#I’m tryna tread lightly

[justasadboi]

Thinking about watching euphoria again from the beginning just to like fuck my own head up

I also like am getting scared again about ending up with a fucking feeding tube and like I don’t want to do that even a little bit. I never thought I’d be at that point but I’m just constantly losing weight like haven’t been this weight in probably years tbh like I do kinda come back and forth with it. But like I feel like shit and my whole world seems to just be falling around me for so many reason and like I stopped eating because of it. And I’m at the point again where eating hurts and I don’t even want to eat ever again. I know I need to cause dropping dead of a heart attack from not eating is not how I wanna go but I don’t see a way to fix that and my own brain at this point. Like fuck. I just wanna go back to my mom but if I do I’m gonna relapse and just be bad again and I don’t want to do that but I just don’t see any other option. I wish I could just run away somewhere and figure shit out and then come back to everyone and be like I’m better but no time has passed and I’m healthy and healed and everything can just be okay. I’m having nightmares about the future because honestly I see myself ending up as the dead before 27 bpd static right now and I don’t wanna do that to my mom but I don’t see any other option.

[swtki]

Colours Of My Affection - B.B

Chapter 3

Pairing: Husband! Bucky Barnes x Wife! Reader

Warnings: Smut, 18+ content, sex in a pool (more so on the side of it tho), oral sex (f), pet names (doll), honeymoon, fluff, swearing

A/N: I’m writing this in nutrition class.

Yellow: Sunshine, happiness, summer.

The ceremony was beautiful, it really was. They had it in the woods behind Clint’s cabin, it wasn’t too humid or too dry; it was just right. The grass was soft, but not too soft as to have her heels sink into the ground. The reception was just how she dreamed it would be: The rose dress that she changed into framed her body just how her new husband liked it to be framed. Their first dance was perfect, the speeches better than anyone could have predicted, and of course the food supplied by Clint’s lovely wife was spectacular. It all ended with Bucky’s car peeling out of the driveway, his new wife beside him.

Bucky never really liked the country, but he made an exception for his honeymoon. A rental house in a small town outside of Houston offered an escape that was always welcome to the pair. They cooked each other meals, went on shopping trips to Walmart, domestic things. Their rental home was a few thousand yards from the other house on the road, meaning they had all the privacy a newly wed couple could ask for. Though the pool in the backyard was small, and in all honesty looked like it was almost as old as Tony Stark, it was a lovely solution to the humid, thick heat of the area.

Unbeknownst to her husband, Y/N had made a small bet with herself. By the end of this eight day get away, she was going to have sex with Bucky all over this house, and yes, the outside too. So far, it was day two and her mental checklist looked like this:

- Bedroom (duh)

- Bathroom (shower AND sink)

- Kitchen

- living room (preferably the floor because thats not our couch)

- Dining room (table)

- Pool

- Backyard grass (blanket though because I don’t want ant bites)

- Garage

- closet

- entry way

It wasn’t that hard to do the first three, and the last few wouldn’t be a Herculean feat, either. Bucky was a simple man when it came to sex; Bucky see’s ass, Bucky gets ass. She saw the way he looked at her when she exited through the back doors, a thin piece of nylon cloth separating her nude body from the outside air. His eyebrow raised and his body became tense.

He sat up from the lounge chair. “Goin’ for a swim, Doll?” he asked as she took off her sandals and began to dip her toes in the cool water.

“You wanna join?” She was now thigh deep in the water, watching as her husband debated his response.

He shrugged and got up to go inside, shortly returning with his trunks on. He was less than graceful as his muscular body treaded through the water over to where she was. She smiled as she felt his body press against her back.

“I know what you’re tryna’ do.” He said, his voice low.

“Are you gonna help me out, Buck? Give your wife some love in this pool?” She could feel his hot breath on her neck.

“Anything for you, Mrs.Barnes.” His hand snaked across her waist from behind, eventually falling to her cunt where he stuck his hand down her swim bottoms, circling her clit lightly. If they were on land, she would have fallen for how weak her legs were. The stubble tickled against her neck, where he left sparse kisses.

Before she could register it, he was lifting her onto the hot concrete surrounding the pool. The sun had made it almost unbearable, but she didn’t care. In one swift motion, her bottoms were tossed aside and Bucky lifted her legs behind his shoulders. He looked deeply into her eyes and leaned in closer. She could feel his hot breath and the anticipation of it all just made her even more wet. Her head fell back and a moan erupted from her throat as he gave a flat-tongued lick to her core. Switching between licks, sucking, and fucking her with his tongue, she felt the warm feeling in her gut start to overflow.

“I’m gonna-“ She couldn’t even finish the sentence before he sped his movements, causing her brain to melt and senses become numb. As she came down from her high, the concrete started to burn, causing her to jump up in pain. Bucky smirked and pulled himself from the water.

“Finish this inside?” he asked, picking up her swim bottoms from the ground.

“Finish? We’re just getting started, Mr. Barnes.”

Like my work? Reblog it!!! Liking it is nice, but rebloging means you want my work to be shown to others

[bapyess1r]

Sunny Daze

WARNINGS: cursing

Pairings: Sam x OC

Tags: @desertvvitch

Chapter 18

Sam’s POV

When we got back to the outskirts of Libertalia, the guards kept us locked in a cell together. The same cells they used to lock up misfit pirates. The tension in the small, dank space was gut wrenching. I sat in a corner, my knee bouncing up and down fretfully as I watched Sunny pacing before me. I looked at her with my face contorted into something nervous. The fact that I possibly got my brother killed over a long old obsession weighed heavily on me. And I never meant for him to get hurt. Or Sunny… ‘Oh...Sunny…’ I thought, knowing I absolutely fucked up. If she was upset before, she surely hated me now. I picked at the dried skin on my lip until it bled, thinking of anything I could say to her. Anything to make it better. “You weren’t supposed to be here.” was all that left my lips. Sunny stopped in her tracks almost immediately, whipping her head around to face me. The crazy in her eyes when she looked at me hurt a little.

“Excuse me?...” She scowled.

“I asked you to go home with Elena! I figured my leaving without you was a good enough incentive for you to quit-”

“I WORKED JUST AS HARD AS YOU AND NATE! I PULLED MY WEIGHT, DAMMIT, I BUSTED MY ASS TO BE HERE, SAM! I BUSTED MY ASS FOR YOU!” She screamed at me, cutting me off. Her big baby eyes were swelling with tears, her lips trembling a little as a single tear fell. I’d done it. I always did it. I just didn’t mean to do it to her. My shoulders slouched as she yelled at me. I deserved every second of it. Hell, I’d say it was well earned.

“Sunny, I-”

“There’s nothin’ you can say to me that’ll make me hate you less right now. You left without me. You knew what this meant to me and you…. And now Nathan’s gone, I just…” she started panicking and raking her fingers through her dark curls. She was at a loss for words.

“We don’t know that, Sunny.” I mumbled. I wanted to believe that he was okay but with how he fell…

“Samuel Drake, if Nathan doesn’t come back from this, so help me God...”

“I kno-”

“You’re so selfish! You lied to everybody and you knew what we all put in the line for you- what Nate put on the line for you! You don’t give a damn about anybody but yourself and you didn’t give a damn about your brother-” The moment she spoke on my feelings, I felt a fire burn in me. I huffed and puffed as her words dug deeper into me.

“Now you wait just a goddamn minute-” I snapped, raising my voice defensively. She inched closer, fixing her mouth to say something when the guard yelled at us.

“AYE! Quiet down in there!” The guard said, rapping his handgun against the rusty bars that held us captive. A moment of silence crashed over us both as he walked away and I stood to approach her as if she were a sleeping bear. I put a hand on her elbow and she pulled away from me. I hung my head with a sigh. She was right. I’d been reckless.

“Sunny…” I croaked. I wanted so badly to make things up with her if anything. “Everything just got so messed up- I… I just… I mean we were so close, Sun-”

“You lied, Sam.” She couldn’t stress that enough and I took it on the chin like a man. “You lied to your brother, you lied to Sully, and you lied to me. I don’t even know who… Was anything you told me the truth?” She asked, turning to look at me with devastation in her brown eyes. She searched my face for any sign of honesty. I was willing to give it to her. I had already lied to her so much. If I wanted any chance of keeping her around, I needed to come clean. I took my finger and pushed a singular curl off of her forehead, staring at her with vulnerability.

“I never once lied to you, Sunny. The only thing I lied about - and I do mean the only thing - was the breakout. That’s it.” I said, treading lightly with my words. I knew by now that there was no use in fighting with her. She’d only shoot me down in a heartbeat. “How you make me feel isn’t somethin’ I can just fake… As for Nathan…” I took a second to calm the sudden panic as my voice cracked a little. “I can’t forgive myself if anything happens to him… I…” I tried to find the words but explain all the emotions I was feeling but they just weren’t coming out right. I felt my eyes start to burn, thinking about the safety of my little brother as tears threatened to fall. I sniffled and pinched them away stressfully. She sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly before looking out at the lock the guard put on the door then back at me.

“We need to start workin’ on gettin’ outta here.” She whispered to me.

“They took all our gear, Sunny. How in the hell are we gettin’ out?” I sighed. With the way things were going, I honestly wanted to just quit and she picked up on that. An annoyed but supportive expression played on her face as she placed her hands on her hips. She spoke softly but firmly to me.

“Stop that shit, Sam.” She sang.

“Stop what-”

“That ‘oh my god its hard and now people are mad at me’ shit. That shit...right there.” She said pointing at my face. It wasn’t very articulate but I got it and I frowned with a defeated sigh, shaking my head. “After all this? After all you’ve done here? You, sir, don’t get to do that ‘I quit’ bullshit. Man the fuck up and get it done. Now… let’s go get our treasure.” She told me boldly. Something about the way she spoke to me struck a chord in my chest and I looked up at the small beacon of hope before me. She meant every word. A small smile threatened to pull on my lips as a bit of adrenaline started to surge.

“Yes ma’am.” I said as I approached her to press a kiss onto her lips but she put a firm hand against my face, mushing me and pushing me away.

“I’m still upset with you so you’re on punishment. I’m not kissin’ you right now.” She told me in a stale tone with a faint grin of her own. I smirked as I leaned against the cell wall.

“For how long?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Until I say so.” She said simply with a cute little shrug.

“I can wait.” I grinned, throwing a wink her way. She rolled her eyes and pulled a hair pin from her curls.

“I need you to take out the guard as soon as I unlock this door, got it?” She ordered and I readied myself with a nod, bouncing on my tip toes and loosening my limbs.

“Ready when you are, sweetheart…” I smiled as I rolled my shoulders back.

I watched her pick the lock carefully and quietly so as to not alert the guard. I heard the click from the lock as she successfully freed us and slowly unwrapped the chains from the door and wrapping them around her fist. She looked back at me as if to ask if I was ready and I cracked my neck, nodding. As soon as she opened the door, I eased my way out and snuck up behind the shorter man, wrapping my thick arms around his neck and squeezed tightly until his body grew heavy in my arms. “Shh…” I whispered, patting his head as I put him to sleep and dropped his body nonchalantly. Sunny left the cell as soon as he was down and we began to divvy his weapons. I took the handgun and let her have the big gun. ‘She’s so sexy with her big guns…’ I thought, admiring the shape of her body as her posture straightened, looking into the scope and checking her ammunition. I bit my lip as I checked my own ammo clip and approached her. “Be careful with that thing, sweetheart.” I smirked and she rolled her eyes before hiding behind Avery’s statue. I began to scan the area to see where the soldiers were posted.

“How many?” Sunny asked.

“I count 15. At least what I can see from here.” I winced as the both of us began to look around.

“We need a better vantage point. I dunno about you but I’m not tryna get all shot up.” She said before glancing up to an exposed balcony. I saw the shoulder of a guard standing up there pacing and smoking a cigarette. I knew that’s where we had to be.

