bar. Go order a drink before the next wave of people come along.”

With a huff, Nesta nodded and exited the kitchen. True to Helion’s word, it was Kallias that was behind the bar. The second he saw Nesta coming, he was pouring a glass of wine.

She took a sip as soon as she reached the counter. “Vodka.”

Kallias blinked, then obliged her. He poured her a shot, Nesta downed it and thanked him, then took her glass of wine around the room to greet people. She eventually found Elain and Azriel, and was getting ready to take a seat by them, until she noticed Cassian already sitting with them, Nyx in his lap.

Bypassing their table, she gave them both an apologetic smile, before redirecting herself towards the bar. She breezed past it and Kallias, draining her wine and leaving it by the sink, before she entered the store room.

Cassian must have handed the baby off to Elain or Viviane, because not even a few seconds later, he was right behind her.

“Is this how it’s gonna be, Nes?” He asked, not stopping until he was right in front of her. “Are we just going to avoid each other, unless Nyx is concerned?”

The door hadn’t even finished swinging shut, but she noticed Kallias stacking a few boxes in front of the door.

For all intents and purposes, do not enter.

Their first night working together and already a fight. She couldn’t blame his frustration, this was all her fault.

“It hurts to see you,” she breathed. “It hurts to see you because I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

“You don’t know what the hell is going on?” He asked, incredulously. “I don’t know what the hell is going on! You’re so-.” His words fell away and his eyes shut as he rubbed his temples.

Nesta arched a brow. “I’m so what?”

“Infuriating,” he said, and met her eyes with a pained expression that knocked the breath out of Nesta. “It hurts for you to see me? It kills me to see you, but you know what? That’s on you. I wasn’t the one that started questioning everything. And you want to know what’s ironic? You’re pushing me away because you’re afraid it won’t work out. But, it’s not working now, Nesta. In pushing me away, you made what you’re worried about a reality.” He shook his head, slowly. “What the hell is the point of that?”

Nesta didn’t say anything. Her jaw locked and she refused to break his gaze, no matter how much it tortured her.

“It’s better for it to happen now rather than later,” she said, and hated herself for it the second the words left her. “It’s better for it to end before it really begins.”

Cassian chuckled, humorlessly, and shook his head. “That's bullshit and you know it. It already began, Nesta.”

He took a step toward her, and in such a small room, it left very little space between them.

Nestas breath hitched, and judging by the way Cassian’s eyes flared, he definitely noticed.

“Tell me you don’t care about me, and it’s done. We’ll pretend these past few weeks never happened, and we can move on,” he whispered, and she could feel his breath fan over her face. “Tell me this all meant nothing to you, and it’s over.”

Her eyes flashed down to his lips before meeting his own. “I can’t do that.”

Cassian wasn’t sure who moved first. If he grabbed her face or if she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, but before he knew what was happening, he had her back pressed against the store room wall. Gods, it had only been a few days, but kissing her again, the feel of her lips on his, it felt like he hadn’t been able to breathe.

Her hands were clawing at his back and he found her thighs, lifting her up to wrap her legs around his waist. He hadn’t even noticed she’d changed into a loose, sundress but thanks to her own wardrobe change, there was very little fabric between them as she let go of him to fumble with his belt buckle and jeans.

There were no words necessary, not when they both needed the other as badly as they did.

Their lips never broke, that contact remained, hungrily, needily, as Nesta pulled Cassian’s cock out and, moving the thin scrap of fabric beneath her dress aside, he pushed himself up into her.

Nesta moaned into his mouth at the feeling of him filling her. He bit her lip, and that moan deepened as he began to thrust deep inside of her, over and over again.

There was no foreplay.

Foreplay wasn’t necessary, not this time.

Two days, two nights, had been far too long when they had become so accustomed to this same ritual every night, time and time again.

Cassian’s head fell back as he fucked her, relentlessly, then he met her lustful gaze. His forehead fell against hers as he slowed his pace. With a soft, reverent curse, Cassian breathed her name.

She clung to him, the smell and taste and feel of him making her feel far more drunk than the wine or liquor had. Nesta buried her face in his neck, trying to cover the sounds tumbling from her.

He captured her lips again, knowing her body better than his own at this point, and thrust into her as hard as he could.

The bottles on the shelves rattled gently, but he didn’t care if anyone could hear them in the bar. He didn’t care if anyone caught them. All he cared about was that he was deep inside of her, listening to the quiet whimpers and moans that she couldn’t stop.

There was no way she could walk away from this.

Not just from the sex. Which, yeah, was incredible, but there was more to it than that.

Their souls were connected, which is what made the sex so mindblowingly phenomonal.

It was more than just sex.

It was something that Cassian swore no one else had ever witnessed before. Or, maybe they had. Maybe this is what it felt like when you found the person you were meant to spend forever with.

No, Nesta couldn’t walk away from this.

He swore, hoped, prayed she couldn’t.

He wanted to say those little words. Wanted to tell her, so desperately, that he loved her, but he didn’t.

He just kept saying her name over and over and over again with every thrust of his hips.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

“Nesta,” he breathed, and she cried out as her legs began to shake around him. He cursed, his fingers digging into her thighs as his body flooded with the need to explode.

As soon as her release slammed into her, he met his own, her name a groan as he spilled into her. They stayed like that for a moment, him still buried inside her, even as his seed started to drip down her legs. Thankfully, the sound of the party out front had covered any and all noises they’d made. Her breathing was still uneven as he pulled out, and he pulled that ripped hoodie from his backpack and silently used it to clean her up.

Tossing it back towards his bag, not caring if it made it inside or not, he paused in front of her, and tried to tilt her face up to his.

She refused.

He breathed, “Look at me, Nes…”

She shook her head, and damn him if those weren’t tears starting to spill down her cheeks.

He gripped her chin, forcing her eyes up to meet his. “Damn it, Nesta, talk to me. Just talk to me and tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I think you need to go,” she breathed.

He hesitated. “What?”

“You need to go,” she repeated, but there was no bite in her voice.

Cassian took her face in his hands and brought her eyes to his. “I’m not leaving. Not after that.”

“Go,” she repeated, and another tear slid free. “Go, Cass, please.”

He shook his head, fury, frustration, utter misery filling his core. He dropped his hand and stepped back. “Damn it, Nesta! What do you want?!”

“For you to leave,” she hissed.

“You’re a fucking liar,” Cassian snapped. “You say you can’t tell me that you never cared, you fuck me in a damned store room, then you ask me to leave?”

“You’re making this harder than it has to be.”

“I’m making this harder?” he asked, breathlessly, unable to stop his darkened laughter. He looked away from her and sucked in his bottom lip.

