#I’m the worst at skincare… she was horrified

[xxmolls]

Got a facial today as a holiday present. It was magical and now my skin is glowing ✨✨

[lovelyirony]

80. "Lets runaway together" natsharon

Natasha’s life has been made of running. She has always run in her life, either away or towards. 

So it doesn’t surprise her that once SHIELD tells her that they’ll stop monitoring her apartment to make sure she’s not going to leave in the dead of night, she starts a morning run routine. 

She gets up at four, puts on her shoes, and starts to run. The only thing she’s thinking about is the scene ahead of her and where her feet are being placed on the ground. 

Natasha runs for a long time. Her stamina isn’t regular, and so she runs until it’s about five-twenty, when she decides she has to make breakfast for herself before going into work at seven. 

Breakfast is scrambled eggs, a bowl of fruit, one cup of tea, and water. The occasional sausage or bacon is prepared, but usually only if Clint decided he was too tired and slept over. 

Being an agent of SHIELD isn’t nearly as exciting for her as everyone seems to think it is. 

Most of the time, she’s not going to any cool country or saving someone’s life. It doesn’t happen nearly as often as many people think. Or it does, but SHIELD isn’t really called in until it’s a “last resort” decision. So she has a lot of downtime.

In using this downtime, Natasha has decided to look at what other agents are doing. 

Most of it is boring. She finds out the occasional gossip from some of the them on the breakroom floor. 

No one is nearly as afraid of her as they should be, although Natasha thinks that is because she makes oatmeal in the kitchen and Clint also keeps making her laugh. 

(They keep thinking she doesn’t have a sense of humor, which is…odd.) 

One person in particular is the subject of most of her observations, mainly because she was interesting and up and alert at seven a.m., which not even Coulson could boast. 

Agent Thirteen. 

She wasn’t known as anything else. Most people just nodded in her direction, or called her Thirteen. 

Fury has called her a “pest” but Nat thinks that he means it affectionately, because she doesn’t get in trouble for interrupting his lunchtime with her own lunchtime. She actually dragged him out of his office to eat on a bench with her. 

They talk about ordering different printers for some of the agents, she’s been noticing that a few of the buttons are getting sticky and someone accidentally ordered two-thousand copies of some sort of picture rather than the two hundred that they needed. 

She talks about how she found a great burrito truck off of some street near his house (Nat writes this down, because Fury never tells anyone any clues about his residency) and about her new towels. 

It’s mundane. Fury doesn’t usually do mundane. He once threatened a new agent with coffee-run duty when he barely mentioned a new sponge he got for the kitchen. 

With Agent Thirteen, he asks about thread count. 

Natasha notices more and more. 

She also hears about Thirteen’s missions. Apparently, most of her missions go picture-perfect, or about as picture-perfect as missions can get when it’s SHIELD and you have to be an heiress for some obscure east coast family. 

Thirteen has noticeable flaws. She is far from a perfect agent, or at least she is in Nat’s mind. 

But the Red Room does stuff like that. Natasha almost scoffs when Thirteen reveals that her favorite color is orange, because no one ever mentions orange as their favorite color, so it makes her stand out. 

The little things build up until people know exactly who you are. A lot of people don’t realize that, because they think as long as you don’t know their name, then you are fine. 

Natasha cannot count on two hands the number of men she has killed who have never once gotten a credit card, only use computers that run about twenty minutes slower because they’re for public use, and could probably wear tinfoil hats if they really did believe that their brain waves were being read. 

People have habits, and habits reveal far too much about your person. 

- 

Clint says she’s “interested” in Thirteen. 

“Am I?” Natasha asks, curled up on his window seat with coffee. She’s looking out at the rainy night, taking note of all the people who are still out and about. 

“Yes,” Clint says. “You haven’t paid as much attention to anyone else.” 

“Have you considered that she’s the most secretive? After all, everyone else tells everyone else their last name,” she says. 

“What you think is their last name.” 

“I’ll find it out eventually, sooner or later.” 

“That’s not it,” Clint says, sing-song tone raising around the entire apartment. “Besides, you haven’t even done your weird follow technique on Thirteen yet. Why not?” 

“She’s better at detection than you are,” Natasha lies, because Clint is actually one of the best, if not the best. 