“Up there!” I whispered to her as I let my eyes scan as much of the building as I could. “It looks like there’s a window around the side. Just gimme a sec to take out this guy.” I said, beginning to crouch my way over to the building.

I climbed the wall, hanging onto the windowsill as I peeked into the opening. The guard was leaning on the wall talking to another guard about how shitty Rafe Adler was. I didn’t count for another guard but what could I really do about it besides handle it? And while I absolutely had to agree with everything both men were saying, they were still in my way and had to be put down. I climbed in with a smirk and snatched the freshly lit cigarette from his hands, placing it between my lips before knocking his lights out. Spooking the other guard by accident, he pulled out his pistol. Before he could even take aim, I grabbed him by the wrist and kneed him in his gut, a clean punch swiping across his lower jaw as I brought him down. I ran to the balcony to call her over as quietly as possible and she snuck over to climb the wall. I reached out for her and helped her up into the building. She gasped at the sight of the second body. “I know. I didn’t expect a second.” I said, puffing the stolen cigarette.

She raised a brow at me as I did. “You got another one of those?” She asked, pointing to the one between my lips. I shrugged, moving past her to pat down the body of the man I took mine from and found a half pack.

“You’re in luck, sweetheart!” I said, waving the back about. She reached out for it and I did the most asshole thing a tall person could do to a shorter person. I held the pick up out of her reach with a smirk.

“Don’t be a dick, Sam. Give it.” She said reaching for it again but I kept it out of her reach and leaned in towards her.

“I’ll give you one if you let me kiss you.” I bargained slickly. Sunny wasn’t having any of that. She punched me in the gut with her chain wrapped fist just hard enough to make me cough and lower the pack.

“I’ll kiss you when I feel like kissin’ you.” She whispered in my ear as I leaned against the wall in pain. She snatched it out of my hand and felt up my pockets for my lighter. She took one and lit it before tossing the zippo and pack back to me.

“So you punch me, feel me up for my lighter, then tease me?” I asked as I tucked my lighter away, just checking to make sure this was the woman who caught me by the heartstrings. The smirk she gave me in return answered everything. ‘God yes.’ I thought with a slight snicker as she looked out of the next window.

“I count 8 more men on this side.” She told me as she narrowed her eyes, puffing on her cigarette. I scoffed as I walked over to observe the situation. “Rafe’s guys are crawlin’ all over this place.” She said, shaking her head and walking to pick the bodies I just dropped for more ammunition.

“You think we can make it outta here?” I asked, picking up the HS39 that laid near one of the bodies and inspecting it quickly.

“Good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise…” she responded, her southern voice strongly accented with a nervous smile and her fingers crossed. My heart flipped from the way she said that. I let the weight of the gun drop my arms and a hopeful smile spread over my lips as I stared at her. She narrowed her eyes at me.

“What?” She asked suspiciously.

“Are you sure I can’t kiss you?” I asked rather softly. A faint shade of red covered her cheeks as she fought off a smile and took a deep breath.

“I say… we power through. Get rid of as many as we can and then stealth our way out.” She said recklessly. I tuned up my face and winced. That plan had “death” written all over it.

“I uh… I don’t know about that, sweethea-” Just as I went to debate her plan, we heard the voices of two guards. I dropped down to lay on my stomach so no one would see me as we peeked over the balcony.

“What the hell?! They’re gone! Shit. Rafe’s not gonna be happy about this…” I heard him say. We watched him turn to the other men and bark orders. “Search the grounds! They couldn’t have gotten far!” He said, pulling out his walkie talkie to contact who I could only assume was either Rafe or Nadine. Whoever it was didn’t sound too happy.

“I don’t think we have much of a choice.” Sunny told me. She was right. They’d be looking all over for us.

“Alright… Sunny…” I said stopping her before she stood. I had to tell her one more time. “In the event that we don’t make it, I just wanna say I’m sor-” Before I could even finish my apology, she grabbed under my chin and pulled my lips to hers, kissing me sweetly. I smiled a little against her soft lips, kissing her back gently as a warmth spread throughout my chest.

“I’m still mad at you but I accept your apology.” She said with a smirk. I smiled widely and cocked my gun.

“Punishment wasn’t as bad as I thought.” I chuckled and she punched me in the arm.

The fight through the waves of Shoreline wasn’t easy by any means but we got shit done. As I struck a man down, I could see her blocking someone’s attacks and ducking before delivering an impressive jab to their nose. She sold it with a kick to the chest and that person just didn’t get up. ‘Awesome.’ I thought simply as she looked around. I could hear more boots heading our way and panicked a little. “Sunny, we got more company!” I shouted to her and she grabbed my hand dragging me towards a thicket of tall plants.

“We came into Libertalia this way!” She said but I stopped her. We were out and free now. We could keep going. We could get a head start on Avery’s treasure again.

“Sweetheart, New Devon is this way!” I told her, pulling her a different direction. She looked at me confused.

“Sorry, you went on a little trip without me so I’m missin’ a few details- what the fuck is New Devon?” She snapped.

“We found the treasury building but it was empty, Sunny. All the portraits of the captains were vandalized with the word ‘thief’ across them. You were right, sweetheart. They betrayed the other pirates and took everything for themselves. They moved it all to New Devon.” I informed her quickly. Sunny shook her head lightly and I could see her processing things as fast as she could. The mercenaries were getting closer and we only had a moment to make a decision. “Sunny, we could finish this-”

“No.” She said, quickly and firmly. She had made her choice.

“But Sunny-”

“Nate is gone and you seriously still wanna look for this shit?! No, Sam!” She yelled at me. I was confused for a moment.

“You wanted to look for it two seconds ago!” I exclaimed.

“Well I change my damn mind! It’s not right!” She snapped.

“You can’t be serious right now?!” I laughed tensely. The look in her eyes however was plenty serious. I knew things were different now but we were still so close. But the fact that we even considered it seemed to piss her off and I raised my hands defensively.

“Let’s get the hell outta here first and then we can talk about this-”

“Sam, there’s nothin’ to talk about- we’re not goin’! Now you can stay here to look for it and work with Rafe all you want to-”

“Sunny, I’m not-”

“-But I want nothin’ to do with it. I could give a rat’s ass about some dead man’s treasure…” she said, pushing by me to enter the thicket. I groaned loudly, running my hand down my face and bouncing up and down anxiously before deciding to follow her. In the end, she was right. It would be absolutely inappropriate to keep searching for Avery’s treasure right now in the wake of Nathan’s disappearance. I just couldn’t stand the thought of Rafe succeeding at something I’ve sacrificed my entire life for. To have his hands on the thing my late mother worked so tirelessly to find.

As we walked through the jungle, Sunny stopped and turned to look at me. She saw the strong disappointment on my face and stroked my cheek. “Sully used to tell me a thing. ‘Sometimes you gotta know when to pick up the gun and sometimes you gotta know when to put it down…’” she said. “It’s time to put it down, bub.” Her expression faltered as she spoke to me. She was disappointed as well. I know she worked hard and almost died a couple of times for this. Remembering those moments, I felt a bit of regret for leaving without her. For making a decision that wasn’t mine to make. She chose this life just like the rest of us. She knew the consequences of it the same as I. It wasn’t fair for me to cut her out and I saw that now. I nodded my head reluctantly in agreement.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked, changing the subject to avoid further depression. We kept walking until the exit near the cliffs where Nate and I stood before came into view.

“There should be a 4x4 still out here. Sully brought Elena and I out here on the plane.” She told me. I was a little shocked.

“Elena? She stayed?” I asked.

“She wasn’t gonna but you left me...” She reiterated, widening her eyes at me with a bit of sass. She was never going to let me forget where I fucked up. “...and Sully wouldn’t let me go after you alone. I asked for her help and she gave it.” She told me.

“Ah… I’m sure I’m leaving her a hell of an impression.” I chuckled lowly and she smiled. In spite of making her grin, her voice stayed serious.

“I’m sure you have.” She agreed. “If something happens to Nate though, you’ll have her to deal with.” ‘Oh yeah…’ I thought. As we came upon the vines that covered the opening, a bit of relief filled my chest. We were out of Libertalia and on our way to the plane. That was until we parted them and stepped onto the cliff. Waiting for us with several guns pointed was a couple of Shoreline soldiers… and Nadine.

“Leaving so soon?” She asked sarcastically. Sunny rolled her eyes and stepped forward.

“Nadine, I’m really not in the mood for this shit.” She said, strutting towards her.

“Interesting. Neither am I.” She replied, clicking the safety off and aiming it at her head. “Contrary to the situation at hand, I actually like you, Sunny. That being said, don’t make me shoot you.” Nadine’s words were firm but genuine. Sunny just stepped closer until the barrel of the gun was aimed right between her eyes.

“Unfortunately, I have somewhere to be so if you’re gonna shoot me… fuckin’ do it.” Sunny challenged her, pressing her forehead into the barrel, bravely staring this woman down. Without even blinking, Nadine moved the gun to her shoulder and fired off a shot. My eyes widened and I ran to catch her as she fell over in pain. She was clutching her shoulder as blood gushed from between her fingers, staining her dirty light washed denim shirt. I sat her up to see if the bullet had gone all the way through but it didn’t. ‘Damn..’ I thought as her face began to pale and a tear fell down her cheek from the pain.

“You’re alright, sweetheart.” I whispered to her, putting pressure on the wound as I looked up at Nadine, the gun still pointed at us.

“The only reason I didn’t kill her is because Rafe needs her alive. You’ll do what we say as long as she’s still breathing.” She told me. I snarled a bit as I looked at her.

“You’re a right piece of work, Nadine Ross.” I said to her and she smirked before turning to her comrades.

“Take their weapons and get this one to a medic.” She said gesturing to Sunny and two soldiers picked her up from my arms and dragged her back into Libertalia. Then she locked eyes with mine. “You… you’re coming with me.” She said punching me in the face harshly before grabbing me by the collar and forced me to follow suit. When we hit the town square, Sunny was led one way towards the trucks and 4x4s and I was led the other way towards a building.

When we got inside, Rafe was leaning against a crate waiting for me with a couple of maps. Looking at the smug, arrogant grin on his face made me sick. Nadine pushed me into the room roughly and Rafe just patted me on the shoulder. “Nice try, Samuel. But the only way you two are getting outta here is with a bullet in your skull.” He threatened lightly before clasping his hands together. “Now that we’ve got these fully loaded threats outta way, it’s time to get to work.” He said before gesturing to the array of resources and maps that we didn’t have while exploring King’s Bay ourselves. “Where do we begin?” He asked me. I looked around the room at the handful of soldiers that would murder me at the first sign of foul play and sighed in defeat before stepping up to the crate.

“You wanna start checking their homes…” I mumbled, diffidently picking up a permanent marker that sat beside the maps and began to draw out a few markings on the landscape. “Next best bet would be to look here…”

[theshirbertstory]

AWAE season 3 episode 9 thoughts and reactions

I almost didn’t want to do this because I’ve unfortunately spoiled it for myself :(

however I will still go through with it for the bittersweet memories of what is (hopefully not) the second last episode

SO HERE WE GO

(there’s gonna be tonnes of stuff aaah)

tryna keep this short

Ka’kwet :( that’s all I can say. she’s suffering because of the stupid white people and the government and those nuns who told her she’s worthless.

Anne looks like she’s in the ‘depths of despair’ or maybe that’s just love lol. more of a trance I’ll say. IS SHE GONNA SPILL TO MARILLA

I LOVE HIM. I AM DECEASED

Marilla’s gonna convince her right? SHE IS YAY

Gilbert is holding the ring. They’re both mounting horses. Matthew is here HAHAHAHA- he’s so confused and supportive

the Dashing White Sergeant brings back sweet memories for us - AND FOR GILBERT APPARENTLY. wait why is he here?

Anne being fascinated with Hazel is cute. ANNE BEING ALL OVER THE PLACE IS ALSO CUTE HAH

OKAY THE NOTE. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE NOTE. THE NOTE AAAH.

