#I’m sure everybody else has realized this because it seems obvious in retrospect

[probablysomethingtm]

It just hit me that the reason the worst men you know love massive trucks with blinding LED headlights is because those things are so ludicrously unsafe that they require everybody else on the road to modify their behavior and this feels like respect and power to them. The dodge ram is a symbol of how well male fragility, grievance, and violence have captured our politics

[mugionthewater]

Tsumugi Shirogane Deepdive: Prologue

I’m in a DR mood right now, and really enjoying revisiting Tsumugi in particular, so I thought I’d do a chapter-based retrospective focusing on all the cool Tsumugi material! A reread project especially rewarding for a character like Mugi, so I’m really excited.

In this series, I’m focusing a lot on all the foreshadowing, and also what we can extrapolate about Tsumugi’s true character along the way. I’ll be doing this chapter-by chapter, including the prologue as well as an installment for her Free Time Events.

Full spoilers for V3 under the cut.

The Pre-Prologue

We first see Tsumugi in the gym by the exisals to get their uniforms and their memories. Tsumugi herself has four lines of dialogue in this scene, nothing that particularly stands out, but there are a couple of things worth noting about how she (and everyone else) is dressed.

Kaede describes how she was kidnapped on her way to school, and it sure looks like that’s the case for almost everyone in the room. We’re used to seeing DR characters in flashy outfits that vaguely resemble school uniforms but actually reflect their individuality, so when the game first shows them in an ensemble lineup like this, it’s a lot more striking.

Not so much in this CG. While there are plenty of visual details that tell us about these characters (Saihara’s already hiding under a hat in his sprites; Iruma is revealing; Kiibo and Gonta are buttoned up and orderly, but Kaito’s shirt and jacket are undone to show a bold-colored undershirt), their uniforms look like they’re doing what uniforms are supposed to do: be bland and blend in.

What about Tsumugi? Tsumugi wears a basic uniform like everyone else, but this is where we get the game’s first indication that all is not what it seems with this girl. The clue is the blue. She is the only one in the lineup whose primary color isn’t a neutral tone. What’s more, it’s the same shade of blue Tsumugi is associated with throughout the game. Visually, part of her is already in character as Tsumugi Shirogane, SHSL Cosplayer.

Of course, there’s a much bigger item foreshadowing Tsumugi as the bad guy, which is that in advance of everyone getting their “memories”, the main emphasis is their new clothes delivered by the Monokubs.

There are a couple of reasons the clothes are significant. For starters, there’s a direct line to Tsumugi’s cosplay talent. For anyone inclined to suspect her before starting the game on account of her talent (and her general don’t-look-at-me-I’m-not-suspicious vibes), this is immediate theory fodder. This also primes the audience to look at the setting of V3 with a critical eye, between the contrast of the kids’ boring outfits and their flashy new ones and the Monokubs making explicit references to starting the “story“, there is an immediate suggestion of artifice that runs all the way down to their identities. Not for nothing is Kaede’s magical girl transformation visually similar to the memory light.

Another thing: pre-memory light, the person in the room whose outfit is the least uniform-y is Amami.

At the very least, it’s a look that’s noticeably more casual than what most of the cast is wearing. After Chapter 6, we know that Amami made it to the end of the 52nd Killing Game before he and Tsumugi were condemned to execution via participating in the next killing game- which he seems to be realizing in this scene- so it’s possible they’re coming right off the heels of the last killing game. It’s an ongoing mystery what his relationship with her was like up to this point? Does he know she’s the ringleader? Is “Tsumugi Shirogane“ anything like the person she was in the last killing game, assuming she was even there?

I’m not confident Tsumugi really switched to a new persona for the 53rd Killing Game, even though fake identities is kind of her whole deal. I’ll get more into why in this series, but I think a lot of the character we see in the game is the “real“ Tsumugi, to the extent that such a person even exists.

Introducing Tsumugi Shirogane: Professional Cosplayer, Sex God

If you go back and read the promotional blurbs for V3, Tsumugi’s mention her tendency to get so lost in thought that she’ll ignore everyone around her. This little trait isn’t super weird at first, until you realize later in the game that she doesn’t carry the shtick past the first chapter. It’s like she wrote the character blurbs herself, realized everybody has a wacky “thing“ that would come up immediately in the introductions, and came up with an act of low-grade wackiness so she’d fit in in the prologue.

This is great stuff, looking back. It gives an intro in brief to the many contradictions of Tsumugi Shirogane. On one hand, it’s overly phony and performative. But on the other hand, there’s a core of truth there about her character- she really is someone who stays in her thoughts without a care for anyone around her, albeit less in the cute way and more in the horrifying sociopath kind of way.

It also tells us something important about Tsumugi’s commitment to the Killing Game. She cares about maintaining the integrity of this world and its characters, but is pretty indifferent about maintaining a role for herself. She doesn’t give a shit about having a storyline or even much of a character. The pleasure of DR comes from what she can get as an observer/consumer. 

This is entirely consistent with what she tells Kaede and Saihara about herself and her feelings about cosplay in the actual introduction.

This is the ethos that makes me wonder how dishonest Tsumugi really is. She’s dishonest as hell, of course, but given that she later applies the entire DR LARP reality show experience as “cosplay“, what she says about her convictions largely rings true. She clearly cares about making her tribute an authentic one (lol), which extends to her being the primary creative director inside her fiction bubble.

It partly explains why she spends the next five chapters being little more than furniture. In her mind, her job as a producer precludes her from being a character in her own right, because doing anything to pull focus is tantamount to self-promotion, and, well, that’s an abuse of power that gets in the way of the story!

(sidebar: there are some fascinating things we could speculate about what she says about cosplay relates to her relationship with the rest of Team Danganronpa and the outside world, but this post is getting long, so I’ll save it for another day)

Like everything else about Tsumugi, it’s not until the end that you can fully contextualize how sinister she’s being here. What she passes off as a cute passion for cosplay is actually a bone-deep sense of consumer entitlement taken to a logical extreme. Tsumugi is a more vicious indictment of terrible nerds and a selfish fandom than anything Hifumi Yamada could embody. She loves DR so much, and feels so strongly that nobody should be participating in DR with any corrupt motives, that anything less than the real deal is unacceptable. To this end, she will happily transplant entirely new emotional realities on the others so that even the emotional torture of the Killing Game is authentic. In Tsumugi’s selfish nerd brain, this is the important part of the drama of Killing Games, and anyone who disagrees with her approach is a fake fan who doesn’t deserve any kind of creative control.

Anyways, there’s more to say about Tsumugi’s introduction, so moving on

Some pretty overt foreshadowing here. In the Japanese script, her reference is ep. 53 of Kiteretsu Daihyakka instead of Doraemon. I like the change for the dub, even though it’s pretty obvious. Someone who knows DR primarily through the dub is less likely to know about the franchise’s connection to Doraemon, anyway.

Tsumugi also points out the weird dragon statue in the hallway that will lead into a new part of the school down the line. It’s a neat little metatextual trick on the audience, because it’s the kind of thing that’s not suspicious at all on a first playthrough. She’s an NPC in a DR game, of course her dialogue is gonna point out plot devices that will be relevant shortly, but on a reread you know she’s being deliberate about it. This is far from the last time this kind of thing happens with Tsumugi.

Lastly, this charming observation from Kaede about why she’s maybe not so plain afterall.

Kaede puts it in the worst way possible, but it’s interesting that she, a person with a generally good read on people, decides immediately that there’s more to Mugi than meets the eye. Not only that, she relates it specifically to an audience spending a lot of time looking at her. If she were any less gross about it, Kaede making this kind of observation would land like a big clue.

This leaves us with the biggest question from the prologue: if Kaede wasn’t too busy being horny and gay, could she have put two and two together and thwarted the ringleader?

There is SO much more to say about Tsumugi, so I’m really excited to dig deep into other chapters!

[myhaikyuuthings]

I want us

requests: Can you write a part 2 for ‘Better Man’? Like the reader ends up with Bokuto or something and ends up getting married to him while Kuroo is just kinda there, hurting. Or you can have reader and Kuroo get back together if you’d prefer, just anything ending with fluff 😔

part 2 please? 

Continuation of: better man

pairing: bokuto x reader, mentions of past kuroo x reader

fluff, angst, happy ending 

warning: mentions of past cheating, 

word count: 3770

it was longer than i intended so it continues under the cut!

 It’s cold outside, the first snow starting to fall. You sit by the window, watching with a heavy heart. It’s the first snow since your divorce, you can’t help but reminisce. 

You met Kuroo when you were just eight years old, the two of you becoming best friends. On your thirteenth birthday he told you he liked you, and that had started your first and only relationship. It was tradition for the two of you to experience the first snow together, always with soft smiles and promises to love each other for the rest of your life. 

It’s a weird feeling, to be here alone now. You sip your tea, closing your eyes as you savor the warmth it gives you. You want nothing more than to step out into the snow, put the last twelve years behind you, but it’s not so easy. Doing it without him feels wrong.  A knock against your door pulls a sigh from your lips. You peak through the window, seeing your old friend waiting. 

“Hi Bokuto-san,” you greet as you open the door, smiling as best as you can manage. 

“Aw have I been gone so long I don’t get my nickname anymore,” he pouts, opening his arms for a hug. You chuckle, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Hi y/n-chan.”

“Hey Kou, how have you been? I’ve been keeping up with your games on the TV, you’re as good as ever,” you compliment, moving to let him into the house. 

“I’ve been good! I’ve missed everybody, it’s just stayed really busy and when I am free it’s always so late at night I feel bad if I text,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“I can understand that, if it’s any consolation I missed you too.”

You had met Bokuto during your first year. You were the manager in training for Nekoma where Kuroo played volleyball. The two of you had gone to the training camp and your boyfriend at the time met him after dinner one night. The two had instantly clicked, so of course you were introduced to the boy too. It sparked a great friendship and you loved your friend dearly. 

By the time the two of you met, you had been dating Kuroo for about two years. Bokuto had expressed how jealous he was that Kuroo not only had a girlfriend, but that his girlfriend was also part of his team. He was always there for both of you through high schools, a lot of your best memories were littered with his face right alongside the man you loved. 

“Where’s Kuroo anyways? Well the other Kuroo,” he asks, accepting the mug you hold out with a grin. “I wanted to surprise you guys, maybe go out for the first snow like we used to as teenagers.”

“Kou, when’s the last time you talked to Tetsurou?” you ask, your voice wavering. He tilts his head, seeming to think for a while.

“God a little over a year ago, man I’m a bad friend,” he sighs, shaking  his head. “Why is he okay?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. We got a divorce a few months ago, I haven’t heard anything from him since,” his eyes widen, concern quickly taking over the shocked expression. He grabs your hand across the table, rubbing his thumb soothingly against the back. 

“What happened? You two were the perfect couple,” you laugh a little, causing his concern to grow. 

“He cheated on me Kou, for months,” you finally tell him, your throat restricting around the words. Even now, your body rejected the memory so harshly you felt like you would throw up. 

You sit silently, his grip tightening on your hand as his face goes hard. You move to speak, shutting your mouth at the tears filling his eyes. He closes his eyes, a single tear rolling before he gets his emotions under control. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he whispers, looking deeply into your eyes. “You deserve better than that, and I can’t believe he would do something like that to you.”

“I couldn’t either, sometimes I forget and I’ll wake up to an empty house and it just,” you laugh, trying to mask the pain in your voice but you know he sees through it. He was always good at reading you, “it hits  me then, that it wasn’t just some bad dream. I’ll be okay.”

“You will, you’ll be okay,” he assures you, “he’s a piece of shit.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, “He’s your best friend..” You know Bokuto has always cared about you as well as Kuroo, but at the end of the day they were the best friends. Inseparable once together, so his words threw you off.

“You loved him so much, I knew it from the first time I met you two,” he explains, his hand never once letting go of yours. “I’ve never seen anyone as in love as you were, and he threw that away. He broke you, I can see it in your eyes when I talk about him, so yeah he was my best friend but so are you, and he fucked up. You may not be asking me to take sides but I am, and I’m taking your side.” 

