#I’m still obsessed with all of Taylor’s early songs about young love and losing your innocence

[wewontbesleeping]

Reminder: you can get high on a first kiss. and you can get by on sweet tea and gods graces!

[iwanthermidnightz]

When she was 18, Taylor Swift wrote a song called “Fifteen.” “Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine,” she sang, sounding more like a wizened great-grandmother than a rising senior.

“Fifteen” is evocative, if a little sanitized: Nimble mandolin strums mimic the nervous-excited butterflies of the first day of high school, as Swift sings of wide-eyed hope that “one of those senior boys will wink at you and say, ‘You know I haven’t seen you around before.’”

There was a certain emotional truth to the lyrics — do several years’ age difference ever seem more consequential than when you’re a teenager? — but some older listeners were skeptical. “You applaud her skill,” wrote a critic for the Guardian in a mixed review of Swift’s second album, “Fearless,” “while feeling slightly unsettled by the thought of a teenager pontificating away like Yoda.”

Swift, now 31, sings, “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” on “Folklore,” an LP that is both compositionally mature and braided throughout with references to the specific, oft-denigrated wisdom of teenagers. By the end of that song, “Cardigan,” the narrator has excavated such a heap of florid but emotionally lucid memories that she must conclude, with the force of a sudden revelation, “I knew everything when I was young.”

Though it’s not as flashy a topic as exes, fame or A-list celebrity feuds, age has long been a recurring theme in Swift’s work. A numerology enthusiast with a particular attachment to 13, Swift has also released a handful of songs whose titles refer to specific ages: “Seven,” “Fifteen,” and, of course, “22,” the chatty “Red” hit on which she summed up that particular junction of emerging adulthood as feeling “happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time.” Like her contemporary Adele, Swift seems to enjoy time-stamping her music, sometimes presenting it like a public-facing scrapbook that will always remind her what it felt like to be a certain age — even if, with their millions of fans and armfuls of Grammys, neither of these women is exactly typical.

Swift’s critics have often seemed even more hyper attuned to her age. Perhaps because precocity played such a role in her story from the beginning — at 14, she became the youngest artist to sign a publishing deal with Sony/ATV; at 20, she became the youngest to win the album of the year Grammy — many listeners have been fascinated with how her evolution into adulthood has, or hasn’t, played out in her songs. People comb Swift’s lyrics for allusions to sex, alcohol and profanity as meticulously as MPAA representatives do a borderline-PG movie. Particular attention was paid to her 2017 album “Reputation” and its several mentions of drunkenness and dive bars — even though Swift was 27 when it came out.

The relative puritanism of Swift’s music up until “Reputation” did feel like an intentional decision: Unlike the female pop stars who broadcast their “loss of innocence” as a sudden and irrevocable transformation, Swift seemed acutely conscious that she did not want to repel younger listeners — or lose the approval of their parents. At best, it felt like an acceptance of her status as a role model; at worst, it had the whiff of a marketing strategy.

But the mounting obsession with whether Swift was “acting her age” also reflected a larger societal double standard. Famous or not, women face much more intense scrutiny around age, whether it’s those constant cultural reminders of the biological clock’s supposed ticking or the imperative that women of all ages stay “fresh-faced” or risk their own obsolescence. (“People say I’m controversial,” Madonna said in 2016. “But I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.”) And while girlish youth and ingenuity are rewarded in some contexts, they’re also easily dismissed as silly and frivolous as soon as that girl strays too close to the sun — as Swift has experienced time and again.

Despite having once been a teenage girl myself (unlike a lot of music critics), I confess that I am not completely free of these internalized biases. I was initially dismissive of “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince,” a song that appeared on Swift’s 2019 album “Lover.” The first few times I heard it, I wondered what a grown woman on the cusp of 30 was doing still writing about homecoming queens and teenage gossip.

But over time, I’ve come to appreciate the song and its dark vision, which acknowledges cruelty, depression and the threat of sexual violence (“Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?”) more directly than any of the songs Swift wrote when she was an actual teenager. The senior boys in this song are not the sort who wink and say to freshman girls wholesome things like, “Haven’t seen you around before” — which, unfortunately, makes them feel more authentic. Even the title “Miss Americana” alludes to a larger world outside the high school walls, and the greater systemic forces that keep such patterns repeating well into adulthood.

“Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” now feels like a precursor to some of the richest songs on “Folklore,” which finds Swift returning once again to her school days with the keen, selectively observant eye of an adult. Consider “Seven,” an impressionistic recreation of her perspective at that age. The second verse, charmingly, plays like a first-grader’s breathless sequence of unguarded observations:

“And I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why/And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won’t have to cry.”

But “Seven” is not cutesy so much as poignant, because of the tensions that result when Swift’s adult perspective interjects. “Please, picture me in the trees, before I learned civility,” she sings in a yearning soprano, prompting the listener to wonder what sorts of feral pleasure she — and all of us — have exchanged for the supposed “civility” of adulthood.

Quite a few songs on “Evermore,” Swift’s second release of 2020, also toggle between past and present, conscious of what is lost and gained by the passage of time. The playful “Long Story Short” passes a note to Swift’s younger self (“Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things”), while “Dorothea,” like “Seven,” revisits a fevered childhood friendship from the cool perspective of adulthood.

Most striking is the bonus track “Right Where You Left Me,” a twangy tale of a “girl who got frozen” (“Time went on for everybody else, she won’t know it/She’s still 23, inside her fantasy”). That language echoes something Swift admits in the 2020 Netflix documentary “Miss Americana”: “There’s this thing people say about celebrities, that they’re frozen at the age they got famous. And that’s kind of what happened to me. I had a lot of growing up to do just trying to catch up to 29.”

But Swift’s recent songs, at their best, understand that “growing up” isn’t always a linear progression in the direction of something more valuable. Take the “Folklore” songs “Cardigan” and “Betty,” which use an interconnected set of characters to chronicle teenage drama and celebrate the heightened emotional knowledge of youth. “I’m only 17, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you,” Swift sings in the voice of James, a high schooler who broke Betty’s heart and has shown up on her doorstep to ask forgiveness. Maybe that is a melodramatic thing to do; maybe it is the sort of thing adults could stand to do more often. Swift’s music helps us to remember that growing up doesn’t automatically mean growing wiser — it can just as easily mean compromise, self-denial and growing numb to emotions we once felt with bracing intensity.

In a gesture to regain control of her songs, Swift is currently rerecording her first six albums (her master recordings were recently sold by Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings to the investment firm Shamrock Capital). Last month she released a note-for-note update of her early hit “Love Story,” and has promised to release an entire new-old version of “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)” later this year. It has been amusing to think of Swift going back and inhabiting the voice of her teenage self: On the face of it, “Fifteen” is particularly surreal to imagine her singing as an adult.

In another way, though, “Fifteen” — with its distant reflections on the youthful folly of expectations — makes more sense and carries more emotional weight being sung by a 30-something than it does an 18-year-old. Perhaps Swift was preparing for such an exercise when she made “Folklore,” an album that shakes off years of scrutiny and finds her reveling in the creative freedom to be as young or as old as she wants to be.

[ts1989fanatic]

Taylor Swift, Britney Spears and the media cycle that demands pain from our pop stars

Emma Clifton 08:30, Feb 16 2021

Britney Spears was robbed of her public image during the height of her fame. Taylor Swift was robbed of her music during the height of hers.

Why does our pop culture system seem so intent on punishing the very women who keep it afloat. Emma Clifton looks at a decade in young singers – and the variously terrible ways they get treated while in the public eye.

There was a theory floated on the podcast You’re Wrong About that ‘fame is abuse’ and you’d be hard pressed not to agree if you were one of the many people who saw the recent New York Times documentary Framing Britney Spears, and realised just how badly we as a society treated Britney Spears before, during, and after her rise to fame.

The paparazzi, the media, the comedians – and then the fans and look-i-loos who continued to buy all the magazines that ran headlines about what a train-wreck she was, when really she was just someone in her early twenties, trying to raise two children while being one of the most famous – and hounded – people on the planet.

The documentary discussed at length how we as a pop-culture obsessed society love to build up a talented, attractive young woman and then buy popcorn in preparation of when we can gleefully watch them tumble from grace.

(And it’s not just pop stars, of course; the resplendent rise and then the racist fall of Meghan Markle’s position in public opinion is one of the most recent examples we have of when good headlines go bad.)

When I was working at Creme magazine, between 2009 and 2012, our pages were over-flowing with talented young pop singers: Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, Rihanna, One Direction, Justin Bieber.

When you look back on the decade that has passed by since, time has not been kind to any of these people.

Either the showbiz demon took something from each of them – or they had to completely disappear from sight for years at a time in order to survive. Sometimes both.

There have been eating disorders, drug overdoses, rehab stints, broken marriages, abusive relationships, chronic illnesses. These kids – and they were kids – were so young when they started, they’re already on their fourth or fifth reinventions.

Most of them haven’t hit 30 yet.

And when you’re a female pop star, so many of these reinventions revolve around your sexuality.

Heck, when I was at Creme, Demi, Selena and Miley were part of the ‘purity ring’ club, where they all gushed about staying away from sex until marriage while their stylists dressed them in the tightest clothes possible.

The message from the marketing teams behind each of them was very clear: Sell sex, but don’t ever enjoy it.

This is the same battle Britney faced a decade previously – look like a Lolita, but make sure you never have sex with your long-term boyfriend because then you’ll be expected to cry about the shame of it on national television.

This was also the time of paparazzi trying to take up-skirt photos (exactly what it sounds like) of female actresses as soon as they turned 18; 18 – the age where you can legally have sex in America – was a big deal in pop culture.

