#I’ve been calling him big man but also big man splatoon exists so I can’t ACTUALLY name him that

[moodlemcdoodle]

Fake movie poster design I did for this guy as part of my coursework!

[donut-secret-one]

Games: Of The Year

Hey, it’s me, your gamer friend “Parasite” Eve, here to talk about video games. I watched and played a few of those this year, so here’s some words about some of them, as a tumblr post, because I don’t know where else you can put a long writing thing.

GAMES ENJOYED BY WATCHING

Drakengard 3 and Ending E of Drakengard

I watched these in preparation for NieR: Automata, and it turns out I could have basically just read a summary and it would’ve been fine. I still think it’s impressive that I like the look of Drakengard 3 even though it seems like the gameplay sucks and I hate most of the characters.

Resident Evil 7: Biohazard 7: Resident Evil

I think it’s neat that each “level” of this game is like a different horror genre. Scary house with a murder man, different scary house fulla bugs, a Saw thing, a scary little girl, a Resident Evil game... it’s a cool way to make the different parts of the game seem like, different, parts of the game.

NieR (Gestalt)

This seems like a really good video game, although the playthrough I watched cut out a lot from the extra routes, so maybe those parts are boring, who knows. The big plot twists are rad and the characters are good and it’s a videogame that made me cry.

Yakuza 0

I love Majima. Remember when all those people were looking at the statue guy and he was doing his dance and they were ignoring him? Remember when he had his band play battle music? Remember when, at the end, he can’t say anything to Makoto and he just walks away and you get sad at video games again? yeah...

Kiryu’s very good too. I can’t think of as much stuff to say about him. sorry.

Yo! Noid II: Enter the Void (https://dustinbragg.itch.io/yo-noid-was-ahead-of-its-time)

I probably could have played this but I had already seen a stream of the whole thing so I didn’t. The music and the look are rad. I think I want a whole game that plays how this game looks like it does, probably.

Tekken 7

There’s a part in the story mode where everyone sees Kazuya turn into the devil and shoot a big laser beam, and then a few days later everyone forgets it happened because something else happens.

GAMES ENJOYED BY PLAYING

Fire Emblem: Heroes

I started out liking this kind of a lot but not so much anymore, and I think I pretty much just want some aspects of this to be in a “real” FE game. It lets me only use the characters I like without missing out on anything, I get to be a silent protagonist instead of a boring generic loser, and they added a vague, abstracted version of the support system that lets you be a whole lot gayer. I think in my game Camilla is married to both me and Lucina. But yeah, it turns out I just want all that in a game that’s not a Mobile Game-ass Mobile Game.

Maybe I should learn more about game dev and make that game myself.

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp doesn’t get its own section cause I basically have the same stuff to say about it. Just let me have a small house and let me make public spaces in a proper AC game. Actually I think they let you do that in Happy Home Designer. Maybe I should just play that.

Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Needs more cooking in it. Also, one time I saw a guardian shoot its laser at the ruins of an old wooden shack I was hiding behind, and it just stayed standing, and that seemed kinda weird.

For reasons this game is good, read anybody else’s GOTY list.

Team Kirby Clash Deluxe

I don’t have screenshots for all of these, okay?

So this game has free-to-play mechanics that force you to choose between “paying money” and “grinding, but only getting a certain amount of fights per day”. Apart from that though, It’s fun to try and speedrun Kirby bosses with that good kirby music.

NieR: Automata

I only finished Route A, oops.

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow randomiser (https://github.com/abyssonym/aos_rando)

I played this about as much as any other game on this list & remembering it now makes me wanna play it more. I became good at skips in this game, and had a gun fight with Julius.

Splatoon 2

The game was pretty good I guess, but the music was even better than Splat1n. Everything by Marina and Pearl, the final boss songs, and the weird Salmon Run themes rule. I’m also real into the art of the fictional bands they make for this. Hey, nintendo, when are you makin a full rhythm game in the Splatooniverse?

