#I’ve been excited all day to read this 👀👀👀 aaaa

[waddles-ex-machina]

WAHHH no way this is so sweet I can’t believe that you dedicated this one to me??? I feel so so honoured omg. this made me tear up a tiny bit jskhsjs

you need to know it has been soo much fun doing this event with you and being silly in the planning doc and ..just in general for the last 5 years (???? oh my god it’s been 5 years what the hell. insane) it’s always so much fun to talk to you and see the cool stuff you’re making andddd I really really appreciate your endless support and enthusiasm for the silly stuff I come up with and I feel very lucky 🥺 thank you for being insane abt fictional characters with me for 5 years also <3

also I CAN’T WAIT to read this AAAAA

Sketchbook Week Day 2 - Curses

Summary: "The trees are the same.

When Johanna moved back to Trolberg, it felt like everything was different. The buildings were higher, and new ones had been brought up. The streets were smoother with new asphalt, and many of the shops she’d known had been closed, usually making room for other ones. The places where there were benches to sit in her favourite parks had been switched, and even the librarian she used to chat with in her youth had been replaced by a mysterious, yet very intriguing woman.

But when she drove back to the wilderness, the trees were the same."

A Johanna character study written for the Sketchbook Week day 2 prompt - Wilderness

Notes: Written for @sketchbookweek day 2 - Wilderness

Okay, some serious notes about this fic: Do keep in mind that this is character exploration for a character that canon has yet to explore. Which is to say, so much of this is headcanons stacked together & will come tumbling down once s3 comes around. Just pretend it makes sense & understand it’s not all supposed to be perfectly explained. What matters most is Johanna’s emotions and not so much what caused them. Honestly a lot of this fic’s writing is experimental, let’s see if it lands. Also, content warning: there’s a brief mention of past abuse, but it’s in a flashback and completely skippable. I’ll put a * mark before and after, so anyone who wants can skip that part.

Anyway, more importantly: this fic is dedicated to my wonderful co-host in this event, @waddles-ex-machina. I just wanted to thank you for being not only an amazing sport in this situation we’ve brought entirely upon ourselves (seriously if group projects were all like this I wouldn’t even complain about them), but also for having been such a lovely lovely presence in the sketchbook community since the very beginning (I mean, not like you could run from being *here*, sketchbook ask and all, but you could run from being nice and you didn’t shksgdjdvd). It’s always been a joy to get to interact with you, your ideas and creations, and to me at least you’re a huge part of why this community feels so friendly and captivating. So, yeah. This got rambly but it’s my way of saying thank you for five years of goofing around with our favourite girls <3

(In case it wasn’t obvious enough from the dedication, Mattie is @waddles-ex-machina ‘s OC!! You can find more content on her at @airborneice & I STRONGLY recommend you do, you won’t regret it :))

Read it on ao3

This house says my name like an elegy

Echoing where my ghosts all used to be

The trees are the same.

When Johanna moved back to Trolberg, it felt like everything was different. The buildings were higher, and new ones had been brought up. The streets were smoother with new asphalt, and many of the shops she’d known had been closed, usually making room for other ones. The places where there were benches to sit in her favourite parks had been switched, and even the librarian she used to chat with in her youth had been replaced by a mysterious, yet very intriguing woman.

But when she drove back to the wilderness, the trees were the same.

That’s the thing about nature. It’s never still, so the constant change feels like steadiness.

It’s not the first time Johanna goes back to her former home since she was forced to move out. Twig, sitting obediently on Hilda’s lap in the backseat, was proof of that.

But it was the first time she was doing it since everything changed.

Johanna gripped the wheel as she drove, the sky perfectly blue with only a couple of innocent clouds above them, the stereotype of a perfect day. She felt in an almost dissociative state as she retraced those familiar roads, until the point where there were no roads anymore. Luckily, she had just enough of a grip on herself to interact properly when her children called, but they were more than capable enough of entertaining each other in the backseat. Johanna thought she heard Hilda pointing out different types of trees to Mattie as they passed by; she wasn’t sure. Things were quite blurry inside her mind.

Her wife’s attention was harder to shake. She noticed something was wrong as soon as they left city limits, sneaking not at all subtle glances at her every two seconds. At one point when the kids - could she even call Hilda that, anymore? - were particularly distracted, Kaisa leaned towards her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Everything alright, dear heart?” She asked softly, her breath brushing warmly against Johanna’s ear.

Johanna nodded stiffly, and gripped the steering wheel tighter.

…......

The contrast was jarring enough that it made Johanna stop feeling like her mind was clouded with haze. As soon as they arrived at their destination, Johanna felt like she was simultaneously in the past and in the future. The future, because there was no way that that’s what their cabin looked like now, because no matter how many times she’d seen the rubble it still didn’t truly sink in on her that all that had truly happened. How could it, after all, when she’d ran away before giving herself time to process the loss, without giving herself time to think clearly -

Because if she did, she wouldn’t have gone back to that city-

- after what was probably the biggest tragedy she’d experienced, putting everything that had been salvaged in her old car, handling the mundane items with care because they were survivors, survivors just like her -

And if she’d never gone back, she’d never have any of this-

And now that same cabin was overgrown with lichen and covered in dust, as if time passed more quickly when no one was there to experience it. As if two people and a deerfox had been all that had been anchoring that old cottage to their moment in time. And now they weren’t there anymore, except they were now, except it wasn’t who they’d been because it wasn’t a girl, a mother and a deerfox, it was two mothers, a young woman, a little girl, an elf, a catowl and a deerfox. And they weren’t headed for the rubble.

That was the ‘feeling like she was in the past’ part of it. Sitting by the rubble was a cabin almost identical to the one Johanna’s grandfather had built. This one, however, put a more respectful distance between itself and the elf village, and was very distinctively painted in a dull lilac colour.

