#I’ve been keeping each album in a playlist so we get the whole story and just-
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she's baaaack *hops around in glee* miss squiggles i'm afraid i need your opinion on the ocean saga
Eeee, thank you! *hops with you in glee* I’m happy to be back! 🥰
*pulls out a long list* Rey- OH REY- I have thoughts! Most of them are just mindless screaming but also- HANZNWNDNSNSNWJNSNSNS IT WAS SO GOOD??? Even though there’s only four songs, they all hit so well???
I can’t stop listening to Ruthlessness- the singer for Posideon: his voice is so toe curling good AHH! (The part where he’s all “That cyclops you made blind…was mine.” AHHH! I can’t wait for the “Get in the water” song to drop NWNSNWNDNWNDNEN 😍😍😍😍😍) It makes me wanna go fight in the shower wjsnwns 🤣
Keep your friends close is also an incredible song! My sister and I can’t stop quoting the “It’s treasure!” Part; also the wind spirit’s little giggle before she sings is just qhnxnwnznwndnsnsnmsd 🥰🥰🥰🥰😭😭😭😭 It’s so gremlin like and so cute and I just- AH! 🤣🤣🤣🥰🥰🥰
Luck Runs Out is also such a banger? The part where Odysseus is all “Yo dude I need you to work with me and not question my authority” and his friend (I literally cannot remember names forgive me) is clearly resigned as he says “Okay.” OOF I LOVE THE ANGST! (Also mood- I’d be over Odysseus’s BS to at this point qnznwnnsns)
Storm is also an incredible opening song! I won’t lie- I haven’t listened to it nearly as much as the other three but it’s still so good??? It’s stuck in my head the “Storm” part just- 😭😭😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰 I love this musical so much awbsbwnzns
I’m likely gonna listen to this album for the next several days cause I just love this arc so much- I can’t WAIT for Circe’s saga: she’s such a mythological icon and GOD I’m so ready! 😍😍😍 Thanks for asking friend!
#squiggily speaks#ask#myreygn#hey it’s Rey :3#friend :3#epic the musical#ocean saga#*screaming crying singing along*#I just- AHHH!#yelling about musicals#I’ve been keeping each album in a playlist so we get the whole story and just-#it’s been so glorious!#🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
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what is kagepro? - a quick guide
you may be seeing the word "kagepro" around a whole bunch, especially during august, but what the hell is it?
you may have heard or seen something from kagepro without realizing it! you know that vocaloid song, kagerou daze, about the kids who get hit by a truck and are stuck in a timeloop of saving each other? that's actually one of the songs from kagepro.
kagepro, short for the kagerou project, is a series created by vocaloid composer jin (also known as shizen no teki-p). it's a mixed media series that has music, manga, an anime, movie, a radio talk show, books, etc but i’ll try to keep it simple!
basic premise: people who die on 8/15 are taken to another world called the kagerou daze and if they return to the real world, they will have gained a “snake ability” that will turn their eyes red when used. a group of teens that have these abilities form a little gang but are thrown into an endless timeloop.
THE MEDIA
if you want to get into it, there’s a bunch of different ways you can do it, but do keep in mind: each form of media is NOT just a different adaptation of the story.
kagepro is a timeloop story, and each form of media is actually a different timeline (or “route”). the music videos, the anime, the manga, the books - each one is only a piece of the whole story. that’s why many people may have seen the anime, mekakucity actors, and gotten super confused because the anime is actually one of the last routes haha.
but the order of media that has been generally agreed upon to be the most coherent is music videos -> manga -> light novels -> anime
a lot of kagepro media, esp the light novels and manga, are hard to find since they’re almost entirely out of print, but there’s translations or e-book versions of them available, or if you skip them there’s summaries that people have made. you can also ask me if you want :]
music videos
i’ve actually made a couple playlists for the songs! one is in release order and the other is in story chronological order (mostly).
release order: - i tried to get all the original ia/miku versions of the songs with the original pv if there was one - a couple might be a little out of order since some songs came out together in the same album
this is the order that fans got the music, so if you want to try to figure things out and put things together the way we did you can go with this order!
chronological order: - tried to grab some english covers where i could, but if you don’t like eng covers there are plenty of noneng covers or you can use the videos from the other playlist. there's plenty of really great covers out there! - exceptions to the “chronological”: children record acts as the cover/opening song for the series and summertime record is the ending song for the series - some songs aren’t in here bc they’re not part of the music route (they’re mostly from the newer albums and are kinda like ‘epilogue’ songs after the ending of the anime/good ending or are songs made for the anime)
THE STORY
if you don't want to go through all the media yourself, here’s a video explaining the whole story by breadbox/david toth! he also has other really great kagepro videos
youtube
[a bit of an extra] a very common misconception about the story/mechanics: people do not have to die in pairs or with somebody else on 8/15 to enter the daze. i didn’t realize this myself until super recently
all in all, the kagerou project is a story about finding strength and support from the people around you, moving on to look towards the future, and overcoming trauma.
there’s definitely other people who have also made guides or summaries or videos that are much better and cover much more than i did, but i hope this was a decent introduction!
feel free to reach out and/or ask me anything! i'm sure there are also plenty of people who would be willing to help newcomers understand kagepro as well :]
happy kagerou day!
#feel free to add on or correct me if i got anything wrong!#i did try to keep this more to being about how to get into kagepro so i didnt cover the story as much#kagerou project#kagepro#mekakucity actors#.d#*#Youtube
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Episode 164 : The Jordan Year
"...baking soda, get it crackin' when you mix me with Kane."
- Checkmark
If you're like me, every time you write 23 this year you're thinking it! The first episode of 2023 is here, and we go mostly on the downtempo tip and mix up the genres in a big way, so there's almost sure to be something new for everyone in the mix!
RIP to Laylaw and Gangsta Boo.
As mentioned on the voiceover, you can now keep up with the schedule for all my streams (and I'll start putting my IRL shows here too) at events.airadam.com!
Twitter : @airadam13
Twitch : @airadam13
Playlist/Notes
Termanology ft. Raekwon : Passport Kingz
I was reminded of this track after listening to a podcast about citizenship and a shady character known as the "Passport King"! It has an ominous-sounding intro (as an aside, that pastor should be in prison), and then doesn't let up for the rest of its running time, with Raekwon and then Term going hard over Staik Selektah's production. One verse each is the perfect dosage. Find this on Termanology's 2018 "Bad Decisions" album.
[Dru Kevorkian] Smif-N-Wessun : Reloaded (Instrumental)
Just screaming mid-2000s New York, this is the instrumental for the title track of Smif-N-Wessun's third LP. I could hear this beat on the soundtrack (and too loud) for a street DVD of the era...
El Michels Affair & Black Thought : Grateful
Looks like there's a big treat coming later in the year, with the collaborative "Glorious Game" due in April. One of the best writers in Hip-Hop history in combination with one of the coldest bands in years? Yeah, that's a must. This lead single was released this month to give us all a taste and it's a great appetiser. The flute kind of hypnotises and draws you into the thick mists of the rest of the music, where Black Thought is waiting with high IQ, high-density street lyricism. Be grateful, indeed.
Shabba Ranks : Have This Woman
Coming off the back of the "Ting-A-Ling" sample woven into the "hook" of the preceding track, I thought I'd take the opportunity to move straight across into a Shabba track, and one that I just recently digitised during the task of taking on my whole reggae and dancehall 7" section! Over the "Girl A Love" riddim, Shabba's lyrics remind me that despite the gyalist/player image put forth in most of his catalogue, he's been happily married since 1992 - so he and his wife will just have celebrated their pearl wedding anniversary!
Camp Lo : Award Winning
They may never have got the level of acclaim that the title speaks of, but those who know know. Bars upon slang-filled bars on this deep album cut from "Ragtime Hightimes", with Ski on production. Play this one loud in your headphones when you need to go somewhere and let them know who you are :)
Above The Law : Another Execution
Including this one as a tribute to the recently-departed Laylaw, who was an integral part of the Above The Law story - not only did he manage them, but he has production credits on their debut "Livin' Like Hustlers", including for this track. It's a slow and low number on a classic sample, and if you want the instrumental then you can find it on the B-side of the "Murder Rap" 12". Unusually for ATL, it's Cold 187um solo on the mic, in storytelling mode with two tales of having to let that thing ring out.
People Under The Stairs : Chris Says 'Nice One' (Bonus Beat)
This short semi-interlude track from the 12" of "The Cat" is actually only 44 seconds long, so I looped part of it up to make it a suitable length to include here - just because it's a nice piece of digging/production that PUTS clearly included just for that extra flavour! RIP Double K.
Gangsta Boo ft. DJ Paul & Juicy J : Where Dem Dollas At?
I've not historically been a big follower of 3-6 Mafia, so I bought this track specifically to play it on this episode. DJ Paul and Juicy J of 3-6 are on production, but even though DJ Paul also takes the third verse, he has to play second position behind Lady Boo, which is only right. This was apparently the big hit on 1998's "Enquiring Minds", Boo's solo debut which paved the way for two more LPs over the next five years - and one which I remember being advertised in The Source back in the day. RIP Gangsta Boo.
Machinedrum : Center Your Love
Machinedrum is, amongst other things, half of the duo Dream Continuum alongside Bristol's Om Unit (formerly the turntablist 2Tall), but this is a beautiful solo exhibition of electronic composition. The drums are hectic in timing but not loud, and elements come in and out creating a soundscape around the vocal; I can't tell if that's a repeated sample or a singer brought in for this track specifically, and if I'm honest, I can't make out the words either 😆 Ten years old this year, it's taken from the "Vapor City" album which is available on Bandcamp - definitely worth checking!
Children of Zeus : Cali Dreams
California is a long way from the cold and rain of Manchester in many ways, but as they say, you can dream! I've got at least three copies of the 2021 "Balance" LP (vinyl, digital, and cassette) that this is taken from - so hopefully that gives you a prompt to go and get at least one! As much as Konny says it's "just another weed song", they elevate way past the average with their writing and execution. Their production is great too, and they bring in additional skilled musicians to crystallise their ideas - listen to this track outside of this episode to enjoy the long outro segment. Zeus!
Massive Attack ft. Liz Frazer : Teardrop (Mad Professor Mazaruni Vocal Mix)
Most of you will know the original version of this classic from the "Mezzanine" LP, and I even played the instrumental version of this remix a few years back - but today, you get the brilliant production of Mad Professor with the beautiful vocals of Liz Fraser in perfect combination. While Fraser can sound good on anything, her floating vocals are set really well here into the echoing, dubbed-out production. Apparently Madonna was the original choice of the songwriter to deliver this lead vocal - with all of the respect due to her, I don't know if it would have been as timeless as the final version turned out to be.
[Mr. Rogers?] Trae : Swang (Remix Instrumental)
While uncredited on the 12" single, I think this quality beat might be the work of Houston's Mr. Rogers, who, appropriately for this cut, is something of a car expert! You'll probably recognise the song it's borrowing from for its melodic underpinning, but it sounds to be all replayed/interpolated and so probably dodged the sample clearance issues that the original mix had...
Torii Wolf : 1st
An entirely new track to me even though it was a 2016 release, I only became aware of it when a DJ played it recently on a DJ Premier raid train on Twitch. Yes, this is a DJ Premier production, giving a sturdy backing to this New York singer/songwriter. Not only that, he apparently did another eight tracks on her 2017 LP "Flow Riiot", so it's one to check out for those wanting to hear some real deep Preemo cuts from the modern era!
The Doppelgangaz : In The Black
With their most recent album coming out just before Xmas last year being titled "Black Cloak Lifestyle" you have to give them credit for committing to that lift for real. Starting with ominous pianos, it's not long before the live-sounding boom-bap drums and bassline come in to augment them, and those rhymes of course from the self-styled "Ghastly Duo". A self-contained unit who handle their own production as well as all the MCing, they're dedicated to their craft.
Soul Supreme ft. Big Daddy Kane, Checkmark, and DJ Revolution : Come Get It
This one had been, unfairly, languising forgotten on my shelves until I digitised it recently. Big Daddy Kane is a legend, and is clearly the headliner here - it takes a brave MC to go after him, but Checkmark (of Skitzofreniks) does just that on top of production from one of Sweden's finest, Soul Supreme. Seasoning the pot beautifully, DJ Revolution contributes the cuts for this straight-up Hip-Hop gem. It's available on the 12" I'm playing it from, but also on 2003's "The Saturday Nite Agenda". Can't believe it's twenty years old already!
Sonnyjim ft. English and KoSYNE : Barcodes
This made me smile when I pulled the "Soul Trader EP" off the shelf recently, as at one time or another I've either DJed for (in cipher sessions) or produced everyone on the track! This is a fittingly-titled track, with all the MCs spitting out bars with confidence over KoSYNE's rugged beat - and the punchlines are plentiful. While you hear the main part of the track here, there's an extended ending with some ill freestyling... which you can get if you pick up the EP!
Dr. Dre : Murder Ink (Instrumental)
I've got to admit, I'll always prefer the original "The Chronic" to "2001". That said, you can't deny that Dre continued to refine his skills as a producer and engineer over time, and the sound quality of the production on his second solo LP was crisp and flawless - to my ears, at least. This track works a classic horror film sample into the mix with deadly effect.
The Lady of Rage : Necessary Roughness
To end the episode, just a high-quality track from an MC who never got her due. According to a recent interview, she was effectively punished for not jumping into the middle of someone else's beef, which is a great shame. This is the title track from her lone LP, and every bit of the mic control she displayed on "Afro Puffs" is on display here on top of a beat that reminded me of Craig Mack's "Get Down" - turns out they both were produced by the same man, Easy Mo Bee!
Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!
Check out this episode!
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alright, so, here’s my annotations/thoughts for those who are curious! i do have a method to the madness that is this playlist, but keep in mind that a lot of them are still open to interpretation! i went ahead and noted what i had specific ideas for, but the rest are either put there for future scenes that might be spoiled if i annotate now or just because they don’t have anything specific besides just vibe. if YOU have ideas though, share them with me! i love discussing songs/their meanings and it’d be fun to see speculations as to what they might stand for. :) p.s. the playlist doesn’t have to be listened to chronologically, but annotations are listed that way. so. <3 brain rot rambles below.
Anthem by Delta Rae
“But I don’t wanna fight their old war. Give me something I can hope for.”
- if i could find a way to decently explain it, this would be like, the first song in a musical? where the two main characters are pre-pondering things to come? This would be that! I had this at a later point in it originally, but it feels very fitting as the first song. Tongues and Teeth by The Crane Wives “I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent” - Ah, we move now into character songs! I went by appearance, so first off, this is Prince Tango’s first song! My little spitfire. And what better of a song to display that than the one that literally talks about firing back at those who expect you to just take their shit. I think we’ve all come to the conclusion that he does not do that.<3 Take Me to War by The Crane Wives “All of the ire I've swallowed, All of the coals that still sit in my gut, I am always burning up.”
- This is a vibe song. Like, this song just BLEEEEDS Prince Tango to me. It could also very much connect to the passage where he says he’d rather continue warring with the Overworld than get married. And the fire imagery?? Perfect. So perfect. Rule #4: Fish in a Birdcage by Fish In a Birdcage (lol) “Like there’s a world where I can take flight, where I can freely move. So carry me from these walls, Brother of mine, show me the world outside.” - First Prince Jimmy song! :D Listen. This is considered a Jimmy song, but it alludes to he and Prince Grian’s dynamic, too. Like, the lyrics explain a lot? It’s a pretty self-explanatory song, that idea of wanting to be shown the world? He’s kinda trapped inside his own birdcage. (Bird pun AND song reference.) I’m Just Your Problem from Adventure Time - would it be a royalty AU without this song? can you really look at me and say it doesn’t belong here? and that it’s NOT a Prince Tango song?? It fits him so well! Like, maybe both of them too? But I chose it originally as a Tango song. :) Freak Baby by Razorbumps - this one was sent in an ask when i looked for suggestions and they said it was what they heard during the chase scene in chapter five. and then i listened. and i was like YES. so consider this what played during tango and jimmy’s running montage.