There was a countdown for when the Olsen Twins turned 18. When Lindsay Lohan turned 18, Rolling Stone ran a breast-focused cover shoot with the headline: ‘Hot, ready and LEGAL’. And it was just fine! Totally accepted. These girls, they were always up for it, right?

And then we get to Taylor Swift.

Taylor is re-releasing Love Story, the song that made her famous, the song that I first heard in the shower (yes, I had a shower radio) when I was 20 and immediately started crying, because it hit me square in the middle of my pop culture diagram: love songs and references to Romeo and Juliet.

It’s from her second album, Fearless, which she wrote when she was aged 16-18 and which won her four Grammys, including Album of the Year. It’s also an album that no longer belongs to her and she can no longer perform, due to some millionaire f...wittery committed by her former manager. But we’ll get to that.

From 2008 onwards, Taylor became a big deal for her music and then, like it always does for women, her love life became the centre drama.

She never talked about a purity ring (thank God) and she sung pretty openly about sex from her third album onwards (Sparks Fly, an iconic song), plus she had the audacity to date a bunch of boys and look happy while doing so. Naturally, her punishment awaited.

To this day, she is still ridiculed about lyrics she wrote in her first couple of albums… songs she wrote herself when she was literally a teenager.

If I had had written an album when I was a teenager, it would have been about my crush who caught the bus, Kevin from The Backstreet Boys, worrying about my thighs, and, I don’t know, my cystic acne.

I’m just saying – we let powerful men get away with s... they pulled when they were young with the old line ‘boys will be boys! They were just kids!’; it just never seems that generosity is never extended to young women and their far more harmless explorations of teenage sexuality.

Because she had yet to have a public mental health crisis or rehab stint, it was clear that Taylor was never going to be the architect of her own media downfall.

Luckily, one was invented for her. After a long-lasting stoush with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, where absolutely no-one (including Taylor) came out looking good, Taylor suddenly because persona non grata in pop culture and the long-awaited comeuppance began.

And so, she disappeared – in a way that celebrities can do these days. (As a side note, can you imagine how different Britney Spears’ life might have been if she had been allowed to disappear for a couple of years?)

It was only when she released her documentary Miss Americana on Netflix that the public got what it had been craving the whole time – the dark side of Taylor Swift’s fame.

An eating disorder, a sexual assault that she ended up being sued for and, then, the poisoned cherry on top, losing the rights to all her past music thanks to her old manager.

Finally, our hunger for bad news had been satisfied. We had seen her scars and so we could allow her back into the spotlight again.

It’s been interesting watching the roll-out of new music from so many of these female artists during a pandemic: Selena, Demi, Miley, Ariana Grande are among the singers who have eschewed the normal long roll-out of publicity in order to release their own music, without much of the media fanfare that typically accompanies it.

Taylor herself released two albums, without any of the (slightly inane) games she normally includes in the lead-up. You can’t help but wonder that – stripped of their endless touring, performances and appearances, these female artists have found some freedom in being able to just get back to the actual work.

If a pop star releases an album in the middle of a pandemic and no-one is around to give a shit about any of the outfits she’s wearing, does it still count? Turns out, yes.

Following the betrayal of Britney, Taylor, Miley et al by the media, you can see the slow change to have total ownership of their voice these artists have taken.

Social media can be a devil for many reasons but it has overtaken journalists and publicists as the middle man when it comes to how these women get portrayed to the public. Beyoncé has been instrumental in this – it was she who first released an album overnight back in 2013; a move that came without warning and changed the entire industry forever.

She who stopped giving interviews almost entirely, choosing to use her own platforms to get her message and music across. As a result, she’s never been more powerful and she’s never been more private.

As an explicit ‘F... you’ to the powers-that-be who bought her music from under her, Taylor has announced she will be re-recording all of her old albums.

Stories about millionaires against millionaires rarely draw sympathy from a reader but it does highlight how little actually belongs to the artist at the end of the day.

They can have limited control over their image, their public appearances, their private life, their work and their songs. And these are the success stories – these are the people whose names we know.

You have to hope that anyone young and female entering the music business has their eyes very wide open as to just what can go wrong – and what can go wrong even when everything goes right.

The first album Taylor is re-releasing is Fearless, the album that is the most chock-a-block with fairy-tale imagery and glittery optimism.

She’s promised that the songs will be new interpretations on the old originals and that seems only fair.

You can’t help but think that those fairy-tale songs are going to sound a whole lot different being sung by a 31-year-old who’s been through the public wringer then they were as a wide-eyed 16-year-old, on the cusp of making her dreams come true.

[poledancingsquid]

Wicked Game Fanmix

Look I said I’d make this in 2018 and then life was A LOT but I finally finished it today and frankly it’s still my absolute favourite BFU fic.

If you haven’t read Wicked Game go read it ( and send your adoring praise to @mephsation ) If you’re swerving spoilers do NOT read the rest of this yet bc boy am I about the quote the shit out of my favourite fic and also I’ve written a brief summary of every chapter in case people have forgotten.

If you don’t want to read my reasoning and just want the songs here’s a Spotify playlist

So Chapter one: Shane’s just joined the precinct, when Ryan works out the scene they’re at was by a copycat rather than the Lover Shane responds by just saying “You’re Brilliant.”

We’re gonna be friends- The White Stripes, it’s the beginning of Ryan impressing Shane and they’re already conversing easily, honestly this is the chapter I struggled to find a song for the most.

Chapter two: This is where we meet Jess for the first time and find out about her and Shane’s relationship. It’s also when Ryan establishes that the copycat is shorter than the killer so the song I picked was

Looking up- Paramore, granted this is entirely down to the first lyrics being “Things are looking up oh finally” but it’s a banger anyway

Chapter three: This is when Ryan gets the first email. Ryan also nearly gets stabbed and Shane shoots a suspect, the copycat writes ‘he’s not good enough for you’ in blood.

Chic- Leadley primarily for “We could last forever she could last all week” Jess is so sure she’s better suited to Shane than Ryan is.

Chapter four: The second email arrives, explaining that the Lover has killed a man for the first time, the man looks like Ryan.

One More Murder- Better Than Ezra “One more murder in this town don’t mean a thing” which is what Ryan tries to convince himself after a lookalike is murdered.

Chapter five: This is where Ryan first realises he has a crush on Shane, it’s also the chapter with the press conference where the Lover’s sexuality is raised and when Shane admits he’s questioning is sexuality sending Ryan into a slight spiral based on his fear of being outed.

Would you be so Kind?- Dodie I’m not sure who’s POV I think this applies to more at this point.

Chapter six: This is the chapter where Ryan apologises to Shane for his reaction to him coming out, it is also the chapter where an LAPD officer who is the exact same race as Ryan and looks like him is killed, Ryan throws up.

Fear and Loathing- Marina and the Diamonds This is mostly in relation to Ryan’s fears about coming about though I suppose could also be applied to the whole serial killer killing people who are very similar to him thing.

Chapter seven: This is when Ryan and Shane go on their Not! Date that is definitely a date, it ends in their first kiss and Shane blowing him on the couch “Please don’t make me regret this”.

Brilliant Mind- Furniture throughout the fic Shane is constantly fascinated by how ‘brilliant’ Ryan is and this chapter epitomises that. “ You must be out of your brilliant mind”

Chapter eight: Ryan tells Shane about the homophobia he’s experienced in the past, Jess finds out they spent the night together “woke in an empty bed aching for a presence he has no business missing”. Shane is helping a friend clean their apartment so he goes to meet Jess at a bar and gets spiked.

Far too young to die- Panic! at the disco I went with this song because essentially it’s a recurring theme that Ryan almost dies also the obsessive nature of the verses fit in with Shane’s behaviour “ I've never so adored you, I'm twisting allegories now,I want to complicate you, Don't let me do this to myself”

Chapter nine: This is when Ryan wakes up in the hospital, Shane starts to behave oddly and just says he is working on a theory, he also invites himself over to take care of Ryan, Ryan discovers the cleaning supplies in a publi bin. The chapter ends with Shane revealing that Jess is the copycat and the bombshell of “Schmidtt thinks I’m the lover”

If I lose it- Charlie Simpson A little because of the medical stuff at the start of the Chapter a lot because Shane seems so scared for Ryan and ultimately the uncertaintly at the end of the chapter “ I can't tell you what will happen, To us as the days passed, Please just stay with me.”

Chapter ten: Shane plays the recording of Jess, Ryan plans to spend a night with Jess despite everyone telling him not to. Shane begs Ryan not to be scared of him “no more innocents” Jess texts him that she is going to kill someone if he doesn’t come to her immediately, he locked both their guns in the safe so goes unarmed.

Pressure- Paramore this is frankly one of the most stressful chapters to read because Ryan commits dumbassery after dumbassery and I think this embodies that intense STRESS feeling very well

Chapter eleven:Jess is arrested, Shane almost shoots her in full view of the bodycam, Ryan gets shot and Shane is going on trial to ensure Jess pleads guilty.

Coming Down- Halsey This is where Ryan starts to see a possible darker side to Shane  “I found the Devil, I found him in a lover, And his lips like tangerine, In his color coded speak”

Chapter twelve: This is when it’s officially revealed that Shane’s a murderer, he stands by no innocents killing Leo Tayler with an axe after he caused the deaths of his children.

Monster- Paramore “ You were my conscience, so solid, now you're like water We started drowning, not like we'd sink any further” this is the point at which Ryan’s conscience is starting to slip (even if it’s giving Shane more of one)

Chapter thirteen: With no more murders they are eventually taken of the Lover case Jess’s trial is over quickly and she pleads guilty, Shane’s trial drags on, Ryan finds out he killed a criminal in one of his first weeks on duty, he’s found not guilty, Ryan sees Shane at the firing range and says that he wants Leo to be dead, he gets home from work to find Shane in his LAPD uniform.  The head is delivered to Ryan

Crazy=Genius- Panic! at the Disco, this is a bit of a summary of Shane’s character throughout honestly but also this really feels like the turning point of no return, Shane would do anything for Ryan including murder, and it’s through his ‘genius’ he was found not guilty. 