Miitopia

This is a weird Mii RPG they put on 3DS. The gameplay is pretty, because it’s mostly just like, generating weird events and encounters based on the miis you’re using and the personalities you’ve assigned them? It’s pretty neat for a single playthrough but that’s about it. I kinda wanna see more games that do this kinda gimmick though. They probably exist and I’ve never heard of them.

Also I got to wear cute outfits and the relationship has that same vagueness that makes it seem gay as I talked about for FE:Heroes.

Sonic Mania

Sonic Mania is so good, it even has the bad parts of 2D Sonic. You still get crushed by dumb platforms and some of the bosses are awful. The middle section of Metal Sonic is garbage until you find out how you’re “supposed” to do it. Also why can’t Tails fight the true final boss.

After you get used to all that though, it’s a good video game. you can even go fast.

Metroid: Samus Returns

Hey, they (officially) made a new Metroid game, and it’s good. It sticks a little too closely to the original Metroid 2 in certain ways that kinda make the exploration part not as good, but they do a lotta cool combat stuff. The fights are tough but they give you checkpoints right before them so I’m fine with it at least, and even though the new final boss was a big obvious fanservicey thing, I was still way into it.

Dragonball Xenoverse 2 for Nintendo Switch

This game’s fine I guess.

Anyway I watched a bunch of Dragon Ball this year, mostly DBZ Kai. I’m just at the start of the Future Trunks arc of Super. Hey, did everyone know, Dragon Ball fuckin rules??

Super Mario Odyssey

i like when the mario does a jump.

Sonic Forces

Honestly, it’s just a sorta-worse-than-normal 3D Sonic, and that makes it a pretty fun video game. Sure, the 2D sections are bad, I wish the 3D ones played a little more like Generations, and I wish the plot was a little more entertaining, but, I got to dress up my cat and fist bump sonic and the song called “fist bump” played. It’s cool. I’d prefer the good version of this to the perfected version of Sonic Mania. probably.

Dragon Ball Fusions

Okay but -this- Dragon Ball game was actually really good. It’s a 3DS RPG where you collect Dragon Ball characters like pokemon, including like a hundred OCs made for this game that I sometimes like better than the real characters, and you fuse them together. The battles system, though, is one of the best parts. I haven’t seen much else like it. The basic idea is like a Chrono- Trigger-style thing where the attacks have an area of effect based on the position of the character using it and the target, but on top of that, attacks do knockback, and you can knock enemies into allies to do a combo attack, knock them into other enemies to bounce them off each other, or knock them out of bounds to delay them a few turns... and they can do that stuff to you as well? And so every fight is also kind of a pool game?? And it rules???

On top of that, there’s stuff around which direction you’re attacking in vs. which direction the target is blocking, using your ki blast moves to counter other people’s ki blast moves so you’re pushing back Frieza’s death ball with a galick gun, and using super moves to recruit enemy fighters... there’s all this stuff going on in the fights, and despite being a turn-based sort of tactical RPG, the fights still kinda feel like DBZ fights? I’m writing a lot about this one I think mostly because it’s the one I’ve been playing recently but also nobody talked about it whenever it came out. It’s a good RPG -and- you get to do Dragon Ball stuff. You can fuse Yamcha with Vegeta. You can fight Great Ape Broly. For some reason they replaced all the swords with sticks but people still talk about Hell and Frieza’s still all about killing children. That’s a weird one but I wanted to write a third thing that was in the game and that was the first thing I thought of.

Anyway yeah... my top games are probably Dragon Ball Fusions, Breath of the Wild, and, I dunno, Samus Returns? Sure, let’s go with that.

ANIME OF THE YEAR

Kemono Friends. I didn’t watch a lot of other anime this year... but I didn’t need to.