Run By Delta Rae
“I wanna run to feel again, to be no one To run under the stars of Orion And all my life I've been burning by the dreams I've had Now I want to run I want to run” AND Outlaws by Delta Rae “Ever since I was ten years old You know that I could feel it Gasoline coursing through my soul Light me up like a spirit Our friends they won't understand They can't feel all the lust inside our eyes We ought to make a stand Holding out for a new sunrise”
- OHHHH.. if i had to pick an album of music that BEST captures the vibes of this fic, it’d be After It All by Delta Rae. I’ve already included a few of them here, but I just HAD to say that a lot of those songs really suit this whole story very well. Both lyrically and vibe-wise. Anyway! “Run” and “Outlaws” are each other's counterparts because to me, they each kinda represent the princes and their romanticized ideas of running away. “Run” is Jimmy, and “Outlaws” is Tango! :D I like this idea that they’re both equally feeling that desire for adventure, but it’s..slightly different? Tango feels like it’s gonna be more like what he’s heard in stories, as any child does, but Jimmy yearns for the freedom itself. Obviously they have the same desires at heart at the end of the day, but these songs differentiate the aesthetic of it slightly, if that makes sense? Shine You No More by The Danish String Quartet and Rune Tonsgaard - another instrumental! :D this one was also sent to me (everyone say “thank you theo”) and oohHHH, it fit the whole moment when Jimmy and Tango are making the run for it. It’s jumpy and exciting, and orchestral so it matches that vibe of the celebration ball, too?? one to imagine their running-away montage to.
Is There Anyone Out There by Delta Rae
“So far from where I started And so far from where I want to be The towers I watched when I was young Are not as tall as I once believed Is there anyone out there? You know me I am the son Of a lost country, of a new world And we're born to run and we never look back”
- DELTA RAE AGAINNN. This is Prince Jimmy to a TEE. God, just,, look at the lyrics. Look at them and tell me those aren’t him. OUGH. Specifically talking about the towers? And so many things he’d been taught suddenly turning on him, when his choices are robbed from him? ohhh i am. i love bird boy. Fire With Fire by AlicebanD “And I have nothing here for you All this water's gone and you You've done nothing here for me, except I know that I can't breathe And we were talkin' all weekend, I guess I'm mad because I am! And I've tried this all before, just in my head I'm in control” - Now it’s Prince Tango’s turn on the “my choice has been taken from me and now i am ANGRY” wheel! The lyrics I highlighted REALLY make me think of him. Like, he’s definitely feeling a sense of finality now that they’re on the movie, but he’s still overwhelmed. And now HE’S the one in control. Could that have consequences, though? Food for thought, I suppose. >:) Rule #9 - Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage “You were a wanderer Back when you were young I remember your eyes were clear Brighter than the sun With hands so soft Delicate and sweet You learned to fall And balance on your own two feet I could only lead you so far I believe in who you are” - This one, specifically, serves as a letter from Impulse to Tango, when they run away. You’re welcome. I may or may not be very emotional over it.
Kitchen Stories by Dreamers’ Circus
- And to send us off into the songs that are now either based in spoilers for scenes that haven’t happened yet, we have another lovely instrumental! Also sent in to me, this one feels like travel music to me! Which is perfect for our two princes as they proceed on their journey. :)
I plan on updating this post with annotations as we go along, if they’re necessary! Keep in mind that this is an in-progress playlist, so i’m SURE i’ll be adding more to it. either way, hope you guys like the playlist!
ooooh, what’s this? >:)
here is the Golden Rings AU playlist, in all its glory! if you’re interested, give it a listen. i plan on reblogging this post with my annotations momentarily.
(because tumblr’s weird and won’t embed playlist links unless i post from my phone. which i do not do ever. DESKTOP USER SKILL ISSUE APPARENTLY.)
anyway. go forth! enjoy the tunes!
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Rarepair headcanons because I am ignoring my problems
Serodeku:
Izuku reenacts the Spider-Man movies with Sero. Izuku is MJ. They also alternate being Spider-Man sometimes
They skate together
They get very protective when people call their boyfriend “plain”
They play dnd together
Sero tries to make sure that izuku gets some rest
They’re both kinda insecure, izuku more than sero, but still; and they make sure to reassure each other as often as possible
Sero likes listening to Izuku’s ramblings and finds them cute. He has told izuku this, only for the poor boy to imitate a tomato
After Izuku has been particularly reckless, Sero takes advantage of his quirk, wraps Izuku in bubble wrap, and tapes it there
Tokodeku:
Jocknerd bf and goth bf, we love to see it
Tokoyami teaches izuku how to sword fight
They start a dnd club at U.A.
Izuku talks to dark shadow a lot, Dark Shadow approves of him, and has claimed the spot of best man at their wedding
Izuku comes up with ideas to help Tokoyami gain control with Dark Shadow
Dark Shadow is very protective over Izuku, no matter how many times Tokoyami tells him that he can take care of himself, Dark Shadow will put himself between Izuku and any form of danger as often as possible
Dekoyama??? Aoyama/izuku:
Aoyama gives him makeovers, obviously
Aoyama drags izuku to the mall and tries to revamp some of his wardrobe, but he actually finds the “pants” and “flannel” type shirts cute
They help each other train their quirks
Aoyama is trilingual, and teaching izuku English and French.
Izuku always brings Aoyama home some new cheese
Y’all, I love them so much. There needs to be more aodeku content
Monoshinsou:
They have people watching dates. They come up with stories for the people they’re watching; their job, family, background, etc.
They judge people together
They call each other “love”
They’re both dramatic bastards, who will flop onto their lovers lap and proclaim their death due to a minor inconvenience
They jokingly sh*t-talk class A
Shinsou said “I love you” first, and it was because Monoma brought him coffee to class
Monoyama:
Like monoshinsou, they’re both dramatic bastards, who will flop onto their lovers lap and proclaim their death due to a minor inconvenience
They go shopping together and pick out the most dramatic pieces of clothing for each other
I love them so much, please 😭✋
They have tea parties every week, where they sh*t talk everyone else and gossip
They are both fancy bastards, and they wear the most exquisite outfits to go grocery shopping, and the outshine everyone
They both actually make clothing, they’ll go fabric shopping together. Gift exchanges are often articles of clothing that they’ve made for each other
Momomei:
They work on gear together!!!
Momo makes sure that mei gets some sleep
Mei helps redesign momo’s suit
They often work together with izuku to work in gear and such
They actually got together after izuku introduced them. He had been working on gear with mei, and studying with momo and he thought they’d hit it off. He was correct
Shintsuyu:
Dude they’d be so cute
Tsu is a vent gremlin, and you can’t change my mind. So she and shinsou will play a game where they try to find each other. Tsu is in the vent and shinsou is in the classrooms. Shinsou will try to find whichever vent she’s in, or she’ll find whichever classroom he’s in, in 20 minutes or less
I always headcanoned tsu as a dog person, so they’d have two cats and two dogs, and a bunny that they named Deku
They like comparing their friends to animals, hence the bunny, Deku
Kamideku:
Kaminari is a flirt, and izuku does n o t know how to handle it
Kaminari likes listening to izuku’s ramblings, and can keep up with them. He’ll ask questions on things too, and Izuku has never felt more appreciated
I don’t know why I feel like they’d have so many animals, but I do. They’d have so many, man. Three cats, two dogs, four sugar gliders, a hamster
Adhd power couple. They hyperfixated on complimentary things at the same time one time
Kaminari tutors izuku in English, and izuku turots kami in some other subjects. He’s also teaching kami JSL on the side. Kaminari has a live of languages
Momochako:
Study dates, Momo asks ochako to quiz her a lot
Ochako takes to floating momo’s things when she wants attention. Especially when Momo is studying. She makes a game out of how many things she can float until the other girl notices
Uraraka’s confidence does wonders for momo’s. Uraraka always makes sure to reassure momo that she is strong and that she can do this
Momo makes Uraraka whatever her heart desires. Uraraka blushes all the time, and momo takes great pride in getting her girlfriend to blush
Minatoru:
Mina clings to everyone, but especially to toru
They give each other stuffed animals so often. They’ll go to the store to get food, and come back with three stuffed animals that reminded them of each other
Please, they’re so cute 😭✋
They will play hide and seek, I stand by this.
Mina helps toru design a new costume. I hate hers, it’s horrible, and sexist, and not suitable for a fucking child
Toru says that pink is her favorite color
They flirt with each other all the time. Half the class thinks it’s cute, half of them used to think it was cute.
Iidamomo:
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but study dates. they quiz each other, and it actually gets pretty competitive
They also have rage room dates. I will not budge on this. Iida tried to murder someone, and I am excited to see momo finally snap. She deserves it
They alternate paying for dates, don’t try me.
The go hiking a lot
They started liking each other after one late night, both having nightmares. Momo had tea, and offered some to Iida. They talked until the early hours of the morning
They can’t flirt. They try. But they’re horrible at it. They’ll compliment each other all day long, but they cannot flirt.
KIRIDEKU, MY BELOVED:
Y’all,,, y’all, I love them so much
They train together, obviously
They ran into each other one night in the common room after both having nightmares. They talked about middle school, how they were both bullied, izuku’s quirk coming in late, katsuki being abusive, kiri being bullied because his quirk wasn’t “cool.” After that, they were practically inseparable.
They started going on dates, not that either of them knew they were dates. The entire class knew, so did the teachers, so did the rest of U.A. Kirishima picked up on it first after a comment from Mina, he had is realization.
So, he started courting Izuku. Not thag izuku realized this. He brought him flowers on most ‘dates,’ he bought him hero action figures whenever he could, he complimented him until Izuku was red in the face (which was honestly very easy.) Still, izuku remained ignorant to the fact that he was indeed dating Kirishima.
The final tipping point, was due to Uraraka’s help. She was quite tired of watching the two of them pine for each other. It was amusing for the first couple months, watching Kirishima try so hard, and Deku being totally oblivious. However, she took pity on her friends after a while.
So, Uraraka devised a devilish plan to get the two together. She involved Mina, Sero, and kaminari in this plan. What was the plan, you ask? Oh, simply to trap the two in one room until they broke through izuku’s obliviousness.
Kirishima finally “straight” up admitted his feelings, to which Izuku had the sudden realization of “oh my gods, have we been dating this whole time??” Yes, Izuku. Yes you have.
They have two anniversaries after that.
Let’s be honest, they are really, annoyingly, horrifically lovey dovey. Kirishima brags about having “the manliest and bestest boyfriend in the world.” Izuku flaunts his many PowerPoint presentations on how talented and incredible Kirishima is
Uraraka doesn’t know if she did the right thing by helping them. She is so tired
Tsujirou:
Jirou makes playlists for tsu
The few sane ones in class A, I swear
They go on walks in the rain as often as they can
They go for dates in the bookstore too. They each pick out an album and a book for the other to listen to and read
Y’all, they make so much sense togetherrrrr, I’m love them 🥺
Jirou started liking tsu after the crew saved bakugou. Jirou sat with tsu after momo, Iida, kirishima, Todoroki, and izuku apologized and sat with her. They had movie night, and Jirou joined the Bakugou saving crew and tsu with taking well into the night. She just appreciated how much tsu cared
Tsu started liking Jirou after she helped Iida, momo, and izuku try to keep the class in order. She appreciated how diplomatic and calm she was
Jirou would talk to izuku all night long about how gay she was, and how adorable tsu was. So, izuku decided to try and suggest ways for Jirou to ask her out.
She did not end up getting to ask her out though, as Tsu walked up to her the next morning f and asked if she wanted to go on a date. Jirou said yes. Izuku cried
Izujirou:
They make playlists for each other
They go for runs on the beach a lot
They both have insomnia, and often spend time making blanket forts and talking, or FaceTiming and listening to music
Jirou walks into the common room once a week looking for new music. She started liking Izuku after he made a playlist for her for one of these occasions.
They’re both quite awkward when it comes to romance, but neither of them will shy away from facing the truth. So, Jirou made izuku a playlist filled with love songs that reminded her of him and sent it to him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell.
So, then Jirou wrote a love song and told izuku that the song was for him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell.
So, then Jirou write analysis about izuku’s quirk for him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell
So, then, after thinking that Jirou had done so much for him, izuku made her a playlist filled with love songs. Jirou took this to mean that izuku had finally picked up on her feelings, and accepted them.
So, they started to go on dates. Not that izuku knew this, as he is dense as hell. All leading up to izuku finally confessing his feelings on one of their ‘dates,’ to which Jirou responded, “dude, we’re already dating? Aren’t we? I- I thought that was obvious??”
May this awkward couple be forever blessed
Tokoyama:
Goth/prep boyfriends, we love to see it
At least once a day, Aoyama will proclaim that Tokoyami “shines almost as bright as he does, in his fabulous emo way”
They sword fight, and come up with really dramatic scenarios and scenes that they’re in
They bond over being in the izucrew and their shared love of swords. Aoyama took fencing classes in middle school, and Tokoyami got into sword fighting after watching it in pirates of the Caribbean as a young child. He is self taught and watched countless videos on the art of sword fighting
Tokoyami asked Aoyama our by dramatically presenting him with a dagger and going “will you accompany me on a formal outing as my lover?”
Shinyama:
They flirt constantly
No really, it’s getting quite annoying. Someone please stop them.
They both plop down in random areas and proclaim their deaths, the difference between them, is that Aoyama will burst into shinsou’s room, and yell “love, I’ve been murdered. Mourn for me” while plopping down on shinsou’s lap. Shinsou can be found laying face down outside aoyama’s door, and when Aoyama goes to open the door, he just goes “I’ve been murdered.”
^^ one time, shinsou did a very fun Halloween prank for this, where he poured fake blood all over himself for Aoyama to find him an hour later, asleep.
Nap dates. Aoyama get glitter all over shinsou’s room
Iiyama:
Aoyama enjoys making Iida blush, obviously. But he takes joy in doing it specifically when class is about to start. Aizawa is tired of his shit
Here is how I think an iiyama conversation might go:
Aoyama: I ask for one thing in this relationship-
Iida: Aoyama, you know that’s a lie-
Aoyama: for my boyfriend to carry me around all day-
Iida: Aoyama, I cannot feasibly do this with class-
Aoyama: and I don’t think that’s too much to ask for 😤
Anyway, Aoyama got carried around all day that day, despite Iida’s blush and Aizawa’s eye twitch
Everyone in the izucrew is close, but Iida and Aoyama started to get close after Iida told the crew about Stain. Aoyama wanted Iida to know that he wasn’t alone, and that he wanted to help him. So he started packing extra cheese for lunch and giving it to Iida. Iida was very confused at first. But this was Aoyama trying to court him. This was only made apparent by momo and Jirou telling Iida that this was aoyama’s attempt at expressing romantic interest.
Aoyama flirts with everyone, that’s just who he is. But with Iida? Oh it was tenfold. The poor boy was red in the face constantly. Aoyama was a persistent little bugger too, following him around and calling him ‘mon amour’
Kirikamideku:
My dearest traffic light trio, I’m love them
They train together, and kiri and kami always appreciate izuku’s analysis snd ideas
Kiri falls even more in love with izuku and kaminari when they go off on rants. Izuku rants and kami can keep up with him so he asks questions about it. Kiri loves to watch his boyfriends go on rants, I don’t make the rules, but I do enforce them
They started to get closer after kami and kiri found bakugou causing a ptsd flashback (could be on purpose of an accident, up to the reader.) they stated with him and tried to talk him through it. After this, izuku started to tell them about having been a “late bloomer” and being bullied, etc. (I don’t know, man; I tend to over share after flashbacks and after panic attacks)
Izuku tutors them in several subjects, but kami tutors them in English. Kiri just falls in love with his smart boyfriends
Izuku is teaching kami JSL and kami is helping izuku with English and Italian (personal headcanon that Italian has been one of kami’s special interests) kiri loves to listen to them, and finds it relaxing and calming to hear them do this. When he has panic attacks, he’ll ask them to tutor each other in different languages
#shinyama#tsujirou#kirideku#serodeku#kamideku#minatooru#aodeku#shintsuyu#iiyama#momochako#momomei#hatsumomo#iimomo#tokoyama#monoyama#monoshin#bnha rare pair#rare pair#my hero academia#mha headcanons#kirikamideku#izujirou
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rant about this song i heard
sometimes i forget there are some extreme marauder fans that completely dismiss the bullying each of those characters did for years—and then suddenly i’m smacked with victim-blaming content that leaves me gobsmacked … a song popped up on my discover weekly on Spotify and i thought wow this sounds a lot like Lily and James, I’m gonna add it to my Harry playlist! It’s so pretty! and then I realized it was so much like them that there was no way it wasn’t written about them. I looked up the album and the artist, and when it was confirmed that it was about them, I also found out the whole album was about the Marauders. That’s cool! I love that people are making content about their fictional loves, I love that stories can influence so much creativity! So then I though oh! I wonder if there’s a song for Snape! I could add it to my Snape playlist!