They’d decided together to rebuild it. Mattie had been growing and they wanted her to have that experience of close contact with nature. Johanna knew it would do her well like it had done her sister, to have a place to spread her wings and let her curiosity run, to live knowing what pure air felt like in your lungs. Kaisa knew that it was necessary for a young witch to be close to untamed nature, to study the stars without being dimmed by city lights, to look for that sort of knowledge where it was wild and free.

Besides, Hilda was getting to an age where she appreciated being alone at times, and they couldn’t deny that having somewhere to run to when it all became too much would do her good, and at least at the cabin they knew she’d be safe.

So the choice had been made by the two of them, with their daughters in mind. But Kaisa had insisted she handle the construction, both because her magic would make it easier and because she wanted to gift it to Johanna. Johanna, for her part, had allowed her to go forward with the plan, and never thought about how alien it would feel until she actually arrived and had to see how the hubris of her family’s former house looked in contrast with the brand new cabin.

“Anna?”

Johanna turned her head, which had been staring straight ahead, to look to the right. Her wife was standing outside of the car already, the door open as she frowned at her with concern. The children had already climbed down, and Johanna could hear Alfur’s voice as he formally introduced Mattie to the elves of the Northern Counties. The girl, for her part, looked like she wanted a much closer look at their homes, the architecture a lot more sophisticated than that of the elves she was used to back in Trolberg, but was held back by her older sister whispering in her ear that it was a bad idea.

Johanna was still wearing her seatbelt and gripping the wheel.

“Sorry.” She muttered, turning the car off and avoiding Kaisa’s gaze in favour of opening the car trunk to get their heaviest suitcases out before anyone else could give it a try.

If the girls noticed something was off, they didn’t say it. Yet the witch’s worried gaze burned at the back of her neck.

…......

The first thing you learn about witches once you got close enough to one of them, is that they take tea seriously. Even Kaisa, to whom a cup of coffee was much preferred to anything herbal or calming, treated tea as a type of ritual. Like it could heal. Like it could ground you. So, naturally, in a family composed of essentially witches and familiars, they inaugurated the new cabin by brewing tea for them all.

The layout of the cabin was exactly the same as it had been. Kaisa’s magic had guaranteed that much. But instead of making her feel like she was in a familiar and well loved place, each corridor just felt like walking a gravel path in a cemetery of memories. Some she mourned for. Some she was glad were buried under the rubble, the lichen, the dirt.

This cabin had been built to look like the former one, but it wasn’t, and she could tell all too easily. The paint wasn’t red. The floorboard in front of the stairs didn’t creak. The paintings on the walls had been either made or chosen by her, instead of her grandmother. Everything had changed.

Change was a part of life.

That didn’t mean she had to like it.

Which didn’t mean she couldn’t crave it.

”You’re really running away?” Her brother had said when she was nineteen and putting everything she owned into her yellow beetle. “That’s how you’re going to deal with the situation? You’ll just run from them?”

“How is that any different-” She’d answered, not daring to look up at his face. “- from what you’ve been doing?”

Years before, Hilda had resisted it when Johanna talked about them moving to Trolberg. She’d sighed and groaned and used every argument in the book for why living out there was so much better, as if Johanna didn’t know them all. What she hadn’t realised - and who could blame her, she’d only been a child at the time - was how much Johanna herself had been resisting it. Enough to not flee the first time their house had been attacked by an invisible enemy. Enough to build her career from a place where she had no way to easily meet new clients. Enough to raise a child with no support and to live otherwise by herself.

It had been enough. For years.

For years.

Years.

An animal that’s used to starvation doesn't realise when there’s no food.

“Hey, are you ok?” Kaisa asks in a low voice, avoiding being overheard by their daughters, as she hands Johanna a mug with the freshly brewed tea. It smells of ginger and cinnamon, and is hot enough to burn Johanna’s fingers through the ceramic.

The mug had been one Mattie had given her, one father’s day - Johanna had those for herself and left mother’s day for Kaisa, since she already got gifts from Hilda on that occasion. It was plain white, but the young girl had painted on it. Their entire family was drawn in stick figures, holding hands.

“Yeah,” Johanna sighed. At least the heat of the tea made her feel something. Something she could recognize and name, at any rate. It was more than could be said about everything else in her mind. “I’m just… thinking. this place brings up too many memories.”

Her wife matched her sigh, looking like she’d more than expected some reaction of that sort from Johanna, looking like she had hoped it wouldn’t be the case either way. The more self hating part of Johanna’s mind suggested that it was so rude of her to act so forlorn in the face of Kaisa’s gift. The realistic side of it knew her wife would never hold it against her and was just worried about her wellbeing.

“I imagine it does. Let me know if you want to talk about anything.”

She didn’t. Not really. She didn’t even know what was there to talk about. Her memories were just that, memories. They’d stayed in the past just as surely as the sunlit cabin where she’d sang her first daughter lullabies. Just as surely as the far too clean corridors of a house she’d never been able to call her home.

It doesn't matter. It doesn’t matter. None of those feelings would ever see the light of day. It’s what she’s always done.

Her silence is eloquent enough. She’d been silent enough in her life to be good at it. Kaisa bites her lip and steps away.

…......

They were telling ghost stories. Not the kind meant to scare one away. Literal ghost stories. Precisely, Hilda had begun talking about the time a ghost had stolen David’s shoes, and the trio had only been able to get them back with Twig’s aid. That led to Kaisa, head on Johanna’s lap on the couch, making a dramatic retelling of hunting a ghost around the Witches’ Tower after it had stolen her homework when she’d been a teenager. All that, only to then find out Tildy had asked the ghost to do that so she could learn lessons that were more moral than they were magical.