Chapter fourteen: As they investigate Leo Taylor’s murder Ryan begins to suspect Shane, this is where he quizzes Shane, discovers a knife in his home that isn’t his, later whilst investigating the deaths of sex wokers Ryan runs into a building without back up, Shane shoots Douglas and Ryan basically asks him to kill Murray

One Little Lie- Simple Creatures because at this point Ryan basically knows Shane is a murderer he just gets very good at lying to himself “I tell myself one little lie and the pain don’t phase me”

Chapter fifteen: So basically whilst fucking Shane Ryan thanks him for killing Douglas and then he bites him until it draws blood because Shane asked him to/ They manage to book a holiday eventualy, Ryan finds out Shane has a ssecond phone and saves the number. They go literally everywhere Ryan loves: Knotts Berry Farm, A Lakers Game, Disneyland there’s a car crash and Ryan stops to save the victims. Shane admits he wouldn’t have stopped. When they’re due to return to work Shane leaves early. When Ryan gets to work there’s a rung on his desk and email from Shane. He tries to call him on both phones “ I would’ve said yes”

Already Gone- Kelly Clarkson look when I started this playlist this was the only song I was certain was fitting for this particular part of the story because in his own way Shane is trying to protect Ryan by leaving. “ And I want you to know, You couldn't have loved me better, But I want you to move on, So I'm already gone”

Chapter sixteen: Shane watched him for ten years. Ryan remarries after moving to Chicago although he still wears Shane’s ring around his neck. Another killer goes after him. Shane finds out and it culminates in his shooting Weber. Ryan instantly knows it’s Shane and makes a come hither motion.

I felt younger when we met- Waterparks Ryan has had the guilt of hiding what he knows about Shane for a decade, he still cares about him but it kills him inside “ Do you see, You're the reason I can't sleep?, Lose it where your head should be”

Chapter seventeen:Ryan and Shane meet in a bar, Shane tells him the names of everybody he killed, they go home together after Ryan tries and fails ot arrest him, Shane chokes him until he’s either unconscious or dead and turns himself in the next day

Pompeii- Bastille This chapter is straight up just dark nostalgia (which frankly you can inject into my veins) “And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all” In the dark between my sheets

[lanternburning19]

My (Romantic) Interpretation of Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

First, we should introduce the characters of the story.

Miss Americana: Taylor. From the very beginning of her career, Taylor was dubbed America's Sweetheart and was branded to be a role model. She avoided talking about sex, showing off her body, and was not shown drinking or partying. She loved (and still loves) being a role model. She is kind, polite, charismatic and has an air of dignity about her. She also is not shy about her love for her country. Her 4th of July parties were highly publicized and has been a big advocate for exercising the right to vote ever since 2008. She is Miss Americana.

But then 2016 happened. And her reputation did a 180. She went from the friendly girl next door to the calculative mean girl. People were routing for her career to die. She went from America's Sweetheart to America's Most Hated.

The Heartbreak Prince: Joe. Rumors say that Joe used to be a huge playboy and never had a serious relationship until Taylor. This is echoed in Taylor's lyrics.

"Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down"

"Do the girls back home touch you like I do?"

"I don't want to be just another ex-love you don't want to see"

It's interesting to me that Joe gets the royal title of "Prince" but Taylor is just "Miss". This alludes to Joe being British and being under a representative monarchy government, where America is not.

Now into the story:

You know I adore you

The song starts out with a declaration of Taylor's love. This ties in with the theme of the Lover album.

Crazier for you

Than I was at sixteen

Lost in a film scene

I believe this is referring to when Taylor first started her career. She was 16 when her first single dropped. While she wasn't in the acting business, she was still in the world of celebrity. Realizing her dreams with her first single and album doing well, she must've felt as if she was walking a cloud, or "lost in a film scene".

Waving homecoming queens

Marching band playing

These lines do two things at once for me. First, they remind me of the You Belong With Me music video in which Taylor plays a high schooler in marching band. Second, these lines evoke a feeling of victory. Homecoming queens usually wave to the student body after being crowned. Marching bands strike up when their team scores. YBWM was a huge hit for Taylor early in her career, and continuing from the previous lines, her early successes probably made her feel victorious.

I'm lost in the lights

The very last line of the first verse takes a sudden turn. The way Taylor sings this is very different from how she sings "lost in a film scene". When she sings "I'm lost in the lights" she sounds breathless and scared. She is no longer feeling the joy of being crowned homecoming queen or the excitement of your team earning a touchdown. She's not lost in the wonderment of it all, she's lost and scared. She got lost in the fame.

American glory

Faded before me

In this verse, we learn that Taylor is scared because her shining moments, her victories, her happiness is slipping away from her. She did not purposely push it away. It faded like a ghost, slipped out of her grasp.

It is interesting that Taylor links homecoming and football games to "American glory". While homecoming may seem like a tradition, it is distinctly an American high school thing.

Now I'm feeling hopeless

Ripped up my prom dress

Running through rose thorns

This is imagery of Taylor wearing a prom dress, and this immediately takes me back to earlier in her career when she used to wear princess-y dresses on tour. She also wore a prom dress in the YBWM music video. And that very same dress was repurposed for the Fearless Tour's performance of Love Story (calling back to the Lover theme).

Taylor ripped up her prom dress. How is unclear to me, because of the lack of punctuation in song lyrics. Is it "Ripped up my prom dress. Running through rose thorns..." Or is it "Ripped up my prom dress running through rose thorns". Did she purposely rip it herself or did it get accidentally torn by the roses?

If she ripped it up herself, it could be symbolic of her wanting to distance herself from the music business, from the fame, from the plastic Party-City homecoming queen crowns. But I don't think that's the case.

It is more likely the dress was ripped unintentionally. The rose thorns seems to be a call back to the line "Rose garden filled with thorns" in Blank Space. This line means that nothing is as it seems. What looks nice and pretty can actually hurt you. The life of celebrity looked pretty to Taylor at first. She wanted to be "lost in the film scene" with all the glory that a homecoming football game brings. But the industry ended up hurting her.

I am, of course, talking about 2016 when Taylor's reputation went from America's Sweetheart to a "snake". She was on top of the world with a hugely successful album and world tour, but became overexposed because of that success. Suddenly, people who posed as her "squad" on the red carpet started turning against her. Ex-friends and ex-lovers who usually kept to themselves started bashing Taylor all over social media. Longtime fans who had bought every album couldn't stop saying bad things about her. Her social media accounts were flooded with hate comments. The media thrived off of using her downfall as a headline.

I saw the score board

And ran for my life

Shortly after this chaos started, Taylor took a step back from the spotlight. She stopped posting of social media, releasing new music, doing interviews, attending award shows. She disappeared.

No cameras catch my pageant smile

With her avoiding the media, the paparazzi couldn't take new pictures of her "pageant" or fake smile.

I counted days

I counted miles

To see you there

To see you there

It's been a long time coming but

It's you and me

That's my whole world

The "you" here is the Heartbreak Prince, or her love. Taylor went through many hard days before she was able to find love.

They whisper in the hallway "she's a bad, bad girl"

This line evokes an image of teenagers gossiping in a high school hallway. So we're back to the high school theme.

The "bad girl" is referencing Taylor's bad reputation that was mentioned earlier. But it also could be referencing her dating life. Taylor was mocked for years for having a rocky dating life. People would joke that men should stay away from Taylor. Taylor is comparing people who spread rumors to immature teenagers.

The whole school is rolling fake dice

The "school" is Hollywood. People obsessed with fame are fake.

You play stupid games

You win stupid prizes

The students at this metaphorical school are focused on the wrong thing. They risk cheating (fake dice) to win a game that in the end, doesn't yield you a fulfilling prize.

It's you and me

There's nothing like this

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince

But Taylor isn't focused on those "little games" (Look What You Made Me Do) anymore. She's focused on someone that really matters to her.

It's so sad

We paint the town blue

Instead of painting the town red in celebration, they paint the town blue. This line reminds me of how Taylor and Joe painted Patrick's room blue together.

Voted most likely to run away with you

To me, this line is referring to how Taylor has jetted off to different parts of the world to be with Joe.

My team is losing

Battered and bruising

I see the high fives

Between the bad guys

Again, we get another visual of a high school football game. Taylor's team is down and others are celebrating her defeat. This reminds me of the Taylor Swift is Over Party, where people were celebrating the end of her career.

Leave with my head hung

You are the only one

Who seems to care

With the whole world seemingly against Taylor, it must've been a relief to meet someone who actually cared about her feelings.

American stories

Burning before me

This feels to me like a reference to Fahrenheit 451, which is about a dystopian society and the effects of mass media. Miss Americana has crumbled. Her glory days have been burned to the ground without any hope of recovery. Mass media and social media played a part in this.

Instead of just repeating "American glory" Taylor chooses to use "American stories" instead. Perhaps it's because no one wanted to believe her side of the story of things. Her truth was ignored.

I'm feeling helpless

The damsels are distressed

If boys will be boys

Then where are the wise men

Darling, I'm scared

The "damsels in distress" reference flows nicely after the mention of stories. Taylor is feeling like a damsel in distress, but no one is coming to save her.

"Boys will be boys" is an expression often said when a young boy acts reckless to excuse their behavior. Perhaps Taylor is waiting for her knight in shining armor, but he has abandoned her to go do something else. Everyone is excusing his behavior but blaming Taylor.

"If boys will be boys, then where are the wise men?" Is one of my favorite lines Taylor's ever written. If men are all off doing stupid shit, then who's the smart one around here? Where are all the men when it's their time to save the damsel in distress?