Yeah, there’s a song about Snape. About anti-Snape-x-Lily (which is whatever, I’m not bashing people’s opinions, I myself don’t like the pairing either but for Snape’s sake). But it didn’t end there. The lyrics. The lyrics are literally so biased of a narrative against Snape that my stomach dropped. The kind of biased where people are ignoring or omitting the reality of the story and what actually happened just to be able to villainize a victim in that particular era of the story.
“Never wanted me around
Till I went ahead and planned my first date”
Wait. Uh—Snape literally wanted to be around Lily, all the time, because he loved her. She was his best friend, his only friend, the only human being that had ever shown him any sort of decency. (It’s never even stated it was romantic love, for all we know it was platonic love, which I think makes much more sense with Snape’s character and everything that happened. If I screwed up and my best friend chose my abuser over me because of that mistake, I would be devastated.)
Nevermind the fact that it’s making it out like Snape dismissed her entirely until she decided to date James, because he was so controlling and jealous that he only cared until someone else was about to get her. When did that happen? Snape cared about her consistently. he made mistakes and he admittedly did not know how to communicate well or manage a friendship (or any relationship, really) very well because he’s never effing had a positive back-and-forth with someone in his whole entire effing life.
I’ve been jealous and self-sabotaging when my best friend started dating because I was terrified that I was going to lose the only person I wholly trusted to someone new, to someone I couldn’t compete with, especially if it was romantic. This is a human response, a very human experience. Are we going to then say that everyone whose ever felt that way is an awful, jealous, controlling ass? I hope not, because I’m pretty sure everyone’s experienced that kind of jealous, desperate fear, where we truly believe that we aren’t special enough or important enough to keep someone around.
“With the guy you swore you hated
Turns out you're the worst and he's great and
I’m friends with all his friends”
HUH?????
I—…Do I even need to comment on this?
I understand if this song is giving us a version of Lily’s unreliable narrative, then it makes sense to an extent. But if we’re taking this as evidence of what’s totally accurate for the story and what was happening—then what the actual hell?
Turns out the victim whose only known abuse his entire life, the one who admittedly clung too hard to the only friend he’s ever known, who was bullied and tormented and assaulted, who was gas lighted and told to keep his abuse secret by the only adults in his life for the sake of his abusers, is “the worst”.
But the guy who did the bullying and the tormenting and the assaulting, and went so far to make someone miserable as to write it down in the form of a pledge to his little club of bullies just because this victim existed, and also blackmailed this girl into dating him or else the bullying would never cease or he might do worse—“he’s great”.
also fyi one of those friends sells you and mr. great out and gets you killed so great choice---
I’m—I don’t want to bully the artist or their opinions AT ALL, we are allowed our opinions and our creative freedom, and their music is BEAUTIFUL, it was just a shocking reminder that so many Marauder fans literally rewrite what happened in the Marauder era just to make Snape the absolute worst character ever.
And y’know, I thought, maybe it’s a dramatized, modernized take on it, and it’s not supposed to be exactly about Snape and Lily, but just sort of inspired by this one-sided narrative in a similar sort of relationship. But no, it’s confirmed it’s about them. It’s supposed to be about their relationship as friends, as if he was an abusive, controlling ex, when he was never even with her to begin with.
Again, I’m not attacking the artist or their opinions and their favorites, or attacking Marauder fans, okay? People have the right to love who and what they love unapologetically and I support that. And in the same vein, I deserve to love who I love just as passionately. But my point is, I don’t understand why the whole reality of the story needs to be altered...maybe don’t change the narrative or the events that canonically took place to put your faves on a pedestal they don’t fit on??
And it’s not just about this song, but an overwhelming amount of hate and discourse I’ve seen since entering the HP fandom.
But I’m just looking at this song like 👁👄👁 tf?
#rant#ranting#prosnape#pro snape#severus snape#anti marauders#anti marauder#like#as a victim of similar abuse myself#and someone whose life and trauma mirrors snape’s down to the eeriest of details#it’s incredibly harmful to see shit that just dehumanizes someone who had only ever known abuse#just to make literal bullies look better#pro snape rant#i can't freaking imagine hearing a song where my bully was praised#and i was made out to be some manipulative creeping tom for caring about my best friend#and my mistakes in my vulnerable moments when my trauma and my ptsd reared its ugly head
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When Stars Ignite - Chapter 5
HPHM Rockstar AU
A/N:
General Warning: This whole fic has a general warning of being NSFW / 18+. We will give specific warnings for every chapter in itself, but several adult themes will be more or less present in every chapter, may it be explicitly or in mention. These include sexual topics, drug abuse, (ab)use of alcohol, smoking and a whole lot of cursing.
Specific Warning: Language, reference to smoking (cigarettes), allusions to NSFW topics
~~~
Find the masterpost here, the previous chapter here and the next one here. The songs featured before every chapter can be found on this pretty badass playlist here.
~~~
This work is a collaboration with @the-al-chemist
Taglist: @slytherindisaster @carewyncromwell @night-rhea
Gettin' sold, second hand
That's how it goes, playin' in a band
It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n' roll
~ AC/DC - It’s A Long Way to the Top ~
Halfway through their first week back on tour, their time in London was slowly drawing to an end. Lizzie couldn’t quite believe how fast the days seemed to fly by, each one a blur of tiredness, boredom and the addictive rush of adrenaline when they were on stage. Every day and night was like the one before and totally different all at once.
It felt like only yesterday that she had stepped from the plane back from America; at the same time, being surrounded by all the familiar faces and living in long established routines, her break from the hustle and bustle already seemed like an eternity away. Lizzie could still feel the last traces of jetlag wearing her down sometimes, but at least her shifted rhythm helped her stay energised during the shows; not that she was getting much sleep afterwards either.
Wrecked from her chronic lack of sleep, Lizzie had missed her alarm this morning. When she arrived at the largest dressing room of the O2 Arena, she found the rest of the band already assembled.
Merula and Everett were sitting at the huge table in the middle of the room, Everett scrolling through his social media accounts while Merula was painting her nails in a dark violet colour. Skye was slumped onto one of the sofas at the back of the room, a magazine spread across her lap. She looked up from the colourful pages as she saw Lizzie enter.
“About time you’re showing Jameson; thought you’d gotten lost somewhere. Where’ve you been?”
Lizzie sat down on the arm of the sofa Orion was sitting on; he lifted his head briefly and smiled before bending over his notebook again. Lizzie tried catching a glimpse of the lyrics he was scribbling down but he covered them with his hand. With a shrug, Lizzie turned her attention to Skye.
“I overslept and then ran into Charlie. Murphy and KC are gone somewhere, ‘having a meeting’ apparently.”
“That’s what they’re calling it these days,” Merula muttered under her breath, making Skye snort with laughter.
“Anyway,” Lizzie chuckled, “they’re not here to show the new pyro girl around. They left the job to Charlie, but apparently she’s late and no one knows how to reach her. He’s a little grumpy about it.” She furrowed her brow in concern. “I hope that doesn’t make for a bad start. Charlie had better behave, from what KC told me the newbie is promising.”
“A female pyro tech, just when I thought I’d seen it all,” Everett scoffed. “I mean, how good can she even be?”
Merula arched an eyebrow at him, her eyes sparkling dangerously. “You have a problem with a woman on the job, or what?”
Everett blatantly ignored her, however. “Hopefully we’ll have something to look at this time, right Orion?”
Orion was trying not to roll his eyes. “What we portray on the outside pales in comparison to what we carry in our hearts; as long as she’s a good person who is sure of what she’s doing, nothing can go wrong.”
“Getting along with Charlie would help, too,” Lizzie added.
A grin tugged at Orion’s lips. “It would indeed.”
Everett looked at him sceptically and shook his head. “Listen to you, as if you didn’t care about looks as well.”
Now Orion finally looked up from his notebook for good and frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Stop acting all innocent, everyone knows you’re getting your fair share of groupies as well,” Everett laughed, obviously finding the thought of someone preferring Orion to him hilarious. “Hotel room walls aren’t the thickest, you know.”
Lizzie almost choked on the bottle of water she had helped herself to. She was trying her hardest not to blush as her eyes flickered to Orion. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments before she busied herself with the lid of her bottle, hopefully looking more innocent than she felt. She could tell by the way Orion was trying to keep a straight face that Everett’s remark came just as surprising to him as it did to her.
Clearing his throat, Orion replied levelly “I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s a wonder you’re able to hear anything over the racket you’re making most nights.”
Everett shrugged. “At least I’m open about it.”
“As much as I hate to say it, but Ev has a point,” Skye chimed in all of a sudden. She was waving her magazine through the air. “According to the Daily Mail, you’ve had at least six affairs ever since we’ve been to Spain. They mark you down as quite the casanova.” Same as Everett before, the thought seemed to amuse her to no end.
Merula rolled her eyes at Skye. “Why are you even reading that shit?”
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” Skye shrugged. “And it’s fucking hilarious.”
Meanwhile, Lizzie had regained her composure. “Well, don’t keep us on the rack. What’s the latest news?”
Skye cleared her throat before scanning the pages. “After things got frosty between us in Poland, Lizzie and I have apparently decided on an open relationship. Good for us,” she looked up and blew her friend a kiss, which made Lizzie giggle. “They’re still taking bets when Merula is going to come out of the closet -”
“What is this bullshit with me being gay all the time,” Merula snarled.
“You just give that vibe, I know what I’m talking about,” Skye shrugged indifferently before carrying on. “We already had Orion being a ladies’ man and Ev… “
Skye trailed off as she read the paragraph again and looked up after she had finished. “There are pictures of you with Rita Skeeter in here, what’s that about?”
“None of your business,” Everett answered brusquely.
Lizzie saw Skye’s face darken at his tone and quickly snatched the magazine out of Skye’s hands. Just as anticipated, Skye’s attention immediately went to her as she tried to get it back.
The potential fight being dissolved before it had begun, the mood was gradually calming down again. It was an almost relaxed atmosphere in the dressing room, when the door opened and Ethan walked in. He looked very tense and as the door fell shut behind him with a bang, the muscles around his mouth were tight. He exhaled slowly, his hands running over his lessening brown hair.
Skye was disconcerted to see her father looking so unusually stressed. “Dad, what’s wrong?”
He held up a hand to silence her before producing a crumpled package of cigarettes from his pocket. Flicking his silver lighter open, he held the flame to one of them. “I’ll explain in a minute.”
“You do realise that there’s smoke detectors in here?” Lizzie pointed out apprehensively. “I don’t know about you but I don’t care much about getting soaked.”
Ethan took the glowing cigarette out of his mouth again and put it out against the nearest table. “Fucking rules,” he muttered. “Nobody gave a shit back in my days.”
Orion looked up from his notebook, his dark eyes unreadable as they took in Ethan’s nervous demeanour. “It’s clear to see that you’re agitated, but a pain is shared is a pain halved. What’s the matter?”
Ethan sighed, wistfully closing the packet of cigarettes before stowing it away in his pocket. “I had a few calls back and forth with the label over the last few days.”
“So?” Skye urged him on.
“They’re not particularly impressed with what the press is writing about you at the moment. They’re considering cutting the budget for the next album by half.”
His words went down like a lead balloon in the silence spreading throughout the room; no one could believe what they were hearing.
“Why the fuck would they do that?” Skye finally managed to croak out. “The next album was going to be our biggest production so far.”
“Why are they even thinking about it?” Lizzie agreed. “We’re playing to a full house every night. We’re doing a great job, if I may say so, and the reviews have all been really positive so far. The press has been good.”
But Ethan shook his head. “No, Lizzie, the press hasn’t been good at all. People don’t care about professional reviews in respectable magazines anymore. Everything the public sees is what’s written in those goddamn tabloids.” He was eyeing Skye’s copy of the Daily Mail with a grim face. “And they’re having a field day with you; have been for a while now.”
His look darkened further as his gaze swept the round of musicians assembled in front of him, resting particularly long on Everett, who didn’t budge in the slightest.
“Some of you are taking this whole ‘rockstar’ lifestyle too seriously. What was fun and games in my time doesn’t work today anymore. I’ve been told that the label had to fork out a good amount of money to get some positive stories about you out, counter the negative attention you’ve been getting.”
His words were met with icy silence, none of them feeling personally addressed by Ehtan’s barely hidden accusation.
“Listen,” he continued more placatory, “I know sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll are all fun to do, I’ve been there myself. But these days, people aren’t as easy about diva behaviour and trashed hotel rooms.”
Again, he was giving Everett a hard stare. “Cleaning up behind you costs the label hard cash. Cash they’re now cutting from the production budget.”
“That is very unfortunate to hear,” Orion spoke into the ensuing silence. “Is there anything we can do to make them reconsider their actions?”
Ethan’s face lit up with enthusiasm. “Good that you’re asking! I already designed a battle plan for us, we won’t have them compromise our work that easily.”
He placed both of his hands on the table where Merula and Everett were sitting, tapping the smooth surface with his fingers. “I’m thinking about going all out on the charm offensive. We’re going to be doing more interviews, more meet ‘n’ greets, fan events, charity bullshit, more of everything. You name it, we’re going to do it. We have to show the public you’re not some off-hook dickheads but still the old friends with a fucking heart of gold like you were when Equinox started.”
Merula snorted derisively. “Nice thought, but I doubt that will impress the guys from the label. You said it yourself, they’re all about the money, they don’t care about this sentimental bullshit.”
“You’re right,” Ethan said, “that’s why I struck a deal with them.”
The way he was avoiding Orion’s eyes was boding ill on Lizzie. And sure enough, Orion’s shoulders were tense as he spoke, his voice noticeably cooler than before. “What kind of deal?”
“They want to know if your new material is worth the huge investment. We need to prove that we’re still the best horse in their stable and they should place their bets on us instead of the new blood they recently signed, like that Winger guy.”
He ran his hand over his dark goatee as he met Orion’s eyes. “Some representatives are going to come to one of the shows in Manchester, see whether what you’re doing is still good enough for their full support.”
He raised his chin in a commanding gesture as he continued. “And they want to see how the crowd reacts to the new songs.”
Lizzie involuntarily held her breath. Orion was particular about his music; Ethan could have just as well asked him to set down his guitar and never touch it again.
And sure enough, his answer to Ethan’s proposition was simple. “No.”
But Ethan wasn’t about to acknowledge defeat so easily. “Yes. If we give the crowd and accordingly the label a taste of what’s to come, they’re going to see that we only deserve the best of the best once we’re ready to hit the studio again.”
Orion, however, remained unimpressed. “No.”
Ethan blinked, clearly irritated at the refusal to cooperate. “Why not?”
“None of the songs are ready to be shared. You don’t serve your guests a half-cooked meal and neither do you hang a picture missing its colours on the wall.”
His eyes narrowed as he looked Ethan straight in the face, the look in his eyes unwavering. “I won’t have my unfinished work being sold for profit; that’s not what this is about.”
Ethan glared at Orion, but instead of a sharp remark from his side, Everett spoke up. “We could play my stuff.”
Clearly surprised at the unexpected offer, Ethan turned his attention to the singer of the band. “You got songs of your own?”
Everett shrugged nonchalantly. “Sure I do. Just promise me they’ll be featured on the album and they’re all yours.”
Hesitant about giving Everett the confirmation he was asking for, Ethan focused on Orion again. “‘No’ is your last word?”
Lizzie had heard some of Everett’s songs before. They weren’t bad by all means, but they were lacking the finesse Orion’s music brought with it. She knew Ethan would take whatever he was offered, but that wouldn’t be in the band’s best interests.
“I know you're protective of your work,” she told Orion quietly, giving him an encouraging smile, “but you showed me what you’ve written so far, and some of the songs are almost there. They’re the best you’ve ever done, believe me. Everyone’s going to love them.”