Predictably, Mattie heard them with wonder in her eyes, and asked if she could see a ghost as soon as they were done. Hilda and Kaisa looked at each other and cringed. Better not.

And Johanna-

Johanna only heard static.

She felt outside of her own body as she looked at her family, laughing. All she had the presence of mind to do was card her fingers through Kaisa’s hair, but not even that grounded her. It felt like it was slipping from her all the time.

*

“You think you can take care of a child? You can’t take care of yourself!”

She flinched, despite knowing that the raised hand wouldn't come down on her, that it had only ever been all talk.

“I can do better than you.”

*

Her wife looks up with a questioning look when Johanna didn’t join them in making up excuses for why their five year old shouldn’t go see a ghost. Generally she’d be the one to take Hilda and Kaisa’s anxious mumbles and shape them into actual sensible reasons.

But Johanna can’t speak. Her body feels frozen, in that spot and in every moment that wasn’t the one she was currently living.

Ashes, ashes, dust to dust.

What if she ruined this family too?

She’d always fared better when she was alone. Well, alone with Hilda. A strong girl, curious and bright enough on her own that for so long it hadn’t been an issue that Johanna was who she was. Sturdy and wild like the forest she’d grown up in.

But they were just a few metres away from proof of what happened when anything at all relied on Johanna.

Rubble, and lichen, and dirt.

The devil’s after both of us.

Something painful flashed across Kaisa’s eyes. She looked away quickly, and rejoined the girls’ conversation, not giving them the chance to see there was already a ghost in the room, with wavy brown hair and eyes that couldn’t possibly hold life.

…......

Johanna woke up in the middle of the night.

She’d gotten used to the city again. To the certainty of activity. To be back somewhere so silent was eerie; every single noise was heightened.

She immediately heard her wife’s breathing. The rhythmic sound soothed her, but only just. She wished she could hear her heartbeat, as well. Maybe that would be enough.

Then she heard the cicadas. And the wind rattling the windows every now and then. She couldn’t sleep again.

She knew how to not let her feelings see the light of day. The moon’s, however, they were much more familiar with.

The sleeping woman in her bed didn’t wake up when she changed out of her sleeping clothes, putting on much older ones she had been surprised to find still fit her. A button down flannel with a moss green sweater on top. Pants. Old shoes that had been worn down by the forest floor.

She steps out into the cold night. Her skin stings with it, and her mind doesn’t notice.

…......

The woman felt more like herself after a couple of minutes of walking. Which is just as well, since it was the middle of the night in the wilderness, anything could come out of those bushes to lunge at her at any moment, and she hadn’t even brought a compass. All the attention she could pay wasn’t enough.

Technically, if she got lost she wouldn’t be so for long. Twig and Freya both knew how to track, and Kaisa certainly had spells for that as well. She just didn’t want to worry her any more than she already had.

Besides, she had a reason for being out there. She still hadn’t figured out what it was, but she had one. She was sure of it.

Maybe.

“What could bring someone to wander around in the woods all on her own? And in the middle of the night, too?” Said a voice behind her, and the question was so good that it took her an embarrassing long while to realise that the voice had not been her own.

Johanna turned around with a gasp, her brain torn appart between ‘we’ve been approached in the woods, we should run’ and ’we know this voice, why run?’, which resulted in her simply staring like a scared animal at a face that she was sure would be lifting an eyebrow at her.

If he had any, that was.

“How rude.” Said the Woodman. “Come inside, it’s cold. For you.”

With that he turned and walked away. And she followed, because he sounded like he could have an answer to the question when she hadn’t even gotten around to asking it yet.

…......

Johanna had no idea what the sleeping habits of a creature made of bark could possibly be, and she wasn’t about to be impolite to her impromptu host by asking. But when he led her inside the very house she’d been once before, it didn’t look as if she’d interrupted anything.

She didn’t know why she’d expected it to. It wasn’t like she’d come knocking for him.

The place was cool and damp, which was probably justified by it being on the inside of a large tree. She’d been too worried to muse about it the first time she’d seen the house, but now she wondered what it felt like for him. To live inside a place that was like a dead version of himself.

She wondered if he felt anything like she did at that moment.

If so, she’d been too harsh the times when he’d shown up at her doorstep. She’d wanted to run away too, hadn’t she?

And now she was in his house.

It was a bit dizzying.

The Woodman didn’t engage her in conversation. She thought she’d be glad; what use did she have for an old neighbour poking his nose (or whatever equivalent he had for one) in her personal business, after all. Instead, Johanna found herself almost disappointed when he left her at his couch and went to the kitchen, seemingly planning on ignoring her now that he’d gotten her out of the cold. She waited for a bit, expecting him to come over with another muddy concoction he called a warm drink; he didn’t. He just kept tinkering around in his kitchen while humming a tune under his breath.

“Thank you.” She said, at last, when the silence began to feel like ants crawling under her skin. “For bringing me in.”

He didn't even lift his eyes (eye sockets?) from whatever he was doing, his back to her.

“It’s bad manners to let old acquaintances get eaten by wolves.”

Johanna forced a chuckle, but he didn’t reciprocate. Not a joke, then. She squirmed uncomfortably on the couch.

“We are that, aren’t we?” She sighed, and suddenly the Woodman forcefully put down whatever he’d been holding.

“You’re chattery. It’s distracting.” He stated, not sounding any angrier despite the comment. “If you want to talk, just say what you want to already.”