So the two of you sit, catching up on everything you’ve missed. His team won the last tournament, so they’ll be going to the olympics next year. Because of this, he’ll be in town for a while, the team training with other teams that will fly in to meet them. You offer to let him stay in the extra bedroom that used to be Kuroo’s home office when he says he still needs to find a apartment before his teammate Sakusa actually kills him for his ‘germs’. It takes a lot of reassurance that it’s  okay, and admitting that you had trouble sleeping without someone else in the house. 

“Just, I know I’m only twenty five,” you sigh, running a hand through your hair. “But even before we moved in together after highschool, our parents always let us stay at each others houses because they trusted us. I haven’t been without him for many years so it’s just hard to sleep in an empty house.”

“If you swear it’s okay, then I’ll move in, but I get to cover the rent,” he agrees, a smug look on his face as he finds a suitable solution.

“I own the apartment, it’s paid off,” you admit, watching his cheeks tint pink with a small smile. “You can cover half the other bills? We do a proper roommate situation.”

-

It was easy living with him. Sure he was a little messy, but he always made sure to clean up if you asked. After the first two times, he quickly figured out how much was an ‘acceptable’ amount of mess, and rarely went past that. The two of you had movie marathons every weekend, cuddling up on the couch with an array of movies playing. 

He was there anytime you woke up from a dream about Kuroo, your sobs carrying to his room as you realized the reality. You were there when he had a bad day at practice, comforting him and reminding him how good a player he is. He let you rant and rave anytime your heart reminded you of your past, the ache turning to anger, your eyes too dry for any tears to fall. You always calmed down, muttering apologies and thanks as he held you in his arms. Today was no different when you came home from the market, having ran into your ex husband. 

“I’m never going to love someone again,” you mumble against his chest one night. Your voice was so broken, you would have missed the tears that caught in his eyes at the sound if you didn’t have your head so close to his heart. “It’s okay Kou, it’s just better for me.”

“You’ll love someone again,” he whispers against the crown of your head, tightening his hold on you. “You deserve to be loved the way you loved him, and you’ll find that. And if any guy fucks you over again, I’ll break his face okay?” 

“Does that count for Kuroo?” you ask, only half joking. The shake of his chest as he laughs pulls a small smile to your lips. 

“It does, if he ever tries to talk to you again I’ll fight him for you okay?” Your heart swelled, a warmth feeling filling your chest. You leaned back, cupping his cheek softly. 

“I was kidding, but thank you,” you don’t miss the slight blush on his face, but you ignore it, not wanting to figure out what it means now. “My knight in shining volleyball uniform.” 

He snorts at your analogy, pulling you back into your hug. You rest your hands on his hips, giggling with him. 

“You’re something else y/n,” you can feel the smile against your head, pressing your face closer to his chest. 

“Yeah but you care about me anyways,” he gasps, your giggles echoing at his dramatics. 

“I care about you because you’re something else! One of a kind! Only girl like you in the world,” he raves, talking with his hands as you lean back to look at him. “I don’t care about you despite you being different, I care about you because you’re different. Billions of women in the world, not a single one even comes close to being like you.” 

In retrospect, you should have realized that night where this was going. But you chose to stay oblivious, subconsciously you knew you weren’t ready to move on.

-

You follow him to Brazil for the olympics, wearing his training jersey he had given you. A lot has changed in the last year, you feel lighter. You take your spot in the ‘family and friends’ section set aside for every team. His eyes caught yours as the coach talks to them, he smiles at you which you return easily. 

The game flows beautifully. It’s obvious the other team is good, the black jackals barely keeping the lead. Your cheers are loud and proud as he spikes the ball to the other side of the court, winning the game for his team. Your breath catches when his eyes immediately search for yours, his face bright. 

It’s not hard to love Koutarou. You loved him before you even realize, but once you do, it makes sense. Your mind drifts to your second year when Kuroo had been ignoring you after your first bad fight, and how Bokuto had comforted you, talked you out of  leaving him. You couldn’t deny that you had harbored a small crush for him all those years ago. Little did you know, he had as well. 

“Y/N!” His voice calls as he runs up into the stands. His arms wrap around your waist before you can react and he has you in the air. “You’re a good luck charm, I thought we were going to lose.”

“That was all you guys,” you laugh, placing your hands on his shoulders as he beams up at you. “All I did was cheer for you.”

“Your cheers are filled with luck, we only have one more team to beat and we’ll have gold!” 

“I’m proud of you,” you say, your voice soft and filled with admiration.

 The two of you are so caught up in each other that you don’t notice the camera crew a few feet away. They were waiting to interview him, but started recording when his body met yours. In the few years he had been in the spotlight, he had never been seen with someone in a romantic way. Even if that’s not how you two intended it, that’s how the whole world saw it as they broadcasted live. 

Bokuto notices the crew, setting you down and giving your shoulder a squeeze before walking over to them, his hand resting in yours. “Sorry to keep you guys waiting, I had to thank my lucky charm!”

“Your lucky charm? What’s your name miss?” the interviewer smiles sweetly at you, greeting you properly instead of ignoring your existence like you expected. 

“Oh I’m Y/N Y/L/N, but i’m not his lucky charm,” you stammer, blushing slightly which makes Kou coo at you. 

“Don’t listen to her, we’ve been friends since my first year of high school, anytime she was at a game of mine I won,” he tells her, smiling down at you, “whatever she believes, her cheering is a lucky charm for me and whatever team I’m playing with.”

“Wow you’ve known each other that long? That’s amazing, how long have you two been together, why are we only meeting her now?” 

“Oh wow, no we’re not together, she’s my best friend,” he explains, blushing brightly. 

“I’m sorry for assuming!” She apologizes, bowing deeply. You both assure her it’s okay before she continues with her interview, this time making sure her questions are only on the game. 

-

He won gold, bringing it back to Japan with his head held high and his hand in yours. Things had gotten weird after that interview, he was less affectionate with you than ever before. He didn’t want to  make you uncomfortable or let you realize his feelings for you. You had grabbed his hand when you got off the plane, your pout pulling a sigh from his lips when he tried to remove it. 

Back at your home, you sit him down with a pout on your lips and worry in your eyes. “Did I do something? You’ve always been affectionate ever since I met you but lately you seem to recoil from my touch. It’s okay I just don’t know why..”

“Oh Y/N no love,” your heart soars at the slip of the petname, his voice soft, “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable after that interview. I’m sure you weren’t happy with her assuming we were dating, or the amount of people online who had the same idea.” 

“And if I told you I didn’t mind?” you ask, looking away from him in embarrassment, “what if I told you I didn’t hate it, actually the opposite.” 

He slides closer to you, his knees pressing against yours as you two sit on your bed. He takes your chin in between his fingers lightly, turning your face so your eyes meet his. You freeze, the hope in his eyes so obvious you wonder how you didn’t figure it out sooner. He liked you too. 

“Do you mean that?” his voice was soft and husky, sending shivers down your spine. You nod, unable to find your voice. “I’ve loved you for a long time.

Long before you had your heart broken, before you married him, I’ve loved you since our second year.” He admits, you smile softly, his hand moving to rest against your cheek. 

“I know Kou, I didn’t at the time but I can see it now,” you say, leaning into his touch, “the way you spoke to me back then, how you were always there, the soft touches. I was too blind back then.”

“You were with Kuroo, it didn’t matter how I felt, a part of me was glad you never figured it out, I didn’t want to come between you two ever. No matter how much I loved you.” 

A loud knock came from the front door, breaking the intimate moment between you. Bokuto sends you a small smile, going to see who it was. He doesn’t bother looking through the peep hole, instead just opening the door. You wait in the bedroom, jumping when you hear a loud bang. You rush into the living room, seeing him standing in front of the closed door, his body tense.

“Kou?” you approach him, placing your hand on his shoulder gently. “What was that?”

He takes a deep breath as the knocking on the door starts up again. Turning to you, he gives you a tight smile and asks you to go back to the bedroom. When he realizes you aren’t going anywhere, he flings the door open as the knocking turns into a banging. 

“What the fuck Bokuto?” You freeze, you haven’t heard his voice in nearly two years. Your grip on Bokuto tightens, his hand coming up to push you behind him.

“I should be asking you that Kuroo,” his voice is colder than you’ve ever heard it, the anger radiating off of him nearly scaring you. “Why are you here?”

“I saw the broadcast from the Olympics, I had to know if Y/N was with you now, I guess this answers my question,” he scoffs, gesturing to you hiding behind Bokato, wearing one of his t shirts that covered your shorts. 

“You have no right to know who she is or isn’t with, did you forget what you did?” Bokuto steps forward, your hand falling from it’s place around his bicep. “Did you forget Kuroo? Do I need to remind you?”

“I know what I did, but you were my friend too,” you wince at the pain in his voice, you feel a bit guilty for liking Bokuto when he says it like that. 

“Yeah I was, and you were her husband, I guess we both let down people who we never should have,” he moves to shut the door, Kuroo’s hand stopping it. No sooner than you can process it, Bokuto’s fist collides with your ex husband, blood gushing from his nose almost immediately. 

“Kou!” You gasp, grabbing onto him before he can hit him again. 

“I told you, if he showed his face in front of you again I was going to hit him,” he whispers, trying to calm himself. Kuroo curses, cupping his nose. You feel bad, bringing him a wash cloth and ice pack.

“Here, for the nose,” you whisper, holding it out to him. Bokuto scoffs beside you, his hand resting on your waist. “I’m sorry he hit you, but you kind of deserved it.”

“Kind of?” “Kou enough, please.” 

Kuroo accepts the items with a small thanks. Wiping the blood that ran down his face, he turns to the two of you. “Are you two together? Can you just tell me that Y/N?” 

“You should go,” is the only answer you give him. Once you’re sure he’s gone you turn to Bokuto, “you really hit him.”

“I’ll do it again if I have to,” he says, not looking  even the least bit regretful of his actions. 

“Can I kiss you Koutarou?” 

His lips are on yours before you can finish your sentence, hands holding onto your hips tightly. You moan into the kiss, your hands gripping his upper arms. The feeling of his lips against yours felt better than you could have ever imagined, the soft groans leaving his lips telling you he felt the same. You pressed your  body closer to his, your chest flush with his. He pulls you even closer, taking a few steps backwards until he sits on the couch, you falling onto his lap. 

“I love you, and I know you don’t feel that way about me yet, that’s okay,” he pants, looking up at you. “But I need to know if you really want this, us before we do anything else.”

“I want us, I want you,” you reply, your hands playing with the hair at the base of his neck. His hairs down, and you decide this is your favorite look on him. 

“Yeah?” he can’t keep the smile from his face as you nod, his heart feeling satisfied for the first time in years. “I’m really glad I never moved on from you.” 

His lips find yours once more, and you melt into him.

-

You never thought you would be standing here again. It’s been nearly four years since you started dating Bokuto, and he asked you to marry him two months ago. You didn’t want a big wedding this time around, and he agreed, just wanting to marry you, regardless of how many people were there. 

You stand, the sand between your toes, your dress brushing against your knees as the wind blows. He wanted a beach wedding, and you didn’t have the heart to say no. He stands at the ‘altar’, his outfit casual but beautiful to you. His smile is wide, eyes full of love as you approach him.

“I love you, you look perfect,” he praises you, his hands taking yours. “Are you ready for this?”

“I’m ready love,” you smile, cooing at the teary eyed smile he gives you. 

The wedding was small, intimate, but just as lovely as your first. If not better. Only your immediate family and closest friends were present, all of them happy for the two of you. It was a small reception, hardly anything, more of a beach party than a wedding reception. 

You found yourself tangled in his arms as you sway to the music, your heart light, at peace. 

“Thank you for trying to surprise me that day,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t shown up then.”

“You’d be right here,” he shrugs, a sure smile on his face, “one way or another, I would have found out and been at your doorstep ready to help you. You falling in love with me is just the cherry on the cake for me, I was happy as long as you were, it didn’t matter who you were with. As long as you had that smile on your face, I would step aside every time for someone else to love you.”

“The only person I will ever love as much as you, is our baby,” you laugh as his eyes widen, he stops swaying, his grip on  you tightening slightly.

“I don’t know if you’re saying you want kids or if you’re saying you’re already pregnant,” his voice is quiet, not giving anything away. 

