#I’ve been going thru a lot of old interviews including ones from sites that aren’t around anymore idk if people are interested in those | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fartonexit · 4 years ago

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A letter for my mother to find.

I'm not spending time writing this out like I thought I would. I'm not walking you through every little step, checking paths are clear to be read, because they aren't, and I'm not taking every precaution to hide myself anymore because honestly if I keep doing that I really am going to kill myself.

I came out as trans last year after many many years of it burning and smoldering for any form of attention. I ignored it, in fact I even have a place in my brain that I visualized physically throwing myself into to keep myself quiet. Anything, everything to just not be found out, not be seen or heard, everyone go away I'm going to go hate myself.

You want to point to developmental cycles. Ok. Why do you think I stopped eating in a group at dinner? Did you know I would talk to myself in the barn at night to keep all the anxiety down and just blow off steam for an hour and a half straight? And you never questioned why it looked like I has half paying attention in some areas and trying hard in others....

In middle school I was already thinking about this. In fact, it has been on my mind for so long, I'm not sure it's never not been there. There was no cause, no big explosion of coom and suddenly I wanted to be a sex object or something. Double up, middle school was hell and I can't remember any of it except doing math at home and breaking my DS. That's basically all I remember of those 3 years. 'cept one thing.

I got asked by a chick in 6th grade to go out with her, well maybe 7th actually, and I froze and turned them down. Not because of the ASD shit, mind you, but because I'd been staring at Tyler Roth's bulge for 2 hours squirming in my chair. If a girl asks me out and I'm doing that right beforehand, and in fact get up to use the bathroom to clean up, you think I'm gunna say yes to the girl?

That's fucking stupid. No.

At least at the time to me it was.

Now I am more open about myself. I care more for personality than body, so sex doesn't matter unless it's a group effort (haha). I am definitely pansexual, there's no doubts there. Poly even, but I'm not sharing any of that with you. That's all the info you get.

If you can't tell from the title, I'm kinda trans kinda not. Non-Binary is the correct term, and I'm a little jazzed that I'm over my bullshit about it. I never said anything or made it obvious because of bad reactions from you and dad about me being gay, or other gay ppl, so like honestly why would I ever have said anything when I don't trust you?

This is also the origin of my trust issues.

In college, actually no, in high school I heard the term for the first time, in college, learning more and more about what trans ppl go through and nb people go thru, I locked myself in my room for 2 weeks and only came out for dinner. I almost committed suicide off of AB after that period because I couldn't handle it and it hadn't matched anything that I had known before. It's something I've actually wanted to talk to you about for years, and when I try to bring it up you scream at me and run away like I've ruined your whole life in some 80's teenager movie. You won't even hear my side of it.

There's obviously a lot for us to talk about, and I'll let you come up with your own questions. I'll make a lil' faq

1: Are you male or female?

A:. I'm always going to acknowledge my birth. I'm never going to not acknowledge what I went thru, the good or the bad, or that I ever had a penis.

Male in origin, but in-between. Genderfluid is the correct term. Maybe intersex as well, as that's how I see myself. I notice when I eat more estrogen enriching foods, my mood balances out. I've been eating more E rich foods lately (seeds, dry fruit, oat bran in the morning) and I've honestly never felt more.... Normal.

2: If it's fluid, what the hell do I call you?

A: Well it's not like you'll make me explode at you if you straight up call me he and I'm in a dress, more I'll be watching the ppl around you staring at you calling me a he.

My pronouns are hi / shi / him / hir / they / them, and honestly my rule is call what you see. The I is there for... Well, intersex. Male or female presenting.

So again, call what you see. I do get mad though, especially if I worked really hard to make a banger of an outfit. Honestly, so glad you don't know my style either... If I'm obviously trying, respect that. I don't always though, only on special occasions.

3: What about your name then? It's effeminate.