Orion held her gaze for a moment, searching for the affirmation he needed to agree to a deal he didn’t want to make, but knew he had to in the end.
When he finally tore his eyes away from hers, he looked at Ethan and sighed. “Fine, have my songs. Under one condition,” he added, nipping Ethan’s victorious grin in the bud. “Until I’m completely satisfied with them, I’m going to sing them.”
“Excuse me?” Everett bristled up, “Am I the singer of this band or you? Get out of my fucking spotlight.”
Orion shook his head. “You misunderstand; I’m not trying to fight you for your place in the sun, my friend. But I wouldn’t know how to explain to you what I want the songs to sound like until they’re really finished.”
Ethan snorted. “Stop being a diva, Orion.”
But Orion was adamant in his resolve. “I’m not. All I want is for the people caring about our music to get what they deserve; and they don’t deserve some unfinished songs that aren’t even played the way they’re supposed to be.”
Both Ethan and Orion were staring at each other for a moment longer, before Ethan threw his hands up in exasperation. “Fine, have it your way then.”
Not believing what he was hearing, Everett stood up from his seat. His aggressive energy seemed to fill the room, making it feel a lot smaller than it actually was.
“Are you for real?” he snarled at Ethan. “I’m the frontman of this band, not him! It’s bad enough that his songs are the only ones that get played when mine are easily as good.”
He turned to Orion, eyes sparkling with anger. Lizzie, who was still sitting next to him, tried not to shrink back before him, but Orion met his gaze as calmly as ever. However, this seemed to anger Everett even further.
“You always said you didn’t want to sing, you were perfectly happy with doing background vocals if you had to. Why now all of a sudden? Tell you why, you’re not happy there’s someone else who knows how to write a decent song in this band. Do you consider me a threat to you or what?”
Everett’s voice had risen considerably. Skye and Lizzie were sharing a worried glance as the two male members of their band were glaring at each other, Merula just looking to and fro between them with a bored expression.
Not wanting things to go south even more than they already were, Ethan stepped between Orion and Everett to break their eye contact. “Ev, calm down. There’s no need -”
He was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. Taken by surprise, it took Ethan several attempts to make the strain disappear from his voice. He cleared his throat one more time before calling to whoever was waiting on the other side of the door.
“Come in.”
#hphm#harry potter hogwarts mystery#hphm au#rockstar au#orion amari#skye parkin#merula snye#lizzie jameson#when stars ignite#besties collaborate
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Long Nights - playlist
You can find it on Spotify here.
Eddie Vedder - Long nights
I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--
For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)
I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.
So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.
And I found it.
The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.
//Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before//
That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.
//Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground//
Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?
Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe
I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).
I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.
//You shut me down, you like the control
You speak to me like I'm a child
Try to hold it down, I know the answer
I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me
I tried to play it nice but
Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh
Don't kill my vibe
Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh
Don't break my stride//
To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.
//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//
That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.
Tom Grennan - I might
To me, it’s another character introduction song.
//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//
....you already know what I’m getting at, right?
//Don't want no one taking up my time
Staying on my mind, changing up my life
Don't want no one messing up my bed
Fucking with my head, it's no lie//
That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.
There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)
//But when you look at me like that
I might//
See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.
Kings of Leon - Find me
That’s more chapter-specific.
//I really wanna know your name
See your face, know who you are, who you are
How did ya find me, how did ya find me?
What are you looking for, are you looking for
How did ya find me how did ya find me
Up in the shadow, picking up my load//
I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.
American Authors - I’m born to run
Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.
//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come
Do whatever I want like I'm born to run
I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo
I wanna be careless even if I break my bones
I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
All these things I've seen and done
I live my life like I'm born to run//
The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner
Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.
//You could have my body
But you can't have me
I know I'm a criminal
Don't you tell on me//
That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!
Missy Elliot - Work it
(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)
Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.
//Come on
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//
...you see what I mean?
Chapter 2: Praise you
God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.
//We've come a long long way together
Through the hard times and the good
I have to celebrate you baby
I have to praise you like I should//
Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?
It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?
...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.
Sam Fender - Start again
This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:
//Let's start again
Let's learn to talk
Without the fear of being heard
'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody
Let's pull the cord
Move below
Let's start again//
Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult
Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.
//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me
You never can get enough of whatever you think you need
No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush
Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//
This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.
//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets
You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//
That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.
//And now I'm standing in the rain
And your hair, it's falling in your face
And I know we're doing the right thing//
Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.
//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//
Ouch.
//On and off, difficult
Too in love to let it go
Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//
The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.
That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.
//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//
I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.
Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you
There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.
//Skin on skin
We didn't finish what we started
Heart to heart
I'm missing your love//
Keir - Probably
The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.
//Colliding were the walls
And I forget where I began
I wish I could remember love//
Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.
//Probably underneath
There's a remedy
Possibly in the air
In the oxygen I breathe
Probably//
And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.
Dermot Kennedy - Glory
This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.
//A set of eyes had pinned him
Became his version of a kingdom
She's everything the devil can't be
When she's singing to me "Glory"//
Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.
Rhys Lewis - Living in The City
If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:
//I've been living in the city too long
I've been given everything that I've got
Been a sinner and a saint
Crazy, and sane
I've been living in the city too long//
We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?
//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go
Wants to just run away
But the rest of my soul says I should stay
I should stay//
And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?
Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad
God, do I love this song.
//So this is where we are
It's not where we had wanted to be
If half the world's gone mad
The other half just don't care, you see
You don't want to fuck with us
British to the very last
When it feels like the world's gone mad
And there's nothing you can do about it
No there's nothing you can do about it//
It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.
Who’s Molly - Touch the sky
Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.
//We can never see beyond that horizon.
And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.
But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.
We'll make it through.
If you were here with me.//
That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.
//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.
I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.
And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.
You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.
Never would have thought I could win this battle.
I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.
We're going to set the world alight tonight.
Cause we can touch the sky!//
That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.
//Close your eyes, free your soul.
You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//
Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌
Dermot Kennedy - Young & free
Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.
//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die
Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines
Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind
Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time
We were young
We were free, come on now, let it go//
The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.
James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me
Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.
//I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating//
To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.
Ruelle - Oh my my
Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.
//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones
Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum
Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind
You never see us creeping in, creeping in
Oh my my, oh my my
You never stood a chance
...
Ready or not, here we come//
The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.
Speaking of rain--
Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain
The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.
//But it's alright because
You cause lanterns to light
And force demons disperse
And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears
Then, for evil, you could not be worse
But I see you now, yeah, I see you
And release me now, kinda like dreams do
And I see you now, was hard to see you
Just don't forget to sing
Remember everything//
So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.
I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.
Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?
...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)
//If you think just maybe it's her
Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know
You won't go lonely, yeah
It'll all be better in the morning
'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//
Aquillo - Six feet over ground
Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.
//Today's the day I found myself alright
When I look ahead, pretend it never came.
I found a way to keep my head above
But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'
Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing
I'm still six feet over ground
But you don't need to know now
You don't need to know how I'm doing//
They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.
Aquilo - Silhouette
The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder
Strangers in your head
As if you don't remember
As if you can forget
It's only been a moment
It's only been a lifetime
But tonight you're a stranger
Some silhouette //
When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.
//Just hold me//
Nathan Ball - Drifting
//I can see in your eyes
When you lie awake at night
You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright
To keep on drifting
With the drugs keeping you high
They catch you falling from the sky
I keep asking myself why
You stand by
And keep on drifting
…
So tell me what you hold inside
Tell the backstreets of your mind
You're still lonely as a child
Teary eyed
Kept on drifting//
Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.
Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--
//So take my hand and hold on
Take my hand don't let go//
That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.
I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.
Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic
//Cold light wakes me in the morning,
Your side is empty I was calling out to you,
I was calling out to you.//
That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.
//But I don't need your love,
I just need your
Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up
Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,
When I'm hungover too.
Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,
You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,
When I'm lonely for you.
All that I need is a sweet escape,
And all that I need is a sweet escape.
...
Cause I don't need your love
But I just need you now
And I don't need your love
I just need you now//
This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.
RHODES - Breathe
The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.
//Mind break in two,
There's a light in the sky, there's a light
And it's all for you
Dawn colors all
Tell me how do you feel?
Tell me how do you need to heal?//
Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.
//Breathe, release it all
Come on now, I'll keep you warm
Come on!
Breathe, release it all
Come on now, I need your love
Come on now!//
To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.
Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic
The one for ✨the moment✨.
//Comfort me, oh comfort me
I'm lighting up
To see the day you run for me
You run for me, my love//
Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.
//But I've been tied up
For days
And I've been thinking of the things that you say
And I've been wound up
Each way
I need to let you know, to let you know today//
Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.
//You call me a liar
You call me so innocent
But you lit the fire
You lit the fire that burns
The fire that burns inside us
I'm not innocent
I lit the fire, the fire, the fire
I lit the fire//
Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.
The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version
//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said
You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head
Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said
You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark
To start again//
You can see it, right?
Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.
//And it feels like falling in, falling in love
Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love
Could save me tonight//
The 1975 - Fallingforyou
//According to your heart
My place is not deliberate
Feeling of your arms
I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck
Don't you see me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And don't you need me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
On this night, and in this light
I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you
And maybe you, change your mind//
They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.
Adam French - Weightless
The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.
That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.
//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders
You see you're gonna make it alright
How you're gonna make it alright
When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright
You say your body will
You say your body will
Hold me in the night
...
Only you can make me weightless
...
Closer is all I ever wanted to be
There for ya so you can be confiding in me
There to break the fall
Here for everybody to see
Weightless after all//
Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect
I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.
And my god, this song.
//You live like you're a secret
One that only I could know
'Cause I said
You know what I want and
I know who you are
I know when I hold you and love you
You'll get up and go before you fall apart//
...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?
//I'll bring you every colour that I find
In your eyes
You wake me up
And it breaks my heart
That you're perfectly imperfect
You're hurting but you're worth it
You don't know why
I would waste my time
But I'm falling and I mean it
I want you like I need it
There's nothing you could try to change my mind
'Cause I'm in love
So call me when you want me and I'll come running
Find me waiting at your door
So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long
'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//
That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.
Bastille - Survivin’
The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.
//And I'm not gonna lie
Say I've been alright
'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down
What can I say? I'm survivin'
Crawling out these sheets to see another day
What can I say? I'm survivin'
And I'm gonna be fine
I'm gonna be fine
I think I'll be fine//
As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.
Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped
Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.
//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//
Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--
//Feels like I know you so well
You could be everything that I've been missing
I'm coming out of my shell
And I never do that
How did you do that?
It's like I've known you my whole life//
That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.
//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses
Maybe you like me the way I am//
That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.
//Baby, I'm in love//
🙃
INXS - Need you tonight
I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)
//So slide over here and give me a moment
Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind
I need you tonight
'Cause I'm not sleepin'
There's somethin' about you, girl
That makes me sweat//
That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.
Dermot Kennedy - Days like this
Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.
That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.
//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch
Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this
When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//
They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.
James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic
The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.
//Take your time
I'll be right here
I know no one could ever love me better
Take all night
You're the truth that
Is breaking me and keeping me together
Together
I wanna be in your touch
Sleep is so tough
You're burning up my mind
What would it feel like if you tore me apart?
Come on chew on my heart
...
I'm on fire
I'm a hot mess
I'm thinking things that I might start regretting
So hear me out
I need you now
I'm spiraling
I'm sinking down
Look for me I'm sending up a message
A message//
I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.
Picture This - Unconditional
This one just makes my heart sing.
//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it
Even when we're sleepless and damaged
I don't doubt it
We're holding on//
That’s exactly it.
//Baby I wish we could take this feeling
And put it away somewhere safe
'Til we need it
Unconditional
I'm so afraid of losing your love//
They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.
//Shivers running down my back with your fingers
The smell of your perfume it lingers
And whispers
What I want you to say
Under your skin, underdressed under covers
We bring out the best in each other
Two lovers finding our way//
The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.
BANNERS - Start a riot
But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.
//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm
No surrender, no retreat
I will tear down every wall
Just to keep you warm
Just to bring you home
I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust
I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust
Will you take my hand?
We can make our stand
If your world falls apart
I'd start a riot
If night falls in your heart
I'd light the fire
In the dark, when you sound the alarm
We'll find each other's arms
For your love, all you are
I'd start a riot//
The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.
Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--
Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live
When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.
I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.
//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//
Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.
//No, I don't want to fall in love
With you, with you
What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//
And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.
Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.
Lewis Watson - Little light
//And all this shade is, illuminating
And all those love lines, are taking shape
And all my worries, disintegrating
And I've been waiting, I've been waiting
And all my days were young and wasted
When I was waiting, oh for you
And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading
But ever since I found you
A little light is breaking through//
Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.
X Ambassadors - Renegades
Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.
//Long live the pioneers
Rebels and mutineers
Go forth and have no fear
Come close and lend an ear
…
All hail the underdogs
All hail the new kids
All hail the outlaws
Spielbergs and Kubricks
It's our time to make a move
It's our time to make amends
It's our time to break the rules
Let's begin//
I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.
I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)
Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t
Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.
//Under the water
It's cold and it's grey
My torrid autumn
Another season decays
Open up the Hollow
And my walls come down
I tell you it's a problem
Just when no one's around
But then
I know what's wrong
God, you complicated everything
I know you're gone, gone, gone
This is where I will draw my line
I will draw my line//
To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.
Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway
I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.
I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.
//It's a long way down
I keep backing away from the edge
And it's a slow burnout
Like the fires that rage in my head
And it's a slow cry out
When you've got so many tears you could die
And it's a long time to wait
When you take all my tears away//
Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.
//My body is colder
Time is frozen
All these feelings have poisoned my soul
And in silence no I can't stand it
Please break these chains and hell I can
Hideaway//
She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.
//You're my one way out
And my tears won't save me now
Save me now
I can't stand it
All this loneliness I feel
I can't do this alone
I need someone to remind my feelings
That I've fallen down by the door
It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now
It's a long way down
I keep backing away from the edge
And it's a slow burnout
Like the fires that rage in my head//
Macy Gray - I try
One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.
//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That���s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.
Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic
//She told me she was hollow
That's far from what I see//
That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.
//I told her she was special
She almost let me in
But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//
We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.
//Lonely is her favourite
If only I could change it
If I could only save her
But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken
Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open
Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire
Mostly she's everything I desire
Lonely is her favourite place to be//
Galleaux - Tether me
I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.
//In this space, do I belong?
It's dark out here in my own thoughts
Pull me back, out of my body
I'm tied to my limbs
They're spinning me out of control
Tether me//
And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.
Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay
There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.
It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.
//Lover, I know you're weary
Eyes are tired from the night
Lover, come to the kitchen floor
Tiles are cold, so am I//
You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.
//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin
And I don't wanna be alone
If I am tonight, I'll always be//
Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.
//So take from me what you want, what you need
Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need
But lover, please stay with me, oh//
You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨
Foo Fighters - Home
When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.
//Wish I were with you
But I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today
All I want is to be home//
About to leave for good.
This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.
BANKS - Someone new
Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -
//I can love you desperately
Though your love ain't guaranteed
Oh, I wish you knew the deal
Gotta learn from far away
And I simply needed space
Space for me to be
And I think you need it too
Though I know you call me selfish for assuming
I did this for you too//
This, this, all of this! You see it, right?
//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you
Don't know what else to do//
Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.
//And please don't fall in love with someone new
I promise one day I'll come back for you//
And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.
//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words
Calling me a fool
Saying that I've fucked up everything
And you'll never forgive me//
See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.
Agnes Obel - Riverside
//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don't know why I go the way
Down by the riverside//
As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.
Billy Raffoul - Dark four door
There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.
//You got up, you felt you should
I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could
I never thought that you would//
Chris Cornell - Before we disappear
Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.
//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?
How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//
Dermot Kennedy - A closeness
The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--
//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you
Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss
A permanent truth, a means to get through//
Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?
//Deep into the night, eyes closing
Heart swollen with my loving for you
A solid embrace, kind face
And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons
Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night
You've got a heart like the moon
Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it
'Cause she got to go soon//
And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.
Ryan McMullan - Outcry
I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.
//You came a long way to see me
So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine
What's the point that you're making
Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind
If in doubt, don't fake it
I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie
If you're in love don't be ashamed of it
'Cause even angels fall for demons//
God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?
And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.