Her breath caught in her throat, a denial and a promise to stay silent at the tip of her tongue. But she realised - she did want to talk. It was a startling realisation, considering she hadn’t wanted to confide in her own wife. But that had been because she knew what Kaisa would say. She knew the affirmations and the comfort that would come if she managed to get close to verbalising what she was feeling. But Kaisa’s view was biassed, biassed by her love and the fact that she’d married her, but mostly biassed by them having met each other so relatively recently.

The Woodman, however, she’d known since she’d been a child and came to the cabin to visit her grandparents.

And the Woodman pulled back no punches.

“Go on, then.” He encouraged. “Out with it.”

The creature standing metres away from her had gifted her with logs when they’d moved out. She found herself understanding why. A piece of herself seemed like something she could offer. So she did.

“Remember when you told me that sometimes it’s better to retrace old steps than forge new paths?” She asked, and got a hum in response.

“Why wouldn’t I? I said that.”

Johanna ignored the question, figuring it wasn’t meant to be answered. “Well, I forged a new path, one I’m very happy with.” She thought of Hilda, trusting her enough to confide in her about her first crush. About Kaisa, the sheer blinding love in her eyes as she recited her wedding vows. Of Mattie’s first ever smile, aimed at her, toothless and awkward and utterly perfect. “But I’m afraid it’s too good. I’m afraid it’ll all come tumbling down because-”

Johanna sighed, suddenly feeling like there was something stuck in her throat. Words tended to do that, when you held them down for long enough. They tangled into one big mess of feelings that couldn’t be revealed separately. You let one of them out, and then everything you’ve been holding back has to go too.

“Because I’m the same person I’ve always been. Because I run. It’s what I do.”

She didn’t know where that had come from. The realisation was coming to her at the same time as the words were leaving her mouth; if she’d worked that out earlier she would have done something about it. Gone to therapy, probably. But only now that her chest felt hollow did she notice that those conclusions had been kept locked in there for as long as they’d existed.

With a disturbing raspy sound that Johanna was sure was completely unnecessary, the Woodman turned his head a full 180 degrees to look directly at her.

Or through her, it felt like.

“Digging back skeletons is always easier when you never got around to burying them, isn’t it?” He asked in the same nonchalant voice as ever. She half hoped he’d have snapped at her to stop being ridiculous, or growl that she was being a nuisance. It would have been easier to react to that than to this apathetic analysis. “You look like you have a packed closet full of them.”

It doesn’t have the intended effect on her. Mostly, because she has no idea what the intended effect should be and what on earth that even means.

Blast him for not being satisfied being a literal cryptic and having to be so metaphorically as well.

The Woodman has no such thing as pupils, yet Johanna feels with certainty that her face is being assessed. She does her best to school her features into neutrality, while knowing that he’d still read her like an open book if he so wanted.

“You said you haven’t changed. Do you truly believe that?”

He didn’t sound judgemental. Just curious.

Okay, maybe a tad judgemental, in a ‘how could you miss this simple memo?’ type of way.

“Do you make a habit of not watching where you’re going?”

Johanna gasped, immediately shaking off the grip that the strange creature had on her backpack.

“What are you?” She asked it.

“You’re not a very polite little girl.”

“I do.” She said with her head hung low. The Woodman had now moved to sit on the armchair in front of her, and she hadn’t even noticed.

“Oh, is that so? That is stupid.”

His fireplace - how morbid for him to have one - cracked. Along with the wind rustling the leaves outside, it was the only sound they heard for a couple of seconds. Johanna lacked the energy to argue, mentally, physically and emotionally. Kaisa was always going on about some ‘spiritual energy’, which she had no idea what that was but she’d bet she was running low on that one as well.

“There has not been a single time I’ve met you that you were the same person as you’d been before.” The Woodman stated, apparently undisturbed by her lack of reaction. “You say running is what you do.” He turned his gaze, almost imperceptibly, to a portrait on the wall, of a boy Johanna had known like the palm of her own hand, yet a man she didn’t at all. His voice softened. “Well, nature changes. It’s what nature does. And you’re part of it.”

Johanna chuckled darkly. “I’m too old to change who I am, Woodman. And who I am hasn’t ever been enough.”

Rubble, and lichen, and dirt.

The look he gave her wasn’t one of pity, though she couldn’t be sure that wasn’t just because his face only allowed for a very limited amount of emoting. “One’s never too old to grow up. And you’ve grown. A lot.”

She bit the inside of her lip, something irksome unfurling on her low belly. “Change is scary.”

“Is it worth it?”

“Yes.” She doesn't hesitate for a moment

“Well, then.” He shrugs as if he’s saying the most obvious thing ever. “Do it scared.”

…......

The Woodman walks back to the cabin with her. Her cabin, that is. He doesn’t ask if she wants him to. He doesn’t say why he does it. Just silently helps her find her way back home. It’s not as cold outside anymore, nor as scary. The sun is rising, and it’s not exactly bright yet and the shadows are still soft and unthreatening. When they’re close enough that the lights of the elf village are within sight, he begins humming a tune she is certain she knows, but can’t remember. Something that itched at her memories, but in a good way for once.

“Want to come in for breakfast?” She asks once they are out into the open field that surrounds the elf village and the cabin. There’s no way to know if they have anything he’d even eat at their house, but it felt like the least she could do was ask. They could see the sky more clearly, now. It was orange and pink, like the roses that Kaisa liked to give her.

“No need. But do tell Hilda, Mattie and the witch that I’ve sent my regards.”

“I will -” She nods, thankful for his help and completely at loss for how to express it. And then it dawns on her, slowly yet strongly all the same, just like the dawn she was currently witnessing, that she’d never told the Woodman who she’d married or that she’d had a second child, nor said child’s name. “- wait how do you -” Johanna turned to look past her right shoulder, where the Woodman had been, but the creature was already gone “know…?”