No cameras catch

My muffled cries

I counted days

I counted miles

To see you there

This could be referring to a long distance relationship. Miss Americana is going through some hard times, as described in the last 2 verses. But her Prince is not there to comfort her. So she has to hold out for a while.

And now the storm is coming but

It's you and me...

There are much more difficulties that lie ahead of the couple. I love how the last word of the verse is "but". and then it leads in to the romantic chorus. It's going to be hard, BUT, we have each other.

And I don't want you to go

I don't really wanna fight

Because nobody's gonna win

The last words of these lines are a standard cheer for high school football teams. The cheerleaders will yell "Go! Fight! Win!" to encourage the team.

Fighting is mentioned a few times in Lover, in songs like Afterglow, ME!, and The Archer. But in each song, Taylor sings about fighting with remorse. She doesn't want to fight with her loved ones or turn against them. Nobody's going to win in the end of the fight because they'll both be without each other.

And I'll never let you go

Because I know this is a fight

That someday we're gonna win

The last part of the bridge keeps the "Go! Fight! Win!" motif but changed the lyrics so that instead of fighting against each other, it's about fighting for each other. They might face some hardships but they'll be alright if they stick together. This song is an encouragement of their relationship.

In the end, Miss Americana became America's Most Hated and The Heartbreak Prince settled down with someone to love.

[makistar2018]

Inside Taylor Swift's Personal Diary Entries: Read All of the Biggest Revelations

By Tomás Mier August 24, 2019

Photo: DIA DIPASUPIL/GETTY

Lover of Diaries

Fans got an inside look at some of Taylor Swift’s most personal thoughts when they bought the deluxe version of her new album, Lover.

Along with some behind-the-scenes recordings, each album featured a 30-page booklet with excerpts from her personal diaries — some even from she was just 13!

“I’ve written about pretty much everything that’s happened to me. I’ve written my original lyrics in those diaries, just feelings,” she said on an Instagram Live announcing the booklets. “It’s everything from pictures drawn, photos of that time in my life, I used to like tape stuff in my diaries.”

Here are the top 10 takeaways from her personal diary entries.

Photo: CHRISTOPHER POLK/GETTY 

Swift the Lyricist

If the diary entries are filled with anything, it’s a deep dive into her song lyrics.

“Red” was born on a long flight — and everyone she played it for loved it.

“Its [sic] so different than anything we’ve done,” she wrote in 2011. “I can’t even tell you how alive and worthwhile I feel when I’m writing a new song and I finish it and people like it. It’s the most fulfilling feeling, like getting an A+ on your report card.”

The diaries also share early versions of “All Too Well” and songs like “Long Live,” “White Horse,” “Holy Ground” and “This Love.”

In a 2014 entry, she writes about the creation of her ultra-hit “Shake It Off.”

“The best way I know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky,” she wrote in 2014.

“We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE,” she continued.

As for the album cover that would accompany “Shake It Off,” she wrote that she “saw it within 10 seconds.”

“The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not,” she wrote about the polaroid cover to 1989, which she accompanied with a sketch.

Photo:  HENRY LAMB/BEI/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK

A Glamorous Gala

In a diary entry, Swift writes about being invited to “this event called ‘The Met Gala.’”

To an 18-year-old Swift, that day was “THE party of the year.”

“The paps started SCREAMING for me. It was crazy,” she wrote in May 2008. “We made our way up the red carpet, posing for everyone. All of the women looked so glamorous in their gowns.”

Along with meeting Anna Wintour, George Clooney, Julia Roberts and Giorgio Armani at the event, she wrote that “models stood as decorations, standing still and wearing gorgeous gowns.”

Once inside, she lists “every celebrity ever created” at the event, including Scarlett Johansson, Tom Brady, Beyoncé, Victoria Beckham, Tom Cruise and Jon Bon Jovi “who called me over to talk to him.”

Photo: LARRY BUSACCA/GETTY 

Borchetta's Beginnings

Weeks before the release of Lover, a public feud involving Swift and her old label Big Machine made headlines when the label’s founder Scott Borchetta sold the label (and ownership of her masters) to Scooter Braun.

But years before, Swift had nothing but kind things to say about the label founder who signed her.

After meeting with Capitol Records and not being offered “the deal I would want,” she met with Borchetta — and left with feelings of excitement.

“I really loved all the stuff he said in the meeting, and he stayed for the whole Bluebird show,” she wrote in November 2014. “And he’s SO passionate about this project. I think that’s the way we’re gonna go, I want to surround myself with passionate people.”

A meeting with Borchetta also made “Sparks Fly” as she came up with the name of her second album.

“We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany,” she wrote in April 2010. “I didn’t talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last two years. I’ve been silent about so much that I’m saying on this album. It’s time to Speak Now.”

“Scott freaked out. He loved it,” she wrote in April 2010. “We have a title, ladies and gentlemen!”

Photo: SPLASH 

"The Hunters Will Always Outnumber Me"

Swift also opens up about the lack of privacy that comes with being a celebrity — and how she’ll never get used to seeing “a group of people staring, amassed outside my house, pointing, camera phones up…”

“They could never imagine how much that feels like being hunted,” she wrote.

Swift compares her “mostly perfect life” to “being a tiger in a wildlife enclosure.”

“It’s pretty in there, but you can’t get out,” she described in the August 2013 note.

“No matter how big my house is or how many albums I sell, I’m still going to be the rabbit,” she added. “Because the hunters will always outnumber me. The spectators will stand by, shaking their heads, going ‘that poor girl.’ But the point is, they’re still watching. Everyone loves a good hunt.”

But her feelings about being “hunted” also translated into worrying about her generation’s obsession with taking photos “so that they can spend all day checking the comments underneath.”

“They will never truly experience a moment without attempting to capture it and own it,” she wrote, comparing pulling a flower from the ground to take photos. “Nevermind that picking a flower kills it, the same way taking a picture of a moment can ruin it altogether.”

Swift has notably kept comments off of her post to improve her mental health.

“I’m training my brain to not need the validation of someone telling me that I look 🔥🔥🔥,” she wrote in Elle. “I’m also blocking out anyone who might feel the need to tell me to ‘go die in a hole ho’ while I’m having my coffee at nine in the morning.”

Photo: AL MESSERSCHMIDT/GETTY

From Fearful to "Fearless"

Though Swift is now known for her jaw-dropping stage presence, as a young singer she wrote that she would “get stage fright every time I walk onto a stage.”

“I wish it wasn’t so, but I can’t blame my mind for freaking out about performances,” she wrote in 2010, days before releasing Speak Now. “Criticism of my performances has been the biggest source of pain in my life.”

“I sometimes feel like my college degree is in acting like I’m ok when I’m not,” wrote a 20-year-old Swift.

But even as a burgeoning singer at just 13, she would get hate while on stage. During one performance, her guitar pick broke in half and fell while she was playing.

“There was this huge silence! It was awful! I had to bend over and pick it up in front of everyone!” she wrote next to the broken pick. “And while I was singing, this guy was shouting stuff like, ‘Go on, b*#@! Sing that country bulls#*%! Go on motherf—!.’ It was awful.”

Photo: SCOTT GRIES/GETTY IMAGES

Done with Dieting

In her diaries, she also candidly writes about sticking to a diet as a teen.

Soon after Thanksgiving 2006, she returned to Nashville to her “own comfy bed” and planned to go out to eat with her best friend Abigail Anderson during a day off.  

“Oh and I’m dieting again,” she wrote right after.

“Over the holidays I didn’t watch what I ate and man its [sic] so weird how fast I can gain or lose weight… It’s crazy,” she ended the note. “So I’m going to lose some now.”

Earlier this year, she wrote about finally being okay with gaining weight.

“I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body,” she wrote in Elle. “I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy.”

The “Daylight” singer also said that she’s constantly working on her body image.

“I think a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting, but taking it too far can be really dangerous. There is no quick fix,” she said. “I work on accepting my body every day.”

Photo: CHRISTOPHER POLK/GETTY IMAGES

"I'ma Let You Finish, But..."

“Ahh… the things that can change in a week…” wrote Swift in a Sept. 18, 2009 journal entry.

Five days had passed since Kanye West crashed Swift’s Video of the Year acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, but the whole ordeal was all she — and everyone else — could think about.

“If you had told me that one of the biggest stars in music was going to jump up onstage and announce that he thought I shouldn’t have won on live television, I would’ve said ‘That stuff doesn’t really happen in real life,’” she wrote.

“Well… apparently…. It does,” she ended the note.

Little did 19-year-old Swift know that West would cause more tumult in her life seven years later. In an August 2016 note, she simply wrote, “This summer is the apocalypse.”

The “apocalyptic” summer came when West referred to the singer as “that bitch”in his track “Famous” and featured a nude version of the “Shake It Off” singer in its accompanying video.

Then, Swift said she never approved of the lyric after his wife Kim Kardashianleaked a phone call conversation between the two singers.

“Being falsely painted as a liar when I was never given the full story or played any part of the song is character assassination,” she wrote then. That “Cruel Summer” ordeal would go on to inspire her sixth album, reputation.

Photo:  SPLASH NEWS

A Joe Alwyn “Love Story”

Like in Lover’s lyrics, Swift doesn’t hold back about her deep feelings for boyfriend Joe Alwyn in her personal diary.

Clearly writing about Alwyn, the singer confessed about wanting to keep their relationship under wraps as much as possible.

“I’m essentially based in London, hiding out trying to protect us from the nasty world that just wants to ruin things,” she wrote in a January 2017 note. “We have been together and no one has found out for 3 months now. I want it to stay that way because I don’t want anything about this to change or become too complicated or intruded upon.”