“I found out two days ago.” The scream of joy that fell from his lips had everyone jumping, never quite used to his outbursts. You giggle, his hands holding you up in the air with the happiest look on his face. He puts you down, pulling you into a deep kiss. 

“Best day of my life,” he says, kissing you between each word. 

Maybe you got it wrong the first time you got married. But you knew, standing before him now, that you got it right this time. 

[youshouldbemanic]

MANIC TRACK CLAIM

It’s been a week since Manic and I wanted to get this up a few days ago so I’m just going to post the track claims I have received 

Reviews and reactions of Manic ✨

ASHLEY: ok so I really liked ashley especially as an opening track because it deals with a subject that's tricky for both halsey and fans; when fame becomes too tough or if halsey falls out of love with it, what will happen? i really liked the lyrics, especially the line about bursting into flames, because a lot of people can identify with that feeling. I loved the sound of the song, the production was so good!! it's one of my top favs from the album :) - @halseylockscreens

CLEMENTINE: "Clementine" exemplifies so much of what makes Manic interesting - the lyrics are sad and introspective, while the tone is playful and almost whimsical. It's inspires nostalgia and hope all at once. The way Halsey embraces the contradictions in herself - not needing anyone, but also needing everyone - is something that so many people, myself included, can relate to. It's sweet, sharp, and cathartic - especially the final "and then some" she belts in the background. It's in my top five for Manic! - @manic-nightmare

GRAVEYARD: I’ve said it before but Graveyard was the song that I heard and knew that this would be my favorite album. I think the use of guitars in the album is really pretty and really sells that it’s Ashley. Halsey singles are usually fast past and flashy but Graveyard feel so personal. Even the upbeat parts remind me of a heart beat after running for a while and you’re trying to catch your breath. The first time I heard it I thought that it was about G-eazy and abusive relationships but the more I listen to it and the music video makes me think it’s also about her relationship with herself. Ashely and Halsey are two different people Halsey represents all the bad and good of mental illness she’s loud,speaks her mind,gets angry, she feels everything so intensely and Ashley is in the background trying to keep up. The gasp is one of my favorite parts of the whole song, one thing she’s always done and has perfected on this album is whispers/talking in songs that makes it feel like she’s talking to you. I think I love Halsey so much because a lot of her songs feel like a friend telling you all their secrets and thoughts.- @leocaitelin 

YOU SHOULD BE SAD: You Should Be Sad is a very strong fourth track on Manic with a country influence to what is an angry pop song. Lyrically, the song has a nice flow to it that is complimented by the upbeat guitar. As Halsey stated in a tweet this is the “after he cheats” song; as she looks back at her relationship with an ex. Sure, this is not the poppunk song we all expected from the original snippet of the bridge that is “hey hey hey hey” and not “yeah yeah yeah yeah” but the anger soaks through her lyrics and into her words that it coats how you feel. By the end the song becomes sad, almost remorseful and finishes with a soft harmony. All in all, not a bad song.- @hunterthewriterworld

FOREVER...(IS A LONG TIME): Let me tell you right now that even though this isn’t in my top tracks of the album, I was destined to claim it as my track simply because of the rain sounds in the background... rain is my favourite thing and the second I heard it I knew it was a sign. I love how it starts sounding all cute and then at the ‘just right’ part it sounds like doubt is starting to creep into her mind and then the song takes a complete turn. I think Forever... is one of the most interesting songs on the album and I love how it goes into Dominic’s interlude! - @youshouldbemanic 

I HATE EVERYBODY: Alright “I Hate Everybody” is so fucking good musically and lyrically speaking. This one blew our minds because halsey is so fucking honest about how she let someone elses opinion about her have a bigger impact or effect on her than just being enough on her own. She´s so self reflective on her behavior in this song it´s almost as if she´s discussing it to get a clear pattern or picture about it for herself - she´s analyzing her previous behavior to state the point that SHE is important - not anyone else in this context. There seems to be a shift in her self perception. We immediately fell in love with this song because it is so relatable in our opinion. We immediately understood that feeling and could relate to it in some way or another. This song kinda feels like sitting down with halsey to talk about what is going on superficially speaking and then internally speaking because both those aspects often differ a lot from each other (e.g. how your friends, your partner etc. sees you or thinks you´re feeling vs. what is going on inside your head). We also loooove how the music is pretty tender and it seems as if the persona halsey is kind of telling a story very calmly and then when it comes to the chorus it seems as if ashley is coming through - this is when the music and the lyrics become more dynamic in a way. And we don´t know if it´s just our perception but we love how the music is giving the song a kind of sarcastic tone that adds to halsey´s criticism of herself. -@twinzmoon

WITHOUT ME: I've seen a lot of people say that they are tired of this song. That it came out too long ago. That it doesn't belong on Manic, etc. I get it, but I don't agree. I will say that I love the live performances of this song better than the album version. I think more emotion and more pain come out in her vocals when she sings this live. Most of the lyrics are talking about helping and supporting the other person and only a little about the hurt and anger of being betrayed. It's what goes along with that, what goes on in your head after being cheated on that gives this song a place on Manic. Having been cheated on myself in a previous relationship, I feel all of that extra, unstated in the lyrics turmoil everytime I hear this song. The why wasn't I enough? What did I do or not do that they needed someone else? Am I lacking something that they needed? Is it something about the way I look? The way I act? The way I talk? The self doubt, self loathing and distrust when you start a new relationship. I got lucky and I have a wonderful, amazing girlfriend now, but it's taken me a while to be able to trust in this relationship after being cheated on in the previous one. I both love and hate this song. I love it because maybe not in the exact way, but I've had this happen to me. I got through it and I'm in a better place now. I hate it because I feel all of the confusion, anger, doubt and self loathing everytime I hear it. Either way, it's a powerful, emotional song. - @anf-stuff 

KILLING BOYS: I had to listen to this song a few times through before I was truly able to appreciate it, mostly because it wasn't really what I was expecting. With the title "killing boys," and the obvious allusion to the movie Jennifer's Body, I guess I was expecting something angrier, more violent and aggressive, maybe more "Nightmare"-esque. And there's definitely a lot of anger in there, but it's not so loud and hostile and combative; it's all tempered by this kind of reflective, retrospective, "over it" attitude that you see throughout the album. She describes these bitter and vengeful actions like kicking in doors and keying cars and breaking windows in the verses, but they're all followed by a lot of "not anymores" and "never agains" in the chorus. And even the music itself gives the same effect; the whole song has that kickass percussion running under it, but the melodies aren't very harsh, and her voice is soft and almost somber. I love this song because I feel like this is the song on the album that fully embodies, both lyrically and musically, what Ashley said about setting out to write "dark and angry" music and realizing she simply wasn't angry anymore. -@gaygirlslove1d

SUGA’S INTERLUDE: I have to admit that I kinda put this song aside for a little while. I only listened to this song once when it was first released. It was released the same day as Finally // Beautiful Stranger and I was a little obsessed with that song.  Obsessed enough to change the words a little so I could sing it to my girlfriend. But enough about that, on to my review. After listening to Suga's Interlude more, I like the song a lot. It's not one of my top favorites from Manic, but it's really good. Halsey's voice is interesting on her part. Sweet with a hint of sadness. Suga has a very nice flow in this song. I had to look up the English translation for his part. I have seen several interpretations about the meaning of the song, but to me it's finding out that just because you reach your goal or are living out your dream, it doesn't mean it'll bring you happiness. The song fits really well on Manic in my opinion. So maybe not the best song that Manic has to offer, but still a very good song.- @anf-stuff

MORE: This is a deeply personal song. I had mentioned this yesterday, I feel personally attacked for having picked this song. As a mother of two boys, I feel like I can say that. “Wooden floors, little feet.” “Little screen, photograph.” “When you decide it’s your time to arrive, I’ve loved you for all of my life.” It’s a known fact that Ashley has endometriosis. It makes it hard to get pregnant. It’s also been mentioned that she suffered  miscarriages—not only that, she was performing on stage while going through at least one of them. Ashley has always been open about reproductive health and her story with it. It hits hard at special place—whether you want to be a mother or not. The lullaby, like off a mobile over a crib. The end that sounds like a sonogram, before you were to hear a baby’s heartbeat. How the audio is muffled as if you were listening from inside the womb. I was crying by the end of it, let me tell you. It is one of my favorite tracks, by far. The soft ones always are. It is a song of hope and heartache. Anger and longing. It is filled with truth that is Ashley’s, but so many can relate to. - @stopitchris

STILL LEARNING: I loved it, it’s not one of my favourites but it was fun and has a really good message!!!!And it’s also something I’m still working on myself; learning to love myself. It’s a hard journey but its achievable. The beat and lyrics were moving and deep and overall enjoyable!!!! -@pinklemongay

929: First impressions- cool strumming, OH NO HOSPITAL BEEP I AM GONNA CRY, OK GOOD ITS HER TALKING HER KITGLE LAUGH I LOVF JER SO MHCJ FUCKKKK SHES SO CUTE 🥺🥺, can’t remember half the time i’ve been alive, don’t meet ur heroes 🥺, THE FEATURE FUCKING LINE!!!! okgbn!!!!!, I wANT TO THORW UO, I HACE NEVER CRIED HARDER, AHHH, I CANT EVEN PROCESS IT SORRY, no lyrics to say bc i cant breathe properly, I KNOW DONT KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF 🥺🥺🥺🥺, sorry i need to listen to this again, MY MORAL COMPASS IS ON A VACATION, big coming of age movie vibes, this will be my Special Song i can feel it 🥺, i have felt every emotion. -@wreckageofmylife

WIPE YOUR TEARS: Wipe your tears is a very airy song that is almost reminiscent of the room 93 era. It has a twinkly aspect and deals with much darker themes. Yet it is also reminiscent of nightmare in the sense that it sounds more like a poem put to music. This song is also one of what the fans would call a “bi-anthem” as Halsey is talking about a girl which is very nice to hear. Personally I’m glad that this is only a bonus track as it is really short and does not fit the theme of the album. Yet it is still a bop and the better of the two bonus tracks. -@hunterthewriterworld

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 3x03 Colder Weather

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) They’re doing a Dolls retrospective in the previously-on and oh God, it’s going to be one of those episodes, am I going to cry my heart out?

2) Wynonna is sad, drunk, and angry – a dangerous combination. Yep.

3) God, they even changed the music for this episode… They’re really going for emotional devastation, aren’t they?

4) So, the vampire lady that had Doc all tied up in the season opener is back. He called her Countessa, but then she begged him to say her name, and I wonder if this has some other meaning? Like, maybe she needs him to say her name for some spell or something? I don’t know. Anyway, apart from being a vampire, she moonlights as a seer. And she tells Doc that she’d seen a warrior would die – Dolls – and that he should give up trying to get with Wynonna because she loved Dolls, too, and he’d be forever competing with Dolls’ ghost. Ouch.

5) Really, dude?

6) Waverly and Nicole are having a very important conversation that everyone should have with their loved ones – what happens with my remains when I die? I’ve had this conversation several times with different people and they’re all very much aware of what I want to be done with my body, but I guess I’ll be dead and they can do whatever they want and  I’ll never find out. Anyway, Nicole’s wish is to have a sky funeral, which sounds whimsical and cute but it’s actually pretty gross.

7) Uh-oh. Waverly has just found out that her father – well, not her father-father, you know what I mean – had only made arrangements for her mother’s and Wynonna’s burials, not hers… and that’s so unnecessarily cruel? Did they adopt her or were they charged with her? I really need to find out what’s the whole story about Waverly and the Earps!

8) Wynonna is in denial. She continues binge-drinking and shooting Peacemaker, but she’s not finding any peace. It’s Doc who can finally comfort her and convince her to pay their respects to Dolls. They actually comfort each other…

9) Who dis?

10) Waverly is kind of freaking out, saying she’s hungry and how that reminds her that Dolls will never eat again and then she starts laughing (her little breakdown reminded me a bit of Anya’s in The Body…) and Doc then smashes a glass against the wall (kind of like what Xander did in The Body…) They’re preparing a wake for Dolls at Shorty’s, which I guess we’ll end up being more like a sad party with everyone getting drunk and shots being fired because nothing can go right in Purgatory, not even a wake.