There was no time to dwell on that, nor to wonder if she’d perhaps hallucinated the entire night, because she immediately heard her wife’s distressed voice calling out to her.

“Anna!” Said the witch, who was sprinting from their cabin door directly into her arms, carrying her wand. Johanna’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of tear tracks on her face, but it was soon squeezed out of her by the collision of their chests when Kaisa locked her into a desperate hug.

“I was looking for you for hours.” Being bitten by one of the wolves that roamed those woods would have probably hurt less than hearing the despair in Kaisa’s voice did. “Are you hurt? Where were you?”

Johanna didn’t let her lift her gaze or step away to check for injuries, keeping her wife as close as possible, the shorter woman’s face in the crook of her neck.

“I’m okay.” She admitted with guilt cutting at her heart. “I’m sorry, love. I’ve been a mess, and I didn’t even know how to talk about it. Went for a walk to clear my head, but I didn’t realise I’d been away for so long. Didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yeah, you did.” Kaisa whined with a lot of relief and barely any anger. “Don’t do that again, please. Leave a note. Take a flashlight. Anything.”

Her chin resting on top of her head, Johanna squeezed her tighter, eyes falling shut. “I will. I promise. Are the girls - ?”

“Hilda woke up when I was searching the house for you. She wanted to help, but then Mattie woke up as well, so she agreed to stay in their room playing with her so she wouldn’t notice you were missing.”

Johanna let out a long exhale. She’d been irresponsible. Her family deserved better.

But they wanted her nonetheless.

“I really am sorry. And I want to talk to you about it. I want to try, at least. My mind has just felt like it’s been on fire lately. I’m not as unbothered by things as I thought I were.”

Kaisa lifts up her gaze. Her tears have mostly dried, but her eyes are still red. Johanna reaches down to press the gentlest of kisses to their lids, as if that could make it better.

“Having second thoughts?” The witch asked in a small voice, as if Johanna could ever be anything less than sure when it came to her.

“Never.”

“Then what -”

“I don’t know, dear.” Johanna sighed. “I just know there’s too much of me in this forest. That means the parts I don’t like, too. So being back is…”

She leaves the sentence there, knowing Kaisa would read her sufficiently well to complete it in her mind. The librarian took a hand that had been at the small of her back and brought it to cup Johanna’s chin.

“We’ll talk about it.” She whispered. “When you want. When you’re ready. I’ll help however I can, you know that.”

Johanna wasn’t able to nod in her hold, but she tried it anyway. Kaisa’s eyes sparkled with the rising light.

“But there is not a single part of you I do not like, Johanna. You’ll do well to remember that next time before running off dramatically into the woods again.”

Her laughter was cut short by a kiss pressed to her lips, which was also eventually interrupted by a young woman running to them with a giggling child in her arms.

Tell me I am good enough.

They played cardboard games the entire morning. In the afternoon, Alfur gave them a proper tour of the village.

Oh, lay my curses out to rest

She brought a tray with breakfast for Kaisa come morning, before she’d even woken up, and this time left a note that she’d be at the forest for a bit with Hilda and Twig, for old times’ sake.

After the weekend was over, they went back to Trolberg. And they all remained the same: ever changing.

Make a mercy out of me.

[prodagustd]

helloo!!! hope you're doing fine 💖 i've read the chapter 4 (of the road not taken) last night, and i must praise your writing once again!!! it's so immersive and i feel that you capture the complications of what it's like to make big decisions of your paths in life, being a yong adult and human relationships in between so well!!!

the characters are complex and not once sided...you know? it's like they're real people, it's so refreshing!! i loved to see what i feel it's like new sides of the protagonist, to know her better..i'm enjoing it so so so much!!! i'm in love with yoongi once again, he's so loveble, so understanding, attentive.....of course the story is yet reveling itself to us, but idk i'm biased 🤭 ...i loveee him and i'm excited to see more of this character!!

yesterday i was at work when i got the notification that the chapter was posted and i got sososososososo happy, genually happy, and i couldn't wait to read it...this story gives me butterflies and i'm really really loving it!! sorry about the long message, but i feel like you deserve to know how good you are and how people love your writing and this story!!!!!! byeeee, stay good ✨

WHAT??? I love long messages !! 😭 it’s literally my favorite part after writing ??

I’m so happy that you already read it!! And that you liked it 🥺 I think I know many people who are oc’s age (myself included 😭) and it’s such a collective experience feeling lost and frustrated when it’s time to make decisions that are going to affect all your life!??)!!

And I’m so happy that you’re enjoying the characters!!! Especially the oc bc I know she gets a bit complicated sometimes jshdjsj but she also has so many parts of me so i love her!! and btw, I’m SO biased about Yoongi as well bc he’s so cute 🥺 he did nothing wrong your honor (or did he???!!!?👀)

AAAA no bc you are giving me butterflies with this message!!! I love reading that you’re liking it, I’ve never been this excited to know what people think about my stories lmao. So please look forward to the next one!! I’m hoping it comes sooner than this one did❤️‍🩹

And again, thank you for writing!!! I hope you have an amazing day ilyyyyyy

[perexcri]

Aaaa I can’t believe there’s only six more chapters!! I’m happy for you about the new job!!

Also 🥰🥰🥰 you continue to have first sentences on a Lock. “They pull closer, and spring washes away in thunderheads and afternoon showers to reveal a sweltering summer.”

Mike basically proposing how he does is So in Character of him tbh. I also like how he didn’t Push too hard about it. (Maybe if they do end up going to the east together, they could elope👀👀👀👀).