May I please have my pen back? (I bet all my horses he won’t see the note. No I don’t have horses.)

TELL ME THAT DIANA WILL SNITCH TO ANNE. aww he’s showing him the ring. Minnie May being Minnie May. Oh shoot she can’t go snitch. Never mind.

ARE THEY HERE FOR KA’KWET? NO. SOMEONE HAS TO FIGHT THEM. keep your effing gun down. NO NO NO NO. THEY TOOK HER. THEY SHOT HIM.

Bash is telling his mother to relax huh. Oh wait shoot she’s leaving. (Sorry I’m still recovering from that awful previous seen)

Do Miss Stacy and Bash hang out now? she’s crying aah. not gonna lie, Miss Stacy holding Dellie was adorable

of course he’s thinking of Anne all day. and then he just left when Billy started speaking

Mrs. Barry’s confusion in math is my confusion in everything.

I hope Marilla gets over her prejudice. She’s going to right? OKAY THAT SCENE WAS BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE TEARS. A MOTHER TO A MOTHER literally.

OH HAHAH THE NOTE. TOLD YOU HE’D NEVER READ IT. mistaking Ms Stacy for the fish delivery lol. is she getting caught up in their fight? ouch

DIANA IS HERE. YES. Marilla is crying. Diana is having a breakdown. Gilbert is in love and thinking of Anne.

where’s that seashell from? I know it’s Anne related. But where’s it from? Anyone?

Now he’s on the cliff that Anne goes to. And he’s returning home to a fight hah. WILL HE NEVER SEE THE NOTE ON HIS FOOT

is this a reconciliation between them both? cuz thank god.

Oh shoot the note is gone. ITS GONE. RIP NOTE. 2019-2019

aww now Matthew is thinking of them too. I’m so sad right now I could cry with them.

that stupid old whoever is behind the door, shooed them away. OH OF COURSE THEYLL OPEN FOR THE WHITE MAN. STUPID.

Matthew being firm is new. KEEP YOUR GUN DOWN YOU IDIOT. shit they’re fighting. Matthew fell. There’s two guns now.

If they leave without the other children or Ka’kwet, I will protest. but if they go, they’ll kill them. DONT LEAVE THEM WHAT

y’all Ka’kwet better be saved this episode because I can’t take this for another episode

oh good they’re writing a letter. Won’t that be too late?

I TOLD YOU THE WHITE MAN CANT LEAVE. THEY CANT DO THIS SHIT. her father’s crying and I’m crying. We will prevail.

WHY WOULD THEY PUT THE GILBERT SCENE RIGHT AFTER THE KA’KWET ONE.

Marilla and Anne reuniting. WHAT ABOUT GILBERT? poor Anne.

Anne and Diana are talking at the same time haha. ANNE’S GONNA GO FITE HIM RIGHT.

I kind of get where his mother is coming from. It’s so hard how they have to live in a white man’s world, treading lightly to not offend anyone. HIS FATHER GOT LYNCHED.

IS ANNE GOING TO FIND THE TRAMPLED NOTE? while I’m simultaneously feeling bad for Hazel.

OF COURSE SHES TOO LATE AND HE’S GONE. HE’S AT WINNIE’S.

YOU GUYS. I CANT WAIT A WEEK? WHAT? THERES SO MUCH LEFT. HOWLL I GET THROUGH IT.

[ferian-gap]

The Ultimate A Court of Thorns and Roses Playlist

The Ultimate A Court of Thorns and Roses Playlist

Spotify (x)

YouTube (x)

Throne of Glass Playlist (x)

Feyre x Rhys:

A Fine Frenzy - The Beacon

"You say your time has come. You're tired of waking up. Don't be obscene. I can't conceive of living without you. Burning beacon in the night, can't feel it's heat or see its light. That single solitary guide. It must get lonely there sometimes." 

Beth Crowley - Please Take Me

"What do I do if I'm no good for you, but you might be good for me? Why aren't I brave enough to make a move instead of second guessing? My defenses are down. I've lost all resistance, and when you're not touching me, I can feel your distance, so if you're gonna leave, wherever you go, please take me." 

Beth Crowley - Warrior

"You fascinated me, cloaked in shadows and secrecy. The beauty of a broken angel." 

The Civil Wars - Dust to Dust

"You've held your head up. You've fought the fight. You bear the scars. You've done your time. Listen to me: You've been lonely too long. We've been lonely. We've been lonely too long." 

Hozier - Work Song

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to her." 

Inquillery - Alive

"You bring me back to life. End this darkness inside. You make me feel alive. Eyes lit with star-kissed fire. Your touch taking me higher. You make me feel alive. Again."

Lady Gaga - The Cure

"If I can't find the cure, I'll fix you with my love. No matter what you know, I'll fix you with my love, and if you say you're okay. I'm gonna heal you anyway. Promise I'll always be there. Promise I'll be the cure." 

Laurel - Blue Blood

"Before you came to me, I was in the pretty darkness, praying for the end. You made me feel again. After the last time, didn't think that I could love." 

Ruelle - Carry You 

"I know it hurts. It's hard to breathe sometimes. These nights are long. You've lost the will to fight. You are not alone. I've been here the whole time singing you a song. I will carry you. I will carry you." 

Ruelle - I get to Love You

"Whatever may come, your heart I will choose. Forever I'm yours. Forever 'I do'. And they say love is a journey. I promise that I'll never leave, and when it's too heavy to carry remember this moment with me." 

Ruelle - The Other Side

"Is it fair or is it fate? No one knows. The stars choose their lovers. Save my soul. It hurts just the same, and I can't tear myself away. I don't wanna know what's it like to live without you. Don't wanna know the other side of a world without you. Can't live without you." 

Sleeping At Last - Turning Page

"I've waited a hundred years. I'd wait a million more for you. Nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do. If I had only felt the warmth within your touch. If I had only seen how you smile when you blush, or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough. Well I would have known what I was living for all along. What I've been living for."

Sleeping At Last - Two

“Like a force to be reckoned with. A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss. I will love you without any strings attached.” 

Tangled - I See The Light

"Now she's here shining in the starlight. Now she's here suddenly I know if she's here it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go. And at last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted. And at last I see the light, and it's like the sky is new. And it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything is different. Now that I see you.”

Rhys:

Echoes - Gold

"All I feel is emptiness here, searching for what you want me to say. I'm terrified of their eyes when they stare. This loneliness won't go away. Nobody knows who I am. I've got intentions of gold with my plans."

Olafur Arnalds - Old Skin

"Where the woods would wear the wafting sounds of sea, roams an oath in search for something more to be. Still hard for me. Treading lightly, tightly, shedding its old skin. Leaving trails of night for light to bring chagrin while air grows thin. Roaring lungs as oath becomes a flight past trees. Only the rhythm of love escapes the harmonies, leaving us a beat."

Sia - Bird Set Free

"Clipped wings. I was a broken thing. Had a voice, but I could not sing. You would wind me down. I struggled on the ground, so I lost. The line had been crossed. Had a voice, but I could not talk. You held me down, but I fought back loud." 

Feyre:

EVEE - Lone Wolf

"I'm howling at the moon like a lone wolf. I'm tryna move the night ‘til the sun breaks through. Abandon all the fear that surrounds you. The only thing to do. Broke the chains around me, and now I'm running free. Time to make my own way. I can hear voices say, ‘Don't look back.’ “

First Aid Kit - Wolf

"Wolf mother where you been? You look so worn, so thin. Holy light, guard the night of a forgotten land. See it fall, child of war. Lend a mending hand."

Laurel - To The Hills

"I feel it here on my skin like demons. Cry with joy ‘cause I know hell follows me. Out here in the garden of angels, I felt what it was like to be free."

Madilyn Bailey - Survive

“All the way down, finding my way around. Stars and night cover me. Back and forth, searching for my way north. I’m broken down, wandering. Mountains will always need to be climbed, but we only got one foot at a time. Don’t just survive. Don’t just survive.”

Mor: 

Kelly Clarkson - Catch my Breath

“Catch my breath. No one can hold me back—I ain’t got time for that. Catch my breath. Won’t let ‘em get me down. It’s all so simple now.”

Court of Dreams:

Inquillery - The Ones Who Dream

"Hold on. Wait for new dawn. Look up at the stars, wonder who we are, beneath a galaxy of broken things. This world is not what you hoped it could be. Take my hand, here with me stand. We are not carefree, but we're the ones who dream." 

Lauren Aquilina - Way Too Good

"Don't need anything else. I don't wanna cry anymore tears for anything, anything I've wasted. Don't need anyone else ‘cause we got it all as long as we're here, but everything, everything is changing. Everything is way too good. If nothing is meant to last maybe we should drink to that. Cause it's way too good, morning's gonna come so fast. Pour another drink in my glass." 

Feyre x Tamlin:

Eurielle - You Said 

“You said I would swim, never drown. You said I’d never be buried underground. My breath would always breathe in and out. Your love makes me immortal.” 

Kesha - Praying 

"I can make it on my own. I don't need you. I found a strength I've never known. I've been thrown out. I've been burned. When I'm finished, they won't even know your name. You brought the flames, and you put me through hell. I had to learn how to fight for myself, and we both know all the truth I could tell. Let's just say this is 'I wish you farewell.' "

Little Mix - Towers

"I feel loved when I see your face, but all these scars I can't replace. So don't knock on my door and tell me you don't wanna fight ‘cause I've heard it before, and I'm not going back this time. You never brought me flowers, never held me in my darkest hours, and you left it so late that my heart feel nothing. Once we were made like towers. Everything could have been ours, but now my heart feels nothing. Nothing at all." 

Liza Anne - Lost

“I’ll be damned if I do it. Damned if I don’t. I’ll be lost if I love him. Lost if I won’t. My human heart won’t mend itself when my own two hands are ripping out the seams. Oh it seems, I am my own worst enemy.” 

Sara Bareilles - Gravity 

"Cause you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go, and the one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down." 

Elain: 

Zella Day - Compass

"We can build a tree house in the pine trees. We can keep our secrets buried underneath. Wild flowers crash between your fingers, clinging to the wild things that raised us. Take me to the garden of your ecstasy. Make myself a headband from your fallen leaves. Woven in the fabric of your tapestry. Cover me in honeysuckle memories."

Big thanks to @queensairai @bookobsesed-effy @amren-rhyssecond @astrologically-indecent for recommending some excellent songs to go on this playlist!

[yaachtynoboat711]

The Duke’s Speech

A/N: This fic was suggested by @muse-of-mbaku . I’m still gushing over my baby’s HeForShe IMPACT Keynote speech weeks after the fact. This was fun to write and feel free HMU in the asks for questions and this and other fics.

Word Count: ~3k

Pairing: Winston Duke x Black! OC

Warnings: Language, Savage Yaa

“This tie or this tie? C’mon, Pumpkin, I know you're not sleeping and I need your input.”, asked Winston as he looked in the mirror at you.

Winston was preparing to give the keynote address at the UN Women’s HeForShe IMPACT Summit in the morning. The two of you had been working to write and practice his speech for a few weeks now. This was also your first public outing as an engaged couple, so the pressure was on. It was closer to 10 p.m. and you, the professional night owl, were the first in bed, megabonnet and all. The only thing preventing you from finishing that bomb dream you’d been having for the past two nights was your worrisome ass fiancé. You sat up in the bed and crossed your arms.

“Chris, sweetie, bring yo Black ass to bed, please”, you huffed.

“Which on--”

“--ax me again and I’m staying with ya mama for the night.” A beat. “ Neither. The accessories you have don’t need a tie; you’d look stiff as hell with it. Plus…”, you crawled out of bed and walked behind Winston, “...the no-tie look is sexier. You look like that fine, young ass professor all the girls tryna holla at.”, you said rubbing his bare chest and kissing his back. You began mimicking a college girl, “Girl, I got that 2:30 gender studies class with that tall, THICC professor from the Caribbean. Who, girl? Girl, Professor Duke. WIT. HIS. FOOOOINE. ASS.  He ain’t got no wedding ring, so I know I gotta chance. I’ma slide through his office hours so he can slide more than a syllabus by me. EEEEEEOOOOWWWW!”, you said tongue out and with a little twerk. Winston’s deep, hearty laughter vibrated against your head, stirring a sudden surge of heat in your core.