2018 STUFF

There’s a new Kirby game so that’ll probably be at least in my top 5 I guess. Dragon Ball Fighterz looks good but I don’t own anything that’ll be able to play it. what the hell else is coming out in 2018

“THE END OF THIS POST” OF THE YEAR

In conclusion, the games were pretty good. I think we should keep making them.

Have a nice next year!

-Eve “Good at Video Games”. No second name.

<3

[turntothree]

During the Break: Build-A-Hedgehog

Dateline – April 12, 2017

Nintendo is riding high after the overnight success of the Switch and to keep that hype train firmly on track, it airs another of its promotional Direct packages. Jam-packed with A-Listers like Splatoon 2, Fire Emblem Echoes and Arms, the broadcast is a ratings smash!

But in the midst of The Big N’s biggest hits, what got the most attention (at least from fans on the Internet) was the first full gameplay trailer for Sonic Forces. It was pretty good.

...

Editor’s Note: Is that all you have to say?

Well, we got to see Modern Sonic dash and soar through Eggman’s Bad Future like it was some sort of dystopian rollercoaster, while Classic Sonic got to run the vintage Green Hill Zone obstacle course. Both gameplay styles got ample time to show off their pretty set pieces as well as a satisfying impression of speed, momentum and impact.

Granted, it was only a 30 second clip, but it was a nice little indication that Sonic Team went back to what made these mechanics work so well together in Sonic Generations. Perhaps with some added tweaks, this 2526th anniversary milestone will be just as special as its year 20 counterpart. Or at the very least something that might break the “Sonic Cycle”.

Editor’s Note: Gotta keep that emphasis on might.

I guess that about covers it. Don’t forget to like, comment and re-blog; oh and stay tuned fo...

Editor’s Note: *AHEM!*

Heh heh. It seems I forgot to address the shadowy figure stoically lingering in the room.

Yeah, as good as the trailer was, it wasn’t the gameplay that caught the public’s interest but rather the captivating secret that brought it to the finish line.

For an entire month, Sonic fans had been trying to solve the mystery of this unknown Player Three’s identity. Then suddenly, SEGA lifted the cowl...*Sigh*

Editor’s Note: Even knowing what we know now, you still want to discuss your theory, don’t you?

I spent so much time putting it together....how was I supposed to know the reveal would happen before E3?

Editor’s Note: It shouldn’t have taken you weeks to put it together in the first place. But since you worked so hard, have at it. Just make it quick.

OK! So, after digging through every hedgehog, fox, echidna, bat, cat, rabbit, flicky and sniper in Sonic Team’s sketchbook, I narrowed my list down to five possible suspects. My findings were based solely on the curious critter’s fashion sense.

Editor’s Note:  Pop monarch shoes, ruffled up socks and Mouseketeer gloves. Yup, it’s a Sonic character all right.

After a rigorous process of elimination, five became two.

Editor’s Note: Uh-huh. “Rigorous.” Looking at ear shapes and checking for patagium doesn’t take a whole lot of time, dude.

*Cough* Anyway, two resisters remained; the iconic pairing of Sonic & Tails, no less. Upon a second glance at Mr. Prower, I thought I had the mystery solved.

Everything from the fashion choices to the shape of his head and whiskers, he seemed like the perfect candidate. Yup, I was confident it was Tails...until I saw this model lacked Miles’ big bushy namesakes - them tails.

That just left Sonic.

Editor’s Note: Hey, did you ever consider Antoine? 

I’m quite familiar with that fan theory and I’d be lying if I didn’t also consider him a (somewhat) strong possibility. This whole thing with Eggman ruling the world definitely had an air of Archie to it, and the publisher did commission mock game assets of the Knothole characters to celebrate the Sonic comic’s 2014 revamp. Not to mention the Guinness award winning series is celebrating its own 25-year milestone, so a monumental crossover seemed like a good way to mark the occasion. Also, he was a perfect match for the silhouette. But I had to rule him out.