I’ve been trying to figure out what Will’s almost,,,wistful half-longing for leaving reminds me of, and I finally figure out. I could deffo be way off base, but it’s almost like the Elvish desire for the Undying Lands. (And tho Byler are most often compared to samfrodo, I think in this scenario they would be more like Legolas and Gimli, hopefully making sure his love dearest friend gets to go with him.) ofc, again I could be way off, but just what I was thinking.

“They grow and they learn. They speak and they smile and they laugh, and when one says something too out of line, the other lets him know with sharp glares and pointed comments. Will instinctively reaches for two sets of things now no matter what, and Mike always draws close to him, as if he’s not complete without the other by his side.” This whole paragraph !!! They!!!

Cuddles!!!!! Cuddling for safety from nightmares is !!!!!! They’re getting even closer !! I’m so dndjdic. I’m so normal about them, I swear.

I really do adore this story. It’s always a nice pick me up when the day hasn’t been the best, or turns an okay day great. I hope you know how much I appreciate u, as a writer and as a friend.

Anyway I hope you are doing well, and that the project and your upcoming job (!!!) are fun and wonderful.

i knowww!! it's almost over!! i will say all of these upcoming chapters run a little longer though, so there's at least that? i promise i'm doing my best to give them their happy ending :D

(and thanks for the well wishes on the job i am excited but so nervous but i am being so brave about it)

ajlsajlasdj i am once again making a surprised pikachu face and blushing at you pointing out something about my writing. i'm glad you liked that first sentence!! it's been so fun in this fic to describe the seasons passing and what-not. my more popular fics (like to hell and back again, cheer up baby, and what a match) all have really heavy time or place constraints, so this one has been nice to be able to let it flow more naturally and see where it takes me. it's become very near and dear to my heart, so i'm especially grateful for people like you for keeping up with it!!

yeah Mike basically proposing 👀 hrrrhmhmmmm 👀

Vee,,,i am about to reveal something about myself, and i hope you can forgive me: i honestly don't know a whole lot about lord of the rings (which is really weird considering i read the first book when i was in middle school, but i digress). i trust your judgment on this though, and i am doing some furious googling just so i can learn more about it!!

i'm glad you liked that paragraph about them growing together T_T that's been one of the parts that's been absolutely gnawing at me. like i've wanted to post it ever since i wrote it, so i'm very happy it gets to be out in the world now :D and yes, they are getting closer!! literally if i thought my brain could handle it i would proofread the next chapter and post it tonight, but i am so tired lol. it should be coming out tomorrow though!! i hope so at least, or else i might explode or something

i know i already gushed about this somewhere up there in this block of text^^^ but i truly am glad you enjoy this story so much!! i enjoy all the support i get on fics ofc, but people like you who have been regularly interacting with this one have made me feel extra special. this story means a lot to me, and i'm glad it can mean something to others now or that it can be a reason to make your day a little brighter, and in the end, that's all i can really ask for out of the stuff that i write, and it's something i've learned i really enjoy doing. i used to never share stuff i wrote with other people, but i'm slowly learning that you can never know how it might affect another person, and that sometimes it's better to share and see what happens than keep it close to your chest and never let somebody else partake in what you've made

aND YOU VEE!! i hope YOU know how much i appreciate you as a friend!! you are so sweet and kind, and i always look forward to what you have to say whenever i update anything because you're always so thoughtful and have such good insight. you're such a lovely person and a wonderful light in my life as well as others'. i hope this isn't being too Out There or whatever, but when i hit a point about a month ago where i really thought i was gonna have to put this fic aside because i was so stuck on it and just dealing with my own stuff, your messages about it really helped me keep going T_T it is not a stretch at all to say that i would not be nearing the end of this fic without you, so please know that you do so much even just by the presence you have on this webbed site and in this fandom!!

i would love to say this is the only time today i've typed up a super long reply to something when i maybe should've made it shorter, but nope!! i've been responding to ao3 comments that are just a few sentences with 2-3 paragraphs tonight. guess i'm just in a Mood huh

bUT if you are willing to put up with my drivel, i just want you to know you deserve all the best!! i am wishing you glowing flowers, as well as wonderful things for the new year and your endeavors, whether big or small!! :] 💜💜💜

[decembermoonskz]

halow izzy! been a while, hasnt it? how were you these past weeks, i ve missed you during your absence >:3 i read your post AND BELIEVE ME, this your blog so you really can do whatever you want ! that anon is kinda selfish for not thinking what you feel, honestly :// they just wanna make chaos SMH Y^Y i cant believe they wanted YOU to adjust and not them, telling you to what to do and what not to do. SMH. AND YUHS, SO PAWERFUL ! show them whos boss >:) JKJK but really, continue standing up for yourself, youre doing a great job :>> anyways, hopefully feel better now :3

did you get eula? i dont think i have enough primos for albedo <//3 theres still about a week left but i already finished the events so i dont think ill get him anytime soon ~.~ I MEAN , I COULD BUY ?? but then again, i dont really have enough funds Y^Y im crying at 40 pity :"> aaa do you think mihoyo is nice enough to rerun a banner 2 times? LOL a sad loss BUT good news for us, xiao is getting a rerun after itto i think. i know you mentioned this before but do you have a xiao? I FORGET THINGS EASILY SORRY 😭 all the remaining primos i can get, ill gamble them all in albedos banner. but if im too unlucky (hopefully not) ill just skip ittos banner and get xiao </3 i feel the "you cant get everything in life" :"> i remember you wanting to get itto so best luck on that !