“But it’s senseless to worry about someday not being happy when I am happy now,” she concluded. “OK. Breathe.”

But Swift wasn’t always so sure about love being real — especially when it came to Valentine’s Day.

“I somehow feel like it’s my destiny to roll my eyes at happy couples and resent Valentine’s Day. I also feel like I’m the girl before ‘the one.’ I’m not ‘the one,’” she wrote at 19. “I’m the girl you think is the one for you, and when it doesn’t work out with me, you meet the next girl and realize she IS the one.”

And as a mere 13 year old, she imagined the first time she’d have her first kiss — and about being “such a romantic.”

“I just dream about looking into someone’s eyes and feeling something I’ve never felt before, you know?” she wrote. “I just never was able to put a face to my fantacy [sic]. But something tells me that my first kiss is really far away from happening!”

Photo:  LARRY BUSACCA/WIREIMAGE

The Night Before...

Before the 2014 Grammy Awards, Swift was confident her album Red would take home the biggest award of the night.

“It’s the middle of the night and I was at the Clive Davis party tonight which means… the Grammys are tomorrow,” she wrote. “Never have I felt so good about our chances. Never have I wanted something so badly as I want to hear them say ‘Red’ is the Album of the Year.”

Though she was up for four awards that year, Swift would head home empty handed.

Though she had won that award two years prior with Fearless, it wouldn’t be until her 2014 album 1989 that she’d take home the coveted prize again. In her 13-year career, Swift has won 10 Grammys from 32 nominations.

Photo:  MICHAEL LOCCISANO/FILMMAGIC

“This Might Be Worth Money Someday”

Though her diary entries are filled with some insight into the more complicated times in her life, the entries also feature some cute memories of her youth — including her middle school class schedule, some song lyrics and memories about listening to Sugarland for the first time.

Accompanied by drawings and the number 13, in her first journal entry, she signs her name and writes “(That could be worth money someday!! Just kidding hehe).”

Under “Journal #1,” a 13-year-old Swift writes a poem: “The world is as big as you make it / Never be shameful to fly / When a chance comes you should take it / May you never be scared of goodbye…”

After performing at a school talent show, Swift wrote: “I ❤ SCHOOL!”

Reminiscing on the grand day, Swift wrote, “I got a standing ovation and everything.”

People

[the34thprecinct]

The 34th - Part 16

Dinah left their dinner early to run to Madison Square Garden for the pre-concert sound check. It had already been in the press this week that Maroon 5, Halsey, Drake, Paul McCartney, Rihanna, Cyndi Lauper, Shawn Mendes, Lady GaGa and another secret star would be performing. The girls had spent half of their dinner trying to get Dinah to reveal the star's name, but she refused. She assured them they would all be ecstatic when they found out though.

A few hours later they arrived at the venue and were ushered inside to a special VIP mosh pit with a hundred other people at the front of the stage. All of the people inside the VIP area were somehow connected to the shooting and Lauren tried not to focus on the faces. She didn't want to recognise someone and be propelled back to that day. Tonight she wanted to enjoy herself. Sofi was already inside and when she saw the four women enter, she immediately ran towards them, a huge smile plastered on her face. She dove into Lauren's arms first, nearly knocking the older woman over.

"Oh sexy, sexy," she smirked and raised her eyebrows at Lauren's outfit, earning her a light slap. It was like no time had passed when she embraced Ally and Normani next. Both girls were taken aback by the bubbly and extremely confident young woman before them. They chatted for a few minutes before Sofi waved goodbye to go and rejoin her friends on the other side of the stage.

"I see what Dinah meant about Sofi being a mini her," Ally laughed.

"Damn I wish I had half that girl's confidence," Normani said, shaking her head.

"You have no idea," Camila smirked, with Lauren joining in and nodding her head.

A little while later the lights turned off and the band began playing 'She Will be Loved' by Maroon 5 on repeat. After about a minute there were huge cheers from the crowd as Dinah stepped onto the stage in a sparkling leotard and trailing white skirt. Camila still had to pinch herself sometimes that her sassy best friend was a worldwide pop star. Life sure was crazy.

"How's everyone doing tonight?" Dinah shouted into the microphone and waved her hands at the cheering crowd. Lauren, Ally, Normani and Camila all screamed.

"New York, we are so happy to be here tonight," Dinah smiled as she walked to the centre of the stage. "We know this past week has been incredibly hard and incredibly sad." The Polynesian woman paused for a minute to let her words settle amongst the crowd. "Your resilience is shining through all that darkness. Tonight is for all of you." The crowd erupted in more screams, as Dinah waved to a few people at the front of the mosh pit.

"Tonight we want to scream together, we want to cry together, we want to sing until we lose our voices." More screams. "New York we will not be broken!" Dinah held the microphone out to the screaming crowd so that their voices were amplified. "Let's sing tonight so that our voices can be heard in the heavens." The loudest screams yet echoed around the crowd and Lauren noticed several people in the mosh pit around her wiping away tears. She herself felt a lump rise in her throat.

"New York, give it up for Maroon 5!" Dinah shouted, stepping off the stage as Adam Levine stepped forward and began to sing. The band performed a few of their top songs including, 'Girls Like You', 'Sugar' and 'Payphone' before waving goodbye to the crowd and wishing everyone a great night.

Before the next act stepped onto the stage, everyone began screaming when her distinctive raspy voice rang through the microphone. Lady GaGa stalked onto the stage in a red catsuit as she sung 'Bad Romance'. Camila screamed and jumped up and down beside Lauren, shouting the lyrics so loudly that the green eyed woman could barely hear the pop star. The first few songs had been successful in washing away Camila's inhibitions around her old high school friends. Very quickly Ally and Normani were screaming along with her and the younger one had them in fits of laughter by her infectious energy and crazy dance moves. Lauren felt all warm and fuzzy inside as the four friends danced alongside one another, in her heart she felt seventeen again.

GaGa played a few more songs including 'Poker Face', 'Just Dance' and 'Born This Way'. Lauren was surprised to see how into 'Born This Way' Camila got, she completely lost herself in the lyrics as she screamed them back to the pop star. It caused butterflies to swirl in her stomach. Drake came out next followed by Halsey. Lauren had been a big fan of the pop star for forever and screamed as loudly as she could when she begun singing 'Colors'.

"Jesus Lauren, I think I'm deaf now," Normani laughed, shouting at Lauren over the music. All three of her friends were surprised to see her behave like such a fan girl.

"Sorry," Lauren shouted back. "I can't help it, she's so hot!" The green eyes were fixed on the talented artist on the stage, but Camila's eyes were fixed on Lauren. The younger woman couldn't help but feel jealous when Lauren had called her 'hot', no matter how irrational that seemed. Her sudden envy for the pop star caused her to lace an arm around Lauren's waist in hopes of a reaction. It worked. Lauren was broken from her transfixion and turned to look at Camila, a warm smile on her face.

The older woman then raised her arm and draped it around Camila's shoulders. The younger one grinned happily and turned back towards the stage, subtly scooting closer to Lauren so that their hips were grazing together as they swayed. Even Halsey couldn't command a hundred percent of Lauren's attention. When Lauren jumped up and down at the end of the song Camila took advantage of her movements and slid her fingers up a fraction so that they were resting on Lauren's bare abs instead of on the fabric of Lauren's shorts. Lauren noticed the movement and looked towards the younger one, but Camila kept her eyes on the stage as she bit her lip seductively, gently caressing the older one's smooth skin.

When the singer began playing 'Strangers' Camila felt a wave of tension running through Lauren's body as the older woman's abdominal muscles clenched under her fingers. The lyrics felt eerily proportionate to their current relationship.

Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

We're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

When Halsey sung the line 'I miss the thought of a forever, you and me' Camila unconsciously pulled Lauren closer to her side. The movement wasn't lost on Lauren and she felt her heart ache in her chest when she thought about the words. For so many years she had imagined a future with Camila, it was the truest thing in her world for the longest time. The same thoughts were swirling in Camila's mind as a tear slipped from her cheek. Lauren noticed the gorgeous woman beside her wipe the tear away and she tightened her arm around her shoulder, savouring whatever moment was silently passing between them. The tension was steadily building to a boiling point.

Cyndi Lauper came out next and as she started to sing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' Ally screamed, jumping up and down and grabbed a hold of Lauren's free hand. All of the girls laughed at her reaction and Camila and Lauren broke apart to interlace their hands as well. All four girls danced and jumped along to the infectious lyrics, just like they used to at parties in high school. Normani and Ally were smiling at Camila with such genuine affection, that she felt her heart leap in her chest for the millionth time that night. She played 'True Colours' and 'Time After Time' before finishing her set and heading off stage.

The crowd all cheered crazily when Dinah surprisingly appeared back on the stage, grinning from ear to ear.

"Alright everybody, it's that time of night. I know I've been promising a surprise guest the last few days...are you ready to find out who it is?" She held her hand to her ear as the crowd roared.

"Everyone put your hands together!" Dinah shouted, running off stage as synth sounds began booming from the speakers. Camila immediately recognised the song, 'Welcome to New York' by Taylor Swift. She let out an ear-splitting scream and her friends all stared at her confused, they obviously hadn't figured out who the surprise guest was yet. When Taylor Swift stepped onto the stage, they all squealed and grabbed onto Camila excitedly.

"OMG Mila!" Normani jumped up and down wrapping an arm around her former friend. It felt exactly like a scene out of their high school days. Camila was still a die hard Taylor Swift fan to this day and the other girls knew of her crazy obsession with the pop star. Camila was literally shaking as the blonde beauty began the chorus and she felt warm fingers interlacing with her own. She knew from the lightest touch who they belonged to. Lauren. She turned to her side and caught Lauren smiling excitedly at her, a smile she couldn't help but return.