Editor’s Note: If chilidogs can exist in Sonic Team’s universe, why not Coyotes and Acorns?

Mainly, it’s a matter of licensing issues and “pending” cancellation.

Editor’s Note: Two years on television and 25 years in print. The Freedom Fighters had a good run.

Anyway, that just left Sonic and I think you know where I’m going with this.

Player One is the Sonic we know and Player Two is the Sonic we knew, so I think it would stand to reason Player Three 3 could’ve been the hedgehog Sonic could become.

Editor’s Note: Past, Present and Future all accounted for. That’s a mighty safe deduction, Sherlock. Also, that’s Sonic’s Uncle Chuck, you chuckle head.

As I was saying, I had a feeling SEGA may have wanted to celebrate a quarter century of Sonic games by shaking up the gameplay formula, while using the time travel plot device as a segue.

Editor’s Note: Unnecessary mechanical shake-ups has kinda been Sonic Team’s M.O. for like a decade now. You might as well have assumed this “Future Sonic” would be blue.

Look, I’m not talking low end shake-ups like making the levels spherical or adding a werehog. I’m talking a momentous shift on par with The Blue Blur speeding out on his first grand Adventure. If you’d grant me the pleasure, I’d be more than happy to explain it in excruciating detail.

Editor’s Note: Dude, seriously. This whole rant has been way too slow. Can we just shine a light on this mascot already?

*Groan* It’s the 26th anniversary, it’s a new generation of hardware, and Forces is the first multi-platform Sonic release in over half a decade. So, I figured Sonic Team would celebrate in a big way and what would be bigger than letting this anonymous animal take a new hedgehog engine out for a test spin?

Editor’s Note: I’m waiting!

OK, OK. [Clears Throat] During the 16-Bit glory years, The Fastest Thing Alive was a side-scrolling speedster and starting back from his transition into 3D, Sonic’s been turbo driving in tunnel vision from a fixed third-person vantage point.

Editor’s Note: EXPLAIN FASTER!

I FIGURED THE NEXT BIG SPRINT WOULD BE A PERSPECTIVE CHANGE!

Perhaps we’d finally get a taste of the open road strictly from a hedgehog point of view, like say the FPSonic short made by PIPOCA.

Or maybe we’d see the tried and true third-person tracks evolve to include multiple axes, like in the brilliant Sonic Utopia tech demo by Mr. Lange. 

...Or if Sonic Team didn’t want to change too much, I would have suggested it take advantage of the Forces gimmick and allow Sonic Tois to pass the piton to one of his many friends in order clear out enemy lines or solve puzzles. Think an updated Sonic Heroes or Knuckles Chaotix.    

Editor’s Note: But just as you pasted it together, your “Old Man Sonic” theory ran into a wall.

Dateline – May 16, 2017

SEGA releases another trailer and it focuses squarely on the identity of the third character. Fans gasp with baited breath as the vale was lifted to reveal...a random wolf guy.

Editor’s Note: Can’t say I saw that one coming.

It felt a tad anti-climatic, even though seeing him use a grapping hook to tie up a couple of giant Egg Robos was pretty cool...I guess.

Editor’s Note: Look man, you were wrong; you got to get over it. Also, now that I think of it, Sonic’s head is much too big to fit the silhouette, so you would’ve been wrong anyway. And don’t say he could have gotten a haircut. Sonic would never tame those quills.

Right. Well, before I could register Wolfy the Wolfboy as a new lead, the trailer got its second, third, fourth and fifth wind with the shocking twist this third player is in fact, an “Original Character”.

Editor’s Note: As in - Do Not Steal!?

You see, this charming customer is just one of thousands of possibilities players can dream up using a nifty creator tool and a little bit of imagination. With a long line of clothing options and a choice of one of seven spirit animals, players will be able to make a character that is distinctive to their personality.

As an added bonus, each of the seven classes has its own unique stat boost.