“Bullshit,” Clint says. “You want to be her friend or girlfriend or something.” 

“Girlfriend is an awfully strong word,” Natasha says, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, feelings can be pretty damn strong,” Clint answers. “You want more coffee, or am I okay to wash out the pot?” 

“One more cup.” 

- 

Sharon knows that Natasha Romanoff has been watching her. She’s compiled a list of reasons, which Maria and Phil have vetted and said that the reasons were (mostly) ridiculous: 

1.) Natasha is going to try and overpower her and become the supreme agent of SHIELD, crippling the bosses and forcing a takeover. 

2.) She wants skincare tips, despite the fact that her skin is perfect and flawless. 

3.) ??? 

Sharon doesn’t have any more ideas other than that. 

Maria tells her that she is the “most stupid person on the planet, short of maybe Bill from Fourth Floor.” 

(Bill from Fourth Floor only has a job because of an isolated incident in 1985 that could have resulted in a lawsuit. If he gets fired or let go for any reason, then he takes the best goddamn coffeemaker they’ve ever had, because technically it’s not SHIELD property. They’re not risking the lawsuit.) 

((It should also be mentioned that Bill from Fourth Floor adamantly refuses to learn how to use a computer and thinks that Microsoft Word is the “Devil’s way of telling us that something sinister is going on upstairs” which is a very horrifying answer, yet an intriguing one.)) 

Sharon doesn’t know why she’s stupid, but it’s not like she can ask Fury, who avoids personal conversation as if it is his worst enemy, and it probably is. He’s been known to tell people that they’re getting “too close” when they ask how his day is going.

-

So she starts subtly watching Natasha back. Two can play at the game, after all.

Natasha is a hard one to watch, especially since she’s trying to watch Sharon. 

“Why don’t you just talk to her?” Coulson asks once, while she’s in his office stealing pens. “She won’t bite your head off.” 

“Of course she won’t, I’m not a prospective mate!” Sharon says cheerily. “But, I might talk to her. I want to figure out why she’s following me first, though.” 

Coulson gives her a look that she thinks is meant to be well-meaning, but mostly tells her that he thinks that she is being ridiculous. 

“You can find things out by talking. You can do that, Sharon.” 

“Sh,” she says, not at all serious, really. Coulson seems to know when is the time for her name and which is not. “You can tell me you’re right later.” 

-

They watch each other for three weeks. In these three weeks, they actually get the wrong sort of idea about each other. Natasha keeps trying to walk past her apartment building to see when she gets home, and Sharon is very confused as to why Clint leaves his windows open even when it’s October and freezing as shit. 

They miss each other, is what happens. 

This all culminates into a chance encounter at a coffee shop, and Sharon zeroes in on Nat. 

“You keep strange hours, Romanov.” 

“Could say the same of you, Thirteen.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You weren’t home until four in the morning last night,” she says. “You call that regular?” 

“Oh, like you were home at two in the morning?” Thirteen asks. 

“Wait. Are you…?” 

“Well I know that you are,” Thirteen says. “By the way, tell Clint to stop leaving the orange juice out.” 

“I will be doing no such thing.” 

“Could be beneficial.” 

“He cannot be babied. He will learn from his mistake.” 

“Nat…he’s twenty-seven.” 

“So? You can still learn.” 

“You shouldn’t have to.” 

Natasha laughs at that, and steps up to order her coffee. She also says to add “whatever this girl is having.” 

“Name for that?” the barista asks, and Thirteen says “Sharon.” 

“That your real name?” 

She blanches, and Nat knows she’s caught her.

She cracks up laughing as they get their coffee and take it outside, and she doesn’t stop laughing until Sharon wacks her on the shoulder. 

“I was under pressure to answer!” 

“Under pressure? From a barista?” 

“You wouldn’t get it,” Sharon says, huffing. 

Natasha laughs again, and smiles as she swipes both of their coffees from the counter. 

“Now, let’s run away together before the baristas discover more about your past, Sharon,” Natasha teases. 

Sharon flips her off. 

“Oh, fuck you. I’ll have you know I have it on good authority that you hold open doors for old ladies.” 

“I’m an assassin, I’m not heartless.” 

“I hate you.” 