A moment passed, and Cassian refused to meet her gaze. “I don’t get it,” he said, at last. “I don’t get it. I don’t know what you want. I don’t know what you want from me.” His words were coming out rushed, frazzled. “Know what? Fine. If this is the way you want it, this is the way it is. I’ll be at Elain’s and Azriel’s tonight, and I’m taking Nyx with me. I’ll bring him by tomorrow, when Viviane is there.”

With that, he was gone.

And Nesta was left alone, her hands flying over her mouth as she sobbed, still able to feel the soft, tender, alluring feeling of his lips on hers.

[fandomtrxsh19]

So, when I read ACOSF, I made kind of play by play notes as a listened to it( I read the audiobook) so.........here’s the chaos

HEAVY SPOILERS FOR ACOSF!!

CASSIAN SAID FUCK

WHOA there’s a LOT of swearing in this

“It’s SEVEN in the morning gods damn it” -nesta archeron

OVERSIZED SHIRTS FOR THE WIN

Feyre and Rhys have 5 houses? Not surprised...

full, inviting breasts......BIG BOOBS OMG CASSIAN YOU HORNY SON OF A BITCH

7 siphons to keep his magic under control? Dayum

So, she rode this unnamed male like a fucking roller coaster?

Depression sex? Depression sex

“Her father was ashes in the wind” DAMN THATS EDGY

“A moment of release among the darkness inside her” NESTA BBY THIS ISNT HEATHY

“She avoided both of them” not surprised

OOOOH RHYS HATES HER TEA IS BEING SPILT

So, depression sex and depression alcohol? Yup

*checks chapter count* 80 CHAPTERS??!?! Oh shit this is gonna be a triiiip

OOOOOOOOO RHYS AND NESTA BEEF

Feyre trying to apologize to nesta........she’s trying

“You’re done, Nesta” The fuuuuuck.....

So, nesta’s moving and training with cassian...........Feyre, this isn’t a good idea omg

Feyre holy shit what the fuck are you doing, you TOTAL HELICOPTER SISTER?

“I never want to speak to you again!” damn

ELAIN TRAUMA!!! Yay???

MOR FOCUSED CHAPTER!!!?

she has brown eyes? Ok

FUCK SHES WEARING A BLUE DRESS FUCK

nesta knows about mor NESTA KNOWS ABOUT MOR!!!

“I am worthless and I am nothing. I hate what I am.” DAYUM I’ve been in that exact mindset numerous times. I can relate, Nesta

Briallen? Who the fuck is that?

Scars being trapped in magic? Good fuck that’s dark

“Ooh a dark skin character? Lit

OH SHIT SHE CANT FLY HER WINGS ARE CLIPPED

Is her name Emery?

“I am the monster your fear” BBY OMG GET THERAPY

Gwyn? Seems a bit aloof

“Two gentle conversations” GOOD JOB

Fairy lights omg lol

Nesta reading smutty books.....I’m imagining this omg

THE HOUSE IS ALIVE? Sweet

OMG ELAIN SHIT!!!! BBY

“All she wanted to do was touch him” OOOOOHHHHH NESSIAN

“All I need is a hot meal and a good book.” Mood

Nesta’s worried about Mor??? REEEEEEE

“Nesta needed Feyre more than she realized.“ OOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOO FAE BARGANS

They’re bound by magic on the body?? Ooh

IT’S TRAINING TIME BITCHES

“I don’t hate you too,Cassian” OMGGGGGG REEEEE

Nesta SMILED

THEY MENTIONED VALKYRIES!!!!!

“You might be my only friend.” HMMMMMMM

*hears how cassian was born * OMG HOLY SHIT CASSIAN

*hears cassians backstory* DAMN THESE CHARACTERS NEED THERAPY

OOP SLIGHT DEPRESSION SEX

OOP CLOTHING REMOVAL

“I’ve loved you since the first moment I held you in my arms.” HMMMMMMMM

I’m loving this Nessian sparring training.

ELAIN! SHES IN THE STORY KIND OF

Elain has small boobs........same

“I thought I would drop by to see how you were doing.” AWWWWWWWWW

Yayy.....awkward sister talks........

“She was the monster.” Nesta.............I can relate.

Nesta’s angry at Elain.............

Elain’s trying to reach out and Nesta’s denying it.

MY HEART

AGAIN...THE👏RA👏PY👏

“No more seeing her sisters without her permisson.” That’s smart.

Soooooooooo......Rhys is now a German Shepard.........?

OMG CASSIAN KILLED EVERYONE THAT HELPED KILL HIS MOM........good for him

“Use that training and make me.” OOOOOOOMGGGGGG

Rhys is overprotective of Feyre and shields her......daaaaaaaaaaaaamn

“What exactly happened in the cauldron?” FEYRE BAD IDEA BAD IDEA BAD IDEA

Again, Nesta, ✨THERAPY✨

Put a stop to what, D-does the IC know of the ✨depression smut?✨

“There was touching, but with her permission” WE 👏STAN 👏A KING👏

THAT ASKS👏FOR👏CON👏SENT👏

“Who do you think I am?” “A drunk fool who’s wasting my time?” OOOOOOOHHHHH SHOOTS FIRED!!!

Emery and Nesta to Emery’s cousin: GO HOME YOUR DRUNK ASSHOLE

*hears Nesta’s grand✨mama✨* me: grandmama, it’s me....ANASTASIA

Bruh...NESTA BIT CASS’S EAR

ugh the tool

“Baby making” hehe lol

“Nesta like gwyn”...............could she also be biiiiiiiii??????????!!!!!! YAY FIRST FRIEND IM PROUD OF YOUUUUU

NESTA SMILES AGAIN YAY!!

Alright, Meryl is BITCH

GWYN’S A QUARTER NYMPH?? Cool

“She’s failed everything.” BBY

HER POWERS? HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT SILVER FLAMES

ICY FIRE??? FUUUUUUUUUCK

Nesta must’ve been petrified being surrounded by fire

It’s a dream? THE FUCK

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT SHE WAS DREAMING????

Cassian saw HER TRAUMA?????? FUUUUUUCK

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HER POWER IS DEAAAAATHH FUUUUUUCK

THE BABY HAS WIIIIINGS!!!!!!

Why is Rhys angry about the wing thing?

Ohhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiit the tool

*hearing the possibilities of half Illyrian baby* OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH FUUUUUCK OMG

“I loved it when you fucked my mouth cassian?” GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH NEEESTAAAAA THIS ISNT HEALTHY

“What could go wrong?” DONT JINX IT

fairy monsters? OHOHOHOOOO

NONONONOOOOOO NOT AN ASH ARROW

BLACK EYES???? Fuck fuck are they in the cauldron?