“You play entirely too much. But you think so, Pumpkin? You sure it’s not too laxed?”

“I know so, Chris.”, you smacked his ass, “Now please, come to bed... for the last time. You ain’t finna text me up a wall all morning talm bout some ‘i’M sO tIrEd, BaBy’.”

Winston gave in and got in the bed with you. You rested your head on his chest and before you knew it, you were sound asleep.

You got up a couple of hours later, only to discover that you’d been shifted to your side of the bed and a super focused Winston looking at his iPad, glasses resting on the brim of his nose. It wasn’t until you said, “I know YOU fuckin’ lyin’”, that Winston realized you weren't sleeping. “What?”, he squeaked. “You know exactly what, Christopher. You’re supposed to be sle--nigga, is that a fucking durag on your head?!” You were so ready to snap on Winston, that you didn’t notice he had a  pink durag that matched your bonnet. You’d berate him about that later.

Without a word, you straddle your fiance’s lap. Once he got the hint, he sat his tablet down on his bedside table, grinning like an idiot. He tried to get a word in, but instead, you placed two fingers over his mouth. You kissed his soft lips sensually. He kneaded your ass in his hands. You took his glasses off and placed them on top of his iPad and turned off his lamp. You kissed him once more and nibbled on his ear. “Now take yo ass to sleep, Winston Christopher.”, you whispered through your teeth. You wiggled from his tight grasp and snuggled back into Winston’s arms.

He sat up in the bed with his arms folded like a spoiled child not getting his way. You too sat up, arms folded, and eyebrow cocked staring at the sight next to you. The unmitigated negrosity of this 31-year-old to sit up in the bed and pout--that was your job in the relationship.

There was a pregnant pause in the semi-lit hotel bedroom. The only light in the room was coming from Binging With Babish playing on the flatscreen. The two of you stared at each other with such mutually disgusted faces.

He finally broke the silence. “Babe, I was making sure I had everything together before you got up. I’m nervous. What if I embarrass myself? All these heads of state, and the one guy from Black Panther is the keynote? I’m not terrified at all.”, he took his hand into yours; you noticed he was trembling like you did at the Sheinbloom ceremony.

“Chris, two things. One, if it wasn’t solidified by the time we left Atlanta, then there’s no point in trying add or taking away anything with less than 12 hours before you speak. Two, you’re not here by happenstance. This is the start of something new in your life. You’re gonna go out there and be the change of how society sees manhood. Remember when we used to talk about shit like this when you lived here? We would spend HOURS on the balcony just talking about feminism.” Winston smiled to himself recounting those fond memories. “ Reflect on those times and transfer that energy towards this speech. I’ll be there cheering you on wherever they seat us. Now... if you knock this speech out the park...you may get a lil somethin somethin tomorrow night.”

————————

You two walked in hand in hand with Momma Cora beside you soaking up her surroundings. “I don’t know if I’ve told you at least three times this morning, but you look amazing, Pumpkin.”, Winston whispered in your ear. You were all smiles from your fiance’s compliment. “Thank you, dear.”, you replied innocently.  The three of you were escorted behind the scenes for a photo op. You insisted on your mother-in-law going before you. Seeing him with his family always warmed your soul. His mother was his hero and the reason he identified as a feminist. One of the reasons you and Momma Cora meshed so well was due to the fact that you both understood there was no competition for out-loving Winston. You revered her as much as he did—a little more tbh. You were forever grateful to her for raising the man that would soon be your husband and baby daddy(one of these days).

It was finally your turn to take pictures with the man of the hour. He held his hand out for your taking. You playfully hesitated before taking it. The small gathering of photographers captured every precious moment of you and your husband to be, including him hyping you up on the carpet. “I know I’m the keynote”, he began, “but my lady looks absolutely amazing. Am I even worthy of breathing the same air as you, Atty.Dr. Abdullah? Can you take your foot off of my neck?” You shook your head in embarrassment as he twirled you around. “Why are you like this?”, you asked barely above a whisper and fighting a smile . “Because you deserve it. Don’t you ever dress this fine and not expect to be exalted. You are my wife. We haven’t married legally, but you and I both know we’re tied spiritually. Now gimme a kiss, ma”, Winston said before he leaned down for a kiss. It was moments like these that turned you on. You loved when he took charge and put your bratty ass in your place.

Almost immediately after, you were barraged by media folk. Winston was pulled away for sound check, so it was just you and Momma Cora for the time being. Moments later, the two of you were escorted to the hospitality suite where all of the dignitaries and speakers were waiting, Winston included.

He welcomed you with open arms, toothy grin, and a peck on the temple. “Baby, I want you to meet Her Excellency Rania of Jordan. Your Excellency, this is my...fiancée, Dr. Khalida Abdullah.”

“Attorney Abdullah! We were just talking about you. Well...your handsome fiancé was talking and I listened. While she’s here, I have to say, Winston, that this suit is quite handsome on you”, the Queen said as she faked fixed you fiancé’s collar and lightly stroked his beard. You stared at Her Excellency like you would any other bitch that would openly flirt with your fiancé in front of you.

“Well, I hope he said good things, Your Excellency.”, you said doing an informal curtsy and shaking her hand, making sure to keep eye contact. She needed to know that she was treading dangerous waters.

“Oh, of course. You’ve been a busy woman with all of the obligations you have. How would you ever have time to please your future husband, let alone yourself?”

Oh, the audacity. Deep in your heart, you wanted to just read Rania for filth. That was at least what she expected and deserved. You re-adjusted your posture and got close to your man,his hand almost instinctively snaked to grip your waist.

“Are you asking me for tips because I think some of us were terribly shocked to shear about your husband’s...royal rendezvous a few months back. Funny how life works.”, you shrugged and winked. Rania may have been the Queen of Jordan, but Khalida Yaa Denae of New Orleans was the undisputed Queen of Petty. Before the Queen could say anything, everyone was escorted to their seats.

The HeForShe IMPACT Summit was a fast-paced assembly. In 2.5 hours, nearly a dozen speakers spoke and not one but TWO full panel discussions took place. With every person that went up and spoke, Winston found himself getting more nervous. During the first panel discussion, you two tried sneaking looks at each other, only to make eye contact with another. You two chuckled and you lightly squeezed his hand.

“You ok, Winston?”, you asked.

“I would say yes but I’d be lying,K.”, he replied.

You looked in his eyes, and sure enough, he was a mix of nerves and adrenaline. There was a fire burning in his eyes that you’d only seen maybe a few times in the past. Now more than ever in the almost 5 years y’all knew each other, he needed you in this very moment. You were a little annoyed with him not saying anything around Queen Rania, but that would be addressed later on.

You squeezed his cheek. “I know. It’s ok to be. Just breathe. Can you do that for me, Wins?”, you pleaded.

“For you, always.”, he remarked kissing your hand.

After another round of speakers, a second panel discussion, and another speaker, it was finally time. There was a video playing in transition for his speech. There were butterflies in your stomach from the moment he got up from his seat and crouched in front of you. “I’m ready, K.”, he whispered in your ear. “You look the fuck good, Wins. Now go out there and think about the balcony raps. You got this.”, you replied. He shot up and walked on the stage. There were a few seconds left in the video, those he took to scan the audience. He looked to the furthest row and on up towards the front where his two of his favorite women were sitting towards the front. Now sitting next to Momma Cora, the two of you locked arms. “I am so proud of my son. Look at him looking so comfortable up there, and look at you--you appear to be more proud than I am.”, Momma Cora said.

“If we’re being honest, Ma, I probably am.”, you chuckled, “It’s his season, Ma, and I’m just happy to be riding along with him.”,you replied.

“You are so precious, my dear.”

The stage lights went back up and there was your Winston standing behind the podium with all the confidence and power in the world. He scanned his eyes towards you, where you greeted him with a cheesy and toothy smile, along with flashing two peace signs. He chuckled, giving you a thumbs up, which prompted the entire audience to lightly chuckle.

During the speechwriting process, you’d joked that his speech would be the first and probably the only thing you’d ever utilize your 5th and final degree, a Ph. D. in Gender Studies, for. He wrote about 75% of it by himself, the rest was through consulting and discussing with you. You never heard the speech in its entirety and you preferred it that way. But boy, nothing prepared you for the passion and power of his speech. He talked about how his upbringing helped shape him and his idea of manhood, especially with his hero, his mom. With utilizing feminism (a term that never ceased to make you roll your womanist eyes), men can use their positions of power and perceived dominance to help bridge the gender gap.

“A man’s responsibility is not to empower women”, he said, “but to be an ally in guaranteeing that women get the whole universe of freedom that [men] take for granted--freedom of expression, freedom of thought and freedom of possibility. There cannot be gender justice if men sit on the sidelines. There cannot be gender justice if men turn a blind eye to abuse. There cannot be gender justice if men have no skin in the game...”

It took all of you and the strength of the ancestors to keep from yelling “PERIODT!” out loud during your fiance’s speech, but the thought of Khadijah Abdullah whooping your grown 28-year-old ass allowed you to resist that urge. Instead, you grinned hard than a Cheshire cat. Looking up at that stage, you saw a world leader with a fire and a passion for gender equality. He utilized his platform to bring about issues that needed to be brought to the forefront. You could sense the few jitters he had slide off of his back and he was debuting the Winston Christopher Duke you’d known for nearly 5 years. The Winston that you’d met at the Black Yale ball was definitely not the same one on the stage. He was more self-aware and self-confident. The energy that attracted you to him had gotten stronger as the years gone by. You saw a MAN. A man that could care less if people called him “soft” or “weak” for speaking out against toxic masculinity. Noticing all of this caused an unexpecting wave of tears to hit you. Even though you were actually sensitive, you hated crying in public. At this point, you could have cared less; you were getting married to goddamn Winston Duke, actor, and 2018 HeForShe IMPACT Summit keynote speaker, and you were there witnessing one of the greatest moments of your life.

You dabbed your face with your free hand to prevent new tears from forming, but to no avail. You were proud. Momma Cora saw your tears and quickly dabbed them with a tissue. “I know”, she simply stated.

As quickly as he time came for him to begin, so too, was it for his time to end. Those 12 minutes zipped by and more than one part of you was happy that it was coming to an end.

“In closing, I’d like to thank the United Nations for creating the HeForShe movement, and through which we men can show our support for gender equality. We have an ambitious goal of engaging 1 billion men and boys as advocates for gender equality and I’ll hope you join us. I’m calling on all men to join this movement. I’m calling on ALL MEN to join THIS movement.” The room erupted in applause. “Now, before I actually go, I’d be remiss if I didn’t brag on one more special woman in my life.” You gave an involuntary bitch face as Winston turned to look at you. You cursed as you quickly figured out what he was about to do. Winston locked eyes with you and bit his lip, “The woman in question is the co-writer of my address. Two of the five degrees she holds are in gender studies, so I knew I had to pick her brilliant brain for assistance in writing possibly the biggest speech of my life. She’s gonna kill me for bragging on her like this, but I had the privilege of meeting her nearly five years ago when she was just starting out with her practice. She was 23 and filled with passion for helping her brother and sisters in the struggle seek justice, no matter the costs. She’s a damn fine lawyer if I say so myself. This year, she was the youngest, first woman, and first person of African descent to be awarded the Richard T. Sheinbloom Award for Merit and Excellence in Law--the highest award for any attorney to receive in the world. She’s been there for me when I was just auditioning for the sake of auditioning, encouraging me along the way. We may have gotten separated on our journey, but when we got back together, we were stronger than ever. She’s one of the most powerful people I can say I know and saying that I love her makes the pleasure even sweeter. The woman in question is no doubt my best friend, my partner in crime, and for the first time in public, in front of all of you, I get to call her my fiancee--one Dr. Khalida Yaa Denae Abdullah. Khalida, I love you with all of my being. With all that being said, I’m HeForShe--are you? Thank you. ”

Everyone got up and clap and cheer, except for you. The wave of tears you thought you’d subdued returned stronger than before. The man of hour finally walked down to the front row, shaking all the speakers’ hands. After embracing his mother, you were the last to receive acknowledgment. Just like when the two of you first met, you stared at each other with smirks on your faces.