A: I'm effeminate, what's your point. Hell if you want a bullshit term to look into look up genderfaun. Within genderfluidity there can be limits, which ppl of course have denoted how people will denote it. Genderfaun basically means cboy. A male embodied person never quite unclasping on full effeminacy.

4: How have I never heard of this?

A: Same reason women's issues are more vocalized to men's issues. Same reason why I'm expected to be the one running the construction site and my partner is supposed to be my loving little wife. Cboy's, intersex ppl in general rly, don't really have a need to be found out. And quite rare, actually. Honestly, Nonbinary is what can go on a paper and what is legally applicable, so that's the 'umbrella' term, if you need one.

5: So what makes you a cboy then?

A: years of undeserved anguish, hating my body, not wanting breasts, wanting to give birth, my dick feeling out of place or straight up like a tumor on my life, relationships being hard to start and even harder to keep literally because of sex, crying after being made the top for sex, having to top at all, expectations beset by other's that I don't get a voice in, not getting a voice in general and not being in any spot of authority or passed by the same or opposite sex in both education and normal social life, oh and also every time I see a picture of a cboy I'm happy, not horny.

6: Why that term? Rather harsh

A: I agree. If there was a better term that was as equally descriptive I'd go for it. I don't think intersex male is quite applicable tho, nor does genderfluid work on a job app., Tho neither does cb. It started as a term in porn but people have taken it as their own, me included.

Again describe it in one word that isn't confusing (transfeminine for example, genderfaun for another) and get back to me when you figure it out.

7: Possibility A - you're crazy

A: That'd be cool if I was crazy actually, then I'd actually fucking feel normal. Like I had a normal problem. Like I was being treated like I should be in society. Sadly enough I've talked to multiple shrinks, other trans and nb people, other cboys, and pretty much everyone agrees my living situation was really fucked up, as we're the expectations beset upon me. Not always, and I'm not just spraying buckshot over my whole life, but there's some stuff we REALLY need to talk about.

I've actually made it my life mission for the last 10 plus years to find someone like me being interviewed. I have had the hardest time too because I beat myself up about it so often, unless I tripped over a podcast episode (like I actually did) I'd never find anything and just think I was schizophrenic or something. Hell for a while you had convinced me I was because of stuff you were doing and talking about, and like bloody usual, not letting go of or shutting up about for months.

Literally half the reason I moved in to where I am was to checksum myself. I am definitely not schizophrenic and absolutely have a panic and anxiety disorder.

Possibility B - ok I'll bite, who else is there?

A: here's the podcast that made me feel safe. We're not 100% similar, but a lot of what he is saying I get. And while he lives in cali, stuff your biases. He moved here from japan when he was 12 or something.

https://www.furwhatitsworth.com/?episode=s9-episode-3-nb-nb-nb

This is not the only podcast I've listened to, but it's the best perspective I've heard. And I can say for solid, to this day, I get exactly everything he is talking about. Every single thing.

8: Ok, so what about your name (should you be on board)

A: Thats hard for me. I know I came with Ari and then tried Faun, but Faun is more a nickname for me from somebody and I liked the sound. I still like the name a lot too. But my name is Aremis, it's been Aremis, I'm going to move on and stop thinking about that one so hard.

9: Why not keep your old name? I'm offended you don't have my father's name anymore.

A: ok good for you for inscribing your bullshit onto someone before they can even he a say, as usual.

My dead name literally hurts. I've tried to explain to you, you ignored me.

That's all you get. Deal with it.

10: I'm not sure I'm ok with this.

A: Neither am I but I'd be dead right now from jumping under a semi in traffic a few months back if I hadn't. This isn't a mistake, or anything you did to me. It's just how I am. Now I know why you want the new DSM so bad.

By the way, dsm backs me up. So if god is gunna have to say something because of your convictions, I'll walk.

Peace. I'm done pooping now, time to get off the toilet.