OMG THE KELPIE IS DOING SHIT TO NESTA!!! Are they on the cauldron?

the MAAAAAAASK

ohOOOOOOOMGOMGOMGOMG SHE SUMMONED THE FUCKING DEAD REEEEEEEEEEE

Omg NESTAS POWERS ARE SO FUCKING COOL

She LITERALLY HAS AN UNDEAD ARMYYYYY

death HERself........badass

“Because you and cassian has been giving each other sultry looks all morning” SHE KNOWS

“For the first time in her life, she finally felt good in her own skin.” GROWTH

Omg Nesta created a swooooord!!!!! Cool

ITS INFUSED WITH MAGIC??? HELL YEAH

“I can’t lie to her!” SIIIIIIIMP

“I’d be careful when fucking her.” Oh amren

FUUUUUUCK FUCK BOOOOOOOOO TAMLIN

“You will not touch us.” YES TELL HIM

“I can’t believe Feyre ever loved tamlin.” ME TOO

“Elain saw everything Nesta did.” Daaaaaaaaamn

OOOOOOOO NESTAS PIIIIIIIISSED

OOOOOOOOOOO SECRETS FEYRE’S PIIIIIIISED

Nesta messed up and I think she realizes that

Rhys is pissed now and wants to kill Nesta....SHIIIIIIIT

Nesta: heads for a tavern me: NONONONONO GODS DAMN IT YOU’VE COME SO FAR

“I will fight for him. For us. Until I can’t anymore.” FEYRE IS GONNA BE A GREAT MOM

“Wishing to disappear into nothing.” I’ve been there.

“Cassian knew Nesta hated herself, but didn’t know how sometimes she wanted to unexist.” I RELATE TO THAT SHIT

“She had been born wrong.” AWWWWW BBY SHIIIIIT

“Was she worth being counted?” I CAN RELATE

*hearing Nesta blaming herself for her fathers death and for the horrible things she’s done, saying she can’t fix it* SHIT IM CRYING (I’m not joking)

“ I deserve nothing.” I CAN RELATE BITCH IM ACTUALLY CRYING

*hears Cassian calmly reassuring and comforting her* AWWWWW I NEED THIS QUOTE

CASSIAN CARES SO MUCH FOR HER I LOVE THIS

(I really needed that cassian talk. I literally wrote most of the quote down just in case. Thank you SJM)

EMERY CAN SENSE THE SEX HOLY SHIT

“After he’d fucked her with her fingers...” O NONONONOOO

*skips to chapter 52*

Lanthis??? Who the fuck is that?

“Gwyn and Emery are my friends” SHES GROWN SO MUCH!!!

26 dimensions? OH THIS IS SOME DOCTOR STRANGE SHIT

IT CANT BE KILLED

cassian and Nesta really went *yeet* .......... I’m sorry

THE SWORDS NAME IS ADORAXIA!!!!!!!!!!!sounds like a dnd character IDEAS

OHOHOHOOOOO BLACK THRONE AND A CROWN DEATH QUEEN NESTA WITH HER HAIR DOOOOOOWN

Rhys vs Cassian standoff *western duel music starts*

NESTA APOLOGIZED FOR EARLIER IM SO PROUD

Did Elain have a vision? DID SHE???

“I want you to seduce him.” NESTA THE HIDDEN BARD ROLL FOR PERSUASION

Mor teaching Nesta the waltz? NESTA AND MOR CAN NOT HATE EACH OTHER

Are they back at their childhood home? Because oooooooooooof ✨ childhood trauma✨

MOR AND NESTA HAVING A CONVERSATION YAY!!!!! (This’ll make rping them so maybe easier)

“We’re in a book!” Holy shit they know. HIDE THE FANFICTION

The relationship between Nesta, Emery, and Gwyn is so wholesome

“Oh FUCK you” .... NESTA

“I was just checking on dessert” MOOD

MOR AND NESTA ARE HAVING A FRIENDLY CONVERSATION

I sense tension between amren and Nesta

ERIS WANTS NESTA????

“I’m not with you.” Lier

A SNOWBALL FIGHT WITH THE BATBOIS??? Holy shit they do have one(1) brain cell

A sleepover with Emery, Nesta, and Gwyn? SIGN ME UP

“Do it for the miniature Pegasus!” INSIDE JOKES

OOOOHHH i see the gwynriel ship

Wait....HER POWERS MADE THE HOUSE BE ALIVE??? Sweet

Alright 2 months til FEYSAND baby

The mating bond between cassian and Nesta?????.............

“Say it, SAY IT” GODS DAMN IT NESTA SAY THE FUCKING THING

So, Nesta’s afraid she’s gonna loose her humanity?

EMERIE NESTA AND GWYN ARE IN THE BLOODRITE? Fuuuuuuuuuck

OH NO EMERIE!!!!!!

“High Fae bitch” PUT THAT ON A SHIRT

OMG OMG OMG HELL YES VALKRIES

oh Cassian you restless bastard you

*hears Emerie’s backstory and their heart to heart* AWWWWWW I LOVE THEM

“The morrigan.” The fuck Eris?

“She’d hit the archway of stone” OOOOOOOOOOF

“For being my friends when I didn’t deserve it.” AWWWWWWWWWW

What about Feyre’s pregnancy???? Hewwo?

“Lord of bastards” heh true that’s cassian alright

Wait, OTHER set of wings

CASSIAN!!!!!!!!!!

“Now, I’m going to slit your little throat.” FUUUUUUUUCK NONONONOOOOO THIS ISNT CASS FUUUUCK

What’s the trove?

NONONONONOOOO WHYD HE GET STABBED SHIT HE GOT STABBED

Nesta’s pissed.....MAGIC TIME

wait wait wait wait wait HES NOT STABBED HELL YEAH!!!!

“You are my mate, Cassian.” ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME

Nessian: kissing when the world is in ruin

“She started bleeding hours ago. “ BABY TIME???

*hears the blood and feyre’s appearance*!FUUUUUUUUUCK

So, no C section? OOOOOOH SHIT THEYRE DOING IT

IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED

“Silent babe?” Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Nesta Nesta Nesta What the fuck are you doing???????? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

SHE HAS ALL 3! ONONONOOOOOFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOSHE PLUCKED IT FUCK

SHE STOPPED TIME?????????

WHOS the female voice?

“ I love you, Feyre” SHE DID IT IM SO PROUD!!!!!

What is she doing what is she doing what is she doiiiiingggg?

GIVE WHAT BACK?????

WHAAAAAT? A BARGAIN WITH THE FUCKING CAULDRON???

feyres alive? FEYRE’S ALIVE!!!!!!!

NESTA THE MVP!!!!

*the sister hug* AWWWWWWWWWWW

AWWWWWW I LOVE THE NAME NYX!!!!

How much did the Cauldron take from Nesta, tho?