11) So, I took an instant liking to Star Hand guy for some reason, and thankfully, he seems to be Dolls’ friend. Doc is demanding evidence, as he should. Question is, how did he find out Dolls was dead? Is he a Black Badge agent, too? Did he come here to say his goodbyes or is he going to be a mainstay? And with this I’m reminded of…

12) Hmm. I have some questions…

NICOLE: My parents were travelling again and they told me I could go to this music festival with my aunt and uncle. Here. WAVERLY: In the Ghost River Triangle? NICOLE: There was an attack. A man in leather. So much screaming and blood. WAVERLY: The demon Dolls killed at the cliff? Bondage Bob? NICOLE: For years, my parents just told me that everybody died in a forest fire and that I had... I had somehow escaped, but... you know, it just didn't explain the nightmares. WAVERLY: Yeah, I've... I've heard them. NICOLE: Last spring, when... Widow Mercedes said his name... Bulshar... it was like this shotgun went off in my head. And Dolls helped me. He got me files, he... he told me that... Black Badge had been covering up these massacres for years. The Cult of Bulshar.

I’m not sure I’m on board with this backstory they gave Nicole literally out of nowhere? And the same demon that committed this massacre is the guy Dolls killed on the hill? The one Waverly names “Bondage Bob”? I just… I don’t totally buy it. I know it could be completely possible for her to have suppressed these memories because of trauma, but… it all feels a bit thrown together at the last minute? Why couldn’t she just be a human, a kickass human but a human nonetheless? Why does she also need a supernatural and traumatizing backstory? I don’t know, I’m still a bit iffy about the whole thing.

13) Will this turn into a supernatural version of “P.S. I Love You”?

14) Obviously, Dolls knew he was going to die, hence the ominous letter. Wynonna takes it out on Jeremy because he knew and he was trying to help Dolls but he didn’t say anything to anyone else, trying to respect Dolls’ wishes. Wynonna feels betrayed, but I don’t really get why? First of all, all of them know they can die at any time, that’s part of the gig, right? So yeah, Dolls being aware of his own mortality shouldn’t be that surprising considering his line of work. Second of all, they all witnessed that this dragon-power was taking a toll on him, didn’t they? Am I crazy? So yeah, Wynonna might have pretended it wasn’t an issue, but she knew, they all knew… I guess it’s easy when you’re mourning someone’s death to have someone to blame, but Jeremy hardly deserves it.

15) So, Quinn, Xavier’s friend, is all chummy with Doc and I’m here for it. Wynonna asks Doc if he knew Dolls was dying, and Quinn is like “duh! Of course, he was!”, which was exactly my reaction. Wynonna is not an idiot, so she had to be in complete denial not to see that he was dying. Anyway, apparently, he was also Black Badge.

16) Oh, great. The fucking revenants stole all the serum Doc had concocted for Dolls and are streamlining it. This should end well.

17) So, Jeremy placed a coded message for Dolls’ friends to come to his funeral. See? How can you be angry at Jeremy?

18) Wynonna wonders why Dolls didn’t attempt to do anything to get better, and the answer is blatantly obvious for both Quinn and Doc – because of her. I’m guessing she’ll take this information to further flagellate herself over Dolls’ death.

19) The vampire lady, Katalin, stole Waverly’s purse, for some reason, maybe she’s a klepto or something, but she didn’t use any of her vampire powers to do it? Like, she just grabbed and took off, awkwardly running in her heels? Kind of disappointing, but also super hilarious.

20) Ay…

21) Waverly enlists Doc to help her get Dolls’ letter back, and they sneak out all secretive, but… it’s a wake with literally 5 freaking guests… I think the three people left will eventually notice they’re gone?

22) “Why torture yourself? I don’t.” HA! Yeah, right!

23) Quinn suggests that Black Badge is not really gone – well, duh – and that they might come to retrieve what’s left of Dolls…

24) Yep. A bunch of jacked-up revenants have just crashed the party. Coolio.

That’s alright, Wynonna’s got it.

25) I do appreciate a good early 00s callback…

26) WTF

27) OMG, Waverly trying to lose it and turn the table but realizing it’s too heavy and then just throwing the cards on the floor and giving a little shout? *chef’s kiss*

28) Oh, shit, Katalin now knows what Waverly is?! What is she???

29) Aw, Nicole just set Wynonna straight, told her that everyone is grieving Dolls just as much as she is and that she should go apologize to Jeremy. I do really love their quiet yet strong bond.

30) Quinn is fucking torturing Jeremy with a goddamn stapler and why does everyone keep treating Jeremy like crap? Quinn wants to get Jeremy’s drugs to become a dragon and storm BB headquarters. Wynonna gets through to him by admitting that she is also haunted by the ghosts of the people she lost, but their best revenge is to go on living. Be brave. Live. For me.

31) Ouch, I didn’t know that something as small as Wynonna giving Quinn Dolls’ badge would hurt like a bitch, but it did.

32) Damn, damn, damn.

That whole scene simply destroyed me. Wynonna finally decided to cremate Dolls’ body to prevent BB from coming after it to continue experimenting on him. And then they bury him, each of them placing a personal item that symbolizes their relationship to Dolls. It fucking devastated me.

33) Waverly asks Wynonna what her plans are for when she passes, casually mentioning that she doesn’t have a spot on the Earp’s burial site. Wynonna doesn’t make a big deal of it, and instead, tells Waverly that they will live for about another 80 years and then, they’ll be buried together at the homestead. That’s all the reassurance Waverly needs. She might not be an Earp, but she’s Wynonna’s sister, and that’s all that matters.

34) Damn, Dolls.

35) Does Katalin spend the whole day playing with her Tarot cards? #quarantinemood

So… she admits that she only stole Waverly’s purse to get Doc’s attention. They have a short conversation about the days of yore and then…

Damn Doc, he can’t just keep it in his pants, can he?

36) That was an emotional rollercoaster of an episode. Dolls wasn’t one of the characters I loved the most, but I understand how important he was to the narrative and to each of the characters, so I’m glad to see he got a proper send-off. I really hate it when shows gloss over the aftermath of a main character’s death and skip forward all the grieving and uncomfortableness of mourning. That being said, this being a supernatural show and all, I’m skeptical that this was the last we’ll see of Dolls. Anything can happen, right?

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[slxyangel]

Pain and Noise (Duff x Reader)

Summary: I was fed up with just about everything that constituted my life, so I started playing.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, mentions of violence, swearing, panic attack.

Wordcount: Almost 5k

A/N: First fic I ever write, I am nervous and this was originally in Spanish, so be nice with my best try of a translation. Enjoy :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

Masterlist: https://slxyangel.tumblr.com/post/189625800403/masterlist

The pain in the back of my hands was intense, searing, and growing worse with every minute I spent holding the drumsticks and unloading my rage over the drums in the studio. The accumulated tension stiffened my fingers, the muscles in my arms were numb and it had been a while since I started feeling my nails spiking my own skin because of the pressure I was putting on it. I didn’t care; I preferred to feel that rather than the anguish that had been threatening to rip off my chest these last few weeks. I don’t know how much time I spent like that. What I do remember is the pain. And the noise.

I also remember sitting on the stool during a little while the guys were out, I’m not sure what for, maybe to grab some food or take a break. They had been working on the album for months, and these days of polishing, re-recording, fixing and tuning everything up for the final version were being especially hard; they deserved a breather. “And so do I”, I told myself while I held Steven’s drumsticks and gave it a second thought, maybe it wasn’t a good idea. He, as any other percussionist, didn’t like it when someone else fiddled with his instrument, not to mention if it happened without him being around to control it. I could only hope that he didn’t show up in that very moment and caught me, because I don’t think I would have the strength to explain him every thought that was circling my head the moment I decided to play his drums, and even less not to drown the whole story with my tears. I mean, come on, it was only going to be a little while.

I had been working with the band practically since the recording process for Appetite for Destruction began. I was in my last year of university, and needed an internship to complete my learning agreement, and, I still can’t comprehend how, my best friend’s father got me plugged-in in Geffen Records. They were the ones who decided that the best option for an audiovisuals student was in the recordings for a young rock band’s debut album. This is how I ended up being Mike Clink’s personal assistant and hanging out with Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff and Steven. The chemistry had been practically automatic, I got along with them pretty quick and, even though I started being basically the coffee girl, I was always very comfortable in such a creative and carefree environment.

I remember those first days in which Mark, my boyfriend, used to drive me to the studio in his car. I could drive, of course, but my new job seemed almost more exciting for him than it did for me, so he insisted in getting me there, picking me up and making me tell him every little detail of my brand-new work life. He was thrilled when I told him how I had spent twenty minutes of my first day talking with Slash and he had shown interest about my studies, my reasons to be there and my general life. “If we’re gonna work together, we might as well be friends”, he said. The guy told me that he had a snake, that his parents were artists and that’s why he had always been so involved with music. He also said he got his first guitar when he was 15 and that he and the guys ended up together out of sheer coincidence, but they had realized they were the perfect combination, so they were really excited about their new project. It was there that I realized I was in the right place and, even if, worst case scenario, the rest of the band hated me, at least I had a new friend.

However, my worries couldn’t be any more unfounded. Once I had talked to Saul, the rest of it went smoothly. Axl was quite a character, for instance, a guy you felt like looking at. Wherever he was (because he couldn’t stand still for a second), your eyes would be glued to him. He had an enviable magnetism no matter what he did: singing one of their songs, bringing order to the mixing desk, finishing off half a liter of Jack Daniel’s… He was the kind of person who seems out of reach from every one of us mortals but, deep down, is a cinnamon roll. Our first interactions (mostly his, let’s be honest) were filled with double intentions. In any case, now that I see it in retrospective and compare it with the way he treated other girls, I came to think that this was his way to know women in general, his default mode. Actually, those anecdotes of conversations I had with the vocalist were worth a fair dose of laughing for Mark and me during our more than usual supermarket-pizza, Ben-&-Jerry’s-ice-cream dinners in the flat we shared. Over time, Axl’s phase of blatant flirting with me faded away, making room for a really close friendship between the two of us.

Izzy, on the other hand, treated me almost as if I was an experiment. Do you know the feeling when you arrive to a new school but the year has already started and everybody is curious about you? Well, that was more or less how the guitarist reacted to my incorporation. He had never been too talkative, or, at least, not as much as the rest of them, so my first days with the brunet can be summed up to him joining conversations between me and someone else, to learn a bit more about me without having to ask directly; to my hand-waving gestures and his responses raising his chin or his eyebrows; or to him offering me drags of his cigarette from time to time, while we waited for the rest of the guys to record their tracks so we could all go partying together. It was interesting. It was entertaining. It was even funny to see us unfolding, adapting to each other until we gained full trust. We could argue that his more reserved, almost wary personality and my own, more explosive and versatile, complemented each other as two puzzle pieces; one had what the other lacked.

And, while Izzy complemented me, Steven understood me. We were two peas in a pod: energetic, chaotic and jam-packed with energy. Basically the kids in the team. Like two naughty twins, we loved to terrorize the studio. We threw stuff at each other, we laughed like crazy, we yelled from one corner of the room to the other the dumbest, most absurd shit you could imagine… One of the activities I enjoyed the most was to scare away the chicks from him. Some afternoons when he was chilling on the couch, unaware and concentrated on hitting on whatever girl he had just met, I arrived, seated next to him on the couch and went full on clingy-ass-girlfriend with him: handsy and unbearable. I interrupted the groupie and put up with Steven’s deadly glares until, after a while, the girl took off, sometimes walking towards one of the other guys, sometimes straight to her house. The drummer always got mad at me when I did this to him, but his anger never lasted for more than ten minutes.

And then there was Duff. He was something else, something different. I had never had such a connection with anyone, and even less with anyone I had met for so little time. Duff had his own light, like an extremely bright star, and I was flashed by it but, at the same time, he irradiated a delightful kind of warmth, too nice for me to voluntarily step away. He was fun, he was compassionate, he was sensible, he was a little bit mad and he made everything unspeakably easy. The rest of the band spent their days saying that we should have sex or betting on whether we were or weren’t conscious of the sexual tension they assured was too obvious between us. At first, we either told them to fuck off or went along with it, but without giving it much of a second thought. At the end of the day, I was dating Mark, who I adored, and Duff knew it. We were nothing but friends, like the rest of the guys.