“You’ve been crying?”, Winston asked as he brought you in for a hug.

“Hell na--yeah. These are tears of joy. I’m proud of yo ugly ass and imma kill you when we get back.,” you said through a whimper.

“Thank you for everything,Denae.”, he whispered in your ear. There was only one reason he’d ever use just Denae and you were more than eager to get back to the room.

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[iliketowrite1996]

Tying Shoelaces and New Faces part 9

 TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES- SINGLE PARENTHHOOD, LIES, ILLUSIONS OT ONE NIGHT STANDS, MENTIONS OF DIVORCE

Intomba- ‘’Daughter’’ in Xhosa.

‘’Nah, man. Can’t babysit tonight. Got plans,’’ Erik tells T’Challa, and from the noise coming from his side during their phone call, T’Challa can tell that his cousin is moving something around.

   ‘’Oh? What do you have planned, N’Jadaka,’’ T’Challa inquires curiously.

   ‘’Plans,’’ his cousin says flatly, because he truly is a turd.

   ‘’N’Jadaka.’’

   ‘’I got a date with his girl. Fine as heck, chill as can be. It’s gonna be great.’’

   ‘’Ohhh, so you’re going on a date,’’ T’Challa smirks.

   ‘’Aye, man, wipe that goofy looking smirk off ya face. It ain’t even like that.’’

   ‘’N’Jadaka, you haven’t been on an actual date in two years. Now all of a sudden you have plans with someone? She must be special.’’

   There’s a momentary pause before N’Jadaka breathes on the other side.

   ‘’She is, man. I’m just tryna see where this goes, ya know?’’

   T’Challa knows very well.

   No one knows, but he’s really excited about his first date with you. So excited, in fact, that he realizes he hasn’t felt this way since Nakia.

   It’s odd feeling now, but it is certainly not unwelcomed by him.

   ‘’You’ll have to tell me about it at dinner tomorrow,’’ he insists, ‘’I’ve tot go to. I’m taking Autumn on our weekly Saturday daddy-daughter time.’’

   ‘’Sounds good, man. Tell Little Bit I love her. I’ll see you tomorrow.’’

   The cousins say their ‘’Goodbyes before T’Challa heads off to Autumn’s room, where he finds his babygirl still dressed in her pajama and staring at her clothes, little finger tapping against her chin.

   ‘’What are you doing, intomba?’’

   ‘’Trying to decide on an outfit.’’

   She currently has her cranberry, corduroy cardigan with the pink turtleneck and tights, her overalls with the multicolored sweater, and her jeans with her black turtleneck, with pink flowers embroidered on it.

   ‘’Hmm, can I help?’’

   ‘’Of course, baba!’’

   ‘’Why don't you wear this dress tomorrow to dinner,’’ he points to the outfit, ‘’And you can wear this overall outfit right now.’’

   ‘’Sounds good!’’

   ‘’Great! Now, go get washed up and come back so I can help you get changed.’’

   Getting Autumn Elizabeth Udaku ready is a process.

   First he sends her to wash up.

   Then he sends her back because she definitely did not do to the first time.

   Then he helps her get dressed.

   Then he does her hair.

   This is the department that is trickiest for him. His hair is thick, but it’s cropped short. He moisturizes it and gets it cut every so often and keeps it moving.

   Autumn has length and thickness of her hair. When down, in its curls, it grazes her shoulder.

   So T’Challa just usually pulls it into a bun, and Erik does it for his baby cousin when he can.

   Right now, he’s sliding rain boots onto her little feet, ready to head out for their day of adventures.

   ‘’Put your coat on,’’ he tells her, dusting off his jeans from where she had her foot before sliding his own shoes on.

   The dynamic duo are out of the door fairly quickly, all things (Autumn taking forever) considered.

   T’Challa always takes her through the park if the weather permits. It’s nearly November and it is cold, but the sun is shining so he does so.

   Autumn kicks the leaves as she has done every single day that he’s taken her to school this week, picking up her favorite ones and placing them into her little bag.

   ‘’Baba, where are we going?’’

   ‘’To the children’s museum. They have a new exhibit that I believe you will like,’’ T’Challa informs his daughter, stopping to pick her up and place her on his hip so that he can carry her.

   ‘’Yay! Is it about movies?’’

   She’s bringing it up because he watched two movies with her last night, to make up for cutting move night a bit short last week because of his date.

   T’Challa doesn’t regret the date. Not in the slightest.

   But Autumn Elizabeth Udaku will  always come first, and he knows that you’ve already accepted that.

   Maybe that’s why he finds himself already falling for you.

   ‘’Actually, yes! It’s about some old movies that your grandpa and I used to watch together,’’ T’Challa confirms.

   His little girl is practically buzzing with anticipation as they reach the ticket booth and he buys three tickets.

   Confusions sets into her soft features as she counts the tickets and then herself and T’Challa.

   ‘’Why is there one more?’’

   ‘’Because Auntie Shuri wanted to spend time with her favorite niece!’’

   Autumn squeals as she turns to find her Auntie behind her, reaching out for her as she does so.

   T’Challa elts his little girl leave his arms as Shuri holds her close, pressing a kiss to her smoothed back curls, ‘’Look at you! You’ve grown so much!’’

   ‘’Baba says I’m getting taller every day,’’ the little girl beams proudly, showing off her tooth gap, ‘’Someday I will be as tall as him.’’

   T’Challa watches fondly as two of his favorite young women catch up, Shuri carrying the four-year-old into the museum.

   Autumn absolutely adore the exhibit, especially the one about the musical she used to watch with her bhabi in rainy days.

   ‘’Do you like that one,’’ Shuri had asked her niece after getting permission to take a picture of the young girl in front of the exhibit.

   Autumn nods enthusiastically, eyes wide with curiosity and the need to explore.

   She looks so much like Nakia when she does that, that T’Challa can see how she truly is a perfect blend of their personalities and features.

They exit the exhibit an hour after they arrive, T’Challa holding one of Autumn's hands as Shuri holds the other.

The little girl is enthralled with playing with the sand at the ‘’Dinosaur Exhibit’’ when Shuri turns to her brother.

‘’Who’s the girl?’’

T’Challa turns to her with wide eyes, ‘’W-what?’’

‘’You’re grinning all goofy and lovesick-like. Who’s the girl? There obviously is one,’’ Shuri shrugs, tossing her braids over her shoulder.

‘’What do you know,’’ T'Challa raises an eyebrow at his younger sister.

‘’More than you,’’ she mirrors his expression.

‘’Just someone I’ve been on one date with. We are meeting up again tonight,’’ he tells her, because there truly is no point arguing with Shuri.

‘’I see. Do baba and mother know?’’

‘’No, and I’d like to keep it that way,’’ he stresses, ‘’Until I see if something is going to come of it.’’

He really hopes that something does, but he won’t tell her that.

‘’Ahh, forbidden love,’’ she nods sagely, as if she has the wisdom of an elderly woman,’’Been there?’’

‘’Shuri, what?’’

‘’I’m kind of seeing this guy from my class. He’s really wet, really smart. Kind of a dork. Has a thing for old pop culture references.’’

‘’Do our parents know,’’ T’Challa questions, training his eyes back on Autumn.

‘’Mother does. Baba does not. Not yet, at least. You know how he can be.’’

‘’Protective,’’ T’Challa nods with a sigh.

‘’Yeah, that,’’ she shakes her head, ‘’I don’t want to hear it from him now. It would make things complicated.’’

That’s part of why T’Challa has not told N’Jadaka about his dates with you. The fewer people that know,t he better for the two of you.

Why invite the outside mess in before you know if there is going to be any business for them to even get into?

‘’Your secret's safe with me, brother. But I say we go get my niece and grab an early dinner. I’m hungry.’’

T'Challa thanks his baby sister with a smile before the pair retrieves Autumn and head out, looking for a kid-friendly restaurant to enjoy.

They settle on a pizza place, and Shuri is wiping Autumn’s face with a napkin as T'CHalla receives a text from you.

‘’Can’t wait for tonight! Dress casually, wear something you don't’ care  messing up’’

Thank goodness for Shuri being able to babysit Autumn tonight.

He can’t imagine where you’re taking him, but he knows that it'll be great because he’ll be with you.

He looks to Autumn, who is giggling as she and Shuri blow bubbles in their drink, because he can’t take them anywhere.

‘’Eh, stop that,’’ he chuckles at the two.

He has a great baby sister, wonderful daughter, and a date with you to look forward to.

Could this day get any better?

The day could not get any better form that moment, but it certainly did get awkward.

T’Challa found out that you wanted to go play paintball. That’s cool.

You bring along Sanaa and wait for her date. Alright.

Her date is N’Jadaka Udaku himself, who is looking at T’Challa like he’s struggling to put the pieces together.

   When you return from the bathroom to join them, he does.

   ‘’We gon’ talk later,’’ he says, shooting T'Challa a look before putting on his gear.

   It’s you and T'Challa against him and Sanaa, and you have a blast. Erik and Sanaa are a match, because they both break into the same happy dance and are already finish each other's sentences.

   ‘’So,’’ Erik turns to his cousin as you and Sanaa head to the bathroom before you all leave to go get dinner, ‘’You finally asked Little Bit’s teacher out.’’

   His tone and expression are both unreadable, so T'Challa treads lightly, carefully.

   ‘’Yes…’’

   A bright grin spreads across N’Jadaka’s face, and T’Challa feels relief washing over him like water, ‘’THAT’S MAH BOY.’’

   ‘’Keep your voice down, N’Jadaka!’’

   ‘’Look At my little cousin, man, taking chances and going on dates and getting numbers.’’

   ‘’I am literally a month younger than you, N’Jadaka.’’

   ‘’Don’t care, man,’’ Erik shrugs as he sees it and Sanaa returning, ‘’We gon’ talk about this some more later.’’

   It’s communicated only through a hand pat on the back, but N’Jadaka supports him. So the fact that another important person in his life supports this enough.

   T’Challa don't miss the fact that N’Jadaka sends him a smirk when he notices you intertwining your finger with his.

   He has his hand on your knee during dinner, gripping tightly as you two finish your food.

   ‘’Erik and I are gonna hit up a party. Don’t wait up,’’ Sanaa hugs you before turning to T’Challa and shaking his hand, ‘’Bye, T’Challa. It was nice to meet you.’’

   ‘’Likewise, Sanaa,’’ he states before looking to Erik, ‘’I will see you tomorrow, N’Jadaka.’’

   ‘’See you, man. Catch you later.’’

   Sanaa and Erik walk off, and you somehow doubt that, even if nothing major happens, she’ll be home tonight.

   T’Challa grabs your hand again, pressing a kiss to the back of it as he guides you to the car.

   The car ride to your apartment is filled with laughter and chatter as you to rehash tells of your time playing paintball.

   ‘’N’Jadaka is his real name. Erik is the name he uses with new people and in school sometimes. Plus, it was easier for Shuri to say ‘Erik’ when she was younger, and now it’s easier for Autumn to say it.  If he likes you and trusts you, though, he lets you call him ‘N’Jadaka’.’’

   ‘’Good to know,’’ you nod, admiring their close relationship.

   ‘’Still mad at you.’’

   You gape at the handsome man, ‘’What did I do?!’’

‘’That girl, Annabelle.., yeah, we never should have let her join our team! We should've gone with her brother,’’ T’Challa shakes his head amused.