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colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 6 years ago

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"West Hartford Connecticut Cheap car insurance quotes zip 6127

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i might be purchasing a 1999 honda cbr 600s4. i have no riding experience. i live in NJ. i am 22 years old. i have 4 points on my license (from careless driving tickets), besides that, a clean driving record. any sort of educated guess would be much appreciated.""

Rough estimate for Car Insurance Cost For Second Year?

Hi peeps. I Have a question about car insurance. I am basically looking for qualified guesses from people who have previous experience with this sort of thing. I am a first year driver. Im 21 and i passed my test in early August and was driving straight away because i had bought my car the month before hand. The car i own is a 1.4 Ford Fiesta Zetec 2002. I paid around 1250 for the year for insurance and i did it through Quinn Direct. My question is, does anybody know a rough figure of what it might be next year baring in mind i have never claimed? I have tried running new quotes on comparison websites but they are based on new customers and all come out at around 1500 to 4000 If anyone has used this company or even another company and situation was similar could you please tell me the rough figure of what it was reduced to/from just so i can maybe have an idea of what to expect Any help is greatly appreciated. Cheers :)""

What is the cheapest car insurance premium quote?

That you know of , for an 18 year old male driving a group 1 car. Thanks.""

Can I drive my mom's car without having insurance?

So I am 16 and don't have a learner's permit. My friend who is 19 has his license and has been using his mom's car for years. He keeps telling me to get my permit. My mom says it will double her insurance bill but he says his mom doesn't pay anything extra. Or he doesn't even have insurance. I don't know anything about this and legalities of everything so...lamest terms please.

Should 17 year old pay their insurance?

What age should they start? And is 300 horsepower on a car fast? How much would a car that fast cost? Too fast for a 17 year old?

Car insurance prices?

Approximatley how much is car insurance on a small engine car (1.1) for a 26year old female I know it will depend on area and no claims and named drivers, mileage etc, but just looking for a rough figure as I haven't got a clue""

Is it illegal to have car insurance from Florida if you live in New York?

I'm a new driver and was interested in getting car insurance through my grandmother's policy in Florida, I have a mailing address out there and visit Florida once a year, but live in New York.""

Best insurance for a young additional driver?

Hi, I am in the process of buying a car, and have been for ages, and i am now trying to find the cheapest insurance like i have been for ages. My um will be the main driver, as she is selling her cr, and i walk to school everyday, so i will b the 17 year old male additional driver. Whats the best insurance quote i can get? Anyone got any recommendations? Im looking at getting a peugeot 207, which are 1.4 or 6, and many of them the sport edition. Dont bother telling me to get a different car as this is the one i like and have saved up for. Many Thanks for any help with my cheap insurance, Thanks""

How does a turbo affect auto insurance?

I don't mean the rates. I mean if I totaled my car, and let's say it's a newer car worth 15000$, the turbo was 3000$, and they wrote it off. Would they decrease the value for mods, increase it, or give me the same value?""

""Quick question on car insurance, thanks for answers?""

I am getting my second car insurance, i live in leeds however my parents live in northumberland, would it be legal to put my car insurance ADDRESS as northumberland (half the price). I would still be named driver, and i have all bank details and permenant things such as phone contracts registered to northumberland as i move each year i class it as my permanent address. So i could say the car is kept there but i use it sometimes, as in northumberland is also classed as my address, and i am there quite a lot anyway. Cheers for advice, and if it is legal or questionable, would it still be acceptable if even frowned upon, cheers!""

How much my car insurance is likely to cost?

I have just passed my (UK) driving test and is considering getting a car, but I need to budget first see if I can in fact afford one! I am female, turning 26 in a few months time. I will want to get a small, second hand car - would like a Ford Fiesta (1.2) or Honda Jazz (1.4) or VW Polo (1.2). Would want to get a car under 3000. Does anyone know roughly how much my car insurance will cost? I think I will take the Pass Plus course as well once I have decided to buy a car.""

How much would insurance be?