She sang 'Shake it Off' next, causing Camila and Normani to break into a series of crazy dance moves, Camila dropping Lauren's hand so she could twerk during the chorus. Lauren was initially disappointed when Camila broke their contact, but as soon as the girl began twerking right in front of her, her disappointment turned to arousal. The heat returned to her cheeks like earlier in the night, as she watched Camila's perfect ass jolting up and down. Lauren felt Ally's gaze on her as she watched Camila dancing and nerves once again swirled in her stomach. She looked away towards the stage, pretending that she hadn't noticed Ally watching her. She didn't want the older woman to think she was shamelessly drooling over Camila.

When she sang 'Enchanted' Camila hung her arms over Normani and Lauren's shoulders and pulled them to her side, as she happily screamed the lyrics. Lauren didn't want Ally to feel left out, so pulled her in as well, despite it making her slightly uncomfortable. She had never been the type of friend to be overly affectionate, she just wasn't a touchy feely type of person. But again Camila brought out so many different sides in her.

When the pop star sung the closing bridge, Camila was singing with such urgency and passion, Lauren couldn't help but feel she had someone in mind as she sung. She was still trying to figure out between all of Camila's strange signals, if that person was in fact her.

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

The pop star finished her set with one of Camila's all time favourite songs, 'Delicate'. She related so much to the lyrics surrounding a woeful 'reputation'. She had felt plagued by a terrible reputation since she was seventeen. She had always been a people pleaser and so for nearly a decade, knowing her three previous best friends hated her guts had constantly worn her down.

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Yeah, I want you

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

Is it cool that I said all that

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Delicate

   When she listened to the lyrics about the pop star's beloved liking her despite her reputation, it made her heart pang in sadness for the woman currently standing next to her. The way she had been the last few days, affectionate and friendly, almost like things had been back then. Camila wondered if Lauren maybe could like her again, despite her 'reputation' and all of the things she had done. She sighed internally at her train of thought. She had practically spent the whole concert reading into all of the lyrics of all of the songs and applying them to her own life. But that was music wasn't it? You were meant to emotionally connect with the words.

Rihanna ran onto the stage next, surrounded by a dozen dancers as she began singing 'Diamonds' and then 'Umbrella'. Camila was still so elated after having seen her idol perform some of her favourite songs, that adrenaline was coursing rapidly through her body. Rihanna was a welcomed change of pace, her songs were less emotionally exhausting and more sexy and fun.

Towards the end of 'Umbrella' Normani and Ally both yelled to Camila and Lauren that they were going to the bathroom and would be back shortly. When Rihanna began singing 'Te Amo' Lauren felt the chocolate eyes gazing at her. She remembered back to a few weeks ago when that same song had played in the club and she had witnessed Camila's sultry moves as she had danced with Jordan. She had felt a pang of jealousy in that moment as she had watched on. Not because she saw Jordan as a threat, not at all, she had just been envious that he had gotten to dance with Camila like that.

Lauren turned to smile down at the younger one and noticed her biting her lip. It was almost like Camila knew what Lauren had been thinking about. The chocolate eyes were sparkling as they pierced into Lauren's and the older woman could feel the tension rolling between them. Once she was sure she had Lauren's full attention, she slid her fingers into the older woman's palm and interlaced their hands as she began rolling her hips and singing the lyrics to Lauren, keeping her eyes focused on the dazzling green ones.

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around my waist

I told her no, she cried Te amo

I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go

My soul is awry and without asking why

I said Te amo, wish somebody would tell me what she said

Don't it mean I love you

I think it means I love you

Don't it mean I love you

Camila knew Lauren had a weakness for her hips and backside and smiled when she saw the green eyes dropping to watch her hips roll back and forth. Lauren had been swaying her own hips and stepping to the music, caught up in the beat. She looked so sexy when she danced, Camila thought. When Rihanna sang the words 'then she put her hand around my waist', Camila could no longer contain her desires.

The sultry music combined with desiring lyrics had pushed her over the edge. She stepped in front of Lauren, still holding on to their interlaced hand. She was rolling her hips and stepping to the beat as she pushed her back up against Lauren's so that her ass was grinding lightly against Lauren's pelvis. As soon as their bodies connected Camila felt an uncontrollable heat rising from her core and she could no longer control herself.

Camila moved her arm with their interlaced fingers so that Lauren's arm was draped around her waist, like in the song. Without thinking Lauren pressed her fingers into Camila's bare skin and held the younger one in place, tightly to her hips. Camila had this way of provoking her deepest carnal desires, breaking down any resistance that Lauren had been clinging to. Her whole body was heating up rapidly and her thoughts had descended to the most impure parts of her brain. Camila had to bite down on her lips to stop herself from moaning as she felt the older woman's warm fingers clinging to her skin.

Lauren's breath hitched in her throat as the younger one's hips rolled against hers. She knew she shouldn't be dancing like this with Camila, but she couldn't help herself as she rolled her hips in synchronicity with the younger one. Camila's spare hand reached back and tangled up in Lauren's hair as they danced and Lauren could see a light layer of sweat glistening on Camila's neck and chest. She had to mentally stop herself from leaning down and kissing Camila's neck as her daisy smelling hair whipped across Lauren's face.

Camila's whole body felt like it was on fire as they danced in perfect synchronicity, taking no notice of anything or anyone around them. She could feel Lauren's bare stomach pressing on her back and she was desperate to run her fingers over the woman's perfect abs. Camila felt Lauren's spare hand tracing along the side of her thigh slowly, causing a shiver to run up her spine.

Lauren's fingers continued to tease her skin as they ran over her exposed hips, up past Camila's chest and glided down her arm before reaching her hand, which was tangled up in Lauren's hair. When the older woman reached Camila's fingers, she untangled them from her hair and interlaced them with her own. Lauren then brought their arms across Camila's body, so that they rested on the younger one's other hip. Not an inch of their skin wasn't touching now and an electricity that neither woman had felt in ten years pulsated through their bodies.

When the song ended and 'Only Girl (In The World)' began, Camila turned around, so that they were now face to face, hips still touching. She was momentarily distracted by the older woman's lacy white bra that was only inches from her face. Lauren's perfect breasts were held tightly in the delicate fabric and Camila stared greedily as she imagined ripping the fabric from Lauren's skin and exposing the woman to her. She snaked her arms around Lauren's waist and looked into the piercing green eyes, as she sung the lyrics of the song back up at her. As Lauren looked down into her eyes, she noticed the warm chocolate colour had changed to a far darker tone. A tone of complete arousal and desire. Her eyes kept flickering between the chocolate orbs and the younger woman's perfect lips. Her fleshy bottom lip had always been a weakness for Lauren.

Want you to make me feel

Like I'm the only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love

Like I'm the only one who knows your heart

Only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that's in command

'Cause I'm the only one who understands

Like I'm the only one who knows your heart

Only one

As Camila sung her the lyrics of the chorus Lauren almost felt the chocolate orbs were pleading with her. For the first time since Camila had arrived, Lauren allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, Camila had come to New York for her.

Someone knocked into Lauren's back, causing her to stumble forward and push Camila away from her. Camila was confused initially by Lauren's abrupt movements and for a minute she panicked that the older woman had been overwhelmed by her affection and had pushed her away. When she saw that Lauren was trying to regain her balance, she realised someone must have pushed the green eyed woman.

Camila reached out to interlace their fingers again as Normani and Ally pushed their way back towards them. Seeing her two former best friends Camila pulled her hand back. When the green eyes looked up and met hers, they were unreadable. The previous warmth and arousal that had been their a few moments ago was gone. When Ally and Normani stepped up beside them, Lauren manoeuvred herself so that she was on the other side of Normani and Camila was at the opposite end next to Ally.

The set ended and the crowd roared as Shawn Mendes stepped onto the stage gripping an acoustic guitar. Lauren was staring intently up at the stage as Camila tried to catch her eye, but the older woman refused to look in her direction. Ally was going absolutely mental and jumped up and down excitedly. "OMG I love him!" Ally yelled grinning at Camila. Wanting to keep up their positive interactions Camila yelled back and gave her a warm smile.

"Same here, he's super dreamy!" She saw Lauren's head turn slightly at her words, but before the green eyes met hers, Lauren had stopped herself and focused once more on the stage. He sang his most popular songs and Lauren kept her eyes fixed on him the whole time, not trusting herself anymore to be able to look at Camila without kissing her luscious lips. The younger one had churned up so many feelings within her during their dance, the most prominent being arousal. She was so turned on, only her anger could stop her from doing something she would regret and even then, just barely. So she forced herself to stare at Shawn Mendes, with his perfect smile and dulcet tones and hate him for the simple fact that Camila had called him 'dreamy'. Hate was what was going to hold back back the emotions within her that threatened to derail her life.

When Shawn exited the stage, Dinah came running out to finally perform for them. "Are y'all ready for this?" She shouted to a raucous crowd. "Sing along with me!"

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'

I ain't wearin' na nada

I'm sittin' pretty, impatient, but I know you gotta

Put in them hours, I'mma make it hotter

I'm sending pic after picture, I'mma get you fired

I know you're always on the night shift

But I can't stand these nights alone

And I don't need no explanation

'Cause baby, you're the boss at home

You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work

But you gotta put in work, work, work, work, work, work, work

You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work

Let my body do the work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work

We can work from home, oh, oh, oh oh

We can work from home, oh, oh, oh oh

It was her most popular song and the crowd knew every word, no one better than her four best friends. The four women were screaming the lyrics as they jumped up and down. Camila could see the tension that had enveloped Lauren's body for the last few songs, slowly ebbing away as she danced. She was still unsure if the tension had been good or bad, but she knew she couldn't leave the mosh pit without one more dance with the green eyed beauty. As Dinah sung 'Worth It' and 'Sledgehammer' Camila strategically danced and spun so that she ended up next to Lauren again. When the green orbs focused on her she gave the woman an innocent smile, pretending to have gotten lost in the moment. Lauren gave her a small smile in return and refocused on the stage.