Wolves have magnetic personalities (rings for days). Dogs bounce back from death with five bonus rings. Cats cheat death by clinging to a single ring after taking damage. Birds are of the flightless variety but can still get air via a double jump. Bears are the heavies of the group and pack a powerful punch with their homing missile. Rabbits get a little extra time to race around with an I-flash damage boost.  And of course, Hedgehogs can pick up the rings they drop after taking a hit.

Editor’s Note: Based on those parameters, I think we might get overrun with re-coloured Sonics...not that there’s anything wrong with that. You do you, Archie did it too, creativity starts somewhere, etc. Speaking of stat boosts and buffs and other such mechanical things, what sort of play style will these OCs adhere to?

Oddly enough, there’s no perspective change or efforts made to shake up everything we know about Sonic. Instead, Sonic Team chose to make avatars playable in both modern and classic styles, but with a twist.

Do you remember the Wisps from Sonic Colors? They’re back...sort of. Throughout the game, each player character will be collecting an assortment of gadget’s called Wispens. Like the Wisps, these trinkets grant special abilities that can be used to take out enemies or to make racing through levels more expedient. 

Editor’s Note: I’m sorry you set yourself up for disappointment.

After thinking on it a bit, this surprisingly safe move was the right one. I don’t want to dig too deep (because that’s a topic for another time) but it took Sonic Team a good long time to get Sonic to run smoothly in 3D. Choosing to step away from all that progress just to give a milestone anniversary some extra publicity could’ve have lead to disaster, much like some of The Blue Blur’s previous gimmicks. Instead, fans are being treated to a neat new spin on what works.

As for the Create-a-Character concept, now that I’ve seen it, I’m surprised SEGA hasn’t capitalized on the whole fan fiction aspect of the fandom before. Sonic surfers can’t go through any social media network, fan forum, or artist alley without finding fan characters of all shapes, sizes, species and colours. With such a cluster of “original” critters, this seems like a million dollar idea.

Editor’s Note: I can think of a couple why nots.

*Sigh* I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some concern for Sonic Forces. As pointed out by...just about everyone, its fan fiction plotline opens it up for being absorbed into that “weirdness”. That said however, I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to rain on the CAC parade.

The majority of these fanfic authors are youngsters that love this series and day dream of seeing their silly side-characters race side-by-side with Sonic. Forces granting their wish is not only a profitable proposition for SEGA, it also encourages and inspires these kids to continue creating. I would like to think that goodwill offsets any potential *cough* naughtiness. 

Editor’s Note: Now that I think of it, said “naughtiness” would be unavoidable anyway just by virtue of being a Sonic game.

...

Editor’s Note: Between disproven theories, big reveals and potential mishaps, I think you’ve covered all the bases. You want to take this home?

Sonic’s 26-year rat hedge race has certainly been eventful. He’s had some incredible highs, embarrassing lows, and is now riding a stable return through the loop. Every moment of triumph, every stumble, every second wind, every trip up and third wind, The Blue Blur has had a loyal and dedicated pack of fans to run alongside him every step of the way.

They grew up in the trenches together and now they stand tall as a battlefield collective, ready to spin dash their way through the Eggman Empire and onward to freedom!

As a quarter-century celebration of its mascot and the fans that made him an industry icon, Sonic Team (probably) couldn’t have done any better than this.

...At least in the event Forces fails to win the day, Headcannon and Taxman will be there to save us with Sonic Mania.

Sorry about all the delays and such. I believe I’m on track now. So, I can say with confidence that you can Stay Tuned fo...

What’s this? It appears my plans for an Undertale review have been rained out, so to speak.

It’s convention season and with big moves being made and many more still to come, my creative energies would be better spent elsewhere, for now.

Huh...well, with that notice out of the way, Stay Tuned for a resistance of a different sort.

Reader discretion is advised.

Research Sources: Nintendo, SEGA, Comic Book Resources, Bleeding Cool, Polygon and IGN