“No you don’t,” Natasha says. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be following me.” 

“You don’t have to like someone to follow them.” 

“For a week,” Natasha says, taking a sip. “For a month? Sharon, you have to like something about me.” 

“And what, you don’t?” Sharon asks, face amused. “You followed me for longer, Nat.” 

“You’re calling me Nat?” 

“Natasha is a mouthful.” 

“Fine. I guess I like…your coffee creamers. Where do you get them?” 

“The grocery store, like a normal person,” she says. “We can go later, if you want.” 

“A grocery store date?” 

Sharon grins. 

“Sure. A date at the grocery store. Let’s run away to aisle ten after they find us kissing on aisle four.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Natasha says, smiling. “Tomorrow night work? Six?” 

“Seven?” 

“Works for me. Do you want to go to a restaurant for dinner or cook it?” 

“Hm…what would we make if we cook?” 

“Pizza rolls.” 

“Sold!” 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #350

“let’s play a love game, play a love game  /  do you want love, or you want fame?  /  are you in the game?”

Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. Would you kiss this person again? I know I fucking would and I hate it more than I could possibly express. Name something that is on your bedroom wall? Lots of artwork, mostly of meerkats. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I need another desk to put stuff on. If you could paint your walls any color what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe like, peach. Soft and warm and would really bring light to the room. What does your phone case look like? It's just this boring purple one that came with the phone. What do you take the most pictures of? My camera roll says my pets, hahaha. What is the point of Twitter for you? Liking Mark's shit lmao. What does your planner look like? I don’t have one. If you get into an argument what is it usually about? My anxiety, I think. What are you always in the mood for? Ummm probably a car ride where I can control the music in the passenger seat. It is very, very rare I'll turn that opportunity down. What’s the last emergency you dealt with? I don't really know; I'm thankfully not in these situations very much, especially when you're cooped up at home. I probably haven't been actually engaged in an emergency since I had to call 911 for my mom before she found out about her cancer. She was basically immobile from agony in her abdomen. Do you have a son? I'm perfectly happy without a son, or kids period. Are you married? No. Have you ever worn a suit? I haven't. Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for Mom. How many keys are on your key-ring? Just one for the house. What’s the last thing you created? An RP post would count as art creation, I'd say. Who are your closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Well, they might be it as far as friends I consider truly close to me. I have a few other people I consider good friends, but we're just not like... on that "close" level, you know? Lisa is maybe another, and Lyndsey perhaps, both WoW friends. Are you ready to have a family? I hate that "have a family" tends to mean get married and have kids, which I'm guessing is what you're implying. If that's the case, no, given I don't want kids and am not fit to get married right now. I'm not even with anyone. I'm content right now with just living with my mom and my two pets, who are children well enough to me. Have you ever taken a DNA test? No. Do you have a family cemetery? No. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? *shrugs* I think it's pretty normal. How do you feel about swallowing pills? What do you mean how do I "feel" about it? I just do it if I need to. What animal is the scariest in your opinion? Some kind of bug, probably. Giant centipedes creep me the fuck out, for one, and I've heard their bite is incredibly painful. I've also always been very afraid of Australia's funnel web spiders since watching some show on Animal Planet when I was younger; I think it scarred me for life, aha. And let's not forget the murder hornets. No thnx, rather die. :') Have you ever questioned your sanity? Way more than once, my friend. How do you feel about people wearing fur coats? Are you for or against it? I am VIOLENTLY against it unless it is for survival in extreme climates and you don't have access to other material. That aside, there is NO way you could possibly convince me that it's okay to wear the fur of something once living on yourself for ~fashion~. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Let's not go here. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? Haha, yeah. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon or strawberry. I'm not a massive jellybean fan. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? I've never tried it, no. What book/movie has made you cry the hardest? Either The Notebook or Titanic. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Thunderstorms. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one. Just wash it with water in the shower and then use a washcloth when I feel the need. Would you rather have a snake or a tarantula as a pet? I want both, but I prefer snakes. What is something you are NOT looking forward to? I both am and am not looking forward to my second Covid vaccine because it's notoriously worse than the first; the only bright side to it is that after the potential side effects blow over, I'm job hunting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time on my phone. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? Hot, but I like both. Who taught you how to swim? Dad, I think? Can you do push-ups? No. Do you like Doritos? Yesssss. Who is the closest friend that you live by? I don't know. Have you ever banged your head against something? I've had two concussions before, so, y'know. Have you ever jumped on a trampoline? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, considering I have like no ass, rip. Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Ugh, yes. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Landmarks, by a mile. Although, I'm super bad with directions, so it probably wouldn't really matter much. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Yeah, you got to. Does your house have more than one fireplace? No. What was your favourite gym class moment? The one and only thing I liked about gym as a kid was when you took one of those rainbow tarps and made like, an air bubble underneath to make this awesome dome everyone sat in. Ya missed out if you didn't do that. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yeah. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? Not at all; I was always flattered, knowing they cared enough to want mine. Apple Jacks: yay or nay? I looove those. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? Haha yeah, I think it's the second one? Such iconic scenes. It's the one with the Mary Jane girl that Shaggy liked... oh, jokes that went over your head as a kid. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? I'm too lazy to list the convos themselves, but the people involved are my friends Chelsea and Ian, as well as a friend's mother. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No. It's always on vibrate, and I just turn the brightness way down. What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? She's straight. What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? Don't you fucking dare laugh, emo hair is A++. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Not a big one, no. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Do I?! I love the first one (though for a while I wasn't very happy they swapped the lead role from Harry to his wife), and while the second is literal trash story-wise and it's ALL over the damn place, I still enjoy it with just how much I adore SH as a whole. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies? The Rite, because the concept of being raped and impregnated by a demon is fucking horrifying to me. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? Nah. Name 5 things you don’t believe in. 1.) "Everything happens for a reason;" 2.) karma; 3.) destiny/fate; 4.) psychics, fortune tellers, all that; and 5.) luck, at least in the sense of someone having set "good" or "bad" luck. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? Probably Megan. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? Me for both of them. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I have folders. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Eh, nah, that feels a bit far to me. I am very firmly for friends still being able to hang out even if they're each other's preferred gender, but a sleepover sounds a bit too intimate, even without sharing a bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? No. I'm very intimidated by guns and nearly shook when I merely handed a friend his (not for anything bad, he just carried it with him when he goes out), and I've got noooo plans of holding one again unless my life depends on it. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? You. Have. Zero. Idea. It's for both reasons, and it's far more severe in person. Online, I actually don't mind much, oddly enough... I can't quite pin down why. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Knives scare me like five times more than guns. Scary movies have nothing to do with it, though. They're just so sharp and the idea of being stabbed by one is terrifying. As someone with a history of self-mutilation too (not with knives, but I've thought about it and once planned to slit my throat with one, but Mom stopped me), they just make me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I can barely hold a "real" knife to just slice food. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence? Many times. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? That I've seen, uhhhhh... I don't know man, there are way too many Disney movies lmao. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister's. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious? I'm just counting GameGrumps as one, and then you can't forget Shane Dawson, regardless of the controversy. He probably made me laugh more than any other YouTuber. Do you shave your pits? Yeah. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country? I'm not nearly informed enough about foreign countries' politics and laws and mannerisms to have a favorite. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia? Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada? Canada. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I love emo and scene hair, don't @ me, it's cute as fuck. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Lots, actually, at one of my old houses that I totally know was haunted. Do you think abortion should be illegal? NO. You would NOT end abortions. You would end SAFE abortions. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain? Venus, my ball python, is extremely odd with food to the point I sometimes worry about her, but she's always been this way and is healthy, so I guess it's nothing really worth fretting over. Anyway, when I place her rat in her terrarium, she gets excited first and will pretty much frantically examine her surroundings, like slithering around everywhere, and even when she has clearly found the rat (she'll even prod it with her snout), she usually won't immediately eat. She just like... sits there and has to continue to verify for ten minutes that it's food. I know it's thawed perfectly, btw. So anyway, THAT'S weird... As for Roman, dear god, that cat's just weird, lmao. Especially in the morning, he's very hyper and will bolt around the house sometimes, he "plays" with nothing all the time, he "meerkat"s at nothing that I can nothing, etc. etc. etc. He's a weirdo lol. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I said something really inapprops once when my friend Chelsea startled me. I won't be repeating it lmao. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara, I think. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad. He doesn't scare me anymore, but he did. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Oh idk. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? "Martyr." And not the kind that dies for their beliefs. It hurt me so badly to know someone thought of me that way, and I'll probably never let it go. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No. Roman is one of the billion kittens born to the cats my sister's in-laws have, and Venus is from a ball python breeding business in Florida called The Gourmet Rodent (they sell f/t rodents too, obvs) Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really. My grandmother though, whew, that was her calling for sure. Have you seen any of the old James Bond movies? Nope. List all of your features that you have ever gotten compliments on: My hair, my eyes, my tattoos, my hands, I think my nose, my dimples, my smile, and my boobs lmao. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? And if not, would you ever want to go in one? I haven't. I think it'd be kinda cool, but they seem too easy to fall out of, and I'm afraid of heights. I'd probably go in one if given the opportunity. Do you have any stains on your shirt currently? No, but there are two small rips. It's just an old tank top. Do you listen to local bands? No. Not that I'm opposed, I just don't know of any I really enjoy. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Many, many daily. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? They're divorced; they used to fight a lot when they were together. Now they only talk if they have reason to. Have you ever watched a movie that's in a complete different language, so you had to read sub-titles? No. Do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Dude, fuck off, no. My teeth are kinda yellow, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it, so seriously fuck this question. You never know for sure why someone's teeth may seem yellowish. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually a drink or two. Do you wear rings? I always have two on, yeah. Are you hungry right now? No, I literally just ate a breakfast bowl. Have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? No; I haven't the slightest interest in doing so.