Weeks went by and I kept getting closer and closer with the bassist: we talked about everything and anything, we told each other countless anecdotes from our lives before arriving to L.A., and he even sometimes helped me with the paperwork. More than once, even though smoking was allowed in the studio, the two of us stepped outside to do it, and a break that was meant to last for 10 minutes ended up being one hour long. When this happened, Slash had to come out for him, wielding his guitar and threatening to smash it on his head if he wasn’t back inside in the following fifteen seconds. In fact, some of those days when it took me longer to finish my job he would stick around and offer me a ride home before he headed to the club, so that Mark didn’t have to come pick me up that far that late.

Of course, it was all being too good to be true. The first day this happened, when I arrived home in “some other dude’s car, instead of a fucking taxi”, Mark’s own words, I found a version of my boyfriend that I didn’t like one tiny bit: wary, silent and mean. When I asked what his problem was I already saw the answer coming, but I just refused to believe he was going to get all possessive over such a nonsense, he had never behave like that. That night we went from yelling at each other to the silent treatment in a matter of a few hours, and the next day, when I got to the studio in my own car for the first time since the guys knew me, that place looked like goddamn press conference. They took less than two minutes to notice I was a little bit off, and less than five to tell me “Dump him, fuck Duff”. I couldn’t help but laugh. I hadn’t broken up with Mark, we had just argued; I would speak to him and we would fix things; that’s what couples did. Bitch, you thought.

For the next few days everything seemed to have turned back to normal: my boyfriend and I were okay, he said he was sorry and begged me to let him apologize by being my chauffeur again. I didn’t quite feel like rocking the boat after that night, so the idea of not driving myself to work didn’t seem that bad, until the days Mark started arriving a little earlier each day. Five minutes, fifteen, half an hour before my cutoff time, as if he had to make sure I went back home with him, as if he had to keep an eye on me. In fact, one of the days in which he arrived with a bigger margin of time, he decided it was a good idea to wait inside the studio while the band was recording, and argued that “it would be a lot more boring to wait in the car”. Over the last days, the guys had noticed how pissed it made me the fact that he was chasing after me, behaving like an asshole and little more than tying a leash around my neck, so Axl stepped up and asked him to leave, since the guy wouldn’t listen to me. I have to admit I was surprised with how calmly the vocalist took the intrusion, taking into account his normally short temper. He told Mark that “it wasn’t his problem if he wanted to be his girlfriend’s chauffeur, but he couldn’t simply burst into a private property as if it was his house, and even less when they were working.” To be honest, that was one hell of a comeback, because if the singer had exposed the real reasons why he wanted him out, the other one would have clutched at straws to the philosophy “She is my girlfriend, you don’t get a saying on this.” But on his argument and on his turf, Axl had the upper hand.

Despite all the efforts, Mark told him to mind his own business and that, if the redhead kicked him out of the studio, he would be behaving like a total dick. Then, as if the destiny was trying its best to fix things, sarcasm be sensed, Duff showed up in the anteroom where we were. As soon as my boyfriend saw him, his eyes started blazing, and it only took the bassist telling him he had to leave and that I was still in my working hours so I wouldn’t go with him, for his fist to connect with Duff’s jaw in a nasty jab. And hell was fucking raised.

Axl pushed Mark, who was holding my arm with the same hand he had punched the blond with two seconds ago. Not letting go of me, he tackled the vocalist, mumbling something I can’t remember. Then he walked towards the front door, grabbing me with him. “Let’s go. Now”, he ordered. His fingers dug into my skin with such anger and despair that I could already feel the bruise forming underneath, and I was half shocked, half scared shitless. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get in the car with him and I didn’t want any more punches either, but in any case my limbs were not responding to the commands my brain tried to make, whichever they were. It was then that, halfway across the room, before reaching the door, Mark stumbled and fell, finally releasing my arm. The first thing I saw when I lifted my eyes was Duff standing there, with his mouth covered in blood, shaking his right hand once and breathing heavily.

- If you ever touch her again like that, I’ll kill you.

While Mark was trying to get up, Slash stormed in from the recording room. He had seen the events of the last two minutes from his position behind the glass, and he wasn’t going to take any more of that shit. Right before the other one went ballistic attacking the bassist and blood started to hit the fan, Saul grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and kicked him, literally, out of the place. Once the metal door had closed between Mark and us, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I vaguely remember I started hyperventilating, on my knees, on the floor, and the sound of punches hitting metal on the outside was all but helping me calm down. As tears streamed down my face and I frantically run my fingers through my hair, a hand started trailing my back. It was a soft touch, slow, really slow. Making its way upwards and then going back down, over again. The noise level had considerably decreased, and now all I could listen to were whispers, the sweetest whispers coming from the mouth of one single person. “Shhhh, easy. You’re having a panic attack. It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here. Breathe.” Little by little my quick and superficial breathing became steadier, and after a few minutes I was able to stand up to sit on the couch. The beating on the door had stopped, and I realized all the guys were surrounding me, worried look on their faces, as Duff, seating beside me, still had his hand in my back.

_________________

It had been two weeks since that day. After the incident, I sure as hell wasn’t going to be under the same roof as Mark, and even less with the fight still recent. Who knows what he would do to me as soon as I crossed the threshold… The guys profusely insisted that I could stay with any of them, but they let me use their phone to call my best friend when I told them I would be in very good hands with her. Laura received me with a warm hug the moment she saw me, and that night, at her home, we cried, we ranted and we ate ice-cream until we couldn’t take any more. I have to admit that, given the circumstances, she managed pretty well to get me into bed feeling kinda happy. But of course, nothing lasts forever. I was about to graduate, with no home (the foster-bed in Laura’s house didn’t count), no boyfriend and no plans of work, projects or future in general; ahead of me there was a massive precipice with seemingly no ending. Besides, the production process for Appetite was coming to an end, and so did my internship and the months of togetherness with the band. Now was the time for press conferences, concerts and, if it all went well, the tour. To be honest I was super happy for them. I had seen the birth of that album, and I was blindly certain that with such a masterpiece they were bound to success. It was inevitable. But in any case, that meant the end of what had given me the most joys in the last four months and, if apart from all the financial and emotional stability I had gained during my college years, someone took that away from me… what did I have left?

__________________

After that much time hitting the drums, I had ultimately interiorized the beat so much now I was just reproducing it on loop, with my eyes closed and breathing heavily. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t realize the door had opened and someone had stepped into the studio. Suddenly I felt how, behind my back, two hands softly landed on my shoulders. I didn’t stop playing. My arms moved now with less vigor to the beat I had marked from the beginning, while those fingers gently traced small circles in the back of my neck, comforting me.

Duff.

It had to be him, I was certain.

Little by little I reduced the speed of my movements, gradually, until I completely stopped playing. When I left the drumsticks on the snares and turned around in the stool I saw him. He was standing there, right in front of me, asking with his eyes, a calm and expressive look on his face. An almost imperceptible sigh escaped my lips. He was worried about me.

- Good thing it was you who entered, and not Steven – I said, half jokingly, as I stood up, hoping to relax the tension built up between us.

- Yeah – he laughed softly. – Had it been him he would have ripped the drumsticks off your hands and hit you with them.

I laughed too, quietly, bitterly. This was too much for me. The words we never said were floating around, like a thousand needles falling into a tailspin above us; eventually, they would have to land. The worst part was that I didn’t know if I craved that moment or, on the contrary, dreaded it.

It looked like he had read my mind when he slowly, almost asking for permission, held my hands. I startled a bit with the contact, but I let him go on. Duff looked at them for a second before he noticed the tiny wounds I had unconsciously inflicted on myself digging my fingernails too hard a while before, at the drums. Without saying a word, he started caressing them very softly, as if he wanted to calm, more than my physical pain, the sentimental one. He was breathing deeply and slightly frowning. He was concentrated in trying to make that feeling disappear, the confusion, the guilt, the fear… the stream of emotions that had been threatening to break me for some time now. He looked me in the eyes. In that very moment, the temperature inside the room raised a few degrees. We were really close. So close I could feel his breath on me, listen to his heartbeat accelerating with every second that went by, see how his lips lightly parted, practically not at all, only a hint of the thought that filled our minds in that place, in that moment. Then, almost involuntarily, as an instinctive reflex, I stretched my neck upwards. That was the only sign he needed to make the already scarce distance between our lips disappear, and kiss me.

The contact was slow, sweet and full of longing. Our lips moved rhythmically, perfectly fitting on each other’s. Duff was still holding my hands, and I could feel my breath accelerating progressively. I released one of my hands and placed it on his neck, stroking the hair on his nape and helping myself keep balance in my tippiest toes. He saw my struggles and moved his free hand to my waist, firmly holding me so that I wouldn’t fall. All of a sudden, I felt the urge to be closer to him, even more. Everything that I hadn’t been able to do and that had bottled up inside of me was now too overwhelming, and I didn’t want to fight it anymore. Our kiss intensified, we hungrily enjoyed each other, panting. The next thing I knew was that Duff had placed his hands on the back of my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned my arms on his shoulders, so I could keep kissing him while he crossed the room and sat on the leather couch, with me straddling his lap. He ran his fingers up and down my thighs, slightly lifting the hem of my dress, as if he was testing some boundaries that I hadn’t set and, at this point, I didn’t plan to.

I was euphoric, nervous and loaded with desire. In a burst of braveness or lust, I’m not entirely sure, I started to buck my hips, back and forth, following a slow path at first, which progressively accelerated. The friction of my underwear in direct contact with his leather pants was about to drive me mad, and I couldn’t stop. His hands, which a moment ago were on my hips, guiding them, started moving over my lower stomach, tracing the edge of my panties in painfully slow motions. His breath was also heavier, somehow ragged, and I felt him hardening beneath me. His lips were stuck to the base of my neck, lightly sucking as I, with my eyes closed and lips parted into a silent “O”, gently pulled his blond hair. My core grew more sensitive by the minute, and when I thought I wouldn’t be able to hold the moan trapped in my throat anymore, his fingers touched my most sensitive spot, turning my steadily rocking hips not that steady for a moment.

In a matter of seconds, and with his hand working wonders between my legs, I got rid of the dress, which only bothered, and the perspective of my almost absolute nudity on top of his entirely dressed body made me shake with arousal. His free hand took care of my breasts, now exposed, as I dug my nails into his shoulders, underneath the sleeveless shirt he was wearing.

-  Take it off – I managed to blurb between gasps.

-  What? – Duff seemed confused, too concentrated on something else for having been able to follow the road of my own thoughts.

-  Your shirt, take it off. I want to touch you.

A shit-eating grin lit up his face right before he separated in a quick motion from that piece of clothing and threw it somewhere else. Immediately after, in a total change of the atmosphere, he laid back on the couch and, placing his hands behind his head, said:

-  Then touch me.

I didn’t hesitate for a single second. My hands flew to his shoulders, his arms, his shoulders again and went down his chest as I peppered kisses all over his lips, jaw, neck, collarbones… I took my sweet time while swinging my hips against the fabric that separated my pussy from his erection, and my nails traced a descending path down his torso, really slowly. I could notice how he was growing desperate; I felt his breath, now turned into a subtle growl, against my hair; I realized how shortly he had managed to keep his hands off me, since now he was caressing my flanks, my back and my chest. When I reached the cord of his pants with my fingers, I slowly undid the knot that tied them together and slipped my hand underneath, without stopping my hip motions. The very moment I found the base of his length, a soft grunt escaped his lips. He was driving me insane.