//I've heard stories, but they're jaded
So give me something more
I only know what I've been told
But I can tell that you're frustrated
And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold
If you tell me you're hurting
I'm hurting too, yeah
Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine
I'll wait for the outcry
Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//
And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.
//If you feel like leaving
Then maybe it's for the best
Or if you feel like you've given in
Oh, give yourself a chance
If you feel like crying
Oh please don't hold it in
If you feel like reaching out oh
Let me in//
His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.
Gavin James - Hard to do
One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.
//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave
This house isn't home to me
I'm tired of losing everyone I see
Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do
Trying to hold on//
Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.
//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run
But two hearts are better than one
You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone
Oh, I'll be gone
It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//
Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.
//Oh, but I need you
Far more than I ever want you
It's such an unnatural thing we do
When falling in love's just so hard to do
Hard to do//
She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.
Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you
I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.
//Wherever you are
You know that I adore you
No matter how far
Well, I can go before you
And if ever you need someone
Well, not that you need helping
But if ever you want someone
Know that I am willing//
He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.
//Oh, and I don't want to change you
I don't want to change you
I don't want to change your mind//
Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.
//I've never been with anyone
In the way I've been with you
But if love is not for fun
Then it's doomed
'Cause water races
Water races down the waterfalls//
Lucy Spraggan - Run
Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?
//I just to run to the end of the world
Just to see if it's possible
I don't care what I've been told
I want to run to the end of the world
I'm going to run,run,run
Bye bye problems
Run 'til the road hits the sea
You better run,run,run
If you want to be free//
Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.
//I wanna feel invincible
One more mile out of principle
I want to see the whole damn world
One cross road can change it all//
Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.
------
Quite a journey that was.
Thank you all for taking it with me.
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A CERTAIN ROMANCE
CHAPTER ONE: JUEVES
Author’s note: Hello! I’ve decided to give it a go, this is my first chaptered fic in this website. This story just occurred to me a while ago and I’ve tried my best to make some sense out of the concept which honestly is forever changing on my mind. I hope you don’t find many grammar mistakes, if you do please let me know. Enjoy! (:
Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.3K **
It's been years since Harry last had to use the tube, but it's not as hard as he thinks, buying the ticket was fairly simple and soon enough he was sitting on the train comfortably. The northern line wasn't too busy, no delays were announced through the speakers, his journey to Ladbroke Grove station was going to last around thirty six minutes. He suddenly can't remember how long the ride would be on a car. Maybe it's time to start using the London Underground a bit more, contributing to saving the planet, lessen his carbon footprint. With all the aeroplanes he takes a year, he should use it from now onto the rest of his life, he thinks with a bit of guilt.
He changes to the Hammersmith and city line with ease, passing by lots of people, no one truly pays attention to him. The school girls that would usually come up to him and ask for a picture are too busy gossiping among themselves, the grown up adults that are more fond of his solo work are too immersed into their own thoughts about annoying bosses. Harry likes to blend into the crowd that's gathered now at the station and awaits for the train. In the eyes of the others, he's just another guy patiently waiting for the train to hop on and get to his destination. Even though he was on his way to meet with the team that will take care of his house renovation, a property valued approximately on £4.175 million.
The train arrives and he follows the multitude that pile into the wagon, he isn't lucky to find a seat this time but doesn't mind as he finds a good spot to lean against, the doors close just as he skips the ABBA song he doesn't feel like listening at the moment and settles for Hanson instead. He bops his head along the tune before slipping back the mobile in his pocket, eyes traveling along the passengers' faces, trying to guess what they're up to.
A group of lads wearing the Tottenham jersey discuss the latest game, one of them praising Kane's goal and regretting him missing the next match. Harry knows a thing or two about football, he even plays it regularly with his friends not so far away from his home, but he doesn't keep up with Manchester United, perhaps he can do that from now on he thinks before letting his gaze fall upon the pack getting down on Baker Street and the few ones hopping on. Most of them are tourists chatting about the Sherlock Holmes museum, the singer smiles, remembering the first time he visited it with his family, many years ago. Sometimes he longs for those days to be back, so he can do the typical touristy things with the people he loves the most once in a while or have a date without a good amount of lenses focused on his every move.
Not that he regrets being a well known musician, actor, model. It comes with a lot of perks. But he's just moving on from a breakup that might have been his fault. He's a workaholic for sure, even though he's supposed to be taking it easy, his mind can't help but keep throwing song ideas for the next album. That is why Jeff suggested the home renovation, knowing that the project will keep him busy for about three months, maybe more if the contractors up sell their ideas.
Harry makes his way out of the station in one piece and without being spotted, he checks the address again on his phone, confirming the place where the meeting will be held is within walking distance and makes his way before choosing a Pink Floyd song for the six minute walk. He pulls his coat tighter around him, relishing in the forever changing weather of the city, this time he will stay and enjoy it in full, maybe even delight in the autumn too, have his mum over for a couple of weeks, maybe he'll even stay longer and take her to the ice rink.
Just as Harry plots on where to go when his favourite person pays him a visit, he reaches the private front garden off a beautiful car-free garden square. He remembers to text Jack, who doesn't take long to appear in the distance and unlock the gate for his friend.
"You're impossibly early mate," the man greets with an amused chuckle.
"Sorry, had to take the tube because of what you said about car-free development, probably miscalculated the time." Harry admits sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as Jack leads the way through the garden. "Is this where they filmed Notting Hill?" He wonders with another look around.
"Couple of scenes that didn't make the cut, our neighbour Mrs. Black will tell you all about it, if you happen to run into her around Hugh Grant's birthday." Harry laughs as they reach a private entrance with a well-maintained front garden adorning the forepart of the property, he follows Jack inside the home where a strong coffee scent greets them both.
The musician quickly scans the large open plan kitchen/reception room with large glass sliding patio doors to a delightful independent garden where a round table is surrounded by four mismatching chairs. He doesn't remember Jack's old place, but it certainly didn't look as the dream home they're standing in right now.
"Thanks for agreeing to do the meeting here mate," Harry's words are sincere his companion can tell, he tries to shove it off as if it's nothing, handing him the mug with coffee while he pours another one for himself, "I know it can be a handful, the NDAs too." Now he's almost blushing.
"We should be thanking you H, work from home for the next couple of months, my dream come true." Jack manages to make him laugh and feel at ease again, just before the steps of a third party come from the stairs and grow closer towards them. "Just in time, Harry this is Fernando Gonzalez, my housemate and architect of the team." He introduces the tall man to his friend and watches them shake each other's hand, "Fernando this is our client, Harry Styles."
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Styles," his voice is soft and melodic, like an aerophone instrument.
"Please call me H, all my friends do," the musician knows this is business, but he wants to have fun too, like Jeff suggested. And the guy looks way too young to be calling him Mister Styles.
"I warned you Fer, he likes to keep it easy, breezy." Jack says motioning both of them to follow his lead and sit down in their dining table that is covered with house design magazines, floor plans of Harry's home and a couple of what the pop star assumes are sketch notebooks. "Alright, tell us about your vision for this project." In all honesty, Harry doesn't know how to answer that.
He fights the urge to say that he had purchased the property knowing that not much is needed to be done to the décor. The style and the flow of the house is already lovely. After a quick glance at the plan he thinks that maybe, more room is needed and, most importantly, a new kitchen-dining-living space that would be grand enough to entertain in, but cosy enough to be the central 'hub' of his home.
"The windows, for starters, have to be replaced." He begins with a tone so confident that the pair before him don't suspect he's improvising the whole thing. "New bathrooms, perhaps from Lusso Stone, demolish an existing rear extension from the top and design and build an entirely new expansive ultra-modern one, like the one at Lou's home." Jack nods understanding what he means, "I also want a kitchen diner extension, pink granite worktops, if possible." Harry finishes before grabbing one of the magazines and starts flipping pages just to look busy.
The whole project can take six months, they let him know, through the summer and autumn. He's elated at achieving double the time he hoped for in the beginning.
"We'll send the paperwork to your team and see you next week to sign it once they approve it," Jack concludes the meeting as they all finish their coffee. "Are you busy on the nineteenth?" His friend's voice is warmer now that he's not on business mode, it makes Harry smile.
"I don't think I am, why?"
"It's Freddie's birthday, you should come, catch up with the lads," Harry nods while thinking about it, a bit unsure because it has been a while since he's seen the rest of the pack, he's not sure they'll welcome him just like that. "They're always asking about you, could be like old times, lads doing laddy stuff," the green eyed musician chuckles at that, not sure if he wants to go back to those activities of their youth.
"Sure I'll go, text me the address a few days before," his friend nods in approval to his request, "I better get going, I have to pick up my sister for dinner, see you both next week." The youngest nods and shakes Harry's hand before Jack leads the way out the house and square. The sun is setting now and the sky is a mix of pink and purple hues just as the two men bid their goodbyes until they meet again in a week's time.
Harry scolds himself for buying a one way ticket earlier instead of sorting out an Oyster card, he'll do that next time, he thinks before stepping into the train and finding a seat in the middle section of it. Led Zeppelin is a good soundtrack for his journey back home, for some reason he is craving the powerful, noisy, speedy rebellion that came with the band's songs, he loved to get so lost in the music that whatever activity he did came in second, every single time. Which is why he almost didn't get off at the King's cross stop, he hurried out of the vehicle, laughing to himself for being so immersed into the music.
The way back to the northern line was now familiar, but not as busy, he decided not to walk too fast after confirming that he had enough time to go home and take a shower before going over to Gemma's. Waiting at the platform he decides to change his playlist, again. Just as he's about to settle for Wings, out of the corner of his eye he spies what the person next to him is listening to and he stops from hitting play on his own device.
The who.
It's been ages since he heard them, three years if he is being honest. The train arrives and the girl next to him puts her phone in her coat pocket as she prepares to board the wagon, Harry does the same, but instead of training his eyes on the descending passengers, he lets them focus on her. She's wearing a nice burgundy coat, a black newsboy cap, high-waisted jeans with a blue polka dot blouse tucked underneath them. She's much shorter than he is, probably about Helene's height, he thinks as they make their way inside.
Without meaning to, he follows her and leans on the wall, across from her. She doesn't seem to notice how his stare is burning holes into her face, he's itching to ask her where did she buy the red boots she's wearing. Harry knows the moment he speaks to her, it will all go to shit. Some of the school girls sitting nearby might recognise his voice, his dimple could pop out to play and give him away too. She might also think he's a creep and kick him in the shin, leaving a nasty bruise that would heal in about a week, unlike the invisible one in his ego.
"Are you telling me, you developed a ten feet tall crush on someone you saw on the tube?" Gemma asks later that night, her fork full of linguine was stopped mid-air, making her brother roll his eyes but nod bashfully. "I'm speechless." The fork resumes its trajectory and she chews her pasta slowly.
"It happens to everyone, only because you both know that there's almost no chance to see each other again." Harry shrugs and bites a piece of bread, still feeling weird about the situation.
"Did she make eyes at you?"
"What?" He's completely taken off guard by his sister's question, his northern accent coming out and making him drop the 't' at the end.
"Yes, did you flirt with each other making eyes," Gemma's eyelashes flutter as if she was a Disney princess meeting her love interest for the first time, Harry shakes his head in denial, "what was it then?"
"I don't know! It was weird, couldn't take my eyes off of her but... she didn't even notice, I sound like a dirty man," he does, his sister agrees but the pink spots on his cheekbones tell a different story.
"I once had a crush like that, with a cashier at Waitrose," she remembers before sipping her wine, "he was nice to look at, one day he wasn't there anymore, just like that." Gemma sighed and took her younger sibling's hand on hers before adding. "If our lives were a Nicholas Sparks novel, perhaps we would be getting ready to have a date with those lovely people but..." Harry laughed and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"How's the sunnies collaboration going?" He asked before taking the last of his gnocchi. Listening to his sister talk about things that she enjoyed was the highlight of his days, he managed to push his silly underground crush to the back of his mind.
But there was the truth of what Harry couldn't see, or say. He'd probably like to have a shot with a girl like that and if Gemma could only see her, she would agree. Agree that there might be a story around there.
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#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles oc#harry styles series#harry styles fan fic#harry styles ou#harry styles imagine#a certain romance
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Sometimes we are late to the BBQ right? Well in the case of Ultra Naté (pronounced Na-Tay), I didn’t arrive at the BBQ til 1998. I was 15 years old and my teenage icon Filipinx Freestyle/Dance Diva Jocelyn Enriquez was sprinkled with Disco fairy dust along with dance divas Amber and Ultra Naté under the moniker Stars On 54. They revamped the 1971 folk classic “If You Could Read My Mind” by Gordon Lightfoot into one the most fascinating covers I’ve ever heard (just listen back to back and gag). This collaboration introduced me to Ms. Naté and piqued my curiosity.
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Eight years into her career, Ultra Naté had landed five singles into Top 10 on the Billboard Dance Chart by the time I bought the single to her hit single “Free” at Tower Records (I miss you so much). As soon as I heard that guitar riff in the intro followed by those chords and 4/4 I was hooketh. I immediately grabbed a copy of the Situation: Critical album. I stared at the artwork fascinated by its silvery gloss and the acupuncture needles in her face. It was futuristic as fuck! The album’s photography was shot by the legendary Eric Johson who is known for iconic photos of Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Aaliyah, and Biggie. I wasn’t totally sold on the album at first because as a teenager I was infatuated with Freestyle music and this was out of my teenage comfort. However, the album grew on me and eventually I connected to each song on a personal level. At the time I was struggling with my budding sexuality, lack of interest in education, and a toxic-ass family dynamic. This album would eventually become my personal teenage bible.
“Somehow things must change, and it’s got to be for the better” the lyrics from the albums intro track “Situation: Critical” pierced my young gay soul. When my being sexually molested was brought to the light my parents were so wounded by life; none of them had the capacity to support me. My father was strung out on drugs, my mother’s mental health was dwindling, and my step mother struggled to keep a roof over our heads. I felt so fucking hurt by their neglect that all I thought of was escaping at 18. My then therapist Judy had a huge black and white picture of New York City and one day I declared “I’m going to live there!” Until then I endlessly played this album on my discman throughout my teens to keep my ass sane.
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There was a rage building inside me and “Found A Cure” was that song that embodied what I felt. Lines like “Feels like I’m going crazy, feels like I’m going insane” were my everyday life and I wanted out but I was still underaged. “How many times have you been left alone and you feel confused?” solidified my connection to Ultra. This was the second single from the album which hit #1 on Billboard Club Songs. The music video was directed by Charles Stone III who would years later direct the epic CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story. Larry Flick of Billboard wrote “Naté fearlessly faces the challenge with a jam that smartly doesn’t aim to duplicate the tone of her now-classic hit…The diva is in fine voice here and is matched by a muscular bassline and keyboard/guitar interplay that oozes with funk flavor…Miss Nate proves there’s more than Free in her locker with a pure floorfiller. A Gloria Gaynor for the Millennium.” Mic drop.
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“A New Kind of Medicine,” the album’s second track, and third single, lightened the mood after the dark yet realist ‘Situation’. During this era in House music Disco samples were a huge commodity. While this was purely an original song the Disco influence is prevalent. The single had some heavy hitters on the remixes and the first two being producers in Freestyle: Albert Cabrera, David Morales, and Danny Tenaglia. The Morales mix is quite festive especially at the 5:20 mark when you get that tidbit of Inner City’s “Big Fun” followed by a lyric not in the original: “Stop taking me down.”
My favorite track on the album was the last single released from the album, the Al Mack produced “Release The Pressure.” How can you not feel like you’re transpired into a film where the woman is struggling, breaking shit, cursing bitches out, lights a joint, a sip of wine, puts on her favorite 12” and gets her damn life. The production on this track has so many beautiful layers from the piano, to the horns, and guitars. It always felt like time froze whenever this track came on. The song was also featured on the soundtrack The 24 Hour Woman starring Rosie Perez. This is one of my forever tracks because it always remains true to this day: “You get up, It knocks you back down, Release the pressure, Let it out.”