FEYSAND IS BEST PARENTS

Alright, I want to see LOADS OF WHOLESOME FANFICS AND FANART ABOUT DOMESTIC IC AND ELAIN AND NESTA GOT IT?

[writevswrong]

FANFIC * NESSIAN * PART TWENTY ONE

Hey everyone! Couple of things I wanted to share...

1) I’ve been dealing with a family emergency since Thursday, it’s been a rough few days but I’m hoping things start to look up. Well wishes and positive vibes are all I can ask for. 

2) Because of that family emergency, I haven’t been able to focus on writing as much. Whatever happens in the next couple of days, might delay the next chapter. I was tempted to break this into two chapters but I figured that would be too cruel.

3) This is long as hell. It’s 6000+ words. It’s going to be a bitch to read on tumblr but hopefully you enjoy.

Nessian Part Twenty One by L.J. LaFleur

Cassian:

The ground beneath me quaked on impact; my knees groaned upon landing. Behind me, the field of wheat began to fill with Illyrian soldiers, the wind disrupted by the flaps of their wings. Our dark armor contrasted with the golden grass. Rising to my feet, I sniffed the autumn air for her familiar scent.

Farmers fled, dropping their plows and buckets. They ran towards the castle, banging on the metal gate. I watched as the guards pulled them inside, as the look of horror brushed across each of their faces. To see the Night Court army in person, to see a field of winged warriors—I’m sure a few of them soiled their trousers.

Inhaling deeply—vanilla and spice, my head whipped in her direction. Eyes narrowed; another breath in. Surveying the western wing…there. A deep growl built inside my chest. They had locked her in the dungeon, leaving her in Ferron’s keep. Grisly thoughts pried at my brain. I couldn’t think of what they had done to her, of the pain she possibly experienced. It only fed the flame of my eternal wrath.

I would not fail her again, a promise I had made every time the sun danced on the horizon. Find her, bring her home and by the bloody mother above—kiss her before anything else goes wrong.

As I examined the western entrance, I could feel my muscles tighten. There was one way in if you were walking, but flying…the options were endless.

Autumn guards filed out of the towers while archers lined the walls. I wouldn’t doubt their arrows were dipped in faebane. Scanning the wall, I could see it. A crack, a weakness—most likely caused by my landing. Good.

Down the lines, I began to bark orders—it was time.

This won’t be an easy one to win. Even with more than a hundred soldiers, we were weak against faebane weaponry. All of our food, our water—filled with the antidote. I only hoped it would be enough.  

Orders given, soldiers at the ready. I studied the weakness of Beron’s wall, judging the distance—the number of soldiers that would perish before we could tear it down. Too many. The number of families I would have to deliver the remains to…

I could feel their presence before they appeared. Every sense heightened in war, I could see, hear and smell clearer. My family winnowed in—cauldron in tow.  

“What are you doing?” I demanded, my eyes expanding at the site of the cauldron. “That was never part of the plan.”  

Azriel bit the inside of his cheek, his face set in stone, “Elain. She’s quite persuasive when it comes to visions.” A subtle shrug, his jaw tightened as he glanced into the fading shadows then back to me.

I nodded once, raising my hand in wait of his. As we grabbed each other’s forearms, our siphons lit up. An explosion of blue and red encasing the entire Night Court legion.

Rhysand released himself from the cauldron to join us. A layer of darkness, enclosed around our well-made shields. “We go in as one,” his violet eyes swept to each of us—from Azriel to Mor to Amren to Feyre, “we leave in one,” Rhysand gripped where our wrists collided. “Family, always,” he finished, fixing his heavy gaze on me.

Family.

What all of us lacked in blood, we made up for in other ways. In respect, in encouragement, love and sacrifices. And then Feyre came along, and eventually so did her sisters. The three of them ripping open the inner circle and making an everlasting impression. I wouldn’t want it any other way.  

“She’s in the dungeon—western wing.” I looked to Azriel, memorizing his face—this would not be the last time I see him. “Be safe, brother.”

Azriel gave me one last squeeze before releasing my forearm. He glanced over my shoulder, his lips curved upwards, “remind Amren not to get too cocky. She already unleashed herself once and barely made it home.”

Amren’s crimson lips spread across her face, “at least I made it back in one piece.”

I watched as Azriel faded into a cloud of smoke, a bright smile while his scarred hand rested on the hilt of Truth Teller.

This would not be the last time, brother.

Azriel:

I sunk into the shadows, letting the obsidian coils cradle me. One thought, that’s all it took to reach inside the Autumn Court dungeon. It was too easy. Every time I jumped into the shadow world, on the direct path to Nesta—it should have been difficult, near impossible to get past their wards.  

The labyrinth of hallways and cells; it was too quiet. There were no agonizing screams or mumbling prayers…  

Elain’s words pestered me through the darkness, “flames of suns, tendrils of night. Wings of ruin. End of sight.” We still hadn’t figured out the vision, I literally was at a loss of words as she murmured the sentences over and over.

Ever since seeing Eris in the Court of Nightmares, she’s been manic. She wouldn’t sleep or eat, her sole focus on what each word represented. In an endless trance, Elain would stare at the wall until I stepped into view. Her words halting, her breathing even—a moment of clarity and then just like the dance of shadows—she was gone.

My head shot up at the sound of one, two, three guards filing down the hallway. As I closed in, dagger at the ready—I launched forward. Slitting two in the throat and stabbing the other in the heart. Their bodies dropped, piling into the already cramped space of the hallway.

I dragged them into a cell, disarming them accordingly. An azure film on the tip of their blades.  

Faebane.

Every steel point was dipped in poison. This was going to be an exceptionally painful war if we did not retrieve her quickly. Again, I slipped into the welcoming shadows. I inhaled, hoping to catch her scent.

“Cassian!” Nesta screamed, her voice echoing against the stone walls.

Speeding through the veil of the shadow world, I followed her continuous cries for help. Faster and faster, until my head felt like it would explode.

I nearly smacked into the wall, unable to move forward. I rushed for the stone wall, again, I was stuck. Catching my breath as the darkness glided off my armor, I reappeared in front of the cell. Not a sound but the beat of my own heart. It was too quiet for a dungeon.

I stood still, debating my next move. I couldn’t see through the walls, I couldn’t winnow inside. Continue or retreat? Explain to Elain that I didn’t—that I couldn’t bring back her sister? Or risk it?

Scanning the outside—I picked up a few things. This cell was different than the others, there were no bars—no way to look in. Not only that but this was the opposite end of where Ferron held Nesta before.

Water drained down the walls, discoloration from years of neglect. A single door made of copper stood off centered. The sconce of dying flames snapped, a small explosion of embers distracted me.

“Cassian! CASSIAN!” Nesta’s panicked wailing continued.