After a while arousing each other, we couldn’t stand the teasing any longer and Duff took the first step to getting rid of the clothes that were still around. I stood up and took off my sandals so that he could slide my panties down my legs, grazing my skin along the way. He also let go of both his pants and sneakers, tossing them on the carpet. Our moves were clumsy thanks to eagerness and anticipation. I once again sat on top of him, in our initial position, only now there were no clothes in the middle of the road. I could feel him against me. Touch. Friction. Desire. His expert fingers moved now freely over my core, as he left little love bites under my left ear. I kept on rubbing his cock, fully hard and a bit wet, while, with my other hand, I held on to his hair for dear life. We were close, really close. It felt as if every centimeter of my skin was on direct contact with Duff. He was everywhere, every corner, every goosebump, every scar… With all this overstimulation, my moans filled the room, and I didn’t have enough sanity to realize anyone could come in. I was a mess.All of a sudden, right when I was seconds away from cumming, his hands disappeared from my core. Even though I couldn’t see myself, I was sure in my eyes one would be able to read the anticipation and confusion.

-  Wait – he said in a desperate whisper -. I want to feel you, I want to be inside of you.

If he hadn’t stopped touching me a moment before, I am sure that sentence would have sent me to the wildest of orgasms, but it wasn’t the time for my sweet release. Not yet. He put his hand right next to mine, on his cock, and, with an almost unbearable slowness, he brought the tip of it to my entrance. A trembling sigh fell from my lips and we looked into each other’s eyes. Then, I gently let my hips descend on his lap, and he completely slid inside of me, letting escape an unearthly growl that gave me chills. He had dropped his head back, leaving his neck and collarbones exposed to me, but I had my eyes closed as I tried to control the delightful contractions that were about to take over me. I felt him inside of me, extremely deep. As if we were two pieces of the same puzzle, as if we had been manufactured specifically to be together. Now THAT was overstimulation. Once my body had adjusted to him, I started motioning my hips up and down, holding on to his shoulders so that I didn’t lose the limited balance I had left. He once again was looking at me, with his hands on my waist as I kept the path. Close, very close. His arms slid around me and I kissed his lips eagerly. Our moans died in one another’s mouth while the movements became faster, erratic, frenetic. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep my sanity, I was almost raving with pleasure, and the moment our lips broke away to take air and we looked at each other, nose to nose, without stopping for a moment, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I came with a flashing intensity, pronouncing his name countless times, asking God knows who for this moment to last forever. I couldn’t stop screaming, and when Duff begged my name and I felt his liquid warmth filling every bit of me, I saw white.

_______________

His hand stroked tenderly my naked back while my breath came back to normal against his neck. The same as that day, but at the same time entirely different. I was still on top of him, he was still inside of me. I hadn’t yet gathered the strength to pull him apart from me, but he didn’t seem willing to get separated either, so we stood like that for a while, I don’t even know how much, but I don’t care. This felt utterly intimate, intense, extremely ours and totally apart from the rest of people, from the rest of things. It was a parallel universe inside of a crystal ball. It was the embodiment of all that was right. What we had been, without knowing or admitting it, even to ourselves, waiting for all this time.

[hollenius]

re neurodivergent headcanons in Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul, I think the first time (a year or so ago) I read something where someone online suggested Chuck was somewhere on the autism spectrum (high functioning/Aspergers), I laughed it off as a ridiculous suggestion, because he didn’t “fit” many of the stereotypical traits seen in other fictional characters or in the popular conception of the topic…but in retrospect, I think that came more from my misunderstanding of the “spectrum” part of it than anything else. It’s definitely a plausible/possible diagnosis comorbid with the anxiety disorder(s) he canonically has.

·         We know Chuck’s a good actor (e.g. his ability to fool Jimmy in “Klick”) and is able to mimic and slip into different sorts of social behaviors (e.g. his ability to social climb from a working class or lower-middle-class family to the world of white shoe law firms), so he’s probably capable of using masking in most public settings. This is apparently a more common trait in autistic women, but men do it as well, if less frequently.

·         Studies asking about the long-term effects of masking seem to imply it takes a physical/emotional/mental toll on the person using it, which might explain why, by the time we see him in BCS, the stress of acting “normal” in meetings and the like, when compounded with the worsening of his anxiety problems, leaves him curled up under a space blanket for hours or even days afterward. Trying to compensate for multiple issues at once is probably even more taxing.

·         He seems prone to getting overwhelmed by things and either shutting down or lashing out in reaction. The most extreme form of the former is when he goes catatonic for hours/days in response to being tazed or put in the CAT scan machine; the most extreme form of the latter is probably him completely losing it and shouting/crying/having to be physically restrained by the hospital staff because he’s so upset about being surrounded by lights/hooked up to an EKG/being recommended for a CAT scan.

·         Contrary to stereotypes, Chuck is decent at reading people (or at least he’s extremely good at reading his brother and knowing how he behaves) and he interacts well with people within a work context, but he doesn’t seem to have any friends outside of it, or much in the way of a social life–the other lawyers hold him in awe as a sort of glorified animate law encyclopedia, rather than someone they would want to hang out with or chat with informally. (Though Chuck doesn’t come across as the sort who would be interested in chit chat with coworkers anyway...) Being totally housebound and cut off from the outside world is upsetting to Chuck primarily because it interferes with his work as a lawyer–we never get the sense that he’s upset about it having any effect on his interpersonal relationships, because he doesn’t seem to have any. This is probably why losing Rebecca hit him so hard. He’s got almost nobody else, besides Jimmy and Howard, and he’s really not emotionally open and unguarded with anyone.

·         He’s got problems dealing with his emotions in general. Even when he’s trying to do his little pain/emotion/medication journal as part of his psychiatric treatment towards the end of season 3, he seems to struggle with articulating his emotional state–he’s just got “average” written down for most of the incidents he’s logged, but he’s not able to write down what his emotion is after he’s unable to sleep after insulting/lying to Jimmy to drive him away for the final time, and he seems to abandon writing in the journal after that & rapidly deteriorates psychologically. From what we see of him in the show, he seems to alternate between being extremely repressed and completely exploding and freaking out.

·         Some people have no interest in having or wanting friends, but I don’t think Chuck’s one of them. He seems pretty lonely. He remarks to Jimmy at one point in season 1 that he doesn’t really mind him hanging around to work on the Sandpiper case in his house because he’s glad for the company, which makes his systematic driving away of Jimmy and the few other people in his life all the sadder. The whole root of Chuck’s jealousy of Jimmy in the first place is that people like Jimmy, and they don’t like him. He makes attempts at being friendly, but struggles to do it on anything deeper than a surface level. (Of course, a lot of Jimmy’s friendliness and charm tends to be pretty shallow too, but I don’t know that Chuck really appreciates that or can tell the difference–all he sees are the results.)

·         He’s tone-deaf with jokes–he famously botches the attempt at a lawyer joke to his wife in the opening flashback in “Rebecca”, but he also makes an awkward attempt at humor when talking to Kim in a present-day scene later in that same episode (“the early bird gets the worm, which is good if you like worms”), which leads to some uncomfortable forced laughter from her. Some people are just serious by nature, but they probably wouldn’t bother trying to make jokes in the first place if that were the case. The fact that Chuck keeps trying to make jokes and failing suggests that there might be some impairment in that area. He sees Jimmy do it, and he sees it work for him, but can’t really manage it himself. (He seems to do ok with deadpan sarcasm though–that comment about young people loving local print journalism is probably my favorite Chuck quote.)

·         He’s very verbal and articulate, but his speech patterns can be a bit odd. He can be indirect and overly formal, which may or may not be an overcompensation for the more stereotypical autistic behavior of being too direct in speech as to be insensitive. He usually winds up still coming off as elitist and assholish anyway, though he may not be intending this/aware of this. When he’s nervous or upset, he tends to devolve into talking at people rather than to them, such as when he starts rambling on about probable cause and assorted legal precedents to the police officers who show up at his house in “Alpine Shepherd Boy”, without noticing that they aren’t even standing at the door anymore. He’s got a lot of information rattling around in his head, which he throws out as a defense, but not always in a way that is helpful; I don’t think talking about Latin translations of the Hippocratic Oath to the doctors sedating him without his consent before sending him in for a CAT scan is doing him any good (NB: the actual Hippocratic Oath is in Greek anyway, and the phrase Primum non nocere dates from a later period, so either Chuck has no idea what he’s talking about, he’s conflating two related things, or he’s freaking out enough that he doesn’t really care at this point).

·         He seems to ignore other people when they’re talking to him altogether if something sets him off or distracts him–when Howard tells him about Kim quitting HHM and teaming up with Jimmy, Chuck immediately tunes him out, to the point where Howard has to ask him if he’s still listening. Chuck says he is, but then walks off in the middle of Howard talking because he’s still distracted by what he said before, sending a confused/concerned Howard following after him. This is at its most extreme when he goes into his rant in “Chicanery” and is totally oblivious to both Galley pleading with him to stop and everybody else in the room staring at him in growing horror/disbelief until he’s far past the point of no return.

·         I’m actually sort of curious about Chuck’s abilities in court prior to the visible deterioration of his mental health, because although he clearly knows a lot about the law, his personality is a bit off-putting. I don’t know if he just sort of brute-forced his way through things because of his knowledge of obscure case law, because based on what I know from the lawyers I’m friends with, there are all sorts of subjective factors that can come into play in a court setting. The sort of things that would drive someone like Chuck nuts, like jurors who deliberately choose to ignore evidence because they’ve decided in advance that they don’t want to convict someone of a crime. (To be fair, this would also drive me completely insane, because I have a really hard time at my own job dealing with people who think the rules shouldn’t apply to them for various reasons.)

·         Chuck has an EXTREMELY black and white view of the world, and a sort of obsession with the authority of law and the importance of following the rules. He’s got really strong perfectionist tendencies within himself. I think a lot of why he gravitates toward the law is that he seems to find all the rules and procedures comforting, in a way--there’s a uniformity to the way the legal world works, and a framework in which everything proceeds--constraints which are equally binding on all participants.

·         Maybe he just knows a ton about the law because he’s a lawyer, but it might also fall into the case of it being a special interest, since his knowledge of obscure case law seems to be regarded as extensive and superlative even by other lawyers. (He reads FEC and ISO reports for fun!)

·         There’s something slightly elliptical about his thinking, and he doesn’t seem to realize that other people aren’t following his thought patterns. (He repeats his “One after Magna Carta!” justification for knowing the Mesa Verde address to Kim and Jimmy  in season 2 as well as to the officials from the Bar in season 3, which seems to suggest that he thinks it is a very obvious and logical connection that other people should grasp, though I’m not sure that it actually is outside of his head.)

·         I’m not entirely sure where the line between nervous tics and stimming is drawn, but he’s got a lot of little fidgety behaviors that come out especially when he’s stressed, especially scratching or shaking or wringing his hands. (The script to “Chicanery” indicates that he’s nearly drawing blood from digging into his hands while on his big rant, but it’s not visible onscreen because we’ve got that wonderful/agonizing slow zoom onto his face instead.) It's not clear if it predates the EHS or not. Sometimes there’s a clear tie in his behavior to perceived pain from electricity, but sometimes there’s not--sometimes it seems to result from him trying to distract himself from the electricity instead, like when he’s trying to stand outside the house for two minutes in “Bingo”. Sometimes he does it while he’s standing around in his house, thinking about something else, like while rehearsing arguments against Jimmy before he heads in to court in “Chicanery”.

·         There’s a pretty strong preference for routine/predictability & distress when it’s altered. (Most people probably would not get so suspicious if a single newspaper wasn’t delivered one day, for example. If it was repeated or frequent or a pattern, yes, but not for a single paper.) His control issues are brought up pretty frequently in fandom discussions; maybe he’s a jerk, maybe he’s just not able to function well in unpredictable situations, maybe it’s a little of both (e.g. Chuck being really bothered by Ernie bringing him the wrong kind of apples, then saying that it didn’t really bother him that much...but then telling Ernie to write it down so that he would get the right apple the next time, indicating that he actually WAS bothered by it)

·         It’s possible his perceived sensitivity to electricity grew out of an existing natural sensitivity or aversion to extremes in light or sound or anything else, but this is pure conjecture because we get so few flashback scenes. (Speaking only from personal experience, I don’t think I’m hurt by electricity, but I can hear lights when they’re turned on, and get uncomfortable/anxious under certain types of light, like fluorescents in big box stores when out shopping, so maybe someone who’s more sensitive to sensory things in general might be more prone to developing a sort of learned distress out of that.)