Before Dinah performed her last song she took a moment to address the crowd. "Before I finish my set tonight, I just want to take a moment to address the brave men and women that serve in the New York emergency services. We all owe you a great deal of thanks for putting your lives on the line day in and day out to protect us. You are all heroes!" The crowd all cheered loudly and clapped their hands together. Dinah was searching the mosh pit and smiled when her eyes focused in on her friends. "To my two brave best friends, some of New York's finest detectives, this one's for you." Dinah winked at them and the band began playing 'No Way'. That cheeky bitch, Lauren thought as she recognised the lyrics. Even when she was being most sincere, she still had her head in the gutter.

I know you don't want me anymore by the look on your face

They say when it rains it pours, you can tell by my face

Oh and I know, and you know that we've been here before

I think I know how it should end

We got an audience calling us crazy

We ignore those with opinions of hate

We're not like the rest of them,

Friends with insanity as of lately

Everyone comes with scars but you can love them away

I told you that I wasn't perfect, you told me the same

I think that's why we belong together and unashamed

I told you that I wasn't perfect, no way

Way, way, no way, no way

It was her most emotive song and it always elicited the same response from Camila each time she heard it. Tears. She knew Dinah's dedication had a double meaning. She didn't have to read into the lyrics to find similarities between the words and her tumultuous relationship with Lauren. The whole song was an ode to their past relationship.

When Dinah first played the song for Camila a few years ago, she had cried instantly. When she had finally stopped she apologised to Dinah for being so emotional and that's when the younger one had admitted the inspiration behind the words was 'Camren'. So naturally, more tears. Though this time, unlike any of the other times she heard it, she felt the hand she was so desperate to hold lace around hers and give her a comforting squeeze. Camila looked up at the woman with the gorgeous dark hair, but she was focused on the stage, the hint of a small smile on her lips.

When Dinah finished her set she announced that there was one last performer for the night. "Everyone please put your hands together for Sir Paul McCartney!"

The legendary Beatles singer took the stage beginning with 'Here Comes the Sun'. It had always been one of Lauren's favourite songs, it was so soothing. Her father used to always play that song on long drives to calm them down when they were little as Chris and her bickered in the back seat. She smiled, whispering along to the lyrics and swaying her hips slowly. Camila couldn't help but watch Lauren out of the corner of her eyes during the song. She looked so content in that moment. Next he played 'All You Need is Love' followed by 'Let It Be', which the whole crowd got really into, everyone singing the lyrics around her. When Paul McCartney left the stage the whole crowd screamed and clapped their hands on their knees, begging for an encore.

Dinah returned to the stage first, slowly followed by the rest of the pop stars that had performed that night and finally a spotlight focused on Paul McCartney at the seat of a white grand piano. His fingers began strumming on the keys and the stadium was filled with the iconic melody. The rest of the pop stars stood in a line holding hands and looking towards the crowd as they swayed to the music. They all remained silent as Paul McCartney began singing the first verse of John Lennon's 'Imagine'.

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

At the second verse a few more pop stars joined in and then when they reached the chorus everyone began singing, harmonising perfectly to the song.

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will be as one

It was at this point that Camila wrapped her arm around Lauren and Ally's waist and pulled them closer so that all four girls were united as they swayed to the music. Around the stadium people had all turned on the torches on their phones and were holding them up so that the entire of Madison Square Garden was alight, the small balls of light around them shone like stars. It was the perfect way to end an emotional evening, allowing everyone to unite in their grief and experience a wave of different emotions. As the song ended each pop star waved as they exited the stage, leaving just Dinah behind.

"Thank you New York, we love you so much, good night!" She shouted, waving to the crowd and blowing everyone a kiss before she too disappeared behind the curtains. Camila and Ally were both wiping away tears at this point and Normani stepped forward to wrap Ally in a hug.

Camila looked up towards Lauren and the older woman noticed the hopeful expression in her eyes. Unlike before there wasn't any sexual tension in her gaze, she could see the younger one was struggling with her emotions after the performance. The chocolate orbs were almost pleading with her for some sort of affection. Lauren decided not to overthink it, friends were allowed to hug right? She pulled Camila into a tight hug and felt Camila's warm breath in the crook of her neck as the younger one buried her head in Lauren's shoulder. A warm and fuzzy feeling filled Lauren's chest as she felt the younger one's body pressing against hers in search of comfort. As they hugged the lights turned on around them and a voice behind them interrupted the moment.

"Excuse me ladies?" Lauren let go of Camila and the four women turned to see a security guard speaking. "Ms. Jane has requested your presence back stage. She had someone she would like you to meet."

—

A/N: Extra long chapter today. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

As you can probably tell I love all the angst, but you'll be happy where things are headed.

I probably won't be able to update as regularly for the next little while, so updates might       be every few days from now on.

Let me know what you think of the story so far. Still heaps of big reveals to come :)

[5hfanfiction]

Trainwreck (Chapter 2)

Lauren is awaken by the sound of her alarm clock blaring through her ears on a beautiful Monday morning. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the black haired teenager can smell the delicious aroma of her mother cooking breakfast downstairs.

However, Lauren feels like shit.

Instead of watching the Grammys last night with the rest of her family like she had planned, Lauren had been forced to stay up until four o'clock in the morning, studying for an important History exam that she has to take today. For the entire night, all she could concentrate on was the sound of her mother, brother, and sister cheering downstairs while watching what was probably the most entertaining Grammy ceremony in history. Meanwhile, she was locked up in her room, revising all of her notes on World War I and World War II.

God, I am so going to fail, is the first thing she thinks when she opens her eyes.

After lying in bed for a few minutes, Lauren decides to check her phone for any messages. When she picks it up and realizes that she can hardly read any of the words on the screen, she groans before turning back to her bedside table and grabbing her pair of thick rimmed glasses. She puts them on and gently pushes them up her nose.

She’s pleased when she notices that she has a text from her best friend Ally, who she’s known since kindergarten.

Ally💖: Loloooooo!!! I’m picking you up from your place in an hour. Make sure you’re ready or I’m ditching your asssss

Lauren stifles her giggle by covering her mouth with her hand. Because Ally is the oldest in her friend group, she’s her first friend to acquire her driver’s license. As a result, her two other best friends, Normani and Dinah, rely on her for rides to school as well.

Lolo🤓: Alright babe!! See you sooooon :)

When Lauren looks at her clock and sees that it’s already 6:45, she decides that it’s time for her to get out of bed. She removes the sheets from her body and shivers from the cold of the early morning before getting up to make her bed. Her bed small and covered in stuff animals that she’s had since she was a little kid, but Lauren smiles anyway. She doesn’t feel the need to change anything about herself. After safetly tucking her stuffed animal named Nala between her pillows, she makes her way to the bathroom to take a shower and brush her teeth.

While in the shower, the green-eyed teenager recites parts of her History lesson to herself. She knows how important the test is for her 5.0 GPA, so she makes sure she knows her shit.

After stepping out of the shower and putting on her robe, Lauren stands in front of her tiny closet to think about what she should wear for the day. Jeans or a skirt? she thinks to herself while holding each article of clothing up to her body. A few seconds later, she decides that her mid thigh skirt would be best. Now for the top. Does she want to wear short or long sleeves? Lauren walks back to her bed where her phone lies and picks it up to check the weather. When she sees that the temperature will mostly be in the high 80s for the day, she decides that she’ll definitely need to go with the short sleeves.

After getting dressed and combing her long, wavy hair, she takes a moment to look at herself in the mirror. She smiles and small smile because for the first time in a long time, she thinks she looks nice.

Suddenly, Lauren is startled by the sound of her mother calling her name from the bottom of the stairs.

“Lauren, honey! Breakfast is ready!”

“Coming, Mom!” she yells back. Lauren gives herself one last look in the mirror before grabbing her things and heading downstairs.

When she reaches the kitchen, she is greeted by the sight of her younger brother and sister sitting at the table, both of them devouring a plate of pancakes and bacon. For a few seconds, they don’t even notice she’s there. It’s only when Lauren says, “Seriously? You guys started without me?” that they acknowledge her presence.

Chris looks up from his ginormous stack of pancakes before giving Lauren a soft smile. “Sorry, sis. We were starving and you were taking too long.”

Lauren frowns and takes a piece of bacon off his plate before throwing it in his face. “Hey!” he exclaims as Taylor chuckles beside him. A second later, he picks it back up and throws it back in his older sister’s face.

It’s in that moment that Clara finally emerges from the spot in front of the stove with two plates in her hands: one for her and one for Lauren. “Come on guys. You know we don’t throw food in this house,” she says as she gives her children a pointed look.

“Sorry, Mom,” Lauren and Chris say simultaneously as they laugh again.

When Clara takes her seat at the table and hands Lauren her plate, the teenager feels her mouth water and licks her lips. Her mom was the absolute best cook.

“Hmm, Mom this is so good,” Lauren says as she sticks a forkful of pancakes in her mouth. Her siblings nod their heads and hum in agreement.

“Thank you, Lauren. Now hurry and eat up. Ally should be here to pick you up soon,” she says she she checks her watch. It’s now 7:00 and Ally usually picks Lauren up at 7:30.

The family of four sits in silence for a few minutes as they devour their breakfast. All that could be heard is the sound of forks and knives hitting the glass plates and the sound if their loud chewing. After a little while, Taylor decides to break the silence.

“Hey, Lauren. Did you hear about your ex-girlfriend breaking the record for the most amount of Grammys won in one night ever? She won like 11 of them,” she says while chewing on a piece of bacon.