   ‘’She actually shoot paintballs at me, like, girl! We are on the same team! We just lost!’’

   ‘’Can we please discuss how N’Jadaka and Sanaa’s dance is the Cabbage Patch? Like, why is that both of their go-to dance?’’

   ‘’Because they are a match made, T’Challa,’’ you giggle.

   He sombers up a bit, eyes trained on the road,and you worry if you said the wrong thing.

   ‘’They really are. He seems happy. This was god for him, ‘’T'Challa says as he pulls into the parking lot of your apartment complex.’’

   He pulls into a parking spot, turning off the car and pulling the key out of the ignition.

   ‘’So… I really like you,’’ T’Challa says, turning to you.

   ‘’I really like you, too, T’Challa.’’

   ‘’I’m not… I don’t want to rush into anything. I can’t afford to. Not with Autumn,’’ T’Challa reminds you.

   ‘’I know. I don’t, like… I don’t want to rush into this, either. It’s just not me, I can’t go fast,’’ you agree with him.

   ‘’I would really like to see you again,’’ T’Challa says earnestly.

   ‘’I’d like to see you again, too.’’

   ‘’Great! We can work it out for next weekend sometime. Um… can I kiss you again?’’

   You nod, and he leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips like he did eight days ago.

   For some reason, the spark ignites a fire that burns inside you, and it is a fire of bravery. That is why you ask him: ‘’Do you want to come up?’’

   He nods, knowing that Autumn is safe and sound at his parent’ house.

   He has one thing he never seems to have enough of during the day: time.

   T'Challa won’t lie and act like he doesn’t want to spend it with you.

   ‘’I don’t want to, like… I don’t want you to think that…’’

   You trail off, trying to find the right words as ou fish for you keys.

   ‘’We don’t have to do anything. We can just talk. I just want to spend time with you.’’

   It’s softly spoken and sweetly stated,a node nothing but fan the flames of bravery that are rushing inside of you.

   So here you go.

   You talk.

   And talk.

   And talk.

   You discuss past relationships. How you haven't had someone since last year that you could just talk to like this.

   He tells you about his divorce and being a single dad.

   He loves her so, so rich that it makes you realize how truly they adore each other.

   He tells you more about Wakanda as you tell him more about your hometown, groin up, and your college years.

   His hand rests on your shoulder, playing with the fabric of your sweatshirt as you do so.

   And it’s nice, because you trust him. It has only been short while since you met, but there’s something about this man that you can’t quite explain.

   It’s just… nice.

   It’s twelve in the morning when he stands, grabbing his coat as you walk him to the door.

   ‘’Can I kiss you,’’ you ask this time.

   He chuckles and nods, pressing his lips to yours for the second time that night.

   This kiss is different, though. It deepens ,and suddenly his hands are in the pockets of your ripped,faded jeans as he lies across the couch, you on top of him. His lips are warm and full as they move against yours, and the only sounds are soft groans and the sounds of you two kissing.

   It’s hot and it’s passionate. This is not love, but it’s stronger than infatuation

   With a start, you realize what it is: potential.

   Potential for a relationship that could be well worth the leap you’d have to take.

Into possibly getting your heartbroken.

Into this not working out.

Into this being something beautiful.

He moans into the kiss, bringing you out of your thoughts.

He hasn’t been kissed like that in ages.

‘’That was amazing,’’ you breathe out as you sit up so that he can't stand up.

‘’It was,’’ he kisses you once more, letting your lips move together for a few more seconds, ‘’But I must get home.’’

You stand to let him out then, a final goodbye kiss punctuating the last sentence in the story of your second date.

You go to sleep with a smile on your face and a warm feeling in your stomach.

Across the city, T’Challa does the same thing.

Something was born tonight: potential.

Potential for something great, a for a good and healthy relationship that the both of you deserve.

It’s up to you to grow that potential into a reality.

But based on the goodnight text and third date idea he just sent you before you went to sleep…

You have no worries about that being a problem.

DISCLAIMER- I DO NOT OWN MARVEL CHARACTERS OR THEIR FICTIONAL WORLDS, UNIVERSES, OR COUNTRIES. 

@ashanti-notthesinger​ @destinio1​ @afraiddreamingandloving​ @starsshines-blog​ @airis-paris14​ @syreanne​ @chaneajoyyy​ @90sinspiredgirl​ @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx

[mecatchingraindrops]

Play Underground 2

Disclaimer: events may or may not have happened. Names are fictional. Any resemblance or similarities to people in real life is purely coincidental.

—Foreword—

The vigor of youth transcends as every sweat trickles down your body in the heat of the afternoon sun. The eyes open up possibilities in multitudes, however, fate only chooses one that will shape you as a person. For love, lust, and mind can play with your heart relentlessly, spinning the wheel of fortune that binds your fates together from the moment of your first hello, to your last goodbye.

——

“What have I gotten myself into?”

I asked myself as I brave the most difficult course of Play Underground’s wall climbing facility. Just last week, we finally completed the intermediate area, of course, after falling several times. Ok, thousands of times. Now we took on our new found friends and the challenge that faced us: completing the most difficult wall.

A few minutes earlier we started our stretching and began climbing the beginners wall as warm up. I was in a strange yet familiar high as I felt anxious to prove to these newcomers who owns these walls.

When it was finally my turn I suddenly felt like I could easily finish it in half the time I usually spend reaching for the top. My veins were filled with energy I have not felt before as adrenaline pumped in large quantities resulting from anxiousness, excitement, and the usual bravado facing rivals on one’s turf. Not to mention the Venti Frappe Affogato I had earlier. 

Then it happened. I missed a rock and slipped. ON THE BEGINNERS’ COURSE. And I say that with emphasis. 

Adrian wasn’t really paying attention as my belayer and was on his phone more agitated than I am as I climbed up so without any resistance, I fell down with a thud. I imagined myself falling with a scream or wailing, but no. My fall was a no nonsense fall. Let’s get it over with so ground, here I come!

What I saw next would haunt me relentlessly in the weeks to come. They were the most beautiful brown eyes only an angel could possess. With hair damp from sweat, his bangs swaying side to side. His white shirt plastered on his muscled body. Wet but warm. I thought he would smell disgusting like those locker rooms in the gym filled with soiled undergarments but instead, he smelled of... Issey Miyake.

“Damien!”

Adrian’s voice brought me back to my senses. It also brought in the pain on my butt as it started to radiate.

“Ow” was the first thing I said as the angel’s strong arms helped me sit up right.

“Ow” I said again as I got steadied into place.

“I think I broke something” I said under my breath while trying to feel my butt.

“Hopefully not your heart” the angel said smirking. 

“What?” I thought to myself, contemplating if I actually heard those words or was imagining everything. Wait. What angel would say something as cheesy as that? He’s definitely from hell.

“I’m Kyle” he introduced “this is Paul my best friend”

“Damien” I replied trying to get up to shake their hands but I slipped on the wet mat. I started to wonder where it came from. Was it sweat? But I asked myself how clumsy can one be to slip twice within a minute. Luckily My best friend caught me this time.

“Oh, this is Adrian. The great belayer” I said with annoyance and sarcasm.

“I’m so sorry. I thought you got this since we finished intermediate last time and mom sent me an sms so I had to get back at her. So soooo sorry....” Adrian rambled on as I spaced out and murmured

“I am never gonna do this with you again”, then I punched him lightly on his right arm.

Kyle laughed again. While Paul now threw a jab at his side trying not to laugh.

“I wanna die” I thought to myself.

This is so embarrassing. On the way here I thought Kyle and Paul were amateurs but they’re already on the most difficult wall. Paul would’ve reached midway till he saw me fall and got down as his belayer came to my side. And here I am, slipping and falling from the beginner’s course. Then I remembered Kyle saying something and asked him in a naïveté way, “you said something earlier. After I said I broke something. Wha...”

He cut me off and continued “hopefully not your heart?” He tried and failed miserably to stifle his laughter. “You see, you fell... hopefully not with a broken heart..” then he couldn’t contain his eminent laughter.

Not an Angel. Yeah, probably the devil’s first born. Just my luck. That’s what I thought and I think I looked annoyed cause Paul took another jab at Kyle. “I’m sorry, Kyle can be a bit... cheesy...and...”

“..And corny” I added with utter annoyance as I rolled my eyes instinctively.

Two seconds of silence arose. The longest two seconds of my life. I began to overthink if I might’ve offended the cute devil, and what they will think, say or do. I thought, should I laugh halfheartedly, as I tried to sense the air for the mood. And as if on cue, all three started to laugh.

“Tryna be funny and clumsy at the same time huh?” Kyle retorted as his laughter died down.

Standing up, I realized the angel is really just a cherub. A cherub on steroids.  Well not really that buff but toned. A midget of an angel was my exact words in my head. Maybe he is half angel and half demon. I wonder.

Kyle is kinda short, he can pass as 15 or 16, while Paul his best friend is almost as tall as I am which stands 5’8. Kyle seems almost like 5’5. Shorter than my best friend Adrian who stands at 5’7. I found out later they were three years older than I am.

“Isn’t this wall to tall for you shorty” I blurted out trying to get even without thinking and realized I might’ve gone overboard so I covered my mouth hastily.

“Hey! I never said anything about you falling from the beginners wall! That’s below the belt!” he mouthed off before pouting. The cutest pout I’ve seen. It was too sincere to not be not adorable. Then Paul and Adrian laughed at us like parents seeing their kids argue about childish stuff. Kyle and I looked at each other and joined them as well. 

Adrian decided to get the four of us something to drink. While Kyle, Paul, and I chatted about random topics. I then started to notice Paul. He’s also good looking but not as ripped as Kyle. He seems kinder too while Kyle seems a bit on the wilder side. Like he is the life of any party he goes to, exuding with confidence at every stride his ripped muscles make as they flex and relax. It was like a dance. A ballet of muscles of some sort that is too beautiful to describe with words alone. Yet Paul’s smile overflowed with sincerity and warmth, it seems the pain of my earlier fall seem to fade into the bright light of his perfectly white teeth. A shining beacon for any dentist...

I found out that Paul was getting fond of me as I happen to remind him of his younger brother. Kyle agreed and even told me that Paul’s brother and I share the same reaction when being teased. He also noted that we both have an air of sarcasm. The sarcasms yes, but I didn’t know I blushed a lot. Now everytime Kyle opens his mouth and tries to mess around with me, Paul kept on pointing it out. But sometimes, I feel my face grow hot just looking at Kyle. Or when I hear him talk annoyingly. 

After resting a bit, all four of us shared an inexplicable bond new friends have during these years. Like we clicked immediately and seemed destined to be bestfriends.

We then decided to climb walls again. Adrian being the naughty bestfriend suggested we switch partners. It took me a minute to realize he has the hots for Paul. As always, he was brazen enough to strategize this situation to his advantage.

So, to my surprise, I was paired with Kyle as Adrian tried his luck with Paul. 

Kyle offered “you go first. Don’t fall this time”, looking stern and at the same time trying to contain his laughter. He still can’t get the knack of embarrassing me. (I mean hey, I am cute when I want to be lol).

Wittingly, I replied, “If I do, will you catch me?” And gave him a coy look.

Shit. Was that too much? What was I thinking? He doesn’t even know I’m gay, I think. He is straight. Appears to be at the very least. What if he was a homophobe? Are there homophobes in Manila? I was beginning to space out and recall my experience with homophobes in Vermont when I noticed Kyle still unable to move even a single muscle. Oh those muscles. How hard and soft they must have felt... Focus god damn it Damien! Homophobes!

But the look of shock on his face was enough to bring me back to reality and snap me out of my internal monologue with lasted one second. It was utter disbelief which made me switch gears and burst with laughter. A perfect excuse. We Filipinos love to joke around so I’ll tread that path and see where it goes.

He then got the “joke” and looked annoyed. But what surprised me is that he started to blush and hide his eyes behind his beautiful jet black hair.