All of this is very inconclusive! But it’s totally plausible as a reading of the character.

[buildridernews]

[Review] Kamen Rider Build - Episodes 38-41

It's time for an actually timely review for once! I seem to be bucking the whole "I'm consistently halfway into the month when I decide to catch up on last month" trend.

Episode 38: "Mad World" (マッドな世界)

So we ended last month on two big cliffhangers. For starters, Evol now has what he has declared is his final form, which is kinda neat - typically you only see the "final form" term applied to the main Rider, and its origins are with the final boss of a video game, so here it's 100% on point. 

But we also discover that having Sento be possessed by Evolt resulted in his brain being kind of jumbled back together, meaning he remembers being Katsuragi Takumi. It seems like this would be an obvious thing to have come up at some point, in retrospect, but of all the times for it to happen...

As everyone makes a hasty retreat from an overpowered Evol, he decides to take a moment to do some kind of ssspace magic, turning some Fullbottles into these black and gold variants - thanks to magazine reveals, we know these are called Lost Fullbottles...

Anyway, Katsuragi proves to be an unsettling one for everybody to be around since he doesn't entirely trust Ryuga, he makes half-hearted apologies to Misora for using her, and he has a real emotional argument with Gentoku which I'm sure will be elaborated upon in the Rogue spinoff. This scene was interesting since they do some cool editing to alternate between showing Sento's actor and Katsuragi's actor in the same outfit.

When it comes to the whole presentation of Katsuragi being "brought back", there's ways this could go that could be a little bit... clunky, and I don't know if I can properly put into words why. I guess the best explanation I can think of is, it'd be real weird to me if this involved his face turning back to normal as well, because then you'd have to figure out a reason for why he'd want his face changed back that isn't insulting to Katsuragi (since the point of this subplot is to redeem him). Basically I'm glad we just got Sento's actor with a different personality.

So what the hell is Evolt doing right now? Well, to keep that actor involved, Evolt just decided to take on Soichi's appearance because I guess he can do what he wants. That's probably gonna be used to trick us at some point. He's decided that Namba has an ultimatum to answer to: Let him rule the world as a whole while Namba is just a prime minister of Japan, ooor he dies. At the same time, he gives Utsumi an offer to join him since he's a very useful scientist... which both seem like things that wouldn't meet in the middle, but just you wait.

Things get interesting as Utsumi tries begging for help from Gentoku, everyone else (minus a bitter Kazumi) is getting involved, and Katsuragi is staying in the lab working on the block item Sento pieced together before. When it comes time for Utsumi to approach Evolt in Pandora Tower about the ultimatum, Utsumi instead unleashes some Hard Guardians, the gear bros, and suddenly even the other Riders show up! I gotta imagine this was in reference to the talk he had with Gentoku since Kazumi is indeed nowhere to be found. I would have liked to see the moment where Katsuragi agreed to all this but it was interesting to see him try fighting. Especially since he specifically had trouble with a form SENTO invented. Cute.

Then something unexpected happens: Evol takes out the gear bros! They got powered up earlier in the episode with the implication they would die from any further nebula gas dosage, but I figured this was a seed planted for several episodes from now. Nope, one falls, the other switches into Hell Bro mode, then takes a hit from Evol to protect Great Cross-Z. He dies realizing that fighting for the sake of others actually feels pretty good, after seeing how Cross-Z seemed to be stronger for a previously unknown reason.

So, I feel like the gear bros are characters I can completely see others getting attached to, and I HAVE seen that, but they ultimately didn't do much aside from look cool. And if I'm being critical, I'd say they have 3 things that make for a weakly written character: If you make them too cool then they're flawless and boring, if you make them too stoic then there's not much room for personality, and if you focus too much on them being a duo then they have no idividuality - they're just the gear bros, which I've always called them since I can never remember their actual names. They had their moments, as few as they were, but I kinda leave these two deaths with a shrug and "Huh, didn't see that coming."

Then shortly thereafter, Evol kills Namba! And it's so beautiful becaue not only does Utsumi watch it unfold in terror on a tablet, where he can't do a thing besides watch from the camera Namba was recording from, but Evol also fakes him out with a laugh and a hug then turns him to fucking dust. It's so brutal, enough to make a man crack.

And I think he might've, considering Utsumi's memories of being a brainwashed Namba boy flash before him as he laughs maniacally and gladly joins Evol. With a duplicate Evol Driver, he uses a clever pair of Fullbottles to transform into Kamen Rider Mad Rogue, which we will see in more detail next episode! But it's a real cool suit. It's basically all of Night Rogue's suit with color changes, which makes for an interesting Rider suit. Plus, y'know, bringing us aaall the way back to when people found the BatEngine sound on the belt and wondered if Night Rogue would become a Rider.

Episode 39: “The Genius Can’t Be Stopped” (ジーニアスは止まらない)

And so, Mad Rogue takes on everyone with pretty great ease, which isn't surprising since he's a new Rider. Despite not wanting to take part, Grease shows up to help them escape, and once we're back at the cafe/lab we see that Katsuragi still isn't trusting of Ryuga. He's pretty much decided that Ryuga is part of Evolt, and even though Ryuga keeps telling him he's now fully human... he has these strange visions that appear to be from Evolt's memory of destroying Mars. Which is weird since one of them is from the perspective of someone seeing Evol. But maybe that's intentional.

Katsuragi has created what he believes is the ultimate bottle, combining the ingredients of all 60 Fullbottles to form the Genius Fullbottle. Misora isn't impressed, however, because Katsuragi lacks a certain heart that Sento had, which bothers him. He's left with even more to think about as a weakened Gentoku tries desperately to move so he can go fight and redeem himself for his sins.

Katsuragi goes out to fight Mad Rogue, but as he tries using the Genius Fullbottle, it won't activate - something is stopping him. As he takes a quick beating, Great Cross-Z jumps in, giving a wonderful speech about Sento was A DAMN HERO OF JUSTICE and making Katsuragi really come to terms with what Sento had that he doesn't. It's something that will use the Rider system for good, and put a stop to Evolt, so he has no choice. With Katsuragi literally standing face-to-face with Sento in his head, he puts his trust in this person to do what's right. Sento's back, baby.

With his new gadget, Sento transforms into Build's final form: Genius Form. A suit covered in 60 Fullbottles, which happen to be uniform enough to make one red side and one blue side. Super fun transformation.

So, Genius Form has grown on me, and it's certainly had time to. The form got leaked like 6 months ago, and... man, I dunno how that happened since we didn't get proper confirmation that it was legit until more toy catalog stuff came out. That was a leak that made me go "Oh I hope no one got FIRED for that".

Anyway, next episode.

Episode 40: “Ending Revolution” (終末のレボリューション)

Once Mad Rogue tries to fire away at Build, he finds that he's severely outmatched. Build is damn near bulletproof and can move at speeds he can't keep up with. Not only that, but we learn that Build's new bottle can actually get rid of the effects of the nebula gas, which I assume is what he does here to weaken Mad Rogue - otherwise I dunno why they showed it. He unleashes a finisher, then is rescued by Evol. But not before Evol randomly hits Kazumi just to take the Fullbottles his former comrades used to transform into Hard Smash.

So this is a thing we got mention of in episode summaries a while back. These episodes deal with "Lost Bottles", which is a term also brought up in the show by Evolt. I THINK what's going on here is some miscommunication between the show writers and toy developers, because the black and gold bottles are officially called Lost Fullbottles in promotional material for the summer movie and are being called Lost Bottles here. The reason why I think it's miscommunication is simple: Katsuragi referred to the Genius Fullbottle as the Genius Bottle. I'm decidedly going with what sounds like the proper designations.

Back at the cafe, everyone is still processing the fact that Sento is Sento again. He seems to remember all of Katsuragi's memories up until the Skywall incident, so there's that. Gentoku is going through some identity crisis of his own as he has decided to become a gag character - he's dressing informally for once and-- I kinda like him better this way. And I'm glad the sound mixing department knew that the scream from his transformation item was made for comedy.

After a whiplash change in tone, Sento is thinking about the Lost Fullbottles that Evol referenced, when suddenly the voice of Katsuragi pops up in his head with some answers - Katsuragi never made these bottles, but they were made by his father. Sento decides to go to Hokuto, and it just so happens Kazumi also wants to go there to sneak into Faust and retrieve his comrade's bottles. Ryuga, for once in his entire life, recognizes these are all stupidly risky ideas and just gives Kazumi his (apparently now repaired) Dragon Sclashjelly in case he needs it.

While at his mother's old house, Sento finds an odd photo in his father's belongings: A woman by the pier with a boat. I thought this woman was familiar, and it's because she's one of the victims from one of the first episodes who smuggled them to another location by boat! I remember how nice it was to see a victim used that way. However, Sento finds it odd that his father had a photo of this woman in his belongings since he SHOULD be dead, and a Guardian - which would not have been around at the time he was alive - is seen in the background.

Meanwhile, Kazumi does something stupid and sneaks into Faust in disguise, only to be caught and be given more nebula gas - enough that he might die if he loses a fight. He manages to escape, but is cornered by the Hokuto prime minister, who's become Evolt's latest experiment: A Lost Smash. This is a combination of a Hard Smash and some Clone Smash, and he considers it to be this monsters' final form - so it's cool we get that kind of lore for these monsters! She uses Kiba's old Fukurou Fullbottle to transform and beat the crap out of him, only for Build then Mad Rogue to enter the mix.

As Grease feels like he's on the ropes, he thinks about the idealistic speeches Build always gives and about how he's letting it get into his head - using the Dragon Sclashjelly in his own belt, he suddenly gains TWO Twin Breaker weapons, along with a significant power boost!

So, this is another talking point, because if there's anyone that fans wanna see with a new form, it's Grease. He is truly the Necrom of this show, except Necrom's eventual power-up was a whole new weapon, whereas Grease just gets two of the same weapon he had before. So that's a little disappointing. But hey, Necrom did get a new form in some post-finale material - here's hoping they keep the V-cinema thing going and you get a Grease movie!

So, Grease overpowers Mad Rogue, sending him running, and Build uses the power of his bottle to deliver a Rider Kick to our new Lost Smash to safely defeat her and undo the effects of the nebula gas. After she wakes up, it seems like she's come to her senses and the effects of the initial Skywall incident have worn off, so she's become a decent person again. Evolt shows up, however, to proclaim that he's going to use the Lost Fullbottles to create a new world!

And then we get a most unexpected twist if you didn't think too much about the previous photo of the boat woman. She talks with Ryuga and Sawa and she remarks that she did indeed know Katsuragi's father, because he was just there the other day... which means he is very much still alive.

Episode 41: “The Best Match Truth” (ベストマッチの真実)

Picking up where the show left off, Evol tries taking on Build in his new form, and Build manages to catch him before he can switch to his strongest form, which gives him an edge. He does some kind of change to Evolt's body genes, but we don't know why just yet - all we know is he's excited about it.

Hot off the heels of the realization that Papa Katsuragi is alive, the boat lady passes on a USB device to give to Sento, which contains several documents on his inventions, but for now we're getting details on the Lost Fullbottles. I did a post about it, so I'll just say the key parts here: Gathering 10 of the black Lost Fullbottles causes something that defies the laws physics, which certainly raises the stakes. Also later we learn about the origin of Best Matches which is beautiful and tragic, but I also talked about that in a post. Good stuff.

This episode also provides us with a proper recap of the show so far, with the meta commentary I love from the cold openings, and it kinda tosses out a fact I hadn't even caught onto: Every Smash has been a person connected to the group in some way, be it a loved one, a possible witness to an event, or even one of them, like Sawa. But that brings into question who the guy from episode 1 was.

We don't have to wonder for long, as Sawa manages to get enough info on him to know that he was connected to Katsuragi's dad. Sawa arranges a meeting between him and Sento, which he hopes will get him closer to his father.

Meanwhile, we've learned just what effect Build's new form had on Evolt, as he tells all to his masked ally in Faust's lab. It seems that up to this point, Evolt has just mimicked human emotions, but Build's attack has basically caused him to gain actual emotions. Now he's feeling high on life and it seems like he's just being quirky... but there's some implications to that.