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The album itself pays homage to the 70’s and 80’s influence of staples in Disco, Funk and House which are very evident in: “Any Ole Love” (Indeep’s “Last Night A DJ Saved My Life”) and “Love You Can’t Deny” (Royal House “Can You Party”). The mellower affairs “It’s Crying Time” and “Every Now and Then” were so damn pretty that they seduced my young self who was anti anything slow. The last original track on the album “Divine Love,” produced by the duo Masters At Work, transports you to Sunday mass everytime. That 5 minute mark is pure gospel ear candy with those luscious rhodes and ab libs take you on a journey to the ether. This felt like the sequel to “Rejoicing (I’ll Never Forget)” from her first album Blue Notes In The Basement. At this point in time I was severely struggling with my belief in God however this song just anoints you, especially the 9 minute MAW Version.
This album took me on a musical journey. It became my bible, my salvation, my healing. In the spring of 2001 my life took a huge turn. I had fallen in the love with a man in NYC whom I thought I’d be with forever. After a huge argument with my parents I finally said “fuck this shit I’m out!” Ultra’s lyrics rang in my head “Now I know you’re no good for me, Now I got to find a remedy,” my remedy: move to NYC. After settling into my then boyfriend’s apartment I would blast this album on volume 5000 and the whole damn planet would shake. I didn’t give a fuck about the neighbor downstairs because I was ‘Free’ and living my damn best gay life. I didn’t leave my heart in San Francisco that’s for damn sure!
In 2012, I had a full circle moment when I was hired by Naté’s management, Peace Bisquit. It was completely surreal to be in direct communication with her, and an honor working under the brilliance of Bill Coleman (remember Deee-Lite? “Groove Is In The Heart”? Nuff said.). I was bestowed the task of managing the execution of the Hero Worship album to digital platforms. Miss Naté was the most humble artist I ever worked with. A memory I will always hold dear is a tender moment we shared at the Paradise Garage Reunion Party in 2014. The DJ began to play “The Whistle Song” in honor of the iconic Frankie Knuckles who had passed just months earlier. As the song played, Ultra began to cry. I put my arm around her and consoled her. The same way her music had done for me in all the years before.
Thank you for never giving up on your music Ultra because this album saved me!
“You might save someone’s life.” – Ultra Naté “Situation: Critical”
If you are experiencing or have experienced sexual abuse please call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Giorgio Alxndr (He/Him) is into music, modeling, activism, and plant fathering. He creates beats and playlists in his free time. Loves deep conversations and therapy sessions. Professionally he’s always in the mix between music and technology.
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taste-in-music’s Year End Wrap-Up
Hello everybody! We’ve finally reached the end of 2020. While I’m glad to leave this miserable year behind, one of things that undeniably got me through it was the vast amount of awesome music we got. In past years I’ve made favorite album and EP lists, but this time around I’m going to tackle them all in one go, giving reviews on the projects that had some significances to me over the course of the year. I’m going to make a post for my favorite songs too, so keep an eye out for that in coming days. Now, without further ado, let’s get started, shall we?
folklore by Taylor Swift: This was an incredible year of growth for Taylor Swift. As much as I’ve enjoyed her past music, the way she constantly felt the need to address what people thought of her always irked me, (though after watching her documentary, I do understand why she did it.) It wasn’t Taylor Swift the public persona that was most interesting, I thought. It was Taylor Swift the artist, the songwriter, the storyteller. What I wanted was an album focused on that. This year, I got one, (well... more on that later,) and it’s my favorite project she’s ever done. The tales Swift spins on folklore span across love triangles, heiresses, and battlefields, and she nails each and every one. While the chilly indie-folk influence from the likes of Aaron Dessner and Justin Vernon is prominent, Swift’s warmth and charisma always cuts through the fog like a beam of sunlight. So yeah, this is my undeniable album of the year.
Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple: I only started listening to Fiona Apple last year and had thoroughly enjoyed her music, but this album cemented her as one of my favorite songwriters and performers of all time. Everything about Fetch The Bolt Cutters is so idiosyncratic yet fits together in just the right way, like watching an entire house being dropped from the sky and falling perfectly into place. It is a testament to the creative process, emotional honesty, and breaking free from all the cages you may find yourself in, whether they be societal, personal, or those of your own making. And in a year that was so isolating, it felt like Apple was whispering everything I needed to hear right into my ear, just when I needed it. In short, my boltcutters have been motherfucking fetched.
Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers: When Punisher was announced, I had no clue how Phoebe Bridgers would match the quality of Stranger In The Alps. Upon first listen, I wasn’t sure she had. By the fifteenth time I was listening to this album and every lyric was hitting like Cupid’s arrow to the jugular, I knew she’d surpassed it. Punisher presents a sonic scope that both comforts and crushes all at once, like with the upbeat yet mournful horns on “Kyoto” or the cathartic swell on standout “I Know The End.” In my opinion, Bridgers is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation in the making, and I can’t wait to see what the future brings for her. She may know the end, but she’s far from it.
SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama: This is the album I see becoming a new shorthand for the true potential of pop excellence, a cult hit that never got its time to shine but is beloved by pop music geeks to the ends of the earth, like EMOTION by Carly Rae Jepsen. SAWAYAMA so effortlessly blends diverse genres and influences like disco, nu metal, and arena rock, and it yet it remains cohesive due to Rina Sawayama’s sheer strength as a performer. She deserves a spot on the pop girlie hierarchy, and one near the top.
Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa: I really enjoyed Dua Lipa’s debut album, but even I didn’t expect her to come through with such a fully realized, consistent, downright fantastic follow up. Future Nostalgia is a pop album that feels studied, like Lipa did her research of pop’s past as she made it. The result is an album that synthesizes several different sounds under her vision, one that is always trained ahead, and it simply slaps. In a perfect world, nearly every song on this album got spun off into a hit single.
evermore by Taylor Swift: 2020 was already my year of listening to Taylor Swift, (I went through her whole discography, cultivated a favorites playlist, and at the end of the year I was in the top 2% of her yearly Spotify listeners.) evermore was a lovely cherry to top it all off. While folklore enchanted me with its stories, evermore captivated me with its melodies. I haven’t been able to get snippets of this album out. of. my. head. for weeks now. It’s a bit less consistent than it’s older sister, (and likely to live in its shadow,) but there is still so much to love.
I’m Allergic to Dogs! by Remi Wolf: This EP is so much goddamn fun. It’s a blend of many different sounds, indie pop, electronic, maybe hip hop, I think reggae at points? It’s such a colorful, textured, quirky listen bristling with energy and undeniable hooks. “Woo!” conquered my Summer, and months later the bridge of “Photo ID” conquered TikTok. Keep your eye out for Remi Wolf in the coming year, she’s going to make a big splash.
Good At Being Young by Charli Adams: Good At Being Young was the first EP this year that I could not get enough of. It drifts through dreamy indie-pop sounds, with melancholic guitars and cloudy synths, and Adams has a deep vocal timbre that delivers tales of adolescent tribulations with just the right amount of wistfulness. Overall, it builds the perfect soundscape for a late-night drive.
Cape God by Allie X: Allie X has been keeping us FED with content. It seems like only yesterday that Super Sunset came out, and yet her output remains impressively consistent. This album has impressive highs, some lower moments, but the danceability, duets, and enticing darkness under its shiny pop veneer make it a record you won’t want to skip.
La vita nuova by Christine and The Queens: Perhaps the biggest flex of 2020 was Christine and The Queens dropping a fantastic EP and accompanying short film right out of the gate. The grooves on this are infectious, wiry, and air-tight, (the Caroline Polachek feature was another added bonus,) but that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of emotional weight too.
Lighter by Donna Missal: This was one of my most anticipated albums of the year, and it’s hard to determine whether it disappointed or not. I think the only thing holding Lighter back is that This Time was such a formative album for me, (my favorite of 2018, to the uninitiated.) In fact, this album flows way better than This Time, more cohesive with its storytelling and more consistent in folk-rock sound. And, of course, Donna Missal’s vocals stun on both the bangers and the ballads.
SURF by BLACKSTARKIDS: There was no record this year that was more instantly likeable than this one. The blend of low-fi indie pop and hip hop makes for a whirlwind of sunny fun and youthful malaise that would make the perfect soundtrack for a road trip to the beach. Standouts include the opening track “SOUNDS LIKE FUN,” the chill “WIGS,” and blissful title track “MUSIC TO SURF TO.”
The Baby by Samia: I’ve had my eye on Samia since “Milk” dropped years ago. Seeing her live sparked my belief that she was an indie darling in the making, and The Baby confirmed that she definitely was. The lyrics on this album mix quiet contemplation with just enough sardonic wit and raw emotion throughout a varied selection of sunny rock bops and gut wrenching ballads. If you enjoyed Punisher, then I can’t recommend this enough.
Season 2 by Nasty Cherry: Nasty Cherry is a group that I will not stop rooting for. Their EP from last year showed their potential for nailing monster hooks, but this sophomore effort shows just how versatile they can be. This EP covers everything from Dylan Brady produced hyperpop to early-2000s reminiscent pop rock to emotional balladry, and they pull it all off flawlessly.
A Little Rhythm and a Wicked Feeling by Magdalena Bay: This album became a fast favorite way late in the year, there is such a sweetness to Magdalena Bay’s music that makes it stick in your brain like a piece of blue raspberry bubblegum. This EP is spacey, catchy, and filled with electronic synthpop mastery, with countless catchy hooks that’ll make you feel like drifting and dancing all at once.
Miss Anthropocene by Grimes: The bubblegum bombast of Art Angels fully redefined my taste in pop years ago, so I was fascinated to see how Grimes would follow it up. On Miss Anthropocene, she leans into darker, more industrial textures, but also anchors it back to Earth with acoustic touches and some of her most introspective lyrics to date. Grimes painted a version of a world on the brink of disaster on this album, a picture that was hypnotically beautiful. And in a year where the word was a certified disaster, that was strangely comforting.
Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus: I’ve been wanting Miley to go rock for so goddamn long, Plastic Hearts was bound to make this list by pure validation alone. But what can I say? This breed of glossy 80s rock suits Cyrus’s rougher voice so well! I hope she stays in this lane a bit longer, but as we know, she’s one of pop’s most chameleonic figures. Only time will tell.
Where Does The Devil Hide by Zella Day: I have been patiently awaiting new Zella Day music ever since getting hooked on Kicker back in 2017, so this was one of my most anticipated releases of the year. This EP sounds nothing like Kicker, and I couldn’t be happier. It shows Day leaning even more into her influences from the past, (the 60s/70s vibes are intense with this one,) but also breathing a refreshing new life into them.
SOUL LADY by Yukika: When I imagine the ideal of pop music, what it would sound like in a perfect world, this is what it sounds like. SOUL LADY is full of pristine, glossy production and catchy hooks that feel like they’ve come down from the clouds. I’ll admit that I can have trouble forming a connection with music when I don’t understand the lyrics, (it’s something I’m working on,) but this album cleared that hurdle with ease. If you’re curious about city pop or K-pop this is a great place to start.
Heaven Is Without You by Love You Later: Give me lush pop production and heartbroken lyrics finished off with a heaping helping of nostalgia and I’ll eat it up with a spoon. Love You Later has been feeding my addiction to this genre for years, and this latest helping is particularly sweet.
IN A DREAM by Troye Sivan: Troye Sivan has always supplied the bops, but it was about time that he started experimenting with his sound a little bit more. This EP offers some harder-hitting electronic textures, but also the addictive hooks that’ll keep you coming back for more.
Ungodly Hour by Chloe X Halle: These women are so TALENTED! If there is any word I’d use to describe this album it would be “effortless,” the harmonies, grooves, and chemistry between Chloe and Halle feels so natural and free-flowing. Charisma just rolls off of them in droves, I see full-blown stardom and several Grammys in their future.
Watching You by Robinson: This EP was one of the first on this list to arrive this year, and it still hits months later. Robinson’s confessional lyrics work wonders over the buoyant pop grooves, and “Don’t Say” remains one of the best pop songs of recent years.
Manic by Halsey: I respect Halsey for dipping her toes into a myriad of different genres, (synth pop, rock, hip hop, and acoustic balladry,) but it does make for a jumbled listening experience. Still, I appreciate that this album features some of Halsey’s strongest tracks and writing to date, offering greater experimentation and emotional imtimacy than album’s past.
We Don’t Stop by Aly & AJ: Should this count? It’s more a compilation of their past EP and singles... I don’t care, I’m counting it because there’s some new stuff too. This is an excellent display of Aly & AJ’s pop prowess in recent years, the hooks, vocal chemistry, and shimmery production are undeniable.
Under My Influence by The Aces: The Aces returned in 2020 with a more laid-back, groovier record than their debut, exploring a wider variety of sounds. They’re as magnetic and likeable a group as ever, each member giving it their all, but I think I’ll return to the debut more often.
Strangers/Lovers by Dagny: I’ve been anticipating a longer Dagny project, as she’s been drip-feeding us singles for a while now. This was a lot of fun, with Dagny pairing her upbeat earnestness with stories of romantic tribulation. While the hooks aren’t as memorable as her past offerings, there is still so much to enjoy. Lead single “Come Over” and “Let Me Cry” are my favorites.
DUALITY by Tatiana Hazel: I came across this via recommendation on Tik Tok and it’s a solid pop record! The music is swooning, synthy, and tinged with disco and Latin influence. The record doesn’t waste a second of its runtime, clocking in at less than half an hour and grooving the whole time.
After Hours by The Weeknd: The sonic palette of After Hours is so engaging, a neon-drenched blend of synthwave, electropop, and R&B. I’ve always felt lukewarm on The Weeknd’s musical persona of brooding, villainous party monster, so the strongest moments on this album tend to be when he subverts that in some way. Still, in full, this album is an undeniable force of smash hits, stadium-shaking ballads, and cinematic flair. I can’t wait for his Super Bowl performance.
Petrol Bloom by LAUREL: It’s no secret that this year was chock-full of 80s revival albums (there’s what, five others on this list?) LAUREL wasn’t an artist I was expecting to go in that direction after the brooding folk pop of her debut album, but her deeper timbre works great alongside the synthy soundscapes.
positions by Ariana Grande: I’ve just come to expect that nearly all of Ariana Grande’s albums are going to be growers to me. My first listen to positions was underwhelming, but the songs have grown on me more and more. This album feels like being let in on a giggly, fun slumber party with Grande and her friends. I wouldn’t call this her strongest album by far, and while I tend to prefer when she favors the more powerful parts of her range, (and her enunciations could still use some work,) there is a lot of good material here.
THE ALBUM by BLACKPINK: We may just have to stan. I checked this out after watching their Netflix documentary, and while this breed of cacophonous, in-your-face electropop isn’t something I can listen to all the time, the hooks and charisma are undeniable. It certainly makes me feel like a bad bitch whenever I’m working out.
Kid Krow by Conan Gray: Conan Gray burst onto my radar offering dreamy tracks rich with teen malaise and suburban restlessness, and a good amount of that initial appeal carries over onto this album. Kid Krow has both a larger instrumental scope and more stripped-back moments. In the end, it still feels like Gray is finding his voice as an artist, but he's giving up great bops to jam out to as he does.
Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams: Hayley Williams is one of my favorite vocalists, so seeing her venture out for a solo project was exciting. This album offers a mixed bag of danceable jams, emotive moments that showcase Williams’s powerful voice, and a few skips. But overall it showcases Williams’s strength as a performer as she tackles her past with vulnerability and versatility.
Apart by LÉON: Oh, man. This one was kind of disappointing. For context, LÉON’s self-titled debut was my favorite album of last year. This follow-up is by no means bad, but every song on her first album was instantly memorable. This one, not so much. LÉON’s vocals are beautiful, and there are some stand-out tracks, but I don’t see myself returning to this nearly as much.
Blush by Maya Hawke: Maya Hawke’s Blush was to my 2020 what Tōth’s Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary was to my 2019, (and that makes sense, as they’ve collaborated in the past.) This album is so blissful and nonchalant, and Maya Hawke has a gentle, soothing voice that feels wise beyond her years. While the writing isn’t as hard-hitting as, say, the Phoebe Bridgers album, sometimes I just want to listen to something that could rock me off into a dream world. If you like folksy, down-to-earth ballads, you’ve got a solid collection of them right here.
Dedicated Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen: Of course Queen Carly would pull through with B-sides for Dedicated, did we expect anything less? Jepsen’s brand of controlled yet carefree shimmery poptimism drenched in 80s nostalgia that never fails to put me in a good mood. This album has some lusher, more tropical instrumentation than Dedicated proper, but works great alongside it.