[neshabeingchildish]

07. Feeding the Monster

Well, I’ma be real with y’all. I haven’t made any new white friends in ages, lost many of the associates that I once had in recent years and honestly have like 2-4 in my life that I’m comfortable with on a genuine friendship level. But. a lot of young people tell me about how disappointed they wind up when they first recognize that their friends don’t get their identities. Growing up in SETX, in a city surrounded by hick towns with active Klan my entire lifetime, none of the “racial climate” of America is new to me or mine. But, I do realize that in some places, people somehow never witness or experience a racially motivated situation early in life. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse. To be honest, it’s so normal where I’m from, I don’t know what the attitude might be for people who have only managed to get dosages of it in “Trump’s America.” Regardless... I wanted to do this sort of Charlotte-centric racial piece and ultimately decided that A Chasper Fic was where I would put it. Though, it could easily be a standalone with Chasper shipping. Anywho, TW for racial discrimination, harassment and racial isolation. I know that affects a lot of folk and don’t want too much heartache.

Feeding the Monster

Most people don't know Charlotte. That's one of the world's greatest gags, in her opinion. She was always straightforward. She's never been dishonest or fake. She may not always speak her mind, as she didn't always find that necessary and some people simply weren't worth her energy. But, even being as genuine and authentic as she had always been… people didn't really know her. People thought that they knew her. She was often a subject of conversation. Whether she was thought of as a booksmart nerd with no friends, or a pretty girl who probably was stuck up and that's why she had no friends..  Charlotte was aware of the mystery surrounding her.

Even her two best friends didn't get all of what there was there. They knew her habits and hobbies, but neither of them ever really knew her hardships. They never noticed and they never asked. It didn't surprise her. Neither was observant and that wound up being her role in their lives a lot of the time. But, she strongly believed that if she sometimes shared her issues, they would most likely have her back. Why trouble anybody with anything they'd never really have to deal with, though?

That gave her hardships too much power. She didn't ignore her problems. But, she liked to handle them in her own way and time, if it was worth either. Sometimes… things didn't go as planned, though.

.

Her parents didn't discuss it, unless of course it couldn't be avoided, but Charlotte knew early on that there was a difference between herself and most of the Swellview kids.

They didn't seem to have the haircare concerns that she did. Their skincare routines seemed vastly different. Whenever they watched TV and movies - they saw themselves in the characters and in public personas. Whenever she watched the same programs, she saw her surroundings, not her reflection.

It wasn't an issue that she was necessarily conscious of. She simply knew. She knew that different spaces held different volumes of viewable types. For instance, at a family gathering she knew she'd see perhaps sixty similar viewable types. But, at a school gathering she knew that she would probably only see six. That was simply a thing that she knew, like the sky is blue and 2+2.

