#I’ve been extremely burnt out and depressed lately and struggling to find joy or excitement in ANYTHING; not even special interests

[oncominggstorm]

My sister & I are both autistic and both share a special interest in Doctor Who (I got into it first, about 3-4 years before she did).

She has a HORRIBLE habit of texting me her live reactions whenever she watches something, even when she KNOWS I have not yet watched whatever it is she's texting me about.

Whenever she does this, I tell her yet again to stop doing it, and suggest that in the future she type her reactions into notes app and then send me the note. That way, she can still share her reactions without feeling like she has to bottle up her excitement, but I can wait to read them until after I've watched the episode so I don't get spoiled. Every time, she refuses and just texts them to me anyway.

She did this today with the new episode of Doctor Who. I've been sick and was still trying to sleep while the episode aired, so she watched it first and I woke up to lots of texts about it. I am HEARTBROKEN that she spoiled it for me. It feels like a gut punch, or like I was a balloon that was suddenly deflated.

I explained to her that I was upset, and asked her to apologize and promise to not do it again. She refused, and got upset at ME and said that I was purposefully trying to bring down her joy and excitement.

Word for word copy/paste of our text convo about it under the cut if you want more context/want to see exactly what was said:

Me: Am extremely unhappy because you texted me a million dw things and just from skimming push notifs I can see that SEVERAL of them are things that I would consider spoiler-y which is why I have told you HUNDREDS of times to NOT live text thoughts, and idk why you thought it’d be ok for this episode of all things. Like I have explained to you multiple times that we have very different definitions of spoiler-y Me: Like one of the MANY MANY MANY reasons why I hate when you live text things I havent watched is cuz your reactions to things are very different than mine, and so I see your reactions & make assumptions about what’s gonna happen, and then when it doesnt meet those expectations I get disappointed. Vs if I hadnt seen your reactions I’d have had no expectations & thus would’ve felt ONLY excitement. Me: Your reactions to things are ALWAYS over the top/make things seem even more amazing than they are, so when I see them my expectations get set REALLY high, so then what I watch only ever meets (or in some cases, fails to meet) expectations. Whereas you get the pleasure of having it exceed expectations. But I don’t, because seeing your reactions sets my expectations much higher than they would otherwise have been. Like I get you are excited, I do. But there is absolutely NO REASON WHATSOEVER that you can’t put your reactions in a note & send me the note, rather than text, so that I can remain spoiler free. Her: My reaction to this was TAME. Me: It feels like you are purposefully trying to miss my point/like you are not at all sorry about what you did, & it is really upsetting me. Like do you seriously not realize how not at all ok texting me all that was when you KNEW i hadnt seen the episode yet? Her: I feel like you are purposefully ignoring everything I said earlier about how I literally felt like I was about to die and needed an outlet, and I feel like you are purposefully trying to ruin my excitement and bring me down so