Missing Person by Kelsy Karter: To the Plastic Hearts fans out there, your homework now is to give this record a listen. This rock album presents pop hooks, but a lot of reckless rock fun too. Kelsy Karter has so much irresistible swagger and carefree spirit as a performer, speeding through the emotional highs and lows like she’s burning rubber in a cherry red Cadillac.
how i’m feeling now by Charli XCX: I’ll admit, this album was a bit abrasive to me on first listen. But tracks like “anthems” and “forever” made me return, and it’s a huge grower. If you listen closely, you’ll find the sugary-sweet hooks and relatable sentiments nestled deep in the crunchy hyperpop textures, begging to be discovered and eventually loved.
Jaguar by Victoria Monét: If you enjoyed positions, then check out the debut from one of that album’s most prominent co-writers. Jaguar’s concise collection of silky R&B slow-burners show that Victoria Monet’s is a superstar in her own right.
Some great albums I listened to that didn’t come out this year: Blue by Joni Mitchell, BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA by BLACKPINK, I Need to Start a Garden by Haley Heynderickx, Plastic Beach by Gorillaz, Out in the Storm by Waxahatchee, 7 by Beach House, Dummy by Portishead, Lovers Fevers by Babygirl, and Red by Taylor Swift.
Whether you liked, reblogged, or commented on a post, sent me an ask, or interacted with this blog in any way, thank you so much for all the support throughout the year! I can’t express how much I appreciate it.
What were your favorite albums from this year? Did I miss anything? Send me an ask and let me know. I’ll tell you my thoughts, or put it on my to-listen-to list if I haven’t heard it.
Here’s to 2021! May it clear the extremely low bar set by this year.
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This was actually the third song that played this morning though somehow I skipped it.
a fresh poison each week
Well that’s still seems to be true, tho I suspect that I knew it was in there, from what the spirits said.
We were born sick, let’s talk about that one. Maybe not born, but that something started in the formulative years. something that perverted the mind and caused a break in the foundation, causing a chasm. that’s all I’ll say about it for now. But maybe examine yours.
When “she tells me worship in the bedroom “played, that’s a reference to the bed ritual and the setting up. That’s what they’re showing me.
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies—“ think the stooges “I wanna be your dog”… How thoughtlessly local and obedient we can be to lovers we adore especially when young. Her lies could be anything, but he’ll drink them in worship and believe.”
Offer me that deathless deaths/good God, let me give you my life—-selling your soul to the devil for fame/money/sex/drugs
To keep the goddess on my side she demands a sacrifice – – fun fact: the Druids believe rabbits are a sign of death.
Drain the whole sea—rabbit rabbit
We’ve a lot of starving faithful—the followers
This is hungry work – – once you’re in, you want more and more
I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife – – the Tarot Reader
No masters or kings when the ritual begins (because the goddess, or the queen is in charge) 
in the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene— treekiller au maximum
OK now we’re moving on to the next songs. Perry Como‘s round and round played at 9:45 or so (9:47 ftr) and at that point I’ve decided to change the music. So I said let’s listen to Taylor‘s new album, and found a playlist of someone else’s that was 11 hours long.That said, I didn’t look at Perry’s lyrics… But I did now. Would you like to know what I found?
“Find a ring, and put it round round round, and with ties so strong the two hearts are bound, put it on, the one you found found found, for you know that this is really love.”
I just looked up the three finger salute. It’s used in the hunger games.
“ The gesture is used after Katniss makes a speech remembering Rue. “ I couldn’t save her” she says. The salute at this point is being seen as a sign of resistance, of rebellion against the capital, and as support for justice.”
Surely you all know the story of the night that I was talking to psychic jack, and he said that we were now engaged, that the ring around my ring finger (A ring that had stars and the moon on it) was our engagement ring. He was supposed to come over that night. he told me he would come while I was asleep. When I woke up the next morning, my ring was gone. I had left the keys for him under the mat .
I told my analyst about this, and she said things go missing all the time. Well I tore that room apart, took everything out, all of the furniture and the bedding, and the ring was nowhere to be found. Psychic Jack told me he had the ring, and that when he was in the apartment he kissed me. Later on… Some months later… I was talking to the blonde rich closetwitch psychically, and she told me that it was her who came in the apartment, and that she even fingered me. Oh, and that she also took my blue scarf amongst some other things. I went looking for each of the things she mentioned, and they were gone.
Fast forward to 2020 when I left Brooklyn because I realized it’s not safe. It took me getting sober to realize that, and I was gone within weeks. When I was up there, things started to be left for me that insinuated that I was now the wife of Satan, And that many people were masturbating to my image. Little scenarios with messages that only someone who had been stalked for the past three years would understand. It was at that point that I was psychicallyshown that there was a binding that happened with that ring that bound me to both Blond and the devil.
Moving on to the Taylor list.
But before that:
You don’t, you don’t, you don’t, you don’t, you don’t, you you don’t you don’t wanna even try
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Your Grandparents Manifest a Cinematic, Soulful Debut Album With ‘Thru My Window’ [Q&A]
Photo: Jordan Perez
Inspired by everything from ‘90s boom bap artists like Digable Planets and the Pharcyde to modern funk legends like Outkast and D'Angelo, Your Grandparents have quickly proven themselves to be their generations' torchbearers for the psychedelic soul movement.
Using a variety of recording techniques to get the desired effect for their genre-blending debut album Thru My Window, the group credits their uniquely cohesive sound to their years-long friendship, which began in their early teens. With their lush grooves, breezy, clear vocals, a sonic aesthetic built on unwavering authenticity, and of course, a deep love for their roots and deep musical traditions passed down from their grandparents, Your Grandparents embodies what it means to be an artist to watch.
Ones To Watch had a chance to talk with the trio, comprised of DaCosta (vocals), Jean Carter (vocals), and Cole, aka ghettoblasterman (producer), to discuss their inspirations and the long days and nights that went into creating their debut album.
When you last spoke to Ones To Watch, it was for the release of your single "So Damn Fly," and now, a year later, here we are talking about the release of your debut album, Thru My Window. How are you all feeling, and what have you learned about yourselves in this last year through the album-making process?
DaCosta: From a personal outlook, I've learned that making music is heavily dependent on my mood, or just how I'm feeling and what's going on in my personal life. When things are a little too stagnant, it's a little harder to write. On the other hand, when things are flowing, and life is being lived, it's easy fuel. It's good fuel. It doesn't burn too quickly.
GBM: I've learned that no idea is too wild. It's usually less wild than I think it is.
Jean: Yeah, it's better to start at the extreme and take away. I realized I feel like a lot of artists feel like they have to put themselves through turmoil or allow certain situations to write meaningful things. Like it's not necessarily good music, but it's something that means a lot to them. I think I realized that that's not the case and inspiration comes in many different forms. It could be a person or something completely random and inanimate that makes you feel something.
What were some of those inspirations?
Jean: Definitely films.
GBM: A lot of films!
Jean: Yeah, we're all pretty big film people. We do all our own videos pretty much, and it just comes from this love of film that we've had that got nurtured in high school. We were blessed enough to have a really dope film program that Sony funded and stuff, and so we got like an impromptu film education before we graduated. So by the time we graduated, we knew how to get our own projects done without reaching out to someone else and then taxing us because they want to hire their friends and all that stuff. So because of that, we had complete creative control. I've also been watching a lot of Korean movies lately. Not during the album—wait, actually, during the album, there were a lot of old kung fu movies and blaxploitation movies from, like, the ‘70s. Also, my friend got me this Curtis Mayfield record, and "So Damn Fly" is definitely heavily influenced by that whole record.
GBM: I feel like the ‘70s in general, the ‘60s and ‘70s, definitely had a big inspiration on the aesthetic and the kind of sound we were going after. Especially with "So Damn Fly" and "Tomorrow" and those kinds of songs.
Do you feel like this album has a linear story the same way a film does, or do you feel like it's more of an anthology of the band's personal experiences?
GBM: It's kind of a mix of both.
Jean: Yeah, it started off as an anthology, and then we pieced together the story, which was largely done by Cole by sitting there and being like, “Hmmm.”
DaCosta: Yeah, it was a lot of Cole dissecting the words and putting them on the tracks.
Jean: When we're writing the words and trying to be free-flowing and expressive and stuff, we're not fully conscious of a bigger picture situation. Instead, Cole is sitting there producing everything and putting in the music and being just more of a listener than anyone else could. So he has the context, and he could find a story that we didn't know we were doing together with our three minds and in our three different lives.
GBM: It's like a puzzle almost, because I'll be sitting there at like 2 a.m. in my bed, listening to the songs, and I'm like, "Ok, Kyle said, that in the hook, so this song has to go before that," and so on and so forth. It's like a storyboard kinda.
Right, to keep the record's "plot" cohesive and self-referential.
GBM: Another big consideration was playlists. I love making playlists, and I know Kyle loves making playlists, too, so it needed to flow. It just has to flow. We didn't want songs that juxtapose each other or have opposite vibes be back to back.
DaCosta: Yeah, I think we even switched around the playlist a couple of times before we had it set in stone.
GBM: There were like fourteen songs originally, and then we got talked down to ten.
Jean: Fourteen tracks woulda went crazy!
I'm sure fans would love a deluxe version of the album at some point! So what were some of the rough draft ideas before you set these ten tracks in stone?
Jean: There were more modern-sounding tracks. The more time we spent on a project, and this being our debut, we wanted to be true to the name. We wanted to be true to the artistry that had gotten us to this point.
DaCosta: There were a couple of heavier hip-hop tracks there too.
Jean: We had been doing that, and a lot of people haven't even heard those because they're like heavy hip-hop stuff from when we were in high school and like early college.
Were there any tracks on the record that challenged you?
Jean: "Intoxicated" challenged me. I had a whole different verse. The conception of that song—I was just venting about whatever I was going through at the time, and one of my homies was like, "It's not sexy enough!" So I was just like, "What? No! I've done sexy stuff on all the other songs. Just let me vent!" So I tried another verse, and we ended up going with that one instead.
DaCosta: I mean, it worked out great though...
Jean: I mean, yeah, it sits nicely on the song, and now I have a verse for something else one day when it's time for it.
GBM: Yeah, that song went from being all of ours and everyone on our team's favorite song to our least favorite song. I will say that recording the instruments for the album was fun, but there were definitely some long hours. We had a drummer and bassist come through, and they played for like twelve hours straight doing all the songs. So the songs that have live drums on them were all done in that one day, and they even did songs we recorded that didn't make it on the final record. I think we started at 1 p.m. and we ended at 1 a.m. It was crazy.
What song are you most excited for people to hear when the album drops?
Jean: I think people are gonna like "Comfortable" a lot. Honestly, I haven't listened to the record in a while because it's existed in our world for a minute. We had just posted the visuals for that song today, and I was feelin it.
DaCosta: I think people are gonna really like "Digest." For me, it gives me that "it" factor.
GBM: I think "Red Room." It's my personal favorite and one of the more fun ones to me. It's just a good time!
youtube
You mentioned earlier that you try to maintain creative control when making your music videos and coming up with concepts for visualizers. What is your creative process like?
DaCosta: We definitely sit down, and we go through everything from storyboard to shotlist and just take and grab inspiration from all over the place. For "So Damn Fly," there was that That 70's Show shot where they're all sitting around the table, and it's spinning. So there are all types of really cool influences, and we just try to use those and make everything unique to us.
GBM: I think we kind of go through a three-step verification. The idea has to go through all three of us before it becomes something else or moves on to actually being tested out or put into picture. So that kind of attributes to the very solid identity we aim for.
It sounds like that impromptu film education you mentioned earlier has really set you up for success in creating your videos.
Jean: Yeah. My high school film teacher, Miss Butler, I took that class for two years, and then when I couldn't take it anymore, I became a TA. So then I took the after-school class, and I just spent hella hours pretty much ruining the way I enjoyed cinema and teaching myself like—she would have us look and watch these classic movies and be like, this is what they did wrong.
Can you give me an example of a classic film you would watch and critique?
Jean: The first one that comes to mind is Rear Window. I watched it a few times, just because I had taken the class a couple of times. She talked about how the set that they made and the world that they created, they had full control over. Just seeing older films and how simple things were a lot more complicated then. Like you can't just delete a take and wipe your card. Everything had to be so planned out and so intentional. You gotta do shit on purpose. It's just a lot of thinking and planning, and sometimes, I feel like it's more challenging to have more people involved in a film production sometimes because of the growing degrees of communication. With the small groups that we usually keep, everyone's on the same page as us. All of us took this same class, so we all have a similar workflow.
DaCosta: Yeah, our organization when it comes to films, we're all pretty much on the same page. You know, with what was going to happen, who's doing what, who's in charge of what, etc.
Jean: And pre-production is the biggest thing and finding the right team because we can't shoot it and be in it. Although Cole can somehow!
GBM: I'm in one scene, and I'm like, "I'm just gonna kill this scene right now, and then I'm gonna jump back." That's why I'm only in the last scene.
Because he's doing everything else!
Jean: Yeah! Then as soon as the scene cuts, it's like, I go back to directing people, and Kyle goes back to making sure we got the next shot set up.
GBM: There were only seven people on set.
DaCosta: And four out of seven were crew members
GBM: Yeah, the DP was the only person that wasn't actually a casted character. Everybody else is like multitasking.
You'll be making your first-ever festival appearance at Day N Vegas in November. How are y'all feeling about it?
GBM: It feels incredible!
DaCosta: I'm so so excited!
Jean: If I get excited, I get nervous. So I just aim to be focused, or I don't think about it at all.
After the release of Thru My Window, what are some long-term or short-term goals y'all are manifesting?
Jean: I think for the next album, I want it to get Best Rap Album. We went R&B on this one, but nobody knows the way that we—like yes, we rap on it, but nobody knows our actual rap potential. So I feel like that's something that needs to be lived out on the next project. It's been a minute since we were rapping, bro. There are cool people out here doing the rap thing right now, but not many people have impressed me.
GBM: I kind of want this album to open up the door to doing a lot of travel. When we got back from Paris in 2019, what we experienced during that summer gave us fuel to start this project. So I feel like if we just keep that kind of like tradition going, we just travel somewhere and just make stuff, I think it'll never get steered wrong.
DaCosta: I think I want the album to just open up doors in general. I know it's kind of a broad thing, but like, we're so diverse, and between the three of us, we can do literally anything I think in the world if we put our minds to it, and we kind of plan on doing everything that we want to do. So, I kind of want this album to open the door just so that we can you can start striding towards whatever, whether it's directing movies and videos and fucking scoring—
Jean: Or directing other people's videos!
DaCosta: Yeah, all types of shit.
Thru My Window is available everywhere you can stream it.
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January 2021 Music Wrap-Up
One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to listen to at least 3 new (to me) albums a month and diversify my music taste, since my Spotify Wrapped this year was basically “You Are Not Immune To White Men Telling Stories, feat. Guitars”, and what better way to keep myself accountable than to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known on the Internet?
I’ll be posting my new listens at the end of each month, give or take a bit (please yell at me if I haven’t done so bc cyberbullying is my love language <3) with a bit of background as to how I found them and my thoughts!
So, in no particular order:
1. You Knew by Mother Falcon
I’d had “Marfa” off this album in a playlist for years, but finally gave in and listened to the whole album last week after going down a YouTube spiral which included their Tiny Desk appearance. One of the few albums in which I like the SOUND of it more than the singing- I wish I knew more about music so I could describe how incredible what they do sounds, but I’ll settle for glorious cacophony. Favorites are “Marigold”, “Dirty Summer”, and “Marfa”.
2. Odetta Sings of Many Things by Odetta Holmes
Forever grateful to @woolstation‘s Folk playlist for having “Troubled” on there, true king shit. HOW have none of you ever told me this woman is everything I’ve been searching for for as long as I’ve had eardrums in the womb?!!! I never want to hear about Joan Baez’s weird boyfriend again, we stan only Odetta, ‘Queen of American Folk Music’ in the Ames household. Genuinely cannot pick a favorite, basically the whole album.