As she got older, more tech savvy and reliant on the Internet; the differences became clearer. Not in the way that she felt some type of way about being different and her reflection being a minority… but she noticed that many of those souls in her surroundings felt a way about it.

Now, her two friends - they didn't really see it. She had been friends with both of them long enough to gather that much. They couldn't hear the dog whistle terminology or feel the aura when some bias was directed towards her. She would be annoyed by it at times, but mostly, she tried not to let the ignorance of others interfere with her day.

Whenever the ignorance triggered hatred, she'd sometimes gain an enemy. They might start a battle and she would feel like the one with the power to pick and choose those. She wasn't used to anyone else joining her, especially when she wasn't choosing to battle…

"It was dangerous. For all you know, the man is a psychopath and capable of killing you!" She fussed at Jasper, pulling him into the Man Cave by the elbow and carrying both of their bags. Henry looked up at the sound of her fussing, expecting to see Jasper with egg on his face or something. Instead, he saw blood.

"Whoa! What is happening? Who did that to Jasper? Tell me it was a wild animal!" He said, with his hand at the ready to grab his tube of gumballs.

"He fought like a wild animal, but trust me - the other guys were in way worse shape." She sat Jasper down, dropped their things and went to the auto snacker, "Three bags of ice." Henry fished for more details as she retrieved the first aid kit.

"Okay. I know I made you mad once and you socked me with a slab of meat, but THIS is way different. What the butt happened?"

"Some dude attacked Charlotte!" Jasper said while she was putting ice on his busted fists.

"WHAT?" Henry did have his tube of gum now and was pouring one into his hand.

Charlotte offered, "Trust me, for now the crisis has come to a halt."

Jasper went on, "He was following her and screaming obscenities when I walked up, and I heard him call her the worst thing that I've ever actually heard in my entire life."

"What did he say?" Henry asked, with the gumball at his lips. 

Charlotte snatched it away from him and resumed tending to a cut above Jasper's left eye, "I don't need two of you busted up. That fight could have easily been avoided. The guy was probably not gonna touch me and I was recording him with my phone, in case it escalated beyond the yelling and I would have just pressed charges. But Jasper comes along and immediately takes a swing at the guy, and nearly got murked by he and his friend!” She addressed his jaw next, with trembling hands. "Somebody like that is just looking for a fight. You don't GIVE it to them. You let them do their thing, then you either make them famous on the Internet, or if you’re me, you show them they're irrelevant by not feeding the monster." She was shaken up as she placed a bag of ice on his jaw. "What if they had weapons? You could have been seriously hurt. I could've seen my friend killed over a few slurs." 

"I'm sorry, but I didn't think about that when I heard him. That's revolting. Who says things like that to someone?" 

She stroked his hair and shrugged her shoulders. "It happens."

He leaned into her touch, "I know, but it shouldn't and you shouldn't have had to have it happen to you. Weren't you upset or angry or something?" Henry felt like he was witnessing some intimate moment, but was too concerned to dismiss himself.

Charlotte admitted, "I was furious and terrified. I usually am. But, I pick my battles and some bulky guy with a friend is not someone I felt like I should engage. You should’ve followed my lead."

Jasper pulled the ice from his face and said, "You usually are? How often has this happened to you?" He was horrified by the thought of it happening even once!

She shrugged her shoulders, but tears were trying to come out of her face. "You know, the first time I heard that word , I was 7, and by the time I stopped counting the times, I was 14 and had been referred to as something like that about a dozen times. The past few years, it's increased and people are more vicious about it. Like that guy… That's the 3rd time something like that happened this year."

"WHAT???" Jasper cried out. 

She shook her head and said, "Google it or something. I don't want to talk about it." She left to go pull herself together and Jasper put the ice back on his face.

"She's not upset that you fought him. She's embarrassed that you saw her go through something that sounds terrible. She doesn't like to look weak and stuff." Henry said and sat down. "So.. that dude. He said..  you know THE word. N word?"

"An N one followed by a B one," Jasper said, clenching his fist.

"Anybody would have punched him in the face."