Lauren rolls her eyes and scoffs. “C'mon Taylor… You know I don’t like talking about her.” She pushes her plate away, suddenly having lost her appetite. “And I’d really like it if you stopped referring to her as my ex-girlfriend.”

“But that’s what she is.”

“Taylor, that’s enough,” Clara interjects. “Her name is not allowed to be mentioned in this house.” Clara suddenly loses her appetite as well just at the thought of the cruel girl that broke her daughter’s heart. The two girl have known each other since birth, but the pop star still ditched the green-eyed girl once she became famous.

“But I didn’t say her name! I said ‘ex-girlfriend.’” Because Taylor is still only twelve years old, she has problems knowing when it’s time to shut up. In addition to that, because she’s always stuck in her own mind, she fails to notice her older sister getting increasingly pissed off in the seat across from her. The black haired girl’s hand is gripping her fork so hard, that her fingers begin to turn red.

As Lauren tries to calm herself down and slow her breathing, she accidentally drops her fork. It clanks loudly against the wooden table, making the three other people in the kitchen flinch. The green-eyed girl then pushes herself away from the table, making the chair scrape loudly against the floor, before standing up from her seat abruptly.

“Um, I have to go. Ally is probably waiting for me outside,” she says, not even able to look her family in the eyes.

“But honey, it’s only 7:15. She won’t be here for another fifteen minutes,” Clara says, her voice laced with worry.

Lauren sniffles and gently wipes some of the unfallen tears from her eyes. She couldn’t believe that Taylor had been so insensitive. It’s only been a year since she broke things off with the superstar, so she’s clearly still very heartbroken. The mere thought of the brunette brings the girl to tears, never mind the fact that Lauren could never truly get away from her. Camila is always on the radio and on television. She can’t even escape her at school because all of the students are obsessed with her.

“I know,” Lauren finally replies. “I just don’t want to keep her waiting,” she says unconvincingly.

As she makes her way to the front door after making she has everything she needs, she hears Taylor softly whisper, “I’m so sorry Lauren. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Lauren immediately whips her head around to look at her little sister. Her eyes are downcast, and she looks incredibly guilty as she plays with her fingers under the table. When she looks as her mother and brother, she sees that they are both giving her a sad and pitiful look.

“I know you didn’t.” Lauren sighs. “But you did anyway.” After saying this, she finally makes her way out the door before closing it shut.

When she checks her watch and sees that she still has ten minutes until Ally arrives, she decides to take a seat on her front steps and plug in her earphones. The music streaming into her ears soothes her, and she finds herself swaying back and forth. She chokes back tears as she unlocks her phone to read the title of the song she is currently listening to.

I Have Questions.

Even though she hates Camila for what she did to her, she can’t deny how unbelievably talented the girl is. Despite what the younger Latina ended up becoming, Lauren can’t help but feel proud of her. Eleven Grammys in one night. Wow.

Just listening to her music takes Lauren back to the day she convinced Camila to post her first cover on YouTube.

Seven Years Ago

Lauren and Camila are ten years old. They’re giggling as they build a fort in Lauren’s tiny bedroom after a long and tiring day at the park. Even though the two girls are exhausted, all they want to do is spend more time together. They are so young, but they are already so in love with each other.

Camila and Lauren have known each other since they were babies. All of their parents went to school together and remained friends after graduation. So naturally, their kids got along well.

The parents first find out that the two little girls have a deeper connection than what is considered 'normal’ when they are five years old. The two best friends always played house together, but nothing between them ever seemed like pretend. They would always play the two mommies, and even kissed each other on the mouths like their parents did. When asked why they only ever played house instead of tag or hide and seek, they both responded that it’s because they want to marry each other.

So here they are, at ten years old, deeply in love. Once they’re finally done with the fort, the little girls hop inside, both of them drunk with happiness.

After they’re gone getting settled down, Camila pulls out her guitar and takes a seat across from her girlfriend. “Lauren? Can I play you a song?”

Lauren quickly nods her head and giggles, causing her glasses to slide down her face. She scrunches up her nose, trying to push them back up without using her hands, but to no avail.

“Here. Let me,” the younger girl says between fits of laughter. Camila tucks a loose strand of hair behind the emerald-eyed girl’s ear, before gently pushing the glasses back up her nose. Lauren reaches across their intertwined legs and takes Camila’s hand in gratitude, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Camz… play the song already!” she says as she releases her hand. Her girlfriend would need both of them to play the guitar.

“Okay, okay. I’m a bit nervous though,” Camila says with uncertainty in her voice.

“Don’t be. You never have to be scared around me.” Lauren gives the girl an encouraging smile. “Now play.”

After nodding and taking a deep breath, Camila closes her eyes and finally begins to sing.

“Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shining Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying She’s so beautiful And I tell her everyday.

Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she doesn’t see what I see But every time she ask me do I look okay? I say

When I see your face There’s not a thing that I would change 'Cause you’re amazing Just the way you are

And when you smile The whole world stops and stares for a while 'Cause girl, you’re amazing Just the way you are.”

Once she finishes the song, Camila smiles shyly and sets her guitar down. When she looks back up at Lauren, she sees the shocked expression on the little girl’s face.

“Wow Camz… where did you hear that song?”

“Um… I wrote it. I wrote it for you Lolo, because you’re always worrying about the way you look, and I wanted to make you feel better,” Camila says timidly.

As they look into each other’s eyes, they can’t help but be overwhelmed by love. Things between them were perfect, almost too perfect, and they feared the day that something would go wrong.

“Camila… that is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” Lauren scooches closer to the younger girl before placing a delicate kiss on her cheek. “I love you.”

Camila blushes and smiles bashfully before saying, “I love you too.”

For a few minutes, the girl’s just stare at each other with love in their eyes once more. They are so happy to have each other, and in that moment, they are sure that nothing could ever tear them apart.

“I just got the brightest idea!” Lauren suddenly exclaims, breaking the silence. “What if you recorded yourself singing that song and put the video on YouTube?”

Camila looks at her girlfriend strangely and furrows her eyebrow in confusion. “Why would I want to do that?”

“So you can get famous. Duh,” Lauren says, as if her answer was obvious. “You’re the most talented person I’ve ever met, Camila. If anyone I know can become a superstar, it’s you.”

“Do you really think that?” Camila asks doubtfully. “Do you really think I’m good enough?”

“Of course you are. You need to have more faith in yourself.”

Camila takes a deep breath before looking back at the beautiful girl in front of her. “Okay, I’ll do it. But only for you.” She leans in and places a sweet kiss on Lauren’s lips. When they pull away, Lauren giggles, and the sensation of butterflies in her stomach intensifies. “But if this doesn’t work out, I’m blaming you.”

“Trust me, it will.”

…

Lauren is torn out of her thoughts by the sound of Ally loudly beeping her horn. She clicks the home button on her phone to check the time and sees that it’s 7:35. She blinks, shocked at the fact that she had blanked out for fifteen entire minutes.

“Coming!” she yells as Ally honks her horn once again. She quickly wipes at her tears and makes her way to the car.

When she jumps in, she notices that Ally, along with Normani and Dinah, who are seated in the backseat, are looking at her with concerned expressions on their faces.

“You okay there, Lauser? You looked like you were in another dimension back there,” Dinah says and chuckles nervously.

“Yeah DJ, I’m fine,” Lauren says unconvincingly. “Just stressed out about this History test.”

Although her three friends continue giving her a weird look, not another word is said.

…

“How do you think you did?” Normani asks Lauren as the four girls make their way out of the classroom.

“I think I did okay,” she answers. “I’m just not really focused today, I guess.” Lauren keeps her head down as they all make their way to the cafeteria for lunch. Her day had started off really horribly, and all she wanted to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.

“Why?” Ally asks. She’s able to hear their conversation between the two girls because she and Dinah are walking right behind them. Ally had always been considered the mother of their friendship group, so whenever one of the girls were down, she tried her best to cheer them up, like she’s doing right now.

“Taylor just said some things to piss me off this morning. It’s no biggie.”

“Okay, Laur. But you know that you can talk to us whenever you need to right? We’ll always be here for you,” Ally says with a frown on her face. She’s known Lauren long enough to know when she’s upset, and she knows that that is currently the case.

“I know Ally. Don’t worry about me.” Lauren puts on a fake smile before saying, “C'mon let’s go eat. I’m starving.”

As the girl’s enter the cafeteria, they notice that something is definitely amiss. Literally everyone is glued to their phones as they all look at their screens in shock. Across the crowded area, Lauren sees a group of girls jumping around and screeching in excitement.

What the hell is going on?

Ally, Normani, Dinah, and Lauren exchange confused looks and shrug, silently communicating the fact that none of them have an explanation for the scene that is currently unfolding in the cafeteria.

When Lauren sees one of her acquaintances, Zendaya, approaching them, she gently pulls her forward by the arm and says, “Hey, Z. Do you have any idea why everyone is freaking out right now?

Zendaya gives the green eyed girl an incredulous look. "Seriously? You guys haven’t heard?”

Lauren and the rest of the girl’s shake their heads slowly. “We just came out of the History exam,” Dinah explains. “Seriously. What is happening? Did someone die?”

“No!” Zendaya exclaims. “Camila Cabello got arrested!”

Lauren’s excitement deflates as she rolls her eyes. Seriously? That’s what had everyone so riled up?

“So?” she asks with a confused expression on her face. “Why does that matter?”

“Because, Lauren…” Zendaya tilts her head back and closes her eyes, almost like she’s daydreaming. “She’s coming back to Miami. She’s gonna attend Miami High for the rest of the school year!” she says in excitement.

As they look around the room and see the rest of the student body partaking in what looks like a celebratory dance, Lauren, Ally, Normani, and Dinah’s jaws drop simultaneously.

Oh. Fuck.

…