How much money would it be to add someone to my insurance, for farmers?""

Criminal record for driving without car insurance???

I would like to know whether an individual who plead guilty for driving without a car insurance (UK) get his name put on criminal record list. It seems to me unlikely because people normally get points of their licenses and a fine.

Can I get medicaid? (17 weeks pregnant)?

Okay here is the deal, I appreciate all of the help. Okay so I am 17 weeks pregnant and have cigna through my job but when I went to talk to HR today, I will have to be terminated when I take maternity leave because I will only be at the company for 11 months. ( need to be there a year ). So when I give birth, I wont have coverage, that is a bummer! I dunno what else to do but cancel my insurance and get medicaid, something I was trying to avoid but now I don't feel like there is an option, cause I can't cover the baby either with my companies health insurance... argh.. Can i still get medicaid even though I'm so far along??? I'm so scared and dunno wtf to do. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!! and BTW I am in the state of FL""

Car insurance for dummies?

i am trying to be an adult here. i graduate college in 8 days and am getting quotes for my own car insurance. I got one today from progressive for $83/mo, full coverage. It is 25,50,25 and $500 deductable. How do I know what is good? i need someone to tell me what coverage I should have-is 25/50/25 good? break it down. Thanks!""

How do you transfer a title to a car without getting insurance on it right away?

I just bought this old muscle car. The thing is, it's winter now. I won't be driving this car until spring through fall. I just want to know if there is any way to get the title transfered, without getting insurance on it right away. I know insurance is going to be a factor in transferring this title. I have insurance, just I don't need it on the car right now, I just want to get it home. Any help is appreciated. Thanks""

West Hartford Connecticut Cheap car insurance quotes zip 6127

Fellowship in insurance?

what is the scope for fellowship in life insurance and general insurance in india to start a career in insurance.

Getting added on to my parents auto insurance?

ok well i just got my license and want to get added onto my parents insurance and a want to know an estimate on how much it would cost for me to do that. Im a 17 year old male and my parents have AIG. So please help me

Can someone recommend affordable health insurance?

I lost my job. COBRA is too expensive. Are there any high deductible plans? I really only want coverage in the event of a serious illness. I live in NJ.

What kind of license do you need to sell auto insurance?

Is this a good insurance quote ?? from quinn direct!!!?

ive just got a renault clio 1.3 1993 automatic k reg, very clean an just had new cam belt an sumthing else lol an new tyres lol so just passed all the mot, !!!yeah!!! lol so ive been quoted 318.56 no claim bonus im going on as provisinal driver an my partner as a full clean license. do u think that is a good one ? or can it get any cheaper lol""

Aussie car insurance?

who are the cheapest car insurance company for aussie p platers also.. are there any companies that offer reduced term cover.. id like 6 months insurance so i can take up a years insurance once thats finished to break up insurance and rego

How much would insurance cost?

How much would insurance be if I bought a Mustang GT or GT Premium coupe with a 4.6L V8 and 260hp? I'm 15 and in driver's ed, one of the best in class, I make all A's in school, if that matters, and I'd prefer an estimate for liability and full coverage. By the way, I'm a good driver, I'm more concerned with driving smooth than driving fast. I want a Mustang GT because my friend has one and I love it. It would be a 2000-2004 model and I live in Alabama""

Need affordable car insurance for 16 yr. old can you help!?

do you have a teen that drives or just know what the best prices are!

What are the requirements for free health care in California?

My grandmother is from Malaysia and she is living with us in California (since November 2007). She has a green card. Her health has been deteriorating and she's been getting these terrible headaches. I really want to take her to see a doctor, but the price would be astronomical without health insurance. Is she eligible for medicare/medicaid/medical? If not, what are some other options? I'm sorry if I sound ignorant or uneducated about this, but honestly, I really don't know anything about this. Any help I can get is very much appreciated.""