"No. Not if it happens a lot and we didn't even know. We would have heard that someone punched somebody in the face for that, right?"

"Maybe. We're just now hearing how often it happens to her."

"I feel sick. How does this happen and she just… I don't know… Deals with it?"

"Same way you deal with your personal things," she said, coming back and forcing him to put the ice back on his jaw. "Speaking of.. your mom is gonna lose it when she sees this." She sighed, dreading the thought of what she might say to him about it. "Tell her you were defending Henry. She likes him."

Jasper put the ice aside and pulled her to himself to give her a hug. "I'm sorry that this is… frequent for you. And I'm sorry in advance… because if I'm ever there and that happens, I'm always gonna fight for you."

"I also will be fighting over this," Henry said, lifting a finger in the air. 

She pulled away from Jasper's hug with an escaped tear and a chuckle. "Well, you're both idiots," she said and walked off. But, there was something soothing about their declaration. It was almost like they finally got everything that there was there with her.

"Dude. I don't want to be the guy who flip flops on issues, but I'm relatively sure that you just bagged your girl," Henry said.

"You're joking. She's furious with me."

"She's furious that you got hurt over something that she's (sadly) gotten used to living with. I don't know anybody alive that's not turned on by someone else jumping in front of danger for them. I say this from experience of being a hero. You are in there, Jasp."

Jasper fought off a smile. It hurt his jaw. "I didn't do it for that. It was just a reflex. I'm not gonna use this as my plot to get her. That seems gauche. I just… really want her to feel like we're here for her when she gets treated like that." Jasper was thinking about what she'd said earlier. Him dealing with his mom was vastly different from having strangers accost you on the sidewalk just for existing. 

Ray came in and shook his head, "Who'd you tick off this time, Jasper?"

"Char says he won the fight," Henry told him.

Ray smiled, "Oh yeah? Against who? Some kid?"

"Dude was trying to hurt Charlotte…" 

Ray reached for his gumball tube, "Oh, really? She get a piece of him too?"

Henry shook his head. "She seemed really scared, Dude. Apparently people say racist stuff to her a lot?"

"WHAT?" Ray said, throwing gum into his mouth.

"She doesn't want us to go after him… But, Jasper, if we happen to see him or his friend somewhere, just signal and it's on."

"If I see him, I'm actually going to dropkick him in the chest, both feet, on sight." Jasper said.

"That'll be the signal then," Henry said and fist bumped him. 

Jasper winced, shook his fist and put it back into the ice. "You… really think this will make Charlotte see me differently?"

Henry quickly said, "Dude, you got your jaw rocked. We all see you differently right now."

Ray followed up with, "I see you differently, Jasper. Respect." He raised his fist and Jasper bumped it and powered through the pain. It was worth it. 

Charlotte returned and changed Jasper ice out, then looked at all of them suspiciously. "What are you three up to?"

"Male bonding." 

She rolled her eyes and said, "Well, take it easy on this one. He's had enough adventure for a while." Then, she strummed Jasper's hair again and gave him a smile before heading back to the store. All three of them waited until she was on the elevator to respond happily to that little gesture.

[mer-m-a-i-d-s]

on my fucking complexion

Oh..well I made it back. Actually, to be honest, I kind of looked forward to writing most of the day. Turns out I have a lot of shit to say. I’m like a modern day Carrie Bradshaw except I don’t actually have anything useful to offer, I don’t get paid to complain and I think I was actually called a Miranda by a friend the other day. To be fair, I don’t even know what that actually means because when Sex and the City was more popular, my mom would mute or pause the TV and look up at me guiltily because she felt like it was inappropriate for me. One of the very few times I ever saw one of my parents try to ...control? the media I consumed. Either way, I had no intentions of plopping down on the couch next to my mother and listen to some old lady on TV talk about sex toys....Nah, I just went back into my room to my beloved internet and quietly destroyed my soul and innocence with a variety of horrifying materials. But that made me the funny and dark person I am today..or it just made me depressed...Honestly, its a crap shoot at this point but I wouldn’t have it any other way because my meme game is on point.