WERE SO LUCKY TO DREAM ABOUT OUR BIASES Y^Y 🙌 if only i could control my dreams beforehand, like choosing a plot for a story, then i would have spent more than 12 hours in bed :> ill force myself to sleep just for that LOL i read from somewhere that the people you dreamt of, whether or not theyd be someone you personally know, are beings youve encountered before, even if its someone you dont remember. for example , you went to mcdonalds and talked to the cashier, ofc youll forget their face minutes later, right? but possibly later that night, youll dream of the same person but just dont remember its the cashier guy. STUFF LIKE THAT. kinda cool honestly 😎

WAIT REALLY?? YOU GOT THE SINGLE?? damn youre so lucky 🤩 correct me if im wrong, but i believe theres 2 kinds of photocards there? a normal (normal?? 😭) and a glitter type chuchu. soo which did you get? AND WHOOO?? i agree, christmas evel radiates mischievous vibes ✨ bc of that, the fandom got another iconic line from skz ! feliz navidad but felix, never bad 😎

MOVING ON,,, i LOVELOVELOVELOVEEEEE THE NEW TEASER !! i feel like this might become my new favourite. idk why, maybe im just a sucker for mystery stories LOL im really excited aaaa plus it being 15k at least ??? this is heaven. AND ALSO, its been a while since i opened tumblr on laptop so omaygad when did you change your theme? THE CLOCK THINGY IS COOL WHEN ITS LOADING IS SO COOLLL huhu. 2 days countdown 👀 hope you have great days !

- 🤡

hey there bub! it’s been a little bit yeah! hope you’re doing well! aww you’re so sweet hhhh missed you too 💜 I’ve been okay! been writing g&s and doing school stuff but I’m getting by fine ^^ I appreciate your words tho bub I realized I didn’t have to feel guilty of anything. Just smth I had to learn after the fact apparently haha 😂 I’m much better tho and ty I’m doing my best to learn to stand up for me hehe

managed to snag them both!!! (the pics I took of them are so pretty uwu) I was a little nervous about getting eula but after my mom was basically like “just get her. you want her.” I’m glad she convinced me it was def worth it 🤧😂 I’m sorry you haven’t gotten him 😭😭 I hope you snag him or xiao !! I’m gonna be grabbing everything I can for these next couple banners since I’m not sure I want shenhe so I may start saving then. I do not have xiao unfortunately 😔 I’m planning to go for his c1 when does rerun tho! many say it’s going to be him and ganyu. these are leaks ofc but many have speculated this since 2.3 leaks started so I have a feeling it’s true.

my mom always encourages me and reminds me I can have the things I want. If I enjoy it and I’m sure about it then it’s not a bad decision. I’m so lucky I have her 😭😭

yeah my dreams are pretty interesting sometimes but that’s super cool actually to think that ppl you see may show up again in that way with your memory 🤔 also I haven’t. gotten my album yet but it’s supposed to come today or tmr so I’m excited! 🤧💜

I’m glad you liked the g&s teaser !! 🥺🥺 yeah I’m thinking it’ll be that long but hhhhh it could be longer idk yet we shall see *shrugs* and thanks! my theme has been this way for at least a few weeks now. I love it so much. Plus the music in the music player is one of my favorite songs so I just play it on my blog sometimes to relax 💜💜

[starshapedpetals]

I’m sorry this took so long I was so tired my vision was blurry, my phone was dying and it takes me like hours to post because I have such a big panic attack about sounding mean or saying too much that I rewrite my post like 30 times before hitting post.

Oops sorry I didn’t notice it when I reblogged it! I don’t feel comfortable exactly telling my age online out of fear. I’m so sorry please don’t be mad but I’ll tell you that your close.

Pronouns: I’m very in the middle with going by she/her or she/they. Currently it’s she/her but who knows lol

HJHHKJH YEAH I AIN’T STRAIGHTTT. I think I go by pansexual? I’m not sure how much I like titles anymore tho haha

Zodiac: Sagittarius but I do have a cancer moon! Not exactly sure what it means but yeah!

Romantic status: BJHJHS YOU RIGHT. It’s just longing for my fictional loves over here ✌️

Eye color: blue

Hobbies: yeah I love doing everything and anything creative. Any form of expression, creativity & art is my shittt. Dancing, acting, photography, writing, making jewelry, digital art, singing, spray painting, uh editing? Idk what to call it but like editing photos is also fun. I know I’d do more but I’m such a procrastinator sometimes ugh. Like I really want to learn how to sew! I do have a few dogs & cats so you’re right ☺️ That kinda makes me wish that I horseback ride. It sounds so cool nowww aaaa that’s such a cool idea I just might after this post! Awe I want to garden but I just haven’t started my own garden yet idk why 🥺 I literally adore flowers & flower meanings seriously why am I not gardening yet?? Like one of my dreams is to have a huge garden sanctuary literally what the fuck am I doing right now?? I’m so happy I come off like that 🥺

I think I’m more of an Ambivert? That description you gave does fit me entirely though. I just have really bad social anxiety like I can barely speak. Unless you’ve known me for long enough or have been with me for a few hours during the day to where my anxiety starts to wear off, I’m much more feral.

Favorite season: I really do like spring its probably my second favorite month? But as I was writing this I realized how much more I really do love fall. With spring you get a lot of rain & flowers, which I adore. Unfortunately I can’t really say much else that I really enjoy. With summer there’s much more activities I like to do & its somehow much more exciting? Even if I can’t stand the heat. Winter has the holiday feel to it which makes me feel joyful & sad at the same time. But January is a boring month. February at least has Valentine’s Day which I love that lovecore aesthetic SO MUCH. I used to say I was tied between fall & spring but that seems to be simply not true. Fall has all the smells & vibe that makes walking outside hit different. All those candy packs come out so even if you get some for trick or treaters, you can get some for yourself Y’know what I’m saying 👀 I just love Halloween & the plushies that come with it. Plus I love skeletons & vampires, even when I was a kid! I’ve always had a taste for the scary stuff & Halloween just awakens everything in me like I get so fucking hyped when I see Halloween decorations in the store. & THE SMELLS LIKE THE CINNAMON BROOMS & CANDLES OMG. Ahh & I just love decorating too! Ooo & the horror movies & dressing up 🤩 & the warm coziness of autumn is the stuff of my dreamsss. The aesthetic is just *chefs kiss* So I’m going with fall as my favorite season. Aha I’m sorry if that was too long