The next words that escaped from his lips gave me the feeling I’ve never felt in a long time. Those words that was only for me. Those words that nobody else heard. Not the children screaming at each other, nor their parents mindless watching over them, nor the staff busy overseeing everyone’s safety. Not even our two best friends trying to out do each other with one showing off on the wall while the other giving out directions on how to better climb it. It’s as if the whole powerplant mall fell into a perpetual silence that only Kyle’s voice emanated in my ear drums, trying to sync with the sound of my heartbeat that goes faster and faster as every second ticks and tocks. He spoke, no, whispered as he turned and tied the rope to the anchorage on the floor.

“I’m more than capable... of catching you”

[thekrazykeke]

I’m halfway through episode 3 and this girl makes me contemplate murder. I’ve never seen anyone so out of touch with reality and self-absorbed. Jake’s cousin isn’t an idiot thankfully and listens to his intuition or something because he keeps telling his girlfriend to tread lightly but she ain’t tryna hear it. Like damn, she really thinks that her small town in the middle of nowhere is New York or something and she queen bee.

Also they’re in middle school drinking like that??? Someone get the belt, please—-

I’m watching the Chucky TV series and so far it’s living up to the hype. I love that right off rip Jake is acknowledged as a gay character. Wasn’t feeling his dad and wanted him to lay off the booze; still murdering him was extreme. True to Chucky’s behavior though.

[bedheadramblings]

Update: loopholes

After months of writing only for work purposes, I’m actually pretty glad to be back here writing for myself again! I’m treading very lightly over here because recently it’s been getting harder and harder for me to express myself creatively (hence the super long hiatus) through what I love to do the most: writing. It’s to the point that I couldn’t even bring myself to journal down my daily thoughts and occurrences. I guess I’m just this sort of empty carcass floating ‘round just tryna’ stay alive.

Whenever it comes down to writing. I’m always my own worst critic. I literally need anything that comes out of it to be in the right flow and rhythm or else I’ll end up burning it into the depths of hell and crying myself to sleep. It’s like trying to knit something but you just end up making loops with the yarn and even when you do get a pattern in, you hate it so much. I’m even cringing writing this now with my stagnant coffee in hand because everything just feels so messy and klutzy. 

I’m being so negative here but the only positive word I could I think up is maybe authenticity? Or the lack thereof whatever I’m taking a minute to rest my mind.

[becamitchellsbeats]

‘Hazardous’ Headphones: Part 2

So some peeps wanted more of the thing I did from a prompt, so boom. Part1: Part3  

Chloe was startled. She had never been the direct target of Beca's rage before. She wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Even though she was small, Beca sure could be intimidating when she wanted to be.

Chloe felt trapped in her chair. She physically couldn't get up with Beca being in front of her and their eyes were locked now. She knew she was in the wrong so she was surprisingly quick to back down. "Beca I'm sorry..." She said softly.

Beca took a step back still boiling with rage she swiftly slammed her fist into the wall, instantly regretting it as she could have sworn she felt something crack. It didn't it was just painful. "Beca..." Chloe put her laptop aside and stood up. "I'll call them and--"

"And what!? Say you want to take back your donation of ‘overly expensive headphones?" Beca glared at her as she held her fist to try and soothe the pain "You had no right!" Chloe averted her eyes "I know and I'm sorry, let me fix this-"

"Sorry really doesn't cut it Chloe. Not this time. No matter how you look at it, you're an asshole. You even did it whilst I was sleeping dude!" Beca then pulled out a cheque from her pocket "here." She said bluntly throwing it at her, it pretty much flopped to the floor like a paper aeroplane. "Given how you think I'm supposedly swimming in money I thought I'd give you some of it to relieve your stress. Because y'know that's what friends do" she said bitterly.

Beca then turned and headed for the stairs once more.  Chloe's face was flooded with guilt "Beca wait... I'll replace them."

"Replace them?" Beca scoffed turning her head back towards her "You just don't get it do you? Some of those were limited edition, some are years old and hard to get a hold of and others . . ." she paused looking pained for a moment "were sentimental." Beca said more softly refusing to look at her.

"Sentimental headphones?" Chloe questioned her almost judgingly.

"Ugh, you won't understand. And if I'm honest I need to stop staring at your face before your perfect features become imperfect" she said clenching her fist. Beca then swiftly made her way upstairs, she emerged roughly 5 minutes later with her laptop and a shoulder bag. She came down the stairs, ensuring to tread loudly to emphasise that she was annoyed and headed straight out the door.

"You know..." Stacie said cautiously, whilst walking into the living room from her's and Chloe's bedroom, her hair still messy. "I thought you two were finally approaching the confessing stage. But lately, all you two do is argue."

Chloe shot the soprano a glare once more. "It's none of your business Stacie." Chloe said sharply, but the carefree brunette just ignored her, she took her by the shoulder and sat her down on the sofa. "Actually, it IS my business. It's all of our business actually. Though'-" she began to mumble "they're lucky enough to be able to sleep through your arguments unlike some of us."

"How is it yours or anyone's business?" Chloe asked defensively. "Well, you are our Captains. If you argue things the atmosphere is tense, there's a kind of urge to 'pick a side' and it just messes us all up. It puts a strain on all our bonds, and not to mention can put us behind in dance rehearsals and vocal arrangements. You and Beca aren't getting along well enough to try and do a set for us. You'd argue. And you know I'm right."

Chloe sighed. She knew it was true.  She abruptly threw her hands up levelling them with her shoulders as she lost her composure. "I messed up okay? I messed up badly." she admitted sounding slightly upset "I tried to shoulder too much alone and I took it out on Beca. I did something horrible. I don't even think I can fix it." Chloe clasped her hands together and looked up at the ceiling, tilting her head back as though to stop the tears from coming out.

Stacie gently rubbed Chloe's shoulder. "At least you can see that now." Chloe's eyes looked to the floor "Yeah... But now she's out the door. Its bad Stacie." Stacie looked concerned "What happened?"

-

Beca, who was now far away from the Dorm took a deep breath before finally gathering the courage to knock on the door in front of her. Beca pretended to look elsewhere, as she knew she was being stared at through the peephole.

There was some angry muttering coming from behind the door before it finally opened. Kimmy Jin stood there looking as unamused as ever, as she looked Beca up and down. "Beca. You know you should really get a therapist. The number of times you show up unannounced is annoying. I'm not your friend." she said with a dead tone.

Beca tilted her head "To be honest. You still won't give me your number, so I can't exactly show up 'announced' anyway" Kimmy Jin rolled her eyes in response "If I did give you it, I'm certain you would show up even more frequently than you do, with your white girl problems."

"In my defence," Beca said raising her hand slightly "I don't just show up when I have a problem. I tried to celebrate your birthday with you..." Beca stated awkwardly, as she glanced around she noticed people beginning to stare.

You could see Kimmy's face drop as her eyes narrowed "You brought me a cake I was allergic to." Beca winced "W-Which in my defence., I didn't know because you don't exactly share things with me."

"And yet lately you share too much with me."  Kimmy Jin then sighed "Why are you here Beca? Don't you have any friends?"

Beca tucked in her bottom lip awkwardly as she winced once more this time showing her teeth "Well... All my friends are kinda all living with me. So, it's not so easy to go and crash with a 'friend' to get away from the problem, especially when they are living in the same spot I'm tryna get away from... Aside from you, I don't actually have anywhere else to go."

Kimmy Jin just stared at her unsympathetically "I'm still not your friend. You should really get more friends Beca, ones who don't all live with you" She responded bluntly, as Beca went to turn away she sighed once more.

". . . It's terrible that I'm starting to take pity on you.  Not to mention, actually start to like you." "What was that last  part??" "Come in." She said bluntly whilst stepping aside, indicating Beca should enter. "Dude! thank you so mu--" "Just come in. People are staring at us, please don't be weird."

Beca stepped inside and Kimmy Jin rushed to close the door. "I love what you've done with my side of the room" Beca commented as she looked at the new decorations that replaced her old posters, to which Kimmy Jin shot her another disapproving look. "I hate your sarcasm" "no really, it looks nice." Beca said truthfully.

Kimmy sighed. "You were here 23 days ago Beca. You've seen the room"

"Was I?" Beca exclaimed generally not recalling the event. "Yes, unfortunately. I remember each encounter I have had with you and your face. You showed up unannounced, yet again might I add. Saying how Chloe kept barging in on you in the shower. So you insisted I let you use my shower so you could get some peace. All whilst disturbing my own peace."

Beca couldn't help but visualise the multiple 'break-ins' that Chloe had committed whilst she was in the shower. It made her smile slightly, despite being annoyed at her,she was always impressed by how Chloe managed to pick the locks. Even when she had gotten them changed.  It wasn't as creepy as it sounded, Beca enjoyed playing hard to get and Chloe loved the challenge, so it became a game of sorts before resulting in being completely normal. "Ah, I remember now. Thanks for that. That was just a fly in visit though" Beca said as she sat down on her old bed with her bag, pointing at it "I brought a bag this time. We can totally be roomies again dude"

"For how long?" Kimmy said casually, generally asking. "wait? I was kidding I couldn't expect that of you--"

Kimmy looked at her bag, of course, Beca wasn't kidding but she didn't want to force her company on to her. "How long do you need Beca?" Kimmy asked, sincerely.

"Uh..."  Beca paused for a moment. She was thrown off guard by Kimmy Jin's sincerity and by how serious she was taking what she only assumed she'd see as 'another petty white girl problem' although she didn't actually know what was wrong.

"A few days, if you don't mind?" Beca said somewhat quietly.

The smallest of smiles could be seen on Kimmy's face as she glanced over "I put up with you as a roommate for a year, a few days won't hurt. Besides, spending some time with me might be good for you."

"Good for me? How?" Beca asked looking puzzled. "I can teach you how to cook for starters. I checked the statistics. 15% of Barden's fire alarms being triggered in 2012, were actually caused by you. The other 85% were drills."

"How do you even know that???" Beca then laughed "I mean, they did send me a letter, politely requesting I don't use the kitchen cooking facilities so..." Kimmy smiled lightly.

"So what happened?" Kimmy asked generally sounding interested with a slight hint of concern. "You actually want to know?" Kimmy nodded "I asked for a reason" Beca smirked "You do like me!" she teased. "Clearly, I  just want to know why I have to put with with your face for the next 72 hours." She said whilst sitting on the bed opposite Beca.

"Right..." Beca chuckled awkwardly as she made herself more comfortable. "So Chloe," she then went on to explain and rage about what happened.

"What a bitch." Kimmy exclaimed "Although Beca, they are just headphones right? Surely this lame A capella world tournament is more important?"

"That's just it, they weren't just headphones, they were sentimental." "Sentimental headphones? Really." "Why is everyone so surprised by that? ... Forget it. It doesn't matter."  They both fell silent for a few minutes. Beca grabbed her phone and deleted the Bella's group chat which simultaneously made her leave the chat .  "I'm done with being a Bella. I'll still do their set list but I'm not competing. I'm going to focus on my career as a music producer now."

Kimmy Jin seemed surprised "Don't you think you're overreacting? As much as I hate seeing your face on flyers everywhere, you're good and you should be at The Worlds with them." Beca sighed "Don't say that. It has a lot of meaning when it's coming from someone like you, but seriously, this is a good thing. I needed to leave eventually, I guess I was just more hesitant on who--- what I was leaving behind."

Kimmy Jin stood up. "So you lost all your headphones?" she asked changing the subject. Beca nodded "Every last one of them, she basically did a spring cleaning with the entire collection. To make things worse I need a pair of Beats to finish our- I mean their set.".

"Well, its a good thing that your here all the time." Kimmy Jin said whilst reaching under 'Beca's' bed's pillow. "Because clearly, you see my room as a convenient place." She said whilst pulling out a pair of Yellow and Grey solos2. Beca's face lit up upon seeing this other pair of 'long lost headphones' "I forgot I left a pair here!" Beca smiled lightly "Thanks. I'm surprised you didn't sell them." she said taking them from her. "And I'm surprised you didn't notice they were gone. Clearly, you have a lot. I can see Chloe's point." Beca rolled her eyes "I had 30 pairs. its not too excessive."