Can you please tell me of a insurance company that will give me insurance even if i have?

a pre existing medical condition i need critical illness insurance with a 6 months waiting can you give a link please to some insurance company's

Are online insurance quotes secure?

they want us to submit a lot of info inclusing social sercurity number, i am afraid they can misuse the information , are my fears legitimate""

Car insurance help? How much?

I'm 18 years old and I just got my drivers license, I own a Eclipse Mitsubishi 95.""

How much would these cars cost to run per month?

renault clio 1.2... citron Saxo.... corsa (old) including tax , m.o.t and insurance and watever you have to pay for :) x""

How to insure my car if I go to live in France?

I'm moving to France soon and I would like to keep my english car. Insurance companies are asking for the bonus-malus and I don't know the equivalent in english...so they can't tell me how much it would be...Does anybody had to insure their car in France? What do I need to do? thanks xxxx

Do i have to remove a car i sold from my insurance?

i had 2 cars an old car and a new car, they were both insured under one policy with me and my son as the only drivers. now i sold the old car, and when i get a quote for removing my old car from my insurance policy it says that the insurance will increase about $70 every 6 months and that's because i loose the multiple car discount and also because i had my young son as driver only on the old car and removing it will force me to put him as a driver on the new car. i sold the car and i have a paper from the person that i sold it to indicating that they bought it. my question now is, would there be any risks by keeping the car on the policy, is it illegal? or if anything happens to the car, will they go after my insurance although i sold the car? *i already sent the release of liability to the DMV *i live in California any help would be appreciated 10 pts for best answer""

What's a classic British car that's cheap and insurable for a learner?

Cheaper than a mini or morris minor.

CAR INSURANCE?!?! the quotes im get...?

I Recently passed my driving test, and now i cant seem to find a cheap insurance quote, the minimum im getting is 2000 pound a year!! im only 18 and live in england. does anybody know of any cheap insurance site's?""

Does my credit score affect my car insurance costs?

Someone told me it did... but that just doesn't make sense!

How much does it cost to go for an eye exam in new jersey without insurance?

I want to get my eyes checked and have no insurance.I was wondering how much it would cost? Is lenscrafters good or more expensive? pearl vision?

What do u think if a young man married a woman 74yrs older than him. and its his frist marraige. and her 21st?

i herd this on the radio and i wanted other people's opinions!

Car insurance for new driver?

im looking for car insurance but all of them are over 22,000 but i herd from alot people that its would be 1000 and all my friends pay about 1000 so why is it so expensive?? i live in london and im 19 yers old, i passed my driving test last week.""

Great sports cars that don't have bad insurance?

Okay so I'm 16 and need a sports car. My budget is 40K and if been looking at used ones. I was thinking about a porshe but it seems there insurance and maintenance is outrages. I have also been looking at Mercedes Benz. They seem to be a bit better but not sure. anyone have a porshe or a Meredes??? I also live in Canada. Or any other ideas for a sports car.??.? :)

What insurance provider has the cheapest motorcycle insurance?

What insurance will accept me?

Here is what happen. I was invited into this car insurance agency. I was with them for the last 5 years. I had 3 accidents in the last year. 1 first one was at an airport and the guy that hit me claimed full responsability 2nd a guy went through a red light and hit me and was charge with a dwi. The 3rd a chick clipped my car and no claims were paid because it was a he said she said. My car insurance now said that they were dropping me. I was tlaking to an agent and she was telling me it did not matter that 2 were not my fault because i was still in an accident. I was then telling her how I felt robbed and cheated by them. I then heard what sound like chewing in the back round. I said Are you eating She said what? I said are you eating She said um... maybe I said how rude, after 5 years of loyalty and you do this They dropped me. They said no one will want me. how can i get car insurance now?""

How much do auto insurance agents make there first year?

What's the average for starting license auto insurance agents? Do they only make commision or hourly too? Are the leads provided. Is it a hard industry to get into?

West Hartford Connecticut Cheap car insurance quotes zip 6127

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