I stepped closer, checking the perimeter with each step. Elain’s nagging words threatened to bring me to my knees.  

“CASS!”

Hand on the copper door, I stopped, attempting to retreat into the darkness but it was too late.

I heard it first, the trigger igniting the blast.

Feeling it was worse, the faebane powder—the debris of stone and copper shrapnel exploded towards me. I couldn’t winnow fast enough, I was caught—too hell bent on finding Nesta to pay attention.

Limited guards. Hardly any prisoners. A trap.

I flung through the air, crashing into what remained of the hallway. Bits of metal buried into my chest and wings, I felt the crimson gush out of my gaping wounds. Faebane flooded my bloodstream, I was contaminated—through breath and blood…

El…

Nesta:  

My knees shook from the explosion, clenching my teeth together—I only hoped it wasn’t him. That it wasn’t Cassian. Emotions that I had run from, the pain and longing that I had attempted to bury surged to the surface.

Eris reached his finger out towards mine, squeezing in reassurance as we hurried through the grand throne room. We were still chained together with barely enough slack for either of us to move freely. His body heat kept the ancient chill from invading my body further.

Another shock wave reverberated against the floor and walls. The multi-colored jewels above us clanked together. Several carved leaves fell, once a dull object—now a weapon from its height. I watched as they began to fall, as the guards dodged them.

Our pace picked up, stone fragments shooting through the air like fallen stars. I glimpsed at Eris, the muscle in his jaw twitched as he glowered at Aedin’s back. 

Acid raced up the back of throat, searing the soft flesh. The ache in my chest, the wanting fire. It needed to come out; to release the tension burning in my torso.

I had to stop, I had to…

Eris stayed put beside me, his gruff voice shook me, “what are you doing?” He angled his body to protect me; amber eyes sparked with concern.  

“You don’t understand,” I uttered, my voice sounding so far away. I felt lost, detached from my body. A ringing noise threatened to overpower his continuous questions.

The guard behind us pushed the blunt end of his spear in my back, “keep moving,” he ordered.

Snapping without any thought, I turned to face the thickset beast, “shove that stick up your…”

“Is there a problem?” Aedin paused to look over his shoulder. His face contorted, deep lines of hatred, of repulsion as he glared at me. “We wouldn’t want you to miss the show, Nesta.” He closed the distance between us, blocking Eris with one maneuver while delivering a back-handed slap to my bruised cheek.

I bit my tongue, holding the scream in my caged mouth. Slowly, I turned to look at him, at the Vanserra brother I had wished to demolish.

Eris bucked forward, his forehead smacking into Aedin’s face. Eris waited, watching the bloody river drain down his brother’s brow.

Aedin laughed without humor, not bothering to wipe the blood away. “You’re going to pay for that—and for Egan’s murder. Traitor.”

Then it happened, as painful as the first time. I jerked forward, both Eris and I falling to the ground as I wailed in pain. The nausea striking me like the tip of a sharpened blade. My head felt like it would split, Ronan’s whispers grew louder.

Nesta, Nesta, Nesta…

“Nesta?” Eris urgently shook me, amber eyes searching for a sign. “Nesta!”

“Cassian,” I breathed, clutching my stomach as I hurled away from Eris. “The cauldron, they…” Cut off by my own scream, the burning pain of faebane only heightened the feeling of death’s caress.

Eris:

“Get them up, we have a war to win.” Aedin spat at me, a bubbly wad of spit landing on my torn tunic.

Little shit.

I pulled out of the guard’s grasp, helping Nesta to her feet. Her face green, amber tears threatening to escape.

“He is alive, do you hear me?” I searched her glazed over irises; she was lost. By what? “Nesta?” I shook her before we were forced forward, she didn’t answer. To the best of my ability, I held her up, whispering to her that Cassian was still alive.  

I didn’t know but I hoped. For cauldron’s sake, I only hoped that he was.

We shuffled onward, towards the western overlook. Nesta trembled beside me, her silence more horrifying than her cries. Through the giant stained-glass doors, I could see what was left of the Illyrian army. It was enough, they could win this.    

“It’s about time you joined us,” Father raised his bulbous nose, to emphasize his disapproval even further. “I wouldn’t want our lovely guest to miss her family’s demise.”

Nesta delivered a fearsome scowl; fire incarnate, beauty of war. “Burn in hell,” she muttered just before another round of vomit exiled from her blue-tinted lips.

Father sneered while taking a step away, pronouncing each syllable, “disgusting.” After recovering, he breathed in premature defeat. “Aedin if you will,” he raised his palm while staring at the Autumn army.

A dagger, engraved with our family mantra, rested in his burly hand. The dagger that was meant for the heir of the Autumn Court.

I glanced between Aedin and my father, lastly, I observed my mother. Delivering my final goodbye. She looked shaken with grief, with the news of one son’s death, only to watch another’s.

Nesta blankly gazed at the battlefield that was once farmlands. She focused on the cauldron, on Cassian who hovered just above it. Her nostrils flared, a break between her lips as if she were to speak.

Aedin reached for the Vanserra dagger, this was the day he had been waiting for. To be death’s messenger; to bring me to my knees.

My eyes flashed to Nesta, to Cassian dodging arrows—unable to reach us.

Aedin stepped closer, his mouth curved into a vile smile. I glanced to Nesta, to the woman who deserved more than a brutal gutting.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, shoving us off the edge of the balcony.

Nesta awakened, her eyes widening with shock as we dropped through the air. Not a scream, not a damn sound—instead she nodded, understanding my intention.  

Pulling her closer, I rested my head on top of hers. Closing my eyes, I waited for the impact. “I’m sorry,” I repeated, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, her body caving into mine.

Cassian:

I dove into the line of Autumn soldiers, fighting my way forward. Launch, strike, kill, repeat. Bloodcurdling screams echoed as metal and bones collided. Soldiers on both sides fell; it was expected. I did not have time to mourn, not yet anyways.

A cry from behind caught me off balance. Feyre dropped, two arrows, one in her shoulder and the other just above her hip. She cursed while sinking to her knees. Rhys blocked her, his hands shooting out tendrils of night toward the wall of archers. Several disintegrated on the spot, leaving a puff of ash behind.

Launching into the air, I flew above the cauldron. Not only for a better vantage point, but to protect my High Lord and Lady.

Rhys dropped his hands, pulling Feyre to her feet. “Stay with me,” he begged frantically, pushing back her wispy hair.  

Another round of arrows pierced through our force field.

“Shield’s up!!” I ordered, watching as my soldiers continued fighting—orbs of red bursting one by one.

Fucking faebane.  

I flew forward, only to be pushed back by more arrows. Shit.

Think, think…take out the archers first. Then make a run for the wall, for Nesta.