3. West Side Story (Original Cast Album)
Ok, I vaguely remember listening to this in 2016 but was too mentally ill to APPRECIATE it, so I’m counting it as a new listen. Being Puertorican, this was basically The Only Representation I knew of in popular American media growing up unless you’re counting drug dealers in cop shows or that one racist joke in All In The Family that I heard as a kid and STILL think about to this day, so I knew the Big songs from the different revival albums but hadn’t heard the original cast until Saturday, January 23rd, also known as Chita Rivera Day in our hearts and @kissofchita‘s dash. To celebrate both queens I put it on and listened to the whole thing 3 times in a row. I laughed, I teared up (saved the actual tears for watching Chita sing “America” <3), and fell head-over-heels in love. It’s definitely in my top all-time Broadway shows.
4. Song To A Seagull, Joni Mitchell
After months of James @if-only-angels-could-prevail banging pots and pans to the tune of Blue, it was actually Spotify’s Discover Weekly that gave me the first dopamine hit I needed to say “Hey, that Joni lady’s on to something here!” Her voice is truly a once-in-a-lifetime sound, I can’t even begin to describe all it manages to evoke in a split-second. This is her first album and I have been assured that it only gets better from here, which is bonkers to think about since, as stated in the beginning, Storytime feat. Guitars Is My Shit. I have no doubt that I’ll be slowly but surely making my rambling way through her discography. Favorites are “I Had A King”, “Night in the City”, “Nathan La Franeer”, and “Cactus Tree”.
5. Stay Alive by Laura Jane Grace
Again I owe James my whole life and wig. I was already an Against Me! and Devouring Mothers fan (it might be an overstatement to say that Transgender Dysphoria Blues was instrumental in keeping me alive through the darkest days of suicidal thoughts, dysphoria, and anxiety in 2018-2019, but not much of one), but had no idea Laura Jane had done a quarantine album until they mentioned it the other day and I immediately listened to the whole thing. I feel like this album will be a slow-burner for me; she’s always poured her heart and soul into every word she writes and sings and I know from experience that when her work hits, it’ll knock me off my ass in the best way possible. Even though she’s talked about not wanting to be seen solely as A Trans Artist and I will support everything she does, my wildest concert dream is to see her perform True Trans Soul Rebel live.
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Plastic Heart - Part 21
Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: When you get the highly-anticipated BTS dolls for Christmas, your life takes a turn in a way you never could have expected. Note: Hey, so I know it’s been like a literal YEAR since I’ve worked on this, but I wanted to give you guys some more content and wrap up the story. This may or may not be the last I write of this. I’m not sure, but I was kind of winding down to the end of this when I was still actively working on it anyway. Keep your eyes peeled for the Epilogue. Warnings: None? Word Count: 2k
Prologue, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21
A few months passed and your birthday was rapidly approaching. Namjoon was in a panic. He didn’t know what to get you. He’d get you BTS’ new album, but you already had it. He couldn’t get you the BTS Funko Pops because then, you’d just have more living toys running around your already-chaotic apartment.
Jin, currently, was in the kitchen baking a cake. He’d become human a few nights before, and just in time to learn how to make cake before your birthday. So, he was practicing. At the moment, he was putting a crumb coat on a lemon cake, as he’d learned from the internet.
“Jin, I don’t know what to get her.” Namjoon said, pacing around the kitchen. “She’s everything to me and I don’t even know what to get her for her birthday.”
“She will love whatever you get her, I promise. She loves you to pieces, Joon. It’s your first time celebrating ANY birthday, let alone hers.”
Namjoon took a breath, nodding. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“He IS right.” Yoongi piped up from his seat in the other room. “You’re overthinking it. Just go to the store and pick out something she’d like. A new sweatshirt or some movies or something. She’s not picky.”
“Or!” Hoseok ran into the kitchen, followed by Jimin. They were still only a foot tall each, but they were looking to change that as soon as possible. The remaining four had agreed to turn one by one, though, as not to overwhelm you with new human roommates. Plus, you were still looking for a bigger apartment to house everyone in. Your cozy little one bedroom was already too small for the four human inhabitants you had so far.
“You could make her something! You know, something from the heart!” Hoseok continued.
Jimin nodded. “I know she’d appreciate that.”
“That’s a good idea…” Namjoon thought, rubbing his chin. “I don’t think I have the skill to make anything, though…”
He was going to continue, but there was a knock on the door. Namjoon walked to answer it. When he pulled it open, Melody was waiting there, holding a reusable shopping bag full of champagne bottles.
“Oh, hey Melody, come on in.”
“I’ll be quick. I just have drinks for the party tomorrow. Figured I’d drop them off because I’m gonna be a bit late.”
“Yeah, of course. You can just set them on the counter.” Namjoon pointed back towards the kitchen, where Jin was still diligently working.
Melody stopped at the sight of him, staring for a long time. Namjoon chuckled a little at her reaction. You had mentioned Melody was a Jin fangirl.
“H-hi. Have we met?” Melody asked, brushing a piece of hair out of her face.
Jin looked up at her with wide eyes. “Um, no, not yet.” It was technically a lie. He vividly remembered the night when she, Ella, and Luna had slept over and he’d been in Melody’s perfect hands all night. “My name is Jin.”
Melody was stuck, staring at him with stars in her eyes. So distracted by his handsome face that she didn’t even notice Hoseok and Jimin quietly sneak back to your bedroom. “I’m Melody.”
Seizing the moment, Jin stepped forward and took Melody’s hand in his, kissing the back of it. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.” She stared for another long quiet patch, her cheeks bright red, before he finally remembered her task. She set the champagne on the counter, giggling through her embarrassment and the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. “Um, well, I’ve gotta go, uh, do homework. See you guys later!”
She rushed out the front door, positive if she spent one more second with Mr. Handsome, she’d explode.
“Smooth.” Yoongi noted, saluting Jin. “Well done. And nice fake name, by the way. Aren’t we supposed to be throwing people off our scent?”
“It just slipped out!” Jin retorted. “She’s...beautiful.”
“Can we focus here? The party’s tomorrow, and I still don’t know-”
“Tell you what, let’s go out shopping right now and pick out something for your girlfriend. I’ll help. I think I have excellent judgement.” Yoongi stood up from his chair and slipped on his hat and mask.
“Good idea.” Namjoon nodded. He checked his phone real quick before slipping it into his pocket. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” Yoongi nodded. “Jin, don’t burn the place down while we’re gone.”
Jin laughed. “No promises.”
***
You got home about an hour later. Namjoon and Yoongi were still out. You stopped at the mailbox outside and brought in the one thing inside it: a single envelope that said it was from your Aunt Matilda. She was your favorite aunt, the one who had inadvertently sent you on this whole journey to begin with. If it wasn’t for her, you wouldn’t have your amazing boyfriend at all.
You sat down on the couch to open it, but were interrupted by a stubby little arm poking at your ankle. You reached down and lifted Koya onto your lap, petting his little head.
“How was your day today, Koya? Did your uncles take good care of you?”
“Of course we did, (Y/N),” said Tae. “We’re the best uncles ever.”
“Indeed you are. How silly of me.” You chuckled. “Do you know where Namjoon is?”
“He and Yoongi went out.” Tae answered, climbing up onto the couch. “To do some ~secret shopping~...”
“Oooh, secret shopping, huh?” You raised an eyebrow, chuckling as Koya got comfortable, already asleep on your leg. “Sounds interesting.”
You opened the envelope and pulled out not only a note written in your aunt’s gorgeous cursive handwriting, but also a necklace. It had a black chord, a blue crystal dangling from the pendant on it. You admired it for a moment before putting it on, and then you unfolded the note to read it.
“My dear (Y/N),
Happy Birthday! I am so proud of you. You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman. You are more powerful than you know. I see so much of myself in you and I’m beyond proud to call you my niece.
The necklace I enclosed was one I owned when I was your age. It served me well, and I hope it will serve you also.
I see so much greatness in your future. I hope you have fun on your next trip around the sun.
Blessed be,
Aunt Matilda”
She was cryptic, but she always had been. You smiled and folded the note, letting your fingers drift to the necklace hanging around your neck. Maybe you were going crazy, but you swore you felt it vibrating faintly.
While you were thinking about it, though, you heard a key in the door, and it opened, revealing your beautiful boyfriend and Yoongi, each of them holding a handful of bags.
“Aaah! Baby, close your eyes!” Namjoon said, and you laughed, lifting your hands to cover your eyes.
“They’re closed.”
“Okay, good. I’ll be right back. Stay put.” He said. You heard his voice as he walked past you. You heard him rummaging around a bit in the other room, and then he returned, his large hands gently removing yours from their spots in front of your face. When you could finally see him again, he was crouched down in front of you, the softest look in his eyes.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just missed you.” He replied, taking your face in both of his large hands and kissing your forehead gently.
You laughed. “It’s only been a few hours.”
“I know.” He motioned for you to get up, so you did, and he engulfed you in a hug, Koya cuddled between you. You snuggled deeper into his broad chest. Never did you think this would be your reality, but it was. You were dating the sweetest, kindest guy in the entire world, and the fact that he looked and sounded like your bias of seven years was just the icing on the cake. You couldn’t wait for your birthday and all of the birthdays after it, as long as you had Namjoon by your side.
***
The next night, all of your friends came over for your birthday party. Jin had made a beautiful cake, and there was plenty of pizza, pop, and alcohol to keep the good times rolling. Namjoon doted on your every want and need, making sure you were happy and well-cared for on every level.
“Namjoon, I am FINE. I don’t need anything else.”
“Okay. Just checking. It’s my girl’s big day after all.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer, kissing your forehead.
“Happy birthday!!!” Ella called, walking into the apartment with presents and a few bags of chips. “Let’s get this party started!!”
Yoongi set up a speaker and started playing the party playlist he’d put together, and you started dancing with the others, bopping around the kitchen. Hoseok, Jimin, Tae, and Jungkook were all in your bedroom with Koya, but you hoped they were having a good time, too.
It looked like Jin and Melody were hitting it off. You weren’t surprised. Melody had been a Jin stan since the dawn of time, so although your Jin didn’t look EXACTLY like Seokjin of BTS, he was as close as she was ever going to get, probably.
Namjoon watched you happily dancing and smiled to himself. So much had happened since he met you. He remembered a time not so long ago when he’d been a foot tall and made of plastic, hopelessly crushing on someone who didn’t even know he was alive. And then there was the fateful day where Taehyung sneezed and changed your whole lives. He’d been standing on your dresser, trying to calm you down. He’d been so tiny then, he reminisced, laughing softly. He had no idea what was in store for him, then, the giant world he was destined to join.
He wanted to be your boyfriend so bad that he’d manifested an entire new life for himself. One where you and him could FINALLY be together, and he couldn’t imagine things any other way.
“You okay?” You asked, gently tilting his face up towards you.
He was sitting in a chair, taking a little breather and staring at you with a familiar look on his face. “Of course I’m okay. Why?”
“You’ve got your thinky face on.” You laughed, moving his arm so you could sit in his lap.
His arms snaked around your waist and he rested his chin on your shoulder. “Just thinking is all.”
“About what?”
“You. It’s always you.” His deep voice murmured, his chest rumbling softly as he said it. “Happy birthday, baby.”
“Thank you.” You kissed the end of his nose and then his cheek, right on his perfect little dimple.
“Cake time!” Jin declared, lighting the candles. He was eager for people to try his baking.
You stood up from Joon’s lap and walked over to the lit cake. Joon followed, lacing his fingers through yours.
“Make a wish,” he whispered, squeezing your hand.
You mulled over it for a second and then you smiled, leaning forward to blow out the candles in one puff. As soon as the smoke started to rise, the necklace your aunt had given you glowed. You stared at it in shock, unsure of what it meant. It was then that the door to your bedroom opened, and a life size pink-haired Jungkook peeked out. He tentatively walked towards the kitchen, followed by Jimin, Tae, and Hoseok, all of them human.
“(Y/N)...” Ella asked, staring at them. “What the fuck did you wish for?”
“Noona, something weird happened.” Jungkook said, happy tears welling in his eyes. He pulled you in for a giant hug, which you gladly gave him.
“Yeah, you don’t say.” You giggled.
“I’m gonna be busy, aren’t I?” Luna laughed, shaking her head.
“I think we all are.” Yoongi added.
“What’s happening?” Melody asked.
Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s a long story…”
Tagged: @coolcat494, @ffantasylandd, @feed-my-geek-soul, @ayoo-bangtan, @xxqueenwxtchxx, @cap-lu20, @finninpoposu, @coldbookworm, @sitkafay, @daniawinchesters21, @okaysoplshelpme, @zamirayinyue13, @douseeme16, @thetofuartist, @iie-wakarimasen, @lilgaga98, @catbugsugarpea, @demonic-meatball, @backtonormalthings, @kbowen9
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So we've heard a bunch of sexual stuff so now a bit for the nitty gritty: what things make you happy, besides the unconditional love of your bf of course?
Aw this is cute 💖 I actually have a lot of little things now, things I never thought I’d have because my life is so different than when I was at my worst.
-this one Chinese place where Brendan grew up that has the absolute best vegan options. I literally go crazy for them haha
-my sketchbooks, I go through them all once in a while and I have about 7 now!
-picture of me and my adopted mom on my desk
-our new couch, it’s green velvet and we love it
-pretty much everything in our apartment. No room is really complete yet but we’re slowly filling it up
-my bio dad and family on his side. Now that he’s in my life I feel a lot better about my family. I understand where I get certain traits, physically and emotionally. And having pride in my Puerto Rican heritage is new and interesting to me! we’re all planning a trip to Puerto Rico once quarantine is done and more people are vaccinated
-Taylor Swift, Hozier, Bleachers, Lorde, all some of my favorite musicians I listen to daily. My whole Spotify makes me happy tbh. I make playlists for like everything
-Diet Pepsi. Favorite drink, obsessed and I will never not love going through a drive through and getting one, I think it’s just a childhood thing haha
-Harley Quinn, love the character and collect soooo much harley stuff, it’s slowly filling our office haha.
-snow globes! It’s dorky but I collect snow globes, one day I want to go to the first snow globe store that is being run by the family of the man who invented snow globes ☺️
-clothes, I love expressing my style because I grew up so afraid to. I wore what I thought looked cool (although poorly so I didn’t haha) and not what I liked. I used to have such cute outfits, like this vintage suspended pink striped skirt from the 70s that my great grandma made. But I was too scared to wear it to school, I just wore it at our house.
-I mean Sparty of course but that’s a given, like Brendan is 💖
-video games! My favorites are, Animal crossing, Stardew Valley, Deep Rock Galactic, Skyrim, the Sims, Beholder, lots of random indie games, Etc. I just started Stardew and made my farm cute so I’m happy about that!
-whiskey. Maybe that’s bad but I love good whiskey and a cigar once in a while. Brendan’s dad started it, now we all sit on the porch and smoke and drink together. He’s seriously a great person, I love Brendan’s family.
-movies, I watch soooo many movies. I can’t keep track of all my favorites because there’s so many at this point. Studio Ghibli ones are my go-tos for whatever mood I’m in. I’ve also watched Into the Spiderverse well over 30 times now, I just love the animation, story, and music so much.
-speaking of which, comic books. I read a lot, books in general but also a ton of comic books. Junji Ito, marvel, and DC are my favs but i do occasionally find some online I enjoy too.
-my siblings. I have 11 siblings and I’m close with all but one really. They mean a lot to me and I invite them over when I can but quarantine has been hard so we all have to wait to be vaccinated for them to be able to hang out indoors really.
-I know you mentioned Brendan but I have to really mention him myself. Our first place just to us and hes wonderful. He puts up with all my stupid shit, irrational jealousy and sadness, he just makes it all go away. He encourages me in therapy and helps me eat and he doesn’t expect anything in return. I do give him everything, my whole world. I spoil him endlessly in every way haha. We’ve really changed each other for the better. I met him a few days after my suicide attempt. I was giving up on dating for a while but fuck if I didn’t ignore that entirely when I saw him. I told everyone I was going to talk to him, and he came up first and I asked if he wanted to listen to some music with me and he agreed. It’s our favorite album to listen together now. We’ve been best friends since. I run around the house pantsless and dancing and chasing Sparty and trying to make him laugh in embarrassing and goofy ways and he just smiles and I feel great. Sorry for the rant, but I’ve realized that although I’m struggling with my ED, I genuinely have so much to be happy for and I’m so grateful.
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