Sento meets with the man, but he reveals that he was sent to attack Sento as another Lost Smash, proclaiming that he'll be killed if he doesn't follow orders. Build finishes him off safely, and he starts to learn the truth, until Evol shows up and kills him instantly, then explains that Build's attack gave him emotions. Then Evol attempts to turn Build into a Smash using a bottle he has, but Build's form neutralizes it, allowing him an upper hand. As he successfully starts overpowering our main villain, Evol's rage begins to build up, then he disappears.

That's when Build makes a sudden realization, which the show pretty quickly passes by despite how alarming it is: If Evol has emotions now, that means he can gain a higher Hazard Level and become stronger and stronger.

Finally, Evolt returns to Faust's lab with two more Lost Fullbottles taken from Build during their fight, which means he's up to 6 - only 4 left to go before something unfathomable happens. Then we end on the proper face reveal for Evolt's lab buddy: Katsuragi's father... who I will probably have to start calling by his first name eventually. BUT NOT TODAY.

So that was one hell of a month of episodes! And this latest one tells all, what with the Lost Fullbottles and the motifs of the Best Matches explained. It's actually kinda sad the show's almost over... only a couple more months now.

Next review, however, will be something different.

Yeah. See you Next Build.

[atamascolily]

(The) Trickster

In which Rumina returns, nothing goes according to plan, gods are jerkasses, and a LOT of footage from previous episodes is re-used.

Yes, I know these are hopelessly out of order but Nox and I re-watched this episode last night and I want to blog about the experience now instead of waiting a few weeks. So here we go.

(Photos from Far Far Away.)

We open with Maeve riding on the beach for no adequately explained reason, but hey, it looks cool!

Meanwhile, Rumina appears in the dunes, monologuing to a very large lizard that just conveniently happens to wander by. The reason why Rumina keeps losing, FYI, is because she likes to “have a little fun first” instead of outright destroying Our Heroes when she has the opportunity. Based on events that follow, I honestly wonder if this is an unconscious pretense to hide the fact that she enjoys their company and doesn’t know how to interact with them any other way except as an antagonist (think: bratty younger sibling with MAGICAL POWERS. Oy.) 

Maeve finds a random hand on the ground and realizes all is not well, but we never find out any more about this, so it feels kinda random in retrospect, though it seems urgent at the time.

Rumina zaps Maeve from a distance and knocks her off the horse, which we never see again. Maeve probably gets a concussion from this, something to keep in mind when judging her behavior for the rest of the episode. Rumina does this great fist pump to celebrate.

Meanwhile, everybody else is waiting for lunch to cook. It’s a fish roasting on a spit (no, really, look). Firouz is a technological genius, but cooking is not his strong suit. Even Rongar, who canonically has no problem eating food that Sinbad rejects, won’t touch this.

Meanwhile, the giant crab from Episode 8 shows up for no obvious reason, but Maeve doesn’t recognize it because she was tied up in a cave with an even worse CGI monster at the time. Happily, this is what fireballs are for.

Sinbad sees the giant explosion, and knows instinctively that Maeve is in trouble. They find her collapsed on the beach, and when they get her on her fet, she begins to stagger and mutter about how the island is evil and they need to leave.

But before they can make any decisions, a whirlwind shows up and Sinbad is genre-savvy enough to know this isn’t good and Rumina is involved. Maeve wants to stand her ground and fight, but Sinbad orders a retreat. Maeve doesn’t like this, so Sinbad has to pull rank on her - he’s captain - though he softens it a bit by adding he’s her friend as well.

So everybody runs inland. They stumble across a grove full of stones and statues scavenged from Episode 4, which is fronted by a stone tablet with a mysterious script that Maeve conveniently knows how to read. According to the stone, the grove belongs to the Old Ones and outside magic has no power there. Sounds like a great place to confront a sorceress, right? Maeve doesn’t think so, but she is overruled.

Sinbad then asks Maeve to throw a fireball at Rumina, and everyone is surprised when it doesn’t work and Firouz of all people thinks their situation is totally hopeless. Rumina’s whirlwind stops long enough to read the stone - apparently, it’s a magical thing? - and her magic stops working, too, once she enters and SHE is surprised. Oy.

Interestingly, the whirlwind is actually Rumina, spinning, as you can see when she enters the grove and sputters to a stop.

Maeve wants to settle their score the old-fashioned way: with swords. I’d like to point out here that Maeve probably could have run her through before anyone on the crew could stop her, and didn’t take the opportunity, and I’m not 100% sure why here.

Rumina is not pleased by the idea of life without magic:

Mysterious hooded figures show up and everyone is confused on how to respond. Rumina hides behind Sinbad, correctly assuming her is the only one who might actually defend her in a fight. Eventually, everyone retreats and squabbles, until they stumble across this guy, who thinks they are the best comedy series EVER:

He says his name is Reynard, and he’s a caretaker for the Old Ones, who are sort of like Titans, and dead-but-not-really-dead. Oh, and out to kill them all for trespassing in horrific ways. Maeve’s never heard of them, and neither has Rumina, who tries to pull rank on Maeve. Reynard’s not impressed by Rumina or the mention mention of her father, Turok: “He couldn’t be all that great [if he’s dead].” You can see Rumina pause and look very thoughtful.

Sinbad’s not so keen on death, obviously, and starts making plans and giving orders. He makes some assumptions about magic based on his experiences in previous episodes. Rumina calls him out for them, and is not pleased when he throws “the City of Mists” back in her face.

Poor Rumina. This is really not shaping up how she planned, and it’s only going to get worse.

Sinbad decides to split up the party into pairs. Firouz and Rongar obviously go together, and Maeve and Rumina can’t be trusted together, so Sinbad goes with Rumina and Maeve with Doubar.

Sinbad commandeers Rongar’s sword for Rumina - I really wish people would stop taking Rongar’s weapons off him! - and Rongar does not look pleased at the idea of giving Rumina a weapon. Nobody but Sinbad thinks this a good idea, really.

But even Sinbad can’t stand being with Rumina, so they split up too - although there’s some mumbo-jumbo about fruit trees and wild game that I don’t believe for a moment. I mean, really, Sinbad.

This is a terrible idea, because Sinbad immediately stumbles into... footage from Episode 3!

Meanwhile, Rumina stumbles across an older mirror version of herself with a serious attitude:

Old!Rumina is sassy and sarcastic and I love her. I don’t think she’s ugly, but Rumina is not amused. “See what a lifetime of hatred produces?” Old!Rumina asks rhetorically. She lays down the situation in an epic speech:

“Look at me, dear! Solitary. Unloved. Hated by all. I wake up every morning with a taste of business in my mouth. I spent a lifetime seeking vengeance. Accumulating power. To cut myself off from people, that I could care for, and who might care for me. Now I face death…alone.”

There’s a lot more psychology, and Rumina runs away screaming. Reynard, watching from the shadows, thinks this is hilarious.  Rumina stumbles across Sinbad who wakes up from his dream(?) of drowning and they both pretend (badly) that nothing has happened.

Meanwhile, Rongar gets attacked by the wind warriors from Episode 10. Ouch. 

There’s a lot of knife throwing, but when the warriors abruptly vanish, he finds his dirks stuck in the rocks. Weird, right?

Meanwhile, Firouz encounters a cord with the sign, “It is Forbidden to Touch,” has a moment of ‘logical deduction’ straight out of The Princess Bride, and tugs it. Surprise!

...and immediately catches fire. Ouch. Can’t say you weren’t warned!

Rongar has to rescue him, at which point it is revealed the flames were entirely illusory. “Fascinating,” says Firouz. “I’ve always been afraid of fire.”

Note that the cord is real and remains present after the flames have vanished. I expected Firouz to pull it again to se what happens - the mark of a true scientist! - but instead they just wander off. Too bad.

Meanwhile, Maeve and Doubar split up, and Doubar encounters someone he’s not pleased to see: Fortasa, a serial killer Doubar killed in Baghdad a decade earlier.

Meanwhile, Maeve encounters Rumina, and they start fighting.... but it’s really Doubar!

Sinbad, coming to the rescue of the two people he loves most in he world, vaults over Doubar and tackles him just as Doubar is strangling Maeve. Firouz restrains Maeve, but only because Maeve already had one concussion today and Doubar just gave her another one.

Rumina thinks they should question Reynard which everyone reluctantly agrees is a good idea. The Old Ones show up, and Reynard suggests that Maeve and Sinbad fight them. They do, until Firouz notices something odd:

The “Old Ones” are actually mirror versions of the crew! Reynard won’t stop laughing - and then Dermott swoops in and attacks!

Seriously, I’ve been waiting for so long for Dermott to remember he’s actually an aerial assassin and not a messenger boy with wings! Talk about a waste of potential!

When Dermott eases off, Reynard.... looks different.

Maeve recognizes him: “Coyote!”

Rumina recognizes him: “Ishu!”

I call bull on Maeve, because there is no way a Celt or anybody in that entire hemisphere would know a North American name, at least not in any time period this show might reasonably be assumed to take place in. “Reynard,” maybe, but not Coyote. Anyway, he goes by a lot of names, and he’s a Trickster by trade. Maeve’s got him figured out: “He’s part god, part mortal, and all trouble!”

So, to sum it up, the whole thing was just the Trickster playing around. There are no Old Ones and magic works just fine. “But you were so frightened of what they might do, that you imagined the worst. You all thought of what you feared and hated the most. Your deepest, darkest nightmares. You were all so scared, that even the witches lost their powers, all on their own. You know, you could have fought me with your magic. You’ve had it all along. You just frightened yourselves out of using it.”

I can kinda buy that, given that

He should have seen what was coming next: the ONE thing Maeve and Rumina can agree on.

Reynard flees, leaving Maeve and Rumina with no obstacles to settling their score... until Rumina vanishes. But she gives Rongar his sword back first, which is good.

Okay, she claims she’s going to be the one to choose the time and place, but she said that at the beginning of the episode, too... which I guess means that it only counts for Rumina if she’s guaranteed a win because Maeve’s not expecting an attack out of nowhere. Figures. As we know, Rumina doesn’t play by the rules.

Of course, Maeve still has no idea that Rumina is the one who knocked her off the horse to begin with. I think if she had, she would have been more proactive in stabbing her when she had the opportunity.

Maeve is upset about Reynard using their fears against them. “Sometimes, it’s the only way to make it through life. Just to face your fears, and move on,” Sinbad says only somewhat patronizingly, having confronted his childhood angst already in “The Bully”. Maeve is also upset about Rumina getting away. “I’m very worried about what happens when you run into her next,” Sinbad says diplomatically.

It’s been canonically shown that magical power is directly related to confidence and one’s psychological state, so I will buy that Maeve and Rumina psyched themselves out of using magic. Sinbad being afraid of drowning/Rumina makes sense, given his back story. Doubar’s greatest fear is the resurrection of somebody he killed already. Rumina is afraid of growing old and being alone. It’s unclear to me why Rongar is afraid of/hates the Wind Warriors - seems kinda random. Wouldn’t he hate the people who cut out his tongue more? Likewise, Firouz’s fear of fire is a little odd for a man who delights in explosions - and that pull rope was  definitely real! So I am not sure I believe Reynard - a liar by nature - that it was ALL the crew’s doing. I think he helped quite a bit, reflecting what he thought would freak them out the most.

Also, were the crab and the random hand also Reynard’s doing, or Rumina’s, or what? I’m so confused how that relates. Yes, it’s all cool, but some overall coherence would be nice, too...

Dermott is canonically shown to be able to see through illusions in “Conundrum,” so that makes sense, at least.

Mostly, I appreciate the insights into Rumina’s character, making her more than just a vampy villain. It’s clear that she was Daddy’s Little Girl, and Turok raised her with the idea that she was superior to everyone else, and other peoples’ needs and feelings were not important. Magic has enabled her to get her way nd get everything she wants on her own terms, and there’s some part of her that really is afraid that she’ll be ugly, old and alone that she’s fighting desperately to silence. Being without magic, and being around the crew, is actually a character-building experience for her.

There are so many interesting ways to go, and I’m pretty sure we will NOT get to it before the season ends. But that’s what fic is for, right?