- By now it had been a few hours since Beca had stormed out. Chloe still hadn't told the girls about what had happened, mostly because she was too ashamed of herself. Only Stacie knew and she swore to keep it between them.

"No rehearsals today Chloe?" Emily asked cautiously, not wanting to comment as she felt it wasn't her place. "Shh Legacy don't remind her about the killer cardio!" Fat Amy whined as she tried to hide in the armchair behind some fan mail. Cynthia Rose turned and shook her head "Gurl, the Worlds are coming! We need all the killer cardio we can get."

"Nope, no rehearsals today girls." Chloe said avoiding eye contact as she pretended to be distracted, aimlessly reorganising their DVD stack. "Wait, you're being serious?" Fat Amy asked cautiously as she peered over the top of the paper she was holding. "Yup," Chloe said casually as she wandered into the kitchen.

Concerned, the girls followed her. "But you literally said a few days ago how it was crucial that we couldn't miss any rehearsals," Cynthia said whilst observing Chloe wander around the Kitchen. "Yeah, you said you wanted 100% commitment and laser focus if I remember rightly" Emily added in.

Chloe was beginning to get worked up, at any moment she was going to burst. That's when Stacie walked in "Guys obviously we've made a good level of progress. Don't question it, let's just enjoy ourselves. We should have a gaming day, play some Mario Kart or something" she suggested, which the girls quickly became on board with. "Thank you" Chloe mouthed to her when the others weren't looking. Stacie just winked as she led the girls out of the kitchen. "Just know I'm going to kick your arse" Stacie bragged.

Now that she had the silence she wanted, Chloe could finally hear herself think, which meant her mind immediately thought about Beca. She stared at her phone on the counter. Contemplating calling her but she knew she still wouldn't talk to her. As she eyed her phone she noticed the LED light blinking so she grabbed it to clear the notification.

Beca Mitchell has left the group chat.

That's when Chloe's eyes widened. Her heart slowed for a moment as she realised just how serious Beca was taking it. "She can't just--" Chloe grabbed her phone and urgently dialled Beca's number.

Amongst the many sounds of Mario characters squealing, Emily could be heard shouting "Guys! Beca's left the group chat!" upon checking her phone. Which she did now that it wasn't her turn to play. "What??" The girls murmured as they reached for their phones. Stacie and Fat Amy however, didn't abandon their controllers, they focused on finishing the race given it was right at the end. "Why would she leave the chat now, do you think I scared her off?" Emily said sounding sad "Not everything is about you Legacy." Fat Amy said casually.  

Upon finishing the race Stacie put her controller down "Surely it's a mistake." Stacie tried to reason. Fat Amy awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck "Normally I'd agree. But Chloe specifically put a password protection on the chat, so that 'accidents' couldn't happen. You have to enter it to leave... So, this is intentional. We should probably tell Chloe, by the sounds of things, she doesn't know..."

- Both Beca and Kimmy Jin glanced over at her Beca's phone as it rang. There was just a number on the screen, no photo or name, which threw Beca but as she studied the number she realised it was Chloe's. Although she hadn't deleted her number (not intentionally anyway) so she wasn't sure why it was unsaved. "aren't you going to answer that?"  Beca leaned back "No. It's Chloe." Kimmy Jin looked her up and down "How do you know that? She's in your contacts isn't she?"

"Well, she was meant to be. I hadn't deleted her... But her number definitely ends in 5437. So it's her for sure. And right now, I don't want to hear any form of reasoning or apology."

-

The day dragged on but night time eventually came. Chloe had called Beca over twenty times but never got a response. Beca was adamant on not talking to the point of turning her voice mail off.

Kimmy Jin was fast asleep and now that Beca had finally had a moment to herself everything had come crashing down. She didn't know how to cope with the hurt, the fact that the girl she loved had gotten rid of something so dear to her was a hard blow. She hated that it was changing the way she saw Chloe. Beca was close to crying, which is something she took pride in not doing.

luckily her ringtone acted as a distraction, Beca had lost count of how many times her phone had rang. She normally wouldn't have bothered checking it when it rang again, but she never knew if a Record company would phone, so she pulled her phone towards her, partially hoping it was Chloe but partially hoping it wasn't.

The number was different this time. It wasn't Chloe's but it was still unsaved and Beca didn't recognise it. She answered hesitantly still expecting Chloe to be on the other end.

???: "Hey Beca can I borrow?" Beca had only just brought her phone to her ear.

Beca: "Who is this?" Fat Amy: "Uh, only your number one roomie in the world." Beca: "Amy?" FA: "C'mon Beca, who else would it be? You told me I was the only Australian in your life. Why are you so surprised anyways?'

Beca: "My phone deleted all of the girl's contacts when I deleted the Bellas chat."

FA: "I see..."

Beca: "How did you know to call...?" Beca said softly sounding upset. Her timing was pretty perfect because she could do with some cheering up.

"I didn't" Fat Amy mumbled "I mean..." She suddenly spoke louder with a hint of proudness "I, Fat Amy the great know all" she then paused and her voice dropped to a sincere tone "So what's wrong Beca? Talk to me. Chloe's really freaking out, we're all worried about you."

Beca: "Do you know about what happened to my Beats...?"

FA: "Yeah, we forced it out of Chloe in the end. I'll admit that was a dick move. But uh, some people not naming any specific individuals may feel hurt by your decision to leave the group over said headphones... Some individuals are very uh, attached and would be sad and also kinda lonely if you left." she paused

"It wouldn't be the same Beca. It wasn't the first time round in First year. It'll be even worse now."

Beca: "I'm not saying I'm leaving indefinitely. I just need some space right now. I'd be no use anyway. I can't focus. the thing is, those headphones were sentimental."

"Sentimental headphones?" Fat Amy questioned her sceptically. Beca sighed she was tired of hearing that. "Okay. So this stays between us. You won't know, but my mom used to travel a lot. She'd always send me a postcard and a gift whenever she reached a new place or landmark. The gift was always a pair of Beats. She even got a pair engraved for me..." her voice dropped even quieter "before she died that is. So collecting them reminded me of my mom" she paused "Not to mention a load of them were from her. That's something no one can replace. They were the only gifts I ever got from her and the only thing I had left from her.. now they're  gone."

"Beca, that's-- I'm really sorry... Do you want me to put on a burglar mask or something and crash the auction? because I could do that, they won't know it's me." Beca laughed softly at the mental image "I think you've been in the news enough lately, better keep it to a minimum. It's not your mess to take care of, but thanks."

"Well, maybe you should tell Chloe? I know you hate opening up, but maybe she'd understand you better if you did?"

"I shouldn't have to give her a sob story to get basic respect!" Beca suddenly snapped she paused for a moment talking more calmly again "Look, I need to go, sorry Amy, I know you're just trying to help. And yes you can 'borrow' my Doritos." Beca then cut the call.

- The following day Chloe rushed around more desperate to find Beca than ever. She felt some relief in knowing that Fat Amy had spoken to her but she was determined to make amends, even if she did think that Beca was overreacting.

She even waited patiently at Starbucks for at least an hour, hoping Beca would show to get her usual order but, Beca wasn't heading to any of her usual spots. In fact she was in the Kitchen with Kimmy Jin learning to cook rice balls.

"Beca, fill up that jug with water" Kimmy Jin said gesturing to the sink. Beca headed to the sink and turned the tap but the water wasn't coming out. "Its uh, not working."  Beca said banging on it. "You are useless." Kimmy mumbled as she came over standing in front of Beca. "Wait! Let me try one more time" Beca swiftly reached passed Kimmy and turned the tap. It suddenly shot water upwards drenching Kimmy Jin and Beca in the process. "Ah!" Beca shouted as the cold water soaked her shirt, Kimmy Jin was surprisingly unvocal.

Kimmy mumbled. "Only you could break the tap upon trying to follow a simple instruction." Beca laughed "Hey, I got it working didn't I?" "It's shooting water upwards Beca." Beca smirked "Still working, just in a new direction" "You're ridiculous" Kimmy Jin said lifting her top off "Did you bring a spare shirt?" she asked casually to which Beca nodded "yeah" "good". There was a knock at the door. Kimmy then tossed her wet shirt at Beca "ah-" she exclaimed, not expecting it. "Go put that in the wash and get changed. I'll get the door." Kimmy said as she approached the door in just her bra.

Chloe bounced up and down awkwardly as she stood outside Kimmy Jin's apartment. She had checked everywhere. Everywhere except here and when she recalled Stacie saying "we could crash at Beca's super good friends Kimmy Jin's" she just had to check.

"She's probably going to think I'm crazy" Chloe told herself aloud before jumping as the door opened. "You're so strange, why are you talking to yourself like that" Kimmy said bluntly as she looked the red head up and down. Chloe was thrown off guard, she didn't expect to see her in just her bra.

"Sorry, I um. It was stupid idea coming here, Beca won't be here, I just kinda hoped she would be" Chloe said awkwardly she felt stupid for even checking.

["Hey, turns out I didn't bring a shirt."] Beca said faintly in the background as she approached the front door. Chloe's eyes widened as she now saw the two females standing there in their bras. Her eyes filled with hurt.

Beca froze upon seeing Chloe. She didn't expect her to be at the door. "Beca I'm-" the more Chloe looked at the two of them the more it hurt. She quickly forgot about apologizing.

"You really are fucking unbelievable. Forget it."

Chloe turned away in a rage and fumbled to get into her car. She should have known not to hurry. She looked down in despair as her car keys slid out of her grasp and into the drain.

Not only had she caused a scene. She was unable to flee from it. She stood there awaiting the anticipated mockery from Beca. But Beca was more confused than anything.

Beca grabbed her jacket and threw it on over herself as she stepped outside. "Did you seriously drive over here to fight? You have no right to be angry." she stated not knowing what the big deal was.

Chloe turned around.  She raised her eyebrows and laughed. "No right to be angry?" she said as the veins popped out in her neck. "Look, if this is about me leaving the cha-" "You were blatantly flirting with me Beca and NOW your hooking up with Kimmy Jin? You haven't seen her in almost two years! So clearly this was a pathetic attempt to hurt me". Chloe suddenly blurted throwing Beca by surprise.

"Actually its been 23 days." Kimmy Jin commented casually focusing only on that factor.

Beca couldn't fathom a sentence. She was in disbelief. Not to mention Chloe had never been further from the truth. "Holy shit. You are generally being serious right now." she said with a sarcastic laugh.

"Of course you'd say that Beca. Do my feelings mean nothing to you!?"

----End----

So this is part 2! Thoughts?? feedback? liking it? Part 3 is available now here 

[nanoisglitra]

No ID

flowers over everythang 

me over me 

You’ll never find me where you left me

at the bottom of your asshole, i was licking

Stairway to heaven, i was treading

Tryna live the zen life, half way over the xan life

Put another angle on, i know imma ace it

I’m a queen, your heart’s a jack, and i’ll drink it up til i’m jacked

Daniels aint got nothing on me

he said he want that thick skin

I’ll show him thick skin, be it brown skin better brown matter

Black matters but the bible said the light is the way

so i keep treading, not lightly but spotting

dont touch my belly, wont find nothing in there 

they said my skin aint fair so i cant have long hair 

i cant even be here when the play starts or the ball drops 

got too many mistakes so i use that white ink or that white out, i mean that 80s thing, if you catch my drift then you know that ‘16 was a bigger hit

The only year that we were lit, not on fire but on trees and shit

we on ethan frome, i mean the times is rough, i’m talkin three somes with just looks, i’m open

these niggas exchange words and dresses 

so shakespeare aint queer he was just here 

with a vision and feelings they still  cant wear 

so show your fucking feelings nigga, your dont cares aint clear out here.