My eyes darted to a falling object in the distance, “no…” I felt my heart burst, my wings give. Nesta and Eris, free-falling towards the ground. “NESTA!!!” I roared, nearly hitting the cauldron as I landed.

I watched as they came closer and closer. I rushed forward, moving without thinking—fighting without stopping. Arrows and spears and flaming daggers, all raced through the sky. Our shields barely holding against the impact.

The rage and fear that had been bottled up, released—the blast from my siphons shredding the opposing side.

“Nesta!!” I snarled, unable to close my eyes, I watched in horror.

Eris shouted, his arms tightening around her just before they hit…a cloud of smoke and shadows.

A young Autumn soldier attempted to engage with me, but he should have known better. I sliced through him easily enough, a quick death for someone who didn’t have a chance—who didn’t deserve the pain.  

I scanned the battlefield, taking a quick look back to where Rhys and Feyre stood. He held her up, their concentration unnerving. As they focused on clearing out the archers, breaking apart minds of well-trained soldiers—it dawned on me. The Autumn army had focused their energies on Rhys and Feyre. The two most powerful High Fae is the history of Prythian. Unleashing arrows and bombs to weaken them. To give their army a fighting chance.  

I spotted Amren and Mor, they had taken the outer flanks. Barely able to push forward against the blasts of faebane, but they pressed on.  

I continued searching, hurtling into the air. My breathing ragged, I wasn’t fully healed but I didn’t care. I would shred my wings if it meant saving her. I would sacrifice my life for hers. As long as she lived, I would fight—I would endure the constant unknown between us.

Twenty, maybe more—spears of fire flung towards us. I spun, maneuvering around the death darts. Soldiers flying beside me screamed as they were impaled, as they fell to the battlefield. Their pleas of help silenced the moment they crashed into the bloody field.

“Cassian!” Eris yelled, his grating voice raced towards me.

Following his strained voice, I found them. Surrounded by Autumn soldiers, he shouted for me again. Warriors using their spears to taunt them, to poke and prod at their skin.

I charged ahead, dodging another arrow and another. Fuck. Following the trail of arrows, I squinted towards the edge of the woods. Hidden archers. They were too far to annihilate with my fists or magic. I had better luck on the ground; with a flick of my wings, I dropped. My feet throbbing with pain on the touchdown; I ran.  

Mor:

The overwhelming amount of grief and guilt had smothered me the past few days, and even more so now. This was my fault. The Illyrian deaths—their blood was on my hands. I watched our fleet take hit after hit. A mass of faebane arrows falling towards us. Our shields less effective than we hoped.

This was my fault.

Plunging my Illyrian sword into one—two men, I saw them.

Several fire balls flying towards the legion, I ordered them to duck—unfortunately some did not react quick enough. Countless screams, silenced within a few torturous minutes.  

Wil and Idris, the commanders of the Autumn Court army ordered their men forward. Whirls of fire spreading through the crowd of clashing metal.

“HOLD THE LINE!” I echoed, following Cassian’s lead. He was born for war, a master of stealing souls, of silencing enemies.

I was not. Truth is my power, my greatest strength—yet I have failed myself, my family.

I bit my lip, striking blood as I continued my attack towards Idris. The only woman amongst the rank of slobbering succubus’s. Her skin nearly gray, she always painted herself with ashes of the fallen. Ashes she had collected from previous battles. Her braided hair looked that of white snakes, tipped with red, with blood.

The line began to separate, spears of agony ripped through the three warriors next to me. Idris. A disgusting grin, fire flashing in her eyes. Bitch.

Raising my sword, I shouted louder, “HOLD THE LINES!!” Several soldiers replaced those who had fallen. A stampede of Autumn and Illyrians crashing into one another.

I whipped my head around, searching for my family. For a reminder; my anchor.  

Boiling water shot out of Amren’s fingers, drowning several soldiers in her path. Her fingers spread, her wrists shaking as she cursed beneath her breath. By that, I mean shouting.

“I fucking hate this place!” She hollered over the crowd, she was speaking to me.

Amren fought with water, I fought with truth. Blasting the enemy with thick bursts of white light. However, my power was weakened by the amount of faebane particles in the air. Each breath incapacitating me a little more and more.

I almost laughed, I forgot she hated the Autumn Court as much as I did. I gnashed my teeth, springing back from the swinging sword. Idris had made her move, heaving forward with the ugliest war cry I’ve ever heard.    

“Amren!” I yelled, her petite frame faced me briefly, a sign that she was listening. Watch out for Wil, he preys on little ones, I pushed into her mind.

Probably because he has a small cock.

I smirked, the little monster always had her sarcasm—even in war.

I held out my palm, unable to release my light. Shit. I slammed my foot into Idris’ stomach so hard she lurched forward—off balance by my strike. She began gagging then coughing.  

Have you seen Az?! I pushed into everyone’s mind, through Rhys and Feyre’s link.

Idris grew to her full height, wiping the blood from her lips. Blood and ash, smeared across her sharp cheek bones. A pretty, fearsome thing…that I needed to ruin. She opened her palm, releasing several flames—like mini daggers.

As quickly as I could, I ducked one way then another. I grunted as one fire dagger burned through my leathers and into my shoulder. Grinding my teeth, I glanced to Wil, on the warrior with just as much experience as me. We had fought in the war together, he was fearless but everyone has a weakness.

Az, isn’t answering? Rhys panted, his powers weakening—all of our powers were weakening. Soon we would only be able to rely on the fighting skills we took centuries to study.

Amren drowned three soldiers, letting the Illyrians drag their swords through them. No. It’s been too long though, she added while making her way towards Wil.

Find him, Feyre demanded.

I looked to Wil, to Idris. My palms opened, draining whatever I had left into them. Idris went down, unable to avoid the blast. Her scream murdering Wil’s heart. I didn’t bother watching the rush of soldiers over siege him.

I could have taken him, Amren snapped.

Sorry…

I winnowed into the dungeon, near Ferron’s torture-land. Being here, in this gods-forsaken castle, made my blood run cold. Memories flanking me from all sides but I couldn’t lose focus. It meant losing soldiers, it meant I could lose Az.

Cell to cell, I searched. I was sure the dungeon was larger than the actual castle. Winnowing took greater effort, my head pounded with a sharp pain the more I continued. Draining, I felt like someone had bled me of truth and strength.

The burning in my shoulder persisted, scarlet blending into my Illyrian leathers. I tightened my fist, a reassurance that I still had my arm. Booking it down the hall, my lungs filled with dust. I coughed several times, wafting away smoke.  

Beneath the rubble, drenched in his own blood.

Azriel…I held my breath. No answer.

I crashed beside him, my knees crushing against the crimson stone.

“Az, wake up...Azriel…” I whimpered, pushing off the fallen stones. I stared at the man I loved and the one who loved me unconditionally. The man I had tortured for my own security.