Don’t worry I don’t feel insulted at all! I laughed a lot while reading this! I just really hope my answers don’t disappoint hhhh

fun game!! dont look at my about and guess these things based on how you perceive me:

age pronouns and gender zodiac sign romantic status eye color hobbies introverted / extroverted favorite season

[luvdsc]

Hello miss cat! It’s been a minute since I’ve popped in on your blog, and just in time to see you posted a new fic! I’m so very excited to start reading it and come back to gush since I’ll always adore your writing (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

Anyways, life update on my end! Sorry if it’s a little long hdjshfj I started college and have been doing not so good 🤩 I have online classes still, which I think is part of the problem, but I’m also just very unmotivated to do any of my stuff :’) I’ve been really liking my job though (I work at a restaurant and my coworkers are literally the best) and thought maybe I’d take next semester off or just take a class or two and go full time, but I’m not sure yet. I just don’t know what I wanna major in or what I even wanna be in the future still? I’ve always had a “go with the flow and do whatever” type of mindset, plus I’m very indecisive AND not super attached to any specific thing, which doesn’t help me at all. If I did go into a job with animals like I’ve always thought I would, I don’t think many are the right fit for me in terms of how much I’d like to get paid, how long I’d have to go to school, and my actual interest in the job as well,,

In terms of kpop and stuff, I’ve fallen out of the loop so hard omg... I don’t even buy albums anymore and have been trying to sell pcs for school money 😔 I’ve only been buying nct dream albums and debating whether I wanna keep diving into txt or tbz even though I already know I probably won’t stick around for long. I saw you bought one of txt’s albums though? :0 I swear fourth gen groups are extra hard to choose a bias for, so mine literally switches between all of them, but Taehyun is my number one for the most part! (Jisung’s birthday twin 🥺) also, have you gotten your hot sauce/hello future albums yet? If so, wHO DID YOU PULL? I’m still searching for Jisung’s past Kihno, pls,, but I have Jeno’s departure and Renjun’s past Kihnos, so I’m happy for now :’) also Eric and Jeno finally met aHH, the twins 👀

Anyways, I hope you’re doing well miss cat! Please do take care of yourself and your well-being :) drink lots of water and eta lots of good food and take mental health breaks when you need them! Time to go and read your new fic so I can tell you how much I lone it later <3 - 🥫

hi, sweetpea !!!!!! 💓💓 omg it’s been so long, I hope you’re doing well !!! How have you been? What have you been up to these days? 💘 aaaa I hope you enjoyed the fic if you’ve read it :’) I haven’t been writing at all these past few months, so unfortunately, I don’t see any new postings in the near future 🤧

oh noooo, I’m sorry to hear that college isn’t going as well as you hoped ): online classes are such a struggle, I only had my last quarter online, but it was so difficult to pay attention in class…. I hope it’s gotten better for you, lovebug, and that you find the motivation to go to your classes !! You got this 💜💜 I’m happy to hear that you’re enjoying your job and liking your coworkers though !!!! It’s good that you have something positive to balance out with the gross online classes 🤧 picking a major is definitely a hard decision, and I also struggled really bad with it (and I have two major changes and two minor changes on my school transcript to show for that lmao) but whatever you think is best for yourself, then I’d say go for it! If you think it’s better to take a step back to figure out what you wanna do, then I support you. If you decide to continue to take classes and see if any interest you enough to major in it, then I support you also, lovebug 🌸 yeah, there’s a lot of factors that go into picking a major, and if it helps, my final top two factors were money and stability lol I ultimately chose to major in a field that will make me a rather decent amount of money and have a stable trajectory up the chain, like I know I’ll get promoted after so and so years, how my salary will rise, that I can find a job easily, etc. so it’s not the job I dream of, but it gives me what I prioritized

oof yeah, I feel this too 🤧 I just saw that there’s gonna be nct 2021? But other than that, I only paid attention to winwin actor 🤩🤩🤩 omg did you get rid of your nct collection ???? 😦 they do go for quite a lot….. hmm maybe wait a few more months and see if you still like tbz or txt? albums are quite expensive after all 😅 and yes I bought two !!!! I bought fight or escape and blue hour ✨ omg taehyun, I think I got his pob pc ?? YES april told me that he and jisung are bday twins and that’s so cute :’) I LITERALLY GOT THE NOTIF THAT MY ALBUMS FINALLY SHIPPED YESTERDAY 💀💀 but I checked the tracking and it says location unknown so 🥴 I’m honestly so done with this, I don’t even want the albums anymore 😭 omg good luck with finding jisung’s past kihno !!!! It’s super cute 💕💕 and YOU GOT JENO’S DEPARTURE KIHNO was it hard to find??? I hope it wasn’t too expensive, I know his kihnos for that era were sooo pricey 😬 and renjun’s pcs are so pretty ✨✨ is Eric from tbz? the only 4th gen idols I pay attention to are itzy and aespa 🤧 and somi ! 💞💞Although idk if she’s 3rd or 4th gen shjdjdjdkx

I’m doing very well, lovebug, thank you so much for checking in with me and for all your well wishes 🥺💗💗 I hope you’re also taking care of yourself and drinking lots of water and eating yummy food and having a good weekend !!!!! 🌷🌷🌷 I’m always so happy to see you in my inbox, and I hope everything has been going well for you, angel 🌼🌼