But I ain’t here to talk about that today. I’m here to talk about something way worse - my fucking face. And now that I’ve sufficiently covered my face in 12 different slimes of varying prices and potency I’ll be the first person to tell you that I’m vain as hell. It’s some deep rooted self hatred that I will no doubt embarrassingly expand on one day in other blog post. But I am. I said it. I am vain as fuck because I don’t feel like I deserve love if I am anything less than perfect. So you can imagine my absolute panic when I started noticing some shit wasn’t right. 

It crept in real slow. I never had acne as a teen or young adult. (I guess I’m just a regular adult now and that really fucks me up) My skin was lovely and I got many compliments. I took it for granted and carelessly enjoyed something that people struggle with for their entire lives. I didn’t even wear foundation until my mid twenties. I was a lucky bitch and I didn’t even know it. 

Then the thyroid happened. Or stopped happening. In 2015, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease. I swear to fuck that stupid gland has been the bane of 90% of my life’s issues. But one day I woke up and shit was just different. 

the melasma

NORMAL stuff, obviously, some skin looked a little...less tight around 25-26. So I decided I would never tan again and began religiously using skincare products and that was cool until a horrifying day in 2017 when I went to the beach. I came back from a day of swimming and my face looked..dirty. Weird. WEIRD. Except that shit didn’t come off. A quick google search told me I had melasma. I found it was hormone related, that women typically got it during pregnancy...the thyroid, that slowly deteriorating son of a bitch, had struck it’s first blow to something that really mattered to me (being a functioning human was apparently not high on my list of things that mattered). I cannot begin to tell you how many creams, serums, acids and whatnot I have tried to get it under control. It is literally the worst. It shows through my foundation, it makes me look older because of the shadowing ON top of the signs of aging that I’m already experiencing. I will literally burn that shit off of my face and then 10 minutes of careless sun exposure brings it right back.

the cystic acne 

But recently, as of April, some other shit went down that I am just not fucking here for. I always had a few clogged pores, MAYBE a pimple on my chin but I began experiencing the WORST and most PAINFUL cystic acne of my LIFE all over my chin. HORMONAL ACNE. It’s calmed down a lot thanks to some intense research and minor lifestyle changes but it always flares up every cycle..oh and it scars. So the post acne marks look like i have some amazing double chin contour going on that just makes me feel like the bees knees. 

the ...fuck I don’t know, being old AF? is that what you wanted me to say???????

So besides those two amazing things actively waging war on my face, I’ve also started dealing with seeing some serious signs of aging. I’m doing what I can, I barely drink alcohol, use sunscreen, try to sleep, drink as much water as I can and put more shit on my face nightly than I ever have in my entire life and yet...it persists. I know I can’t stop it but I mean, let’s be real, if you are here, you have seen my instagram (aka horrifying shrine to my vanity where I collect internet ass pats from strangers so my brain will release dopamine) so you may have the slight indication that my face is important to me. My thyroid unfortunately also partially to blame because it makes me unable to retain any kind of moisture. I’m a fucking sad desert of sadness, fine lines and skin flakes. I don’t like it and I regularly ponder my first world problem. How do I become more moist as a human? Am I using too much acid? Not enough? More oils? DIFFERENT OILS? Korean skincare? STRAIGHT FUCKING CHEMICALS? Should I just hermetically seal myself inside of a plastic bag filled with liquid at night and hope for the best? Do I just need to accept my fate as a person that will eventually become filled with various plastics and begin my journey? Am I a Dolly Parton or a Barbara Eden? I’m probably that weird lady with the cat face.

So I mean, beyond me complaining about this shit and you reading it for some reason (seriously props to you if you’ve made it through this narcissistic bullshit) what am I going to do about it? Well, I guess I’ll do it in list form because..this shit is getting long.

- Go to the Dr and harass them into doing a hormone panel

- Continue to take the herbal supplements that I’ve taken in the past and the new ones I’ve introduced recently and give them a decent time to work

- MORE ACID but also with some heavy duty moisturizers

- ..Exercise. That is it’s whole own bloated post.

- Better quality nutrition and possibly buckle down on real intermittent fasting (not just starving myself)

- Accept it and love myself and know that the people who are worth it in my life will love me even if I have chin pimples, wrinkles and what looks like two poorly healing black eyes? Even if I have a cat face one day? No, fuck u. I ain’t there yet...but I genuinely hope to be.