An echoed moan sounded as I attempted to lift the metal beam. It was too heavy to move by myself. “Gods-damn it,” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Hang on, Az.”

“Mor?” A faint whisper came from behind me.

Instantly, I raised my blade, turning to land my crushing blow. “Elain?” I mumbled, releasing my sword. The clanking noise stirred Az again; another groan and then silence. “What, what are you doing here?” I asked incredulously, the shock filtering in.

Elain kneeled opposite of me, on the other side of Az. “We don’t have time. Lift the beam,” she ordered softly. Her hands gripped around the rusted scrap of metal, we pushed upwards. “Pull him out,” Elain urged, a bead of sweat dripping down her forehead.  

I looked to the beam then to Az, “you won’t be able to hold it.” Stunned, I…I couldn’t move. If we dropped it, he would be crushed. If we held it, we couldn’t move him then he would be crushed. Either way he dies.  

“Do it,” she snapped, her golden eyes fixated on Az—on his unmoving chest. Her teeth chattered, those frail hands gripping tighter as she lifted it slightly higher.

Releasing the beam, I dragged Az out. Crimson smeared behind him, his wings torn, metal sticking out of his armor. “Azriel…” I breathed, the lump in my throat cutting me off.

Soft hands brushed along his bloodied face. “Go,” Elain whispered, sweat and tears mixing into one.

I hesitated, “I need to get you two out.” I gripped her arm, then clutched onto his shoulder…I would winnow, I had to.  

Elain’s golden eyes turned black, her body still, “go.”

Without another word, I stepped backwards, moving away from the hallway of poison. With each step away, I felt my lungs expand further. I looked one last time, my heart splitting in two.

Her tremoring hands raised above his chest, shadows spilling out of her palms—plucking the shards of metal from him.

I blinked—I was hallucinating. I must be. The lack of water, the battle fever.

Elain bent down, a river of blood snaking down from her nose to her mouth. She leaned further, pressing her lips against his. Her hands shook violently, her brows furrowing as the shadows prodded against him—working faster.  

Azriel coughed, sucking in air as his hands reached towards hers. “Elain…?” He croaked, confusion and relief morphing his features.

I sunk back into the shadows, escaping to the battlefield. He was alive and Elain…what the hell was that?

 Eris:

“Cassian! Gods-damn it!” I shouted, my voice struggling with every word. I held Nesta up, her knees threatening to give out again—the woman could barely stand. “Stand down,” I growled at the soldiers. Their crude comments and laughter only enhanced my anger.

I tried to stir the fire within, nothing. Winnowing was by far a miracle but here, trying again. I couldn’t do it. “You need to stay on your feet,” I growled at Nesta.

“Something’s wrong, Eris.” She cried, her body shaking violently. “The cauldron,” she dry-heaved, her unstable legs not helping against the enclosing warriors. I looked from her to the balcony we fell from. Aedin was missing, my mother crying and my father…Beron formed an orb of fire in his hands.  

He was going to kill us and his men. A sacrifice for the greater good, another wonderful lesson from him. I looked to Nesta, then towards the spears that prodded at us.

“Get down,” I whispered in her ear, watching as the fire grew bigger—as he unleashed it towards us. “Duck,” I hissed, landing on top of her. The screams of burning men echoed around us. I held Nesta down as she tried to get up, “don’t look,” I murmured in her ear, “don’t move.”

Smoke and ash blended with the grey clouds, a ring of fire surrounding us. I peeked upwards, right then left…bodies had been charred while others turned to ash. I nearly threw up from the pile of melted flesh, of two bodies burned together.

“We need to move,” I choked, lifting her up. Shock and fear, her eyes unsure of where it was safe to look. “Nesta, listen to me…”

“Watch out!” she roared, pulling me towards her.

We fell into a pile of limbs on the ground, a guard brave enough to push through the flames was ready to strike. I dug at the pile of ashes, throwing the death dust into his face.

The soldier howled in irritation, giving me enough time to disarm and slaughter him.

Nesta stood beside me, still as the blade in my hand. Her face emotionless but for the amber tears dripping down her cheeks. I must look like a monster. I didn’t bother speaking, my only action to pass her the sword so I could pick up another.

The snarl that escaped my chest didn’t feel like mine. My eyes clamped shut as the pain in my knee made me collapse. Nesta struggling beside me, her hands pulled with mine, each movement causing a burst of thunderous pain. Swiftly, she broke the spear, taking out the wooden spike in my leg.

I couldn’t get up, I definitely couldn’t walk.

Nesta’s scream, her warning cry rung in my ears. She was yelling but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. Fading in and out, I was losing too much blood. Weakened by the chains, I focused on breathing—on staying awake.

Nesta:

“We have to winnow, Eris.” I clamped down on his knee, gushing crimson warmed my hands. “Do you hear me? Can you hear me??” I begged, staring at his drooping eyelids—he wasn’t focusing but he was breathing. Good that, that was good.  

I squeezed slightly harder, his back arched—his cursing persisted.

“Gods-damn it, Nesta!”

“We need to winnow, you need to do it now.” I looked around us, at the dying flames…we would be seen any minute. Unable to fight the oncoming soldiers. “Eris…” I choked.

He couldn’t move, nor winnow. We were stuck. A split in the smoke, an opening appearing beside us.

Aedin was pushing towards us, fighting soldiers on both sides to cut through. I peered up to where Beron had thrown the fire ball. Missing. The only one left, stood Eris’ mother—a statue of despair.

I held onto Eris’ knee, still trying to stop the bleeding and failing miserably. Deep within, I felt that sickening spin—the cauldron’s power flickering. Sweat dripped down my temple and back, mixing with fresh and old blood. I felt the surge of bile, the painful singing of the cauldron—of Ronan.

“Eris…” I stopped. What little remained of my heart sunk. Through the clearing of smoke, I watched as Beron made his way towards the cauldron. Scowling through the spray of blood, muttering beneath his breath.

He can’t be…

Cassian:

There’s more archers in the woods, towards the tree lines. I pushed to Rhys while storming onward. I felt slower, my siphons flickered the further I pushed into the autumn lines. The crimson light in sync with my pulse.

We’re struggling to keep the shields up. Arrows keep getting through, and Feyre…

I’m fine, Rhys. I’ll be fine. Her voice sounded hollow, on the cusp of fading out.

Damn! Rhys shouted in my head.

I glanced back, an arrow had hit his chest, he crumbled to his knees.

Rhys?? Amren interjected, her grunt nearly heard across the battlefield. Mother above…

Our troops were getting overrun, drained by the constant explosions and untimely arrows. We would all be dead in the next hour if this continues.

We got through the first war, I reminded them, we’ll get through this. Looking towards the woods, gauging the length…I sent a blast of red. My siphon flickered faster, draining itself as I took half the forest down.

Screaming in the distance persisted, this time cut short…

Nesta.

I flung forward, swiftly dodging a hoard of spears. “Nesta!” I called to her, she had to be alive. Eris, he wouldn’t let her die. He would protect her until I reached them.

Swirls of smoke cleared as a gust of wind moved east. There, between the break of our front lines.  

Nesta held onto Eris’ knee, screaming bloody murder. Screaming my name.

“Cassian!” she yelled, her voice growing hoarse. “CASSIAN!” Her eyes searched for me, scanning the remaining Illyrian fleet.

Aedin emerged through the circle of ashes. Blade in hand, a devious smile on his lips.

A spear nearly took out my right wing, I was losing focus. Faster, I pushed—plummeting in front of Nesta and Eris. My boots sunk into the piles, the specks of lost soldiers.  

“Get out of the way, Cassian,” Aedin fumed, twisting the sword in his hand.

I didn’t bother speaking, saving every bit of energy I had for this.

“I will kill my brother.” He glanced over my shoulder, “his whore too.”

A gods-awful snarl tremored the earth beneath. I withdrew my weapon, squeezing the onyx hilt of my sword. The Illyrian blade meant to cut through armor and bones. I would not fail her. Not again.

Aedin advanced at the same time as me, metal colliding, I shoved him back.

Nesta’s screeching continued, sparing a glimpse, I saw her press her head into the ground. This was too familiar.

“Did you know she was his whore? Or was that news to you too?”

I propelled forward, cutting his shoulder. He swore beneath his breath. I flew upwards, gaining momentum to crash down on him. My elbow collided with his face. Aedin’s sword flung into the air, nearly hitting Nesta as it landed. My fist met his flesh—blood poured from his lips.

“Do you two share her?” he taunted, wiping the scarlet away. “Maybe I can get in on the action? I’ll take her at the beginning of each month.”

Burling forward, I roared just as Aedin slashed into my wing. I would have collapsed, I should have, had it not been for the adrenaline.

For Nesta.  

Aedin attempted to tackle, to fight but the angle was wrong. In two moves, I shoved my sword into his chest, twisting the blade to shred his organs.  

I jerked my sword out of his torso, “tell your brothers, hello.” I stilled, watching the life in his eyes fade.

“Cassian?” Nesta uttered, her hands still clutching onto Eris’ leg. She had her head shoved into the scarlet wheat. “Something’s…something is, is wrong.” She could barely speak, hardly see straight.

“What is it?” I asked, pulling her into a seated position. This all felt the same. It was wrong. It was…

I could feel the rumble of the cauldron, silence falling upon the battlefield.

Nesta:

I looked between Cassian and the cauldron, between light and dark. Cassian’s bloodied hands reached to Eris’ knee, studying the damage. He peered over his shoulder, towards the cauldron and cursed.

“We can fly out of here,” I croaked, “we can…” stopping as I noticed his torn wing.

I clutched onto Cassian’s wrist, scarlet dripping from mine and onto his fading siphon. He covered my hand with his, it felt like a thousand suns drained their warmth into my icy skin.

“Cassian,” I begged, unable to fully release my hold on Eris less he bleed out. I held onto Cassian, grasping with all my strength, “don’t…” I begged, my voice thick with desperation.  

Cassian pulled his hands away, tapping his siphons to use whatever he could to form a shield around us.

“No, no.” I cried, my heart breaking as I let go of Eris, as blood spewed out of his knee. “Don’t…” I couldn’t get the words out.  

“I love you,” he murmured, gently kissing my forehead as his warm hand caressed my cheek. Pools of hazel searching mine, “in this world and the next, I love you.”  

Eris yanked me down, covering me with his body. He went limp.  

The burning white light plummeted towards us, it wasn’t as strong as before, weakened by time—by Beron’s lack of power. But still, more than a dozen warriors vanquished within seconds.

“Cassian,” I wailed as he spread his wings around us, another barrier.

I reached for him but it was too late. His individual shield shattered as the white light edged closer. The heat clawed at his wings, shredding them until nothing remained. His screams echoed across the battlefield until nothing. Crimson leaked out of his mouth, his copper eyes closing on impact.

“CASSIAN!” I screamed, amber tears streaming down my face.

His body stiffened, opening his eyes to see if I were safe. With his last breath, he fell on his back.

The ringing silence, the shattering of my entire being. I crawled to him, struggling to drag Eris behind me.  

“Cass, Cassian,” I fumbled, the warmth evading my body. “Wake up,” I begged, pressing on his chest, “wake up, cass.” I cried louder, the only sound to be heard for miles. “Please…pl…wake…wake up.”

Cassian laid still, his chest unmoving, hazel irises focused on the gray sky above. I shook his shoulders, I watched as the remaining blood gushed out of him. Only ash—more ash—remained where his wings should be.

“You, you have to wake up…” I whispered, too broken to finish. Hands tied, I began beating on his chest, a desperate attempt to make him breathe.

 Beron’s laughter echoed against the silence.

 He laughed.

 I dragged my eyes away from Cassian to stare him down. Like tunnel vision, I could only focus on the laughing bastard.

The faebane chains shattered, shards of it standing still as I felt the fire within circle. I saw red, waves of amber forming into bodies. The cracks of my bones; talons breaking the skin on my fingertips…I transformed.

Minutes, maybe seconds. Time was different in this form. I flew towards Beron, towards the cauldron. His face slowly morphed into that of unending fear. My talons latched onto his skull, digging into his flesh as I ripped him in two.

I didn’t stay to watch the pieces of him fall.

Flying upwards, I studied the glowing blue weapons, the Autumn army. I flew forward, fire leaking from my mouth, talons and wings. I slashed them down, slaughtering the enemy with every ounce of rage that drove me mad.

Cassian’s face, his last look at me—his last words. I replayed them in my head, letting the heartbreak unravel me. He was mine and I was his but only for a moment. I didn’t even get to say…to say…it didn’t matter now. Nor will it matter later.

One by one, I destroyed them all. Their screaming made me feel nothing, even as their blood stained my golden coat. I felt hollow, broken passed madness. I didn’t care if I were stuck in this form forever. What did it matter? What future did I have after this?  

By the time I finished, the shards of faebane had just touched the ground. The world recovering from the damage, yet all I could see was Cassian.  

The wingless, the dead…the love—the future, I would never have.

I crouched beside him, fading back into my human form as the horrendous cries threatened to escape me.

“I love you,” I whispered, my fingers tangling into his blood-soaked hair. I pressed my lips into his, cold—lifeless. “Come back to me…” I murmured pulling away to look, to hope.

“Come back.”